Unshakable Confidence: The Ultimate Self Esteem Formula | Kain Ramsay | Skillshare

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Unshakable Confidence: The Ultimate Self Esteem Formula

teacher avatar Kain Ramsay, Innovator in Psychology, Life Coaching & NLP

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

66 Lessons (9h 26m)
    • 1. Unshakable Confidence: Introduction

      4:35
    • 2. Unshakable Confidence: Course Orientation

      2:48
    • 3. The 3 Realms Of Confidence

      4:32
    • 4. Jumping Into The Hole

      6:17
    • 5. Busting The Confidence Myths

      4:07
    • 6. Exercise 1: The Personality Test

      1:39
    • 7. The 1st Realm Of Confidence: Belief In Your Competence

      6:36
    • 8. The Confidence 'X' Factor (The 6 Types Of Confidence

      8:38
    • 9. The Tri Self Conundrum

      11:54
    • 10. The 2 States of Human Existence

      10:43
    • 11. Exercise 2: The Self Esteem Quiz (Workbook)

      1:11
    • 12. Identity Crisis: A Soldiers Tale

      13:43
    • 13. The Timeline of Learning (Beliefs)

      17:26
    • 14. The Comparison Trap: False Confidence by Comparison

      15:19
    • 15. Identity Glue: Defined By What We Do

      10:00
    • 16. Exercise 3: What Lies Beneath The Surface

      7:37
    • 17. The Nature Of Limiting Beliefs

      9:00
    • 18. A Theory for Achieving Anything

      10:19
    • 19. Practice: The Mother of all Confidence & Competence

      10:47
    • 20. Exercise 4: Numbering Your Days (and Years)

      4:27
    • 21. The 'How Trees Grow' Principle

      10:37
    • 22. The Levels and Stages of Life

      10:55
    • 23. The Revolutionary Learning Process

      17:24
    • 24. You Don't Need to be an Expert!

      1:59
    • 25. Learning From Our Skeletons

      9:49
    • 26. The Confidence Principle: Fear Vs Faith

      7:59
    • 27. Faith: A Verb, Not a Belief!

      12:00
    • 28. The 'I Hate You' Principle

      8:25
    • 29. Exercise 5: Developing Authenticity

      3:16
    • 30. The 3rd Realm: Defining Your Name

      11:30
    • 31. The Art Of Looking Within

      9:52
    • 32. The Pint Glass Principle

      7:01
    • 33. Getting It Right Vs Doing Your Best

      4:19
    • 34. The Self Concept Comparison Trap

      10:13
    • 35. Core Values: The Path To Inner Peace

      13:11
    • 36. The Art Of Emotional Time Travel

      9:41
    • 37. The Art of Growing Up

      12:47
    • 38. The Timeline of Personal Growth

      8:40
    • 39. The Choices of Maturity and Character

      13:47
    • 40. The Facts, Feelings, Faith Principle

      10:18
    • 41. Exercise 6: The 'Who Am I?' Quiz

      2:47
    • 42. Physical Challenge 1: Getting Hungry

      2:28
    • 43. The Battlefield of the Mind

      8:47
    • 44. Let Me Introduce You To You

      14:26
    • 45. Physical Challenge 2: Emotional Acknowledgement

      6:59
    • 46. The Inside Out Revolution

      10:44
    • 47. Thoughts: The Mother of Insecurity

      7:51
    • 48. Emotional IQ: Developing Emotional Awareness

      15:16
    • 49. The Enemy Within: Procrastination

      6:53
    • 50. The Toughest Question in the World

      3:02
    • 51. On Becoming a Student of Truth

      5:42
    • 52. CO 52 Getting Confidently Balanced: The Unique Reference Point

      5:35
    • 53. CO 53 Core Identity Coaching: Part 1

      12:53
    • 54. CO 54 Core Identity Coaching: Part 2

      10:46
    • 55. CO 55 Exercise 7: Your Mission Statement For Life

      8:21
    • 56. CO 56 The Good Enough Principle

      10:04
    • 57. CO 57 Your Core Foundational Belief

      13:25
    • 58. CO 58 Passive, Aggressive or Confidently Assertive?

      6:31
    • 59. CO 59 Bonus Lecture: The Life Planning Workbook

      2:41
    • 60. CO 60 Just Be Yourself: Defining Your Element

      14:30
    • 61. CO 61 Just Be Yourself: Getting OK With It!

      7:55
    • 62. CO 62 Just Be Yourself: Getting Started!

      7:47
    • 63. CO 63 The 9 Habits of highly Confident People

      13:07
    • 64. CO 64 Exercise 8: The 'Yes' Project

      3:06
    • 65. CO 65 Unshakable Confidence: Recommended Reading List

      5:24
    • 66. CO 66 Summary and Closing Thoughts

      3:42
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Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you had Unshakable Confidence in the truth of who you are? Have you ever imagined having untouchable self esteem?

Unshakable Confidence: The Ultimate Self Esteem Formula, will take you on an in-depth journey of self-discovery to understand the reasons for low self esteem, how to overcome it, and how to implement your newfound confidence in all areas of your life.

As you progress through the course you will learn how to:

  • Develop Strong Inner Confidence and Self Esteem.
  • Reduce Your Need for the Approval of Other People.
  • Overcome Your Fear of Rejection and Social Anxiety.
  • Manage and Reduce Your Minds Negative Self-Talk.
  • Face New Life Challenges With Greater Confidence and Ease.
  • Become Genuinely Confident in the Truth of Who You Are.
  • Grow Your Communication Skills for More Social Confidence.

Insecurity and low self-esteem can make so life unnecessarily difficult. Developing genuine confidence in who you are is essential for transforming your self esteem, your social confidence, and your general wellbeing in life.

Some people miss out on exciting life experiences due to fear, low self esteem, or their lack of self-confidence. This course will introduce you to the idea that our low self esteem or confidence issues are often just a result of the mistaken perceptions that we develop about ourselves as children.

Unshakable Confidence addresses the core issues that underpin many self-doubts and low self esteem issues. We'll go on a journey to discover the actionable steps that you can begin taking today, to dismiss your negative thinking and build genuine confidence in its place.

You'll understand the key factors that trigger low confidence, and begin to recognise easily the thought patterns that produce low self esteem alongside other negative emotions. Once you know how to identify them, you can eliminate them with ease.

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Kain Ramsay

Innovator in Psychology, Life Coaching & NLP

Teacher

Recognized for developing processes and strategies for personal transformations in people, Kain has been sought after by people from all walks of life for training, coaching and mentoring.

At various stages of his life, Kain developed successful careers in the HM Forces, the Finance Sector, Sales, Marketing & also in Business Development. Today, he serves as an influential leader in the personal development industry.

Beginning his career in the military, Kain served nine years in the British Army and on Operational Tours in Saudi Arabia, Kenya, Kuwait, Iraq & Northern Ireland before terminating his service in 2004.

He went on to study Psychology & the Social Sciences in Edinburgh, before continuing in further self-guided study in Neuro Linguistic Programming, Couns... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Unshakable Confidence: Introduction: confidence, low self esteem, self doubt, You know, for so many people all around the world today, these things have become such huge unnecessary problems. Well, so many people in Les for building based their confidence upon the physical appearance upon her. Knowledgeable, they are upon how much money to have in the bank or even upon the degree off wedge their socially accepted by others. What I'm seeing here is that the greatest mistake that many people make in life is it the belt? UNB aced their confidence upon factors that are completely overstated their control. And if you're watching this video right now, then there's a pretty good chance that you've learned this life lesson the hard way because through in my life today it's I have learned this hugely valuable lesson on this Is that true, genuine unauthentic confidence in life It cannot be based upon anything less than the core on fundamental truth off who it is that you actually are. So this is primarily what we're going to be exploring undone parking throughout this course you see, building our life's upon the truth of who we are actually sets us free to take greater risks to think bigger thoughts to achieve greater results in life and also make a farm or positive impact in the lives of other people. Because what we're going to be looking out through this course is how you work from the inside out. We're going to be looking at how your thoughts influence your feelings, how your feelings influence the actions that you take or don't take. We're going to be looking at how the actions that you take or don't take more than born to determine your overall outcomes in life because you see, is thes very outcomes on whether we ultimately succeed or not the determine how confident we are on a day to day basis. So you see an order to really move forward and make significant progress in life. We need this thing called confidence. We need this thing called boldness, and it's absolutely imperative that we become 100% completely secure and who it is that we actually are. So this is the journey that we're going to be going on throughout this course. You may call it a journey of self discovery on. We're going to be unpacking under finding all of the most crucial factors on elements that fundamentally make you you. There's going to be elements of this course is some people will find controversial or some people may even disagree with, because I'm going to be sharing with you some pretty big ideas. But I can guarantee you right now that if you're willing to wrestle with these ideas and also see this course through the completion, then your life on your confidence will never be the same again. So my name's Ken Ramsay and thank you very much for in ruling on this course, and also for placing your trust in me is your coach. What I would like to promise yet at this stage is that I have absolutely no intentions on trying to impress you with long and complicated words, or even in boring you with some useless information that you could read in some random self help books somewhere else. But what it is my intention to do is just share with you the most life changing lessons that I've learned throughout my life to date earned over the last 10 years off studying the disciplines of life, courting psychology, sociology, NLP, counseling on even theology because what I'm gonna do, my very best to do throughout this course is simplify some very complex ideas so that you congrats, toe, understand yourself what it is that I've grown understand about myself, which hasn't just changed my life. But it's also enabled me to make a real, genuine, positive impact and the lifes of over 25,000 others. I don't see this thing to impress you, but just merely to impress upon you that if I can do it, then you most certainly come to. So without further ado, let's get started on what I'm hoping you're gonna find to be a pretty interesting, a fun on Also a thought provoking journey. 2. Unshakable Confidence: Course Orientation: So before we really get started in the course, I just like to take a few minutes here to help you orientate on navigate your way around the course because through the lessons that follow, there's going to be a few ways that I'm going to encourage you to make the most office online e learning experience. Because in the additional material section, within each lecture, you're gonna find that either to the left of the screen or the right of the screen, or perhaps underneath this video that you're watching right now. You're also gonna find an MPC audio version off each video lecture, which you can download, Undo with as you're lying you can listen to on your smartphone, your tablet or your iPod or whatever on have also created a bunch of really cool workbooks worksheets. Exercises on E books are many articles you can also download print off on working way through, so that you can really get the most from this course on in the additional material section . Off this lecture, you're gonna find a course learning log that's gonna look something like this. No, I've just decided this four year, which is broken down into sections, a section for each video lecture where you could just simply scribble down any notes, any thoughts, any ideas that you get or harm moments off, which I'm hoping at this stage that you're going to experience quite a few, especially by the time of finished. But at this stage, it also encourage you just tow, ask me as many questions as you possibly can about any of the ideas that I discuss on. The reason is that this is important because, you know, it's taken me years to really understand everything that I'm going to be sharing with. You throw his course. And even though some of it might seem or signed relatively simplistic appoints, I don't make any apologies for this because you see all were really looking. Do here is lay a solid foundation off truth. There's gonna be strong enough unsustainable enough for you to begin building the rest of your life upon. So just to finish up here, if you'd be willing to take a few minutes on introduce yourself. I would absolutely love the opportunity to welcome you to the course personally, so just start any discussion and share your name. Whereabouts in the world year. You're watching me right now On also the main reason why you've taken this course. What is it that you're hoping to get out of it. But other than this, I really do hope that you find value. And in this course, as from the next video onwards, were gonna begin to unpack un, explore exactly what it takes to start living your life with unshakable confidence. 3. The 3 Realms Of Confidence: So here in this video, all I would really like to do is just take a few minutes to explain to you what it is that I've going to recognize as being the three primary areas in which were affected in relation to our confidence and self esteem. Call these the three realms of confidence on. We're going to be unpacking each one of thes three realms over the next three sections. All right, just to help you manage your expectations of what you can expect to learn, understand, By the end of this course, you see, the first realm of confidence is the belief that we have, in our own degree off competence the confidence that we have in our competence. How good is that? We are doing the things that we do, whether we're good employees, whether we are good enough employers, whether we're good enough boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, whether we're good enough that doing the things that we do, you see if there's a question mark above our heads in relation to our degree of competence , well, this is always gonna never negatively impact our confidence. So we need to understand this me to unpack it. We need to understand that on really, really get it. The second room of confidence that I've grown to recognize over the years is the belief that we have and our ability to learn and solve problems. If you think about it, why is it that some people in life will remain in a dead end job for 10 15 2025 30 years? I never even think about stepping aside, leaving the comfort zone on going on to do bigger and better things. Well, the reason is because of their confidence that they have and their ability to learn and solve problems toe overcome stuff. They see many of us in life because of the way that the education system is structured and no, all of us have have a particularly good learning experience. And sometimes as we go through school, especially in our younger, younger years, the greatest landing that some of us will take away is that we ultimately going to believe that we're actually unable to learn just because we didn't learn this the Saturn way they wanted us to learn, absorb information and the way in which they presented it to us many people in life will go on to believe that they're actually unable toe learn and solve problems just because they didn't do that well in school. So through over this course, especially in the second section, we're gonna bust this mirth and show you how this definitely is not the case and the third section on through the remainder of the course. When we start pulling everything together, we're going to be exploring the belief that you have in your own self worth. No eso. This is a course about confidence and self esteem. And I've just mentioned self worth here. What you're going to grow it t to recognize over the next few sections is how self worth and self esteem are completely interconnected. One will always influence the other and vice versa. There's a concept here. You can hear me give quite a bit of reference to intrinsic value. No intrinsic value is just a way of expressing our self worth, but we're really going to express our intrinsic value, our self worth. If we become confidence in it because, as mentioned in the promotional video, under the introduction, genuine unauthentic confidence in life can only be built on based upon the truth of who it is that we actually are honest. This truth of who we actually are that primarily helps us to understand our values as human beings. Because if we understand this foul you that we have is as human beings, we understand our intrinsic value is this and this alone that gives us the basis for living bold, confident on unstrung meaningful life's. So throw the rest of the section All I really want to do is tell your story on bust. If you mess, there's gonna help you to understand a little bit more about me. On also part of this, you can really expect to find unexperienced throat the rest of this course. 4. Jumping Into The Hole: so I do appreciate that it's still very early stages of the course on Do you know at this point, if I was you, the kind of questions that I would be asking is, Who's this guy? What's he got for me? And what does he know about a little confidence? Low self esteem? Self doubt in all of these things? Well, what it could do, I could spend half an hour boring you to death with all my qualifications in all the years that I've spent studying and all the letters after my name and all that sort of thing. But I'm not going to all right. Instead, all I'm not wanting to do here is tell you a story. Because if you're if you find yourself struggling with a little confidence, low self esteem that can sometimes feel like like a real whole concept, you know what I mean? You know, stuck in a hole stuck in a hole that you just don't know how to get out off. Well, let me tell your story. There was once a guy and this guy was walking down the roads. And to be honest, he wasn't really paying too much attention as to where it was that he was going so much so that he ended up falling into Ah, hole. No. The hall was so weighed by saw high on because he wasn't a very told guy. He was actually quite short. He wasn't able to reach their edges of the hole and pull himself out. So he was stuck. No, he was a little bit stubborn. And he didn't linked to ask other people for help. He didn't want to make a nuisance of himself. So, you know, after a few hours and we start to get hungry and he thought, My goodness, I can't get over this whole. I don't know how to get out. You started calling out for help. Just a little bet is help. Help! Can anyone hear me? I'm forward into this hole. I don't know how to get out on this. Doctor. Was was walking up the road That ended up hearing that the noise that he was making So the doctor looked into the hole. I said, Oh, young man, you've fallen into a whole. How did you get in there? I think I said all the car wasn't really paying attention where I was going, I've fallen into this hole and no, I don't know how to get out. Can you help me, please? Upon which the doctor puto is not booking said Certainly young month. You wrote a few words down on this bit of paper, tour off the prescription and then proceeded to throw it into the hole. No, the guy in the hall has this prescription in his hand Ice. What am I supposed to do with this? At which point that the doctor says, Look, you know, if symptoms possessed, you know, if you're still struggling with little confidence, a little self esteem this time next week, give me another shows would be more than happy to throw you another prescription on the guy down the hole was like, What, are you serious? So as the day went on, they got to a letter or an afternoon on the guys, starting to get quite frantic. No, he's been in the hole all day and he doesn't know how to get out. So this local counselling service has just as just, you know, shut up shop for the day on one of the counselors, the talking therapists is walking up the road on the gays. No calling over. Help! Help! Help! Can someone help me? Please? Ah, fallen down this hole and I don't know how to get out. So the counselor here's the calls for helping approaches the edge of the whole Looks in and says, Young man, you've fallen into a hawk. Is there anything that I could do to help? And the guy says Yelich of being down this whole day? I don't really know how we got here on the counselor just got Downer on in order or a knee incenses. So tell me, how does it feel being in the hall? Is it called down there on? Tell me. Tell me about the relationship that you have with your parents on the guy. No started opening up, and he started thinking about the relationship that he's got with his diet. And he's thinking about all these other problems that he's got in his life. On 45 minutes, the guys sitting on the floor of the boat with a hole in tears, absolutely sore destroyed. But then the councillors watch starts beeping. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to cut our our our session short. We're gonna have to end things there. I've got somewhere else there needed to be. But look, you know, if you would like Teoh continue on this guy's conversation this time next week, just give me a show. Dozen passing on will be more than happy to stop and have another conversation with you on the guy down the holes that what's up? And there are no in a in a worse state than water was before it started. So a gets early in the evening. There was starting to get dark. The guys really, really hungry and he's starting to give up hope he's sick and who's gonna be able to help me get out of this hole? And then somewhere I would say to the Holy Here's one of his old friends talking away and he shows, May it's may look, Help me Help! I'm stuck in this hole. Can you please come and help me on this friend here? Is this here? Here's these calls for helping approaches the whole any looks. It looks in and he says, How did you get diamond there? And the guy says, Look, I wasn't looking where I was going. Ah, forward in this whole when I don't know how to get out. Can you help me on Is me to say to the whole just jumped in the hole with them, so no, they're both in the whole On the original guy who was in the hall says, Look, what do you do in that? This was a stupid idea. You have jumped in the hole. Were both stock in here now because I don't know how to get out. But the guy who jumped in the hole says, Yeah, yeah, yeah, But look, I've bean in this whole before, and I know how to get out. So the question you could be asking me here is so Cain, what qualifies you to stand in front of me and teach me all the stuff about confidence? Instance self esteem, you know, how do we know that you know what you're talking about? What my promise to you is is that whilst I haven't bean perhaps in your specific call, I may not know what your circumstances are. I may not know your exact situation, but I have been in the hall off low confidence low self esteem and self doubt. Andi, I learned how to get out. So those are the lessons on These are the lessons that I do fully intend on sharing with you extensively throughout the rest of this course. 5. Busting The Confidence Myths: you know, it is fascinating as we consider this topic off confidence or self esteem. There are quite a number of meth, so things that people genuinely believe. For example, some people believe that confidence is something that were either born with or it's something that we're not. No, no, I'm not gonna tell you what to believe here. I'm not going to spell out and see what's right or wrong. But if this is something that you do choose to believe, confidence is something they were either born with or something that we're not. Well, if you currently at the stage of your life don't have any confidence or you have very low confidence, then that would therefore mean that you're some sort of victim, kind of like whoever's major has made some sort of drastic mistake. When they were handing over, the confidence seemed toe miss you out or, you know you were lost in the lane or something like that. So I'm going to see that that methods is is slightly incorrect. Other people would believe that confidence is a skill that can be learned. No, I have watched so many self development programs and courses and I've listened to all the audios. I have read all the books of read hundreds of books over the years on. This is something that many people genuinely seem to believe. You know how I sometimes get emails cane? What's what's a technique that I can use today that's going to give me confidence? You know? How can I develop my skills and develop my confidence skills so I can become more skillfully confident? Onda The problem is, is that confidence is not a skill. Sorry. Confidence is not something that can be learned. Confidence is something the either have or it's something that you don't have. Confidence cannot be learned, but it can be developed over time. All right, as we grow to become secure in the value that we possess is human beings as we grow confident and secure in our intrinsic value. You see, there was one of my old heroes. He's he's dead now. Unfortunately, a guy called Jim Ron on old motivational life coach in Guru, died quite number of years ago, and he once said that if you want things to change in your life, then you must change. Everything begins with you. It doesn't Not talking here about the things that you do or or how you do the things that you do. We're talking about you who you are because who you are is actually a constant. It always has been a constant. But the only thing that influences how you feel on a daily basis is the beliefs that you have about yourself. You see, if you believe that you are really, really competent and really highly skilled and really good looking and really talented and really knowledge Bowen really good looking at all these sorts of things, then you'll feel confident. But if you believe that you're not, then you wouldn't feel confident. So all I'm really pointing towards here is the beliefs that we have about ourselves, because we are really going to be unpacking this and and quite a bit of detail through this course. So this is just the thought that I really like your toe ARJ energy to consider for 5 to 10 minutes. What does this actually mean for you? Use this space in the learning log, just toe, write this down ongoing. Consider what it actually means for you if you want things to change in your life On the the reason you're watching this course I can only a margin and assume is because you want something to change. So if this is true, if you want things to change in your life then you must change. What does this mean for you? 6. Exercise 1: The Personality Test: So this video brings us to the end of the first section and I do appreciate that have not gone into extensive detail about anything specific. Up until now, all I've really done my best to do is just orientate you to the course and also help you to monitor expectations off what to expect through the rest of this course. But in this lecture, what I'm gonna offer you right now is the very first exercise. Of course, on this isn't only in quizzes called the visual d n a personality quest. No, this is an absolutely excellent online quiz that just simply asks you to relate yourself to various images on the screen. I think there's about 30 questions or something like that. And at the end of the quest, what you're able to do is print off and have e mails to you, a descriptor off your personality. And it's actually one of the most accurate that I've come across and find through the years . No am in the additional materials section, there's a mini sort of workbook that just explains more about the personality quest with few instructions earned, and that the link don't as well so take 5 10 minutes on gun. Explore yourself. Use this. This this quest t grasp of slightly doing deep understanding. Off off who it is that you actually are on their take a few minutes. Teoh, write a few words in the discussion section. So toe, let me and everyone else know what it is that you've discovered. 7. The 1st Realm Of Confidence: Belief In Your Competence: Hi. Unwelcome to section to know if you remember in the first section I introduced you to this idea. The three realms off confidence. Know if you remember what they were, the 1st 1 being the belief that we have and our degree off competence our competence, how skilled and talented we are, how good we are doing the things that we do. You see, beliefs are fascinating things. They're either gonna build us up or they're gonna terrorist dome Some people that would choose to see in life, you know, I don't believe anything. Well, that's not true, because you genuinely believe that you believe nothing, which is store belief. So everyone has beliefs. Beliefs are kind of like the invisible foundation that many of us base our life's upon. No, this realm, this first realm, the belief that we have and our degree off competence how good we are a doing the things that we do and what I'm gonna introduce you to hear isn't is another idea that every single belief that we have in life is a limiting belief. Every belief that we have in life is a limiting belief. That's right. Every belief that we have in life is actually holding us back because you see, most people believe that the extent off truth in life is limited by what it is that they've already growing to experience. Most people would believe that there's no degree off truth. I was side of that which they've already experienced. So what I'm hoping to do through this section of the course is help you to understand the beliefs on a slightly deeper and more profound level from the inside out could help you to understand what it is that you primarily believe about yourself in relation to your degree off competence. Because going back quite a number of years ago when I was just a little boy still wet behind the ears, my mom and dad used to take me and my sister to the circus. No, I never particularly like the circus. I always found a little bit boring. My sister loved it, but there was one element of the circus that I actually always did enjoy. And this was the elephant cell of the lions and the that of the bears on the elephants. The elephant sale was found fascinating. The elephants being one of the largest mammals on the face of the planet. Why, I always wondered, was, why was it the an elephant as big on his strongest water for the wars or as they are, why they would allow themselves t be limited as soon as the harbor rule. Perot, under their car there are touched to chain. They just don't move. Because if you go to a circus or you go to go to reserve, you'll see an elephant that will sit there with a rule Peronists neck or a chain around his neck. Things chain is then attached to pick it or a spike in the ground. No, Obviously, the elephant we know they're, you know, has more than enough strength to break free to rip that piccolo the grown, then just walk off if it so chooses to. And in the context of a circus, well, it doesn't have to be a touched anything. In fact, that could just walk off and do whatever it wants. But yet it doesn't. It sits there as soon as a has a rope attached around his neck. On this rope is an attached to pick it in the ground. You see, I spent quite a number of years looking into this, all right, and not just understanding what I'm about to share with you and this video, but bit. But this whole idea off our core fundamental beliefs. Because when elephants are young in the early years of the light's, a circus master will approach one of thes a these animal aids places that will have saved a baby elephant after his parents have perhaps being killed toe have the tusks used for ivory to be sold on the black market or something like that? Andi. When this baby elephant is young, the circus master will take it to the training camp training area. Put a rope or a bit of chain or owners neck and then attach this chain to a spike or a picket that's been driven into the ground. No, When the baby elephants is still a baby elephant, it's actually physically not strong enough to break free from the peg from the chain. It fights on it dogs, and it screams and tries to Kek, but it's not strong enough to break free. The circus master knows that the elephant is not ready to begin Israel training until it stops fighting because the day that the elephants stops trying to break free from the peg is the day that the elephants grew into, except that it's not strong enough to break free from the peg. So you see, once is going to believe that the that is not strong enough to break free from the pegs the pegs no longer needed. It's then ready to start being trained and doing all the tricks and all that sort of thing . Celeste, fast forward. 15 years, you know, half fairly. Gruen Elephant in the middle of the circus, alright has a chain around its neck and this chain is attached to a spike or pick. It has been driven into the ground. Well, you see, the reason that the elephant wouldn't try to break free is because it knows from experience that is not strong enough to break free. The only limitation that this elephant actually has in actuality, is the belief that it developed a boat itself when it was young. When it was young, it genuinely wasn't strong enough to break free. But no, that's, you know, bigger and stronger. Well, it is able to break free, but it doesn't believe that it is. So it doesn't even try. So Hobart's story makes sense or I'm what I'm really trying to do here is paint a picture off where it is that our beliefs come from in life. You see, the first realm of confidence is a degree of confidence that we have and our competence. The things that we're able to do on this is a thing. If we don't believe that we're able to do something in life, then nine times over 10 were no even going to try. So the question that I would ask you right here is Highwood deaths at this stage of your life actually relates, so you 8. The Confidence 'X' Factor (The 6 Types Of Confidence: So I know that by no, you're aware that there are three realms of confidence. All right, in this section were unpacking the first realm of confidence, which is the confidence that we have in our degree off competence. But did you know that there are six different types of confidence? No, I'm not saying these things to confuse you. Promise you that I'm not. I'm seeing these things, and I'm gonna show you these things to help you understand yourself on also understand other people. Because if I was to ask you just for a minute and the kind of person that you really like to be in a relationship with, you know, if you had to spend the rest of your life with one person, how would you have them be? Would you like to spend the rest of your life with are really, really skilled person. Would you like to spend the rest of your life with a really articulate person? You know, someone who is a really gifted communicator like me? Or perhaps or maybe no to nose. Would you like to spend the rest of your life with a really smart person? Okay. How would you like to spend the rest of your life with a really good looking person. Now, I know this is gonna be a tough one, but I'll just point out here, just ask you to remember that looks fade all right. Or would you like to spend the rest of your life with a really confident person? No. You might be thinking Well, My goodness, can you give me some really tough choices here? I just don't know which one to choose. Will have not given you the sex and final option yet because before I give you the sixth and final option what I would firstly like to ask you to do here is just consider for yourself what it is that you currently built on base your confidence upon. All right. What type of confidence do you have? Is your confidence based upon how skilled and talented you are? Is your confidence based upon how articulate you are? You know how good a communicator you are Is your confidence based upon how smart you are, how knowledgeable you are, how wise you are because no one links a smarty ponds Today is your confidence based upon how good looking. You are no Noah. My confidence could be based. Bets, I'm guessing will probably have some people disagree with me and not one. Or is your confidence just based upon confidence, which isn't really a genuine confidence? It's just a car. False confidence that you you put on shore toe hopefully impress other people because this is what many people do, many people who will make themselves out to be the life and soul of the party, on the really extreme and in your face and all that sort of thing. That, except we know it's not really a real confidence. It's just something that they're putting on in the context of a social setting, you know, going back a number of years ago. It was really interesting. I actually coached in man towards a guy for quite some time who was a retiring footballer. And so, if you're in anywhere else in the world other than the UK and you might Cole football, soccer, which is okay, so I'm coaching this, this retiring a soccer player or football player on Do you know he was in his meds till late thirties and he played football his whole life on his Hey day. He'd actually been really good. His confidence in life was built upon his skills because he was a hugely skilled and gifted footballer. But the problem Waas was towards the end of his career well, you know, it started slowing down. That was younger guys coming in who were, you know, 10 15 even 20 years younger than him who were 10 times fire there faster. There were better looking Ondas, a direct result with us. His confidence absolutely plummeted. You know, that's combined with a, you know, a few injuries that left him sitting on the bench, unable to play. His confidence was left in tatters because you see the foundations office confidence on his life were built upon how Skillet iwas on as his skills began to fade, or so that his confidence which left him with not too much. Indeed, Andi, in exactly the same way. All right, think about how many Hollywood A list celebrities you know, and they are in the plastic surgeon's every other week or month, and you may not normal northern personally, but you'll know off them because if how often they're in the magazines and they're on the TV and all that sort of thing, the lips around here and bought talks. And this talks and that talks. And I don't even know half the stuff they can get done these days. But what we're saying is how many people build and based their confidence upon the looks on what happens is that good looks fade. Well, that's right. That confidence will also fade. No, I don't know where you're at in life today, and I don't know what it is that you're currently building and basing a confidence upon. So what, they were asking you to do too much yourself. Reflection of the stage in the course. What I'm really gonna ask you to consider here, as I've already mentioned, is you know, who is it? What type of person would you like to spend the rest of your life with a skilled person on articulate Paris in a smart Paris, in a good looking person or a confident person? Or by no might you be thinking to yourself I'm not sure if any of those things are sustainable for the really meaningful relationship came on. If you are asking that are saying that I'd say well done. He have just about now that we're just about there because there's one other type of confidence on this type of confidence. Is one that lasts is one that is sustainable on its is one that's transparent, genuine on riel on What we're talking about here is we're talking about genuine people, genuine all right, genuine people, because we got good looking people. We've got confident people. We've got skilled people, articulate people, smart people, and we've also got genuine people in life. What I'm gonna do, my very best throw this course to do is paint a picture off genuine. And yes, there may be times Throw this course where you don't particularly like me. You might disagree. You might have, you know, different viewpoints and all this kind of thing. I'm gonna ask you just to go with it anyway, because see, what are found throughout my life is that the only people that I would really ever be willing to trust are those that are willing to show me that they're genuine, those who are willing to show me who it is that the actually are, and you see the only people who are able to show me who they are Are those that actually know who they are? So we have brought this video from a few different angles here, and I'm hoping Leah catching the drift of what I'm talking about. There are six foundations and which broken boat our confidence in. We're gonna build our confidence upon our skills upon how articulate we are upon him. Smart. We are looking, We are how confident we are or upon the truth, off who it is that we actually are, which would therefore make us genuine on if we're no to consider the kind of person that we would choose toe build a meaningful relationship with. I'm sure that we're probably singing from the same song sheet here. And yes, good looking people are pretty and they're nice and all this stuff is good. But if we're talking about someone to build a meaningful, you know, a sustainable relationship with well, of course, we want someone who's going to show us that they're genuine. We want a genuine person on end the same way that you're always looking for other people to develop relationships with other people are also looking for people. It's about relationships with. So Bino is probably fair to say the genuine people are the kind of people that were able to trust on the kind of people that we really want more off in our lifes. So the question that I'm gonna leave your wealth is high wizard that other people would see you would. They see you as being scout with the C. U. Is being articulate, smart, good looking, confident or would they see you as being one off those genuine people? 9. The Tri Self Conundrum: so us. You're probably beginning to north test. This isn't one of these courses where I just give you a load of advice, you know? Oh, if you practice these three steps, you are going to be mega confidence. And if you're just mawr grateful and sure more growth to truth and all this kind of stuff. What I'm really working towards helping you see here is that there's nothing that you condo's that can make you feel more confident than nothing at all that you can do, though I do appreciate that's probably going to sound like a pretty big idea on, you know, over the next 7 to 10 lectures. I'm hoping that I'm gonna be able to help you see what I see on therefore, understand what I understand. What I'm really wanting to do throw this course is just share with you truth Ah, whole bunch of truths about yourself knowing that if you are able to understand yourself more effectively from the inside out, then you're also going to be able to understand other people more effectively from the inside out on. If you're therefore able to understand more and other people more effectively from inside out. Well, you're gonna know that you have absolutely no reason for little confidence and self esteem anyway. So what I would like to share with you and this video is what I call the try self conundrum right on. The reason it's a conundrum is because we have these three concepts self esteem, self worth and self concept room. The psychology books, the world of NLP, personal developments. If you go online, do a Google search for each of thes three terms you're going to come up with and you're going to find 2030 are 102 100 different descriptions and definitions of for these terms actually mean. So what I'm wanting to do here is actually assure you, for they are and how that all completely interlinked. And some people especially, you know, you're theorists know you're, you know, self help personal development. Girls will mistake and confuse self concept for self worth, though you know, mess communicate self worth for being self esteem and self concept, and things get messy. So all I really want to do here is just set the record straight share with you some truths so that you understands more than anything else, your problems slightly more effectively from the inside out. So, first and foremost self esteem, right? Must primarily what this course is all about, you know, build stronger confidence and more effective, unshakeable self esteem. Well, if you think about self esteem, what is it? Self esteem is just how you feel about yourself, isn't it? If you think about it, self esteem is always based upon a feeling. So if you're talking about self esteem, you're talking about how you feel about yourself on If you have low self esteem, you therefore don't feel particularly well about yourself. You don't like yourself. You don't feel good about yourself. You're not feeling confident and who you are, because if you're not feeling confident in who you are than what is in question, is your self worth your self worth your intrinsic value as a human being for your actually worth? No. You see, when we're talking about self worth, we're not talking about some sort of monetary value. Were talking about how much you're worth in terms of pounds or dollars or euros, or whatever the currency is whenever you're out in the world, we're talking about the value that's within you and the value that you offer other people. Because if you think about many people go through life wanting to prove themselves, don't they? You know they work so hard they put on this shore. They'll sometimes even speak down to other people in order to exert themselves and prove themselves as being greater than what it is that they fundamentally believe themselves to be. So when you come across really angry people in life, all rights, really aggressive people in life, is it because they're just really aggressive or angry people? Or is it because they're really insecure people who are not confidence and there self worth ? They do no understand their value. Therefore, they need to exert themselves, improve themselves, often aggressively in the attempts off, in some way impressing other people and think about Schoolyard Billy's well, that's what schoolyard bullies day the gore and bullying other people to compensate for their own. You know, poor low self esteem, which is based upon the little perception that they have of themselves their self worth. So self concept is interesting, all right, self concept is neither here nor there are self worth is our intrinsic value, the value that we have to be stunned to offer other people today. Our self esteem is based upon how we feel about ourselves today, but our self concept is different. Our self concept is this concept, the concepts, another word for an idea. This idea, this concept, this image that we have in our mines, about who it is that we can ultimately become the best version of us. Our self concept is, is just that place where we want to get to in life. You know that sometimes people will say When I get there things, we better when I get there. You know, life will just be so sweet and Rosie, when I get there, Well, when I get there, they are his self concept. On incidentally, no one ever gets there, because if we think about what's the best possible self concept could be is perfect perfection. You know, how many people in the world do you know that would make out that they're perfect, that there's no they have no war. It's the having our floors that have no imperfections. They would have everyone believe that who they are is ultimately perfect, will how many people in the world do you know who are actually perfect? And the answer is no. One Because no one's perfect. I'm in perfect. You're in perfect. We're all in. Perfect. Therefore were all in the same boat. All right, Which means therefore, that because we're in perfect, we need to find sometimes a more effective way of living so that we can manage this imperfection while snow beating ourselves up over it. Which is, incidentally, something that many people do. So, self concept is kind of like this this day in the future. You know, when we become who it is that we that we know we can fundamentally become. I'm gonna ask you a question here. All right. Do you like being judged? Have you ever felt judged from someone unfairly? Do you really want to be friends with people who judge you who make assumptions on Presumptions about who you are? Because of the things that you might say are because of the way in which you might be sometimes because of your imperfections? If you think about it, what is it that judgmental people dio judgmental people will look other people, though under compare themselves to them on make decisions about whether they're either better than or worse than you in the same way that when you're comparing yourself to others , you are making, you know on informed decision, based upon the best of the information that you have as to whether you're better than or worse than them. If you feel better than them, you'll feel this false sense of security security within yourself. You might even come across a little bit arrogant or you're going to feel insecure enough little confidence, low self esteem. So this is really fascinating on a really interesting idea, because, you see, whilst none of us like to be judged in life, unfortunately, as we're judging, others were also judging ourselves at exactly the same time. If you think about it, all right, if we're assuming that were better than someone, well, we're assuming on one level that they're worse than us or not as good as us. But we're also judging ourselves unassuming that we're better than them on. If we then flipped on its head. If we're comparing ourselves to someone else and assuming that we're not as good as them, we might be looking up to a parent or a teacher or a parent of influence are on employer or a partner or something like that. So if we're looking up to someone, I don't do a diagram shortly. That shows how all this works in a bit more detail. If we're putting someone on a pedestal, for example, judging someone on assuming that they're all that and we're not quite as good as them, well, we're putting ourselves lure than them on. If we're putting ourselves a lower than them, how does that effect? There were self esteem. Well, it's lower than them, therefore, little self esteem. So if we're putting ourselves down in comparison to other people, then lower self esteem comes about as a direct result off that. So I'm hoping that I know what you're able to see is all these three self's are completely interlinked. If you've ever felt like you have a battle going on in slate of yourself, I can guarantee you, Ray know that you are not mind you are not alone. All of us are exactly the same. Self esteem is just how we feel about ourselves on a daily basis. Our self worth is the value that we place upon ourselves later on the course, we're gonna, um, park unauthentic. Ah, g N u in self worth. We're going to give ourselves a unique reference point the foundation that we can build the rest of our lives upon. We need to understand the truth of who we are on. This is where we're going. This is what we're working towards through this course because, you see, once we've once we've come to understand, you know, the core, the truth of who we are self concept is about becoming the best version off ourselves that we can possibly become. You see, there's this really interesting idea whilst many people in life will beat themselves up for not being perfect because they're not good enough at this. I'm not good enough at that. They're not good enough at the next thing. Those people are primarily building and basing their confidence upon the things that they do. BC once we're able to begin building our confidence in life upon the core truth, the facts of who we are. Well, we're actually free then from concerning ourselves about the things that we do. We're free then just to simply be ourselves, which means that we can actually go on to live over the rest of our days, just working towards being better, which is a hell of a lot better in a hell of a lot easier than working towards just being good enough. It removes the pressure and the stress and attention from my life. So I will be unpacking all of this and a lot more detail through the remains of this section, the next on the section after. So you get a really solid and grounded understanding. If you have any questions about any of this, please read, show and ask and the discussion subject cause all of this stuff is really important. Get the foundations down. For what? We're going to be building the rest, of course, upon 10. The 2 States of Human Existence: what I would like to discuss in his video lecture as a really interesting idea. It's a really interesting concept. There is still hope that you're with me. All right, What I'd like to discuss here is the two states off human existence. Now this might sound really complicated, like of pulled over theory, but But I promise you that if not, this is really simple. Are two states of human existence are just simply being, which is who we are undoing, which is what we do. There's who we are under this. What we do know what I'd like to introduce you to. Here is a set off for five called in the past cultural equations on these air car equations that many people will define themselves by. If you think about it, have you ever bean? It's it's a networking meeting or some sort of business meeting. Or perhaps here you just go on 10 New university or you've moved to a new streak than you meet some new people on What's the first question? Once you've got names, you know on the pleasantries. Either way, what's the first question that most people will ask you? So far, is it that you do? What do you do with yourself on their most people? If they do what they do well, they will tell people, you know, my name's Frank and I'm a doctor. My name's my regrets, and I am a nurse. My name's Peter and I'm a plumber. You know, my name's Francesca and I'm a movie star. I'm an actress or something like that. I wouldn't try to show you Here is that many people will define themselves in life by the things that they do know This is absolutely fine. And, well, the right in the state of doing, you know, human existence. If what we're doing, we're doing reasonably well, you know, if we're doing what we do, Well, then, of course, we're gonna be confident because we're confident in our degree off competence. Remember, So one would like to share with yet all right, is this first culture equation the equation that many people live their lives by. If they like you see, people who defined themselves by by what we do in this doing state of existence would would genuinely believe that what they do, what they do, plus how well they do what they do kind of determines and equals who it is that they are. So most people will allow themselves to be defined by what they do and how well they do what they do, which, actually, if you think about it, makes these people human doings No human beings because you see human beings define themselves in a slightly different way. Human beings who are secure and who they are would not even dream with defining themselves by what they do. For example, you know, I could see a rightly domain names can rams A. I'm a psychologist, life coach, NLP Master Practitioner, guru Let me impress you with all the qualifications that I have and all the people that have helped from the multiple countries around the world on what I'm trying to do here is proved to you how significant an amazing I am because of what I do and how well I've done what I've done in the past. And therefore, if you're impressed with what I do and how well I've done what I've done than you might think that who I am is fundamentally OK. No. Where do you think that I'm okay? are no is entirely up to. You were going to be looking at this a little bit further and a bit more detail later on as well BC, I linked to define myself as being a human being on. I lived by a very different cultural equation. Let me show you what this is. You see, human beings who are secure and who they are will primarily and fundamentally first initially to find themselves by who they are. So they understand who they are, then every single day, because they know who they are, their security, who they are. They were in this constant state of self reflection about how they're being themselves. Um, I being the best version of myself that I can possibly be our, um I not yes or no black or white. If not, why not? How can I be better? Because I understand that if I'm constantly working towards being a better version of me than other people are going to find more value in me, and if other people find more value in me than they're going to see me as being more significant, and if other people see me as being more significance in their eyes than I become a month and demands. And if I become a mom and demand that makes me quite popular. And if I become quite popular, well, that's all. They're gonna boost my confidence. And that's the journey that we're going in life. So, you see, I'm only going to be recognized and seen a significant by other people. If you know how I am, me is offer relative value. You see, if you're finding any value in this course, right, no whatsoever, then you're going to be a touching the value that you're experiencing through me. To me, which means you may even see me, is quite valuable or not, who knows? And so what I'm saying here is human beings who understand who they are because I'm secure in who I arm off not shared with you who I am a just yet, but I will do shortly. And how I am who I am is just how I've grown to be the most effective version of me. You see, if you expedience and if you're finding me to be relatively interesting, fun, passionate, high energy, creative, all these sort of things, it's because that's how I choose to be me. You know, I I fundamentally I'm creative. Therefore, how I express myself is creatively and so who I am plus how I am who I am actually determines in my life what I to and can you see the difference. Human beings who define themselves first performance by who they are there in a constant state of self reflection, about how they are, who they are and what they do is just a direct result of who they are and who they are. For example, so what I do is a life coach Brown la Life course. That's not who I am who I am is is Kin Ramsey. I'm a loving, giving, passionate, caring, creative, giving, generous, honest, reliable, sincere mon. That's who I am. No, I'm not asking you to believe me here. I'm just telling you the truth. Whether you choose to believe me will be based upon whether I become consistent in your eyes and I find consistent through this course on If you experience me being honest and sincere, Ola So I think we'll by the end of the course, you're gonna grow to trust me. And you mate even go on to take one of the other courses. No, this isn't a sales pitch. I'm just seeing how things actually are. You know, I think going back a number of years ago, one of my and other heroes was a guy called Steve Corbett. You know, I've got us Horsfield collection, off range books That all stemmed from the first book of his that I have a Red with seven habits of highly effective people are read this book and it made so much sense. It was like I was reading a book about my very own life. But this guy was actually just being honest about has and I was able to relate, so because he was being honest and sincere and just being themselves in my eyes, he was a phenomenal court. So went on to buy always books. No, you see force I've and and who, who I come across on a regular basis, as many people who are not secure and who they are. And if someone is no security, who they are, they need to compensate for this on the way that most people will try to compensate for their own insecurity than who they are is through, you know, enhancing themselves through through what they do. Consider workaholics. Consider people. And again, let's go back to Hollywood celebrities. You know, the guys are the girls who, from one movie to the next movie to the next movie to the next movie because they're not fundamentally secured who they are. They need to be seen doing so much stuff on the need to maintain this place off exposure in the public eye. It's just so that could be seen a significant by other people. So what they are actually fundamentally looking for is validation on the approval from other people because they have not yet validated nor approved off themselves, which is interesting. So the question that I asked you here to rub this video up is how is it that you define yourself? Do you define yourself prime model A. By you know, by who you actually are. And then what you do with your life is actually just a reflection of who you are. Because as a previously mentioned I shared with you that I'm honest and reliable and loving and giving and caring and all that sort of thing in or how y army is Aziz Creative Express myself is as creatively as possible. What I do is coaching. I teach. I teach people how to understand the lessons that I've grown to understand throughout my life because these lessons made a huge impact in me. Therefore, I I know through experience, know that these lessons also make a real difference. And other people as well those who are patient enough to persevere on hear me out anyway. But it hasn't always been the case because going back, you know, 10 12 years ago, I used to find myself by the things that I did with my life. And this is where many people live. There was who are in a secure in who they are defined themselves by what they do instead. So the question here is four state of human existence. Are you currently operating in? Are you a human being who defines you know his or herself yourself by who you actually are ? Or do you define yourself by by what you do and make some notes of this one and spend some time really considering because this stuff's really important 11. Exercise 2: The Self Esteem Quiz (Workbook): All right, So this is just going to be a two minute video just to introduce the quiz that have prepared fear there's going to be available an additional materials section. Now this quest is called How is your self esteem? On the reason that I'm building this quiz into this section of the course? The questions are complicated. They're actually they're going to seem very, very simple. But if you answer these questions over there, two pages with then printed off and just circle your answers is going to help you to understand what it is that you fundamentally believe about yourself, understand reported, is that we're working towards overcoming and get rid off. Throw the rest of the course because we're no officially on this journey together. That's right. We're partners in crime. So take five minutes and complete this question. If you want to write a few comments in the discussion section, it would be fantastic just for meeting here where it is that you're currently but 12. Identity Crisis: A Soldiers Tale: So if you remember back to the end of the first section, I told you that story. Remember the guy that fell into the hole? Well, them in this video, I'm gonna share with yet another story. Except this stories. My story. This is about how I ended up falling into my whole going back quite a number of years ago. No, no. On the board behind me of written these words identity crisis Because we have all experienced crisis in some way in some shape or form at some point in life. On the identity crisis is the crisis that we have, where we no longer know where to go or what to do. Because we don't have the faintest idea who it is that we are. No, I'm not saying that this isn't No, this is or isn't a case for you. I'm talking very, very generally here on this course is a journey. We're just building layer upon layer upon layer. So I'm just hoping to take you with me. Un evolved in your thinking as I evolved in mine way back when So what I'm gonna have to make an apology for the stage is the quality off my artistic capabilities because I'm just not the greatest artist in the world, but I do my very best. All right, I'm I'm trying to be creative, which is fundamentally who I am. But this illustration this guy in the middle of the board here and has a picture of me, all right, with this question mark above his head, Who am I? I have is rock bottom confidence had hit bottom hard enough on a new things had to change somehow. But there was a process that led me up to that. All right on, this process actually began on the day that I turned 16 all right, because they just 16. I joined the Army, the British army. If you've never taken any of my courses before, this is a little bit of my back story in my background, you see, as a 16 year old boy and I was a boy bag. Then I had skinny chicken legs, which I used to get made fun off in school. I never really excelled at anything through my educational years, and I was never particularly good at sports. I was never really encouraged to do anything like that anyway. And I guess this stage of my life I wanted to do something with the rest of my life that I believed reserve relative significance. I wanted to do something significant with my life on. The reason that I wanted to do something significant with my life was because I wanted to be seen as being significant by others. And if you think about the only reason that we'd want to be seen a significant by other people, as if we do not see ourselves as significant, because if we know how valuable and significant we are in life, will we no longer need the approval on validation off other people, which is fundamentally what sets us free in life just to simply be ourselves, get ourselves out there on live, authentic, genuine and high impact, high caliber life's. But at this stage of my life, that's know how I was loving All right, actually spend from here to here around about eight years off my life, becoming on being a soldier know if you remember those cultural equations from a few videos back and because of joined at the age of 16 I was a boy soldier I ended up spending two years in basic training, in which time I was completely institutionalized. I was influenced by my car prose by my training instructors, who taught me and trained me to think like a soldier toe. Acts like a soldier behave like a soldier on how to be a soldier. And being a soldier is the definitive word here because, you know, a soldier was who it was that I believed myself to be, and because I did not see myself as being particularly significant or of any value back here, a soldier here I was able to see that, you know, gain the approval from appears off the other guys that I was training with I was serving with when I got home on weekends. Sometimes girls would say who You're in the army, You're a soldier. You're amazed and tell me some of your amazing stories. No. Yes, Back then, some of the stories were a little bit fabricated. Some of them were where always quite or 100% completely honest, because I was still looking to prove myself, impress other people and buying by myself because I probably still wasn't secured her waas In fact, I wasn't secured who I was. I was only secure And how well I was able to do my do the things that I done and fulfill my my rule within the British Army. No, Thean Tristen thing is on was through this this season This this period of life, if you've ever served in the military, is quite a unique culture that has his own culture within this culture. Andi, for young boys who had joined and the monetary actually needs young, insecure men that I can shape and more than brainwashed into becoming the kind of people that it needs to fulfill the task that has for them. Onda and I just fell into this trap is he actually grew into believe that, you know, being in the British Army, being part of the military, qualified me into the superior human race and that therefore made me better than my civilian counterparts. So whenever I went home and leave or things like that, I would look diamond civilians as being lesser lan human beings than I like. I was better than then. Remember earlier on, we talked about Latino judging people were talked about it briefly then we will go into this more detail later on as well. I would look down on civilians, all civilians, by the way, not just one or two. All civilians were exactly the same. Ah, big generalization that I made because as soldiers were better than those civilians because we go for a run once a day or the gym once a day are we knew how to shoot a gun or with perhaps going to the desert. I've done a dangerous job once or twice, but that's how we believe yourself to be and better than them. No, I really emphasize this because it's important because the day that I left the military in 2000 and four, after spending the better part of 3.5 years in the middle of the desert and having no served in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Oman, on Iraq during before and after the last Gulf War, I'd had enough all right, being a soldier, being, you know, doing a significant rule, it doesn't matter anymore. The work within itself was absolutely horrible, you know, spending months in the middle of the desert, drinking hot water, getting chewed off flies, the dust he just dark tale. The time in the life the lifestyle was horrible. It was so inconsistent on in terms of building relationships and friends. Oh, you weren't really able to do that within the military, people would move around so much. So you make friends with some people, then they would move or you would move. And I would say that the military will bear in mind you're dealing with civilians and on also you barely see them. So even in terms of an intimate relationship with that, with a partner or boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wave, whatever, that was also very difficult because of the time that you were spending overseas are away. So attended Buck my I D card here on Got out on Bond. You know what has crazy? Because although we're only to literally minutes toe hand back my I d card and walk out of the military gates, that was me left army behind that then took from here t here, the better part of 45 years for the military to leave me uneven today as I'm standing in front of you right now that are still parts that haven't left me. The only difference between where I'm at today and where the wars bag then, at this stage of my life is today I'm secure in who I am. Back then, I wasn't all right and not at all. So you see, how would this affected my confidence and self esteem was, I guess, in there in the military. I was relatively confident in in my ability to be a good soldier on, because I was able to be a good soldier. I done soldier and, well, you know, I was confident in my degree of competence. Remember, The first realm of confidence is and you know, belief and our degree of competence. But because I was a relatively competent soldier, I was I felt confident, a seman. But then the day came when I was no longer a soldier anymore. And no having stepped, they would say to the military, I could no longer to find myself as being a soldier. I entered this new season off life on and in the season from from here to here I tried different jobs, diff different rules. I worked on building sites. I won stage, even developed a set of me on business which flopped because it wasn't passionate about it . And I worked in the doors as a doorman because you're back Then when you're that age, you look up the doorman and pubs and clubs, especially in Scotland, as being quite significant in the big March or Butch guys, which is what I aspired to be like. And I got into sales. I got into marketing and go into the world of business and finance. I started making a lot of money, but nothing changed how I felt about myself. Nothing changed my degree of self esteem. The reason for this was because there wasn't a rule that I was able to find that that left me feeling a significant is what I once felt as a soldier. No, I'm not saying that, you know, So being a soldier is such a significant job because, looking back with hindsight, I know that it's actually not, but we're only ever a significant is what we believe ourselves to be. Onda. And back then, as I still believed, you know, being a soldier to be relatively significant, and I knew that I wasn't, which meant that I started feeling even Maurin significant than what I ever hunted before. And as I began feeling Maurin significant in as I compare myself to other people, I was fully aware know that where I once looked doing these civilians, I had no become one of them, which meant that I was down. And guess which direction my self esteem went down Law. Low self esteem as a compared myself to others to these of the civilians are like Dhoni civilians. But no, I'm one of them. Which means I'm just the same as you, which isn't good enough. Look, I'm not saying any of this stuff is true. I'm just saying This is how I processed at the time. I'm just being his honest as I can as I can be here, on and on in this season here as a tried and I went from job to job from role to role. It's a position to position. There was nothing that I was able to do that that enabled me to feel like I like the way that I was living. My life was even remotely worthwhile. I entered this stay of complete identity crisis, were a phone myself into this hole. The hole that was so deep, sore white. I didn't know how to get out of the vest. I didn't even really know how it was. There are good insert. The only thing that I knew here was that you know, there is no way that I can to find myself by what I do for even one day more. So this was how I'd find and made my way into the whole Everything changed one day when I made a committed decision to change. Remember that quarter share shared earlier on Maywood hero Jim? Ron, you know you can want your life to change, but unless you change, then nothing changes. Well, I guess this was the realization that had come to in life because this pet, this whole it was off low confidence, low self esteem. I felt sad and depressed about were passed on. I felt I anxious, are apprehensive, fearful about the future. I didn't know if who I was as a man was good enough. Teoh even make it to get there. Remember where there is self concept so hard myself concept myself concept was living a meaningful and significant life. But myself worth was uncertain. I didn't understand more value, which meant therefore, that my self esteem plummeted on this left me in my whole. So this is that I've been honest about myself here, and I'm hoping that by no, you're gonna be able to see that there is substance. And in what I'm talking about, because from this point onwards, all that I'm really able to do know is they share with you the innocents two steps on the lessons that I've learned on that I took to get myself out. 13. The Timeline of Learning (Beliefs): What I would like to introduce you to in this video is an idea. I call this idea the timeline off learning. Now this is going to be building upon that idea that would looked up earlier on. Remember the elephants story that I told you the circus elephant who grew Teoh believe, unlearn that he wasn't strong enough to break free from the chain and the peg. Well, believe it or not, in life, what's true for elephants is also true for us, as human beings on the way that elephants grow, toe will develop the beliefs that they ultimately have about themselves is exactly the same as the way in which we as human beings also growth developed beliefs that we have about ourselves on every belief that we have in life as a limiting the reason being because we don't have all the information. All right, this course is no. It's going to be the perfect on best confidence building course in the world because a I'm an imperfect person on B because I also don't have all the information in the world. So if I did have all the information in the world, then it might be a perfect course, but unfortunately, it wouldn't be so. I'm going to share with you the timeline of learning instead. No, all that I'm really gonna be able to do here is hopefully paint a picture, ensure you how it waas that I grew to learn and develop the beliefs. I hard about myself over a period off time, any through in my life. Because in the last video I shared with you the story, my story off identity crisis, the problem that I hard on the steps that I took that led me into that whole, that whole off low confidence, low self esteem to spare anxiety and all that kind of stuff. And but there was a process, all right. A series of steps. That's a look, pools that I went through, that they took me to that place of wanting to join the army anyway, to prove my significance, you see, because I, the age of 16 genuinely wants to prove my degree of significance to other people. It was because up until then I had grew into toe learn that who I was The person was insignificant. No. Then I don't know if you've ever experienced NLP or any form of therapy or anything like like that whatsoever. And if you haven't what I'm gonna argue to consider doing at some point in the future is finding a competent, any LP practitioner or Muster practitioner all right. The reason being is because there's a really cool exercise they will be able to do with you . It's called a timeline re imprinting, exercise timeline re imprinting and what I was doing studying NLP for all these years, This was on exercise that I went through an experienced myself. And it's only because of under one off experience this exercise myself and that I'm able Teoh to share this timeline of learning with you if farming sense it was the process by which I grew to learn and believe that Huawei wars as a person wasn't good enough and was in significance. Alright, you see, when we're young and we don't have any beliefs where just babies were a clean slate, right, all the damage begins getting done the second that were born on the second that we start interacting with other human beings. My earliest memory in life is actually and I would have been around about five or six years old. So up until then, you know what? Just looking around. Everything's new. Everything was exciting. World happy We all want have a nice time and play games on. And at this point in the timeline right about here, I can remember walking into Medan's bedroom one Saturday morning. No, my dad, incidentally, and I know my dad loved me in his own way but said he would work away from home, You know, often five days a week. So the only opportunity I had to ever see him was a weekend on when it came to weekends. Unfortunately for me and sister, because he had been working away through the week and he was tired or ihad headaches, migraines, back pains like pains, some sort of pain, which left him in bed all weekend, tired on unable? No, my earliest memory was actually walking into Madonna's bedroom that dad died. Get out of bed. Come on, get up And it take me to the power. Expend some time with me. Focus on me. Give me all your time and all your attention, Which is kind of what we do is kids, isn't it? On guy was met with a response. No, on that was that I'd just being completely rejected. No, I'd never experienced rejection like this before. You know, I was interested in Madaya. I wanted to spend time with Madonna. He didn't want to spend time with me. I didn't know what this men's because I hunt consciously being aware off having ever been rejected at any other point in the past. So this was a big strike for me, and so I obviously haven't learned anything yet. So for me, you know, persistence is key. So right that that get out of bed. Come on, get up. Spend some time with me. Give me attain. Give me your attention. I want to do something fun and exciting. And then what did he do? Well, I'm just going to spell us over here and be completely honest, but he ruled over. He turned his back and me and then popped off. He brought wind. He farted. That was that? No, You know, that was just so un cool. I couldn't believe it. This was the ultimate rejection. But the funny thing Waas You know, I still didn't know what this meant because If you think about him in life, when something happens to you for the first time, you don't have a clue. What it means is just a random event. When something happens one time, it's just a random occurrence. But if the same thing happens twice, for example, your rejected well, you're no starting toe. Ask yourself questions on a subconscious unconscious level. What does this mean? I've just been rejected twice. What does this mean about me? But you know, it's only happened twice, so it may just be a coincidence here. No, yet, sure you don't have enough information on which to make a well informed decision. So you keep on going, don't you? You see? Ah, few months later, I go to school on those This little girl. She's a Chinese girl, her mom and dad on the local Chinese take away cold, sundry ending. And she was my childhood sweetheart. And Sandra, if you ever watched this course or any of my other And yes, you were the first and but unfortunately I'm married. No. So you've hided chances missed out, but But look, son, drilling on this in particular day in question. It was Valentine's day and I had saved up all of my pocket money to buy a Valentine's Day card on a Mars bar on I think I even wrapped the Mars bar up on Put Little Born it on As I approached son droning that said, Sandra, I fund, See you, will you be my valentine? You know what she said, Not you stink or words to that effect on. But that left me with 1/3 strike. Own bomb. No, What I'm starting to see here is a bit off a pattern because I've just been rejected off Dad twice. Often, I have just been rejected of Sandra. Ah, I'm not sure what this means about me. That was maybe something wrong with me. I'm just not quite sure. So a few weeks later, I'm standing because Dad's been in bed every weekend and I'm standing in line waiting to get picked for the school football team, our soccer team. But bear in mind, I'm not very good at sports. All right, so guess who. The last person to get pictures. That's right. You guessed it Me unless person to get pecked and know what the C says. I just stick him in the goals that way that we will stand about chance, Richard and Scarl in a big footballing nation as that ultimate rejection. If you just get stuck in goals, that is rejection and 1/2. So here we go. And no, I'm completely seeing a pattern. A pattern is evolving. I keep on getting rejected and you see when we're young, no one takes time to explain this stuff to a C wherein were in school. We don't get taught about beliefs. We don't get talked about emotions we don't get taught. The difference between thoughts, emotions, beliefs, opinions Nine times out of 10 even our own parents don't do particularly good job. It teaches this stuff. So we reached a stage in life where we end up and a whole or with, you know, some sort of problem where either struggling with, you know, rock bottom, self esteem, confidence, anxiety, stress, tension, chaos, problems of some degree because we've never been told this stuff. But yet we beat ourselves up. We've grown to assume and believe that who we are isn't quite good enough. We feel side about the times have been rejected in the past. Some people may even feel depressed. We feel anxious about the future. We don't want toe apply for a new job or go for the next interview. No, because we're scared of getting the job because we're petrified of experiencing another rejection on what it will mean about us if we were to be rejected one more time and it's not even what it would mean. It's just that if we are rejected again in the future, all that kind of really does is it just puts the stamp of approval on a volatile dates. The belief that was already two fell up the boat, our self. So you see, we reached a stage in life. We're like the elephants and we're doing consciously looked to prove ourselves wrong in life. All we're looking to is the times where we can prove ourselves right. If we develop a belief for ourselves, you know who I am isn't good enough in some way. I'm not smart enough. I am not skilled enough. I'm not talented enough. I'm not good looking enough. I'm not confident enough. I'm no articular enough. I'm not this enough. I'm know that enough. We can construe strip away all the wording and just say I'm not enough on this is the place where many people reach in life where the then spend the rest of their lives doing their best to over and hunts themselves unproved themselves to other people because who they fundamentally believe that they are is just not enough. So you see, if you remember the elephant, the elephant with a chain around its neck, well, the chain actually represents the belief that have developed a boat itself when it was young. On this belief is actually not too dissimilar, in fact, is actually exactly the same as the beliefs that we develop about ourselves as human beings with begin to develop when we're young. But if we're no aware of this stuff All right, then you see this is that every experience that validates the belief that belief becomes stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger and will become completely tied to her past. For example, have you ever had a conversation with someone and you say to them something along the lines off? Come on, you should just go for that job. You'd be brilliant data. And how did the response No, I could do that. I've never been good at doing things like that in the past. And what is it? They're remembering the remembering all the times in the past where either someone reject them or times in which they failed, not because who the where wasn't good enough. It's just the honey a learns on effective strategy or the most effective strategy for getting the result that they wanted. So they assign the outcomes from their life in the things that we do to the very identity and assume that moving forward they're going to be getting or achieving are experiencing the same or similar results in the future. That's what they once experience in the past. Soon this is our timeline off Lurling in life. Many people genuinely believe that the past equals the future just because you have not been able to do things in the past and many people would assume they're not going to be able to do these things in the future. Therefore today, that gives them a thing, a little confidence, because the confidence that they have in their ability to learn and solve problems is ah is no are completely non existence. So how it is that we're able to begin brick and free from these limiting beliefs. That's where we're little longer defining ourselves by the stuff that we do. You see, there was a man, a guy called Thomas Edison, and you may very well have heard of this guy he's talked about in schools and colleges. And he was the guy that invented the light bulb. No, you've most likely heard the severe or read about this if you've ever read any self help book in the whole world. But you see this guy who invented the light bulb, you know, in his autobiography, he talks about how he failed just over 1000 times. So he's got 1000 of those validations telling him that what he done wasn't good enough. But you know what? His perspective waas the approach the took towards doing the things that he wanted to do with his life was that, you know, every single time that I failed was just me again. One step closer towards achieving, succeeding and creating the light bulb every single time that I failed was just another lesson that I learned along the way. So what I'm actually pointing towards here. All right, is your intrinsic value. And we are gonna be unpacking this in a whole lot more detail. But if you think about it, you know, in life and we are who we are on its all the lessons that we learned along the way, it's all the highest, all the Lewises, all the upsets, all the don's. It's all the successes, all the failures on the lessons that we've learned along the way. You see, this is your value. That may very well be the case that you have failed measurably time on time and time again throughout your life up until today. But here's a thing. One approach on perspective that you could take is that you know, I'm not good enough. I am a failure. This is just who I am. I am not good enough. Or you could take a slightly alternative approach on a slightly old Terran in perspective and look for the lessons so learn along the way. Yes, I have failed so many times, but look at the lessons that I've learned. This is the value that I have. The I can share with other people that no one ever took the time to share with me. You see, if you consider the last video I shared with you, how it was that I fell into my whole off despair color where you want low confidence, no self esteem. I have bean there, but I I'm not there today. Today I do not have the same problems as what I hard 10 12 years ago. I have grown out of them. I have matured in life because you see, growing up in life is all about maturing. A maturing in life is about growing out upwards on out off the limiting beliefs that we develop up by ourselves as Children. Unfortunately, most people don't know this stuff in life. So if you're still watching this course right now, when If this makes sense, then you've just come to see something, understand something that most people in life don't get. So guess what, you've just growing in. That's right, my friend. Value 14. The Comparison Trap: False Confidence by Comparison: So if you remember early on in the course will look to this six different types of confidence. Some people will build and base their confidence upon how skilled or talented they are, how knowledgeable or how smart they are, how good looking they are, confident they are or how articulate they are. And most people in life will compare themselves to other people in one of those five areas . All right, people will generally compare themselves to other people. Um, I let's just say this is you. All right? Um, I as good looking as this person. All right. You see things. Paris is better looking than me. This person is the same as me or this Paris's, lest on me on, based upon the assumption on the Children that you make will determine how you feel. Because if you look at someone said, you know, am I as good looking as them or on my nose? And if the answer is I'm better looking than them, then you feel confident because you've judged them and put them down. If, however, you look at someone who's just Mr or Mrs Beautiful, when then you just put him up on this pedestal by goodness, you're absolutely stunning as you walk past, um, what happens? You either stare at them evil A in a different place of envy and disgust. Or you'll just hung your head law and self esteem confidence, because you know that they're fundamentally better looking than you on it doesn't have to be looks. And this might be how smart you are. No, if you watch this right now, there's a pretty good chance that you've had some sort off educational experience in life on then. If you've ever walked through a college or a university or something like that or whatever , you're higher education institution is in whatever country you live in, and you'll know what I mean. All right? No, I entered them to aim higher education at a later stage in life. I was actually 28 or 29 when I reentered education on day and what I found to be more frustrating than anything else. It was opinionated, ous, pimply faced, 15 16 17 year olds who thought that they knew everything whose confidence was based upon how knowledgeable they thought that they were. I could remember, you know, being judged off pimply 16 year old boys, all right, who had found a range of a grade passes in their exams. Here's me just how do you know? Eight years life experience in the military, followed by another few years of complete self destruction, which, incidentally, collected quite a lot from and then a few years off, overseas travel, which all may, I may tell you about later on. I lived in Australia for a year and 1/2 and then a New Zealand for a few years on. They re enter full time education. I'm getting judged by someone who got better grades on. Examine me, my goodness. Gracious me good for developing patients. Very good for developing patients. Enemy Justus Justus. Well, I had nothing that I felt that I needed to prove. But in life, many people do. Many people genuinely do feel un believe that they have something that they need to prove to other people. You need to prove who they are to others. Many times of a 10 aggressively or forcefully as a direct result of their own insecurity. What I'd like to talk about here is the comparison trap. No. Have you ever watched the time TV? No, I don't know. Whereabouts in the world you are. But in the UK in Scotland and we have TV shows like Jeremy Kyle and trash trash. Tricia No, these air A TV show hosts that asked. They're you know they're there. The various guests questions. But the guests that have any shows are sometimes. And how could you define these people? People who may know have the highest of standards in life. All right, you have. You know, young girls maybe 17 or 18 have just popped out of the fourth or fifth child and don't know who their fathers are to any of them on. Then go on national TV toe. Ask 10 different guys to do blood tests so that she can determine who the father was to her second child and all that kind of stuff. Now, the question that you may be asking yourself here is where on earth did you get these people who would go on live national television and make fools of themselves like that? Or the other question you could ask is, why would people even watch this garbage? Well, you see, the interesting thing is, and statistics sure that said, people who watch their time TV and the greater percentage of people who watched daytime TV are generally unemployed people or stay at home moms. All right. And no, I'm not saying that all unemployed people and all stay at home moms have low confidence and low self steam. But what I am saying is that those TV shows are very, very popular. And what I do understand is this principle that I'm about to share with you on. We call this the comparison trap because we have already discussed earlier in the course off how it is that all people live in this constant state of comparison to other people all of the time on, We all do this. We're all guilty off, even if we think that we don't. We all do