SOCIAL SKILLS - Double Your Social Skills & Make New Friends | Alain W. | Skillshare

SOCIAL SKILLS - Double Your Social Skills & Make New Friends

Alain W.

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22 Lessons (1h 36m)
    • 1. Introduction

      1:53
    • 2. Friendship Basics: How To Develop Amazing Friendships

      3:57
    • 3. How To Attract The Friends You Really Want

      2:57
    • 4. Find Out The Best Places To Meet The Friends You Really Want

      0:11
    • 5. The Power Of Having A One Key Fan Friend

      2:15
    • 6. If You Go Out Alone To Meet New Friends, You Should Know This!

      8:20
    • 7. Action Time!

      3:43
    • 8. How To Get Over Being Shy Socially

      7:35
    • 9. How To Put Yourself In A Good State & Confident State Before Approaching People

      6:42
    • 10. The Psychology Of Breaking The Ice Finally Revealed!

      5:21
    • 11. How To Stop Being Afraid Of Approaching New People & Become Comfortable

      6:50
    • 12. Break The Ice 101: How To Approach People (the right way)

      5:21
    • 13. Learn Exactly What You Can Talk About

      7:07
    • 14. How To Add A Lot Of Value In Conversations

      4:16
    • 15. How To Create Rapport With Anyone Instantly

      6:50
    • 16. Should You Force Things Or Let It Happen Naturally! Revealed!

      2:03
    • 17. How To Find Something You Can Do Together

      5:21
    • 18. The Right Way To Exchange Contact Details

      1:58
    • 19. The Importance Of Not Being Approval Seeking

      2:28
    • 20. Should You Text Before The Meetup?

      2:08
    • 21. The Right Way Of Keeping In Touch Regularly

      4:54
    • 22. Facebook Strategies? Yes, I'll Share My Best Ones!

      3:51
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About This Class

Boost Your Social Skills & Develop Amazing New Friendships

  • Would you like to be able to connect with people?
  • Would you like to get new extraordinary friends?
  • Would you like to boost your social skills?
  • Would you like to get the social life of your dreams?
  • Would you like to become socially successful?

Welcome To The Complete Course That Will Teach You How To Make New Extraordinary Friends

How would your life improve if you had incredible friends around you who could support you, motivate you, take care of you, share a great moment with you and become important people in your life?

Boost Your Social Skills & Develop Amazing New Friendships

  • Make New Friends Easily
  • Double Your Social Life
  • Connect With People Instantly
  • Social Skills Secrets
  • Build Social Confidence

Social Skills Secrets: Boost Your Social Skills & Make New Friends

This course if for people who would like to make new amazing friends who they can really connect with, boost their social skills & develop a more fulfilling social life. It has been adapted to help people with little scoial skills to boost their social life and people who already have good social skills to get the friends they 've always dreamt of!

At the end of this course, you will become socially successful. You will learn powerful tools & techniques in this course that will show you exactly how to make new amazing friends & boost your social life.

What are you waiting for? Enroll in this course right now so you can start your transofmration!

Transcripts

1. Introduction: Would you like to be able to connect with people instantly? Would you like to get amazing new friendships? Would you like to boost your social skills? Would you act toe, have the social life of your dreams? Would you like to become socially successful? Welcome to discourse. Where will teach you how to create extraordinary friendships with people you meet and get the social life off the dreams? Now, let me introduce myself pretty quickly. My name is Alan Roof, and I am a social skills coach who has already had 1000 and 1000 of people to get better socially, but also how to develop amazing new friendships and have a social life that there are really happy with. So in this course, I want to share with you all my secrets, all my techniques, all my strategies so that you can get new friendships so that you can connect with people easily so that you can decrease your fear of approaching people so that you can really be someone that people like to be around, so that you can really boost your social life and get the social life of your dreams. Discourse here is aimed toe get you all the tools that you need so that you can meet and that you can develop amazing friendships with the people you meet so that you can really have a social life or social circle, a social life that is full feeling, and that makes you really happy. Now I really want you to be comfortable taking this course. That's why there is a 30 day money back guarantee. It means that you can try this course, see if it's for you, and then if you don't like it, you can return and get your money back. There is literally zero risk involved in Tuesday. You can enroll in the schools right now and we can begin your transformation. See you on the other side. 2. Friendship Basics: How To Develop Amazing Friendships: so I would like to share with you Sigh skis so that you can develop amazing friendships. So he would like to give you the keys. But I will. I won't go into details because that's why discourse is here. I just want to give them to you so that you can have a clear sense. Okay, what are the five best keys if you want to develop amazing friendships, so the first key is to know what kind of friends you want to have and where you can meet them. Let's say that for example, you are surfer and you want to go to a class of our and meet people there. They may be a disconnect because you are surfer. So your lifestyle, your values may be different from people you want to meet in a classy bar. Or let's say that, for example, you are someone who is really introverted, who likes, read books and hang out in libraries. And then you go to a place where people are really different from you and say, Hey, I want to make friends there. There will be a disconnect here. So my first advice, the first key here if think about the friends you want to attract about who you are and where you can meet them. Key number two. Be generous and add value to friends. Lives you should always have. Your focus should be toe advice to friends lives. I'm not saying Hey, give them money, but hey, maybe sometimes you can you can buy them a coffee. You can buy them a beer, or you can offer them arrived, or even its with the attitude, your vibe. You want Tito. Give them a great time and it is their teacher. You should have because you want to be a value giving person, not a value taking person, because if you try to take value from your friends, they won't be your friends anymore because they will try to go away from you. And you should really have these. Okay, these are my friends. I want to give them to bend, to be generous, to give them value. Number three Friendships are mostly based on commonalities, so I encourage you to think about the friendship that you have, and you will see that it's based on something that you have in common. It can do you work it can be your passions. It can be anything but there is something that is in common. So we'll see this course how you can create on how we can find this commonalities with the other person as fast as you can, so that you can bond and start an amazing friendship with this person. Number four. Keep contact with your friends on the regular basis because the mistake I always see is that people start developing an amazing friendship. But then they don't contact the all the person anymore. They think. OK, I just started a friendship with this person. Now it's OK, I have a friend, but you should be sending text you should be sending You should be using WhatsApp Facebook and keeping in touch with the other person because as human beings, we are social animals. So you should always do that. And I'm not saying okay every day you send them attacks or you talk to them on Facebook. But, for example, once a week, we can just take them all. Call them. Hey, how how are you? How is your day going? How was your week? Just to keep in touch. So then you can newish the friendship number five. Be an action taker. Take the risk to make things happen. Take the risk to go and talk to that to that person. To make a friend, take the risk toe. Ask for the full number. Take the resto. Ask the other person If he wants to go out and have a beer with you, it's really you should be the one taking the risk because if you do that consistently, you will get amazing results. Social. So this was here for this section? I just wanted to give you five kids has really useful. And now we start really about finding out what the process is to develop amazing friendships. 3. How To Attract The Friends You Really Want: There is a code that says that we are the average off the five people we hang out the most with. So it's really important to find out what kind of people we want to hang out with because they will have an influence on ourselves. If we hang out with people who are really negative, there is a high chance off us also being negative because we are the average off the five people we hang out with. So my first question to you is, what kind of friends do you want to attract a new life? Because here we are designing, we are finding out your idea, friends, because that's what the score is about is about finding out the friends you wanted and attracting them to your life. So ask yourself this question. What kind of friends you want? What is their lifestyle? What are the values? What do they like to do? So it's really about finding out your ideal friends. For example, there is a big difference if you want to meet someone that is, for example, outgoing that likes adventure, or someone that is more quiet and that likes to hang out in cafes you can see here that it's a big difference, and you should really know, because the mistake I made is that I'm say Okay, yeah, I want to make friends And then I want I went to see people from different backgrounds and they were not matching who I really was. And I was not able to connect with these people because they were from a different background, a nothing a. You can't connect with someone that is from in another environment and background. But it's really think about the friends. You want to attract a new life who you wants to have, who you want to attract. Who are they? What are the values, the beliefs in the lifestyle? And then when you found doubts, watch your idea. Friends are. Then you think about yourself. What are you values? What is your lifestyle? And then you try to see if there is a disconnect or not, because if you are, for example, for you want friends who are really outgoing who like adventure and you're someone that is a quiet conservative, and you and you like to read books every week and you like to stay home and then say, Yeah, I want to have this kind of friends. You can see that there is a disconnect. So if you really want to have this kind of friends, you should first work on yourself and then develop these qualities, this lifestyle. So then you can then attract and born with these people. So here I really encourage you to make a list off five personality traits and then describe the lifestyle that's your new friends will have. See if if there's a match between the friends you want to have and yourself. If not, you can then work on yourself. They've loved these values thes life sites. So then you can bond and connect in a more efficient way with the friends you want to attract. 4. Find Out The Best Places To Meet The Friends You Really Want: now that you know the kind of friends you want to attract. The next question is, where can you meet this? Friends? Let's say that, for example, you want toe, have friends who are really healthy. 5. The Power Of Having A One Key Fan Friend: Now I would like to share with you the power off, having your want, your friends, because it's really better if you already have someone that is in your social circle and that is like the friends you like to attract. You just have to talk to this person and to your friend, and then and then you just explain what you want to do. You can say, you know what? I really like you. And you know what I want to expense my social circle. And what I want to do is to go, for example, to these yoga classes to the drama classes. I want to go to this library so that you can meet people and we can develop and boost our social life. And then if you have one friend already, it will be easier. Because if, for example, you want to attend drama classes, yoga classes, thanks in classes. And it's easier if you go there with a friend because you would have someone next to you. So if you will already have social proof, it means that you're not someone creepy because if you have someone next to you, it means that you should be a great person, so it is a great way to show social proof. But also it would be easier for you to talk to people because you have a friend with you and it will be easier toe. Have a great conversation because if there is a blank, there is your friend here, and it's always better to have someone with you when you want toe. Find an attractive friends. So I really encourage you to think out about who could be the friend. So take the least now off the qualities that you want to have in your friends and ask yourself this question. Is there someone I know that has these qualities? I encourage you to go through your Facebook friends to your what's up friends, to see the friends that you have in your phone and go through them and ask yourself this question is this friend here has this friend here, the qualities I want to have in my new friends, and then when you find one, it can be 12345 The more, the better. And if it's a good friend, then the this person we say yes, and then next time when you want to approach people in the environment, we will be able to find the friends you want to attract. You already have a friend with you and it will be easier. 6. If You Go Out Alone To Meet New Friends, You Should Know This!: now if you don't have a friend and you have to go out alone the thing that I would like to share with you because I have a lot off experience because I traveled to Sydney well, to Brazil and I wanted to start a life again there. So I think I went out by myself. More than 100 types. It mean that I go out by myself. Toe clubs, toe networking events, toe social places where can meet people. And I am by myself. It means that everyone there is with a group of people, and I go there by myself. So there are many things many chiefs I learned. So if, for example, you arrive in a new city, it's okay to say that you are alone. You're by yourself because you just arrived and you don't know a lot of people. So it's OK. It's dressed myself tonight. I don't know a lot of people here, and I just wanted toe come here to meet people. These okay to say that? But now I wouldn't recommend you to say that you are alone. If, for example, you in this city for modern, I don't know, two or three months. So it means that you leave in a city and you should have friends. But then you go out alone and then you say, Yeah, it just me just me here tonight. It can be weird because, for example, someone that goes out on a Friday night or a Saturday night and he's by himself, it means that unconsciously you think that there is something wrong, because why it is person going out by himself. It means that this person doesn't have friends to go out on a Saturday night off Friday night, so it can be a little bit weird. So I wouldn't recommend you to say that you are alone and every even if you're alone, you should go out. You should try to make things happen and connect with people. But there is something a group is that I can either say, Hey, yeah, I'm just with friends. There are over there. I'm going to see them in in a minute. And if if there's a crowd, that's pretty great, because people rescue would ask you Hey, are you by yourself? No, no, I'm just with friend there. I'm going to meet them in a few minutes and then people say, Oh yes, he's with friends. That's good, That's great. And even if I am by myself and there was a big crowd, they won't really know. Then I can even say later if they meet me and they want to introduce my friend and they want to meet my friends, I can just say that they left or there is something that happened and they left. The gory is that I don't want to lower my social value because I tried many times to say, Oh, yeah, I'm just here by myself. And then I saw that I saw in the in the person eyes like, Okay, he's by himself. It's a Friday night Saturday nights. She doesn't have friends. And there is this Oh my God, is this person weird? So I don't want to trigger that. So that's why I say that. Okay, so the other thing you can say gets here, my friends are coming in 1/2 a now or their late, and then there never come. And then you say, Oh, yeah, they were not able to calm. I'm really p staff at them. Can I stay with you. That's how I do. That's how I do anything. I think it's one of the best ways. Don't say that you're by yourself. It's differently. For example, you go to drama classes, dancing classes or if you go toe fitness, or if you go somewhere where you will be seeing people on a regular basis and it's normal to go out alone for Labour, it's normal to arrive by yourself if you go to dancing class or yoga classes or you see what I mean. If it's glasses on a regular basis and you want to go there to meet people, it's okay to be alone. But it's for example, a networking event. Networking event could be OK depends on the case. But for example, if you go to a bar to a restaurant all toe club or to any other social place where people expect you to be with someone and you alone, don't say that you are alone because it will be lower your value. I tried that and it didn't work. Now I know the advice, and it's something that I thought for many years was true. Is that OK? Yeah, if you find someone that is also by himself. Just go and hang out with this person. I thought it was true, But then I had a lot off bad experiences. What happened is that I would hang out with someone that was also by himself. And 80% of the time this person had something wrong, had something weird and there was something off about this person. So what happened? And I had this experience and I want to share with you. So I went to a social place and there was someone that was alone, and I was also alone and say, OK, I could go and talk to this person. And I talked to this person and I was just hanging with this person, and I think we talked for like, one hour. This person was not interesting, but like, Hey, I have no one else to talk to. So I just want here to have a beer to enjoy and talk to this person and then many people. So me and I think I left. I went to the bathroom and then the other person start approaching and start doing creepy things. And then when I came back, I didn't hang out with him anymore. But then I went and I approach people in a good way. And then I say, Hey, what's up? My name is Alan and then they immediately say, Hey, are you Are you his friend? Because he's really weird. Are you with him? And immediately my value was destroyed because I hang out with people with someone that was weird and it happened to me many times it happened to me or so in identity classes. I started talking to someone. It was the first person that I saw because I arrived one hour before. So I start talking to this person and then, like many people, so me like hanging out with this person and this person was really a bad person. So then everyone associate ID and say, Oh, but you are his friend. You are his friend. You are his friends. No, no, I'm not his friend anymore. So I would say if there is someone but himself, try to use your on judgment to see if it's OK. You can go and try and talk to this person, but if you see that this person has something wrong or something weird or something off about his vibe. Don't hang out with this person because we can have a lot off province later in the night or in the day. So this is really my advice. Use your own judgment to see if you can hang out with this person or not. Because most of the time, sadly, if the person is alone, it means that there is something wrong. Because if, for example, someone goes out on a Friday night or Saturday night by himself, there is a chance that this person is weird. A very something off about this person or there was this person would have come with a friend or many friends. So this my advice. I thought it was wrong, but I just want to give you this one in here, okay? So be cautious about that, so you would see that also going out by yourself. It's really great because you can learn a lot about yourself about how to relax, how to be comfortable. Don't forget to breathe. You can also use your phone. So, for example, if you arrive at the bar networking events, social place, you're by yourself. You can just go and use your phone text and just start talking to people. Just start toe vibing with people just to have this toe cutting, talkative mood with the people around you. So really, if you go out by yourself, I included you to do that because it's a really great experience. Don't press yourself relax. Start talking with people that are around you and then stay with people who are great, not people who are like, really creepy. But you say, Oh, I'm by myself. This person is by himself. He's creepy, but it's okay. I have no one to stay with. No. Maybe it's better to stay by yourself and then meet other people later rather than staying with among that is creepy. That hasn't off. I'd because then people will see you with this person, and then they will think that you are his friends and it can really lower your social value . So disease. This would be my advice 7. Action Time!: Now it's action time, because here we have already defined a lot of things that you can do to meet friends first . It's about finding out who you are, your values, your lifestyle. So now it's action time, so I really encourage you to write down what you want in your friends. So what are the qualities, the values, the lifestyle that your new friends would have? Then you write down your qualities, your lifestyle, and you see if there's a match. If there isn't a match, what you can do that you can improve and send your lifestyle your values toe, then much the friends you want tohave. Then ask yourself this question. Where can you meet your new friends? It can be, for example, drama classes. It can be yoga. Classes can be at Jim. It can be the library. It can be in a bar. It can be in a restaurant. It can be in a club, can be in any social place. But it all depends on your lifestyle, the lifestyle of the friends you want to attract. And the better you define it, the easier it will be to create commonalities and really to bone with people. That's why I really encourage you to do that. Then also try to find one key friend, at least one friend. So it's a friend that you have and that has the qualities off the friends that you want to attract in your life. Then you contact this person. You explain what you want to do. So, for example, let's say that I have a friend and I want to meet people at drama classes, so we'll call this trend. Say, What's up? Yeah, I just wanted to share something with you know what? I want to improve my social skills and develop a better social life. You know what? I'm going on This drama classes on Thursday would like to come with me because I think it's a really great class, and then you try to come in to him. And then if your friends say Oh, yeah, sure, why not? Then you have a friend to go there, and it's better. And also the next step is about making a trip. Now that you know the friends you want, who you are, where you can meet them and you have, like your one key friends. It's about really now sitting down and say OK, drama classes or dancing class or yoga classes or library and then you function. But if it's ah, drama class, what you can do is that you can go on the Internet and then look for drama classes. And then it's okay. Drama classes are on Thursday and then you write down in your calendar are okay. Drama classes Thursday. Oh, I want to go in the people at the library. Oh, there's his library. There may be a great today would be on Saturday. Okay, this such a day, I would go there with my friend and then you write down and you make it. Really, It's about making real at soon as possible and writing down in your calendar. So I encourage you to do that to make it real, to transform everything you want socially, find the friends you won't find who you are, see if there is a match, then find your one key friends and then find where you can meet people and then find out where and like when you can go and meet these people at these places and write down in your calendar. So Now we will see how you can approach people. We see all the social skills off when you will be in that place to meet people. How can you do? How can you approach? How can you remove this fear that you have? How can you find commonalities? How can you exchange your contact information? Then how can you contact dispersant, for example? Toe Go out and have a beer or to go out and do something. And then how can you maintain the friendship and make it drove? So this is what we will see now. 8. How To Get Over Being Shy Socially: Now let's discuss how to get over being shy socially. So my first advice would be to define the vision that you want to have socially. What will fuel you, What will give you the motivation to approach people and toe get new friendships? Is it, for example, that you can have someone you can talk to? It's someone that you can share a moment with. What is your motivation to get new friendships? Is it because you want toe be happier? Is it because he wants to, For example, spend time, spend your Friday night or Saturday night with people and have a great time? What is your motivation and the goal? What is your purpose? It's really about asking. Why do you want new friends and new amazing friends? Because when you will be in a situation and you will have to approach people off, for example, ask for the number or do something, take a risk. You will remember why you want it, and it will help you because if you don't really know and you feel stressed, are you afraid of approaching people and you don't really know why you are there? It will be more difficult to get our this China's. But if you know why you want if we fuel you would say OK, I want better friends because I want, for example, to spend my Friday night with people. I can have a great time. I can go out, have some beers and have amazing time with them. Oh yeah, that's what I want. And then when you are, this is the situation and you're a little bit afraid to say, OK, I'm going to go to do it because I have my vision. So I really encourage you to write down his vision. And you can also write that down in the discussion board. Why do you want to have amazing friends? Because it would really fuel you. And when you will be site in a social situation, I encourage you to think about why do you want to approach these new friends? So another advice I would like to share with you if you want to get or being shy socially is think about everything you can gain from the indirection. So let's say that, for example, you want to ask for the number because you want to hang out with this person and start a friendship and you're not really sure. You a little bit shy and most of the time shy people that we focus on everything that can go wrong. So they have this fear failure that is really high, and they're focused on everything that can go wrong. Oh, yeah, But if this person says no, I will be rejected over. Then this person can laugh at me, or but all the people can see me being rejected and their focus on everything that can go wrong. So if you want to stop being shy is really about sending your focus, focus on everything that could go right and on the benefits that you could get. So it means that if you go and you ask for the number, you can get a new friend. If if the person says no, you can get the learning experience that next time you know better how to do it or you can have you can, for example, get a number, and then you can have a great time with especially you see, like you least all the benefits that you have. So I really encourage you to start thinking in terms, off benefits and everything that you can gain. When I did that, because I was really, really shy when I was a kid, I started thinking about OK, what can I gain if I approach this person? What can I gain if I ask for them? What can again if I ask you this personals to go out with me and for them have years or go out to arrest on what can I gain? What are the benefits of that? And if you change your focus, you will see that your shyness will diminish if we decrease. And if you combine that with Okay, what's your vision? Why do you want to get amazing friendships? Your shyness were already decrease. Now that can happen and actually is going to happen that you will be shine a situation. You focus on the benefits on everything that can go right and on your vision. But you will be still here and you won't move. The thing is that there is a one last elements that I haven't told you. It's about move your body because if you focus on the benefits that you can't get, for example, from approaching this People asking for the number or any other thing that you feel uncomfortable with. And you are shy, you should move your body and you would see that if you have these elements, you connect with your vision off. What do you want to have socially, Then you connect and then you make a list really quickly mental about the benefits that you can get if you approach this person asked for the number or take a risk socially to do something toe approach someone toe. Yeah, it can be anything that you feel shy. If you think in terms of benefits and then you move your body moving your body just making one step here and then you go one step, one step. It means that you can just move your body because if you bought it here you are shy. This fear and you don't want to move. And the more you stay here, the worst is going to be because you going to stay here, Okay. Oh, my God. Yeah. What? What is that? And say OK, vision, Okay, benefits. I could get that. But then if you just go and say OK, my vision is that the benefits is that okay and start moving. Even if it's like moving on right and left just here you will see that you would. It would be easier for you to do what you want to do socially, because if you stop moving your body, then it will show you body. Oh, yeah, he's moving. Oh, yeah, But if I approach this person knew that I would get all the benefits. And also it's linked to my vision. Oh, yeah, that's great. And you're goingto go. It will be easier for you toe approach, people toe. Do something socially toe. Ask for contact information to ask if someone wants to go to a restaurant with you or start a new friendship. It will be easier for you. For example, If you want to approach someone, you just have to say, Okay, this person is there. I'm here. I can just start moving. Okay. The benefits to the AC You get that amazing friends and then you make a least mentally off the benefits that you could get from approaching these people at this person. Then it's OK. My vision is that to say OK, yeah, every stressed stop movie, and then it will be easier for you to go. Okay, So think about this, Points because it can really, really help you if you are shy socially. And if you have this social fear. Another point I would like to make here is that if you want to get over, being shy socially is lower the criteria for your social success because it can be okay. I want to approach this person. And then my criteria is that I will have an amazing friendship and in 10 years will be best friends. You see the pressure and how the criteria is really high. Instead, if you say Oh, make sure they're for success is just reproach this person and say hi. This is your cretier. You lower the bar because you will see that that you will remove a lot off pressure from your shoulders because again, you don't know who this person is. You have no idea how it's going to go, but you anticipate it positively. And if you do that, you loathe Secretaria and it's OK. I just have to approach is best and say hi. You will see then that the conversation shown with start and you will be less stressed rather than saying Okay, I have to build this amazing friendship. Otherwise I'm a loser. Lower the criteria for success. Relax and you will see that everything will be OK. 9. How To Put Yourself In A Good State & Confident State Before Approaching People: Okay. Now, I would like to share with you how you can put yourself in a great states and have this feeling off self confidence in three minutes on. And this is what I do every time I go to a social place. It can be, for example, if I go to a dancing class or I go toe club toe about a restaurant networking event. I will always do that. So now I'm going to reveal and make as if I wear going to this place so that I can show you exactly how it Okay. The first thing is that, for example, will be walking toe a place. I'll be in a taxi. You are being driving. I will be having positive anticipation. It means that I'm not going to focus on Oh my God. These social place will be all full. I will have a bad time. People will hate me as they know. Okay? I think it's going to go great. Displace people love me. I will go approach people. And then I imagine that people have positive reactions towards me and I'm having a great time. People are liking me. This is it happens all in my head because your brain can't really see the difference off the reality and what you are imagining in your head. So I will do that to have dispositive association. So it's about changing my focus on everything that could go right and then I will amplify it in my mind and Canada for one or two minutes. I will be having positive association social success in my mind because it start here. It starts before you enter the place because if you don't do that, you would see that will be all stressed. You don't know. But if you say Oh, yeah, I already believed it can be real. I already leave the's think in my mind and I know it went well. It would also help you and decrease your stress level then the second part is your posture . Now, every time that I'm going to a place what I do shoulders back, just open head straight and I'm looking at the back because if you change your posture, you change your confidence level. If you have this posture here, the confident posture it will increase your self confidence. If you have a posture off someone who is low confidence. You will be low, confident. So first I have positive anticipation. It can be one or two minutes. Then I take care of my posture immediately. I have my shoulders back. Just open head straight. Looking at the back I can also have a small smile on my face. And just by doing that, it will put you in a great and confidence take. Now the next step is three. Value yourself and ask yourself this question. Why? I'm I agree. So the first step will be OK. Why am I great? Oh, I'm great. And then you make a list. I want to take a piece of paper and do that. I will make it mental because you can see here that I want to switch my focus from everything that goes wrong. Toe. Oh my God! It's goingto be amazing In the social place. People are going to react positively towards me. I'm going to be socially successful. My posture is the one is the posture of someone who is confidence. Now I have the confidence level because by changing the the posture it will change how you feel any confidence level. And now it's about focusing on, okay? Why am I great? Because I want to still boost my confidence a little bit further. So for example, in my head, I would have, like, five points off. Why? I am great. And it can be anything. It can also be delusional. It doesn't matter as long as you believe it. It will boost your confidence because they say that you go to a social place in a safe. I'm a really about Paris and I have no value. Why? Didn't say Okay, Posture, OK, and then what did that and say? OK, positive anticipation. Okay. But I don't know if I have value. So that's why we're doing that. Okay? I have value. I'm a great person and a great father. I'm a great friend. I I'm funny. You know what I mean? You make a list off. Why? You are great. The four step. Relax, breathe and expect everything to be okay. Because you can be stress because you arrived to a new place and you don't we know who will be there. And there's a lot of anticipation. Breathe deeply. Relax and think that everything will be OK. This is what I do. He's like you breathe deeply and then you breathe here with your belly. One or two types. It's really easy. But most people don't do that. Then there are either two place old stressed or stress or stress. No, relax. Take them to be okay. So what I shared here with you is the difference between your social success and your social faith. So again, I will do that really quick to show you how it stopped. So we arrive before arriving to the place. I will be in the taxi, walking or anywhere. I will be first taken care of my posture. Shoulders back, head straight. Just open. Then I would think. Ok, why am I great? I will have my will make a quickly off while I'm great. Then I'm going to have positive anticipation. So I will be thinking about everything that will go well. People will be reacting positive. It was me I would do doing everything in my head. Why? Because your brain can't see the difference between what? What's happening in your head and the reality. Then the next step is I would just relax and I was breathes deeply. And in three minutes, or less than three minutes. I'm in a great state and I have high confidence level. Then you may say, but Alan is not as easy. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Your brain. Maybe is preventing you from accessing this confidence level and this positive state off my . But by doing that on a regular basis, you will see that will be ableto access. It's more easily because now, in find less than five seconds, I can access the state because I know exactly I did that thousands off times and I know how to do it. And you can also do that. It's about practice. So that's why I encouraged you. Toe use the step by step process when you go just before going to the place, you want to go to meet your new friends because you want to be in the best energy possible . Best vibe 10. The Psychology Of Breaking The Ice Finally Revealed!: Now I would like to discuss a little bit about the psychology off approaching and breaking the X, maybe the person that is there at the dancing class, at the yoga class, at the library or at a networking events or at his restaurant. And maybe this person that is looking at you is not maybe to make fun of you, but it's maybe because this person wants you to approach this person. But this person is too shy to come and talk to you. It's an amazing mindset to have now. The mindset I have is that every time I go somewhere and someone looks at me like, Hey, this person wants me to approach And then I go And I introduced myself. Yes, If the person looks at me, I won't go. But if the person just looks at me and has a positive has positive emotions in his face, I would go and introduce myself. So think about that thing that maybe the person that is looking at you is not to make fun of you. But hey, maybe this person want you to approach because the person is shy and can do it so the next point is, take responsibility. So if you want to be good at breaking the ice, take responsibility and then go there and make the first step. That's important because you will take the weights off the other person. You will take the weight off the other person's shoulders because the person like Okay. Oh my God. Ah, I want to talkto this person, but I don't know Oh my God. And then you just go there and you make Hey, what's up? Hey, how are you? My name is Alan. If you do that, if you take responsibility and then you act socially people will love you for that because you are making their life easier. Well, so another mind said I have. That helps me a lot when I have to break the ice can say, Hey, maybe this person in front of me is a human waiting for me to connect with me because I'm cool. You can see that the mindset you have about people will really impact how people are going to react towards you. It will impact your confidence level. So why not having a great mindset? Hey, maybe this person here, this human here is just waiting for me to approach that I can connect with this person and I can do that because I'm cool because I have value. It's about thinking about why have value toe approach to this person. So it's about the preparation, the the steps we discussed in the last chapter. So if you haven't seen it, so I really encourage you to go to the previous chapter and just watch the step by step process. So really, the mindset will have a new impact. So have a positive mindset, positive anticipation and really anticipate that people want you to approach them now when you want to approach people, you want to be friendly, warm, and your goal is to make the other person. I feel comfortable because you want. Your goal is to make the other person feel comfortable. You don't want to approach super high confident and then the person is a little bit stressed and then you're going too hard and it can really make things off with the other person. If you do like that, your goal is to put yourself in a friendly and warm state. How do you do that? First you feel a friendly and warm state inside you, you just feel this emotion off warms and friendliness inside you, and then you simply fight in your body and then you have the great state, and that's the state you want to approach it, then you just go there. You approach someone, we see exactly how you're going toe approaching the next chapter. Don't worry. I just want to show you here a little bit about the psychology and what you should be doing with your body and your energy. So you feel the feeling off warms off friendliness in your body, and then you go and you approach the person and your goal is to make the other person feel comfortable. So the next advice would be about the distance that you have with a person. So if you go in your approach and you are in approach too close and you see that the person is uncomfortable, you can just go a little bits here. If you are a little too far away and you see that the person is really like to comfortable , you can try to go a little bit in, but just play with the distant but the person has to be comfortable. A great rule is that if the person should be at arm length for me, that you put your arm here and you can see here that the distance is where the person should be socially. If the rule, if you go a little bit clothes, it's more like an intimate relationship and a little bit further is like you're a stranger so really used. This is rule here and now. I would like to discuss with you how you can approach people, and it will be in the next chapter. 11. How To Stop Being Afraid Of Approaching New People & Become Comfortable: Now, I would like to discuss a little bit about why I have this fear when we approached people. So we have this fear off failure. We have this fear off being rejected. We have this fear off being unloved and it's something that is really not sure everyone has this feat, so it's really about knowing that this fear will always be there. But what's really important is that you know that people, for example, who are actors, for example, Brad speeds All these people have amazing social skills. They also have this fear, but they have learned how to deal with it. So the more you practice, the more you approach people, the more the less you will have this year, the more you approach people and then you reinforce it positively. By that, I mean, if you go in your approach, people and then they reject you and you ask yourself this question OK? What was wrong? What was wrong, what was wrong, then it will destroy your confidence and increase your fuel for approaching next time. But if instead you go your approach people, and then let's say that this person rejects you. You ask yourself this question. What was great about the situation? What can I do better next time? So let's say that I go and I approach someone and then I say, OK, what was great? It was great because I had the courage to go on approach people and I gave the other person a compliment. So I'm proud of myself because I was able to express myself freely. And then you ask the question, What can you do better next time? Or maybe next time I can a little be a little bit less confrontational and the, for example, maybe a little bit less direct. And then that's how you build the positive feedback. And next time that you will be approaching people you feel for approaching will be a little bit less important because you would have more confidence that okay, you can approach people because if you approach people and then every time you approached the oh my God, it was all full force, terrible. And then you focus on everything that was wrong. Your fear for approaching people next time will be really, really huge. That's why I really encourage you to reinforce every time that you approached people in your mind by asking these two questions what was great in this situation, and what can I do better next time? Also, another advise you think in terms off what you can gain and the benefits that you can get instead of thinking and focusing on everything that could go wrong when you approached, people focus on everything you can gain. If you're approaches person, you can maybe get a new friend. You can have a great moment with this person you can share joke. You can make the other person smile. You know what I mean? It's about focusing on the positive, not the negative. Focus on what can happen and what can be amazing. Not on what can go wrong, because your brain loves to focus on everything that goes wrong. The steel failure, this fear off being unloved this year. Projection. Now it's your job to change your focus, and by training your focus, you will see that it will decrease your fear of approaching people next time. The next advice is, the more you weights, the worst is going to be. Let's say that you are at drama classes or you are at the gym at the library, at the networking events or any other place where you want to meet your new friends and you want to approach the other person. The more you weights, the worst is going to be because the fear is going to build inside your body so instead is when you see someone you like to approach. It's better toe approach as soon as you can, because the more you wait, the more the fear will build inside your body. Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to approach someone you didn't approach and then it was really awful Worse, terrible, anywhere not able, even maybe to move off, to go and approach this person. That's because you waited too long. So my suggestion is, if you want to kill the sphere off approaching or decrease it, that next time that you see someone you like to approach, you just go and you talk to this person as fast as you can like you don't wait five minutes or 10 minutes. Yes, you should be socially aware if the president is on the phone, but I think you got the point. And if you're already socially prepared. So it means that if you have positive associations, you are confident you are in a great state like a discussed in the previous lectures. It will be really easier for you to approach people, and you will see that this fear will be decreased also, if you want to decrease your feet off approaching, it's easier if you go in with a friend. So if you go in alone, you will see that you feel for approaching will be higher. But if you go with a friend and you go to approach new people to make them your friends, it will be better because you have someone with you and it's a bit more comfortable. And maybe it's better to make the conversation. If there's a blank, your friend can help you and its easier and you feel for approaching is like divided by two , so it's better to approach with someone with a friend. If you don't have it, don't use it as an excuse. Go. It's alone and learn from it and you will see that it will. It will also be a great learning experience. Also, when you arrive in a new social environment try to go in the talkative mood as to Netiquette, because if you arrive, let's say that you go to a restaurant networking events, toe drama classes or you go toe your classes. Bentsen classes toe. Yeah, any social place. And then you wait, for example, half an hour before talking to people, you will be inside your head. It will be really difficult for you to approach. The goal here is to start talking to people as soon as you arrive in the new environment, it can be the bouncer it can be. It can be the staff. It can be any people, just toe start being in this talkative mood. And, yeah, everything is going to be OK. I just want to start talking to people because you want to show your brain that it's okay to approach in that environment, because when you arrive in a new environment, it's like arriving and entering, and you try and you want to show your brain that it's OK to talk and interact with the people who are in this tribe. That's why the sooner you do it, the better is going to be 12. Break The Ice 101: How To Approach People (the right way): Now I would like to discuss a little bit about the psychology off approaching and breaking the X, maybe the person that is there at the dancing class, at the yoga class, at the library or at a networking events or at his restaurant. And maybe this person that is looking at you is not maybe to make fun of you, but it's maybe because this person wants you to approach this person. But this person is too shy to come and talk to you. It's an amazing mindset to have now. The mindset I have is that every time I go somewhere and someone looks at me like, Hey, this person wants me to approach And then I go And I introduced myself. Yes, If the person looks at me, I won't go. But if the person just looks at me and has a positive has positive emotions in his face, I would go and introduce myself. So think about that thing that maybe the person that is looking at you is not to make fun of you. But hey, maybe this person want you to approach because the person is shy and can do it so the next point is, take responsibility. So if you want to be good at breaking the ice, take responsibility and then go there and make the first step. That's important because you will take the weights off the other person. You will take the weight off the other person's shoulders because the person like Okay. Oh my God. Ah, I want to talkto this person, but I don't know Oh my God. And then you just go there and you make Hey, what's up? Hey, how are you? My name is Alan. If you do that, if you take responsibility and then you act socially people will love you for that because you are making their life easier. Well, so another mind said I have. That helps me a lot when I have to break the ice can say, Hey, maybe this person in front of me is a human waiting for me to connect with me because I'm cool. You can see that the mindset you have about people will really impact how people are going to react towards you. It will impact your confidence level. So why not having a great mindset? Hey, maybe this person here, this human here is just waiting for me to approach that I can connect with this person and I can do that because I'm cool because I have value. It's about thinking about why have value toe approach to this person. So it's about the preparation, the the steps we discussed in the last chapter. So if you haven't seen it, so I really encourage you to go to the previous chapter and just watch the step by step process. So really, the mindset will have a new impact. So have a positive mindset, positive anticipation and really anticipate that people want you to approach them now when you want to approach people, you want to be friendly, warm, and your goal is to make the other person. I feel comfortable because you want. Your goal is to make the other person feel comfortable. You don't want to approach super high confident and then the person is a little bit stressed and then you're going too hard and it can really make things off with the other person. If you do like that, your goal is to put yourself in a friendly and warm state. How do you do that? First you feel a friendly and warm state inside you, you just feel this emotion off warms and friendliness inside you, and then you simply fight in your body and then you have the great state, and that's the state you want to approach it, then you just go there. You approach someone, we see exactly how you're going toe approaching the next chapter. Don't worry. I just want to show you here a little bit about the psychology and what you should be doing with your body and your energy. So you feel the feeling off warms off friendliness in your body, and then you go and you approach the person and your goal is to make the other person feel comfortable. So the next advice would be about the distance that you have with a person. So if you go in your approach and you are in approach too close and you see that the person is uncomfortable, you can just go a little bits here. If you are a little too far away and you see that the person is really like to comfortable , you can try to go a little bit in, but just play with the distant but the person has to be comfortable. A great rule is that if the person should be at arm length for me, that you put your arm here and you can see here that the distance is where the person should be socially. If the rule, if you go a little bit clothes, it's more like an intimate relationship and a little bit further is like you're a stranger so really used. This is rule here and now. I would like to discuss with you how you can approach people, and it will be in the next chapter. 13. Learn Exactly What You Can Talk About: So now what can you talk about with the other person? I just like to give you this information and I give that in all my courses. But it's so useful. Is that 93% off? The communication is no. On the very about, it means that only 7% are words and everyone who struggled socially they don't act because they say I don't know what to say. But the focus only on the 7%. So you should really focus on the 93%. Which is how do you feel? Have positive anticipation, have good feelings inside your body. They care a few posture, shoulders back, head straight, have a smile on your face because that will wait more than dressed. Okay, what can you see? But as you must say something, let's discuss it. The first question you can ask if you're approaching more people, is how do you know which other? So it's a powerful question so that you can know the group dynamic. You can also ask what brings you here? All we are here because today it's a birthday. Oh, I'm here because I want to learn how to dance. Oh, I'm here because I want toe learn how to stretch. Oh, I'm here. And then and then you can start talking getting information, because when you approach someone and then you start talking, maybe it's a little bit awkward because that's two people who meets, and maybe they don't really know what to say, so it's a little bit awkward at first. It may be a little bit awkward at first, but just the fact that you can ask questions and you can start talking even if it's boring questions just to get the flow going and the other person comfortable. That's what's really important. You can talk about the environment again if you are in an environment and you have to share something in common. For example, if it's a work environment or if it's the networking events and you attended the conference before, you can simply approach someone say, Hey, how are you? My name is Alan. Nice to meet you, and then you can start talking about the conferences so before you can ask questions about if the person likes the conference, if the person liked the conference and start talking about that so you can use the environment. It's not only about you, Eddie and the other person, but there's also the environment around you that you can use now. There is something I do all the time. And I think that's why people have a great impression off me. Is that I try to talk as quick as I can about their passions and interests. Why? Because I want them to feel goods and because if they talk about something that they love their passions and interests that will have positive feelings inside the body and then they will associate its to me. So this is really powerful. I can ask. Hey, what do you like to do for fun? What do you do in your free time? Where do you where would you like to travel? I talk about all these positive things instead of asking. Hey, are have you watched the news? And so what happened today? It's awful, because if you talk about things that are, they get you, people will associate these feelings towards you because if you ask someone hey, did you like this person? The person will focus on the emotions that dispersing had in his body. And if you ask the question. Hey, what do you like to do for fun? What are your passions? But are you passionate about? And then the person start, start talking. You will get a lot off good results because you will be talking about something that the person loved, and the person will really like talking to you. Now Don't try to manipulate it, because if the person says that his passion is horses and you hate horses, don't talk about horses for half on hour just so that the other person we like you, that's not the gold here. But it's really toe talk about your passions, your interest, your the passions, like the other person's passions and interests, so that it can video create a great vibe and atmosphere. Another advice about what to say Because most people say, You know what, Alan, when I am with friends, that's really easy, because I know what to say. But then when I approach a stranger, it's more difficult. So my advice is it would be lower the criteria for what you say, because when you always friends, I'm sure that you are joking and you're not wondering what to say. Why because your criteria for what you can say is really low. So my suggestion is that when you go and you approach people, remember that words are only 7% as long as you have good intentions and you go and you talk with people as if they were your friends. Already, you will be able to lower discreet era, and it will be easier to get the flow going because most of the time it's not because you don't know what to say. But it's because you think that what you have to say is not good enough. Let me repeat most of the time. It's not because you don't know what to say, but it's because you think that what you have to say is not good enough. And by lowering discreet area and thinking that they are already your friends, you will be able to trick your brain, and it will be easier for you to talk to people you can see here that don't make it more complicated than it has to be. You can approach someone by introducing yourself by asking a question by giving a compliment, and then you can ask a question. What brings you here. How do you know each other? You can ask the basic questions or you can see your statement. Then you can start talking about the environment. You can then talk about your passions, your interest. You can ask positive questions so that the other person can talk about his passions and interests. You can see here it's only about exchanging words because words are 7%. Remember, 93% is not available. So practice that with your friends and then do that with other people. And the more you practice, the easier it will be. I don't want to give you exactly what to say, because it's not the right thing to do because I tried it, I tried to scrape everything I would say in a conversation. He didn't go well. It's really didn't go where. That's why I want to give you the the little ideas, the little seeds. I would say that the letter C the little keys so that you can really use them and create your personality and then express yourself with that. So I really hope that it helped remember talk to new people as if they were already your friends 14. How To Add A Lot Of Value In Conversations: Now, when you approach someone and then you start talking to this person, it's really important toe add value right away because you want to add value to the conversation. It can be very really, or it can be known very bad nonverbally. What you do with that. You just have good emotions in your body and you try to give it to them. You feel focus on having good emotions in your body. You're that the other person will feel, because whatever you feel the other person feels it's a rule. It's a universal rule. Whatever you feel, the other person feels you should feel like you are taking value from the other person. The person will feel it. If you feel generous and you have opposed the vibe and positive emotion in your body, the person will feel that. And that's what we call value giving. So it's really important toe nonverbally. Give this value, but you can also give these value verbally. For example, if you have a good address for restaurant, or if you know that something is happening in town or there's a good part of this weekend or you know any information that is relevant to the other person and that could add value to his life. Share it because the process is when you are meeting your friends in that place, like when you meet. When you are trying to meet new people to try to make friends, you approach them. You start talking. Now it's three about sharing the value that you have and be generous and adding value. So, yes, it's great to ask questions. Tow US question about his passions and interests. But now it's gonna be also the time to start sharing value and telling them things that could add value to the lives. But it has to come from good intentions. For example, if the rare, if they have a really ugly hats, not going to say you know what's maybe try without the hat? No, it has to be something off value. So canyon address to a restaurant. It can be on advice to something that has to be like more a positive advice. If there's a good party, if there is something great happening later, it's about really talking and sharing the value with the other person. So you go. You are pro to introduce yourself or you make a compliment or you give a compliment or you ask a question. Then you start talking with the person, and then you focus on adding value to the conversation and is an important step, adding value known verbally or verbally, by sharing information that can add value to his life. You can also compliment someone. It's a form off adding value. You can give a compliment. Remember, as long as you give a compliment that is genuine and that has positive intention, their person, we'll take it well and will be happy because if you give a compliment and you don't really think that the compliment is true and address giving the compliment to manipulate the other person, the person has higher chances off feeling that the compliment is fake. And then there will be this off vibe between you. So, really, if you want to add value, it can be also about giving a compliment. So you go there, you introduce yourself. You start talking with the other with the other person, and then you can give a compliment. It's the way off adding value, and then you can share a good address to a restaurant you can see here how it's already different from 99% off. People who approach other people because what most people do they approach with a bad vibe . And then the start asking question that take value from the other people. They say, Oh my God, and that socially. But he was, We do. We change our posture of confidence level. We have good emotion in our body. We know how to introduce ourselves. Have to compliment someone how to ask a question. We know what to say and then we know how toe add value in a conversation now. So you should really think about when you are interacting with people. How can you add value to their lives and to the conversation you have? 15. How To Create Rapport With Anyone Instantly: now like to share my tips on how you can connect with someone instantly because friendships are based on commonalities. If you think about all the friendships you have, it's because you have something in common with the person. So now let's recap what we have seen so far. You know how to approach, You know what to say. Then you know how toe adviser to the conversation. And now what you want to do is look for commonalities because that will be a stolid base for the friendship. So if you want to start a friendship with someone, you must have something in common. That's why you want to look for this commonality or commonalities as soon as you can, so you can start asking questions, and you can talk about the environment you are in and, for example, the common activity you are doing. Let's say that you go to salsa classes, dancing classes, drama classes. You can talk. You have something in common, which is the class you in the environment drying so you can talk about that and try to build a connection with the person by just talking about the environment. Let's say that okay, I go toe dancing classes. I can start talking about about salsa because I can see that stuff the first time I go here . Then I can ask the other person if the other person like salsa and you can start boning and creating a connection are on salsa, because then when I will ask for the number or we invite her or him to meet my friends, Dispersants say, Oh yeah, I have a community with this person unconsciously and the person We have higher chances off accepting, and you have higher chance off starting a friendship if it's based on something that you have in common. So it's really important that you start looking for that as fast as you can. Another way toe find commonalities is one of my favorite ways is to ask positive questions about his passions and interest and try to find something in common. So I'm going to ask and ask that almost every time is what do you like to do for fun? And then I try to see if what the person answers has something in common without what I like to do. Let's say that the person say, Oh, I love to play tennis, and I also like to play tennis. I know that here we have a common subject. We have a commonality and I'm going to talk about that because I know that's something we have in common, and I know that it's we're going to connect faster with that, and we have higher chances off being friends. If we talk about this commonality that we have now, I'm not telling you to fake it. Let's say that the person says, Oh, I love playing tennis and I hate it. I'm not going to force it and lie saying that I like tennis. If I don't, it's already try to find first with the environment and the actor activity you are in. And then ask the positive question about the passions and interests and try to find the commonality here. It can also be any other commonality that you have. If you talk and then you find a commonality, try to talk about that because that's how you're going to connect faster with your the person. So the goal here is to find this commonality so that you can connect faster with your the person, but it can be also toe. Find an activity you can do later with that person because let's say that you learn that this person explained tennis and you like playing tennis, too. You have something in common, so you have a commonality. You like this person, you? No. And something natural could be that later. You can invite this person to play tennis because you found the commonality. Now. Another way to connect with people really fast is by mirroring mirroring. Basically, what it is is that you can mirror the body language off the other person. Let's say that I have someone in front of me that is crossing his arms. I can also cross my arms and I could Miro, the older person. Let's say that the person, for example, has, ah, one hand here and it's just talking. I can muir it so I can also put my hand here and me were all the other person because I don't know if it and I'm sure that it already happened to you when you were in a conversation in a deep conversation with a good friend, and then you notice that you had exactly the same body language at the other person, and I'm sure that it already happened to you. It's when you have this deep connection with someone. You have the same body language as the other person. So you can do that. You can me or it's and kindof make things faster. So it means that if the person has for them, the hand here is talking. You can do that, but don't do that in an obvious way. For example, if the person puts the hand here, you put the hand here. No, but if you see that the person puts the hand here, you can just slowly put the hand here and make as if nothing happened. And then you can try to mirror of the behavior off the other person. They say that, for example, when the person takes the glass off wine, you can also take the glass of wine at the same moment. And then the person we have this feeling that Oh my God, there is this powerful connection towards you too. And this is a great way toe accelerates. The process is off, making your friends another way. If you really want people to say, Oh my God, I really like this person I have an amazing connection with him is to use his language because if you say, if you notice that for example, someone uses the word awesome all the time, you can also use the word awesome because if you start using the words that the person uses , the person who will feel and think that you are like him, it's like a commonality that you have, and you will be able to bond and connect faster and developed a friendship faster with your person. So what I do is that I try to notice if people have words that they use often and then I will start using these words with them. Then I will be able to develop friendship faster with those people. 16. Should You Force Things Or Let It Happen Naturally! Revealed!: now should you force things or let it happen? Naturally, let it happen naturally, because if you try to four things, for example, if you try to ask for the number, if you try to force the connection, it's really forceful and not natural. The person will feel it because he I give you a structure that you can use. But it has to be used in a natural process. It means that it's not like you did that. Then you do that, then you do that. It's not like Okay, you approach, you talk. Then you add value. Then you try to connect with the person. Then you take the normal and then you ask the person to do an activity with you and then you maintain their friendship. No, it has to happen in the natural in the natural process and trust your intuition. So each, for example, you think that it's not good for approach. This person now don't do it, but it doesn't have to be based on fear. It's because you think that's not the right thing to do. If you think that that's not the right time to ask for the number or two extension contact information because you feel that the person does not really life you yet. Don't do it. It has to appear natural because if you force it, people will fill it and they will have a negative feeling towards you. So trust your intuition, your judgments. How do you get the good intuition, intuition and judgments by doing that often, so you have to practice, get feedback, and then you would have a bad the judgments next time. So it's really like if you force it, the people, we feel it because whatever you feel the other person feels. So if you feel that your four thing things the other person will feel and the worst feeding can be, Oh my God, it it's not happening. Naturally, the person is four thing it and we especially that with saves people, people who have bad intentions, so you don't really want to fall in that category. 17. How To Find Something You Can Do Together: So now that you approached a person somewhere that you start talking, that's you added value to his life, that you found a commonality with this person. It's time to find an activity that you can do together, because what you like to do is see this person again. So an activity you can do together is based on the commonalities. For example, if you like to play tennis and the other person likes to play tennis, it is the commonality you know, an activity you can do together. It's play tennis. Another example is that, for example, if you like to go to a bar and the person likes to go to the same bar, this is a commonality. You can then meet up later in that bar. So disease, um, activity you can do together based on commonalities. So it all depends on the commonalities that you found with the other person, and you have to be a little bit creative. Now let's say that you go to yoga classes, and the commonality that you have with the other person is yoga, and then you see okay, Eiland said. It's an activity based on commonality, so it's yoga here somethingto ask if the other person wants to come in my apartment and do yoga with me. It doesn't have to be creepy. It's better if it's in a public place rather than inside an apartment or something close. Because the pressure will be higher and the chances off the person accepting, for example, to go inside your apartment, toe watch movie or to do something, it will be more difficult for the person to accept rather than if it's a public place. So I really encourage you to find a public place. Now, if you don't really know the commonality that you have with this person, but you feel that you have that there is something going on like you have that it could be your friend. But you don't really know what you could ask this person. You can just use the phrase my friend and I, we are going to this barges. We can. We're doing that this weekend. Do you want to come? For example, let's say that on Friday night you go to a bar or you go to do a social activity with your friend. Always friends. You can invite this person. You can invite these new friend tojoin you. You can also tell your friend your new friend that this person can come with someone because it's easier toe join a new social activity or new social group. If the person brings another friend, it will be easier for that person to accept. So you can just say, Hey, my friend and my friend and I or my friends and I were going to displace this weekend or where we're doing the social activity on that day. Do you want to come? You can also bring a friend and then you exchange numbers. There's a way to do that and is a way to see the all the person again. You can also say, Hey, let's grab a beer after it's something that can be great or if you have dancing classes or you are in a social place where it's going to end. At some point, you can say, Hey, we can grab food later. We can go and it's something later we can have a beer, so if you found out a commonality that can be used as an activity, use it. You can then use the phrase my friend in the eye. We are going to this event or social activity. Do you want to come? You can also bring a friend or canoe so used. Hey, let's grab a beer later. Let's driver appeared this week. Let's grab a coffee this week. You can see it doesn't necessarily have to be immediately after the the end off the social activity or the social place you are in. You can also be Hey, you want to grab a coffee on on Thursday? It works. It's a wet, but it's better. It's based on the commonality, because you would be able to bone faster and to create the friendship faster with that person. What you can also do If you really want to boost your social life, you can see and you can discuss with your friend and say, OK, you know what? Every Friday we're going toe have this social activity. It can be a cooked in nights at your home, you can go and play laser tag. You can meet up in a in a cafe and discuss books. You can have an activity that you do on a weekly basis. So then when you meet new people you can just invite them to join your social activity, and this is a great way to do that. I did that for many weeks and many months is that every Friday night I would meet people. I would meet friends in a bar so every people of would meet during the day. I would just say, Hey, on Friday night, I will be at a bar if you want. You can come and you can join me. Here's my number. What's your number? And then we like change. I would take this person and then the person will we come? I would also ask if the person wants to bring a friend. So then I can also meet another person. And that's how I build many social circles. So it's something that small advance because it's creating on event on a weekly basis, our every two weeks. But if you don't want to do that, you can use the examples I give you before 18. The Right Way To Exchange Contact Details: now, how can you extend your contact information? The first way would be to say, Hey, let's exchange numbers and then give the reason. Hey, let's the extension number. So that's next time you can play tennis. Hey, let's extent remember, so that this week we can grab a beer. Hey, let's extension number so that we can grab a coffee this week. This is a way to do that. It works really well. And if you did everything well, if you added value, you found commonalities. You have a great vibrate energy. The person would say Yes. So most of the time the person would say Yes. So it's a really great way. Just they hate. Let's extend your contact information so that we and then you give the reason that can be based on the commonality or anything that we discussed before. You can also ask seem pretty, but to number all. Do you have lets up because if you had a great connection with the person, the person will give you his number. Even if there isn't a reason. If you were not able to find a reason to and take the contact information off, find an activity you can do with This person can just say, Hey, what's your number? Oh, hey, do you have what's up? And if you have a great connection with this person, this person, we say yes. Then you just exchange the numbers. You can see here that it's easier than you think, because exchanging numbers are contact information is really easy. If everything before wasn't well, if the person really likes you, you connected with the spirit. With this person you found commonalities. You found you added value. This person really likes you. You talked about his passions and interests, and the person had good emotions in his body. And now you ask hate, What's your number? The person is going to give you his number and now you can start creating a friendship. 19. The Importance Of Not Being Approval Seeking: now it's really important not to be approval seeking because it's a behavior that will be really unattractive. So I will try to illustrate the appropriate upward seeking behavior. Hey, how are you? My name is Alan. Hey, do you come here often? Uh, what is your name? That's cool. Um oh, yeah. You like playing tennis, So I like playing tennis to Yes, Yes. Do you like me? Is a You are adapting who you are, your personality so that the other person we like you is like you are trying to get the validation. The love, the good emotions from the other person is like everything. You you say it's a micro manage so that it will leave a good impression and that the other person will like you and you will try to adapt who you are because you will be always looking for this validation from the other person. And there's something that is really unattractive. Instead, you should really define what you like your passions, your interest, and express it freely. You should express it freely rather than trying toe make an impression rather than trying to micromanage what the person is going toe. Think off. You are trying to do everything so that you please Theo the person or even worst. Let's say that you love playing tennis. And then the person says, Oh, I hate playing tennis And then you say, Oh, I hate playing tennis, too. You are destroying your self esteem just to police your the person and people who adopt their personality that much are not really socially attractive because people we have a sense that you are really trying to make a good impression and trying to make them love you by adapting who you are and by destroying your self esteem and destroying who you are inside you. So it's really important to be aware that if you have this, I provide seeking behavior and it's are you expressing yourself freely? Or are you saying that so that the other person will like you? And this is a really extract area so that you can find out if you are being upward seeking on a 20. Should You Text Before The Meetup?: should you send a text before the meter? So I would say yes. It's always good because you want to confirm that you have this activity plan together or that this person hasn't forgot. You just want to be sure, because sometimes that can happen that the person forgot all the person is not really sure if the person wants toe do this activity with you anymore. And I just standing a text is always great to confirm the middle. But also what's also great is that after you got the number, it's important that you just send some text or you took on Facebook or on the phone. So that's the person can still have the good emotions that this person had when this person met you. Because what happens is that when the person met you, this person had good emotions because you were there. And then this person goes home and one week later you haven't activity plan together and then home. Their person will not be able to feel this good emotions again if the person is not interacting with you. So that's why it's create that you keep in touch and you are still sending messages connecting me the person sharing jokes, sharing inside jokes, talking to the other person so that the person can still have a sense of the good emotions . And it can reassure the person because the worst And it happened many times. If that you goto a new place, you meet a person, then you say, Hey, let's do this activity together And then the person goes home and the person changed his mind because the person is not in the environment with you anymore, but by just keeping in touch by contacting the person, not maybe on a day to day basis, but every 23 days sending a text, sending something on what's up on Facebook. It can really keep the relationship and the friendship going, and then you will have higher senses off this person coming to your social activity. 21. The Right Way Of Keeping In Touch Regularly: So how can you keep in touch the right way with your friends? So after you extended the contact information, I always send a nice to meet you text. So if I met someone new in a new place a few hours later or the day after, I would just send a text on what's up on Facebook or even if it's an A May what I will send it said, Hey, it was nice to meet you. This is Alan. Have a great day. Have a great night, something really simple. But you can see that it's already starting the friendship, all the text because now what you want to do is really keep their relationship, their friendship going. So that's why you want to keep in touch on a day to day basis or every 23 days, so that the person doesn't forget you. So that's why the first step is to send It was nice to meet you text. So the first thing you can do just can just say, Hey, it was nice to meet you or Hi, this is Alan. It was nice to meet you. And then you add a small smiley, a smiling, smiling, and then you can say, Have a great day. Then the person will answer back most of the time. Also, what you can do to keep in touch with that person and to keep the interaction going is to use WhatsApp because now almost everyone has what's up. It can be what's up or it can be Facebook. Then you can start talking with the person via what's up all Facebook, and it has to be a light conversation. You can share jokes or inside jokes. Let me explain, when you met that person in that environment, you had a great moment because this person gave you. He has contact information. Now it's about making it even more solid. How do you do that? You start interacting with a person view of what's up off Facebook, so I really recommend that it should be a light conversation. Because if you start asking, Hey, what is the purpose off life? It's really to creepy all. It's not. It's not a light conversation. I would say it's really talk about the things that you talked before. It's something that is really great. Think about what other things that you talked when you you met that person, then you can start talking about that again, and then you will find new conversation threads and new ways off interacting with you other person. But it has to be a life conversation. You can share drugs if there is a funny picture or if there's a joke you'd like to make. And you know that dispersing. We like the joke. You can share the joke also, and it's something that is really powerful, and I do that all the time. Besides, I have a great sense of humor. So when I meet people, I joke a lot with them and we develop inside jokes. It means that we develop jokes. That's we only understand. So, for example, I think the example off my dancing classes. I met the person there, and then we were having a beer after after the class. And then I told this person, You know what? We were really professional. Where the best out there I think like we should. We should take our dancing move to, ah national competition and then I high fived this person. It was like an inside joke that we had, and it was interesting because then a text, this person later. Hey, it was nice to meet you. Have a great night alum. Then I text the day after Hey, are you ready for the national dancing competition? I practiced my moves in my kitchen and then you can see here that it's based on something a great moment that we had in that in that place. So you can also develop that with the people you meet. Try to have these inside jokes, and then you can text these inside jokes and used the things that you joked about and use that in text that and try to reinitiate that so that it will trigger the positive emotions again. If you don't have it, that's okay. You can still have a life conversation, but it's important to keep in touch on a regular basis with your friend. It's not that you have the number. Is that okay? Now everything is good. I have a new friend. No, you should really keep their friendship going. And now it's really about making the friendship even know solid so that you can meet the person toe, have a social activity or invite this person to meet you 22. Facebook Strategies? Yes, I'll Share My Best Ones!: I really included you to give your Facebook to the other person. Most people say, No, I don't want us to private. But by sharing your Facebook profile with the other person by also asking his Facebook, you can see how the person is. And if you give your Facebook profile to the other person, the person will be able to see that a. You're not a serial killer and be that you are normal. And when you meet someone, you you don't really know who is this person is. And if you want to decrease the risk off the other person worrying about who you are, you can just show you are by giving you your Facebook profile through the other person. Then the person can see your pictures. Yet then the person can see a little bit off who you are. It's also a great way to see if it can be a great friend, because if the person sees who you are on Facebook and doesn't really like it, it's great because the person, because you save time and you didn't build a relationship or friendship with that person. Now also something I really like to do on Facebook that when I add someone, I would just at someone and like what? All the pictures like a creepy person. But what I will do is that that we just go and watch a few pictures off the other person or read off a few Commence off you things that the person have written on his Facebook profile that we like it because it shows that I dressed had a look off who the person is and I like and the life what the person shed. If, for example, I would do that the first day that maybe one week later I would come back and like all the pictures, like all the comments that you can see here, that the person will get notifications and then the person we think hey dispersed only thinking about me. And then, if you add that with what subtext off Facebook messages, that's how you slowly build friendship. Also, another strategy I use on Facebook is that you can create an event on Facebook and then invites your friends. This is really easy. You just in a few clicks, you can have a new event, and it can be an event in a bar or in a social place. It can't be everywhere. It can be anywhere. And then you just create this event and you invite your friends. You can just say in the description. You can also bring a friend with you, and it will decrease the risk off them going by themselves. So they will. They have higher sense off coming if they come with a friend, and that's how. Then you start building a great social circle so you can use that even if it's only 12345 people. That's how you start so really used to stool because it's really powerful. Now we can. It can be difficult to find an activity. I think about meeting people in the bar in a restaurant in a cafe. Think about the social places where people go, but sometimes they don't have the opportunity or they don't have someone to go with. But if you try to take people together and invite them to your events that can be dressed, hanging out in a bar, in a cafe or in a restaurant, people will like you for that, and you will be active socially. That's what you want? Remember, you want to take risks, take us for the number he wants. Toe always be making the first move leading and by creating events on Facebook, it's something that is really powerful, and that's how you can really develop a bill, a big and strong social circle.