It happens again...

thoughts--just -- running

endlessly streaming.

I'm not in place

here...

I am not presently here.

I'm going through the motions again

the pacing

the --day-to-day

draining to sustain...

I feel hollow

suddenly

just--

overthinking like I always do.

Again.

And again I just

can't, disclose it.

How would I describe it?

Trailing off--

Wake up, please

get up and move.

don't lay there--

again...

Again

we feel slow

out of pace

Behind

Because stuck

inside my head

knowing and nagging

to wake up from this

dull entrapment

Hits like a brick wall

Hits faster than

to react

I tell myself to move

react

If I'm not like this

then its the other extreme

extreme emotions

Where did that come from

a sudden irritation

of a minor 'inconvenience'.

Why do I respond so brash.

sometimes I can meet in the middle.

But it is usually one

or the other

all there or not at all

emotions wise.

I just hits like a brick wall

a knee jerk reaction.

I just --feel

I just--not feel

something.

this isn't normal.

I'm stuck

inside

glazed over

does no one sees?

I want to get out of the loop

break the skipping record

and just put on a new track.

Emotions during the poetry process. It serves more of a reflection of what goes on my mind from time to time. Some days and it will go for a stretch of days feels like someting is switched off. Sometimes the switch happens after lots of activity and overall overwhelmness of everything. especially at my job. Being the slowest worker always made me self consious of how much effort I'm putting into it. The whole poem doesn't deal with that, but overall life.

It feel like I am in limbo (emotionally, mentally) Sometimes it just happens in the middle of the day. It makes me laze around even when I have stuff to do. Procrasinate. I do that anyways but more so in this state. Like a rut. I can fight against it but it takes much effort.

Because a lot of this is the top of my head I had to tried not to overthink this.

I just felt what I felt, described it. Which isn't easy because the feelings aren't easy to explain. I have tried writing a poem to describe it, but I had a hard time. Partial due to emotional reasons, but sometimes I am not at the state in the moment so I just can't picture it.

I tried to free write, it is how I used to have done so before. Filling up notebooks with poems. But then my mind goes back to that time and compare it.

Afterwards.

I suppose putting a timer made me want to get things out instead of sit and not write anything.

I was already getting out of the rut; due to its running its course. But it really helps. Poetry has always been my thing and I always wanted to publish something. But sharing it is another matter. Its the sharing the emotional side of me and also overthinking that my poems aren't relatable enough even though I know some of my topics are. Like I have written about being shy and how it feels to be Hard of Hearing.

It really made me think how differently I was. I used to write all the time. I hope to get back in the habit, but I think too much about it. I also want to write as much as i did and effortlessly, but perhaps its because I wanted to go back to how it was.

This was a nice experience.

R.R Hannaman

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