Simple Charisma - Getting More Out Of Your Social Life, With Science | NICK SARAEV | Skillshare

Simple Charisma - Getting More Out Of Your Social Life, With Science

NICK SARAEV, Body Language, Productivity & Technology

Simple Charisma - Getting More Out Of Your Social Life, With Science

NICK SARAEV, Body Language, Productivity & Technology

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10 Lessons (1h 2m)
    • 1. Welcome to Simple Charisma

    • 2. Social Value Theory & Low Value

    • 3. Pacification Examples

    • 4. Pacification Frequency

    • 5. 5 high value body language examples

    • 6. Vocal Tone & Projection

    • 7. Tonality & Loudness

    • 8. Speak Louder

    • 9. Facial Expressions (Bonus)

    • 10. Eye Contact (Bonus)

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About This Class

Unfortunately, you've been lied to about social skills. Most people make them out to be this rare, god-given gift that you're either born with or not. But communication in it's entirety is really just based on a few core components that depend on neuroscience and evolutionary psychology. Once you understand those components, you'll be miles ahead of the competition in nearly every aspect of your life - and you'll be in a great spot to get more out of your social life.

Our course is taught on the simple premise that people deserve to be able to learn social skills similar to how they're given the opportunity to learn about math, stats, or biology: in a structured and scientific way. 

With anxiety and depression on the rise all over the world, don't you think it's time something changed?

Extensive research tells us that the majority of all communication is subverbal. That is, the way you're perceived in public depends significantly more on both your body language and vocal tonality than the actual content of your speech. We refer to this principle as the non-linguistic model, and it drives how we developed our course content.

In teaching you this stuff, we're going to make you more attractive. More empathetic. More charismatic

And best of all, we're going to show you that your personality is not a static, unchanging part of you. You can become whoever and whatever you want - it just takes a bit of work here and there.

Our material comes from two university degrees' worth of knowledge (Nick is a behavioral neuroscience researcher, and Soma majored in molecular biology), several years' experience in live charisma coaching, and dozens of high-quality, peer reviewed studies on social dynamics. Let's get charismatic!

Meet Your Teacher

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Body Language, Productivity & Technology




Hi there!


Welcome to my teaching page! I'm Nick - a gigantic nerd with a passion for body language & self improvement. I co-teach a bunch of courses with my talented colleague, Soma Marton, and together we run a coaching company called Let's Improve.


A little bit about me: I'm a body language coach & technology enthusiast with a background in behavioral neuroscience. I love helping people overcome social anxiety and blossom into the best version of themselves.


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1. Welcome to Simple Charisma: What's up, guys? I'm Nick and this is the first section of simple charisma. So as we talked about in the intro The guiding principle, our class is going to be systematic effectiveness, all right. And we designed this entire course as if me and my friend Shoma were economists. Everything we created, we created in a way so as to give you guys the biggest return on your investment with the least time and effort put out. So in keeping with that theme, what we're gonna do is we're going to start off by tackling a couple of things that make the biggest difference is to your charisma and your social value. And then we're gonna work our way down the things that will still important don't really make that big of a difference. This is going to do two big things. The first thing that's gonna do is gonna help you guys learn faster. And it's also gonna help you guys start getting positive reactions quicker. Right when you're out there in the real world, which is inadvertently gonna feedback and help you learn even faster. So today, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give you guys a body language framework. And then we're gonna use this body language framework to break down and analyze different classes of behavior. And this framework is going to completely change the way that you guys perceive body language as well as give you guys the opportunity to tune in to an entire world of communication that most people don't even know exists. Okay, so pretty heavy stuff. I'm really excited to get into it, But right before we do, let's just talk about what body language is. Just so we're on the same page. Body language is by far the biggest and most important aspect of charisma by far. Research shows it's responsible for as much as 55% of the way that human beings interact with each other. Which means more than 1/2 of all communication has nothing to do with the words that come out of your mouth. Another way to say this is that the majority. The communication is non semantic, meaning it actually doesn't depend on the content of your speech. It depends on everything that surrounds that content. So how you're standing right where your arms are, what your legs were doing while you speak, but not which words are coming out of your mouth. Now, this is typically pretty counter Do did what most people grow up believing, but is actually a lot of science on this. And this is a concept we're gonna keep coming back to over and over and over again in every module. It's also the reason why none of our course deals with what you need to say to be charismatic, just how to go about saying it. So body language is two main effects communication wise. The first thing the body language does is it sub communicates your feelings, right? Sub communicates your emotions. What I mean by that is, let's say, April 11th your dog just died. You're incredibly sad. Your body language is likely gonna be very different than if April 11th you got promoted at work or something, right? So the first principle of body language is that for most people, their body language depends on moments to moment changes in their emotions, and that's very, very important. But it's actually not anywhere in years. Importance. The second principle of body language, which to be clear is that body language also sub communicates your social value. It communicates your relative social standing on the hierarchy as compared to the rest of people that are around you. And social value is actually very, very interesting topic. Which, to be honest, I could probably teach an entire course on because it borrows very heavily from principles in both economics, evolutionary psychology, even math. And all three of these were very dense fields, even in their own right. But I'm going to say about it right here is for the purposes of our course. I want you guys to think about somebody social value, the exact same way. Do you think about the value of a product or a service? Let's say if you're thinking of buying something, product becomes more and more valuable if it's either in high demand or if it's in short supply. And charismatic people are both in high demand and in very short supply, especially when compared to the rest of general population. And by the way, from now on, we're gonna consider the rest of general population your competition for all intents and purposes. So since your body language signals or social value and your social values, more or less an indicator of how powerful you are, Then learning to consciously control The message is your body is sending out to the world is gonna put you guys miles and miles ahead of everybody else and give you guys more success in pretty much every facet of your life. And this includes your relationships, your career and your wider social circle as well. Body language is also incredibly tied to neuroscience as well, which we're going to see soon, mainly in the form of these things called feedback loops. Now, feedback loops are basically principle one that I talked about earlier in that your brain state changes your body language right? Which is why when somebody is very, very sad because their dog died, right when the brain is in a very sad state, your body language is gonna be very, very different than when you're super happy. Because he just got a promotion. But it also works in reverse. Your body language can actually feed back to change the way that you feel and provide riel measurable changes in the levels of different hormones and neurotransmitters in your bloodstream. And I'll go into this and mawr throughout the entire module, and I'm gonna make sure to cite any research that we talk about down below so you guys can check it out first hand. Alright, guys. So let's get into things. And right before we do, here are the three big concepts the U. S. They're gonna know by the time that this module is over. The first is in neuroscience by why low value body language looks like it does as well as how to stop engaging in it. The second thing is the evolutionary psychology behind low value body language and had a master high value body language and high value behaviors. And the third is how to systematically observed and breakdown body language and other people, whether it's in an interview on a date or at any social function. Which brings us to our first real video on low value body language. I'll see you there 2. Social Value Theory & Low Value: All right, guys, is the first real instructional video in our body language course. And what we're gonna focus on today is low value body language. This is body language signals to other people that you are of relatively low social value. And obviously, this is something that you want to avoid from a certain perspective because, hey, being low value just implies that you're either unattractive, your dangerous or you're just undesirable in general. Now, other people are pretty good and intuitively picking up on low value body language because a lot of these specific behaviours have actually been more or less hard coded into our DNA through millions of years of evolution. Which is why right now, if I don't ask any of you guys, for example, low value body language, chances are most of you, even though you haven't watched to the end of this course, would probably already be in the general vicinity of something right. You guys would probably say something like having your shoulders slumped right crossing your arms, that kind of thing, even though we have yet to consciously learn exactly what these behaviors look like, you still have this kind of instinctive understanding of what they are. But low value body language actually goes so much deeper than just that. And it's mostly because of a principal of the charisma industry or the self improvement industry refers to his pacification. Okay, now pacification at its core is the idea that when people are emotionally distressed, they will touch themselves. And I'm being entirely non facetious here. I'm gonna explain a little bit more emotional distress makes your brain feel bad. Now, a lot of research has been done on this, and many people have actually shown that emotional pain lights up very many of the same brain areas as physical pain. So we'll take that. Emotional distress is negative, but being touched, on the other hand, is positive, right? Because we're social creatures and it is a large part of how it communicated before we develop actual language. And this is regardless of where it is in your body, regardless of its sexual or not, it doesn't matter. The brain is always gonna release certain feel good chemicals in response to being touched . So any time you feel these negative emotions, what pacification is that your brain will subconsciously encourage you to touch different parts of your body in an attempt to help pacify the negative feelings you're experiencing. This is the cornerstone of why people engaged in low value body language, and once you guys understand this one concept, you'll be able to read people incredibly well. Eventually, you'll even get to the point where you know how somebody feels about something, usually before they dio, and it's kind of creepy. But to really drive this home, let's go into a tiny bit more detail about the specific science behind why this works. So we all have skin here. One thing you guys need to know about skin is that skin has a bunch of these microscopic nerve endings in it called sensory receptors. Now, the way that these receptors activate is based off deformations. So when a party your skin gets touched, a bunch of these really small sensory receptors actually deform a little bit, which opens up a bunch of channels that then cause an electrical reaction happened in the cell. This then causes the sensory receptors to fire, which sends a signal that travels all the way up to your brain, and your brain interprets a stimulation. Now we know that your brain craves stimulation. This is why so many people that they're addicted to video games. They're addicted to drugs, addicted toe, alcohol, whatever. So you bring crave stimulation. Stimulation feels really, really good to your brand, especially when you're feeling anxious or uncomfortable. We're gonna take that as a given. So then, areas with very high concentrations of these sensory receptors, when they get stimulated, are gonna make you feel even better, right? It just makes sense. And a good example. This is your hands, your mouth and your genitals, which typically have the highest number of sensory receptors in the entire body. This is why so many people bite their lips or they bite their nails when they're stressed out. Because based off the pacification theory that we've been talking about stress is a negative stimulus. But nail biting to your brain is actually a positive stimulus. Is the tour going accounts each other out for a net result of zero. So it's this compensation principal, right? It's a balance your brain is trying to make up for feeling bad, basically, by subconsciously encouraging you to engage in behaviors that it knows is gonna make you feel good now. Bad comes in a number of different forms. They can be stressed. Fatigue, anxiety, whatever. But you read it. Your brain does not like feeling that way, so it's gonna artificially try and make itself feel good. The a pacification, which makes you touch various parts. Your body. Now here's the cool thing, these behaviors or universal toe everybody. And because the universal we can use pacification, two spot anxiety or discomfort in other people, the way we do this is we use other people's pacification for a measure of how much stress they're feeling at any given moment in time, which give us his advantage. Because the goal of doing this is basically to be able to direct our own interactions, right? Stay one step ahead of whatever it is we're talking about, whatever it is they're feeling. And make sure you get some examples in the next few videos that are gonna blow your mind. I think I really like about pacification is that by understanding it, you more or less get to hear an extra dimension of conversation that other people don't. And once you get very good at spotting these behaviors, eventually you're gonna be able to tell when people are feeling uncomfortable scared? Maybe there's a particular conversation topic that are going to avoid All right, that takes us to the end of the video. So to quickly recap in this video, we introduced the concept of low value body language. We talked a little bit about why you should avoid it. And then we went into detail about pacification theory, which is the theory that people self stimulate. They touch themselves in response to negative emotions like stress, more anxiety. Now this theory is the cornerstone behind reading people, and now that we've learned why it works, we'll spend the next few videos going into detail about how to use pacification theory to your advantage. 3. Pacification Examples: Alright, guys. So we now covered what pacification is and the theory behind it. But theory isn't really the real point of our course. The point of our courses to give you guys actionable tools that you can use to improve your social value and ultimately improve your life and your charisma. So before we get into anything else, what I want to do is actually start this video off by going through a dozen or so of the most common pacifying behaviors that you guys are gonna go out there and see when you're in the real world and going through this list is gonna help you guys start to see just how common pacification really is. So let's get into it. Number one is having your arms crossed. Okay, think hugging yourself because this protects your vital organs. Number two is brushing your hair. Okay. On top of hair follicles being really richly innovated, I find a lot of women typically do this to subconsciously get men to notice. 3rd 1 is having your hands on the back of your neck. This guy's neck muscles are usually very tight, and any touching there can help release a lot of pressure. So doing this is actually form of self massage. Number four is rubbing your fingers. Okay, There's significantly more sheer brain mass devoted to processing finger and hand sensation than any other part of the body. So stimulation of the fingers is actually a very pleasant experience. Number five is playing with something. This might be a pencil keys, your phone right and very similar rationale applies to when you're rubbing your fingers because you're doing something with your hands. And these are very, very high sensation areas. Number six is what's called super sternal or vigil self stimulation, and this is actually really technical and very interesting one. Many people's hands instinctively reached for a particular part of their neck called the jugular, or super sternal notch when they get really nervous. And that's this area right here. This area is unique because it actually permits the passes of a very special cranial nerve . Okay, a nerve that goes from your brain down your body, called the vagus nerve. This extends down from the brain stem. What it does is it innovates the heart. Its main job is actually to relax the body by releasing this really cool neurotransmitter called a subtle call me which decreases your heart rate. What this means is when somebody starts vigorously rubbing this area right here, they're super sternal notch. What they're actually doing is subconsciously attempting to calm themselves down. Number seven is rubbing your thighs. Okay, This is a very solid chunk of skin surface area. Usually before somebody delivers a presentation or they're going out to do some type of public speaking, you see them in their seat like roaming their thighs really vigorously. And when you see that, you know that they're nervous. Number eight is when your fingers a massage, the bridge of your nose right here. All right, How many times you've seen somebody do this? The face is incredibly densely innovated, especially readings around the eyes and the nose. So when you see somebody doing this, it's usually cause they're very stressed out. Number nine is really simple. It's just rubbing the ice right. And the rationale for that is very, very similar. The last one and number 10 is biting your nails. This is because the tips your fingers are very, very rich and sensory endings. Right? So if you see somebody do this a lot. Well, you know what's up, and number 11 is when you pick it regions of your skin or your hands. This is because in some areas, a slight amount of pain is actually registered. His pleasure. The most common areas are gonna see somebody do this. Are your lips, your cuticles and your nails. So now that we've gone through a bunch of examples of pacifying behaviors and you guys know more or less what to look for out there in the real world, the questioning is probably thinking is what do we do with all this knowledge? And for this, I typically see two main rights that we can go down first route, and the one that, in my opinion, is the most important is identifying your own pacifying behaviors and then getting rid of them. This is so that the only signals that your body sends out are those positive ones that end up adding to your social value. Now the second route is what I mentioned before, which essentially is to look at other people's pacifying behaviors out there and then use those pacifying behaviors is kind of like a barometer of how they're feeling at any given moment. So the first way, then is inwardly focused, right, because it's focusing on yourself. It's dealing with the signals that you're sending out, and the second way is outwardly focused right, because now you're dealing with the signals that other people are sending over to you and your adapting your own behaviors to them so that you can maneuver the social situation more effectively. So we're gonna start with the first, which is identifying your own pacifying behaviors and then getting rid of them. Now everybody pacify slightly differently the core components of pacification, like I talked about earlier, universal because they're a product of evolutionary psychology. But everybody's components developed slightly differently, depending on your own cultural upbringing as well as the specific experience that you yourself have gone through in your own life. So here's I want you to think about pacification, what you think about in a really similar in a way to how you think about writing a signature down. All right. Everybody used the exact same basic alphabet when they read their signature right, But at the end of the day, not everybody signature looks the same. Everybody has their own style in writing it out. This is the exact same for pacification. Now, if you're not conscious about it, your body language is going to send out your signals 24 7 which is super, super great if you're a high value person, because then the signals they're sending out or just naturally high value. But if you're not a high value person and Enns are many of us that are watching this video right now, aren't then freely sending out these signals without filtering what your body is ultimately going to be saying is detrimental to you in the long run. So our main goal here is to eliminate all of those low value signals your body sends out and then by subtraction. This is going to increase your socially perceived value. Finding your own pacifying signatures really, really easy just because of the basic principles that we talked about earlier. If you think about it, all you really need to do is put yourself in a very stressful situation. Well, that makes you really uncomfortable. And then just take a look at what your hands were doing, what your legs were doing, and overall, what your body is feeling, meaning. If you're afraid of heights, this would be going up to a tall building. Maybe you're afraid of swimming, so it's going to a pool. Or, in my case, maybe you're afraid of public speaking. Back in the day, I used to very, very bad social anxiety, meaning getting on the stage and from a bunch of strangers was typically a very big deal. So what I did in my own life to identify my own pacifying behaviors was I joined a public speaking group in my city. I booked my first presentation, and before I even walked up to the stage, I noticed that I was doing all sorts of crazy things in my hands. One of the things that I was doing was I was crossing them, which makes sense of the view it through the pacification theory that we were just talking about because crossing your arms presses on your chest and it also simultaneously gives your hands something to squeeze against. Right in both of these equalled more sensory stimulation, which equals more good feelings in my brain, which then helped cancel out some the anxiety that was feeling before the presentation. So just like I did. Your goal is to do this exercise and then repeated a few times in a few different situations. And what I want you guys to do is I want you guys to find your five or six most common pacified behaviors and then write them down and memorize them. After you figure that all out after you found your pacifying signature and you've memorized every single one of the behaviors you do, what I want you to do right now is to resolve never, ever again toe have an unconscious conversation. What I mean by that is I watch you guys from here on out to never go into another conversation without being explicitly conscious. But what your body is doing during that conversation, The fact you guys have memorized your pacifying signature at this point is gonna mean that . Now that your conscious about your body language, you're gonna start spotting the very specific low value points in your conversation in which your body is doing things that kind of break down, and at the beginning, it'll probably pretty often so like very, very minor amounts of stress is still gonna be enough to make you pacify an example, this might be somebody asking a question that you don't know the answer to, and you'll find that the second that that happens, your hand is gonna goto rub the back your neck or something like that. But over time, the mere act of being conscious of your body language is gonna help decrease the frequency with which you engage in these pacifying behaviors. A good exercise to get way better at this is just to completely remove all movement during a conversation or interaction with another person, meaning If you guys are sitting down at a restaurant, that's you're talking to somebody just put your hands on the table and live. You just leave them in that exact same spot for at least a few minutes. What, you're gonna find us As the conversation goes on, your brain is eventually going to start screaming at you. Just move your hand or scratching a certain party or nose or something like that. Anything because more or less, it's begging you to do something to alleviate the stress of the conversation. So, like we just talked about, pacification is a skill, and just like any other skill It's probably gonna take you a lot of conscious effort to get down initially, but that's entirely normal. Over the course of just a few weeks, just like any other skill, just like riding a bike or juggling or doing anything that's initially difficult, you'll start to find that the amount of conscious effort to you actually to dedicate to keeping your body language and check is going to decrease significantly eventually, to the point you don't even have to think about it all. This is a pretty common phenomenon in any scale learning at all. It's called automaticity, and once you guys have reached that point, you're ahead of at least 90% of the population in terms of your body language skills, which takes us to the end of another video. So to recap, we started off by going over a bunch of practical, pacifying examples so you guys could see exactly how common pacification is in the real world. We then switched gears a little bit, went into how to use pacification to increase your social value, and then we talked a fair bit about the first way, which is eliminating your own pacifying behaviors to ensure that the only signals your body is sending out of this very positive ones that actually add to your social value. In the next video, we're gonna talk about the second way that you can use pacification, which is to read and analyze the body language of other people to enable you to respond better in the social situations. 4. Pacification Frequency: All right. So the last video was on way. Number one. How to use pacification to increase your social value. We number two, like we talked about before, is now to use your knowledge of pacification, to be able to read and analyze the low value body language of other people. And then, after analyzing that low value body language where you're gonna be able to do is you'll be able to use this information to help guide your interactions with, um and ultimately, increase the quality of your conversations because you'll know when to push and you'll know when to pull. So everything about reading body language starts with one important concept, which is that we're looking for patterns of behavior rather than just one or two isolated actions. Now, a lot of people out there gonna try and sell you the idea that you can supposedly tell exactly what a person is thinking about based on what direction they look at when they're lying, or maybe how they brush their hair to the left or to the right. But what I want you guys to know right now is that is complete B s. This is 100% Not true. There's simply no way that anybody is gonna be able to make a super high level judgment. But what's going on inside of a person's head, based off a sample size of like one or two behaviors when you need to do is look at trends in behavior, all right, and that's what we're going to spend the rest of this video talking about. The main reason you can't just look at somebody wants, right? You see them bite their nails. You instantly know that they're nervous is because there's actually a huge range of variability in people's based likelihood to engage in a certain past, my behavior or not. So while one person might never, ever bite their nails while they're nervous, another guy might bite his nails all the freaking time, whether he's actress or whether he's not. And you're probably thinking this completely different. When I was just talking about before, right where I mentioned that people pacify when they get stressed out, the truth is kind of it's actually little bit more complicated. That and a lot of it has to do with that a trend concept that I was chatting about earlier basically, since two people can have widely different reactions to the exact same stimulus. In order for you to be able interpret that behavior and in order for to make any sense at all, you have to look at their pacification in the context of not only that one isolated behavior but in all of their behaviors totaled right. So since everybody's different, you have to be able to take that difference into account. You need to establish what I call their pacification frequency, which is simply how often do they engage in a pacifying behavior over time? And then, once you've established that pacification frequency, all you got to do is look for the increases or the decreases in that frequency in response to various things in their conversation. And it's a way, way easier to understand with an example. So let's pretend for a second you're talking to your neighbour, and your neighbor has this big, nice golden retriever, and after 30 or so seconds, you kind of establish that your neighbor doesn't really do much with his hands right? We'll keep him in his pockets most the time will do nothing to unusual and then totally offhand you mentioned something like, man, I keep finding weird dog crap on my side of the law. And the second that you do that, you seem Take his hands out of his pockets, start rubbing his neck and then crossing his arms immediately afterwards. This is gonna ring some bells because the moment that you mentioned finding dog crap on your side of the property line, he significantly increased his pacification frequency. He went from doing nothing with his hands to rubbing his neck and then crossing his arms immediately afterwards. This tells you that there's something emotionally salient to him about the last sentence, which would probably be the fact that his dog is crapping on your long. All right. Here's another example. Let's say you and your best friend or chilling on the couch. You guys with this awesome party, he's being as normal, totally laid back. Self right. His arms were splayed all super wide when all of a sudden your mutual friend Jess rolls up . And now she's talking to both you guys and the second that she shows up, he starts tapping his foot and he moves his arm significantly closer to his body, right we can, you know, touch his leg or a stomach or whatever. Now you've already established his base. Pacification frequency is being laid back. His arms are wide, he's relaxed. But then, when that new stimulus arrived, which is Jess, you saw him engaging several quick, pacifying behaviors and successful again. This should ring some bells. You should be asking yourself why the heck your best friends suddenly get so nervous or anxious around just right and maybe will help you decide whether or not he feels warmly or Cooley towards her. So, as you guys can see, interpreting body language is a little bit more difficult and just knowing that it exists. But it's incredibly useful, and it significantly increases your charisma. All right, so that takes us to the end of another video. Now we started off this video talking about the importance of patterns, and then we introduce the concept of people's pacification frequency. From there we ran through a couple of practical examples where you saw how to use body language trends in order to take more information out of interaction and use that to better your social standing 5. 5 high value body language examples: Alright guys. So at this point, you guys should have a pretty solid understanding of what low value body languages as well as pacification theory. In this video, we're going to switch gears a bit. We're instead going to talk about the inverse of Low Valley body language, which I'm sure you guys and guess is high value body language. We'll go in depth on what high social value is as well. It's exactly what you need to do to maximize the value that you're already getting out of your own body language. Now, you guys can probably guess that part of having high value body language is actually having the absence of low value body language. Right is actually why I put this section after the section on pacification. Because by eliminating your pacifying signature, you actually already halfway there having very high value body language already because just like math, the absence of a negative is actually a positive. And in our case, the absence of low value body language is going to be high value. But there's a little bit more to it than that. The main principle that I want you guys to take away from this video, and actually, this entire module is this high value body language, his body language that makes you vulnerable. It's body language that exposes you. Okay, by making you take up space, they didn't necessarily need to be taking up in order to survive. Now, the reason for this kind of peculiarity is that high value body language is very, very little to do with the modern day. It's actually primarily a byproduct of evolutionary preferences that were involved in us tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of years ago. Way before, humanity had really developed any type of complex society or culture or civilization back when we lived in tribes. You can kind of imagine, in the social hierarchy was pretty arduous, e maintained, because the consequences of breaking that social hierarchy was potentially fatal. Okay, if you guys were at the bottom of a social hierarchy and you try to screw with one of the guys at the top, you probably wouldn't live too long. That being said, the people at the very bottom of that social hierarchy are constantly scrambling to try and increase their social value to put them in a slightly better position to allow them to obtain resource is and ultimately ensure their survival. The way they did this was primarily by fighting with their fellow low value individuals, meaning if you were a low value individual, that meant that you'd have to be on your guard pretty much all the time. You basically had to be in battle mode. You can think of it that way 24 7 And you always need to be thinking about how to survive first and foremost. Now, from a body language perspective, let's play a little thought experiment. What do you thinks more conducive to your survival? Is it opening up your rib cage and exposing your neck? Or is it hunching over your shoulders and crossing your arms? The answer. This is actually very, very clear. These low value individuals in adopting closed off behavioral styles would actually increase their chances for survival, and very quickly this became a social and cultural identify. This is the reason that even today we consider this style of body language so distinctly unattractive because over the course of our evolutionary history, we've spent thousands of generations associating this kind of body language with low value individuals. Now, on the flip side, let's look at high value people, which I will refer to his alphas. From now on. Alphas were at the top of the respective social hierarchies, usually cause they possess some type of physical prowess. Either they were born with significantly better genes than everybody else, or they just got very lucky. And they had access to a lot of food. And a lot of resource is early on, which allowed them become very big and very strong. Either way, if anybody screwed with the Alfa nine times out of 10 and often would win so very few people obviously ever provoked them, meaning we usually didn't need to cover up and hide all the time like low value individuals did. The Alfa could walk around all vulnerable and exposed, and they weren't a very afraid of taking up too much space. Which is why these vulnerable, large body language displays today are considered high value again because those evolutionary implications that we just talked about so big hotshot CEOs in the board room they don't usually lean forward or sit with their arms crossed like this, do they? No. They usually sit wide and they lean back and they look relaxed. That being said, the cornerstone of the section is that even if you aren't presently, ah, high social value person, even if you're not a crazy rich CEO, are famous musician, you can still emulate that high value behavior to make people think that you're a high value person. So what are these behaviors? Like? I said, the general principle is vulnerability was actually a much more effective learning process . We get to go through some specifics. It'll also mitigate the possibility of you looking like you're trying too hard, which, by the way, completely defeats the purpose because one of the key tenets of being a high value individual is that their every move, more or less seems effortless. Alright, guys. So number one is your legs. Keep your legs wide when standing still not too wide, or you run the risk of looking like a maniac. You kind of look like you're trying too hard, but you want to keep your legs about as wide as your shoulder with or just a little bit wider. Number two is what's called arms akimbo. This is a power pose that visually makes you look a lot bigger and a lot more powerful because it flares your elbows out towards the sides. It's usual in virtually every situation. And if you're a novice to good high value body language, this is what I recommend you start number three is when you're walking, use big, long strides. Place your center of gravity on the middle of your foot, not on your toes, like some people, because it will make you look perpetually hunched over. Also, don't be afraid to lay your arms swing. You don't assume too much. Are also around the restaurant. Look like a maniac when we talked to go in earlier. You want to strike a balance? All right, Number four is having your thumbs out of your pockets. Usually putting your hands in your pockets is gonna signal low value. This is bad, makes you small, and it hides your thumbs. The thing about your thumbs, though, is there a very strong indicator of confidence. Which means any time you're putting your hands in your pockets, keeping your thumbs exposed while they're in your pockets are very high value behavior. It also just looks really cool. Number five is have one of your legs crossed around the other. Now this is gonna put you at a significant disadvantage in terms of balance. And because of that, this is actually a signal comfort in your environment, which subsequently signals high value a warning though this cancer go low value if you're sitting so only use it where you're standing. Number six is preening. Preening is picking things off of your clothes. This is actually signaling high value because implies they have better things to do with your time. So doing this all absentmindedly implies that you are significantly higher value than the people that you're around. You think that you're better than that? For those reasons, use it sparingly. Number seven is planting your hands wide at a table or a desk. I don't have a table or desk, so I'm just gonna do this right here. But this takes up significantly more room than you need otherwise, and it implies confidence implies dominance. Number eight is what's called stippling. The tips of the fingers together. You often see this in boardrooms. These large open hands are accompanied by sweeping gestures. Use this in professional situations, not casual situations, because it implies that you are very, very confident what you're saying. Number nine is having one of your arms resting on something at about shoulder height. Something like this again, this takes up more space than you'd explicitly require. You have a nicely placed a chair or a couch. You knew this very casually. Number 10 is the ominous man spreading which, believe it or not, women can also do. The rationale for this is very similar to the last one makes you take up a lot more space than you need. Number 11 is what's called splaying. This is basically leaning back, whether it's standing up or it's in your chair, and it's more or less a territorial display. Leaning back makes you take up way more space than you'd explicitly need, which combines with something like resting your arms. Shoulder height, for example, is going to make you seem significantly more dominant. Number 12 is interlacing your hands behind your head like this. Now this is a power display. It's very obviously stating, Hey, nobody here is dangerous to May, which is more or less the mindset of an Alfa notice how exposed something like this makes my torso in my under arms as well, which is where a lot of very sensitive blood vessels were going. Number 13 is having your hands on your inner thighs with your elbows out. Now, doing something like this with a belts is called genital frame. It's a power display that shows confidence and very high value. The key thing here is their elbows take up more space than you explicitly need otherwise would be Low Valley, because what you're doing is making yourself very small. So we just went through some high value behaviors. Now I'm not gonna lie. There really is no magical secret toe having high value body language. For the most part, human beings have two arms and two legs, so it's only a really certain subset of body language. Behaviors that have been evolutionary, pruned or evolutionarily associate it with being high value, and most of them are on the list that I just showed you. I may have missed a handful, but aside from that the best way that you're gonna improve your body language, it's literally just take those behaviors and emulate them out there in the real world. What I mean by this is taken our or so out of your day right now, right? Every single one of those behaviors down memorized them. Make sure you know which displays to use while sitting versus which displaced use while standing. And keep in mind the context in which to use them as well. Some, for example, are gonna be very good to use in every situation. Now, the last thing that I want to do in this video because I want to throw some science at you . Over the last few years, there's been some significant neuroscience research into body language and how it effects self perceived value, meaning the way that you see yourself. Now, several scientists actually proven that different styles of body language caused the release of slightly different amounts of testosterone and Nero transmitters. This is actual hard research. For example, this is one paper that found that engaging in a high power posed for two minutes and a high power post. Here is just this paper's equivalent of the high value body language. We talked about earlier causes as much as a three times positive change in testosterone when compared to low value body language. And since testosterone is the dominance hormone right? High levels of testosterone are typically positively correlated with size and aggression, which are very, very Alfa traits. By the way, these high power displays would more or less dictate where somebody would fall in that social hierarchy. Back in our tribal days, right, more testosterone would equal more dominance, more dominance with equal, higher perceived social value. Basically, your brain and your body communicate bi directionally right, while your confidence in your comfort level feed onto the body language, you adapt your body language. Also send signals back to your brain to affect how your brain literally perceives itself. What this means is the very process of emulating high Valley behavior, like what we're doing here can actually turn you into a higher value person. So that takes us the M another video and actually the end of the body language module. We started off this video talking of the differences between high value and low value body language. And then we outlined a key principle of high value body language before discussing the evolutionary psychology behind why certain behaviors are high value while others aren't. Then we fired off a very sizable list of high value body language displaced that you guys could see exactly what types of behaviors you need to engage in for your body language is signal that you are indeed high value. 6. Vocal Tone & Projection: Hi, everyone. I'm Shoma and I'll be with you for the last third of our course in these next two sections were going to be going over the final two components of charisma, namely your vocal projection and your facial expressions. And these are key learning to master both vocal projection and facial expression is what's going to take your presence to the next level and is going to give you that extra 10 to 20% in terms of charisma on top of everybody else. And that is gonna be the difference between you getting what you want out of an interview or a party or a date or missing out. Now, what is vocal projection, Just like with body language and with vocal tonality? There is both high value vocal projection and low value vocal projection, and I think the best way to understand them is with a quick example. Say you're interviewing someone for position. It's a sales job, so their ability to communicate is incredibly important to their success in their role. You ask him a question, but when they respond, they're very quiet. You can bear to hear them. It's almost like they're whispering. Do you think that they would do well in the position? Probably not. Okay, because, as we'll see, poor vocal projection is more or less anonymous with a low self confidence. And how is someone who can't even sell themselves going to be able to sell a product or a service? If you're not confident with the words you're saying, nobody will take them seriously now Contrast. This is someone who speaks loudly, all right, one of those guys at the bar that you can hear from three tables away. Despite the fact that some people may think that he's annoying, that man is most definitely demonstrating high value behaviors, because if he's willing to basically broadcast his thoughts to an entire bar, you can be damn well sure he's gonna be confident about it. Because if he's willing to basically project his thoughts to an entire bar, you can be damn well sure he's confident about what he's saying. And that's the important subtext. That's why the guy at the bar will get hired. No problem, while the guy that was too quiet doesn't even get a second look. So the goal of this section is going to be to get you closer to the guy at the bar and further away from the quiet guy into interview. So with that here, the two big things you'll learn by the time he finishes module one, you'll know the functional anatomy behind how we speak, including the systems. It's possible for breath as well as how Internet Breath into speech. And two, you'll understand the problem that 90% of the world suffers from when it comes to the vocal projection. And I'll teach you exactly what you need to do to ensure your vocal projection is always high value. 7. Tonality & Loudness: so to start. In the last video, I mentioned that stay rigid, go bro of the bar, and this bro is so loud you can still hear him like three tables away. And I know a few people just off the top of my head that might think that this type of behavior is annoying, and in some ways I'd inclined to agree. But just because some people may find it annoying doesn't mean it's not high value behavior . In fact, a lot of the times the opposite is true. Now I want to stress something. Hi, social value does not depend on how polite you are. It depends on evolutionary preferences instilled in us over millions of years. I wouldn't gets remember the social higher Kinnick talked about earlier, where the reason people attribute high social value to vulnerable body language is because that was the behavior that the office at the top of the hierarchy most often engaged in. And on the flip side, the reason people attribute low value to a small clothes off body language is because that was the behavior off the lowest year of the social hierarchy. Now let's switch gears from body language to a vocal projection. I'm gonna pose a question to you guys. What do you think the alphas at the top of the hierarchy were like in terms of how they projected their voice. Do you think they were quiet and afraid of potentially annoying people with how loud they were? No, the answer is pretty clear, and this is true for like, 99% of cases, the closer you are to the top of the social hierarchy, the louder your voice is going to be that Barbara is going to be higher on the social hierarchy than a video game nerd. And the way he talks is going to reflect that. So the same evolution of preferences that made people intrinsically perceive alphas as strong and dominant has kind of trickle down into modern day society. And it makes us attribute high social value to people that speak loudly. A quick warning, though I'm not telling you guys to go around shouting at everyone. But it's a fact that most people speak way to quietly. If you've ever had to repeat yourself during a conversation, which is like 99% of people, then you weren't speaking loud enough. And on that note, a small rule of talking is it's better to err on the side of being too loud than to quiet, because from a social perspective, being too quiet is just as annoying. Except you don't get the added high value bonus. So just from a simple economics perspective, it makes sense to default to a louder voice because you're also gonna be perceived as high value. So that takes us to the big question. How do we become loud? It's actually a pretty scientific process, and it's cool because it involves information that comes from a bunch of different fields, including singing, acting, anatomy and physiology. And there are some very common mistakes that people often make that just kill their vocal projection that I'll make sure you have white. If you want to become loud, you have to learn. Teoh kind of gracefully conduct a number of different organs and muscles together at this same time. So what are these organs and muscles Speaking is a two step process. Step one is air coming into your lungs via breathing, and Step two is where that a runs over your vocal cords in order to produce sound. We'll start with the first step, which starts at the lugs. Most of us know that the lungs are responsible for bringing air in and out of our body. What many people don't know, though, is how exactly they accomplished us. And the principle that I want you guys to remember is that the lungs do this by a suction and compression. An analogy that's worked for a lot of people is to imagine longs as kind of like a syringe . A syringe looks like this. There is a handle, which you press and pull end of either compresses or decompress is a cavity filled with air . If you press on the handle, you're increasing the pressure of the cavity, which pushes air into the lungs. If you pull the handle back, your decreasing the pressure of the cavity. And to make up for this, you suck mawr air in to accommodate the extra space you made. Okay, so believe it or not, the mechanics of the syringe work exactly the same way as the mechanics of the Lux. Except instead of me pressing and pulling on the handle with my fingers, the lungs instead have a bunch of braided muscle that surround them that do the same thing . The names of these muscles aren't super important, but the one you should know is the most significant muscle in this arrangement, which is called the diaphragm, and it's anchored to the bottom of your lungs. So when the diaphragm and the rest of these muscles contract, you can think of this like me, pulling the handles of the syringe back. The different pulls down, making the lungs bigger, which decreases the pressure inside. And to make up for this, the lungs suck more air in again to accommodate the extra space. So that's breathing in. Breathing out is even simpler because lungs are made up of primarily elastic tissue. They want to kind of revert back to the resting size. I want you to think of this like stretching an elastic band. The more you stretch, the more tension you generate. And if you let it go, it's snaps back to its original length really quickly. Now the reality is it's a bit more complicated than that. But for the purposes of this course, that is all you need to know. Step two of this entire process is the air flowing over your vocal chords in the area called the Lair inks. The main thing you guys need to know about this step is that the total amount of air going over your vocal chords at any one point in time is responsible for the loudness of the sound you produce. So Mawr Air going over your vocal courts equals louder speech. This is what we want, which means if we want high value vocal projection, we want to find a way to increase the amount of air going through the larynx. So that actually takes us In the end of this video here, we talked about the mechanics of breathing and compared our lungs to a syringe to better capture the simple beauty of breathing. We also foreshadowed the problem that 90% of the people lack that hold them back from high value projection. So now that we know the theoretical side of breathing in the next video, we're going to go go over the practical ways. You can use this knowledge to boost your value in your charisma. Using vocal projection, 8. Speak Louder: Welcome back in the last video, we talked about the mechanics of the lung and the science behind breathing. Here, we're going to be going over the practical exercises and visualize issued techniques you can do to master is ultimately simple yet powerful technique. So the problem with the way 90% of the people speak is they don't fully activate the diaphragm. Going back to my argument in the last video, a weekly activated diaphragm, means you don't breathe in as much air issue can into your lungs, which means that when you breathe that air out, you have a less air going over your vocal court at any one point in time. This causes whatever you want to say to be quieter than it would have bean had you fully activated your diaphragm. So when you hear that sort of weak, whispery voice that we associate with low value projection, the diaphragm is usually the problem. Now, in order to alleviate this, we need to fully activate the diaphragm. A quick side of this is typically the first lesson that a good singing teacher, a vocal coach, will actually give you because as you increase the amount of air going over vocal cords. The quality of your voice also changes slightly as well, in many cases becoming slightly deeper and generally more masculine. Full. The activity can die from takes a lot of practice. The first of those is knowing what an activated Dia from actually feels like. So to find out, I want you guess a stand up straight and place your hands on your abdomen. Imagine your lungs kind of like a glass of water when you pour water. And what's the first thing that fills up the top or the bottom of the glass? The bottom of the glass. Obviously, because of gravity, I want you to pretend like you're filling your lungs the same way from the bottom up, just like you would a glass of water. This means that when you breathe in your abdomen is actually going to be the first thing that pushes out before your chest, which should look a little something like this. You should feel a general tightness in your abdomen while you're doing this, and the first few times you do, you will probably feel a bit weird, but since your diet front is a muscle, it gets stronger through repeated contractions. So by performing this exercise, you're actually strengthen that muscle, which will make it easier to recruit during normal speech later. So to recap, Mawr Aaron means more air out and mawr Air Out means mawr air over your vocal cords, since the amount of air over your vocal court that anyone given point in time is what determines your loudness mawr air over your vocal cords means louder speech and better projection. All right, so we just covered the theory and mechanics behind breathing and projection, and now you know exactly what you need to do to make sure your speeches loud. What I'm going to do is give you guys a quick tip that I personally have found very helpful when I was first starting out with vocal projection. Here's a quick graphic This is you and your voice is here represented by this oval. The fat part of the oval is where your clearest in terms of people being able to understand you. The problem with most people is that they speak to the other person at the far end of the oval, where their voices thin and kind of tapering up notice how they aim their voice kind of like an arrowhead so that it just hits their target. It's just loud enough to be heard, but no louder. But remember what we were saying earlier on the course. If your face of the choice of either being louder or quieter, it's always better to be on the louder side of things because this will make you seem more confident. So a quick fix for this, if you're a quiet person, is to imagine that the person you're speaking to is actually twice as far away as they actually are. So if they're here in real life, pretend they're actually here. By doing this, you'll speak louder in an attempt to get the end of the oval to touch them. But because they were actually here, which is right in the middle of the fattest part of the oval, you'll sound clear and loud and again, even if you're a tiny bit too loud, that's much preferable than to being a tiny, bit too quiet. One week in practices at home is by getting a good friend and having them sent about a meter in front of you. Talk to them normally, but make sure you activate your diaphragm. Now get them to step two meters away from you and talk to them in a way where they can still clearly understand you close your eyes and have them stand back a meter from you again. But keep talking as if they were two meters from you. Repeat this a few more times until you're comfortable with your eyes closed, then repeated a few more times with your eyes open. And if you don't have friends, you can always use their smart from the same way. Once you've done this once, you're well on your way to having great projection. So when you're out talking to a friend, practices talk to them as if they were twice as far away as they currently are. It will feel awkward at first, but after a while it will become second nature. Okay, so to recap, we started off by reviewing the evolutionary psychology that was introduced in the last part of the course and talking about how politeness has little to no bearing on your social value. We then looked at the stereotypical Alfa vocal projection and concluded that louder is more or less always better. After that, we went into detail about the functional anatomy of breathing as well as the mechanics of speech and the key tenant of vocal projection, which is diaphragmatic breathing. We're then told you how to activate your diaphragm and then finished off with a quick analogy and exercise. You can do tubal wrap your mind around how to be loud. Next up is facial expression. 9. Facial Expressions (Bonus): Hey there. So to recap, we started off this course by going over the things that make the biggest difference your charisma, which were your body language and your vocal expressiveness. And now that we've finished with the elephant in the room, so to speak, we can work on the finer aspect of charisma and specifically, we mean your facial expressions. This may seem counter intuitive at first because many people think that facial expressions as being this a massive determinant of your overall communication. But the truth is, it's actually very minor component in the grand scheme of things. Your body language and your vocal expressiveness combined make up over 70% of communication , which only leaves us with around 30% split between the words that you actually say and what you do with your face. So before we even get into this section, keep in mind that having a strong presence of your body and your vocal expressiveness can help mitigate a lot of the potential blunders. When it comes to your face, you can think of facial expressions as kind of like the cherry on top of the charisma. Pry. There are absolutely 100% necessary to have a decent pie. But if you do of a decent pie, then you can take it to the next level. Here's what you'll know. By the time we're done, you'll know all about the different types of facial expressions as validated by signs as well as which ones are beneficial to use and the ones that you should avoid. You'll understand the psychology behind why to smile and how to smile effectively, as well as why smiling literally makes you happier. You'll learn the neurobiology ical reasons human show empathy and you'll be able to avoid seeming fake or insincere. So I'm going to throw a lot of science that you in this section to start off. You have 43 muscles in your face. Here he is an incredibly over complicated diagram. 90% of these muscles you probably have no idea, even existed. But that's okay because the main point here is that humans intrinsically have an incredibly wide range off possible facial expressions. Now people have done a fair bit of research into the different types of facial expressions one can make and have come up with a few classes that seem to persist across cultures. These classes are anger, contempt, disgust, fear, joy, sadness and surprise. First things first, you can you know, four of the seven facial expressions yourself right off the bat, because from a value perspective, anger, contempt, disgust and fear are going to be counterproductive. Hively people don't often show fear. Now they do the show contempt or disgust or even anger, because these four or implicit acknowledgement of some kind of insecurity on their part right and do high value. People have insecurities, maybe, but if they do, they don't show them. And that should be your goal as well. Now a quick disclaimer. I'm not telling you to get rid of your emotions. Emotions are a big part of what makes us humans, and blocking yourself off from dose types of experiences is on Lee going to detract from your life. In the long run, it's normal to feel angry or jealous or disgusted at times. What I am telling you, though, is that freely displaying each one of these emotions without concern for the types of signals you're putting out is not beneficial to your social value, and it definitely won't be beneficial to your charisma. This isn't a moral argument. It's just fact, because charisma isn't born out of negativity. It's born out of positivity. It's kind of like the old adage. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all, except in our case, it's if you don't have any positive signals to send out, don't send out any at all. So anyways, that leaves us with three riel categories. Joy, sadness and surprise. I keep sadness in your in spite of what I just said, because it's necessary to show sadness of times, mostly in terms of empathy and situations where people of feeling bad and need a shoulder to cry on, think about like a funeral or something similar to that. And surprise is a tough one. It's not really positive or negative. To be honest, so many people don't really know what to do with it. I'll leave it out just because, compared to joy, surprise really doesn't do much for you. Which leaves us with joy. Joy is the big one, and the facial expression manifestation of Julen is smiling Now. Smiling is one of those things that most people think the understand pretty well. But The truth is the signs. Being smiling goes so much deeper than just what the general public knows, and learning to you smiling properly, will give you an edge over everybody else in terms of your social value and your charisma. First off, smiling is attractive. Countless studies have shown that on average, people that smile are seen to be significantly better looking than people that don't and there are a bunch of different reasons for this. A big part of it is evolutionary. People who smile are supposed to be more likely to be in good health than people who don't . And since attraction back in our travel days was primarily decided by who had the best genes, people in better health are perceived to be more attractive. The physical act of maintaining a smiling facial expression has also being shown to make the person doing it happier. This is similar to a Nick talked about in terms of the mind body feedback loop, but you can think of this more like the mind face feedback loop. Researchers call it the facial feedback hypothesis. One of the studies involved had participants either making E or A you sound for April long period of time and rate their level of happiness because people activate this same facial muscles both when they make the e sound as when they're smiling, their brain thinks they're smiling and apparently, activation of these muscles together since happy signals to your brain. So it's clear that smiling is great and that you're probably not doing enough of it. But how exactly should you be smiling in order for it to seem as a new organic and natural part of your personality? A lot of research has been done on this, and the conclusion that people have come up with is that smiles are considered most genuine when they're not only done with the muscles around your mouth, but also with the muscles around your eyes. OK, these genuine smiles are referred to in literature as Duchenne smiles, and is the difference between this and this. If you're smiled for a photo or laughing at a joke, commit to it. Don't just do that awkward half smile thing that so many people do because they're just trying to look proper. The brain is very good at recognizing what a genuine emotion looks like. So when you're half asking a smile. Other people pick up on that really quickly. It looks kind of devious. The main reason people have this kind of intrinsic ability to pick up on fake facial expressions is due to a particular type of brain saw called the Motor Neuron. Motor neurons are primarily located around the brain region called the Motor Cortex. Different parts of the motor cortex are responsible for the different regions of your body . One region might control the arm another, my control the leg. But each region of the motor cortex corresponds to a particular region of the body, and this maps pretty consistently. Here's a really interesting thing when I observe someone else do a bicep curl with their right arm, the motor neurons in the region of my cortex that control my right arm start firing to just observing someone else. Do a particular action. The part of the brain that controls those muscles that do those actions fire, meaning we all have this sort of basic empathy you, Nick built right into our brains. This is one reason we learn well through observation, because when we observe someone else, do something a task or a skill. We actually fire the same regions in our brain that the person does while they're doing that task. So it's really easy for our brains to pick up on fake or deceptive facial expressions. The mirror neurons that control facial muscles that perform smiling, for example, gets fully activated when someone performs one of those Duchenne smiles. But when somebody is faking it on Lee, part of those Mariner on Stern on while the others don't and this mismatch alerts you that there is something wrong. Okay, so to recap, we started off by talking about the wide range of different facial expressions. Humans recognise guys. We talked about which ones to avoid, which, if you remember, were anger, contempt, disgust and fear. And the reasons we want to avoid these is because displaying any one of them at best does nothing to improve our social value and, at worst significantly, decrease it. We then went over the other three sadness, surprise and most importantly, for us, joy before going into death into the signs, being smiling wide to smile, how to smile and, more importantly, how not to smile. Next up is a small video on eye contact 10. Eye Contact (Bonus): either. This video is the last one we're going to make, and it we're going to briefly go over eye contact. I contact is surprisingly difficult for most people, but it can help you out in a couple of ways. It can tell you a lot about the person you're speaking to, and it can really easily make you send out of the crowd. In terms of interviews or dates. Most people can't maintain eye contact at all. It's strangely anxiety inducing for a lot of the general public, which is a shame because good eye contact gives people the impression that you're confident and approachable. And both of those things add to your perceived social value. The main thing I want to say about eye contact is that you should follow at least a rough 80 20 rule. This means that you should spend around 80% of the time looking at the person you're directly communicating with and around 20% of the time looking away. The reason these air rough numbers is because the exact proportion depends on the context. If you're in a romantic setting, for example, you might want to ship that up to something like a 90 10 rule, whereas if you're just meeting someone for the first time, you might want to shift the dam to, like a 70 30 now looking away ISMM or for the person you're talking to than anything else because, ah, lots of people get really easily intimidated by strong eye contact. So in meeting someone for the first time, for example, periodically taking your gaze away from them around 30% of the time basically gives them a moment to collect themselves, which is usually necessary if you want to engage any sort of prolonged conversation, the reason was left up to a 90 10. If you're in a romantic setting, is because either you're comfortable enough with the person for prolonged eye contact to not be a problem. Or you're using eye contact, a form sexual tension, in which case the intimidation factor actually works in your favor. Strong eye contact is a big point of attraction for both sexes, so in a romantic setting, feel free to play it up. I contact can also make or break an interview. Most people are incredibly nervous when they first made an interviewer and they let their anxiety betray them pretty quickly through poor body language, weak vocal tonality and bad eye contact. I honestly be surprised if most interviewees maintain evening 50 50 eye contact, let alone in 80 20. So by sticking to your guns and keeping it 80 20 you'll signal to your interviewer that you're confident and that will help you stand out from the rest of the crowd. So that is a fry contact. Pretty simple, right? The key part you have to remember is to keep at least an 80 20 eye contact most of the time , which might be hard at first, but if you do it long enough, like with the rest of this course, it will become second nature.