Conflict Management with Emotional Intelligence | Robin Hills | Skillshare

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Conflict Management with Emotional Intelligence

teacher avatar Robin Hills, Emotional Intelligence coach and facilitator

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

29 Lessons (1h 33m)
    • 1. Introduction to Conflict Management

    • 2. What is Conflict and Why it Occurs

    • 3. The Issues Around Conflict

    • 4. Conflict and Trust Factors and Questions to Consider

    • 5. The Importance of Trust

    • 6. Building Trust

    • 7. The Trust Equation

    • 8. Bullying at Work

    • 9. The Basic Anatomy of the Brain

    • 10. The Emotional Intelligence Cycle

    • 11. Components of Communication

    • 12. Responses to Emotional Events

    • 13. Managing Emotions

    • 14. The Cycle of Behaviour

    • 15. How Emotions Escalate in Conflict

    • 16. Managing Fight and Flight Behaviour

    • 17. Tips to Prevent a Freeze Response

    • 18. Ideal Interactions

    • 19. Ways of Working with Conflict

    • 20. The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Model

    • 21. The Compromising Conflict Management Style

    • 22. The Competing Conflict Management Style

    • 23. The Collaborating Conflict Management Style

    • 24. The Avoiding Conflict Management Style

    • 25. The Accommodating Conflict Management Style

    • 26. Basic Skills in Conflict Resolution

    • 27. The Area of Agreement The Agreement Box

    • 28. Working with Third Party Intervention

    • 29. Some Wisdom and Takeaways around Conflict

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About This Class

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This class looks in detail at conflict management; and how you can manage the conflict more effectively.

Understanding how to work with conflict will help you to manage issues arising through conflict and disagreements more effectively.  It won't mean that you never experience conflict again - as conflict is a normal part of life.  It will mean that your understanding will help to to deal with it better.

Meet Your Teacher

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Robin Hills

Emotional Intelligence coach and facilitator


Hi. I'm Robin Hills. It is my intention to offer the best and highest quality courses on emotional intelligence available through SkillShare and across the internet.  I am not teaching any other types of course as I am a specialist in emotional intelligence and it is the focus of my business. 

Teaching emotional intelligence skills is a challenge at the best of times. I am not teaching any other types of class as I am a specialist in emotional intelligence and it is the focus of my business.

These courses require you to take some ACTION and put into practice what you have learnt.

Please note that all classes are continually refined and updated to ensure they remain current and relevant.

I am an emotional intelligence coach, trainer an... See full profile

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1. Introduction to Conflict Management: welcome to one of my courses on emotional intelligence. My name's Robin Hills. I am an emotional intelligence coach, trainer and facilitator. I'm here to help you understand what emotional intelligence is all about and how you come build and develop your emotional intelligence, but work in social settings in the home. My assistance E I Forsee will help me in this course to illustrate various points. He'll make the course more interesting and phone. This course covers conflicts and conflict management. Conflict Gerstle the time it happens in all relationships at one point or another, personal or professional. How you work with conflicts depends upon how comfortable you are within the relationship and how comfortable you are in managing your emotions and behaviors. This underpins your emotional intelligence will determine how the conflict in the relationship develops. Interestingly, life would be boring without conflict. If you're feeling stuck or feel something is missing in your life when you want to grow in your career, have become better at your personal and professional relationships. Then this course will help you. I'm here to help us. You work through the course to answer any questions that you may happen to support you 2. What is Conflict and Why it Occurs: What do your first thoughts when you hear or see the word conflict, struggle, or contests between people with opposing needs, ideas, goals or values. For many thoughts associated with conflict or negative and frightening. They bring to mind images of anger and tension that work. We picked your meetings where there are personal attacks, non productivity disengagement and alienation. These are pictures of conflict. The groups of people coming together to discuss difficult issues, to try to solve problems or to plan for the future. Through the conflict in these groups comes creative solutions to challenges, greater understanding of all aspects of an issue and a strong sense of group cohesion. Working with conflict is a key elements to building and supporting a high-functioning workplace. It's particularly relevant for effective teamwork. Conflict impacts us all as individuals in powerful ways. So it has a greater impact on work productivity and on the workplace climate. Workplaces need to figure out ways that they're going to handle conflicts in use the power that comes from creative conflict. Leaders and managers have an important role in shaping this process. There are two types of conflict in the workplace. Task conflict and relationship conflict. Task conflict is caused by differences in methods, differences in styles, values, and approaches. The focus in resolving these conflicts is on problem-solving. Successful resolution of task conflicts results in enhanced creativity, improved decision-making and better outcomes. Relationship or personality conflict focuses on people in their misunderstandings. Who's to blame? It can be caused by miscommunication, authority issues, power struggles, and competition for resources. It can result in personal attacks, alienation, and non productivity. Unresolved or poorly led task conflict can turn into relationship conflict. Conflict in the workplace can range from a minor of grumble through two major disagreements and serious conflict which could lead to grievance procedures. And in some cases end up with parties involved in tribunals. However, workplace conflict is often caused by similar things. The most common causes of conflict at work are one, per work environment. Too, poorly managed organizational change. Three, unpredictable company policies. Policies changing or being applied differently or inconsistently for conflicting personalities and styles or work ethics. Five, unclear job roles. For example, people get territorial about their jobs or feeling that they're being given jobs beneath their status. Six, poor communication. Seven, inadequate training, especially a managers who then have an inability to lead effectively. And eight, pour work planning, excessive pressure or work designed to encourage high levels of competition between staff or a work culture that values competition over teamwork. 3. The Issues Around Conflict: Conflict occurs whenever two people interact together. There's usually some form of disagreement, however, minor, because people are saying things in different ways and from different perspectives, conflict occurs between at least two interdependent parties. One party usually has more power or is perceived to have more power. Each part, he asserts that they've got the rights to any limited resources, to a particular ideal or to a particular course of action. And it's through this assertion that conflict is likely to escalate. Each party can frustrate the desires of the other party. There are often perceptions around compatibility. What is acceptable, what's not acceptable, what's compatible, what sin compatible? There are perceptions around resource allocation and there are inferences around achieving goals. Conflict resolution is the practice of identifying and handling conflict in a manner that sensible, fair, and efficient for all the parties involved. Conflict is a normal, inescapable part of everyday life. It occurs in any relationship from time to time. Even the best relationships have disagreements. These help to strengthen the relationship. Conflict is an opportunity to understand the opposing parties preferences and their values. In actual facts without conflict, life would be boring. There are lots of benefits to conflict. Conflict promotes growth and learning. Conflicts promotes creativity and innovation as new ways of doing things unfold. Conflict promotes personal development. You have an increased self-awareness. You know what your strengths, your weaknesses are. And it helps you to develop your interpersonal skills, your communication capabilities. And it helps you to build a mutual understanding between other people. Conflict opens up communication. Conflict develops new perspectives, new ways of seeing things, new viewpoints, and so therefore, conflict broaden surprise. Therefore, main categories of conflict, facts. People see things from different viewpoints. They have different perspectives around what the facts are, what facts are needed, how the facts are going to be used. Methods. People have different preferences around how to go about doing a task, how to get things done. What processes should be used, what processes should be followed? What the procedures are? Goals. People are often working two different objectives and they're working towards different goals and different values. People have different basic values, different perceptions around what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad. And people have different judgments around things. What indicates conflict is anger and frustration in anybody. A lack of trust, a lack of honesty, poor decision-making, lack of motivation, low levels of morale, long-term unexplained absenteeism, and unmet business goals. Some of the issues that get in the way that leads to conflict are imposing your own goals and your own priorities without any debate or any discussion. Attacking the other person's position, their viewpoint, their priorities, and suggesting that there's his wrong and yours is rotted. Minimizing or ignoring other people's concerns. Suppressing any differences. Going through the motions of managing any differences, are managing the difference, working out how to resolve the conflicts, but then refusing to carry it through to its end points. Refusing to temporarily remove any constraints, playing politics and taking things personally, which It's easy to talk about. But it's very difficult not to do this in the heat of conflicts when there's an intensity of emotion and emotions are highly charged. There is a cost of conflict, since this is often overlooked, is not even thought about and it's not even considered. Conflict increases stress. And increased stress can lead to increases in absence from work. People go off sick. Inappropriate decisions are made. The decisions, the outcomes, the goals may be unclear. People may be unfocused, leading to confusion and resources are wasted in terms of delivering against some of these focused outcomes, some of these unfocused goals. There are costs around lower productivity. Wasted resources. Divisions occur as people take sides. Times spent resolving conflict is going to have a cost associated with it because when people are involved in conflict, they're not actually doing productive work. When they're involved in resolving conflict, they're not doing any productive work. Attrition occurs because people leave the organization through frustration. There are costs involved in replacing that person and going through the recruitment process. Costs may occur in terms of arbitration, mediation and negotiation around resolving the conflict. Particularly if one of the parties remains unsatisfied or both of the parties remain unsatisfied. And this may lead to potential legal costs. 4. Conflict and Trust Factors and Questions to Consider: Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. Trust is the foundation of every good relationship. When you trust, you form a powerful bond that helps you to work and communicate more effectively. Trust helps to build good relationships and makes interactions with other people more worthwhile. As humans, we have a natural disposition to trust. Trust is about being vulnerable and using that vulnerability to be strong and fearless. The vulnerabilities that I'm referring to include weaknesses, scale deficiencies, shortcomings, mistakes, and requests for help. Trust is earned when you tell people the truth, no matter how hard it is. And this in itself can lead to conflict. Some of the factors and questions that needs to be considered when conflict occurs. How important is this issue? How important is this issue for me? Is my attitude conflict? Do I have a reputation for causing conflict? Do I address issues head or do I avoid anything that causes conflict? How important is it for me too weird? Can I accept some compromise that is acceptable to everyone? How important is this relationship to me? How important is my relationship to you? How skilled are my managing conflicts scenarios? Am I good at working with conflict? Is conflict something that I'm not very good at turned I could get better at. As mentioned earlier, trust is a fundamental part of conflict resolution. Do I trust you? Do you trust me? By trusting you? Can I trust you to do the right thing? How can we work together on this so that we both do what we agreed to do for each other. My trust and vulnerability going to be used against me and caused me further problems in the future. The questions really needs to be considered and you need to think these through prior to engaging in conflict negotiations. Remember, trusting you as my decision. Proving me write is yours. 5. The Importance of Trust: Trust consists of two components. The first digit character, your mental and moral qualities distinctive to you as an individual. It's your integrity, your motives, your intent with people, and it's linked to your personality. The second component is Competencies. The combination of your capabilities, your skills, the results that you get, your track record. The trust that you develop when you have good levels of emotional intelligence is a combination of WHO and watch you are your character and what you do, your competencies. The key competency in any relationship is the ability to grow, extended, and restore trust with all stakeholders. This includes customers, business partners, investors, and coworkers. Trust is to measure upon the state and competence within the relationship. Fundamental to developing people's skills, interpersonal skills is the level of trust that's built up between people. It's personal trust takes time to build, but it can be destroyed in a few minutes. Trust consists of two elements, benevolence, the extent to which you believe I care about you, and we'll back you up. And aptitude, the extent to which you believe I'm competent and capable. Combining the two together, benevolence in aptitude, we can consider four components of trust. High level of benevolence, and high levels of aptitude. I believe you care about me, and I believe you've got the competence and capability to look up to me, builds up high levels of trust when the benevolence is high, but the aptitude is low. This affection. When the aptitude is high, but the benevolent says low, the competence and capability is there, but the belief that you really don't care about me, you don't back me up, will drive a level of respect respect his fine, but respect it's not trust. Finally, when the benevolence is not there and the aptitude is not there. This leads to distrust. We all make judgments surround people based on their aptitude and their benevolence. And this gives us some indication of how we work with trust within our relationships with this graph nicely illustrates how trust can be extended. The graph looks at how you analyze your relationship with someone, measured against your inclination or natural tendency to trust someone, propensity. The graph follows a bell shaped curve. If you're very trusting of everyone, you weren't analyze your relationships that well and so are inclined to be rather gullible and will easily be persuaded to believe in them. If you have low trust in your relationships, again, you won't analyze them well. And so we'll be suspicious of people's motives. In these situations. You will need to work on how you analyze your relationships so the trust can be extended better, and trust can be built more appropriately. Why are you so trusting? Why he says suspicious? What needs to happen to create the right level of trust to make the relationship work effectively for everyone. Most relationships are analyzed well and you make good judgments around people, balancing your inclination to trust someone with some suspicion. Again, the most important point here is to get the balance right. 6. Building Trust: In his book, The Speed of Trust, the one thing that changes everything, Stephen Covey's introduces the five level of trust model this semester for, for how trust operates in our lives. In any relationship. You've got the power to change the level of trust by working on how you operate from the inside within the relationship. Understanding these levels and how you contribute will help you to see, speak, and behave in ways that established trust by inspiring trust in others. His model looks at five waves. The first wave is self trust, and this deals with the confidence that you have in yourself and in your ability to set and achieve goals, to keep commitments, to do what you'd say you're going to do. And also with your ability to inspire trust in others. You try to become a person who is worthy of trust. It's all about credibility, about developing the integrity, intent, capabilities, results that make you believe for bulk, both unto yourself and unto others. It all boils down to simple questions. Do I trust myself and am I someone and others can trust? The second wave is relationship trust. This is all about how to establish should increase trust in relation to others. The key principle underlying this wave is consistent behavior. The remaining waves look at trust at a higher level. The third wave is organizational trust. This deals with how leaders could generate trust in different organizations. The key principle underlying this wave is how leaders get people to align with the organization. So the underlying principle is alignments. The fourth wave is market trust. This reflects the trust the customers, investors, and others in the marketplace have in the organization. The underlying principle behind this wave is reputation. The fifth wave is society trust. It's all about creating value for others and for society at large. The principle underlying this wave is called attribution. By contributing or giving back. This is to counteract the suspicion cynicism, and load trust that exists within our society. It's also about inspiring others to create value and contribute when it comes to improve vague and maintaining relationships with others. Stephen Covey also uses a metaphor of the emotional bank accounts. This is probably one of the most powerful ideas ever created for the development of interpersonal relationships. Anyone with whom you have a relationship, whether it be with your coworkers, family, or friends, you maintain a personal emotional bank account with them. This account begins on a neutral palette. Just as with any bank accounts, deposits and withdrawals could be made. However, instead of dealing with money, this account deals with emotional units centered on trust. When you make emotional deposits, since there's someone's bank accounts, their fondness, trust and confidence grows. As a result, the relationship develops and grows. If you can keep a positive reserve in your relationships by making regular deposits, there'll be a greater tolerance for your mistakes and you'll enjoy open communication within these relationships. On the other hand, when you make withdrawals and your balance becomes low, or even overdrawn, bitterness, mistrust and discord develops. If you're to rescue the relationship, you must start to look at making a conscious efforts to add in more regular deposits and get the account back into credit. 7. The Trust Equation: As we've seen, trust is the foundation of strong relationships without trust and the relationship is going to be French. But trusts has to be not automatically given. Trust is a feeling and the trust equation is a great way to describe this failing. If you understand the equation, you can use it to help drive the decisions that you make about working with someone. The formula is made up of the components, credibility, the words you say, reliability, the actions you take, intimacy, the way you make people feel, and self-orientation or self-interest. The motives you're driven by. Trust is a combination of three of the factors, but is diminished by the fourth. Credibility comes when connections are made between the relevant issues and knowledge and experience. Credibility is simply about whether people know what they're talking about. We trust people like doctors and lawyers because they're trained professionals. They've had to pass exams and have been tested to make sure that they are credible. And that they've got a level of knowledge which allows them to advise people. We trust them as experts in their field. Reliability builds trust when people demonstrate that they will do what they say they're going to do. It's about consistency and dependability and delivering on promises. Not surprising anyone through any actions taken. Repeated failures to do what you say you're going to do, I'm going to undermine trust. Intimacy comes from frequency of contact to and from the nature of that contact. And it's about whether you can trust someone to keep something confidential, to trust them with information. Are they going to share this information with other people that you don't want to share it with. Have they let you down in this regard in the past, credibility, reliability, and intimacy combines together increase trust. But trust is reduced by self-orientation or self-interest. The only denominator in the equation. Self-orientation investigates where the person's focus truly lies. Self-interest can't be removed from the equation as it's a part of building relationships. You help me and I'll help you with self-interest. Do they have other's best interests at heart? Or are they doing this purely for themselves? They really helping from genuine concern? Or are they simply doing this to get something out of it? If people sense levels of self-interest that's too high, they'll get the impression that there's little interest in their needs. This will diminish trust. So think about how your character and competence are building trust. Reflect on how you're demonstrating credibility, reliability, and intimacy with your contacts. Keep on the other person's agenda, not your own. Are they sensing too much self-interest, too much self-orientation? Altogether. This builds effective trust. 8. Bullying at Work: Bullying and harassment at work is a big topic, far bigger than this course can cover. But what we'll do is we'll look at what bullying and harassment at work means and how it can be defined in terms of conflict and conflict management. And if you're interested in finding out more, there are other courses that you can take, which we'll go into this topic a lot deeper and we'll cover a lot more specific topics. Bullying and harassment at work is so complex that there's no universal definition involves repeated stress inducing actions towards another person. Now, bullying and harassment at work could be defined as repeated behavior, actions and practices directed at one or more workers, which may be carried out deliberately or even unconsciously, but which are done in unwanted way is causing humiliation, offense, and distress. They may actually interfere with job performance leading to an unpleasant working environments. Bullying impacts everyone within an organization, not just those people who are being bullied, but it also impacts on their families and their friends. People who witnessed bullying are also impacted by this behavior. Active bullying involves obviously expressions of emotion in clear, observable, physical ways to intimidate. The aggression is displayed through verbal and nonverbal behaviors and involve such things as speaking to a person in an openly irate, a rude manner, glaring at their target, or touching when they speak, stumping up to a person with a contemptuous expression on their face. Passive bullying involves expressing emotions in more subtle ways. Making insulting comments with a smile that patronizing using their influence available to them to ensure that the proposals or plants put forward by a person or rejected or require more work and done so in a malicious way, undermining the targets reputation behind their back. Overt bullying involves verbal abuse. So personal insults such as shouting or swearing IT staff or colleagues, either in public or in private, constantly humiliating or ridiculing other people, belittling them in front of others and persistently using sarcasm or criticizing them. Folk bullying is not listening to the other person's point of view. Ignoring them, always cutting across them in conversation, and deliberately withholding information. In people too excessive supervision, monitoring everything that they do, and being excessively critical about little things with malicious intent. Taking the credit for the other person's work, but never taking the blame when things go wrong. Acting with malice and conflict with malice, the wish to harm or upsets the other person becomes bullying. Bullying, however, is not a strict manager. Bullying is not the consequences of poor performance or appropriate discipline, demotion or termination of contract. Conflict without malice and acting without malice. This wish to upset or harm another person is really just a tough manager. Bullying relationships can occur anywhere within an organization. Supervisors and managers bullying their direct reports account for 72% of bullying incidence. However, bullying can occur between co-workers and this accounts for 18% of incidents that are reported. Bullying upwards can occur, and this accounts for 10% of bullying relationships. The solution to the problem is that employees should be aware of any behavior that might be construed as bullying. Recognize when you're being bullied and realize it's not your folds. Bring this to the attention of your management to immediately witnesses to testify that they observed the bullying taking place. Employers have a duty of care and they should educate and empower people around bullying. They should create an enforced zero-tolerance anti-bullying policies. They should enforce all possible courses of action for bullying behaviors, promote and support anti-bullying legislation. 0, tolerance towards bullying will ensure that staff are much more likely to report any transgressions. It improves staff satisfaction and retention, improves work safety and quality, reduces liability and risk, creates a culture of professionals are role models, enhances the reputation for the business and produces a more civil, productive, desirable place to work. 9. The Basic Anatomy of the Brain: The human brain is an amazing tool, one of the organs of the body, and it's the most complex instruments in the known universe. The other organs, such as the heart or the lungs are not as sophisticated. And unlike the small simple organs that are capable of being transplanted from one person to another. The brain is so interwoven into the fabric of our bodies. So we could refer to the body as being an organ of the brain, supposed to be in the other way round. An adult human's brain is about the size and weight of a mallard. What makes the brain so remarkable is that it's made up of 86 in earlier neurons interconnected by 1.5 times ten to the full teen synapses. These are the junctions between two nerve cells consisting of a minute gap across which impulses pass by diffusion of a neurotransmitter. There are 4,500 neurotransmitters. Most people have heard of two or three, such as dopamine and serotonin. But there are many, many more. This arrangement offers sudden limited memory. The brain combines language and visual imagery, operating by perception. Incapable of thinking about itself, which is what you're doing right now. And it's capable of working with emotions. The brain is made up of several distinct regions. Each of these regions serves two functions, physiological and psychological. Each region has a different purpose, but they all connect to give us a feelings, thoughts, and actions. Biologically, each region plays a role in managing aspects of our physiology. From regulating oxygen levels in the blood, to sending messages to the muscles that enable us to move. Each region possesses a distinct psychological function for the way in which it processes information. When considering the psychological function of the human brain, is possible to divide it into the following areas. The primitive brain or the reptilian brain, controls functions basic to survival, such as heart rate, breathing, digesting food and sleeping. It's the lowest most primitive area of the human brain. And it includes the cerebellum, which is involved in coordinating movement. Although we're not consciously aware of the information processed by our lower brain, it receives information from the senses and provides us with our instincts or our gut feelings. The term, the emotional brain, each use to describe the collective areas that make up the limbic system. And this includes the amygdala. These are the brain structures that filter and process emotions and emotional responses. This region is important because it plays a lead role in governing emotions and our natural and automatic behaviors and functions. The outer cortex forms the rest of the brain. The rational brain is made up of the frontal lobes are prefrontal cortex, has this region is more precisely known. This area of the brain enables us to reason, to be irrational, to be objective, and to master our instincts and our emotions. The left hemisphere of the cortex is where we store the rules by which we live our lives. For example, the rules of language are stored in this area of the brain, which is why people who suffer from strokes within the left hemisphere often find speaking difficult. Being more structured in rule-based, the left hemisphere processes information sequentially, with each step being a consequence of the previous swab. The right hemisphere of the cortex, in stark contrast, deals with pattern-making. It deals with ambiguity and new learning. The right hemisphere therefore, processes information in a more irrational style by looking at the linkages, patterns, and associations with other memories and stored experiences. The brain is capable of multitasking using both hemispheres simultaneously. He's able to process information very quickly and intuitively. And it's able to adapt to circumstances when needed. However, it's not perfect. The brain is limited to some degree. It makes mistakes without care, and it's influenced by outside sources. Work effectively. The human brain consumes vast amounts of glucose, energy. It consumes about 20% of the body's energy. If it doesn't have to work hard, it won't. This means that it wants to make the quickest decisions possible and will often jump to conclusions, make snap decisions and judgments. Without all the information available. Super leaf in your brain giving you an accurate representation of reality and a deep understanding of circumstances can often get you into trouble. 10. The Emotional Intelligence Cycle: The Emotional Intelligence Cycle is an interaction between the environment and behaviors. The way in which you respond to the environments is through the reaction around your own level of self-awareness and the way in which you're controlling your emotions. This leads and Dr. show behaviors. Behaviors will then influence your environment. Your behaviors are shown in the action. You take, the empathy that you show towards other people and the social skills you express in terms of working with them. Fundamental and core to all of this is motivation. Motivation is there to allow you to interact appropriately with your environments, choose your behaviors in the most appropriate way and helped to work towards your own level of motivation in the motivation of other people. 11. Components of Communication: The most important components of good interactions, communication. To have good communication, it's important to build rapport, which is some basic understanding of the other person. Being able to empathize and being able to see things from their perspective. Level of social engagement. Sensory acuity is your ability to be able to pick up through your senses how the other person is feeling, how they're working and how they're interacting with their environments. It enables you to send Swartz going on within your own environments. Sensory acuity requires you to tune your senses into the other person in such a way that rapport can be developed. Sensory acuity involves picking up on aspects of body language, which includes the way in which the person who is using their voice and the way in which they are expressing themselves. Your behavioral flexibility is important in terms of this interaction. To be able to flex and change your behavior, you'll have to identify what's necessary in order to get the best quality communication. You should have the capability of being able to change, to deliver a message succinctly, clearly on one that will be understandable to the other person. More often than not, you'll do this intuitively and unconsciously. But you need to have the capability to be able to adapt and have the correct attitude. This is your attitude to want to communicate with the other person. The most appropriate way for them. The right attitude to reflect to the other person is what they are and the way in which they're behaving. It requires you to be able to identify certain components of the way in which that person is behaving. This helps you to adapt. So the between you, you're able to build up a good, healthy working relationship. 12. Responses to Emotional Events: Most events we will experience either a flight or fight response, particularly if the situation evokes an emotional response. High-quality emotionally intelligent interactions occur to prevent a flight response from taking place, or to prevent a fight response from taking place. So there are four responses to an emotionally intense situation. Neutral response, where there's no emotional response whatsoever. And enhancing emotion and associated response which is either flight or fight. Stress response. Or to freeze, which is known as an amygdala hijack. Where the amygdala of so overwhelmed with emotion, they can't process the emotion quickly enough and lead to an appropriate response. In essence, the person freezes. In neutral and enhancing responses involve some application of emotional intelligence. Freezer responses are completely out of a person's immediate control. There are a number of responses to the way in which people work with fight and flight. If they are able to control their emotions, they will either react by avoiding the situation, which is a flight response, or become autocratic, which is a fight response. If they tend to express their emotions freely, they will either acquiesce, which is a flight response, they will go into attack, which is a fight response. The ideal space for interaction is right in the center. Emotions should be expressed appropriately with the right level of balance between flight and fight. Within this space, high-quality emotionally intelligent interactions take place. 13. Managing Emotions: Emotional management is also known as emotional control. It's an important components in emotional intelligence and it's the way in which you manage your emotions. Emotional management begins with self-awareness and your ability to recognize your emotions, what they are, and the impact that these feelings have on you and your behavior. Empathy focuses on the recognition of emotions of others and how you adapt to react to them. How you manage your emotions to work with your empathy is part of your emotional control. If you have high levels of emotional management, you are able to recognize your emotions and you're able to control them. You know what the emotion is going to do to you and how you're going to respond to the emotion. You'll also know the impact that this emotion will have on other people in the way that you express it. You're able to select the emotional state that will allow you to have the results that you're looking for. Parts of this management is managing this state in such a way that you can improve your behavior, improved the way in which you interact with other people. And so improved the results that you get through your relationships. If you have low levels of emotional management, low levels of emotional control, your life and the results that you get will be controlled by your moods. These will be triggered by external events, your feelings, your thoughts, your behaviors, and your performance are often perceived as being completely outside of your control. The way which you handle your emotions may differ from the way that other people handle their emotions. How you respond to circumstances is very much dependent upon who you are and your sensitivity at the time. For example, if you're hungry or if you're tired, if you're not feeling too well, your response may be very different from when you're full of energy. People fall into three distinctive styles for attending to a daily with their emotions. By being aware of them, being engulfed by them or accept signum. Individuals who are aware of their emotions are able to manage their emotions more easily because they're able to reflect on them, manage them, and work with the more effectively, they're able to recognize that they are failing a particular emotion, it's a certain time and why this is, they have the ability to modify their emotions according to the circumstances and the people that they're width. By paying attention to your inner state in a non-reactive, non-judgmental way. The awareness that this brings could have a powerful effect on any strong adverse feelings. The realization that this is anchor the time failing, offers a great degree of freedom and empowerment. Not just the option to act upon it, but the added options to try and let go of it. Mindfulness surrounding emotions helps with emotional management, leading to autonomy, a more positive outlook, and a good psychological health. Those who are engulfed by their emotions, they're not very aware of their feelings and so become lost in resulting in feelings of being completely overwhelmed, emotionally, engulfed people are controlled by their mood. So the helpless to do anything to change this. They have a sense of being asked to control and they behave in unacceptable ways. People who are accepting in the way in which they're feeling and they're accepting of their moods are clear about their feelings split. They also don't try to change them or work with them in any way. They say things like, I know of goods, feel sad. Therefore, a well-fed set. And it doesn't matter what you say or how you respond to me, I will remain sad because that's just the way I am. It's important to make the distinction between being accepting of emotions are being resigned to the accepting emotions does not mean being resigned to always feeling unpleasant, terrible, or wallowing in emotional pain. It also doesn't mean holding onto emotions. In some ways accepting emotions may also accepting the emotions will change feelings of fleeting and usually go away within seconds, minutes, or hours. Although for some people, particularly those who are depressed, this can stretch out over a much longer period of time. 14. The Cycle of Behaviour: When I do anything, I communicate communicate signals to other people. And in my interaction with you, I will be communicating signals to you. This has an effect on your attitude towards me. My attitude is tied up in the way in which I think and feel about myself and the way I think and feel about you. And it's also the way in which I think and feel about the team that we are in all the situation that we find ourselves in, all the environment that we're operating in. It's a preference, it's a particular style, and it drives the way in which we interact together. My behavior will influence the way in which you think and feel about me. It will also influence the way in which you're thinking and feeling about yourself, the team, and the environment. Your attitude then drives your behavior. That's what I see of you. And that's what I interact with. Your behavior will then drive and influence my attitude. If I have a good attitude, it means that I will change my behavior in a good way so that we can have a positive interaction and enjoy working together. This will influence good behavior and attitude in you, which will further drive good behavior and attitude in me. However, if I have a bad attitude, my behavior is likely to be less than positive, which will have an influence on your behavior and your attitude. For example, if I'm angry and that's going to affect my attitude. My attitude will show itself in terms of my behavior of speak loudly, I'll speak fast or a point my finger. I look and great. I'll make assertions in what I say. And it may come over as being aggressive, that behavior is going to drive your attitude. If you'll seeing aggression in May, you're likely to respond in an aggressive way back, or you may choose to withdraw. Your behavior, is laying go into influence and affect my attitude? I may become more aggressive? Or am I actually try and soften my behavior? This is the way in which the cycle of behavior works. 15. How Emotions Escalate in Conflict: Conflict as a way of growing and takes on a life of its own as emotions become more intense, the earlier that conflicts can be resolved, the better for all concerned. Irritation occurs when the problems or difficulties they're not significant. It would be better if they didn't occur, but they're easily ignored. Growing frustration leading to annoyance causes stress levels to increase objections. So usually voiced logically. Anger occurs when there is a sense of injustice, hurt an enmity. Thinking can become distorted with ego and emotion starting to dominate. Objection, start being voiced emotionally. Rage can lead to violence. And this is violence that is thought to be justified. There is a sense of not being listened to and need to win and for the other party to lose irrespective of the cost. Some physical action is thought to be appropriate as argument using words have had no effect. This can occur as subtle or not. So subtle attacks, abuse, leaving a job, sabotage, going on strike, or extended sick leave. 16. Managing Fight and Flight Behaviour: When someone is demonstrating fight behavior, it's important to try and disarm the void body language that might aggravate the other person searches, pointing, clenching your fist so your jaw, shaking your head or anything like that? Most of the time, the best approach is to let the other person they express their initial burst of anger. Keeping a neutral facial expression and body position. After their initial burst work to build rapport by paraphrase signal the information that you've heard on question two, undercover their concerns. Be patient but not pushy. Work through the issue. All of the wild maintaining a calm and confident position. Use this pace to lead, to lower their energy. Listen, empathize, clarify what it is that needs to happen. Qualify and quantify this information, address their concerns and implement the solution or move on. However, if at any point you feel threatened or that you feel that you might be in personal danger, you should always take immediate and appropriate action to protect yourself and maintain your personal safety. Flight behavior, response, intervening, and requires you to maintain rapport with the person all the way through the interaction. Avoid any body language that might appear in patient or pushy, such as extended eye contact, leaning in close. So gestures that indicate frustration. These nonverbal cues are likely to create even more confusion or in decisiveness in the other person. Ask questions, probe deeply to truly understand their concerns and their understanding of the issues. Listen, empathize with her. They're failing. You don't have to agree with, but it's important to allow them to be understood. Clarify what you've heard by qualifying and quantifying all the points. When you need to conclude the interaction tries to use an open body posture and hand gestures to represent two or three distinct choices. Then asked for a decision that will address their concerns and then implements a solution and move on. Again. If you find yourself in a situation where the person's confusion or indecision represents a safety risk or other potential danger to you or anyone else. Take decisive action to prevent any injury or harm. 17. Tips to Prevent a Freeze Response: Within these parts of the course, we'll explore what causes a freeze response to occur and will investigate ways in which you worked direct prevents it. Emotional control is the key factor. How brains process information in different ways. The rational brain, the neocortex enables logical analysis and complex decision-making. It's generally a superior system for decision-making, but it's often slower than the reptilian and the emotional brain, the limbic system, which is much faster. This speed allows us to choose instinctive or gross motor skill responses that we need incidently in order to react quickly to keep us safe. Freezing is a type of response which is an instinctive reaction controlled by the brain's limbic system. It was a very valuable survival strategy several thousand years ago when it was hardwired into our nervous systems. If one of our early ancestors on the plains heard a strange noise, she froze. Stopping movements is a good strategy when you're being stalked by a predator. It isn't so good when someone shooting at you. Unfortunately, our brains have not yet adapted to the best survival strategies for a modern world. Not that I'm suggesting the people are continually shooting at you. In a modern world, we're still stuck in the past where freezing was likely to enhance your survival. Rationally, we all know that freezing isn't the best response to an attack, particularly a violent attack. The problem is that her rational mind is no longer in control cheering this type of attack. We default to our limbic systems, which essentially gives us three options. Freeze, fight or flight. Complex or higher-order thinking isn't accessible to the emotional and reptilian brains. If we want to avoid freezing, we have to avoid shifting into the limbic system and remain processing information with our rational mind. Anyone who can stay in the rational mind and drive his soul, her opponent into an emotional response will have the upper hand and a much higher chance of winning the encounter. People shift to the limbic system when they're faced with attacks that have the following characteristics. Perceived lack of time, fear of catastrophic results, death, major injury, damage to ego, etc, a surprise or sudden attack. Additionally, people who have a high base level of anxiety in their everyday lives have a more rapid shift to an emotional response under stress. There's one additional factor that shifts us into a freeze response. Novel stimuli. Humans are great at naturally recognizing patterns. Anything new that we haven't experienced or thoughts about before is difficult for us to process. When what we're seeing doesn't match with the map that we have of something similar in our brains. We don't know how to respond. When experienced signal common everyday stimulus, the brain is able to modify, adjust the adrenaline response for optimization. When the stimulus is new, the brain doesn't know how to classify it or what to do. Large amounts of adrenaline is then delivered into the system. The body shifts into the default limbic system responses. Control is what keeps people in their rational mind. Do I have the abilities to exceed the problem? If the subconscious beliefs that you do, it'll keep you out of the limbic system. When your brain is rapidly at analyzing unfolding events. It's asking these questions. Have I ever seen this before? Have I experience of dealing with something like this? Do I have any plans for this events? Does the unfolding of the event match my mental map of what's supposed to take place when the answers to these questions on no, the brain realizes that you're not prepared to make an intelligent decision with regards to your own safety. If your subconscious mind doesn't believe you have the skills to solve the problem, it will allow the limbic system to take over. Adrenaline is delivered into the body and you are shifted into the reptilian and emotional brain for a much more trusted instinctive response. Sometimes that works out just fine. Here are trendline shift your physiology to give you added strength to run away or fight the attacker, and sometimes you end up freezing. The best way to stay in the rational mind is to increase both your abilities through training, yourself, confidence through achievement. When the brain starts asking these questions, you want the answer to be yes. If that's occurred, short mental processes remained in the neocortex and you won't default. So the freeze response here is what gets you to yes, having high levels of scale. I've done this before. Mental imaging, I've seen this before. Previous wins. I have a history of winning well scripted scenarios around similar issues. I've been able to solve problems under stress before. Do all of these things within our frequency so that you become more convinced that you have the skills necessary to solve any kind of problem. Once that occurs, your reptilian and emotional brain cell data survival responses aren't nearly as likely to come into play. Reducing the likelihood of a freeze response. 18. Ideal Interactions: It would be unreasonable to expect everyone in your workplace to adjust to all the idiosyncrasies and characteristics. Severe personality and behavioral style, understanding and changing your behavior towards others. It's not about being manipulative. It's about aiming to convey clearly your true intentions by validating the other person, recognizing their strengths, and empowering them to become more authentic in their interactions and relationships with you and the rest of the team. Reasonable expectation is to negotiate compromise. You can demonstrate compromise by setting a business-like helpful tone. Engaging in appropriate levels of sociability. Aiming benefits at the needs of the other person. Expecting high receptivity, honesty and candor, being factual, analyzing and answering questions, and voicing strong convictions. Emotional and social intelligence develops through experience with people and learning from success and failure in social settings. It takes a lot of efforts and a lot of hard work. 19. Ways of Working with Conflict: One of your jobs is to get the best out of your job. And the people that you work with, your team. You want to work together as seamlessly as possible, but conflicts is bound to happen. And as people are peek poke, people have different opinions, different perspectives and different ways of communicating. Conflicts is unavoidable and conflict is expensive. Everyone has a different way of dealing with conflict. Conflict can be minimized with the right inputs. Managers and leaders spend on average two to three hours a week dealing with conflict. It adds more stress to work and takes time to resolve. And sometimes it causes people to leave the organization. Knowing yourself better can save you a lot of time and a lot of money and lots of headaches. The right tool for the job is a tool that gives you insight since yourself and insights into other people. And you can use it inside and outside of the workplace. This tool is the tub is Kill men conflict mode assessments, which gives you an insight since your typical responses to conflict situations using one or more of five conflict modes, competing, accommodating, avoid eating, collaborating, and compromising by identifying your conflict resolution style. And then learning when and how to use each of the styles, not just the words that you're most comfortable with. You will be able to reframe and diffuse conflict, creating more productive outcomes sent happier interactions. And you will be able to see how you can apply it to almost immediately. The assessments you see CTUs, and it takes about 20 minutes to complete. Its simple, intuitive provides instant insightful feedback into conflicts, styles, and the impact that you'll start has on others. You'll see as a part of this lesson, you can download the questionnaire and completed immediately and then find out more about the conflict styles by completing the rest of this part of the course. 20. The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Model: Different people use different strategies for managing conflict. Strategies alert usually in childhood and seem to function automatically. Usually we're not aware at the time of how we act in conflict situations. We do whatever seems to come naturally. But we do have a personal strategy. And because it's learned, we can always change it by learning new and more effective ways of managing conflict. When you become engaged in conflict, there are two major concerns that you will have to take into account. This defines how you will respond to conflict. The first, initial level of assertiveness, the extent to which you attempt to satisfy your own concerns in conflict. The second is cooperating and keeping good relationships with the other person. This is the extent to which you attempt to satisfy the other person's concern. In a conflict situation, you may need to be able to interact effectively with the other person in the future. And the relationship may be very important to you, or it might be of little importance. Assertiveness and cooperativeness and not mutually exclusive. The best resolutions conflict is one way we satisfy both their own concerns and the other person's concerns. The importance of these two areas will affect the ways in which you act in any conflict situation. From these two concerns, it's possible to identify five styles. So conflict management. Within this module, we'll look at the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode model, which was developed by Kenya's w Thomas and Ralph H. Kilman in the early 1970's. There are five possible options or modes for handling conflict. Compromising. When someone is somewhat assertive and somewhat cooperative, they tend to compromising conflict to find a mutually acceptable solution. And that's at least somewhat satisfactory to both parties. Competing. When someone is highly assertive and uncooperative, they are inclined to handle conflicts by competing, using whatever power they have to win their own position. Collaborating. When someone is highly assertive and highly cooperative, the conflict may be handled using collaboration, where they try to engage with the other person in the conflict to find a solution that fully satisfies each of their concerns. This solution may be totally different from the original solution that each of them proposed, but both parties agree that this is the best solution to the problem. Avoiding when someone is unassertive and uncooperative. The tendency is to handle conflict through avoidance, accommodating when someone is highly cooperative, yet an assertive. Conflicts tend to be handled through accommodation. People who accommodate, neglect their own concerns to accommodate those of the other person. Which is the best mode. Phi can be useful and represent useful social skills that are needed at different times and in different situations. We each have a personal predisposition to one or two of these modes. And also, we need to consider situational factors related to the conflict when we choose which one to use, both personal and situational factors will influence switch mode. We choose. The effectiveness of each mode is dependent upon the way in which you assess the situation, your attitude, your skills, what you intend from the conflict. 21. The Compromising Conflict Management Style: Rigid is a compromiser and is moderately focused on both assertiveness and cooperation. He's somewhat assertive and somewhat cooperative. When there's conflict. He likes to find the quickest solution that gives everybody something of what they want. He will look to compromise or find the middle ground. The compromised mode is about splitting the difference. When someone is somewhat assertive and somewhat cooperative. In this mode, they tend to compromising conflict to find a mutually acceptable solution that is at least somewhat satisfactory to both parties. You might use this mode when you need to resolve something very important and there are time constraints or when the relationship is as important as the issue. This style doesn't work when the trade-off causes problems in terms of productivity, quality, customer satisfaction, timeliness, and cost-effectiveness. Compromise won't work where it involves strategic decisions and goals. And compromise won't work when there's a breach of commitments that have been agreed previously but have not been reached. Compromise might also violate company policies, norms, or goals. The compromised mode is useful to arrive quickly at solutions and they're up time pressures. When both sides have equally strong arguments. When two components with equal power as strongly committed to mutually exclusive goals. And the goals are moderately important but not really worth the effort. The Compromise mode is also useful to achieve temporary settlements to complex issues. It's also useful as a backup mode when collaboration isn't successful. 22. The Competing Conflict Management Style: Davis, very assertive and uncooperative. He will use whatever power he has, his position, his ability to argue the point or other tactics to get his own way. Competing is when someone is highly assertive and uncooperative. They are inclines handled conflicts by competing using whatever power they have to win their own position to get the goals that they are looking for. This mode might be appropriate to use when quick action or a quick decision is needed, or when a controversial or difficult decision needs to be made. This style doesn't work when it hurts other people. It makes them really, really angry and resentful. The competitive style so won't work when they're sabotage or resistance. The competitive mode is really useful when quick decisive action is vital, for example, in emergencies. It's also useful and important issues when an unpopular course of action needs to be implemented. For example, in forcing unpopular rules to discipline someone or to cut costs. It's also useful when healthy competition provides energy and motivation. It's also useful on issues vital to company welfare. And the competitive mode is vitally important when you know you are right. The competitive mode protect yourself from people who will take advantage of noncompetitive behavior. 23. The Collaborating Conflict Management Style: Mira is a collaborator. She's both highly assertive and highly corporative. She will try and find a resolution to a problem that will give everyone what they wanted. She'll take the time to find out what everyone wants or needs and look for a creative way to resolve conflicts. Collaboration is went two heads are better than one. When someone is highly assertive and highly cooperative, the conflict may be handled using collaboration, where they try to engage the other person in the conflict to find a solution that fully satisfies each of their concerns. This solution may be totally different than the original solution each of them proposed, but both parties agree that it's the best solution to the problem. This mode takes a great deal of time, but it's important when the stakes are high and often results in the most creative and enduring solution, a win-win solution. This mode doesn't work when there's a lack of time. It doesn't work with a trivial problem. And it doesn't work when there's no interest. When people can't see any results or benefits, or when people really don't like each other. Collaboration is useful when your objective is to learn. To learn by listening to the views of the other person to discuss and to work together towards the result. Collaboration is also useful to merge insights from people with different perspectives are on a problem and gain commitment from others to find a combined integrative solution when both sides are actually committed to their cause. It's also useful when the goals for both sides are too important to be compromised. 24. The Avoiding Conflict Management Style: Steve is an assertive and uncooperative. He never pursues his own concerns and doesn't try and meet the concerns of others either. Steve likes to avoid conflict if at all possible. And he can often be heard saying, Leave me out of it. Avoiding is leaving well alone. When someone is an assertive and uncooperative, the tendency is to handle the conflict through avoidance. They don't address the conflict. You might use this mode when you want to reduce tension or buy some more time. It's sometimes the mode of diplomacy. It might mean postponing a decision while you gather more information. If the damage caused by ongoing conflict is too great, you might also choose to avoid further conflict. You can also use this mode by delegating decision-making. This style doesn't work when the message is not heard or when the problem doesn't go away. Avoidance can cause stress, and avoidance at times looks bad. When to avoid is when an issue is particularly trivial, it's only a passing importance or when there are far more important issues to deal with. When you need more information. Or when you feel that you've got no chance of winning, when you perceive you've got no chance of satisfying your concerns. For example, when you have low power or you're frustrated by something which would be very difficult to change, such as national policies or someone's personality. Or when the disruption can be costly, when the potential damage of confronting a conflict outweighs the benefits. Avoidance is also useful to let people cool down to reduce tensions and to regain perspective when the time is not right. When gathering more information outweighs the advantages of making an immediate decision. 25. The Accommodating Conflict Management Style: Julie is an assertive and highly cooperative. When faced with conflict, she will often give up on what she wants to make sure that the other party gets what they want. She will usually given to the other person's view. Accommodating is killing your enemy with kindness. When someone is highly cooperative and an assertive, conflicts tend to be handled through accommodation. They will neglect their own concerns to accommodate those of the other person. They enjoy solving other problems. They're selfless, self-sacrificing and yielding. This mode might be appropriate when you want to create goodwill or keep the peace and preserve harmony, or when the relationship is more important than the issue. This style doesn't work when you can't please everyone. When you can be taken advantage of in terms of the projects and in terms of your workload. Potential badge direction, or bad ideas. When expectations or roles are completely misunderstood. Accommodation is an appropriate mode when you realize that you're wrong. When continue competition would only damage your cause. When you know the other party needs your help. When they issue is much more important to the other person than to yourself to satisfy the needs of others and as a goodwill gesture. And when there's a need to build relationships weren't preserving harmony and avoiding disruption are important. Accommodation is also important to help the development of team members by getting them to experiment, to learn, and to allow a better position to be heard and to learn from other people. 26. Basic Skills in Conflict Resolution: Whatever mode you use here are some basic skills for conflict resolution. Manage anger. The anger of other people. Look at ways in which you can work with anger effectively. Listen, actively. Avoid any assumptions. Find something that you can agree on. Be very cautious about using criticisms and judgments and negotiate. Try to find an effective solution that will satisfy both parties. 27. The Area of Agreement The Agreement Box: When two or more parties have difficulty with each other, this course is tension which increases over time. For signal parties to confront each other. The conflict is then resolved or a stalemate occurs, or the conflict continues. One way of thinking about and reducing conflict is to find out where the agreement lies, where overlap occurs. And this is known as the agreement box. In conflicts, there are two extreme positions taken over what's possible and what's available. Usually the position is an ideal between what the person would really like and what they are prepared to accept. When the positions overlap. We have the agreement box. Any agreements between the two positions x and y, that is, anywhere in the agreement box will be acceptable to both parties. The trick is to get the other side to move towards your position further than you move towards layers. Be successful. It's helpful to know what the other party, the other side once and what they're willing to settle for. You will need to know what you and they are willing to give up, negotiate, and bargain around so that you can both move towards the agreement box. What you both expected return if you're going to bargain. When the person traits more than you do, the closer the resolution will be to what you want. Any resolution in the agreement box usually achieves a win-win solution because both sides settled within there agreed limits. And so a level of collaboration occurs. 28. Working with Third Party Intervention: Occasionally, the conflict gets to a point where it can't be resolved sensibly and effectively between two individuals without having somebody else involved. Third party intervention requires somebody to come in and referee the debate and the discussion and to really help the conflict to move forward. This person needs to be dispassionate about the conflicts and not have any interests in the outcome for one party or another, but remains completely unbiased. It's important that good relationship. So the first priority in resolving conflict using third party intervention. Here are some rules. Let's everyone have their say as far as possible. Make sure that both individuals talk about the situation from their perspective, is listened to. Both needs treats each other calmly. Need to treat each other in a way to build mutual respect. Do your best to ensure that both the courteous to each other and remain constructive under pressure. Keep the people in the problem set profit recognized. In many cases, each individual is not just being difficult. Real and valid differences can lie behind conflict positions. By separating the problem from the person, real issues can be debated without damaging working relationships. Listen carefully and dispassionately to the interests that are being presented. By listening carefully, you can understand why each person is adopting his or her position. Both Miss listen first and talk second. To resolve a problem effectively, both have to understand where the other person's coming from before they defend their position. Agree and emphasize the similarities, sets out the facts, agree, and established the objective observable elements that will have an impact on the decision and the outcome. Asked for their ideas on how to resolve the issue and to move forward. Explore the options together, then focus on and plan for the future. Make a decision as to the way in which both parties are going to work together to resolve the issue in the problem. Finally, they may not be a 100% happy, but if they're happy enough with the result, get agreements, work on what is agreed and the way forward. By following these rules, you can often keep contentious discussions positive and constructive. And this helps to prevent the antagonism in the dislike, which so often causes conflict to spin out of control. 29. Some Wisdom and Takeaways around Conflict: Here are some factors which are worth considering. These are good to impact on the way in which you manage any disagreements and the way in which you manage conflict. These questions are important for you to consider, particularly when the level of disagreements or when the conflict is escalating and becomes highly emotionally charged. How important is this for me? How important is this for me to witness arguments? Where should I compromise? Should I compromise? Should I back down, or should we come to some level of agreement over the situation? What's my attitudes? Conflict? Do I tend to avoid conflict or do I relish conflict? How important is my relationship to you? Do I need to keep the relationship intact? This is to an important relationship that needs to carry out over a period of time? Or is it a superficial, transient relationship and my relationship to you? It's not that important over the long term. How skilled MI or dealing with conflicts. Am I good at using my emotion swell. I'm I good at using anger, frustration, anxiety, or any other emotion well, and work with these emotions in a positive way to our trust. You Do I have that level of trust which will allow the conflict to work in a way that we can build and develop the relationship. In dealing with conflict, it's important to recognize where you are in the relationship and where the other person is. What is it that you both worlds, which you both want to be? What's your intention? Which positions you think each person can realistically moved to? Which position do you think the other person can realistically moved to? Which position do you think you couldn't realistically move to? Some common ground here? What do you need to do in order to allow the other person to move to that new position. I'm sure you can think of many more questions, but these will give you some ideas to structure your thinking. Let's have a look at the six stages of managing conflict. The first stage is to adopt a position of detached objectivity. Remember, it's important to be as objective as possible. Take the subjectivity out of the situation. Take your emotion sense of the situation. Stage two is to acknowledge the other person's position. Try to see it from their perspective. Empathize with what it is that they're thinking and what it is that they're feeling. Try to understand it from their viewpoints. Stage three is to clarify your understanding of the other person's position. The best way to find this out is to ask them, ensure that you're correct in the way in which your thinking and the way in which you're seeing things around their perspective. In HPFOREST, to assert your own interests, your own needs, so that the other person listens to them and understands them. Stage five is to identify common ground, to find out what you both agree on. Or you can build upon what you can do to work together, open this up and build upon further areas of agreements. Stage six is then plan the next steps together in terms of working together in more appropriate ways and to ensure that the conflict is fully a result and doesn't occur again at some point in the future in the same way. Here is some wisdom around conflict resolution. Firstly, I think it's important to stress that it's very easy to talk about managing conflict and result in conflicts in a theoretical way. In the heat of the moment, it becomes very emotionally charged and it's very difficult to work with conflict positively. However, it's important not to dwell on the symptoms of conflict. It's important not to trace the conflict to its source and find out why it occurred, but to look at ways in which you can work with the conflict currently and look at ways to move positively forward. There's no gender or age effect in conflict. And in handling conflict. It doesn't matter whether you're male or female, young or old. You are no better or no worse than getting into conflicts in handling conflicts than anyone else. How disagreements are expressed is going to influence the conflict situation. If people are feeling angry, how they express this anger is going to impact upon everyone in the conflict situation. If they're feeling annoyed, the expression of that annoyance is going to impact on the conflict. If there's anxiety, the way in which they are expressing this anxiety is going to have an impact. Personality, so good to affect the way in which conflict is managed. The more you understand about yourself, the more self-aware you are, the more you'll be able to understand how you react in certain situations. What causes this, and how you can work with it, and ways in which you can move forward. It will also give you an understanding of the way in which you worked with people under stress and how you can work in order to build up better relationships. Aggression breeds aggression. So if you're aggressive, you're likely to provoke conflict rather than work to resolve conflict. It's important to approach conflict resolution by reducing the aggression as far as possible. Be challenging. It's important that it's challenge is put over appropriately, assertively without aggression and have clear goals. These can actually diffuse conflict, you know where you are and you know where you stand and you know where you want to be. It might be just case. So for green, what the outcomes are and what the goals are going to be. How you handle conflict is going to affect other people in the way in which they worked with conflict. How you handle conflict is going to affect their satisfaction around working with you. It's important to get it right or get it as right as you possibly can. Working with conflict is not easy. It can be quite stressful, but it can be quite challenging and get it right. It can be very rewarding.