Thanks for Nothing Dad: Everything I wish my father told me | Eric Blair | Skillshare

Thanks for Nothing Dad: Everything I wish my father told me

Eric Blair, Don't look for a Fair Fight!

Thanks for Nothing Dad: Everything I wish my father told me

Eric Blair, Don't look for a Fair Fight!

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6 Lessons (16m)
    • 1. ThanksINTRO

      4:07
    • 2. To compromise or not

      3:07
    • 3. GoldenRule

      2:07
    • 4. Keep a Journal

      2:50
    • 5. Get What You Tolerate

      2:01
    • 6. Be Interested

      1:28
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About This Class

My dad was not around much as a kid, and I hear that phrase a lot. What follows is everything I've gathered that I plan to tell my children. Lessons learned on my own, things I've learned from books. Things I think should have priority in life.

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Eric Blair

Don't look for a Fair Fight!

Teacher

Hello, I love learning things that give me Leverage on life because I "Don't look for a Fair Fight". I like to share these life Hacks/strategies to those who value ways to get ahead as well.

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Transcripts

1. ThanksINTRO: Welcome to the class. Ok, this class is my attempt to teach you what I wish I had learned from my father and or parents. My father wasn't around. And the title of your curious is there's kind of a story behind it and that's what I'm until you now and kind of the basis of one of the most important lessons. And it's like this. My parents separated early. I don't remember them actually being together, but I would get some visits with him and every so often, I don't know. Every visit we got and the visits we got were kind of sporadic. I definitely got Ben sometime with him, but it wasn't much as the store kind of points out when I was there, who wasn't really present. Every so often we would get the speech. My brother and I, we would get this speech. And to his credit, it was very genuine and magnanimous. He didn't try to insult my mom and say, oh, she's just doing this for child support or anything like that. But he would always go on and tell me that how much she loved me and that he wished he could spend more time with me and a sorry hasn't been there for me. And that part got more towards more emphasized towards the years going by. You never really went out of his way for me. I kept hearing this this speech over and over and eventually kinda dealt. I mean, it was very emotional when I got a middle school age or whatever, you know, it was very meaningful, but also he just kept saying it and it got old and lost its meaning. So eventually, when I got out of my own gut mound car, I was like, hey, listen. Now that there's no drama of child support or visitation writing like this among listen on my own. Let's go do something, let's go bowling, whatever, do something you pick. And he kinda just didn't know what to do and I don't know. And then base comb like woul go hunting or fishing because I know who's into that and He's like, OK, we'll go fishing. And I hate fishing. There's nothing like I know it seems like it's something of anticipation, but it's it bores me to tears. It's just not my style if it's free upgrade, but it's just not me. But I was like, hey, let me see if I can just break through the barrier and if there's something holding them back, let's do this. So we go fishing. I go over there and my ford escort, mom used for ten years, then passed down to me. I go over there, we go fishing and I'm just trying to trying to keep a casual may conversation and stuff like that. And he starts into the speech, you can't, he just keeps going and is like, oh, I'd love you, I'm proud of you. Oh, shows more there for you and your mom's done a great job and all this and unlike, Please stop. I know but just quit, just focus on the now and any other known Oh, it's really important. You've just been saying it. My whole life. And, and basically that's kind of where the basis of the title of this class. Thanks for nothing that it was the lesson in that was actions speak louder than words. I mean, I believe him want that clear. He I believe he does love me and as proud of me in any wishes, he was there for me, but he just wasn't really a lot. I mean, anyone would admit he would admitted. I mean, he did at at nausea. Basically, it was important that okay. My actions need to match my words. One of the things going for it, I realized the power of words and their own. There's a book that really, that I'll talk about later that really helped with that. But it was that actions are a lot of them words. And so I knew that when I was going to have kids, they wouldn't hear a speech from me. They would get time with me. I would ask about their interests. I would, you know, I would be engaged. I will be nothing if not a good father, at least try to meet them as best I can. So that's kinda the basis this and the rest of this class is going to be me trying to teach you everything that I can't teach in a video course. Either way, I'm going to focus on the things that would help me grow and things I wish someone was there to teach me. So I will be sharing those things with you on the next lesson. 2. To compromise or not: Okay, I want to start by saying, Not every picture is going to be Gerard Butler, but I wanted to show the contrast between these two characters and kind of both the range of Gerard Butler where he could play something in a musical, but then also a typically guy movie or action movie. Even within this movie, I'll probably be referencing movie 300 several times because it has a really good demonstration of just a lot of the qualities that I think men should have. There's the contrast when you can be gentle, patient, kind, and then be firm or uncompromising. And I think I'm going to talk about being uncompromising later as well. There's plenty of times where you need to balance or just know when it's okay to be one way. And then other times where you really have to put your foot down. And this is going to be based on your personal code. This isn't something that anybody should be like. Ok, here's what you do in this situation because there's a lot of situations that are different. And your great, great, great grandfather wouldn't be able to advise you on when it isn't isn't okay to text someone. There's just not a point of reference. It's important to get a feel for your moral code and what you shouldn't compromise, but also when you should be gentle. If you haven't seen the movie 300 years, you probably watch it first. So spoiler warning in the movie when the Persian messenger comes to Sparta, he literally has skulls of other kings that he's bringing along and showing. And he mentioned this, says something, his wife says something, things get heated quickly and he's like, let's take a walk and cooler tongues. So the guy is obviously there to pick a fight or get him to just cowered down and fear. But he's like, let's talk. He's calm. He's like, Let's give you a chance. And even at the very beginning, he says, Be careful what you say. Even a king's messengers responsible for their own words. So he gives them a fair warning really, and then he just basically threatens them. And the other guy has a completely different perspective. But, and then he ends up just killing him in a very mean written thing where he yells, this is Sparta and everything. But I think it's a good, obviously don't kick people into pits. It was really cool that he said, hey, let's, let's take a walk and let's call our tongues. The fact that he said that in a confrontation that has this even false preface of being peaceful, even though he's threatening them. He's like, hey, let's, let's talk. Let's give you a chance to say this diplomatically. And the guy doesn't really I mean, he says it, but he he's saying, listen, you just have to bow down, otherwise we're going to wipe you out. And the other guy just says, no thanks, You know, viciously. But anyway, so I think it's just important to know your code and know that you should be able to be patient with people and diplomatic, but also uncompromising on your values and your code. So like I said, not all of these are going to be Gerard Butler, Allenby, these two. But I'm probably going to reference this movie several times because there's a lot of good things from an on to the next lesson. 3. GoldenRule: Okay, the basis of this lesson, and also probably the majority of this course is simply the Golden Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Most people when they're told this to like, oh, well, if somebody's treating Lee bad luck and treat them badly, it's no, it's don't treat people how they're treating you. Its treat people the way you want to be treated. Now, it encompasses a lot of different things. I'd almost included just kind of a lesson talking about a quote I'd heard where a guy had said, never mess with somebody's a guy's money, spouse, or ego or anyone's, I guess. And when you boil it down, what at first I wanted to add time to it. Don't mess with someone's time. Don't waste their time. But basically, all that really gets summed up into treating someone the way you want to be treated. Don't mess with someone's money. Don't mess with someone's spouse. Don't mouse with their ego. Wartime. And if you think about it, and I'll probably go into this more later. But money is also related to ego and time because generally speaking, most people trade time for money and depending on how they get paid, it's the value of their time. They may not like that when it's pointed out, but it's accurate, for the most part, it may not be a true representation of value. Basically, you don't want to mess with someone's ego in any form. And you want to treat other people how they want to be treated. It's simple but not always easy. And there's a lot of nuance to it, and I'll cover more on that. But going into the next lesson would be not so much how you treat people, but would gets tricky is allowing other people to treat you certain ways in that you get what you tolerate. People will treat you I, you tolerate. So then it becomes an, a legal and ethical way. How do you become intolerant of just people? So that way you don't become a doormat. So then it gets tricky and we're going to go into that further on to the next lesson. 4. Keep a Journal: Okay, this drawing and lesson is kinda dedicated to Sean Connery. Drew this the day after finding out that he passed away. And I remember the Indiana Jones performance where he plays Indiana Jones, his father. When I think about it, it's one of the more realistic portrayals of a father, partly just because he's flawed. He's not necessarily the greatest stead, but in the end he comes through form in a way that really connects with them. But today's lesson is mainly going to be about a part where he keeps a journal. And keeping a journal can be really important both for your own growth and keeping track of your own goals and progress. But also there is a book, I think it was called Letters from dad, but it was really cool and it was just what the title says, just keeping a record for your children. And maybe just even like a monthly one, like a monthly review of what you've done. But also keeping in mind when you write that, someone else will be reading it. And BB intent, reviewing the lessons learned could be very valuable pretty much. Anytime something does not go your way, you need to review it and think about, can I do this better next time? Could problems be avoided? One of my favorite quotes is, I think he was from Albert Einstein, where he said, a clever man is good at solving problems, but a wise man avoids them altogether. And I really try and apply that in my life. And I think everyone should, they should try it to avoid problems instead of just being good at fixing them. Why go through the trouble and the effort, you know, save your effort for something more worthy anyway. So definitely review it at least monthly, if not quarterly or annually, at the least. Leave a record something you keep behind. Check out my website, The Onyx Fox.com for best resources right now, I really like Google. Keep For me it's better than Evernote. They started requiring you to pay the premium fee for more than like two devices, I think somewhere around in there and they just kinda started limiting it to try and get people in the premium, which I get. But also at that point, it became not worth it, especially when Google keep. All it requires is that you have a Gmail account and it's a great app. You can record voice to text, you can record audio, you can draw notes, take pictures. It's just really versatile, really impressive, kind of pretty much what I've come to expect from Google after using Google Docs and Google Sheets basically being a replacement for Microsoft Word and Excel. Anyway. So keep a record and trend review regularly to learn from your mistakes and onto the next lesson. 5. Get What You Tolerate: Okay, this one is kind of a quick philosophy, so to speak. And I'm going to have to try and think more about how to implement this because there's this quote, It is, you get in life what you tolerate. And so as it goes, if people show up late on you and you tolerate IT, people know that they can do that. This kind of apply and a lot of different ways. And I think I see this impacting people that test as a phlegmatic in the personality plus, I think that it would affect them. Most people can turn into doormat that way because people will just keep being easy-going and letting people do things. So the tricky, this is how do you not tolerate something or be intolerant in a socially acceptable way? Obviously, if you're employing someone else's services, you can simply not employ them anymore, but it gets a lot trickier when it comes to interactions with people. It's because basically you have to come up with some kind of consequence for doing this. The only way I can really think of that comes to mind is Ely's in the beginning is if somebody tardy, like if somebody continuously is late, if you're meeting at a third party location, like if you're meeting somewhere and you're like, Hey, we want to meet up to do this. And they make continually make you wait 15 minutes. Then obviously either telling them the meantime is way earlier or just leave after ten minutes. You're like, listen, if you can't show up on time, I I'm sorry, I have to go I only have this much time for this. So you can do it with Waldo being nice, but it's something that you're going to have to decide what is and isn't, okay with your moral code. A lot of things in this course will be based on your moral code. And what you will decide is an isn't. Okay? So onto the next lesson. 6. Be Interested: Okay, one of the key things that Dale Carnegie talks about in How to Win Friends and Influence People is to be genuinely interested in people. And this isn't as hard or arduous as it might sound. Now, obviously, you, as you get older, you're gonna realize you have to be careful and exclusive. And the people that you invest time in, but spending time listening to people and what they're passionate about. Number one can be really entertaining because even people that look like they kind of have a sour look on their face, a lot will come alive when they start talking about something they're passionate about. So even if you have 0 interest in what they're passionate about, it's really cool to see someone light up and it's, and it can be infectious the energy and enthusiasm from it. In this, I'm drawing a Pokemon because with my kids and everything, I tried to get interested in what they're interested in and at least find out what they're passionate about and be careful with that because you can get hooked on. I've played more hours of Pokemon on one of the Gameboy emulators and also got hooked on Minecraft doing this. So you can find some really cool interests. Some of them are Lipton, Yeah, I'm good, but I like hearing you talk about them. So being interested in what other people are interested can be a really powerful social skill that is absolutely worth it. Keep that in mind when conversion with people and on to the next lesson.