What kind of events have been most stressful to me when I look back at my life?

Four years ago I did fertility treatments to conceive a child and failed. Soon after we started having money issues and this past year my husband suffering a severe head injury caused massive setbacks when it came to my husband and I starting our own family.

How have those events typically affected me? What were my first thoughts/ actions?

To be honest not well. It seems when we get a head on things something else comes along. My first thoughts to be honest is: It’s just never going to happen and I do this self-hate/self-sabotaging behavior.

Have I found it helpful to think of important people in my life?

I usually have one. Most of my family is usually caught up in their own issues that even when I try to express my emotions or hardships it's often brushed under the rug. I usually have meaningful conversations with my sister-in-law.

To whom have I reached out for support in working through a traumatic or stressful experience?

Really the only one is my sister-in-law. I have reached out to other people because like I said before my family tends to brush off my feelings off to the side. With other people I find that they are too negative about a lot of things. And I find that it doesn’t help with my problems. My husband used to be someone I could talk to but because of his head injury I find it hard to talk to him about certain situations because he either doesn’t remember nor does he understand.

What have I learned about myself from my interactions with others during difficult times?

I find that solitude is often my good friend. I have developed this hermit-like personality when it comes to my issues. When I am in this state of mind I do mourn for my failures and setbacks but there is a pain that comes with it. But after I am done I often start seeking help through my own personal research, meditation/reflection, and a time where I do some self-love and self-care. I do talk to my sister-in-law through this process and even though she doesn’t understand the situation, she does try her best to help me see things in a different perspective as well as helping find joy in the littlest of things.

Has it been helpful for me to assist someone else going through a similar experience?

Oddly yes it has. I believe that God teaches us things that we need to learn or so that we can help others in similar situations. These moments have caused me to be more empathetic towards people, show compassion, understanding, and love. Even though I don’t want to go through these hard moments. I always try to remind myself there is someone out there that is going through the same thing I am and how great would it be to go through something hard with someone else that understands and can help you through it. So you don’t feel that you have to do it alone.

Have I been able to overcome obstacles? If so, how?

Most of what Catrinel has suggested is very good advice and it actually works. For my own personal recovery I would say self-love and self-care works the best for me. My hermit-like state. My own self seclusion from the world for a short period of time. To seek out an empathic ear, time, patience with yourself, perhaps a bit of trying to understand why failure affects you so much, and never giving up. Always get back on your feet and keep going.

What has helped me feel more hopeful about the future?

My sister-in-law a lot. She won’t allow me to be so down on myself. And always tries to help me see the brighter side of things. My husband who every day tries his best to work towards his recovery and lends support whenever I need it. My nephew who always reminds me of my goal to be a mom one day and not to give up. And lastly God. Who always put opportunities in my path and reminds me just how resilient I really am.

Haleigh Holley

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