Secrets Of Psychology - Why People Do The Things They Do | Prof. Paul Cline, Ed.D | Skillshare

Secrets Of Psychology - Why People Do The Things They Do

Prof. Paul Cline, Ed.D, Prof Paul - Business & Psychology Expert

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24 Lessons (6h 7m) View My Notes
    • 1. Promo Video

    • 2. Introduction - Goals & Fundamentals

    • 3. Understanding HOW Feelings Work & How You Can USE This!

    • 4. "The Imprint Period" - How You Were Created - How You Were Programmed

    • 5. The Amazing Truth About Values & Beliefs

    • 6. Do You Know The Difference Between Reality & Lies? Are You Sure?

    • 7. Personal Illusions That Are Holding You Back - Break Free!

    • 8. EGO - The Great Deceiver

    • 9. The Inner-Critic ... How To WIN The INNER Battle

    • 10. Understanding Self-Image & Your Multiple Minds

    • 11. How To Defeat The PAST & The FUTURE

    • 12. Emotional Reasoning & Logic Systems - How To WIN!

    • 13. Understanding & Meeting Your Needs - The Hidden Secrets

    • 14. Understanding Motivation - The Ultimate Driving Force

    • 15. Defeat This Major Block .... And Free Your Mind!

    • 16. Discover "The Source & Solution To All Your Problems"

    • 17. Agenda & Lies - How They impact Your Life

    • 18. Gambits - Games People Play

    • 19. Break Free From The Problems of "Attachment" & "The Sheep Mentality"

    • 20. "The Dirty Secret Of Psychology" & How To Free Yourself!

    • 21. Tap Into The Power Of The Unconscious Mind

    • 22. How Control Your Own Mind - And WHY Almost Nobody Does!

    • 23. Why FEAR Dominates Our Lives & How To Beat it!

    • 24. Final Thoughts, Tips & Suggestions To Radically Improve Your Life

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About This Class

If You Only Take ONE Course This Year … It GOT To Be This One! This Course Will Teach You The Hidden Secrets Of Psychology Known To Only A Very Select Few And Will Give You An Unfair Advantage For The Rest Of Your Life.

You Have Literally Been Cheated Your Entire Life … And It’s Not Your Fault! You Were Never Trained In How To Use Your Mind … So How Can You Possibly Succeed? Have You Ever Had Even One Course On Why People Do The Things They Do? If You’re Like 99.99% Of People Out There … The Answer Is A Resounding No! So We Have No Idea Why We Do The Things We Do AND We Have No Idea Why Anybody Else Does The Things They Do …. And Yet Were Still Supposed To Succeed? Could We Be Any More Clueless? Fear Not! In This One Course You Will Gain A Lifetime Of Wisdom In Why People Do The Things They Do And How You Can Use These Tools, Strategies And Techniques To Gain The Ultimate Life Advantage. This Course Will Give You Your Own Mini “PhD” In “Understanding The Human Mind”

In This Course You’re About To Discover:

1) Learn How Self-Image Determines What You Will And Won’t Do … And So Much More!

2) Discover How Pain & Pleasure Rule You Life … And The Secret Of How To Make This Work For You Instead Of Against You

3) Discover How The “Imprint Period” Has Literally Programmed You For Life … And How To Reprogram It

4) Gain Hidden Knowledge Of What Drives Motivation . The Master Key To Success

5) Breakthrough Personal Illusions And Unleash Your Hidden Potential

6) Gain The Secret Of How To Free Yourself From Your Past

7) Revealed! This The Hidden Secret Of How People Live In Their Own Virtual Reality ... And How You Can Break Free

8) Release Yourself From Emotional Pain And Frustration By Discovering How Emotions Really Work And How You Can Gain Greater Mastery

9) See How False Personas Drive The Habits And Behaviors Of Yourself And Others … Take Back Control And Free Yourself

10) Gain A Deep Understanding Of The Values And Beliefs That Drive People’s Every Action

…. And This Is Just The First Half Of The Training!

Don’t Miss This Once-In-A-Lifetime Opportunity To Learn The Hidden Secrets Of Psychology From A True Master Who Has Condensed Over 35 Years Of Learning Into This One Quick & Easy Course For You.

PS – Study This Course Carefully … And You Will Have An Unfair Advantage For Life In Virtually Every Area Of Your Life … Amazing!

Who this course is for:

  • People Who Want More Control Over Themselves & Their Lives
  • People Who Want to Boost Their Self-esteem
  • People Who Want Freedom From Old Pain & Hurts
  • People Who Want to Understand Themselves & Others Better
  • People Who Want MORE Out Of Life!


1. Promo Video: higher by Professor Paul here and walking this promotional video on hidden secrets of psychology. Why we do the things we dio. This could be the most important training you ever take in your entire life. Now here's just a few things that you're about to discover one. How self image determines what you will and won't do and so much more. Two. You'll discover how pain and pleasure rule your life and the secret of how to make this work for you instead of against you. In this training, you'll also discover how the imprint period has literally programmed you for life and how to re program it. Four gained hidden knowledge of what drives motivation. Motivation is the master key to success. Five. Breakthrough personal illusions in Unleash Your hidden potential. Six. You're going to gain the secret of how to free yourself from the past. Seven revealed the hidden secret of how people live in their own virtual reality in how you can break free. Eight. Release yourself from emotional pain of frustration by discovering how emotions really work and Hagen gain greater emotional mastery. NI see how false personas drive the habits and behaviour of both yourself and others and take back control and free yourself. 10. Gain a deep and rich understanding of the values and beliefs that dry people's every action . And that's just a start. There's so much more in this training. Let me ask you a question. How can you win the game of life when you're never taught how to use your mind? Correct Answer. You can't. It's not possible. It's not your fault. Think about your entire education. You haven't had even one class one seminar on how your brain works. My toaster came with a 12 page manual, But your mind, the most sophisticated organization of matter in the known universe, has no instruction manual. This will give you a great start on mental mastery, understanding how your mind and how the minds of others work. I want you to know that you can succeed. You just need the right skills, the skills, the training, the insights that you've been cheated out of your entire life. We're gonna give them to you today when you sign up for this course. The purpose of this training is to help you excel in life and to give you an unfair advantage in life by gaining skills that virtually nobody has. So who am I? And how can I help? My name's Professor Paul and I've been on a mission for the last 35 plus years to help people just like you excel in business and in life. As you can see, I've got quite a resume. I've got four different degrees in psychology and business all the way up through the doctor It I'm CEO of Advanced Ideas. I've been a corporate trainer for many years. I've run several multimillion dollar corporations. I've been a psychotherapist for many years, also a university professor for over a decade, and and I have multiple teaching awards. I'm a six figure Internet marketer. You can imagine when you helped tens of thousands of people. Every year you make a decent check. I've also read over 500 books, probably up to about 600 books now in the area of psychology, business and health. To get you the latest cutting edge tool strategy techniques to make a noticeable immeasurable difference in the quality of your life, both personally and professionally, also had over 6000 additional hours of trading again to get you the best tools that are available anywhere. I'm an award winning celebrity educator, coach, therapists and, of course, CEO of advanced Ideas. You can see me here with Kevin Harrington from Shark Tank Dustin Matthews. He's CEO of speaking empire. They teach nationally and internationally trainers from all over the world to be the absolute best. Here's Me with Robert Allen, best selling author of Nothing Down Real Estate, Multiple Streams of Income and about 30 other best selling books. I'm published regularly. I'm seeing on TV regularly. I'm on podcast regularly. People want to have me come in and consult with them. I want you to know that I have the exact same golden you do. My goal is to help you grow into remove the barriers that have held you back from having a life second to none. I want you to have that life second to none. And if you follow in practice what I teach in this training that life that second and none will be yours. Imagine being able to know on command why people are doing the things they dio. Can you imagine how powerful that would be? Imagine having a deeper level of insight in both to yourself and others to truly know why we do the things we do. That's the entire purpose of the course, right? Imagine being able to let go of old pain and old hurts that you've held your entire life. Imagine having greater emotional control than ever before. This is one of the key life skills that virtually nobody has. This is going to give you a huge, unfair advantage in life. These tools are specifically designed to transform your life. A transformation means the person that starts the course and the person that ends it are not the same person they have learned so much. They have literally been transformed, and it will change every area of your life. Now, as you take the training, be sure to take great notes. Little known psychology Fact Human attention rate is Onley 4%. I've spent about four decades gathering all these tools, secrets techniques to share with you. These techniques have changed, transformed thousands of lives, and they could do it for you. Don't drop the gold on the floor. Make sure you get everything. The program never fails to work, but sometimes people don't take good notes, and they failed to work the program. My belief is that you deserve you absolutely, positively deserve to have an amazing life, and with these tools you can have it. So our goal is to help you along that path. Here's a great quote. I don't wish that life would get better. Wish you had more skill. And that's what this training is gonna give you. The skills toe have a better life skills that virtually nobody has my training. Zehr designed to transform lives I've got over 60,000 satisfied students just this year. Load. They can't be wrong. They absolutely love this course. Their lives have been transformed and you will be equally successful. Here's what one of my students, Austin Armstrong, had to say. This course is amazing and has really helped me develop a new mindset. Professor Paul is wonderful and provides a lot of insight and actionable advice. I highly recommend to anyone trying to master their mind. Here's what Chris has to say. Professor Paul never disappoints. I own all his courses, and this one is amazing, too. You'll be shocked out fast. The course goes by in wishing it was longer because it's packed with so much life changing information, I believe it gives you a huge advantage in life. Thanks again for this amazing course, Professor Paul. Let me ask you a question. Will you be our next success story? That's my wish for you. Now, this course is going to give you your own mini PhD in understanding the human mind. Remember, we talked about the toaster. This is going to give you a great understanding, overall view of how the human mind works and how to use it so much more effectively. Let me ask you a question. What separates those who succeed from those who fail? Correct answer skill. You've got all the tools, strategy and techniques you need right here to transform your life. You just got to take action. Winners take action. Go ahead and sign up. Now nothing happens until first in action. I want to see you inside the winner's circle. I want to see you winning at life. Go ahead and I'll see you inside the training 2. Introduction - Goals & Fundamentals: Okay, A few quick goals for this training to really drive home the value one increase understanding of ourselves and others in the world around us. Like I said, if you don't understand how the game is played, you cannot win to to see past illusions most of what you believe is true is actually false . How much in excess of 99.99% if you believe a lie if you buy into a lie. If you believe what you've been bought and sold what you've been taught and told, that is a lie, your entire life will be a lie, and everything you do everything you try to achieve everything you try to accomplish will be based on a false premise. You're not going to win. Illusions is one of the major reasons you're not making it in life at the level you want to and can. So we're gonna take that anchor off your neck. Three. Understand why we are the way we are. A lot of people put too much pressure on themselves, too much blame on themselves. They don't understand why they are the way they are and what has happened to them. over time by understanding why you are the way you are and how you became that way. It'll take a tremendous amount of pressure off. It'll give you new insights, new understanding in new freedom. That's the next thing for release old pain from the past. You are not your past. If you had a great past, it's over. If you had a terrible past, it's over. We moved from here forward and I'm gonna show you that all the old pain that happened in the past it wasn't your fault. And we're gonna teach you how to release it So you don't live the rest of your life in pain . Five. Using this new awareness to help ourselves and others as you understand why you do the things that you do, you'll be able to free yourself. You could also use these insights to help free others. You can use these insights to be more successful in life, to be more motivated, more influential. You have so much potential and you have been held back because you didn't have these core concepts. And because your life is enhanced, you'll be able to go out and help others. A beautiful thing to do if ever there waas. So here's the first concept that you need to understand. People are amazingly simple. We complicate people. They're amazingly simple. As you look at these concepts, you're going to realize that it's a cause and effect reality that the concepts air simple. But then we layer on all these stories. There's so much confusion. There's so much pop psychology out there. It's all rubbish. We're gonna clear all that away. People are simple. You just lacked an understanding of why they are the way they are, which is what this course is for. And it's the layers A B s that make them complicated. What is B. S? Well, I use this cute diagram to show exactly what it is with an X through it. But I call it belief systems. Your B s comically put that way shows you what your belief system really is. It's a pile of crap. It's a bunch of lies, distortions, misinterpretations, other people's agendas. It's a huge pile of crap. So always remember that B s is what it is and that a belief system is also B s. This will help you through the entire course now this is your first major psychological concept. People always moved towards pleasure and away from pain. I'm going to say that again. They moved towards pleasure and away from pain. This is literally the whole of psychology. If you take nothing else away from this course, learn this. This is the science of how the brain works. We're constantly weighing out pain and pleasure, doing cost benefit analysis and moving in the direction of maximizing our pleasure in minimizing our pain. It's why we do everything. Skinner, who was kind of the king of cognitive psychology, said. If I can control the circumstances, if I can control your pleasure and control your pain, I can get you to do anything. He has never been proven wrong. Now here's what confused skin or a little bit, but he finally figured it out. It's not just pain or pleasure. It's perceived paying and perceived pleasure when you're a little kid. If you're bad, your mom wants to inflict pain. She spanks you. Now there's some guys run around out there that will pay extra for that. Why? Because they miss associate ID pain. With pleasure. They think getting a spanking means pleasure, it somehow sexy, so they had confused it. You'll see people that do this all the time. You'll have to. Things taken is totally different. Like when I look at people in the gym and they're lifting those heavy weights and I see this strain on their face and the sweat, you can feel the pain in your muscles. I go. This is massive pain. I want to get the hell away from this. They look at and say, No pain, no gain, baby, I'm getting tough. I'm getting strong, I'm getting buffed, Chicks are gonna dig me and they keep pumping and pumping and pumping. I'm gonna outdo my buddies. They see that pain as massive pleasure. They've used mental alchemy to transform pain into pleasure, so that's a good way of turning pain into pleasure, perceived pain, real pain into perceived pleasure, right? That's a good use of it. Other people have associative pain with certain things that could be pleasurable, like for most people were in the top 10 fears. It's usually in the top two people have to major fears in life dying where public speaking now, sometimes public speaking, is number one that's where you get the expression. I'd rather be in the in the box than giving the eulogy. People are so afraid of that. But I used to be afraid of public speaking. And now I do it for a living. Why? I associate pain with being up on the stage. I said, Oh, my God, this is terrible. People are gonna judge me. I'm going to screw up. I'm gonna crash. People are gonna be laughing at me. I associated massive pain with it. Now I know I can use it transform people's lives that when I get up there on stage, people actually want me to be good. When they go to my courses, they wanna have massive value. And I'm changing lives nationally and internationally. I'm having a major impact, and I'm meeting some of the most beautiful people most wonderful people I ever met in my life. So that's how I transformed what was perceived pain and perceived pleasure. People will have miss associations that cause variations in pain and pleasure perception. And the Robbins always gives a great example. He says, Well, what if you're a little baby and you're walking across the couch, you take a left or a right turn as appropriate, and you fall off the couch, you're gonna feel massive pain, and you're gonna be staring at a couch. You might start associating pain with couches and think couches start causing pain. That couch is literally equal pain. And when your mom tries to put you on the couch, you might start to cry. That's a Miss association. Later, you'll make new distinctions, and you realize no falling causes pain and you'll correct that miss association. But we have a lot of miss associations with what's pleasurable and once painful that we carry through life. So I just want you to understand that so as you using the concept that people always move towards pain, I'm sorry. Away from pain and towards pleasure that is perceived pain and perceived pleasure. We'll give you many examples of this as we go through the course, so you actually live in a place called Virtual Reality. You think you live in a reality, but you live in a place called virtual reality. See, we act on perceptions and misperceptions, which is correct and incorrect information the same if we think it's really if we think it's true, we act on the same. Hitler's PR man was famous for saying, If you repeat a lie often enough, everybody will believe it. He wasn't wrong. They're still using it in politics, and they're still using an advertisement. To this day. They know that if you set something up to look a certain way, it's perceived a certain way that will be taken to be true, unless corrected, unless interrupted, unless disputed, unless shown to be wrong, a misperception a lie will be perceived the same as true reality. So there is no difference between illusion and reality in marketing, they know that the illusion is the reality. What I present to you will be taken is true. Not true reality, but perceived reality now special note about pain and pleasure. They've done a lot of studies on this. In the average study, they find that people will do 2.5 times mawr to avoid pain than the game. Pleasure. Remember, somebody gave a great example. One time, they said people would do 2.5 times as much to stop somebody from stealing $10,000 from them. Then they would do to gain $10,000 which is what pleasure. So here that again, you would do two times as much to stop somebody from stealing $10,000 as you would to gain it, even though they're both what they're identical, they're both $10,000. They both have equal worth. So as you're trying to motivate others as you're trying to motivate yourself, realize what is more motivating? What causes people take more action? Avoidance of pain? Absolutely. Now here's your last concept to wrap up this part. There is no such thing as an unselfish act. A lot of people will argue this, but it's absolutely, positively true. Were completely completely driven by self interest. You won't take the slightest action. Remember the pain pleasure model unless it's maximizing your pleasure in minimizing your pain. Remember, perceive pain and perceived pleasure, so sometimes it will seem the opposite. People say like, Well, what about people like Mother Teresa? I guarantee if you told Mother Teresa Hey, you're gonna work in a factory and you're gonna twist nuts on bolts and you're gonna do that for the rest of your life, and that's going to save millions of crying Children. She would never have done it. Why did she do what she did? She did it because she was impacted by the people. It caused her massive pain to see them in pain. And it caused her massive pleasure to see them relieved of that pain, to see the joy, to have the benefit, to have the satisfaction of that. So she was completely driven by self interest to do that if you had to do it in a factory from a 1,000,000 miles away, saying Well, tonight, some saving these people But I really can't see it. I really can't feel it. She wouldn't have maintained the motivation over the years. She wouldn't have been able to do it. I remember there was an episode of Friends, and Joey and Phoebe were arguing back and forth about Is there such a thing as an unselfish act? And Joey said, Well, here's an unselfish act. I'll give you my muffin And Phoebe said, Oh, thanks, that's very nice And he said, See, that's an unselfish act and Phoebe said, But Joey, did that make you feel really good that you gave me your muffin and he goes, Yeah, it kind it really did. Oh, that was your benefit. It wasn't an unselfish act. Martyrs think they're doing everything unselfishly. I give and I give and I give And my Children just don't understand. And I'm doing everything. I'm so unselfish. I unselfishly give everything I've given my entire life to these Children. No, you have it. You perceive not being a giving parent as massive pain you perceive giving as massive pleasure. And you get a lot of secondary benefits from this. Woe is me. Uh, I'm such a great person, and everybody else is bad. That's a gain for you by playing the martyr. How many people actually like a martyr being a martyr's and a great thing. But the person is being the martyr. They see it the way I described it to you, and they gained massive pleasure from that. They think that is fantastic. I guarantee you what anybody is doing. They're doing something nice. They're doing something bad or even evil. They're doing it because they think that's the way to get a hit there weighing out. The pain and pleasure of it in there were in their mind, and they come out of hit even thieves, people that scam you and rip you off. They say, Hey, wasn't that funny? Pleasure. When we con that guy, What an idiot. And they get massive pleasure from them. Then they're counting their money and their like, Damn, this is massive pleasure. And they mitigate the guilt by saying, Hey, I taught them a valuable lesson. I only screwed him out of a couple of $100. That's a $60,000 education. This will keep me from getting screwed in other areas in their life. You know, idiots need to get spanked. I'm providing a public service here. Fool and his money are soon parted. It's not my fault. So they wrapped the logic around it, so they avoid pain of being this evil person. They actually act like they're doing a public service, that massive pleasure around it. It's fun for them. They feel skillful. They think it's funny when they con people, they get the money. Win, win, win, win, win, win, win. Why wouldn't they do it now? An honest person perceives conning somebody as NASA pain. You're a bad person. You gypped somebody. If you're religious, you going straight to hell. You know and they gained massive pleasure by being a good person. They find a dollar in the ground. They go, Hey, is this your dollar and something could be lying. But they give it to him and they're so happy. Why? Because I just proved that was a good person. I just get this surge of endorphins. I noticed the quote unquote good person and the bad person are doing the good and bad acts under the same rules under the same laws into gain the same result to avoid pain into gain pleasure. Each is using a different system to get to the exact same place. And neither of them is being unselfish makes sense. Great. Let's go on to the next section. 3. Understanding HOW Feelings Work & How You Can USE This!: Hey, everybody, Professor Paul here. Welcome back. If my voice sounds significantly different from the last section, I got an upgraded microphone. I want you to know that I'm not altering my voice in any way. It's just a really great microphone. So it sounds significantly different matter frantic. Such a good microphone that have actually two inches taller and 50% better looking. So that's a plus. Now, in this section, we're gonna look at the basics of how feelings work. So as I'm describing this, I want you to think about not on Lee the reality of Hey, this is how thoughts and feelings and actions come into being, but also how you can use it as a technique to significantly change your feelings and therefore your actions. So here's the basic flood. The old debate in psychology was, which came first. It was the chicken and the egg problem. Did your thoughts create your feelings, or did you have a certain feeling? And then you started thinking thoughts related to that? So do the thoughts come first in the feelings come second? Or do the feelings come first in the thoughts Come second. We've saw this debate The reason there was such a strong debate is this. They come so close together. It's like a millisecond, which is which, But when you check it out scientifically, you research it, you drill down. It's the thoughts, your feelings air. Always based on the thoughts that preceded. Remember that quote your feelings air based on the thought that precedes it. So you have a thought that creates a certain feeling, and then, based on that feeling, you take a certain action. So that's the basic flow. They teach this in our e B T, which is rational motive. Behavioral therapy. Now here's what I want you to get and watch this over and over again if you have to. It's a simple enough concept, but it's huge, and psychology, thoughts and feelings will always match. If you have angry thoughts, you have angry feelings. If you have worried thoughts, you feel worried. If you're thinking happy thoughts, you feel what happy you're catching on Absolutely now when you think angry thoughts, what percent of the time to get angry? It's 100%. They will always, always always match. There's no such thing as a mismatch, so people say Oh, you know, I need anger management help and, you know, I say, Well, what's going on for you? And they go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, angry, thought and rethought, Angry thought, angry thought. And they say who? I just can't get over these angry feelings. I'm like, Here's what I want you dio I want you to listen to your thoughts and I want you to notice that any time you have an angry thought, you haven't angry feeling and at any time you're not angry, you're not thinking those angry thoughts. Now they look at me a little strange, But after a day of doing this, they realize that their thoughts and their feelings always match. And the solution to their anger is to let those angry thoughts go just stop right in their tracks. How do you do that? You think about anything else. I don't care if you read a book. You read a road sign, he reads Soup can labels. He starts singing with the radio. You start doing math in your head. Anything that isn't focusing on the angry thoughts will make them disappear. Now your thoughts and your feelings air always going to match. Here's the other thing that's happening in the background. To feel angry, you have to be thinking and angry Thought when Let me ask you the question again. When do you have to be thinking the angry thought? That's right. You have to be thinking it right now. As a matter of fact, for you to get angry, you have to have an angry thought to have an angry feeling. We've got over that. This is not new, but here's what is new. To stay angry. You can't just have one angry thought. Oh no, you have to have a stream of angry thoughts. People say, Oh, you know I can't control my anger. You're not controlling your thinking, which is focused management. You're not choosing what to think about. You're just letting your thoughts run away with you. And then they're creating these horrible feelings and for some strange reason, you don't want these feelings. But you stay on these thoughts, choose again, control your own mind shoes again. Choose not to think angry thoughts choose to have any other thought in the world. You might even want to choose a thought that matches with the way you want to feel? Why? Because thoughts and feelings always match. You are always creating your internal state and then blaming it on something external. It is the most common psychological misconception that the outside creates the feelings. No, it's the inside that you're thinking. So not only do angry thoughts create angry feelings, you have to keep going in a constant stream. Matter of fact, I would do this with depressed patients. They be telling me, Oh, my God. Mr Paul Blobel of a blonde. They told me all their things that are so depressing in their life. And then I kind of interrupt him a little bit my Tom a little joke and they laugh and I say , Well, tell me what you're talking about again, and they go, Yeah, yeah, And I was blah, blah, blah. And they go through all their depressed thoughts that all their depressed feelings interrupt him again and tell him a little joker make a funny comment. They laugh at, you know, try to be nice to me. And of course, it was a little funny. Um, and I say, Hey, stop right there. Notice what happened? How'd you go from horribly depressed toe, laughing at my joke and back to horribly depressed because I watched you do it twice already. When I interrupt their thoughts, when I make them think about something else, even my stupid joke, even it wasn't that funny. It's enough to distract you from your depression and stop it in its tracks. And you've got to start thinking that press thoughts again. So any time. And this is why told the patient, Any time you're not thinking a constant stream of depressed thoughts, you feel OK. Have you ever been really depressed? They got distracted like, you know, he almost got hit by a car or something. There's something shocked you and you forgot about it, or the phone rang and he got this conversation. You started focusing on somebody else, and all sudden, your depression was gone. But then when you hung up the phone or the incident gone by and you went back to your old patterns of doing what? Thinking a constant stream of depressive thoughts, you got depressed again. I want you to notice something. Here's a great psychology trick. We're going to find out if the problem is caused by you or all these other outside things that you blame it on. Oh, you know, I'm so depressed because of the government and my taxes and my job and my wife and my kids and blah, blah Papua plot. I want you to get alone in her room by yourself, and I want you to notice who's in there and who's not. I want you to notice that anything from your past, anything that you're worried about is not currently happening. And I want you to see if you're still depressed, alone in a room by yourself, still depressed. You can figure out who is the person causing your depression. Do you get it? You're the only person there, and nothing is currently happening. You, in real time alone in a room by yourself are watching you cause your depression. You also cause your happiness. I'm gonna blame that on you to you cause your happiness. How, by thinking happy thoughts. You cause yourself to be worried. Why, by thinking a stream of thoughts, things that worry you, you will feel worried. They always always match. I want you to feel empowered to realize that you have control over these things, so Here's the next piece. Feelings are amazingly simple. They are drop dead. Stupid, simple. We've been told they're wildly complex. Oh, they're from, you know, deep seated unconscious forces in childhood issues and Leighton programming. And you know, the government's warping your mind. And you know, there's all these different layers of drama and sub context and everything is very unconscious. What a load of crap. I'm sure somebody sold a book based on that or got you to take six years with a therapy based on that absolute rubbish. We just went over how simple it is. You think the negative thought you have a negative feeling. You think a positive thought. You have a positive feeling. Boom. So feelings air, not complex The story, this whole drama this story about, Oh, I'm so depressed and it's based on this trauma. And then this happened. And then this other guy did this and this other person to this, and that's when the bear attacked me in the fire broke out on you. You create this whole story, this ridiculous story of layers and layers and layers of why you feel this way that becomes wildly complicated. I'll have a guy come in and say Hiss. He has to pretty girl to the dance, and the girl said no and he'll go. Mr. Paul, I feel so terrible. You know, I was thinking about it for days, and, you know, I was so nervous. And I walked up to her and I asked her to the dance and, you know, she said no. And I felt crushed for days, and, you know, I feel so stupid. I never should have asked her and blah, blah, blah. And they go on for, like, an hour. And I'm like, you realize I charge over 300 bucks an hour, right? Let me tell you your entire story. Uh, you didn't get the outcome you wanted. Your feelings were hurt in. Your ego was bruised. I'm out under five seconds. That's how simple your feelings were. And they're even simpler than that. You having negative feelings about what happened Because of what you're currently telling yourself. Now I'm in and out in three seconds. Feelings are amazingly simple. Most of psychology is simple. Until the gurus getting and they complicated, I'm gonna remove the girl. So remove the story. And the feelings are simple. That's all you need to know. You doing? Fantastic. You've learned a major psychology concept. You're doing wonderful, and I'll see you in the next section. 4. "The Imprint Period" - How You Were Created - How You Were Programmed: Welcome back in this section, we're literally gonna talk about how you were created. That's pretty exciting, right? Here it is. We were a product of our history, were mostly the sum of our experiences. Now most people say, Oh, I know that. That's kind of common knowledge. Well, you know, but you don't know it. A lot of people attributed this to Freud, but it actually goes way back to the Greeks. And if you look on the other side of the pond over in Asia, they had this little E thousands of years ago. So this is old information, and you should know it. But what we're going to talk about is something entirely different of how you were actually programmed as you were raised. Let's jump right in. I'm gonna teach you a rare psychological concept. This is really hard to find. Even in the psychological literature. I was lucky to run across it. It's something called the imprint period. The imprint period is a time that you were programmed, and this is where you got 80% of your personality. Somewhere between the ages zero and five and seven, 80% of your personality is locked in. You're a young kid. Here's the challenge. At this age, your brain develops over time you've ever studied, even had, like one psychology course they probably talked about. P. R. J P J was a French psychologist scientist who was studying young Children, especially his own Children. He was fascinated by him. He tried to figure out what they could and could not do at different stages in their life. And he found that there was multiple stages. At one stage he could You couldn't do something at the next stage. It did Think of it this way. They use like the object permanency test. I hold up a pid little kid sees it, I put it behind my back. It disappeared. Bag. I'm the best magician ever. I pull it out in front of me. It reappears. I put it behind my back. It disappears. They literally think it's gone. You are so later, kids. A little older brain development has come along. I put, like showing the pen there like Great. I think I know this trick. They put you put it behind your back, and the kids like you just hiding that behind your back. Come on. We know things don't disappear. We know things are permanent. Object permanency. So you have a lot of stages like this, and I'll teach an interesting psychological fact. Your brain isn't fully formed until you're 21 years old, and the last thing to come in is the higher and executive functioning, which is basically critical thinking and good, solid planning and decision making. So good thing they raised the drinking age to 21. So 80% of personalities form between age of zero and somewhere between five and seven, depending on who you like in the literature. And think of it this way. If 80% your personality is locked in a this age, what's the chances that the other remaining 20% is significantly significantly influenced by the initial 80%? That it's what based on. So some people in the literature will say the imprint period really affect a minimum of 80% ? And it's more like 90 95. 98% of your personality is developed during this time. Some of it just has to wait a little bit longer to develop. But it's based on what the original court personality. So the imprint, period. This is when most of your values and beliefs air programmed into you. This is the systems by which you're going to think, and you're gonna perceive the world. Here's the challenge. When you're this young, you may ask a lot of questions, you know, as you become verbal, obviously, but you do not question the answers. Steve Martin used to have a funny, jokey tell from the stage. He says, Hey, I got a great joke for you to play in a five year old, he says. Here's what you dio You hold up a pen and you say the kid, banana, banana, banana. Then a couple years later, when the kid goes to school, it's gonna be shaking his pen to be like, Damn thing doesn't work. You know it shout out to the class would be like anybody have an extra banana. I can use a banana, anybody a banana. That's a funny joke, but not if you're that kid. You believe everything you are told because again, you do not discriminate. That's a later psychological function that you physically do not have in your brain. Yet you are plug in play. You take commands from the outside world. Everything you see, you literally believe everything you hear is gospel as if it came from me to God. To you. You are simply being program. This is a dangerous time. And I'm gonna tell you what. It's a dangerous time because here's who's who is influencing your child. We're looking back retroactively Who influenced you? So who impacts us during the imprint period? First and foremost, major influence our parents. Now I think most parents are very kind and they're loving and they want the best for their kids. But they're also experimenting other Children as they go. Most parents and, you know, I go over this my parenting class. They do what's called nothing to it. Parenting on the job training they're gonna learn as they go along. You know my joke in my family cause I'm the baby. I have four older sisters is that we had four rough draft before the final masterpiece. Now I laugh at that, but my sisters don't so but that's true. Okay. My parents experimented on child number one. Child number two, child number three John number four. Guess what? If you practice something, you get what you get good at it, so they got better and better as they went. It's a little less fortunate if you're the 1st 2nd 3rd or fourth child. Best. If you're the fifth boom by time to get really good at parenting, what you're out of business. Not a great way to do it. And again, most people do nothing to it. Parenting. What they do is they say to themselves, Uh, I am awesome. Naturally, you probably instinctively knew that about me. I'm awesome, awesome, human being. That's what everybody says to themselves. But I have these little flaws. And if my parents had done these five things, you know where I didn't have these traumas in my leg thes thes things didn't happen to me. If I could just eliminate these couple of bad things. And these, uh, you know, five things that my parents did wrong, I'd be super duper, double awesome if that's if that's a real thing. So let's say it is. So what do they do? They raise their kids exactly the way they were raised, except they alter those five things and they don't realize that their parents said the same thing and their parents before them and their parents before them. I used to do a survey, my parenting classes. I would say, you know, or when I was doing therapy with people, I say, Okay, let's go over your list of parenting skills Just so I'm kind of up to date with what you have and what you don't have. So I won't, you know, share any information that you might already have, because that would be a waste of our time. Remember, I'm very expensive, so I would say, OK, how many people in here I have a bachelor's, master's or doctorate in parenting or family therapy? Anybody? No, no hands. Okay, so anybody taking a maybe a seven day workshop or something like that? You had you had one class of a class. Anybody with class, almost no hands go up, right? Check in again. Anybody read a book on parenting? Virtually no hands go up and this might be in a room with 300 people at a seminar. So far, three hands have gone up. Then I say, Well, maybe listen, maybe let's do a cassette tape when you're driving around your car. Anybody? Anybody, Bueller Bueller, little or no hands going up. Well, maybe we're sitting around podiatrist office. You picked up a pamphlet, flip through a magazine. You know something? Almost no hands going up. Think of it this way for me to go into your home and to give you a little bit advice about your child. I got to get a bachelors, which is four years I got to get a Masters, which is another four years knows now. Eight years in. I got to do a two year internship and now I'm brandy new. I probably stink at it, but I got 10 years into this and I can give you one piece of advice about your child. That's how complex it is. But parents go out and say, Oh, there's nothing to it. I'm just gonna, you know, do it like my parents didn't remember exactly how they did it. And I'm not gonna make these five mistakes that they made. And my kid's going to super double awesome. It's simple because it's me and I'm a damn genius. That's not how it works. That is not how it works. That's like trying to say, Well, I'm a heart surgeon and I can go ahead and I can do surgery on anybody, including myself. Because, you know, I've seen every episode of Grey's Anatomy. It doesn't work like that. So these are the first people that air imprinting. Either you looking back retroactively or your child. Let's see who the next influences teachers. Now. I think teachers try to do a good job, but they got 20 to 30 kids coming at him at a whack, and some teachers say No, it's not 30. Paulitz 35 or 40 depends on how large the classroom is right, but they can care about a child as much as they want, But they will never care about that child like you dio. And if you had 30 kids, I guarantee your your attention, your focus, your caring would be 1/30 of what it would be if you had one child. It simply has to be divided. Now these teachers may not believe the way that you believe. They may not think the way you think they may not be instilling the values that you want your child to have, or they may be instilling values. You want your child not to have major major influence. Next major influence. The media. Most kids there. Baby sitter is the TV, and the media's Onley job is it has one sole purpose, and that's to sell you things, including the government. There job is to sell you a bunch of bs, their belief system so that you take it on to become a good little drone and go out there and obey. That's what you're supposed to dio. So you're getting programmed in the media all the time. Corporations and the government control all the media. It's always one or the other. This is not a good source of morals and values or even critical thinking. It actually tries to discourage critical thinking. Here's your other other major source of influence. You have two major sources parents and then France. Here's the challenge. Unfortunately, these kids are between the age of zero and somewhere between five and seven. They're also young and clueless, and for a good portion of time, there's still pooping their pants. These were not the people I would go to to get good life advice. This is the blind leading the blind. This is going to go horribly, horribly wrong. It's not their fault Now, Einstein said. You can't solve a problem at the level of thinking that created it. What I take that to mean, it's just one way to take. There's multiple ways to take it, but one way that I take it and you can take it. Take it for me is that if I'm five years old and I've got a five year old bulk of experience, you know, store of experience and you're a five year old and you've got a five year old store of experience. You'll have a little bit different experiences than Macy might be able to teach me a few things, but basically I'm on a five year old level year of a five year old level to go higher. I really need somebody at 6789 could be 90 but I need them to be above a five year old level. Unfortunately, we tend to hang out with kids at plus or minus a year or two. Our are age. That's how we lose. And we don't get a smarter as we get older. Look at your high school kids. They're all trying to figure out dating and who were they asking? Not mom and Dad who had, like, you know, 10 years of dating experience or 20 in this day and age, right? Um and are, you know, 2030 years older than them. They're asking their other clueless friend that's been dating for about six months or six days or six minutes or hasn't even dated yet. Just lies about it there says, you know, Hey, I'll give you some advice, even though I have zero experience, So we tend to do this throughout our lives. Rarely do we seek out experts, and rarely do we seek out our elders. Now, in this imprint period, remember, you're being programmed. You're like a computer. You have a hard drive. So I'm gonna teach a computer terms. It's called gig Oh, it's pronounced giggle G I g O garbage in garbage out. Data in is the data that comes out. So whatever is put in, that's what's gonna come back out. I tell people, don't read crap. Don't watch crap. Don't listen to crap. You know why? Because that's what's going in. And eventually, if enough crap goes in, you're gonna be what? That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, you're gonna be full of crap if you've got time for the good stuff. That good information at least skipped the crap. So, mental programming. This is a great old psychology phrase born to succeed, but program to fail. So I want to tell you something, and this isn't the let you off the hook. Well, it is a little bit, but also to empower you. You were programmed one way so you could be reprogrammed another. We're gonna talk about that later. But I want you to know that a lot of the things that you did in life, most of things that you've done at least up until now, right, cause we're gonna teach you a little bit better was based on programming you were running a program. You, in a lot of ways, were not free to be any other way. You were the cumulation of your programming of your experiences. And you just ran that program. Matter of fact, there was a guy named Skinner. We talked about him earlier in the first section and said, You know, if I can control the pain and pleasure, I can control the outcomes. Well, if I can control the programming. How you think your believes, your philosophies, I can also control you. And life has done that to you at a point where you were helpless to defend against it where the bulkier personality was already locked in. If you were raised to be a thief and then you steal something, I wouldn't say you were thief. I'd say you were a good product of your training, like everybody. Everybody is a perfect product of their training. And just like Einstein said, you can't exceed your current level of thinking. You cannot break free of or exceed your programming until you've been trained. Had a de program yourself and how to re program yourself. I'm gonna show you how to do that later in this program. So you want to go all the way through this training? Don't miss that. You will miss the only thing in life that will set you free. I'm gonna repeat it. If you miss that. It's like the last section of the training or very close to it. If I remember correctly, you will be stuck and you will not be able to change 5. The Amazing Truth About Values & Beliefs: Hey, everybody, you're still here. Fantastic. You're doing wonderful. Proud of you. Now we're gonna jump in and we're gonna learn about values and beliefs. Here's why. There's so key. Remember, in the last section, we said, you need to learn how to de program yourself. One way you can do it is through self exploration. Look at your values and beliefs. Your values and beliefs are gonna be determined 95% of the action to take. Here's the question. Are they the right values and the right beliefs? You have to know these air literally the driving forces in your life. They're driving your life. And it's like you're not even behind the wheel because remember, you were programmed and you didn't examine it. Now we got to go back through and re examine it. Look at it, judge it, see if it's the way we want to be the values and beliefs that we want to hold and then move forward. We'll keep the ones we like, and we'll get rid of the ones that we don't like the only decent way to live. Right? So values and beliefs remember, we said, beliefs our belief system. So because their B s they have to be rigorously examined. So there's a lot of different areas. I just put down some key areas here that I just kind of picked at random, but there's thousands of them, but at least go through the primary ones. So what are your values? What your beliefs are around money and everything sometimes is based on the alternative. So you want to have time to go out and get money. But you also want to have time with the next one. Family. Well, I've got values and beliefs around family. I've got values and beliefs around money. If you ever want to see somebody in conflict, this is one of the major life conflicts. You'll see it, every individual you'll see in every TV drama and every movie. People trying to side between family and money, family and money. What do I do? What's the right balance? How should I do it and guess what? They always feel like they're doing it. What wrong? They're doing it wrong, and a lot of people feel they're doing it right. You're looking at him and saying, Damn, he's doing their raw. He's doing Iraq. He's going to get hurt. I can see this comment. So look at money, family honesty, hard work. Trust, your honor. Ah, the nature of man. Are people good? Are they hair it lee good or they inherently bad? Is there just a boatload of gray? You know what is it? Look at what you deserve. Sometimes you don't think that you deserve enough. Other times you think you deserve too much. They're both errors. Certain things you think you deserve. You don't certain things you think you don't deserve. You probably do so there's a lot of errors around what you deserve. Politics are a major area of confusion. Why politics is designed around lying to you. I don't care if you're Republican Democrat, Green Party undecided. Everybody's lying to you. Here's how you can tell their lips are moving. May the best liar win. They're there to use tactics of manipulation. They have coaches teaching them Ali psychological techniques. They hired crazy people like me with multiple degrees to figure out how you can live the American public. Therefore, people will sit there and they'll argue back and forth with their friends over their politics, and they have no idea what they're talking about. Probably both people, as you listen to him in the room. If you're wise enough to get through the lies will realize that both of them are wrong. Now here's the third thing that's going on the room. You're sitting across the room, you're listening to you doing exactly what I said. You're seeing the flaws in both their arguments and there's 1/3 flawed person in the room. He didn't account for you. You've been lied to. In politics, I've seen Soap. So many people get excited like about a candidate. And I said, Do you know this candidate? Do you know who they are? Have you ever had even lunch with them? One conversation with him? No. Then where'd you get your information on this person? Newspapers, which get paid the lie to you. A TV that gets paid. The Lighty magazines. They get paid till idea pondered. Second, paid the light and the politicians themselves get people idea. There's nobody's getting paid to not lie to you. So politics is a weird area where our values and beliefs are virtually all pure B s. Why? Because we're not getting any accurate information from anybody. It's about the one thing we could be sure of. Religion is very, very similar. Virtually every religion says I have the one true God. There's something in excess of 1000 different religions. I guarantee you, if that's true, 999 of them are going to be very upset when they find out they don't have the one True God . And religion is based on old stories. Even the Bible. The Bible, The Christian Bible was written over hundreds and hundreds of years by multiple authors. They say it's the word of God. No, it's not. It's the word of man. It's all for memory. It was written by the scholars have figured out a minimum, a minimum of 36 people, and they keep finding new ones over hundreds and hundreds of years. The Vatican is filled with stories that fill rows and rows of bookshelves that were in the Bible at one point and have been pulled out. So the Bible, as you see it, isn't even the Bible, but your religion is based on it. Then say you're like a diehard religious person. If ah 100 people read the Bible, you'll get 100 interpretations. All 100 of them can be right. So this is another area not saying religion is right, wrong and different. Anything I'm not talking about politics is right or wrong or anything. I just want you to see the thinking Can't possibly be right. My job here is to show you how deceptive your own thinking is, and in for ways in which you can not get deceived like the next one. Fairness. You think politics and religions controversial? Try fairness. What is fair? Most people don't even know what fair is. I tell people Fair is an event in Tampa. They have the Tampa affair. It's great. They got a tractor pull and you could get cotton candy and go on the Ferris wheels. And there's all kinds of fun things to do with the fair buts about the only fair you're going to see why. Because from the age of zero to about 18 you know, before you leave the home, we run around, we try to make everything fair, and then it never is after that. The closest thing you get to fair in life is that you can choose your old actions where things are unfair, you can try to make them more fair. You can work the percentages. You can try to manipulate things a little bit to make him a little more fair. But fairness disappears when you leave the home. It was an illusion that we, you know, the 1st 18 years of your life. We try to give to you, and it just doesn't exist. It's very, very rare. So fairness is confusing as hell truth. We'll do a little section on truth, and what you think is truth versus what isn't truth. There's actually a philosophy. It's called Zen. It's the Asian version of science. They look at something and they drill down, drill down. They look at it from every perspective until the absolutely, positively incontrovertibly know that something is true. And when you use the Zen philosophy, when you drill down to try to find something that you ultimately no can't be anything but true, you will find that 99.9% probably 99.999% of everything that you thought was true. It can't be proved and therefore probably isn't true. It's mind blowing to your own satisfaction this isn't somebody else saying, Oh, this is wrong. This isn't true. This is you alone in a room by yourself, drilling down and figure it out and you go, uh, I can't know that that's true or I just discovered isn't true. Why? Because instead of just going with my programming, I sat down and I examined it. That's why he's then is awesome. That's one way to free your mind. That's why those people are called the enlightened. Because if 99.9% of everything you believe isn't true, you know what they dio. They eliminate that and they stick with the 1/10 of 1% that is true and try to build upon that, and they are enlightened. It's like if you had £100 weight and I took all but like the last two ounces out you would be. What lightened so enlightened it is. Enlightenment is not. You become ah, this genius. You just realize what isn't true, and you take that out of your repertoire and your lightened or inland. I'll bet most he didn't even know. That's what enlightment means. People think it means learning or knowledge. No most of It's getting rid of old negative and incorrect knowledge. Respect? That's an interesting concept. That's something you need to take a look at. How much do you need? Who should give it? There's a lot of confusion around respect, but let's drive on. Now people will have certain values and belief systems. Remember there, please remember, belief systems Air B s. A lot of people have B s that makes their life less livable. You know, people have bs like this first example. People should never yell at me. Really? They should never yell at you. Like when you're about to get hit by a car. I shouldn't yell car. You're about to get hit in the head with some doc. I should never yell at you. People say, Well, that's not what I meant. I meant, you know, say something mean to me. Guess what Mean people are gonna be mean. They're gonna yell at you. People should yell at you every mean person to yell at you. Every nice person probably shouldn't. And guess what? They probably won't unless you really piss him off. Should is a bad word. People are going to do what they do the Onley freedom we have in life is I get to do what I want to dio You get to do what you want to do and sometimes that isn't even true. But people are never going to follow your belief systems. They are your B s and I don't follow your bs and you don't follow my bs. Therefore, RBS is very often going to come into conflict. This is why the divorce rate so high. This is why people argue, You know, people say this is why we go to war. That's true. But hey, you could make a good argument for right. Here's another belief. If you do good things, good things will happen to you. Who the hell told you that? Why did you believe him? That's most ridiculous thing I ever heard. Sometimes if you do good things, good things will happen to you. Sometimes you do good things and horrible things happened. You don't know it's B s next one. If you work hard, you'll get ahead. That's a tendency, but not a truism. It's not always true. Good things come to those who wait. No most good things come to people who hustle why other people wait. Some belief systems air actually true, but they're only true in certain circumstances. There's sometimes when you should be patient. There's other times we should be impatient. There's sometimes where you should be tolerant. There's sometimes we should be intolerant. There's sometimes we should really hustle and take massive action. And there's other times when the absolute perfect thing to do is nothing. And that blows people's minds. Look at this next one. A penny saved is a penny earned. A lot of beliefs are in conflict. A penny saved is a penny earned, but you got to spend money to make money. Well, which one is it? They're in conflict. Much of what we believe is in conflict. You might believe both. So sometimes it's simply a process. Say, Well, you know, Mr Paul, Professor Paul, it's all about, you know? Well, this is meant like this, and this is meant like this. And this is just for this circumstances. And this is in this time. And this is for this certain, a certain case, you know, our situation and this is for a different one. And that's how it works. But I'll tell you if you look at him a lot of times, Aaron conflict in the exact same situations. Now we talked a little bit about the Zen, so I want to teach you in interesting pieces. Psychology. Remember we said that your thoughts create your feelings, create your actions. So here's an old Zen philosophy. Old Buddhist philosophy Goes back to Boot I would think around 630 BC so 630 years before Christ we're talking 3000 years ago. Plus, I'm sorry 20 and 2600 years plus Wow, That's a long time ago. But he came up with cognitive behavioral psychology, which is your thought. Create your feelings, create your actions now that became cognitive behavioral therapy and later Ari Bt. Around 1954 we tried. We finally figured it out. How, 50 60 years ago, Buddha had it nailed down 2500 years ago, and I'm proud. I'm sure many people thought of it before that. But here's Here's the Zen belief. Here's the Buddhist belief. We are what we think all that we are arises with their thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world. Now let me break this down kind of psychologically. Scientifically, we are what we think. The thought creates the feelings all that we are arises with our thoughts. That is the feelings and all your thoughts. Your collection of thought, your history. That's you. That's the middle section. With our thoughts we make our world. The thought creates the feeling which is part of your emotional world and then your external world. The thought creates the feeling creates the action which what creates your external world? See how he nailed it all down in three sentences? Almost the entirety of psychology Reality in your life. These are like words of wisdom that you can look through overtime and over time over years you'll look at thes and you'll see new ways of looking at it. That's how cool this is. Save this tact this up on your wall. Print this up now one last concept about values and beliefs and a little bit about yourself , a lot about yourself. Everything I am experiencing reflects myself. They say, Be the change you want to see in the world. Why? Because that's a good role model thing, Dio, but also as you change, people will change in response to you. So everything you experience reflects myself. What does that mean? It means two things. One what I'm experiencing is based on my mental filters, my way of looking at the world, you know, almost like people say, Oh, you're looking through rose colored glasses because of that rose filter, everything looks. What? Rosie? It isn't rosy, but you will experience it that way. Why? It's a reflection of yourself if you have a rosy outlook and you look out on the world. My mom was like this. She always thought everything was wonderful. She wasn't ignorant, that there was pain and there was suffering and things going on. But she was a very positive person, and she wasn't faking it. Therefore, everything in some way, shape or form was positive and and or you know it was a negative. But it served her later on, and therefore it was what kind of a positive after the fact that the waste he saw the world was a reflection of herself, literally the way she saw people situations, the way she assessed things, the way she felt things, everything in her world was a reflection of her. You are the same way you can see this in really negative or pessimistic people are like Oh my God, it's all doom and gloom and oh, yeah, and look at this. And you know, they're scanning the environment. Find all these negative things and they're telling you about it blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and everything is negative. Why it's not what's out there in the world. So much is how you look at it. How do you look at it based on who you are? So your view of the world is not based on the world as it is. It's your view of it based on who you are. If you want to change the way you see the world, you have to change yourself internally. Then the world will change, never go out in the world and try to change it. It's fine the way it iss you change you, and then everything will change for you. That's my final tip for you today, and I'll see you in the next section 6. Do You Know The Difference Between Reality & Lies? Are You Sure?: Hey, welcome back, everybody. Welcome to this section on B s belief, systems and lies. What a great title, right? I'd have to read a book with that title. So just a little bit of a recap, because we talked a little bit about this before. Belief systems. I call him B s for short, just to remind me what they truly are. They're simply beliefs, and they're not always right, believing something does not make it true. Now that seems obvious. But we have so many things that we believe in that we haven't proven and they're not true. Remember, he said that was part of Zen philosophy, that if you were alone in a room by yourself and you rigorously examined things 99.9% or higher of everything you believe it fought over. And sometimes you know you have to discuss it with somebody else. To get another perspective would be found not toe. Ultimately be true to your own satisfaction. But you believed it for so long. You defended it. You base your life on it. And this is why most people are losing at the game of life. We said there was two reasons. The basic ones. You don't know the rules of life. Which is why you're doing this. You don't know how things work from the neck up. That's your control system. Second thing is you don't even know what's true or not. That's the entirety of the rest of the world. Between those two things, you never stood a chance. Now you dio So the next concept is no matter how much you are in love with a lie it does not make it true And we're in love with these lies We wrap ourselves in these lies. We make love to these lives We hugged these lies we sleep with. These lives were married to these lies We are in love with our lives We will defend them We'll give up our life for our lives We think kamikaze is They gave their life up. For some, that was very likely a lie. An absolute lie. So how do we get past this? We need to learn ways to counter our own bs our belief system, not questioning what you believe is called delusion. You're literally in a state of illusion. You believe something to be true and it isn't. It's just an illusion. If something appears to be something, but it isn't. That's an illusion. I want a disillusion you, Which is what A lot of people don't like that where they say a disillusion. That sounds like you know you're gonna crap on my beliefs or, you know, it's a negative word. Oh, no, no, no, no. That's the major misconception. Disillusionment is the removal of illusions. And when you remove those illusions that fake false information which has been holding you down and hurting you your entire life, that's the best thing that person can do for you. Your best friend is the one who disillusioned you. I hope this training is the most disillusioning experience you've ever had in your life. So primary concept, much of what we believe is actually delusion. 99.9%. We said of what we believe is not true. Now. A lot of people say, How can that be? 99.9? That seems really hide me, Mr Paul. You know, if you said you know, 80% or 90 I could go 95 98 99.9. That's amazingly high. You know, that's setting off my BS meter. Well, let's see. And I'll give you a very simple example. In physics, it's called the table problem. And the problem is, what the hell is a table? And you can get all the best scientists in the world studying this and they can't agree on what a table is. So get all the most brilliant minds in the world. Get him in a room, and they're not gonna be able to figure out what table is in your leg. I could figure out what table is. I'm looking right at its would. So unless that's a bad picture, you're trying to fool me. It's a wooden table, Mr Paul. I want to thank you for coming. You've been a wonderful audience, you know. Thanks for playing. We're done here. Everybody clapping. Let's go. We know it's a wooden table. Well, you're not wrong, But that's not the ultimate truth. You're not completely right because a wooden table is so much more then would and would isn't its ultimate thing that it actually is. So therefore, if that's not the final thing that it is, that's not what it's actually made out of than that isn't what it is, right. That makes sense, right? If it's not what it's actually made out of, that's not what it is. So a different levels of understanding. There's different levels of reality. So the first lower reality is Hey, you got one level right? But your brain stopped. You figured. Oh, it's a wooden table. I'm done. But it's also other things. Wood is biological, so it's a previously alive, uh, organism, which is now a table that's a different way of looking at that. It's would Now I can tap on the table, knock on wood literally and say, Oh, this is a solid Ah, here's the challenge. Would is made out of molecules. Molecules are constantly moving if it's moving and things actually passing between the molecules and they do Hello. They dio tables kind of a liquid. It's kind of a liquid now. We call it a solid because your hand won't go through and we say, Well, that's the definition that that's a solid if it were a liquid than your hand would go through it. That's a human distinction, but that's not a scientific distinction. Basically, it's suspended molecules floating around. Yeah, it's a liquid, You know, now if I dig a little bit deeper, people say, Well, now it's not a liquid Paul. It's Adams Adams with electrons and protons and neutrons. You know Adams and you'll say, Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right, you know, at a different level of understanding, it's It's Adam. So yeah, it's Adams and a scientist will say, You know what's interesting? It's actually made of empty space. And you're like, What? Yeah, a table is like 99.999% empty space. No, Let me bang your head against it. I'll show you two solid it. Once again, It's not mostly empty space like your head. No, they're right. If you looked at the space between two atoms, it would be like 10 times the distance between the planet Earth and the moon proportionally . Okay, Adams Air really far apart. I don't know how they ever become a solid. I can't wrap my head around it yet. I don't have that kind of wisdom. Now. If you asked another scientist you'd say, Well, the scientists say, Well, yeah, very well in good. Yeah, it's a lot empty space. Yeah, there's some solid to it because there's Adams Adams Air. You know, tiny particles of mass. You know, it's a that's another solid substance. Okay, quote unquote. But what is that made out of? And they'll say, Oh, it's made out of light And then we'll say, Well, what is light made out of? And they go well, it's, you know, it's a certain frequency. It's a vibration. So therefore the table is vibration. What? How can it be all these things, and yet it is so depend upon you how you look at it. You don't know what it is, and the best scientists in the world don't know what a table is. They don't know the ultimate reality of what a stupid table is. And you know what the wisest of the scientists are going to say. No matter how far you drill down, that's just the best our science has. What comes after, you know, vibration will say, Oh, well, its quirks. And it's this, since that the best scientists will say we don't have the final answer, and that is what that's my final answer. We don't know ultimate reality, even when it comes to something as simple as a table. So here's another way that people delude themselves. I'm gonna give you the actual recipe for delusion. If you want to be deluded about something, here's how you do it. And if you do and you follow the recipe boom, you'll always get it right. One step one. Believe something to this is crucial. Never checked to see if it's true. Three. It'll always seem true. Hey, you're deluded. I'm gonna tell you is this is also the recipe for failure in pain, massive failure in massive pain. Now, like I said, a lot of this is near fault, you know, good. 80% of this was slammed in your brain between zero and five and seven. Lotte, you know this rubbish shoved in between You know that age and 20 and it's never gotten any better sense. And you didn't even know how to de program and re program yourself. You didn't know how to analyse things. The average American and like the 90% that hasn't even had one class on critical thinking, we don't teach people how to think in this country. We physically don't want them to think it would screw up the country so believe something. Don't check to see if it's true. It'll always seem true. This is why the dumber somebody is the more sure they are. Isn't that strange? The dumber somebody is, the more sure they are. Why? Because dumb people believe things easily. They believe virtually anything they hear that strikes them on a gutter level on a gut instinct level is true. They never checked to see if it's true. That would take valuable time. You know, they got important things to do. I gotta read people magazine, Keep up with the Kardashians. Things like this and it will always seem true. Why? Because they will support it. That's the next part that we're going to talk about. And I don't want you to think that Onley dumb people do this thesis. Smartest, most genius people you can ever think of do this in all kinds of areas of their life, over and over and over again. You know, You know, the difference between a genius and an idiot would be the genius. 99.8% of everything they believe would be false in the idiot it would be, you know, 99.99 and the average person to be 9.9. You know, there's not much difference. That's the first realization that we're all kind of trapped in this together. So I'm gonna teach you brand new psychological concept. It's called confirmation bias. So remember a recipe. Take it an idea and then don't check to see if it's true or not. What we do. Another version of that we We scan the environment and we go out there, and once we have a belief, we decide we want to prove it's true. So here's how we do it. We confirm it, and here's how we do it. We scan the environment and in the environment there's certain things that are telling us. Hey, this belief is true and there's certain things they're tone us thes beliefs are false. So instead of being intelligent and saying What is the ultimate truth? And let's look at the things that say it's true and let's look at the things that say it's false and just very rationally look at it. We think we do that, but we don't we do confirmation bias bias means I'm biased. Okay? I want something a certain way and damn it. It's gonna be like that if I have to shove round peg and square hole and hit it with a sledgehammer. That's what we do, a confirmation bias. So when we have this wonderful belief that we're in love with, we scan the environment to find the things that support it that say it's true and we gather all those, then we disregard, eliminate or discredit everything that says they're false and boom. We have the beautiful feeling of being right and security and safety in our world that we have something we can depend on. I'm telling you, man, you are living in an illusion. This latter will not hold you up. We've gotta escape this. We've got to be able to look at it. Go back to what we originally talked about. Look at everything that's true. Look at everything that's false, bring them together and find ultimate truth. Not my truth, not your truth. When all falsehoods air removed what's left, that is the ultimate truth. That's what we want to get to remind you get a light no matter how much you love, it is not true. I love that little graphic there. I just love Snoopy's the bomb. So great section here. Some of our favorite lies. You might recognize some of these. I'm not fat. I'm big boned. I love all the things they do now. Uh, women are fat anymore. They're curvy. They're sick. Thes air. Just variations of the word fat. This is really good PR. This is not changing anything. You're not big Bone. I love this one when I'm working with people that are fat. Oh, I'm big boned. Do you know your skeletal structure weighs about £14? If you're an adult male, that's it. But you're £140 overweight. So I'm gonna say you have a really fat, big bone skeleton, and I'm going to say you weigh half again as much as a normal human being, I'm gonna I'm gonna take off £7 for the bones. Okay, so you're £100 overweight. I'm gonna subtract your big ass bones whole £7. I'm giving you the whole thing. £7. You're still £93 overweight. Can we agree on that? Yeah. These are lies, lies and misconceptions. Do not stand up well under the light of examination. They call this reality therapy. When you bring reality in and you don't let him talk about anything, that is an actual, verifiable reality. The illusions dissolve. That's all reality therapy is. That's Dr Phil. Well, I'm having a horrible relationship with my wife because, you know, I come home and we have the same argument over and over and over again. Dr. Phil's like, Would you ever consider doing it different? Oh, I tried everything. You tried everything that would fill the whole library of Congress 10 times over. You tried everything. Tell me everything that you tried and it list off like seven things. Do you think there's more than seven ways to handle another human being? Uh, yeah, maybe. Yeah, there's almost an infinite number. So you haven't tried everything? We just know what the seven things that you tried didn't work. See, that's reality therapy all. Bet there's several people in your wife's life who have a better relationship with her than you dio. Is that true? Ah, yeah. You might want to study how they do it in duplicate that system. That's reality therapy. Dr. Phyllis sitting on the outside using one the all these therapies in the book Reality therapy, simply stating what is because he doesn't have the lies. He doesn't have the confirmation bias. He doesn't have to make himself okay with his current situation cause he's not in it. That's the biggest benefit you have when you go to a therapist. They see it from the outside. They do not have your illusions. And that's why they can see the problem, because they don't have to look through an illusion to see it. That's why therapists can't solve their own damn problems. I gotta go to somebody else that can see through their illusions. Don't think therapists are any better there. Little better trained, but they don't necessarily see things better. At least most of them right? Okay, let's let's drive on. I just want to give. That is a good, solid example. We got plenty of them here. Things will get better next year. Who the hell told you that? And why do you believe him? We should hunt that guy down and beat him. This guy's a liar. We don't know that things are gonna get better next year. That's a horrible life. I couldn't help myself. What do you insane? You couldn't help yourself think This is terrible. Of course you could help yourself. Course you can do better as the biggest lie. There is a little can hurt. You know, Little what? Little cocaine. Little tattoo. I don't know what you're talking about. A little bit. Can't hurt. Apparently it can hurt. Or you wouldn't have to come up with stuff like a little can't hurt. You know, They say you say, Well, I just smoke every once in a while. Little can't hurt. I just drink a little Like to start a local. Can I just do a little here and, you know, just beat my wife a little. Um, these are all things that can really hurt a little. Can't hurt. Is the defense against something where a little actually can hurt. So read it backwards. I'm gonna quit plank Soon. Soon is later. Now is the only time there is no later. There is no soon. Therefore, you're not gonna quit ever. I could say that carte blanc whenever somebody says, Oh, I'm gonna quit doing this or I'm gonna make this change. I could say I'll bet good money you're gonna fail. You know why? Because only about 10% of them will ever try, and at 10% only about 2% or say 20% of 10%. Let's go like that. Uh, we'll ever give it a full try and therefore no more than 2% out of 100 will ever actually do it and succeed now, fully short of mental retardation, Alzheimer's dementia, closed head injury, some kind of industrial accident. Pretty much 99 out of 100 people could have done it. 2% succeed. Why? They lied to themselves. Sorry, I got stuck in traffic. We used to laugh about this while teaching at university. I said, Hey, we've got five students in their late. I'm gonna put some of the top excuses on the board and you pick the one you think they're going to give in right down a piece of paper. If you get it right, you hold it up and then we all clap for you. It's gonna be awesome. I'm gonna give it away a little bit, but you get to pick which one you want. But the A number one lie is gonna be I was stuck in traffic, so just keep that in mind, photos can be faked. Another good lie. I used to always use the joke. You know, the camera always adds like £10. I think when they took my driver's license, they had, like, three of them pointed at me. I didn't know Why Didn't you know it's your job to know if he didn't know? Is this the first time this has happened to you? Or you knew These are all lies? They're great lies. I haven't had my coffee yet. Therefore, I get to be a complete jerk to you. I get to be mean. I get to be rude. I get to be Destatis focused. Everything else. I haven't had my coffee yet. Coffee has nothing to do with nothing, but it's a favorite lie. People love this one. So a little bit more about confirmation bias. Simply put, we blocked any information which does not match our current belief system, our current B s. When we find information which supports our current belief system, we use it to support our misconceptions and biases. And remember, we're also going to use it to block out anything that doesn't support our biases. So confirmation bias is the leading reason. One the leading reasons why we do not grow confirmation bias literally blocks new ideas and therefore growth. If I believe in a lie and I'm blocking out the truth, I can't grow and I cant disillusion myself. I can't. I can't lighten my load. I can't become enlightened because I believe the lie. I want you to love life. I want you to love your friends. I want you to love yourself. I want you to love the very experience of life and suck all the juice out of it. But you can't do that when you're surrounding yourself with lies. Don't let your ego get in your way and make you feel bad. We feel bad. One were wrong. I do weird things. I love it when I'm wrong. I want to be wrong as often as humanly possible. You know why I don't find out? I don't find I don't feel that finding out I'm wrong is a bad thing. Why? Because once I find out that I'm doing something wrong, we're believing something wrong. I can get rid of it. I'll never pass it on. I'll feel smarter for having figured it out, you know are being told it will have new information. I know that from here forward, my life will go better because I'm working on accurate information. Okay? And I can now share this accurate information with other people. I'll actually feel bad. Not about finding out I was wrong, but defending the wrong idea for so long. That's the only thing you should feel bad about. You want to feel bad about that? Why? You can't do better until you know better. So a lot of things you didn't know where lies. You're very dutifully with a good, kind, loving heart. Spread those things out to other people, thinking you were helping him, you know, and they were wrong. I do. This is a teacher sometimes, you know, I hope I don't look back on this training 10 years from now and say, Oh, man, I found five things in there that were wrong. Darn it. 12,000 people took that training, but over my time in teaching. And I've been teaching for about a dozen years now longer if you consider other things. But I will find every once in a while that a belief of mine that I've been talking about for years was wrong, and I got to correct myself, and I love to find those things out. So know that finding out that you're lying to yourself or something was wrong. That is freedom, that is power. That is growth, not just new information. The most important information is not new information. It sounds strange, but I'm teaching a class right now, right? It's not new information. It's getting rid of old lies that will make the biggest difference in your life, not new information. We've got plenty of information. We could be very simple, very unknowledgeable people. But if we're free from our lives, we live our lives with genius. I leave you with that thought and I'll see you in the next section. 7. Personal Illusions That Are Holding You Back - Break Free!: Okay. Welcome back in this section, we're gonna go over three major kinds of personal illusions. We've been talking a lot about illusions and had a disillusion ourselves. Get rid of those illusions. So the three major kinds are one we think we know other people to. We think we know ourselves. And three, we think we understand the world. Let's go through. And let's break these down one by one. So we think we know other people. No, we know what other people tell us. We used to say in treatment, if you read the entire persons chart all their history from start to finish, you met with their families. You spent 30 days and treatment with them. Maybe having there for six months. They were open. They were honest. They were intelligent. They divulged the you know, you felt like they shared all their secrets with you. If you knew anything like 12 or 3% about that person, you had absolutely crushed it. Why? Because it's hard to know a whole person just from a little bit. And we only know what other people tell us. We try to make ourselves look good. So we say certain things. We don't say other things. Certain things we believe, but they're not true. Uh, certain things we believe are true that we present, but they're not true. We've talked a lot about that. So we don't really know other people how we don't really know ourselves at a fundamental level. Next is we see through our biases. Everything is filtered. There's a filter between me and you. So there's me the filter and then you I have to look through that filter and then everything you say back comes through that filter. Everything is worked as it goes out, and everything is warped as it comes. Back it. It's like it's been encoded twice. You'll never get the right information back. The next reason we think we know other people will really don't is. We often see what we want to see. We idealize people or we villainize people. Conversely, we see what we want to see. Remember, confirmation bias? Isn't that seeing what you want to see? Guess what? We don't just do that with ideas. We do it with people. It's one the most common things we do with. We also distort what we know about other people with our history. In what context are they in our lives? How are they affiliated with us? Were they helpful where they hurtful what was their first impression? There's tons of ways that we distort with our history, our background, who we are colors who they are, remember, we see the world as we are, not as it is we to start with our own Bs, our belief systems. That's our major filter, that just the way we look at the world. But the way we explain it to ourselves, we're into a section on that later on explanatory styles we distort with our self esteem. Sometimes we like people better cause they make us feel better about ourselves. Sometimes we like people less because they don't make us feel good about ourselves. And sometimes we completely dislike people for no other reason than they don't make us feel good about ourselves. A lot of times is because they're better than we are in some way, shape or form. We take that as a personal offense. Miscommunication. One of the strangest things toe understand a psychology is that it's virtually impossible for two humans to communicate and have good communication. We used to do a talking feather thing in groups, and we did it largely with couples. And these couples have been together. 10 15 2025 30 40 You know, size, even 50 years. They could literally complete each other's sentences, but they had huge miscommunications. You know, we would do. We would do it. Exercise called the talking feather. I would give one of the couples say the wife, the talking feather and say, I want to have a conversation with your husband. Just talk for, like, 30 seconds. Give him a one idea, one concept, one thing you want to communicate and then hand him the feather. Now he can't talk about you. Got the feather. You can't talk. What? He's got the feather. So you're gonna talk uninterrupted for 30 seconds, then you get when you're done, you know, approximately 30 seconds you're gonna pass it over to him, and he's gonna tell you what you just said. At each point where he makes an error, I want you to correct him. And then I want you to hand it back to feather. On average, they would have to go back and say the same thing and repeated for the person and go back and forth 678 times on average will say seven times on average for the person to have got it right. Once this is with people that I felt they knew everything about everybody, they totally knew each other. They've been with each other. They knew each other better than any other human being outside themselves in the whole world and horrible communication. Here's horrible communication. I have a dog. You think you understood what I said, right? Pretty simple communication. I got a dog. Yeah, Yeah. Mr Paul, I understand. He said No, you don't. What color is my dog? How much is my dog way? What breed is my dog? Is my dog alive or dead? It's a good dog. Bad dog. You know nothing about my dog. You're not even picturing the right dog. So we think we communicated. But we didn't. We had more miscommunication than actual communication. There was about, you know, five words that I said and we had about 37 miscommunications. So miscommunication happens over and over and over. We always layer our story upon your communication. If you tell me anything like a dog. Hey, Mr Paul. I got a dog. I go Great. What do I immediately dio? I picture my dog or my you know, Algom ation of a dog. You know my theme of a dog the way that I see a dog. My dog template. Literally. It's a miscommunication. We do this 1000 times with everything someone says, Oh, my girlfriend just broke up with me and I know just what that's like. I've had several girlfriends and they left me and it was just awful. No, I have Paul's experience of a girl leaving me. You tell me about it and I try to figure out where it's just like what I went through. And when you say something that triggers something in me, I say, Ah, you felt just like me. No, it might have even been close, but it was not the same. You can even take two people and you can prick them both with a pin in the exact same spot and they don't feel the same pain. This is how hard it is to communicate in any way, shape or form and have it be identical between two people, so lots of miscommunications. I think I've said enough about that Drive up false associations. Um, we associate certain things with people that aren't really true. We might think somebody's really nice because we saw hold the door for a person. Well, maybe that was his boss, and that's why he was being nice. Maybe normally doesn't do that. Maybe slams, doors and people's faces. We don't know. So people do various behaviors, and then we kind of grade it, and then we assume they're right and we make false associations over and over and over again. So we don't really know other people. We think we know ourselves. Not really. We have a lot of illusions. Why remember we talked about the imprint period during then and be on that. We believed a lot of what other people told us whether it was true or false, whether it was right or wrong, but it was a good source or bad source. Next we see through our biases. We talked about this over and over again, so I hope that you're beginning to understand what a filter is in how many different ways that it works. All these personal illusions that we talked about right now are various forms of filters. We often see what we want to see, which is what. It's a bias. It's a filter. I let in what I want, and I don't let in What I don't want. This is a a defect of your brain, which gives you the wrong information because it's trying to protect you and make you feel better. Remember, we moved towards pleasure in away from pain. Your brain does that, so when you have painful memories, it tries to move away from them. When you have pleasant memories, it tries to move towards them. When people say nice things about you, you try to absorb it. When people say negative things about you, try to move away from it. You rejected. This helps your about your brain to boost your self esteem, which isn't a bad thing. But in doing so, it's giving you a massive amount of false information, and you don't even realize you're doing it. Next. We distort with our history. I remember one comedian, he said. I've had a pretty good life. Well, it's not entirely true. I haven't editing process in my brain and whenever there's something negative, I like to snip it out and I leave it on the cutting room floor. I don't know if I had a great life, but I did some amazing things with editing that is so funny. And that is so true. That's your positive use of your brains editing tool. You literally do do this, the comedian was saying It is if it were something funny. But it's something that's true. Matter of fact. It's so true. That's why everybody laughs. It's so true. It's what it's funny we to start with our belief system. I think that one's fairly obvious because most of that is a distortion in and of itself. So that's the ultimate filter. We just start with our self esteem. Remember, we're always going to protect our self esteem. We do it as if we were protecting ourselves, because we are. We are our self esteem. So will distort things to make our self esteem healthier and to protect it. We think it's part of us. It's actually defect. We'll talk about that later. We cant see ourselves so we think we know ourselves, but go ahead and do a presentation on stage. See if you know yourself. See yourself on tape. Even listen to yourself on an audio recording. You know, the first time somebody hears themselves on audio, they usually horrified unless they just had the most beautiful voice ever. They're horrified by the sound of their own voice there like No, you know the tone. The cadence is the same. But that's not me. That's not my voice. That doesn't sound anything like I sound in my head and it sounds horrible. I hope to hell I don't sound like that. And you do. And it's not horrible. It's only horrible to you. You're the only one that cares. That's the eagle again. This is self esteem. So we cant see ourselves. We can't see how we look. You know, I step people come up to me. They said Paul, You OK? You know, you look really depressed. I'm like, I don't know. I can't see my face. What do you see? It? I thought I was relaxed. Was the one time it wasnt feeling bad all day. It wasn't nervous. I wasn't uptight. I was feeling relaxed and he took that is horribly depressed cause, you know your face kind of sagged in. Your head was down your shoulders down. That's also known as complete relaxation so we can literally see ourselves. We don't know how we look to other people. We don't know how much facial expression we give off or fail to give off. We're just all guessing we don't practice our facial expressions in the mirror. We can't see ourselves. And finally and I think everyone will agree. This is true. We both hide and distort our pain. We deflect what you think. Muscular tension is that you're distorting your pain. Physical mental pain becomes locked in the muscle and that becomes what physical pain. It's one the ways you distract yourself. That's how somatic disorder start. Soma is a Greek word just means body soma somatic disorders. The pain of the brain going into the bodies, that mind body connection. We distort our pain. We start our pain. We tell ourselves it's worse than it is. Oh, my God is the most horrible thing that's ever happened in the history of man. This only happens to me. Pour me. We hide paying. We talked about that way. Hide it, we suppress it. We cut it out. We put on the editing room floor so we don't even truly know ourselves. Plus, most people can't remember back to what? The imprint period. You don't even know why you are the way you are because you weren't there cognizant, watching and remembering during the imprint period. Even if you have memories of that time, you don't remember accepting or rejecting anything you don't remember when you learned every little thing. You know there's only 100 people with a what they call it eidetic memory. Um, like that there's 100 1 in the entire world, so that isn't you. Matter of fact, I know you don't know much about yourself because a you're human and b you're taking this course. If you already thought you knew everything, you wouldn't be taken the course. Those people missed the course, and those of people probably know far less about themselves than you. You're at least self aware enough. This is the first understanding of a truly intelligent person that I don't know what I don't know. So maybe I should go find out that's about as intelligent as a human being ever gets that you Congratulations. three. We think we understand the world. Oh, a gift because we believe what other people tell us. We get our information about the world through two sources and they're horrible. One other people and outside sources giving us information about the world. They all have agendas. They lie, they have their own distortions. They don't completely understand reality. And then there, repeating it to us. They're wildly biased. And then they give us This is before people are even, you know, trying to be negative. Real idea. They just can't help themselves. Second, we believe what we, uh, see what we tell ourselves, what we internally tell ourselves. We don't realize where a sample of one I would tell this to my psychology students all time . I said, don't trust your own experience. Why? Because you're a sample of one in a sample of one is no damn good. Statistically, you can't say anything in general based on one sample. And that's all you have. You have one life. You know an awful lot about that life. You're the leading expert on that life. But it does. It tells you nothing. Statistically about the rest of the world. You just assume that that's a massive assumption. I think this way. Statistically, if my experience is riel and therefore matches everybody else's, everybody else is an adult married white, 54 year old male would no kids and three pooches. Okay, well, that's not right. That's instinctively wrong. But that's my experience. It can't be wrong because my experience, we think, cause it's our experience that it can't be wrong. We saw all these things. We heard all these things. We put all this logic together. Therefore, it has to be right. It has to be true. Otherwise, we're what? We're insane. Well, that's the other first realization of intelligent person. You are a little crazy. What's a crazy person? Somebody holds illusions and believes them to be true. That's the definition of a crazy person. They don't get the true reality. Isn't that a crazy person? Yes. Who's that? That's all of us. So we have horrible source of information. Next, we often see what we want to see. We've talked about that we distort with our history. We layer our story. History literally means Michael Jackson had ah album by this title. He called in history or his story That was the name of the album. His story, That's what history is. You put your story on top of what happened and you call that what history they say. History is already always written by the victor. Why? Because they're gonna have a different version. They're going to give you their version because they want because they get to tell the story. They don't tell the truth. They tell the story. And again, I want to let you know this is this doesn't mean that you're lying to yourself, even though you are. It doesn't mean that you're lying to yourself. You have a story that you believe to be true based on what you've seen and heard with all these limitations that every human has and that becomes your story. But I want you to know it's just a story. We're going to talk more about this later, okay? We, of course, to start with our own belief systems, the false associations. This is why we can understand the outside world for the same reason we can't understand the inside world. We make serious logic airs. Remember Onley, like one person in the hundreds ever had a single course on critical thinking. Never mind multiple courses and everybody actually makes probably more logic errors. Then logic corrects, you know, correct logic assumptions because we don't know enough about logic. We're not really trained in this area. Strangely, in America, we do not teach people to think. And finally and I talked about this, I guess I got ahead of myself. Were a sample of one, and a sample of one is no good. Okay, folks, that's it for this section on personal illusions. I want you to kind of go over this. You know, you own this course of go through, pick back through, see how these air true. And I want you to carefully examine the the areas where I said something or you see him on the slides and you say, I don't think that's true. That's the one you need to work on because I can guarantee you there's been, like, researched every single one of these is true. If you're not seeing it is true. Somehow you're blocking yourself somehow you to make a new distinction. This might be where you write in and you say, Hey, Professor Paul, can you help me out with this one? Okay, that's it for this section. And I'll see you in the next training 8. EGO - The Great Deceiver: Hey, everybody, welcome back. Now we're gonna discuss what's probably one of the most confusing concepts in the whole of psychology. That's why psychology doesn't talk about it much. This is more like a Zen believe. There's something out there called Ego. It's not ego is, you know, we classically think of it in the Western sense. So you've got a huge ego, which means you're full of yourself. No, the ego just means you are yourself. Your ego is a false sense of self created by unconscious identification with the mind. What does that mean? Your mind creates, and I think of it this way. You have a squirrel out in your backyard. What's your squirrels name? Your squirrel doesn't have one. Even other squirrels don't have a name for that squirrel. Why, There is no I in a squirrels mind Onley. Humans have what's called meta cognition. Now a meta study is when you're looking at multiple studies to figure something out. Meta cognition is when you have multiple thoughts, but it's more than that. It's when you think about your thinking. A squirrel doesn't think about their thinking. They see enough to eat. They're not. They don't think about the not they don't critique it. They don't have reviews about it. You know, they don't have their friends, you know? Where do you find the best nuts? And are these tasty nuts or are these nuts going to give me gas? They don't think about it. See it? Eat it. Okay, there's water. Drink it. Tree climate. Now the squirrel come in, play or run. Simple. They don't think about themselves. They don't think. Does my tailor plates getting fat? They don't think about their thinking. This is a major defect of the human brain that we have. This I and we actually think it's our ourselves. It actually becomes this other character in our mind which has incorporate itself into our mind and creates a false sense of I. And this is what will and will talk about this in the next section. What ultimately becomes your negative inner critic. Because once this I this ego is created, it has this running dialogue. It never shuts up as if it's life depends on it. I'm gonna prove this t because you normally don't hear your own chatter. Your mind, people say, Oh, no, I don't talk to myself. My head. Unless I'm having a conversation. I'm thinking about something. Oh, no, no, no, no. You never, ever, ever stop talking to yourself. You cannot shut. Uh, if anybody else talked this much, you would choke them out. You just don't hear it. You can't ignore this background noise, but sit alone in a room by yourself for 3 to 5 minutes and try not to think. Try not to hear any voice in your head. It takes a Zen master years toe. Learn how to think of like, one thing. There was an old Zen task. It says think Onley tree and you look at the tree and you only think tree and you don't think about anything else. Then you have mastery. But to be a true master, they say, Okay, now the second step, remove the tree and you're like, Well, then what? Then you think nothing. That's when you're a send master. When you can actually stop thinking. Now you're thinking I know a guy I used to sit in next to high school. I don't think he ever thought the whole the whole damn day. Uh huh. Maybe. But I doubt he was a Zen master. He was thinking about all kinds of things that were completely worthless. And he just looked like he had nothing on his mind because nothing of any value is in his mind. It's not the same thing. Your brain they call the chattering monkey are the wild horse because just can't be tamed. We'll just go blah. Bubba, Bubba, Bubba, Bubba, Bubba Running commentary on everything You don't even know you have this problem the until it's mentioned to you by somebody like me brought to your awareness and by bringing it to your awareness, you can now see it. You can now understand the problem, and you can begin to control it. A shameless plug here. I got a great course on Zen. Uh, very inexpensive. It's worth, you know, 1000 times what? I'm charging for it. But grab it. It's my gift to the universe to just give this away for free. I want this information out there. I do not want people suffering. I've been a therapist very much my whole life. My goal was not to make a fortune because I got broke doing therapy. I made all my money. You know doing. Internet marketing has never made any money. Doing therapy went broke. I would never retired, Um, because I want to help people. That's it. You were the Internet marketing. What's my gold Internet marketing make a boatload of money? Why? So I never have to worry about money again. And I could spend the rest of my life helping people, and I doesn't give it away for free if I want dot Nice. So check out that course now the ego. At the end of the day, its job is to ruin your life. So you've got to understand this. Get a handle on it, figure out what it is and learn how to control it. You'll be one of the few people that does, and this will make your life better than almost anything else. It's like driving and learn a little bit more, so the ego exists to give us a sense of self. This is why it's created. So you know, we say I or me or we these are things that we kind of point to. Now we think there's one us. We're gonna talk about this a little bit later. We actually have multiple us. I remember I was reading a little piece in between. When the comedy shows, I forget the guy's name, but you got He flashes it up there for about two seconds and it's this little script and they're numbered and this guy is an absolute genius. Everything he says is like, Brilliant. I'll have toe the figure out who that is and I'd love to get. I was thinking the other day I want to get a collection of his works. But he had one on just the other night and it said, Um, something about who is this? I that I call me. And if there's an I who is the person observing the I that creates a week, and if my eye is by for Kate ID, which means split in two, then who are we? And we seem to be many. The multiplicity that I was talking about, and if we air the many, then who is the true I? And that's the question, because you haven't I. You have this ego, and then you can sit outside. Like I said, sit in a room for 3 to 5 minutes and listen. Observe this ego blather on. Well, now there's two people. There's the ego, which is the fake you. And then there's the Observer, which is the real you watching this fake ego for the very first time in your entire life. This is amazing for the very first time, watching the fake you that was pretending to be you that had purloined your entire personality. You thought this was you, and now you realize it's not. It's a fiction of the mind. It's an ego, and it's what's causing so much damage in your life. And you, the true, you get blamed for it. Matter of fact, remember I told you about the Zen master? Think only tree. Then remove the tree. What happens to the Zen master when he removes the tree or even just gets down to just tree serenity? All this negative chatter and self talk and confusion and blather goes away. And when everything is removed, which is the ego when the ego is removed and all that chatter and blathering and negativity and just rubbishes removed what's left you and serenity perfect. People keep trying to be happy and doing this and achieving happiness, you know, it creates happiness nothing. Happiness is your natural state When you remove all the crap I used to do a, uh, Paul's poopy pile Paul's poopy pile the three piece falls poopy pile. What is it? I would draw a pile of crap a pile of manure on the board and I would draw diamond underneath the manure. And I said, This is your life. This is you Here You are thinking all this crap has happened to you And at some point you start to think your pilot you are the pilot crap when actually you're the diamond And there's nothing wrong with you You were born beautiful, perfect and innocent. There's nothing to fix Here's what we got to Dio We got a boat load of crap to get rid off . You don't need to be fixed cause you aren't broken. You are damaged and you're not defective. You are just filled with crap When we talk about the Gib giggle garbage in garbage out crap coming in coming in coming in coming in Pretty soon I said you'd be what? Remember you be full of it. That's the crap pile on top of you got to get rid of it what causes that crap pile? We've talked about it and accumulation of all these things that we talked about culminate in this thing called the ego. So why does the brain create an ego while it helps us feel stable in the world? But the same time like we talked about it, causes most of our pain. It gives us a sense of I a sense of this, seeing like we live in our head and we see out through our eyes, Um, that isn't actually true. I mean, it's a hard concept to wrap your mind around, so I'll keep talking about it as I go through. It'll kind of weave through the layers. Your brain will almost take quite a period time to digest it. That's why it's good to read some Zen books because describe it. Then we'll describe it again. When I describe it again, don't describe it again that describe it again. It's like trying to explain color to a blind man, but eventually you know you'll get you'll get it, you'll get it. But it takes layers. It takes repetition. Now the ego fiction to support the idea of a separate I. The Eagle creates a character that is forced to follow certain rules and match a certain self image. That's what the ego is. It creates a character that character becomes a you that isn't really you, but is damaging your life. And that becomes your self image. So your self image is always false, so the false self image one creates pain so it can live. The ego needs pain if there's not pain, if there's not a problem that it has to solve if there's not something for to think about, and it loves to think about the negative. I used to watch CNN. Do you know what CNN stands for? Stands for constantly negative news. Now we laugh at that, but that's accurate. That's what your false self image is. Your false ego is. It constantly cranks out negativity, negativity, negativity, like CNN, constantly negative news. They talk for half an hour about nothing but negativity, and then it's cycles over and over and over again. This is exactly what your ego does. It thinks of negative things. It's highly repetitive. It almost always thinks about the exact same thing over and over and over again, and it loops and loops and loops and loops and loops. If I made you sit through the same movie, uh, every single day, all day for the rest of your life, that would be pretty much what the ego does. You don't get bored because your own pain is fascinating to this crazy ego. It loves to listen to it. Nobody else would want to listen to it. But I said strangely, you will, because you're not really, really listening. It's going subliminally in the back of your head and again, alone in a room by yourself. You know all the noise, all distractions gone. Not only we hear it, you will not be able to avoid. It drives people who have nuts at first when they start hearing it over and over again. Because now it's like, you know, I said, Don't think about a pink elephant all of sudden, you know, that's all you're thinking about. So next, uh, the false image makes us feel bad about ourselves. It constantly distracts ourselves. The ego doesn't want you to focus on it, because if you focus on it, you realize how stupid it is, how negative it is. You'll want to destroy it and you'll eventually get rid of it. So what, it does it distract you with different things, all kinds of distractions. It puts you in pain, and then distraction is the way that you get away from the pain. You focus on something that isn't the pain, so we're constantly using distractions. Look at how people try to quote unquote pleasure themselves. They don't pleasure themselves by thinking happy thoughts in the room by themselves. Oh, no, no, no, no. We need something outside ourselves to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. To distract us. We distract ourselves with sex and alcohol and gambling in the A number one with a bullet. TV shows yakking with other people, talking on the phone, talking on Facebook, talking on instagram All these ways that we communicate about absolutely nothing. Most of what we talk about is absolutely worthless. If I said to you, Hey, do you know that the average person spends an hour and 1/2 to 3 hours every single day on the Internet, on the Web on their phone? That's about 1000 hours a year. I say so every every two years, actually a little over there seven days in a week. Sorry, it's gonna be about 1200 hours. So about every two years, that's about yeah, about a year and 1/2 of work. That's huge. And I say in all that talking, all that blathering, all that, whatever the hell you were doing on the Internet, did you learn one thing that made your life better? And they probably can't think of one in over 2000 hours? You can't think of one in 2500 hours. You can't think of one. Did you make even $1? Maybe it's got some monetary value. No, it's a distraction. TV shows are all about distractions. Matter of fact, there very fast paced. If you watch, they won't go more than five or six seconds without changing the scene or changing a character or changing an angle or a shot. They have to keep moving, moving, moving. Why? Because if it's not distracting enough, your pleasure will go down. The more distracting it is, the more pleasurable it is because the only goal was to have it be distracting. TV is two goals to mangle psychologically. Well, 31 is to sell you something that's why it exists. But the 2nd 2 things that I was thinking off was a major distraction. And for you to have things in your life that you're never gonna have, you're never gonna have the hottest girl or man. You're never gonna be incredibly wealthy. You're never gonna go to all these exotic locations. You're never gonna be a superhero or a super agent or super anything for the average person . Their life is boring. Its work in a factory twist, bolt on nuts. Look through the Yellow pages. It's insane how boring jobs are bookkeeping, automotive, You know, it's the same thing over and over and over again. I became a therapist cause at least there'd be a little bit of variety, and I switched jobs multiple times because even that got boring at times. You know, I do therapy that I teach that I would want to do this stuff in the stage and I want to stuff on the Internet, you know? Then I want to go do flooring or something. Do something completely different, you know, work, security. I didn't care. I had multiple multiple jobs that get bored easily. Why? Because most jobs after a very short period time. They're boring and repetitive, so TV takes us away from all this. They caught the opium of the masses, so distraction is huge. It's one the leading pains that you get from the eagle because you're spending a life and distraction. You're not actually living it. When you're in a movie, you're not living your life. You're living somebody else's. When you watching TV, you're not living your life. You're living somebody else's. When you guys are talking back and forth about absolutely nothing, you're having somebody else's experience, not yours. And it's not the now it doesn't exist. These are all fictions. Most your life ends up being a what a fiction, and the self image is going to cause guilt, anxiety, remorse. Remember, remember, number one. Look back up there. It creates pain so we can live. So where does the guilt the anxiety and there more's come from your ego? More of that later. Now the ego is actually the problem. Posing is the solution actually came up with this phrase for addiction. The addiction was the problem, posing as a solution. Oh, you don't feel good, Have a drink, snort a line. Take a shot. Pop a pill. You'll feel better. Cops. Polio for D u I screw. Let's talk crap about cops and drinker ass off till we don't care anymore. Well, isn't that how we got the deal in the first place? Yeah, but don't worry about that. Let's get back to the solution. No, we're getting back to the problem of getting back to the drinker drug. So addiction is the problem. Posing as a solution. We got a pain in your shoulder. I got a pill for that. You could drink for that, Uh, wife's have pain in the butt. Just drink till you don't care anymore. You know, you're a pain in the butt. Drink until you don't care about you anymore. You know, I can't sleep at night, Drink yourself to sleep, take a pill for that snort a line. You know, it's the problem posing a solution. So the ego is the same thing. It makes you feel pain and then says, Don't worry. I'll distract you and make you feel better. I'll come up with this great solution like drinking, drugging, sex, gambling, all these distractions to make the pain go away. So it creates the pain and then says, I'll help you solve it and most the way, most of time. It's not even solving it. Sometimes it's just the problem. Posing is the problem. It puts you in the problem than what you do. You sit in it, you sitting it like an acid, and it just burns you. It's nasty. The ego is nasty. It is not your friend. That's why I say take the Zen course, because why you really need an in depth education on how to get away from this thing. So we actually defend our ego. Remember, we think we are the ego, so we defend it. Like when somebody says something negative about us, we feel like we have to say something back. Why? To defend the ego. Otherwise, you yourself in a quiet mind. You the observer there, really you I wouldn't care what somebody said about you. Somebody says to me, Hey, Paul, you're a jerk. I don't even understand what that means, because my ego would say, Hey, you can't say that about me and we get all upset. But the real me says, Well, I know I'm not a jerk, so Obviously you're confused. Okay? We got a confused person in front of us. I can't get upset about that. I could feel pity in my heart for him, but that's about it. I can't get upset. Why? Because not true. I don't feel the need to defend myself, cause I know it's not true when you're not sure. And your egos? Never. Sure. It's always insecure. It's like, Hey, it's gotta defend itself. You can't say it to me and I'm gonna get you back. And I need revenge and lovable. But that's the ego. You yourself don't care. Or if somebody came to me and said, Hey, Paul, you're a jerk And I thought about it for a minute ago. You know what? I haven't checked on that for a while. Thank you. I'm gonna watch for a day and I'm gonna see what I'm a good guy. And when I'm kind of a jerk and I'm gonna look at that two ways, sometimes I'm a jerk to other people, and sometimes I'm a jerk to myself. I better live with that for a day and see if you're right or not, because you might be seeing something. You know. So you're either wrong and I want to feel bad about that or you're right and bless your heart for telling me it's the ego that feels bad when people say things about you. So we have all kinds of different defense mechanisms to protect this false ego. Let's take a look. Now, some of these air helpful. Most of these air Hurtful. But these air your basic defense mechanisms. Now there's mawr. Um, but remember, this is the course on why people do what they dio. So a lot of why they do what they dio is them acting out these defense mechanisms. So I'm gonna spend a little bit of time with him. Not too much time, but some The first defense mechanism is acceptance. Hey, they said something about me. You know, that's gonna happen Next number times in life. I best, you know, just let it go. You know, if it doesn't apply, let it fly, you know, and have some acceptance. That's a good defense mechanism now. Sometimes it's a bad defense mechanism. If you're an abusive relationship and somebody says you're a jerk and you go, Oh, my God, Yeah, he's right. I'm not always nice. And I had his dinner late and did it done? You know, you start accepting that. Hey, I am a jerk. Me. But maybe I should apologize, you know? How can I do better? I know. I gotta turn this around. I don't want to feel like a jerk my whole life. That's the wrong kind of acceptance. Okay, but it's common, isn't it? Acting out? Hey, you can't talk to me that way and blah blah blah for, you know, I act out a different way, You know, I go home and, you know, kick the dog or something, you know, are, um, you know, grumpy with my life or whatever. That's another kind of acting out avoidance. I just start of waiting. You know, people, places and things that cause me pain. Now, avoidance can be helpful. You know, if you have nasty people in your life and you don't want that kind of negativity, you don't want to feel bad. Avoiding him is a beautiful thing to do. I used to call it the proximity rule. You know, I'll try to, you know, almost like a restraining order. I tried to restrain myself. I keep myself 100 feet from any negative people. Why? Because they can't shot much farther than that. Or, you know, I won't even garner their attention. I'm outside the zone. The area of operation. If you're military, you know you're not going to get hit because you're not in the A L you know the area of operation, so stay outside that 100 foot zone and you'll be good. Now if you're avoiding things like problems or dealing things, obviously not good. But avoidance is one of the major defense mechanisms that people used to to survive. And strangely enough, I'm gonna stated exactly this way their own attack on themselves. Denial, denial can be me denying it to you even though I know it's true or I partially denied it to myself. I go, That's not really true. But I'm kind of, you know, take a little bite of the apple or I completely deny it. That's not true because I'm just simply ignorant of it. Or there's the kind of denial where I heard it it was true. But I suppressed that. I let it go. I blew it off. I gave an excuse why it wasn't true, and later I just plain forgot about it and it becomes unconscious. Denial, humor. I deflect. I laugh it off. Sometimes humor is a good defense mechanism used too often or, you know, if it's one of your only tools. Not very good humility. I think that's almost always a good defense mechanism. Okay, unless you're just being humble all the time because you're just insecure, you know, you don't want anybody to think you think you're too great and therefore, you know, you never try to let your starshine you never say anything. You never take credit for anything you become, you know, maybe paying me kind of wishy washy. That's not good either. So again, some are helpful. Some are hurtful, and it depends upon I use it intellectual ization. Big fancy word means you figure out new and exciting ways that this doesn't pertain to you . No, I can have six glasses of wine a day because it's essentially grape juice, and it's full of, you know, rebel Flemmons and flavonoids. And you know, my doctor told me, you know, a couple of drinks a day is good for your heart. Remember, he said, a couple not six. A couple is 2120 look at that lovely couple. There's not six of them. Ah, a little reality therapy there, Right? Okay, that's intellectual ization. I used to think in recovery because I did a lot of addiction recovery work with people that the smartest people would be. I be able to teach them faster cause they were smarter. I could teach him higher level things and they be excited about learning. This was absolutely, positively wrong. The smarter somebody waas as an addict, the more new and exciting ways their brain could come up with new intellectual ways. They're bringing come up with white. Everything I said did not pertain to them And why they were fine to keep going the way they were going. They were great at defending themselves against logic, with their pseudo logic. Their intellectual is ations. Give me a good mentally retarded, closed head injury, borderline intellectual functioning, salt of the earth moron. And they be like, OK, Mr Paul, And they listen to stuff and they couldn't figure out why it wasn't true. So they would just believe it. And of course it was true. So that was very helpful. Um, they would follow directions because they wouldn't figure out why they didn't have to do it that way. And they were special, so they didn't have to do it. You know that they were unique. We used to call it terminal uniqueness. You thought you you were unique. You were special, and it was gonna be terminal. You know, you're you were special. So you didn't have to have sponsors and go to meetings and stay away from you using friends . No, no, no, no. You're wanted special ones that because of all the intellectual reasons, you can still do those things. Intellectual ization is a mental defect. Rationalizations are similar to intellectuals ations. That's why I put him together. They're almost the same thing. You figure out a Why? A reason why it's OK to do something that's actually not okay. So in legs intellectual ization you can use towards anything. Rationalizations are I'm going to do it. I still got to be able to live with myself, and I got to be able to explain it to other people. It's like buyer's remorse. You know, I bought this fancy sports car, paid too much. It's really a lemon, but I got to justify it. So I go home and I tell my wife, you know, I don't tell her I spent $40,000.60,000 dollars in this car, I say, No, no, no. They gave me a good deal on their 100,000 mile warranty. And, you know, sweetheart, you're gonna look great in this. And look, there's their safety features for the baby in a place for the seat. And, uh and, you know, they gave me free oil changes for a year, and that's why I bought it. And you're like, No, I thought I looked hot in this car. You know? I love the turbo. It just stimulated me. I love the surround sound. I wanted one since I was a little kid. This is on my bucket list, but I'm gonna rationalize it and say it's totally worth it. And it's not projection. Top of the next list is That's not me. That's you. I'm not annoying. You're annoying. That's why you're so annoyed when I'm around. Not because I'm annoying, but you're annoying. I annoy annoying people, but I'm not annoying. Does that make sense? Sure, Why not repression. This is called emotional stuffing. Just pushed down the pain, pushed down the pain used to say people like this were emotionally constipated, and they need to take a big emotional dump that made me laugh my ass off when I was a young therapist. I'm like, on the first day on the job, and they're talking about emotional constipation. You know, I'm like, I must have been, like, 23 years old the time and I'm like, you know, still in my early early twenties, which is like, late adolescence, and I'm giggling, you know, it was like somebody told a fart joke. They said constipated. Funniest thing I've ever heard. But that's exactly what you are. You've been stuffing all this crap and eventually you're full of it, and you've been repressing, and you literally do need to take a big mental dump and get rid of it. So they weren't wrong. Self serving bias. We talked about this. Ah, a couple of course chapters before we shake things through our biases to make ourselves okay with things to protect our ego, um, and to defend ourselves. So it's also a defense mechanism is not just something that warps reality. It warps reality to defend us comparing. Well, at least I'm not as bad as so and so or I'm doing better than so and so So I guess I'm doing pretty good. It's nice to even compare against ourselves. At least I'm not as bad as I used to be. You can see where some of these things they're not healthy. Comparing. Okay, wishful thinking. Wishful thinking is well, maybe the will be kinder to me tomorrow. Maybe things will get better tomorrow. Maybe that won't happen again. I remember my mom. She used to do wishful thinking. She heard a sound in the car. Then eventually, you know, her break ceased up. She could have died. She said, Well, you know, I heard there was a noise in the car, but I thought maybe after a while, kind of go away would get better. And I said, Mom, you don't know a lot of our cars. I don't know a lot about cars, but I'm gonna tell you one thing I know about cars now wait for it. They don't heal. She was using wishful thinking. She thought magically, This also knows magical thinking wishful thinking, magical thinking. They're interchangeable, that the car might heal over time because that was the only way her logic could have been right. Oh, I thought maybe we'd go away. It would. The car would have to heal. It would have to hell. I said, Mom, this isn't gonna happen. That's what wishful thinking is blaming. Oh, I've got all these problems cause a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they go down there excuse list of blaming everybody and their brother. It's always anything except me. Now there's sometimes when you blame stuff, it is true. Why were you late? It was just snowing outrageously and you're not lying. It waas that's blaming your blaming it on the snow. But you know what? The snow did it. So that's not blaming in the therapy sense or this kind of sense. So we blame everything. Rarely is it actually that thing, like the snow where the traffic that we left about earlier section but we do it over and over and over again, and you got to really catch yourself. Say, is it really this? You say? Well, I would hear people all the time, they say, Well, I can't get ahead because my boss is a jerk. Er, you know the companies keep me down. No, you can't get ahead of your job because your boss doesn't work for you. Why? He's been there longer. He's got better qualification. He must be smarter than you. Or you don't have to be at this job. There's 100 companies that do what you're doing. This is a large company. It's a large country and this is an even larger world. You don't have to be here if you're right, and you're blaming is correct. And the boss is really keeping you down. He's not keeping you down. He's being himself. And you are letting him block you. So is it his fault for holding you down? Yes. Is it equally an even greater your fault for taking it and staying there? Ah, yes. The correct answer is yes. So So I I can tell you that people that have moved on from bad bosses when it really was the bad boss And now they are the boss in the boss's boss. They no longer blame the bad bosses. Matter of fact, they thank him. They taught the person how not to be that bad, boss. And how to move on. Okay, passive pass. It just means you take all these insults. You take all these things, you just let it go. Um, passive aggressive means you're passive. You act like you're blowing it off, but then you have the little dig. You know, you're always doing little tiny things. They say what has not worked out will be acted out. Okay, um, you and your wife argue about the paint color for a rule. She says, Fine, we'll take this one. But you know, she's not really happy. Can tell by the expression atonality later that night. You wanna have some plate times with the wife? OK, all of a sudden that ain't happening. She's got a headache. Should not feeling good. She got to get up in the morning. Boom. Passive aggressiveness. Next day, you're getting leftovers instead of fresh cooked food. All a sudden, your clothes aren't clean and all kinds of things she's ignoring you hot and on and on. This is all passive aggressiveness bull. Okay, that's it for this section. I'll see in the next section. We're gonna go over some mawr. Secrets of psychology. See them 9. The Inner-Critic ... How To WIN The INNER Battle: Welcome back in the last section we were talking about the ego and the major feature of the ego is this negative inner critic. It absolutely loves to keep score. So it's always keeping a scorecard on you, and you always end up with a terrible score. It always says that you are never good enough. Imagine how painful that is. You are always good enough. Remember, you're like that diamond under the pile of manure. You're born beautiful, perfect and innocent. There's nothing wrong with you. We just have to do what? Get rid of all the crap and what is the crap? The inner critic is the crap again. The problem. Posing is the solution. The inner critic makes you feel bad about yourself, and then it's the one that supposedly gonna make you feel better. But that's like beating yourself over the head with a hammer and Hammer tells you, Don't worry, I'll fix this. Never gonna happen. So here's a strange concept. All mental pain is an internal conflict. It's you hurting and fighting you. There's a muscle building program used to be, Ah, Charles Atlas, and you send in your 10 cents, which a lot of money at the time you said in your 10 cents and you would get this, uh, kit. And it was basically a series of guides, and you would strengthen yourself and people would never kick sand your face again. That's old school. So that's Brad from the seventies and eighties and sixties even. But what was dynamic tension, you would say? Clasp your hands together and pull one muscle against the other. Push one hand against the other. You know, it was one muscle against the other to strengthen both muscles. That's an internal conflict. You pushing against you? How do you beat something like that? If you don't want to push against you, how do you win? You quit. You quit. I want you to be a quitter. What you have to do is a lot of people that they come in therapy. So how do I What do I do to feel better? What do I do to solve this? I say it may be enlightenment. Maybe what you stop doing? Okay. Are you good at quitting? Are you good at stopping? Can you at least do that? Okay. Every time you think in negative thought I want you to a wonderful thing. Stop. Every time you tell yourself you're not good enough. I want you to a very relaxing thing. Stop! You know, stop. Technique is huge. Just stop. My head hurts. When I beat myself with the hammer, put the hammer down. You don't see you hurting you. You think it's things outside of you. Let's go back to the somebody calling you a jerk. Example if I call you a jerk that took me What? Half a second? Jerk. Jerk, jerk, Jerk, Jerk, Jerk, Jerk Time me. I couldn't do it really fast. So half a second I get blamed for you thinking about it for three days. Okay, Is 24 hours times three. I can't do the math on ads like 72 hours. You get blamed for minus what? Half a second. So who's the real jerk who did most of the damage? Me or you? It was you. You kept repeating this anger over and over your head. I can't believe he called me a jerk. Who does he think he is? How can you say these things? You know why do people always have to say things like this? You know, I'm a good person. That shouldn't be happening to me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, my God. Shut up! That is your ego, your inner critic fighting with and hurting you. And you are so used to this kind of abuse in your mind because you never listen to He never realized it was you doing. He thought this was a normal thinking pattern. And it is, if normal means common. Typical popular, even healthy. Oh, hell, no. Not even close. And this is why people suffer. So until you beat this inner voice, it will continue beating you. And I mean that almost literally. It will whip you like like an ugly step child. It will just tear you down. Okay? It'll hit you over and over and over. It has no lack of violin venom. It will come after you again and again and again. So I'm saying take the Zen course, learn how to shut this thing down. You literally can't live your life until you get control. This. Now I'm gonna show you something, and it's gonna be kind of Ah, paradoxical kind of works both ways. This is a pretty sick mind It's got fear and doubt, guilt, cirrhosis and resentment is worried about the past. And you know it feels bad about the past and sweat in the future and its envious and it worries all the time. And it's got remorse. And it's petty and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is one sick mind. That's the first thing I tell you. Second thing, I might tell you, this is extremely normal and this is everybody. Everybody has all these things going on, like all the time. This is how sick the human mind is. Why that defect, that medical ignition, that phenomenon of ego in that inner critic is causing all of this stuff. You shouldn't have to be fearing things. You shouldn't have to be doubting things. You shouldn't be feeling bad about things you shouldn't be worried about. What other people think. You shouldn't have resentments. The past should be just a pleasant memory. The future should be a joyous approach. You know, the envy shouldn't even exist. That's true. You go, uh, the war. He shouldn't exist. What's gonna happen will happen. The remorse shouldn't be there. It's over the Pettiness. Wybie petty. Anyways, that doesn't even make any sense Onley to a sick mind. Does that make sense? Guess what? Everybody has a six month. You have to heal yourself. You have tow Shut this down. So we're gonna come back to this concept periodically. It's one of the major reasons why people do the things they do and especially why they feel the way they feel. So I want you to know that this is not abnormal. You are very normal. Onley once wildly excessive. Is it abnormal? If it is, get therapy. This This is not a therapy session, you know, seek help even if you don't have a lot of challenges. One of my models when I was a therapist, which you don't have to be sick to get better. So I had regular therapy and I had basically personal coaching, depending upon what level of dysfunction you had were all dysfunctional. I use your therapist have dysfunctions. Okay, I'm just more functional than you. So I try Taking at least half way between where I am and you are doesn't mean I'm 100% functional. Okay? I just have a lot of good information, right? So if you need the extra help. Be sure and go out and get it. Okay, That's it for this section. I hope you learn some good concepts here a little bit short of his last one A little bit longer, and we're gonna move in the next section and you're gonna learn even more. You are. We will be amazed. Take care, and I'll see you soon. 10. Understanding Self-Image & Your Multiple Minds: Okay, so we've talked about the ego, and we've talked about the inner critic. But what I want to tell you is all these defects of character or flaws that's trying to bring forward to you are also a fiction. Now you can act mindlessly based on a story. You tell yourself about who you are or you can move on, and you can decide that you want to write this story. See the story, this story, this drama. This story of you is a piece of fiction created by the ego. It's trying to tell you who you are, who you have to be in, how you have to act absolutely, positively fictional. Don't let it dictate what you'll dio in what you won't do. Break free. So I'm gonna tell you something that you'll think is stranger than how your self image is just an idea in your head. It's an idea. You are not the image you have of yourself. Let me explain. We have a story that we tell ourselves about ourselves, but it's just a story, Okay, we're creating it, and we can change it. Like any good actor, we have a script that we follow. We play it out. We were her sit. We perfect it. And when the time comes like muscle memory, we can perform it effortlessly. But our responses aren't a reaction to reality. Most of what we do are pre programmed responses to RBS our belief system. Most of what we do is we run on autopilot, acting as if we are this character in this story. But remember, it's just a story. We can be the authors of our own story Decide who we want to be, decide how our life is gonna be. But we have to take our power back. We have to say that we're not going to listen to our negative inner critic. We're not gonna listen to our ego. We're not gonna be held back by the programming of our past. We are going to rewrite that story. I remember there used to be a bumper sticker that showed you how fast, simple and easy it can be to rewrite your story. He's just a cute little bumper sticker and said, What would Jesus do now? I don't know if you believe in that type of thing or not. That's up to you. But anyway, I think everybody's got an image of what Jesus is. And supposedly he's this good guy and he's out there and he's never gonna do anything Iran , because hell is Jesus. Okay, so you simply say, What would Jesus do and then don't do anything that doesn't look like that. I don't know if you'll end up being Jesus, but you'll be several steps closer. Remember I said, my job is a therapist was not to be perfect. Uh, but I was to bring you a little closer where I was my level of skill by sharing my skills with you. Another way you can do that is picture somebody in your mind a role model and say, What would they dio then? That becomes part of your story. You are changing the script. You are no longer following your script. You're following their script. And that's why that technique actually works. Because given the fact that you're making this stuff up, you might as well give yourself a more idealized character to follow. And that will be as good or better guide than what you've been doing. It will certainly be different, right? We're just making this stuff up your self image is just an idea in your head. Think of the words self image. It's your image of yourself. It's how you picture yourself. That's just a idea. In your head, you can make it up. Most people self image their picture themselves Okay is wrong. I'll have people come in and say, Oh, Mr Paul, I'm so depressed in my life is horrible and I'm no damn good. And I'm not a good personally do these bad things and blah blah, blah. I go, I don't really know what the hell you're talking about. I know you. I spent time with you. You're an awesome person with me, Unless you're secretly a butt head off to the side. Okay? I think you're a good person. You think you're not One of us is wrong. You better pray to hell it's you. Oh, by the way, I'm a therapist. I get paid to be right. I'm not wrong. I'm making a good assessment. You are a good person. You're wrong about you being a bad person. That's it. That will be 300 bucks and we have a laugh about it, but I go back to it I'm not wrong. You're a good person. Matter of fact, most of what you consider bad about you is you crapping on you because you think you're not good enough. Now most people would think if they could get to your level to be awesome, but you think it's not good enough and therefore it's crap and therefore your crap in there for your life is crap and everything's going to crap. Did I say crap enough? This is the craziness that goes on in people's minds because of their self image. And I'll tell you, you never match up to your self image. You're always trying to better yourself, so you always make yourself image hired. You can probably accomplish based on all these phobias that are already programmed in. So it's kind of ah, you know, pre programmed failure and you go out And of course, you fail. You know where you don't meet your own false standards and then you feel bad and everybody else is looking like What's he talking about? He's fine. He does this and does that does the other thing. You know, it kind of Miley does this stuff over here. There's nothing wrong with this person. Everybody likes you. But you Why Negative self esteem based on a fictional self bad old programming. Maybe a bad history as well to I won't discount that. You know, life is rough. We're gonna talk about that later. I don't think we'll miss that, but it's wrong, and you can move past it. So I want to give you that. That hope. Maybe it's not even hope. It's a certainty. If you choose to move past it, you will. We're gonna teach a little bit about how to do it here. So why do we protect our self image so desperately? One. We judge ourselves based on what others think. Remember that meta cognition thinking about your thinking? We not only think about our thinking, we think about everybody else is thinking, Oh my God, what does everybody else thinking about me if I can't keep my brain busy, OK, your ego wants to keep your brain chattering all the time. It doesn't have enough to chatter about me thinking about my thinking. I can always move on to the other person. I used to love the episodes of Steinfeld because that was like a show based on neurosis. Everybody was worried about what everybody else was thinking. That was like a quintessential almost cultural thing for New York. Or at least the Jerries crowd. Right? Boom. Watch that show and watch how many times in 1/2 an hour you can have a little ticks. You just make it tick because it'll happen so many times you won't be able to write this stuff down or take notes. You just put tick mark. Worry about what other people think. Worried about what other people think worry about what other people think. They're even worried about what I think. Oh my God, Oh my good person. Are people gonna hate me? Did it a doe? Should I have done that? Did I do the right thing? Lovable. But that's thinking about your thinking. Then, if they weren't thinking about that Oh my God, you know so and so thought this. And I I thought that, you know, if they're not thinking about what they did wrong there, thinking about what the other person did wrong, that's thinking about other people. They're either worried that other people are judging them. They're judging themselves or they're worried that other people are judging them. So study in neurosis all in 20 minutes. You know, if you skip past the commercials, boom, not a good way to win. That's why the ego does this so it can create a problem and then defend itself and look like a hero problem posing as a solution. Now you actually have multiple minds, actually, did a little piece on YouTube, and I put this up. I think I called him multiple minds. I believe I did. And what it does is it says you don't have just one mind. We've been talking about, like to like, there's the real you. And then there's your ego. Well, I drew a picture of a brain, you know, up on the board. And then I feel like a checkerboard just put a bunch of lines through like a like a like a checkerboard. Exactly. Um, and then when I did, I put different things and, well, here's how you are with your friends. Here's how you are when you're alone. Your work here is the part of you that ambitious and wants to go out and kick butt and take names. But there's this other little piece of your brain. It's lazy and just wants to eat bonbons and sit on the couch. Look for the next exotic beach, you know. And then there's, you know, one way when you're at work in one way, when you're with your family, another way, when you're alone, you're different. You know, when you're in even different places, you act differently when you're in a firehouse versus a concert versus a bar versus a library. But you're the same person. So how can you be all these things and still be you? Well, what actually creates the congregants see, is you were all of these different personalities. You have a multiplicity of mind, not just the true self and the ego. There's all these little sub personalities. This is the adaptation of the mind to adapt the mind to different situations. It creates these little sub personalities they activate when they're needed. They deactivate when they're not needed. And sometimes we don't always pick the right one like look at the one for ambitious and the one for lazy. Here's what's interesting. The ambitious person and the lazy person are the same person, the ambitious person, because they wanna move towards pleasure and away from pain, says, If you're really, really ambitious and your work really hard to get ahead quick, you have a bunch of money that you can do what? Go relax, retired, be lazy. So what was their actual goal? They worked their butt off so they could achieve the maximum on a laziness. Not a lazy person says, Well, relax. Ation should be happening right now on a relaxed while I'm young. I don't want to work too hard. I want to just do just enough not to get fired. And they're gonna pay me just enough so I don't quit and I'll get by somehow I'll get lucky down the road, and I will maximize my relax ation and my laziness. Both the ambitious and the lazy person's ultimate goal is to be what lazy free a paint. Now, you may not agree with that 100% but you can agree that they're both trying to get maximum pleasure minimum, paying their working two opposing strategies, trying to get to the same place. It's like if I said my goals happiness and you said, Oh my God, Paul, my goals. Happiness, too how many different ways can need to use to get there. That's right. There's almost an infinite number of ways. It is also an infinite, uneven, larger, infinite number of ways to screw up. But we are. There's lots of ways to achieve the same thing, and some of them will look wildly opposed, like the ambitious and a lazy person. But the ultimate goal of happiness, which both the ambitious and lazy personal that actually is Thea Ultimate goal. They're just trying different systems to get it. You know, a police officer in a gangbanger, both working a system to achieve happiness. The gangbanger says, Hey, I can cheat, Get some free money. I'll be cool. Hey, how my buddies I used to get used to be the guy getting beaten up by the gangs. Now on the guy protected by the gangs and beating up other people. I'm stronger now. I'm significant and powerful. I feel like I have some control finally in my life. Ah feels wonderful. That's the same thing that police officer does Well. Now people respect me and I'm cool and I got a job and I got security and I got a pension and people used to beat me up. But now I got a gun and we have a totally different relationship now and I'm helping the community and I could feel good about myself. You know who I feel wonderful. Those were almost identical. There's very few distinctions. I mean, we could argue it back and forth. Uh, but the more you argue with me, then where you'll find out it's actually the same. Just done from a different perspective, theoretically, there. Identical. They're wildly different. No argument about that in their approach, but to get to the same place. This is what's called a multiplicity of mind now. Sometimes you need both these characteristics. There's sometimes when you need to go out and be ambitious and kick button, take names and be hard charging and make a lot of things happen fast. That's the perfect thing to do at that time. Too much of that didn't get burnout sometimes. Remember I told you the perfect thing to do sometimes is nothing. Isn't that a wild concept? Sometimes you need to kick back in. The strongest battery will wear out with use. You need to recharge your batteries. Being lazy is the perfect thing. Sometimes you need to relax when there's nothing to be done. Sometimes there's nothing to be done. We just have to wait. Enjoy that lazy time. Don't be rev it up and trying to figure out what else you can do a lot of love block. Use the right function of your brain at the right time. Ah, lot of us have, I think, Well, I think all of us have all the right characteristics. We're not using them at the right time. In the right sequence in the right amounts in the right proportions. Okay, that's all the error we're making and wire life's air less visible, livable. That's why I want you to understand that you have multiple minds. That's why you say, Oh, how come I was so good at this time that I was so bad at this time? You know, it's the angel and a devil on your shoulder. You know, they're always talking to you. Those are the sub categories of your mind. It's which one you listen, Teoh. I used to tell my addicts this. I said, You have this huge mind, literally hundreds and hundreds of different sub personalities like we just talked about. You only got one. That's an addict. We need to beat this guy up. We gotta, you know, if I walked in a room with 100 people, I don't care for your Bruce Lee. You're going down. Bruce Lee couldn't take on more than 30 people at a time. You know, I got 100. I could beat him three times already. Could be three. Bruce Lee's. I still win. OK, use all these good resource is of your brain to shut down the part that's negative and even teach yourself how to ignore the negative part to suppress the negative part Or just tell it to take the day off. I'm teaching you these strategies. So now you know these strategies will get better as you practice them. But think about it. You have a lot of good characteristics, like if you're lazy, but you want to be ambitious. What you do is you learn the philosophies of the party of minds ambitious because there's a little part that's ambitious. And what does that part think? Even though I'm not gonna follow it? What does it think? If I think that way, I'll feel that way and I'll act that way. Isn't that where we started? So the lazy person can become ambitious? I remember when I was gonna go. I was thinking about going to school, but I didn't really want to go. I said, Hey, I just did 12 years of school. You know, I just graduated from high school. You know, I want to go out there and work for a little while. I'm sick of school now. You want me to do a four year commitment, there's gonna be really smart people. The school, You know, this is not playing around like high school. They do real papers, real assignments. You can't fake it till you make it. I never thought of myself. Is that smart? Um, for your commitment, it was a lot of money. What if I screw up? And what if it does? Doesn't do me any good. And I thought like that. My buddy Nix it, Paul. Most of it is you're lazy. You don't want to do the hard work. I mean, if I could snap my fingers and give you that degree, would you do it? Said, Yeah, that's an advantage. I'd throw that up on the wall, make myself some extra money. Better job prospects. Yeah, you just snap my fingers and make it happen. I do it, he said. So the only difference between that ah, and where you are is your lazy You're not going to the four years worth of work. You're lazy. That's OK, That's OK, just own it. I'm like, Yeah, you're not wrong, he said. But here's what I want you to dio. I want you to work your lazy strategy more effectively. I don't think you're being lazy enough. I'm like what he's like. Yeah, he said, I'm lazy. I said, Nick, you can't be lazy. You're working like two jobs and going to school full time. That doesn't look lazy to me. He said, You're not wrong. But Paul, think about it long term. If you're quote unquote lazy and you will out there, you work 40 hours a week and you don't have your bachelor's and I work 40 hours a week and I got my bachelor's. I'm making at least half again as much as I dio, so I can either work hard for four years and then be lazy for the rest of my life just worked 40 hours and make half again or double what you're making. Okay, at some point, I could work half the hours or retire in half the time and be lazy twice is long. The way that you actually worked the most from start to finish is be lazy for four years and don't take that degree. The truly lazy person takes that degree, and they maximize their gains, and they minimize their work. Matter of fact, the lazy people get bachelor's and their supervisors. Why? Because the laborers the line people do the labor. That's the opposite of lazy the managers. Just watch him do it. Make sure they're not screwing up and give him a little bit of advice there, the laziest people you ever want to see. They live a lazy life, you know, in your 47 year career of working, they are damn lazy. They have it so easy, and everybody else has. It's so hard. Wouldn't you rather do the four and four years you're gonna arrive? Do you want four years from now be able to be truly lazy and wealthy for the rest of your life or do you want to be? Uh, overworked, underappreciated and underpaid. That doesn't sound lazy to me. That sounds like a hard working guy who's not getting the benefits of his work. I said, damn, that makes a lot of sense. My lazy ass became ambitious so fast I jumped into schools so fast, I said, I'm gonna do, like, next there, Okay? And I jumped in and he was right. He was absolutely, positively right. So how did he convince me he didn't try to turn a lazy person into an ambitious person? He tried to show me how I could use this strategy that was currently using because apparently I wasn't gonna let it go a being lazy and turned this part of my mind to my advantage. So whether I was using the ambitious part or the lazy part, they were still going to see the goal as the same and move me aggressively in that direction, which was getting the degree. It was damn genius. So that's a great strategy that you can use now to wrap this section up. I want to tell you an old Zen believe that's absolutely true. And I think I've been proven it to you over and over and over again. But I just want to seal the deal. We're absolutely trapped in our own minds. We don't know how to program ourselves. We don't know how to de program ourselves. We don't know how to get out this multiplicity. We don't know how to stop being negative to ourselves. We're trapped in here. We didn't even realize there's these multiple minds. They were literally stuck in here. But the old Zen belief is, once you realize you're in jail, you can start plotting your escape. This is the first realization of the wise man or the wise woman realizing that you have a problem in medicine. They have an old maxim. It says proper diagnosis is half the cure. Once I know what's wrong with you, the solution is obvious. Now that you know you're trapped, you can start plotting your escape. Now that you know you have multiplicity of mine Instead of having it work against you, you can have it work for you. Realizing there's an inner critic, you can change what the critic chain says in turn it from a critic into a coach from somebody that wine bitches and complains into a cheerleader. You can switch all these things I think you can come up with is many creative ways as I can come up with and a bunch of heaven thought off. So I hope that as you're learning these things, you're also seeing the solutions. Okay, that's it for this section, and I'll see you in the next training. 11. How To Defeat The PAST & The FUTURE: Hey, everybody, Welcome back. You're doing absolutely fantastic. Here you are in section 10. So we're just about halfway through your doing. Fantastic. I'm going to tell you something that I know about you. Even though I don't know much about you. It's that your winner. How do I know that? Because 80% of everybody who's gonna drop out has already dropped out. There's very few losers here. I'm telling you, how do you win? You go out there, you search for information. When you finally find a treasure like this, you don't let it go. You don't quit part way through. You don't quit halfway through. I'll tell you a story. I was actually buying some books. I found this really cheap bookstore in New Hampshire and they would sell the books for maybe 25 cents, 50 cents so I would grab a bunch. I knew what all the good self help books were, and I found one on physical and sexual abuse and flipping through it. All of a sudden, these Polaroids drop out. There was like, three or four of them, and this woman was horribly beaten. And apparently she went old school. She took some Polaroids, these of the early selfies, right? She took him in the mirror and you could see how her face was just brutalized. And she had one where her arm was just all couched up. And she took it to remind herself that she need to do the work. Do not forget to turn this situation around. So I took those on one hand, I'm flipping through the book, and I noticed you got about two chapters in maybe about 30 pages. And you know what she did? She had this secret of how to turn her life around. She had the perfect book, really? For how to make that happen. She taken visual evidence to try to motivate herself. And then about an hour into reading the book, she quit and she sold it for about 10 cents. Don't ever do that to yourself. Okay, Speaking of which, this is a very sensitive section, so I hope I don't say anything that makes anybody feel discomforted, you know? Or as if I'm taking this lightly. You know, this is a very sensitive area. A lot of people are the way they are, do the things they dio its name of the course, right? Because they have old warms. They have a history. And the first thing I want to use that people falsely associate with their history and their old wounds. That woman who was brutalized she is not her wounds. That is something that happened to her. She could move on. She could start her life again. And she doesn't have to cure it forward. And I'm gonna tell you the vast majority of people don't. But there's a certain population that they say. Oh, you know, I paid such a high price for this. You know, it costs me so much. Hear the words price cost. We think when things have a price or cost that they have value. No. A beating does not have a value. A rape does not have a value. It has zero value. Please don't be offended by that. But it has zero value. If I went out on the street and said, I'm gonna sell you a raper beating. How much would you pay me for it? I guarantee you nobody would pay you for it. They pay you to get the hell away from, but it's not worth $1 Your pain horribles it may sound to some of you has absolutely zero street value. It has no value whatsoever. Drop it. Let it go. I'll tell you a story. Uh, I was at my what they call a culminating experience when you get your master's, or sometimes when you get your bachelor's, you know, you have a last set of classes. I was going to North University and we're spend the last, you know, Lily. Two days, 48 hours there, and we're doing the Senate classes on the second day. We're just kind of doing a round table and we're going around. We want to talk about you know, why we did our master's program and what we want to achieve with it and why it was valuable and, you know, kind of our lifetime plan our five year plan and what we're gonna do it. Well, when it got around to this Boulder lady goes fast next. I'm like, Why is she so old? And she's doing this course she was, like, 60 62. But let's call it 60. I'm like, she's only got, you know, 3 to 5 years to use this, you know, unless she's gonna go into retirement years, she's never gonna get her money back for it. Maybe she just did it cause she's fascinated by subject, I don't know. So I'm perking my years up and she tells this, you know, horrible story of you know, I had a bad childhood and, you know, my parents weren't very responsive to me, and I was sexually abused a couple of times between the age of like six and nine and ah, you know, she just never, ever got over it. So she took a bachelor. She went to four years at university and she said, You know, I thought, you know, I had tried different therapies and those types of things, and it just didn't work for me. I said, I'll go to school and maybe I'll learn something that will be the secret that will help me get past this. And she said, Well, that's what I'm doing the master's program to because the bachelors didn't work for me. So I said, Well, take another four years, you know, go to a higher level. That's got to be where they all the good answers are right and hopefully I'll find something. So my question to her was, did you? She looked really sad and almost became tearful and said, No, I said, Well, here's my suggestion. Start your life over. She's like, What do you mean? Well, you're at this point your life. You draw a line in the sand, you say, today's the first day the rest of my life and you move forward. You leave the past in the past and you move into the future. Do over, I said. Bill Cosby used to have a little joke that he used to tell, and it was about, you know, just playing stickball with the kids. But I always remember this one little phrase he said, Do over. He said, You know, sometimes you're playing stickball with the kids playing baseball and the ball you hit it right down the line. Nobody can decide. Is it in? Is it out? And the kids just can all agree on one thing. Do over okay and you play it over again, he said. I think a lot of people in life deserve a do over. I think you deserve one, so you got to say to yourself, do over and start your life fresh. There was the first half. This is the second half and here we go. She's like, Oh, you can't do that I said, No, no, you don't understand. It's absolutely doable. She's like, absolutely not. You can't do that. I'm like, No, no, sweetheart, you do understand. It's absolutely doable. I'm not asking if a person could do it. Millions of people have done it. I've done it. I'm not asking you if it's doable. I'm asking you to join us. I'm asking you if you'll do it. Oh, you can't do that. Yeah, I didn't make the sale that day, but hopefully I plan to deceit, and later she'll realize that is actually at the core of everybody gets better. I don't care what therapy style you use. You have to start over. I'm gonna tell you a phrase that a patient gate, May said What's the best thing that you ever learned when you were in the intensive outpatient program? Me, he said. I think you said it, but it might have been somebody else, Mr Paul, But somebody said it and they said the past isn't getting any better because I thought I was going to come here and somehow I was gonna hear something, Learn something. You were going to say something in my past was gonna be healed, but I didn't realize the most fundamental truth of all yesterday is not getting any better . The past never changes. Matter of fact, I read a phrase that said the past is the perfect preservative. It never changes. There was even a little like biblical quote this powers denied even unto God, the ability to change the past. You can't change it. That's not my law. That's life's law. So all you can do is move on in. Every successful person has moved on. Nobody has healed their past. That's a bunch of pop culture bs. That's all it is. It's rubbish. So what am I trying to tell you here that a lot of people get locked into the small? They falsely associate with her history in their old wounds. But the past is the past. You are not your wounds. Your wounds were done to you. You did not cause these things. I never saw anybody that came into my office and said, Paul, I have a horrible history of physical abuse Yes, Mr Paul. I beat myself every single day and I have a history of rape. I raped myself three or four times. It was horrible. I still can't get over it. What? Course not. You don't do these things to yourself. These were done to you. They're not part of you. They tell me a boatload about the person that did these things to you. They're evil. But it tells me absolutely nothing about you. Except you're strong. Your survivor and you sought out help. Which means your damn genius. That's all I know about you. That's all that tells me. It tells me it happened. It was horrible and over. Last thing it tells me I know. Job one. You need to move on. Your past does not equal your future. Now let's look at when the biggest secret psychology and it shouldn't be. It's that suffering is the pain that we hold on to and you'll see how this links in in a minute. The strangest thing is that patients don't seem to want to let go there. Pain. Like I said, it has these think it has value. They've had it a long time. They're used to it. They falsely think that is part of them. It isn't. They sometimes get secondary gains from this. You know, every time you know something goes wrong, they got excuse. Well, I had a poor childhood. Or if you grew up my house, you do this to you know, it becomes some kind of secondary gain. Or I can tell this story and people feel bad for me. You know, I can tell myself this story, and this will explain a lot of things. Um, that I don't really want to take credit for that are bad in my life that maybe I need to take credit for and change. There's a lot of little secondary gains. There's a 1,000,000 of them. I don't know what it is for you or the person that you're thinking off. I'm not necessarily, of course, in this course talking about you, you know, we're trying to figure out why do people do the things they dio could be? You could be somebody else. So suffering is the pain that we hold on to. So I told a patient. He said suffering is like a hot potato. If I throw a hot potato to you and you catch it. What causes the suffering said, Well, potatoes really hot? No. What causes the long term suffering? When I toss you the hot potato, if you want to cause long term suffering with a hot potato on your hand, what would you dio said? Uh uh, That's easy, Mr Paul. Just hold on. Yeah, Matter of fact, even after a while, it would cool off, wouldn't it? Um, Yeah. So you'd have to reheat the potato, right? If you want real long term suffering, make it last year after year after year. Yeah. So what would you dio? So I don't know. Mr. Paul gets have microwave it and put it back in my hand. Yeah, you'd recharge it literally. How do we recharge a painful memory by thinking about over and over and over again by rehearsing it in our mind by playing the tapes over and over in our head by making a big and bold and bright and emotionally intense. Otherwise, these things fade over time. He said cheese. I never thought with that with Mr Paul. I said, Let's go. The most important part if you want the potato, stop burning your hand. Had he saw it? No, that's easy. Just let go. Yeah, easy to say A little hard to do, but it's kind of like meditating. It's not that hard of mental trick, but you just got to kind of find you got 200 find the right frequency so it's not hard. Might take a few days or a couple of weeks, but you tune it in. You figure out how to let it go, and that'll be the end of it all suffering. I don't care if it's anxiety, depression, bad childhood, whatever it is. Suffering, mental pain and anguish is the pain that we hold on to. Solution. Let it go now. Here's a good technique for kind of understanding this at a little deeper level and also how to let it go. There are two times that don't exist. The 1st 1 is the past. People that are trapped in the past have the illusion that the past actually exists, that it has power in the present. He doesn't. It's the past. If I said show me one thing from your past, you couldn't because everything that's now exists in the now you could even go grab an antique and say, Oh, here's something from the past I said, No, no. In the past, it would been brand new. Why are you showing this old piece of crap? In the past? It was brand new. So to show me the past in the present, you have to show me this brand new piece. You can't show me an antique. That's an old piece of crap in the present. That's not a piece of the past. You went through the past, but it's not in the past. It's not the past. Get it? Your memories start in the past. You've refreshed them, recharge them. You reheat them in the microwave. But they're from the past in the past is an illusion. It's a story in your head about something that happened and it doesn't exist existed at the time. It does not exist Now. Accept is a memory, a story in your head. Goal. Let it go. Here's the other way. People torture themselves with another time that doesn't exist. It's called the future. They worry about things. They predict things being the same. They worry that things were never going to get better. You know they do All these things the past in the future don't exist. We need to let them go. Let me show you why. Let me show you what exists in the past in the future that's causing you pain in the present. Now again, these air illusions. But it's a pretty good illusion because you're creating it so you can dig into your past, find old pain, uh, and just poured out around you and roll around in it. You can do the same thing with guilt, regret, failure, anything from your history, all year old disappointments and just feel God awful. You can choose to do that. It's a mental skill you have and you can choose to dio. You can take images from the future. Imaginings is what they are. They don't even exist. And you can pour those scenarios those fake stories all over yourself and have worry, anxiety, fear, failure, disappointment, all kinds of sense of loss. You know, people who worry about aging all these types of things and ruin your now so mentally, you're grabbing things from the past and imagine things from the future pouring the manure now in just destroying your life. Your brain can actually do this because it has a mental mechanism. You're supposed to use it for good. This is using it for evil. You're supposed to be able to look into the past, find wonderful times that could make you feel good just thinking about them and then now and enjoy them again. Wonderful. You could also remember times when you didn't do things so well in the past. Remember how to do them better and make your now in your future better by using these skills and being proactive. So that's great. You can also remember all your talents and use them and then out to make your now in your future better, you can use your ability to look into the future to see a brighter future. Feel more optimistic about it. See things working out So you have comfort and security in your now. You can also think about potential problems. Be proactive, solve them and then feel good now that you can solve them and not have to have them now and not have to have them in your future. That's how you're supposed to use it. The brain is a tool. It's a dumb animal. You tell it to use it the wrong way. It says Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. I'll get right on that. And it very dutifully does that. And you get the problems that you see here in this slide. If you say no, I want to use it the second way Mr Paul was talking about says Yes, sir. Yes, ma am. I'll get right on it. And it helps you help you help you. And you're now in your future gets so much better. You have to decide how you want to use your tools. Your gifts, remember, the brain is a simple tool. It's like a hammer. He doesn't care if you take that hammer. The hammer does not care if you grab it and use it to beat yourself over the head and destroy your life up to and including killing yourself. The hammer will never bitch Wanna complain or object? It just does what it does. Or you could take that hammer. You can build the home of your dreams. The hammer doesn't care. Your brain doesn't care. Be very careful. What? You ask your brain to dio that you lesson for today and I'll see you in the next section 12. Emotional Reasoning & Logic Systems - How To WIN!: Hey, welcome back. Today's training is on emotional reasoning. What is emotional reasoning? It's when you use emotions to do your thinking. For you. This is the classic challenge when people are trying to pick between the apple or the donut . Which one should be, well, logically, we pretty much know it should be the apple and not the donut. So why do we pick the donut so often? It has to do with emotional reasoning. Let's look at this and explore a little bit and find out why. So I use a simple formula here, e over i e stands for emotion. I stands for intellect. Most people think they do. I overeat that they're, you know, say, 80% logical and 20% emotional or 90% logical and, ah, you know, intellectual and uh, 10% emotional. But it actually ends up being the opposite. We like to think we do things for logical reasons, and then we know that we have emotions as well. We're not ignorant to that are blocking that out. But in practice, and marketers have known this for years, emotion trumps intellect. Remember, we moved towards pleasure in away from pain and there are, and we'll talk about this later. A lot of unconscious forces going on. Most of them have to do with, you know, emotional centers and the subconscious mind more on that later. So most people are swayed by emotions, not intellect. So what we do is we do things for emotional reasons. But later is another type of confirmation bias that makes it seem the opposite of what it is. We go back and we try to find intellectual reasons why we made these emotional decisions. I gave an example earlier about a guy feeling guilty cause he bought a sports car. Well, here's what happens when he goes in to get that sports car. He goes to the dealer and he says, Uh, I would like a hot red sports car and the dealer says, Oh my goodness, we have the hottest, reddest sports car you have ever seen. You got to see it. What's he playing on? Intellect. Your emotions? Emotion, he says. Happen that car. You look fantastic. Feel those seats. That's real Corinthian leather. Don't you crank up hysteria? Sounds great, huh? That surround sound, It sounds like you're actually there. You can push it up so high your heart will stop beating and start vibrating. Amazing. Hey, let's go for a test drive. They're going out for a test drive. You say This baby's got a lot of power. Go ahead. Nobody's looking. Put the pedal to the metal June and off they go. I feel that pushing you back in the seat. That's terrible, baby. You gotta have that. The guy gets back into the dealership. Dealer is whipping out the pen. He can't sign fast enough. He's so happy. And then he pulls into the driveway and he sees the wife and he says, Oh, shoot or some other adjective. All the sudden, everything shifts. And he's like, Sweetheart, this is a wonderful car, You know. I wanted you to have something reliable. It's got 100,000 mile warranty. It's got all kinds of safety features. It's got a place for the baby seat in the back. Look, it's got a little vanity mirror for you. They gave me free oil changes for a year, and they gave me a really great rate on this. That list I just gave you Does that imply even one reason why he bought the car. No matter of fact, sales people know that you buy largely out of motion and very little unlock GIC or intellect. So what they do is so you don't have buyer's remorse later. And as these people come at you like, Oh, I don't know your wife. When you're buying a red sports car, you can defend yourself and defend the sale so you don't return the item the next day. At least get past the three day lemon law and, you know, regret law. So marketers know this. They work on this, and those are the percentages they use. Here's your percentages. 90% emotional, 10% logical marketers will tell you. No, it's more like 95% emotional and 5% logical, but I'm going to stick with these figures here. You may have a different figure in your head. Every restore statistic will be a little bit different, but I'll tell you, this will be pretty darn close. So let's continue just kind of rounding off the logic systems. I want you to know that everybody has a set system for how they think and how they put logic together. You know the name is program is. Why do people do the things that they do? So to figure that out, you've got to figure out how their logic system works. Watching Episode of House It's a great great TV show. God, it was on for about eight years. I wept when they took it off the air. What was it about? It was about looking at personalities and logic systems and house, and even his interns were pretty good at this. They love the game of it of why people did the things that they dio and what were they doing. They were trying to discover how they used the emotion over intellect and what logic systems they used, how they put together reality. And it's a lot of things that we talked about what makes sense to you. How do you calculate things? And a lot of it is based on what your B s, your values and belief systems Remember, there's an old Zen expression that says, Everybody is perfectly being who they are. You were programmed in a certain way, in, just like a computer. If I put in the right inputs, I always get the same output. Why? Because you're working on a logic system, and I got to be a little careful cause it's perceived logic. And it's the other person's logic system. Not what sensible, not what's right, not what most people would do. What is your system? I am Paul Klein. I used the Paul Klein logic system. There's no two people that use a logic system identical to it. But once you know it, you will have very good predictive powers over what I'm going to dio. Especially if you see it more clearly than I dio With zero confirmation or any other kind of bias, you will be able to predict what I'm gonna do better than I can. Isn't that interesting? This is how important logic systems are now, conversely, because I don't want you to just understand why people do the things they do. I want you to understand why you do things. So look at your logic systems. Now that you're better educated, notice how you do things notice. The confirmation bias is that you have notice where you used the various defenses that we went over. Notice yourself honestly, just an honest evaluation of when you're doing e over. I emotion over intellect. And when you're actually doing intellect over a motion, which is it? Now that you're aware of it, you'll know to look for it, and you could be more honest in your assessment. You will better figure out your logic system. You will find several flaws in it, and you'll be able to improve it. And guess what? Your life will get better. And as you're learning all these different systems and there's more to come, or only about halfway through or about 60% of way through, you're gonna learn more ways that people put logic and reality and thoughts and feelings together, and you'll be able to compile this into a logic system. Okay, let's move on and I'll see you in the next training. 13. Understanding & Meeting Your Needs - The Hidden Secrets: Hey, everybody, welcome back. Here's a great piece of classic psychology which is gonna teach you an awful lot and give you a good parameter for looking at why people do the things that they dio because people will always follow this system. That's why this system has been looked at. Talked about, discussed, attacked and it always holds up. It's called Maslow's hierarchy of needs. What you need first going from the bottom. Okay, the fundamentals that core the base going up and up and up until you hit all the way from physical needs to self actualization. It will always go in this sequence to when you lose a lower one. You go back down to it until you secure it again, and then you go up to the higher ones. So let's take a look at these and kind of breaking down. So first thing you need to know is that we will do virtually anything to get these needs met these air primary drives. We need these like oxygen. Matter of fact, you'll notice breathing under physiological needs. Okay, Food, water, shelter, clothing. Sleep is the first thing. It literally is the same. We need it like oxygen, so the bottom one will always get met. Why? Because this drive comes first. You are hardwired as an animal to survive, to adapt. That's where why were the highest level of creature intelligence? Add activity and a passionate desire toe live. Now every animal has that, and we're no different from every other animal. So I want you to know that until you get your physical needs met, you won't worry about anything else. Matter of fact, I kind of skip over safety and security. Why? It's simply the locking in of the physical needs. We don't need to do a separate training on that. So the first thing you want to is survive and then make sure you continue to survive. I considered kind of a continuation. Now this creates a myriad. I've been trying work, married into a sentence for quite a while, a myriad of problems and stressors. One. When we're working on physical needs and safety and security, we forget everything else. We're focused like a laser, like I'd stuck your head underwater and the only thing you were concerned about you're not doing taxes in your head or worrying about what the government's doing. Or are my kids okay? You know you're worried. Am I gonna get that next breath? You're not doing your taxes in your head, Bull. You forget everything else. We will do things we don't want to dio. If you're starving to death and I give you a bowl of live cricket, she'll probably eat him pens And how hungry you are, right. We will make amazing sacrifices. We will make errors. We will lose things because of this jobs, relationships, even our freedom. We will make careless decisions that have long term impact. And ultimately we may hurt herself or others. That's why it's dangerous to be at these lower levels. You want to quickly go up this scale as fast as you can because your happiness is going to increase and you're gonna have less challenges now your next one which is a great level to be at but also brings what a myriad of problems and stressors is your need to belong. We want to belong. We want to be loved. We want to be liked. We want to be desired. We want to have love and passion and friendship in our life. It is one of our primary needs. People like, Oh, I don't need anybody in my life. And I don't need friends and blah blah. Oh, no. By our very nature, we're hardwired to be social creatures. What's the worst torture taken duty in a jail, Not a government jail, you know? I mean, well, yeah, get government jail, but not a military government jail. What's the worst torture they can do to you? Solitary confinement. Why? Because they know if they leave you alone with you long enough, you will drive you insane because you need human contact. It's a riel in primary drive. Now, it was like air for you when you were a teenager. If you remember those days, so let's look at the myriad of problems and stressors that causes peer pressure. Obviously, excessive people pleasing conformity, guilt. You have this fear of abandonment. You're so excited here, this new love of your life. What your very next thought. Oh God, I hope they don't leave me. That's your fear of abandonment, Jealousy. If anybody ever looks at this new love of my life, you know, low self esteem, bad relationships. So there could be a lot of challenges. I want you to watch out for these, but I want you to realize that everybody is going to have these issues when they get to the love and belonging stage. Now let's look at self esteem. Remember, we said, we will always match our self image. Every man, every woman is perfectly being who they are. That's the old Zen philosophy has never been proven wrong. So your self esteem in your self image think of those two words. Self esteem is the way in which you esteem yourself, and self image is your image of yourself. I use these things interchangeably because there's very little variation. So think of both, even though Mosley only put in one. So when you try to build up your self esteem and feel better about yourself now, they got a little friendship, a little level of belonging. Your self esteem still isn't where you want to be, so you start working on that. When you're doing that, you get a married a problem stressors, feeling we're good enough feeling like you know, you're noticing all your limitations. Um, he noticed that you have a lot of program responses that aren't always positive again. The fear of abandonment, jealousy, low self esteem is obviously the issue. Even the fear of low self esteem. I wonder if my esteems high enough while people wanted that's high enough. Probably feel that it isn't right. Self doubt. Self hate. You getting on you remember Your ego loves to do that to you. It'll make you try to doubt yourself and will make you hate yourself all. You could have worked harder on that. Every else is loving because you did a great job on it. Oh, but you didn't give it 100%. Could you have Dunmore? Yeah. Then you should feel bad about the percentage that you didn't dio. Your inner critic is brutal, brutal. You could have a perfect, perfect day. We absolutely crushing Even Your ego has to agree that you did an amazing job. You don't You're going to say you won't be able to keep that it for long. These are some of the challenges you're gonna have A this stage now, just to reiterate most of what we do day in and day out is to get our needs met. Remember? We talked in the last section about logic systems in the E over I This is another piece of the logic system when you're trying to figure out why people do what they dio go back to this triangle, go back to this hierarchy of needs and say, Where is this person? They're going to try to maintain where they are, and they're going to try to excel to the next level. This will determine in a lot of different ways what they dio and will become part their logic system. So make sure you're incorporating it in. Look at where you are on the scale, and in this section here, I want to talk about that purple section of top self actualization. They estimate that no more than anywhere you know depends on who you like in the literature . Somewhere between maybe 10% in 1% of people will ever become self actualized. The reason It's hard to get a hard number on that is agreeing what self actualization is When you hit that I have achieved greatness. How do you measure that? When do you know when you hit it? So based on that criteria got even if we're all measuring it accurately when the criteria changes, the numbers will change. Does that make sense? Good. So in broad strokes. And let's go back to Mosley the way he defined it. Self actualization is when you've reached an area where you're worried about morality, creativity, spontaneity, you know, have acceptance in your life. You understand how life works. Um, you have experience on purpose and meaning, and you're simply working on. You've got everything else. Nail downs, physiological needs, not a problem. Safety. Security locked in loved and feeling belonged Perfect. Good self esteem. Check. Check. Check. Check, Check. Now you go the higher levels. You may be one of the people in the higher levels because people that are lower levels, okay, They're trying to get a safety and security and physiological needs. They wouldn't be taking a course like this. You're probably in the loving or belonging stage, which means you have some intimacy. Have some friends. But you would like to build your self esteem and jump to that level and lock that in and feel like you have really good self esteem. Now, some people smaller percentage taking this course, maybe top 30% will be in the self esteem level, saying, I want to reach actualization. I've got all these things locked in, but I don't feel perfect. I don't feel like I have the tools, the knowledge, the information, the wisdom to go to the next level. I'm missing something. I've been cheated out information, and I'll tell you whether you're at the love of belonging with self esteem or even at the physiological needs level. You've been cheated on this information. I said that was one of the goals. I want to give you the information you need to understand how the game of life has played Bam so you can win. This will help you with all of these levels when you're trying to, you know, make sure you're at the physiological level where you're trying to make sure there's not too much month. At the end of the money, you're at the safety and security where you're trying to lock in your finances and family and social stability. When you're the love and belonging, the self esteem, and even going up to the self actualization, these skills will help you. Okay, that's it for this session and I'll see you in the next training 14. Understanding Motivation - The Ultimate Driving Force: Hey, everybody. It's your old buddy. Professor Paul, we got a great presentation here. This one is motivation and state changes. Motivation is a huge topic. Um, shameless plug. I've got a whole training on motivation. You want to check that out? Because this could go on for hours Just talking about motivation. But motivation is kind of the key skill toe have in life. You got toe got toe. Got to have motivation. You can't do the slightest thing. I want to use the example that you wouldn't even reach around a scratch your butt until you're properly motivated. But think about it. It would have to It's bad enough that you'd reach around there. So you're always doing this. Cost benefit analysis is the squeeze worth the juice. So let me tell you a little bit about motivation. It basically comes from the root word motive. If you look at it and what is motive? It's the why. Remember, this training is on why people do the things they dio and conversely why you do the things you dio. So the motive is the Why Think about that. Why would I want something? Why would I take the action. Is it worth taking the action? That's what motivation is. So motivation Is this powerful? Why this dynamic sense of purpose where you feel it's worth it to take the action much like you would purchase anything. If I buy something for a dollar, I want to get least a dollar worth of value. I'm hoping to get a dollar, you know, 10 or a dollar $24. 50. Hell, I'd be thrilled if I got $2 worth of value, but minimally to make it worth my while, I got to get at least a dollar value. And chances are if I think I'm gonna spend a dollar and only get a dollar worth of value, probably not gonna do it. Why? Because better opportunities will come by to make an obvious decision. If you say hey, if I slide a dollar across the table, you'll slide a dollar 10 back. Do you want to do that? Say, yeah. I want a dollar. Ted. I'll make 10% of my money in a minute. Boom. How many times you want do that? Won't do it over and over and over again. I wish I was getting 20 or 30% but 10 a bad. It's obvious to take the action. So motivation is what gets you. Take the action now. You got to be careful, though, because your motivation will also control you. If I know what motivates you, I can control you is not what advertising is. I try to figure out what motivates you. I presented to you and therefore I get you taken action. Let me show you how this works. Remember, we're always balancing out the pain and the pleasure, and that drives us towards an action. That's what motivation is. Remember, Skinner said. If I can control the pain and control the pleasure I can get, you take virtually any action. Yeah, what he was saying is I could motivate you to take any action. So where the two great motivators, avoidance of pain and pleasure. That's what motivation is. So think of the standard formula for sewing something on TV, and there's a lot of different ways to do it. But the classic standard motivator is pain, pain. Pain is they know that works. Oh, you've got this horrible pain and there's also this and this that causes more pain and Finally, it reaches its crescendo and I say who? But don't worry, we've got the solution. Oh, and then you feel release of pain and all sudden, there's massive pleasure and you feel so smart free and you're dancing in the street. And I say, What? Take action now? Just 95. You know, I still think you're not motive, I said, But wait, there's more. I do a stacking of additional pleasure on the way out, but that's what motivation is, using pain and pleasure to get yourself taken action. So get shameless plug. Take the full course on this. This is just enough to kind of put your big toe in the water. But I want to give you a sense of how important it is. It is everything. So let's look at one of your primary motivators. One of our most powerful human drives is the change. Our emotional state. We don't like to stay the same anything Robbins had a great piece on. It basically talks about what I want to tell you that say you're totally relaxed. What a great feeling until you feel it for too long. If you relax for a long time, What's your next emotional state? That's right. It's boredom. So now what do you want? Oh, I want a bunch of excitement, you know. I want to the sky diving. I want to go on roller coasters. I want to watch an action movie seethe superheroes, Whatever. Boom. But if you have excitement, excitement, excitement, excitement, excitement, what's your next emotional state? Well, I'm torn between burnout and anxiety, but pretty much, uh, you're gonna get sick of it. We get sick of every emotional state. That's the concept I want to give you. We get sick of every emotional state when we're in it too long, and then we tend to want what? Something different, and it almost always tends to be the opposite. So after a bunch of excitement, you know, maybe you want, you're on vacation and you did a lot of fun things. You had a lot of excitement, and you're all tired out. What do you want to at the end of the day, you want to switch states and you want to relax. Then you relax and you relax and fancy Haasis so good, and then you get bored and you want more excitement you know where you want something in the middle. We're always trying to change our emotional states. Why do you go to a movie? Because it will change your emotional state. Why do you take a drinker drug? Because it will change your emotional state. Why do you into relationship? Because it will change your emotional state. Why do you go to the gym? Because you think it'll change your emotional state. Virtually everything, because we live based on pain and pleasure. Another way to say that is emotional States were always seeking out different emotional states. It's one of the main reasons why we do things now. Here's the challenge because we try to avoid pain and gain pleasure. We want to feel good all the time. Here's the challenge with that. That's not possible. One life won't let you. Okay. Life will not let you second. Your brain won't let you. You actually have so many feel good chemicals. You know, basically endorphins and other neurotransmitters that will allow you to feel pleasure over , say, given day or a week. You've got X amount of those chemicals. When you run out. I don't care what they do to you. You're having the best sex of your life. You just won the publisher's clearing house. You know, you got $10 million. You know, your dead dog came back from the dead. I don't care what happens. Okay? The most wonderful thing in the whole world, you physically neurologically do not have the chemicals to feel it, okay? They could have a lot of fun between here and there. This is actually what causes a challenge for, say, like cocaine users. They take a budget. Cocaine. Does the cocaine make you high? No. The cocaine causes you to release a bunch of neurotransmitters that make you feel fantastic . Here's the challenge you blow through about five or six days worth in about 20 minutes. And then, aside from taking another hit of cocaine and forcing the system that squeak out the last little bit, you can't feel any better. And each hit is less and less and less pleasure. And then guess what? Because you've used up those neurochemicals. Uh, you feel like death, like the deepest, darkest depression ever had to Those neurochemicals can build back up to make you feel what normal. And then you do it again. So that's why I'm against drugs. If they had a drug that made you feel good, there was no consequences. I would be selling it. It always takes more than a gift. So it gives you five units of pleasure. But it cost you 6789 10 units of pain. That's the problem. You know, you're mortgaging your future. Yes, you're getting an awful lot of pleasure. But it all comes from somewhere and you have to pay it back with interest. Okay, Now the fact that we want to feel good all the time is a leading source of problems. You know, it's what causes anything from like addiction that we talked about two little things like procrastination. I'll do it later. Because why? Because I want to feel good now. And it gets later and later and later. And Onley when it becomes massively painful on your under massive pressure, Does it flip the switch and you say, Now it's more pain than pleasure to wait. I got to stop a craft today. And who you put out this massive surge and hopefully still get the project assignment. Whatever done in time. So wanting to feel good All the time can be a major cause of pain. Um, so you want to feel absolutely fantastic? Here's a great way to do it to cheat on your wife. Okay. You'll have great sex will be absolutely fantastic. You have a wonderful time. Um will be the best half hour to hour your life. Wonderful. Now here's what you gotta dio you gotta go through your wife cry in your Children cry and massive divorce Lose half your your assets arm or and make payments on the rest Bull. But there's something called the proximity rule. We like the pleasure now. Well, the pleasure now seems larger than the pain. Later, much like something close to you now looks bigger. You know, the closer it is, then when you look at an object that's farther away, So that's the proximity role. So a lot of times, because we're weighing out pain and pleasure and we see this pleasure in front of us like this gorgeous woman or whatever, and we will fall for that cause, the proximity role, and because of our denial system, our defense mechanism were like, Oh, I can get away with this nobody'll find out blah, blah, blah here tell you hardly ever get away with anything. You always get caught. You always get caught. It's like trying to get away with the perfect murder. You know, don't try to get away with anything and like, be honest and sincere because, you know, there's like, 1000 ways you can get caught. And if you can think of 350 of your damn genius, you know, So they still got you know, another what, 650 ways They can catch it. So don't do it now. The next thing is the desire to feel good. All the time is what causes addictions. I was addiction counselor for years. Me and I could tell you that's the straight up truth. Here's the other thing. I'm gonna tell you addictions. We've to calm the great unifier. You know why we all want something? Watch this. We all want something outside of ourselves to make us feel better, and we all want to feel good all time. What is an addiction? I take something outside of myself, and I use it to make me feel better. Now, for an addict, it's a drink or a drug. But there's a 1,000,000 things that you can use that are outside of you. You know, Not you. Just sitting there meditating and blessing out in your mind that we used to make ourselves feel better and were horrible. We've never been trained to make ourselves feel better in our own minds. Did anybody ever sit down to a training on that with you? Did you have, like, a six day training on that? I must have missed that class. No. Nobody ever teach you how to feel good alone in a room by yourself. Okay? Within your own mind, without using something from the outside. So what do we do? Like a squirrel trying to get the last night on Earth. We run around trying to find thing after thing after thing to make us feel good all the time. So we buy toys and clothes. We do retail therapy. Right? Um, we tried to eat because eating will release endorphins. You know, they made that massively pleasurable. That's why people do it. Not because they're hungry. Once last time. You have hunger pains, you know, haven't had hunger pains since I was, like a 12 year old kid, you know, I was growing faster, and I was eating and running around more than I could, expending more energy than I was eating. That's rare now, but we love to eat. Oh my God. Everybody on the planet wants to eat as much as they want is often as they want, as long as hard as they want. Now about 5% of us could do that and get away with it. The other 95% of get Bigas a house. So it's an addiction. That's why dieting is such a huge thing. Okay, we gotta teach you to go against your own instincts, which are to take a substance like food that's outside yourself and use it to make yourself feel better. So we do this with food, sex, gambling, exercise, TV, money, shopping. I mean, those are just some of the, you know, the biggies. But over and over and over again were motivated to make yourselves feel good. And here's the next challenge, which makes it even worse. Were horrible. It delaying gratification. A little picture of Carrie Fisher of Star Wars. Uh, she was a raging addict, she said. Instant gratification is too slow. Always remember that. I think it's a funny quote. What was funny Until Kerry died How to carry die. Did you see in the last Star Wars movie if you saw that she looked Oh, I mean, she looked like 89 years old. She was only 60. She's not even quite old enough to retire. She was a relatively young woman. Okay? How did she die? She put on some serious road miles. She was drinking and drugging and holding around and smoking cigarettes and everything you could ever do to cause rapid aging eating crap all the time. Um, that's why I say she looked like she put on some serious city miles, you know, even with all the makeup and lighting and after effects and, you know, surgeries and everything else. Damn. She looked old. You know, she's like, about six years older than me, but she looked like she was 20 or 30 years older, so we are horrible at delaying gratification. So here we've got this phenomenon where we want to feel good all time. We use things outside of ourselves. That's why they call addiction the great unifier. We're all addicted to something might be sex, gambling, chocolate retail therapy, you know, buying toys, whatever it is. We've talked about all these things, and we all stink of delaying gratification. So say your addiction is food, then you eat too damn much. Why? Because you can't delay gratification. Um, you shop too much, and you keep doing it over and over, getting like, Oh, I should stop. I'm so much smarter than this. But you can do it again tomorrow because you're terrible at delaying gratification. We have toe learn the skills of how to do this and how to move past it. So how do you get really good at something? Let me ask you that question. Practice? Yeah. To get good at delaying gratification, you have to practice delaying gratification. So eat later in the day of food is your thing. Um, shop fewer times a week. You know, have sex less times a week, gamble less times a week. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And not only delaying gratification, but moderation. We're gonna use all the Asians, your gratification, moderation, OK, eat a little less gamble a little less. Spend a little less than practice at that level. That will reset your brain to that level. Then go a little farther, a little farther, a little farther. You could do it with gratification. You can do that with moderation, but we have to. What? That's right. We have to practice. Get out there, Practice and I'll see you in the next section. 15. Defeat This Major Block .... And Free Your Mind!: Hey, welcome to this piece on the problem of distraction distractions air fascinating. They rarely ever talk about them in psychology, but they're absolutely fascinating. And they have a huge impact on why we do the things that we dio where you're constantly, constantly, constantly in a stream of consciousness, looking for distractions moment by moment. Second, a second when we when we talked about the ego and we said, There's this little chattering monkey who always talking, never shuts up blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, a stream of consciousness. It is always looking for distraction. If it keeps you distracted, it will keep you off balance and never what? Notice it. And you will need it because you need so much stimulation because, like we talked in the last section, you want to feel good all the time. Most these distractions, or about what? Making you feel good, but we'll go for almost any distraction. Let me show you some of the most popular distractions food, television, movies, sex, computers and phones and selfies. We're very narcissistic, this generation. Not that we weren't always we just didn't have the right technology, right? So we're always trying to find something and notice that these air things that are outside of us, like we talked about in the last section that are making us feel good and they kind of work some of our physical urges. Eating is a physical urge. Sex is a physical urge or they take us out of our environment, like TV and computers and movies. These are all fantasy areas, things we couldn't see, things we couldn't experience that we crave. But we're not gonna have in our life. It's pitiful, but it's true. So still more distractions. What are some other fun things that people like to distract themselves with? Shopping, Big One, retail therapy, other people's problems? I've got a sister. She loves to go through other people's problems. When she isn't gonna problems in her life. She starts on somebody else's or she goes and deals with their kids. Or she'll create problems, problems, problems, problems. She loves them. Most people hate problems. She loves him. Great distraction. Why she's focusing on somebody else's life doesn't have to focus on her crappy life. See how that works The news. CNN constantly negative news, all these different kinds of dramatized negative rubbish that they just pour out. But it's fascinating why we're instinctually drawn member. We will do two times as much 2.5 times as much. To avoid pain is to gain pleasure as an instinct. Our brain is drawn to the negative. The news people know this. That's why you see rarely any positive stories. Matter of fact, the only time will do a positive story once in a while is like a big time wrestler. Will rift lift you over his head? Why is he doing that? Because the very next thing he's gonna do is slam you down. That's the only reason the news will ever do anything uplifting is because they want to slay me down next. Politics is endlessly fascinating. There's so many different philosophies and issues and arguments, and it brings in all this emotional stuff. It will keep you completely wrapped up. Problems in politics, I think in news are some of the greatest distractions that are out there. Gossip is another good one. Work is endlessly distracting. There's always one more thing you could be thinking about or doing at work. We're worrying about creating drama. I told you about my sister that will create the drama. If there isn't any, kids will give you a t least 20 years, you know, per of drama. Matter of fact, the when they actually got the house, you think the drama is over. They never stop needing their parents. You will die before your kids stop needing. You were creating drama in your life. Hobbies are actually more of a positive distraction. Neuroscience is a major one. There's an endless number of things to worry about. If you can't find enough, please see CNN. They'll help you out with that or any news channel. Gambling is another one. Drugs again things outside ourselves that both distract us and what make us feel better. Yeah, relationships are a great source of distraction, resentments, daydreaming. You got nothing to think about. Think about any old thing. Whatever runs across your mind, shiny objects are anything that comes across your awareness that you suddenly get excited about. You can always think about the past in the future. Matter of fact, the average human being will spend about 60% of time thinking about the past, about 39% of time thinking about her warning about the future and only about 1% of time actually focused on what they're doing, which means you only live about 1% of your life. It's one of the major challenges in life. Shameless plug. I would hit my training on Zen. It tells you how to break out of that. People want to live longer. They've got all these anti aging problem products and things like that, systems that they use and diets and regiments and things like that. The question isn't Is there life before after death? The question Is there life before death? Are you staying present in the now sucking all the juice and pleasure out of your life? Are you barely living it because you're trapped in the past in the future for the average person they're trapped in the past. In the future, their life gets 99% wasted in 1% used. We gotta have better figures in that. That's what the trainings for so guilt regrets another huge one and much, much more. So why are we distracting ourselves again? This will go back to the ego. It's another great reason why people do the things they dio. Why do they do all these distractions? Well, we tried distract ourselves from the horrible pain of living. Remember the egos job is to make you feel bad, and then you've got to distract yourself from the pain that keeps the ego busy. So now it's employee of the year you couldn't survive without. It becomes indispensable by causing you pain, causing you problems and then saying, Don't worry, I'm your buddy. I'm your pal. I'll help you out. I'll make you feel better. Hey, let's go to a movie. I'll let's drink You know, let's eat a bunch of chocolate. Let's go have some crazy sex. Let's buy an expensive sports car. You know, let's focus on other people's problems something, something, something. So I'm not thinking about all the things that are going wrong in my life. That wouldn't be going wrong if I were able to solve the issue of ego. That's the other thing about the present there, because it will teach you how to defeat the ego. That's what most of the training is about. So we spend an awful lot of time in distraction, trying to get away from the horrible pain of living. But there is a way out, I would recommend the Zen therapy. I'm not aware of another therapy that will actually work for that. There's some great books out there is one called, appropriately enough Zen therapy. There's another one by Eckart Tolle. It's called The Power of Now, another great one. I would recommend that, but learn how to get away from this nonstop stream of distractions and get back into the present and back into enjoying these things. There's nothing wrong with going to a movie as long as you're enjoying it. It's not so you can forget about your stinking life, Okay? And the sad thing is, we're trying distract ourselves from quote unquote this horrible pain of living. Not because our life is so horrible, but because the ego is making it bad. And without the ego, your life would be great. So those are my recommendations, short training for this time, and I'll see you in the next one 16. Discover "The Source & Solution To All Your Problems": Hey, welcome back. This section is called How You screw you Interesting title. If ever there was one right, The dirty secret of psychology a number one with a bullet is that were the source and the solution to our problems. We create the problems and inherent and creating it because we're the experts. We also have the solution to our problems. Think of it this way. Uh, you see this girl here and she's eating too much chocolate. What's the solution? Don't eat so much. It's reality therapy. If you smoke too much, what's the solution of their stop smoking? If you drink too much, stop drinking, Pete. Too much. Stop eating. You get too many arguments. Stop arguing with people Simple. We caused the problem and we can stop the problem. We're the only one that can stop it. Matter of fact, I never really did quote unquote therapy with anybody. I did an educational process. I taught people how they were creating their problems. And then together we were able to come up with the obvious solutions and through an educational process of them, understanding how their mind works, they were able to make the changes on their own and do it intelligently, not just mindlessly follow something that a therapist said for some reason, they didn't know. So education is basically self help. I would teach them how to how to help themselves. It didn't take that. It didn't take me much longer to train you how to do the therapy with yourself than it did to do it myself. You know, I could do the therapy with you like an hour. Or I could train you how to do it yourself in, like, an hour and 15 minutes. So I would spend the hour and 15 minutes with somebody and teach him how to do it themselves so that they could do it over and over and over again with understanding with the therapist that will actually listen Teoh themselves. So I usually tell people you know, the good news that there's good news and bad news in terms of therapy. Um, the bad news is you're the problem. The good news is you're the problem. Thank goodness you're the problem. If it really was the government near friends and your boss and society and everything else in your bad childhood, you'd be screwed because guess what? Those things are gonna get any better. And if there were to get anybody, you have to go to them on bended knee and beg them to make it better. And guess what? They probably wouldn't care. They probably wouldn't help you. So the good news is you caused the problem. You maintain the problem and you can eliminate the problem. So you're powerful, not power less when we externalize things. When we say we're not the source and we're not the solution to our problems, then we're powerless. If I didn't cause it, I can't solve it if I don't have any solutions and I can't solve anything. We used to use a unique technique. It was called sentence stem completion. It would show clients that basically, even when they thought there was nothing they could do to solve their own problems, they actually kind of knew the answer. Even before I told I would simply propose a sentence and they would fill in the blank. So here's an example. They say, I don't know how I'm gonna fix this relationship with my wife moving my brother, sister, whatever. Husband, friend, co worker, I would say OK, so you can't think of anything you can do? No, I thought it like five things. That's all I can think of. I say, Okay, let's do a Senate stem completion. One thing I could do today to make the relationship better would be and fill in the blank, and they would actually be able to think about it for a minute, and they be able to fill in the blank. Then I give them the exact same one again. One thing I could do to make my relationship with so and so better, would be to fill in the blank, and they would be able to do another one, see the brain when posed with a problem, gets overwhelmed, doesn't know what to Dio when broken down to a sentence, and you just got to fill in the last piece. It's focused and the brain is awesome and doing two things. Asking questions, answering questions. So the sentence stem completion was almost always in the form of a question. Because your brain is an answering machine and you know more than you know, you know, does that make sense when you try to think of Ah, you know something like, how am I going to solve this problem? That's too big a question in your brain can answer because it would have to flush it out. In the whole, he'd be like, If you say, um, how am I going to write a song about a girl who left me? You will never write that song if you say what is one phrase that's catchy about a girl who left me that you could come up with String a bunch of those together and you have a song, especially because 3/4 of the song just repeats the verse. Okay, you just need a couple Ken joiners, I think, to two, maybe three of them and you got you a song. So come up with a catchy phrase, then the next catchy phrase in the next catchy phrase. That's how all song writing is Duck. Very few people, you know, like wake up from a dream and write it down Whole hog bull in one city. So remember that you're both the source and the solution to your problems, and you can solve them and try that technique of sentenced them completion. One thing I could do to be healthier is one thing I could do to make more money is one way I could have a better relationship would be to one way I could feel happier about my life is too all kinds of different things. You've got to get creative. You got a match to your situation, Have a lot of fun with it. Just remember, write that down, sentenced them completion. Give yourself a couple of examples right down a couple of examples. You know, Stop. Stop the video right here and do it and you will be amazed at how many of your own problems you can solve. Now, here's the other thing. Most problems or an illusion of the mind. See, people think they have these horrible problems. Remember, we talked about letting go of the past. The past is an illusion doesn't actually exist. Now you have to create that illusion in the present to hurt yourself in the present. Because why it's gone. You're like the magician where the thing already disappeared and you gotta make it reappear . The trick is half over the hardest parts, making it disappear, making it reappears. The easy part of the trick, right? So we can use our ability to remove illusions. That's why I love isn't there, because then therapy is what it's about. Disillusionment. So if a mental problem is an illusion of the mind, how do you get rid of it? You disillusion yourself, you remove the illusion. That's why reality therapy works. You know, we say, Well, how's that working for you? Or how many times would you like to try a failed experiment? You know, how about if you tried something else? How about if I tell you where the bear poops in the woods and therefore you understand the exact nature of the problem? Let's make it fast, simple and easy. Let's remove all the drama, and I can write this down your entire problem in under three bullet points. Okay, then, with all those illusions and stories and drama and layers removed, you can figure out how to solve the problem. So most problems are illusionary anxiety. What do you doing? You're worrying about something over and over and over again and creating this illusion that you have this horrible problem. Mark Twain had a great quote. He said, I've had many horrible experiences, some of which actually happened. What was he saying? He say I worry about 100 things and only one of them would happen. So he was pain. He was in pain 100 times. Why? Because he was imagining all these things that could happen. And how many times out of 100 that actually happened? One. Did he even have to imagine that one? No, because it we've been the same out of pain, whether he imagined it or not. When it happened, it wasn't protective. So problems are an illusion of the mind, and people are under many, many illusions because they believe a lot of falsehoods. We talked about this early on with it, with the programming and even misconceptions. Somebody was trying to tell you this, and you heard that. It's a misconception, but it's locked in, so that's another kind of illusion. I think the biggest illusion of all is that people believe in their problems. I choose to believe in people you know, people coming up to me and say, Oh, I'm no good and blah blah, blah, blah. It's like see you believe in your problem. You believe in your anxiety. You believe in your depression. I believe in you. I've never seen anybody that couldn't beat their anxiety depression if they believed in themselves. So what I do is I start out by believing in them. They believe in me. And pretty soon they see that I'm right and they will choose to believe in themselves as well. Especially if I'm doing really good therapy where they're moving along and they're seeing progress before. They never saw any progress. And I blame all the progress on who them, the person that created it. I could get people education, but it cannot create the change. You know, it's like working out in the gym. I could show you where the weight benches. I could show you how to work the weights. But you gotta work on yourself. Always give the person you're doing therapy with the the credit because they really did it . You're like the instructor like this magician here. He had an instructor, and the instructors showed him how to do the trick. So the easiest thing is to show somebody how to do the trick. It takes weeks and months of practice to get it down Really good. But then they can always do it. How many times out of 100? Pretty much. 100 out of 100. Just takes a little bit of practice. Now they believe they can do it. Why? Because they've already done it. So you got to help people to believe in themselves, and then they could make the change. If you're having a hard time making a change, I can almost guarantee you that it's in some way, shape or form. You believe your problems are very powerful and you believe you are very weak. You choose to believe in your problem, and you're not believing in yourself. That brings me to the next thing and all kind of wrap. This section up with this is that people do a weird thing. They argue for their problems and their weaknesses. Oh, no, I can't do that. No, no, this thing always beats me now. Every time I try this, it doesn't work. You don't understand how bad my problems are, Mr Paul. No, you don't understand that. Your problems are actually pretty simple. Um, you are powerful in your life. You're creating them. Getting rid of most problems is simply a stop technique. Stop thinking about it in the restaurant takes a little bit of education, and each time you beat your problem, you'll see yourself is stronger and stronger, and you'll see the problem is weaker and weaker. Most people are stuck in their problems because they have that tremendous faith in the problem in very little faith in themselves. Therefore, they will do what they will argue for their problems, and they defend their weaknesses and believe in their weaknesses. I'm just not as strong as you, Mr Paul. You know, Arnold Schwarzenegger got strong. He'd sit down on a weight bench and he left when he could lift. Then there was this evil bastard out there, and he would come by every couple of days. You start throwing some more weight, son and Arnold would lift on lift and finally get comfortable with that. Way to go. Who? Thank goodness I got past that, and that same evil guy would come by and stick some more weights on. And then he'd lift any lift and he gets stronger and finally got comfortable with that way . And he's like you. Finally. No more pain. Good. Now I can do this easy, and that same evil guy would come by, Arnold said. I'm still looking for that guy, but I get a hold of him and choke him out. You know, don't argue for your weaknesses. Argue for your strengths. See, the nature of every problem is that it tries to pose as a tiger when it's really a paper tiger and you could crumple it up. Here's what your brain does every time you let a problem defeat you. What does your brain say? It says the problem is strong in your week, every time you beat the problem even a little bit, What does your brain say about that? What is your brain give meaning to? It says, Oh, Paul is strong and the problem is weak. Oh, we thought we couldn't beat this. But if we made progress and we keep making progress, we can't not beat this. All we gotta do is keep going, and that is the correct answer. So your brain is always making meaning out of things, and this is why people start arguing for their problems in their weaknesses. They had the problem. They let the problem kick their ass, the brain said. What does this mean, it means the problem strong in your week. Then you got a little weaker. So next time the problem kicked your ass, even mawr, and then you got even weaker. And then it kicked your ass some more, and it got even weaker in the brain. Saying Yet Paul is going down, down, down. This problem is getting bigger and stronger. It's a bear. He'll never be able to beat this thing. And then when you go in therapy and the counselor says, Oh, you can beat this they're like, I know for a fact I can't beat this. I've tried a 1,000,000 times. A matter of fact, every day I'm getting my butt kicked Worse. You tell me. I can beat this and will be fast, simple and easy. Are you insane? Maybe you're the insane one. Slide over. We're gonna switch places behind the desk here. But it's true. Always. Always argue for your strength and against your weaknesses. Use the reverse formula. You have massive success. So when you're wondering why people get crushed under their way to their problems, why they this kind of learned helplessness. That's why it happens. Okay, I'll see you in the next section. 17. Agenda & Lies - How They impact Your Life: Hey, everybody, Welcome back in this section, we're gonna look at very targeted concepts for why people do the things they dio. And this is a great one. Virtually all action is goal oriented. What does that mean? Almost everything we do has a purpose. Very few things are random. Remember, we're talking about motive. And we said motivation comes from the root word motive, Which means why so every action is gonna have a why. So when people are doing something, ask yourself what would be the ultimate goal or what goal is important to them. And then you'll be able to ascertain what they're going to Dio don't say what would I dio? The most common mistake is to say, Why would I take this action? No new. If you're trying to figure out why Professor Paul is doing something, the perfect question asked is why would Professor Paul do something? What would his motivation be? Okay, what would his goal be? If you know what the goal is, then you know every step along the way. If I say hey, my goal is to get from here the grocery store. You pretty much know how I'm gonna get there. You're like, well, too far away. So he's not gonna walk. He's obviously going to drive. This is the shortest route I've driven with them before. He takes that route. So what, is he going to dio hop in his car? He's gonna go down a specific route. He's gonna get to the store. I didn't need to know all the details. I just need to know what his goal was. And I could tell you that everything that was gonna happen, the other 99.9% that was gonna happen between now and when he got that goal. Does that make sense? Very, very powerful. Always think about the goal orientation. And then you know the steps along the way. Now, we're gonna look at one other concept here, which is also very important. Everybody has an agenda. Write that down. Everybody has an agenda. Now we said that virtually every action has a goal or a purpose. Everybody has a over looming agenda. Say you're a parent. You know you'll have multiple agendas, but you're over. Looming agenda is that you want your child to have a better life than you'll have several large sub agendas. I want them to be a good person. Kind, courteous, loving, considerate, thoughtful. That's a major agenda. So I know every action you take towards that child will in some way, shape or form be driven to get that agenda. Even if you end up doing it the wrong way, you say, Well, I'll teach. You have good manners by yelling at you every time. You're not nice to somebody. Well, you picked a really poor strategy. I appreciate not the method, but I appreciate the agenda. Okay, you want your kid to be well mannered. It would have been nice if you went first, but I understand the agenda when I understand the agenda. Even though there's this crazy behavior, why are you being so rude trying? Teach your child how to be nice when you understand the agenda. You understand why they're doing it, so they're picking a poor route to their goal or to their purpose. Now, because we have an agenda, we have a goal. We have something we want to have happen. We have a thought in her mind about how we want things to be. That's what our agenda is. We're constantly trying to make certain things either happen. We're not happen. You know, if you want your child to be a good, kind, loving person, what has to happen well, you have to teach him all these lessons about morality. Certain things need to happen, like you need to give him a lot of love and affection. You also need to keep away from the quote unquote bad kids. You know that something needs not toe happen. You try to protect him from a lot of harm. But when it does happen, that's an opportunity to make something else happen, which is the recovery and repair that he does with the parent, Which brings you closer. So you're always trying to make things happen or not happen. So won't you understand somebody's agenda? Ask yourself that sub question. What would they be trying to make happen? We're not happen. When you figure out those two things, then you're just kind of fine tuning this whole thing in, and you have an even greater sense of what they're trying to accomplish and how they're going to accomplish it. I love this one. Everybody lies this kind of a quote from that TV show house. I think I talked to you about this early. It was out for about seven or eight years. I cried when I went off the air. It was all about him and his interns. Medical intern solving these medical mysteries. That was kind of the back story. But the whole of the rial story was each one of them had an agenda. They had an idea. They had a way of being in the world. They want a certain thing to what happened or not happened. They had that agenda. They had the goal in the purpose. And then they were trying to figure out why other people were doing what they were doing. And the person that always lied was sometimes them. But it was almost always the patient. Remember, I said, a patient will defend against getting better. They always say the problem is overpowering and they're weak. They actually support the problem. One of the ways they do that as they lie. Oh, I'm not having this problem. They lie by omission or they stayed. It's not that bad or they tell you it's really something else, you know, for a myriad of reasons, might be embarrassing might be a lot of different things, but you got to remember that every conversation has a goal and a purpose. The best salespeople, the best leaders, the best speakers. They have a goal, They say. What is the outcome I want at the end of this conversation and they totally go for it. They say, Hey, I want to raise I want people to eat healthier. I want people to eat less. Um, I want to get my budget approved Whatever it is, Once you know what the goal is, make sure every step you take is in that direction and you will win. So remember, too, that the other person, whether they're being this purposeful in the conversation, is that every conversation has a purpose or a goal. Very rarely will people talk much to do about nothing. Sometimes we'll do that when they're gossiping. But even then, every little piece of that conversation has a purpose. You know, I want to say this about this person, so you would think less than them. I want to say this about that because then you would think I was smarter. I'm saying this about that because this is a little passive aggressive jab towards you or I'm saying this because this is an analogy I'm sneaking in that is going on for your life. Well, I'm trying to very subtly tell you that I'm sad and I want you to make me feel better. So every conversation will have a goal or a purpose. It's a sub goal. It's almost like subtext. I said something, but there was a meaning underneath it. So here's the other thing that you have to realize as you're going through these conversations. We all lie either consciously or unconsciously. So consciously is the easiest one to detect. The unconscious ones are the hardest attack. As a therapist, I was always looking for two things. How you were lying consciously, which means there was something you were trying to avoid on purpose. And then how you're lying unconsciously? Because that was the thing that was hidden from you, that if it wasn't hidden from you, you could address it and you could solve it. And I wasn't looking at you lying as if you were bad. Um, no. We do this as a defense mechanism. Your problem is bad. The patients never bad the person isn't bad. Um, even a lie which we normally think of as a bad thing isn't necessarily bad. Why do we like consciously? Well, it's usually protective mechanisms, usually defense mechanism. We don't wanna look bad. We don't want to make somebody else feel bad. You know, my wife says, Do I look fat in these jeans? The correct answer, regardless of reality, is always no. So a lot of times we lie to help other people out. Like my wife used to say, you know, kind of a variation of Do I look fat in these jeans? She say, Hey, do you like these at this outfit? Oh, yeah, that looks great. You should wear that one. Then I'll be so disappointed cause she tried to more on that she'd wear the 3rd 1 but after a while they learn she does things in threes, especially when it comes to dressing. I mean, she will sneeze and threes. So when she would come out later, when I was wiser, older, wiser, had seen this pattern a few times, recognized the pattern and said, OK, it's always gonna be the third outfit so she would come out with this first outfit and I say, Oh, that's really cute. That looks nice on you, but I don't know if it's quite there. Burned out you go. Jeez, I think you're right. Okay. And she come out, she try another one, and I say, Wow, that's now, that's that. That's really nice. But I'm thinking, man, I got a gorgeous wife. I'm betting there's one more dress. You know, this would be a good choice. Don't get me wrong. But I bet you there's one more address out there somewhere in the universe that would be a little bit better. Do you think that might be true? Did she go? Well, you know what? Let me take a look, cause I was thinking about this other one, and she would bring out the 3rd 1 I would say Burnett, stop right there. Oh, my God. That is the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. You gotta wear that dress. That's the one. That's the pick of the day, sweetie. And she got Yeah, I think so, too. Notice people's patterns know that a everybody lies B they do it consciously and unconsciously. And as they're doing this within the conversation. You know, I think about two things conscious and unconscious lies in What is the goal or the purpose ? Why did these words come out of this person's mouth? A lot of times, you'll just think, Oh, they're just talking. No everything. Every word, every tone, every expression, every flick of the hand has a meaning or purpose, usually conscious, very often unconscious as well. Watch for both and you'll do great in what, understanding why people are the way they are and why they do the things they dio. I'll see you in the next section. 18. Gambits - Games People Play: Hey, welcome back. Now we've got kind of an odd concept here. We kind of glossed over this a little bit earlier, but people will do negative acts for positive reasons. I think the example I gave you was like a gangbanger. They're trying to get a positive outcome. They can do that in positive ways. You can do that in negative ways. Their goal was to feel significant, to have friendship and belonging. Remember that from Maslow's need hierarchy to survive. That was definitely a Maslow's need hierarchy and to have financial security again on Maslow's need hierarchy. So these are things that people want. It's things that they need that they have tohave. So where they find a positive or negative way, they're simply a human animal trying to adapt, using the best strategy that they feel work the best at their disposal. And remember, positive and negative acts are what those air moral distinctions. That's kind of a human distinction, you know in nature, they don't know about good and evil. The rain comes down and it waters the flower. The rain comes down, it washes it away. It's a force of nature doesn't know about good and evil. Nature does not know about good and evil. It doesn't care if it helps you or hurt you. It just is. So a lot of times, moral acts are like that. They just are. People are doing their best. But in the end, the outcome that they want are things that are positive that we want for them. I want people to feel significant their life. I want people to have comfort. I want people have safety, security, finances, these types of things. I don't always appreciate the methods people use. Okay, But I do appreciate the reasoning. So negative acts for positive reasons. So he'll become a gangbanger. Why? Because it gives him instant significance. Makes him feel especially Get to wear the jacket. You're part of the inside club now. You've got protection. You'll be me getting my butt kicked. Now they got to kick somebody else's, but always selling drugs. So I got financial security, okay? Always got money in the bank. I don't have to worry about protection. Okay. I feel love. That belonged. I got friends. Okay? I haven't path the way of life. I feel like this was my destiny. Boom. Done. we said earlier. Police officer does the exact same thing and protecting people on being a good guy. I'm gonna have a pension. You know, people used to kick my butt. Now I got three different weapons on my hip. Okay? Everybody is trying to get towards a positive goal, and they may use a positive or negative method to get there. Why do we do this? Remember, humans are designed to adjust and adapt to reach goals and to get ahead. Look at those three things were always going to Justin adapt. We're always going to get it and reach our goal. And we're always trying to a little bit better. We're trying to move up through that need hardware right here was trying to get a hit. So how did they do it? They pick a way to get ahead. That brings us to a very interesting part. It's the Titlist section gambits. Gambit is just kind of a fancy word for games. It's games people play to get their way. Let's But all the wrapping Aiken dio games people play to get their way. I remember I was working with a mom, and, uh, normally I go in the home and I work with the child and I worked with the mom or the dad or both of them. You know, I work with the parents and I work with Children. So that's how we do family therapy. Well, the child absolutely, positively refused to have anything to do with therapy. Here's why she was screwing over the mother. The mother didn't know how to defeat her. Psychologically. She would play all these games. She had all these different gametes. And the mother was defenseless because she didn't even know it was going on. For one thing, almost like why you took this course. She didn't know the rules of life. So when you didn't know the rules, you couldn't win. The mother didn't know the game she was playing, so she couldn't win at the game. So what we did Waas. If the child was around, they would usually play some kind of game like she would. You know, I would say, Hey, we're gonna start a therapy session. We'd love to have you join us. She's like, screw you. I'm not doing that. So what I would do is I would walk over to my white board and I'd write down Hey, Mom, She just played a couple of different gambits. It was great. Did you catch it? Moms like now, she just looked really upset to me. What game was she played? There's no game there. She just She's mad and she wants her wage. You're gonna have it. No, she played some games. She said, screw you. So what she tried to do is she tried to use aggressiveness to get you and me to back down. That's a gambit. So, what do you do when somebody tries to get you to back down and we just brain star? Well, I could just let it fly, but let her know that that doesn't work on me. Okay. Yeah. I realize you're angry. I realized that, you know, you're trying to use that anger to have influence over me. You know, I love to tell you I care, but I realize it's just a game that your plan and I don't want to play, so I'm just gonna blow it off. What else you got next? Tell me you got better than this. So see what I'm doing. I'm teaching the mom how to get past the gambit. Then she did the take away. She said, Well, you know Ah, screw you. I'm out of here. She'll walk away. That Onley works if emotionally, because it's an emotional gambit. If you're hurt by her walking away Said's gambit number two, if you say okay, See you later. But I got to tell you, when you come back, you're room will be locked. You're sleeping on the couch tonight. If you're not gonna do therapy and you're not gonna make our lives better, I'm not gonna make your life better. See how you can play the game right back. Every gambit, every move like this just game that you're looking at has what it has a counter move. It has a countermove. There's a way toe not only defend but attack back to block into counter toe block and a counter like a sword. Fight you, Perry. And then you thrust you Perry, which is blocking French river blocking. And then you thrust You attack. Okay, move countermove. So first you need to know what the game is. Then how to block that game and then had a countermove so the child would try all kinds of different games. And eventually what she would do is because the mom was learning more the games and starting to successfully block encounter some of these moves. She started hanging around the house pretty soon. She wanted to listen in. And I'm like, you know, you can hear better if you come in here. You know, we'd love to have a joyous Oh, no, I'm just making a sandwich. Okay, you make a sandwich. And then what I would do is I would say certain things to the mom to help her block the gametes and then do the counter move. You know, either child would act out somehow why we were there and I would list down that gambit. Or I would say, Here's some classic ones that you've seen. Let me know if you've seen this one or tell me some of the things that she did this week and then I would pull the gambits out of that. Now the child is getting really nervous at this point because the mom is becoming more effective. She's learning how to counter these things. The child is starting to lose, and the parent is starting to win and this is just unprecedented. So she's trying to listen in and a occasionally she'll try to do an attack, you know, and then run like hell like a coward. That was like a sniper technique, but it wasn't working. So when the mom knew how to play the game, the mom started to win. So watch the games that people play like, ah la times. People would turn relationships into manipulation ships. Uh, a relationship is one. My wife comes up, she gives me a hug and a kiss and say, Oh, it's so good to see you today. That's a nice relationship. I do the same back to her. That's a relationship. Why, it's two people coming together for mutual benefit, mutual gay. It becomes a manipulation ship when she says, Hey, can you rub my back? And I'm like, Sweetie, let me just finish this project and she's like, Can you do it now? And I'm like, Just give me a couple of minutes. Here's where the manipulation ship comes in, she says. Well, if you loved me, see the gambit she's playing, she's using the If you love me guilt card, Pack your bags. We're going on a guilt trip. It's the guilt manipulations, the guilt gambit. So I could probably do an entire trading. Maybe I will someday on just games people play in terms of gambits. But watch the games that people are playing. The strategies that they're using are actually games. Think of them as block, encounter, move, block and counter move. Think of them not as negativity or they're yelling or they're doing this. They're doing a gambit. It's a game. It's OK. You know. You don't play football game and say, Well, to be fair, not to be mean, Team a team B better not tackle anybody or better not try to run that ball up the field. No, they're allowed to, and you're allowed to block and you're allowed to counter. Matter of fact, if you don't both play, the game is not any damn fun. But as you learn the rules and you are skillful in these games and the other person isn't, you win all the time. I got a black belt in Ha Chi Yu Bo kung fu. I could take on about probably a dozen people at a time. If I don't run out of wind Okay, But why can I do that? Because I'm bigger in them, not cause I'm stronger in them. Not even cause I'm smarter than them. I have skills in certain areas practiced over and over. I realized that a fight a battle is a game. And if you are very skillful at blocking and attacking, you've learned those two skills where most people are just trying to use brute force. You will win every single time like a magician. I know that trick, and I can fool you every single time. So where is normally strength and physicality wise? One on one. That's about it. That's that's my match. Two on one. I lose every single time. Three. And once a massacre. Four on one. Why we even need this fourth person, maybe just for a witness. Okay, so I have to learn new tricks. So some of my tricks are positioning people so they get in each other's way, cause you're like, 04 people could pick Pilon. You need get nailed. I make sure they can't pick pilots. That's job number one. I make sure wherever they throw a kicker punch. I'm not there. That's trick number two I use their own strength against them and all those classic things that you've seen, I use psychological manipulation. I use positioning. I'm using, like, 12 different things at once. And they're just thinking I'm gonna swing in him and hope I hit him. And if he swings at me, I'm gonna try to duck. They've only got two skills. I'm gonna swing in him and I'm gonna try to duck. And I'm not real good at ducking. So I'd better throw more swings than him and try to knock him to the ground or some. Their skill level is horrible. I literally have thousands of things that I can do that I practice thousands of times. They've only practiced fighting every time they've been in a fight. Okay, I practice more in a week than they practice in their entire life. And there's 52 weeks in a year. You're gonna win if you get really good at the game. You know how the game is played. You practice it, you have your techniques and you know what their techniques are gonna be. When people would throw one technique, I knew what the follow up technique was. So almost like a chess game. They could only think one move at a time. I could take think. 123 sometimes four moves at a time. That's why I would always win higher level of skill. Jim Rohn always says, You know, don't wish life will get better. Wish you had more skill Martial arts know this. The most skillful person, not the strongest person that the biggest person always always wins. That's it for this section on gametes, and I'll see you in the next section. 19. Break Free From The Problems of "Attachment" & "The Sheep Mentality": Hey, everybody, Welcome back. You're doing absolutely fantastic. You're probably about 2/3 of the way through the course. Very proud of you. This one I just called interesting ideas. Why? Because I want to get these pieces in. They are key to why people do the things they dio but their little bits and tidbits there key concepts. But, you know, there was no great master plan and as the where to put them in. So the 1st 1 is instant old Zen belief is the problem of attachment. And they believe that the problem with attachment is that whatever you attached to will cause you pain say a friend comes over your house and they're playing with a bowl of yours and they dropped the boll and they break it. Now it's a bull. You're not attached to your like Oh, no biggie. I just got that at Wal Mart. You feel bad because maybe cost you two bucks, but that's your level of attachment to it. $2. If that was a family heirloom, you'll be crushed. You'll be hiding it as best you can that you're crushed by this, you know, it'll cause you anguish for days after, um and this thing was meant to do what? Cause you pleasure. But because you became attached, let's at least say over attached it's going to cause you pain, you know? Why is it painful when somebody leaves us in a relationship already ahead of the game? We weren't having any fun. Then We had a bunch of phone with them and then they're gone. We didn't really lose anything. We're still ahead. It's like if I had no money and then I made 10 bucks and then the money stopped coming in. Most people say you're ahead of the game, your head, 10 bucks. But a lot of people will grieve. Oh, I thought I was gonna get 10 bucks next week and next week and next week. You know, I thought they were gonna love me forever. See how the attachment this false attachment who told you that 10 bucks was going to come in forever, you know, And if you let that attachment go so you know what? Sometimes money comes. Sometimes it goes. Sometimes people come. Sometimes people go, the pain goes away. It's on Lee. When you get attached something to something that it because you paying? I remember. Listen to a guy in a therapy session. It was with the, uh, trying to think of her name by rank. Uh, Byron Kelly. Uh, I always think her, uh her last name is the first name. Because Byron Okay, that always struck me as a last name. But Byron Katie, um, she does something called the work Great. Great therapy system. If you never get some information on that, pick it up. You'll find her stuff on YouTube. It's called the work period. Bull. Great. Great stuff I used to do. She did it for love offerings back when I met her. Now she charges like 5000 certified in a three day period. So much for the love offerings. But she was working with a guy, and the guy had a lot of misconceptions about money, and they were all about attachments. And he said, Well, people should respect my money. And she's like, hopeless. They're never gonna respect it. Well, money should never leave me hopeless. It's gonna leave you. Money comes, money goes, money is a flow. Money should never leave me. What? What fairy tale book. Did you hear that it's gonna leave you. Okay, so when we get attached to something, it causes this pain. So we want to be very loose in our attachments. I have friends I love. I care about it. But they come ago. I'm very philosophical about it, You know, You tell yourself when one door closes, another one opens. I know if that's true, but, uh, make me feel better at the time. Let things go. Sometimes we hold on a thing so tight, that's what causes the pain. When we were talking about the hot potato causing you pain, that was a problem of attachment. You thought your pain was valuable. You want to keep her around like it was an old friend. It had no value, but you were attached to it. And therefore it caused you What pain? So a lot of times attachment in pain don't even have to make any sense. We still latch onto them. Why? Because they're familiar. Very strange. But there it is. So learn how to let go. Here's the next contact concept. We copy other people. Should we? Well, sometimes the answer is yes. You get a real high end person. They have some good talents and good skills. I tell you, the last section of Black belt Haka, you po kung fu. How'd I get that? I copied somebody. I mean, I literally copied my instructor. I tried to get so deep into his skin that I could feel how he was blocking and feel how he was moving and feel what it felt like for him when he threw somebody toe floor. Why? Because I wanted to make a really good copy because he was the exemplar. You couldn't get better than that. So by copying his movements by training by imitating did great. I got a whole training course in something called NLP. It's called neural linguistic programming. Neural linguistic programming. About maybe 1/3 of it is all about modeling other people how we can take they're positive traits and transfer them to ourselves. So, yes, in some situations, we should copy other people in other situations. You want to be a little bit more careful. Okay. Be careful what you cop, because you will duplicate it even in a very positive person. You would be copying some of their traits because they're positive but subconsciously picking up some of their negative traits which you're more hidden, more subdued. Make sure you have a good filter. You get the positive, you leave the negative. Here's the next thing people have something called the sheep mentality. May a May the best cheap I could do pretty good. No. Okay, we'll discuss during the break sheep mentality, All other things being equal. If you jump up and you take control, people follow along. I used to show people different strategies. How Even if you were like the janitor, you know, you're nobody in a meeting, you could take control. I used to do this. We'd like my CEO. You know, I'd raise my hand. I'd have a suggestion if I want to sell it. You know, I'd say, you know, is Michael once told me because he was the CEO. It says Michael once told me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And because I used his royal name right before I was going to use the ask, everybody was thinking about Michael. They used to follow on Michael. Okay, I was making a reasonable request. It was something that Michael would have done. Michael's listening to this. He's the major decision maker in the room. He's saying, Oh, yeah, I would totally I totally remember saying that I would probably do that. Everybody is expected me to go along with this because I just without even being involved, somehow ended up supporting this. That's Paul's genius. He snuck me into this, Um, this thing is probably going to go through even though it's CEO. I normally wouldn't let it go through. And the crowd everybody was above me in that crowd. I was the corporate trainer. Everybody was about me that were director of this or that I was. Nobody was kind of this fringe thing. Corporate trainer. It was strange in the hierarchy, Michael, because he liked me. Maybe one of the top five people in the company. There was over 600 people in his company. Hey, listen to me more than he listened to the program directors. Why I had his ear more. I made more sense. I used a lot of these strategies of teaching you in these trainings, so I had a very high position, yet I was nobody, but I won over. Everybody single in there. Everybody in that room, which means like the CFO, the vice president, Michaelis CEO and 12 other directors. And there's Paul, Last man on the totem pole and my initiative went through. There was a lot of people that didn't get their initiatives. Okay, mine always went through like butter. Why well planned? Well, strategized. I use the sheep mentality. I knew if I acted like, of course, you know any intelligent person is going to go for this. If I acted like this thing must be done. Has to be done. If I took the leadership position with the sheep mentality, they would follow in behind. You can do the same thing. When there's an emergency, there's a fire going on. You jump up and say, Follow me. Guess what? 90% of people in that room will follow you. They don't know if you know where the hell you're going. But you sounded so sure and you took the charge. And then there was social proof, cause a couple of people followed you, and then all the other sheep ran out that door. You could be running to a room full of explosives. 90% of people will go. It's the sheep mentality. Think of it this way. You're in a movie theater and there's a fire. I'll tell you to. Interesting psychological facts. You know where people are gonna exit. They're gonna exit in that one door in the, uh, behind you in the back of the movie theater that you came in from. Why? To psychological reasons. One in an emergency. We go out the way we can. It's just your memory. But to you've been sitting in that movie theater, maybe for an hour and 1/2 you're staring at a big screen. Let me ask you, what's on either side of that screen? Two exit doors with a lit exit sign. You've been staring at it for two hours. 98% of people will go back through that one door and probably crush each other. And two out of the three exits won't be blocked. And where's that one exit? Where everybody's head now, going into the movie theater, which is probably what? Hello? It's on fire where the two back doors go. They go outside where there's no fire. This is the sheep mentality, one person following another. Now, to add a little bit to this, people do three things people pleasing about a beer pressure and conforming. This is classically known, is ass kissing. That's a colloquial term for ass kissing, butt kissing. Pucker up, baby people because of Maslow's need hierarchy, the need to belong. They will people, please. They will about a peer pressure and they will conform. It's all for the same reason that belonging remember that was right above a member 1st 1st tier with survival. Stay alive. Lock that in belonging, friendship, love everything that would cause conformity. Now, this isn't a bad thing. I just want you to know that it is and know how to utilize it. I can get a lot of people to do things just cause I say please or thank you or ask him for a favor and they do it because they want to please me say, Boy, this would be a really big favor if you just do such and such for me, it's like they don't owe me anything, but they'll do it. Why? Because people pleasing is ingrained in you. This is not a bad thing. As a society, if we didn't do conformity, there would be chaos. If we didn't about a peer pressure. We couldn't get any consensus. And there would be what chaos if we didn't do people pleasing. If there wasn't some reciprocity, nobody would help. Anybody in society would crash. We would all die. So these things, it's good that it's in place. People aren't foolish for doing it. They're foolish for not knowing about it, knowing how to see when it's being, you know, covertly put into a situation. Okay, which I love the take of age of okay and not having a counter foreman we talked about gambits. Counter attack, counter attack. Okay, get a block encounter. Blocking counter blocking counter. We have to know how to do these things. So knowing that people love to please other people given an opportunity to please you do something you want and then thank them for it. This actually is great for people. Self esteem. It makes them feel better. Doesn't have to be a negative thing. Like I'm manipulating you sometimes the last people to help me. I don't really need their help, but I know they're having a bad day, and I want them to feel better. And then I profusely thanked them afterwards, and they're getting the social interaction with me, and I just feel amazing. Used to do it a lot of time with clients. If a client was kind of, like isolating or feeling bad or being down, I didn't help me with something I didn't really need any help with. Hey, can you help me make some copies? Stand here, and I'm gonna I'm gonna stab him in your arms or something, you know, or just sort these for me, If you would something I could have done two seconds by myself. Meanwhile, I'm just talking about anything. That's nothing that isn't depressing for them. And I'm thinking him along the way. This was really nice. You know, I knew I could trust you to help me out. Blah, blah, blah. Uh, you're really sweet person for doing this. And their esteem would just go through the roof. I could use positive peer pressure. Same as other people use. Negative peer pressure, I say, Why don't you come over here and hang out with us? This where all the cool kids are sitting? No, it was It was where all the staff was said, but I used, you know, a classical peer pressure term to get you to actually take the action. Okay? And usually when I say this is where the cool kids are sitting, you know, kids or adults laughed at that. Okay? Conformity, hiking, I can say, Hey, everybody else is doing it, you know, and you'll do it. What you gonna be The only person that doesn't do it. You're the only person that doesn't bring a present or this or that or whatever. You can get a lot of compliance with conformity. Not a bad thing. OK, that's it for ah, thes tips and tricks. This section. Now you understand a little bit more about why people do the things they do, and I'll see you in the next section. 20. "The Dirty Secret Of Psychology" & How To Free Yourself!: Hey, everybody, you're doing absolutely fantastic. We've learned a ton of stuff here, life changing. And now we're gonna learn another great one. It's dirty secret of psychology. Number two. All problems are maintained. Everything in life, if you think about it, is maintained otherwise. It what? That's right. It goes away. Don't maintain your health goes away. Don't maintain your position at work. It goes away. Don't maintain your house. It goes away. Don't maintain your relationships. I can promise you the go away. Or worse, they won't. But hey, I'm trying to make data theme here. All problems are maintained. So here's a new question. Ask yourself. Begin to ask how or why do I maintain or create my own problems? How my maintaining or creating my own problems now? Specifically, we're gonna look at maintaining. Here's why. For anything to exist, it has to be maintained. Its called the Law of Atrophy. You have a tomato and it's on the vine. It's getting energy coming through the plant going into the tomato, and it can live like that for a long, long time. Go ahead and do nothing. Don't damage the tomato. Simply take it from the vine put it on the counter, and within a few days it'll dissolve into a pile of mush. Why? How did you injure it? How did you destroy it? I simply did nothing. It takes a certain amount of energy just to maintain something. And it takes a tremendous amount of energy to make something better to make something grow . All you have to do is nothing, and everything will destroy itself. So when people have problems, I asked them how or why their system by which they maintain or create their own problems, especially maintain right. And here's what I do. I tell him, You know what? I'm not that smart A guy like that creative a guy. But I'll tell you what. I figured out how pretty early in life that there was one thing that I was awesome at. That I could always pull off. You know what it was like? No. What was it? I could always screw up. Can you screw up? And they're like, You know, if you actually had to, like, if I stuck a gun to your head, could you screw up? And people are like, Yeah, I could screw up Great Because here's what we're gonna dio. We're gonna take your problem and we're gonna figure out different ways to screw it up. Because if you don't work your exact system for maintaining or creating your problems, you'll ruin it. It's almost like I don't know how to fix a car. But if I wanted to sabotage one, I could go underneath there and to start pulling stuff apart, damaging stuff, twisting stuff, cutting stuff. And pretty soon I would have to go to long before nothing that damn car would work. Certainly wouldn't run. That's what we do with our problems. We figure out how he can screw him up. Maintaining or creating is the opposite. Takes a lot of energy, takes a lot of creativity. All you have to do is nothing. Say you have anxiety. How do you maintain anxiety? Remember, thought feeling? I thought feeling, How do you maintain anxiety? Well, you have to keep thinking anxious thoughts in a stream. Oh, here's what I would do. Stop doing that. Stop thinking anxious thoughts. We'll duck all the anxious feelings Go away. Why? Because you're not maintaining it. Now remember, everything that you don't maintain goes away So what I want you to also do is conversely why you're not maintaining your anxiety. I want you to maintain your serenity. Do some meditation, go for a walk, relax ation healthy diet, taking breaks during the day, listening to relaxing music, whatever it is for you that's maintaining of your serenity that creates serenity the opposite of your issue. So what you feed grows, what you starve dies. So I want you to starve your anxiety, and I want you to feed your serenity, and you will be amazed what happens before you're halfway through. Now here's the reason we can do all these things, and I want you to see this in a very empowering way. Were the cause not the effect you caused the anxiety by thinking the anxious thoughts. The effect is what happens afterwards. So we're not an anxious person where person is causing anxiety and human that human happens to be us. So the good news is like I said in another session, um, the bad news is you're the problem. The good news is you're the problem, and therefore you can solve it instantly the minute you decide. He just didn't know how that trick worked. Your brain is essentially tricked. You You didn't understand why people do the things they dio. And therefore you understand why you do the things you dio. Now we've saw that you understand why you do the things you do and you could be effective and changing it. You know that you are the cause and not the effect. Therefore, go for the effect you want. It's almost like when we said we're talking about the bumper sticker. What would Jesus do? I'll tell you a story. There was a story about a man who was walking across the desert and he got lost and he wanted to get to Greece and he said, OK, how the heck am I going to get to Greece and I'm lost? I don't know which direction to going Well, he was lucky. A man came walking across the desert. His name was Socrates and he said, Oh, this is great. Socrates will know how to get degrees. I said, Socrates, how to get How do I get to Greece? And Socrates thought about it for a minute and said, Oh, that's easy. Just make sure every step you take is in that direction. When you want to cause a certain effect, just make sure every step you take is in that direction. So ask yourself, If I were to be a man or a woman of serenity, what would I do in each situation? How would I handle this? What would I think about? What would I do? How would I hold my body? How would I breathe? How would I do everything? What would I eat? What I spend my time thinking about doing? What would I do or not do to maintain serenity? Boom. And if you just follow that, you will get there. So you were amazingly powerful in your life because you are the cause. You're not the effect. You don't have to cause problems in your life anymore. You don't have to maintain them anymore. You're amazingly powerful. It's a matter of having a tools which we've been teaching you. And to make a decision decision means to cut yourself off from any other possibility. Now, these are a couple of great life rules is not my rules. Is there life rules? Rule number one. We get more of what we reward. Rule number two, we get less of what we constant consequence. This is the essence of dog training. But this is why we do what we do. We were trained this way. Basically, with Spanx on her rear end or Scooby snacks like a dog. Okay, we got a reward. If we did certain things that were positive, we moved in the direction of pleasure. We've been talking about that since day one, and we moved away from the things that caused pain. We moved away from the negative behaviors. So if you have somebody in your life, okay, it's gonna sound horrible. But in some ways, you need to train him like a doc. If you want them to do more of something, you gotta constantly reward that they're not constantly, constantly could do it less over time. But initially you wanna let them associate a reward with that behavior. So you do it very consistently over time, you could just maintain and just do it periodically. Benefactor were part of psychology is that intermittent reward will work better than a steady reward. That's why those one armed bandits work great and you know, Las Vegas. But we also get less of what we consequence. So let people know when you're not happy with things and give him a consequence, and they'll do it less. I used to do is very subtly in group. If somebody said something really great, I would say, Man, that was greater. Damn, I never thought it. That's really smart, Okay, Or that was really nice you to share that. You didn't have to do that. That was That was beautiful. See, I'm rewarding something. There's no dollar amount going back and forth. I'm not giving him candy. A little nut against that, I would sometimes bring in chocolate or donuts Another another Scooby snack, right? But if somebody said something that was really negative and group I go, Damn, that was kind of harsh or I don't know if that's quite the way I would have said that, But I understand your sentiment, you know? Or I just wouldn't say anything. Just not recognizing it, not rewarding it, rewarding the positive stuff and just ignoring the negative stuff. That was enough. But better to use a little reward in a gentle consequence. Okay, I would even have I would do something like I would say Well, I appreciate that thought. I'll tell you what, say that back to them, but I want you to stay in the positive form, Okay? The consequence was having to do it over and getting called out in the behavior when you thought it was going to sneak by in. The reward was if he did a good job restating it and you probably were going to do, they would do that at least three course of time. I see that took a big man to do that. You did awesome job that I could have done that better myself. Absolutely fantastic. Proud of you. Excellent. So remember this in life. A lot of times we want people to act certain ways, but we don't reward them when they do what we want. We're usually pretty good about consequence ing them when we don't get what we want. But a lot of times that creates resistance. So I would rather do more with the reward. Unless, with consequence cause consequence can sometimes come back on you. And especially if you're being a good student of life. And you're realizing that hey, every time I consequence, they just dig in deeper Hello. Be a good student. Don't do that now. The next the next Ah, concept is focused management. Remember this. Write this down. Whatever you focus on you get more off. This is how an anxiety disorder starts. This is how depression starts. You think about one little thing that your little anxious about a little nervous about, and the more you focus on, the more different ways you can think of to think about it and therefore you focus on it more and with greater variety. Then you kind of escalate. All could be, you know, worse and worse and worse than where she keep escalating. How bad it is. That's the wrong thing to do because the more time you spend on it, the bigger gets and the bigger gets, the more anxious you get, the more anxious you get, the more you focus on what anxious things, cause that's where your mind is. You can see how depression would work the same way. Think of mildly depressive thought. Think of a couple of the bad things that could happen. Start Gunny, sacking them together. Start saying them over and over in your mind. In a cycle, start escalating the level of how bad they could be. And then you're focused on depressive things, and this works a second way to when you focus on certain things. One the read you get more of it is is say you're anxious you will start scanning the environment. Remember the confirmation by she would start looking for things in the environment that matched up with your belief. Right now you're believe his anxiety or depression. So you're going to scan your environment and you're gonna find everything and suck it in to your mind, to your life, to your anxiety, to make it stronger that matches up with being anxious or depressed. Then anything that says what? You shouldn't be anxious or depressed or you know good things in life. You're gonna poo poo those. Okay, where you gonna turn that positive into a negative? Okay, so remember, whatever you focus on your going to get more off could be a now we talked about in terms of negative things. You can also focus on positive things, you know, love and confidence and happiness and, you know, having a positive future. And you know all the bright things that have happened to you over time and all the great things are gonna happen to in the future. You know, be careful where you put your focus. Wherever your focus goes to attend a linger, it's gonna tend to grow. So almost like the Scooby snacks. Whatever you give focus to that will grow. Whatever you starve, that'll die. That's how you work it. Make sure you're working the formula in the right way. Now, this is another key concept of why people do the things they dio. I can't say enough about this. We have something called explanatory style. Explanatory is a big fancy word you can see explain right in it. I sometimes call it explanatory style. You know, I slur the word a little bit, so people realize that it's an explaining style way of explaining things. So our way of explaining things is literally going to determine what we will do and how we will feel. So, um, classic example is girlfriend leaves you, Do you say, Oh, my God, She left me and I'm no damn good. No woman will ever love me. That'll make you feel one way, okay. And take a certain action or you could say Thank God she left me. So somebody decent coming in my life that will make you feel another way and take a different set of actions. Notice that the situation is exactly the same. But what determines both the outcome, The feeling and the action, how you explain it? Some people are winning in life, but they keep score lousy and they act as if they're losing. Why, it's because of how they explain things. I remember one guy, he said, explaining is huge. Say you lose your job, Okay? One ways to explain it is I'm gonna lose a bunch of money. I'm going to be embarrassed. I don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. It's gonna be horrible. What if I don't like? My next job is much blah, blah, blah, blah, and you go on and on or not. The other way to explain it is before I pretty much peaked. They were gonna let me go anyways. And now, before I had one job and only one possibility. My life. Now I have infinite possibilities. That's excellent. That's a great way of explaining things to yourself. You're not kidding yourself. You're not lying to yourself. You're just using a different explanation. Although sometimes when things were really bit Yeah, go ahead and lie to yourself a little. Fake it till you make it. It's OK, but ah, lot of why we do. The things we do is the way that we explain it to ourselves when you're justifying stump thing. What are you literally saying? Oh, I'm coming up with a pleasant way of explaining why I do this thing and why it's OK. Everybody justifies or explains why they do everything. Here's why. Remember Maslow's need hierarchy, uh, 4th 1 up self esteem. Remember, I said, you can't go outside your self image, so you have to explain everything that you do Good, bad or indifferent Writer Raw on, Target her off target matches with what you feel. You are or doesn't match it now has to match. So you will explain in such a way that it was okay to do this thing and it does match with who you are. I think my kung fu instructor was one the most confusing people I ever met because sometimes somebody would say something nasty to him, and he wouldn't even look over them or you look over them. He'd smile like he was great in a friend and he walked away. What was he doing? The way he explained it is, he said, I'm proving my mastery of my martial arts by having mental control, and I'm letting that go another time he be walking down the hall and somebody would say something nasty to know who these suicidal people are. But they did, and David would beat them about the head and face and they fall on the ground. So look, Bob Felder, Oops. How does that match up with what he had just said? While he matched it up, He said, I'm proving my mastery. I worked very hard. I have great mental control. I can choose to beat you or not beat you in this situation. I chose to beat that person, and I proved my master. I mastered over them. So I guess where he kind of found which one he would do was based on the person. What did that person need? One person just needs some ignoring or some kindness. Or maybe they were having a bad day or something like that. Somebody else was hurtful to other people when they got done with David. If there stupid of to say, is to him, they're going to say to six other people and get in a fight with him. Maybe hurt somebody. So he was being proactive nipping that in the but they weren't gonna be hurting anybody today. Yeah, they're gonna be home nursing their own wounds. So he always had a way of explaining things. And I'll tell you, if I drill down, even is crazy. Some of the things he did seem he always had a really good, kind, loving explanation of why he did it. He's like some people need kindness and some people need aversion therapy. Even a therapist would do that. You know, I'm like, Damn, that's absolutely right. And when he explained why he did it, it was based on the other person, not him. That's what confused me. So remember that people always have a way of explaining things. And if you know how when a situation comes up, this person likes to explain themselves, you'll also know what they're going to do and how they're gonna feel about it. Now if you want to change how somebody does some. You want to use this as a tool of influence and shameless plug. I got a huge course on influence, so you want to check that out? But, ah, if you want to influence somebody, change the way you explain the behavior. Okay, If you want somebody to do something different, explain in a different way. So, you know, maybe it would have been better to show that person kindness. Maybe that person was being mean to you because their father had been mean to them their whole life. How is beating on a kid that's been beat on his whole life and therefore, his mean, How is one we're beating? Going to help him now? If you think of it that way, you're no longer free to beat on that person. Okay. Before that, USAID only totally deserved a man. If I d swung on the first, I even saw a day when something was swinging him. He'd block it. He blocked 56 times and say, this is gonna go horrible for you. If I start hitting you. Do you want to stop now? Hurry up. My arms are getting tired. If you don't like me block and you're gonna hate you wanna start beating on you And he would let the person go. And I'm like, That's amazing. Normally he let stuff go or he take the person out immediately hears him going down the middle road. This man had a wide range of approaches to deal with things, and it wasn't based on his feeling. It was based on what was best for the person in front of him. He was just so intuitive with this. So we can always change how the other person acts by Rita re explaining it to think of it this way. Uh, therapy. They have something called reframing. Do you know what reframing is? Think of it like a picture. A lot of times, when you put a picture in different frames, the picture looks totally different and one frame will look like it's kind of Woods E. And another one looks like it's kind of, you know, Nouvel relation. Another one will kind of look like it's new Wave in another one. You go, Dan, that pictures ugly. It's just a horrible frame. The frame you put it in makes it look different ways. But the picture hasn't changed. So that's what reframing is when you state something a different way. When you explain in a different way, when you put it in a different light, it looks different. So that's what a lot of therapists do. You could be a great therapist if you did nothing but Master reframing. Okay, Somebody says I was a jerk my whole life. I say, thank God that's over. Good thing you're in therapy. We don't do that anymore. Who? That was close. And they're like, What are you talking about? I'm like, Well, you're not a jerk anymore because you're in therapy. Jerks don't come to therapy. Jerks are perfectly happy being jerks don't become better. People go to therapy. What do you high course? They don't. Therefore, I know you're a better person and you want to better from here forward. Therefore, you might have been a jerk your whole life. You're not anymore. That's a refrain. Somebody can say, Um, what's a good example? Well, a lot of times people have losses in their life, like the girlfriend. I showed your reframe for that, you know? Thank God they left So somebody decent come into my life. some people. Uh, I remember when my mom died. Everybody's like, Oh my God, this is horrible. And there's such a horrible loss and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like I do understand. She was 84 years old. She had congestive heart failure. She had a wonderful life. You can see she has people just lining up here. She's got 50 times more friends than I do. She never had any major hardships in her life. She loved everybody. Should I never heard her say an unkind word about anybody? She always enjoyed her life. We should all do so well. There should be a celebration of somebody live their life virtually perfectly and got the hell out at a ripe old age. Well beyond even with even congestive heart failure well beyond the average age of 77 she outlived even the average person By what's that? Seven years with congestive heart failure? This is not a problem. This is solution. She lived a good life. She lived it with kindness and honor and left perfect. The woman died in her sleep. This is not a time to be crying. Convention. Okay? People can end up in therapy you know after this because they're so worried they lost their mother. Why? If she had a horrible life and she was a horrible woman and she drank herself to death and she never turned around and we never had any good times with her and she just ruined her life and didn't have to be like that, I'd say, Yeah, but we should cry our ass off for a little while. That's horrible. See how the way you explain things matters so much in what you will do and how you will feel. Think of this way. Things were going great. My business. I feel wonderful because I explain this. Hey, things are going great and I'm making money and everything else. But when things go bad in my business, you know what I dio? I said, that's wonderful, too. This is going to show me some problems. I have my business that I'm now gonna fix that are going to make things better in the future instead of getting mad that I'm not doing the sales. I'm not doing the volume. This or that isn't happening. My business that I want, I don't get angry at it. I attack the problem. I kicked button. I take names and I feel good about taking massive action, I said. Before I was sitting on my button. I was making money. I was fat, happy and stupid. But hello. I was fat and stupid. Now I could be kicking butt and taking names. And when this thing turns around, I started making good money again. I can say, Yeah, that was me and feel proud about it. You know, it's not a rocky story if you start at the top of work your way to the bottom. So these air different ways that explain things to myself when things are down that make me feel better and moving in a positive direction, and they have the benefit of being accurate. Whenever you're doing a reframe wherever you're doing explanatory style, make sure it's really whatever humanly possible. Everything I said, the patient Hey, you're a good person cause you're in treatment. Yeah, that's inescapable. That's not wrong. That's not something to make him feel better. That's not me saying, Oh, you're a good kid. Don't worry, you're making that up. That's an opinion. You're in therapy and jerks don't go to therapy because they don't care about therapy and they don't want to get better. Damn, that's really that's true. That's 100% true. Yeah, Okay, so now you know how to do for reframing. You understand explanatory style. You understand that everybody has an explanatory style and that they justify every single action. But you can loosen that up with reframing and help them see the real truth. But do it kindly. Do it slowly. Do it gently. Remember, if I say something to a client, they're not listening. We have a clinical term for that's called Talking to yourself. I only tell people at the level they can hear in the amount they can hear. It's like weight lifting. You don't take £400 drop it on their neck. You give him as much as they can handle. OK, any move on, take your time. I'll see you in the next training 21. Tap Into The Power Of The Unconscious Mind: Hey, everybody, Welcome back. We've got a great training here. Free today on the unconscious mind. Got to be the coolest thing ever. Here's what I love is that it's a little known psychological fact that most of our processes are unconscious. I'm gonna give you a stat that's gonna blow your mind. In the time that you conduce one conscious unit of thought. Let's call the transaction your unconscious mind conduce a 200,000 bam Wow, that is so fast. And this shows you the percentage of how much you're controlling versus your unconscious mind. Now, how can this number even be possible? Think of it like you're in your car and there's like, 2400 different parts in your car and you're driving the car and you're steering it. All you're doing is staring. You know, you have to push the gas, work the signals, do the wipers doing that. You're just gonna turn the wheel despite the fact that they're, say, 2400 different parts in that car. One part that wheel is what is directing the entire thing. So what controls the vehicle? The 2400 parts where the steering wheel it's kind of a philosophical argument, but here's what you gonna find. Remember when I said 99.99% of your thinking is repetitive, This is part of the reason why because your brain is repetitive and you're doing things unconsciously. So the smallest portion of what you're doing is conscious and the rest is unconscious. Think about it. Our best scientists. If you put them all in a room and you gave him 20 years to do it, they couldn't make one living cell. Now you're a place about a 1,000,000 blood cells every second. But you did it again. Who? You did it again. Oh, you did it again. How'd you do that? While some its partial on mechanical. But a lot of it is your subconscious mind. It knows how to create the blood cells. It makes the blood cells and boom, and you don't have to think about it. Your heart's been beaten all day long. You've been breathing all day long, million's and million's of processes that you don't have the slightest notion how they work and they're going on all the time. Unconsciously now that's just in the structural part of your body. If you remember that told iceberg analysis of you know, here's your conscious mind at the tip of the iceberg when you get this huge piece underneath. That is true. You know, I just always wonder, is that true? Isn't that true? It's true. I think about it when you're walking. That's a thought process. You guys say I'm gonna walk from here to there, but literally What you do is you say I'm gonna walk from here to there. You have the intent. You actually don't know how to walk from here to there. Now that may sound strange, but why do you see all these like TV shows where somebody has a stroke and then they gotta learn how to walk again, you know, and they haven't do it in about three days, but normally takes about, you know, six months. Why? Because there's thousands and thousands of calculations that you have to do just to stand upright. There's hundreds of muscles that have be perfectly balanced. That's why when they're trying to do stuff like bionics and they're trying to artificial limbs and they're trying to artificial intelligence behind those computer limbs, it is so difficult because it takes so many calculations just to stand still, not to tip over. And it takes even more to walk forward, to leap, to jump, to skip toe hop the dodge to re balance when you're tipped, you know all these types of things, so you can think, Hey, I don't want to tip over and your body, your subconscious will make sure that you don't tip over. You can think I want to run from here to there and you think you're actually doing the running. But your subconscious does all those millions of calculations so you can run across that field. That's why it's 200,000 toe one. No. Since then, we've learned even scarier stuff that basically a lot of times what happens is your subconscious makes the decision for you, and then you kind of go along with it. They learned this when they were doing electro stimulation on people's arms. They said, you decide which arm you want to go up. Okay, Every time the clock turns to three, so close 123 That way, I know when you're going to do it, and you know when you're gonna do it. But what they would do periodically is they would have these electro these little pads. If you ever done like tens therapy or any kind electro therapy that those little pads, it'll give just a little bit of low level electricity to that and your arm will twitch or whatever. What they would do is they would have one of those on each arm. And when it was just about to hit the three at about two minutes 2.45 seconds, they would hit that button on the arm and whether that was the arm you were gonna pick or not like nine at 10 times and statistically it should have been 50 50. You would say, Yeah, I meant to put my arm up is a matter of fact. I was gonna lift the other one, but at the last second I decided to move that one. It was the weirdest thing. You know what's actually happening? You really were gonna move the left one. But I stimulated the right one, and you put it up to justify it. Afterwards, your brain went back and said, Oh, yeah, I totally meant to do that. So the weird thing is whether we choose something or something has chosen for us. Our brain will go back and say, Yeah, I totally meant to do that. I chose that. We've proven that scientifically now. So how do we know when we choose? They were. So you're walking out the end of your driveway and you're gonna walk down the block and you got two choices and go left or right. How do you know that decision wasn't made for you? And then you just read Decided what your subconscious wanted to do anyways, So mind blowing, this is And no matter which way you go, even if you like, started going left and they turn around, right? How do you know that wasn't already predetermined? There actually is no way to know. So there's not a good scientific way to prove that we actually choose things. And what percentage and when it's unconscious and what's not unconscious, I hope that nail this down. But it proposed something really scary that just like 99.9% of what you think about is repetitive. 99.9% of what you decide. Maybe unconscious as opposed to conscious. So we know scientifically that were basically like the steering wheel, were able to turn that wheel and move this machine that we don't do all the other processes and most of the things that we dio look at your day when you brush your teeth, do you brush in a different way every single day? Are you brushing the exact same way every single day? I know when I brush my teeth when I shower, when I drive to work, anything that I do on a regular basis, I make my coffee the same damn way. I put like six different ingredients in it. So there's got to be, you know, at least 47 different ways that I could put those in different combinations. I always do the exact same thing in the exact same combination unless I lose track of what the hell I'm doing. We are amazingly repetitive in the thoughts that we think in the patterns that we follow. That's the next thing. This means that most of what you do is on complete autopilot. I just think that's cute, spare ever to just throw that out there. I like bears, Okay, so most of what you're doing in life is on autopilot now. Why is that? Well, I'm glad you asked. It's the power of habit. We said 99.9% of our thoughts are repetitive. Well, our habits are a pair of two. We talked about the teeth brushing and the driving to work and all those types of things. I want to read a little poem for you called the Habit Poll. It says I'm your constant companion. I'm your greatest helper or your heaviest burden. I will push you onward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do. You might just as well turn them over to me and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly. I am easily managed. You must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done. And after a few lessons, I will do it automatically. I am a servant of all great men in the last of all great failures as well those who are great. I have made great those who are failures. I have made failures. I am not a machine that I worked with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a man You may run me for profit or run me for ruin. It makes no difference to me. Take me Trained me Be firm with me and I will put the world at your feet Be easy with me and I will destroy you. Who am I? I am habit. Great little poem, right? It tells you the rest of your life is gonna go Given the fact that most of what you do day in and day out with your unconscious and your repetitive thoughts you're doing things on autopilot. Remember we said one of the great goals in life is to learn how to reprogram your brain. Remember I said I had the R E B T course. Rational motive, Behavioral therapy. The science had a deep program and re program yourself. That's one of the major goals in life. You need to be able to do that or you will just run out of program. Here's the other one habit, given the fact that you have a repetitive nature, that you work a lot on autopilot designed the system to work fast and easy and effortlessly matter of fact, there will be resistance to change if you try. So set up your habits. They way you want them to. They will duplicate over and over and over again. And because their habits that you set and they're repetitive, they will have huge consequences. Positive consequences on your future. Say a simple thing. Like, you know, most people have some kind of vitamin or mineral deficiency. They just do. Our diets are terrible. So first thing I tell you, change your diet. Second thing I would tell you is even before you do that and even if you do that, take a multivitamin every day, once it becomes a habit, you're gonna do that 365 times a year. 303,600 and what, 50 times every 10 years, over 30 years. It's 10,000 times. Can you imagine if you were gonna be sick at age 70 and you'd already taken 10,000 health tablets? Is there a chance that that thing might never happen to you? You might not get that parking, since you might not get that Alzheimer's, you're not might not get that diabetes. Okay, You might not get that congestive heart failure. Why? Because 10 2030 years ago, you set a simple habit. You set it on auto Pilot. You spent all of three cents a day and it just went on autopilot and the wondrous wonders. Consequence is you get to live and you've been healthier ever since. That's great. Why not put something like that on autopilot? But multiple habits on autopilot read at least 1/2 an hour every day. Can you imagine what that will do over a year? Period? Five year period. 10 year 2030. Amazing. You could be a national international expert in relatively short period time. Amazing. I became a top level therapist. How did I do it? I read about 1/2 an hour every day, and I listened to the CDs in my car. Um, probably about our our behalf every day. It was 1/2 an hour. That would be an hour because you got to go back and forth to work. Uh, sometimes it was a 45 minute trip. That was an hour and 1/2 round trip, right between the CDs and the reading, okay. And a little bit of reading and listening to CDs on the weekends. Oh, my God. I was getting about a year's worth of college. Uh, for every year I was alive, I did that for, like, 10 years. That was like I did that for about a dozen years before even slowed down, just kind of cut down to the reading. I've listened to most of CDs that are out there that are worth listening to, but that was the equivalent of another doctoral degree. Basically, in half an hour reading and the rest was downtime. I was going to board in my car anyways, that's amazing. So use the power of habit and let it make you powerful. A simple thing like taking a walk every night after dinner. You know, my parents did that. My mom lived to be, um, 84 years old with cancer and with congestive heart failure. Okay, if she hadn't smokes a day much, she would live longer. And that mostly cause she took the multi vitamin and she took a walk after after dinner every night. What? Her husband was one of the relaxing things they like to dio. My dad is 88. He ain't dead yet. He probably gonna die for quite a while. I keep taking the doctor. We care for anything wrong with simple, basic healthy habits. Put on autopilot repeated over time will save you or kill you. The power of habit, remember? Doesn't care how you use it. Go ahead. Look, That poem up online, I would download, attacked it up on my wall. Absolutely love it. Now, another thing that I want to teach you. And I learned this from a great book. It said You can be happy no matter what. Get my friend of a copy of it to, um, I don't think you don't take your thinking too seriously. Last time to get a little anxious, we get a little depressed. Member said that snowballs on you. He goes from being a little anxious and a little depressed to be in a major depressive disorder and panic disorder. Okay, not a good way to go in this book. The gentleman says that it's better to use your emotions as engaged rather than reality, because what we'll do is we'll do that emotional reasoning that I taught you in an earlier section that when we start using emotion instead of logic. It does actually two things I taught you the 1st 1 The 1st 1 is it makes emotional decisions to settle logical decisions, which is horrible, cause it'll be a bad decision. But what this is talking about here is a second function of that. When you started thinking emotionally and you take it to be the true state of being, it's like a reframing. It sets how you think the world is, and you make different decisions when you're in an anxious state of mind than when you're depressed. State of mind that when you're in a happy state of mind than when you're in a confidence state of mind or a no state of mind, you kind of feeling kind of flat in each emotional situation. You're doing a form of emotional thinking, and you will make different decisions. So what you should do is don't take your own thoughts to serious. If you're thinking anxious thoughts, you know what the problem is is probably that you're thinking anxious thoughts. What what Professor Paul tell you do about that Stop or do a pattern interrupt and think about something else. Boom! So when you see yourself feeling anxious. Don't say to yourself, Oh, I feel anxious and think more anxious thoughts. Remember that. Focus management. What we focus on you get more off. Don't do that. Use this as a gauge and say, OK, I'm feeling kind of anxious. That means I must be thinking anxious thoughts. I need to practice serenity. I probably need to let something go. I need to focus more on what's going right in my life than what's going wrong. Maybe I need to do something relaxing, a restorative. I need to get my brain back on track and then take a look at everything. This is simply a barometer like like a barometer that checks the weather. That's telling me how my thinking's going. Remember your thoughts. Create your feelings. We can use your feelings as a gauge of your thinking. If your feelings are getting off, then you're thinking is getting off. Did you ever think of it that way? So don't take your own thinking too serious. When you start having these negative thoughts or whatever, just let you know that your mind is getting off track. It's a warning signal. Turn things around, go ahead and do it next they will wrap up with this for this section. Much of what we do has to do with strategies we've learned over time. So whenever we said, we're wondering why people do the things they dio. It's based on strategies and given effectively, have X number of strategies. We will go back to favorites over and over and over and theoretically, in big strokes, I calm global strategies. People have certain strategies that they use over and over. Um, they're always going for wealth. When there's a question of lover money, they always go for the money. You know, they always do the next right thing. That's a global things. I don't know exactly what they'll do, but if I know you do the next right thing and there's only three right things that you can do again at least a 13 chance of figure out what you dio I can probably figure, you know, 80 20 rule. I know you normally do this one. I could be 80% accurate. Little more information. I get up around 1995% accurate. Then I'll know why you do the things you do. And I know what you're gonna dio and then because I know your strategy, I could even influence what you do. See how cool these courses were, really learning a lot about educating herself about herself, others how things work, being able to predict, which is a key skill in life and being able to change the outcome, whether it's within us or within another person. So here's I'm gonna recommend notice the strategies you use. Try to enhance the strategies you use and always be adding new strategies. I had one college professor. I think it was maybe my third or fourth year, my bachelors. And he said a great thing. He said, If you want to do well in life, business, health, anything, here's what you do. Take what you're currently doing and make it obsolete. Always be looking for a better way in a better way, a better way. Most people find a good way to do things. They fall in love with it. I don't want to feel like they were stupid for doing it. When they find something better and say, Oh, I should have been doing that all along Their farm. An idiot. No, no, no, no, no. You are constantly making things obsolete. You're excited to make it obsolete matter. Fact. When you find this new great strategy, you can't wait till you find something. Kicks. It's, but that's even better than that. Love the growth. Don't fall in love with your idea. Don't fall in love with your strategy. Don't be resistant to growth like the average person. Be extraordinary, Which means what? Do the extraordinary find something? Find something better. Better than that. Better than that in even look at your strategies and attack him a little bit. Say, what could be better than that? What if I had to tweak out a 10% gain in this area? How could I do it? What if I had a double in this area? Sometimes you do a stretching technique. You might not figure out how to double it, but instead of getting 10% extra, you might get 50% extra, you say. Well, I fail cause I didn't double it. That's a pretty damn good failure. I'd like to fail like that almost every day, so look at what you do. I realize it's a strategy. Realize other people are using strategies, understand their strategies and you'll understand them. I also understand where they're going wrong in their strategies. I'm a therapist. My goal is to figure out how you decide to do something. I do that by listening and garnering what's going on and playing a little bit. Detective in asking clarifying questions to figure out why you're doing what you do. You can do that with other people you can journal and do it with yourself. Then I to say, If I wasn't in love with this idea, if I was actually rationally, you know, I over e intelligence over emotion, looking at this from the outside, would this make sense? Is this a good strategy or that partly emotional? I do it because it makes me feel better or distracts me, or it takes away some pain or I'm just too lazy to change my strategy. Let's be honest. So those are all your ways to look at strategies, use strategies and hamper powerful tools. I'll see you in the next section. This training 22. How Control Your Own Mind - And WHY Almost Nobody Does!: in a previous section. We talked a lot about why we are all these different things. We get fearful, doubtful. We have self hate, self doubt, self fear. You know, we get petty and emotional and vengeful and neurotic and all these different things. Why does that happen? Well, it's simply because we can't control our own emotions. It's not our fault. So why can't we control our own emotions? Because we can't even control their own minds? Why? Because we were never taught how this is terrible. This should have been one of the first things we were ever ever taught. So what is the best way to control your mind? Ari BT. What is R E B t mean? Glad you asked. R E B T stands for the acronym Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. What is R E B T? Well, it's literally the science of how your mind works. There's a lot of different therapies out there in their theories, theories or something that you it's an idea you pulled out of your head that you can't really prove there's kind of anecdotal evidence for it. Might be a little bit here. Might be a little bit there, Right? But you absolutely can't positively scientifically prove it. So it's a theory. No, no, this is the science. This is like gravity. Whether you believe it or not, you throw your hat off the roof, it goes down, not up. This is the science of how your brain works. So with science, we have predictable outcomes, weaken take certain actions and be guaranteed certain results. So, Ari bt teaches you had a deep program, the old negative responses and feelings that you don't want and re program the positive responses and feelings that you do want. What could be better than that? This is one of the key life skills. Without it, you're trapped, trapped in your own mind, and you're gonna sit there going to try and try and try to be a better person. Do this better, do that better. And you say I always let myself down. Why? Why, Why? Why, Ari? BT will teach you the water so quick. Shameless plug Here. I've got nice Ari Bt course. It's a way to gain complete mental mastery. That is not hyperbole. That is absolutely 100% true. Take it and find out for yourself discover how your mind works and Hagen Deep program the old negative thought patterns replaced them quickly and easily with positive new patterns chosen by you. This will give you an unfair advantage in life by having this unique skill. And it could help you in almost any area of your life seeking uses for health, wealth, finance, relationships, old past, issues, anything, anything you ever thought of that your minds in charge of this is the course that will take care of it. These are the tools now moving up. Yeah, because of the pain pleasure model. Your default setting is lay easy. Isn't that terrible? Remember, your brain seeks pleasure and avoid pain. Doing a task is usually more painful than pleasurable. So your default mode is lazy. People say, Oh my God, why am I so lazy? A. You don't know how to control your brain. That's R E B t. Remember I said ahead, Of course, on motivation, you don't know how to motivate yourself. So you're bringing is always gonna go back to this default and you're fighting it and going back to the default and fighting it and going back to the fault and you keep losing again because you don't know how to win the game. We teach a little bit about something about the brain. The brain is a simple, goal seeking mechanism. You're either gonna control it or it's gonna control you. We talked a little bit about this when we talked about the power of habit. Remember, it's repetitive. It gets in the habits. You need to learn how to control it. Do that not mastery over your life. If not, life will master you. So great quote here by James Wrong Jim to his friend. Right. Uh, don't wish life would get easier. Wish you had more skill. I remember somebody telling me that if you go down to the library, every problem that anybody has ever had in the history of man is written down in a book somewhere. Somebody's already had it. Somebody's already solved it, and it's sitting there waiting for you. I think this is what Jim's talking about. So somewhere out there in the universe for any challenge you have, it's solvable. You just don't know how we don't have that particular skill, but literally. And I love this concept. It's sitting there in a book where it's sitting there in the training like this, literally just a few minutes of training away or a few minutes of reading away and you will get it. So keep building your skills. Keep learning to keep taking more courses. Keep reading. Keep listening to good science, good literature. While you're driving around your car, good skills that you can learn. Don't waste that downtime and life won't have to get easier. You're gonna have more skill, and that's gonna make everything easier. That's the master skill that you need. 23. Why FEAR Dominates Our Lives & How To Beat it!: now here's another major reason why people do the things they do. They will do an awful lot of things out of fear. Yet the four letter F word fear people will do virtually anything. How to fear. Now People will also simply destroy their lifes out of fear. Living in fear is not a good way to live, but what is fear? Fear is simply a worry that you repeat over and over again in your head in what makes it powerful. It's made bigger, more powerful, with pictures and feelings. So Memory said, whatever you focus on yet more of this is especially true of fear. That's why you gotta be careful the more you picture it, and the more feeling you put into it, the worse it gets. So you're picturing and you're picturing it bigger and brighter and more intense, and you keep looping it, looping it and the feelings air going up and up. Your fear is going to get really bad to the point where you could have a panic attack. Now I've gone from generalized anxiety disorder panic attack. You know, you're gonna feel like the room is spending like you're running out of air like the whole world's crashing around you like you're sure you're gonna die. You know, you're flopping around the floor all these horrible things. Why? Because you let fear get away with you. So everybody remembers the acronym for fear. False evidence appearing, riel. That's what it is. Most of the time now, Ari, BT will teach you how to get rid of these fears. But I'm gonna give you some tips right now because I want you to get past your fears. The first thing is, undo the formula. Make the picture smaller, less frequent, less intense. Make him dull. Making farther away the feelings practice. Relax ation instead of fear until your mind to quiet itself. One of the best techniques is this. You ready? Just tell your mind to quiet down Theo Shushed technique. Whenever it's talking about something you don't want to hear you having a feeling you don't want to feel your minds just starting a race go. It's a great stop technique. Fear is happening because you're having fearful thoughts which create fearful feelings, which great, fearful actions we've gotta break the cycle. That's why the shushed technique just going works so Well, it tells your brain. Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. But if you say stop talking, stop talking. What does it do? He keeps talking. For some reason, I don't know why. When you use the schist technique and use, go intends to quiet it down. Even the period Time is you're going. Sometimes you make it a long one. What does that do for those two or three seconds as you're doing that, Why you making that sound? Your brain can't get a thought in if you go through three seconds where another fearful thought jumping in, jumping in, jumping in because they're jumping in about every 1 to 2 seconds. They're gunny sacking on you. They're just They're just being pile on top of you That will give your mind a break. And for whatever racing he creates a nice relax ation response to help you beat fear and remember fears. False evidence appearing riel. And for the ones that maybe riel the literally one out of 100 if that attack it, remember your mind always says what's happening here Is the fear stronger than I am or my stronger in the fear. If you move towards the thing that you fear. It says you're stronger if you move away from it. Withdraw your brain says it must be stronger so you will feel better about yourself and you will feel less fearful, moving towards the fear, which means taken action to take care of it to resolve it. Asked for help. Remember a problem shared is a problem. Half solved. That's true. Share it. Get some help. Learn how to beat it. That's your tip for today and I'll see you in the next and final section. 24. Final Thoughts, Tips & Suggestions To Radically Improve Your Life: Hey, welcome back to all the winners. Why do I call you winners? Cause you made it all the way to the end. I am so amazingly proud of you. There's not like one person in 20 that will give you get to the end. You're in the top 5% of all the exemplars, Really? Because only an exemplar will even take the course. And isn't it strange that Onley like you know, the top 10% of those will even get to the end of the course? So I'm amazingly proud of you. You should be proud of you and let's drive on. This is our last section. I want to tell you just a few final reasons why people do the things they do. And one of the things that I want to tell you is to give yourself a break, too. Life is hard. My mom used to always say her favorite expression was old aging for sissy, she'd say, Well, life ain't for sissies. Life is damn hard. I remember one of my professors joked, If you're not diagnosable by time you're 18. You weren't paying attention. It is hard out there, so give yourself a break. I realize that one of the one, the reasons why you do some of the things you do, is because life has been so hard. It has worn you down. You know, sometimes we say, Well, I know if I'm is nice is I used to be If I'm compassionate, I used to be It's not because of you. It's because life has literally started to burn it out of you. Isn't that true? You know, it's hard to maintain your compassion over time. And we said Memory told the joke just a couple seconds ago. You know, if you're not diagnosable by time you're 18. You weren't paying attention because it is so hard. One of the reasons people do the things they dio is mental illness. Mental illness is huge. It's one of the top challenges people have in life, period. Here's a couple of stats for you. They're actually wild. I didn't quite believe him until I read him, but this was done. I think this was done from the National Institute of Health or it was, um oh, it was one of the major universities. It was like yellow Harvard study, but it was from a very credible stores. I got these figures 25% of people have a current mental illness. Now, I'm not sure whether this is people that are diagnosed where people that should be diagnosed. It's probably the ones that if everybody were diagnosed, yeah, they would have it. So 25% of people, that's every fourth person you see walking down the street currently has a severe chronic and persistent mental illness. That's not good. That's why I tell people don't mess with people. You don't know why? Because 25% of them have a mental illness and it could be bipolar. Could be schizophrenia, you know, it could be, you know, even like anger management isn't like a diagnosable mental illness, but it should be. You know, we've got to work with the people of the diagnostic and statistical manual, The d S m uh, you know, to get that in there, they try to shove it in a waste based, you know, waste paper category. Um, you know, like anxiety disorders, something like that, or personality disorder not otherwise specified or something. Some rubbish category like that. But basically, if you're just like a rage aholic that's not even considered a mental illness. So don't miss with anybody you don't know. I would assume mental illness until proven otherwise likes. You got 25% chance of being right. If you put yourself in a dangerous situation, get in somebody's face things like that don't do it. And don't do it out of kindness. Why that person might be, you know, have a history of physical, sexual mental abuse. A lot of those things don't get diagnosed, and you're just beating on somebody who you think and take it. No, they really can't. And with your good heart, I know you wouldn't want to do that to somebody that has those kinds of issues clearly, and yet you be doing it, not knowing it, you'd really be triggering something in them. So 25% of people have a current mental illness. Here's a bizarre thing. 53% of people will have an illness sometime in their lifetime, So if you are mentally healthy, you don't have any kind of mental illness, and you go through your entire life like that you were actually abnormal. Crazy as it sounds, it's abnormal to be normal your whole life. That's how rough it is out there. Now that's just mental illness. They mentioned torture and abuse. I'm trying to think of the exact figures. I'll get pretty close. It's right around one out of every six women. Sorry, my throat stuck. One out of every six women will be sexually abused by the age of 26 was a figure that I saw . That's not everyone's gonna be sexually abused. That's one out of 26. I used to work in a place and we took in, um, families. People end their families that were victims of torture. There's something like 26 or more countries that basically promise you will torture you. It's like partner Constitution. They do it openly. They don't care what the U. N says or sanctions or any of that stuff. They do it day in and day out. You know, it's like, uh, Darfur. I think that's in Africa. Um, there, trying to just commit genocide. They want to kill them all. Remember, we took a gentleman, and that was from there. He did a nice little interview. A nice little promo for our program. Um, I was the corporate trainer. So I was involved with that. And, uh, you know, he just gave beautiful witness to the good work that we had done. But you also get testimony, the horrible torture, slaughtering people, slaughtering there. So a lot of people have faced torture and abuse, that color's who they are and what they dio. And there's all kinds of other traumas that people go through. Besides, you know, physical and sexual abuse. There's lots of different kinds of trauma. If you have a long term medical illness that can be traumatic, you could have a child dying you that could be traumatic. You could lose your business. That could be traumatic. You could go into bankruptcy. That could be traumatic. If you've ever been through a divorce. I imagine that's pretty traumatic to okay, why it alters just about everything. So a lot of people aren't like, you know, adult victims of trauma, their adult victim of traumas. What are the chances you could have a medical illness? You could have been abused as a child and you could go bankrupt. Yeah, that could happen to a lot of people. That's not the end of the list. Did I mention physical injuries, losing an arm, a leg and I going blind. These things are happening to people all the time and the reasons that you know these things happen. Do they blame themselves? Do they blame others to the world? Seem unsafe now? This can really color how people see the world, you know? Did I mention mental defects? Remember, we said 25% of people have a current mental illness. 53% of people lifetime are gonna have it. Well, I believe that was the Harvard study. That's the university. Put out the Harvard study so mental defects can be a lot of things. You could have Alzheimer's live long enough. You'll get it. Almost everybody does. It's something like, I think the figure that I saw was 80%. No, it was 50% of the people 70 or older. If you're 80 year older, it was right around like 60 or 70%. So get 90 and over. I don't even know what those figures are. But somewhere in your eighties, so half arm or people are going to get it, and this is getting worse every single year, so you can see the numbers going up. So the younger you are, the more likely you are to get it. Those figures are conservative. If you're not in those age groups already, they're conservative because they're actually getting worse every year. What that tells you is something in the diet or something environmental, because if it was genetic, it would be flat. It'll be the same across history. So I've given you this quote a couple of times. If you do not learn to control yourself, you're never gonna control anything else. Your job is to be a good student in each year of your life. Now, of course, I love the psychology. I also do some stuff with wealth. I also do some stuff with health. Why? Because I want to hit the three major areas. I think those are the three major areas that you should hit. So psychology covers everything from the neck up and including your relationships and including your tools of influence. And those types of things get into the health section. Like we said, a lot of people can have health problems, but they don't have to have them. If you make health a study and I'm gonna tell you. Do this, especially if you have a condition. You better get a PhD in it because I will tell you an interesting psychology fact. Human retention rate is 4%. So when your doctor went to school and he got his 12 years of education, including his internship in blah, blah, blah, blah, blah day, that's over. He remembers 4% of everything they told him they remember. That means he forgot 96% of what he learned. Do you think they were teaching them things they didn't need to learn? They didn't need to remember. No, but he would. Retention rate is 4% and then it drops off from there so you can learn as much as a doctor . And probably a day or two about your condition is they learned in 12 years. And it's not their fault, remember, 4% retention rate, and they had 12 years of study. But they learned thousands of different diseases and conditions and illnesses and complications and medications and blah blah, blah, blah blah. You can't believe the volume. It's overwhelming. If you don't have a very common condition, they don't know much about it. You have a very common condition and they've been in the field a while. They've refresh their memory. They've had to study it. They had to make sure they got it nailed down. They've done some on the job training. They know those things pretty well. You got diabetes? They probably know a good chunk about it. You got heart problems? They probably know a good chunk about except for the things they weren't trained it They are not allowed. They are not allowed to teach them about natural cures about natural remedies about natural solutions. It has to be cut. Burn radiates, stitch poison, okay? Or give them a chemical, which means a pharmaceutical. Everything goes from your sick. I diagnose you. I give you pill. You're sick. I diagnose should give you pill. It's not. I give you herb or I tell you to change your diet or, you know, we start looking for allergens and things like that. They don't do any of that. Matter of fact, if they diagnose you say with diabetes and they told you start taking this herbal supplement, they could be sued. They have the A m A. Found out they would take their license, they would pull it, and that would be the under their practice. Now, that supplement could work for you. He could work better in a the medication have far less side effects there. Not by law allowed to give you that information. So you've got to get study on the major areas of life. Have you studied relationships? If you have it and you don't have good relationships, don't look the other person. Look at the usual suspect. The only part that you can control. Anyways, even if it's 90% their fault, take your 10% and begin nailing that down. You got to get studying. Same thing with finances. If you're not wildly wealthy and you don't have a bunch of money in the bank, you got to get going on that. And the sooner the better. So is my gift to you. Go ahead and check out the bonus section. I'm going to show you where you could get my other trainings, and I'm gonna give you the absolute maximum discount allowed by law. Why? I'm not here to make a ton of money off these trainings. This is stuff that I do to you know, pay my light bill, but I want you to get a lot of training. I want you to have an unfair advantage in life. My goal to do these trainings was not to make a lot of money, cause there wasn't a lot of money to be had in doing that. So don't everything. I'm trying to sell you one of my courses for the money. I'm a therapist. I'm trying to say on the courses because you need it. I want to give you an unfair advantage in life. The advantage that I wish I had. If I don't find a series of courses like these when I was 20 I have bought every single one out of bottom twice. It didn't matter. The cost was no object. I had a whip through those and had gone back over him over and over and over again. Why? Because I could either nail that down and spend a couple $100 which is nothing. I could lose that in a day, making a bad decision. And I could learn all the skills in three or four or five days. That's awesome. Not not 35 years, Like I've trained for 45 days. Boom. That's why I want you to nails down in courses aren't necessarily for me. I'm telling you, just get out there. Find the good instructors, the good teachers, the good information skip all the junk, make a good study of any area of your life that you want to improve and just make it happen . So let me know. I'm here is a resource for you. You paid for this course. I want to answer your questions. If you have any questions, just go ahead. You know, through the specific course that you picked through their system, go ahead and message me. I'll see those messages and I will get back to you. Why? Because I want you to have the information I wanted to succeed. And I want you to get a hit. That's my wish for you. As you do better in life, you become part of my legacy. Finally, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for taking the time to improve your life. Like I said, you're part of my legacy as a therapist. I do these trainings so I can reach out nationally and internationally and have a bigger impact against not about the money, because there's no damn money and teaching these courses. I'm sorry. There just isn't. There isn't any money, but I want you to have the information. I want to know that if I die, I left a good chunk of what I know out there in the universe so that people can find it. And I want to tell you one final time you are absolute winner because you got to the end. You made it happen. You use the materials. And finally, you're also part of my legacy because it's very rare for somebody to take one of my courses , learn all these good things and not make things better for people around him and to not share these skills with other people. So I know when one person buys my course, they're gonna impact at least five other people. So know that you're the exemplar. You are the example. You are the person that made it happen. I'm very, very proud of you. I want you to be proud of you. Thanks here for me and my buddy J J. He's the good looking one on the left. I'm the guy with the face built for a radio. On the right. Mine is Professor Paul, and I hope to see you in my next training.