This character profile is not thoroughly fleshed out with a name, geographical location, socio cultural background etc- but for some reason I felt it not necessary to think about.

I based my brainstorm solely off myself and my own fears. So if "I" mix with "the character" in this text below I apologise for confusion caused.

Brainstorm

My own fears
An insane fear of heights
The fear of not being accepted
The fear of self identifying and having a hard time putting my personal interests first.
The fear of vulnerability & showing vulnerability.
The fear of not performing (does this have a more concise wording?).
The fear of money (Yes. I am literally afraid of money.)
The fear of showing my true self. (Ties in with vulnerability)
The fear of leaving my computer during work time/study time.
The fear of not being a fast enough learner.
The fear of betrayal.
Wondering what others think of me induces an incredible amount of pressure on me.
Character fears
One Existential Fear
The fear of self identifying. What is meant by this is that the character embodies the feeling I (the writer) experience when being asked “what do you like?” “What are your favourite pastimes?”. The reason I struggle with these sort of questions is that I am a sort of Mary-of-all-trades and no one specific thing seems to stick to my velcro patch.

When I look at others- they seem to have it all figured out. My husband loves video games and technology- my mother loves gardening and agriculture. My in-laws love travelling and my brother loves boats (he is a Captain, actually). And I? … My interests spread so far and wide I seem to not be able to catch and bottle them up in one place. It makes me feel distant and lonely.

The rare moments I do get to catch an interest and keep a hold of it long enough to examine it- I might conjure the confidence to share it. Which brings me to the next fear.
One Psychological Fear
Anxiety. A crippling social anxiety- that is. Now, it might not seem that way from the outside since I am a bubbly, seemingly fearlessly open and extraverted individual (at least I try to induce the idea of such a character for myself when I interact with others)- but yes. The anxiety is real. So real my body feels like plastic constricting and contracting under the heat of a lighter from the moment I wake until the moment I fall asleep.

Sharing my love of something feels great- but the fear of my interests being judged or questioned induces a pulsing fear so great I rather keep a closed agenda and tread lightly in a relationship of any kind.
One Social Fear
Being criticised. This fear stems from the way I know I critique others. I am a glass half empty type of person when it comes to judging someone in the broad sense of it. I am scared to get a taste of my own medicine.

Katy Black

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