Self Improvement Habits - A Modern Approach to Fulfillment | David Hong | Skillshare

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Self Improvement Habits - A Modern Approach to Fulfillment

teacher avatar David Hong, Martial Artist / Personal Trainer

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

10 Lessons (25m)
    • 1. Introduction

      2:04
    • 2. Habits and Belief Systems

      3:12
    • 3. Peaks & Valleys

      2:10
    • 4. Picking your Themes

      2:23
    • 5. Means and Ends Goals

      1:53
    • 6. How to Have Better Goals

      2:12
    • 7. Habits and Principles

      3:28
    • 8. Identity Based Habits

      3:40
    • 9. 3 Practical Habit Tips

      2:38
    • 10. Final Thoughts

      0:51
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About This Class

"Did you know the physical act of opening a book, is as easy as opening a bag of chips. Then why is it so easy for people to do one rather than the other?

That my friends, is because of the age old answer, habits."

And habits are like any other skill in life. We can cultivate better habits in order to live a more productive and fulfilling life.

The good news for us, is that there are recent studies that show better methods in developing the right habits and the tools to make them stick. And I will be sharing this modern approach with you.

The class includes:

- An "origin story" exercise that identifies what you truly value that brings you fulfillment 

- Using our values to recalculate our goals 

- Building the habits / principles in order that correctly aligns with you are and what you value

- Practical tips you can use daily 

- The science to back everything up 

This course is perfect for those who either always fall off their goal of creating good habits or those who are college graduates, working full time, who are struggling to deal with self identity.

And if you have decent habits but know there are better systems out there, I also highly encourage you to check out the course! Because people who are open minded always learn something new.

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

David Hong

Martial Artist / Personal Trainer

Teacher

Hey there!

 

I'm David (25), a 4th degree TaeKwonDo Martial Artist, Personal Trainer, and a lifelong learner who is passionate about self development. 

 

We live in an absolutely busy world, and with many of us striving to be productive, it's easy to get overwhelmed with the amount of skills we're expected to know. But I think some people are overlooking certain skills such as empathy, leadership, communication, decisiveness. The timeless soft skills. These are the skills that are transferrable to any environment you surround yourself in. This is what I want to focus on and these are the skills I wish to share with you all. 

 

I've always been an old soul, I suppose, reflecting on the meaning of life since high... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Introduction: Did you know that the physical act of opening a book is as easy as opening a bag of chips? Then why is it that some people have the easiest time doing one rather than the other? And that, my friends, is the age old answer habits. But why It is so hard to create those good habits. Well, for a number of reasons, with the main one being we're approaching habits the wrong way. Most of us know what habit we want, but we don't know why we wanted. So, for example, we say something like, Oh, I want to be fit or I want to stop biting my nails. Once we develop that clear idea of why why we're developing the habit, then the how or to have it itself will be so compelling. That will be hard for us. Fall off. Hey, my name is David and I'm 1/4 degree taken, A martial artist, a personal trainer, but most importantly, just someone who's really into self development in discourse I'm gonna share. It's very simple to use system that you can use to help clarify your purpose so you know why and have to develop the right habits. You're gonna be so clear with your identity that's actually going to be difficult to fall off from your habits. And I've definitely been so loss of what I'm trying to do and where I'm trying to go in my life and I just want sure, my journey and honestly, I'm no. One special. I'm not original. I just read so many different books, heard so many different podcasts and helped a lot of my friends and family members and clients in order to develop these right habits in order for them to become a better versions of themselves. I feel like this class is perfect for those who have been struggling to adopt the right habits, people who have been on and off with them and maybe even those who have these inhabits. But they know that they're better strategies out there in order to maintain them. Either way, there should be something new for you to learn. So definitely check out the course as you progressive class. We're gonna first do an origin story exercise. We're gonna extract the values that truly matter to us and bring us the most fulfillment. And then we're gonna build a habit surrounding that, and that's what's gonna make the habits so hard fall off because it's going directly aligned with identity. And then after that, we're gonna talk about the daily practical tips that you can use daily to reinforce those habits and a little bit of the science behind that as well. In that sense, at the end of discourse and my objective is to have the habits so ingrained in you that's no longer have it is just you. So I hope you enjoy the class and I'll see you on the other side. 2. Habits and Belief Systems: gonna think like an engineer for a minute, and we're gonna think about hardware and Softwares. Our belief system is kind of the hardware where it's due rules. The stories and narratives that we follow certain believe system that we carry around is, for example, I need to be a 1,000,000 there in order to be successful. Or I need to own a home in order to be successful or I need a college degree. In order to be successful, I need to work to the point of exhaustion or I'm not working hard enough. I need to marry within my ethnicity or religion. Do any of these residue EU? Most people don't question the scripts given to them, and they just follow them blindly. And the funny thing is, these scripts were creative long time ago in different settings by people no different than ourselves, and without questioning it like have it. Older people told us what they thought would make us happy and fulfilled. But luckily there's a lot more scientific studies and evidence showing that the certain belief system that we're holding no longer service any good. For example, there's more and more studies showing that people who are happy in the now I'll perform those who put happiness later, after they hit some kind of arbitrary goal. And as hardware need to be upgraded every now and then, our beliefs is something to be upgraded now and then is well, if our belief system is like the hardware, our habits are like to software there, like the app on her phone or on our computer, and it needs to be compatible with a belief system. So, for example, if you believe you're an athlete, you probably have the habit of exercising working out because that's what athletes do. I know that cliche on the idea of having this belief first before we do something. But it's so true, and in order to prove my point, let me share study. So this study revolves around hotel meats, and if you know anything about hotel mates, the work they do is a lot of exercise. However, when a group of researchers asked a group of hotel maids, 1/3 of them said that they didn't get any exercise at 2/3 of them, said that they didn't get exercise regularly, so the research is split. The whole tell mates into two groups. And they told one group that they actually met the CDC guidelines and surgeon guidelines in terms of having good health, and they broke down the different calorie counts in the various cleaning activities they were doing. In short, one group of the hotel mates slipped, Ah, beliefs, which, because they now knew that the cleaning activities they were doing was consider exercising . And I'm just gonna read analysis along. And is that after a month passed, the researchers followed up with these maids, and the maids who have been given the fitness information on average had lost £2. Had lower blood pressures on overall significantly healthier based on body five B M I and waist to hip ratio. And a fasting part was, the maids told the research is that they didn't change any of their actions on the way they clean. The maids believed they were exercising and do that belief they actually changed their body composition. This is just one example showcasing how powerful belief systems are. Because of that, we're gonna have to first extract the values off matters most of us. So we know what belief systems to drop and hold on to. Some people might overlook the exercise that we were about to do the next video because they assumed they already know what values they have. But my answer to them is you'd be surprised how much clarity and energy you'll find from going through this exercise. It is good to note that values change depending on the person, whether or not they went through a big life changing experience lately. So that's what we're going to the next video, and I'll see there. 3. Peaks & Valleys: I think this is the most important part. Of course, because you get to find out the big what? It's gonna be sold clear. Do this exercise why certain things are so meaningful to us and why certain things matter to us and not to other people. Okay, to get started, we're gonna go through the low points and I points in our lives. And by doing that, we're gonna then be able to notice certain values or words that pop up. So for example, for me, I noticed that I value being bold and having integrity because the lowest painful parts of my life is when I couldn't stand up for myself. And the best moments of my life were times when I wasn't only just bowled. What I act with compassion for myself and for others. I let myself be silly. I let myself make mistakes. I didn't judge anyone for it, a way to talk to the way they dress. I simply just enjoying my time with you people. And by not labelling something as good or bad, I it allowed me to completely immerse myself into the moment. Okay, so the goal is to find out the values that stand up for you. Please go to his exercise. It won't take long, and you'll benefit so much from it. And if it helps, you can draw a horizontal line across piece paper on the moments or stories above the line are happy moments that you would enthusiastically relive and the stories below the line our lives that you wouldn't want to live. But they help shape who you are today. I want to be vivid with your descriptions. Who was there? What happened? How did it feel more specific? The better and quick disclaimer. It might be a little challenging to revisit hard times. So if need be, please go over it with a loved one or someone you trust. There's another We can do this exercise, and it's through memory pumps. So this is for people who have a hard time pulling stories out of thin air. So with these prompts, you can reflect and see what memory spark from these problems. An example that prompt would be what something you accomplished and you're extremely product, and you can go through the rest of these questions or prompts down in the projects and resource is section. I'll put like a list down there. As you go through your stories, you're gonna have to ask yourself what belief system you took on or what lessons you learned. And with that you're going then know this certain values. They're worried that pop up. But even if you don't know where it because in the next video, after going through one of these two processes, we're gonna go through extracting the valleys and or themes that really matter seen in that video. 4. Picking your Themes: have you started seeing patterns of what values pop out? If so, then I bet you already have so much clarity in terms of what's been nudging you to do certain things. And if not, nowhere is because I'm gonna help analyze everything in this video. First, a brief example. The founder of Mind Body Vision Lock Yanni has in visioning as one of his bombings, and it's because he noticed that when he was a kid, he really enjoyed playing with Legos, and he noticed that he was at its peak flow state when he was building, creating or inventing something. I could also use myself as an example. When I was younger, I was bullied by my older brother and I did nothing when you made fun of me when he said Lies about me when he beat me when I definitely could have done something on what help me back was fear, fear of being bullied, more of being being up more. However, I feel like my life could have unfolded in a much more prettier way, I guess if I only stood up for myself and acted with boldness or integrity, So for each of your stories. I want you to find the beliefs or lessons you took on and write one word to describe it. So an example would be courage, love, honesty. So and there's so many different words, and all these words can have a different meaning associated with each individual person. So you can check out the resource and Project section to see a whole list. I'll put them down there. If you're still unsure, you can verify them by asking yourself questions as What's your favorite song or movie? I see what values pop up from there. So, for example, for myself, my favorite movie is pursuit of happiness and Rocky with that, that clearly shows the protagonist being courageous and never giving up, and that directly aligns with my values of being bold and being persistent. Okay, now you should have a couple of words down, and you might even have some words that are identical to each other. So with those you just gonna pick the word that you find the most meeting with. And like I said before, we have different meanings or associations with each individual word. So, yeah, I just picked the word that has the or you strongly resonated the most after you made those distinctions. These are your foundational values, and once you find these words out, you should definitely feel empowered because you now know what truly matters to you. And now you can act with intention. There's a great cold, but a famous with psychiatrist car you and he says, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. Okay, we now have a values, and in the next part of the course, we're gonna poke at our beliefs. It's not a little bit by understanding different framework of goals, and then with that, we're going then create the right habits that directly align with our foundational values season. 5. Means and Ends Goals: you probably heard the expression. It was a means to an end, and that applies to Gold's well. There's a means goal and ends goal, and sometimes we confuse one for the other. For example, we choose college majors, career paths in life, pats as if it was an end in themselves. But in reality it was a means to an end. Let me explain with an example. Means goals are the goals that society tells us we should be striving for, to be happy while ends. Goals are goals that we just enjoy doing just cause. We enjoy doing them like it's the enjoyment of the process itself means goals usually has the word so attached to the, for example, having a good G p A. So you can get to college owning home. So, I mean, if society tells you that that's the only way you could become successful owning a home so you can become successful now, there's no longer applies if you can clearly express why you're pursuing something. For example, owning a big house, let's say used clearly state that you want to own a big house because you want to continue experiencing raising a big family and multiple pets. That is a very compelling reason, and that would be a ends Gold Ends goal is something you enjoy doing purely for the active , just doing it, like creating art because he genuinely enjoy the process of it or sharing stories because you generally enjoy the process of sharing stories and connecting with people. It's something very specific for that specific person on that example. Is waking up every morning, worried free listening to the sound of the ocean because that person knows that's what he or she wants. So before we create our habits, we need to truly envision what kind of experience that we want experience in this life. That way, the habits are so compelling to keep because it directly aligns with our identity or at least identity, that we want to have your more than welcome to skip the next portion, which is the next video and move on to the video after that, which talks about the actual Abbott building. But I highly recommend it because it's fun and you'll find the more specific reason for your habit Teoh latch onto So what means goals and end goals in mind. Let's move on to next video 6. How to Have Better Goals: how to avoid the trap of musicals. Warren Creating Ends Goals There's a great strategy developed by the founder of Mine Valley Vision, like Yanni and I mentioned them in the previous videos and then go right into it. OK, the first question is, if time and money wasn't a factor. What kind of experiences where you want to have in this lifetime? So, for example, thinking of relationships, what kind of relationships would be the most ideal relationship for you? What kind of activities would you do with this person? Or what kind of commonalities would you share with this person? Now think about your friends. What kind of experience that would you want to show your friends? What kind of conversations did you have them? You can also imagine what kind of home you wouldn't want to live in. There's only different factors can include Just envision what you truly want to have. Common examples include being able to travel around the world twice a year with a group of friends or waking up every morning, being able to kiss your significant other or maybe being able to speak with another person in their native tongue. Take a couple minutes. Think about it. And don't worry, because you can always go back to update it. Question Number two is in order to have these experiences listed above. What kind of person would you need to evolve into? For example, if you want to experience speaking with people in their native tongue, you probably have to learn a new language or mass. Learned that language and be fluent at it. If you want to experience waking up feeling energized every morning, you probably would try to take care of your body and be able to move all well past 80. Or maybe you should go into spiritually treat in order to really kind of immerse yourself into that grateful mindset. The third and last question is, How do I want to contribute to the world for being able to experiences experiences you listed above? So this is a your way of giving back. So, for example, some people would right now I want to write a book or I want to create an online master class or I want to be able to mentor group kids so you can freely choose what you want to do in order to get back. What I will do is set a timer and jumped on the first couple ideas that pop into my head. And like I said, I wouldn't worry because I can always go back and update it and it is still difficult. I'll just down a couple examples in the projects and resource in section, so definitely check that out. OK, I think there's a part where most of you are waiting for, and it's actual habit building part, So that will be the next video. I'll see you soon. 7. Habits and Principles: Benjamin Franklin had 13 virtues, and it's a list of values that he wanted to uphold. And, I don't know, maybe he found these values because he went to the same exercise as us. About those words were essentially humility, moderation, justice oughta get stuff. And he practised checking these words every day to see he be acted in accordance with these values. And by doing so, he turned them into virtues. There's a subtle difference between values and virtues. Values is purely aspirational, while virtues is values in action. So let's say I value honesty. But if I lie and let's say I make $80 an hour instead of 20 just a few good about myself, I wouldn't be living up to my values. The goal is to turn these values that we found out about ourselves earlier and turned them into virtues. And that's done by creating certain principles where you can say, like your mission statement, and these are essentially your habits. These habits are strategically tailored for your individual aspirations and the values you uphold. That's why we have to really reflect before this port from the course, because the clear dough, why stronger the how, which is the habits to build the right habits, we need to find the right verb choice or a rule or phrase that we can always remember to make sure we're sticking with that habit. For example, Benjamin Franklin's first violet you want embody with temperance, and to him that meant not overeating or over drinking, to the point where he can't physically move anymore. He would check it at the end of the day and find out whether he over eight or over drink. And if not, he upheld that value. And to him, that was a win That was a win for today. Is that simple? Some days it could be more challenging course. Let's say there's peer pressure for you to drink. But throughout the small winds throughout the days, you're no longer associating yourself with someone who over eats or over drinks. He was slowly embodying these new characteristics and slowly shifting his identity duty small wins on valuable nous. So for me, I always try to ask a thoughtful question. So at the end of the day, I would ask myself, Did I try to confront my fear of talking people by being bored enough to ask a question or just talking with him. Another value. Have his compassion for me. I use a phrase to always remind myself that every person I meet is an opportunity for kindness. Now, I don't accomplishes every time because it's still hard to do so. And there are days when I don't even go out and see people. But when I do see someone, I always make sure I actively try to accept that person for body are and I always try to think, How can I best serve this person? You can practice this by counting all the small wins you have throughout the day, like making your bed or smiling at your coworker. Or let's say you have a negative thought. And it could use that as a feedback loop to think of something grateful right after. So every time you have a negative thought, you habitually train yourself to become grateful mental jujitsu. Remember, you can also use questions or phrases to shift your mindset. For example, let's say you really value deep connections with friends or family members. You can go to calm and stoicism route and ask yourself What if this was the last time I was talking with this person. What I act any differently And that question alone can reframe how you think and freeze yourself in the present moment. The values differ depending on the person, so this might take some time to create. And this is something you probably would want to go back to and consistently revise. I also want to say that we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves if we miss a day here and there as long as we continue to get back on track. James cleared the author of the best selling book A Comic Habits Says Missing a Day is an accident. Missing twice is a start of a new habit. In the next part, of course, we're gonna go more in depth into the philosophy and science of habits and also the practical daily tips you can use to help reinforce the habits he just built season 8. Identity Based Habits: in his last part of the course, and I want to make everything make more sense and provide some scientific studies to make the system level more credible. According to James Clear, who I mentioned before is that there are three ways in or to ignite, change and build a habit. And this is an adult to what I said in a previous video connecting habits and belief systems. There are three layers of behavior change. One person might have a goal of losing £10. That is an outcome be school, and it's a little hard to maintain the habit because what happens after you achieve that goal, you're gonna have to consistently be creating new goals to follow up. The second layer of change is process based change, which is instead of shooting for a number, we can develop a system like I want to work out three times a week. That helps a person be a little more consistent with a habit was still challenging. Not 1/3 and the most effective way to develop a habit and created change is through something called identity based habits. And this is what we basically went over and is to create the identity of who we want to become and therefore develop the right habits that line with the identity a person gold might be running a marathon. What a better go is to be a runner and running a marathon is something that Runner just does. Another goal would be reading a book, but a better goal would be being a reader. So therefore, reading is just something a reader does now. There's also a powerful study with this idea of identity. So they had to different groups before they voted the first group, they asked him, How important is it to vote? The second group, they asked, How important is it to be a voter? And they found out that the second group, the people who were asked how important it is to be a voter, they found that they voted significantly more than the first. Now, similarly, people who incorporates exercise into their identity is very easy for them to exercise because it's the right thing to do. Like I said in the beginning of the course, the objective is to fully align Europe behaviours, which your identity this way, you're no longer pursuing Ah habit change. Your habits are ingrained in you, so therefore, you're simply acting like the person you already believe yourself to be. No order practical things we can do to facilitate this identity shift. Yes, the next day. I wanna go over has no scientific studies with it, but I think is worth sharing. And it's the idea that affirmation don't quite work. But there's a better method called lofty questions. It's about asking ourself a question rather than imposing a declaration. Now, if you just search up Mine Valley lofty questions, you'll be able to find vision. Lock Janek, founder of Mine Value, Talking about this in great detail. He does away better drop in explaining it, and I mentioned before in the course, and he is a visionary to kind of brought up all these ideas, and I'm just here hearing them. But I'm not sure we're asking ourselves questions, because when we say something like fit, there's a voice in the back of our head doubting us. So one ship are affirmations to questions. It silences that voice in her head because we're not imposing a declaration were instead shifting our mindset to look for answers. You'll notice that when you start asking yourself questions, you remind you immediately shift to start looking for answers. So incident saying I'm a grateful person, you can ask yourself, Why am I a grateful person? Or it could be more specific and saying, Why am I so grateful and joyful every day? It might sound silly to some people, but remember, it doesn't cost anything to try. And I think any efforts to improve your overall well being and richness in life is worth a shot. I can also speak from my personal experience and from friends and clients have gone through them, and they've also noticed on a drastic improvement in mood and energy. So try an experiment for a couple weeks and you never know. You might actually see a profound shift in the way you experience the world. But not only do we just that in the next video, I'm gonna share three additional tips. They are very practical that you can add to your arsenal off building bulletproof habits all season. 9. 3 Practical Habit Tips: in this video, I'm gonna introduce three additional things taken trial. Besides just tracking your habits at the end of every day number wanna have on the list is habits stacking? This is when you find a habit you already have, and you stack the new habit on you want on top of it. So, for example, let's say you value adventure. And in order to maintain that lifestyle, you have to create the habit of healthy eating. And let's say you already have a habit of drinking coffee every morning, and you want to build a habit of eating oatmeal. After that, you can use habits backing in a way that every time you pour your coffee in the morning, you prepare yourself a bowl of oatmeal. For example, let's say you have another value of being silly or being whimsical. In that sense, you want to be able to exercise well in order to move off. So in order to build that habit of exercise, you can use the habit of taking off your pajamas, something that you probably already do and then immediately change into your workout clothes, another where you might have his gratitude. So maybe something that you already do. Like sitting down for dinner. You can immediately stock a new habit like thinking of three. Things were great before. Every time you sit down, number two I have on the list is called Temptation. Bundling. This is when you create a system of rewarding yourself for attempting that happy you're trying to build. So let's say you want to build a habit of being productive for two hours straight without any distractions. After you do that, you can then reward yourself with anything you want. And then that itself will create a dopamine feedback loop where it primes you that every time you do X, you're gonna get what dirt and last practical tips I have for you is called a two minute rule and is to reduce friction and making it the have it so easy that you cannot not do it . This is thinking of the long game on. Let's say we're starting fresh on trying to build a habit of reading. So what with two minutes of that be, Maybe it's reading just one page, and that's OK, so you're starting with one page, you know, a day and then later on you can eventually build and build and build. We can also go back to the habit of healthy eating. So instead of trying to eat chicken breasts and broccoli every day, seven days a week, you can start it with adding just one vegetable source that you like and they start building from there. So we're starting a very minuscule in the slowly, gradually building your way up, and you definitely don't need to utilize all these tricks. But feel free to experiment and find out what works best for you. I remember to keep track of what you're doing every day. You can do what Benjamin Franklin did and, you know, carry a piece of paper, will you? And then look at that and track it every day. Or you can do what I do and just set her mind on bone for a second time every night. Soon I'll get to the point where even just the act of reviewing or reflecting on these habits will become happy. So I hope you enjoy these tips and I will see you in the final video. The course 10. Final Thoughts: congratulations. You've made it attended class, and I'd have to say Good job and well done because we went through a lot of reflective exercises. I hope you found or gained a lot of clarity and insight by yourself and what you wanted to . And if you found this course helpful share with a friend, I feel like the more people are aware with what they want and what they value, it will collectively turn the world into a better place because they'll be less in this communication. Also, I'd love to see you guys down the discussion section, ask a question, share thought and you can share your values and principles that you develop, do these exercises. And if you can also leave a review of the course of what you thought that be awesome to just remember that habits takes time and practice to build. Why? I hope you now have the necessary tools to succeed. Lastly, I want to say thank you so much for coming on board, and I wish you all the best piece