The Communication Skills Masterclass - 9 Courses in 1 | For Business & Personal Development | Robin & Jesper ✓ | Skillshare

The Communication Skills Masterclass - 9 Courses in 1 | For Business & Personal Development

Robin & Jesper ✓, Teaches Digital Marketing

The Communication Skills Masterclass - 9 Courses in 1 | For Business & Personal Development

Robin & Jesper ✓, Teaches Digital Marketing

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91 Lessons (9h 11m)
    • 1. Complete Communication Intro Skillshare

      0:23
    • 2. Communication Skills Masterclass Explained

      1:42
    • 3. The 4 Communication Styles

      5:40
    • 4. Common Obstacles When Being Assertive

      6:07
    • 5. The Benefits of Being More Assertive

      6:55
    • 6. Assertiveness Beyond Communication

      8:33
    • 7. How to Speak Up for Yourself

      6:47
    • 8. Exercise - Speak Up for Yourself

      8:27
    • 9. Speak with Confidence

      5:56
    • 10. Exercise - Speak with Confidence

      7:02
    • 11. Learn How to Say No

      6:55
    • 12. Exercise - Say No

      7:59
    • 13. I Instead of You

      6:44
    • 14. Exercise - I Instead of You

      7:05
    • 15. Thank You!

      0:44
    • 16. Conflict Management Explained

      3:54
    • 17. Why Conflict Management is Important

      6:22
    • 18. Why We Avoid Conflicts

      6:30
    • 19. The Conflict Management Styles

      8:01
    • 20. Before Choosing Your Style

      6:54
    • 21. 5 Common Workplace Conflicts

      9:03
    • 22. 5 Tips to Handle Difficult Conversations

      5:01
    • 23. 4-Steps to Handle Difficult Conversations

      3:09
    • 24. Exercise - The Discovery

      4:30
    • 25. Exercise - The Mirror

      4:04
    • 26. Exercise - Your Turn

      4:30
    • 27. Exercise - Problem-Solving

      5:08
    • 28. Thank You!

      0:50
    • 29. Emotional Intelligence Explained

      4:48
    • 30. The Power of Emotional Intelligence in Sales

      6:17
    • 31. How to Increase Sales

      7:11
    • 32. How to Deal with Difficult Customers

      11:56
    • 33. Emotional Intelligence Mastery in 5 Steps

      6:10
    • 34. Exercise - Self-Awareness

      6:48
    • 35. Exercise - Self-Regulation

      9:49
    • 36. Exercise - Social Skills

      8:11
    • 37. Exercise - Empathy

      9:02
    • 38. Exercise - Motivation

      8:32
    • 39. Bonus - EQ Hack

      5:00
    • 40. Thank You!

      1:32
    • 41. Business Writing Explained

      3:26
    • 42. Your Plan

      4:36
    • 43. Your Readers

      2:36
    • 44. Your Voice

      4:02
    • 45. Business Writing Mastery in 5 Steps

      2:31
    • 46. Message

      5:46
    • 47. Language

      5:03
    • 48. Headings

      6:57
    • 49. Sentences

      5:28
    • 50. Paragraphs

      4:46
    • 51. Review It

      5:21
    • 52. Customer Service Explained

      2:20
    • 53. In Demand Customer Service Skills

      2:27
    • 54. Online Customer Service Tips

      7:42
    • 55. Build Customer Rapport

      5:01
    • 56. Build Emotional Intelligence

      5:45
    • 57. Improve Active Listening

      5:13
    • 58. Effectively Written Communication

      5:33
    • 59. Product Knowledge

      5:26
    • 60. Time Management

      5:35
    • 61. Dealing with Upset Customers

      4:57
    • 62. How to Amaze Your Customers

      6:09
    • 63. Public Speaking & Presentation Explained

      3:14
    • 64. Overcome Fear of Public Speaking

      10:51
    • 65. Public Speaking Tips

      8:59
    • 66. The Preparation

      11:09
    • 67. The Opening

      10:22
    • 68. The Closing

      8:09
    • 69. Create an Effective Presentation in 5 Steps

      3:07
    • 70. Step 1 - Purpose

      6:26
    • 71. Step 2 - Plan

      3:40
    • 72. Step 3 - Story

      13:19
    • 73. Step 4 - Slides

      10:23
    • 74. Step 5 - Rehearse

      8:14
    • 75. Thank You!

      1:12
    • 76. Persuasion & Influence Explained

      4:26
    • 77. How to Close a Deal

      12:58
    • 78. How to Persuade

      6:09
    • 79. How to Influence

      7:17
    • 80. Reciprocity

      3:59
    • 81. Curiosity

      7:34
    • 82. Scarcity

      5:28
    • 83. Social Proof

      8:15
    • 84. The 3 Boxes

      6:48
    • 85. Persuasion Mastery in 5 Steps

      4:04
    • 86. Exercise - Character

      8:01
    • 87. Exercise - Reason

      6:37
    • 88. Exercise - Emotion

      7:09
    • 89. Exercise - Metaphor

      6:52
    • 90. Exercise - Brevity

      7:33
    • 91. Thank You!

      1:45
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About This Class

Master Conflicts, Persuasion, Public Speaking, Presentation, Writing Skills, Customer Service & Confidence to Speak Up.

Would You Like to Learn Communication Skills to Improve Your Business & Personal Life?
Then, You've Come to the Right Place!

Communication Skills Masterclass is an Online Video Course For Anyone Who Wants to Learn Effective Communication Skills for Both Professional & Personal use.

Inside This Course, You'll learn a Wide Range of Life-Changing Communication Skills.

After This Course, You'll Be Able To

  • Speak Up for Yourself

  • Have Difficult Conversations

  • Increase Sales

  • Close More Deals

  • Write Like a Professional

  • Get Satisfied & Happy Customers

  • Do Speeches & Presentations Despite Anxiety

What You Will Master Inside This Course

  1. Assertiveness

  2. Conflict Management

  3. Emotional Intelligence

  4. Persuasion Psychology

  5. Influence

  6. Business Writing

  7. Customer Service

  8. Public Speaking

  9. Presentation

This Course Includes Templates & Tools That Will Help You Optimize Your Communication Skills!

All of the Tools in This Course are FREE and the Paid Tools are Only the Very BEST.

See You Inside The Communication Skills Masterclass | Business & Personal Life course!

Love 

Robin & Jesper

Meet Your Teacher

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Robin & Jesper ✓

Teaches Digital Marketing

Teacher

We're passionate about teaching! There's no greater joy than watching beautiful testimonials of people achieving their goals and dreams. That's why we STRONGLY believe in full and constant support. With ALL of our courses you can expect:

If you're interested in learning Digital Marketing - Social Media Marketing or Creating a Something Awesome..

We're at your service!

Love

Robin & Jesper

See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Complete Communication Intro Skillshare: Hi, welcome to their complete communication skills masterclass. My name is Jasper and I will be one of the instructors of this course, and my name is Robin and I'll be the other instructor of this course. Now if your looking to become more confident, improve relationships, and excel in your career, you come to the right place. 2. Communication Skills Masterclass Explained: Hi and welcome to the communication skills masterclass cores, where you will learn to develop the most important life-skill off them, off your ability to communicate effectively. First of all, we'll build your communication skills foundation. You learn how to become a confident communicator through assertiveness training. Next up, you'll learn how to master difficult conversations through conflict management training. You will learn what motivates yourself and other people through emotional intelligence training. How to convince anyone of anything through persuasion training, how to change anyone's mind going at a deep level through influence training, how to always look professional in your writing, through business writing training, how to make sure that you get happy and satisfied customers through customer service training. How to have the ability to speak in front of large audiences, even if you're an anxious person through public speaking training. And finally, how to create effective presentations that engages unconvinced is your audience. Presentation training. Now this course is designed to start off with the most important communication skill and then build towards more specific skills. However, each one of these different trainings work as stand alone courses, which means that you can jump in anywhere at any time. So if you're ready, let's start off by building your communication skills Foundation, by becoming a confidence speaker. And we will do that through assertiveness training. See you in the next lecture. 3. The 4 Communication Styles: Hi guys and welcome back to the course. Now, inside of this video, we are going to talk about the four different communication styles and which suits the best for you to get the confidence to speak up for yourself. So let's dive into the video to make it easier for you to follow along inside of this video to understand all the four different communication styles that there is out there. We're going to take it from a situation. And this situation would be someone calls you a bad name. So how do you react to this? Now, you can react in four different ways. Basically, in the first one would be a passive communication style. Second would be an aggressive the communication style. Then we're having the passive aggressive communication style and we're having the assertive one that we are aiming for, right? So first of all, how would disperse and react? Well, you don't share your feelings with anyone and pretend that everything is so k, if you are a more passive communicator, maybe you have low self-esteem. Maybe you don't want to hurt other feelings by responding how you feel and what you need to get out from that situation. Often, you don't speak your mind because you were scared to may be ruined relationship or to hurt anyone's feelings and you don't really think that your opinion matters or your wants and needs or feelings matter at all. So you stay on your passively like communication style and you agree on almost everything or anything that people are saying to you because you don't want to ruin anything, then we're having the aggressive one. So someone calls you a bad name. You express your feelings in a disrespectful and mean way, the goal is to get back at them and hurt them. Now, if you are a more aggressive communicator, you don't take a lot of bad things from people you don't like when people are calling a bad name or putting you into a box so you are reacting, you're having your feelings on outside of your body. Everybody can see that you are angry, you are aggressive, and most of the people out there don't want to fight with you. And you often would like to hurt people back. So this is the more aggressive style. You don't really matter how people react to you as long as you can speak your mind, your feelings, and you can have low self-esteem, where you can have high self-esteem, it doesn't really matter, but your aggressive inner communication because you would like to get your points across, then we're having the more passive aggressive communication style. So someone is calling you a bad name. How do you react as a passive, aggressive communicator? Let's have a look. You don't express your feelings, so you don't have the feelings on the outside of your body. But then you'd get back at them and hurt them. Now, if you and me are having a conversation and you are more passive aggressive communicator. I'm telling you may be, Hey, I would like to do this and this tonight. And you're standing there often and you are agreeing with me and you're saying, yeah, yeah, that sounds good, but maybe in your head you're thinking, I don't wanna do that. I don't feel that way. Why should I always do as he or she is telling me to do. But you're standing there, you're smiling, you're agreeing, et cetera. And then maybe you go home, talk with your family or friends. And you're saying, this stupid guy or this stupid girl, never listen to me. You basically backstabbing me, trying to hurt me behind my back. But you don't have the confidence to say it to me face to face. This is a more passive aggressive communication style. You don't express your feelings in a conversation with me. Rather you go home and maybe you're expressing your feelings and your needs and wants, et cetera, when your friends, family or colleagues or schoolmates or so on. That is what passive aggressive is when it comes to the communication style. And then guys, then we're having them more assertive once. So let's see how a more assertive person would react to someone calling them a bad name. You tell the person how they made you feel in a nice and respectful way. This sounds like a dream, and it basically is when you have the confidence to speak up for yourself, to tell the person that have called you a bad name that hey, this is not okay. I would like you to please stop calling me a bad name. That is quite respectful, right? And that is also something that brings respect for you as a person that you are speaking up for yourself. And that is exactly what you are going to learn step-by-step inside of this course. How to be a more assertive person to gain more respect, more confidence, to speak up for yourself, to make people, listen to you, to make people and yourself taking yourself more seriously. So that is exactly what you are going to learn inside of this course. How to be more assertive, to gain more confidence, to speak up for yourself. So let's move on to the next video and I'll see you there. 4. Common Obstacles When Being Assertive: Now welcome back to the course guys. Now inside of this video, we are going to talk about a few obstacles that we are often having. Inner way, from being assertive, from speaking up for ourselves, to understand that our opinion also matters. Let's dive into the video. Now actually one of the most common obstacles when being assertive or trying to be assertive is actually as simple as you don't know what you want. If you never sit down with yourself and having some type of self talk, then it's pretty hard to understand what you self want or what you yourself need, and therefore, you don't know what you want. Inserted conversation for example. So if somebody ask you normal question like, Hey, what do you want like to eat today? What do you want like to eat for dinner? And you say, well, I don't know, because you don't talk with yourself. That's why you don't know. You're always trying to police people outside of yourself. You are trying to meet needs and wants for other people you don't talk with yourself. So like sitting down ten minutes a day, only ten minutes a day and talking to yourself and asking you simple questions like, what do I want to eat tonight? Or what movie or what Sirius would I like to watch? Maybe on Netflix tonight. Ask yourself questions so that you easily can answer other people's questions about food, simple things like food, movies, series or maybe what he would like to do this weekend, for example. So do ten minutes of self-talk every single day. And you will be more likely to speak up for yourself to become more assertive in your communication. The second obstacle is thinking your needs and wants don't matter. And these two goes so well together. Because if you don't know what you want, how would you then think that what you need and want matters when you don't even know what you need or want. So do your self-talk, exercise ten minutes a day to understand what you want, what you need to make sure that you speak up for yourself to become more assertive. So figure out your wants and your needs ten minutes a day, guys. And then we're having fear of disconnecting. Now, if you don't meet my need and I would be, let's say an aggressive communicator, then I assure you that you will have some type of fear to disconnect with me. Nobody in the whole world would like to disconnected people, people that are toxic for you. Of course, you don't want to connect with those guys. But if you have friends and family and you're feeling like if I'm assertive, if I speak my mind, my needs, my wants, my feelings. I might hurt somebody and therefore, I will disconnect to them. No, you won't. If you are speaking in a respectful way to your friends, family, colleagues, or maybe to your mates in school, then no worries, you will learn just how to do that inside of this course. So don't fear to disconnect because you don't have to do that. And sometimes actually you have to disconnect to connect to people. Of course, if you are in an argument with somebody, a colleague, a friend, or family member, sometimes Dad is healthy too, so don't be afraid of disconnecting because disconnecting, that mean that you are connecting on a deeper level with that person to strengthen that relationship. Though the next common obstacle would be fight-or-flight. So this is pretty common if you are maybe in and heat of the moment discussion with somebody and you feeling like, oh, I'm freezing and I don't know what to do. Should I walk away? Should I say something then often that responses of fight or flight response, you don't know if you are going to be more aggressive to that person in that conversation or if you just would like to run away. So by learning how to become more assertive intercommunication, meaning that you're speaking, listening to other people's opinion, but also making your points across your needs, your feelings, and your wants more respectfully. They will also be better at communicating and you don't have to feel like you're freezing up or would like to run away in a conversation. Insecurity is the next common obstacle when it comes to not being assertive. When you don't have to speak up for yourself, you feeling insecure. Do my needs and want really matters, et cetera. But also, you're just insecure as a person, you don't know how to communicate with people if people are even going to take you seriously. So insecurity is one way. Therefore, it's so important that you're doing this exercise ten minutes a day of self-talk. If you are doing that to really figure out what in life you want, what in life you need, et cetera. Starting off with picking a movie for tonight, maybe picking what you would like to do this weekend. Maybe picking I don't know what you would like to eat for dinner. And speaking that to your husband, wife, kids, friends, family, or anybody in your surroundings, you have taking a small step to becoming more assertive, to speak up for yourself. Great job guys. We'll see you in the next video. 5. The Benefits of Being More Assertive: Welcome back to the course guys. Now inside of this video, we are going to talk about some of all of the benefits when it comes to being more assertive and direct in your communication. Let's dive into the video. So we already know by now that being more assertive in your communication means that you are gaining more confidence to speak up for yourself, to make people listen to what you have to say. So one of the benefits with being more assertive in your communication would be that you will become a more relaxed and less stressed when you're using a more assertive, direct communication style. Imagine yourself having to walk around and agreeing with what everybody is saying. To be more passive in your communication, to always stay on the passive side to not hurt other people's feelings, or to break and a relationships, or to always be having that aggressive style of communication, to always be on the edge of exploding and all kinds of conversations. That is not a good feeling to have or to feel like you have to agree with your boss or your colleague or your teammate or when your family members always saying to you, you have to just nod and say yes. Yes, I totally agree. And then you have to find a friend with common interest and you have to go to them and tell them, hey, this person is saying this and I don't agree, you have to small talk behind their backs and trying to get back at them, et cetera. Imagine how much energy is going to waste. Instead of speaking your mind by saying, Hey, I don't agree with you, but I see where you are coming from, but I think this way, imagine how much energy you can spend on other stuff in your life. So you will definitely become more relaxed and less stressed in your life. If you are being more assertive in your communication, then it will also increase your self-confidence and your self respect when you understand that your opinion, your feelings, your wants, and your needs really matters. And you are confident in speaking them to whom ever in a respectful way, then you will gain more self confidence to do other stuff in your life. And you will also gain more self-respect. You will really understand that what you are feeling really matters. And you know that you can speak that to whom ever. And then being more assertive in your communication will also reduce your need for approval. And social anxiety. We all have some type of social anxiety and a need for approval. We as human beings would like to agree with almost everybody, right? So we would like to have all the people that we can on our side in an conversation. But just imagine that you are having the confidence to speak up for yourself. So if somebody is talking bad about a friend or a family member that you really like, you can stop them, say, hey, you know what? I don't feel this way, I feel that way instead. And you don't have to agree with everybody and your social anxiety will basically stop if you learn how to communicate your feelings, your wants, and your needs. Which is great, and then it will also improve your relationships and partnerships. So you may think that, Hey, I always have to agree with what my model says or what my boss says or what my colleague says. But you don't have to do that. If you are speaking up for yourself, that person will then respect you even more. Well, that person could be more aggressive in their communication style. But if you are more assertive, you are taking their side, but you are taking your side, you understanding both sides of the communication because being more assertive in a communication style is just not to only speak up for yourself. It is also to see the other person's side of the whole story for you to get a better understanding of the whole conversation. So this will definitely improve your relationships and your partnerships because you will definitely gained more respect by speaking up for yourself. Don't just agree. Don't be a people pleaser all the time. You need to speak up for yourself to feel that your opinion and your feelings matters to gain more self-respect, more self confidence, to speak up for yourself. So it will definitely improve your relationships. Both me and Robin, that is my partner, is almost all the time having different opinions and trying to like, improve everything that we are doing in our business, for example. So our partnership is improving a lot. Imagine if I would agree with everything that he is saying all the time. Imagine if I have another opinion, another feeling, another want and underneath and I don't speak that I will feel so bad. So definitely he is respecting me and I and respecting him for speaking up for ourselves. So this will definitely improve your relationships and your partnership. And it will also make people listen to you. If you are speaking your mind, people are going to respect you even more, and therefore they are going to listen to what you have to say. If people know that, hey, this guy or this girl is always like agreeing with everybody trying to be like. But then they are going behind the back of people and talking a lot of bad stuff, then they won't listen to you. But if you are speaking up for yourself with confidence, people will respect you more. People will listen to you more. So if you are a business leader, for example, and you are learning this assertive communication, then you will benefit a ton by learning how to speak with more confidence in front of other people. And that is exactly what we are going to learn its side of this course. So these are just five of the different benefits of being more assertive in your communication, you will become more relaxed and less stressed. You will increase your self-confidence and self-respect. You will reduce the need for approval and your social anxiety. You will improve your relationships and partnerships and you will make people listen to you. Ok, guys. So let's move on in the course. See you in the next video. 6. Assertiveness Beyond Communication: Welcome back to the course guys. Now inside of this video, we are going to talk about assertiveness beyond communication, it is not only the words that we are speaking, it is also about our values and how we are acting as human beings. Let's dive into the video. So what do I mean with assertiveness beyond communication? Isn't it only the words that we're saying to other people to get our points across. Now it's not only that, it is also keeping your word. Now, if you are speaking, we're making and commitment to maybe and task at work. And you're not following that through, then people won't trust you for the next time that you are going to make a task that is pretty easy, right? But it's not only that the persons that you are working with or family members that you are keeping the word tube that is going to not trust you the next time. This is also something that is lowering your self confidence and also is not good for your self, talk in yourself values. So if you are keeping your words and your practicing on only telling people that, hey, I am going to follow through on this task or yourself for that matter. You're telling yourself that a, I have set the goal and I am going to follow through, I am going to do this. You are building up your self-confidence and you're going to have a way your life ahead of you. So keeping your word is something that you are doing inside of yourself, inside of your brain. And then you are speeding that to a person. And if you're keeping your word, you're building up your self confidence makes sense, right? The next thing is being decisive. I think that we as human beings are making around 35 to 40 thousands different decisions every single day. And we are spending a lot of time and energy on taking decisions. So if we are getting better on taking, this session's being more decisive on what we want and what we need here in life. And maybe on handing out different tasks at work or in school, et cetera, then we will have a much easier life ahead of us. So by practicing to be more decisive, smaller tasks here in life, you are then going to become more decisive when it comes to bigger and harder tasks. I assure you of that in inside of this course, we have given you some practices that you are able to do later on inside of this course to become more decisive when it comes to whatever tasks that needs to be done here in life. Or if you just would like to go out for dinner, let's say, what should you pick on a menu? So you don't sit around and waste a lot of time. So the next one will be follow through on your goals. Now this is a big one. Let's say that it is New Year's Eve. You have set a goal or you would like to set a goal on maybe, let's say losing weight or making more money at work or spending more time with your family and friends. Now, if you don't follow through on your goals, your self-confidence and your self-worth, in your own eyes will decrease if you are following through on your goals, your self-confidence and self-worth will increase, right? Make sense. So by setting commitments, assertive commitments that you are going to follow through on goals, then you will become more self-confidence. And setting goal is a hard one, right? Because we all would like to achieve so much here in life. But by setting the right goals for your goals that you believe in and follow through on those goals, you will increase the self-confidence of yourself and you will improve the quality of your life. For orange zone, it is also about internal things here. It isn't only about what you are saying. It can be what you're saying to yourself to follow through on goals will definitely increase your self-worth and your self-confidence to reach bigger goals in your life. And then we have defend what we believe. Now, if you are at work or spending time with your friends and family, or maybe in school. And you are picking a subject to talk about, let's say religion, or let's say politics, or let's say at sports. Let's say soccer, football, basketball, Isozaki, you name it. People are often going to be very passive about what they are thinking. Because if they are believing maybe something about politics and they are uncertain, people will agree with them or not. They are not going to speak. If you are talking with an aggressive communicator, then you will see that they will fight for their team, whomever they are sharing four, they will fight for it. And if you are talking with somebody that is more passively aggressive in their communication style, you will see that maybe they are not telling you everything up front. But maybe then tomorrow you will hear about, hey, I talked with Larry yesterday and he told me this about your opinion and stuff like that. So by defending your beliefs, by really communicating what you think and by communicating to yourself what you believe in, you will become more assertive and your life will become much easier. Because assertiveness is about speaking your mind and your needs and your wants. And if you don't do that, you are going to be more of a passive communicator or you are going to be a more aggressive communicator and you don't want to be that when you're speaking about your beliefs, you do want to listen to what other people has to say about their opinion and respect those people and those opinions. And then also you would like to tell them about what you think and what you believe and what you feel. When it comes to defending your beliefs, then we're having good and receive feedback. This is a big one because this is something that really can crush your self confidence. If somebody is coming across like aggressive and telling you that, hey, this task at work, you did this very poorly. You have to do it all over again. I don't want to do this again. Just improve, make it better, et cetera. We don't want to receive those kinds of feedbacks, right? Everybody would like to be a plus students. And the case is that we are growing the more feedback that we're gaining. But we do want to get good feedback, right? So by giving other people feedback and by receiving feedback, taking in that feedback, and doing some self talk on how you can really improve, then you will also become more assertive in your communication style. But this is also assertiveness beyond communications. So by learning how to give and take and receive feedback, you will improve your communication a lot. So these are the five points that we walked over the side of this video. This is assertiveness beyond communication. This is more what is happening to you internally rather than what you are saying. Keeping your word, be more decisive. Follow through on goals, defend what we believe and give and receive feedback. And inside of this course, you are going to get templates and exercises so that you will really become more assertive in your communication. And so it's will be way easier for you to set goals, keeping your word, being more decisive, defend what you believe and give and receive feedback to grow as a human being. Okay guys, with that said, I see you in the next video. 7. How to Speak Up for Yourself: Okay guys, welcome back. This is a big one. Inside of this video, we are going to have a look at how to speak up for yourself. Let's go. So how do you really speak up for yourself when being at work? How do you dare to speak up to yourself? How do you build on that momentum to speak up for us up. Say what you mean, say what you want, say what you feel. It always starts with working on your self confidence. If you aren't confidence when you're speaking, you don't believe in what you're seeing, what you're feeling, what you're wanting or what you're needing here life. Of course, it will be hard for you to really speak up to your boss, to Cali, to family member, to somebody who is bullying you, somebody who is calling you bad names, et cetera. Of course, it will be very hard for you to speak up for yourself. Therefore, we are going to build up your self-confidence inside of this course. Actually in the next couple of videos, we are going to do exactly that. But knowing that you need to work on your self confidence to be able to speak up for yourself. That's a good start right? Next up, figure out your boundaries. We all have certain boundaries that we aren't too much known arm. We don't really know what our boundaries is because we haven't written them down. We haven't self-talk them to ourself. We haven't maybe even talked to other people about our boundaries. Like Don't step into this zone, don't talk about this. I don't want to be a part of this. I don't wanna see you doing this, et cetera, because we are often very, very careful of what other people are going to think about ourselves. And also when we are saying No, we are very afraid of what other people will think about us. So setting boundaries, like figuring out what our boundaries are here in life, what is not okay, or what is okay with you will make it easier for you to speak up for yourself. And this comes to next point as well. Understanding your triggers, what makes you aggressive when you are communicating with somebody. Then of course they have stepped on your boundaries. So these two goes to well together, understanding your boundaries and then understanding your triggers when you are getting triggered to either up for yourself and scream, now it's enough. Or maybe you are being in a flight mode, you just want to runaway, you would like to be passive. So understanding when you are being passive, aggressive or just passive or being more aggressive in your communication will help you a long way. So by understanding your triggers, you will then be able to speak up for yourself. Say what you need, say what you feel, Say what you want. Then what will help you is, if you are practicing what you would like to say. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down what you would like to say to that, calling that. Always on you're stepping on your boundaries that are triggering you to be aggressive at work or to your friend. Write down what you would like to say to your friend or a family member that has stepped on your boundaries, that have triggered you to become more aggressive. So you don't dare to speak up to next time because that is what it is about. Either you're going to be passive, passive aggressive, or you are going to be aggressive in your communication. And therefore you feel like I I don't want to say what I want. I don't want to say what I need. I don't want to tell you my feelings. I feel like I can't speak up. Simply. So practicing what you're going to say or what you want to say is very important. So write it down on a piece of paper on your computer or your mobile phone or your tablet, whatever, and then speak that out loud. You can practice if you having a very good friend That is a good listener, you can practice to him or her, or you can practice in the mirror, or you're sitting in front of the camera like I'm doing right now and practice what you would like to say to that colleague, to that family member, to that friend, or to a person that hasn't been too good for you in your life. And then you will definitely learn how to speak for yourself. And then always start small take small steps may be don't go in and tell our family member that, hey, you know what, I don't want to go to your wedding. I don't want to go to this dinner, et cetera. Of course, you shouldn't do things here in life that you don't wanna do. But if you have a hard time speaking up for yourself, start small. Like, I don't want to eat this for dinner. I don't want to watch that movie. I don't wanna do this this weekend, stuff like that. Always start small. So let's have a look at a summary of this video, how to speak up for yourself. It always start with working on yourself confidence, have confidence to speak up for yourself and doing it respectfully, assertively. Of course, you don't want to go in to a conversation and let say, just burst out in aggressions, right? You do want to do with a more assertive way to both respect another person's opinion and of course, say out what you feel, what you need and what you want for yourself. And then figure out your boundaries. Just write down whenever people are treating you want, what do you feel? What boundaries do you have in your body? When does it feel bad for both your mind and for your body? And when is it no for you, that is boundary for you. And then understand your triggers is very important. Then we're having practice. What you would like to say to a certain person or in a conversation, and then start small, start with a small tasks like ordering dinner or maybe, I don't know, telling your friends, family or colleagues or whatever, what kind of movie you would like to watch her, such a things. So always start small, okay guys, so in the next video you are going to get templates of exercises so that you can work out good momentum on how to speak up for yourself. See you in the next video. 8. Exercise - Speak Up for Yourself: Welcome back to the course guys. Now, inside of this video, we are going to have exercise time. So we are going to learn how to speak up for ourselves step by step. And let's go. First of all, make a spontaneous decision. Now it can be anything like picking what show to watch tonight at Netflix or another channel or another service. Or it could be. What do you eat tonight? Or what you should wear tonight. What clothing is that you should wear tonight? It can be anything like that. So for example, pick a movie 40 evening without thinking about it twice home, many times haven't we been sitting at our computers or at the TV and just zapping through the channels and just thinking to ourselves like which movies should I pick? It can be so hard. A small thing as picking the right movie for their night, asking a lot of friends, maybe that, maybe family members, et cetera, what should I watch tonight? It can be a real hassle, but basically just picking any show and stick with it. It will make it easier for you to take decision and in the long run, and also to order take away without thinking about it twice. So what takeaway should I order? You just pick a dish and then stick with that, and that will improve it for you when it comes to speaking up for yourself, is this decision-making process that will help you to speak up for yourself in the end. Next up is asked for a different table. How many times have we been handed as certain table at the restaurant and felt in our stomach maybe that I would like to sit by the window instead because then I will have a better view of death's door, maybe the sea or whatever. So when you are getting to an restaurant, go and ask the waiter for another table than the one that they are pointing to. That's a simple thing to do, right? So whenever you go to a restaurant and you're getting a table, regardless if you're liking that table, this is an exercise for you to be able to speak up for yourself to tell the waiter, Hey, is it cool that we are getting that table instead? Can we go and sit down at that table? And the waiter will say, yeah, of course, if it's not reserved, then you can take that table and that will help you to speak up for yourself. Next exercise. Don't apologize to make things better. How many times haven't we said our opinion? And we are thinking maybe that our opinion doesn't really matter or that the person that is receiving what we are saying is maybe thinking, I don't know. So we are apologizing for our opinion for what we think, what we need, and what we stop doing that. So for example, when you are speaking your mind, what you have inside of your head, your needs and wants while being respectful, always be respectful to people. Do so without saying, I'm sorry. If you know that you are doing this, if you're telling a person your opinion, Well, I think maybe it's a project on work. And you're thinking, what if we did this? I think that this will be way more productive if we did this this way. And then you say finish that off with I'm sorry. Then stop doing that. You just stop yourself in a process of saying, I am sorry, stop doing that. Try it out. And then how did that make you feel? Write it down inside of this video and inside of the next videos of all exercises, you will have an template that you can follow along that is outlaid just like if you look on the screen right now, is outlaid with the same kind of questions so that you can write your answers just below. I will show you that in a second. So don't apologize to make things better. The next exercise is, may be the hardest one. This is a hard one. Say no. No, I can't help you to move this weekend. No, I can't do this task because I have so much at work. I can't help you. I'm sorry. Example. When and if you don't feel like doing a certain thing, say no. It also has to be with both when you don't feel like doing it, when you don't have time to do it. And maybe it is your boundaries that are stopping you. Whatever it might be. Say no, start small, but say no. And you will learn inside of this course in a later video inside of this course, how to say No properly step by step. But when you're saying no, go back to this document that I will show you in a second and write down how did it feel to say no. Next one is stopped taking care of other people's feelings. I am very guilty here, guys. Always or not always, but sometimes when I'm talking to my dearest, my friends and family members, et cetera. I am trying to talk to them and see what level they are at RD happy, are they sad or angry, et cetera? And sometimes I am communicating in a way to not try to step on their feet and two, on their boundaries to make sure that they are feeling okay. But when I am stopping this, when I'm not doing this, i feel better because people has to take care of their own feelings. If you're having a bad day, you're sad, you're angry or irritated, aggressive or wide ever, doesn't really matter. You have to have feelings. You are a human being and your closest friends or family members are also human beings. Therefore, they have feelings and they have to take care of their own feelings. So stop taking care of other people's feelings. So example, standby your decisions regardless on how that makes other people feel. When we are telling our person our opinion and that is not matching with their opinion. It feels like it's I don't know, a bomb, for example, it feels like you are not agreeing on a certain level or a certain point. It feels like, oh, I have to somehow tried to take care of the other person's feelings because maybe now I stepped on the stopped doing that. Always be respectful and kind to others but don't take care of others feelings. Okay. So how did that make you feel, dude, that stop taking care of a person feeling if you know that you're having a friend that you are often like patting on the back and say, hey, everything is going to be OK. And you are always like trying to communicate in a way to make them feel better. Stop doing that. And we're here, we're having all of the five exercises that we have went through. Make spontaneous decisions. Don't think twice. Ask for a different table. Don't apologize to make things better. Say No, you will learn that a little bit more in depth in an upcoming video. Stop taking care of others and motions. Let's have a look at the template that you can download that you can find in the resources for this video, click the link, and it will be downloaded to whichever device that you are watching this course on. Let's have a look at it. So guys, here's the template. As you can see in the top here, you can see it says exercise. And then we're having speak up for yourself. And we're having all five exercises here. And you can see that it ends with right below. So you are having some space here if you need, you can have an additional paper that you can write on or you can write all the answers in your mobile phone, on your computer or on your tablet. And it makes sure that you're going through all of these exercises to make sure that you are able to speak up for yourself. Say What do you mean? Say what you want, say what you feel. Okay guys, let's move on to the next video. See you there. 9. Speak with Confidence: Well done so far. Now inside of this video we are going to have a look at how to speak with confidence. Let's go. So what are the steps that we need to take to make sure that we are able to speak with confidence. Well, let's have a look. Think before you speak, Have you heard it before? Don't just say random stuff, guys. Just think before you speak. It's a thing. If you are in a conversation and you are, for example, don't know how to answer a question, then it's okay to say, hey, you know what? Let me think about it a second and then take like 15 to 20 to 30 seconds and then say what you would like to say. So by doing this, you're giving yourself space. You're giving yourself room to think before you speak to not be rational and answer directly. If you know that you are a person that needs to think a little bit to have everything, all the words in your mouth coming out in the right order. Then of course you can give yourself time in a conversation to think, and then to speak. And if you are doing and presentation, for example, at work, in school, or you would like to present and something for your family and friends, then think, plan ahead a little bit of what you are going to speak out to them. And you will feel in your body that you are having more confidence when you're speaking to that person or the persons. For example, a room full of people, presentation at work. You feeling nervous. If you're thinking before you're speaking, you feel way more confident in saying what you would like to say. Next point is speak slowly as you can hear. I'm always shifting when I'm speaking. Sometimes I'm speaking slowly, sometimes I'm just rambling on and I'm talking very, very fast. The thing is, when you are talking very fast, you are speaking to your mind and often to the people that are listening to you. That hey, what I'm saying is not that important. It is not very important that you are listening to the words that I'm saying right now because I'm speaking very, very fast. But you don't have to do that if you are speaking more slowly and more direct to the persons that you are speaking to. They will listen to you. And not only slowly, if you're making process and then are talking, you will have their attention a little bit longer. And therefore they will listen more intensely of what you're having to save. Speak a little bit slower. Just tone it down a little bit. Try to speak slower to the persons that are receiving the information from you. And you will feel that you are giving yourself a little bit more time to think as well, and therefore you can speak with more confidence. Next point would be to control the tone of your voice. Imaginably. Just sitting here and talking like this, wouldn't you get pretty bored? I guess you would get pretty bored. So by controlling the voice, your voice, the tone of your voice, by some time. So if you're making a statement to really push on what you have to say. And then you can calm yourself down a little bit. And then you can the voice a little bit more to learning these techniques to try to really learn the technique of controlling your voice. When you're speaking, you will become way more interesting to listen to when you're speaking in front of people. I assure you of that. And you will be much more confident in when you are about to have a speech, for example, you will feel like, OK, I can do this. I know when to push, I know when to hold back the tone of my voice. The fourth would be to remove fillers and speak your mind. So you're having a conversation with a person and they're asking you, hey, do you want to go out tonight? You're saying, well, I think I could do that. I don't think I could do that. Say instead, I could do that. If you can do that, if you don't wanna do that, then say, well, you know what, I don't wanna do that instead of saying, I think I don't want to do that, but I'm not sure. Remove the fillers like I think I don't know, et cetera, speak more clearly and say what you want to do. Say you want say you need to say your feelings directly. It doesn't sound on respectful if you're doing so, it just sounds like you are speaking with confidence. You know what you want, you know what you need, and you know what your feelings are. And you're speaking that directly to the person. You say, hey, you know what, I want to go out tonight. I would like to go out and have a bite with you or, you know what? I have to study tonight. Perfect. Then you're speaking with confidence. You are speaking what you want or what you can do for the night. Remove fillers, and speak your mind. Next one would be committed to speak with confidence. This is, of course, you have to commit to be able to quit confidence. You have to do the exercises that I am going to present to you in the next video to make sure that you will speak with confidence. Ok, so therefore, we're going to in a minute, just move onto the next video. But first of all, let's have a look at all the five-point. So once again, first of all, think before you speak, speak slowly. Control the tone of your voice. Remove fillers and speak your mind, and then commit to speak with confidence. Therefore, we are going to move onto the next video. Follow me there, see you there. 10. Exercise - Speak with Confidence: So guys now it's exercise time type to do some exercises to be able to speak with a confidence. Let's dive into the exercises. All right, so let's start right down what you are going to say. So the first exercise is basically what we already have spoken about. Instead of planning in your head what you are going to say, we would like you to put that down to a piece of paper or in a cell phone. And the first exercise would be to pick a subject you are passionate to speak about. Write down what you would like to say about that subject to. People. Know little to nothing about that subject. What would you say? So, what would you write about it? First of all, pick your subject and write a small little text about the subject that the person that you are going to then present this to. I don't know anything or just a little bit about once you have completed this, once you have written down a small text that can be, I don't know, ten sentences or something like that, explaining what you are passionate about on some details around that topic. It could be anything, it could be your hobby, it can be your work or anything like that. Get out loud and recorded. That's the next step. So by take the text that you wrote and record yourself talking about it. So you can take your cell phone, record your voice. When you're talking about it. Ask a friend or someone at work or in your family to listen to it and ask them if you are speaking with clarity. That's the most important thing here. To speak with confidence. You should pick a topic, whatever hobbies that you are having. Picked a topic, speak to a person, speak it out loud. Record your own voice when you are talking about it. You can basically a sit there with your text and reading it out loud and trying to speak with confidence when doing so. Yet some feedback from a family or maybe personal, your work, or maybe a friend, get some feedback and ask them, hey, do you think I'm speaking with clarity? Does it sound like I'm speaking with confidence? Get that feedback, and redo the exercise again until it really sounds like you are talking with confidence, you were speaking what you would like to say, basically confidence. So the next step would be to go down with your voice in the end. Now what do I mean with that? Well, let's have a look at an exercise here. Listen to your recording and see if you can hear yourself going down with your voice or going up with your voice when making your point. Are you asking for validation, which you are basically doing if you're going up with your voice, you're more or less asking a question when you are speaking or are you're certain of what you're saying and going down with your voice. So listen to this, this, let's take an question for example. So would you like to go out with me tonight? You see I'm going up or would you like to go out with me tonight? That doesn't really sound like a question, right? So if you were speaking, let's say that your hobby would be soccer and you're saying, hey, Barcelona is the best team in the whole world. Or if you would say a statement like Barcelona is the best team in the whole world. That sounds more like a question. So be certain of your point and go down with your voice. You are speaking this out loud and recording your own voice. And then get some feedback, of course, and then write down how that sounds. The next step then would be to remove unnecessary words. Just remove the words that aren't fillers that don't belong there. So the exercise is basically to speak, to make people understand you. Instead of filling your speech with confusing words like just almost may be basically hardly simply come to the point Foster. And how did that make you feel to remove the words that are unnecessary for the text? So by removing unnecessary words, people would take you more seriously. And for us as listeners, it will sound way better and it will sound like, you know exactly what you're talking about. And therefore, it sounds like you're confident in your speech, which means that your colleagues or if you are a business leader, people would take you way much more serious. I assure you of that. Next one would be to get out and practice. Ok, so now it's time for you to start writing down things around a subject that you are passionate about. It can be a hobby. Speak it out loud and record it. Ask someone if you are speaking with clarity. Work on going down with your voice. Remove fillers from your speech, and keep practicing. How does it feel after some practice, you can always ask both mere robin questions in the Q and a section of this course. We are there answering questions within 24 hours. So if you have a text and you are removing fillers, you can ask us basically if you have done it correctly or not. But just remember that your text won't be perfect because there is nothing that is perfect in this world, but basically removing fillers that are unnecessary. Yes, I see that you're doing that. Speak with clarity and get feedback from our friend, colleague, or a family member. Ok guys. So now it's exercise time and we are going to go to that template and I will show you how it's outlaid for you or I guy. So here is the template, as you can see, right down what you are going to say. Speak it out loud and record it. Go down with your voice in the end to make a statement. If you're asking questions, of course, go out with your voice so you can hear that it is a question and not the statement. And then remove unnecessary words, get out and practice and just write everything below here you can download this template in the resources for this video. Just click the link under the lecture in this video, and it will be downloaded to whichever device that you are watching this course on. Go out and practice exercise now, speak with confidence will be way easier for you after you have done these exercises. Good luck and I'll see you in the next video. 11. Learn How to Say No: Welcome back to the core is now inside of this video we are going to cover a pretty difficult topic, which is learn how to say no. So how do you do that? Well, let's dive into the video and figure that out. Well, saying no is really hard sometimes, often, it are so many things that comes in a way to saying no to people. Now, why is it so hard to say no? Why it's so hard to say no, it can be multiple different reasons. One is guilt. To feel guilt that you have may be Ruin somebody's day. If somebody's asking you, hey, can you help me to move this weekend, I'm going to switch apartment. Can you help me with all my stuff? And you're saying no, you feel guilt to not have helped this person out. It can be FOMO, fear of missing out. Basically, if somebody is planning a party and you feel like, oh, I so badly want to go to this party, but you know that this weekend you have to finish that task for work or maybe you are studying, so you are having a lot of homework to do or whatever it might be. Maybe you have promised your time to a family member or a friend, fiance or something like that. So you have to say no, but you also would like to go. Therefore, you have fear of missing out. It can also be that you don't want to upset people or you don't want to get into a fight or a conflict, would anybody? Basically, you are afraid of saying no, and that is OK. You need to know your priorities in order to say no with confidence, right? If you know that it's more important to you to be with your family and friends then to maybe do an extra task, maybe work over time, late evenings, et cetera, for work. Then you know that you are prioritizing your family and friends for work. Now if you're prioritizing your work, then that is okay. But by knowing your priorities, then it will be way easier for you to confidentially say no to things that you don't want to do, you don't feel like doing or you basically don't have time to do next up, give yourself time. So somebody is coming up to you at work and say, hey, can you do this task? What you can do then if you feel a little bit stressed and feel a little bit maybe of a social anxiety instead of saying yes. Oh, of course, just put it on my desk. You can say instead, let me get back to you. Or you can say, can you please send me an email with this? I have a lot in mind right now. And with that, you're giving yourself space and room to say No. It's way easier to say no over an email. And it's a good practice to do that over an email than doing it face to face. So always start a little bit smaller. Give yourself time to say no. Next one would be explanations to arguments. This is a thing guys. Now, if you were trying to explain why you can't come to the party this weekend. Something like, you know what? I have to be home at nine o'clock because my babysitter is going to leave them, so I have to take care of my kids. And they say, well, no problem, you can come to this party without any problem. You can yes. Come a little bit early and you can leave before nine o'clock. No problem. But your intentions was to say no because once maybe you didn't want to go. Second, you don't have the time. And third, your prioritizing other things, basically. So if you're trying to explain why you are saying no to people, they can always tried to go back at you and try to convince you that, you know what, it's okay. You can just come a little bit earlier. You can finish this task a little bit later if you have a lot on your desk right now, et cetera. So don't explain your nose. What you can do instead is to offer an alternative. So basically if somebody asking you then, can you do this task for me, then you can come up with an alternative task. Instead, you can go with this technique that okay, well, email me and I will get back to you. And instead of saying, no, you can come up with an alternative. And this is way easier for you to then say no indirect If you know what I mean. So for example, Would you like to go to this party this weekend? The party starts as Saturday at 05:00 PM. And you saying, you know what, I can't this weekend because don't give an explanation. You remember that? I just can't this weekend. But what if we have launched next weekend? Then they won't try to convince you of coming to the party. They will say yes or no to the next thing that you are asking them about, which is a great technique. So basically learn how to say no, I can go like this. First of all, why it is so hard to say no, we already talked about the fear of missing out to try to not go into a conflict with anybody, tried to not step on anybody's feeds, to try to basically have everybody on your side. You don't want to go into a conflict with anybody. That is why it's so hard to say no. But you should know your priorities when it comes to say no. What in life are you prioritizing? Is it your friends, family, your time? What is it? We are going to give an exercise in the next video. So this will be much clearer then. Give yourself time by giving yourself time to answer a question. To say No properly. With confidence, you are much more likely to be able to say no and feel good about it. Explanations leaves two arguments. Don't explain your nose. Offer an alternative is a good way to go. Or you can basically say, you know what, I don't feel like doing that. I hope you're okay with that and you're fine. Ok, in the next video, we are going to go over some exercises that you can do in order to learn how to say no. Okay, let's move on to the next video. I'll see you there. 12. Exercise - Say No: So guys, welcome back. Now it's time for us to go in to exercise time on how to say no, let's dive into it. Okay, to become good at something, we all know that we need to do some exercises, some homeworks to keep practicing on becoming good at something. And to practice on saying no is a very good way to learn how to say no, right? So let's dive into it. The first exercise we would like you to do is to write down the reasons. You don't say no. Now, write down the most common reasons. You are saying yes to. You know, you should say no to what is stopping you from saying no. Is it often the fear of missing out when it comes to maybe get together, Part D or something like that, then you are saying yes to a lot of things. If you know that, then write that down. Is it that you are afraid of getting into a conflict with people at work or when your family members is that you basically just don't know what you want. Why what is the biggest reasons why you are not saying no, that is the first exercise. And of course we are having a template for this, basically what that is like in earlier lectures. You can download it. You just click the link in this video and you will download a template with all of these different exercises I will show you in the end of this video how it looks. So what are stopping? You write down the reasons why I don't say no is the first exercise? Second exercise would be to write down your priorities berry, important, knowing what you are prioritizing in your life is very important that most of our OS people don't write down our priority. Therefore, it's very hard to understand our boundaries, what we are prioritizing, and when to say no with confidence because we have things in life that we are prioritizing, but maybe we haven't made them clear for us. Now is the chance for you to do so. Write down your priorities in life, what things are so important to you that you can't compromise on. There's like no chance to compromise on those things. It can be simple things as what you eat, what you wear, or how many hours you sleep every single night. So what are your priorities? Write them down. Next exercise and third one would be start with one small no. So guy, so you don't need to start saying no to a family wedding or your best friend's party right away, right? It can be something as saying no to another portion of food or a cup of coffee or tea? Yes, start with one small note. So just think for yourself and write down one thing that you should start saying no to. It can be a normal situation at work. It can be a normal situation with your friends and you may be feeling inside of you that I am not speaking up for myself. I am not saying no to the things that I know that I should do. If you're aligning everything when your priorities and your boundaries that we already went through inside of this course. How does it look? Are you saying no to the right people and to the right things and tasks? Or are you still keeps saying yes, start writing those things down that you know that you should say no to Fort exercise will be safe. Thank you for asking. This goes along way. I assure you of that. So saying No can be daunting and can feel wrong in many ways. Like we already have talked about in campaign feels so wrong to say no to people because we don't want the hurt other people's feelings, right? Instead of explaining yourself, say thank you for asking. And go from there. Saying No can be done in a respectful way and will help you to keep relationships are live. That is the point, right? We just don't want to go around with family and friends and colleagues and say, you know what? No, I don't even want to hear what you are about to ask, but I am going to learn to say no, Zambia saying No, no, be respectful to keep your relationships are live. So try it out and write down how it felt. So net the next time that you are telling somebody well, you know, I can't I can't do that for you. You don't even have to say sorry, but you can say, I don't wanna do that for you and thank you so much for asking. And if you would like to do that, you can come up with an alternative. Solution may be another person or something like that because we, as human beings, would like to help one another out, of course. So if you're having an alternative for another task where a person or another date, et cetera, come up with that. Otherwise, I thank you for asking will get you a long way. Next up. Be clear and direct. As we already have talked about. These filler words won't do it for you because then the people can feel some hesitation. So you can offer alternatives that we already have spoken about when saying no. But more important is to be clear and direct when you are saying no and no with a bit of hesitation, inner voice like no, like that. And in your voice and, or in your body language can be motivation enough for the other person to start asking questions. And we don't want people to ask questions on why we are saying No, because remember, we don't want to explain our nose. So be clear and direct. And then the question, of course, to exercise, how can you be more clear and direct in your responses? Is it to remove filler words or how can you be more clear and direct in your communication when you are saying no. So guys, we went over in side of this video exercises on saying no, right down the reasons. You don't say no. Write down your priorities to make that crystal clear for you. So you know that in certain situation or basically in any situation, you know what your priorities are. And therefore, you can say no to the things that don't benefit you or benefit the other person because maybe you don't have the time to help them out. Start with a small no. Safe. Thank you for asking the clear and direct. And you will go a long way with all these steps to learn how to say no, let's have a look at the template guys. So guys, this is a template. The exercise to say, no, have all the five different exercises we would like you to do. You can download this document by clicking on the link on this document. It will be downloaded to which ever device you are watching this course on, into your phone, onto your tablet, onto your computer. And you can do all of these exercises. Good luck, and I'll see you in the next video. 13. I Instead of You: Welcome back guys. Now inside of this video, we are going to talk about something that we would like to call i instead of when it comes to assertive communication. So let's dive into the video. Alright, so what do we mean with i instead of, well, let's say that you are getting into our conversation with the person and that person are telling you these kind of things. You messed up. You never clean up. You are never on time. You don't take responsibility. How would you answer to these states? What would you say back to the person? So in most of the cases, we are responding to this in an aggressive way, like trying to hurt them back. Well, OK. I know I messed up, but you always do this and this and this and that. Okay? So if you are answering this way, you know that these conversations often aren't too good right there not to working out the way. Both you and the person that you are speaking to our wishing to do. So. That is one way and another way could be that you are being passive and you say, yeah, I know I messed up. Yeah, I know I never clean up. I know I'm never on time. I know I'd never take responsibility. But maybe you feel like, Hey, this is a one time thing. You can't say that I've always messing up, but you're on the passive side. You don't want to go into that conversation and turn it into a conflict. So you are passive, but instead of being passive or aggressive or passive aggressive, you can be more assertive communication and use i instead of you. Now in you, if you're going into a conversation, you always would like to see if the timing is right. Let's twist around here and say that it's you who would like to tell people that, hey, you messed up. You always would like to see that the timing is right. You don't want to call people when they are stressed out, when you are doing other things, when their concentration is on others things. So always ask them, Is this the right time for us to speak? Do you have ten minutes to spare? If you see that they are flicking with their eyes or if they are in their phone, etc. Yes, the US another time to speak to them. Skip blaming others. This is a thing that we learned in kindergarten, but basically it is taking responsibility for your action, but also taking responsibility for your feelings is if somebody indirect hurt you, like coming home too late that evening, the didn't call you up or didn't pick up the phone or something like that. That is your feelings. You need to skip blaming other people for what you are feeling and start taking responsibility for your own feelings and your own thoughts. You also would like to skip victimizing yourself to tell you people like this is always happening to me. You are always doing this to me. You are always making me feel bad. You need to stop making me feel bad. That is not what's going on. It's you are having often expectations on the other person may be, and therefore, your expectations are not being met. When they are not being met, it makes you feel away. So you need to start taking responsibility and skip victimizing yourself for things that are happening around you that will not go well in your conversations. And human hot become more assertive in your communication. You won't be able to speak with confidence, make people listen to you and make people respect you. So skip victimizing yourself. It's about how you feel inside. Just like we were talking about. Everything that is happening around us, is about how you feel inside. So when you are communicating, we would like you to learn how to communicate. And that best way to communicate is to start with I, the first person. I feel this way because this, so always start with explaining your feelings. It's not about the other person of what the other person is telling you, how the other person is making you feel. It is basically on inside of here, what expectations you're having on different types of situations of basically always start with 9X, which leads us to the next point. Start forming I statements. And we will talk much more about this in the next video where we are going to do some type of exercises on how to speak from the first-person to the second person. I is the first person. You are the second person. So I instead of U, is basically a way for you to communicate, to understand and see if the timing is right to understand that you can't burst into a conversation without having the other person precent being there, listening to you, standing with your body straight to you and not having their feeds the other way. Because if you're talking to another person and you see a, they are on the ground to another direction. You know that they are not listening to you. I contact they're not looking through their smartphone. They are crescent. Then you would like to skip blaming others. Take on responsibility, skip victimizing yourself. Don't tell people that, hey, you're always doing this. To me. Don't say that to people. They won't listen to you. They will most of the time become defensive and maybe attack you back. It's about you and how you are feeling inside. Speak from first-person which how you are feeling. We will talk much more about this in the next video. When we are going to the exercise and start forming I statements, that is exactly what we are going to speak about in the next video. So let's move on to the next video and have a look at an exercise of i, instead of for better, clearer, more confident communication to make people listen to you and respect what you have to say. Let's dive into next video. See you there. 14. Exercise - I Instead of You: Welcome back to the course guys. Now inside of this video, we are going to talk about I statements. How to use i instead of you properly to keep the conversation alive. Whether you are blaming somebody, are in an argument with somebody, et cetera. First of al