Reach Your Goals: 7 Personal Development Exercises to Build a Life You Love | Nedra Tawwab | Skillshare

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Reach Your Goals: 7 Personal Development Exercises to Build a Life You Love

teacher avatar Nedra Tawwab, Therapist & Author

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

9 Lessons (50m)
    • 1. Introduction

      1:54
    • 2. Connect to Your Confidence

      4:58
    • 3. Normalize Your Experiences

      7:01
    • 4. Understand Your Patterns

      8:29
    • 5. Craft Your Creed

      7:41
    • 6. Purge to Progress

      5:12
    • 7. Establish Your Mindset

      3:39
    • 8. Commit to Action

      9:25
    • 9. Final Thoughts

      1:28
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About This Class

Envision and achieve the life you want, one goal at a time, with bestselling author and beloved therapist Nedra Tawwab!

Between building a thriving therapy practice, inspiring 1M+ followers on Instagram, and writing a New York Times bestseller, Nedra Tawwab has achieved many lifelong goals. Yet she still struggles with familiar challenges: false starts, failures, and the inner critic. In response, she’s developed a practical, powerful toolkit for overcoming these obstacles—which you can use to turn intention into action and build a life you love.

Drawing from her personal and professional expertise, Nedra shares seven exercises and mindset shifts you can use to get unstuck and accomplish any goal you set your mind to, all while feeling energized and empowered.

Bring a resolution you want to work on, or just come with an open mind and a commitment to yourself. Nedra will help you identify the things you truly desire in life, and make a plan to achieve them. 

Together with Nedra, you’ll work through exercises to:

  • Set intentional goals that align with your values
  • Grow your confidence to put you in the right mindset for success
  • Change personal narratives and habits that are holding you back
  • Declutter your mind and purge commitments that no longer serve you
  • Commit to a plan for actually reaching your goals 

Each lesson is packed with tips, techniques, and examples from Nedra’s own personal development work and one-on-one therapy practice, plus a custom-designed workbook to translate advice into meaningful, measurable action.

Whether you’re looking to break unhealthy habits, achieve a specific vision, or simply approach a new season with intention, this 50-minute class will unlock the confidence and courage you need to finally get what you want out of life. Get started, and celebrate taking the first step!

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This class is for everyone. Follow along by downloading Nedra’s workbook or grabbing a pen and paper or journal! Feel free to come with a goal in mind, or work with Nedra to set one during class.

Meet Your Teacher

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Nedra Tawwab

Therapist & Author

Teacher

Nedra Glover Tawwab, MSW, LCSW, is a New York Times best-selling author, licensed therapist, and sought-after relationship expert. She has practiced relationship therapy for 14 years and is the founder and owner of the group therapy practice, Kaleidoscope Counseling. Every day she helps people create healthy relationships by teaching them how to implement boundaries. Her philosophy is that a lack of boundaries and assertiveness underlie most relationship issues, and her gift is helping people create healthy relationships with themselves and others. 

Nedra earned her undergraduate and graduate degrees from Wayne State University in Detroit, MI. She has additional certifications in working with families and couples and in peri... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Introduction: Achieving goals is really exciting. To be able to see something on paper and then see it in real life, it's like, Oh my gosh, I am so powerful. [MUSIC] I'm Nedra Tawwab, I'm a therapist, content creator, and author. I love this work because I enjoy helping other people. I want to help us grow. I want to help us break patterns that keep us stuck. I want to help people discover more of themselves. In this class, you will learn how to re-imagine your goals. It's important to set goals for yourself because it puts you on the path to create the life that you want. One of the biggest reasons that we aren't achieving our goals is because of our mindset, the self-talk that we're having, and sometimes we're not setting realistic goals. We are going to talk about shifting your mindset. We will talk through how we get stuck, how to get unstuck, and how to create goals that we want to achieve. It's not easy to make some of these changes, but I have a workbook where through each lesson, you'll have an activity that you can complete to apply the concepts we're talking about. To take this class, the only thing you need is an open mind. You get the permission to mess up, try again, repeat, but keep on practicing. At the end of this class, I hope that you'll have the tools to create whatever life that you want. Go ahead and download the workbook, grab a pen, and let's get started. 2. Connect to Your Confidence: One of the things that has knocked me off of the course of having a goal or a resolution is not believing that I can achieve that thing. Lack of confidence kills our will, it kills our desire to even try anything. It's the voice in our head saying, "You're not good enough, you can't do it." With confidence, even if you're not 100 percent capable, you will still try, you will still talk to yourself in a gentle way to push yourself along the path of getting things done. This past year, I set some really big goals for myself, and because I had those really big goals, it actually made me work harder to achieve them. If I would've said, I can't do this or this is not possible, I wouldn't have the things that I do now because I wouldn't have even tried. Confidence is so important to give you the energy and the courage to actually follow through on the goals that you set. Here's a few reasons why we struggle with confidence. I would say the number 1 reason is we're looking for outside validation. We are looking for someone to say you are making the right choice, this is a great fit for you, but the person who knows best is you. Even if people don't validate or say, "Yes, this is a great opportunity," you can still try it if it's something that feels good for you. I would say the second reason that we struggle with confidence is because we've heard things that have torn us down. Whether it's the voice from friends or family or teachers or whoever that have told you, you cannot do certain things or you're not good at them. Sometimes just saying something like you're clumsy or you're not good at this gives you the idea forever that you're clumsy, you're not good at whatever sport. Because you've heard these stories about you, it will knock you off track from even being able to try. It's important to try and see if this is true or not. Confidence is a practice. There are times where we feel confident and we can boldly do something, and there are times where we have to give ourselves a pep talk. There are some things that you may be very confident in, and other things that you have to have some full confidence and just try it anyway, and hopefully with practice, you'll start to feel better. I remember when I first started driving, I was terrible, I was so afraid to do anything. I was like, "Oh my gosh," like, "What about this car next to me?" But with practice, I feel more comfortable driving. I didn't have the confidence, now I do. If we think about any situation in our life when we were beginning something, when we were in the starting phases of it, we all had to practice to gain the confidence. This is a great time for you to download the workbook if you haven't done so already, because we're about to get into our first exercise. In this exercise, we'll be talking about some really tough questions. Question 1, what does confidence look like to you? For me, confidence looks like trying and talking myself through those difficult moments because there are times where I'm like, "Oh my gosh, what is this like?" But I can still do it knowing that, I can breath through it, I can speak to myself gently, and I can phone a friend or family member if it gets really tough, but just doing it gives me the confidence to keep going. So for me, confidence is trying. How would you rate your confidence? It's important to know what work you have to do. Knowing, if you are high or low in a area, gives you a good measuring tool for improvement. If you have more confidence, I wonder how your life would change. Would you post more on social media? Would you wear a bikini? Would you spend more time with your friends? What would look different in your life? It's so important to know those areas where confidence is holding you back from living the life you want. The most important thing about taking any class is applying the concepts to your real everyday life. Please take the exercises serious, look at the answers, reflect on them. Think about how you can put some new things into action. Join me in the next lessons. Spoiler alert, we'll be talking about just how normal you are. [MUSIC] 3. Normalize Your Experiences: One of my favorite therapeutic techniques is normalizing. As a therapist, my job is to listen to people share about their internal world. In a day, if seven people sit on my couch, seven people have had some of the same thoughts. It's so amazing to me each time that the person is like, "You're going to think this is weird. You probably think I'm crazy," and I'm like, "Wow, I've heard this like five times today." That happens because we're not having these conversations about what we're thinking about. We're not having these conversations around how normal it is to maybe feel nervous, or to maybe lack confidence, or to maybe dislike a coworker or whatever those things are. We don't have those conversations. Some of the things I hear about a lot is the feeling of guilt. For some reason, we want to erase it. We think no one else feels it, but we feel guilty about so many things. We could feel guilty about practicing self-care. We could feel guilty about setting a goal when there are so many other things to do. Or what will happen are in our relationships, when we start to have these bigger goals, it's normal to worry about the what-ifs when we're stepping into something that is different. It is normal to be afraid to try new things. I've heard that kids are the easiest to convince to try something new because they don't have all of these fears and all of this history of things that could happen. But as adults, it can be really challenging because we've heard stories, we have all of these insight and perspective, and it stops us from just trying new things to see if it works for us. It is normal to struggle to stay consistent. It is really hard to break habits. I know that because I am a recovering nail-biter. It is one of the hardest habits to break because I always have my hands with me. Just having my hands, it's a trigger. [LAUGHTER] It's like look at these hands, I should bite them. It's really hard to stop habits even when it could be a good thing for us. You are more normal than you think. In these exercises, you will be able to normalize and think about some of these things that you do that you feel are abnormal that are actually pretty normal. Grab your workbook and let's move on to the exercise for this lesson. List number 1, I want you to think about what things you're embarrassed about or the things that you don't like about yourself. We have to embrace the positive and the negative. We're not going to be 100 percent in all areas. It's not possible. Embracing that I am not great at this thing and I may not get better at it, or I am not the best in this area, or I feel really embarrassed about doing this thing could be a good thing for you. Then saying that these are the things where I excel, these are the things that I do well, I do often, some of them may be big or small, but they are still accomplishments. Often as adults, we forget to talk about how proud we are. When we're little kids, we're running around like doing anything. Even if we put our sweater on by ourselves, it's like, "Oh my gosh, look at me. I did this thing." As adults, we've completely lost that. We feel like everything is so routine, so normal, and it is an accomplishment to just get through the day sometimes. It's an accomplishment to get home from work sometimes. Just noting these things that you do that you might feel are mundane or you might feel like everybody's doing it, write down whatever you can think of that you could be proud of. Getting some perspective on the things you're embarrassed about, the things you're proud of is healing. I've noticed that when people say things, they also think about those things in a different way. It's like something is released when we talk. It's the weight of everything. Often when we're holding it in, it's like this pressure and when you release it, it's like a sigh of relief. It's such an important part of feeling connected and making those real changes in your life. When seeking advice, go to the green flag friends first, the people who have your best interests, the people who say positive things, the people who correct you in a very loving and kind way. Go to the person that you trust to give you honest feedback about your situation. That is the person who can help you move the needle for. This is the person who can help you with highlighting some of the things that you're working on and some of the things that maybe you need to improve. If you're having mental health issues, friends are not mental health counselors. Even if they are, "Hi, I'm a friend," you may still need a therapist. It's so important that we're not putting everything on your friend. If there are higher level issues or if you need to talk about something in a different way, that will be a wonderful time to seek therapy. Before we move on to the next lesson, I want to leave you with this: that you are human, which means that you are not perfect. I practice being an imperfectionist and giving myself grace when I make mistakes because I will. When I make mistakes, I try to be compassionate with myself. This helps me to be compassionate with other people because I know I'm human, you are human, other folks are human, and we do things not always to the best of our abilities, not always in the best way. When we do, how do we give ourselves grace? How do we embrace ourselves and say you're not a terrible person even if you didn't get this thing right? That's part of learning how to start over. Even though your normal, you're imperfect, you'll make mistakes. There are some things that you're doing that you no longer want to do. There are some things that you want to change. In the next lesson, we will dive into some of the patterns that's keeping you stuck and some of the things that you want to work on. [MUSIC] 4. Understand Your Patterns: To move forward, we have to know what has been keeping us stuck, what hasn't worked, and what we need to change. Patterns are a way for us to think about the places that we have rested in that we need to move away from. In this lesson, we will get to the bottom of those habits that are keeping you stuck. We'll talk about the history of your patterns and how to move through them. One, we have to recognize them. That is the first step to moving through a pattern. Two, we have to decide what we want to do differently. I have noticed patterns sometimes when I keep getting the same result. When we get the same result over and over, it is potentially because we are stuck in a pattern. So just recognizing that something is not working and there's a history of something not working can be very life changing. Doing things because we've always done them one way does not mean that we need to continue in that same way; it could be something that we need to change. In this class, our main objective is to do something different this year, not have the same ways and routines in which we've created goals or set resolutions, but to do something completely different. Even looking at the patterns from previous years or from earlier goals that you may have had, can really help you shift what you're able to do right now. Everything [inaudible] happens in waves, so whenever you get off track with your goal to think about what led you to that space, what chain of events happened that disrupted the goal for you? What pattern where you experiencing? It's so important to figure out what hasn't worked and what needs to be done differently this time. In this lesson, we will talk about how you spend your time, your emotional state, and your personal narratives. Those are the three areas that typically keep us stuck in patterns and repeating patterns. In the workbook for this lesson, I want you to look at the first exercise, where we talk about how you spend your time, write down exactly what you're dealing, and for what length of time. Exploring how you spend your time is so important because there are so many things we do throughout the day that steals these moments of time that we don't even notice. You will be surprised how much time you spend having conversations on social media, shopping, or all of these things that we do, but keeping track of it will help you understand how you're spending your time. In step 2, I invite you to think about, are you okay with how you spend your time? I am an early riser and I get the most out of my days when I wake up and I want to stretch, I read, I journal, sometimes I create content, and now I've been trying to throw my morning workout into this hour-and-a-half. I've noticed that if I get up and I scroll for a little bit, it takes away from these other things that I really enjoy doing that feel me up. I like social media too, but it's not what I want to do the first thing in the morning. In the second part of this exercise, I want you to recognize how you're feeling throughout the day. We're not typically conscious of how we feel. We only tap into it when it's something that we don't want to feel. Very rarely are we just like, let me do a temperature check. How am I feeling in this moment? Just noticing your feelings is a very powerful strategy to help you break up some of those patterns. If you feel disappointed in your behavior, that's a wonderful way for you to understand that wow, there's something that I need to change here. Treat your feelings as data. Don't label them as good or bad, as strong or weak, but just as feelings; they are all important. Anxiety is good. If you were in the woods and a bear was chasing you, I am so excited that you feel anxious, you need that to keep running faster. It's not a bad thing. We need all of the emotions at some point. It's okay to express them. What is it telling you? What can you change? But use your emotions as data, not as stopping points. Triggers are a wonderful place to figure out what needs to be corrected, what boundaries need to be set, what life changes we can make. Once you learn what your triggers are, think about how that can translate into life changes. If you recognize that in the middle of the day, your boss typically calls with a last minute request and you get angry, perhaps that is a space for you to say, I need to ask for more time to complete projects or at least a little more warning. Again, the feelings are data, the triggers are data, so what do you need to do in life to maybe change up what is triggering you? You don't have to feel any different way about it. You don't have to feel less this or more that, but what you can do is really work on changing the things that you can to have a better life and to maybe experience less of something. Your personal narrative is the stories that you tell yourself about yourself, is the moments when you say, I am not this, I am that, and perhaps some of that is true. A large chunk of that I find is things that people have told us, is things that maybe we didn't do well one time. I'm often surprised at the amount of people who say, I can't cook, and they've tried cooking a handful of times. I assure you when I started cooking, I was terrible. With practice, I got better. So if I would have chased the narrative, I'm a terrible cook, I would have never found out that I can make a lemon meringue pie. I have a saying that anything you believe you can't do, you can't do it. One common story that I hear people say is, I can't make friends, and it really gets in the way of a person making friends. I think it impacts your ability to be open, it impacts your ability to even see the people who are trying to be your friend because in your head is like, I can't, I'm not willing to. It impacts everything. Your story needs to be in line with the goal. You can't have the goal without having a story to match it. I want you to take a moment to write down the three stories that you tell yourself. It could be about anything, but what are three things that are on repeat in your brain about your abilities, your talents, which you can and can't do? Write those things down. The thing about stories is that they need to be explored. What is your proof that this is even a real thing? Where did this come from? How is this impacting your life currently? Is it a story you want to continue to tail? Is it a story that needs a new punchline? Is it a story that you want to modify? From these exercises, my hope is that you're able to apply a new way of conceptualizing some of your stories that you start to challenge those stories and think about if you want to continue to repeat them; is it something that has any use in your life anymore? Now that we've explored the stories that you tell yourselves, in the next lesson, we will talk about how to craft your personal creed. [MUSIC] 5. Craft Your Creed: In this lesson, we'll be talking about crafting your creed. Values are a way for us to really shape our relationships, our behaviors, the way we think about things. If my value is I want to make the best decision for myself, I want to have healthy relationships, that value determines so much of your life. So being clear about the values really help you shape what's next. Living in a more value-driven way helps you to be more authentic. Sometimes I think we do these things because they sound good, they look good on paper, it's what others expect of us. Sometimes I find that when we are trying to live up to someone else's expectations, we really struggle. But when you truly live for yourself, when you truly define your life on your terms, you're able to feel better about yourself, you're able to naturally have confidence. In this lesson, we're going to dig deep. We're going to really get into what your values are and how to explore the values and apply them to your life. In the first step of this exercise, what we're going to do is look back at the last 10 years of your life and consider what you wanted and what you actually achieved. As adults, we think of being proud of ourselves and being excited for ourselves is overindulging and joy, which is impossible. Sometimes as we're seeing people be proud of themselves, we even feel something like, "Oh my gosh, they're bragging," and it's actually a healthy thing. When someone achieves something big or small, figure out a way to compliment them and then think about the things that you could say to yourself that you may think, "Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of myself for doing this." In the next part of the lesson, what haven't you accomplished? If you say that this is really important to you and you haven't achieved it, I would wonder, is this really something that you want to do or is this something that just sounds good? Is this something that is coming from you, or is it coming from society? Is it coming from some other relationship that you should be doing this thing? If there has been a pattern of you not achieving this value in your life, it is a sign that maybe you need to reassess the value or at least reassess the behaviors attached to the value. On the next part of this exercise, there's an opportunity for you to explore who you want to be, what you want to do, and what you want to have. Just thinking about life in this list kind of way can give you some ideas about what's next. I think that when you don't know any of these things, we're just moving through life in this fog. This exercise is to help you gain some clarity. I want you to think about what you want to be. For example, I want to be a tender parent. For other people, that might look like, "Oh my gosh, she's a pushover," but I want my kids to always come to me and cry and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, what's going on?" I want to be that person. So I'm fine with the backlash because my value is being tender. In this area, it's always best to speak in the present, not I am not, I want to be, I will do. It is best to say I am. I am this thing. I am a tender parent. Just because you say I am, does not mean that you will be this thing. Manifesting is not magical. That's why we have this do area for you to think about not only who you are, but what can you do to be more of that, to be like this thing that you're saying you want to do. This is the goal part. This is I will do blank. I am doing blank. How do you invite these new experiences into your life by changing the behavior? I am hugging my kids. I am being there when they want to talk about emotions. I am validating those emotions. I am giving them a space to share. Exploring what you want is a wonderful way for you to work towards something. At the beginning of the year, so many people get into vision boards. Vision boards is a really wonderful way for you to have these pictures of what you want. Healthy relationship spelled out, it's a car, it's a four-bedroom house, it's more vacations. But just being able to look at these things in different areas hopefully will dictate your actions. In this next exercise, we're going to list five ideas that your friends and family might be most supportive of. An example of that might be getting eight hours of sleep. Everybody wants you to rest, so maybe that's one of the goals that you can write in that space. Next, we're going to write down five ideas that your friends and loved ones would call crazy. That might be going to Bora Bora for a month. Writing down those really big things that other people might consider out of reach, or dangerous, or crazy or whatever, you're actually setting yourself up for success because you already know that there may be some commentary to get in the way of your goal. But because you anticipated it, hopefully, you can push through it. Our goals are personal. So the pushback is not something that you should take offense to because what a person is saying is this is something that I don't think is possible for me. Therefore, I don't think it's possible for you. They are saying that this seems so big you can't do it. Neither of you know the truth. [LAUGHTER] We don't know what's possible. Sometimes the things that we want aren't too big. They may seem too big for us, but maybe they are not. Give yourself the gift of possibility. The work that you're doing here is personal. It is a personal journey. It is a personal process. You are setting your own expectations, you are considering your goals, you are creating your values. As you're moving through these exercises, it's important that you clear the voices of others from your head and really think about being limitless. This is about saying you can. This is about giving yourself permission to do something. Clear the static. Join me in the next lesson where we will start to clear the mental clutter, release some of those expectations that are no longer working, and start the process of building realistic goals. [MUSIC] 6. Purge to Progress: In this lesson, we'll talk about purging some of the goals that have not worked for you, and considering things that you actually want to do now. It's so important to refresh the list to give rid of old things and things that you notice just lingering. The ongoing to-do list will keep you up at night, you will literally dream about doing things. I don't know about you, but I've certainly had those dreams where I wake up and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I forgot to do this," or I wake up early because I know I have to do a lot the next day. So to-do list do impact, one, our sleep, but also our mental and our emotional health. I've noticed that there are things on my list that just stay on my list and that gives me the idea that, "Hey, I don't want to do these things." In this first exercise, let's think about all of the projects and the goals that you have. Let's start building these list so we can start to break down what to do next. This is your invitation to write it all down, to get everything out, consider what big or small things you want to do, plan to do what projects you have, so take this time to write through your list of projects and goals. Now this is the fun part, because we are going to look at this list and start crossing out some of these goals and getting to a healthier space with creating goals. Let's take a look at your goal, and I want you to consider these five questions. Question number one, do I really want to do this? If the answer is no, cross it off the list. Do you need to do this? If the answer is no, cross it off. When you think about this thing, do you feel energized? If the answer is no, cross it off. Does thinking about this thing leave you feeling drained? If the answer is yes, cross it off the list. The last question is, why do I want to do this? If you don't have an answer for that, cross it off the list. There may be some things on your list that you find for all of those questions it's like cross it off, but there are certainly things that we are obligated to do. If you are struggling with some of those things, this is an invitation for you to revisit your values. To think about why this thing might be important. You could have struggled with question five and say maybe it's not important, but really think about how this goal aligns with your values. This exercise is important because sometimes we are doing busy work. If we were in school, it's like writing the letter A over and over. That's what we're doing with our to-do list, we're carrying this thing from one day to the next, we're having this goal over and over and it's not being achieved. Perhaps it's because we no longer need the goal, we don't even want the goal, we don't even feel confident about the goal, we've changed our mind about it. Perhaps, it's something I need to delegate, so my laundry has to be done. Do I need to be the person to do the laundry? Maybe I do want to start a podcast. Do I need to be the producer for the podcast? Really thinking about how to delegate some of the things that we want to do or have to do can really help us achieve the goal. Because sometimes it's not that the goal is bad, it's just that we have to do so much stuff to get to the goal, and some of the things that we need to do are not within our skill set. Getting rid of the extra baggage or the goals that you're not really interested in, gives you the space to do the things that you actually want to do. In this class, we have talked about patterns, mindset, changing your story. I want you to know that that was super intentional because it is challenging to set goals and this is the difference between your goals this year and previous years. Now you know the work that's required to really commit and achieve goals. There are so many steps before we get to this place where we can actually set the goal, and that's where we're going next. This is a time for you to think about all of the work we've done, go back and look at those previous exercises, go through your answers, really consider them, think about them, and craft your goal that you want to use now. In the next lesson we are going to establish a mindset and really build a foundation for you to achieve your goal. [MUSIC] 7. Establish Your Mindset: Now that you have a goal, it's important to have a healthy mindset environment to help you achieve your goal. It goes back to that, I think I can that will really help you get to the space of doing, being and having the goal. Language is the key to success. So many times people will say, I'm going to try to stop blank. Which means I have no faith in myself to actually stop, but let me see what I can do. I've heard so many people say, I am going to try to do blank, but I don't think I can do it. Well, [LAUGHTER] I don't think you could do it either because you don't think you can do it, and so just being clear that that self-defeating language will really get in the way of you practicing something new. We give up first in our language, not our behavior, so it's really important that you start yourself off with language that supports you doing and not trying to do. It's important to just say what the goal is, don't add your judgments to the goal. I am moving my body 30 minutes a day. You don't need to have any, but I don't think I can, but I have a lot of other things to do. This isn't the time for you to list complaints or barriers, I am, not I am trying. It's like a chant, a mantra saying to yourself, this is my goal and repeating over and over that it is possible you can do it, there are no barriers, you are the barrier. Those are the things that will really help you in achieving your goal because it's powerful for you to talk about the goal, to think about ways to resist the urge, to betray yourself, or to give in to those outside voices. In this exercise we will be digging into the self-talk. Using my goal of building deeper connection. For I am, I might say, I am a good friend. I can speak to my friends more often. I will resist the urge to make excuses for not calling people. I will allow myself to have conversations without having a dedicated stopping point. I will allow it to flow as long as the energy is in the space. I will calm the negative voices in my head by saying to myself, I have time for this, this is important. The affirmations are important because you need to talk yourself through this process. You need to be your cheer squad of one. You need to be able to speak to yourself at a calm, soothing, and supportive way. I invite you to complete this lesson, to consider your self-talk to really explore what affirmations can help you with achieving your goal and drowning out other voices and improving your self-talk. In this next lesson, we will get to the work of really creating your goal and putting a lot of what we've talked about so far into action. [MUSIC] 8. Commit to Action: For this lesson, I've moved to my office and this is my happy place. Being in a space that supports creativity, and energy, and deep thinking invites me to open my mind to the new experiences that I want to have. At this time, I want you to think about where's the place that makes you feel centered, what place can you go to to feel more connected. Find that place, get there, and let's get started on this next lesson. Committing to action is committing to yourself. Goals without actions are wishes. They are not anything that we're doing, it's what we're thinking about doing. The action piece for some of us is really hard, but it's also the most important part. The first thing I want you to do with achieving your goals is start small. Think of baby steps you can take. Small and manageable goals lead to sustainable goals. When we have really big goals, they don't tend to stick with us. They tend to be wonderful things that we do for one or two weeks, and then week 3 we're tired of it because we haven't created anything that we can do long term. I meet tons of folks who say, "My goal is to read more books." Perhaps they're thinking a book a month or a book a week, and that's a wonderful goal. But to start, you need to commit to reading a certain amount of time every day, perhaps 30 minutes before bed or 30 minutes as a part of your morning process. But there have to be these bite-sized ways that you can even get to the point of reading a book a week or a book a month. Shifting the goal to having a daily commitment would certainly help you reach the broader goal. If a habit every day is too much, it's perfectly fine. Anything that's done routinely and on schedule is the habit. If it's every other day, that's still a habit. Really consider your needs and what you can commit to. I'd love for you to pull your workbook out and get to the first question where we talk about creating a small, measurable, and realistic goal for yourself. In my goal of connecting with friends more, I may break that down into a small goal of talking to a friend for 30 minutes once a week. The next part of this that I want to talk about is how you need to change your environment, your relationships, or even your mindset to make sure that your goal is achieved. Certain places or things that we do can certainly be triggers for habits, and it's important that you consider either how you'll manage those triggers or even how you can move away from the things that trigger you so you can stick to your goal. For instance, if you're trying to cut back on your drinking and most of your social engagements are with friends at bars, it would be helpful to move those interactions to other places, maybe going to the museum, having dinner at home, meeting earlier in the day. One of the things I suggest for people who are seeking to be more active is to either sleep in your workout clothes or to have them very close to your beds. That way you get up and you're ready. You're creating the environment of readiness to really achieve your goal. Willpower is great when you are already sticking to a habit, when you've been committed to it. But for new habits, willpower can be really tough. Just powering through an unhealthy environment or unhealthy situation might not work. How do you change the things in your environment to rise up to your goal? Think about the challenges that you have, the frustration you feel, the emotions that come up when you aren't able to achieve your goal. What's contributing to it? Who's contributing to it? Those may be the things that you need to shift or change. When I think about my goal of connecting with my friends more, it is challenging sometimes to talk to them while I'm cooking and doing these other things. So maybe I'll give them a call when I go for a walk or while I'm running errands. That way I'm in a different environment and potentially more likely to remember and consider my goal. One thing that I find really helpful in achieving goals is replacing one habit with another. One of the things that we struggle the most with is time, and we think that we don't have time to achieve new goals. But when we really assess what we're already doing and reallocating some of our time to these new goals, you will find more time to complete your goals. For instance, if one of your goals is to scroll less, use your phone less, it could be really beneficial to carry a book with you or carry a notebook or crossword puzzle. Carry something with you that will distract you from the thing that you don't want to do anymore. This is a wonderful time to open your workbook and think about what habits you need to change and what swaps you can put in place to better achieve your goals. Think of the things that you're already doing that you're like, "I spent too much time doing this thing." That could be an indicator that that is an area where you can cut some time and do something else. Swapping habits doesn't have to mean that you get rid of something entirely. It could mean you doing something a little bit less. If we look at my goal with friends, perhaps swapping the amount of TV that I watch. I will not give it up completely, but the amount of TV that I watch to engage more with a friend that might look like cutting back 30 minutes or starting a conversation with a friend before starting a new TV show. That's a wonderful way to swap out those habits. Next, I want to talk about checking in on your progress with your goals. Depending on the goal, that might be weekly, it could be monthly, it could be bi-monthly. But having a regular process in place to revisit your goals ensures that you will stay on task. Part of checking in is celebrating when you're doing well. I am a huge celebrator of self. Probably too much. So I definitely love to acknowledge when I've done something well. I think of it as being proud of myself. It could be as big as I'm having a few friends over to celebrate, as small as I am taking a lavender-scented bath. Either way, you should be celebrating your progress. If you haven't been achieving your goals, it may be an indicator that you need to reassess. Sometimes we create goals that sound really good, but they're not for us. I've certainly copied some goals from other people and I've tried and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I can't stick to this." If it was something that you really want to do, go back and think about the environment, the habits around the goals, perhaps the people not supporting the goal, the ways in which you are not using supportive language to achieve the goal. But it's really important that you really think deeply about why you're not getting what you want. Now in the workbook, you'll find my idea of a check-in process, but you're also free to come up with your own process to use for checking in. Last but definitely not least, I want to remind you to be kind to yourself during this process. Sometimes we do drop the ball and when you do, you have to practice being kind to yourself and holding yourself up. Goal achievers fail, too. When they fail, they keep going. If you have an off day or an off moment, don't quit, don't give up on yourself. Be gentle, be kind, and keep going. This is a wonderful time to take your workbook and look at the questions from this lesson and really reflect on all of the things that we talked about and how they can manifest and take place in your life. I can't wait to see and hear about all of the amazing goals that you create and that you are able to stick with. [MUSIC] 9. Final Thoughts: You've reached the [MUSIC] end of this class, and that is such a big deal. I'm proud of you because you stay committed to yourself, that is a goal in and of itself. Hopefully, you now understand how to move past barriers and really get to the point of consistency and achievement. Consider this class a practice course, and you can use this as a tool forever, it is ongoing, so whenever you fall out of practice, you need a refresher, come back to the workbook, come back to the class, revisit the material and really sit with yourself and figure out what new things do you need to extract from this information, to continue to move forward in your process. Make sure you're using the project gallery to communicate your goals to others, to cheer people online, to ask for help or feedback. It's a wonderful community, where you can encourage accountability. For more from me, please find me on Instagram at Nedratawwab or visit my website, www.nedratawwab.com. Thank you so much for committing to doing the work, and I can't wait to hear what's next for you.