Science-Driven Techniques for Meeting People | SOMA MARTON | Skillshare

Science-Driven Techniques for Meeting People

SOMA MARTON, Videography, Productivity, Health

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5 Lessons (20m)
    • 1. Welcome!

      3:15
    • 2. How to start a conversation with anyone

      6:10
    • 3. Making friends at work

      4:56
    • 4. Finding like minded people in classes

      3:03
    • 5. How to meet people at events

      2:56
14 students are watching this class

About This Class

I want to talk about human beings for a sec.

Whichever way you look at it, humans are social animals.

Our brain evolved with communication in mind, and many scientists actually believe that human to human contact was one of the main drivers of our evolution in the first place.

On top of our biology, we’re also raised to make friends from day 1 – from our parents giving us playdates as babies, to being put into schools that encourage socialization, to the countless social activities available to all of us at work and in adult life.

Clearly meeting people & making friends in person is important.

But today, people don't.

Right now, in 2019, people have fewer friends than ever.

Modern society is lonely. Really lonely. It's gotten so bad that Psychology Today actually listed loneliness a "serious public health problem".

And the symptoms are getting harder and harder to ignore.

Depression.

Anxiety.

Panic attacks.

Twenty years ago, these were thought of as serious, rare issues.

Now everybody & their dog has them.

It's a byproduct of our infatuation with technology.

And while I'm not against technology, I am against people not knowing the basic social skills required to function in modern day society.

Let me put it this way: things have gotten bad, and they're continuing to get worse. And the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.

Put the two together, and clearly something has to change or we'll have a lot more on our hands than just anxiety.

That’s where I come in.

Hi, I'm Soma.

I’ve spent the last few years compiling every note, every video, every conference, and every presentation I’ve ever witnessed about meeting people and making friends...

and I want to share that information right here, right now.

I didn't always used to be this way. When I was younger, I struggled to make friends just like you.

In fact, I was probably worse. I got anxiety just asking people for the time.

But with conscious practice and effort, I’ve made it to a point where I have a huge network of amazing friends that inspire me and encourage me to do my best.

And I want to show you how to get the same.

Enter my course, How to Make Friends: The Definitive Guide to Meeting People

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In this course, I’m going to teach you how to make more friends than you know what to do with.

First, I'll teach you a simple three-step formula that can start a conversation with anyone.

That's right. Anyone.

Big, multimillion dollar CEO? No problem.

The little old lady on the side of the road? You betcha.

Then, I’ll show you how to tinker that approach for unique situations – for example, making friends at work or over the Internet.

Then, I’ll show you the exact sequence of steps I use to set up my social media for networking and mass contacting. I’ll run you through how to get phone numbers & contact information. How to set boundaries. What to say when a friend pisses you off. Even how to save face when someone shit talks people right to your face.

I go through everything from a to z, and I poured my heart and soul into showing you exactly how to do it, no gimmicks. I made this course for you, because I don’t want loneliness to be a public health issue. I don’t like taking the bus and having everybody look quietly down at their phones. I don’t like awkward elevator rides. I want people in conversations, sharing ideas, and building relationships, and I’m sure you do too. So let’s get going.

Transcripts

1. Welcome!: Hi there. I'm showman. Today I want to talk to you about making friends first. Human beings are social animals. It's literally in our DNA. Our brains evolved, was communication in mind, and many scientists actually believe the human to human contact is one of the main drivers in human evolution in the first place. We've been rear to make friends from day one from our parents, giving us play date's babies to being put in school to encourage socialization. Teoh. Countless social activities available toe all of us at work, and they're in our adult lives. So why is it that right now in 2019 people have fewer friends than ever before? Why is it that mass survey after a mass survey tells us that the average human is being lonelier today than any time in the last 100 years? Psychology today called not having enough Friends East Serious Public Health issue. With depression and anxiety and panic attacks at an all time high, many people agree the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Clearly, something has to change if we want to improve our lives. That is where I come. I spent the last few years compiling every note, every video, every conference and every presentation I've ever witnessed about meeting people and making friends. What? How is younger? I honestly struggled, but with conscious practice and effort, I've made it to the point where I have a huge network of amazing friends that aspire and encouraged me to do my best. And I want to show you how you can get the same thing in this course. I'm going to teach you how to make more friends than you know what to do with. First will learn how to start a great conversation with anyone. Then I'll show you custom situations. How to make friends that work in class, on the Internet, at events even on random street corners. Which is, by the way, my favorite way to meet some. Then I'll show you the exact sequence of steps I used to set up my social media for networking and mass communication. I'll run you through how to get phone numbers and contact information, how to set up boundaries, what to say when a friend pisses you off, even how to say face when someone should talks to you right in front of your face. I go through everything from eight. Is that and I pour my heart and soul into showing you exactly how to do it with no gimmicks . I made this course for you because I don't want loneliness to be a public health issue. I don't like taking the bus and having everyone looked quietly down on their phones. I don't like awkward elevator rides. I want people in conversations, sharing ideas and building relationships, and I'm sure you do too, so let's get going. 2. How to start a conversation with anyone: Hey guys, shoma here and in this video, I'm going to show you how to start a conversation with anyone. And it all boils down to you doing a tiny bit of work up front a care right now, so that when it comes time, you know what to say, and your first impression is going to be smooth and interesting. Big thing I want to say right off the bat. Don't let people fool you. Making friends is not always a process that just happens organically. For many people, especially those that move to a new part of the world where they don't have a strong social network, making friends is something you really need to practice and get good at. Not everybody is socially gifted or had a great upbringing where they learned the art of conversation at a young age. Taking a process oriented and direct approach is highly useful and aides of what we're going to talk about in this course. Here's how this video is going to look. First, we're going to talk a little bit about first impressions and why they matter. Then we'll get into how to create an elevator pitch, which is just a 15 to 20 seconds spiel about who you are and what you do. And to finish all the video, I'll show you how to introduce yourself to anybody, whether it's on the street, in an office or in a party or literally anywhere else. So let's talk about first impressions. In this course, we're going to define first impressions as the 1st 4 seconds of meeting somebody in those four seconds. Our job is to show them that we're one of the most social people that they've ever met and that were incredibly interesting. If you could do those two things within the 1st 4 seconds, you're basically set the stage for the rest of the conversation, which can be a short or as long as you want. You want to see him social because it makes the conversation seemed normal. It's not a big deal. You meet people all the time, and you want to seem interesting because people interested in people that are interesting, easy, right? So how do you give somebody a great first impression? I have a simple rule of three eye contact, body language and vocal tone, so I contact. Make sure you're looking into the eyes for those four seconds for body language. Square your shoulders and give them a good handshake. A good handshake for those of you that are underwear is two pumps, 12 At our moderate grip and vocal tone, make sure you're introducing yourself with a downward infection, so don't say hi. I'm Shoma say hi, I'm Shoma Notice. The tone of my voice went down over the sentence. That's it. Next step is the elevator pitch. The reason it's called an elevator pitch is because the idea behind it is that you can deliver the entire thing in the time that it takes you to write up on Elevator. So about 15 to 20 seconds. It was originally business thing, which is why it's called a pitch. It's like you pitching your product, but we're going to be using it as just a social thing. You pitching yourself anytime you mean anyone, whenever they ask you. So what do you do? Are who exactly are you? If you have an elevator pitch prepared, you'll blow them out of the water 10 out of 10 times. Now most people go their entire lives that are ever spending even five minutes thinking about how to frame themselves. So it's actually really easy to make a fantastic elevator pitch. You just need to put in more than five minutes. Here's my simple one set method to making a great elevator pitch. Use the simple five word sentence in and expand on it. I help Ex do. Why so an example. As I help entrepreneurs grow their brand. The firm I work at has a huge network of investors and venture capitalists that I connect with business owners. If somebody hears you say that with strong eye contact and squared shoulders and a downwards inflection, they're going to think, Wow, I need to know this guy. Your pitch can really be whatever you want, but that simple formula is a great starting point. So if you don't already have an elevator pitch, stop this video. Put in literally five minutes or right now and make one before you do anything else. Seriously, stop the video. Always okay, and the last thing we're going to learn is how to introduce ourselves and how to open anybody anywhere, and it's really straightforward. It's like a social hack. The formula is like this Hello. Plus compliment. Plus open ended question. Plus. So what do you do? That might be something like this. Hey, man. Nice watch. How did you find that? Wow. What do you do or hey, beautiful dress. What do you have today? Sweet. What do you do for your work? If they're open having a conversation, the next step is usually them asking you what you dio. At this point, you can say your name and ask them for theirs, and then you just give them your elevator pitch. Now you've already bean in a conversation for like, a minute. And the majority of the initial pressure is off and you can say whatever you want. Boom. This is how I meet, like 90% of people. If they're not open to having a conversation, it will usually end up with them just telling you what they do. But they won't ask you a question because they don't want to keep it going. And that's perfectly fine. Not everybody is open to talking all the time. Everybody has had days when they're not feeling like it. Probably around half of the people I meet on a daily basis aren't like that, and there is no hard feelings in those cases. Just tell them to have a good day and be on your way. It's really that easy. 3. Making friends at work: Hey, guess Shoma here and in this video, I'm going to show you how to make friends at work. Now, obviously, this is going to depend on what kind of workplace you're in. You're not gonna be able to meet every single one of your co workers in the first week at just any workplace. You need a special kind of workplace to be able to do that. But the key thing that I want to talk to you guys in this video is the mindset you need tohave when making those workplace friends. And the key thing I want you to remember is keeping things at a simmer, not a boil. A big part of the other videos in this course is meeting people quickly, making yourself interesting and standing out and then getting contact information to take your friendship or relationship to the next level. But with work. Ah, lot of that is already done for you, which changes things. On top of that, An important thing to keep in mind is the frequency with which you'll be seeing any potential friend. If you're just networking or making friends in the street, the likelihood that you'll run into them again on the street is very low, but at work you're basically guaranteed to be seeing them at least three or four times a week for the foreseeable future. And that changes things quite a bit. Now let's go back to what I mentioned earlier, which is keeping things at a simmer, not a boil. A big principle of making people like you is what I call the abundance mentality. It's basically the opposite of neediness. Abundant people, like the name suggests, have tons of friends. They know a lot of people work related or otherwise, and because of that, they're carefree. People with tons of friends usually are way less worried about losing any one specific friend, because there are so many other people around them. Think of it like fractions. If I have 50 friends and I lose one of them, I'm at 49/50. That's still mathematically 98% out of 100. I'm still basically hole, and losing that person didn't have that much of an effect on my life. This is the kind of person you want to be, and it's also why the ability to meet a lot of people quickly is so important to your social life. You want to cultivate opportunities. Now think of the opposite scarcity you have next to no friends and you lose one of them. For whatever reason, it's a big change. If I have, say, four friends and I lose one. I met 3/4. That's mathematically 75% out of 100 which is a significant difference to my life. The reason this is important is because you're any scarcity mentality. Then you'll treat people you meet differently than if you're in an abundance mentality. If you're abundant, you can be yourself. You aren't afraid of offending people or turning people off, because if they don't like you, who cares? There are tons of other people that you can meet that you'll mesh with batter. If you're in a scarcity mindset, though, then you're always tiptoeing around people. If they don't like you than you're screwed, there is nobody else who could beat. So you put all of your eggs into one basket, and as a result it makes you seem desperate and needy. You call them or text them or invite them out to hang out all the time and people don't like that. They don't like being bombarded 24 7 So if you approach people from a scarcity mindset, it turns them off immediately. The reason I mentioned this in the context of work is that it's easy to be bombarded 24 7 when you're also seeing them five times a week. So at work, I recommend taking a slights that back from the social scene and not going fully in all the way. Talk to your colleagues the same way you talk to anybody else, you know. Introduce yourself. Say hello. Make a great first impression. But don't get ahead of yourself by getting super involved right off the bat. Seem abundant. You don't need their friendship. You have tons of friends on your own. But if they want to tag along for the ride, their mawr than welcome reality is, since you'll be seeing them most days of the week for the foreseeable future. Space is important. So remember that by giving them that space, you'll make yourself stand out from the crowd fat much better, and it will make you somebody that they want to be around that much more 4. Finding like minded people in classes: Hey guys. Shoma here and in this video, I'm going to talk to you about how to join a class toe, learn a skill while also connecting with people and making a few friends. A quick disclaimer. Classes usually costs money, so you'll have to be willing to spend a little if you want to go down this route first things first. Don't join a class in something you're not interested in just to meet people. It's usually painfully obvious, and it just turns people off. Instead, you probably have a hobby or two that you're interested in, right everybody does. Could be sculpting. Could be cooking could be rock climbing. While this is your opportunity toe, learn it. Whatever it is, each hobby attract a characteristically different kind of person. Sculptures, for example, usually have certain traits in common with each other, often their patient, artistic and hardworking. Likewise, rock climbers are usually athletic, high energy and enjoy taking risks. If you want to take rock climbing classes, chances are you're probably going to meet Ah, lot of people with those characteristics, so just have the in the back of your head as you move on now, where to find these classes. Google literally. Just Google whatever you want, plus the word classes after it and you'll find tons in your local area for pretty much anything. Look for events with medium group sizes, like 10 to 20 people, so that they're just big enough that you can meet an assortment of people at and small enough that it still feels like a tight knit group. This part is important. It's really hard to make tons of meaningful friends in a giant lecture hall with 400 people . Anybody watching from a big university knows exactly what I mean, because once you've reached that point, the classes actually gotten so big. That has become small all over again because people cluster into tiny groups that are hard to break into. So once you have your class and your at your class, remember that while a lot of people are also enrolled in this course one to meet people, learning the skill is priority number one. Nobody likes that guy that rolls in cells, events and classes just to hit on a bunch of girls, for example. So ah, way I like to tie things together is incentive introducing yourself in a way that we've talked about before. I say something that links back to the class my go to is So what brings you here? And I ask this question usually at the beginning of the first class, because it started and after every class as I make my way around the group by the end of the third or the fourth class, I usually know everyone there is to know, and this level of camaraderie typically makes the course is more fun for everybody as well . 5. How to meet people at events: Hey, guys, show my here and in this video, I'm going to show you one of the simplest ways to meet pretty much everybody at a networking event or a party. And it's literally a simple as high. I don't think I've met you. I'm Shoma. The way this conversation goes, 99% of the time is you deliver that line, they say their name. You ask them what they do, they ask you what you dio. And now you're in the middle of a great conversation with somebody that is soon to be your friend. In order to really deliver that line effectively, though, you need a smile on your face and a healthy dose of enthusiasm. Remember, first impressions make or break the rest of your conversation, so make sure the first impression they get is Wow, this guy is social. The reason is work so well as an opener is because of the implication you're making when you say I don't think I've met you yet. It implies that you've met a lot of people already, which is a great form of what's called pre selection. Pre selection is the principle by which people are attracted to those that are wanted by a lot of people. A good example of this is the Bachelor. For those of you that haven't seen the bachelors, it's a show where there is one attractive man of the bachelor, and there's usually around 5 to 10 girls that vie for his attention over the course of a few weeks. In my experience, I found that most women on or off the show love the guy. They think he's the most attractive man ever, even if he's really not that great looking. The reason for this is because he's being pre selected. The show implies that there's 10 women right off the bat that won him and God knows how many other teenagers and young adults gushing over him at home. Other people wanting something just makes you want it. Mawr. That's just human psychology. It works for the Bachelor, and it's going to work for you were going to achieve something similar with this line and our enthusiasm by saying, I don't think I've met you yet. You're saying I've also met so many people tonight that it's impossible I've for gotten you , which instantly gets their brain working. Wow, how many other people has this guy met tonight? 10. Ah, 100. He must be really social when I'm a networking events. This is my go to 99% of the time. It's high me 20 to 50 people a night every night. And it's why I make friends so fast. As long as you have a strong elevator pitch, enthusiasm and a smile, meeting people at these events is effortless.