Resilience: How to Deal With (Like COVID-19) Stress, Recover from Stress , Trauma and Adversity | Braco Pobric | Skillshare

Resilience: How to Deal With (Like COVID-19) Stress, Recover from Stress , Trauma and Adversity

Braco Pobric, #1 Amazon Bestselling Author, Life and Happiness C

Resilience: How to Deal With (Like COVID-19) Stress, Recover from Stress , Trauma and Adversity

Braco Pobric, #1 Amazon Bestselling Author, Life and Happiness C

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23 Lessons (2h 29m)
    • 1. Resilience Course Overview

    • 2. Resiliency Definition

    • 3. Top 10 Resiliency Factors

    • 4. Resiliency and Optimism Lecture

    • 5. Resiliency and Optimism Story

    • 6. Resiliency and Facing Fear Lecture

    • 7. Resiliency and Facing Fear Story

    • 8. Moral Compass Lecture

    • 9. Moral Compass Story

    • 10. Spirituality Lecture

    • 11. Spirituality Story

    • 12. Social Support Lecture

    • 13. Social Support Story

    • 14. Role Model Lecture

    • 15. Role Model Story

    • 16. Physical Fitness Lecture

    • 17. Physical Fitness Story

    • 18. Brain Fitness Story

    • 19. Brain Fitness Lecture

    • 20. Cognitive And Emotional Lecture

    • 21. Cognitive And Emotional Story

    • 22. Meaning And Purpose Lecture

    • 23. Meaning And Purpose Story

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About This Class

About this course:

  • FREE 30 minutes personal coaching - $175 value - upon 100% course completion

  • Certification program  - Receive High Impact Consulting and Coaching - Resilience: The Science Behind and My Personal Stories when you meet the requirements outlined in the course.  

  • Full, free lifetime access

  • All future extra lectures and upgrades are always included for free

  • Fully Accredited CPD / CE Program by the CPD Standards and when completed you will be eligible to receive Accredited Certificate with 10 CPD / CE Hours. 

The course covers the scientifically proven methods to understand and practice...

  • How to become more resilient

  • How to band but not break

  • Why having a role model is a key factor to resiliency 

  • What to do to maintain Physical Fitness

  • Why Brain Fitness is important and what to do about it 

  • How to maintain Emotional and Cognitive Flexibility

  • How to find Meaning and Purpose

  • When (Grounded) Optimism makes sense 

  • Why Facing Fear is more important then avoiding it 

  • Create Your Moral Compass

  • When Spirituality and Religion can help with the Resiliency 

  • Is Social Support so important and how to create one

This program is Fully Accredited CPD / CE Program by the CPD Standards and when completed you will be eligible to receive Accredited Certificate with 10 CPD / CE Hours. 

Our CPD provider Number is 50124

CPD / CE is beneficial for employees’ career progression and advancement. CPD research confirmed that for anyone hoping to get promoted, or wanting to specialize in a different area, demonstrating their learning agility and dedication to CPD / CE can make a substantive difference. In real terms, this means that Accredited Certificate  contributes to achieving higher salaries.

For employees, CPD / CE  helps them keep their knowledge and skills up-to-date. It also ensures that the professional standard of their qualifications and registrations is maintained. Furthermore, it contributes to their professional sense of direction. Completing CPD / CE helps build their confidence and credibility, allows them to showcase their achievements and equips them with tools to cope positively with change.

Within different regions, there can be different terminology used.  For example, CPD can be known as Continuing Education (CE) or Continuing Professional Education (CPE).  It is important to note that these terms are completely interchangeable with CPD, and are both focused on a structured approach to lifelong learning.

Global Acceptance of CPD Standards Accreditation

Whilst based in the UK, the CPD Standards accreditation operates internationally and meets the CPD / CE requirements and expectations for all professional bodies, regulators and membership organizations across the globe.  This means that a professional attending an accredited CPD / CE training activity can receive a CPD / CE Certificate of Attendance, which can then be used towards their national CPD / CE requirements.

Due to the research undertaken by the CPD Standards Research Project with various professional bodies and regulators the accreditation is recognized and respected internationally. Formal CPD Standards certificates are issued and accepted in a multitude of countries and across all professional sectors.

CPD in the United States of America often uses slightly different language to describe the practice of CPD e.g. CE – Continuing Education, CPE – Continuing Professional Education, CME – Continuing Medical Education, or CLE – Continuing Legal Education.

Similar to the UK, there are stringent requirements for professionals to undertake CE within different sectors, with over 4000 professional bodies, institutes, and regulators across the country.

It is a rather complex area as each of the 52 States has different CE requirements in place for regulated areas e.g. lawyers in Alaska have to under 4 hours of CPD a year, whereas lawyers in Ohio have to undertake 24 hours of CE over 2 years.

For additional knowledge and tools on Positive Psychology and Habits please check my other programs. 


At the end of this course, you will:

  • Find Your Big Role Model

  • Become even more Physically Fit 

  • Start practicing Brain Fitness

  • Learn about Your Emotional Flexibility

  • Start looking for and creating a Meaning and Purpose

  • Only look for Grounded Optimism

  • Start Facing Fear

  • Create and Follow Moral Compass

  • Become even more Spiritual 

  • Look for stringer Social Support

Every minute you delay is actually COSTING you...Happiness, Resiliency, Fitness, Success...


Meet Your Teacher

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Braco Pobric

#1 Amazon Bestselling Author, Life and Happiness C


Learn from the experts!

As a former globally Certified Trainer and Coach for Dale Carnegie Training I helped people make a massive shift and changes in their life and as a Certified Positive Psychology Coach I help people become happier and therefore more successful.


Braco Pobric is a bestselling author and a founding member and Chief Happiness Officer of the Institute for Advanced Human Performance. He is Certified Positive Psychology Coach, Certified NLP Practitioner and former globally Certified Trainer and Coach for Dale Carnegie Training.

He is a creator of many educational programs including but not limited to flourishing, human change, science of happiness, management consulting, technology and real estate investment.Braco is the business owner... See full profile

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1. Resilience Course Overview: Let's spend a few minutes to talk about how discourses organized. This is really important, So we'll help you kind of go through the program, Really understand. What is it that you want to do or maybe not want to do so, First of all, we know that we're gonna cover 10 scientifically proven factors that can help us become even more resilient. So that's number one for each characteristic or for each factor, we're going to have a separate section. So basically we're goingto 10 section in this course, one for each. Factors no each each session or each section. Rather will have a three lectures. So let's talk about what lectures each section is going to have first give lecture or resiliency itself, right? So we're gonna talk about that resiliency factor rather right. So the first lecture is discussed that the resiliency factor, the second lecture is my story. How I applied that particular factor and the third lecture will be the research behind that particular factor. So let me give you an example. Let's say first we talk about grounded optimism as one of the resiliency factor is get zero resiliency characteristics. We will talk about optimism. So the first lecture will be like Joan. Optimism will talk about optimism. What does it mean? What should we do? And so on? The second lecture will be how I applied optimism in my own life to become even more resilient. And the third lecture will be the research behind optimism, the research that proves that optimistic people are even more resilient. So I hope now you understand how this is organized. And then I know the question is gonna come up, you know? Do I have to listen All three lectures in in each section. The answer is, if you want to get certificate, Yes. If you don't want to get the certificate, then feel free to listen to what is important to you. Some of us just want the lecture and move on. Other people, my personal stories make click with them and they want to listen to it. Some other group of people will just want to dig deep and read the research papers while some other group hopefully the largest group, they just want to dig deep and really cover everything and go through additional material and something that will trigger them to help themselves and help their clients become even more resilient. So that really is how these courses organized, so let's jump in. 2. Resiliency Definition: most of us will experience some major stress or trauma in our life. There is really no question about it. For some of us, that might be, you know, lost of a loved one. It could be a small car accident. It could be, unfortunately, natural disaster for some of us could be war. And really, how we respond to distress is so important, right? So for some of us, it's going to become a chronic, lasting for years. And even small trauma, even small steps can trigger that we could trigger and get PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. And yet other people that there's a so much research behind, but you don't hear a lot will experience growth after major stress. So they're gonna experience post traumatic growth. How do they do that? Well, some of us are more resilient than others. So what is your resiliency? It is ability to bounce back its ability to bounce back from a major stress from trauma from even minor stuff. Some people that you know one incident is a minor stress from for one person and that same incident, maybe a major stress for another person, right? So it's it's almost like capacity to bent, you know, without really breaking. Let's look at what is the definition off resiliency by psychological association. So let's see what their definition is. So basically, they say that resilience is the process off, adopting well in the face off adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats and even significant sources off stress such as family and relationship problems, senior health problems or workplace and financial stress. No, we know that some of us handle not only stress differently, but certain types off stress differently. For example, for some of us, it is very difficult to handle stress at work while family stress and issues with the family we can handle pretty well. Other people. I haven't issue handling a family situation, so that becomes a major stress. While work stress is really not a big deal. So it's really important to understand that not only do we a handle and respond to stress differently, but they also respond two different stress situations differently in order to help you understand your resiliency level. I know that to help all of us understand our resiliency, researchers developed a lot of many a resiliency tests, if you will so in the next lecture, you will get the test, and I highly suggest that you go through it to understand your resiliency level and then to really understand how you can improve your resiliency. 3. Top 10 Resiliency Factors: this course is based on a lot of scientifically proven methods and tools. They tell us what the resilient people do and how we can improve our own resiliency. Major source is the book. I have read so much research, resiliency and applied a lot of tools in my own life. But I want to say that the major source for this course is the book called Resilience. It's the book written by Dr Steven Southwick and Dennis Charney. Resilience. The science off, Mustering life's greatest challenges. I got to say that if you want to get to the next level, I highly recommend that you read this book. So we will discuss the top 10 scientifically proven factors scientifically proven characteristics off resilient people. And in this lecture, we're just gonna go and get a quick overview, highlight this factor, and then later on, we are going to get deeper, dive deeper into the each factor. So first is what I call grounded optimism. This is not about everything will be fine. Don't worry. Be happy. It's about grounded optimism. We're gonna govern that in another lecture. The second thing is facing feet, how we face fear for some of us facing fear. Will, you know fear will paralyze us. Other people. We'll use this as an opportunity to grow. So it's really how we reactive fear that either improves our resiliency or simply doesn't. The next thing is what I call a moral moral compass, right? So it's really what is moral compass? It is truly about being who you are. It is about following your volume. It's about not trying to do what somebody else does because you think it's good, but rather just following your own moral compass and truly being who you are. The next thing is spirituality and religion. Now, why spirituality and religion see? Because for some folks that that religious this is very simple. Right? Spirituality comes submitted and they follow their own religion, and it's it's really good thing to do for others then that not religion religious at all and or may not be religious enough, you know, to follow any of the rituals. Finding spirituality in a different ways is something that will help them increase resiliency level. The next thing is social support. Of course, we know there is so much research behind social support, but we also do know that when we have people around us to help us, that will certainly help us become even more resilient. Most of resilient people had a big role model, had the somebody that they followed. Eso the role model is absolutely important. Physical fitness. You know, being in a good shape is, is so is also one of the major factors over resiliency. Brain fitness. You know, challenging good brain, doing things you have never done before and keep challenging yourself in your brain is another resiliency factor. Emotional flexibility, you know, for some of us, you know, when we happy. Yeah, it's good. But then we can't maybe handle being sad or depressed or anger. So being a flexible with our emotions is another key factor for a zillion seat and then finally meaning and purpose. And I talk a lot in a different classes about meaning and purpose. But it is really not only about your big meaning. It's not only about let me find, you know, why am I here? But it's also about meaning and purpose in every single moment of your life. You know, it's about meaning and purpose. Why am I doing this? purpose to help other people become even more resilient. So it is. It is finding meaning and purpose in pretty much everything you do. So just to recap here at the 10 resiliency factors or characteristics guarded optimism, facing fear, moral compass, spirituality and religion, social support, your role model, physical fitness, brain fitness, emotional flexibility and meaning and purpose. 4. Resiliency and Optimism Lecture: Let's talk about optimism again. You know, a lot of us think about optimism as people just think everything will be OK. And just don't worry. Be happy. Everything's going to be okay. And that often can really hurt us. You know, there are situations that you know, unless you do something about it, not everything will be OK, Right? And, uh, again, just just thinking that everything will be fine without really basing that on something else is not good thing to do. So that's why when I discuss optimism, I talk about what I call grounded optimism. So what's the grounded optimism? The grounded optimism is when you come into the situation that my be really difficult. You want to look back and say when waas in my life, when did I have a similar situation where the outcome was good and what did I do back then ? And then you go back and you say, Well, you know, I did this, this and that and that's why it turned out okay, So if I do ABC in the today, that means everything might be okay. Let me give an example. Two examples first, uh, I used to be one of those. Don't worry. Everything will be fine. And I was I would tell this to my wife and that simply didn't pork for here. Everything will be fine. It just didn't work. So instead of just everything will be fine every time. No, When I think off, you know, sometimes being optimistic and you know giving an answer activity will be okay. Always look back and say everything will be OK. Because remember, five years ago we were in similar situation and we did this this and that. And because of that, I believe that today if we do this this and back, that outcome will be OK. So example is let me let me take an example off. Most of us took some kind of exam, right? So So you have a student, a and student be taking the exam. And they both failed the exam student A who is Ah. So then a let's say is going to be less optimistic person. And he's going to say, Well, I fail this exam. You know I failed another exam recently. I just came Believe I'm doing this. What am I even doing this in school? I am just failure. My whole life is failure. This is terrible. And then it just goes downward spiral. So that is the pessimistic or less optimistic person. The same situation, the same outcome, right? The same exam. Just difference Do Then look, said it this way and it says, Well, I failed the exam, right? It's no good. It's no good. But when I think about it, I really didn't study that hard. I, you know, stayed up late last night. I had a few drinks. I didn't eat well today. It didn't take care of myself before taking the exam. If I was stressed out because I was just thinking am I gonna fail and so on. So when I look back, I paste. The last time when I passed the exam, I knew I studied much harder. I didn't go out night before I took care of myself. You know, I didn't exercise. I ate healthier. But then So if I do these things, chances are next time when I take the exam, I will pass. You see the same situation, the same outcome and two people see totally differently. First of all, optimistic people do good planning You know, I know that I do a lot of planning. I don't just do something. There is a lot of planning behind pretty much everything I do. So so again, Number one is really to do good planning. Number two is gold settings. Optimistic people set their goals and do everything they can to jail it right. So go sitting exercise. You'll see a lot of other lectures on go settings in my different programs, but it's really, really important. It's really important to study that one. The stain, how you can set your realistic goals and how you can achieve them. Optimistic people are action oriented, you know. Nothing happens without action. Nothing. You know, things don't just happen because they happen, right? It's because people take action. And action is what optimistic people are absolutely focused on taking action. They are also realistic, right? So remember, talk about grounded optimism. So it's not about you, uh, thinking everything will be OK and knowing that there's no chance, right? So optimistic people are realistic. They also focus on the present moment and this is where again, in other programs, I I took a lot about mindfulness right being in the present moment on purpose and no judging so optimistic. People are mindful and one more thing and there's a lot of things. But just one more dimension is that optimistic people do not worry about the past and the future, right? Do not worry, does mean do no plan for the future, but do not worry about the past because they cannot change the past. None of us can do not worry about the future because in reality, you know what future hasn't happened yet. All we have is this moment, right? That's why we talk about being in the present moment, being mindful, right. But they also focus on result they playing for the future, They said. The goals, they focus on the results. They take action, but they don't worry about because worrying is not gonna help them achieve the goal. What will help them to achieve that goal is to focus to take action, to set their goal and work and do anything they can to achieve their goal. So those are some of the things that optimistic people do, and again, based on a lot of research, we know that optimism is one of the major factor is one of the major characteristic off resilient people 5. Resiliency and Optimism Story: 2017 years ago, I arrived in New York, United States on business trip. Supposed to stay a couple weeks with my wife and our son during the time more started back in my country in Boston Herzegovina, and I simply couldn't go back. I left everything over there. I just arrived with the, you know, a pair of jeans and, uh, thinking that I'll just buy suit here. And, uh, like I said, left everything all the money in the bank account and had to start a new life. Really? From from scratch financially from scratch and from scratch in many different ways. Um, I did not speak in English, and like I said, I had no money with the little money that we had. Ah, and help for my family members. We were able hardly to pay for rent, which was first thing to do the paper end. And, uh, you know, had some food. So life was really hard. So in a without job and everything. So what kept me going? And what made me to arrive where I am today? Now, looking back, I can tell you that what really kept me going and what elect me, you know, be who I am today in many different ways. Although I didn't change who I am is grounded optimism. So let me let me share the story. Why and how the grounded optimism really kept me going. I'm sure you must understand as I speak about this, you know, I get goose bumps and get all these memories coming back. All the neuron starts firing in my brain, and it's it's actually hard given just to talk about this. Um, So, yes, I was going through this difficult time. I was looking back, What have I done before? They will help me go through this difficult time. And I was looking back and thinking that, um, I really had a difficulty finishing congratulating college. There was, like, one last exam that, for whatever reason, I just It took me a long time. I couldn't pass in. Meantime, I got married. We got our son, and I basically had personally no income. Although my wife was working. But, you know, but income was really small, so I had to do something about it back then. I, um that little money that I had I invested in something that some of you, All the folks may remember young folks certainly cannot. Something called a Spectrum ZX. It was a little computer was made in London, and it was a big competitors to company. Commodore was a Commodore 64. This spectrum Z X 48 had 48 kilobytes off memory. If you want Google it and see what kilobytes versus all these gigabytes that we have here today, please go for it and you will see what it really means. You know, one tiny file in today's computer That was the whole memory. And most off, everybody really bought that little piece off. You know, game in gaming machine, if you will to play games. That's that's what everybody did. I purchased it to do something else. I had my vision where I can really create ah software and basically used this to sell to businesses. So I worked really hard, and I did that I fit in software. There was running for that large tourist bureau and, uh, trouble agencies of in Sarajevo and then all over the country that troubled to basic deliver this after while I was still on the last leg off graduating and I also introduced that Salter to hold a in hotel in Sarajevo and after 1984 Olympic Winter Games, we had a lot of tourists. So what I did Waas All the big screen saw the TV's big screens today below the TV's Throw the Hotel. We're basically running this software, and it was really just the information. What's happening in the city? The temperature. You know, the museum's information. You know whether information about the city that was in holiday but tourist agencies and the trouble agencies there was all about their trouble packages, and it was just continuously running 24 7 Which back then, believe it or not, it was It was a big deal. So I look back to that instance of my life, and I know I remember back then, I said, Regardless, what happens to my life, I will always find a way to support my family. I will always find a way to make some money so that we can live so that grounded optimism, not only not look, not everything will be OK because it was really hard to say how everything's going to be OK during this time. But basically looking back, finding this a similar, really difficult situation where I was able to ah, get over to bounce back, if you will. Very quickly. I applied the same things, uh, in in a situation when I when I was here with no money, no job and I basically that grounded optimism is really what What kept me going? So So I was thinking back. So what did I do back then? I know that I planned really well writes. I played well, What am I going to do? What is my next step? I worked really hard I do to this day. But I was like one thing that that there was an important I did my best all the time. I had enough sleep. It was really, really important and I also exercised, So I kept myself in a good shape. So in addition to applying a grounded optimism to increase my resiliency level and two bounced back relatively quickly from the bed situation, I did some other things that I know. I know Brazilian people do 6. Resiliency and Facing Fear Lecture: So the next factor or in or characteristic off Brazilian people is how they face fear. So let's talk about facing fear. Fear for some people is like, truly penalizing, right? It's a portal izing, but for others is energizing. How does that work? So when we encounter fear, we go into this would be called fight or flight mode and psychologist Harvard Psychologist Water Can is really the 1st 1 who discovered that without effort at all, our body goes to fight or flight mode. So basically, when danger would be perceived danger here, we're gonna fight it, right? So the lion comes or probably fight the line, but it's accepting smaller. We might fight it or we're gonna, uh we're gonna flee. We're gonna run away, right? If we perceive danger of lying, certainly we need to run away. We shouldn't be optimistic and saying everything will be OK, right? But But what happens is that when we went when perceived fear comes, actually our body released a chemical that is that really that's in response to the perceived danger. And that's why that's why our body without effort at all goes into that fight or flight zone. run away, right? So one thing that's really important and and and what the resilient people do is to say, Look, it is, it is it is okay to feel fear. It is absolutely fine. There's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with it. Just like there's nothing wrong with any of our emotions. It is what we do with it that's important. So if we do feel a fear, if there is some perceived fear coming up, it is certainly important with resilient people. Do is to share with their friends to share with their family right to get their good, to get the support, to get spirituals support often, uh, sometimes to get a group support. And I talk a lot about importance off group support. We know that a lot of organizations are just based on group support, so group support is extremely important when we are fearful. If you think about new athletes, I mean they they face a fear. It's a different feel, but they certainly face of fear. But the real fear who faces real fear of firefighters, police, you know, today, today, minute to minute, they face fear and it's it's really how they react to it, what they do. But so really, the most important lesson when it comes to facing fear is to face it right to DeSole what resilient people do. They face the fear and they do what they need to do to overcome, right? So it's it's really, really important again that you face the fear that you something happens in your life. And again, we're not talking about The lion comes to chase you because just underway. Please, I don't want you to have this lecture tell you just face the fee and it's OK line Constant . I'll be fine. But what we talk about facing face to understand, Teoh basically say OK, I'm okay. I'm okay with it. It's OK to that. I face the fear and then whatever things I can do to overcome this, what other things I can do so that the end result off this situation will be positive for me. So that's really what resilient people 7. Resiliency and Facing Fear Story: it was April 15 2007. I received the call from Chris HR Manager who, by the way, still my good friend. He invited me to his office when I arrived. And so to other HR managers I knew that was the last day is the vice president for metal Inch? What happened is the new senior management came in and it was just like in a government. The new crew comes in and he went new people and it was a reduction in force back then. At first it was okay. I expected it. I knew that this was coming, but then pretty quickly, I was terrified. I truly was terrified. Unless the job it was a main income for our family. It was a mortgage to be paid car payment, axis insurance, health insurance, you know, food and everything else. And it truly was a terrifying experience. This is one of those where of you know this stress can truly either later on help you to increase Brazilians, and and, uh, I give you that growth experience or give you that. You know, if he has the or really, you know, terrifying trauma that could could could last for a long time. So pretty quickly I realized that although I'm terrified, I have to face this fear. It is a reality. I did lose a job, but I could just sit down and worry about it and cry and be depressed. Or I can do everything I can to move to the next step. So what did I do? I continued with my healthy living. I was continued to wake up at 5 a.m. and do the exercise first thing in the morning, as I've been doing for many years, meditated. So I took care of myself first, so I was ready to take the day challenges. So what were the day challenges? You might ask? I didn't have a job. I did. I didn't have a job that was paying. I didn't have my full time job. I lost my title, but I had the job off creating a finding a new job. So I would, uh, walk into my office after the meditation and that was it. I would work until five o'clock, at least, so I would, you know, set my goals. Scheduled meetings, some phone calls, some one on one. The cool people that I know a sin as many Riz miss as I can, um, and take every possible action during the day. They will get me closer to finding the job because of all these actions I was taking because of my saying my ghosts, because off being realistic, two months later, I actually landed a great job. A colleague of mine called me and said, You know, I have a good news and I have a bad news. My friend John and I said, Yeah, grow with the bad news first he said, Well, bad news is you don't have to report to me in the good years is you got a job. So, um, I actually did much better job than I had. And, uh, again, how did I do this? I did it by facing the fear Not by going to depression, mood and going to the downward spiral. How terrible this is because yeah, it is absolutely terrifying. Right? But just going to the downward spiral of thinking how bad it is, it's not going to help us that chances are in this world. You, most of us, at some point Sorry to say this. We'll lose the job. You know, one way or another, some of us are lucky and have a, you know, same job that we love for 40 years and then retire happily ever after. But very few people have that opportunity. So So if something like this happened to you, you know, losing job or some other major stressful event, just think about that. You got a face that fear because it is a real fear. It's no question about it. We gotta face it. You take the action, you set your goals, set realistic goals of and then take old and necessary actions. Do your best so that you can lend it new job and or overcome that fear relatively quickly and then bounce back stronger than ever, just like I 8. Moral Compass Lecture: the research clearly shows yet resilient people really know the difference between right and drunk and most of the time, no and purposely choose their. I think I said most of the time, because, let's be honest, none of us probable in very few will always always, always choose that. I think because sometimes we don't have enough information, right. So again, knowing what's right vs were thrown is very important. And it is one of the major characteristic off resilient people. That is one of the top part off what I call the moral compass. Really, you know, knowing what to do, they always strive to do the right thing. That is really the key. Um, the other research shows that resilient people they can, as we would say, put themselves in other people's shoes. That is really one of the important characteristic off resilient people that helped them keep their moral compass right to follow their moral compass. The other thing is based on the research and based on a lot of stories, is that resilient people help other people without expecting nothing in return, so helping others with expecting nothing back that is what resilient people do and honestly , that is always that I think, to do when we help other people, when we truly help, right, and when we expect nothing in return at Israel that Israel help. That is the moral compass that some of us, most of us should follow in. Some of us do follow. They keep their moral value right. So they have, ah, kind of a list off their moral values, if you will, and they keep it. Another thing that's really important, um, with moral value and moral compass is that when I teach other programs, I talk a lot about this, which is, Please, please, please, just be who you are. Don't try to be someone else. Create your own moral bar you now some of you might say Yes, but the if I am just who I am there are other things that I'm not, you know, do at. Or maybe that's not who I am, but I want to become. It's different. I'm not saying Don't look up other people and find out their moral Valerie and possibly pick one thing that you know. It's your value, too. But you may just not be applying it as much that is different off course. Please go forth and keep improving your molar volume. Keep improving yourself, but always be yourself. Be who you are because if you try to be someone else, trust me, they stoned a lot of research based on a lot of ah, you know, story. See if you will, you know, gonna be happy, you know, going to succeed in life. So pick if you don't have some values and you say, Well, this is really important for me but I'm not applying it a lot. Go for it, right? But keep keep your value, Keep being who you are in order to help you. Let's do a quick exercise for some of us who may or may not have kind of, ah, full understanding off our own moral body. So let's do this quick exercise. So to develop your your own moral values, I suggest that you follow these three simple steps and that this process is that Rushworth Kidder outlined in his book Moral Kharj. So here's what ISS Step one is so assessment. You know anything, you do anything you try to improve in your life. Ideally, you really want to do the self assessment first, Very honest, you know, self assessment to truly see where you are. So here's how you can do this. Your self assessment to kind of look at your own moral values. So first right down the list. What are my values? What are your own volumes right down that list. Once you have that list, which ones are most important to me? So highlight which one of these values and the list are most important to me. Once you have dads, ask yourself, Am I living my values kind of go one by one and my living my values Don't ask yourself and my falling short, and we know for most of us, for some of our values, we do full short and that is OK. But then ask yourself When? When am I falling? A short try to find almost a a specific scenarios and pick a few when you know you fall short. Once you know that, ask yourself, Am I ready to change and my true and he could change. Do I have my big reason? Do I have my why to have my huge reason to change that is important. So you got to be ready to change once you do your self assessment or else, you know nothing is gonna happen. So once you have this list, once you do this self assessment once you know that you are ready to change, we're gonna move to step two. What's the step to in step two, you're going to discuss your values with people you trust and get their feedback. You ask them. Do they believe you live your values and ask him to be very honest again? These are the people you trust. These are the people who are not gonna like put you down. But these are the people who you trust will tell you the truth. You're not looking for them to say off course. You live your values. You know your good man, all of this that you just listed, you always do. That's not the point. You want somebody very honest, but somebody you trust and somebody that will give you that honest feedback. Then ask them. Do I fall a short sometimes you mean exam? Let them think about when they thank you for a short somebody you know really know you well and again who will give you honest a bank. So I feel short, you know, Do I? Sometimes I don't live my values. And which one do you know when? Help me. So that is really the steptoe. Receive that feedback. And when you receive the feedback just one more thing. First, give them Ah, let them to give you the positive feet. You know, when do you live? Your value, right? And then after they tell you when they recognize you live your values and which ones, then you ask them. Do they see ever that you fall short and went? So now you kind of get an idea which values other people people you trust believe that you follow most of the time. Which values? Possibly that you believe are your your true value. You kind of falling a short and then we're gonna move to step number three. So what? Step number three in step three. You are going to live your value. That is there the step trees to live your value to truly keep reminding yourself what your values are to kind of like truly what's your life? What's your life on a daily basis from the time you wake up two time to go to sleep. Kind of watched, Absorb, you know, don't push it, but just absorb it and you go, Oh, got it in that situation. I did this and that. I follow my own values. I fall a short the other time and let me see next time Maybe I'll do it different. So again, uh, based on this lecture est in the assessment that you are going to create, uh, please have this list. No. Your values know who you are and be who you are. And that, my friend, will help you become even more resilient and truly follow your moral compass. 9. Moral Compass Story: It was September 1st, 2009. I was nine years old, standing in front of the used bookstore and looking back with a lot of books behind me. It was nine a in, and my bookshop was ready to go. Back then we were allowed to sell. They used schoolbooks, and even as a nine year old, I was allowed to sell my own books as well as both of my friends and family or anybody else's. So how did I get so many books? You see what happened this during the summer, when the school year would end, a lot of kids would come to this used bookstore to basically sell their books. It will help them by the books for the next school year. At some point, the bookstore will just have so many books. And then we have to tell kids that they're not able to buy their books. What most kids would do is it would throw the books away, thinking that well, they didn't want to buy it, So nothing I can do with it. Lucky for me, I live across the state from the used bookstore, and many times they would throw the books right in my building in the whole way. So during the summer, any time I see the books in my whole weight, I would pick him up the third floor. There was no elevator. Just walk up really high ceilings and, uh, put the books in my room. By the end of December, I would have a ton of books in my room, and then when the sale would starts, I would go as I said, and set up my shop. I had so many books that I was actually giving books away. I would give to kids who are new that you can really tell, had like, very little money to buy the books for next school year. And if I had them, I would give them away. I would give them books for free to kids who were willing to be there and sell books, but maybe only had a few, so I would give them more books so they can sell and help themselves and hopefully help their parents. Really, you know, by the books for next school year, sit back, then put in really have a lot of money, and people would have to find a way even to buy the school books. I know depending worry while watching this, You know, here in the West, there would be almost like very few people would buy the used books for the 1st 2nd 3rd grade kids going to the, uh, elementary school. But back then, in my country, that's what a lot of kids for most kids did. I had fun all day long. I would set up my shop. I would go there early morning because I can see from the window if anybody is there before anybody shows up, I would go set up my shop had so many books always take the best spot next to the bookstore again. We were allowed to do this. So just to make sure that, you know, I did everything legally, Uh, and I just had fun all the along with other kids. I used to make so much money in addition to really having fun, I would go ahead ice cream any time I wanted. I would bring other kids who didn't have money and buy ice cream for them. And I worked really hard thinking back on that day, I started creating my own moral compass. I followed with research shows today that resilient people do. You see Back then when we were kids, we didn't need a research way. Some of us, most of us, just did the right thing. We knew right versus wrong. What else I did. I was compassion, you know. I was feeling compassion with the kids who really didn't have much with the kids who couldn't afford to buy their own books. Great. Uh, I was helping others with expecting nothing in return, giving them books for free, even the books for free so they can sell those books and make some money. I did all that work all summer, but I felt really good in helping other kids and again expected nothing in return. Most of these kids there was the first and last time I ever saw them. Some would keep coming back to make some more money, and I would find more books for them, you know, again idealized. Looking back, I knew to differentiate really clearly right versus strong. In my view, it was the wrong thing just to, like, throw the books away because I garden t lot of parents didn't have much money. But I thought he was the right thing to do for me to pick up those books and help other kids maybe sell them for little money, right? Which also you helping the other kids, but also giving away so many books here. We helping other kids and helping other families. I worked really hard, you know, one of the value that I kept for my entire life. I would get up early. I would set up my shop first and I was stale. Stay almost always being the last one to leave that place, helping others buy ice cream to kids. This was all you know when I look back, some values that I created, the values that still stick with me, my moral compass. Okay, maybe I don't buy ice cream for kids every day these days, right? They say it's looking good for kids anyway, but truly jokes aside a lot of these things, from from hard work to being compassion to Beatrice. Stick to help other people. We're expecting nothing back by values, and I I follow them. It sounds to me from that day till this day and hopefully till the day I'm still around, so hopefully would some a few this rule kick the memories when you followed some of your own moral compass when you did something like this as a kid, So go back, dig these big, big They think this is the great memories from your life. And then this by itself will truly help you to, you know, to look at your moral values and to be able today to keep following to keep being who you are. And that, my friend, as I said, will help you become even more resilient. 10. Spirituality Lecture: research suggests that people who are religious are more resilient. They deal with difficult situation better than people who are not. What that leaves is some folks one note religious. And what is it that they conduce you to apply this factor if you will. So the research didn't look that in addition to religion, they looked at spirituality and they basically came up with a result that religion and spirituality really increase our resiliency level. So how can we increase that spirituality? What should we dio? What should we do to, you know, connect to ourselves to connect to something that's bigger than ourselves, to connect with the universe and so on? We know that meditation, you know, monks have been practicing for thousands of years, and yet today we needed all the researchers to shows that when we meditate, when we meditate, we, uh, connecting to something bigger than ourselves. We are connecting toe ourselves, and we are improving our own overall well being, our happiness and increasing our resiliency. Another thing is mindfulness. You'll hear so much these days. Everybody talks about mindfulness. You know, I have the entire program that is dedicated to mindfulness, and this is one thing where we kind of have to be careful because ah, mindfulness certainly is very important. And that is, there will kind of, you know, I get you to be more spiritually connect to yourself and to something that's bigger than yourself. But keep in mind that mindlessness, which is really habits, is as important. Another thing that force a practicing for thousands of years, his yoga. And we know that by practicing yoga, we connecting toe our body toe a mind toe ourselves, and that will increase our spirituality level. And last but not least, I want to mention what's really important that is. Also connected in a way to spirituality is forgiveness. Often this has taken a wrong way When people see I cannot forgive things that they did to me, it is impossible to forgive, and we're not saying forgive to that person. We're not saying that you should do that, and you should never do that. But what you should do is apply some of the forgiveness tools so that you can get over it so that you don't have that, you know, big thing on your shoulder, carrying all that time that is what forgiveness is all about. So just to kind of, uh uh, capture it again. So if you are a religious than yet, you have your retro owes, you have your prayers, and the chances are just by doing that really helps you with your resiliency level. If you're not religious, then you can really do things that will help you to increase your spirituality. You know, in that possibly means meditation, mindfulness, yoga and some other tools that can help. And when I said some other tools, you know, in my book habits and happiness, I actually outlined a lot of tools that you can use to increase your happiness level toe, improve your overall well being and in a way, to increase your resiliency. So I'm just going to cover a couple of tools that I teach often in my workshops and positive psychology on habits and happiness and so on. So so one thing that is really easy to do, and it gives you what we would call a lot for your baccarat electoral investment time, which is only a few minutes a day. It's the gratitude habit. We can practice gratitude in so many different ways uh, one quick, simple exercise is to do what we call three good things. So basically, at the end of the day, to write down three good things that happened that they you know often at the end of the day we focus and bad things. But let's focus on good things that that by itself would also help us to come here in most virtual. So write down three good things that happened that day and learn a little bit more about habits, and you create the habit out of this. It will really help you a lot. The other. You know, we talked about mindfulness, but what does it really mean? So just briefly, we could practice mindfulness in so many different ways. We could do mindful, walking, mindful, talking, mindful, listening really important. Mindful, working whatever we do to stay in the present moment. You know, when you wash dishes, regardless, if you just do a little bit before you put a dishwasher. If you just wash dishes, just stay with the dish right In the present moment, you vacuum your house, stay in the present moment so mindfulness could be practiced in so many different ways. and establishing, mindful some mindfulness habits will truly help you with spirituality. Um, the yoga had, you know, practicing yoga. You don't really have to go to spend a lot of money and go to, you know, so many great yoga places. There's so many, you know, a free videos and programs that you can really see how to practice it. Just find your own space and do it on your own time. What's really important is and you will learn if you take some of my habits programs that establishing habits is really a key and also of finding the environment. So you want to be in the same environment. So if you want to meditate, you wanna have your meditation environment, right? You want to be create your meditation place. You want to create the time off the day you want to schedule the day, so you want to really make it as convenient as possible for you to establish this habit. When we talk about mindfulness. Ideally, you can a rather meditation. You can do this first thing in the morning, which is really great thing to do. You can also do throughout the day and all you can do right before you go to sleep. So that will help you calm down. You will help you to connect to yourself and in turn as a side effect will help you become even more resilient. 11. Spirituality Story: Today is may 5th 2008. I did a short walk in Princeton, New Jersey, from my car From the time I parked to the time came to my office not only did I did a short walk, but during this time I did a sound meditation. What's a sound meditation? I walked slow. I paid attention toe every sound around me cars wind blowing my shoes touching the ground birds people talking my breath You sound outside and sound inside you know, taking a moment out of your day and realizing that some of us, most of us, we not Buddhist monks and we are not dedicating the entire day to meditation in this busy schedule How can we find the time to meditate? This is one thing that a lot of people take it the wrong way. Meaning that you do. You think while I don't have a time, when am I gonna meditate? My life is so busy. See what I did this morning? A short walk from car to my office. I meditate. I meditated. My eyes were wide open. I was listening The sounds paying attention to You know what? I walk now. I got to tell you personally, this is one area when I look back, all religion and spirituality that I truly struggled with and, uh, it took me a while when I was younger, just couldn't really connected. So I found meditation, mindfulness, yoga, being in the present moment. Taking a few deep breath. I found this to be very helpful toe. Help me with my spirituality. So what is it that I really do to help increase my spirituality? Well, first I meditate first thing in the morning if you read my book habits and happiness. Ah, back then I said that I exercised. And then at the end of the exercise, that was a trigger for me to start meditation. Based on the latest research, I changed these two. So now I meditate for So it's 5 a.m. I'm up. I go to basement. I have my little space when I meditate and I have my treadmill in my exercise equipment. So I meditate first. Then I do exercise because based on this research, it shows that if we meditate first and then exercise, we will get bigger benefits rather than the other way around. No, I have what I call the scheduled mindful, eating and often that will be my breakfast. The UAE breakfast. Well, first of all, often I will eat breakfast by myself because I'm first that get up. You know, I'm the 1st 1 to be helping them often. I'll just have the time for myself so that I will be I'm able to give the time to slowly eat toe, connect toe every bite that I eat to think about. How did this piece of food or fruit just came to my house To people who you know, planted possibly this piece of fruit people who, uh, nurturing people who picked it out, People who transported people who, you know, got it in a supermarket. Somebody, you all these things you can really connect with. One bite. I like being the present moment for a long time with one bite. What? I noticed what this does for me being in the present moment, especially mindful eating Not only that will help me eat less, eat just enough, right? So if you know that I lost so much weight now it's almost £50 going back. But, uh, but what's really important is that um, you will see that later on, all the sudden you becoming move mindful in your life so little by little, just like a habits establish one by one and then all the sudden you starting new one new one. I often do mindful walking. You know, this morning I chose to do the sound meditation. Sometimes I will just do mindful, walking and just truly pay attention. When I walk, pay attention to my surroundings, you know, looking for some new details, things that I have never noticed before. I do often this exercise in my workshops and the There's the time where I will take people you know, they come to work the same place every day for 40 years or so, and then I take them outside for a little walk for mindful walking and day tell me things that they noticed that they have never noticed before after working the same work every day . So that's what mindful walking is. I do body scan meditation, and you can just google it and see, you know, it's actually very simple. It's way I do it, but basically I check with as many parts off my body as I can. Sometimes I start my workshops with body meditation. Um, bodies came meditation. And most of the nights I will do this when I will lay down in my bed all kind of check with my body and check with my mind. I like to do mindful, working. You know, often we just have We have to do 1,000,000 things at the same time, and your email comes in and phone call, and you got to respond to that. Your request for proposal and the sales people are calling you and the product people are calling me and something's happening. Data said that all these things, but as much as I can, I like to focus on one thing. Do the mindful working. We know that based on the research that we do much better if we focus on one thing rather than focusing on 1,000,000 things at the same time. Um, you know, in two weeks, I'm going back to Kripalu Yoga, as some of you that know it's a place in Massachusetts, and I'm going toe one week retreat. I really need these other things that help me. Um, you know, go through some difficult time, but the time comes and again, I don't think that let me meditate, so I'll be more resilient. It is the side effect. It is a side effect. So when you apply your spirituality or religion, the being more resilient is really the side effects rather than the other way around. So if you religious, then certainly you again. You have all the rituals in the prayers and that you do throughout the day. And God bless, that's really a great thing to do. If you are not, then practice some of the spirituality tools and in turn that my friend will help you become even more resilient. 12. Social Support Lecture: Did you know that research highly suggests that social support protects against physical and mental illness? You know, providing social support might give you really bigger benefits than receiving it. Did you know that? Number one predictor of happiness? Uh, the relationships when we talk about relationships and being number one predictor of happiness, people often confuse relationships meaning Well, I don't have any part there. I'm alone versus relationships with everybody. That off course includes if you have your partner, but includes your friends, your family, your co workers and, as importantly, strangers. You know, having a good relationships is not just having a good Alicia with your part, that which certainly is probably one of the most important ones. But it's also with a stranger, you know, saying hello to someone standing in line to pay for the food in supermarket or saying hello and helping a stranger on the street. Possibly homeless person can truly improve your own happiness level. No, just by you. Helping other people, of course, will help them. But as I said, it will improve your own happiness level. When you think about your social support, I think about you know who is there Who can help you when you get into some tough situation . You know, God forbid you lose a job. Who can help you? You have somebody who needs the help you have. Somebody happens to be in the hospital. You who you can reach out to think about your family members, your friends, co workers, Anybody in your kind of social support group, if you will, They can really help you. You can reach out to and as the next step look for accountability, Partner. You know, research shows that having an accountability partner, somebody who can help us achieve our goal can dramatically improve our overall well being and therefore increase our resiliency level. So say if you want to, you know, start exercising. Look for someone you trust who can be your accountability partner, someone who you can reach out and say, Hey, you know, let's go. Today someone was possibly someone who possibly has done it before. And it can help you reach your goal. And someone that you trust not someone who will say, Well, you know, you didn't do your exercise yesterday. You don't want that. You want somebody who will trust you. Who will truly become your accountability partner and who will do everything they can to assure that you achieve that step, your next goal, your thing that you want to do. There's also a lot of research, and we know in our life that support group can help us achieve our goal. If you look at the support group, so many folks have created these groups to help their members, starting from, you know, alcohol Anonymous A all the way to, you know, losing weight toe weight watchers. So what did they have? Weight Watchers. They have folks to come every week, toe way themselves and that to have their support group so that that by itself will help them achieve a goal off losing some weight. Now the next thing in social support is to look at the social media. I know it's not ideal, but it is a possible good source that you can reach out to people and get some help. So I truly suggest that you create as large support group as possible. But what's really important that I suggest that you help people in your social support group with expecting nothing in return. Remember, we talked about this earlier. How expect helping others and expecting nothing in return will help us increase our resiliency level. So go ahead. How people help people increase that social support group, make it bigger and just help as many people as you as you can, because when you need help, your social support group will be there for you because you were there for them when they needed the help. So keep working on truly increasing your social support, having that group larger and larger and that in turn, my friend, will truly help you increase your resiliency level. 13. Social Support Story: 25 years ago or so I had 14 number in my phone book. It was my late brother and lows for number. Today. If I look at my phone at your two phones, unfortunately into the Hiss world one, his business one is personal, so even personal has probably more than 2004 numbers. Is that good or bad? I don't know, but I was able to increase my social support. I was able to increase that number off people I know number of people I can reach out, possibly when I need something. No. How did I get How did I increase my social group? And I also have to tell you that my my social group I did mention earlier that social media , although is not ideal, is also one source. And if I look at my social media from linked in to Facebook and sewn that are probably more than 5000 people in there that I can reach out for different things, it doesn't mean they were gonna help me. Of course not. But the idea is that I increase the possibility off, uh, getting help and I need to. But Onley Onley if I do, if I do my own part. So let me tell you what I do and what I've done to increase my social support first. Awful. I actually make a lot of phone calls, so I will dedicate a part of the day. And sometimes that specific day sometimes is during the weekend. Sometimes it's evening sometimes is while driving back from work. Yes, I have a speaker phone. I don't do this. I know it's illegal. Uh, and I make sure that I'm safe in my car, But yes, I do make a lot of phone calls. Everyone swallow over, reach out A friend that I haven't heard from a couple of years. And some of my friends that are watching now in some of my colleagues know that I will schedule number of meetings. I will schedule lunch with my colleagues. Dinners sometimes have a drink after work. I keep really Ah, not only increasing the number of social connections but making improving on the existing connections very important. Often I will just email to folks and say hello. I don't need anything. I just want to say hello. Now that I said I don't need anything often at work. I will do this. I will walk around. I will stop by someone's desk and they'll say a process what you need. And before they even say that I will say, Hey, John, I just want to say hello. I really don't need anything people like that because they used to you coming by their desk and in calling them Just because you need something right. And what you need to do is you need to reach out to them when you don't need anything. That really is the key. You reach out to them for no other reason but to reach out and to see how they do it, right. You want over help when people don't even ask for help. You want to look out and see People are looking for jobs and they lost the job. And you see that a Lincoln and you possibly in position, toe help or introduce them to other people. Do it. Offer your help. Don't even ask that. Wait for them to ask for help. Um, you know, I was thinking just a couple minutes ago how for the past 20 years or so, I didn't look for job? No. Look, you never know. It doesn't mean tomorrow. You know, I'm not going to start looking because something might happen in my cutting job. We just don't know that. But the key is that for the past 20 years or so, I had my friends would reach out My colleagues, my bosses, my former bosses would reach out and basically offer job. And even if I did look for job all these jobs for the past 20 years, I got tank to my social support. Think to my social connections. So not only that social support will help you when you need something. If you co two ate it, right, if you keep improving your social support if you keep helping other, but also will help you increase the resiliency level. So increase your social support, keep improving it. And that in turn, my friend will increase your resiliency level. 14. Role Model Lecture: I always wonder, how come some kids from bad homes, you know, possibly kids who grew up in a bad neighborhood. Kids who grew up in the projects, who grew up with the parents, who possibly one parent might be an alcoholic or both possibly parents committed a crime, you know, growing growing up in the environment, that's was really difficult. So some turn out to be a bed and not resilient people due to unfortunate circumstances, while others became very resilient and successful. And I always wonder what differentiated these people who grew up in this kind of environment and yet became so resilient and against some very successful. And now that I read the research by Amy Werner, I understand why Amy followed the lifes of Children from these kinds of environments. And she realized, based on the research, that all these kids who basically as adults, became so resilient and successful they all had a positive role model. They all find someone outside of home. Unfortunately, these kinds of circumstances, who certainly current statistics they admired and they followed it. So these people, I became their role model, and that is the reason why some kids from these kinds of environment became as adult, so resilient and so successful. There are also what we call the negative role model. Some kids from a similar environment like this, you know, from bad homes. If you're well day, what they do is they do everything they can in life to make sure that nothing happens. The nothing repeats that was happening there home. So they'll make sure that they never do what their parents did, right. They'll make sure that their kids never see, would they? So So that so that they will have a healthy and happy family and they basically and and good life. And they basically use this, you know, a negative experience to be the role model to have a better, more resilient and more successful life. You know, especially as the kids we do things not because or not only because we were told, but really mostly because what we see and let me tell you a little story about my son. Just as a part of this lecture. Really. This is not a story. This is part of the lecture. So, um, my son, when he was in, uh, elementary school and then going to high school and growing up in Brooklyn. I gotta tell you, I did worry. We told the drugs and everything going on in the state. And he had a friend, Michael, whose parents they were both a psychologist psychotherapists. And I asked them, you know, what do you think? What should we do? And basically they both said, Look, it doesn't matter what we tell them, you know, they will go through certain things in life and they will do things that probably we don't want them to do. But the bottom line is, they will do what they see at home. And that is so true. Turnout in in our case to be so true. So if you are parent, just be careful what you do at home. If you want your kids to be more resilient, show them be more resilient. Do you know that? You know, we were really born with the skill to imitate off course. You know that you look at the babies, they imitate us as soon as you know, baby human told they imitate what we do. If we smile, they smile. So honestly, I got to tell you in business in order for me when I decided I really wanted to become successful, and I think I decided when I was little kid, but making sure without pushing anyone else that was really the goal. I always watched what people fuel level above me dio you know how they dress, how they walk, how they talk, how they eat. Some of these folks are extremely resilient. The stress they that they go through on a daily basis is incredible, right? It is incurable, says, and yet they go day by day. And did they just keep moving on? So to apply some of them more resiliency, I also watched what these people do. But there is one thing that is important, and you remember from the previous lecture I watched and I modeled. However, however I never wanted to be, then I never wanted to become one of them. I always always wanted to make sure that I am who I am, that whatever I do, that I am myself right, and then if you remember from the previous lecture, be yourself, that is really there, isn't important. Have you heard off mirror neurons? You probably have. So basically what happens is the same neurons fire when you do something or watch someone else doing it. So let's say you play soccer or football, as we call it in Europe, so same brain region gets activated when you kick that ball as if you watch someone else kick the ball. It's pretty cool, isn't it? That's why you know, when you watch the game and makes football and somebody gets hurt and you sit in a bar with , like, 50 people and then everybody goes like this because we feel that they get hurt and we jump . It's almost like we got hurt. That's the mirror. Neuron is my friend. I highly suggest that you look up, do some research on mirror neurons, and you will, you know, to learn really a lot more about this. But what can you do to increase resiliency by thinking off? You know this characteristic off role model, so to increase resilience by applying and looking at the role model characteristic, here's the one thing you can do. First of all, observe resilient people, find some people that you know are really resilient people that you know, I'm not saying find somebody on TV because you're not gonna know exactly what they do. Find some resilient people around you that you know and observe. See what they dio would. They don't do possibly. If you close to them, ask them, right, Get get them to tell you how day achieved their resiliency level and then model them. You use that experience. Use that observation if you will, to model them and then practice it in your own life. Practice what you learn, what you observed and then is the last step receiving feedback. You know, find somebody is an accountability partner. Remember, we talked about it earlier. Accountability partner. So find someone to be on accountability partner and then ask for feedback. It's pretty simple again, quickly to cover. So to increase resilience, you observe Brazilian people, model them, practice in your life. They see feedback. Then again, keep practicing in your life. So if not already find your role model. Find your resiliency role model, someone that you could truly model, and you can do what they do or do your best to do what similar what they do to increase your resiliency level. Remember, if you have kids, make sure that you do things that prove your resiliency. Make sure that your kids see that you are resilient. Not on Lee. You tell them to become resilient. That usually doesn't work right. So as a parent, as a teacher, as as an adult, be a role model for the rest of the world. 15. Role Model Story: I was five years old sitting in the kitchen with my mom back then, that kitchen waas kitchen livingroom dining room. My mom was telling me the story from World War Two that she was captured. Now, you might say five years old to listen. World War two story. Where did you like too little to hear this horrible stories? You're probably right, except in this story. There was not the horrible I was captured by Italians, my mom said, and I was in a prison. Oh my God, I had the great chains to learn Italian. I met so many great people. I tried to make them laugh. I had a good time. I was so grateful. I wasn't captured by Germans. I didn't go to Nazi camp. I was just in Italian prison where we just had fun. You see, my mom in that story and inhale life, always looked for something good in the bad situations, something good in bed. She was grateful that she wasn't captured by the other guys. She was grateful that he wasn't as bad as it was if she was captured by someone else. Her gratitude saved her hair. Gratitude helped her increase hair resiliency level. And she was so resilient all her life. That story, that story when I was quite get the response. Now when I talk about it when I was five year old sitting in the kitchen, that story still sticks with me to this day when I go through a difficult time. I remember that story through this day when I go to difficult time. I look for something good that happened during that bad time because guess what bad things are going to happen as we talked about it earlier, that there is no question about it. And the question is, how do we react? Do we create that downward spiral and then just go down and down and down and get, you know, said Mad, depressed, anxious? Or do we look at the situation by following our grounded optimism that we learned earlier and really finding something good? And that story helps me, as I said to this day, to look at the good things when bad things happen. So find someone they can help you unless you already have a role model fund somewhat that that can help you become even more resilient. Look for stories from your life from your parents, from your grand parents from your friends. You know, someone that was so resilient that you can click with and then do what they did in your life. So again, find it all model if you don't have one. And that, my friend, as I said earlier, will help you become even more resilient. 16. Physical Fitness Lecture: if there is a single pill that improves mood booths, Energy promotes better sleep. Help prevents heart disease. Still cook they beat this obesity and 12 kinds of cancer reduces symptoms of depression, improves your bone density. Helps you it. I tratos. If you happen to have one, regulate appetite, it raises your blood volume. Make you fill and look younger and even improves life sex and has no side effects and it can be free. Would you take it? I hope so. I hope you are taking it. It is cold. Exist size. The research also shows that exercise improves cognitive and emotional resilience. And that is why we're talking about it here. Resilient people believe that exercise helped them during some dramatic time and also during the recovery process. And that is also very important. Now think about our ancestors. How did they live? You know, they moved most of the day from the time they walk up to time. They went to bed. They had to hunt there to bring that food home carried, they had to prepare the food. They made their own toys, they worked outside and so on. The bottom line is they moved a lot. And today we sit most of the day. You know, most of my clients tell me that they don't have time to exercise. And I tell them, Forget about exercise you. All you need to do is move a lot. Just move your body a lot, right? Walk thence, swim. Do yoga. A change your habits to park the car rolled. Win back your parking lot so that you can walk longer back to the office. Get off the public transportation. Maybe one step soon early so you can take a walk. Do anything you can but move your body. Move your body as much as you can. Frank You, associated professor at Harvard School of Public Health caused the exercise. The magic bullet actually are taken back. I call it the Magic Bullet, but here's what Frank says. The single thing it comes close to Magic bullet in terms off its stone and Universal benefits is exercise. And yet exercise is totally overlooked from the health perspective, at least from a health professional. Although lately we do see some movement and recommendations to do exercise, your kids don't walk as much as they used to. They sit in front of the screen. So many different screens, and that's what they love to do for us adults. Everything is, you know, right here with the click of the mouse. We don't even have to leave home. We can order anything we want being delivered at home 24 7 and not worry about making any movement. That is actually the problem, because it makes it harder for us to move that convenient, that convenient that we have today. So in the research shows that longer you sit the great the risk off the cardiovascular disease. So be careful longer. Use it. The greater the risk off the cough cardiovascular disease. So remind yourself and get a often you do a short walk. You know that. Now this kind of reminders are built into the two, such as Fitbit, Apple Watch and so on. So you get reminder to get up, take a quick walk, take a few steps, take a few deep breaths and so on. Unfortunately, today we need reminders for things that you know our ancestors did. They can get Fitbit an apple watch in. They just lived a different life. I'm not saying it was the better. It was harder, but we do need to a move a lot in order to in order to live a better life. So now that you know, you know many benefits off exercise, here's a little little action for you. Low action plane there was given by Jonathan Show, and he's actually a long distance cross country scared. First thing is learn, so learn as much as you can about benefits off exercise again. We're talking this here in the terms off resilience because we do know based on a lot of research and the stories that resilient people told us that exercise truly helps and become even more resilient or you have heard or other half benefits of exercise. So so learn some as much as you can. If we If I didn't convince you here in this lecture and even if I did it, least read the article that's attached here, create a realistic exercise goal. You see a lot of people. I work with a lot of my clients that help them establish new habits, and sometimes they'll say, Well, you know, I know I keep postponing, and tomorrow I'm going to start exercising and you know, do this five, maybe six or seven days a week, and I'll do 45 minutes a day. The chances are that's not gonna happen, because if you haven't exercised the four and even if you have But if you took, like, a long break, it is very hard, too old a sudden do that long term. So create a realistic, really exercise go something that you know you'll be able to meet authority. So ask your doctor possibly to prescribe, you know, to give you set of exercises that are good for you. Because, look, all of us are different. Bodies are different on and remind and redo knee the different exercises for our health. A patience, You know, It takes time to develop this. It takes time to create a habit. It takes time to enjoy and to truly miss. If you don't do exercise if you happen to, you know, rush out of home sometimes and don't do excites like very rarely That happens to me. I miss it. I miss it so, So much. So the patient try. Morning. Retain Holly suggests exercise to be the first thing in the morning. You know that will put you in a good mood that will set you right for the day. That will help you. Your body. There are so many ah, medical advantages, if you will. But, ah, simply try to do it first thing in the morning again. A lot of people do it at night. I'm not saying don't do it. It's better that you do it, you know, at night, then never. But if you think about how we build, our body is built to do things when we wake up and throw today and then kind of slow down and the night time is time to go to sleep, right? So just think about evolution and how ancestors lived and and try to kind of get closer to that, um, variety. Try different and new activities. So chances up when you do the same activity for a long time, your body gets used to it, and you are not getting as much benefit as you were getting in the beginning. So try variety. Just try different exercises, create strategy, you know, create a purpose, purposeful strategy so that you know exactly what you're gonna be doing to ah, move more so maybe take steps instead of elevators, Asai said. Early baby Parker car as far as possible from your building interests, maybe get, you know, off one step earlier when riding the public transportation and so on. Maybe, just, you know, do some work in your backyard, do whatever you can but created strategy. So you know exactly the steps that you're doing to help you at long term. Uh, make sure you have a different options. You know, make sure that you can do exercise and move in though. Outdoor, maybe join Jim, maybe purchase of home equipment. You know, if you one of the lucky of people that can do that, maybe try different classes. I know this becomes expensive, too, but people look, look up a different when I said classes, I mean, like in person classes. But also try different online classes learn different things. There are a lot of things that we can we can really get for free as well. And last but not least, is in my view, one of the most important thing and at that is for you. Toe have a big reason to have that big. Why? Why do you want to exercise. When I asked this question, my clients will usually say well, to be healthier, to feel better. Two moves Wait and then I just keep saying so what? Why? Why? Why? Let me tell you just quickly. Little story. Maybe you've heard this in some my other lectures and ordered in my book. But when I was about to start exercising, I was searching for the big. Why? I knew that until I find it, I wouldn't be able to truly dedicate myself. And what I did is again. Okay, people, I kept asking myself Why loser? Wait. So what? Why to look better. So what? Y to be healthier. So what? Why and my big Why Waas when I finally realized that I lost my parents when they were both very young, and it is because they were taking care of kids for kids instead of taking care of themselves first and then take care of us. So then I made a decision that it is my responsibility to stay on this beautiful planet as long as I can so that I can be around my son so that he doesn't lose his dad at early age. like I lost my so that hopefully I am around to play and said with his hopefully kids. And so that my future grandchildren Well, I have an opportunity to meet their great I mean, great. Good man. Great Grandpa. Seriously, so fine. A good Why? And then everything else will fall in place. 17. Physical Fitness Story: it was Monday made Pen 2010. I was getting ready to go to bed, but before I went to bed, I put that my sneakers next to my bed and I put my running clothes on top of my dresser, which is also close to my bed. Based on the research I studied at the time, I wanted to make sure that everything is as convenient as possible for me so that I can start implementing my new plan. So next morning, as soon as I woke up, I put my sneaker son. I put my running clothes on. I went down to the basement. I looked at the treadmill on. I said, I'm good for the day. I knew I got some dopamine made me feel good. He only took me 30 seconds to a minute. I went up, who took my sneakers off, took my running clothes off, and I was getting ready to go to work that evening. I did the same thing that I didn't like before. I place the sneakers next to my bed. I put the running close on top of the dresser, and the following morning I woke up with my sneakers on, but I need clothes, went to the basement, stop the stepped on a treadmill, ran for two minutes and said, That's good, buddy. I'm good for today that some dopamine Because I know based on the research when we accomplish the goals, even the small goals we get some dopamine, some happy chemicals, some, you know, feel good chemicals. So I knew that the following day will make it even easier for me to do the same thing. So that day again, before I went to bed, I followed the same thing with my sneakers next to my bed, my running clothes on top of my dresser. The following morning I woke up, but I think it's on. Includes went to the basement that the treadmill that's on the treadmill. Five minutes. And I said, I'm good. I'm done for the day last night. This is eight years later, I follow the same routine. I put my sneakers right by my bed. I put my running clothes on top of my dresser, and this morning I woke up. Everything was the same, the same birthing, except today I exercised for 45 minutes. By the way, I also danced in the basement this morning, Not something you have to know, But I did. And I had lots of fun. Every once a while, I will just go in the basement. That might be just the music that I play might be during the movie or something. And I will. Just saying so have fun because I know when we smile because usually when you dance to have some fun and you smile, we get some happy chemical against some dopamine makes us feel good. And by the way, that my friend, also helps us become even more resilient. So you want to start exercising? Like I said, there are so many different things you can do, and as long as you move enough, you will be fine. But if you particularly want to start creating an exercise routine, possibly do what I did, I make it as convenient as possible to start that new routine. Make sure you follow what I call that small rinse, right. Just get the small steps they want do minute they to two minutes three minutes, five minutes. Because the chances are it will be easier for you to create this 13 rather than telling yourself. Okay, next one going excise. 30 minutes. So start slow, right. You will get some dopamine. It will make you feel good. It will make you fill next morning to see if I can do this. I did it yesterday. It was fun. And little by little, start increasing. And then just create. Establish that habit. You're gonna miss some days. Don't worry. When you miss a day, just don't give yourself a hard time, right? Just keep going. Keep going. And as you start creating this exerciser thing as you start moving more right, Danes, yoga, walk, whatever that is that my friend will help you become even more resilient. In addition, toe all other benefits I outlined in the previous lecture. 18. Brain Fitness Story: about six years ago or so, I learned about the research that if you brush your teet with non dominant hand for 21 days or so, that you would increase your willpower. There was a lot more behind it research, because we know that when we do something we have never done before, we also create a new neural pathway in our brain. So we're basically expanding, if you will, are bring reshaping our brain. So I decided to try that exercise, so I brushed my teeth with a non dominant hand for about 45 days. I believe there were a few days that I skipped. I actually to make it more convenient. I moved toothbrush to the left. I put the little know it with yellow stickers, says Left, so as soon as I would see it would remind me to do it with the left hand and the I really didn't notice anything unusual. Well, I was doing a workshop, and again this was probably about five years ago or so during a large workshop in big group uh, one of the participant and I was talking about this research and that I tried one of the participant raised hand and says, Well, how did you know? It worked, and it got me to actually share the story that I wasn't thinking of sharing. So here's what happened. I used to love Dunkin Donuts donuts itself and a coffee for some of you that don't live in United States. You may not know what that is. It is basically coffee and donut shop all over the U. S. Probably worldwide are nowhere. Does they have to have their shops? And I just likely their coffee and my favorite doughnut waas Boston cream. There was my son's favorite donut as well, so I would stop by in the morning or sometimes throughout the day. Get the coffee, get the donut and keep moving. Keep moving. I overdosed. He wasn't moving enough back then. So because I was about 40 or now extra, almost almost £50 heavier, £50 heavier. So, um, I was coming back from work, and it was for some few that No, it was. It was in New Jersey, Route one, going Route one south going back home. Um, I believe it's about North Brunswick area where I can side of Route one There was a Dunkin Donut and I stopped by Park my car outside of the Dunkin Donuts. So the sign that later on I was think I've never seen before On it it says Free donut With the coffee I walked in. I wanted my coffee. The lady gave me coffee. I said, Thank you. Be nice, simple light. And so she said, What kind of done it would you like with your coffee? I said, I'm sorry, She said, What kind of donut would you like with your coffee? It's a free donut today, I said. No, thanks, I'm good. So I left the store. I left the shop, Um, went to my car the coffee and engine on dry, started sipping the coffee a little bit. Then all the sudden it clicked in me that there was a huge sign that says Free donut. That lady asked me two times what kind of doughnut would I like? And it was free, and I didn't take it. And at that moment I realized why I didn't take it. I wasn't fighting it. I wasn't even aware it was my subconscious. I have no clue, but obviously obviously, uh, brushing my teeth with non dominant hand, which is basically doing something I have never done before, did increase my willpower. And I said no to my favorite doughnut and it was free. Can you believe it? So that is really how I knew that doing something you have never done before, such as brushing feet with non dominant hand, can increase your willpower. We'll create a new neural pathway, and it will also, based on other research, help you with your resiliency in almost every workshop. I now talk about brushing Tate with no nominal hand. I gotta tell you that I have so many participants who have tried it came back and said it worked and they gave me their own story. So, uh, try this and you don't have to do this just something you've never done before. You have a number of exercises that I recommended in the previous lecture, but the bottom line is do your brain fitness and that in turn, my friend, as I said earlier, will help you become even more resilient 19. Brain Fitness Lecture: resilient people exercise not only their body but their brain as well. So we learn about exercise, our body exercising. Now let's learn about brain exercise, brain fitness and how that can help us become even more resilient. The brain matter is plus stick, said William James in his book, The principal Off psychology. There was published 18 90. There was published 18 90. There was like, incredible discovery. And now we know based on the research of neural plasticity, that our brain changes not only when we young, but basically changes until the day we die and everything that we do, depending what what we do every day, all brain changes. Now I believe that Alvaro Pascual Leone really give the best definition off neural plasticity, which truly is a very complicated science. And here's what he says. The brain is plastic, not elastic. An elastic band is stitched and always goes back to its original four. The plastic brain is altered by every encounter in every situation it keeps changing. Another research, by Eliza Blackwell and Carol Dwork, shows that when we introduced the science off neural plasticity to Children, when we just told them that their brain changes physically opinion or what they do every day. They do better in school. It is really incredible. So sometimes it just bugs me. Why don't we all notice? I'm sure you do. But we really need to Ah, teach our kids. Teacher Younger generation really explained to our Children that it is not all about math and science and literature. But it's about as they do this, their brain will make a physical changes really, really incredible discovery. Anders Ericsson, a Swedish psychologist, basically talks about what he caused a deliberate practice. And you see most people what they do is they. They focus on things that they already know, and they practice things that they already know. The liberal practice is basically something different. It is focusing or something that you cannot do well. Or maybe you cannot even do it all but making the deliberate effort and deliberate practice and just keep doing it. There is a chose that work is something that you cannot do. And applying deliberate practice is really what makes you an expert. So and as we know, help you become even more resilient. So now we learn little bit about neural plasticity about neuroscience, how all brain changes. So let's get the specific Let's come up with a few specific exercises for brain fitness. So first of all, it is really to do the things you cannot do. I know it's hard, but that is how we can truly train our brain, Do the things you cannot do today, do that thinks you have never done before. You might be able to do it, but you have never done before. One of the research shows that by brushing your teeth with non dominant hand for 30 days or so, will also increase your willpower. And I will tell you story about that little later. So not only that will increase your willpower, but it will also improve your resiliency and also when you do things you have never done before, that by itself will also increase your real power. Based on a lot of research, maybe it's slow or slower than usual. Take steps instead of elevator, if you can. If you physically capable possibly what shows or movies that challenges your way of thinking, Don't always work something that you agree with, but what's something that challenges read? The book that challenges your view of thinking, practice, visualization, technique. I talked a lot about visualization in different classes, and if you want to learn more about it, I actually attached the magazine Three Extra Mile magazine and number of years ago, Rupert. This I interviewed me on the subject of visualization, and that short article will really give you a good idea. Visualization technique is also used by a lot of athletes. I believe the Russians are really the 1st 1 who figured this out. So before they would go Teoh compete, they would visualize themselves being on the stage. They would visualize themselves taking that first place, receiving that medal and so on, and debt by itself helped them. Just so you understand visualization by itself is not going to get you that medal. But what happens is your brain doesn't really like to see the difference between I just saw this when you close your eyes right, and you actually it's see themselves getting that medal. And then when you open your eyes, brain goes, What is it? The metal is not there. So in a way, the brain will help you bridge that gap. All right, so it will kind of you force you if you will, to do the steps to take the action. They will get you to that goal. They will get you to that visualization. That picture that you So try getting dressed with your eyes closed, I must say, this is the one I recently discovered, and I have not tried. But that's the next thing. I I'm going to try everything else. I did try to dress yourself with your eyes closed. Um, if you use computer mouse, try to use computer mouse with your non dominant hand. Maybe try to do it all day. You know, if you're not a lot of under a lot of pressure by her fire management to keep clicking, try to use your non dominant hand up. Really surround your peeps around yourself, rather with the people who stimulate your personal growth. Keep learning. You know, resilient people are life long learner. I remember years ago when I put out my first resume and the top I put my I put the line lifelong learn, and I believe that's what I am and based on a lot of research, lifelong learning will help you become more resilient, uh, highly recommend to get the book. Keep your brain alive. 83 New aerobic exercises toe help prevent memory loss and Increased Mental Fitness by Lawrence Katz and many Gruban and I provided Link. If you wish to look for this book in the research section, a very simple exercises and they also have a great website that you can go in, pull out a lot of brain fitness exercises. So do some of the brain exercises that we just recommended in the lecture. Find some. Oh, and that, my friend, as I say early, will help you become even more resilient. 20. Cognitive And Emotional Lecture: research shows that resilient people are very flexible, and that's really manifested in how they react emotionally to stress se Flexibility is really one of the great characteristics we can have. Remember, we talked earlier about doing things you have never done before. Well, to expand your comfort zone. Let's say, if you were here, he just need to little by little by little by little, keep expanding your comfort zone, Keep doing things you have never done before. And that by itself will do so many things for you and, uh, and increase your resiliency level as well and increase your emotional and cognitive flexibility as well. So let's talk about things that we can do to help us to increase our cognitive and emotional fitness. So the first thing is acceptance, you know, accepting the reality regardless hold difficulty. It is. But accepting is as it iss, you know, and then accepting the things that we cannot change and then, if appropriate, taking action so often there is nothing we can do but also so many times there's action we can take. So let me give you an example. Let's say you are stuck in a traffic accepted you cannot move the traffic. There's really nothing you can do. You driving and you stuck. And some of us get upset and will be late. Don't do this. Accept the fact that you are stuck in traffic and there's nothing you can do. The next thing is possibly to look at if there's another road you can take, maybe you can take off this highway or the road that you're taking and then maybe take another road, just like in life. You're taking another road. If that is an option, cough. If there is no option than you can just accept the fact and enjoy the rise. So again. Often there is, ah, acceptance, and then most of the time there is action to be taken. If there isn't just accepted and move on, every therapist will tell you that accepting situation, regardless how difficult it is, is really very important to your overall well being. Avoidance and denial off difficult situation are really the worst thing you can do for yourself. But focus on the action if there is one to be taken, and often there is focused on the action and on Lee give energy to things you can change. Only give energy toe action. Remember, action takes action. Nothing happens without us taking that first step. Taking the action. The next thing is gratitude. We didn't talk about gratitude earlier as well, but now we know that this l chose that gratitude will help you improve your cognitive and emotional fitness. So let's think about gratitude, appreciation if we think off economical turn. And if we have some money when money appreciates, we have more off it. It's same thing with everything else. When we appreciate things, we have more off it. Dr. Tal Ben Shahar says the best when we appreciate the good, the good appreciates. Let's move to the next one. Positive appraisal. What is positive reappraisal? But finding positive meaning in every day negative situation is really think that will help us increase our cognitive and emotional flexibility. But I don't mean just think positively. That's not what I really mean is, if you remember, we talked about grounded optimism. So this is also braced based on grounded positivity, grounded, positive reappraisal, right? Do the coast. My story from my mom being in a jail in World War two. Well, back then, she actually used positive reappraisal without knowing what did she do, although there were so many negative things and just being a jail by itself is must be terrible thing. But she if she did the positive reappraisal and she focused that being there will help her learn Italian. That is positively appraisal, my friends. Let's talk about negative reappraisal or rather, reappraisal off failure. What I do mindful parenting and other parenting programmes I often talk about acronym failed. If a I l A Fail really stains for first attempt in learning. You see, when we teach kids that failure is not the failure. But the failed is first attempt in learning. They tend to keep going and keep learning until they succeed. Really, really great tool for our Children. Thomas Edison. Who? We We all know the man who invented the light bulb when the journalist at one point asked him and I a part of phrase Thomas Mann, you tried 10,000 times and you keep failing. What are you doing? You can't make this light bulb. Do you know what he said? I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work. That my friend is negative reappraisal or replaceable off failure. Next thing is humor. You know you can find humor everywhere you look. Some of us have a more sense of humor than others, but regardless you know even the most difficult situations. If you look at the most of the comedians it will use, you know bad things that happen and turn them into the funny things into the humor. There's even humor therapy, and when we talk about fun and humor, one of my favorite is laughter yoga that you can find. Just Google it. You'll find it everywhere. And then here are some therapies to therapies that you may want to know about that could help you develop cognitive and emotional fitness. The 1st 1 is civility or cognitive behavior. Therapy really helps to explain world like more realistically so people can change their thinking and to be aligned more with reality and therefore really take the appropriate action. The next one I want to mention is act a CT stains for acceptance and commitment therapy, and it helps to increase psychological flexibility and really lived more in the present moment. Live more fully in the present moment the present moment that brings us to mindfulness We touched based briefly on mindfulness earlier, and mindfulness can also help us increase our cognitive and emotional fitness. Mindfulness again based on definition by Dr Jon Kabat, Zinn is being in the present moment on purpose and not judging. So in summary, he wrote a few tools that can help you increase cognitive and emotional flexibility, acceptance, your attitude, positive reappraisal, reappraisal failure, humor, night fullness and possibly some therapy such as cognitive behavior therapy, CBT or act acceptance and commitment therapy. And these tools, my friend, will help you become even more resilient. 21. Cognitive And Emotional Story: about five years ago around 8:30 p.m. In my house in Hamilton, New Jersey, I noticed I was getting upset. My wife and I didn't know the reason there was no reason. Act. I started analyzing and realize that similar situation happens sometimes and it was always in the evening and it was always within eight and 9 p.m. So is he based on my research from habits, I started analyzing my habits and analysing my behaviour. I noticed that I created an emotional habit that I should be able to change as long as I understand it. So what I did is let me show you the chart that I use when I analyse habits. This is just a quick minute. Oh, are so because I do have the whole course on this. But let me just show you a quick job. So what I did is I looked at the habit and I said, Let me analyze it. So So what was the habit? I was getting upset that my wife was a day in time and I put different days and I realized that time was consistent again. It was only always between eight and 9 p.m. Location was my house, other people. My wife was with me. Emotional state was angry, and immediately after, I would like, say something to my wife. So I looked at this, I analyze my habits and again I noticed that I created this emotional habit that did not serve me well and had no reason to still be there. So again, I know it is that it was happening between eight. And nine. And here's why. Back then we had a business that I didn't really enjoy much, and something would happen. They would interrupt my reading time. Christie was really my Our waiting time is between eight pm and 19 we go to bed and we read so I would be upset and I would say something to my wife and really had nothing to do with hair. So again, after analyzing it, what did I do? I accepted the fact that once in a while I gonna have this issue with the business, and it is OK for me to do some work instead of do the reigning that I love to do. So I accepted that fact. Okay, fine. That's ok then I was expressing the gratitude that I actually often do have this time between eight and 9 p.m. To enjoy and to do my reading. I was able, you know, I have my eyes, I can see I can lay down in the bed. I can pick up the book to read. I can purchase the book or get it from the library. I was grateful for all of these things. See, I also know that many people cannot afford to do this for many different reasons. Some people have to work 23 jobs just to be able to provide the food and shelter for their family. So I was truly grateful that although I would be interrupted sometimes that I had an opportunity to most of night to enjoy my reading, that's how I was expressing my gratitude. So, looking back, let's see what tools are used to help me with my cognitive and emotional flexibility, in turn helped me change my reaction and have a different outcome. So I used the acceptance. So I accepted the fact that I'm upset. But then there was followed by the action. I wanted to identify situation and then, if possible, change. So I did so acceptance and the action was taken afterwards. Good attitude. I was grateful and expressing gratitude for opportunity to read almost every night. And when I express this gratitude, it is really important to truly express it to mean it, to fill it to really, really say yes. I truly am grateful. No, just to say to Right, So that's really important when we express the gratitude. I was mindful. You see, I was in the present moment. Why? How do I know it? Because I caught my emotional habit. I wasn't judging it. I was in the present moment, I was mindful. And because of that and because of accepting that situation and being mindful and not judging it, I was able to identify and change it. I was using positive reappraisal. I found the good things in a bad situation. I found the good things that happened in a bad situation. The good thing that I was able to read often in the evening and also expressing gratitude so again was acceptance, gratitude, mindfulness and positive reappraisal. Look, for example, in your life that look for the story that proves that you used some of the cognitive and emotional flexibility tools and analyze it, found out how you use it so that in the future you can again use some of these tools. That, in turn, will help you become even more resilient. 22. Meaning And Purpose Lecture: undoubtedly, a huge body of research shows that resilient people have a sense of meaning and purpose and keep in mind, it is not only the big question off meaning, why am I here? But it's also finding a meaning and purpose in the things we do on a daily basis. But also keep in mind that what's meaningful to you may not be meaningful to me, so you have to find your own meaning and purpose. It cannot be someone else's. Always keep that in mind. Remember we talked about why fine, you know, having that big reason to do something without having a big reason to do something. It is really hard to anything to happen. It is really hard for us to be moved so friendly. Nietzsche says He who has a Y can endure almost anyhow, so find your reason to do certain things. Find your own purpose. Find your own why P. D G Do you remember post traumatic growth when this is when trauma survivor people who experienced you huge trauma, um, find a new meaning in life and actually grow as a result of that? The post traumatic growth is something we don't discuss a lot. Mostly, we hear post traumatic stress disorder like keep in mind that some people grow after Ah, trauma. The one thing that is really important I wanted to discuss here is logo therapy. Lower therapy is developed by my favorite person in the subject of meaning Victor Frankel. Victor Frankel is an auditor off Main Search for meaning Book that I highly recommend that you read if you want to find and dig deeper on meaning and purpose than that is the book you want to read. Men search for meaning, and he's also Dr. Frankel is also Nazi camp Survivor. He developed lower therapy that really focuses on the future. It's the meaning to be fulfilled by the patients in the future, and patients is confronted really toward the meaning oflife. So logo therapy focuses on meaning off human existence as well as men. Search for such a meeting, Victor Frankel suggests that life is not primarily a quest for pleasure or requests for power. But the quest for meaning and sources for meaning could be in work, which is doing something significant in love, caring for another person and encourage during difficult times, you know some people have a difficulties finding calling, you know, and meaning in their profession. Uh, Yale Professor Amy was Nevsky. Research shows that people see their work as a form of three things. Is a job as a Korea or as a calling. How do you see your work? Can you change your job to kind of become your career? Move from job to career? Can your career become your calling or do you need to find your calling outside off your regular work like I did? You know, helping people to truly achieved their life success? That is my calling. In his book, Men Search for Meaning Victor Franco said forces behind yourself can take everything away from you except your freedom to choose how you will respond. Please keep this in mind Always. Nobody can take that freedom away from you. It freedom to choose how you are going to respond to certain events. We also mentioned visual ization, early visualization technique, you know, there were prisoners. Uh, who, uh, Nazi camp particular individual who basically in his mind every day he was building his house brick by brick. He said the planes and he was building, building his house brick by brick, putting a door, windows running, electrical outlet, everything in his mind's eyes. And when he got out, that's really exactly the house he built. You see visual ization and creating those positive images, creating doing our best, self, creating our best self things that can be as good as they can be right can truly help us in creating meaningful and purposeful life. And again, you really have to find your own meaning. We talked about this earlier, but please, unless you already there, you know, unless you know exactly where you're going in your meaning and purpose, start small. You know, if you're struggling, start small. Ask yourself questions. You know what is the purpose off what I'm currently doing? What's the purpose off some of my daily tasks? You Liston list the things that you do on a daily basis, and trust me when you do When you start thinking about it, you will be able to find the purpose almost in every task. Almost in every pass. Que deal such as, you know, washing dishes, cleaning the house, going to work every day, preparing breakfast, cooking for your spouse, you know, whatever that is, there is a meaning and purpose. Trust me, even behind little tasks that we do so by finding purpose and meaning in your life. You, my friend. As you know, I like to say we'll be able to become even more resilient. 23. Meaning And Purpose Story: As you know, for my other story, I came to New York on business trip and while I was here, war started back in my country. Take in Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina without going into details. I do want to tell you that in materialistic and sentimental sense everything was taken away from me. A huge apartment in center of the city. My business, my office, old money from my account. And believe me, I was really Well, it was a lot of money back there. Um, 18th century furniture from my grand grand grand parents. Things that I can only see in the museum these days. All the things from newly renovated apartment, even old family photos. It didn't need the photos, so they throw them in the garbage. So you might say that everything was taken away from me and I had to start new life. But But what they couldn't take away from me is my respond to this event. Not my freedom to choose how I respond to this. It couldn't take that away from me. It was hard. Don't take me wrong. It was hard. No question about it. But But I'd responded by keep going. I responded by keep learning. I, despite ing by, keep focus on my family and their well being. I responding by keeping my big Why my big reason my family and myself, as a reason to create even better life. You know, getting a first job as a messenger didn't even speak any English and years later, becoming an executive in large financial firm on Wall Street, creating even better life for my family. While always, always, always keep relationships with my wife and my son a top priority. So really creating what I call a full life success covering all the areas off my life. No, just the one. Nor just financial. No, just spiritually no, just relationships. Every And now you know, having a purpose and meaning off helping other people do the same. Helping other people, creating purposeful and meaningful life, helping other people create that life success regardless off their circumstances. That is my calling right now. Hopefully you do not have a story that is as dramatic as mine. But regardless what your story is, you can always find your meeting. Find your reason to do the right thing. Find your purpose. The other day. One of my clients says, I'm hopeless. Nobody's hopeless. Nobody, regardless, with circumstances. Victor Frankel While being in Nazi concentration camp wasn't hopeless, there's always a chance for better life, regardless off circumstances, so creating more meaningful and purposeful life and everything else we learn in this program will, my friend help you become even more resilient. Please work on it. Try some of these exercises and they're full. Increase your resiliency level.