Mindset For Success | Justin V. | Skillshare

Mindset For Success

Justin V., Mental coaching

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5 Lessons (26m)
    • 1. Welcome + the need to be 'perfect'

    • 2. Why you don't connect to other people

    • 3. Relationships can lose your focus

    • 4. Accept your past

    • 5. What is confidence


About This Class

Get now the right mindset for reaching all your goals. All the videos are straight from real therapy sessions that I got. Ive got my own style and I learn self development. 


1. Welcome + the need to be 'perfect': Welcome to the first video. My name is Justin. I'm mental coach and I started with YouTube videos to make the world hopefully a better place. I'm from the Netherlands. I think you can hear that Amazing Dutch accents. I cannot help it. But I'm gonna do my best for it. You know, nobody's perfect. I am not perfect. So I have to deal with this as well. And I started with mental coaching because I also struggled a lot with many things like, What do I want in my life? Who am I? How do I want to act? What kind of man do I want to be? And maybe you're thinking or but you're just 25. What do you mean, life experience? It's just a number. I'm also young, so I understand also the new generation, like they have to deal with social media. They have to deal with all the phones that the options that they have. I'm from 94. So I'm kinda in between. I have seen the world without all the technology and I I know now how it works. Toe Have a phone in your hand 24 7 and life is not getting easier with it. And in this videos are one. Ah, discuss of interesting topics. Like, for example, emails that I receive, or maybe some clients that ask me questions. And YouTube is a great thing. Teoh spread my message and I'm not gonna make my FiOS too long because no one is gonna listen to a guy longer than five minutes on YouTube. So I received an email from a guy and, ah, he was in his late thirties. He already had a good career. He had his family, he had his house, you know, he had the life he actually wants before. But now he said things like, I'm struggling to be a man. I'm struggling to be, ah, perfect man for for my Children, for my wife. And this is actually a really interesting topic because many men are struggling with the fact that they have to be still Ah, the big man. Like I'm watching a serie it goes Vikings and, uh, here, the man with the big beards. They take care of their family off the Children off everyone, they lead everything. So the society is telling us that there's no space for emotions a lot of men think that they have to be a man like this and actually most off the time. I think it's a good idea to be the Alfa man in the family off course. But don't forget to look into the mirror like you can take care off a lot of things like your family, your Children. But I am pretty sure that we as a man, we have not to forget that we also have emotions, and once in a while you should talk about it. I think also with friends is not always a good idea because they will support you as a friends. They will look at you as a friend. So you need someone who is maybe independent. Ah, like a coach psychologist. Once in a while, I'm pretty sure that everyone has to go to a psychologist even if you're not depressed or sounding just by giving some advice like, Hey, how do you see things in life? And it opens maybe new doors for you. And once in a while you should look back on what makes me happy. I've received this Look back, you know, it goes step by step and you don't have to be a perfect father. The only thing is that you have to take care of the relationship, that you because no one is perfect and everyone got the rights not to be perfect. And we forget now that the society has changed. It's not only the man who take care of the family. We see now that more woman get better job. It's equal. So it also means that we still can be the Alpha Man. But we can also talk about emotion like, Hey, how do we actually feel? What makes us happy and take time for yourself? Don't overrate the fact that you have to do everything perfect because perfect doesn't exist. And sometimes you feel like you want to read something. What doesn't exist, and that makes you really unhappy. Toby, the alpha male. They have to be the strongest in their family, and they forget to look at their emotions. And when you forget about your own emotions, you're gonna lose yourself if you have some questions. If you want to send me an email, maybe I can discuss this as well in a video. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you have a great day here in the Netherlands, where you have only storm outside and the weather doesn't make us happy as well. But it's good to be positive, Think about yourself and think about what makes you have. 2. Why you don't connect to other people: Welcome back today. We have a really interesting welcome back Today. We have a really interesting topic. A guy sent me an email about why he don't connect to other people. And what's the reason? People maybe ignore him a bit when he's on social defense and his name is Thomas and he's sending me an email like, Hey, Justin, I'm struggling with something. Ah, I followed some advice what I saw on the Internet. And when I'm on the social Ethan, he feels like people are ignoring. It feels like, um, people don't want to get don't talk to them or they feel he's not getting these deep conversations with people, even if he wants, because this guy's a great guy. And the whole problem is that there is too much advice on the Internet for people. We get a lot of rules, like how to act in situations what to say to a girl when you meet her for the first time, and the problem is, is that we're gonna live like a robot like we gonna think, OK, I'm now in the situation. What did the guy on YouTube told me? I have to say that after status and after a while, people gonna feel that you are not yourself. You cannot connect with people if you're not, if you're not able to be 100% yourself and this is the whole problem. Because if you talk to someone and you make phrases or you're gonna say things, what is not totally you, they feel that they feel your energy. And I know it's hard and sometimes kind of embarrassing to express yourself at the way you want to do that, we feel like, Oh, maybe they're gonna like what I'm telling them or if they don't care, maybe about my opinion. Maybe I say something wrong. So you you create a kind of comfort zone for you. You are in the safe zone like I I I want something. But I didn't accept myself and I have learned in the last years because I had totally the same and ah, it's normal. You know, you are going to think that you are may be weird if you express yourself, but actually you should always say what you want. If you are in ah social defense, you have the right to talk. You have the right to express your own feelings 3. Relationships can lose your focus: What do you mean you lost? Focus. You really lost your focus with boy. Explain your problem. Ah, so you just had a relationship on now you lost your focus. You are not going to the gym anymore. Ah, so you are telling me you lost your focus on your own lives when you started a relationship ? A lot of guys make this mistake. And for a woman, this can be a really turn off. Because after a while, you make your own life. Not your priority anymore. But you make her your priorities. And that can be a really turn off for girls. Because I can understand. When you are just in a relationship, you love each other so much You want to be together 24 7 But after a while, you're going to see Okay, I gained some fat. My muscles are going away. I'm not going to the gym anymore. And it happens a lot that you see, couples always gain some weight after they started our relationship. And the consequences can be really big. Because for some woman, it can be a turn off that you are not seeing your friends anymore. That you are not going to the gym anymore like you did before. Maybe she really liked your body when she started dating you. And if you're gonna lose it, if you're gonna lose your focus, she will also lose interest about you. And if you going to stay home with her every day, you say to her actually that you are not mysterious anymore. She already got you. But it's really important if you started a business. If you are going to school, if you are going to the gym, you should always take time for yourself. Because girls love a man who was kind of mysterious. They lost the challenge. And if you're gonna leave, lose it. What? I really can't understand. Because you are in love with the girl. You wanna hang out all the time. But this is a way off insecurity. And now maybe you're gonna hate me by saying this, but you're gonna feel insecure if you let her alone. That maybe some guys are gonna text her. You you become or the guy who's going Hey was texting you. You gonna act insecure? You don't focus on your own life anymore because you want to protect your own property, and that's a really big, big mistake. And for a lot of woman, it can be a turn off. And she needed gone. End the relationship because you are not mysterious anymore. You make her priority and the ambition that you had the mysterious thing, what you had, you all lost it because you gave her Oh, so it's really important to focus always on yourself and not only in relationships also with friends. You shoot exact that you need to be independent if you If you want to become strong and that's our biggest quality you can have. You can date a girl you can focus on your life. But she felt in love because of your ambition. About your body may be about the way how passionate you are. But if you're gonna lose because of her, she lost interest. So keep always in mind. Stay independent. Even when you are in a relationship, never lose your focus on yourself. Go to the gym, focus on your business and keep that mysterious way that you had before. Because girls love that. You focus on yourself and they need the challenge. It's better to have some Reald dates after you have a relationship than that. You are hanging out every day sitting on the so far watching Netflix all day because a girl gets bored really easy. So my advise is is to keep dating, surprise her with nice things. And beside of that, you have to focus on your own life. So don't lose your focus anymore. I don't want to see it again. And now go to the gym. 4. Accept your past: today we talk about something. What I think most people can relate. And it's about being angry at your parents and look back to your past, a grill, sending me a message. And she had some problems with her father on her whole child, who she didn't felt protected. And at one point in our life, we're gonna be a little bit mad at our parents. We kind of blame them a bit for the struggles we have now. And what is happening is when we are young, we are just a product of our parents. They told their ideas about life. We were not able to think for ourselves. We were so dependent on them, they protected us. So we grew up like we need someone for protection. We need someone who make choices for us. But when we become 18 or 19 in every country, it's kind of different. When we leave the house, we're gonna think we're gonna live by ourselves. We gonna realize that Hey, but I see feet things differently than my parents. You're gonna have your own opinion about life, about how you see the society about everything. So you're gonna push them a bit away in European, you become a little bit mad at them, but you have to realize is that they just did their best for you. And it's not in every case, the same. Every house has his little problems. And if you feel now bad, it's mostly because now you are a bit scared to be independent. You don't have a leader for your choices anymore. And this girl, she didn't felt protected by her parents. And she is now 21. And the most important thing is when your past was kind of hard for you is that you shoot exact what happened? Because if you look back all the time like oh, he did did this thing's wrong? I hope he did this. We're going to stay in the past all the time, but it is important to exact what happened. If you are now in your twenties, you should be strong now by yourself, and you are able to make your own choices. And even if you think it's maybe the wrong choice, you are not sure in this part of your life. Just follow your feeling, and I suggest if you don't feel right at this point, you should make a big change in your life. Like go to another city. Go traveling alone. I really suggest for everyone who is in their twenties or a bit before. When you leave the house before you're going to study juice account. You want to visit and go by yourself because you're gonna find yourself in a different way . They're totally independence. You have to make your own choices. It's super scary, but you're gonna learn Ah, love and it makes you super strong and addled. So I really suggest toe everyone was blaming their parents. Just accept the way how they are. They are not perfect. They did maybe things wrong. But now it's time to continue and live your own life because life is not a race. And you gonna maybe compare yourself toe other families like Oh, I wish I had a family like that, but everyone got their own problems. Even death Family who looks so perfect with Christmas on Instagram really trust me exempt effect that you may be missed something, but now it's time to live by our own, how you want it, and you should delete all negative people out of your life because you don't need anyone. You really trust me. You don't need anyone to be happy and exact your past except the way how your parents are. But this is the only way to use your past in a positive way. Life is just a lesson, and they are. The life is just testing us, testing us all the time. So I hope when your best was kinda hard, use it a something positive. I hope you became stronger because of it. And don't blame your parents anymore. Just focus on yourself because that's the most important. 5. What is confidence: I just came from a lecture, and I don't know if you have the same of my concentration level. Sometimes so low after two hours. I'm like, When is it time to leave? But okay, I really like to go home. Teoh, do something by myself. I think it's also really important that you make your home a really nice place to come back after your lecture, your work or whatever, that you come home and that you really have the home feeling. You know, it has to be a great place to be for you today. I want to talk about confidence because I think a lot of people have searched and Google or a new troop, and they type in how to get more confidence. And what you have is mostly a list off a lot of points that you have to work on like your body language, that you always have to sit straight, that you have to use your lower voice against woman or that you have to say some phrases that you show you have confidence. But actually confidence is not something what you have in one day. It's not something you can fake because people can feel that you're not confident even if you play like it. Because your fake confidence is mostly that you become arrogance, that you think that you are better than someone else. But that's not confidence. Actually, confidence is a lifestyle. You have to work on yourself. It survive. You have when you walk on the street and you are on your purpose. You have your own business. You go to school. You are focusing on your own lives. You don't need anyone for your happiness. Confidence is also seeing progress on your own journey to success. Like if you go to the gym, for example, after a while, you will see some progress. When you look into the mirror. Did gives you confidence. Confidence is also learning from mistakes because a lot of people, when they feel they or maybe ah woman is rejecting them, they're gonna think like Oh, no, I'm not good enough. They're gonna sit back and they give up. If you're confident you see the obstacles in life and you know you have to fight for something you're not like Oh, yeah, I will do that. It's no problem for me. That's no confidence you. It's not like I am the best. I'm the better than you and everything you know, because you're not the best. You know, you have to think you're learned. It's also with behavioral therapy is that you have to be objective and it's really important to know. Okay, I want to read some success in my business. Maybe I'm gonna fail, but at one point I'm going to reach it. That is conference. When you walk on the streets and you have a goal in your life or you need a woman, you don't need her for your happiness, and it shows that you are really independent. Confidence is also when you are able to be alone in the weekends that you can work totally independent by yourself, that you can be alone. I think this society tells is that we have to get a lot of friends and you have to be with everyone. You have to be so sure. But if you become really strong, you have to fight alone. When you have a goal in your life, you know what you want, not what someone else is telling you all the time. If you believe in yourself. That is confidence. It's a process you have to work for years to watch your words like what I'm actually saying to myself, What are my talks? Recognize them. Also exact the fact that you are not perfect. Someone who is confident, exact the imperfection off themselves and from other people. Or don't judge Joe. Just focus on yourself and your own life, and you don't need anyone, but that you create your own happiness. Living positive is not that you have to be happy. 24 7 positive can be also that you have a bad day. You exacted. You know what? You recognize it, but you can think automatically. Okay, today's Beth, but tomorrow is going to be better.