Social Skills: Make A Good First Impression - 3o Min Course | Alain W. | Skillshare

Social Skills: Make A Good First Impression - 3o Min Course

Alain W.

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9 Lessons (25m)
    • 1. Promo

      0:29
    • 2. Approach people

      4:04
    • 3. What to say

      4:17
    • 4. Confident Body Language

      2:58
    • 5. Social warm up

      1:52
    • 6. Eye Contact

      1:56
    • 7. Fear Of Approaching People

      4:31
    • 8. Ask posiitve questions

      2:06
    • 9. Make the person feel comfortable

      3:08

About This Class

Would you like to communicate better with people?

Would you like to learn how to deal with conflicts?

Would you like to learn how to become more assertive?

My name is Alain Wolf and I am a communication expert. I have already helped more than 60'000 people in 16 countries to become more confident and develop better social skills.

In this course, you will learn how to communicate better with people, how to deal with conflicts, how to have a confident body language and how to become more assertive.

I have shared with you my most powerful communication tools and techniques in this course.

Go ahead, enroll in this course, it is free.

Transcripts

1. Promo: would you like to learn how to make an amazing first impression with people that you meet? I'd like to share with you in the 30 minute course, my best tools and techniques so that you can communicate better with people. My name is Adam, and I am a social skills and confidence expert. I have already had more than 60,000 people in over six in country to become a confident and develop better social kids. And now I would like to coach you. So go ahead and roll in the schools. It's free. 2. Approach people: So now let's talk about having an approach, people to make an amazing first impression. So in this video here, I would like to share with you two techniques off two ways that I used to approach people. And I use them all the time. Most people think that it's really important toe See the perfect thing when you approach someone. But it's not really parted because most people will remember how they felt in an interaction. And most people won't even remember how you approach them. So if you ask someone that you met today for the first time and if you ask this person, I Do you remember what I said when they approached you? Most people won't even remember. So it's not as important as you think, but it has to be done in the right way. So the two ways that I use the 1st 1 is that I would just introduce myself. It means that I will woke up to someone I want to say Hi. My name is Alan. How are you? Oh, hi. My name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you looked friendly and then I would shake hands It's something that is really powerful, and that works well and you can use that all the time. Everywhere you're in a restaurant networking event in a viral with friends you dressed. Introduce yourself really powerful here when you shake hands, firm handshake and you look you might think my contact and you can even have a small smile . And if you introduce yourself, the person will buy below. Off reciprocity also say their name. So it's a great way to Saturn in direction. And then when you have done that, you can ask, How do you know each other? What brings you here? And then you can start talking about what is happening around you. You can start talking about the environment. They can ask question us if the person like the conference if the person like the food. If the person at the wine you can start asking the basic questions, why do you do away from you can basically talk about anything but dressage about approaching how you approach this person. So the second way to approach people would be to just ask a basic question, because you can just make as if you just happen and remember the first words that you would say are not really important. So you could walk up to anyone and just ask a basic question. Even if you already know the answer, it doesn't matter. It means that I can go to a place and I can just approach someone say, Excuse me, can I ask you a question? Do you know when this place closes, You know, a great restaurant in town where I can I can eat sushi A Do you know, um, if the conference that do you know anything and you ask a simple question can even ask an opinion. You can ask something about the business about the conference, that rain, about the environment, the bar, the restaurant. You can ask a question. Any question is great. Any question that you could ask another human being and that is not weird and it would be appropriate. In that environment, you can ask it, and that's how you can start the conversation. And then you did the conversation. What brings you here? And then you can ask the basic questions. Why do you do and talk about the environment? Talk about what is around you So don't stress too much about approaching people is just going for it to go approach someone and you will see that it's fun to talk to people. Don't be too stress when you approach someone, remember, you have to feel great. You have to feel relaxed. And how How do you do that? Just by filling great emotions in your body? You go. You approach someone. Hey, my name is Alan. How are you? Hey, my name is Alan. You look friendly. I just wanted to say hi. Hi. My name is Alan. I just wanted to congratulate you on the conference before. Hi. My name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi. What's your name? Or you can just ask the question. Hi. Can I ask you a quick question? Do you know when this place closes? Do you know that data And you ask a simple question and you have started the conversation and that's how we could make a really great first impression. Don't stress about it. Just go and just do it 3. What to say: So now let's talk about what you can say when you are in social directions and how you can make a great impression with that. So just to remind yourself of that words, only 7% in a conversation and 90% is nonverbal. So it's your body language. How you feel. You turn a voice, you smile. But the 7% that was so important because you must say something. So I would like to give you a few advice. I don't want to give you sentences that you can apply because it has to be aligned with who you are. Because when I started approaching people, I would write down everything that I would say I would script every conversation, every line that I would say, And then I will go out and I will start talking to people and it will be really robotic and really fake because I was using sentences from other people. So I'm not saying you have to script your conversations. Don't do that. What you must do is just feel great when you talk to people and say what you want to say to people in that moment in time, as long as you have great intentions and you want to be friendly towards the other person, that's it. So I know the words you could be talking about anything. You could be asking the basic questions. As long as you feeling great and you want to have a great conversation with the other person, you can talk about what is happening around you about the environment. You can ask questions about what the person did earlier today about what the person is doing, what the person does about what the person will do in the future. You can ask about the future vacation. You can ask what they like to do and have free time. You can share story about your life. You can tell a joke. You can say something that happened before. You can say something that you would do in the future. You can, you can see here it's really Albanese just about expressing who you are and finding your personality. So a great way to C Auto know the things that work for you would be to just sit down with a piece of paper and to think about the interactions that were really successful for you. and to ask yourself this question. What did I say in that direction? Because if you see that there are questions that common questions or common sentences that you say and that make a great first impression, you should use them again. So think about the great indirection that you have that you had at work when you were in the bar. When you are approaching people in a restaurant or when you were with friends, what were you seeing? That's what's really great. And that made a great first impression. So it's something that is great. Now when you find the sentences, I don't want you to just learn them by heart and go out and really just say them without emotions, because what worked when you were saying the sentences, it was because you also had the emotions and it was aligned with what you wanted to say in that moment in time. So what you should do is just you can read the sentences before you go out before you go to a networking event and then you forget them, and then I want you to be 100% present in the interaction. I want you to be fully leased. Think about the person is saying and I would like you to trust your abilities in what to say and you will see that magical things would happen. It would start saying the right things at the right time and at the rights tone of voice and everything will be perfect. In other words, everything will be great. So the advice I'm showing sharing with you here is maybe not the advise that you would like to hear, because maybe you wanted me to give you everything what to say and give you life. I'm not going to do that because not going to serve you. I'm giving you the advance advice, and it's the advice that work now. It's really about finding your style, finding what you say and developing who you are, because that's what will make you a charismatic person. And that's how you will be able to make a great impression. So go ahead, take a piece of paper and a pen and start bring stoning everything that you said in the past. It was successful and then use it again 4. Confident Body Language: to make a great first impression. It's important that you take care off your body language. So if you feel great emotions in your body, if you really have great energy and you are conflict, the body language will appear as confident and you will have a great body language. So if you don't really feel great and you don't really want to approach someone and you are really stressed, how can you fix the body language? So I would like to show you here a few tips. The 1st 1 is about the posture that you have so like. You just imagine that you are Superman. In other words, you are someone really confident. How would this person, How would this person have a powerful body language? In other words, the person will open his chest, shoulders back, head straight and be proud so you can add up the posture of someone who is confident and guess what. You really become comfortable. Oh, so you can smile because the more you smile, the more energy we're generating your body and the more confident and happy you will become . You can maintain eye contact when you talk to people when you shake hands, you must have a fume handshake. Not hand like that. Orpheum handshake. Then ask yourself this question. How would a confident person behave, what with the posture off a confident person? Be? How would a confident person smile? 19. I contact talk to people and, in other words, just have to copy the body language off competent people who are around you. So how I learned to have a confident body language was to just observe confident people are on me. So I had people had CEOs. I have high, poor people, but I also had friends who we're doing nothing with their lives, but they were really confident. So it's really important that you find someone that you can just copy and ask yourself this question. How is this person behaving? Because confidence leaves clues. It means that confident people will have a great posture. Confident people will look into other people's eyes in a certain way. There are common traits with confident people, and I can tell you there I can tell you that it's, for example, maintaining eye contact, smiling how you feel great emotions, adopting the posture of someone whose confidence off having a great posture, imagining that you are Superman, but then they don't know about the mindset, so it's more complicated. And that's so I could tell you that. But the effect wouldn't be as powerful as just observing people around you and just ask You said this question. What is this person doing that I'm not doing? And why is this person more confident than I am and try to find truth, other thinking in a different way, either talking in a different way? Are there wearing different clothes? Is are they doing something that I'm yet? And that's how you can have an amazing body language. 5. Social warm up: so something I'd like to share with you here. And that is really powerful. When you want toe talk to people and to make an amazing first impression, it just to be warmed up. In other words, of like you to talk to people during the day. Because if you spend eight hours in front of the computer and then you haven't talked to anyone and then you just go out and you approach someone that is really important and you really want to make a first on amazing first impression, it will be difficult. Why? Because your energy is focused on doing one task that does not involve talking to people. So what I always do is when I have to spend eight hours editing videos or doing something in front of my computer, I would do that. And then right after I will maybe call a friend. I will talk to someone in the streets. I will talkto people in the bar and restaurant. I would engage in conversation with a bouncer or with someone at the shop. I would just ask a busy question or just say something. Why? Because I would start warming up and then when the moments it can be a networking event or can be a restaurant or bar, and I really have to make reading a great first impression. I will already be in the talkative mood so we'll already be warmed up. It's something that you can do. Oh, so if you have a job interview, don't arrive and you are really stressed and you haven't talkto anyone during the day. But you should do it just to talk to people during the day and then you go to the job interview and it will be easier because you have already talked to 5 10 people during the day and it will work better and you will be able tow, become at ease when you approach people so really powerful here, advise warmup, Warmup Wow up. If you really have toe, make an amazing first impression and you have one shot and the person is really important. Talk to other people before you will see it will help you 6. Eye Contact: something I would like to discuss with you, if you want to make a great first impression is eye contact. So it's really important that you maintain eye contact. Have you ever been in a situation when you were talking to someone and the person was not looking directly at you was looking like that and was talking to you. How did you feel? Not really comfortable. I guess. Maybe you thought that the person was not really interested in the conversation. You thought that the person didn't care, and it's not really a great feeling. So when you're talking to someone, it's really important that you learn how to maintain eye contact. So if you're not really used maintaining eye contact, But I encourage you to do it, so start practicing with a friend. So what? You should do it that you just called a friend or you can try with your partner or with someone that you know, and you just become comfortable looking into someone s a size. If you're not really comfortable, what you can do is look at the eyebrows instead of the ice, the people who say, Hey, you should look here. No, don't look here because it's creepy and people were not is the difference. What you should do is look at the arbors if you cannot maintain eye contact and the gold heater is to become used is to be used maintaining eye contact. Another great thing that you can do is that you go in front of them, your and you look at yourself and you become comfortable looking at yourself. It's a really powerful exercising. You can even imagine that it's someone else so you can practice with yourself really, really powerful. When you're talking to people most of the time, you should maintain eye contact. In other words, if the person is present with you is talking to you, you just might in eye contact. If you see that the person is a little bit uncomfortable, you can dress very eye contact, so it's not really difficult. You just about practicing and becoming at ease with that. So try that. Try with a friend, try in front of the mirror. You will see that it will really help you 7. Fear Of Approaching People: so if you want to make a really great first impression, it's important that you take care off your fear off approaching because if you are really stressing approach people, the other people will feel it. So how could you decrease this fear for approaching so first, I would like to say that this feel for approaching is something that everyone has because we want to be loved. We want to be accepted in a group. We don't want to be rejected, so that's why we have this fear. It's basically toe just keep us alive because back in the days when you were rejected from a tribe, we would die because we wouldn't be able to protect ourselves. We wouldn't be able to find food and to survive. So we still have that injuring in our brain. So it means that when we approach someone, we still think that if the person rejects us, it will mean death. So it's something that is ingrained in our brain. There is nothing that you can really do about it because it's ingrained. But I would like to share with you here to techniques that you can decrease it so that you can become a confidence and be less stress. So the first advice I would like to share with you here is that you should approach the person as soon as you have the intention off approaching that person. In other words, when you see someone that you want to approach, you should approach right away. Why? The more you waits to approach this person, the more you will feel the stress in your body, and the more this fear off approaching will build up and appear. Have you ever been in a situation? You wanted to approach someone anyway, didn't you wait? And the more you waited there more, you had this feel for approaching. So the antidote to that is to approach when you see the person. So make the habit off when you see someone that you want to approach to go right away and they trust in your abilities to make something happen, trust in your abilities to have a great conversation and to really become charismatic have great emotions. I feel great and you go in your proof someone when you see this person, you will see that your feel for approaching will decree another technique I would like to share with you here is to focus on the positive rather than the negative. Let me explain. Let's see that I have two boxes here in one box. I have a $10 bill, and in the other box I have a spider or snake or something that scares you. And I'll ask you this question. Which box with the truth? USA Island. I want to choose the $10 bill. Why did you truth it? Because the wear more benefits in choosing the $10 bill rather than the box with despite it . So your brain analyzed what it could gain and what it could be, what it could lose. So it's the same thing with approaching people. If you're always focused on Oh my God, this person with direct me Oh my God, this person can make fun of me. What can what? What can happen if I approach this person and you have a negative focus, you will start listing all the negative things that can happen. And it's as if choosing the box with the spider and the things that scares you. What you should do instead is ask yourself this question What can I gain from the interaction? So if it's not listing, I can get the new clients. I can get a new sale. I can get a new girlfriend boyfriend. I can just make a new friend and start listing everything that you can gain from the direction your focus will switch from negative to positive. And it would be easier for you to approach now with these question. I'm not saying that you should take value from people and nothing that I'm just saying that the fuck is that you will have when you will approach people has to be, ah, focus off. What can I gain from the interaction in other to decree this feel for a potion. But then when you will approach someone, it will be giving value to people. OK, so just to be clear, so that's it. Our encourage you to go out a protest soon as possible, as as you see the person. And also I would like you to always ask yourself this question. What can I gain from the direction and you feel for approaching will decrease? You cannot remove it, but you can decrease and you can learn how to deal with that because there are people who are really socially successful and they still have this fear for approaching. But it has decreased because I have learned how to deal with that. So except that the few will always be there. Indeed, with that, you can even make fun of it. Don't make it the big here, and you would see that it will be easier to approach people. 8. Ask posiitve questions: when great steep to make an amazing first Depression. And it's something that I ask all the time. It's positive questions because if I ask you questions that will trigger, I would see that has a higher chance of triggering a negative emotion in you. You won't have a great first impression, because if I ask you, um what what makes you sad right now? What is sad right now? Or if I ask a question that has really a negative focus, you will start shifting your focus toe finding something sad or something uncomfortable or something that you don't really like. So it's the same thing with the opposite. It means that if I ask you a positive question like, What do you like to do for fun? Or what do you do when you have free time? Or do you have any vacations coming up? These are positive emotions questions. It means that there are higher stances off you feeling great emotions because if I'm talking about your interest and your passions, you will feel great because you like your passions and interests and this is the chip here . Ask positive questions, so I encourage you to make a least between three and five questions that you could ask someone that has a positive focus and you will see that it will transform your life. It will send your social life because that's how I'm able to make people like me really easy because I have a great emotion in my body. So I feel great. I would approach the person, and then I would start asking positive questions. So maybe I won't be too personal saying, Hey, I do. What are your passions and interests when I just meet the person? But through the conversation, I will be talking about passions about what they like to do about vacation. So, you see, I would be talking about positive things and you should do that. You will be. You will be able to retake your business and your personal life to the next level. Now you should really adopt the questions according to the situation that you are in. So try to bring storm right now and you will see that it will transform your life 9. Make the person feel comfortable: it's really important to make the other person feel comfortable. So when you approach someone away interacting with the other person, one off your focus should be about is the person comfortable owner. If the person is not comfortable, it may be because you are too close to this person. So what I encourage you to do is that if you just approach the person and you don't know this person, you will just keep a distance that his arm length. So if you go a little bit less tough than arm length, it will be personal. But if you go in like that, it's a distance that when two strangers meet, it's really acceptable and the person will be comfortable. So if you see that the person is not really comfortable, what you should've also do is see if you are a little bit to direct. It means that if you eye contact is a little bit too direct, or if you are facing the person directly and your feet are pointing to the person and then you feel that the person is shy, what you should do is try to be a little bit more indirect. So in this case, I'm talking to you. I see that you are not really comfortable. I will just slightly turn away. But I will keep contact with you and I will keep engaging you. But there will be just that. It would be breaking the eye contact and you will see that the person will be more teeth. Also, if you notice that the person is not really comfortable, it may be because you're asking questions that are too personal. Or maybe you are being boring. What I mean by being boring is that you don't feel great emotions in your body and you are just saying things to say things and you don't really want to engage the conversation. In other words, if you are bored, the other person will be bored because whatever you feel the other person feels. So it's really important to make the other person laugh, engage the other person, tell jokes and really being a great emotion and really make the other person feel and have a great time, because that's how you will be able to make a really amazing first impression. And if you think about last time that you were interacting with people, whether taking care off the fact that you were comfortable with them or not. Most of the time people are so stressed when they're in social interactions that they don't even care if the person is comfortable or not. They just want to appear who then make a great first impression. But by If you want to make a great first impression, it comes first by making the other person feel comfortable. Why? Because at the indefinite direction, the person we remember how they felt in their interaction, not what was said because remember, words are only 7% in the non verbal is 93% and most people can feel if they had a great time or not. So if you make the other person feel comfortable, they say, Oh my God, I was really comfortable with this person. Maybe there is something going on with this personally. Maybe I like this person. It can be in business or it can be personal life, but what I mean that really make the other person feel comfortable