Leading Effective One-on-One Meetings: Practical Skills | Mike Clayton | Skillshare

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Leading Effective One-on-One Meetings: Practical Skills

teacher avatar Mike Clayton, Business Speaker and Author

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

25 Lessons (1h 44m)
    • 1. One on One Meetings Promo

    • 2. Welcome to the Course

    • 3. Why One on One Meetings are so Important

    • 4. Reasons to Meet

    • 5. Types of Conversations

    • 6. Planning your One on One Meetings

    • 7. How to Prepare for Your Meeting

    • 8. Preparing your Agenda

    • 9. The Five Stages of a Meeting

    • 10. Meeting Room Layout

    • 11. Rapport Building Skills

    • 12. The Male Female Dynamic

    • 13. The Male Female Dynamic from Him

    • 14. The Male Female Dynamic from Her

    • 15. Questioning Skills

    • 16. Listening Skills

    • 17. Staff focused One on One Meetings

    • 18. Checkpoint Meetings

    • 19. Informal Feedback Meeting

    • 20. Formal Appraisal Meetings

    • 21. Difficult Conversations

    • 22. Coaching Meetings

    • 23. Mentoring Meetings

    • 24. Giving a Reprimand

    • 25. Last Thoughts

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About This Class

You'll Learn Everything a Manager Needs to Know to Maximize the Value of One-on-One Time

Do you need to lead one-on-one meetings in your workplace?

If you do, then you will know it is your responsibility to make them comfortable for both of you, and also an effective use of time.  

One-on-One Meetings Serve Many Purposes

They may be for   

  • Goal setting¬† ¬†

  • Performance review ‚Äď formal and informal¬† ¬†

  • Tasking and progress monitoring¬† ¬†

  • Briefing¬† ¬†

  • Problem-solving and addressing issues¬† ¬†

  • Care and support¬† ¬†

  • Guidance¬† ¬†

  • Coaching or mentoring¬† ¬†

  • Performance feedback¬†

…Even reprimands      

But often, people get promoted to a level where they need to lead these kinds of meeting, without getting any training.   

So, in this course, we’ll cover:

  • The different types of one-on-one meeting¬† ¬†

  • Planning and preparing your meeting¬† ¬†

  • Putting together an effective agenda¬† ¬†

  • How to build rapport¬† ¬†

  • How men and women each perceive a mixed meeting ‚Äď with advice for each¬† ¬†

  • How to listen well¬† ¬†

  • Questioning skills¬† ¬†

  • How to adapt to the range of meeting types you‚Äôll need as a manager, project manager, or team leader.


 As a result, you’ll be able to:

  • Select the most effective style for your one-on-one meeting

  • Plan and prepare for an effective meeting that puts both of you at ease, and allows you to make the progress you need

  • Lead a meeting that flows naturally

  • Choose the most suitable room layout for your meeting

  • Build and strengthen professional rapport with the other person

  • Avoid the traps of the male-female one-on-one dynamic

  • Listen deeply, and ask insightful questions

  • Lead a range of different types of one-on-one meeting, for: appraisal, progress checking, coaching, mentoring and reprimands.


Prior Experience   

The only prior experience you need is some exposure to organizational life.   

However, the people who may find this most valuable are those who have tried leading their first one-on-one meetings and so know what challenges you want to work on..   


Who is this course for?   

  • Supervisors who need to guide and support colleagues

  • Managers who need to set expectations, and monitor performance

  • Professionals who need to meet with other professionals and workplace contacts

  • Leaders who want to coach, mentor, and give feedback to colleagues

  • ... anyone in the world of work who has to take the lead in a one-on-one meeting


Your Tutor: Dr Mike Clayton

Your tutor is Dr. Mike Clayton. As a senior manager at international consulting firm, Deloitte, Mike had to deal with many different types of one-on-one meetings with staff, and with clients. But more important, as a senior representative of his firm and a program leader, he needed to get those meetings right.   

Now, as a trainer and facilitator, he has been applying what he learned and teaching it to others. This course represents 15 years' experience of what tools students find most helpful, and 25 years experience in business, managing one-on-one meetings.  

Mike is supported by Felicity Dwyer   

Felicity is an experienced management trainer and coach, whose Institute of Leadership and Management accredited courses have a justifiably high reputation across the UK.   

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Mike Clayton

Business Speaker and Author


Hello, I'm Mike.

I'm a business trainer, consultant, author and speaker. Over the last 15 years, I have trained many thousands of supervisors, managers, leaders, and professionals.

Since 2002, I've been helping professionals, managers and leaders to excel in their roles with management, leadership, and personal effectiveness training.

I have written over a dozen books for major publishers like Wiley, Macmillan and Pearson, including: Powerhouse, How to Manage a Great Project, How to Speak so People Listen, Brilliant Time Management, and The Influence Agenda.

My professional background is 12 years as a project management professional with the London office of international management consultancy Deloitte. Prior to that, i had an academic career in Physics, wor... See full profile

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1. One on One Meetings Promo: welcome to leading effective one on one meetings. This is where you learn to lead your one on one meetings, to make both of you comfortable and to deliver the results that you want. My name's Mike Plate and I've been a manager and senior manager led one on one meetings for many years. I've also trained many hundreds of managers in all aspects of management and professional communication. And finally, I'm converting all of my management and leadership training the video programs like this. I'm joined by experienced management trainer Hope for Listed wire. Who's Ireland? Accredited training programs have a justifiably high reputation across the UK Hello. We've designed this course for managers, team leaders, supervisors, project managers, punitively one on one meetings with their colleagues and stuff. By the end of this program, you'll have the confidence to plan and lead an effective meeting. We'll be teaching you how to plan and prepare well to set up effective meetings from the start. We'll also be looking at house conduct your meat. I will be taking you through the essential skills that you'll need and also giving you tips about how to conduct all of the different kinds of one on one meetings that you'll need is a manager meeting room layout. How to ask great questions on how to listen carefully to the answers you get. We'll talk about men and women in a meeting and give advice to each. And finally we'll talk about House would act generic meetings to the specific needs of coaching, mentoring, feedback, appraisals and even rep remote. The ideal student for this course is either a manager or supervisor or project manager already or expecting to be soon. But if you've got any experience of organizational life, then you'll get loads out of this course. So take a look at the detailed description we look forward to working with you on the inside. 2. Welcome to the Course: welcome. Two leading effective one on one meetings. I'm Mike Layton on I'm your Primary Trainer for this course. I'm, Ah, former senior manager with Deloitte Consulting, and I've spent the last 15 years training managers, supervisors, leaders and professionals like you. I've written 14 books, and I've developed a number of video training courses just like this one. By the end of this course, you will be able to plan and prepare for effective one on one meetings. You'll be able to conduct those meetings with confidence, making sure that you and the other person are completely comfortable. And we'll take you through techniques that would enable you to get the best out of your meetings. And you'll learn about a range of different one on one meetings that you're likely to encounter a need to lead. So what are the topics you're gonna learn about? Let's take a look. You'll learn about the different types of one on one meeting, planning on preparing your meeting, putting together an effective agenda. You learn about how to build report and how men and women each perceive a mixed meeting with advice From each. You learn how to listen well, you learn questioning skills. And, finally, how to adapt to a range of meeting types that you'll need as a manager, a project manager, a team leader or ever for a professional. In this course, I'll be joined by philistine Dwyer. Felicity is an experienced trainer with 15 years of experience running professional management training throughout the UK Her accredited island programs are highly regarded, and I look forward to working with Felicity on this program, and you'll also be able to practice your skills throughout this program. We've got preparation exercises, reflections and self assessments for you to carry out as you learn the skills of leading effective one on one meetings. So I look forward to taking you through all the skills you need. Let's get started. 3. Why One on One Meetings are so Important: in this lecture. I want to talk about why one on one meetings is so important. But before we do that, let's consider what your role is as a team leader. Ah, manager, a supervisor Ah, project manager or a professional working with a team of people because a large part of your role is about leading that team on. There's a lot said about what it takes to be a leader, but I like to boil it down to four essentials of team leadership. The first of these is the individual. You need to get to know and respect each individual within your team, because the power of your team comes from the diversity of the individuals within it. Secondly, you need to make sure that you have a plan, and they are able to follow that plan on that. Each of your team members fully understands their role within that plan. Thirdly, you need to create a team spirit, a sense of cohesion amongst your team, where each feels part of something important, and he's prepared not only to commit their efforts, so what they're doing but to hold one another accountable and finally the fourth essential of leading a team is to make sure that the team communicates well amongst themselves. Now, why am I saying that? I'm telling you this because for me, the first essential Vitti is the individual. And that's where one on one meetings coming because one on one meetings are your primary mechanism for leading and managing at the individual level. Whether it's a short one minute interaction in the corridor or a longer one hour deep conversation, somewhere private and confidential, one on one meetings are hugely valuable to you. Let's list some of the reasons taking the time for a one on one meeting sends a strong signal that you care about the other person and you care about their development and their contribution. It gives you an opportunity to recognize that contribution. It's a chance for you to help to develop that person, to give them recognition for their successes and to correct some of them steaks. It's often an opportunity for a formal appraisal, but equally for informal feedback, it's a chance to coach or two meant of them to help them resolve problems that they're encountering in their workplace. You can give guidance, assess performance, set expectations and ultimately celebrate successes. One on one bill, one on one. Meetings are a vital part of organizational life, and they're a vital part of your role as a leader. 4. Reasons to Meet: in this video. I'd like to talk about some of the reasons why you might want to hold one to ones now. Lately, want ones have become fashionable in the workplace, and for good reason. You're focusing on your staff members on their priorities, their goals, their motivation and their concerns. And there's evidence to show that this could help improve performance, effectiveness and motivation. So in a little more detail, here is some of the reasons why you might sit down and have a one on one. You might want to set goals. The more you can involve your member of staff in setting their own gold on priorities and planning their work, the more likely it is that those goals will be achieved. You might want to conduct a performance review either an informal reflection on how something has gone, a project or piece of work or a more formal performance review, perhaps an annual Reprisal. You might need to give a staff member a briefing on a piece of work by briefing 1 to 1. You can make sure that you're giving that staff member the information that's relevant to them, and they can ask questions and you can respond, so you make sure that you fill in the gaps in their knowledge and give them the information they need to know not just a generalized piece of information about what you think they might need to know. You might use one or one's during a project for task and progress monitoring. Just to make sure things are on track, you might want to use a meeting specifically for problem solving or troubleshooting to sit down and identify some creative ways to approach and overcome obstacles. And you might want to meeting for coaching or mentoring to help somebody overcome a challenge they're facing or to reflect about their own career and professional development . Sometimes you might even need to sit down and provide some kind of reprimand if something really isn't working out. These are just some of the reasons why you might call a 1 to 1 meeting with a member of staff. Once you're clear on the reason why your meeting, then you can think about how you plan and prepare for that meeting 5. Types of Conversations: meetings consist of conversations on in this video. I want to talk about the types of conversation that make up a meeting, and there are five of them. The first is a conversation for possibility, and this is the most creative type of conversation. It's where we discuss what we could do. Conversations for possibility tend to be free flowing on the best, conducted in an informal atmosphere. The second type of conversation is a conversation for opportunity, and this is a little bit more formal than a conversation for possibility, because this is where we start to make choices. We identify the relative merits of the possibilities we may have already discovered, and we weigh them up and come to decisions. The third type of conversation is a conversation for action, and a conversation for action is where we get things done. Meetings with conversations for action tend to be practical. They get things done. We leave those meetings with a deep sense of satisfaction at having achieved something. Often they're quite informal, but sometimes we need to impose a strict structure on this kind of conversation to make sure we work through our agenda and get everything done that we need to. The fourth type of conversation is a conversation for relationships, and these are the types of conversations where we develop and strengthen and build relationships. We do that by talking about things that are important to each other on by sharing information that is relevant to the people in the conversation. On the fifth type of conversation is a conversation for ritual meetings that contain conversations for ritual tend to be a complete waste of time. Because conversations for ritual happened because they've always happened. We do them for no better reason then that we've always done them a great way to free up time in your organizational life is to identify meetings, which are largely conversations for ritual. We're very little is done. There's no discussion of creative ideas. There's no decision making. There's no actions taken, and there's no dissemination of good quality information or relationship building. We're just going through the motions for your one on one meetings. Conversations for possibility, opportunity for actions and for relationships all have a place on. One meeting may consist of a number of different conversations, but a one on one meeting, which is purely a conversation for ritual is a waste of your time, and it's a waste of the other person's time. Don't do it. Instead, design one on one meetings, which have valuable conversations on my top tip, is to mark the transitions from one conversation to another by taking a pause and summarizing where you've got to and just mentioning the objectives of the next conversation , the next part of your meeting. So as we go through all the ideas, the skills and the advice we've got for you on helter structure and conduct effective one on one meetings, bear in mind these five types of conversation and how to make them a useful contribution. So the time you spend in your one on one meeting. 6. Planning your One on One Meetings: I want to talk about how you can plan on effective one on one meeting because they don't happen by accident. On the first and most obvious thing to, according to your plan, is when you're gonna have the meeting, the date and the time and then think about the place where it's appropriate, hold your meeting. The most important consideration when thinking about the place is where you will both feel comfortable having the kind of conversation that you know you want. Tohave. Once you've thought about the location, you could start to think about the layout. You may also want to think about whether it's appropriate to have any form of hospitality. Glasses of water, I think, are given. But is it appropriate to include teas and coffees, biscuits, four course meals? The works? Realistically, we're talking about tea and coffee and maybe a biscuit. And finally make sure that in your planning you include plenty of time to prepare for your meeting. Because if your one on one meeting is to be valuable, you need to take it seriously enough to prepare for it, and we'll be giving you plenty of tips and advice as we go through this program through your time as a manager or as a project manager or team leader. The most common types of one on one meetings were likely to have are simple employee focused one on one meetings. So planning thes is going to be a big part of your management life. It makes sense to set up a regular cycle. And if you're gonna keep each individual team member motivated, enthusiastic toe work on their development and support them through the problems or the successes they're having in their workplace, you need to meet frequently enough so that you and they can remain constantly in touch over things that matter to them in their work life. So for most managers, a monthly cycle is going to be appropriate. That's not to say there won't be times when you choose to go for a more frequent meeting cycle, or perhaps the span of control that you have. All your work patterns dictate that you need to meet less frequently than monthly. The other thing that's worth thinking about is how long you want one on one meeting to last for regular employees focused one on one meetings, something between 45 minutes in an hour is usually about right. If you squeeze it to below 45 minutes, then it makes it very hard for you to share meaningful information on for your employees to feel really comfortable in opening up about the things that may be troubling them in the workplace. If you let the meeting go on too long, however, it can lose its proportional value. But there are other meetings that your conduct, which don't demand as long as an hour for some, which made amount longer than our so in planning your meeting, think about the appropriate duration as well. So in summary, make sure that you plan your meetings in advance. Get them into your diary and into your staff members diary as soon as possible, and above all else, make sure you owner that meeting. If for any reason you cannot attend, make sure you re schedule it as soon as possible on apologize directly to the employees, because that's the way that you're demonstrated them, that you consider the meeting with them to be a vital part of your role. This damn manager 7. How to Prepare for Your Meeting: in this video, I'm going to talk briefly about preparing for your meeting. The first thing you need to be clear about is a purpose of the meeting. Are you there to set goals? Review progress? Are you there to talk about an employee's learning needs or career development? Are you there Toe trouble show tour deal with something that's gone wrong. Do you need to get some feedback? Once you're clear about the purpose of the meeting, that will help you in your planning. Secondly, you need to think about the desired outcomes for the meeting, and this will, of course, inform the type of conversation you have. Are you there? Toe Generate ideas of possibilities? Are you there to identify solutions and ways forward? Do you need specific agreed actions to come out of the meeting? And what about the relationship? Any meeting with a staff member ideally should help deepen the understanding between you, so you know them better and can manage them better, and they feel more trust that they can go to you when they need to. So those four elements may all be present in the meeting. Once you know the purpose and desired outcomes, then you can prepare an agenda that reflects them. Now, if it's one of your regular monthly Oneto ones, you may have a standing agenda, and then you just add and tweak it as appropriate. Or it may be that you need to devise an agenda specifically for that occasion. Then you need to reflect on any previous meetings that are relevant. Make sure that you come to that meeting with the information that you need to contribute and play your part. And finally, you need to make sure that you can make that meeting turn up on time and show the member of staff that you are present. You're there for them on that. This meeting is important to you on to the organization. 8. Preparing your Agenda: in this video. Let's think about how to prepare your agenda because you were gender is an important part of the meeting. It often dictates the success, and I always want to start preparing my gender by thinking about the outcome or the outcomes that I want to achieve. What is the purpose off the meeting and keep it simple. The perfect mason would have just one principle outcome. But if you are going to go for more than one outcome, you then keep the number low. Three is a good number. Once you start getting past four and five, then you're asking for trouble because the amount of time you'll be able to dedicate to each outcome will start to diminish rapidly once you've decided on the outcomes you want. The next thing to do is to design a series of conversations, which will allow you to achieve those outcomes so your principal agenda will look like a series of agenda items that are underpinned by the type of conversation you want tohave in a one on one meeting, though, it's vital that you don't put too much into your agenda because your principal role is to listen and Therefore, you need to allow plenty of time to hear from your colleague. What you may want to do that is to structure an agenda around a series of questions that you want to ask and to explore together. A good tip is to allow about 45 minutes estimated conversation time for a one hour meeting . Uneven Better tip is to never schedule one hour meetings, but always schedule 50 or 55 minute meetings. Is that why you and your colleagues have plenty of time to finish your meeting and prepare for the next one that you probably got in your diary? The next question it often arises, is whether or not to share the agenda. Now my default position is if I'm gonna produce a jet now. My default position is that if I'm going to produce an agenda, I'm going to share it. Why wouldn't I? If I'm going to prepare for the meeting, I want my colleague to asses well, however, for some informal types of meetings, particularly ones where you want to see what comes up and to allow the meeting to be free flowing or in an informal employees lead one on one meeting, where you want the employees to lead the meeting than an outline agenda in your notebook will suffice, and you won't need to share it. Another reason for not sharing the agenda is because you may or may not choose to use some of the questions that you think off. Depends how the conversation float. There are two divergent schools of thought about how to conduct effective meetings as farmers. Flexibility does. Some would say, once you've set an agenda, that's what people are expecting to discuss, and therefore you should stick to it. Anything else that comes up that is relevant to the outcomes you've set park them. And in larger meetings we often have a flip chart sheet or a whiteboard, which we can use as a car park to park issues to return to a future meeting so that we don't get sidetracked. However, in an employee led one on one that would be wholly inappropriate. If they've raised an issue, then my view is you're there to respond to it and to give them time to talk about it. So the opposite point of view is one of maximum flexibility to let the meeting go where it chooses. Of course, as soon as you see two opposite points of view, it should alert you to the fact that neither is right or wrong. They both have their place on part of your preparation. Fuel meeting should be thinking about the extent to which your agenda should be fixed in a meeting on the extent to which you're prepared to abandon it as the meeting progresses. What, having you choose to do that? Thinking through how you want your meeting to go, following some of the preparation advice that for list has already given you is vital. And if you choose to document it, put it into a simple agenda and then decide whether to share it with your colleague. And if you do, let them have it with enough time to prepare properly, just as you've done. 9. The Five Stages of a Meeting: it was a manager. Manage your team leader. You're going to lead very many different types of one on one meetings, and we'll explore a lot of them later in this program. But in this video, I want to give you a generic meeting structure that you can adapt to most types of meetings , and it's a five step structure on. The first step is report, because let's not forget that every meeting, whether it's one on many, all one on one, is a meeting between people, and we need to reestablish the relationship we've got or build it if it's a new meeting with a new colleague. So the first step is about building report, and Felicity will tell you more about that in a later video. But for now, let me just highlight three components that are likely to come into the report building at the start of your meeting. The first is a brief catch up, and the reason we do this is to make sure that topical matters don't sidetrack us during the central part of our meeting. Related to this, sometimes you oil colleague feel the need to offload some burden that you're carrying from your previous meeting or what you've just been doing. The report building stage is a great way to do that, to make sure you can put back down before you start thinking about the important part of the meeting. And finally, an old sales director friend of mine gave me a very useful framework that he uses at the start of every sales meeting with an established relationship. He calls it frogs. Because of the five things that you could talk about just to emphasize the human contact between you and the other person. Frogs stands for friends, mutual friends that you both know all for relatives. If you know about the family of the person you're talking with, you may inquire over their health. We'll follow up on something that you know is happening. Oh, stands for your organization. Talk about what's going on in your organization and G for geography. If you share some area of the country in common, then talking about what's happening, there could be a relevant thing and s stands for social or for some people sport. If there's been some big social event or sporting event that's happened recently, that's another great topic of conversation that just breaks the ice. The second stage of your meeting is the opening. This is where it formerly starts, and there are four things to make sure you cover first, the context or the background or the reason for the meeting. Secondly, sharing the outcomes that you both hope to achieve in your 1 to 1 third is your agenda. Either confirmed that you're both working to the same agenda or set out your proposals. If you've not shared the agenda in advance. And finally, if appropriate, set ground rules for most of your one on one meetings. This won't be necessary. The third stage of your meeting is the conversation or the series of conversations that make up the bulk of your meetings. This is where you achieved the outcomes that you set for yourselves. Follow this by stage for a short six sync summary of what you've discussed. What you've agreed, and the fifth stage of your meeting is where you confirm any commitments that you've made and the actions that you plan to take, including, of course, the work you're going to do to set up the next one on one meeting there may follow in Siris 10. Meeting Room Layout: Are you planning a one on one meeting? You get a room, a venue to hold your meeting when you arrive. How you going to lay that room out? It turns out that the choice of layout the choice of seating or not, or dictate how comfortable you both feeling the meeting. So in this video, I want to go through your principal options. On the first and most obvious option is two chairs and a table. This is the default layout for most organizational meeting rooms. It's where we feel comfortable and familiar, but there's more to two chairs and a table, as we'll see later on in this video. The second option you've got is somewhat more informal. It's what I call a semi formal, out two chairs, but no table. Clearly, this can leave you both feeling more comfortable, but only for the right kind of conversation, because many people actually feel uncomfortable without the barrier of a table between them and their colleague. However, if you want to have a quiet conversation about something important developmental, for example, or a coaching conversation actually removing the table creator level more intimacy, which could be very, very valuable to the conversation. Also, Semiformal is a standing meeting, and these are particularly popular for short, high energy meetings with a lot of people. But they can work well, two for one on one meetings. But they're only really valuable for one on one meetings, which are quite transactional. Where you've got a simple piece of information to impart or share an update. They're not appropriate for deeper conversations because it doesn't allow either party to feel really comfortable. There's a sense that you're going to be moving on fairly soon. The next level of informality is two chairs, but too comfy chairs, a sofa settee, these kind of chase allow us to really relax his ideal for a deep coaching or developmental conversation. Or maybe for ideas, generation in a conversation for possibility. Another level of informality is to move the meeting outside of your organizational meeting rooms. Your organization may have its own cafe, or you may be able to go out to a cafe. Ah, hotel lobby or something like this on this kind of venue is particularly well suited for the off the record kinds of one. On one conversation, you'll move outside of your organization if you want a signal that the things you're talking about are wholly concerned with your day to day work. But let's return to two chairs and a table. Take a look at this lout. What kind of a relationship does this seem to signal to me? The fact that the chairs are facing one another with a table between suggests something of a distance in the relationship and the choice of the long axis for the table and creating a larger physical distance? Emphasises that and to me, create a sensation off hierarchy. One person is trying to exert power over another and often a dominant person. Arranging a meeting like this will also put a window behind them and sit the other person with their back to the door. This is not a layout I would ever recommend for a one on one conversation in an organization. However, quite a common layout has because it's the default of someone sitting at their desk and another person brings their chair up are two people sitting either side of a table across the short distance. This is a formal one on one conversation layout less formal. Is this land here you can see the two people are sitting at right angles to one another. This creates a measure of informality for May. This is my preferred default layout for a table in two chairs. But you can see that the greater the angle between the chairs, the more formal it becomes. And the closer you moved the chairs, the more informal and perhaps intimate the conversation becomes. And so the endpoint of that trend is where we've got two people sitting next to each other , looking together at what's on the table. Conspiratorial, maybe collaborative. Certainly this is the most informal, most collaborative layout. So think about how you arranged the chairs in your one on one meeting. Often, when you go into a meeting room, you feel that you have to take what is given. But I never do. I always look to see. Is it useful to rearrange the layout of the chairs and tables to move some chairs away from a table to make the meeting feel more intimate? Because, ah, whole syriza chairs the large table who just feels like him two chairs moving them against the wall so that they're not to be used. Changes the dynamic just a little bit, but that's what we're about in trying to create an effective one on one meeting, We're trying to make ourselves and the other person as comfortable as possible. So in planning and preparing your meeting and when you turn up, give some thought to the layout of the room that you're going to use where appropriate. Shift that layout and always be concerned to make your colleague feel as comfortable as possible and therefore is free to speak openly as you like. 11. Rapport Building Skills: in this video, I'm going to talk a little bit about report and how you can build report the start of a meeting and during a meeting. So what? His report. But if you watch two people that are really listening and communicating with each other, you're probably noticed that they seem really, really in tune. They use practice, similar language. They seem to really be understanding each other, and this is what you're trying to achieve now. As the manager, you can speed up this process a little bit. I noticing what the other person says, noticing what they do their body language and then adapting what you do so that you can more quickly get in tune with them. So let me give you an example. Mike suggested opening a meeting with some small talk with some general discussion. Now some people love this, and they really need it to get relaxed. So if you ask a question about somebody's friends, family, the weekend sport, whatever the topic is and they respond, allow that conversation to go to for a little time before. Of course, moving on to the agenda. Don't let it drift on too long. But some people might reply with quite short answers, a new consents they're not really interested in in that sort of conversation. So you just pick up on that. You might allow your word in to get a little bit crisper and say, Great, let's get started. And of course, as you know your team member, your get better and better at picking up on their cues. But even with strangers, you can just watch what they do and just pick up on it a little bit. Now there's a couple of specific things you can do. Firstly, when you're listening to somebody you like to acknowledge what they say and often do that just reflect back some of the words they use Now. I'm not talking about parroting the person and just repeating back, because that is annoying. But if somebody said it frustrated, I haven't been able to make progress with this project, and you consents that frustrations important. They just pick up on that. So Okay, I sent you quite frustrated about this, you know, how can we take this for this forward? So it just shows that you really picked up on things that are important to them similarly with body language. So if somebody is quite calm and reserved and you tend to be quite expressed, if then you might actually like to tone down your expression little bit so that you're more in tune with them. Similarly, if you're normally very laid back, but the person's a little bit more lively, you might just like toe met your gestures a little bit bigger. Now again, it's really not about copping or mimicking the other person. It's just about tuning into how they are on just bringing your communication style a little closer to theirs. Another thing is to remember eye contact. No, in most cultures, if somebody speaking it is helpful to look at them now, I'm not talking about fixed stare, which could be off putting. But just relax, look at the person and look at them in the context of their surroundings. Try this. Just looking at someone when the speaking, just relaxing your gaze so you see the person and you see the person in their surroundings that can help you when it comes to listening on when it comes to encouraging the other person to really feel heard. So just just a few ideas to pick up on their cues on, just gently match them with your own. So adjust your words and your body language just to feel a little bit more in. Tune with the other person and just give them the courtesy and respect of gentle eye contact. Try this and see how quickly you can establish rapport with different members of your team . 12. The Male Female Dynamic: in the next couple of videos, we're going to look at the issue off male female dynamics in one on one meetings Now. In an ideal world, it shouldn't be an issue. Two women, two men or man and a woman meeting for one or one professional meeting. But there have been some concerns raised. For example, some men worried about the implications of going into a room and having a one to our meeting with a female colleague and pats insisting on an observer. Or some women feeling a bit uncomfortable, acts if they're having a one on one with a male member of staff that they don't really know in the next couple of videos. My can, I are going to look at this from male and female perspectives. Clearly, we're no experts in the particular culture of your country organization, but we're just going to give some general tips that we hope will be useful and practical when you go into these one on one meetings with a member of the opposite sex 13. The Male Female Dynamic from Him: as a manager, professional or team leader, leading a one on one conversation with a female colleague. One of the things that you need to consider. That's what I'm gonna cover in this video. And let's be absolutely honest, because it is uncomfortable sometimes to do that. But we need to. There are two primary concerns we need to deal with. The first is that your female colleague feels absolutely comfortable in a one on one meeting, possibly with a closed door with you, a senior male colleague. And there are all of the traditional power issues to grapple with here. There's the power differential between you there, manager of them, your colleague. And then there is the traditional male female power hierarchy that still exists is an undercurrent, frankly, in even the most liberal societies on. Then there's a second concern. There's the concern that sump male managers genuinely feel that they may be the subject of unwarranted accusations, and you need to protect yourself against that. So what advice can I give you as a male manager was worked in a number of organizations in the United Kingdom? Well, let's start with the comfort of your colleague. You must do everything you can to make him feel entirely comfortable. And the answer to me seems so simple. And yet it has to be said, treat them with absolute respect. Treat women the same way as you treat men, treat everyone in your organization with courtesy and respect. If your day to day work place demeanor is 100% professional, and you carry that to mean into your one on one meetings, that is the best way that you can make your colleagues feel comforted. The second concern is the concern you may have about a female colleague who may choose for criminal or misguided reasons to make unwarranted accusations against you. What can you do to defend yourself? Well, firstly, you can make sure that every one on one meeting you have is in an appropriate place at an appropriate time. You can make sure that behavior outside the one on one meeting and inside the one on one meeting is scrupulously respectful and professional. Put your meetings in your diary, use the organization's email system to arrange the meeting, and if you have higher levels of concern, if you can choose meeting rooms that are not only near to public areas of building but have perhaps glass walls. Or maybe even you choose to leave the door open if that's appropriate to the context of the meeting. Timing is important, too, because the closer you are to the ends of the working day that right at the beginning all right at the end of the working day, then the fewer people will be around now. These tips, whilst we may think of them, is protecting you will also make your female colleagues feel more confident to about the meeting, knowing that the meeting is in the diary. It is in a place where there is footfall past the door. Knowing that it's a time when there are plenty of people around should make your colleagues feel equally more comfortable. So what does it come down to? For me, it comes down largely. It's a common sense, professionalism and respect for the people around you. And if that's the way you handle yourself throughout your working life, then any nonsense that is thrown at you is likely to be seen as inconsistent on will ring alarm bells. And if that's the way you conduct yourself throughout your professional life and in your one on one meetings, then that's the way you make all your colleagues feel comfortable in your one on ones. They'll be more effective and you will be seen. That's a better manager for it. 14. The Male Female Dynamic from Her: In this video, a bench talked briefly about some of the challenges you may encounter as a female manager supervising male colleagues. Now, hopefully, in most organisations, the culture is such that people are promoted on merit, and if you're a manager, your gender shouldn't come into it. But as Mike said, there may be undercurrents, perhaps no even conscious among some of your team members, perhaps a resistance to take direction from a woman than the way they might do from a man. So what can you do in these situations to have effective one on one meetings? Well, firstly, it's about your own confidence, except that if you are a manager, you're a manager for a reason. So going in with that relaxed feeling of Yes, I'm here to do my job and do the best for the organization and for my team. Communication styles are very important here. The more you can get report and pick up on your team members communication, the more likely it is that they will hear what you say and respond accordingly and do a good job for you. If you are challenged, then just stay relaxed except be curious, you know why they asking the questions again? Try to understand your team member and respond to that rather than be defensive as far as possible. A. Recommend being gender neutral in the way you manage people because we're all individuals and that's what's most important. Be confident in yourself. E com It clear in your communication and the chances are you will quickly get the respect of your colleagues in 1 to 1 meetings on in your wider management practice. 15. Questioning Skills: one of the most valuable skills in any one on one meeting is asking good questions. So that's the topic of this video. The way I like to think about questioning is to think of questions. Is taking people through a funnel at the top of the funnel. We have wide open questions and open questions. Invite the respondent to answer in any way they choose. Open questions often start with. Tell me about, Oh, what or how we'll come back to the Why question. In a little bit, it's one to be used with Extreme Portion. Start a questioning and answer process with a couple of wide open questions to gather large amounts of information. And to get a sense of what's important to the person you're speaking with. And once you've done that, you can start toe home in on the key points. And this is where we use our second type of question, which narrows the funnel. And these are all probing questions and a classic example of probing question is one that starts with Tell me more about you can use your what and how questions about specific parts of the answers that you've got to your open questions. Those are also probing questions. But the nature of a probing question is to find out some details about a specific part of the topic that you think is relevant. And then the funnel really closes up at the end with closed questions. And there are two types of clothes. Question. The Communist type is a close question, which just gives two options yes or no. But any question, which gives the respondent no room to maneuver in how they choose to answer your question unless they're going to be somewhat surreal, is a closed question. So what is the time is a closed question, because there is only one answer within the normal rules of the conversation we're having. But there is another flavor of post questions, which is multiple choice questions. So from what you're saying, we've got three options. So which of them are you going to choose? Option a Option B or Option C? That's a close question because it constrains the answer. But by being framed as a multiple choice question allows the respondent more choices. Now. Beware of inappropriate use of closed or multiple choice questions where the range of choices do giving them. There's not cover the full range of options that they may see appropriate. Then multiple choice questions and close questions could be somewhat manipulative. The classic example is asking your five year old whether she's going to tidy up before supper or after supper. They're both options, suit you, but it's a question designed to avoid the answer. I don't want it Hide in my room now. There are some sorts of questions we need to be very careful off in our one on one meetings because they can get bad results. The first of these are leading questions, questions that lead the respondent to answer in a specific sort of a way. We often use them. Manipulative Lee, don't you think that? But we sometimes use leading questions inadvertently. We impose our own perceptions on our respondent and therefore forced them toe answer in a particular way, which channels they're thinking in a specific direction, which removes their freedom of thought and choice. So be very wary of leaving questions. I can't think of a situation where they're going to be appropriate, but I'm not prepared to say there is none. Another type of questions to be wary is a multiple question and a multiple questions where we are more than one question wrapped up in one question. So what you doing on Tuesday? And when you were working on that piece of equipment, what did you see happen and who was working with you? Now we need to be wary of these questions because either you or your respondent may forget one or more parts of these questions. Politicians love multiple questions, and that's what tells us they're dangerous. Politicians love them because they can selectively choose which of the multiple questions to answer if they can answer them to such great length that the question of forgets the other parts of the question. Consequently, if you're going to use multiple questions, and sometimes it just feels natural to ask one question with multiple parts, then make sure you mentally log of the components and best yet. So I've asked you a couple of questions there. Please answer the 1st 1 first, and then we'll come back to the second as someone who is asking questions and curious about the answers. It's important to control the flow of information, and that means letting the answers go where they will, but having the presence of mind to bring the conversation back to the questions. You wanted to find answers to the last type of question to be wary. Or is any question that begins with why? It's my assertion that the question why derives from the most powerful word in the English language. After all, what's the question that small Children constantly asked their parents and caregivers? Why, Why, why? Consequently, even as adults, we find ourselves getting offensive as soon as we hear someone ask us why we did this or why we shows that because why seems to challenge our whole choice making process and what dictates our choices are values? Why cuts very deep. Consequently, if you ask why your colleague it's something called why your colleague made a particular choice. You may well find that you get a defensive. I'm not very informative answer. It's far better to ask how or award question that gets at the same information. What were the choices you had when you made this decision? What were your priorities when you chose it? Or perhaps, how did you make the decision to do this? Both of those types of questions yet of the why, without asking why, why is for normally powerful the time to use the question? Why is when you're interrogating events or considering what other people might have done? Because then we don't feel threatened? And if you're watching this with a background in engineering or process technologies, then you're probably familiar with the five wise method of finding root causes to problems . So questioning it's a valuable skill for anyone leading a one on one meeting. There are three types of questions which you will use time and time again. Get the information you want on open question. Ah, probing question on a close question to confirm your understanding. And there are three types of questions to either not use or to use with extreme caution. Leading questions, multiple questions. The question Why 16. Listening Skills: in this video, I'm going to talk about listening skills. Listening is the most important communication skill. In my view. If you listen and really hear and understand what another person wants, what they think, then you and respond to that and you can help the other person come to their own solutions . You can understand where they're coming from, and you can support them as a manager. There are four levels of listening, the 1st 1 I call superficial listening, and this isn't really listening at all. Maybe the other person is talking on your game, Yes, but most of your attention is with something else. It's either inside your own head or you're looking what's going on outside, and that's a form of listing to be avoided. The second form of listening conversational listening is the every day given take type of listening so the other person will tell you what they did at the weekend, and then you will respond by saying, Well, that sounds great. This is what I did at the weekend, so your attention is party with them. But it is also with yourself, your thoughts, what you're going to say next and for day today. Fairly unimportant interactions. That form of listening works well. It's a sort of small talk level. The next level of listening on the one that you want to be working as a minimum in your one to ones is active listening. It's active because you are working at trying to really understand what the other person once what they think what they're saying soem or of your attention is with them than with you and the fourth level of listing Deep listening is the type of listing you might get from a counselor or coach or trained listener, and you may hit it at certain points in your one to ones. So that's when the fast majority of your attention is with the other person. You're really trying to get inside their shoes, seeing how they think seeing the world from their perspective. So there's a deep empathy vary that form of listening. So how can you become a better listener and listen actively and even at that deeper level? Well, my belief is that the most important thing is intention. If you're sitting, listening to somebody on your intention is to really understand them that can help you focus your attention on them, so just deciding to listen is a good is a good starting point. You need to start being aware of what gets in the way of listening. So this is a useful exercise to do. Is you go about your day to day work or your non work activities, just becoming aware about what distracts you. Is it things happening in the outside world? Is it your own imagination, your thoughts, you know, Where does your attention go? I want you start to become aware of that. Then you can take steps to re focus your attention back on the other person because once we become aware we're doing something, then we can change it. Another aspect of listening is to allow silence. Now the conversational level. There is a bit of ah ping pong. You know, you say something, he says something. She says something. But when you're listing actively, try not to rush in when the other person is finished. Give him a little bit more space to articulate perhaps another thought that might be forming or wait until they've given you the Q. They've looked at you to kind of indicate they want you to pick up her on the conversation , so just allow a little bit more space on. Respond in a way that encourages someone to keep, keep, keep going. Keep speaking, keep articulating their thinking. So just an example. As in the rapport, you know, you could pick up on some of the words they said, the ones that seem to be important and have resonance. I find it helpful sometime. If I'm listening to someone to just take a few notes about the key words and phrases they use on that way, you can make sure you haven't missed them. Such us respond. Just ask questions. As Mike said, that opened up the thinking. Say, Can you tell me a little bit more about that? Bring an attitude of curiosity into your listing. You know, that's interesting. Um, is there anything else about that? So just give that person a little bit more space just to explore their thinking more deeply . And finally listening isn't just about the words people say. If you can observe body language, observe what lights somebody up, observe if somebody shrinks back a little bit. If they say something, that's all really useful information that can help you understand the other person. So, in summary, listening is really important. You're aiming for active on were appropriate deep listening, going with the intention to listen when you're where your thoughts are becoming distracted , just bring them gently back, allow silence and ask questions that encourage the other person to explore their thinking in a little more detail. 17. Staff focused One on One Meetings: in this video, I want to talk about star focused one on one meetings. These are the meetings that you'll lead, but it primarily about developing your staff member about boosting their motivation and morale and helping to support them in whatever is topical and important to them. But it's important to note that these meetings need to be strategic for them. They're not about checking up on what's going on at the moment. They're very much about thinking about their career and their role in the organization and their long term development. That said, if something important is happening at the moment, they choose to bring it up. Then, of course, you need to cover it because it's start focused. It's about them. But I recommend that in doing so, you open up the topic to try to find the real value off that topic for their long term development and growth. A typical agenda for this sort of meeting follows our general agenda. It starts off with some informal icebreaking just catching up, getting the current stuff out of the way, and then moves to the opening stage where here we're just checking expectations and then it gets into the main body of the conversation. This is where you will encourage your staff member to share what's important to them at the moment on your practice, your questioning, listening skills toe understand their perspectives as closely as possible, the topics they raise, whether they're discussing opportunities, development struggles they're having in the workplace or their motivation. Good. It take the kind of questioning you apply on this style of the meeting. But having questioned and listen to them, there will come a point where you choose to respond to what I've said. Maybe they'll have asked for advice, and this will be where you give it. Or perhaps it will be appropriate to coach them rather than advise them directly. Perhaps they'll be looking for something of a morale booster, So this is where you can encourage them. However you choose to respond, make sure that you don't use up all the time in the meeting so that there is time for them . Toe, reflect on what you've said on how you've responded. Finally summarize what's been said or better still, put the responsibility on them to summarize what they're going to take away from the meeting and at the end confirmed commitments and next steps. Having done many of this sort of meeting the tips, I'd give a very simple first of all, avoid the temptation to talk about what you want to talk about, to take the conversation in the direction that you favor. It's their meeting. Listen and be guided by what they're saying as to how to move the conversation forward. Set these meetings on a regular cycle something like monthly. Allowing 45 minutes to an hour is appropriate. Put them in a time of day in a venue that is comfortable and convenient for both of you. And for this kind of meeting, it's most appropriate to let them set the agenda. So between you agree whether they will set the agenda in advance of the meeting and let you know, or whether they'll just plan and prepare for the meeting and set the agenda during the opening stage, your preparation should be about reflecting on the notes that you made in last meeting to make sure that you can ask appropriate questions to connect what said in the previous meeting to what is coming up now and possibly your choose to follow up on some of the commitments that were made a previous meeting and the actions that may or may not have for , like, for him. If you're going to do that, of course, it means taking good quality notes to make sure you take notes. Inappropriate place. A notebook is a good idea rather than scraps of paper. And make sure that that notebook is one that you keep in a reasonably secure place because the conversation maybe private and finally, because this meeting is about them, you have to bring Spool, rose toe, ask good questions and listen hard. Done well, staff laid one on one. Meetings are hugely motivational. They develop staff and they put use better, more resilient, stronger organizations. 18. Checkpoint Meetings: in this video, we'll talk about checkpoint meetings, and these are the task focused meetings that happen frequently as part of your monitoring cycle and will risk management of any activity that your team members are a part off. So the purpose of a checkpoint meeting is to make sure that you are aware of what's going on in your colleagues work and can therefore take corrective action or give advice and guidance. Appropriately, they tend to be short. They tend to be fairly for more, although they can be over a cup of coffee and a coffee machine if appropriate, and they tend to be quite transactional. They may lead on to future conversations around new ideas developing the individual motivation. But that is not the purpose, and I suggest you keep them short, sharp and focused for that reason, so there's not likely to be a prearranged agenda. But that said, you're probably have an agenda in your mind, and you probably use a similar sequence for all of your checkpoint meetings. Here are the things that I would typically expect to cover. I'd start with a brief introductory conversation just a little Hello, how are you to build some report and get quickly on to where we were the last time we met and an opportunity for me to ask what's changed since then. The next part is where we look at issues, concerns, worries. What are the roadblocks that I need to be aware off and on opportunity for me to ask whether my colleague needs support from May or from other parts of the organization? Equally important is my opportunity to recognize successes and to celebrate in, to congratulate and thank my colleague, where they've done good work. And then I'll be asking about what's next, what's on their agenda. What are the next steps that you need to take and what challenges might they be visiting? This would allow us to schedule the next check point. Knowing what their work plan is and when they expect to reach the next appropriate milestone will dictate the timing of our next checkpoint meeting. The frequency of your checkpoint meetings is likely to be dictated by the level of risk. Clearly, the more experienced your colleague is that more familiar. They are with the work that they're doing, the higher the level of skill, then the less frequently you need the meetings. On the other hand, if you've got a high risk, high priority task and perhaps a less experienced colleague, you're going to want more frequent checkpoint meetings. So select your timing based on your assessment of risk. The timing is also likely to be dictated by the task and in particular by the complexity of the task and the number of challenges that are likely to come up. Schedule your meetings. Informal work time in a formal place. Quite often, checkpoint meetings do work well. It's stand up meetings, or perhaps as short form or sit down meetings on my final tip is to keep your tone positive . Any kind of punitive sense of you've made a mistake, and I'm going to find somewhere. Punishing you is likely to discourage honest reporting, except the part of your responsibility as a manager, a leader, a project manager or a supervisor of any sort is actually to facilitate your colleagues, making mistakes but making the right mistakes, making mistakes that they're safe to make, because you know that you learn more from making mistakes than you ever learn for getting things right, and therefore celebrate the mistakes as part of the learning process, celebrate the successes as part of the growth of your colleagues, and that way you'll get the best out of your one on one checkpoint meetings. 19. Informal Feedback Meeting: in this video, I'm going to look at giving feet back informally. So not as a part of formal annual appraisal, perhaps, but just sitting down and reflecting on a project on where you've got some specific feedback to give your colleague or coworker. The agenda for this type of meeting is likely to bay a review of progress and setting objectives moving forward now when you're reviewing a project progress, it's always good to start by asking your colleague your team member how they feel it's gone . Give them a chance to self assess. If there are problems. It's better if they've identified them, and then you can work together to overcome them, as well as asking your colleague to reflect on their assessment, you may need to give them some feedback based on information that they may not be aware off . That may be feedback from customers or colleagues. The maybe things that you've observed. There are basically two types of feedback. It's positive feedback, and that's where you've observed something being done. Well, now positive feedback isn't just a well done. It is saying. I noticed a specific action that you took, and it had this impact customer felt really listened to, and as a result she put in another order. So it's a very specific positive feedback that you passed on to the person that they can then act on, and they can repeat that effective behavior. The other sort of feedback is constructive feedback. So this is when something either hasn't gone well and needs to be addressed or it's OK, but you can definitely see areas for improvement. In giving this fate back, there's a few guidelines to follow. Firstly, again, you need to be specific. You need to be evidence based, and you need to make sure that you focus your feet back on the particular action, not on the person. So you're not judging the person you're assessing that particular piece of evidence that particular action they took on identifying perhaps where it could be improved. I believe feedback is really important on one of the best management tips I can give you is to get in the habit of really giving regular positive feedback. So notice when people doing things well and give that feedback regularly. Firstly, because in itself positive feedbacks of very good way of developing people but also when you do have to give feedback on something that hasn't worked. If you need to pass on a complaint, it's much more likely to be accepted if the person knows that they're good actions also being noticed from. So don't be afraid of passing on, perhaps negative feedback, but just don't make it the only piece of feedback that you pass on. And finally, if you're sitting down for a feedback meeting, try to end on a positive note. So once you've agreed any actions that need to be taken, then round up with something positive and appreciation of the work the person does, so they go away, hopefully feeling good about themselves, although understanding there's something that does need to be improved as well. 20. Formal Appraisal Meetings: in this video, we're gonna talk about formal appraisal one on one meetings, and the structure of these meetings is often dictated by your organization's personnel HR procedures. So there isn't very much to say about them except that you need to follow those procedures and make sure you get everything right. Those procedures will often dictate the basic agenda the timing of the meeting on things like that. But my top tip is to make sure that no matter how scrupulously closely you follow the requirements of your procedures, you don't let that get in the way of having a good conversation with a valued colleague. The purpose of appraisal meetings is usually some combination off checking on their progress. Identifying opportunities for progression promotion pay rise on looking at their development needs for the coming period of time, perhaps including setting objectives. One of the problems is that some organizations HR or personnel departments load appraisal meetings with a large number of requirements and then because managers have a lot of appraisal meetings to cram into a narrow window of time if they don't get done very well. Your job is to be respectful of the process, but ultimately to be respectful of your colleagues and to do as good a job as you possibly can, which means making sure that you prepare really well for these meetings and that you allow plenty of time for them, even if that means that other work somehow seems to get squeezed because your people are your priority as a manager on his A leader. So what is your appraisal meeting likely contain? Well, here are some of the typical elements with the appraisal. Meetings often have some former overview of their performance in the recent period, often supplemented by data and then your feedback to your colleague about how you perceive that performance. There may be a discussion of where they are in their career and how they're progressing, and that may include a discussion of opportunities that may be available in both four progression and also for development. You're likely also to discuss the specific development needs, and what kind of training on opportunities will help them move to the next stage in their career. There may also be some form of a goal setting element, perhaps setting targets or goals for the next period, and finally, formal appraisals may include some element of coaching, mentoring or developmental conversation. That's a lot to squeeze in. So what are my tips? Well, firstly, do adhere to the policy, but as I say, make sure that the colleagues sitting with you comes first. Plan well, prepare well, particularly if some of the feedback some of the performance that you're giving data on isn't as good as you'd hoped it would be. Prepare for any pushback. Make sure that you anticipate the sorts of objections your colleagues might have to some of the messages you might give them. Be prepared to listen carefully and give your colleague time to reflect on what they're hearing from you. Keep the tone future focused. That is to say, focus on what you can and will do rather than stakes of the past. Critically, you must avoid the trap of inferring the capabilities they do or don't have based on the evidence you've seen, you know if they have done something that I can do it. But the fact that they haven't done something tells you nothing about whether they are able to do it or will be able to do it in the future and Finally, my last practical tip is take thorough notes. These meetings are important part of your organization's process, and therefore you have to document them well. Nobody enjoys formal appraisal meetings because they are formal. The one thing that will make them as effective as they possibly can be is that you have a standard. Siris of staff led one on one meetings throughout the year so that your appraisal meetings can focus on the one thing they're meant to focus on the appraisal meeting and don't need to cover anything else. For too many organizations, formal annual appraisal meetings are the only time that manages Sit down with their staff. Don't let yourself be that manager. Make sure that your appraisal meeting it's just one of many meetings you have with each your staff members. 21. Difficult Conversations: Miss video, I'm going to talk about how you can approach difficult conversations so matings, where you know there's a high emotional charge to what you're going to talk about, where they might be a difference of opinion between you and the other person meetings, where the consequences have a high impact, unimportant for the person involved. An example might be a reprimand. When you've got to raise quite a serious issue with the staff member, it may be a big change coming to the organization, for example, need to relocate. It may be something where the maybe disappointment involved, for example, telling somebody that they're not going to receive a promotion. It may even be telling somebody that they're going to lose their job in preparing an agenda for this meeting. You probably will just have one item, and the extent to which you spell that out in the agenda will depend on the confidentiality of the issue. You will need to prepare for the meeting. So think about in particular how you're going to convey the key message, the type of words you might use give some thought in preparation to how you feel in approaching this meeting in the meeting. Your focus needs to be on the other person, so you might need a little bit of time. Just think about how you're going to feel and plan for how you're going to stay calm and supportive during the meeting. As with any meeting, you'll want to start by establishing some report. But this isn't a place for lighthearted small talk. I think you need to treat this sort of meeting with the seriousness it deserves. So once the other person settled on your checking the oak there, Okay, then do get to the point you may need to frame it with. I'm afraid I've got some bad news. You may need to just say something genuine that you've been giving this request some consideration, but I'm afraid we can't offer your promotion at the moment. So whatever that the message is, basically you do need to be clear about conveying it, not beat around the bush, but just give a little bit of a sense before you say the words that perhaps it's not what they wanted to hear, so they got a little bit of time to prepare. When you've given the message, then you need to provide a space for them to react and respond. Some people might go quiet. Just want to think about it. Some people might react in quite a big way, but listen, allow them that time time. They need really to express how they're feeling. And this is where you know you need to let your own feelings go. Just just be there and give them what you think they need when they've had a chance to respond. Toe, ask any questions, then you need to think about ending. The meeting sometimes is a simple decision. Promotion isn't available. You know the meeting strongly drawn to a close. Essentially, sometimes there may be a lot of practical things they need to do next. So if it's a relocation or if it's a redundancy, then be clear about what their next steps are, who they need to speak to next, how things will work. So at least the person can leave the meeting knowing what's going to happen, knowing if they need to make any further decisions. It's never an easy conversation to have, but it Sometime in your management career, you will need to have that difficult conversation and If you prepare for it and do it with respect, then the chances are it will go as well as you could hope to go. 22. Coaching Meetings: When I was a manager for me, the 1 to 1 meetings that were a real delight were coaching meetings, and so that's what we're going to talk about in this video. A coaching meeting is a meeting, which is predicated on a very simple belief, which is that everyone has the answers they need to the challenges or problems they face. And your job in facilitating a coaching meeting is to help them to find their answers and not for you to give yours. So coaching meetings follow a somewhat different agenda. Yes, of course, there's a little bit of report beginning, but they tend to open up with a conversation about what is the topic. You want some help working through, and typically, the two types of topic that come up time and time again are I've got a problem and I need to find a solution, or I want to find a way to achieve something specific. Of course, what she may need to help with in facilitating a coaching conversation is pinpointing the specificity about what the person wants to do. So, having established the topic, the second part of the conversation is about goal setting it's helping them to find a realistic and helpful goat. One. It is precise enough, really stick enough that I can achieve it but generous enough and optimistic enough to make it truly worth wire and invigorating for him. Once you help them toe narrow down that goal and get it just right, you the next step is to help them toe understand the reality of their situation. And this is where your questioning and listening skills will really come to the fore, helping them to explore what's going on. And don't skimp on this stage because the more time you spend exploring what's actually happening in their work life or whatever area that era where their gold is set, then the more prime they will be to find the solutions they need. This is also a place where you could be quite firm in challenging their lazy beliefs about what they do, what they can do, what the situation is and the opportunities that are available to them. Because quite often, people, particularly if they have problems, focus in on the problem rather than out on the opportunities. Once you've helped, Minto explores going on the next stage of the conversation is toe help them to find options for what they do and the most valuable single question that you have this stage of a coaching conversations. What else could he do? Start with the presupposition that there are lots and lots of lots and lots of options that could all help move them in the right direction. I know how. Apply a generous amount of time, helping them to find all of the options. And don't worry if some of them are more or less likely to succeed at this stage, because it's at the next stage when removing from a conversation for possibility to a conversation for opportunity. It's at this stage. You could help them to narrow those options down, to take a critical view of each of the options they've identified toe assess them robustly and to start to prioritize those options, to throw some out and to bring some to center stage. And at the end of this stage, they should have a number of options of which are likely in their judgments to succeed, and you challenge him appropriately. So they're thinking is robust on this. The next step in the conversation is then toe ask them what they will do to finally select the options they will pursue and to start to make some commitments. Therefore, an important part of this state is planning, helping them to come up with a plan for how they'll pursue those options and what they will do. You close the conversation with asking them to make those formal commitments and asking them what help they need for you in orderto helped a monitor their progress and to come back and review and refresh the conversation. Once they've made their commitments and you've made your commitments to help them, that's it. Set them free. Let them loose on the world to pursue their goals. So what are my top tips for a coaching conversation? Well, you probably heard them all already either from me or from Felicity, because the two most valuable tools you have in any coaching conversation asking great questions and listening. And if there's one other tool I throw into the mix, it's silence because silence demands to be filled, and when you as a coach, you silence artfully. The other person will fill that silence with new ideas, with new observations and with new insights. So too close trust in two things in any one on one coaching conversation. Firstly, trust that the coaching process works, it really does. And secondly, trust that the person you're coaching has the ideas that they need. With your help, they will find them. 23. Mentoring Meetings: in this, I'm going to talk about mentoring and conducting a mentoring meeting. So what is mentoring? Well, if your mentor, your role is to support somebody in their career and personal development. So as a manager, you can men to your staff as part of your role. But often it's powerful to mental toe. Have a mentor who is in your line manager. Ideally, somebody who's more senior or more experienced. I can help a less experience person to see the big picture of where their career might be taking them. So in this video, I'm going to talk about a little bit about if you're mentoring somebody who you don't manage day to day. So perhaps your organization has a formal mentoring scheme, and you've been paired up with somebody and match with somebody. Or perhaps you've just been approached by somebody who would like you to mentor them. So if you're intrigue a mentoring relationship, the important thing at the first meeting or in advance of the meeting is to really think about What is this relationship? How often do you going to meet? What does the men t want from you? Is a mental now, a meant a mentoring relationship should be primarily led by the men t and that they ask you for what they want. And you may be using skills such as coaching to help them think through what they want in their career. But an element of a mentoring relationship is normally that you have some relevant experience to share. You may have contacts or connection that could help the mentee in their career. Could help them in their learning could help them in the networking. So you need to really discuss the expectations on both sides to make sure that there's a clear relationship, and that's that understood and agreed. Once you've got that in place, a typical agenda might be catch up. Since your last meeting, you might ask the mentee what they want to focus on. Today. You might talk about their goals. You might look at the current situation. You might identify some options. You might ask them if there's something that you could do for them in the terms of connection or sending them some information or giving them some advice and guidance again, it should come from them. A mentoring relationship isn't opportunity for you to go in on, give them every piece of wisdom that you've experienced in your life because it might not just be relevant for them. But do ask him, You know, what can I do to help you? A. Mentoring relationships is less formal than a line management relationship, but you might want to just take a few notes on degree, a follow up email or follow up message. Just so you got a record of what you talked about, what you both agreed to do. If it's done well, being a mentor as well as a mentee can be really rewarding. Not only do you get a chance to help other people in an earlier stage of their career, but there's also powerful learning in sharing what you do. You know that can help you crystallize your own thinking and what matters to you, and you can also learn from your mentee. In their perspective, they might come from another generation. They might see things a bit differently, so I think going into a mentoring relationship, Although it's primarily about the men T, if it's done well, you'll get a lot out of it as a mentor as well. So in summary, you can men tress, pass, rely management role. But there's a lot of power in actually mentoring somebody who you are not responsible for day to day on just helping them to think through where they want to go in their career. I'm being generous and sharing your knowledge and your contacts to help someone else. 24. Giving a Reprimand: Sometimes things go wrong, and sometimes it's through carelessness, complacency or even negligence. In those cases you may consider a reprimand is appropriate. So what is the structure of a one on one reprimand meeting? Well, firstly, Keep it short, sharp and focused. The first stage is to set out the facts, the things you've observed or have Haque reported to you and invite the other person to comment on Correct you If they believe your facts are wrong, keep it simple. Once you've established with facts of the second step is to state clearly what they did wrong. Having done that, express how you feel about that, your disappointment in their performance. Then stay silent. Let it sink in, allows them to respond and make your response accordingly. Allow them to respond. Make your response accordingly. Only challenge their response. If it's clear to you that they're deluding themselves, falling themselves or not taking responsibility appropriately and then close the meeting by emphasizing how much you value that person on reiterating your support for them and then stop, That's it. Your tongue. So my tips certainly keep it short and sharp. Make sure you've got your facts right, convened the meeting as soon as possible after the incident and be super clear about what they did wrong. But remember criticized the behavior or criticized the performance, not the person. Keep calm and be absolutely, scrupulously consistent and fair in the way that you treat all of your team. And, as I say, keep it short, Don't rub their nose in it when you're done. 25. Last Thoughts: So you heard loads of advice from Felicity in May about how to lead effective one on one meetings. And in this last video, I want to leave you with some off our final thoughts. First, commit to your one on one meetings and value them and therefore make the time and prepare well. Secondly, in your one on one meetings, learn toe, listen uncritically to listen to what? Your hearing to put yourself your opinions, your agendas, your prejudices to one side, because one on one meetings or about the person sitting with you. Thirdly, approach your one on one meetings fresh and energized. If you go into your one on one meetings tired. If you consider them to be anything other than important work, you won't give your best. You won't be respecting the other person. You may as well not be there. One on one. Meetings are not some alternative to real work. They are the work of a real manager of a rial, project manager of a rial supervisor on a real leader. They are really work so investing. And if I had one tip above all else, it's to care to care about the meetings to care about your organization on the people within it and to care about the person in that one on one meeting with you. And if you can do that, not only will you strengthen the organization, not only will you develop the individuals under your leadership, but you will develop a loyalty among your team. So go on, prepare well and enjoy your one on one meetings from Felicity and may. Good luck.