Your Guide to Understanding Your Thoughts and Feelings | Kyle Sommers | Skillshare

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Your Guide to Understanding Your Thoughts and Feelings

teacher avatar Kyle Sommers

Watch this class and thousands more

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

12 Lessons (42m)
    • 1. How Will You Benefit From this Course?

      2:35
    • 2. Who Am I?

      3:05
    • 3. Shut Up and Listen to Yourself

      2:44
    • 4. Where Emotions Live

      4:10
    • 5. Breathing...Kind of Important

      3:36
    • 6. Back to the Present

      4:15
    • 7. Describing The Emotion and Holding Space For it

      3:04
    • 8. What Are Core Beliefs?

      3:58
    • 9. How We Maintain UnHelpful Beliefs

      3:37
    • 10. How True is it Though?

      5:26
    • 11. Choosing and Establishing Your New Modified Belief

      4:57
    • 12. What Now?

      0:56
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About This Class

I am sharing the secrets I provide to my counseling clients ($150 per session) in a straight forward and easy to digest guide to understanding your own thoughts and feelings. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor who has helped hundreds of people just like yourself overcome anxiety and depression and improve the overall quality of your life. This applies to ALL people! Perhaps you are wanting to learn a new skill on skillshare but don't have the confidence in yourself...why is that?. The course will help you go step by step in acquiring the skills to help you slow down, listen to what your mind and body is telling you. You will then further explore how and why this is happening and then the most important thing, what do you do about it. 

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Kyle Sommers

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Transcripts

1. How Will You Benefit From this Course?: plus in thoughts and feelings are natural and his comment is the sun rising. For some, these thoughts and feelings don't impact our day to day life very much. Therefore, no action is needed for others harboring persistent negative thoughts and experiencing frequent and at times intense, unpleasant emotions such as anxiety and depression can have a huge impact during our day and overall quality of our life. This course was created to teach you how to listen and pay attention to those thoughts and the resulting emotions they cause, much like when we talk to people. If we're not actively listening, we aren't hearing their message. They're listening. We begin to understand the why. Therefore, we can begin to construct the what such as, like, What the hell do we do about this? This course explains complex psychological processes in a straightforward, easy to digest manner, with several examples along the way. Several sections contained questions that will cause you to think hopefully to think really hard about the answer because that is where growth takes place rather than just passively listening to a therapist such as myself. Talk now, while I am a licensed therapist, I may not be your therapist. So while this course is designed to help you learn how to modify your thinking and decrease unpleasant feelings, it does not replace any information or vice you have received from any other health care professional. You can go through this video at your own pace. For some, it may be overwhelming to do all in one sitting as commitment to this course will require you to uncover potentially uncomfortable feelings. It may be best to do 1 to 2 sections a day and then come back to it the following day. You, however, can choose the pace that is best and most comfortable for you and your schedule. I hope you enjoyed that video. And I want to remind you that nothing about this is time. Do not rush through it. If there were parts of it that did it make sense, you didn't feel like he got much out of it or you were just distracted by whatever else is going on around you. That's okay. Go back and watch it because every video, every section is gonna build upon itself. So you've got to make certain that you get the most out of it. before you move on. If you're ready to move on, hate taking a quick break and dive right back in because we got another video coming up. 2. Who Am I?: My name is Carlos Summers, and I'm a licensed professional counselor in Texas. Some you may know me as the bro therapist, which is my online I didn t. I use when creating self felt content on YouTube, Facebook and Instagram. I had that professional in the mental health field for about 12 years now, and I have successfully helped hundreds of individuals just like yourself. Through my experience of working in private practice, psychiatric hospitals, government agencies and correctional institutions, I have crafted a process that can be applied to almost e one to help them modify faulty thinking and decrease the impact that their mental health symptoms have on their life. I will be discussing and teaching you mindfulness so you can learn how to slow your mind. But I'm by no means a yoga instructor or anyone that's going to teach you how to meditate. I believe mindfulness is an act of being and that we could do it at any point in our day, I will be teaching. You have to listen to what your mind and body is telling you and how to identify unhelpful core beliefs. You know, does that sit at your core from there, I will discuss and demonstrate how you have maintained this belief over the years and how you can challenge it and ultimately replace it with a much more useful and adapted believe . It's kind of like standing up to a bully. Ah, boy, who you're gonna punch square in the face. I feel online. Self help is a great way to help individuals because I believe that we all have the innate ability to deal with the issue that comes our way. Sometimes we just need a little push in the right direction. The two treatment approaches you will encounter during this course, our cognitive, behavioral and experiential therapy. So cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, is about the connection between our thoughts, our emotions and our behaviours and experiential is about the importance of allowing yourself to feel whatever the hell you're feeling in that moment. Now I know a little bit about me. I hope that you feel comfortable enough and recognizing that I really, really love talking about mental health and helping individuals work through whatever the hell that they're going through. Even though we're not talking in person, I want you to feel comfortable enough that you can open up during this course because it's going to be crucial that you do. So I hope you enjoyed that video. And I want to remind you that nothing about this this time do not rush through it. If there were parts of it that did it make sense, you didn't feel like he got much out of it or you were just distracted by whatever else is going on around you. That's okay. Go back and watch it. Because every video, every section is gonna build upon itself. So you got to make certain that you get post out of it before you move on. If you're ready to move on, hate taking a quick break and dive right back in because you've got another video coming up . 3. Shut Up and Listen to Yourself : say you have a lot of freakin thoughts approximately about 5 to 7000 thoughts. Muchas, which is below your conscious level. Each one of these thoughts has the ability to create in the emotional reaction, which will then cause you to react. Think of it as dominoes, with each one being necessary for the next. And all of this happens in the blink of an eye and for good reason. If a threat is imminent, your ability to react quickly can be the difference on whether you survive or not. Your brains. Number one priority is keeping you safe. Keeping you safe from harm problem is that this automatic process doesn't always serve us well. Can you remember a time in which you reacted to a situation that in the moment that felt like a serious threat? But after cooler heads prevailed, you recognize that your response was kind of had a line. Of course you have because, well, you're humans involved in there. Some bus multiple times a day. Your brain is constantly taking in information through your environment. It is automatically interpreting this information based on past experiences and the police that you have these automatic interpretations also known as automatic thoughts, will dictate the emotion that you feel. The more significant the belief is, the more prominent the emotional reaction will be. The key to all of this is allowing your emotional reaction to be heard rather than this merely reacted to. Your thoughts happened too quickly for you to see it before you feel the emotion. So listening to this feeling and allowing yourself to just slow down can help you see why you interpret it that way, as is the case when you are talking to someone else. If you are not engaged and listening, you will not hear a damn word that they're saying. If you don't shut up and listen to yourself, you will continue to allow the dominoes to fall in a predictable fashion and have knee jerk reactions, which will only hurt you in the quality of your life. I hope you enjoyed that video, and I want to remind you that nothing about this is time. Do not rush through it. If there were parts of it that did it make sense or you didn't feel like he got much out of it or you were just distracted by whatever else is going on around you, that's okay. Go back and watch it. Because every video, every section is gonna build upon itself. So you got to make certain that you get the most out of it before you move on. If you're ready to move on, hate taking a quick break and dive right back in because I've got another video coming up. 4. Where Emotions Live: Have you ever found yourself thinking about something that hasn't happened? Of course you have. You're probably doing it now like where the hell is called going with this? It's natural to do so. Our brains are hardwired to predict how things will go, which is why new situations bother us. We don't know what to expect. On the flip side, I'm also positive that you have thought about the past without even trying when something in the present reminded you of it. When we were not focused, our brains will naturally drift away from the present and take us either into the past or the future. This especially happens when we are stressed or when something is bothering us. It happens a lot when we were doing this repetitive, mindless daily tests, such as her mind wandering when you're driving and then you realize that you have no recollection took the previous few miles. I bet you can recall recently when you turn on the TV and your mind began to wander to include everything that happened that day. Or perhaps while you stare blankly at the TV, you begin mentally preparing for the next day. Maybe you began thinking about all the things they're currently bothering you or everything has bothered you for the past 10 years. All of these drifts, one way or the other, is important. They mean something. There is a reason why they're happening. The less engaged and focused you are, the more your mind will drift. Our days are filled with all kinds of repetitive tests, and each one is an opportunity for your mind to just randomly recall painful memories. Thinking about the past can lead to several uncomfortable feeling, such as guilt, regret or sadness, to name a few. You may also find yourself thinking about all those missed opportunities. How on Lee. If this would have happened or not happened, you would be in a different place in your life. Thinking about the future, conversely, gives us hope. But it's also where anxiety and fear lift. Fear is what we imagine, and anxiety is what we actually feel. We think about what hasn't happened yet, and we insert what we think will happen or even convince ourselves that it definitely will happen. The more negative situations we've experienced in our past, the Mawr, our mind naturally assumes that this new situation will follow suit, Minibus begin mentally rattling off All the things that we have to do in our day is our mental to do list. We realize that it's a lot and we feel overwhelmed, and we think there's no way we're going to get all this done. You may have also concluded that not only will you not finish all these tests, but that nobody will help you. Now you're focusing on the fact no one ever offers to help and you feel angry. You feel angry and alone. And just like that, you're experiencing anxiety. Anger and sadness probably doesn't feel very good. The thoughts air. Really, but not necessarily fact. But we believe the mess fact as truth and the resulting emotional response will be in line with your interpretation. Your truth. What you believe This fact? It's reality. You see the emotions you feel all of them are created by the thoughts and the beliefs happening in your brain. The tricky part is being able to identify, listen to and understand them as well as recognizing what is keeping them around. I hope you enjoyed that video just like I said before. If there are parts of me that didn't quite understand. Do not rush, Make certain that you go back and you re watch it because at the end of this section, there's gonna be questions that I designed that's gonna help you introspect and work on what we just covered. Because, like I said, you're not going to get maximum benefit if you're just sitting back idly listening to me really important day, you turn it on yourself and that you five, that kind of feel that we're working on. So that way you can better yourself. All right, take your foot brake and I write in and then we'll keep on moving. 5. Breathing...Kind of Important: I think Justin breathing is important. Without it, you would be dead. So let's first acknowledge that during times of stress and anxiety, your body will instinctively change to a fast, shallow type of breathing where air is taking it to the chest. Your body is responding to some type of threat with this occurs, and it also responds by increasing your heart rate and demanding more oxygen, along with flooding your body with adrenaline, cortisol and increasing blood flow to your extremities. This is a great adaptive response when there's an actual threat. What if the threat is perceived and it's not actually really such as when we perceive the threat of being abandoned or someone taking advantage of us and situations like that? This change to our breathing doesn't benefit us and actually hurts our ability to handle the situation properly. Taking in shallow breaths rapidly will not result in more oxygen. Conversely, it actually brings in less oxygen which can frighten us. It can frighten us because we may feel lightheaded as well cause further anxiety and possibly until full blown panic attacks. In order to begin the process of silencing the alarms and returning your body to a commerce state that there needs to be taken in through the nose into your diaphragm. So you want to start by mentally, Tell yourself, slow down, slow your movements, your speech slow. Everything that you have control over. Slow down. Place that left hand over your belly. And as you pulled air end slowly through your nostril. You should feel your hand go up. This tells you that you pulled air all the way into your diaphragm and slowly exhale through your mouth. Really? Try to go slow. Try to spend four seconds taking the air in four seconds, holding it in your core and then four seconds. Exhaling. Pulling air into your diaphragm is sending a signal to your central nervous system into your brain that you're not being threatened, that you are not in crisis and it will begin to reverse the effects. It started as you pulled air and notice how it feels going through your windpipe. As you continue notice your posture, try to sit up, pulled your shoulder blades back. Not knowing doesn't look better, but it will help you bring mawr. Aaron, simply taking in one deep breath, will not make all of the stress and anxiety go away. But after a repetition and repeating it for at least one minute, you should notice even a slight decrease of the unpleasant feeling you were experiencing. Breathing like this is not a one and done thing or something that we Onley do when we're stressed is something that should become a part of your everyday routine. Something you want to do even when you're calm Following this section of the course, I'm goingto have you practiced this? Try to eliminate its many distractions around you so that you could really focus on your breathing. Hope you enjoyed that video just like I said before. If there are parts of me that didn't quite understand, do not rush, make certain that you go back and you re watch it because at the end of this section there's gonna be questions that I designed that's gonna help you introspect and work on what we just covered because, like I said, you're not going to get maximum benefit if you're just sitting back idly listening to me really important that you turn it on yourself and that you apply that kind of feel that we're working on. So that way you can better yourself. All right. Take your foot brake and I write in and then we'll keep on moving. 6. Back to the Present: So if living primarily in the past or the future is problematic for our thoughts and feelings, that leaves being in the present as the best time zone to try to be in. This is in terms of listening to and understanding our thoughts, and our feelings is accomplished when we are in the present. The here in the now I want you to look around for a second. Go ahead. Look around the room. Look down at yourself Now, with their actual nerve innings in your body, I want you to identify five things that you can feel on your body right now so I can feel my shirt. I feel my hair. I feel my shoes. I could feel the ground when I tap my feet. I can feel this chair that I'm sitting on now. I want you identify four things that you can see right now. Good. Look around. In addition to those four things, what is one thing in your immediate space right now that you tend not to notice very much now, like for you to identify three things that you can hear assuming you don't have a cold, what are two things that you can smell. Did you just realized that you forgot to put the order and on what is one thing that you can taste right now? Before I asked you any of those questions? Were you consciously paying it instantly of them? No. They were all in the background just outside of your peripheral. Our five senses are always in the present moment at any given point in time. But just like we discussed in the previous section, if you're not focused on it, your brain will put it in the peripheral, and then your brain is Frito Wonder. Meaning of you may have heard about being in the present or mindfulness, but I've never understood exactly what it meant and didn't know how to go about doing it. Perhaps you pictured some yoga or meditation, or you thought of being present in the moment as being in some tranquil paradise. Many of you may find yourself constantly looking forward to the weekend or to a vacation to think finally, be able to relax when this happens. Or you may notice that when you're always looking ahead and thinking, I will be able to relax. Once this happens, could be that you're waiting for success, love for this time off from work in order to be happy, think back to those weekends or those vacations you were waiting for. Did you ever find it difficult to truly enjoy the experience? Was it difficult because you hadn't fully unplugged from the days leading up to it? Or perhaps you found yourself focusing more on the future and what it'll be like when you return to work on Monday, pull yourself back into the present by honing in a one of your senses and ask yourself, What are you feeling right now? What emotion are you feeling right now? If it isn't obvious, that's okay. You may be feeling content and that's okay. You may be feeling annoyed with my videos, and that, too, is OK. Once you identify and categorise the feeling, I want you to pinpoint it on your body. Where do you feel that point to it? When I feel anxious, I tend to feel it in my chest and in my back area. You remember that your emotion that you're feeling is an internal feeling that is separate from your external body. While these two go together, their separate, meaning that you can feel a certain way but not have to react to it. I hope you enjoyed that video just like I said before. If there are parts of me that didn't quite understand, do not rush. Make certain that you go back and you re watch it because at the end of this section, there's gonna be questions that I designed that's gonna help you introspect and work on what we just covered. Because, like I said, you're not going to get maximum benefits if you're just sitting back idly listening to me really important that you turn it on yourself and that you apply that kind of feel that we're working on. So that way you can better yourself. All right, um, taking a quick break and I write in and then we'll keep on moving 7. Describing The Emotion and Holding Space For it: way in the previous video and the question that followed. I asked you to identify the feeling you experienced during an unpleasant experience. Were you able to identify it? Were you able to locate it and you were on your body? It's natural for us to resist feeling unpleasant emotions because, well, they suck and they don't feel good. Don't resist them. Just allow yourself to experience them and recognize that they're not permanent. Throughout my experience as a mental health therapist, one of the more difficult things to do is conveying that it's not only a good thing but at times absolutely necessary to sit with your feelings in order to understand them. What if we were to recreate this feeling into a three dimensional object? What kind of object would you create for what you're feeling? What is the texture feel like? Is it heavy? Is it light? Can you hold on to it? What's the temperature of it? Hot the cold? Did this room temperature? There's no right or wrong way to do this. Just allow yourself to feel the emotion and allow your brain to describe it as an object. Just hold on to it just make space for it. Don't discard it holding spaces exactly as it sounds, noticing it, validating its existence and not dismissing it. If you're feeling strongly about something, it's because it matters. No matter how your perspective may change in the future. Right now it matters. So let's pay attention to it. This is not an exercise to make the feeling. Just go away. Think of this feeling as well as all feelings. You have as a way our mind in our body communicate the meaning of something to us in a way that we can comprehend. The thoughts in our head happened too quickly. If you're anxious, your body is communicating to you that there is a threat. Perhaps the message is that the world is a scary place. If you are sad or depressed, your your body may be communicating to you that a particular outcome fell short of what you expected. Maybe even the things you do are never good enough. If you're angry, your body may be communicating to you that you don't like toe, not feel in control. Or that maybe it's communicating that you were betrayed, that loved ones will always betray. You did you try to create an object of what you're feeling, Don't feel bad If you did it, you're going to have an opportunity to practice right after this section. I hope you enjoyed that video just like I said before. If there are parts of me that didn't quite understand, do not rush. Make certain that you go back and you re watch it because at the end of this section there's gonna be questions that I designed that's gonna help you introspect and work on what we just covered. Because, like I said, you're not going to get maximum benefits if you're just sitting back idly listening to me really important that you turn it on yourself and that you applied that kind of feel that we're working on. So that way you can better yourself. All right, um, taking a quick break and I write in and then we'll keep on moving 8. What Are Core Beliefs?: if our emotions are how our mind in our body communicate to us. Our core beliefs are the authors of that message. As the name of these beliefs imply their deeply held beliefs. Natrecor. They're created by important experiences in our lives, often times by important or influential people that surrounded us during those times. They're strong, and they're slow to change. One prime example of everyday core beliefs are one beliefs in a particular political party when we encounter information that doesn't fit with our core beliefs? Well, this usually disregard that. Take, for example, that if someone believes they are unlovable and someone gives them a compliment, seems nice. They may question the authenticity or conclude that there was an alter your motive and dismissed the compliment altogether. Core beliefs do not have to be negative or unhelpful. We also have core beliefs that are quite positive and quite helpful for the quality of life , such as the core belief of feeling capable and confident in yourself. Having a core beliefs such as this can allow you try all kinds of new things and have varied experiences that could be positive and very successful. Unhelpful core police exist in all of us to some degree, and many of us feel like it should be kept a secret, and that were the only person that experiences this to this degree, the whole entire world, and we should never told anybody about it. We tend to think like this because we see others who appeared to not have the same problem , and they make living life look easy. Facebook Instagram For some of us who constantly see others that having it all figured out , there may be a core belief that were somehow different. An outsider looking in always late to the party. For others, the people pleasers Those are the people that always put others needs ahead of their own. They may have a core belief that others must be happy first, in order for themselves to be happy, so their happiness is essentially dependent on the happiness of others. This is a very altruistic way of thinking, but it, when done all the time, their happiness, it's always in the hands of others. Furthermore, when others are upset with them, they automatically believe that it's their fault which only makes them feel more depressed . Another common core belief I seen my clients is that being successful means being financially well off within this belief. Many of us think that will be happy once we're rich, or at least well off. Now it is true that financial struggles can be stressful. But does that mean that the poor people will be said and the rich people will be happy? Of course not. Depression and other mental health concerns exist across all socio economic classes. At what point financially, can someone declared themselves satisfied and happy? It's up to you to decide. I won't mention all the possible core beliefs in this section, but there's a PdF in the assignments following this video, which contains all of the most common core beliefs that negatively impact our lives. This, pdf, will be used for the next question. So as you go through the list and you think about the different things I've said in this video, be honest with yourself. Hope you enjoyed that video just like I said before. If there are parts of me that didn't quite understand, do not rush. Make certain that you go back and you re watch it because at the end of this section, there's gonna be questions that I designed that's gonna help you introspect and work on what we just covered. Because, like I said, you're not going to get maximum benefits if you're just sitting back idly listening to me really important that you turn it on yourself and that you apply that kind of feel that we're working on. So that way you can better yourself. All right, um, taking a quick break and I write in and then we'll keep on moving. 9. How We Maintain UnHelpful Beliefs : the way our belief notches magically pop into our head One day out of nowhere, they came from several experiences you had throughout the course of your life. Up to now, they came from the good. They came from the bad experiences and everything else in between. Even if a belief we have is unhelpful, we still believe it as fact as truth. You may not have been responsible for creating that belief, but you are responsible for maintaining it and allowing it to have power over you. Many people falsely believe that they'll just think their way out of a negative and unhelpful belief, such as just trying to think positively. You've all been told by someone before just trying to think positively, focus on the positives. It'll be all right. This is fine for minor things, but with deeply upsetting situations. It's not. Our beliefs, both helpful and unhelpful, are maintained by our actions. What we actually do as a result of what we think and how we feel. Take, for example, you're thinking of going back to college to further your career. This frightens you, and as you think about your age and how you will be around nothing but 20 year olds. You believe I'm too old to go back to school. You rationalize that it will be a waste of your time and money and that you're better off staying where you're at, which is exactly what you do. Even though you're not happy, your actions of avoiding going back to school gives more power and control to the belief. I'm too old to try new thing as new situations occurred that forced you to consider your age, you will remain in the mindset of you being too old. Your action of avoiding going back to college affirmed the belief in the in your head. Think of it in terms of a communication loop. Your brain interprets X. You're too old to go back to school. You feel why you feel scared and you react Z you avoid. Send the message back to your brain that your interpretation of being too old was in fact accurate and to keep that belief. If you were to react in a way that goes against this belief, however, your brain will be forced to reframe the belief. For example, if you decided to go back to college despite your concerns about your age, your brain will be forced to give less power and control to the belief of you being too old . And you can probably think back to times in which you overcame a particular fear. May have been with the opposite sex, a roller coaster or something in your career, such as asking for a raise. But whatever the situation was, I am sure the feeling was strong and the desire to avoid was just a strong. When you asked him or her out on the road that dungeon drop or went to your boss asking for that race, you were challenging that particular belief. And depending on the outcome, you now had a new evidence to support a new belief. Having evidence to back it up. It's absolutely kicks. I hope you enjoyed that video just like I said before. If there are parts of me that didn't quite understand, do not rush. Make certain that you go back and re watch, because at the end of this section there's going to questions that I designed that's gonna help you introspect and work on what we just covered because, like I said, you're not going to get maximum benefit if you're just sitting back idly listening to me really important that you turn it on yourself and that you apply that kind of feel that we're working on. So that way you can better yourself. All right. Take you a quick break and I write in and then people moving. 10. How True is it Though?: way don't have to try at all for strongly held beliefs to just pop randomly into our head. This is what we call intrusive thinking. The thoughts push, all of the thoughts are the way, and they take precedence in center stage, its strong. It creates a time, strong emotions and, like we've discussed, you, believe it as truth. We also tend to see evidence that supports it much more easily than evidence that doesn't support it with strongly held beliefs, we have tunnel vision for seeing the things that supported only take, for example, bleeding. You are not good enough as you start your day. You are five minutes late dropping your child off at school and they're upset with you. You arrived to work only to realize that you forget that you're supposed to come in early for a meeting during the day, a coworker response to in a short, curt way. Towards the end of the day, you learned that Becky was hired for an executive leadership role. And when you finally get to go home after your exhausting day, the first words out of your spouse's mouth are. I thought you were going to pick up my dry cleaning, which you most certainly did not By this point, you're feeling angry, but more so with yourself. The thoughts in your head are Could you be so stupid? And you always mess everything up? The events of the day not only stand out but there literally. All you can see, your brain is automatically giving you the evidence to support the core belief of I am not good enough. If someone were to ask you around this time, if this belief is true, you would probably yell at them and say, Of course it is. Is it true? 100% of the time, though, does evidence exist? That was seemed to poke holes in this belief, the belief of I'm not good enough after taking time to slow down, slow down and breathe all the way through belly and the grand yourself in the present moment, using your senses and allowing yourself to just feel what it is that you're feeling. You may notice that as it started, as anger has now turned into sadness, this is because angers a secondary emotion that we used to cover up vulnerable feeling such a sadness and fear. You've externalize this feeling, and perhaps the object you created was hot sand. As you try to hold it, the Sanders falls through the cracks of your fingers, and the remaining saying just burns your palms. It hurts and you want to throw the sand and go grab a bottle of wine or beer. That would be a lot easier, but you don't throw it. You just allow yourself to feel it and recognize what it is communicating to you. You always mess things up. You were not good enough, and whatever you touch will fail. You're the lucky one, though. Someone has taken my course. And you know the truth. You know that this truth is on Leah's. True as you allowed to be, you decide that what you want to look for is evidence that doesn't support this belief. And you remember that you woke up late because you stayed up late last night researching different ideas to help your son with his math. And you think you may have found an option that could help you remember that despite waking up late, you got their lunch is ready. And not only are they ready, but they're healthy because you care about what they eat This now help you remember that? They said thank you. And they said, Thank you with a big smile, which affirms that they do value their mom. This along with the weather causing to be late to the meeting. But when you think harder about it, remember your boss telling you that it was no big deal and that you really didn't miss anything other than Becky's updates on the finances, which you really don't care about. You think about that co worker who was short with you. And while they didn't respond appropriately, you remember that they were also in line for the position that Becky got. And perhaps they were just told that they weren't selected, which would have put them in a bad mood. So it really wasn't because of you. You think back to what your spouse said about their dry cleaning, and while the initial interpretation was you don't do anything right. You now see it from a different perspective, as they were simply asking you whether or not you got it. And they were not upset in the least bit and said that they will wear something different tomorrow and pick it up themselves. The trick is allowing yourself to slow down and realize that what your brain is telling you may not be the actual truth. It's just the first thought coming from a potentially unhelpful core belief for all core beliefs. No matter how deeply held, you can challenge it with evidence that goes against it. Now, this doesn't mean that the thoughts just go away entirely. Are all of your new thoughts have to be positive? Rather, you have several versions of the truth that you can now choose from to form your reaction. I hope you enjoyed that video just like I said before. If there are parts of me that didn't quite understand, do not rush. Make certain that you go back and re watch, because at the end of this section there's gonna be questions that I designed that's gonna help you introspect and work on what we just covered because, like I said, you're not going to get maximum benefit if you're just sitting back idly listening to me really important that you turn it on yourself and that you apply that kind of feel that we're working on so that way you can. Better yourself. All right. Take you a quick break and I write in and then was people moving? 11. Choosing and Establishing Your New Modified Belief : Mo. Police don't just go away, and new beliefs don't form like flipping a light switch. This process will not result in immediate elimination of the issue, but over time, with repetition, it does become easier. Immediate remedies are usually found with substances, which will only give you short term relief and will more than likely compound the problem going forward. So we stop engaging in behaviors that reinforce those unhelpful beliefs, which gradually give it less power. What next? You choose a new modified belief to take its place. This new belief is by your choosing. It is a belief that takes you further from pain and closer to pleasure. It is a belief that empowers you. It is not a belief etched in stone, as it will need to remain flexible for adjustments that may need to be made in the future. It may not feel true at first, and that's okay. Many things you believe today were at one point not true to you, but do your experience is what you told yourself and by your actions you gave truth to them . This new modify belief it's not the unhelpful beliefs exact opposite, either. That may not be realistic. So, for example, if a unhelpful belief you have is that nobody cares for you, it would be just as unrealistic to create a belief that everyone does care for you. Both are untrue and both are outside of your control. Really? What about adopting a belief in this example as I had the ability to accurately determine who cares for me and who doesn't? And I had the building to remove people in my life who do not care for me as I deserve. And this modified belief you are taking ownership of the role you play in keeping unhealthy people in your life. You are essentially carrying more for yourself than caring about whether or not someone like you. The paradox and this is that confidence in yourself breeds closer relationships the same way we give power to unhelpful beliefs. With our actions, we give power toe helpful beliefs with corresponding actions. You've adopted this new belief and you want to give it truth. A simple action of not calling that guy who always seems to put you down, give strength and truth to the belief of you being able to choose who you should be and who should not be in your life. Another example, Maybe, that you've harbored the belief of not being good enough. It's modified version may look like I don't have to be perfect and ordered to be good enough, and that being good enough includes making mistakes. Once you make the decision that you will choose a belief like this, you can now choose actions that involve allowing yourself to fail or to stop apologizing when you're not sorry or allowing yourself to go home from work at a reasonable hour. Even though there's work still to be done. These actions will give this new belief more validity, and as a result, over time it becomes your first thought. I hope I have been abundantly clear and that you cannot do this once and expect things to improve dramatically. If it were that easy, you would have already done it. You have done it on accident, and I would be out of the job. I want you to devote yourself to these new beliefs, become attached to them and let them guide you throughout the day, especially when it isn't easy because it's often times it won't be. When is difficult, and you begin to feel those strong feelings in your body. Remember, just breathe hell yourself to slow down and force yourself to pull air into your diaphragm . Take a minute or two and why you're doing this. Remember to use your senses to ground yourself back in the present moment. Remember, what are five things you feel in your body? Four things you see three things you here to you smell in one your taste. Remember that your body is separate from this feeling. Remember that this feeling is valid and that is communicating to you. Recognize what the knee jerk reaction would be and whether this knee jerk reaction is in line with the newly modified belief you want tohave. Hope you enjoyed that video just like I said before. If there are parts of me that didn't quite understand, do not rush. Make certain that you go back and re watch, because at the end of this section there's going to questions that I designed that's gonna help you introspect and work on what we just covered because, like I said, you're not going to get maximum benefit if you're just sitting back idly listening to me really important that you turn it on yourself and that you apply that kind of feel that we're working on. So that way you can better yourself. All right, Um, taking a quick break and I write in and then was people moving? 12. What Now?: What's up, guys So excited that you made it this far, and I hope you had as much fun as I did, because it was super awesome to walk to work through this because what you essentially did is you did. The most difficult thing is you recognize that there's an issue and began taking your set in order to help it not such an impact in your life. This is just a starting point if you and right now there's a good chance that the work that you've done will be all for nothing. Take this information and continue to work, whether through self help or you just take the notes from this course and you go to your friends or your doctor, continue the work, continue the pocket. And if you're looking for more ways of helping yourself, I'm, you know, social media by me on YouTube at both therapist Facebook and Instagram, the pro therapist. Best of luck to you, and I'll see you soon