Self Confidence - Reap The Benefits of Self Confidence | Libby Seery | Skillshare

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Self Confidence - Reap The Benefits of Self Confidence

teacher avatar Libby Seery, World Renown Self Development Expert

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

25 Lessons (1h 37m)
    • 1. Introduction To Self-Confidence

    • 2. Let’s Talk About Self-Confidence

    • 3. Quotes on Self-Confidence

    • 4. What Are Beliefs

    • 5. Belief and Bias - A Match Made in Hades

    • 6. Belief and Bias - The Trudy and Michael Scenario

    • 7. Belief and Bias – Conclusion

    • 8. Practical Ways to Help Bolster Your Self-Confidence

    • 9. Just Too Ignorant: The Dunning-Kruger Effect

    • 10. The Imposter Syndrome Curse

    • 11. The Character Method of Self Knowledge

    • 12. Mental Confidence Builder

    • 13. Five Exercises To Build on Your Self-Esteem

    • 14. Why Do We Want Self-Confidence in The First Place

    • 15. Self confidence And Fear

    • 16. Knowledge as The Enemy of Fear

    • 17. The Swish Technique

    • 18. Body Language for Self-Confidence

    • 19. Emergency Self-Confidence

    • 20. Seven Day Confidence Challenge

    • 21. Being Confident in Conversations

    • 22. Being Confident in Negotiations

    • 23. Being Confident in Romance

    • 24. Some Things You May Not Have Known About Confidence

    • 25. Conclusion

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About This Class

Self Confidence Course: Self Confidence Reap The Benefits Of Self Confidence

James Bond has it. In fact just about every hero from books and film has it. People of the opposite sex find it attractive and it can help you ace a job interview. What is it? Well, it’s self-confidence.

This course is going to empower you and elevate your self-confidence to a whole new height!

When it comes to asking people what it is that they would like more of, along with money, having self-confidence is probably at the top of the list. After all, having self-confidence can give us a huge advantage and is responsible for propelling us in our careers, our love life, and how we view ourselves as a whole. This in turn, has a knock on effect on how we feel about ourselves and ultimately our self-esteem.



Having self-confidence will give you the courage to take chances and risks that you might not ordinarily take advantage of. Having belief in yourself will ensure you never let an opportunity pass you by and you'll discover what it means to realise your full potential.

Having a deeper sense of self-confidence will help you know your strengths and weaknesses and use these to your benefit.

You'll be able to utilise your newfound self-confidence to challenge yourself and overcome hurdles you would never have dared to previously.

As with all of my courses, this self-confidence course comes with full support from me 7 days a week and a personalised certificate.

Whatever it is you'd like to achieve I can get you where you want to be. I'll show you how you develop long term strategies to build on your self-confidence as well as some "emergency" strategies that you can put into place when the moment calls for it!

Course Includes:

Introduction To Self-Confidence

Let’s Talk About Self-Confidence

Quotes on Self-Confidence

What Are Beliefs

Belief and Bias - A Match Made in Hades

Belief and Bias - The Trudy and Michael Scenario

Belief and Bias - Conclusion

Practical Ways to Help Bolster Your Self-Confidence

Just Too Ignorant: The Dunning-Kruger Effect

The Imposter Syndrome Curse

The Character Method of Self Knowledge

Mental Confidence Builder

Five Exercises To Build on Your Self-Esteem

Why Do We Want Self-Confidence in The First Place

Self-Confidence and Fear

Knowledge as The Enemy of Fear

The Swish Technique

Body Language for Self-Confidence

Emergency Self-Confidence

Seven Day Confidence Challenge

Being Confident in Conversations

Being Confident in Negotiations

Being Confident in Romance

Some Things You May Not Have Known About Confidence


What are the requirements?

  • You don't need any previous knowledge or experience in order to enjoy this course and to benefit from the dividends of being more confident!

What am I going to get from this course?

  • Enjoy the benefits of being super self-confident!
  • Understand how fear affects our self-confidence
  • Adopt techniques for emergency self-confidence
  • How to be confident in negotiations
  • How to ooze self-confidence in the mating/ dating game
  • Be more confident in social settings
  • Hold your own in conversations
  • Explore your awareness regarding your own levels of self-confidence through a number of fun activities
  • Understand why we want self-confidence in the first place
  • Explore the character method of self-knowledge

What is the target audience?

  • This course is for you if you want to build on your self-confidence and self-esteem
  • This course is for you if you would like to learn short term and long term strategies on developing your self-confidence
  • This course is for you if you want to overcome your fear of social situations
  • This course is for you if you would like to develop and explore your self awareness with some fun activities

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Libby Seery

World Renown Self Development Expert


LIBBY SEERY - Founder of Renaissance Life Therapies

Online Counselling and Psychotherapy: Specialist in the Therapeutic Use of Technology (BACP Endorsed)

I am a Psychotherapist, Counsellor, and Therapeutic Life Coach.

I run a very successful practice in Harley Street, London which is recognised the world over as a centre of medical excellence.

I am a highly trained specialist with a wealth of experience, working with people from all walks of life; including referrals from charities I'm involved in, to very high profile clients from all over the world.

I am also the founder of Renaissance Life Therapies Training Academy, offering a number of courses in counselling, CBT and life coaching.

As well as my client work, I have had a number of works pu... See full profile

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1. Introduction To Self-Confidence: James Bond has it. In fact, just about every hero from books and films have it. People of the opposite sex find it attractive, and it can help you ace a job interview. What is it? Well, it's self confidence. Self confidence goes by many names. Assertiveness, composure, poise and presence. The list goes on. It's something that everyone almost universally seems to want and who can blame them? The truth is that navigating the challenges of life is not for the faint hearted. It makes sense. That's where envious of people who seem to have it all together, who seemed to know exactly what they are doing, assuring us that things will be okay. So we've established that self confidence is something that's we all want. And based on that fact that you're listening to a course all about how to base your self confidence, it's safe to assume that she wants to increase whatever your current level off. Self confidence is, well, good news. Not only can you increase your self confidence, you can do it in a sustainable way that can make your life much better. After all, self confidence is not a goal in itself. It's what we think having it in spades will bring us in the next lecture. We'll talk a bit about what self confidence is so that we know the nature off the thing we want to master. 2. Let’s Talk About Self-Confidence: self confidence is something everyone seems to want. But not many people stop to think what self confidence actually is. Before we can even talk about boosting self confidence. We need to discuss the nature off self confidence. Let's now break down the meaning off self confidence. Confidence is how sure you are that a future thing will happen. For example, if you're 100% sure that's a particular horse will win a race. You may better large amount of money on that outcome without breaking a sweat. After all you feel is if you have nothing to lose. On the other hand, if someone asked you to invest money in adventure that had a 50% chance of losing all your money or doubling it, the chances are you'd be much more hesitant before jumping in. Our level of confidence about something, therefore, has a very noticeable effect on our behavior. High confidence in an outcome means a few things. We don't hesitate before agreeing to something or doing it. We don't think very hard about something before doing it now. One important thing to remember is that there is a big difference between how confidence we feel about something and the actual chance our expectation is true. The guy who bets it all on a sure thing only two theories every time was very, very overconfident. The lesson to take home here is that how confidence you may feel may not be in line with reality, so that's confidence in general. If we extend the concept to our own self, its meaning shifts to how sure you are off yourself. Now most people have self confidence in particular areas. You may, for example, be a very good musician and feel comfortable about performing in front of strangers. But when it comes to public speaking, you lack self confidence to step out on stage. On the other hand, it's entirely possible to be generally self confident. For example, if a person trusts in their own intelligence and problem solving ability, they may feel confident that they can master or perform a range of actions, even ones that they've never tried before. It's also possible, for the opposite to be true, as a person generally doesn't trust in their own abilities and therefore doesn't try the things they really want to do at its call. Therefore, your level off self confidence is linked to the beliefs you hold with regard to yourself. Beliefs are not something we are born with. Beliefs are something we form through learning and through life experiences. Beliefs can be changed, and that's the key fact. You should remember when it comes to self confidence. So to summarize, then your confidence comes from what you believe about yourself, your abilities and your identity. If you can change what you believe about yourself, then it's follows that you can change how self confident you are. 3. Quotes on Self-Confidence: 4. What Are Beliefs: in previous lecture, we said that self confidence, either in a specific area or in general, are a product off the beliefs you hold about yourself. So what exactly is a belief? The word belief has a surprisingly flexible range of meanings, but here we can about only two of thumb. The first is what you think is the truth, even if you have no evidence for it. When we act or make decisions, they are in line with what we believe to be true. The second usage off the word that's important here is the psychological definition off belief here, a belief is a foundational building block of our identity. We are, in a sense of some off our beliefs. So here we have two very important principles. The first is that what we believe and what is true are not necessarily the same thing. The second is that our identities, how we act, what we decide and how we decided, is inextricably linked to the sum total of our beliefs about the world and, most importantly about ourselves. Interestingly, you may not even be able to clearly say what it is you believe about yourself. It's amazing how human beings can instantly generate beliefs, even about things they have never thought off before. If you were asked, Do you think pink elephants exist? The rational and logical answer would be, I don't know. I need to check the evidence to form an opinion. In practice, though, people don't do this at all. They form an initial belief straightaway and then change that belief relative to this anchor point, it seems we are all built to believe, to infer and into its things about the world quickly and then use those conclusions to survive day to day life. The power off, a belief to actually change reality should not be underestimated, obviously believes, play an important role in big things like walls or politics. But they can be profound changes of reality on a more personal level. Two. You see police lead to expectations and expectations can make themselves come true. This is what's know as a self fulfilling prophecy. One example of this is something called the pick Miley in effect, which was in one case demonstrated by a study conducted in a school by two researchers, mainly Robert Rosen Tall and Leonora Jackson. In this study, the researchers had a group of Children undergo a blind I Q test. In other words, the Children themselves were not told how well they did. In fact, only the researchers themselves knew the actual schools the Children had achieved. The teachers were, however, given a list of names that the researchers told them were intellectual bloomers, presumably the Children that had done well in the test. The truth, however, was that the names on the list had Bean selected at random. After some time, they came back and tested the Children again, as the researchers had expected. The Children that had bean randomly labeled as intellectual bloomers indeed had better test schools than before, more so compared to their control group off friends. The explanation put forward here is that the teachers expectations off the gifted Children led to the Children performing better objectively. Why this WAAS is speculative. The teacher could have unconsciously given the more attention or challenge those Children more. Living up to expectations is something that humans are actually pretty good at, although the expectations themselves may lead in either a positive or negative direction. So if expectations of people can subtly and not so subtly affect the reality of their behavior and existence. Why would the expectations we have of ourselves be any different? If you believe that you are a failure, then you expect yourself to fail. You then live up to that expectation, which just goes on to strengthen and confirm your existing belief. It's a vicious cycle that must be broken if you're going to repair damaged self confidence . But of course, like most things, that's easier said than done in the next lecture will discuss how beliefs become self reinforcing in more detail. 5. Belief and Bias - A Match Made in Hades: to be biased means to prejudge something. On the other hand, to be unbiased is to be impartial. Someone who believes in a person's guilt based on their appearance alone, for example, is biased. Everyone is biased in one way or another, and sometimes we are even aware of these biases and can compensate for them. Some biases, though, seem to be a part of human nature, and most of us are unaware of them. In our daily lives, the's biases can create a situation where unhelpful beliefs that's damage our self confidence in an unfair way becomes stronger and stronger until they are almost permanently ingrained in us. One of the most pernicious and common human biases is known as confirmation bias. Confirmation. Bias happens when we only pay attention to or remember things that support what we already believe before had. Consider this scenario 6. Belief and Bias - The Trudy and Michael Scenario: This is Michael. Michael is convinced that he's a terrible writer, but recently the person who helps his boss, Trudy, right. Her presentations has been taken ill. Trudy has asked Michael to fill in for her. Trudy approaches Michael and says Hi, Michael. I got to the draft of the presentation yesterday on. I'd like to have a quick chat about it. Is that okay? Michael replies, Um, yes, that's okay with me. Trudy Ben, Trudy progressives with her critique off the presentation. Overrule. I quite liked it. You've covered all the important things that the clients would want to know, but there were just a few minor typos on one or two of slides, but I fix them so you don't have to worry. I just want you to say thanks so much, Michael, for helping me out. Michael replies. That's okay. You're quite welcome. As Trudy walks away, Michael says to himself Oh, how stupid. I should never have agreed to write anything I can't spell. And now everyone knows it. I bet Trudy had a good laugh about my spelling. 7. Belief and Bias – Conclusion: Michael is ignoring all the good things truly had to say about his writing. He's only paying attention to the minor negative comment because he already believes that he's a bad writer, even when presented with evidence to the country of his belief, he ignores it. He's only remembering all the times he's made mistakes as a writer. The truth is, that's Michael may, in fact, be a perfectly competent writer. But at some point, someone or something suggested to him that he's fundamentally just a poor writer. It's become part of his self identity, and his confirmation bias is doing a great job of filtering out anything that could go against that belief. Confirmation Bias goes hand in hand with something called dis confirmation bias. Here, someone puts a lot of energy into trying to disprove an idea put forward that conflicts with their existing beliefs, especially if those beliefs former core part of their identity, for example, Michael's girlfriend may try to convince him that he's really an okay writer. By pointing out all the good things in his writing, Michael may then call up all the evidence to the country that he's amassed thanks to his confirmation bias. We defend deeply held self beliefs, even negative ones, because protecting one self identity is a basic part of human nature. Removing or changing a fundamental belief violently shakes up house sense of identity, which is hardly ever a painless experience, which is why we'd rather stick with a miserable status quo than try to change for the better. Of course, we've all probably met someone who is also the opposite of Michael. They don't hear criticism at all and have a level of confidence in themselves that others may find puzzling. As is often the case, the healthiest roots lie somewhere in the middle, having a level of confidence in yourself that actually reflects your true ability. If you are overconfident, you run the risk of getting into serious trouble when your enthusiasm outstrips your ability. Every human being, no matter how talented, has their limits. Knowing yours is a good thing. That being said, being a little bit over optimistic is actually a good strategy, since it allows you to grow by pushing against your limits. Just a bitch if you are. However, under confident that is under estimate yourself, you run the risk of not living up to your potential, which is perhaps the worst outcome off the to. Why is it that people can be so overconfident? In the next lecture, we'll talk about an interesting psychological concept known as the Dunning Kruger Effect. 8. Practical Ways to Help Bolster Your Self-Confidence: Here are some practical tips to help you both snow your self confidence number one dressed to impress and always look your best. Now this can be anything that to make you feel good about yourself. Just the very process of making an effort will often give you the edge and make you feel like you're showing your best side off to the world. Number two. Smile. This is a simple thing to do but has such a massive impact not just on how your feel but also on other people. Smiling is infectious. Just try it and see the response you get from other people. Number three. Do something that you've been putting off doing. This will make you feel instantly great about yourself. Andi. You won't have to dread doing it anymore as it's now being crossed off your list. Number four. Be grateful not just toward other people, but give yourself gratitude to. Being grateful is very humbling, not to mention being rewarding and will definitely help in making you feel more confident in who you are. As a person. Number five volunteer. Giving your time away for a good cause is a certain path to feeling better about yourself. Not only will you be doing something great for someone who needs your help, but you'll find meaning and purpose in the facts that your bargain sharing 9. Just Too Ignorant: The Dunning-Kruger Effect: previously, we've established that your self confidence level with the guards to particular areas of your life is linked to what you believe about yourself. What if your beliefs of yourself was severely skewed and lead you to self confidence out of touch with reality? If you've ever watched a talent competition such as idols or other similar programs, you all have seen the hordes of people who show up to sing, dance or perform in some way or another. Many off these people are very, very bad, but what they're trying to do. We see people who are absolutely convinced that they are fantastic singers when they couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. The question is, how could they possibly not know how awful they are? When the judges inevitably tell them that a career as a pop singer is probably not on the cards? The reaction is not usually one of exceptions. The judges, as they see it, simply have it in for them, and they know that they're the best. Here we are seeing a prime example of something know as the Dunning Kruger effect proposed by David Dunning and Justin Kruger of Cornell University, the Dunning Kruger effect happened when a person is so unskilled and ignorance in a domain , that's they can't even judge their own skill level. In other words, they don't know what they don't know, since they don't know just how bad they are. It's something they significantly over estimate their ability, leading them to think that they are actually superior to people who are far more skilled than them. A situation for tube as illusory superiority. The person is under the illusion that they are better than those they compare themselves with. The main reason why this happens is because of a lack off meta cognitive ability. Let's just pause for a second and unpack that term. Cognition. Cognition is what we generally mean when we talk about thinking things like reasoning, problem solving. And so the word measure is Greek for above or beyond. Meta cognition, therefore, essentially means thinking about your thinking. People with highly developed meta cognitive skills are highly self aware. They reflect on what they've done, how they've done it and whether they've made progress towards a particular gold. A person who practices effective meta cognition is usually very humble but perfectly confident when faced with the challenge they know is within their ability. That idols dropout is likely to have little or no meta cognitive ability and so won't reflect on the feedback the judges gave them and will probably learn nothing from the experience. What all of this clearly shows us is the importance off, well developed message, cognitive skills when it comes to having the right level of self confidence. In a later lecture, we will focus on meta cognition in more detail and discuss how you can develop those skills to your own benefit. In the next lecture will discuss the flip side of the Dunning Kruger effect, something called Imposter Syndrome ring. 10. The Imposter Syndrome Curse: have you ever felt like a fake? Have you ever felt like you didn't really deserve a reward? Or that the successes you've achieved in life were down to luck or misinterpretation by those who praise you? If so, you may have fallen victim to imposter syndrome. Ring Imposter Syndrome was proposed by pulling plants and Suzanne IMEs in the late seventies. It refers to the curious phenomenon where people who are clearly high achievers feel like frauds. They explain their success away as luck or by thinking that they've somehow fools others into thinking that they are somehow more intelligent or competent than they really are. These people living fear that at any moment they will be outed as cheaters. Imposter syndrome is an interesting thing because we expect people to become more confidence in themselves as they get more positive feedback. Now, it must be said that imposter syndrome is not that uncommon for certain groups of people, and most who do experience it eventually get over it. It's not a mental disorder, simply a state of mind, that results from several factors working together to produce it. It is especially prevalent among groups who have repeatedly being told by society that they are inherently less competent. When the original studies were done, it was, in fact, high achieving women that exhibited imposter syndrome strongly. At that time, there was far less gender equality in the workplace, and women who did well in their careers did so after a life of socialization that starts them. They should not have been able to. As we discussed in an earlier lecture, when the evidence conflicts with a deeply internalized self belief, they are more likely to defend that belief through this confirmation bias than to accept that they were simply wrong. This is not the only reason imposter syndrome occurs, but it's not a coincidence that women and minority group members seem to exhibit it more. In some societies, one of the times you are most likely to feel like an impostor is when you are given new responsibilities or ah, high status. We see it with people who enter academia all the time. New masters and doctoral graduates are suddenly surrounded by people who have bean in that position for a while, are just a smarter they are and don't know their own internal doubts. That's last point is very important. When we compare ourselves to our piers, we have to be aware of the fact that we only see them from the outside. We are not able to hear their thoughts about insecurity, doubt or feeling like an impostor. As social animals, we tend to attempt putting our best foot forward, show the positive and hide the negative. This is perfectly natural, but it can lead to a situation where we over estimate how well our peers are doing compared with us. In turn, this can lead to feelings of being a fraud, not deserving to be part of your particular club. And so in the next lecture, we'll look at how you can gain some self knowledge so that you are less likely to be a dunning, Kruger or imposter syndrome victim. 11. The Character Method of Self Knowledge: when you learn to write fiction, one of the first lessons they teach you is something called Show Don't tell. This is actually a pretty simple principle. When you create characters, you don't for example, tell your audience who is the villain and who is the hero. Rather, your hero should say and do heroic things, and people will recognize the character as such. This is how good stories are written, and this is how we get to know who our character is and form a set of beliefs. Attitudes Andi opinions about, um, we also develop expectations for those characters. That's how you know when your favorite one acts out of character. Think about it. Isn't that also how you get to know other people? We can't hear other people's thoughts. We can only observe each other's actions and hear each other's words, so the same method applies to real life relationships. You build up a picture of a person over time a mental model that, when complete enough, even lets you predict what that person will say or do in certain circumstances. Here's something that you might not have considered, though, which is getting to know yourself this way because we spend all of our time living in our own heads. It's pretty hard to see ourselves the way others do. This is where the character method comes into play. What you need to do is reflect daily on your own behavior that day. Think about the choices you made, the things you said to people. And, yes, even the thought you had. Do you remember in an earlier lecture, I mentioned the word meta cognition. This is one of the first ways in which you can use it to get a grip in your self identity. This daily reflection exercise will teach you a lot about yourself that you probably didn't know. It's important not just to reflect on what you said on what you did, but what other said and did in response to it. I also have a course on mindful meditation that can help immensely with details off reflection. What sort of picture does this reflection paint? Are you a kind person? An impulsive person? Do you keep your promises? Be prepared to find things out about yourself upon reflection you don't like about yourself . It can take a little while to accept the things that your reflections will bring to light. But if you ever hope to take control of your self confidence, it is off vital importance that you form an honest Andi as far as possible, an accurate picture off the very self you wish to have confidence in. Think about it this way. How much do you need to know about someone else before you begin to trust them to have confidence that they will come through for you? Would you feel comfortable letting someone you barely know? Take care off your child or handle your finances? Why, then, should you trust yourself? If you barely know yourself because we are ourselves, we easily fall under the illusion that we know ourselves. But if you think back on your life, it's likely that there have bean at least a couple of times when you have genuinely surprised yourself, either in a pleasant or unpleasant way. Perhaps you were highly impulsive when you always thought of yourself as more measured, perhaps when finally, faced with the chance to do something you always thought you wanted to do. You can't go through with it. The better you get to know yourself. The more confident you can be about how your behave under certain circumstances. If you know that you do well under pressure, then naturally you'll feel confident about applying for a high pressure job is one example . No, the myself is the famous Greek saying, Used by great philosophers like Plato, that advice is as true on important today as it was thousands of years ago. 12. Mental Confidence Builder: US. Humans naturally concentrate on all the things we're not good at or all the things we don't want for ourselves. But ask yourself how helpful is this way of thinking? The answer is, well, not very helpful at all. Let's take an example off a pro golfer when they're in practice, they don't concentrate on those parts of the golf course that they don't want to the wall to go. Instead, they're focused on where the hole is and what they need to do to get the ball in the hole. So next time you're faced with a scenario where you would like to be more confident, my suggestion is to take a few moments to prepare. This is particularly helpful if you've got an events coming up that might make you feel anxious. Take a piece of paper and a pen and firstly writes down situation or event at the top of the page. Next, you're going to imagine that your the most confident person in the world and someone who has encountered situation or event a 1,000,000 times before now, with this in mind, write down the following how you will appear to the outside world and What will other people see? Include details such as what you're wearing, how your hair will look, the facial expression, he accused, and your body language really create a mental picture off you being this uber confident person in which ever situation is his you're imagining. Then think about this new confidence, you and how they'll be acting in this event or situation. What kind of things are you likely to say? And what kind of responses would you imagine other people to have to this newfound confidence? You? Once you've noted down as much detail as possible, really take your time to become this confident person. It is within you. You just haven't tapped into it yet in your own company practice being this confident person, try speaking in the mirror, using some of the things you imagine saying during the event or situation. The idea of this exercise is to become really comfortable living as this confident person. Over time, you'll find that you'll train your brain into genuinely feeling naturally confident in the upcoming situation or event 13. Five Exercises To Build on Your Self-Esteem: in this lecture, we're going to look at some very simple ways in which we can actively build on ourselves. The stain these short exercises will help you to appreciate all that's great about you and your life. Number one list 20 skills that you have now. Skills can be anything from being a good listener, too, being able to change the tires on your car alongside each skill, right? A little bit about how other people have benefited from you having this skill. If you don't know anyone who has yet benefited from the skills that you have, right a little bit about who your skill could potentially help. Number two list five times in your life where you have overcome adversity. This could be anything from your childhood, right through to the present J Number three List five people who you have helped again. This can be from childhood to the present day. Andi can be in any capacity when you listed them expand on what it waas that you did that help them. This exercise is great for highlighting our strengths and how we offer the world a great deal more than we may give ourselves credit for Number four list 15 things that you Love about yourself. Now, for a lot of people who are experiencing low self steam, this can be a tricky exercise. If you do find it's challenging, start with small things that you know you won't find yourself disputing or feel uncomfortable about. For most people, this will mean staying away from things like our physical attributes. But that's okay. It doesn't have to be about our physical parents. It could be things such as being a great friend and lastly, Number five list five achievements, which you're proud off when was suffering low self esteem. We can easily get caught up in negative thinking and forget about what we've already achieved on because we've already achieved it. That's evidence of how great we already are alongside each achievement, right a little bit about how you achieved it on what it involved 14. Why Do We Want Self-Confidence in The First Place: Although everyone agrees that self confidence is generally a good thing to have, we need to ask ourselves why we want it in the first place. This is a similar question as to why we want money. Money itself is not a goal. What we really want are things like food, safety, leisure and entertainment. Money is a means towards these goals. If we could get the things we wanted without the in between step of making money, most people would have no problem with that. So what is it that we are trying to buy with the currency we call self confidence? To answer this question, we have to talk about something called loss aversion. Loss aversion is simply when you do something in order to avoid the pain off loss, humans and our closest primate cousins seem to be strongly biased. To avoid the pain of loss, we tend to avoid the risk off small losses, even with the promise of significance gain. This is a key fact, since the more confidence you feel, the smaller you think the chances of a loss are everything. You attempting life has a chance at turning out badly. There's no getting away from that. But how likely you think that a negative outcome will be has a lot to with whether you go for it or not. Let's now take a very common situation. You're is a public place, such as a cocktail bar or a nightclub. You see an attractive guy or girl nursing a drink alone at a table. You do love to strike up a conversation with them and see if it goes anywhere. It could turn out great, but on the other hand, you may get rejected or even laughed at. If you feel very confident, you'll think that there's almost no chance of that happening and go for it. If you think you are likely to fail, then you're probably neglect to even try. The truth is then, that the reason you need confidence is because off wanting to avoid the pain of loss in this case loss of self esteem. Thanks to a rejection, loss of reputation or simply the loss of opportunity to spend time with an attractive stranger, a feeling of self confidence is merely one way to get around with fear of loss that comes with perspective, negative consequences. It's a way to deal with fear off what might happen. This is, of course, not a rational way to go about things, but it is perfectly understandable. The rational thing to do is to consider what you stand to lose on and what you stand to gain along with your chances of success. Even if your chances of success are slim. If the potential gains are high on the risks relatively low, you should go for it every time. And the more you try, the more your chances of hitting upon a success if we go back to our example, if you kept trying to strike up a conversation despite perhaps having a low chance of the success, the law of averages says that eventually we'd have a success in this case be actually and not perceived. Lost for a rejection from stranger in whom we have no vested interest is actually pretty low. What you are dealing with is simply the avoidance off Feeling bad. Well, we are going to talk about how to bolster your self confidence in this course. It isn't enough. You'll also need to tackle the problem from another perspective. You need to diminish overestimated perceptions off negative consequences. You need to learn to inoculate yourself against the fear, holding you back from pursuing the things you really want. In the next lecture, we're going to talk a bit about the nature off feel on how you can learn to accept negative outcome. 15. Self confidence And Fear: you don't need much in the way of self confidence to try something you consider no risk. Unfortunately, many of us have an exaggerated sense of how risky things are or how badly things will turn out if the worst in a given situation does come to pass. It turns out that we humans are not the best of estimating how likely something he is at the best of times. For some people with particularly problematic thinking patterns, this problem is amplified. So how do we overcome fear, General, When someone has severe anxiety inducing response to, for example, spiders were generally treat them through something known as exposure therapy. In exposure therapy, the afflicted person is slowly exposed to the thing that causes the fear in ever increasing doses, allowing them to get used to the fear stimulus. In the case of an Iraq NAFO, you may start off by simply looking at pictures of spider in videos of a spider, then a realistic toy spider, and so eventually your goal would be to have this person tolerate the presence of a really spider without experiencing Ah, complete anxiety or fear based melts down. We are trying to make a person like the thing they fear, but to let them deal with it in irrational and constructive way while curbing the unpleasant sensations that go with the experience. So what about less tangible things, like getting rejected by that good looking man or woman at the bar or being laughed at while doing some public speaking That's last example is actually one of the most common reasons people site. When they talk about leading more self confidence, they doubt that they'll have anything good to say. Oh, that they're afraid of making a fool of themselves. That is why there's this pop culture advice that you should visualize the audience in their underwear. The idea is that it puts you on an equal social footing with your audience. It's a bitch oven equalizer. So what if you make a fool of yourself where awful is here? People talk about this as giving you self confidence winning reality. It just means that your existing level of confidence is now enough. Since you've lowered the bar, we have a tendency to put both our fears and our dreams on a pedestal. In our mind's eye, we cross over imperfections and exaggerate the scary stuff. It's very important to try and ground yourself in reality when it comes to preparing for something that taxes your self confidence. It's just a simp Orton's that you expose yourself to the negative consequence that she there. In both cases, your imagination has gotten you into the situation and so it can also get you out of the situation. Here is a very practical set of exercises you can do in order to lover the bar for self confidence. With regards to the thing you want to achieve, festival, get into the habit off reflecting and adjusting your own expectations. Try to see an issue from multiple sides. For example, that's good looking guy or girl you want to engage with is also a human being with insecurities, desires, fears Andi anxieties, which tends to make rapid on often incorrect judgments about people. We tend to think that very attractive people are also smart, morally good, Andi infallible. Although we can know almost nothing about a person by just looking at them, some things cannot be true. No person is perfect. So any completely unrealistic attributes you assigned to someone that he's raising the self confidence bar you can safely throw out of the window discount for just about anything that chief only your imagination to counsel. Reflect by asking yourself how realistic is the way I imagine this thing to be. Look at each aspect of it and interrogated. Look for information outside of your own preconceptions and assumptions. Talk to people who have experienced or done what it is you're setting out to do. We often painted the wrong picture about something because we don't have all the facts. When we compare ourselves to people we aspire to be, like those that have been very successful and 10 to exude heaps of confidence, we forget that we are seeing a carefully cultivated, finished product, our imaginations tennis that these people sprung fully formed into the world. But the truth is that behind the scenes there are many failures, bouts of self doubt and plain old dead ends. So again, if you look to what your heroes have accomplished and think that they never felt low confidence as you do now, you can know without a doubt that this is not true. This is why your reflections can be greatly help by reading honest third party biographies and sometimes even autobiographies off the people you admire. These humanize people who are otherwise seemed through rose tinted lenses. Learning that your idols are as human as you are is invaluable to bolstering one's own self confidence. The second stream of this exercise is a form of mental inoculation. You could almost think of it as a sort of meditation on fear and anxiety. Although it's more visualization exercise, What you need to do is imagine the worst case scenario of your fear coming to pass. Imagine that attractive person viciously rejecting you. Imagine the whole audience of people laughing at you and insulting you. These are painful things to imagine, but the more you do, the less the thought will sting you. On an emotional level, what you want to achieve is a point where you are not emotionally affected by the thought of failure. We tend to think emotionally, and this can lead us down the wrong path. Once you have a crime, a sized yourself to the unpleasant emotion that comes with visualizing your worst outcome, you should move on to what happened after your imagine failure. It's very important that you strongly visualized that's life will go on often when we imagine the worst we stop. At that point, you need to visualize the aftermath of your imagined catastrophe. Ask yourself honestly, what's the worst that can happen and try to ground your answer? In reality, if this exercises causes anxiety, that becomes too much for you. Stop to breathe. Walk away from it for a while. But do come back again and again until you become used to the idea and used to that feeling . Once you can accept the consequence, often unwanted outcome, you'll be less inhibited by confidence issues. In the next lecture, we will deal with another factor that can help get fear under control, specifically the non emotional side of fear. 16. Knowledge as The Enemy of Fear: there's fear that she's felt in the gut. And then there is bare as a purely mental thing. Here is a part of human nature with a very important job. From a survival point of view, the gut based path to fear is the much faster one. It triggers a very primal part of the brain and reacts quickly without the need for conscious thought. When you see a spider scurry across the wall from the corner of your eye, it is this system that details your attention to the movement, get you off your feet and ready hue to take action. At that point, the conscious fear system takes over. It's evaluate what it is you're really looking at. If there is really danger, you'll fight, flee or freeze. But if it turns out to be a full salon than the conscious fear system switches off the alarms and everything should return to normal. The thing is that this second system relies on your knowledge and experience to know whether what you are facing is really something to be afraid off when facing something head on the greatest tools in your arsenal. On knowledge, Andi, experience what we feel mostly is uncertainty. We are afraid of what we can't control or what were unable to predict. Think of people that routinely do things that most people would consider to be very scary indeed. People who work with animals like snakes, spiders, lions and other species that are generally fear inducing in People aren't simply bull with a stronger constitution than the rest of us. They are armed with knowledge and experience. If you know how the animal will act, then you are prepared for it. If you've seen the worst the animal could do, then you're also prepared for it. How can we apply this to our own lives? It really is as obvious as it sounds. In fact, you're doing it as we speak, gaining knowledge about something you feel there are many sources of information on different forms of preparation you can undergo. The two techniques we discussed in the previous lecture are ones that you could do by yourself in the privacy of your own home. But it can also be immensely helpful to practice the things you lack confidence in inside safe space with someone you trust. It's common to lack the confidence to dancing public, for example. But if you practice particular dances to the point of mastery, it's likely that your confidence level will rise to the point where this is no longer the case. So where this is in principle possible, you should practice research and prepare as much as possible. You should gradually work towards the full blown situation. You re lack the confidence to tackle animals in the wild use play or simulation to prepare for the rigors of life, from hunting to sex, play, acting and practice prepares us for the real thing. So if we take public speaking as an example, you could read all you can about public speaking. You can practice on tape on objectively review things like your body language or talking speed. You could also ask the help from someone who's public speaking. You admire mentoring, provides both information and third party feed that it's probably one of the best ways to get over fear and confidence issues. Be honest with your mental and let them know what your insecurities are regarding the things you want to achieve. You may be surprised to find out even the best performing people have the same sorts of anxieties you do. They've just learned to cope with them one way or another. The more you know about your chosen to Maine beat business or performance or anything else , the more confident you will be. It's so simple when you think about it. But of course, this simple statement belies the time on and effort requires to obtain that experience or knowledge. Unfortunately, there's no short cut here. If you feel lots of confidence without having adequate experience and knowledge, then you may be suffering from the Dunning Kruger effect that we discussed in an earlier lecture. The bottom line is that one of the best cures for a lack of confidence is being adequately prepared in the next lecture. Well, look at immediate ways in which you conduced your self confidence at the crucial moment. 17. The Swish Technique: The swish technique is a technique taken from NLP or neuro linguistic programming. It is often used to kick negative habits but is equally effective in increasing self confidence. The principal off the swish technique is basically concerned with replacing a negative starting position with a more positive one. Make sure you do this exercise when you're not tired, and also when you won't be disturbed by anyone. So a quiet place is ideal. The first thing you need to do is to concentrate on what we call the starting point. The starting point is a situation that you want to change or to address. For example, it could be feeling anxious about going on Earth specific date. Now you have to imagine the situation in as much detail as possible. Really try to get into the frame of mind off how it feels to be anxious in anticipation off the upcoming date. Make your emotions as real as if you were actually on the date. Include your feelings, smells, tastes. In fact, anything that comes to your mind Once you've brought situation to life, then you'll need to put it to one side what you're going to do next is. Imagine yourself on the date or whatever the situation is that you're imagining and see yourself as being the most perfect version off you, as you can be. Really bring those feelings to life and experience what it feels like to be happy and strong whilst being on the date. Make a mental note of what that looks like and how peeling that is to you. Once you're happy with the image of created, Ask yourself what, do you have a go back to the starting position? The answer is, of course, No. Now you're going to take this starting position and to make it real again and really observe how much you don't like it and how it is not what you want. Then recall your positive image of how you would like to be on the date and place it in the middle off the starting position and pull it back as if it were a slingshot. Pull it back so that you can only see a small dot in the middle off the picture. Try to experience the resistance off the sling shot and hold the resistance for a couple of seconds. Next, you should say the word swish as you let go of the slingshot and what chip smashed through this starting position until it replaces it completely. Now just sit with this feeling for a few moments and really enjoy how it feels now. What you'll need to do is to think of something completely different and random, for example, reciting your address backwards. Then repeat the whole swift technique again five times more. But each time faster and faster until the ideal picture automatically takes over from this starting position in all but a split second, you can easily test to see if this is working for you by Reed visiting the starting situation. If you find that it has not instantly being replaced by the ideal picture, then simply repeat the process of further five times. 18. Body Language for Self-Confidence: here are four body language signals that really do influence success. Body language can be likened to the age old question. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? By this, I mean, if you notice a person slumped in a chair, the shoulders dropped, the head sagged forward at eyes frowning. You could be forgiven for assuming that this person isn't in a great mood and looks rather low in confidence. This person's body language is not only reflecting their state of mind and mood etcetera, but there is a chance it's also the cause off it. Once you understand that things like the tone of your voice posture, facial expressions and gestures, you make all have an impact on the state of your mind becoming self aware of thes many factors. The charts work influencing your mood. You can actually use this information to great effect, giving yourself an edge over your competitors. Studies have shown that's performing. The power posture provides a range of confidence stimulating effects. The more powerful the power posture is performed, the stronger your confidence is stimulated. So a very ambitious power posture pose may include lane back in a chair with feet on the desk and hands clasped together behind the head. Another example of the power posture it's standing with hands on hips, legs spread wide again. The more space taken to perform this posture, the more powerful the posture on its effectiveness. Research by the Harvest Business School in this area has shown that just two minutes spent on to power postures one standing and one seated prior to job interviews that students involved produced significantly more impressive interviews. Other research has shown that spending time in the parallel posture opens up breathing, relieves nerves, increases one's own self belief of leadership increases testosterone levels. Andi increases pain, tolerance and even risk taking. The most effective power posture is just stand with legs wide and arms wide in a star shape . So the next time you have to negotiate, give a presentation. All have an interview. Replace those old habits of pacing anxiously with the power posture. I promise you will notice the difference. The size of the device you are using. For example, a phone or tablet has an unintended effect on your confidence and your mood. This could be related to the constrictions of posture that these devices give research indicates that people who had spent more time in a relaxed, open posture afforded from working with a desktop computer or laptop were more likely to be assertive. So it can be said that's the size of your computer. You're working, affects your posture and in turn your behavior. So prior to your next important meeting or phone call, etcetera, boycott your tablet and phone or handheld device. This will give you more time to focus your thoughts and get more organized as you will have less distractions. Eliminating crouching over the handheld will also leave you feeling more confidence. We know that our posture affects our mood and confidence, but we should be aware that how facial expressions also have a part to play if you consider that some people feel more positive after spending time consciously and deliberately smiling. This is also true for the tone of voice research sharing that people tend to feel more powerful when they speak using alot of hitch. People who actively engaged in behavior related to feeling confident and happy are more likely to actually feel happier on confidence justice being mindful off how important your posture is on the associate it affects. It is also worth being mindful of times that your facial expressions are being affected through circumstance. For example, I was spent frowning at a computer screen with prolonged undesired facial expressions will affect your mood. This also includes the perceptions that other people will have off you. Research carried out in Italy showed that people who had spent time frowning due to direct sunlight felt aggressive and angrier than those who hadn't so once again before any meetings, take time out to check your facial expressions and alter accordingly, especially if you have bean over concentrating on anything. Behave is if you feel confident and happy and chances are you will be confident and be happy. Research does show that using hand gestures when speaking, helps assist our cognitive resources. Gesturing as you speak helps with your thought processes, helping you make a good impression. Presenters in particular, are considered more competent and effective with the use of hand gestures compared to keeping the hands. Still, gestures are another useful tool to how potent trait what you're saying, just like volume, tone and speed of speech gestures, also helping audience to understand and remember things you have said, however, care should be taken to ensure that the gestures you use are congruent with the words you speak. Just waving your hands around is not going to send the right message. 19. Emergency Self-Confidence: most of what we've disgusting. This course has to do with long term solutions to self confidence issues. But as you are about to step on that stage or ask that person out on a date, you're likely experience, brief but intense burst of emotion that may be enough to make you turn back. This is a very brief crisis of confidence and even veterans who have done something many times for full experience it. Whether you want to call them jitters or butterflies in the tummy, they are the same thing. The body is preparing for action. The interesting thing is that your body basically has an alert, adrenaline fueled state onda normal state of attentiveness. The mechanisms and feelings are the same, but our interpretations off it are different, depending on our past experiences on the context. This is why it works so well to take your date on a roller coaster or to a scary movie. They may interpret the adrenaline rush as excitement to be with you rather than fright. Thanks to the context, it's an age old trick that has stood the test of time. The take away from this is that you can interpret the feelings either as anxiety and fear or as excitement. It all depends on your perspective. Regardless, when you start feeling those butterflies in your tummy, there are a few things that you can do to help overcome this momentary issue. The most important thing is to breathe. Shut out your intrusive thoughts and only focus on your breathing. This is a tried and tested mindfulness technique that really works to calm you before taking on a challenge. By focusing inward on your breathing for a few moments, it's possible to reduce or eliminate the physical sensations off fight or flight and bring down your heart beach on Still your thoughts. Another great tip is to adopt a confidence style off body language. Stand up straight, square your shoulders and stride when you walk. The work of social psychologist Amy Cuddy has shown that mental confidence on the body have a two way relationship. Feeling confident shows in your body language, but purposefully, how opposing can make you feel more confident. At the same time, you can also feel more confident by wearing clothes that make you feel more confident about yourself. Other people can see whether you feel comfortable or not. So it's a better trade off to dress and accessorize the way you really want to, rather than the way you are expected to. You should also make sure that you get enough sleep and are adequately fed. Avoid stimulants. This may aggravate anxiety. Resist the urge to rely on alcohol to overcome confidence issues in social situations. A little in moderation is perfectly fine, but in the long term, this can be a serious crutch that won't deal with the root causes off your confidence issues. In fact, you should avoid any sort of chemical aid to deal with confidence related anxieties unless it is explicitly prescribed by your doctor. Sleep, exercise, diet and meditation can help replenish your psychological energy reserves, giving you more capacity to lean on when you hit peak anxiety levels. 20. Seven Day Confidence Challenge: gaining confidence in situations that we fear most is all about gentle exposure and pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone just that little bit every day for the next week to side on a small task that you will set aside to act upon the following day. Now, depending on what it is you'd like to gain more confidence in, make the task specific to this. For example, if you're looking to gain more confidence in the dating game, challenge yourself to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and maintain eye contact with that person. It doesn't have to be a gigantic gesture, just something that is specific to you and that will challenge you enough to grow and feel what it's like to exist outside of your comfort zone. Do this for a whole week, and you'll be stunned at how different you feel about trying something new and challenging yourself. You're also noticed how much you'll have grown in terms of building on your confidence levels 21. Being Confident in Conversations: one of the main arenas in which we lack confidence is during one on one conversations with another person. You may think of yourself as naturally shy or simply feel out of your depth when speaking with someone you perceive as being more knowledgeable than you, this person may also intimidate you in some other way. Perhaps they have a high social sounding, or you simply lack of confidence in your own abilities. Toe. Hold a conversation with someone. As we've already said, Confidence is usually linked to some sort of fear, and in this case it's usually a desire not to make a fool of yourself. You can use all the methods that were outlined before, but because conversation is such a key aspect of our lives, it's worth handling by itself. The most important seal you need to be a confident conversationalist is Thea Bility. To listen and only speak when you have to. One of the biggest mistakes people make is obsessing so much about what they should say next. That's they don't really pay attention to watch. The other person is saying. Holding an effective conversation depends on you engaging with the other person. The second important thing to keep in mind is that ignorance is not shameful at all. Be honest about your knowledge level with the person you are speaking to. Being honest really simplifies having a conversation. Don't give in to the temptation to exaggerate or embellish things. If you tell outright falsehoods, they'll catch up with you eventually when you contradict yourself that that thing, which is one of the most important points, is that or not, everyone has to like you. When we interact with other people and fret about impressing them or keeping up with them, there is usually an underlying wish to be liked. There's nothing wrong with that. But if you think it is possible to be universally liked, then you are deceiving yourself. If at all possible, try to imagine what the conversation looks like from the other person's perspective. Try to empathize with them and then steer your side of the conversation accordingly. 22. Being Confident in Negotiations: the world is filled with skilled people you have to make deals with that are well practised at getting you to shoot yourself in the foot, whether it's a car salesman or an insurance breaker, all the person looking to hire you, all of us have to negotiate a deal. At some point, many of the people who make deals for livings used tricks from a deep tour books to make you work against yourself. Being a confidence negotiator is a key skill in getting what you want in life, but it means you need to know both. What you onto the person across the table are actually doing. The first thing you have to remember is that only you have your interests at heart. A court trick is to convince someone you are on their side. Car salesman have been doing this for years. They pretend to go fight the manager to get you a better deal, and you end up signing for things you never wanted to. The second key point is that you must always be willing to walk away from a deal. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that because you have spent a lot of time and effort on a negotiation, you are somehow obligated to make some sort of a deal. You should always have an exit strategy on be willing to use it. People will also try to make you emotionally involved. They'll try to upset you or try to get you excited in the hope that you'll think with your heart and not with your head. We tend to make emotional decisions, like buying a sports car almost immediately and then rationalize it after the fact people want you to form an emotional connection. They want you to think of that house or car as yours already so that you're perceived not getting the deal as a personal loss. The reality is that you lose nothing by walking away, and there are always other opportunities. Don't let the other person take control of time and pressure. You people will use time limitation to control how much thought you can put into making a decision. If the time available to you is not enough or a well thought out decision, you should demand enough time or walk away from the negotiation table. Never forget that you aren't the only one that wants something in this deal. It goes both ways. Too many people going with the attitude that they don't have any negotiation power. But actually that's what the other party wants them to think. It's true that both parties are almost never equal in this regard. But that bank or potential employer is not all powerful. Andi, they do need you to a certain extent. The trick is here to see how much they need. You finally always negotiate relative to the original terms you wanted. Don't let the goalpost be moved closer to where your opponent wants it and then restart negotiations from there. This is a great way to feel like you got a good deal. But then when you look at it, you realize you are still far away from what she wanted. The same goes for things being added on after you've completed negotiations. You can still walk away if they change the terms unilaterally. 23. Being Confident in Romance: engaging in romantic activities can be nerve racking. Being rejected here really hits at the core of our self worth. It's relatively easy to get over being rejected on the merits off one thing or another. But being romantically rejected is a rejection off you as a person. Of course, as with the lecture on confidence in conversations, the central fact is a lot. Everyone has to like you, romantically or otherwise. The role of confidence in terms of looking for a relationship are heavily front loaded. Once you get over the initial hump and get to know the other person, you are usually pretty comfortable. The other person is humanized in your eyes, and you have a good idea off whether what you want will get a yes or no answer. Keeping a relationship going is for an entirely different course. Here we will just concentrate on the initial part that relies on high amounts of self confidence. As you may have realized by now, the main issue, when it comes to confidence, is how much you stand to lose, how much you stand to gain and how sure you are of being successful bearing these three things will have an effect on your overall level of self confidence. One of the most effective ways is to lower the stakes to something more palatable. This is why we usually start off by asking someone we've just met for coffee or a movie date. The ramp to high stakes is more gradual. Commitment comes in phases, and when one person means faster than the other person is comfortable with, it can lead to an end for that particular relationship. If the people in it don't communicate their perceptions off the relationship to each other accurately, most relationship issues can be averted by early or honest communication. Asking people who you want to be romantically involved with too low stakes social activities is certainly not news to anyone. But most people do this with the primary motive off starting a romantic relationship. So although from the outside, the stakes are low from your own perspective, you are still gunning for the big prize. Declining to have coffee with you is therefore still seen as a miss on the big goal. A very practical strategy is to genuinely put aside the goal of romantic aspirations and to pursue a less intensive type of relationship, It may seem a bit pedestrian to say that you should pursue a relationship first and foremost because of person seems genuinely interesting to you, and you want to actually spend time with them. Pedestrian or not, it is still a better motivation than simply wanting to sleep with someone or seeing yourself married with Children or any other fantasy that takes your fancy off course. If physical intimacy is all you want and there's nothing wrong with that, it's changes the game. But this is a lecture about romance and not specifically getting people to sleep with you. All the other things we have said about confidence generally apply here and often doubly say, Make sure that you have the basics well covered, such as presenting yourself well in order to stack the deck in your favor. And, of course, the more you try, the more likely that your hit on a success. There are two more very important points that have to be made. These are very common mistakes in romance, and when you think about them, they make little sense. The first thing you should do is to evaluate a relationship on its own marriage remember how he said that people are pretty bad as working out how random chance works. Also, we said that the more you attempt something, the more likely you are to hit on a success. This is true, but it's perfectly possible to meet the right person straight away. Don't fall for the myth that you need to date X number of people before you meet the right one. This is the same sort of thinking that people have when they think that because a coin has come up heads a number of times, it is now time fruit to come up tails. Each flip, however, is in no way influenced by another. We have a full sense of abundance when it comes to the number off potential romantic partners. Sure, there are millions of potential options out here, but in reality you were only ever meet a tiny fraction and can date an even tinier fraction . Modern dating systems definitely help optimize this process, but don't pass up a good thing for an imaginary set of choices. So to repeat, look at what you have and judge whether it is giving you what you want and making you happy if the answer is no, then Movil. The second thing you have to remember is that there are two people. Self confidence is play here. Romance can be a selfish thing, so this is very easy to forget. But there are few things that you can do that will ensure success more effective than boosting the other person's self confidence. 24. Some Things You May Not Have Known About Confidence: Here's a few science based facts that, well, we just can't ignore. These tips are sure to give you confidence, and you may have never even thought about them until now. Where your favorite scent. This goes for both men and women, as studies show that people who sports their favorite scent feel up to 90% more confident than when they're not wearing any. Studies show that sitting up straight with broad shoulders actually leads us to being more self assured. With our thoughts, you'll look confident and think confidently. Another beast er, designed to make you more confident thinker is not in your head. So when you need to think confidently, not away. If you need some emergency confidence, take two minutes and throw the power pose. The power pose is when you stand in a wide stance and put your hands in the air. Research proved this gives you an instant lift and a burst of confidence when you need it most now, caution should be taken when you perform this move as it may look a little odd if you're in a bordering with the CEO of your company. My advice here would be to take advantage of a bathroom where you can power pose in private , snap yourself a selfie. 67% of people say that they feel more confident when they see a flattering photo on social media. And lastly, don't be afraid to embrace your superstitions. If you have a lucky charm or lucky pants, make sure you make full use of them. Science suggests that having these can actually influence performance and reassure us when meeting a new challenge. 25. Conclusion: we have covered a lot of ground in this course. Andi, I know this is a lot to judge. Yes, to any school stay. There are just some general pieces advice that you should take no show off. The first is that you're feeling off. Self confidence on your actual chances of being successful are not the same thing. Mindful reflection and feedback from trusted people are useful ways off aligning your self confidence with reality. Which brings us to the other big issue we highlighted in the schools. It is far more important to have a level of self confidence that is accurate than one that is over inflated or too low. Your goal should not be to boost your self confidence at all costs. But you know where you stand and then work on becoming more confident by becoming more competent. The next important thing is that it is ok not to be highly competent and confident at everything. Many people are adept at faking this level of confidence and since we humans are constantly making upward and downward social comparisons with other people to regulate our self esteem , this can have unwarranted negative effect on how we see ourselves consciously comparing yourself to other people is one of the most harmful things you can do when it comes to confidence. It's good and healthy to compare yourself with others in order to gauge your progress with something and help you to grow. Just be aware that people engaged in meticulous image management, only presenting their best sides. Since you are aware of both the good and bad in yourself, you're always come up short against the perfect image people project. This is why Facebook is leading people to depression. It always seems as if your friends have no worries, more fun and all the best stuff off course. They don't show you all the normal hardships they face. It has to be said again. No thigh self self knowledge is the key upon which all the rest hinges when it comes to confidence and so much else in life. If anything, I hope that you can remember that one piece off the lesson