Winning With Communication - Master Communication Skills | Prof. Paul Cline, Ed.D | Skillshare

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Winning With Communication - Master Communication Skills

teacher avatar Prof. Paul Cline, Ed.D, Prof Paul - Business & Psychology Expert

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

14 Lessons (2h 19m)
    • 1. Promo / Intro Video - Welcome to this class!

    • 2. Introduction To Communication - Goals & Benefits

    • 3. Key Principles Of Communication

    • 4. We Are ALWAYS Communicating

    • 5. Fundamentals Of Communication - Part 1

    • 6. Fundamentals Of Communication - Part 2

    • 7. Great Communication Tips - Part 1

    • 8. Great Communication Tips - Part 2

    • 9. Self-Talk & Powerful Language

    • 10. Miscommunication

    • 11. Still MORE Great Tips! Part 1

    • 12. Still MORE Great Tips! Part 2

    • 13. Still MORE Great Tips! Part 3

    • 14. Final Thoughts and Suggestions

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About This Class

Winning With Communication - Communication Training Course

Transform Your Communication ... Transform Your LIFE!  It's hard to get the slightest things done ... if you can't communicate well. Master Communicators enjoy Better Careers, Relationships, Happiness and More Success! Gain an Unfair Advantage over those who are missing these skills ... and Join the Ranks of the Top 1% of Communicators!

You Will Learn:

  • How To Say Things In A Way Others Will Listen
  • Learn How To Make Your Communication More Powerful
  • Improve Your Relationships
  • Be More Influential
  • Boost Your Income
  • Get Your Needs Met
  • Create Closeness & Understanding
  • Be Liked & Admired
  • Understand Others Better
  • Achieve Your Goals
  • Boost Your Sales $$$
  • Speak With Greater Confidence!
  • Advance Faster In Your Career $$$
  • ... and Much, Much More!

Mastering Communication Skills is one of the KEYS to a Successful Life ... It will help you achieve more in your Career in less time and More in your Life in General!  Gain this Added Advantage in Life - Become a Master Communicator!

Who this course is for:

  • Anybody Looking To Improve Their Communication Skills
  • Sales People
  • Counselors & Therapists
  • Teachers
  • Public Speakers
  • Business People

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Prof. Paul Cline, Ed.D

Prof Paul - Business & Psychology Expert


"Prof. Paul" - Serial Entrepreneur and Psychology Expert. CEO at Advanced Ideas, Inc, Award Winning University Professor, Therapist, Corporate Trainer, Professional Speaker, Internet Marketing Expert and Business Consultant. I have 4 Advanced Degrees, Extensive Experience in the fields of Business & Psychology ... and a Wealth of Information to Share!

Our Goal Is To TRANSFORM Your Life! Gain An Unfair Advantage In Life By Learning From The BEST. Advanced Ideas, Inc. Is A Top Online Educational Company Dedicated To Bringing You The BEST Cutting-Edge Tools From Award-Winning Educator, Businessman And Celebrity Prof. Paul J. Cline.

Our Goal Is to Make YOU Massively Successful. If You Want The BEST Tools, Strategies And Techniques In The Areas Of Psychology & Business …... See full profile

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1. Promo / Intro Video - Welcome to this class!: Hi, everybody. Professor Paul here with advanced ideas. I want to tell you about our new training. I'm very excited about it. Winning with communication for massive success in life and in business. You start by asking you a question. How can you be a great communicator when you would never taught how to actually communicate ? Correct Answer. You can't. It's not your fault. Nobody ever sits down and gives you specific tools, strategies and techniques for how to be a creek communicator. They only teach you how to speak and that's it. Let's dive in and look at some of the benefits. You're gonna be able to say things in such a way that other people will actually listen. This is a brand new gift. A lot times you think you're talking, you think somebody's listening, and that's not what's going on at all. Next, you're gonna learn how to make your communication even more powerful. So you get your points across the people here. You You're also gonna prove all your relationships across the board at work with family, with friends with people you meet on the street. You're also gonna be much more influential when you speak well, and you know how to speak. Well, you know how to communicate in the right ways. People listen and people take action. That's why this course gonna help you to get your needs met. If you can't communicate what's going on for you, What you need and why you need it. It doesn't happen. Nobody's gonna lying with you. Nobody's going to help you. It's also going to create more closeness and understanding with people that you work with the people you meet and most importantly, with people that you care about, you're gonna be like more. You're gonna be able to present yourself better in such a way that enhances your likability . And it proves your relationships. You're also gonna understand others better because part of communication is listening better understanding, information, gathering. All these things were gonna teach you and much, much more. And this communication seminar is going to help you achieve virtually all your goals in life because communication is a master skill in life. And if you don't have it, you can't succeed in life. So I want you to know that you can succeed if you have the right skills and we're gonna give those to you today. Purpose of this training is to help you excel. I want to give you an unfair advantage in life by gaining skills that virtually nobody has . Who am I? And how can I help my Professor Paul? I've been on a mission for last 35 plus years to help people excel in business and in life , you can see I've got multiple degrees. I'm a CEO. Corporate trainer ever in multimillion dollar corporations have been a licensed psychotherapist. I've been a multi award winning university professor six figure in Intimate Marketer. I've run over 500 books in the area psychology, business, health and well, over 6000 hours of additional training just to condensed out all this learning all this experience and share it with you, you can see me here with various celebrities. You may have seen me on CBS, ABC, NBC, Fox News. I come on these shows as a consultant. Well, you know that I the exact same goal that you do. I want to help you grow and remove the barriers that have held you back from having a life . Second. And not if you follow in practice when I'm teaching you in this training and in my other trainings, I can guarantee a that promise is going to be yours. Here's what Austin Armstrong says about my training. This course is amazing and has really helped me develop an entirely new mindset. Instructor is wonderful and provides a lot of insight. Actionable advice I highly recommend to anyone trying to master their mind. Imagine being more like influential. How great would that be? Imagine being able to get your needs met and achieve your goals easily. How would be awesome? Imagine having skills and abilities that nobody around you has. Fantastic. These tools are specifically designed to transform your life. My training's transform lives over 129,000 satisfied students. That's is just this year alone. They can't be wrong. Here's what Chris Gehring says. Professor Paul never disappoints. I own all his courses and this one is amazing. Teoh, you'll be shocked out fast, of course, goes by and wishing it was longer because packed with so much life changing information, I believe it gives you a huge advantage of life. Thanks again for this amazing course, Professor Paul, let me ask you, will you be our next success story. That's my wish for you. I want you to be massively successful in life. What separates those who succeed from those who fail? It's one thing and one thing only. It's skill. Don't wish life will get better. Wish you had more skill when you've got the skills. Life is your oyster. You can handle any situation without skill. You can hardly handle any situation. You've gotta have the tools Jump in, sign up now and I'll see you inside the trade. 2. Introduction To Communication - Goals & Benefits: Hi, everybody, and welcome to advanced Ideas Presentation on winning with communication. Won't you please give a warm welcome to Professor Paul Klein? This is my good buddy JJ. Here's our corporate mascot. Let's start with a couple of goals. The first goal is to increase your understanding of how communication works. That's a great goal, right to how to improve your communication. I think that's what everybody's here for in three. We really want improve our relationships and our impact on others. So we've got some amazing benefits for you here today. The first is to say things in such a way that others will actually listen to you. Wouldn't that be a delightful change? Next is to learn how to make your communication more powerful, more impactful. We also want improve your relationships. Communication is the foundation of relationships. We want you to be more influential to be able to have more impact on people, to be able to convince them to make changes and to motivate them. We also want to help you get your needs met. That's one of the major reasons why people communicate at all. We also want to create closeness and understanding with others. I think that's a beautiful gold 1/2. We want you to be more light because we work with people and we do business with people we know like and trust in our social life. It's just so much better to be light next. We want to understand others better so we can understand why they do the things they do. And we can learn a lot of that through how to communicate and also how they miss communicate. You'll see that as we move forward, and ultimately the goal of this training is to help you achieve your goals. So I love this graphic here, hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. It really talks to some of the communication here is that we have, and that will be talking about as we go through the training. There's a lot of people you say something and, like in the first example, hear no evil. They can't seem to hear what you're saying. In the second example, see no evil. They hear what you're saying, but they really can't quite picture. They're not quite getting it. In the third example, speak no evil. They've had some challenges they didn't like something. You said they want to give you some feedback, but what do they do? Instead, they stay silent. So these are the three deadly sins. There are also some of the deadly sins of communication, and we'll talk more about that as we move forward in the training. Remember, master communicators? No. Write this down to listen and understand before they try to speak and be heard. So a lot of communication is what I call intelligence gathering. I want to listen to what people are saying. I want to get an understanding of their values, their belief systems, how they picture the world, get a full understanding of what's going on for them, what they're talking about, the nature of the challenges that they have and what they may or may not be open to write. Then I'm okay to go forward and speak and try to be heard. That way I can do it more impactful, E more intelligently, so always gathering information first and then speaking. Also, when you listen first, people feel like you're really hearing them. Well, that's on account of you are so it's not an optical illusion. And when people feel that they've been heard. Guess what? They're much more likely to listen to what you say. So no matter how you calculate it, this is the best system for doing it. Now here's a great quote. Good communication is about creating a bridge between minds. And I just love this graphic. Absolutely beautiful. And that's what you're doing. You're trying to get one mind to communicate with another mind and to truly understand it, that's really difficult. It's one of things that we're gonna talk about next because speaking and actually being understood are two completely different things. Give you a good example of that. The telephone game is the perfect example. You give one little phrase and you let it go through around the room through five or six different people. And when it gets back to you, it's totally miscommunicated. You know, I say something like, Go grab me the stapler and it comes back. Beat the lamp with a banana. Now you think that's an absurd example? But that's an actual example from one time when I do this with a group, it sounds bizarre, but little miscommunications multiplied across. Multiple people will get a become a massive miscommunication and it happens very quickly. So here's a very simple example of how people can misconstrue what you say. And I'm only gonna say four words. So follow me through the graphic. What I said was, you look nice today. Now we're trying to make a very simple communication here. But look what happens when we look at this section with what they hurt. So my communication was you look nice today. What they heard was, what did I look like crap yesterday? That's one way to interpret it, right? And they're free to interpret what you say anyway they want. So there's what you say. And then there's their interpretation of it. So we keep trying to control the message. But we also need to control the interpretation. Somebody might also say, Well, you know, Paul's just being nice. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe that's sarcasm. Oh, you look nice today. Well, you know, to come play that game and they're gonna come back at you. So there's a lot of miscommunication, even in the most simple of communications. But we're gonna teach you how to beat that. So fear not 3. Key Principles Of Communication: Hey, everybody, Welcome back in this section we're going to talk about the key principles of communication in the first principle. You need to understand. Go ahead and take out your notebook and write this down. Is that communication is the response you get. People say, Well, you know, I said this a certain way and they were meant to feel loved by that, and they took it wrong. So that's all on them. No, remember, we're trying to master communication, and we can't master it by blaming other people. We have to use the one tool that we have our ability to communicate and make sure that we're getting the correct response. Okay, so they're hearing what we're actually saying. And strangely, this is one of the hardest things we just talked about. The last section. It's one the hardest things. A communication toe, actually. Say something and to have the other person understand it the way you said it. But remember from the last Section two that our goal is to create a bridge between two minds so that we're linking up, we're sinking up, and they do understand us and that we get the response that we want for trying to make somebody happy. We want them to be happy. We're trying to cheer somebody up. We want them to be cheered up. So always be looking for the response that you're getting and make sure you're getting the correct response and that their response is what you actually think it is. So you can see this angry couple over here and they're back to back. And obviously they were communicating their in love. They want to get back to the love, but the communication that they're putting out there is it creating closeness or distance. Clearly it's creating distance, so that's the response that they're getting. So what do they need to dio? They need to change their communication. People in the middle are doing a pretty good job. They want to cheer their friend up there. Friend is having a hard time, but she's okay with listening. She's still feeling bad. You're not gonna instantly make somebody feel better just by saying something. But see the girl's hand on her shoulder. The friend is putting the hand on the shoulder. She's still open. She's still willing to be touched. She's still willing to communicate the other friends actually holding her hand on the other side. This is good communication. It will get the response that they want. That means we love you. We care about you were here for you. Now, A lot of times we think we're getting a certain response back, but we're not See the person doing the okay. Symbol the hand. Well, that means OK in this country. In other countries, that's actually a sponsor. That refers to an orifice that I believe is directly located centrally between the left and the right butt cheek. And they're calling you that. That's not a good communication when you're trying to present something positive, but is a good feedback. Yes, it's excellent feedback, and we'll talk about that later. People are always giving you excellent feedback. The next section I'm gonna show you how easy it is for us to mess up our communication. So communication is also about meaning. And what we do is we tend to assume look at the lady with the black eye. Did you have an immediate response to that? Did you think you understood what had happened to her? We're pretty sure that you were right. What could this mean? The reality is it could mean multiple things we don't know. But the mind. The hardest thing for the mind to do is to put a question marketplace, to have a vacuum, to not insert an answer immediately. Our brains goal is to see something evaluated, bull and give us instant meaning. It will do that at a high rate of speed in like a millisecond, even when it's wrong. How many different things could this picture mean? The lady with a black eye? It could mean she's abused, and that's the common meaning. It's called mental heuristic. Ah, heuristic is a mental shortcut. I don't care if I'm right or wrong when have to make a quick decision. Have to use this mental shortcut. That's what your brain does. It will go with the percentages. It says. Boy, if I said that woman was abused or she was beaten, I would be right about 80 90% of time Bull. So I'll go with that. Unfortunately, our brain, when it uses heuristics, also tends to stop it. Heuristics doesn't question it. It believes it and starts telling a story behind how she got abused or how horrible. This is, You know, it drives right past. Is that true or not? And start saying, Oh, my God, that's horrible. And this guy beat her, and he shouldn't have done that. Why wasn't she protected? Is she hurt? Does she need a hug? You know, it goes on all the stuff. It's like, Hold on, hold on. Slow down. You haven't proven that this is what happened. She could have had an accident on the ski slopes. She could have banged into something. She could have had eyelid surgery. Okay, maybe she's beautifying. Maybe, Uh, this was she was in a fire in her. I was burned, OK? It could have been an industrial accident. This might have been a chemical burn at work. This could be secondary to, uh, she's doing a scene in a movie or horror film. This could be she just doing a tutorial on how to apply makeup. Matter of fact, that may be the most valid reason for why you're seeing a picture like this. You know why take a real close look at her eyes. What do you see? You see rings in her eyes. I know you don't know this because why would you? But that's a classic circular ring that's lighting for photography, So likely she's doing a demonstration of how to create makeup like this. So, no, she wasn't abused. But she was trying to appear abused, and she's demonstrating the makeup for you. See how quickly we jump to conclusions, But it could be a 1,000,000 different things. Look at the gentleman in the middle. Normally, just say, Oh, I know what's happening with him. He's tired. Oh my God, it's so clear. It's right there. Have you never seen a tired person before? But is that what it means? He could have a sleep disorder. He just falls right asleep all the time. It could be a sleep disorder. He could be amazingly intoxicated or drunk. Okay, it could mean he's bored. He's not tired. He's bored. Look at the lady screaming here, over on the right. What could that mean? People would say, Oh, I know what that means. That means she's frustrated. No, she could be screaming for joy. She might have won the publisher's clearing house. Here's your $30 million is your check. They show up in the big check in the van. Remember that? Could be she's having a cluster migraine headache. Could be. She's having massive tooth pain. We don't know, but notice that the brain uses that shortcut that heuristic and immediately leaps on a meaning. We have this challenge and other people have it as well. Now, this is huge and communication. They did this study a long time ago. They've done over and over and over again. The percentages changed a little bit, but it always comes back to about these percentages. I remember when I was a kid. You know, I always worried about saying the wrong thing. I said, Communication is all about what you say because you're speaking words. Hello. You're speaking words. It must be all about what you say. But when you look at the study, you look at the sciences behind communication. They do the studies, they check things out and they look at what percent of what is what. And here's what. It breaks down to only 7% of the entire communication. What people are hearing, what their understanding is, actually verbal, That means 93% of your communication has absolutely nothing to do with what you say. that amazing. It's more how you say it and how you use your body language. Those are the big Two. That's what comprises 93% of all communication. So I didn't think this was true. I thought it was what you say and not how you say it. And my cousin Johnny, we were driving around the car. We were arguing about this back and forth. Come to find out he was right. He says, Paul, enough of this. I'll prove it to you. And what he does is he goes up the toll booth he gives the lay of the 50 cents and he says , Screw you very much and she says, Oh, thank you. Well, he just told her to go screw herself. But he said it in such a way with a big smile on his face. And he's waving his hand to our like you've just seen his best friend. The airport in 93% of the communication was that he was thrilled to see your happy to see her. And like her best buddy, the other 7%. What he said was screw you very much. Okay, little negative there. But he proved his point because she was so happy she miss heard it. Why? Because 93% was going in one direction, seven was going the other direction. Your brain kicks in those heuristics we just talked about and said, Oh, he must be thrilled and happy with the service he gotten to see me. That's great. Most people aren't that excited to see me. It's only told Booth and you give your money away. I don't normally get a very positive response. B m. I'm hearing what I want to hear, which is this person's thrilled. Finally, something's happy with my service. I'm taking their money and she was so happy. It was a miscommunication, but he had a massive advantage of he had the 93% go in the direction he wanted to go, so he prove me wrong. Tone is very important. We're gonna go over that next tone will change the entire meaning of the message. Every speaker. Once he gave a example, he said, You know what? My mother would call my name when she would say, Paul versus Paul. I wasn't have two totally different experiences, right? Atonality is huge. People do voice overs Why did they do these brilliant voiceovers? Now it's nice to start out with a good voice, but you can start out with a good microphone and just mess with the voice in the background . The people that are really good at doing voiceovers have vocal variety, tonal variety. Their pitch goes up and it goes down. It adds emotion. It's attracts emotion. It's all this tonality, its tone. They're doing amazing things with the tone, the verbal part. The text that they're given isn't gonna change. So what do they have to play with? What's the Onley string of the guitar that they can play on? It's the tone, and they do amazing things with it. Body language. 55% of human communication is body language. Haven't you always wondered why people talk with their hands? It's hard for people to think and even to communicate if they had to put their hands at their side. Body language is huge. Go ahead and take your TV and shut the sound off in your kind of what you about half know what's going on. You can kind of sort of figure out what's going on and follow this story even though you're essentially what deaf? There is no communication in terms of verbal or of tone. But you still getting what, about 55% of it. So remember these percentages and try to get good at your communication in these percentages. Stop worrying so much about the verb ege. What you say worry a little bit more about the tone in use. Really good strong body language to communicate the feeling, the sense of things, the true message that you want to get across. Now, let me show you a little bit about the tone. It's one of the most powerful keys to effective communication. Hominy is an example here, and I'm gonna use the exact sentence. I'm gonna use the exact same seven words over and over and over again. And all my do is change the tone and it'll totally change the meaning. You ready? I didn't say he took the money. I didn't say he took the money. I didn't say he took the money. I didn't say he took the money. I didn't say he took the money. I didn't say he took the money. Now I said that six different ways and each one had totally different meaning simply based on tone tone, that I used the word that I keyed on, literally the way I described the words on the screen with what? Just the tone. Add in some body language and it could be wildly different. That's it for these tips, and I'll catch you in the next section. 4. We Are ALWAYS Communicating: Hey, welcome back. You're doing absolutely fantastic. So in this section, we're gonna teach you something that you may not have been aware above. It's that you're always communicating, were always communicating. We can't stop communicating. We do it in a multitude of ways, but we're always communicating even when you're sitting there saying nothing. This would always drive therapy clients nuts. A lot of therapy. Clients thought they could just sit there and say nothing throughout the entire interview and they would be resistant. They just sit there were their arms folded and they thought that they were telling you nothing. Oh, no. You were telling me a ton. You were telling me that you were resistant, that you didn't want to be in treatment, that you were angry, that you were upset that this actually worked. Maybe on your parents or your co workers or somebody who's not me. This didn't work on me. I knew that it was a gambit. A gambit is basically a power ploy that you're trying to use that you figure that I can't defeat. You know, I go in and I'd be doing assessment on a client and they would just sit there and they would say nothing. But they were communicating. I could communicate back and make sure I got them to communicate. I'd say, Hey, it's gonna be very difficult to do your intake if you don't communicate, can you help me out? And they were very sincere in their answer. They said nothing. They were just absolutely flat, so I would communicate to them. I say, I tell you what, Given the fact that I can't do the intake, I've got a long line of people outside waiting for you. I've got your probation officer was gonna do the paperwork, and I've got the police officer that he's got a set of silver bracelets and he's gonna take you in the green and white taxi called a police car, and he's gonna take you off to jail and they've got your old orange jumpsuit. They still have one left in your size. I can see from your chart. Here. Your name is John Michaels. Okay, but good news. They still have your old number. So instead of being John, you can go back to be in 972849 You won't even have to remember a new number. So today is gonna be a great day for you. So I need to know if you want to comment a treatment and I need to know in the next 10 seconds, or you and I are gonna part ways and I'm gonna let the next person in your probation officer is not a patient man. Well, I didn't say I wasn't gonna talk, you know, can't you give a guy meant to think all of a sudden you get this major turnaround, but realize people are always communicating when somebody does something when they don't do something? When they choose to do something, When they choose not to do something when they're being helpful when they're being hurtful , it doesn't matter what is going on there. Always communicating where they pay attention to you. They don't pay attention to you. They get excited about what you're saying. They don't get excited about what you're saying. People cannot stop communicating. I'll bet there's a situation where you think there was no communication. But you also think there was a lot of communication. Uh, you've got a date with a girl and you say, Hey, let's meet together at this restaurant. Eight oclock and she doesn't show up. Is that a communication? Yeah, you're thinking it is. You know, it means something. Does she hate you? Did she forget? Um, should I call the hospitals? I'm gonna call the local hospitals and she better be in one. What does it mean? It means something. Everything is communication. Let's take a look a little deeper. Now, here's some different ways to communicate. I don't want to be labour them 1st 1 is facial expression that's absolutely huge. But don't be deceived by facial expressions, facial expressions, air, very consistent. They're very accurate. But I want you to know nobody ever practiced their facial expressions in the mirror. The only person that's good at deceiving people with facial expressions is liars because they actually will practice in front of a mirror. But honest, sincere people can also sometimes have facial expressions that don't always match up with how they're feeling. I remember when I was sitting the bus at high school, I might finally done. I can relax for a few minutes. You know, my work day, which is being at school, is over. I'm taking the bus, but then I'm going to my job. I have after school, and I'm just gonna relax and I'm like, in perfect serenity. And I'm just like watching the green grass whiz by and the trees and the clouds in the sky . And I'm just gonna drifting out looking out the window. And people like Paul, are you so depressed? Depress is the best part of my day. So looking relaxed can also look depressed to another person. Doesn't mean that's what you're necessarily feeling, but it's what they're seeing and what they're interpreting. Remember we said those aren't the same things. So next one is hand signals. I think that's a great way to communicate. Aggression is another way that community people communicate. That guy just talked about sitting there, you know, in the interview room, just folding his arms. He wanted to use aggression. I said, Well, that's his style of communication. All match to right. I'll use the exact same style and all out doing Why, Because he only does this once I've done this a 1,000,000 times. I'm gonna have better techniques than him. I've seen a lot of customers, So aggression is a form of communication. Now these are forms of communication, which are actually levels. If you do a letter or email, I want you to hearken back to the last lesson. 7% of communication is what verbal is the spoken word or what? Written word. It's the text, literally. So if you send a letter and email a text, they Onley hear the words. They only read the words. I'm sorry. They don't even here they only see the words. That's 7% of communication. That's terrible. That leaves 93% to fall on the ground in tow. What, you got it? Be mis interpreted. Telephone. Well, now you got the words that seven you got the tone ality. That's good. That's 38 now. Europe to what? I'm carrying the one bubble bubble. That's 45%. Okay, 55% of the communication. Okay, unless you use like facetime or something like that is gone. Why you lost the body language? The only time it's 100% and you can still have miscommunication. But at least you got 100% of your guys on the field. You know, in this battle, it's 100% is in person words tone body language. You got it all going on. I remember my very first girlfriend, Uh, she went off to college and we started writing the letters and we talked on the phone once in a while and of course, when she was here, I go visit on the weekends, we talk in person, and that's what I learned how messed up letters and telephones can be. I would send her a letter loving, caring letter, blah blah, blah, blah, blah, love you think the world of you did it and she would come back all upset. Or I wouldn't hear from her for a while because she was mad about something I had said cause she took it totally the wrong way. It was a little better on the phone, you know, if I sent a letter, there's, like, a 90% chance I was gonna get some kind of negative response because I'd write like a two page letter. So in somewhere and there she's gonna find something. Take offense to that. It said, wrong quote unquote by her definition. In my mind, it sounded fine, but guilty until proven innocent. Same thing on the phone. I would be having a nice conversation on the phone, but about half the time I go wrong and I'm like, Why? Oh, my God, Could I be any more nice gonna be anymore? Since here it would go wrong. You know, in person, once in a while ago. Wrong. But I could immediately clean it up. Like I said I had all my soldiers in the field had 100% of the communication there. I would probably win. Okay, that was okay. But, man, I I almost completely stopped doing the letters, and I was very careful to evaluate them. Could this possibly be taken any other way before I ever send them out? I was extra careful on the phone. I kept the conversation short and then did the bulk of my communication when I was there with her in person. And that made it go much, much better. So remember this in relationships. And remember this in communication with businesses, businesses love to shoot letters, emails, texts back and forth. And they think the other person understands that is not in evidence much better over the phone. You won't have the same challenges that I had because there's not as much emotional stuff going on. But everybody is an emotional animal. Everybody is actually Mawr emotional, and they are intellectual. And even though you say, Oh, it's just business they will have challenges over the phone and could take offence toe anything. Remember, there's nothing people can't take offense to. Phone call was too long and you bored me. I'm offended. It was too short. What? I'm not worth your time. I'm offended. It was just right. But why did you call me three times this week? He only called me once this week. I'm offended. Too much too little. There's there's a 1,000,000 ways to go wrong. Only one way to be perfect. So lots of way to communicate. I want to share with you some of the challenges. Now, a lot of times these communications can go absolutely perfect. You will. My girlfriend something. What? Wonderful. No challenges. But we're gonna teach you complete mastery to make it as good as humanly possible. Remember, you can only control You're half right. But we're gonna teach out of master that half So some other ways to communicate a gift you give a gift. You don't give a gift. That says a lot around the holidays. Right? Gift is very sincere. You only do that for people. You what? Like? Yeah, creates reciprocity. These are all forms of communication. Touch is a huge one. Okay. You see this couple? I think they may have met once or twice, but even simple touch has levels of communication. I used to shows the people, um you would wait to somebody. That's one level of communication. You would shake their hand. You would do the warm hand class where you touch their hand. You touch their elbow, you touch their shoulder while you're doing it. You say to hell with handshake. Bring it in. I want to give you a hug, but there's different kinds of hug. There's the large circular hug where you know there's a foot in between your where you say , you know I will maintain my friend. You maintain your friend, we will not do the tango and you're so far away from the other person. Then there's the like guy one where the quick passing the baton and get out of Dodge. There's the one. We get the full body hug like you give your mom. Bring it in so touch has a lot of different levels. Um, snob. Remember he said he When you're not communicating, you're communicating. My wife, She's Filipino. They're very poor. Back in the day, it was like Gilligan's Island. I mean, they literally lived in the bamboo hut. They literally cleaned their clothes out on a rock with a bar soap out in the brook. So what did they have for fun? They could listen to the radio. They didn't have a TV get. It was like Gilligan's Island. They could go swimming. You could go for a walk. You could talk or you could eat. So their biggest things were talking and eating. And that's what they did. And they'd love to do what together. So my wife thought the ultimate thing you could do to somebody to really hurt them well, shouldn't want to start me to death. So she decided she wouldn't talk to me. She's snob me. Well, Italy called. It's knobbing burned out. Are you stopping me? No response, snogging, right? But I'm a therapist. I talked to people all day long. I talked to other therapists. I talked to clients I talked to insurance, provides blah blah, blah, blah, blah. Not a big talker. All evidence to the contrary cause I'm teaching right now, but I love to have my downtime. So after a long day of, like 10 12 hours, a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah me or somebody else, I loved a perfectly good opportunity to a Shut the hell up and be have some silence. It took her about three days of doing this into our marriage before she realized I was actually digging it. Thats was not a consequence for me. It was a reward. But snogging is definitely a communication posing. This is interesting. You could take it a lot of ways. Some people are always trying to stand a certain way, look a certain way, being the right light. It can be that kind of posing. But oppose is the way that you just hold your body. You naturally do it. Everybody is posing without realizing there posing because it's not a fake poses a real post. I stand like this. I look like this. I hold my body like this, you know, it can be anywhere from I always looked like I was walking around the stick up my But people said Why? Well, I got a lot of curvature in my spine, so it probably does look like I'm walking like that, Um, slightly bowlegged. Uh, I've got an extra, you know, one foot a little bit shorter than the other. You know, nobody's perfect. Bruce Lee had the same problem. So, uh, gate, even the way I walked away stood, You know, you stand a little bit different. It has a lot to do with personality as well, but it's also communicating gestures. Air huge. This is the biggest part of the what? The body language. Right. Signs. Um, this could be anywhere from a sign on the wall. I used to have a sign of my wallet. Said little bullshit. Okay. It was just like the one that you're seeing. Um, signs can also be things you have around the room, the room, what you choose to have in the room. What you don't have in the room. You can tell about 80% everything you'll ever need to know about a person just by walking in around their house and looking in the various rooms. Why? Because it perfectly matches who they are and everything says something about them good, better and different. So signs or another way to communicate What are some other ways? There's literally a 1,000,000 different ways to communicate. I want you to take some time. I want you to reflect, um, leaders holding the glasses. What does that mean? Is that a communication? Yes, she looks smarter with the glasses. Does she do that on purpose? Was because you can't see, does she? Is the glasses as a prop to look smarter as she's talking. Hey, if you don't seem on me, then I look smarter when I'm talking with him. But I can also look prettier at the same time. Is that a good technique? She might be doing that consciously. She might be doing that unconsciously. See how there's a 1,000,000 different ways to communicate. She's communicating because she has her glasses. While she's fumbling around. She does never glasses. That may mean she's absent minded, at least in the area of what Harry Glasses. People are always communicating what she chose to wear. Girlfriend shows up on a date. Clothing is a form of communication. Did she wear her sexy? Ah, we're gonna get that lease Second base on this date outfit Or did she wear something conservative? Slow your role, buddy. I need to know you first. You could be serial killer stalker. Okay, so everything is saying something. I want you to go out for at least the next day and see how many different ways people are communicating. I want you to think about it when you're watching a TV show when you're doing something. When you're watching people interact when you're in an interaction noticed that people never, ever, ever stopped communicating. It's your ability to pick out the sheer number of ways that they communicate to have this awareness and to begin to see it. And the only way can do that is to practice. Is that your homework for today? And I'll see you in the next section. 5. Fundamentals Of Communication - Part 1: Hey, everybody, Welcome back. Great to have you here in this section. We're gonna look at the seven fundamentals of communication and we break it down into parts because there's seven of them. A little bit lengthy. So the ones we're gonna look at today are goal oriented strategy, process, influence, feedback adjustment in meaning. So let's jump right in. First of all, every communication should have What? Ah, goal. Ah, Lot of people forget this. They go in there and they don't even know what they want to accomplish. What do they want to have happen? You know, if you got your goal, how would you know? You actually got it. None of this stuff is considered, so let's break it down. The first thing, the absolute most important thing you need to know is what are you trying to accomplish? Second thing is how you know if you're successful, literally. How would you know if you accomplished it? And finally, what do you want to have happen? So do you want somebody to buy something? Taken action. Maybe not taken action. Sometimes that could be equally good, right? What do you want to have happen? What's your ultimate outcome. If this was your dream scenario and everything went perfectly, what would that look like? And how close, Or how far were you from that when you left the room? That's kind of how you evaluate your communication and your ability to influence the other person. So take good notes. Wedding. Jot these down or print this screen out. These are the things you should always be thinking about. You should never go into a communication that's important and try to wing it. Use this as your list. Next part I love. This is a strategy. That's why use a chess board because it's literally talking about what is your plan. How you gonna get from point A to point B to point C to Point D etcetera all the way through. Think it through. Quality of your outcome is usually based on the quality of your plan, right? Next. What strategies? What techniques are you gonna use? That's very helpful to making sure that what plan goes through Plan works. You always want to be able to support your ideas. You don't communicate and go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and hope it works. No, I know what the objections are gonna be and I know how to support my ideas. When they have the objections, I know how to overcome them. Salesman figures If they can go out there, they've got a good product. You need the product or you two wouldn't be talking. What stops the sales? It's a series of objection. So salesman and this is being very simplistic. They basically think that if they can get over every objection, every reason that's blocking you from buying the natural fact that you need the item will complete the sale. They're not wrong. So always be looking for What are the potential objections and how can I overcome them? How can I make sure that people see my ideas is rock solid and a contingency plan? There's an old expression. It says Man makes plans and God laughs. I know you really deserve that, but it's a good expression, right? You make plans and then life laughs In your general direction. Life is defined as a series of problems. You're gonna have this wonderful plan, this brilliant strategy. You think you nailed down all the objections and bam, they're gonna hit you with something out of the blue. It could be the building catches on fire. I don't know. The communication gets interrupted. What do you do if you only get halfway through? You know, Do you close it? Do you? Wait, What do you do? So contingency plans always have those in place before the meeting, Not after the meeting. And finally, for this section. I understand that communication is a process. Think of it like a recipe. And I love this cute picture. This little girl here, she's so sweet, it's It's literally like baking a cake. There's certain things that you have to do 1st 2nd and third. Imagine if you were baking a cake. You got all the processes right. But you don't have the sequencing, right? So you take a box of Betty Crocker mix. You throw the box in the oven, you cook it to 350 degrees for 20 minutes, you pull it out, you empty into the pan, you're shoving egg and some water into it and you blend it and then you service to your family. Did you do all the processes correctly? Yes. Did you do this sequencing correctly? No. So, in a communication if you want it to go well, sometimes you gotta plan these things out. One of my essay 1st 2nd and third. And the sequencing is very important. How do I build? Momentum is also sometimes important. If you're trying to make a sale or sell somebody on an idea of buying something or doing the next right thing or taking a positive action for them or for you, you want to build momentum as you go through and finish up on your strongest point. They say. Those who finish big win big. So what is your big finish? How are you going to bring it home? I like to make my strongest point last and do it with a little bit of emotion. I think that's a good formula, and if you do that, you'll finish big and you'll win big. I'll see you in the next section 6. Fundamentals Of Communication - Part 2: Hey, everybody, Welcome back. Now, in this section of looking at the Seven Fundamentals of Communication Part two, we're gonna look a influence. And this is a fascinating one. Shameless plug. I've got entire training on persuasion strategies that you absolutely love because I'll tell you, without the ability to persuade people toe, motivate them to influence them, you're not gonna get much done in life. So one of the first things you want doing communication is look at what tools of influence you're gonna use. I guess you had either take my course or gather them, but have a tool chest of communication skills specific to influence that you can use in any situation and then go ahead and plug them into the important upcoming situation. And you do absolutely fantastic. Now. Also notice what tools there most sub septa ble to, you know, might be appealing to their ego or vanity or their greed or their need to do good in the world. It could be a lot of different things that you can use, and there's a 1,000,000 different tools, like I said, but everybody has certain ones that were better on them and worse on them. so picked the best of the best specific to them. Your target audience in match, too. The other key thing with influencing somebody is understanding. How did they see? Thinks it doesn't matter how you see things when you want to be influential. You have to come from their place where they're at, meeting where they are, understand how they see things and then influence things based on their version of reality . Because we all have our own versions of reality. Next, always be looking for win win situations. Not I win. You lose you when I lose. No, no win win Situations are the absolute best. I'll tell you about at least at least nine times out of 10. You can find a win win situation that allied influence the person. You can feel great about it. They can feel great about it. We call that what everybody wins. Next is feedback. So look at what kind of response you're getting. Are they happy? Are they concerned? Are they upset? Are they taking it in? Are they accepting it? Are they rejecting it? Do they look like they have questions in there? Mind. Always be scanning, scanning What are you hearing? What do you see? An almost, you know from Augusta RL Perspective. What are you feeling? What's coming back from this person? People that communicate best our best. It's sensing what's going on. What type of response are they getting from the other person? Then their response is almost obvious. It's a reply to what they're sensing from the other person. That makes it easy. If you don't have that, it's very difficult. I don't care how skilled you are. So focus is much on what the other person is giving you back. As in what you're going to say. Most people they try to figure out. Boy, I hope I present well. I do this so that they're worried about their presentation and not about the feedback from the other person. That is a mistake. The next most important thing to consider is one of their concerns. Where their objections remember, if we can get past these, we what? That's right. We make the sale. So always be looking, say, are they pleased? Are we getting a positive response? And always keep checking to make sure that you're understood on a lot of people say you'll say Hey, do you understand that? Go. Yeah, yeah. No, they don't. You have to check and look at all of the signals that they're given you to make sure that they understand. Sometimes I'll ask somebody to do something simple is repeated back to me or I'll ask him a clarifying question if you were to get your perfect outcome over to look like and they start talking about something, that was nothing that I was talking about. And I realized that they didn't under stand even though they very sincerely shook their head. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I understand what I understand. No, they understood the question they thought I was asking and not the question I actually asked. So when he asked him, Do you understand? A lot times that looked very sincere, like they do understand it. And yes, they do understand. They understand they're wrong interpretation of what you said. And you look at him and say, Oh, they're very sincere. I can see that clearly, understand, just by looking at their face now, you've got to get them to engage in the conversations in some way, shape or form, such as to show you that they actually understand. Then you've gotta win communication. Like really, most things in life is all about adjustment. So be looking and thinking to yourself, Kind of go down through This is your checklist. Do I need to change my strategy? Should I do a little more This? A little less of this. Maybe I need a whole rethink. Maybe. I said switch strategies. Uh, what tool strategist techniques in my using that are currently getting the best responses. Maybe I want to use more like that. Stand that thread. Always be looking at where there's resistance, you know, How can I cut down resistance? How can I overcome resistance? How can I go around resistance so we don't have it in the first place? Be a little proactive and adjust to what's going on in the other person in terms of body language, tone and positioning. You want to see what's going on for the other person In the last section, I told you, be listening, listening, listening, which means scanning, listening to their body language, listening there, tones in the positioning. You want to make sure that you would just for these things. This is the feedback that you're getting so the last section was Am I listening to the feedback? Am I making the adjustments to the feedback? Is this section and finally meaning are they getting the right message? Not just any message. The correct message. That's the hardest thing to get across. So focus on them. Get that feedback, make sure they're getting the right message. A lot of times people want to take things the wrong way. You gotta massage them a little bit. You romance a little bit turning around, get a moving in the right direction. I noticed some of the things that you're doing that are helpful or hurtful. Should I use a little more emotional, little less emotion? What's the right amount? How is my tone impacting the meeting? The meeting? So you want to look at how your words are impacting it? Your tone is impacting it and next body language. So we're always really concerned with how what I'm saying, how that's going over. But again, remember, tone and body language are 38% and 55% for a total of 93% of the communication and the meaning that they're getting from the communication we did some demonstrations how important these things are. Make sure you're looking at those things as you're going through this important communication. A lot of times I noticed that a simple change of something is kind of obscure as pace. Was I talking too fast? Was I talking too slow? Should I have slowed down on certain words? Okay, that's pacing, slowing down at certain points we call them. Sometimes pregnant pauses are important, so pacing can be very important. That's it for this section. You doing absolutely fantastic and I'll see you in the next section. 7. Great Communication Tips - Part 1: Hey, everybody, Welcome back. Now, we're gonna go over some great communication tips and here's your very 1st 1 And this is kind of an overriding one that you want to be looking at constantly, constantly, constantly as you're presenting, which is what communication is when you're presenting to somebody you want to look at. Is it helping or is it hurting? Think of it this way. I'm trying to make the sale. Is it getting me closer to closing the sale or farther away? I want to connect with somebody is a creating connection or disconnection. I want to keep people interested. Is it creating interest or lack of interest, like this poor guy? Nose down on the table, Notice which one you're doing by getting this feedback, this will help you stay on track, hit the right spot and actually move in the direction. You're trying to move it. Great. Great tip. Now here's a little piece of reality. People are much more interested. Hello, much more interested in what they have to say then what you have to say. People are always going to be more excited about talking in a conversation than listening in a conversation We're going to talk a little bit later on about conversational generosity and how that works, and this will make more more sense to you as you go on. But a lot of people think conversation is about being a great talker. A lot of times, it's about being a great listener and being as interested. Sometimes if you want to create excitement being mawr, interested in what the other person has to say than what they're saying that will create high likability with the person, help you connect with them and ultimately make the sale. Whatever you're trying to sell, someone idea, product a concept, maybe even on helping themselves, let's dive a little deeper into this. Most people actually aren't communicating. They're just taking turns talking. People are literally waiting for you to take a breath so they can jump in and say the next brilliant thing that they thought off. Here's how a typical conversation goes. You say something. It sparks an idea in the person that you're talking to. They start sub vocalizing, which is internal self talk, and they go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah what they thought about your very first idea. Now everything you say after the first idea they pretty much missed. Then they get to talk and they say, This is great. I'm gonna tell this person something and they're gonna get all this information. Then they some say something, and the first thing that they say trigger something in you. You start thinking about it and you're saying blah, blah, blah, blah, blah in the back of your mind, thinking about how brilliant you are about going over what they had just said. And you miss the next 15 things that they say because you're talking in your own head. And this cycle repeats and repeats and repeats. So what we want to do is make sure that when we're talking with somebody were getting good communication across. And one way that you can do that is to interrupt them with a question. Ask them a question about what you're talking about that will get them out of their head and focus back on what you're talking about. So I'll say, you know, Hey, there was one time when I was in such in such a situation. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'll say, Have you ever been in a situation like that, and I give him a quick minute to respond, but it stops the talking and their head, and then I go on to my next point. What I really want to tell you about is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Is that something that you feel you could use? See how the question stops the self talk, whatever. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah they were doing in their mind. They have to stop and focus and answer the question. So make sure that when you're talking to somebody that they're actually listening. They're not glazed over. And when they're talking, I want you actually listening to what they're saying. Not going with this sub vocalization talk in your own mind. Does that make sense? Listen to what they say. You can think about it for days after. Don't be spending too much time thinking about it while they're talking about it, except to analyze what are their values, where their beliefs and what's important to them. That's all the sub vocalization you should be doing now when you're generous in letting somebody talked almost talked themselves out and then they're more likely to listen to you and not be so hyper to jump in when you take a breath and say something more about that later, this is an interesting one. I always tell people that people are tune into a radio station called W I. I f. Damn what's in it for me. People always want to know when you're communicate the thing that they care about the most bar. None is what's in it for them. Everybody is self motivated. That means they're motivated myself. What's in it for them. So when you're talking about things, don't talk about why it's important to the government or society or the world is a hole. How are they gonna make money? How are they gonna benefit from this? How is this going to solve them a problem? How is it going to make them look good? That's all they care about, so make sure when you're trying to get a point across that you're telling them what's in it for them. If you're not talking about what's in it for them, because remember there 200 radio station called W I F M. What's in it for me? If you're not tuned into that, they will tune you out. Now here's a great tip. Whenever you're networking whenever you're talking, whenever you try and communicate with another person and you really want to connect with them, write this down, print out the slide. Whatever you need to do, it's much better to be interest dead than interesting. A lot of people think well, to be a great communicator toe to make an impression. To have people like you. You've got to be, you know, funny and charismatic. And this is that people are starved, starved, I can tell you. The therapist will pay me $300 an hour to sit there and listen to them. Why? Because they are starred for somebody. Toe listen to them so much better to be interested in the other person personally, who they are. Their cares, their concerns. What's interesting to them. You will seem like a brilliant conversationalist if you're really good listener. So you wanna talk about half assed much as you speak, they say. That's why you got two ears and one mouth so you can keep your conversation in that proportion. Listen twice as much as you talk. Be interested in them, find what they're saying fascinating. And then they will What? La Presse. Reciprocity says they will listen to you when you speak. So listening. Here's some main listening skills. One. Listen, never, ever miss a perfectly good opportunity Toe, listen caring. Be there for the person, and I just be there for him. Not just be listening, but show them that you care. You know, you say that must be so hard for you. That must have been great when that happened. Wow. What was that like? Um, reflect that you're actually caring that you're interested and that you care for them. Our best friends are the ones that care for us. And when our best friends talk, we what we listen. Why? Because they care about us following so following. You know, listening is mawr than just, you know, sitting there, not talking. You have to make sure that you're that you're engaged. Use eye contact, not intrusive gestures. Not in your head saying ok. Asking very infrequent questions. Um, adding to that So true. I remember one time when I OK, but make it very brief. That really worked for me one time. But you're at your in your out. I know that to be true, Man, you're speaking. You're speaking the truth to May I know what that's like. Okay, That shows that you're following. I remember when that happened to me. One time that's following, but in and out quick, Don't get into a story that they gotta listen to about you. Reflecting Reflecting is paraphrasing in reflecting back the feelings you're sensing. Wow, that must have been really hard for you. I can remember when that happened to me one time and it was really painful. Um, paraphrasing is saying the same thing back. Say, you know, when my girlfriend left me, I was absolutely crushed. I said, Wow, I can see why you were crushed. That's paraphrasing. I can see why you were crushed. Boom. That must been very painful for you. Painful is another way to say crushed. Okay, So therapists or get really good at this. But the average person needs to get really good at this as well. And this is the final piece just for this little section here and great tips. This is huge if you learn nothing else in this training about a conversation except this conversational generosity is huge. It's one of the big tips that you want to remember. Now, remember, because people are tuned into that radio station. W I f m. What's in it for me when you talk? This is like Einstein's theory of relativity, he said. Uh, you know, when you spend a minute an hour with a girl, it seems shorter than any minute. That's relativity, right? You know, when you spend an hour with a pretty girl, Seems like a minute when you spend a minute doing something you don't like. It seems like an hour. That's relativity. So when you're talking, it seems like a long time to the person. When they're talking, it seems like time was his bite like is a short period of time. So these percentages air pretty accurate. When you talk half the time, they're going to think that you took up pretty much, you know, 2/3 to 3/4 of the conversation's gonna feel like 70%. When you talk 40% of time, you're gonna think you were generous, but it really sounds more like 50 50. To them. That's the way it feels. And that's the way they remember. Remember their perception of the conversation is everything. Because this is what this is the person you're trying to talk to person you're trying to influence their perception, not reality, is what is key. So this is why I say listen twice as much as you talk. Because if you're talking, um, in those proportions, you're only talking what, about 30% of the time, that's going to seem like about 40% of time to them. Which is gonna be notice, Lee. Noticeably less than half, but just barely. So they're going to say, Hey, this person didn't dominate the conversation. They actually listen to me. They didn't try toe overpower me. Which means what? Talking 50 50 Like everybody else, you know, or God help them. If they ever do run into somebody talk 70% of the time, they're gonna feel like it was 100 or 110% of the time. Uh, see how this works. I like to talk around 30 to 20% of time. And if I'm talking 30% of time, even part of that is going back to confirming, uh, noticing their feelings, reaffirming, you know, they're correct and certain things where they are correct, you know, giving them validation. Not just me talking about what I want talk about. So that will seem like I'm not even talking because when you're validating somebody, it seems like they're talking. Except they're finally getting the validation they never had before. People start for two things. Time to talk and validation. Those are the two things that they're craving. And they're starved force to remember that in communication. So depending upon how much you want, people like you, I would say, never do more than 40%. You want to live in that 30% and down category And the more you want them to, like you go down, down, down, down, down. If I really want to be like me, I go to 10 to 20%. I hardly ever talk. And I spent half that time validating, confirming, you know, rephrasing letting them know that I'm connecting. Let him know that I'm emotionally attached to what they're saying. So I'm really even if I'm talking 20% of time, I'm really only saying something 10% of the time. The rest is to support them. Same thing with the 10% of really only talking about 5%. 1/20 of the conversation. The other 5% is validating them. So go ahead and really dropped down. Your numbers start to listen way more than you talk. Start to do the validation, the paraphrasing, everything that we've talked about. And if you just follow the tips in this one section, you will do significantly better. And you will be a true master of communication. But don't worry, we've got more and I'll see you in the next section. 8. Great Communication Tips - Part 2: Hey, everybody, welcome back. You're now in the seventh section and we're gonna do more great communication tips. But I want to congratulate you. You are more than halfway done and you have learned a ton of information. You are not the same person that started this training. Why? Because you have so much more skill and so much more mastery, much more to come. Let's jump in this next section. It's absolutely amazing. Now your next tip is that the person who asked the question controls the conversation. This is amazing. You can control any conversation by simply asking a question, even if you're nobody. I remember when I was in high school a friend of mine taught me this skill. I said. I said to my buddy Nick, I said, Man, my classes air so boring. You know, Teacher never talks about any of the good stuff that I want to hear about, you know? And he said a simple thing to me. He said, Paul, did you ask any questions in class? Said, I don't teacher noticed me. I just sit there and shut up. He said, No, no, no, no, no. The teacher actually works for you and here's I control him like a puppet on marionette strings. So here's what you do. Simply ask a question. They're so excited that somebody's actually interested in their class. They're gonna go ahead and answer the question. They can't not answer the question. They're gonna be thrilled to answer that question. And guess who's controlling the conversation now? No longer them but you. If you don't interrupt them, that teacher will do whatever they had planned for that day or whatever floats into their head. That will be the entire conversation. But with one simple question. You can completely change the direction of the conversation as long as it matches up even slightly with what they're talking about is even if it's even remotely on target. If you can even kind of force it in shoe, box it in so it's remotely on target or on topic, they will be thrilled to answer that question. Well, I tried this out in high school a few times, and I would ask him even some pretty obscure questions. But the teacher was always more than good about answering the question and kind of excited that I even asked one so this technique absolutely worked when I went out into the work field. What I could do is I could change the conversation by simply asking a different question. I learned later in psychology that this is actually a powerful drive of the mind. If you think about the mind, what does the mind actually dio? It asks and answers questions. What does this mean? And then gives an answer. What should I do about this? And it develops. A what? Answer. When you're talking in a conversation, you're largely asking and answering questions. It's not the only thing you do, but it's a huge component, right? But people don't realize that you control the conversation directed and steer it, because once I ask you a question, your brain is literally compelled, compelled to answer that question very hard to get around it. Now, having realized this, I'm hoping this will help you stay on track when people ask you odd questions that throw you off track. What you do is you learn to loop back around. You kind of answer their question and make it relate back to what you were saying originally and then go back on with what you were saying That's how to get around this because I don't want you to get trapped by this, either. Yeah, let's dig a little bit mawr into how questions can control the conversation. So questions conducive an awful lot of things. Questions can impact mood. So if I say Hey, what's really great in your life right now you'll start thinking about oh, all these great times that you've had in your life and things were going really well now. And I can literally see your mood increase if I say what really stinks about your life right now, you'll think about all the bad things that happened and you know, things that didn't happen or should have happened, or how far behind you are and blah, blah, blah. And your mood will drop noticeably so I can impact your mood boom like that by simply asking a different question. I can ask a question like it's kind of a question, but it's almost like a statement. Don't you always succeed when you do this? You know, my experience is that you always succeed, isn't that right? So I'm making a statement. My experiences you always succeed. Isn't that right. And if it's true, then what you're gonna do is you're going to turn them around for maybe doubting themselves to feeling self confident. That's an impact in mood by asking the right question, and I pre assumed the answer. My experience is you always succeed. Presumption. Then I ask a question. What's the brain gonna lock onto for the answer? What I just said, Isn't that true? Well, what's the last thing the brain hurt in Paul's experience? You always succeed. You want me to be right? You're already thinking about the times you've succeeded because the first thing that happened when I said you always succeed your brain said, Is that true and started focusing on it? So see any different psychological ways I got your brain to focus on, you succeeding killer. Now questions can get more info. That's the common reason we think we use questions. I'm gonna leave that flat right there. Why? Because we kind of know that that's what we dio. Hey, how do you do this? Fix this all this, you know, complete this boom, boom, boom, boom. We know we ask questions to get information, but I want you to use the clever ways like the impact mood and the next one to create insights. Have you ever considered in full half ago that can create insight? People say, like in therapy, to me, to say, Oh my God, I'm such a loser and blah blah, blah, blah I say, Is that true? You're still here. You're actually kind of tougher on me. You've survived everything that's ever happened to you. Some of those things I heard him in group. They just snap me like a twig. You know, I haven't had a hard life like you, so I'm not hard end. It would have crushed me. Are you sure you're weak? Person, are you? Are you a strong person who's just taken a heavy, heavy beating year after year after year? Is that weakness or is that strength? See, I'm using questions over and over and over again, almost in rapid succession to give them a new insight. They think they're weak, and I'm actually showing them that the very reason they think they're weak, they're actually strong. And how'd I do it? I did it through a series of questions. Pretty clever, right? You can do things like this all the time. When people question their courage, I make them question their lack of courage. When they question their strength, I make them question their lack of strength. I go in the opposite direction. I can always check attention so I can ask a question like wins one time that that happened to you. Have you had a similar situation? Give me an example of one time when you blank now somebody wasn't paying attention has to pay attention. I used to be able to get attention in groups and in cloud crowds simply by looking at somebody or walking around the room. And I tap him on the shoulder. Um, where I would ask them a question in Boom! They perched right back up. It was a way to scan the crowd and to check on and garner fresh attention. I literally was rejuvenating their attention. Nice technique. Right now you can also use questions to create doubt. What's a good example of that? Well, similar to the last one I gave you. Are you really a loser? Losers, quit losers! Don't try to get better. Losers don't come into treatment. Losers don't go to a a there out the bars. You literally can't be in this room and be a loser, you know? Why Question? Because you don't lose until you quit. See? Question asked and answered. I quit. Created doubt about their weakness. You can create doubt about anything. Um, they want somebody to think their girlfriend was cheating on them. I say I could have sworn I saw your girlfriend at the mall with somebody like question mark . Is that gonna creeped out? Yeah. Now, please don't use this for evil. But if you want to create doubt in somebody, sometimes you can question it. They're telling you about the great business plan. I say, How do you? Absolutely, positively No, You're going to succeed in that, and they're gonna come up with the answers, but the answer is gonna be a little bit weak. Absolutely sure. See, you can create weakness. You creeped out doubt will unglued ideas. Uh, addicts would tell me all my using friends promised me they wouldn't use in front of me. They promised you. I just leave the question hanging there. Are these people reliable? They were not. They were not been faithful to their word. You ever lent him money. They didn't give it back. You ever asked them to be someplace and they weren't there for you. Now I'm creating doubt, creating doubt, creating doubt because I already know that they've lent the money and they didn't get it back. I already know what these people have. Let him down there. Other addicts, of course, they let people. That's what addicts dio Okay, that's why they're in treatment. That's why they hit a bottom because they let people down. I created doubt, okay, because I want to talk him out of a stupid idea that's going to get them hurt. So I create doubt which loosens it up, which makes it easier to what defeat you. Questions that you ask can also set the tone. If you wanted to create the best life possible, how would you do it? What is the tone that I just said that your life's gonna be great and that there's ways to make that happen and that you can think of ways to make it happen right now? Is that moving you in a positive direction or negative direction? Positive. It's setting the tone. It's also setting what we're gonna talk about right, So it's setting topic like we talked about the last section. Now I can also discover values what's most important for you or why is that important to you uncovered beliefs? Why do you think that or what would I have to believe? To believe this? You know what I have to think? To believe this. You can ask questions about the beliefs. Why is that important to you? What makes you think that's true? When did you first start believing that I can ask questions that'll uncover beliefs like I say, what's most important to you in life? And they'll start telling me their values and beliefs. Great way to uncover what's most important to you in this deal and by the answer that they give me under. That is a value in a belief I can use questions even to interrupt patterns. Hey, did you know the bucks are coming to the stadium this weekend? Has nothing to do with what we're talking about. But if they were agitated, if they were upset, if they were confused, if they were hurt, it makes him think about something else, which de escalates their current state because it was interrupted, and now they have to go back to it. And I go, I'm sorry you were talking about and their state has dropped. Whatever. It was good, better and different. It will drop because they did a pattern interrupt. And you could do that a lot of different ways. But whenever somebody state is getting too much of something that you don't want it to, you can just talk about anything else. Just move the conversation a little bit and then go back. It could be a stupid thing. You start tapping on your phone and saying, Do you have a time where you know, you push the power button on the thing? Actually, shut off. Now, that has nothing to do with what you're talking about, but it makes them think about that. It totally gets him off. What they were thinking about that was upsetting them or whatever. And when they come back to what they're not as upset as they were and you go like, Oh, I'm sorry you were talking about and you let me go back to what they were talking about, but now they're at a lower level. We used to use this in therapy a lot to deescalate people, so questions can be very, very powerful, and they could do an awful lot of different things. Now here's some interesting concepts when you're talking about communication. The Greeks used to use thes three concepts, ethos, pathos and logos. Ethos was ethics and character. You always want to do things that show ethics and character. You always want to go to the higher self both with in presenting who you are and in describing who the other person is. And people will love you for this. If you describe them as having greater ethics, greater character than they actually have, they will love you. The next one is pathos, passion, emotion. If you add a motion into your presentation, feeling into what you're talking about with people, or about people that will increase your communication in logos is just adding logic. In a lot of times, I'll say something that's very passionate, emotional about a person, I'll say. But you know what? I know that's true because there was this one time when I saw you doing this and I was touched. I thought it was really smart when you did blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So not only am I saying, Hey, you're a great person. I'm supporting it with fax because if you say, hey, you're a great person. Say, are you just saying that you're my therapist or you're my friend or whatever? Were you just trying to make a sale? But when I can show proof that my emotion, my passion behind why I feel the way about you, that I do is also not so much passion but fact it's true. It's riel. Then it becomes powerful. It becomes unavoidable. Like when I tell anybody in therapy that they're a great person. Like I said, Hey, you're not a loser. You know why? And I was reaching out to the emotionally. I want them to let them know that I support them. That was the pathos. The logic is losers don't come to these meetings. Losers don't try to help themselves. Yeah, this is logic. Losers aren't working on how to become a better person. Losers don't even feel bad about being losers. Uh, in the person's like, that was your really nice you to say. And it was also really true. If you just say Hey, you're not a bad guy that's gonna roll off them like water off a duck. They'll appreciate it, but they won't believe it because it's not passion backed by logic that makes sense. And remember the eat those because that's not small either. If you are not a honest witness, if you are not using ethics in character, if you're just out there blowing smoke up everybody's crevices, they are not going to believe you. Why? Because you have no credibility. That's why I, like, say, you're doing a marketing webinar when the first things will always do is do the Why should you listen to me part? Hey, my name's Paul. I'm CEO of advanced type of my advanced ideas dot com. I've run multimillion dollar businesses. I have multiple degrees, blah, blah, blah. What you're doing is you're going through the character. Why should you listen to me? Because I've already done what you need to dio, and I've got the right credentials after my name to be the person to be able to help you. I'm a good, solid person. Here's why I'll even talk about my what pathos, passion and commitment to helping you, which what goes back to my character on the type of person that wants to do what to help. That's a personally trust. Now lasted for this section. Let people know that you like him. Ah, lot of times you actually like something Somebody. But look at these two pictures. You forgot to tell your face. Isn't it funny you forgot to tell your face you're not smiling, OK, your motion is too flat. And remember, we said 55% of communication is body language, so letting people know that you like them is a lot of different things. So look at these two pictures. Happy to see you. Or so happy to see you. You know, one of you question if there even happy to see you The other one. You know, they're thrilled to see you. You can do this in a lot of ways. I'll tell people right out. Hey, it's great to see you. Oh, my God. When's the last time I actually saw you? Um I'm so glad we finally got together. You do the handshake, you do the hug. You do the smile, you do the warm greeting they knock on the door on your run over any answer right away. You know you want to connect with people. There's an old expression says the head never hears until the heart is listened. You gotta make sure that you have that heart to heart connection with somebody. Somebody knows that you like him. We only connect with people that we know like and trust so liking. We like people have a good common sense toe like us. So you always have to let people know that you like them. This is absolutely huge in connecting and creating Report until you have her poor a connection. Remember that bridge of the minds? That's what report is. No communication really happens at least no communication that's effective. So that's your last tip for this section. You're more than halfway through. I am so proud of you. And I will see you in the next section. 9. Self-Talk & Powerful Language: everybody, Welcome back. We've been talking awful lot about communication, and it's always been about the other person. The other person, the other person, now on a flip it on its head a little bit and talk about communication between you and you . That's right, just me, myself and I just the three of us. How do you talk to yourself? In therapy, we call this self talk. Sometimes it's called the inner critic. Why? Because it tends to be very, very negative. But pretty much I call it self talk. Self talk is a philosophy, a ah system, a theory. It comes from rational, emotive behavioral therapy, also known as Ari BT, which will start by Albert Alice. I've actually got a nice training on this if you want to check that out later. But Ari BT is the science of how your brain works, and one the first thing they teach you about his self talk. How you talk to yourself will determine how you feel because your thoughts greet your feelings. Create your actions as the primary core of R E B T. So be very careful what you think, which is the self talk, because it's gonna create the feelings. So when you think depressive thoughts, you think you have depressed feelings. When you think happy thoughts, you have happy feelings. So be very careful. We're not careful with our internal language the way in which we communicate to ourselves internally, which is what? Our thoughts, our communication with ourselves. So our communication can be empowering or disempowering. It can be discouraging or creating Courage can be either can be creating assertiveness or non assertiveness. We have to be very careful how we communicate with ourselves. So I recommend that Ari Bt course. There's also another course called a NLP, and it talks about language. Why? Because NLP literally stands for Nure Oh, which is brain linguistic, which is language and programming, how we program our brain through the use of our language and one of the things that they teach in there, of course, on this as well is that language sets intensity. So if you look at the scale here, it goes from peeved all the way up The furious. If you tell yourself you're peeved, put that word in there kind of makes me laugh all the way up to furious like I can't take this anymore. I'm gonna explode. That language will determine how you feel. Matter of fact, I used to use this system to deescalate people when I was a therapist. You know, when I would go into work and, you know, they called the end of my beeper back in the day, right? And ah, they said, Hey, you know, somebody's tearing up the game room. I go in there and I talked to the guy and he'd say, I'm furious because blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I went on and I said, OK, yeah, I'd be furious, too, if that happened to me. You know, I'd be very mad about that. See what I just did? I switched. Furious to Matt very subtly. Always go one step at a time. He'd say, You're damn right. I'm And they did. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I can see why you would be mad. I might be upset for days. See what I did again, Man? Too upset, is there? You're damn right I'm mad lovable. You know, you just keep going down, down, down through the scale. You need to do this to yourself when you tell yourself you're furious. Maybe not really furious. You're mad. Maybe you need to change the language a little bit When you get to a point, we can, you know, figure out the hay A man about this you might want to say, Well, I'm really upset about this by time I get to upset. I can usually solve the problem When I matter When I'm furious, it's hard to solve the problem. So see how language will not only set the intensity. It will set what you can and cannot do. Resource is you can access or cannot access. Let me show you that in the next section A little bit more NLP for you. So we need to change the language in the top section. Furious man upset. We talked about that. Let's go. The second section unbearable when something is unbearable. Can you bear it? Hello? No, it's unbearable. Un can't bearable. Can't be beard. But when something is hard, can you is something that's hard unbearable? No, it's bearable. So you can do it. It's gonna be It's gonna be hard. It's gonna be very, very difficult. But you can do it. Same thing when used the word impossible I m not possible. Impossible Can't be done. Can you solve something that's impossible? No, but can you saw something is difficult? Yes. See how through the language your brain is using, it is physically shutting itself down. You won't intent to get out of something that's unbearable. You won't try to do something that's impossible. Impossible. When something's a catastrophe, you just sitting it. He give up. But when it catastrophe becomes a unique situation, then you can deal with it. So changing the language is absolutely huge. In terms of freeing up your brain, freeing up the access to the resource is in your brain. They can even do some reframes, reframes and therapy or things that you say. I'm a little different way they look different. Lula's. If you change the frame on a picture, you can have, ah, average looking picture. But you can put in a good looking frame. It looks so much better. He can also take a good looking picture and putting a crappy frame. It looks so much worse. Women always is why they changed their outfits. It's the way that they frame themselves. They framed their body to make it look at its best. Guys, just go. Yeah, this is clean A Pop this on. Okay, so look at the bottom section. Problem becomes challenge. Good use of words. Why? Because they mean the exact same thing. You've got something that you've got to fix. What he called that you can call that. Probably call it challenge. People hate problems. The word is negative and they run away from problems. We like challenges, challenges or fought. You play football game against another team? Why? Because they challenged you. It's a challenge that make. That's what makes it fun. We like to play board games because they're challenging. We like to do puzzles because they're challenging. We love a good challenge. In fact, there's no challenge. Why bother to do it, you say? Well, I climbed on top of Mount Everest because it's there. No, because it challenges you. If it was there, but it was flat, nobody would do it. Okay? Or if it was downhill all the way. Hey, man, you gotta try this. It's like, you know, 6000 feet downhill. No. So change the language from problem challenge from failure to feedback. This one has, you know, just like the other one has the benefit of being true. Are you a failure? If you had something didn't work out. You described as a failure or feedback. The reality of situation of science of the situation is you just found out one more way. That doesn't work. You know, Edison had to try over 10,000 times to invent electric light bulb. So he just said one each each quote unquote failure is just part of the scientific method. Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail won't succeed. Who now you're a hero. So that's we got the the motto of If you want to double your success rate, you got double your failure in business from science, science knew. You try something to try something to try something. You just keep going until you get the right solution. And you only worry not about how many times you failed, but the fact that you got the solution. That's what everybody cheers about. And it's OK. It's part of the process. I remember there was a TV show on, and guy, this was way back in like, uh, late seventies, and it was about millionaires that were under the age of 35. On average, they had failed six times, so some got in the second or third or fourth try. Other ones took 10 15 20 tries, but on average it was about 6 6.5 failures to become massively successful. And they all said the same thing, even though they all went bankrupt multiple times. They did not care because they only need one success. And once they got that, they could take it to its logical conclusion. Nobody remember the bankruptcies, except it just creates a nice, rocky story, went from rags to riches and boom off you go, because once you figure out the solution, you can scale it, you can multiply it and boom, you're a huge winner. That's how Bill Gates became a big winner. He wrote a little piece of code. He became DOS disk operating system way back in the day so that the computer could run, that he actually did. He never did anything else. Windows program. That was actually something that he bought from a think tank that have been working on that and had that sitting up on the shelf for like, 4 to 6 years, and they never thought it would be big. They never thought it would go anywhere. They never thought it would do anything. And he just bought it from him for, like, pennies. I forget what he paid Maybe, uh, 10 or $20,000 or something for that. And they said, Take it, you know, and he built his multibillion dollar wealth out of that, and he never tried to do anything else. Just scale, scale, scale, scale, scale. You know, Bill Gates will tell you, I just hired people that were smarter than me. Um too, uh, work the company toe work the system to make Microsoft better and better and better. He didn't try to create 20 more businesses. He had the one that worked and he scaled it. Boom, You're done. Cash me out so you can do this. It's feedback, not failure. And I'm a loser. I love that one. You're not a loser. Losers quit If you haven't quit, you just got one more setback against, like the Rocky story. Get up one more time than you fall down. So keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Remember, you only need one success and everybody will call you a winner Have one or two losses. Uh, roll over and ask people to scratch your belly and be a loser and quit then. Yeah, you're right. But it's a self fulfilling prophecy. You're a winner. Keep going. Don't quit. Make it happen. When you find your success, Blow it up. That's the thought I'll leave you with and I'll see you in the next section. 10. Miscommunication: okay, in this section, I'm gonna teach us something that you probably already know. It's that many times we get our signals mixed up. Go ahead and look over this cartoon. I absolutely love this one. It's a, uh, symphony to how we mess up communication. How do we do it? A lot of times, it's through the power of assumptions. We assume one thing with something else is happening. We all know it Assumptions actually stand for and that's pretty accurate. We don't want to guess. Remember, I talked about reflecting and clarifying and those types of things. What happens is that our communication just isn't that clear. So the question to ask yourself is, Is your communication clear? Here's the second question to ask yourself, Are you sure? Because a lot of times you're not as clear as you think. Most the time. You're not as clear as you think. People will tell you if you confuse them when sometimes other times they don't. So you could confuse somebody, say 20% of the time and maybe one and 100 times they tell you the other 19 times they don't that's 19 times that. You confuse somebody and they just let it slide. They told you about 10% of the number of times that you confuse them or less, and that's about the average somewhere between 5 to 10% of the time. They'll tell you when you confuse them. Gohar, what are they let you know, or the Cleon? Other times they just let it slide by. It gives us the false illusion that our communication is clear. There's other times where you said one thing. They heard something else, like in that cartoon we just looked at and they're fine because they think they got the message. They think it was very clear, but it wasn't. It wasn't the message you wanted to get across, so they got a message, just not what the correct message. I love this one. I used to do this as kind of a demonstration with people to show them how bad their communications were. It was called the Talking Feather. It was a way to do Ah, therapy and couple therapy to a show how bad the communication was and to remove any arguments so literally we had. This was an old Indian tradition where you would sit around the circle and you would have the talking feather. It was their way to keep people from talking over each other. Great for a therapist, right? So they would go around the circle with the feather, and whoever held the feather could talk. Then they could pass it around the circle. Or if everybody had spoken in the circle, then they could pass it to somebody that raised their hand or they wanted to get a response from or they wanted to have shared next to get some feedback from. So that's the talking feather. Well, we did the same thing in therapy. I would say Give the wife the talking feather, and then we would test to see if the husband could actually hear her so she would talk about something I say I want time. You got about 30 seconds and you know, I'll kind of I raised my hand at different levels. So you know, when you're getting towards the end, kind of like when you do a presentation of like, say, Toastmasters and you see the yellow light, green light and then, of course, the red light and your out of time. So they let you know when you run that time. So I would give her 30 seconds to talk, and then she would hand the feather over to the husband, and he was to repeat back. You know, the core essence of what she said. She didn't have to repeat it back verbatim, But just say, what was she trying to tell you? Boom. And on average, these couples had to go back and forth. These air couples that been together for many, many years typically thought they complete each other's sentences. And on average, it took about six times to get it right. So literally we have to have the husband hand back that feather five more times to the wife before he could get correctly. 30 seconds of her conversation. It showed him How bad the communication Waas, Let me tell you. Second secret, the wife didn't do any better. And women are pretty good listeners, okay? They didn't do much better, you know, they ever is, like, 5.5 times. We just tend. Like I said in an earlier section, not toe listen so much as to take turns talking. And we do all this sub vocalization talking in our own heads, which makes it very difficult to hear the other person. We have a hard time shutting down our minds and listening to our own thoughts toe. Listen to somebody else's. It's a skill. It's not our fault. We were never trained to do this. You know, my martial arts instructor trained me how to do this, but I don't know if anybody else that was really trained how to do this. So we have a lot of challenges in this area, and the solution is to listen intensely. Let your own thoughts go. Get into this story, visualize what the person is telling you. Listen to all the nuances. Remember the words they're saying, the tone, the body language. Listen to the values, the essence. The message become a very good listeners on Lee way. You're gonna become what great communicator. How can you respond back when you don't know even what they set? And how can you come up with the right message when you don't know what they said? You can't. So be a great listener will be a great communicator. I'll see you in the next section and we got an awesome syriza tips to kind of wrap up this training for you and I'll see you there. Take care 11. Still MORE Great Tips! Part 1: everybody. Welcome back in this section, we're just gonna do some great tips to kind of wrap up this course for the last couple of sections. Just some fun tips, some great tips, some things that are really push your head and give you the communication style that you always wanted. So let's jump right in. Now. The 1st 1 is a powerful one is to show appreciation for other people's ideas, experiences and feelings. Why? Because this is literally who they are. The likability factor we talked about this earlier is huge. If we hang out with people we know like and trust we listen to and are influenced by people we know like and trust. We listen to people who we know like and trust like, and trust are the biggest things in which comes first. You think like or trust like you probably aren't gonna get far enough into communication list. You've known somebody for a long time that they're going to trust you. But likability can happen almost instantly, and they can feel like they know you almost instantly. So you get two out of three pretty quick and maybe a little bit of trust, but that maybe for different trading. So here's how you gain a huge amount of likability. People are in love with their ideas, right? Wrong or indifferent, you're probably never gonna change your ideas. And they're just waiting. They are starved for people to show appreciation for their ideas. They also think their experiences air wildly valuable, even though they're probably fairly typical experiences. They wouldn't be describing them to you if they didn't have a huge significance to them. Therefore, it should have the same level of significance to you. It's simple appreciation. People love it. And how about if somebody told you about their feelings and you didn't appreciate it? How would they feel completely unappreciated, if not humiliated? Embarrassed? So you always have to show appreciation for their feelings. And you also Edison, you want to show appreciation for who they are. Don't just reflect. Oh, that must have been a horrible experience. Talk to them about how much strength they must have had, how much character they must have had talk about who they are in this experience, that must have made you so much stronger. You know, I wish I had those kinds of strengths. I don't wish that experience on anybody. But I wish for that strength that showing appreciation of who they are and at the highest level of appreciation because you can like somebody's ideas. You can like their clothes, their shoes, their experiences. You can, you know, give homage to their feelings. But what they really want you to care about, what they really want, You know, like what they really want you to appreciate is what? That who they are, their very essence. That is great communication. Compliments, compliments, air Interesting. I read a study where people don't care if you're lying or not, Your star, your value of that person will still go up. They can know you're amazingly full of B s and they still like you better. This is how star people are for compliments. So compliments are great for increasing likability. Um, and it makes people more open to what you have to say because they want to hear more. It's a big factor in likability, which we said is huge. So we're more likely to listen to and be influenced by people we like now to give the best compliments. What you want to do is you want to make sure that you're complimenting the person I always give the example. Hey, nice shoes. Well, did you compliment the person? Uh, maybe in a backhanded kind of way, you really just complimented their shoes. And they're not gonna get excited that you like their shoes. Now you get a slight backhanded compliment in terms of they had to select those shoes. They had to pick those shoes. They had a search for those shoes. So it's a compliment to them in that way. But it's very weak now. If I say while those shoes look great on you now, I didn't compliment the shoes. I complimented you. If I say nice dress, I compliment the dress. If I said you look amazing in that dress, I just complimented you, not the dress. Which one do you think people would want you to complement? Mawr? The dress where them They always want you to complement them. Same thing when you're out on the golf course. Oh, my God. That was an amazing shot. You complimented the shot. You say I can't believe you made that amazing shot. You're a fantastic golfer. I just complimented you and your golfing skills. That's a better compliment. I said the same thing. It was all about that last shot, but it's totally different to the person receiving. It makes sense. Let's drive on now. This is a very important section. Causes how to use conversations, to build the report, to build a relationship, to get somebody to feel closer to you. And this is a great thing to use in your relationships. Very sincerely. Um, because your relationships will get stronger, they'll be kinder, more loving, more beneficial to you into them. A true win win if ever. There waas So couple conversation tips, listen to and tell stories People love stories. I'll have an actual little section on this on white. Stories are so important but very important that you listen to the stories because stories are adventures that people have, it's again. It's something that is important to them. It's also important tell stories because now you're sharing a little bit of yourself with the other person. Hopefully, there's a little bit of a moral to the story or lesson or a back end. I call it, you know, kind of a take away something that they can learn from this story, both about you and maybe about life as well. I'm a teacher, so I tend to go that way. But that's OK, giving praise very similar to the giving compliments. People are constantly doing things that are praiseworthy, but we don't give them the praise. It's almost like we're being cheap with it. Like if we really got so many praises, if we give him out, that will run out. No, you don't run out of praise that you can give to people. You don't want to overdo it. You don't want over ingratiate. But when you notice somebody doing something nice a boy that was really nice of you, very simple but very powerful share small secrets. Remember we said, we want we communicate well with and we connect with people that we know like and trust. When we said the knowing a sense that I know who you are in likability, we said those to come pretty easy. The hardest one was trust. Here's a way to start building trust and you do it in a scale and proportionate way is why you're sharing small secrets. You won't be talking about sexual positions that you like on the first date. You know, our with somebody don't know, But you might share a small secret. A small secret. Could be, uh um I dress my dog up for Halloween. Kind of dumb kind, embarrassing. But I did it. Okay, that when you can share. Okay, so you look for small secrets that you can share that give people a sense that you're trusting them a little bit. Then they'll trust you a little bit, and they will share a little bit more with you. The more you share with them, the more their share with you get this reciprocity going. And this creates trust. Great, great way to do it. Shared goals, goals are the things that are most important to you. If you share your goals with them, guess what? They're probably gonna reciprocate, and they're gonna start talking about their goals. And certainly, after you talked about your goals, you given the opportunity to talk a little bit about their goals. Their goals are the major things they want in life. How valuable is that to knowing in a conversation? If you're trying to be influential with somebody and isn't this sharing because these things are very important when you're sharing something that's very important with somebody that creates trust. That second thing that's hard to get share small bits of personal information, so it might not necessarily be a secret, But you can share little things. Hey, here's what I do for a job. Here's what Here's what I used to do when I was growing up. Here's one fun thing I used to like to dio. Here's a little bit to bit of information about one of my siblings or, um, you know, I have three dogs, you know, whatever. The little bit of personal information is things you like to do. Like to go fishing, golf, camping, whatever it is. Share a little bit of that again, is people know personal details. They feel like you're sharing things instead of hiding things. Hiding things creates concern and distrust. Sharing things and giving little tidbits of personal information creates knowing and therefore trust and comfort demonstrate liking. Who do you like the most? The people had demonstrated they like you. They hug you, they kiss you, they slap you in the back. They tell you jokes that got a big smile on their face when they see you know, they just love you to death. They demonstrate liking over and over and over and over and over again. So you need to demonstrate some liking when they tell you story simple. I really like that. You know, I like that you do this. You can use the word like, you know, But you can demonstrate liking in a lot of different ways just by smiling by agreeing I can demonstrate somebody I let I like him by picking up the check. There's a lot of ways to demonstrate liking, but make sure you're doing it. We always forget this in communication. I try never to forget it. Notes. Similarities. Remember we said, we know we connect with people that we know like and trust. Here's what we typically know like and trust people that had the good taste to be just like us. Salesmen used to use this as a technique. I'm sure they still dio they would look around your office or your house. They would see something that matched up with something that was in their life and they would note it all. You like golf. I like off you like dogs. I like dogs. You like cats? I like cats. Boom, boom, boom, boom, Boom. Hopefully, it was very sincere. But people are always telling you things, and you're gonna have at least a 20 to 30% overlap. Just noted. Oh, you like that? I really like that too. When I was a kid, I started doing blah, blah, blah. You know, that's how I got into that boat. Let them tell their story back about how they got into it. Note the similarities. The more you are like them, the more they're going to like you. In the last one is used humor. Nobody defends against humor. Humor could tell little stories. Humor helps people have a good time. Why are people conversing anyways for no godly reason Unless they're forced to be stuck in a room with you. This is like mandatory court ordered. Uh, you want people to have a good time? People have a good time when you make them feel good about themselves and when you make them happy. So my goal when I'm with anybody is to make them have a good time. So listening to them makes them happy complimenting them makes them happy. Um, having that human connectedness with them makes them happy. And telling jokes makes him happy, you know, or even enjoying their jokes. Maybe they're the funny one, and you're less funny. One. Enjoy their sense of humor, and you have a good time if you're having a good time. We like to match the people that were with. If you're smiling more, they'll smile more. You laugh more, though laugh more. You're a little more trusting. They'll be a little more trusting here, a little bit more interject. They'll be a little more in a check. So in NLP neuro linguistic program, we call this matching and mirroring. You can match to the other person, but you can also get the other person to match you. You can take things up a notch, make him a little happier, make him a little more energetic. They will love you for that. We never dislike people that we have a good time with. You know, we're craving people to come into our lives and make us feel better without us having to do anything. That's a gift. So use humor whenever you can, and nobody defends against humor. as long as it's not too sarcastic. I leave you with that thought and I'll see you in the next section. 12. Still MORE Great Tips! Part 2: Hey, everybody, welcome back. Now here's another great communication tip. Be positive. Why is this so important? The challenge is is that if you talk about negative things, people get excited, they'll even join in. They'll go back and forth about the negativity, and you'll think you're having a great conversation. But what's happening is, and we learned this from neuro linguistic programming. NLP is that people will make neural associations. It means when two things happen together, they get linked up. They get connected in our mind as being the same. So in this case you're being negative and they're looking at your face there being negative , and they're looking at your face. There's negativity happening, and they're looking at your face pretty soon. Every time they look at your face, they feel negative. It's not a good association. You want the opposite every time they see you. You want them to feel positive. Just when you walk in the room, you want positive neuro associations, not negative Neural associations. Remember, people are always linking things up. Don't get linked to the negativity. Don't be the bearer of bad news. Always be the bearer of good news. And remember We're trying to connect with somebody and have them like you to have likability. You're supposed to make the conversation more engaging, more fun, more empowering for them. There's very few ways to do that through negativity. So if you can't, you can't talk about something positive. Skipped the negative drive on. And once again there's always something positive. Now here's the other key reason why you Onley wanna have positive conversations. This is a great old therapy quote, it says. Very few people will remember what you said, but they always remember how you made them feel. So the major take away when they leave you is how did you make them feel? Because, literally, we communicate with emotional messages. Remember that emotional messages you want these to be positive Emotions always make people feel good about themselves, about their lives, about who they are and they will absolutely love you. So I always try to leave people with a good experience and on a good high note, now tell stories why tell stories? Because stories air very, very powerful. When we're little kids, we learn from stories our dads tell us. Stories are moms tell us stories we air literally designed toe. Learn from and listen to stories, stories, air powerful because they get us to picture things. We have an emotional response to them. We get into the story. Stories make it easier to remember certain points because we've had a full body of experience. We pictured it. We felt it. We've associate maybe with a character in the story. We are literally hardwired toe learn from stories. So stories are a great way to engage people. Keep attention, open their minds. Make a point. It's an excellent communication strategy. Matter of fact, that's what most professional speakers dio. They tell a story. Tell a story. Tell a story. Boom. Make a point linked to another story. Tell a story. Tell the story. Tell the story will make a point linked to another story. Tell the story. Tell the story. Tell a story. Make a point bull by time. You're done in about 45 minutes, they told 45 different you know, 10 to 15 minutes stories. The audience is absolutely engaged. They remember the 345 points that were told to them, and off they go and they say, while that was a brilliant speaker. Well, he didn't do a lot of educating, but he's brilliant. Speakers. No, you can probably walk away with only 12 or three messages anyways, so you might as well spend that time instead of getting people 50 messages. Give him, you know, three or four because that's the most ever gonna walk away with anyways. And make those very engaging and lock them in by telling a story. They know that's what holds attention. They know that's what creates retention, and it's a great communication technique. So let's go over. A list of wife stories are great. 1st 1 is what we talked about this couple of times that they do hold attention. They're fantastic at holding attention like nothing else. Literally. People don't defend against stories, so it's a way to get inside somebody's mind without the normal objections and shields and biases and filters and everything else. That's a wonderful reason why stories air great retention. If you give out a dry, cold fact, it's very hard for people remembered. Human retention rates about 4%. If you tell a story and they engage in the story, then retention rates can be really high. You know, maybe half the audience or 3/4. The audience will remember this story. Sometimes you'll remember this story for life. It has a very high retention rate. Not only you know a day later or 30 days later, but years later, the Evo commotion and emotion locks in learning. Think about people who are traumatized and literally can't get rid of the thoughts. There was so much emotion at the time that it's with them for life that haunts every day. So emotion is huge. Emotion is great for locking and learning. Why do you remember your first kiss your wedding day when your first child is born? You know, a car accident, because when anything is emotionally intense, your body actually releases a chemical called vasopressin, and it locks in memories. It's the hormone inside your body that encodes and decodes your memories. So even at low levels, it's on a scale. How much Veysel precedent. It gets released so stories air a nice, low level way to release that Veysel present in lock in memories lock in the learning people of stories because they're interesting, cold, dry, fax, air boring and are difficult to remember. Remember, we're hardwired toe learn from stories. Therefore, they're more interesting to us. They're more engaging and they lock in the memories better and finally in. This is the biggest reason they helped to drive home points. You know, they really ah, contain good, solid lessons that people can learn from. And it's a way to get people on emotional reason. A. Why a motive, which we said is the root word of motivation for why they should do something. So stories more than fax like five or 10 toe one will get people to actually get up and taken action. And that's what we want When we're communicating with people, we don't want to communicate just to communicate and share information. You could do that with a letter or hand them a book When we're communicating. We want them to take some kind of action stories of the best for this, that your tips for today and I'll see you in the next section 13. Still MORE Great Tips! Part 3: Hey, everybody, welcome back. Here's a few more tips to make your communication even more powerful. So the 1st 1 is to use quote, quote, said credibility Paul J. Klein, quoting people that are more powerful than you that have more initials after their name that have more note ability that air famous, that are known to be highly intelligent. I love to use Einstein. He had a great quote, said Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple. The reason you're using quote is to borrow the intelligence, the credibility of somebody else like Einstein. Let the smartest guy in the whole world right, but pretty smart. So people are going to listen Einstein because they figure they're not smarter than Einstein. So they may not believe something that you say, but they certainly will believe something that Albert Einstein says so quotes could be a great way to add credibility in quotes are a great way to convey to condense knowledge. An entire large concept into like a single sentence or two like this is a large concept. Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple. So what you're doing is you're taking something complex, and you're making it easier to understand. So this is a concept for simplifying, say your business. Or if you're speaker, you should be able to reduce things down to the third grade level so that everybody can understand it. And you're actually seen as a bad speaker. If you can't do that, you're stuck up your snobbish. You're losing people the whole way. So great communication has to do with quotes. And it also has to do with what reducing the complicated to the simple. So to great tips. And one let's move on to the next one. People understand this, I think intuitively, but they often forget about it Is that the way that we dress is actually a form of communication. Your first impression happens within the 1st 7 seconds. People have decided about 90% of what they're gonna decide about you in the 1st 7 seconds, so visual communication is actually huge. It's not an afterthought. It's something that you really need to focus on. Always give a good first impression. They say you don't get a second chance to make a first impression. That's true. I suppose you could go back and clean it up afterwards. But it's really difficult, you know, That's really paddling uphill. So you always want to make a great first impression. Best way to do it. Dress your best, look your best and act your best. What does that mean? Groom properly. No dirt under the nails while we take a shower Before you leave the house. Make sure you smell good. Makes you don't smell too good. I shouldn't smell you from across the room. If you're a woman and I'm further than one foot away, I shouldn't be able to smell you coming into the room. So you also want to make sure that you give the right impression. So match to the environment. If you should be wearing a suit, make sure you're wearing a suit. If you should be wearing shorts, make sure you're wearing shorts. So always match to the environment and always dress about one tier above everybody else. You know, one tier above at least what the median is. So you look like you're in a slightly upper tier. You'll never wish you were one tear down That will leave the opposite impression. Another crucial one. I love this picture. Don't you be sure to invoke? Avoid any judgmental statements or words? What a judgmental statements or words? Well, I'm glad you asked. A lot of times, good or bad, right or wrong can be very judgmental. Sometimes they're not. These aren't words you always have to avoid, but sometimes you want to avoid them. If they're coming off, is what judgmental. So look out for words like good or bad, right or wrong? Always, always is. It's one of those odd words that's such a definitive statement. There's no wiggle room in that. This always happens when most the time when you say always you're wrong should should means you should have done this. You didn't do it in there for your bad. Can't becomes a word that makes things and possibly can't do this. You can't do that. It puts value judgments on people as well. Evils another powerful one. There's more words like this. Here's some straight up judgmental words. Stupid, dumb. You must do this. You must do that. Calling somebody you know, a geek or jock. Uh, no good. Never. You better or that's ridiculous. These air judgmental statements or words will be very very cautious with these. They can really hurt you in the long term. Just be very cautious around them. So those your tips for today and I'll see you in the next section. 14. Final Thoughts and Suggestions: Hey, everybody, welcome back. I can't believe her. At the end of the training, here's your final tips. Congratulations. You made it all the way through the course. You're in the top 10% of the top 10% which put you in the what? Top 1%. You do it absolutely amazing. So let's jump right in and get you these final tips. Here's a great one. Remember this and write down actions speak louder than words. There's an old quote that says who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying . That's the same as saying your actions speak so loudly. I can't hear what you're saying. People, when they have to choose between something that you say and something that you do for sincerity, they're gonna believe what you dio. We used to teach this to family members of clients who were addicted. We would say, Don't listen to a thing they say and watch everything they dio. They say they're going to a meeting. You say that's nice, but you don't believe they're coming back from a meeting and they're describing the meeting to you and telling you about what happened in the meeting. That's really give him credit for that. They say they're going to call a sponsor. You say That's nice. They get off the phone with the sponsor. That's really same with your kids. They say you're gonna clean their room. You say that's nice. They finish cleaning their room. That's what you believe. Actions always speak louder than words. Actions are the best form of communication. If you say you're going, you're in a conversation with somebody and you're gonna say you're gonna help them. Taken immediate action, get a phone number for them. Make a note to yourself to make something happen the next day to make a phone call to fill out a piece of paperwork to do something, something, something that's an actual action step. You say you're gonna connect him with somebody, give them their phone number or make a quick call and say, Hey, this is Paul. I just want to leave a quick voicemail. I'm gonna have my friend Johnny call you tomorrow. Please take his colleagues a great guy and I'll talk to you soon, my friend. Good bye. Boom. You took an action. You tell your friend I'm gonna connect you with my buddy here. That's one thing you take that action in front of, um boat. Now they've got absolute confidence that these things are going to happen. Powerful communication technique. Here's that quote again who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying. How will you be seen? Always be seen in the right light act the way you want to be seen Speak the way you want to be seen Do the things that show the way you want to be seen It's called congruence E Make sure that everything you're doing in your communication, your facial expressions, your words, your actions, your follow up all put you on the side of the angels As we look at this picture here and our congregant, you don't want to say one thing. Do another that will shatter the communication, shatter the trust, shattered the relationship. Everything should match up now. Quick, Shameless plug Here. I've got some great trainings that will add to this Communication Motivation is a great one . You can't do the slightest thing until you're motivated. So if you want to learn how to use communication and motivate yourself and others, the motivation one is absolutely fantastic is one of my best selling courses. If you want to make the motivation one and the communication want even more powerful, these all become synergistic together. Get the persuasion strategies. One. I had a lot of fun doing this one. It's all about specific tools, strategies and techniques to help yourself b'more persuasive to get people to take a certain action, you can use these techniques on yourself, and you can use them on other people. I always work it both ways, so you get double the benefit from all my trainings and that you could be massively successful. My training's air designed, so you have an unfair advantage. So I leave you with this. What is the world's greatest communication tool? Think about it. What do you think it is? It's to be a great friend if you simply look at every communication you have, as if you're having it with your best friend. You'll always come across as somebody they know like and trust, and it knows, likes and trusts them. That is literally the ultimate in good communication. So all the way through your communication, I want you to be thinking of that person across the table from you as your best friend. If you do that, you do absolutely amazing. And you will be a master communicator. So if you have any questions, you purchase this course. I want to help you out. I want to give you additional background information. Answer any questions you have. Did I posed for this picture is not a legitimate question, but any other questions. Go ahead and use the message system within the platform that you purchased. I usually check those about once a day or once every other day, so you'll be able to communicate with me. I will get back to you as quick as I can. If you have a second or third question, you have as many as you want. Go ahead and send him to me. We love to hear from you. My name's Professor Paul is my good buddy. JJ here with me, my corporate mascot. And I hope to see you in my next training. Get out there and be a master communicator.