Psychology of Persuasion: How to Convince People Easily | Timur K. | Skillshare

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Psychology of Persuasion: How to Convince People Easily

teacher avatar Timur K., Teacher, Life-Long Learner, Traveller

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

19 Lessons (55m)
    • 1. Introduction

    • 2. Main Principles of Influence and Persuasion

    • 3. Reciprocation

    • 4. Commitment

    • 5. Social Proof

    • 6. Liking

    • 7. Authority

    • 8. Scarcity

    • 9. Ben Franklin Effect or How to Make Confrontational People Like You

    • 10. Contrast Principle

    • 11. Romeo and Juliet effect or Making say 'Yes' by letting say 'No'

    • 12. Inception aka Cryptomnesia or How to Plant seeds of Ideas

    • 13. Mirroring technique

    • 14. Use Silence to Your Advantage

    • 15. You are the Average of 5 People

    • 16. Avoid These Mistakes if you Want to Convince People

    • 17. Why Stubborn People are Stubborn

    • 18. Strategies on How to Deal with Stubborn People

    • 19. Conclusion

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About This Class

Learn Effective Techniques How to Persuade, Win Sympathy and Deal with even the most Stubborn People


Many people believe that being able to convince others is just a luck, magic or some inborn charisma or a unique talent. We get upset when we loose yet another argument or are unable to persuade our customers or colleagues, not to mention our friends or family members. And we get even more frustrated when after another purchase we understand that we have just been caught on a psycho-marketing trick by a sales rep or an advertisement.

Scientists have studied the Psychology of Persuasion for many years and, having done a great deal of experiments and research, they have proved that there are certain techniques and strategies based on the understanding of a human nature, that anyone can use to enhance their persuasion skills.

In this short course, you are going to learn the fundamental principles of the psychology of persuasion as well as the strategies of how to deal with stubborn people which is a comprehensive psychology on its own. The course includes basic theory as well as practical day-to-day examples. 

Meet Your Teacher

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Timur K.

Teacher, Life-Long Learner, Traveller


I'm an MA graduate with degrees in International Relations and World Economy. Learning foreign languages, travelling and working in cosmopolitan environments has always been indispensable part of my life.

My work experience includes working on challenging projects for government and private sectors (security products, banking, investment) across 5 continents, including Africa, Middle East, South-East Asia and Americas, and internship at the UN Office in Geneva, Switzerland.

I'm totally passionate about psychology, craftsmanship, motivation, skills, and languages - I speak English, Russian, French, Turkish and little Arabic, I also started learning Hungarian a while ago:). I'm keen on reading, sports, football, and playing the guitar.

I'm always eager to learn new... See full profile

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1. Introduction: Hello, everyone. My name is steam and are happy to welcome you to my online course psychology of persuasion , where you learn the basic principles of how to convince other people. After a complete my bachelor's and master's degrees, I worked as an expert manager and I visited about 25 countries on four continents. And what I learned from this experience and communication of different people from various cultural and professional backgrounds is that their behavior and decisions are mostly based on some obvious factors for example, seeking the reward or benefits from a situation or avoiding future pain. And there's a number of other factors which have been described in detail by quite a few psychologists and scientists, and we're going to learn them during the scores. Don't the sectors to get with applying certain psychological techniques to trigger people certain behavior and increase the probability that you will be able to persuade people easily. So at the end of this course, you will understand better human behavior. It would drive them to perform certain actions. You'll also feel more comfortable and confident you're in an argument with your friends, colleagues or customers. This course covers the basics of the psychology of perspiration, including main principles, off influence and lectures on how to deal with stubborn people. Because dealing with stubborn people is definitely a challenge on its own. Course includes theoretical materials as well as practical examples off using the techniques in everyday situations. After each section, you will have a number of questions where you will be asked how you behave in a certain occasion, using the skills he had learned during the course. Thank you for your attention, and I welcome you to explore my course. 2. Main Principles of Influence and Persuasion: many people believe that being able to convince others is just a lock, magic or some inborn charisma or a talent. In 1984 rubber child, any expert in social psychology wrote a book called Psychology Off Influence, in which he proved that influencing and persuading other people is a pure signs, which has certain rules and logic. Before writing his book, Children has spent 30 years doing comprehensive research on how different people are influenced. He summarized his results down to six key principles, which helped to convince a person for a certain action. These principles are reciprocation, commitment, social proof, liking authority and scarcity. If you want to be able to convince other people, in any matter want to learn how to res the efforts off others, you have to get acquainted with these useful tools, the next lectures who are going to dive into each of these principles in more detail. State and 3. Reciprocation: in the last lecture, we get acquainted with the six principles off influence in this lecture, we're going to talk about reciprocation, which lies in the heart of persuasion and convincing reciprocation or reciprocity means that people believe that if you did them a favor, helped them in some way or give them gift. They are obliged to respond in the same positive way to you in return. For instance, if your friends invited you to their party, most probably you will want to invite them as well when you will be planning to cost your own event. Reciprocation principle is widely used in marketing and advertising. If you receive a free sample of a product or a free trial period or a gift, you're much more likely to explore the product further by it. So how does it work when you want to convene someone major, you want to build a camera from one of your colleagues or for a couple of days, so before asking for him some freak against a master class or a concert, which you accidentally have? If he refuses, say OK, that's a PT and not insist. Instead, ask him to borrow his camera you'll see that it will be more difficult for him to reject your request. For the second consecutive time, you offered him some free tickets, and now he should offer something in return. So most likely he will lend you that camera. In conclusion, the reciprocity mean that if you do something good to another person, they will do something nice to you in return. Thus, when you want to influence another person just before him, something valuable First, it can be a gift offer of help or even your sincere attention. Whatever the case may be, keep in mind that it should be done sincerely. 4. Commitment: the second principle off influencing people is commitment. The idea behind this principle is a psychological finding that people who have already agreed or committed to do something orderly or in writing were more likely to stick with their decision and fulfill their commitment in future. In 1987 an experiment was conducted where voters were asked one day before the election whether they were going to vote next day on Election Day, 87% of those asked and who committed to going did go to the polls, compared to 61% off those who were not asked. That means that people who publicly committed to voting we're more likely to actually vote . So how can we use this principle to persuade other people will? One very simple example. When you invite one of your friends or colleagues to an event which is important to you instead of saying please come to my party or out Very glad if you could come ask them. Will you please come to my party and get them? Say yes, and he will see that they will be more likely to keep their promise now if we come to marketing. If you want to close a deal or sell your product, get your customer. Take just a small first step towards, for example, if you sell a car or a house, get your client. Pay a small deposit for reserving kid, even if it's only just 0.1% of the total amount. If you're selling something online, get them feeling the form or leave their email address or better their credit card details . Thus, they will make a small commitment, which will most likely lead to a greater commitment later on or to better conversion rates . Commitment principle also works with people self image. They are more committed to doing things which are consistent with their values, attitudes and actions. I believe most of you have encountered how this principle works When communicating with women, they instinctively use it when they need some help from men before asking their mental help . They prefer to tell them how strong can always helpful they are. Instead of situation, there is not a single chance that any man will resist. So in conclusion, commitment principle is based on the notion that people who committed verbally in writing or with their actions to doing something with more likely to do it. So if you want to convince someone, get them first, say yes and ask them for some action. One small action will pave the way for future bigger actions. Another thing is that you should understand what a person thinks about his self image and align what you want him to do with their self image, so that if he refuses, it will mean that he's not consistent with his values, which will always try to avoid. So that's it about commitment and next episode we're going to talk about another principle of persuasion, which is a social proof. 5. Social Proof: the third principle off influencing people is social proof. This principle means that people are social beings and we tend to behave as other people's do. I would like belonging to large, well known group. Instinctively, we feel that we have made the right decision and that one million people cannot be wrong. That's why when you want to come in to show, there are always people laughing out loud somewhere in the background so that you start laughing, too. That's why many street performers putting their heads or boxes their own money to show that a certain number of people have already given them. They're the nations, and it increases the likeliness that another best buy will also give them some money. That's why, before buying some products online, you tend to see if there are any satisfying testimonials from other people who have already purchased this product. By the way, did you know that the most influential form off advertising is not some paid at in media but testimonials and recommendations from other people? So if you're running an online store, getting a testimonial pages a good way to influence your customers to buy your product, So now I have a task for you. Try to analyze your past or recent actions until which of them were determined by social proof. Principal. Did you make your decision based on the decisions off others? What was the result of this action? If you start thinking about it next time, you'll have to make a choice. You'll be less influence from the outer circumstances. Now that ask for years is to try to use this principle next time when you will have to persuade. Your friend or colleague explained them that all people around him are of the same meaning as you are, and it would be quite difficult for him to persist against it in the next episode. We're going to talk about another principle of persuasion, which is liking, and you're going to learn how to in the sympathy off others. 6. Liking: principle number four in the psychology of persuasion is liking. According to this principle, people will more likely to agree with you if they like you, or they have something can come in with you, whether it's physical appearance or even the same name. Researchers have conducted a number of experiments based on this principle. If the sales consultant had the same or similar name of the customer, the customer was more likely to buy products from him. In another experiment, in a game where people had to guess with another person sitting in front of them was telling the truth or a lie. Most people believe the person who was of the same physical appearance as the person in front of them. Well, let's imagine that we do not have any similarity in physical appearance with the person would like to persuade, and we do not know him very well. Here are some tips for you how to win the sympathy and make the like, in principle work first, behave like a friend, tried to listen to what the person is saying and understand his motives, thoughts and worries. Do not criticize them and try to win their trust once you in their trust, their liking cough you will follow. Second, tried to give compliments. Most people feel deprived of compliments, and their self esteem and mood will improve if they hear something nice and pleasant about themselves. After that, they will be ready to do a favor in return. Third Incorporated and always ready for help. Your help will unite reciprocity feelings from another person, so he will try to follow what you're saying for established common ground with your visa vee. It can be the same Hopi or interest or a similar approach to some issues. You're more interested in a person who shares your interests. Finally, notice what works the person is using most often and try to use them as well. For example, here from uses the word Leeson that mean that his main method of perception of the world is mostly rodeo, and you should also use the worldly son or here instead of the world look, which is mostly used by people with the visual perception of the world. So these are the main factors which is should take into account when you want to increase the liking between you and the person you want to convince full of them helped to build the good report with other people and ultimately help you pursue it. Even the most difficult person. In the next episode, we are going to talk about authority, the next principle of perspiration. 7. Authority: according to some scientists, authority is the most significant principle of persuasion sounds convincing, isn't it? Well, that's true, because when you're 1/3 of the opinions of scientists, famous or willing own people, other people start to listen more carefully and are more likely to believe to what you're saying. This is the idea which lies behind the next principle of perspiration. Authority. People respect authority. And when they are uncertain about something, they look for authority figures to guide their decisions. They believe that such figures cannot be wrong or mistaken, and they probably have their own opinion corresponds to the opinion of some famous people. Part of their glory will somehow descent upon them as well. So here are some tips when you want to persuade someone with the use of authority principle first, support your arguments with the relevant examples or opinions from some famous people or the people to whom you're visiting is a respectful second. If you're on a website or a store, it would be wise to have some advertisement we've or testimonials from recognized public figures who would recommend your product or a service. It's not necessarily should be very famous people will charge a decent sum of money for their appearing in your advertisement. Think about a blogger or another public figure who is known among your target audience. Finally, if you're going to commit, include a person for the first time in a business meeting or if you're going to make a speech in front of a group of people, we want to convince an impressive clothing or accessories such a fancy pan, where smartwatches were even arriving in a high performing car. And, of course, the confident posture and voice tone would be proven. Factors in lending cue the credibility to influence others. So that's it about the principle of authority. And in the next episode, we're going to talk about the last principal off influence and persuasion, which is scarcity. 8. Scarcity: The principle of scarcity comes from the basic economic theory of supply demand. The less there is something to the more the month for you there will be in this price will ultimately increase. You can witness the examples off using the scarcity principle in most sales and promotions of products or services. If you see that the new collection of shoes are running out, you'll most probably want to buy them instruments possible. You realize that if you don't buy them now, after a while, they will be gone, and you will regret that you missed opportunity. Unlike other principles of persuasion, scarcity is connected with the anticipated effects of regret and envy and more with the effect of the loss rather than again. If we don't buy something now, we'll regret about it in future. Or if we don't do something which is needed now, will regret about it. Does Aziz. Well, this is the anticipated emotional Ferre craft, which we want to avoid. If we don't buy something which is scares, another person will buy it. This is then dissipated emotion of envy, which we also want to avoid. So when you want to persuade someone to buy your product or a service, emphasize its uniqueness and its scarcity on the market. If you combine it with a deadline, after which this product or service will not be available on the slow price were not available, it'll it'll most probably trigger your customers decision to buy it. But remember that the deadline in the products unique qualities should be genuine. Otherwise, you may end up with losing your customers as they will understand that they are being cheated. Some brands and their email notifications about their sales almost every day, and at some point you stopped believing them that their sale is going to finish one day. Next example is not connected with sales. If you want to persuade someone over a problem or an issue, try to show him that there is very little time to make the decision and need to hurry. You can also point out that it's a unique chance nobody has such an opportunity, and if he doesn't make a choice now, he will regret about it in the future. So to sum up, if you want to persuade, someone tried to incorporate the perception of scarcity and lack of time in your product or an idea, and the other person will most likely follow your lead. This was the last principal of persuasion in the next episode's We're going to learn how to deal with stubborn people. 9. Ben Franklin Effect or How to Make Confrontational People Like You: in our previous lecture about reciprocity will learn that if you do someone a favor, the person will feel obliged to return that favor by doing something good to you or by agreeing to your point of view during discussions or negotiations. However, there is another method. How to convince people easily, which is a reverse lee. Similar to the principle of reciprocity. It is commonly known as Ben Franklin Effect. Most people use it are supposedly principle. Yet Ben Franklin effect can be even more powerful in making people like you. So the idea behind Ben Franklin effect is that instead of doing something good for someone hoping that they will reciprocate to you, you should ask them to do something for you. This will make them feel good about themselves, and he will be the reason for that good feeling. And as a result, they will like you and most probably reciprocate to you by agreeing to do what you will ask them next time, as Benjamin Franklin put it in his autobiography, he that has once done your kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged. It happened to Franklin that he once had a rival in the government. And in trying to win the friendship of their tribal, Franklin asked A border, one of the rivals, very rare books there. I will lend the book, and when returning the book one week later, Franklin defend arrival immensely. After that incident, the two politicians begin very close friends. So what is the psychological explanation of Ben Franklin effect? Well, in his best selling book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie mentioned these effects and states that asking for a favor is a subtle but effective form of flattery. When we asked person to do us a favour, were signaling that we consider this person stronger, more intelligent or knowledgeable or more skilful than we are. That person was interpreted as a sign of respect or admiration towards him and will be likely to feel exhilarated and good about himself. It will also make them more willing to help us again because they want to experience this feeling off admiration and respect of themselves again. Benjamin Franklin effect has been tested many times during various research, and every time it confirmed the fact that people who agreed to do a favour to another person like that person more afterwards and those who did not do any favor. So how can you use this effect in your daily life to your benefit? He have dance relationships with one of your colleagues, and here she is always confrontational and tries to bait here. Try to ask him to do your small favor explaining an issue which he is expert in, or help you to complete. One not so difficult task, which will most probably not refused. You'll see that soon after he will relate to you with much more enthusiasm. If you're selling a product, then ask your customers to share their feed bags. Asked for their opinions about your services. This will make them feel important and respect that, and therefore their loyalty to your product will likely to increase. Also, if you're at an interview, US company, the entry or for a glass of water with all other things being equal, this will help you doing the sympathy off the interviewer and remember that the favor you're asking should not be too difficult to perform. Instead, it should be something the other person is good at, or which doesn't give him any trouble at all. 10. Contrast Principle: there is a powerful to that can make your country part select an option that you would like him to choose. And he still is called the Contrast Principle. According to this principle, our judgments are often biased by similar things that we have seen immediately before. It can be applied in different situations, how you perceive which person is more attractive in the situations of how we perceive risk and price. Imagine that a teenager wants to get permission from his parents to go rafting. He knows that he's strict. Parents would definitely say no as they are afraid that their child may get serious injuries. So instead of asking to go rafting, this teenager will first present his intention to jump with a parachute. Or that he wants to start free climbing after his parents say that this is not possible under no circumstances. He will then ask them if he could then go rafting with his friends and an instructor, and they would probably let him go. As this is a safer alternative, let's think off another example. Imagine that you need to convince your partner to choose a nice holiday resort where the five star hotel and everything included. It would be an incredible holiday, but it is rather expensive. So instead of directly showing him this option in trying to least all its advantages, first off show him the options, which are even more like shares and much more expensive. Keep showing him a couple of such extravagant resort and let him get used to these high prices and then show him the option, which you initially wanted to take, which is also Olsen but just a little bit cheaper. In contrast to the previous mind blowing luxuries options, this one will see more affordable, and your partner were more likely to approve your choice. The same tactics can be used when you sell something. If you're a real estate agent or seller of cars or any other goods, first off you can show the items which are most expensive, or maybe have some deficiencies and then show your desired option, which is almost the same price or slightly cheaper. From a psychological standpoint, it is easier to favor one product when you compare it to other similar products, which have some defects or other disadvantages. The contrast principle can be clearly illustrated by the following. Clever from a college student with your parents. There are different versions of this letter in the Internet, and one version is even quoted in child in his group. So let's have a look at it from this website. Dear Mom and debt, it has now been free. Mom, since I left for college. I'm sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having cretin before. I will bring you up to date. But before you read on, you had better sit down. Okay? I'm getting along pretty well now. This skull fracture and concussion I got when I jumped out of my apartment window when it caught fire after my arrival here is pretty well heeled. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get the Sikh headaches once a day. Fortunately, the fire and my jump were witnessed by Roger, an attendant at the gas station. And he was the one who called the fire Department. He also visited me in the hospital and since I had nowhere to leave, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. He's a very fine man, and we are planning to get married. We haven't said the date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show. He's divorce is final now, and he shares custody off his three Children. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that Roger has a minor infection which prevents us from passing car premarital blood tests, and I carelessly code it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I'm taking daily. Now that they have roti up to date, I want to tell you that there was no fire. I didn't have a concussion or skull fracture. I wasn't in the hospital. I am not pregnant. I'm not engaged. I do not have syphilis. And there is no divorced men in my life. However, I'm getting a D in our and an F in biology. And I wanted you to see these marks in the proper perspective. Your loving daughter, Jean. As you could see after the parents have read about their daughter. Serious but thankfully, fictional problems with pregnancy, accident and disease is having bad marks at school. Doesn't seem so important. This is how Contras principle should be applied. So next time when you want someone to select the option you desire, just use these contrast principle and present the less advantages. Auction first and only then your desired option and see how beautifully this principle works. 11. Romeo and Juliet effect or Making say 'Yes' by letting say 'No': remember that when you were a teenager, you always wanted to do the opposite to what your parents were saying to you. When parents strictly forbid their Children to smoke or drink alcohol or to date with the wrong boy or Gil, these makes Children try to do it, even with more desire. This is because of reactions, practices, a psychological term, which means that people get opposed to what you say if they feel that their freedom of choice is being frightened or limited. People in this situation want to restore their freedom and their the result. They tend to do the opposite off what was set to them. This is especially common situation between parents and Children, but can also happen in other circumstances between France partners and colleagues. Sometimes this effect is also known as remand Julia defect. And according to this effect, teenagers who are in love will be more likely to pursue their romantic relationships if they face interference from their parents and the stronger such influence from their parents, the greater the desire to continue the Romans will be. The same principle can be applied to Ben in different products like marihuana, for example, such Bannon usually initiates even a greater desire for that product. And because of such, Ben considers, will write the benefits of such products higher and will want to get for it least try this product more than in the situation. If these products hadn't been banned, these tractors principle also can be a year ago. When you want to persuade someone, your attempts to convince a person may lead to them choosing the opposite option. So what should you do to make your preservation work thirsting for the very carefully negotiations? And don't try to insist on your choice of preference. Secondly, after you suggest your option, always remind the other person that they are free to say no, and it's up to them to decide. There have been dozens of studies which have confirmed that using this strategy was efficient when trying to convince a person. The reason why the strategy works is probably the following. When you remind the person that he is free to say no, you remind him that he possesses all his rights and freedoms, and he's the master of the situation. These may make him feel more important, and this positive feeling is associated with you, and therefore they may become more inclined to agree to what you say and have explanation to. Why these principle works is that when the reminder that they are free to say no, people are also unwittingly reminded that if they make the wrong decision by saying now, it will be only their full. Where is if they were to agree with your arguments? The risk of making the wrong decision would be less and would be shared with you. So to sum up, people don't like when they feel that their freedom of choice is being clean. It'd or frightened. In such case, they can unwillingly produce reactant, which means they will do the opposite to what they are being set. So in order for your persuasion to be effective, always remind people that they are free to say no and assure them that you are not trying to control them or limit their choice or guide their behavior or opinions. And thanks to the strategy off reminding them that they can say no, they will be more likely to say yes. And then so try this strategy next time when you want to persuade someone whether it's your family members, partners or friends and keep us posted about your results, see in the next episode's. 12. Inception aka Cryptomnesia or How to Plant seeds of Ideas: one of the most powerful ways. How to convince and influence people, especially those who tend to disagree with you, is make them believe that your idea was actually the years. That means it must not look like it came from you, but from within themselves. This is called Krypton Asia, or sometimes referred to as inception, similar to the name of a popular Hollywood film starring Kleiner's DiCaprio, Tom Hardy and other famous sectors. So how does this technique work? It is based on the premise that if you are to direct and straightforward with the person that you are trying to influence, there's a risk that you may scare them away or even turn them against you. So the best way to win over the person's fever is by making some small kings in a very subtle manner and over a certain period of time without revealing your true intentions. It's like planting small seats off your idea into their minds so that they will believe that they are acting on their own initiative. Okay, let's have a look at how this technique off inception or krypton Asia can work on the real life examples. So the first example, is when you want to encourage your child or your friend to start learning, can you foreign language instead of just saying that? Let's say Spanish is a very popular language and that you need to learn it. You can invite him to which a few together about Spain or in Spanish with English subtitles . After a couple of days, let him or here here if you are listening to a famous Spanish song so that he can hear it, too, then maybe offer him to watch an exciting football image and classical between Real Madrid and Barcelona and proposed to be the Spanish speaking country. The other day mentioned the fact that Spanish is spoken in a doubling of countries and is quite popular and easy to learn. So surround that person with everything which is connected with the Spanish language, so that after some time he himself realizes that he wants to learn it. Let's take another example. Imagine your salesperson selling smartphones. Your goal is obviously to make people buy more expensive devices, but how can you do it if the person is choosing between a form with 64 gigabytes and 256 gigabyte memory. Don't try to sell him to conversant 56 gigabyte immediately. Ask him if he plans to take many photos and videos and whether he usually insults many applications and so on. If he says, Okay, I will take a 64 gigabyte model. You can say that's a good choice. Unless you take a lot of photos and videos. This thing can be applied to blank and selling cars. If you're choosing between a sedan, car or SUV, which is obviously more expensive, the core agent may start asking you questions like the often Show your family and kids the often go to the countryside or fishing and so on. You saved your priority or not. So in all these situations, if the shop assistant was to use this technique of inception, he would not try to push you to buy a more expensive model off a smartphone or a car. But instead he would dance around it and ask you some questions or tell some points, which would make you the customer come to the conclusion that you need a more expensive model, and he would end up thinking that it was your old generational choice. Another example, also with choosing a car for the family. Sorry for heaven cannot example of cars, but, as you guessed, it can be applied to anything. So if a wife and the husband want to buy a car, but they disagree about the color the wife wants right one while the husband wants a blue one. One way for the wife to influence the decision would be to start constantly showing your husband different things off right color unintentionally. Not too straightforward. For example, using ca bright red lipstick or changing the desktop on the computer to some picture with red colors for putting some red things around the house and the husband. We'll see this red color everywhere, and his mind will probably get used to this color more and more, and it will be easier to making belief and thread. Color looks really create, and matches are things. One more example. Imagine that you want to convince your partner to open a restaurant, but you know that he's hesitant about this idea. So what can be done? You can go to different restaurants complain that they have so many deficiencies their food is disgusting. The services slow, and many things could do that after some time. See, how good would it be if they had a record intra venue next day? Say that. How good would it be if they had a place to meet with their friends and relatives? Maybe Ego, Which a film where the main character runs his own restaurant and transit successfully, and it makes him happy. Then say that if two of you had a restaurant, you could offer wine or honey from your local region, or that he could offer the dish based on the recipe off. Your partner's grainy and only after all, these small hints and exceptions when the seas of this idea have been planted proposed your partner. Why not open a restaurant ourselves and the final example from my personal experience, which happened to me quite recently. I have a good friend of mine. He's quite communicative and has a lot of different friends of his own. So when we met on different occasions, he would often tell me how other friends of his shares their personal problems with him concerning family life, business issues and so on. Of course, he didn't tell the details of such conversations, and neither did he mentioned the names of our common friends who have these problems. Otherwise it would be unethical of him. But still he made me understand that he is the person with whom other people share their problems, and you can understand others and give a little advice. So when I had a problem connected with my own life, guess whom I asked for help. Of course, these guy, it doesn't mean that he deliberately wanted to influence me and to make me share my own stuff with him. But the just shows how these unintentional clues and hints guide our behaviors and actions , so to sum up in situations where you want someone to do what they wouldn't normally wish to do, the trick is to never directly talk about the idea, instead then surrounded, playing the seats off this idea into the person's mind by talking about similar things or showing something that is connected with it. The goal should be that the person we are trying to convince came of this idea himself and believe that it was their own idea and in their own interests. And if you want to make this inception. Taking more efficient. Don't forget to the patient. If you're Russia, your heenes, and provide them too often, your intention to persuade will become off. There's and the person may reject it even more strongly. But if you take it slow, the idea will form naturally in their mind, and they will believe it. Game all by itself. That's about the inception. Try it next time you want to convince someone and leave your feedback whether it worked or not, see you. 13. Mirroring technique: One of the most effective methods in neuro linguistic programming and the psychology of communication persuasion is the technique of mirroring. As you may have already guessed, it involves mimicking the gestures, behavior and done of your interlocutor like a mirror. The goal of the technique is doing the sympathy of the person. And as we know, people feel sympathy doors those who they resemble. According to a Stanford University study, the mirroring technique shows an increase in social influence over the person you are mirroring. In their research, they proved that people who use this technique and copy it, they are interlocutors. These people convinced interlocutors So their point of view more easily and they were found more attractive. And the interlocutors who are willing to continue communication with them rather than with those who didn't copy them. So what exactly can you copy when communicating with a person? First over the person's gestures, and secondly, he's manner of speaking that is don't end base of this speech will improve communication and so on. Why is the mirroring technique so effective? Because when people see a person who is similar to themselves, they begin to feel more trust or scheme and they become more open and relaxed and are ready to communicate. This often happens on a subconscious level. However, there is one thing which is worth paying attention to. If, for example, the interlocutory changes, he's both do not copy him straight away because the person will immediately notice it and will understand that you are copying or mimicking him in these may even turn out against you. Therefore, wait for dental 15 seconds before you start copying the gesture or the posture and try not to be too obvious. Another thing, in one of the previous lectures we already mentioned that you can also use the same perception method. Perception method is how we predominantly perceived the world, either via our visual or audio or kinesthetic sensors. For example, if a person says listen all the time, It means he's perception method is mostly audio. So you need to also use the word we send most of the time. And if your interlocutor says, well, look all the time, it means his perception method is visual. So try to use this phrase to, you might have a question, but what we should do if they interlocutor takes a closed position, that is his arms or legs are crossed. He doesn't particularly want to talk in this case, to first copy his position by crossing your arms or legs, but then after a short time, gradually start to open. In most cases, the mirroring technique is also likely to work for him and your interlocutor will first subconsciously Notice the similarity, and then we will unconsciously repeat your gestures when you will start unfolding your arms. And when you see that the person started to open, you will be able to more actively promote your agenda. 14. Use Silence to Your Advantage: No one will deny that silence creates an uncomfortable environment during communication. For many of us, the silence hangs over us so that we certainly want to fill that void and we begin to talk, talk anything to get rid of the silence. So especially is to have the skills of persuasion. And just brilliant speakers are well aware of the effect that silence has on people and use this to, for their own purposes of influencing the audience. People understand that the one who fills the void of silence inevitably reviews additional information about himself or about the situation. And all these gives you additional tips on how to behave in order to convince the person. In addition, people who are not afraid of silence away, they are words and deeds are unhurried in their statements and actions. A sense of control and confidence emanate from such people. And this is even more mesmerizing to they are interlocutors. Therefore, even if you're not sure about something, just become an unhurried. And from the outside, it will seem that you, on the contrary are confident. Well, the last argument in favor of silence in Bose's during communication is that you get the opportunity to better listen, analyze the information, and also have time to decide wished negotiation strategy to choose, and what is the best way to convey your message to the person. To summarize, we can say that silence is a very effective tool when communicating with people. Try silence the next time you want to convince the person. Used the silence poses to get additional information, understand the weaknesses of the other people, analyze your tactics and choose the best communication method to advance your agenda. 15. You are the Average of 5 People: Famous American speaker and business coach gene wrong, one set that you're the average of five people you spend most of your time with. The statement can be considered as one of the examples of the law of averages. According to each, the result of any particular situation will be the average of all possible outcomes. So if you surround yourself with people who are known for their strong communication and persuasion skills. And you start to learn from them and tried to copy their skills and things you want to improve in yourself. Then inevitably after sometime, you will achieve their level. I'm sure that such people in your environment will not refuse to give you a useful advice. Simply communicate with you if you ask them to, because they also understand how important networking is and perceive any opportunity to communicate with other people is learning something new for themselves. So do not be afraid to communicate with different people. Tried to notice how they behave, what gestures, words and phrases they use in their communication. Which of their methods seem most effective to you? Also, when communicating, tried to apply the methods that we described in this course for the one that you have learned yourself and see and analyze what are the results of these techniques. 16. Avoid These Mistakes if you Want to Convince People: Let's look into for some of the most common mistakes of persuasion. Steak number one. Too much pressure. This is the most common mistake. If you spare a station techniques to obsessively, it will definitely trigger only negative emotions. Remember that if you want to convince someone in opinion or idea which contradicts his own , you need to amass a certain amount of time and patients varies. Fused the principles and techniques that we have learned in a competent way. And with patients, you guarantee the national results, so there is no need to hurry. State number two insufficient awareness. The methods and principles that we have covered are truly universal. However, you should remember that every person has individual traits of character, and before we start to persuade someone, it's worth getting to know him better. What makes him sympathize? Other people. What annoys him, what his likes and dislikes. What arguments might be more powerful for him, but it's his mood today. What his priorities. If you're well prepared, you're halfway to succeed. Mistake number free. You don't have perspiration. Goals should always know what you ultimately want to get from the person you want to convenes and whether it's worth it. Some people want to win every dispute just for the sake of it. They don't realize that by doing so at the end of the day, they risk losing trust to them from other people. You should have clear goals off what you want to. Chief at the end of the argument, estimated what cost it can be achieved and what our situation techniques will be more useful in this situation. Ideally, you should expect a win win situation in which both parties get what they want. State number four. Lack of sympathy As we mentioned in one of four previous lectures, If you have enough time, the most powerful way to be able to persuade another person on a regular basis is the wind , his or her sympathy. It was to say that the lack of such sympathy will most probably guarantee that you won't be able to influence people so increased the like. In contrast between you and the people you deal with, and then it will be much easier for you to promote your agenda 17. Why Stubborn People are Stubborn: Theo Progress episodes. We talked about different methods. How to influence and persuade other people using such principles as a reciprocation commitment, social proof or for 80 and scarcity. We also learn how to increase the liking and win the sympathy from another person, which will ultimately help us to convince him or her. However, sometimes we need people who are quite difficult to deal with, not to mention persuading them. We call them stubborn because they liked it here strongly to their own opinions or ideas. Sometimes even without interational explanation, they have a strong resistance to change those ideas, especially if such a change is forced by someone else. You're in goal lifetime. Everyone has come across a stubborn person. Perhaps we ourselves sometimes displayed unseen stubborness before suggesting certain tips . How to convince really stubborn people. It's worth mentioning the reasons of their stubbornness in different cases, it buying the different reasons. And you shouldn't unravel them before you choose what strategy to use in your conversation with such people. Well, we have to start from the understanding of human nature. Person's behavior is based among other factors on two important drivers either seeking carry word or trying to avoid pain in other words, either on the desire to get the benefit or on a fear off, having difficulties, problems and paying in the future. Let's start with the first driver that is seeking their award. Sometimes a person may be stubborn because he knows that it will help him to get what he wants. This strategy displayed by most Children, where they used to burn it as a tool to get the desired thing partners giving and allow their child to do what she wants. And the child will realize that this strategy works, and we'll continue behaving like that in future. Spoiled Children often used this strategy, and other people are stubborn because they want to avoid pain resulting from the need to change their Ural habits. For example, a wife will not want to move to another town after your husband because it will be difficult for here to part with your old friends and find new ones, especially if she's an introvert. That's why she will be very stubborn and your desire to stay where she leaves another representation of a pain avoiding attitude is when a person has a high self esteem and he doesn't want to change his beliefs and opinions because it will mean that he was wrong and he will suffer from the feeling that he's a forage and reputation might be damaged. One more reason why a person might be stubborn is because he has a hidden feeling of hostility towards year, maybe in the past, because him some sort of troubles. And now he wants to irritate you by displaying his stubbornness towards your opinion, which can help release that hidden feelings of hatred and hostility. Apart from these regions, here are some more white person can be so stubborn. The person has a secret or something he's embarrassed about and he doesn't want to talk about it. No matter what you say, he will not give you a clear explanation why he behaves like that and doesn't want to agree with you. The person wants to be free off authorities and two orders. He will not agree with you just because it will mean for him that he has surrendered to another person and it will diminish his self esteem. The person might have a strong desire for attention. He will resist agreeing with other people just because he wants them to pay him more attention. The person may just have some sort of brain damage, and he cannot understand the idea properly. I believe in this scenario. He cannot be blamed for his behavior, some of the main factors of being stubborn. However, as I said, the reasons can be completely different. Sometimes it's worth asking the person directly what causes him to be so stubborn. It might help him to self reflect on his behavior, and he may even start act increasing nobly. 18. Strategies on How to Deal with Stubborn People: it's really difficult to deal with stubborn people because they can be annoying, stressful and driving crazy. However, if you have to consider it as an opportunity for you to develop your strength and power situation skills, there are certain prone strategies that will help you to convince even the most stubborn person you may need to combine them at times for best results. In the previous lecture, we get to know the possible reasons of a person being stubborn keeping in mind those reasons, coupled with the tips which are going to learn now, will help you to feel more comfortable when dealing with such people. First the full Resist the temptation to engage in an argument with stubborn person. Do not say back your impulsive opinions, especially using a high pitched voice, and never tried to tell him that he's wrong. This can make things worse. The more you insist, the more he will reject year instead, try to understand his opinion, however wrong it might seem to you and tell him that his opinion is important, then, asking politely to respect your opposing opinion as well present your opinion calmly and with respect. Second, have it like a business negotiation. If the person is in a hurry, ordering some important tasks, do not destruct him. Instead, try to find the time suitable for both a few and take a conversation to a table. But each of you will be able to present your ideas clearly. Time is really important here if you're going to talk to him and make sure that he's not hungry. If you're talking to a woman, check out What's your mood today if she stressed out or calm, Although these doesn't guarantee that the person will agree with you on everything but three such temporary factors as hunger and anxiety will not increase stubbornness on these day and moment. Next, be patient. Stubborn people are like not shells. It takes time to open their minds. Sometimes you need to have a number of talks with them so that they start listening to you in each of the stocks, be called impatient and deliver your ideas in small portions. Stubborn people do not want to listen to opinions other than theirs, so be patient and plan the seats off your own opinion, creditably and steadily. After some time, they will get used to these new ideas, and their mind will start thinking whether the supposing ideas might even be better than the years. Fourthly, deal smartly with their eager, stubborn People are usually very egocentric. They hate being crunk. That's why they will never change their opinions if it will imply that they were completely wrong. So when you deal with stubborn people, try to make them feel good about themselves. Tell them that they always come up with such good ideas, and they have done a really great job. Give them some flattery first, and they will be more likely to behave in a more positive way to you. And we listen to what you're saying. In the past lecture, we mentioned that the stubborn person may be driven by a reward for seeking to the opinion , which will bring them at most benefits. So when you want to pursue it, a stubborn person tried to present some ideas off how your opinion will benefit them at the end of the day. In fact, the best way to persuade stubborn people is to show them that your opinion was actually theirs. This trick is quite difficult to perform, but it's really powerful. Give them some hands and try to handle the conversation in such a way that they will have an impression that it was them who came up with this bright new idea. Finally, a very useful technique to per se. The stubborn person is to ask him, Do you want to know the truth, or do you want to defend your thoughts and beliefs whatsoever? Most people will acknowledge that they want to know the truth, of course, because they don't want a beer interational after that start to present some strong arguments, in fact. But remember to be sensitive to their feelings to show that you understand that your ideas might be difficult to realize, you may say things like, I also found it hard to believe when I first recorded or it's painful to hear that. But this is it, or I know it's difficult to change our minds or yes, this is country to what we have got used. If you're open and keeps resisting to the obvious, facts remind him that he agreed he wanted to know the truth. In conclusion, it's nicer to remember that some people make their decisions based exclusively on emotions , so if you stick only on logical arguments. It will not always help when you have argument, especially stubborn people. So we want to convene your ideas to another person and he want to pursue it. He more here, in your opinion, try to use logic and emotions hand in hand. It means provides logical effects and at the same time be compassionate, try to understand the feelings off another person and tried to use different approaches because people are different. What works for one might not work for another and remember to be patient, because persuasions off a difficult person can take quite a long time. 19. Conclusion: So let's sum up what we have learned so far. People's actions, choices and decisions are usually triggered by certain factors. External circumstances, or even the way you speak to them may define whether they will agree or six their own ideas . If you know and can use these factors, you'll be able to persuade people much easier. The main factors, or we may call them the principles of persuasion are called reciprocation, commitment, social proof, liking authority and scarcity. Reciprocation principle means that if you want to convince someone at first, do something good to him, for example, give him a compliment present or off her help. The person will feel obliged to do something good to unit returned. And then you can ask him what you want. It will be difficult for him to refuse. Commitment. Principle means that people want to be consistent with their values and self image. That's why if you want to persuade a person in some idea, show him that this idea corresponds to his values, we use social proof to show that a lot of people support the idea which you're proposing. Most people prefer to follow the crowd as they're afraid to be outsiders according to the principle off liking. You tend to agree with the person because something can come on review, whether disappearance or your interest. If you don't have anything in common, then it's better to win the sympathy off the person you want to convince by finding common ground or behaving like a friend and using the same perception. Tools Authority principle is similar to the principle of social proof. We tend to believe two people who display authority because we think that they can be wrong . So if you want to persuade someone, you should either display for it yourself or refer to the authority figures such a celebrities or scientists. Scarcity principle means that if you don't do anything now, you'll regret about it in the future. So if you want to persuade someone, you should explain that this is the last a unique chance that you need to make up your mind as soon as possible. And if you remain indecisive, another person will do it. When do you include stubborn people? First and foremost, we should try to understand the reasons behind their sub earners. Even consistent this region's it will be easier to choose your strategy off approaching this person. Whatever reason there might be should also remember some general tips of how to deal with stubborn people. Always stay calm and be respectful to your open and try to make them feel good about themselves because they usually have high self esteem and tend to be anger centric. And if you want to convince people effectively, have clear persuasion goals, avoid exerting too much pressure on them, establish sympathy and get us much information as possible about the person and what ideas he has in mind. Well, I hope you enjoyed the scores and already started to implement the perspiration, techniques and principles that we have covered. I wish a productive and beautiful day and hope to see you in the upcoming courses.