Leadership & Management Skills | Become a Leader People Like & Listen To | Robin & Jesper ✓ | Skillshare

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Leadership & Management Skills | Become a Leader People Like & Listen To

teacher avatar Robin & Jesper ✓, Teaches Digital Marketing

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

27 Lessons (2h 33m)
    • 1. Introduction

    • 2. The 4 Communication Styles

    • 3. Common Obstacle When Being Assertiveness

    • 4. The Benefits Of Being More Assertive

    • 5. Assertiveness Beyond Communication

    • 6. How to Speak Up For Yourself

    • 7. Exercise - Speak Up For Yourself

    • 8. Speak with Confidence

    • 9. Exercise - Speak with Confidence

    • 10. Learn How to Say No

    • 11. Exercise - Say No

    • 12. I Instead Of You

    • 13. Exercise - I Instead Of You

    • 14. Assertiveness Thank You

    • 15. Conflict Management Explained

    • 16. Why Conflict Management is Important

    • 17. Why We Avoid Conflicts

    • 18. The Conflict Management Styles

    • 19. Before Choosing Your Style

    • 20. 5 Common Workplace Conflicts

    • 21. 5 Tips To Handle Difficult Conversations

    • 22. 4-Steps to Handle Difficult Conversations

    • 23. Exercise - The Discovery

    • 24. Exercise - The Mirror

    • 25. Exercise - Your Turn

    • 26. Exercise - Problem-Solving

    • 27. Thank You!

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About This Class

Would You Like to Learn Leadership Skills to Become a Leader People Like & Listen To?
Then, You've Come To The Right Place!

Leadership Skills | Become a Leader People Like & Listen To is an Online Video Course For Anyone Wanting To Learn to Communicate in a More Direct & Effective Way to Get People to Like & Listen to You. You will Also Learn Conflict Managements & How to Have Difficult Conversations Successfully.

Inside This Course, You'll learn how to Speak Up For Yourself & Master Difficult Conversations.

After This Course, You'll Be Able To

  • Speak with Confidence.

  • Speak Up For Yourself.

  • Say No without Guilt.

  • Speak with I-Statements.

  • Identify Good & Bad Conflicts.

  • Handle Any Conflicts.

  • Listen Actively.

  • Get People to Trust You.

  • Solve Problems.

What You Will Master Inside This Course

  1. The 4 Styles Of Communication

  2. Common Obstacles When Being Assertive

  3. The Benefits Of Being More Assertive

  4. Assertiveness Beyond Communication

  5. How to Speak Up For Yourself

  6. How to Speak with Confidence

  7. Learn to Say NO

  8. I-Statements

  9. Why Conflict Management is Important

  10. The Conflict Management Styles

  11. Things to Know Before Choosing Your Style

  12. 5 Tips To Handle Difficult Conversations

  13. 4-Steps For Difficult Conversations

This Course Includes Templates & Tools That Will Help to Optimize Your Communication!

The Majority of The Tools in This Course Are FREE And The Paid Tools Are Only The Very BEST.

See You Inside The Leadership Skills | Become a Leader People Like & Listen To Course.


Robin & Jesper

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Robin & Jesper ✓

Teaches Digital Marketing


We're passionate about teaching! There's no greater joy than watching beautiful testimonials of people achieving their goals and dreams. That's why we STRONGLY believe in full and constant support. With ALL of our courses you can expect:

If you're interested in learning Digital Marketing - Social Media Marketing or Creating a Something Awesome..

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Robin & Jesper

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1. Introduction: hi and welcome to the course on how to become a leader. People like and listen to. Now My name is Robin and I'll be one of the instructors off this course. And my name is Yes, for And it will be the other instructor of this course. Now, if you are looking for a course to help you master conflicts, difficult conversations, how to speak up for yourself with confidence. You have come to the right place inside of this course. We're going to take you through various exercises on doing this step by step and we'll see you in the next video. 2. The 4 Communication Styles: Hi, guys. And welcome back to the course. Now, inside of this video, we're going to talk about the four different communication styles and which suits the best for you to get the confidence to speak up for yourself. So let's time into the video to make it easier for you to follow along inside of this video to understand all the four different communications sites that there is out there, we're going to take it from a situation and the situation would be Someone calls you a bad name. So how do you react to this? Now you can react in four different ways. Basically, in the 1st 1 would be a passive communication style. Second would be an aggressive communication style. Then we're having the passive aggressive communication style, and we're having assertive one that we are aiming for, right? So first of all, how would this person react? Well, you don't share your feelings with anyone and pretend that everything is OK. If you are a more passive communicator, maybe you have low self esteem. Maybe you don't want to hurt other feelings by responding how you feel and what you need to get out from that situation. Often you don't speak your mind because you are scared to maybe ruin our relationship or to hurt anyone's feelings. And you don't really think that your opinion matters or your wants and needs or feelings matter at all. So you stay on your passively like communication style and you agree on almost everything or anything that people are saying to you because you don't want to ruin anything. Then we're having the aggressive one. So someone calls you a bad name. You express your feelings in a disrespectful and mean way. The goal is to get back at them and hurt them. Now, if you are a more aggressive communicator, you don't take a lot off bad things from people you don't like when people are calling a bad name or putting you into a box. So you are reacting. You're having your feelings on outside of your body. Everybody can see that you are angry, you're aggressive, and most of the people out there don't want to fight with you, and you often would like to hurt people back. So this is the more aggressive style. You don't really matter how people react to you as long as you can speak your mind, your feelings and you can have low self esteem where you can have high self esteem. It doesn't really matter. But you're aggressive in your communication because you would like to get your points across. Then we're having the more passive aggressive communication style. So someone is calling you a bad name. How do you react as a passive aggressive communicator? Let's have a look. You don't express your feelings so you don't have the feelings on the outside of your body . But then you get back at them and hurt them. Now, if you are and me are having a conversation and you are more passive aggressive communicator, I'm telling you, maybe Hey, I would like to do this and this tonight and you're standing there often and you're agreeing with me and you're saying, Yeah, yeah, that sounds good. But maybe in your head, you're thinking I don't want to do that. I don't feel that way. Why should I always do as he or she is telling me to do? But you're standing there, you're smiling, you're agreeing, etcetera. And then maybe you go home, talk with your family or friends And you're saying, Ah, this stupid guy or this stupid girl never. Listen to me. You're basically backstabbing me trying to hurt me behind my back. But you don't have the confidence to say it to me. Face to face. This is a more passive aggressive communications that you don't express your feelings in the conversation with me. Rather, you go home and maybe you're expressing your feelings and your needs and wants etcetera out with your friends, family or colleagues or schoolmates, or so on. That is what passive aggressive is when it comes to the communication style and then guys, then we're having the more assertive ones. So let's see how a more assertive person would react to someone calling them a bad name. You tell the person how they made you feel in a nice and respectful way. This sounds like a dream, and it basically is when you have the confidence to speak up for yourself to tell the person that have called you a bad name, that Hey, this is not okay. I would like you to please stop calling me a bad name that is quite respectful, right? And that is also something that brings respect for you as a person that you are speaking up for yourself, and that is exactly what you are going to learn step by, step inside off this course how to be a more assertive person to gain more respect, more confidence to speak up for yourself, to make people listen to you, to make people and yourself taking yourself more seriously. So that is exactly what you are going to learn inside of this course, how to be more assertive to gain, more confidence, to speak up for yourself. So let's move on to the next video and I'll see you there. 3. Common Obstacle When Being Assertiveness: now welcome back to the course, guys. Now inside of this video, we're going to talk about a few obstacles that we are often having in our way from being assertive from speaking up for ourselves toe. Understand that our opinion also matters. Let's dive into the video now. Actually, one of the most common obstacles when being assertive or trying to be assertive is actually a simple as you don't know what you want. If you never sit down with yourself and having some type of self talk, then it's pretty hard to understand what yourself want or what yourself need. And therefore you don't know what you want in certain conversation, for example, so if somebody ask you, Ah, normal questions like Hey, what you would like to eat today? What do you want like to eat for dinner and you say, Well, I don't know, because you don't talk with yourself. That's why you dont know. You're always trying to please people outside of yourself. You're trying to meet needs and wants for other people. You don't talk with yourself. So like sitting down 10 minutes a day, only 10 minutes a day and talking to yourself and asking you simple questions like, What do I want to eat tonight or what movie? Or what serious would I like to watch? Maybe on Netflix tonight, Ask yourself questions so that you easily can answer other people. It's questions about food, simple things like food movies serious or maybe what he would like to do this weekend, for example, so do 10 minutes off self talk every single day, and you will be more likely to speak up for yourself to become more assertive in your communication. The second obstacle is thinking your needs and wants don't matter and these two ghosts so well together because if you don't know what you want, how would you then think that what you need and want matters when you don't even know what you need or want? So do yourself talk. Exercise 10 minutes a day to understand what you want, what you need to make sure that you speak up for yourself to become more assertive. So figure out your wants and your needs 10 minutes a day, guys, and then we're having fear off disconnecting now if you don't meet my need and I would be, let's say, an aggressive communicator, then I assure you that you will have some type of fear to disconnect with me. Nobody in the whole world would like to disconnect to people people that are toxic for you . Off course. You don't want to connect with those guys. But if you have friends and family and you're feeling like if I'm assertive, if I speak my mind my needs, my wants my feelings, I might hurt somebody, and therefore I will disconnect to them. No, you won't. If you are speaking in a respectful way to your friends, family colleagues or maybe to your mates in school, then no worries. You will learn just how to do that inside of this course. So don't fear to disconnect, because you don't have to do that. And sometimes, actually, you have to disconnect to connected people, of course, So if you are in an argument with somebody a colleague, a friend or family member, sometimes that is healthy, too. So don't be afraid off disconnecting, because this connecting could mean that you are connecting on a deeper level with that person to strengthen that relationship Now, the next common obstacle would be fight or flight, So this is pretty common. If you are maybe in on heat off the moment, discussion with somebody and you feeling like, Oh, I'm freezing. I don't know what to do. Should I walk away on? Should I say something? Then? Often that responses of fight or flight response. You don't know if you are going to be more aggressive to the person in that conversation, or if you just would like to run away. So by learning how to become more assertive in the communication, meaning that you are speaking, listening to other people's opinion but also making your points across your needs, your feelings and you want more respectfully. They will also be better at communicating, and you don't have to feel like you're freezing up or would like to run away in a conversation. Insecurity is the next common obstacle when it comes to not being assertive. When you don't have to speak up for yourself, you're feeling insecure, do my needs and want really matters, etcetera but also curious. Insecure is a person you don't know how to communicate with people if people are even going to take you seriously. So insecurity is one way Therefore, it's so important that you're doing this exercise 10 minutes a day off self talk. If you are doing that to really figure out what in life you want, what in life you need etcetera and starting off with picking a movie for the night, Maybe picking what you would like to do this weekend, maybe picking. I don't know what you would like to eat for dinner and speaking that to your husband, wife, kids, friends, family or anybody in your surroundings. You have taken a small step to becoming more assertive to speak up for yourself. Great job, guys. We'll see you in the next video. 4. The Benefits Of Being More Assertive: Welcome back to the course, guys. Now inside of this video, we're going to talk about some off all of the benefits when it comes to being more assertive and direct in your communication, let's dive into the video. So we already know by now that being more assertive in your communication means that you are gaining more confidence to speak up for yourself to make people listen to what you have to say. So one of the benefits with being more assertive in your communication would be that you will become more relaxed and less stressed when you're using a more assertive, direct communication style. Imagine yourself having to walk around and agreeing with what everybody is saying to be more passive in your communication toe. Always stay on the passive side to not hurt other people's feelings or to break and relationships, or to always be having that aggressive style of communication toe always be on the edge off , exploding in all kinds off conversations. That is not the good feeling toe have or to feel like you have to agree with what your boss or your colleague or your teammate, or when your family members always saying to you. You have to Yes, nod and say yes. Yes, I totally agree. And then you have to find a friend would common interests and you have to go to them and tell them. Hey, on this pair person is saying this and I don't agree. You have to small talk behind their backs and trying to get back at them etcetera. Imagine how much energy is going to waste instead of speaking your mind by saying, Hey, I don't agree with you, but I see where you are coming from. But I think this way. Imagine how much energy you can spend on other stuff in your life, so you will definitely become more relaxed and less stressed in your life. If you are being more assertive in your communication, then it will also increase your self confidence and yourself respect when you understand that your opinion, your feelings, your wants and your needs really matters and you are confident in speaking them to whom ever in a respectful way. Then you will gain more self confidence to do other stuff in your life, and you will also gain more self respect. You will really understand that what you are feeling really matters, and you know that you can speak that to whomever, and then being more assertive in your communication will also reduce your need for approval and social anxiety. We all have some type of social and anxiety and a need for approval. We, as human beings, would like to agree with almost everybody, right? So we would like to have all the people that we can on our side in conversation. But just imagine that you were having the confidence to speak up for yourself. So if somebody is talking bad about a friend or a family member that you really like, you can stop them say, Hey, you know what? I don't feel this way. I feel that way instead and you don't have to agree with everybody in your social anxiety. Well, basically, just stop if you learn how to communicate your feelings, your wants and your needs, which is great, and then it will also improve your relationships and partnerships. So you may think that Hey, I always have to agree with what my mother says or what my boss says what my colleague says , but you don't have to do that If you're speaking up for yourself, that person will then respect you even more. Well, that person could be more aggressive in their communication style. But if you are more assertive, you are taking there side. But you're taking your side. You understanding both sides off the communication because being more assertive in the communication style is yes, not to Onley. Speak up for yourself. It is also to see the other person's side off the whole story for you to get a better understanding off the whole conversation. So this will definitely improve your relationships and your partnerships because you will definitely gain more respect by speaking up for yourself. Don't just agree. Don't be a people pleaser all the time. You need to speak up for yourself to feel that your opinion and your feelings matters to gain more self respect, more self confidence to speak up for yourself, so it will definitely improve your relationships. Both me and Robin, that is my partner is almost all the time having different opinions and trying to, like improve everything that we are doing in our business, for example, so our partnership is improving a lot. Imagine if I would agree with what? Everything that he is saying all that time. Imagine if I have another opinion, another feeling, another want another need and I don't speak that I will feel so bad. So definitely he is respecting me and I am respecting him for speaking up for ourselves. So this will definitely improve your relationships and your partnership. And it will also make people listen to you. If you were speaking your mind, people are going to respect you even more. And therefore they are going to listen to what you have to say. If people know that Hey, this guy or this girl is own always like agreeing with everybody trying to be like. But then they are going behind the back off people and talking a lot off bad stuff. Then they won't listen to you. But if you are speaking out for yourself with confidence, people will respect you. More people will listen to you more. So if you are a business leader, for example, and you are learning this assertive communication, then you will benefit our Thanh by learning how to speak with more confidence in front off other people. And that is exactly what we are going to learn this side of this course. So these are used five off the different benefits off being more assertive in your communication, you will become more relaxed and less stressed. You will increase your self confidence and self respect. You will reduce the need for approval and your social anxiety. You will improve your relationships and partnerships and you will make people listen to you . Okay, guy. So let's move on in the course, see in the next video. 5. Assertiveness Beyond Communication: Welcome back to the chorus guys. Now inside of this video, we're going to talk about assertiveness beyond communication. It is not on Lee the words that we are speaking. It is also about our values and how we are acting as human beings. Let's dive into to be you. So what I mean with assertiveness beyond communication, isn't it on Lee the words that were saying to other people to get our points across? No, it's not only that it is also keeping your word. Now if you are speaking, who making on commitment to maybe an task at work and you're not following that through them. People won't trust you for the next time that you are going to make a task that is pretty easy, right? But it's not only that the persons that you are working with the work your family members that you not are keeping the word to that is going to not trust you the next time. This is also something that is lowering your self confidence and also is not good for yourself talking yourself values. So if you are keeping your words and your practicing on Onley state, telling people that Hey, I am going to follow through on this task or yourself, for that matter. You're telling yourself that a I have set the gold and I am going to follow through. I'm going to do this. You are building up your self confidence and you're going to have a way easier life ahead of you. So keeping your word is something that you are doing inside of yourself inside of your brain. And then you are speaking that to a person. And if you're keeping your word, your building up yourself, confidence makes sense, right? The next thing is being decisive. I think that we, as human beings, are making around 35 to 40 thousands different decisions every single day. And we're spending a lot of time and energy on taking decisions. So if we are getting better on taking decisions, being more decisive on what we want and what we need here in life and maybe on handing out different tasks at work or in school, etcetera, then we will have a much easier life ahead of us. So by practicing to be more decisive with smaller tax here in life, you are then going to become more decisive when it comes to bigger and harder tasks. I assure you of that. Inside of this course, we have giving you some practices that you are able to do later on inside of this course to become more decisive when it comes to whatever tasks that needs to be done here life. Or if you just would like to go out for dinner, let's say, what should you pick on in the menu so you don't sit around and waste a lot of time, so the next one will be follow through on your goals. Now this is a big one. Let's say that it is New Year's Eve. You have set and goal, or you would like to set in gold on maybe, let's say, losing weight or making more money at work or spending more time with your family and friends. Now, if you don't follow through on your goals, your self confidence and yourself worth in your own eyes will decrease. If you are following through on your girls, your self confidence and self worth will increase right makes sense, so by setting commitments, a certain commitments that you are going to follow through on goals, then you will become more self confidence and setting. Goal is a hard one, right, because we all would like to achieve so much here life. But by setting the right goals for you, goals that you believe in and follow through on those goals, you will increase the self confidence of yourself and you will improve the quality of your life for a sure so it is also about internal things here. It isn't Onley about what you're saying. It can be what you're saying to yourself. To follow through on goals will definitely increase your self worth and your self confidence to reach bigger goals in your life. And then we have defend what we believe. Now, if you are at work or are spending time with your friends and family or maybe in school and you are picking a subject to talk about, let's say religion or let's say politics or let's say, at sports, let's say, soccer, football. We have basketball eye socket, you name it. People are often going to be very passive about what they're thinking, because if they are believing maybe something about politics, and they are uncertain if people will agree with them or not, they are not going to speak. If you are talking with an aggressive communicator, then you will see that they will fight for their team. Whoever they are sharing for, they will fight for it. And if you are talking with somebody that is more passively aggressive in the communication style, you will see that maybe they are not telling you everything up front. But maybe Then tomorrow you will hear about Hey, I talked with Larry yesterday and hey told me this about your opinion and stuff like that, you know? So by defending your beliefs, right, really communicating what you think, and by communicating to yourself what you believe in, you will become more assertive and your life will become much easier because assertiveness is about speaking your mind, your needs and your wants. And if you don't do that, you are going to be more a passive communicator, or you're going to be a more aggressive communicator. And you don't want to be that when you're speaking about your beliefs, you do want to listen to what other people has to say about their opinion and respect those people and those opinions and then also, you would like to tell them about what you think and what you believe and what you feel when it comes to defending your beliefs. Then we're having give and receive feedback. This is a big one because this is something that really can crush your self confidence. If somebody is coming across like, aggressive and telling you that Hey, this task at work you did this very poorly. You have to do it all over again. I don't want to you to do this again. Just improve. Make it better at cetera. We don't want to receive those kind of feedbacks, right? Everybody would like to be a plus students and the cases that were growing, the more feedback that we're gaining. But we do want to get good feedback, right? So, by giving other people good feedback and by receiving feedback, taking in that feedback and doing some self talking how you can really improve, Then you will also become more assertive in your communication style. But this is also a certain it's become beyond communication. So by learning how to give and take receive feedback, you will improve your communication a lot. So these are the five points that we walked over inside of this video. This is assertiveness beyond communication. This is more what is happening to you internally rather than what you are saying. Keeping your word be more decisive. Follow through on goals. Defend what we believe and give and receive feedback. And inside of this course, you are going to get templates and exercises so that you will really become more assertive in your communication. And so it's will be way easier for you to set goals, keeping a word being more decisive. Defend what you believe and give and receive feed that to grow us a human being. Okay, guys, where that said, I see you in the next few. 6. How to Speak Up For Yourself: Okay, guys, Welcome back. This is a big one. Inside of this video, we are going to have a look at how to speak up for yourself. Let's go. So how do you really speak up for yourself when being at work? How do you dare to speak up to yourself? How do you build on that momentum to speak up for yourself? Say what you mean. Say what you want. Say what you feel. It always starts with working on yourself. Confidence. If you aren't self confidence when you're speaking, you don't believe in what you're saying, what you're feeling, what you wanting or what you're needing here in life. Of course, it will be hard for you to really speak up to your boss to a colleague, a family member to somebody who is bullying you. Somebody was calling you bad names, etcetera. Off course. It will be very hard for you to speak up for yourself. Therefore, we are going to build up your self confidence inside off this course. Actually, in the next couple of videos, we're going to do exactly that. But knowing that you need to work on your self confidence to be able to speak up for yourself. That's a good start, right? Next up, figure out your boundaries. We all have certain boundaries that we aren't too much known. Um, we don't really know what our boundaries is because we haven't written them down. We haven't self talk them to ourselves. We haven't maybe even talk to other people about our boundaries. Like don't step into this zone. Don't talk about this. I don't want to be a part of this. I don't want to see you doing this, etcetera, because we are often very, very careful what other people are going to think about ourselves. And also when we are saying no, we are very afraid of what other people will think about us. So setting boundaries, right? Figuring out what are bound Er's are here in life. What is not OK or what is okay with you will make it easier for you to speak up for yourself. And this comes to next point as well understanding your triggers. What makes you aggressive when you are communicating with somebody. Then off course, they have stepped on your boundaries. So these two goes too well together understanding of boundaries and then understanding your triggers when you're getting triggered to either stand up for yourself and scream. Now it's enough. Or maybe you are being in a flight mode. You just want to run away. You would like to be a passive, so understanding when you are being passive, aggressive or just passive, or being more aggressive in your communication will help you a long way. So by understanding your triggers, you will then be able to speak up for yourself. Say what you need. Say what you feel. Say what you want, then what will help you is if you are practicing what you would like to say. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down what you would like to say to that calling. That is always on you, stepping on your boundaries that are treating you to be aggressive at work or to your friend. Write down what you would like to say to your friend or a family member that has stepped on your boundaries that have triggered you to become more aggressive. So you don't dare to speak up the next time because that is what it is about. Either you're going to be passive, passive aggressive or you are going to be aggressive in your communication and therefore you feel like I don't wanna say what I want. I don't want to say what I need. I don't want to tell you my feelings. I feel like I can't speak up simply so practicing what you're going to say or what you want to say is very important. So write it down on a piece of paper on the computer, on your mobile phone or your tablet whatever, and then speak that out loud. You can practice if you having a very good friend. That is a good listener. You can practice to him or her, or you can practice in the mirror. Or you're sitting in front of the camera like I'm doing right now and practise what you would like to say to that Kali to that family member to that friend or to a person that hasn't bean too good for you in your life. And then you will definitely learn how to speak up for yourself and then always start small , takes small steps. Maybe don't go in. And the tail are family member that hey, you know what I don't want to go to your wedding. I don't want Oh, go to this dinner, etcetera. Of course, you shouldn't do things here in life that you don't want to do. But if you have a hard time speaking up for yourself, start small like I don't want to eat this for dinner. I don't wanna watch that movie. I don't want to do this this weekend. Stuff like that always start small. So let's have a look at a summary off this video. How to speak up for yourself. It always start with working on your self confidence. Have confidence to speak up for yourself and doing it respectfully, assertively off course. You don't want to go in tow in conversation and let's say just burst out in and Grecians, right? You do want to do with a more assertive way to both respect and not a person's opinion and off course se out what you feel, what you need and what you want for yourself, and then figure out your boundaries. Just write down whenever people are treating you. What what do you feel? What boundaries do you have in your body? When does it feel bad? for both your mind and for your body. When is it no for you that is abounding for you and then understand your triggers is very important. Then we're having practice what you would like to say to a certain person or in a conversation, and then start small. Start with a small test like ordering dinner. Or maybe I don't know and telling your friend, family or colleague or whatever. What kind of movie would like to watch hurt such a thing? So always start small. Okay, guys. So in the next video, you are going to get templates off exercises so that you can work up good momentum on how to speak up for yourself. See in the next video. 7. Exercise - Speak Up For Yourself: Welcome back to the course, guys. Now inside of this video, we are going to have exercise time. So we're going to learn how to speak up for ourselves. Step by step. Let's go. First of all, make a spontaneous decision. Now it can be anything like picking what show to watch tonight at Netflix or another channel or another service. Or it could be. What do you should eat tonight or what you should wear tonight? Basically what clothings that you should wear tonight? It can be anything like that. So, for example, pick a movie 40 evening without thinking about it twice. How many times haven't we been sitting at our computers or at the TV and just sapping through the channels and just thinking to ourselves, like which movie should I pick? It can be so hard a small thing as picking the right movie for the night, asking a lot of friends, members, maybe family members, etcetera. What should I watch tonight? It can be a real hassle, but basically just picking any show and stick with it. It will make it easier for you to take decisions in the long run and also to order take away without thinking about it twice. What take away should I order? Just pick a dish and then stick with that and that will improve it for you when it comes to speaking up for yourself is this decision making process that will help you to speak up for yourself In the end, Next up is asked for a different table. How many times haven't be we being handed a certain table at the restaurant and felt in her stomach? Maybe that I would like to sit by the window instead because then I will have a better view off the street, or maybe the sea or whatever. So when you are getting to a restaurant, go and ask the waiter for another table than the one that they are pointing you to. That's a simple thing to do, right? So whenever you go to a restaurant and you're getting a table regardless, if you're liking that table, this is just an exercise. This is for you to be able to speak up for yourself to tell the waiter Hey, is it cool that we are getting that table instead? Can we go and sit down at that table? and the way you would say, Yeah, of course. If it's not reserved, then you can take that table and that will help you to speak up for yourself. Next exercise would be Don't apologize to make things better. How many times haven't we said our opinion? And we are thinking maybe that our opinion doesn't really matter or that the person that is receiving what we are saying, it's maybe thinking I don't know. So we are apologizing for our opinion, for what we think, what we need and what we feel. Stop doing that. So, for example, when you were speaking your mind what you have inside of your head, your needs and wants while being respectful, always be respectful to people. Do so without saying I'm sorry if you know that you are doing this. If your stay telling a person your opinion well, I think maybe it's a project on work. You're thinking. What if we did this? I think that this will be way more productive if we did this this way, and then you say, Finish that off with I'm sorry. Then stop doing that. Just stop yourself in the process off saying I am sorry. Stop doing that. Try it out. And then how did that make you feel? Write it down inside of this video and inside of the next video's off all exercises, you will haven't template that you can follow along. That is out late. Just like if you look at the screen right now is out late with the same kind of questions so that you can write your answers just below. I will show you that in a second. So don't apologize to make things better, the next exercise is may be the hardest one. This is a hard one. Say no. No, I can't help you to move this weekend. No, I can't do this past because I have so much at work. I can't help you. I'm sorry. Example when and if you don't feel like doing a certain thing say no. It also has to be with both when you don't feel like doing it when you don't have time to do it. And maybe it is your boundaries. That air stopping you, whatever it might be, say no. Start small, but say no and you will learn inside of this course in a later video inside of this course how to say no properly, step by step. But when you're saying no, go back to this document that I will show you in a second and write down How did it feel to say no? Next one is stopped taking care of other people's feelings. I am very guilty here, guys always so not always. But sometimes when I'm talking to my dearest, my friends and family members, etcetera, I am trying to talk to them and see what level they are at. Rt happy. Are they sad on an angry etcetera? And sometimes I am communicating in a way to not try to step on their feets and two on their boundaries to make sure that they are feeling okay. But when I am stopping this when I'm not doing this, I feel better because people has to take care off their own feelings. If you're having a bad day, you're sad. You're angry or irritated, your aggressive or whatever doesn't really matter. You have to have feelings. You are a human being, and your closest friends and family members are also human beings. Therefore they have feelings, and they have to take care off their own feelings, so stop taking care off other people's feelings. So example. Stand by your decisions, regardless on how that makes other people feel. When we are telling our person our opinion and that is not matching with their opinion, it feels like it's, I don't know a bump. For example, it feels like you are not agreeing on a certain level or a certain point. It feels like, Oh, I have to somehow try to take care of the other person's feelings because maybe now I stepped on the stop doing that. Always be respectful and kind to others. But don't take care off others feelings. Okay, so how did that make you feel? Do that? Stop taking care of a person feeling if you know that you're having a friend that you are often like patting on the back and say, Hey, everything is going to be OK And you are always like trying to communicate in a way to make them feel better. Stop doing that. And here we're having all all the five exercises that we have went through. Make spontaneous decisions. Don't think twice. Ask for a different table. Don't apologize to make things better, Say no. You will learn that a little bit more in depth in an upcoming video stop taking care of others and motions. Let's have a look. A template that you can download that you can find in the resource is for this video clicked a link, and it will be downloaded to which ever device that you are watching this course on. Let's have a look at it. So guys, here is the template. So as you can see in the top here, you can see it says exercise. And then we're having speak up for yourself and we're having all five exercises here and you can see that it ends with right below. So you are having some space here. If you need, you can have a additional paper that you can write on. Or you can write all the answers in your mobile phone on your computer or on your tablet, and make sure that you're going through all of these exercises to make sure that you are able to speak up for yourself. Say, what do you mean? Say what you want, Say what you feel. OK, guys, let's move on to the next video. See you there 8. Speak with Confidence: well done so far. Now, inside of this video, we're going to have a look at how to speak with confidence. Let's go. So what are the steps that we need to take to make sure that we are able to speak with confidence? Well, let's have a look. Think before you speak. Have you heard it before? Don't just say so random stuff. Guys, just think before you speak, it's a thing. If you are in a conversation and you are, for example, don't know how to answer question, then it's OK to say, Hey, you know what? Let me think about it a second and then take like 15 to 20 to 30 seconds and then say what you would like to say. So by doing this, you're giving yourself space. You're giving yourself room to think before you speak. Do not be rational and answered directly. If you know that you are a person that needs to think a little bit to have everything, all the words in your mouth coming out in the right water, then off course, you can give yourself time in a conversation, to think and then to speak, and if you are doing and presentation, for example, at work in school or you would like to present and something for your family and friends. Then think plan ahead a little bit off what you are going to speak out to them, and you will feel in your body that you are having more confidence when you're speaking to that person or the person's for example, at room full of people presentation at work, you're feeling nervous. If you're thinking before you're speaking, you feel way more confident in saying what you would like to say. Next point is, speak slowly as you can hear. I'm always shifting when I'm speaking. Sometimes I'm speaking slowly. Sometimes I'm just rambling on and I'm talking very fast. The thing is, when you were talking very fast, you are speaking to your mind and often to the people that are listening to you that Hey, what I'm saying is not that important. It is not very important that you're listening to the worst that I'm saying right now, because I'm speaking by very, very fast. But you don't have to do that if you are speaking more slowly and more direct to the persons that you are speaking to, they will listen to you and not only slowly. If you're making process and then are talking, you will have their attention a little bit longer and therefore they will listen more intensely off what you're having to say. So speak a little bit slower. Yes, Tony, down a little bit. Try to speak slower to the persons that are receiving the information from you, and you will feel that you're giving yourself a little bit more time to think as well. And therefore you can speak with mawr. Confidence next point would be to control the tone off your voice. Imagine me just sitting here and talking like this. Wouldn't you get pretty bored? I guess you would get pretty bored. So by controlling the voice, your voice, the tone of your voice by sometimes. So if you're making a statement to really push on what you have to say and then you can calm yourself down a little bit, and then you can raise the voice a little bit more to learning these techniques to trying to really learn the technique of controlling your voice. When you're speaking, you will become way more interesting to listen to when you're speaking in front of people. I assure you off that and you will be much more confident in when you are about to have a speech, for example, you will feel like Okay, I can do this. I know when to push. I know when to hold back the tone off my voice. The four point would be to remove feelers and speak your mind. So you're having a conversation with a person and they're asking you Hey, do you wanna go out tonight and you're saying, Well, I think I could do that. I don't think I could do that, Saints that I could do that. If you can do that, if you don't want to do that, then say, Well, you know what? I don't want to do that instead of saying I think I don't want to do that, but I'm not sure remove the fillers like I think I don't know, etcetera. Speak more clearly than say what you want to do. Say you want, Say you need say your feelings directly. It doesn't sound un respectful if you're doing so. It just sounds like you are speaking with confidence, you know, what you want. You know what you need and you know what your feelings are. And you're speaking that directly to the person you say. Hey, you know what? I want to go out tonight. I wouldn't like to go out and have a bite with you. Or you know what? I have to study tonight. Perfect. Then you're speaking with confidence. You are speaking what you want or what you can do for the night. Remove feelers and speak your mind. Next one would be commit to speak with confidence. This is a dog off course. You have to commit to be able to speak with confidence. You have to do the exercises that I am going to present to you in the next video to make sure that you will speak with confidence. Okay, so therefore we're going to in a minute just move onto the next video. But first of all, let's have a look at all the five points once again. First of all, think before you speak. Speak slowly, control the tone of your voice, remove feelers and speak your mind, and then commit to speak with confidence. Therefore, we're going to move on to the next video. Follow me their sea legs 9. Exercise - Speak with Confidence: So, guys. Now it's exercise time tied, to do some exercises, to be able to speak with the confidence. Let's dive into the exercises. All right, so let's start write down what you are going to say. So the first exercise is basically what we already have spoken about instead off planning in your head what you were going to say. We would like you to put that down to a piece of paper or in a cell phone, and the first exercise would be to pick a subject you are passionate to speak about. Write down what you would like to say about that subject to people that know little to nothing about that subject. What would you say? So what would you write about? First of all, pick your subject and write a small little text about the subject that the person that you are going to them present this to don't know anything or just a little bit about. Once you have completed this once you have written down a small text, it can be, I don't know, 10 sentences or something like that. Explaining what you are passionate about on some details around that topic. It could be anything. It could be your hobby. It could be your work or anything like that. So speaking out loud and recorded, that's the next step. So by take the text that you wrote and record yourself talking about it so you can take your cell phone. Record your voice. When you're talking about it, ask a friend or someone at work or in your family to listen to it and ask them. If you are speaking with clarity, that's the most important thing here. To speak with confidence. You should pick a topic. Whatever hope is that you're having picked a topic, speak to a person speaking out loud. Record your own voice. When you are talking about it, you can basically a sit there with your text and reading it out loud and trying to speak with confidence. When doing so, get some feedback from a family or maybe personal your work. Or maybe a friend. Get some feedback and ask them. Hey, do you think I'm speaking with clarity? Does it sound like I'm speaking with confidence? Get that feedback and redo the exercise again until it really sounds like you are talking with confidence. You were speaking what you would like to say, basically, with confidence. So the next step would be to go down with your voice in the end. Now what do I mean with that? Well, let's have a look at exercise here. Listen to your recording and see if you can hear yourself going down with your voice or going up with your voice when making your point. Are you asking for validation, which you are basically doing? If you're going up with your voice your more or less asking a question when you're speaking , or are your certain off what you're saying and going down with your voice? So listen to this. Did this? Let's take a question, for example. So would you like to go out with me tonight? You see, I'm going up. Or would you like to go out with me tonight? That doesn't really sound like a question, right? So if you're speaking, let's say that your hobby would be soccer and you're saying, Hey, Barcelona is the best team in the whole world. Or if you would say a statement like Barcelona is the best team in the whole world, that sounds more like a questions to be certain of your point and go down with your voice when you are speaking this out loud and recording your own voice and then get some feedback off course and then write down how that sounds the next step. That would be to remove unnecessary words. Just remove the words that are fillers that don't belong there. So the exercises basically to speak to make people understand you instead off feeling your speech with confusing words like just, almost, maybe, basically hardly simply come to the point foster. And how did that make you feel to remove the words that are unnecessary for the text? So by removing unnecessary words, people would take you more seriously. And for us as listeners, it will sound way better. And it was sound like you know exactly what you're talking about, and therefore it sounds like you're confident in your speech, which means that your colleagues or if you are business leader, people will take you way much more serious. I assure you of that. Next one would be to get out and practice. Okay, so now it's time for you to start writing down things around the subject that you are passionate about. It can be a hobby speaking out loud and record it. Ask someone if you are speaking with clarity, work on going down with your voice. Remove feelers from your speech and keep practicing. How does it feel? After some practice, you can always ask both me and rubbing questions in a Q and A section off this course. We are there as ring questions within 24 hours. So if you have a text and you're removing fillers, you can ask us basically, if you have done it correctly or not. But just remember that your text won't be perfect, because there's nothing that is perfect in this world, but basically removing fillers that are unnecessary. Just see that you're doing that. Speak with charity and get feedback from a friend, colleague or a family member. Okay, guys, So now it's exercise time, and we're going to go to that template, and I will show you how it's outplayed for you. Alright, guys. So here is the template, as you can see right down what you are going to say. Speak it out loud and record it. Go down with your voice in the end to make a statement. If you're asking questions off course, go up with your voice so you can hear that it is a question and not the statement. And then remove unnecessary words. Get out and practice and just write everything below. Here you can download this very template in the resource is for this video. Just click the link under the lecture in this video and it was downloaded to which ever device that you are watching this course on go out and practice exercise now speak with confidence would be way easier for you after you have done these exercises. Good luck and I'll see you in the next video. 10. Learn How to Say No: Welcome back to the courts Now. Inside of this view, we are going to cover operated difficult topic, which is learn how to say no. So how do you do that? Well, let's dive into the video and figure that out. Well, saying no is really hard. Sometimes often it are so many things that comes in a way to saying no to people. Now, why is it so hard to say No? Why it's so hard to say no is can be multiple different reasons. One is guilt to feel guilt that you have maybe ruin somebody's day. If somebody is asking, Hey, can you help me to move this weekend? I'm going to switch apartment. Can you help me with all my stuff? And you're saying No. You feel guilt to not have helped this person out. It can be formal fear off, missing out. Basically, if somebody is planning a party and you feel like, oh, I so badly want to go to this party. But you know that this weekend you have to finish that task for work. Or maybe you are studying, so you're having a lot of homework to do or whatever it might be. Maybe you have promised your time to a family member, a friend, fiance or something like that. So you have to say no. But you also would like to go to this party. Therefore, you have fear off, missing out. It can also be that you don't wanna upset people or you don't want to get into a fight or a conflict with anybody. Basically, you are afraid off saying no and that is OK. You need to know your priorities in order to say no with confidence, right? If you know that it's more important to you to be with your family and friends than to maybe do an extra task, maybe work overtime, late evenings, etcetera for work. Then you know that you're prioritizing your family and friends before work. Now, if you're prioritizing your work, then that is OK. But by knowing your priorities, then it will be way easier for you to confidently say no to things that you don't want to do. You don't feel like doing or you basically don't have time to do next up. Give yourself time. So somebody is coming up to you at work and say, Hey, can you do this past what you can do. Then if you feel a little bit stressed and feel a little bit, maybe off social anxiety, instead of saying yes. Oh, of course, it just put it on my desk. You can say instead, let me get back to you or you can say, Can you please send me an email with this? I have a lot in mind right now, and with that, you're giving yourself space and room to say no, it's the way Easier to say no over an email. And it's a good practice to to do that over email and doing it face to face. So always start a little bit smaller, give yourself time to say no. Next one would be explanations lead to arguments. This is a thing, guys. Now, if you were trying to explain why you can't come to the party this weekend, you could say something like, You know what I am. I have to be home at nine o'clock because my baby sitter is going to leave them. So I have to take care of my kids and they say, Well, no problem. You can come to this party without any problem. You can Yes. Come a little bit early and you can leave before nine o'clock. No problem. But your intentions waas to say no because once maybe you didn't want to go second. You don't have the time. And third, you're prioritising other things. Basically. So if you're trying to explain why you are saying no to people, they can always try to go back atyou and try to convince you that you know what? It's OK. You can Yes, calm a little bit earlier. You can finish this task a little bit later if you have a lot on your desk right now, etcetera. So don't explain your nose. What you can do instead is to offer on alternative. So basically, if somebody asking you, then can you do this past for me? Then you can come up with an alternative task. Instead, you can go with his technique that Okay, well, email me and I will get back to you. And instead of saying no, you can come up with an alternative. And this is way easier for you to them say no indirect, if you know what I mean. So, for example, would you like to go to this party this weekend on the party starts a Saturday at 5 p.m. And you're saying you know what? I can't this weekend because don't give an explanation, Remember that I just can't this weekend. But what if we have launched next weekend? Then they won't try to convince you off coming to the party. They will say yes or no to the next thing that you are asking them about, which is a great technique. So basically learn how to say no can go like this. First of all, why it is so hard to say no. We already talked about the fear of missing out to try to not go into a conflict with anybody. Tried to not step on anybody's feats to try to basically have everybody on your side. You don't want to go into a conflict with anybody. That is why it's so hard to say no. But you should know your priorities when it comes to say no. What in life are you prioritising? Isn't your friends family your time? What is it? We're going to give an exercise in the next video, so this will be much clearer that give yourself time by giving yourself time to answer a question, to say no properly with confidence, you are much more likely to be able to say no and feel good about it. Explanations leads to argument. Don't explain your nose offer An alternative is a good way to go. Or you can basically say you know what? I don't feel like doing that. I hope you're OK with that. And you're fine. OK, in the next video, we're going to go over some exercises that you can do in order to learn how to say no. Okay, let's move on to the next video. I'll see you there. 11. Exercise - Say No: so guys have Welcome back. Now it's time for us to go into exercise time on how to say no. Let's dive into it, Okay? To become good at something, we all know that we need to do some exercises, some homeworks, to keep practicing on becoming good at something and to practice on saying no is a very good way to learn how to say no. Right, So let's dive into it. The first exercise we would like you to do is to write down the reasons you don't say no now, right down The most common reasons you are saying yes to the thinks you know, you should say no to what is stopping you from saying no? Is it often the fear of missing out? When it comes to maybe get together? Ah, party or something like that? Then you're saying yes to a lot of things. If you know that, then write that down. Is it that you are afraid off getting into a conflict with people at work or with your family members? Is it that you basically just don't know what you want? Why, What is the biggest reasons why you are not saying No, that is the first exercise. And of course, we're having a template for this. Basically what that is like in earlier lectures you can download. It is collect a link in this video and you will download a template with all of these different exercises. I will show you in the end, off this video how it looks. So what are stopping you write down the reasons why don't say no is the first exercise. Second exercise would be to write down your priorities Very important. Knowing what you are prioritizing in your life is very important. Most of our US people don't write down our priorities and therefore it's very hard to understand our boundaries, what we're prioritizing and when to say no with confidence, because we have things in life that we're prioritizing. But maybe we haven't made them clear for us. Now it's the chance for you to do so. Write down your priorities in life what things are so important to you that you can't compromise on. There's like no chance to compromise on those things. It can be simple things as what you eat, what you wear or how many hours you sleep every single night. So what are your priorities? Write them down. Next exercise in 3rd 1 would be start with one small No. So, guys, you don't need to start saying no to a family wedding or your best friend's party right away, right? It can be something as saying no to another portion of food or cup of coffee or tea. Yes, start with one small No. So just think for yourself and write down one thing that you should start saying no to. It can be a normal situation at work. It can be a normal situation with your friends and you maybe feel inside of you that I am not speaking up for myself. I am not saying no to the things that I know that I should do. If you're aligning everything with your priorities and with your boundaries that we already went through inside of this course, how does it look? Are you saying no to the right people and to the not right things and tasks, or are you still keep saying yes. Start writing those things down that you know that you should say no to fort exercise would be safe. Thank you for asking this goes are long way. I assure you out that so saying no can be daunting and can feel wrong in many ways, like we already have talked about it. Compete feels so wrong to say no to people because we don't want to hurt other people's feelings right. Instead of explaining yourself, say thank you for asking and go from there saying No can be done in a respectful way and will help you to keep relationships alive. That is the point, right? We just don't want to go around with family and friends and colleagues and say, You know what? No, I don't even want to hear what you are about to ask, but I am going to learn to say no. Some you're saying No, no, be respectful to keep your relationships alive. So try it out and write down how it felt. So maybe the next time that you are telling somebody. Well, you know. No, I can't. I can't do that for you. I'm You don't even have to say sorry. But you can say I don't want to do that for you at Thank you so much for asking. And if you would like to do that, you can come up with an alternative solution, maybe another person or something like that, because we as human beings, I would like to help one another out off course. So if you're having on alternative for another task, where a person we're not a date, etcetera, come up with that. Otherwise, I thank you for asking will get you a long way. Next up. Be clear and direct, as we already have talked about. These filler words won't do it for you, because then the people can feel some hesitation so you can offer alternatives that were already spoken about when saying no. But more important is to be clear and direct when you are saying no. I know with a bit of hesitation in your voice like No. Like that. And in your voice and or in your body language can be motivation enough for the other person to start asking questions, and we don't want people to ask questions on why we are saying no. Because remember, we don't want to explain our nose, so be clear and direct. And then the question of course exercise. How can you be more clear and direct in your responses. Is it to remove filler words, or how can you be more clear and direct in your communication when you are saying no? So, guys, we have went over inside of this video exercises on saying no, Write down the reasons you don't say no. Write down your priorities to make them crystal clear for you. So you know that in certain situation or basically any situation, you know what your priorities are. And therefore you can say no to the things that don't benefit you or benefit the other person because maybe you don't have the time to help them out. Start with a small note. Say thank you for asking. Be clear and direct and you will go a long way with all these steps to learn how to say no . Let's have a look at the template guys. So, guys, this is a template. The exercise to say no. Here you have all the five different exercises we would like you to do. You can download this document by just clicking on the link on this document. It will be downloaded to which ever device you are watching this course on into your phone onto tablet onto computer and you can do all of these exercises. Good luck, and I'll see you in the next video. 12. I Instead Of You: Welcome back, guys. Now inside of this video, we're going to talk about something that we would like to call I instead off you when it comes to assertive communication. So it's time into the video. All right, So what do we mean with I instead of you? Well, let's say that you are getting in tow conversation with a person and that person are telling you these kind of things. You messed up. You never clean up. You are never on time. You don't take responsibility. How would you answer to these statements? What would you say back to the person? So, in most of the cases were responding to this in an aggressive way, like trying to hurt them back. Well, okay, I know I messed up, but you always do this and this and this and that. Okay, So if you are answering this way, you know that these conversation often aren't too good right there not to working out the way both you and the person that you are speaking to our wishing it to do so. That is one way and and other way could be that you are being a passive. And you say Yeah, I know. I messed up. Yeah, I know. I never clean up. I know I'm never on time. I know I never take responsibility, but maybe you feel like, Hey, this is one time thing you can say that always messing up, But you're on the passive side. You don't want to go into that conversation and turn it into a conflict. So you're passive, but instead, off being passive or aggressive or passive aggressive, you can be more assertive in your communication and use I instead off you now in you. If you're going into a conversation, you always would like to see if the timing is right. Let's twist it around here and say that it's you who would like to tell people that Hey, you messed up. You always would like to see that the timing is right. You don't want to call people when they are stressed out. When you're doing other things, when they're concentration is on other things. So always ask them. Is this the right time for us to speak to? You have 10 minutes to spare if you see that they are flicking with their eyes or if they are in their phone, etcetera. Just use another time to speak to them. Skip, blaming others. This is a thing that we learned in kindergarten, but basically it is taking responsibilities for your action. But also taking responsibilities for your feelings is if somebody indirect hurt you like coming home too late that evening, they didn't call you up or didn't pick up the phone or something like that. That is your feelings. You need to skip blaming other people for what you are feeling and start taking responsibility for your own feelings and your own thoughts. You also would like Teoh Skip victimising yourself to telling people like this is always happening to me. You are always doing this to me. You are always making me feel bad. You need to stop making me feel bad. That is not what's going on. It's You are having often expectations on the other person. Maybe, and therefore your expectations are not being met when they're not being met. It makes you feel away, so you need to start taking responsibility and skip victimising yourself for things that are happening around you that will not go well in your conversations, and you will not become more assertive in your communication, you won't be able to speak with confidence, make people listen to you and make people respect you. So skip victimising yourself. It's about how you feel inside, just like we were talking about. Everything that is happening around us is about how you feel inside. So when you're communicating, we would like you to learn how to communicate. And that best way to communicate is to start with I the first person I feel this way because this so always start with explaining your feelings. It's not about the other person off. What the other person is telling you are how the other person is making you feel. It is basically on inside of here. What expectations you're having on different types of situations of basically, always start with I, which leads us to the next point. Start forming, I statements on. We will talk much more about this in the next video, where we are going to do some type of exercises on how to speak from the first person to the second person. I is the first person you are the second person, so I, instead of you, is basically a wait for you to communicate, to understand and see if the timing is right to understand that you can't burst into a conversation without having the other person present being there, listening to you, standing with her body straight to you and not having their feats the other way. Because if you're talking to another person and you see at they are on the round to another direction, you know that they're not listening to you. I contact. They're not looking through their smartphone. They are present. Then you would like to skip blaming hours. Take own responsibility, Skip victimising yourself. Don't tell people that Hey, you're always doing this for to me. Don't say that to people. They won't listen to you. They will most of the time become defensive and maybe attack you back. It's about you and how you are feeling in sight. Speak from first person, which is you. How you are feeling. We will talk much more in about this in the next video when we're going to the exercise and start forming I statements. That is exactly what we're going to speak about in the next video. So let's move on to the next video and have a look at an exercise off I instead off you for better, clearer, more confident communication to make people listen to you and respect what you have to say . Let's dive into next video, see you there. 13. Exercise - I Instead Of You: Welcome back to the course, guys. Now inside, off this video, we are going to talk about I statements how to use I instead of you properly to keep the conversation alive. Whether you are blaming somebody are in an argument with somebody, etcetera. First of all, we are going to go over some pointers and then we're going to head into the exercises. So let's dive into the video. Alright, guys. So we already spoken about it. I, instead of you are basically I statements that takes responsibility for your feelings. If you're going into on a conversation with somebody, you feel that they have done something wrong, it can look something like this. You always come home late at night. It's not okay to do that. Do you think that this would open up to ah, good and understanding conversation? I don't think so. I will think that a few doors will slam and maybe some aggressions will come back at you. Maybe some blame, maybe some guilt back at you. And the other person maybe would like to hurt you back to have ah, level field. So instead, off going at them, skip that we can go into talking about how you feel, followed with an explanation why you are feeling that way. And so instead of doing this, we can go to I feel sad when you are coming home late at night. I want to hang out with you more often. You see what we did here? First of all, we're telling the person how we are feeling with taking responsibility for our feelings. I feel sad. That is a feeling when you are coming home late at night. The explanation had already started, right, but it continues. I want to hang out with you more often. Awesome. We haven't blamed them. We have taken responsibilities for our feelings, which is the key to a successful conversation, and to have better understanding for one and others opinions. Now, if we move on, we would like to keep. Your voice is soft, and even so, always keep your voice is soft. And even when you are speaking because if I would like to burst out, I think you will back off and become more passively and not receiving the information that you're getting from me. So keeping your voice soft and even is another pointer that we're having described how the other person's action made you feel We already spoken about this, but instead of going like this, you always come home late at night. We're talking about the feeling. I feel sad because people can't deny your feelings, and that is a fact people can try to deny your feelings. But if you're saying, Hey, I feel sad when you coming home late at night or I feel sad when you haven't finished this task where I feel sad when you are lying to me, then people can say No, you're not feeling sad when I'm lying to That is not correct because people can't deny your feelings. So to recap this video before we had into the exercises and I statement is basically when you were taking responsibility for your feelings, you are not putting blame on other people. You're not victimizing yourselves. You're talking from the first person and taking responsibility for what you are feeling, I feel followed with an explanation is a great way to start off your I statement with because people can't deny your feelings, keep your voice soft and even describe how the other person's action made you feel not what they are doing wrong. Rather how that made you feel. People can't deny your feelings. Now it's time for us to jump into the exercises on how to become a master on this, to keep all of your conversations alive and for other people to keep the respect up here for what you have to say, Let's dive into exercises. So the exercises for I instead of you is basically we're putting you into a scenario or a situation rather. So we would like you to change these words or the sentences here to I statements. So basically, the first scenario would be you have a friend that often cancels plan at last minute. You are now sitting in a restaurant and waiting for your friend. Suddenly your friend is calling you and telling you they can't come. You have now had enough. How would you then turn this into I statement instead of going into blame and say You're never on time? You're always canceling the plans on me. I had enough, So how would you turn this into an I statement to keep that relationship going, but still saying what you feel and what you want from this person. And then we have the second scenario. You are working on a group project with five colleagues at work. You have one calling that isn't doing its part off the work and that needs to be done. This is something that has happened before and you need to finish it. You are the person that needs to finish this because you know that this colleague isn't going to do its part. What would you say to your calling? To prevent this from happening again? How can you use an ice sent statement instead of going into blame and self victimizing here ? Then we have the third and the last scenario. You have one friend that you know the makes good money every single month at its work, regardless off the mountain off the salary that the person is making. Your friend is always asking you for alone. In the end off them month, what would you tell your friend using an I statement? Write that down below. So basically, you can go ahead and download this document that you're seeing on the screen right now. Collect the link off this video just below this video, click that link. Don't know this to whichever device that you're having, and you can feel this out with your eye statements to be able to keep all of your relationships and all of your conversations alive to speaking out from what you feel is a great way to be able to tell the person how you feel, what you want and what you need and be more assertive in your communication. Good luck with exercise. I'll see you in the next video. 14. Assertiveness Thank You: congratulations on finishing this assertiveness course to gain more confidence to speak up for yourself. Both me and Robin are super excited to have, Yes, a student. Don't forget to ask questions in a Q and A section. We will answer all of your questions within 24 hours. And also, guys, don't forget to download your certificate off the course. If you don't know how to just go to the F A Q. Inside of the course curriculum, click there and you will see how to download your certificate. Look at me. I even put on a shirt for you guys. Congratulations once again, and I hope you to see you in the Q and A section, and in the next course my guys. 15. Conflict Management Explained: Hi there. First of all, a warm welcome from both me Jesper and my colleague Robin to this course on conflict management. How to handle difficult conversations inside of this video. I am going to explain to you what conflict management IHS and the best practice is to do it . Let's I mean to be you Now, First of all, what is conflict Management lets me explain it to you pretty easy. Okay, so coming management. It's basically when we are identifying and handling conflicts, so complimented mint is liming thing than negative parts and increasing the positive parts off a conflict. Removing the negative parts and increasing the positive parcel account Click. Now a conflict in its own is not negative or positive. It depends off the outcome of the conflict. The aim is to improve learning group results and performance in an organization. But it can also be conflict management at home, for example, so a conflict is not positive or negative. As I already told you in itself, it depends on the result it produces. Look at the result of the conflict after conflict is went over. So this big is that productive or not? Has it come out to be a good result for a bad result. And how do you judge that? Well, you look at the feeling off the people involved and how they are performing. So, for example, if you're having a conflict at work, you can basically judge if it's a positive or a negative based on the outcome. The result. How are people feeling within the organization in the group? And also how are they performing under the circumstances? So let me take and workplace example here, so the example would be to sales. People are competing for the most sales to get a bonus. So two people are striving and they're working. And they are. They are hustling to get that bonus. Let's have a look at the negative part and a positive part off the conflict. Now a negative would be sales decrease because they are maybe focusing too much on competing with one another. So they're not focusing on the customers to bring in more customers to get more saints. They are focusing on that conflict. Therefore, it will be a negative conflict, and it doesn't produce any useful outcome. A positive outcome would be that saves increase when they're competing for sales and this dust produce a useful outcome. So this is basically conflict management. In a nutshell. Good conflict management is how you take a negative conflict and turned that into a positive conflict that produces results. And you need to do that by listening actively by asking questions and then feeling in the gaps. And you're going to learn in a step by step process on doing just that, how to have a difficult conversation and turned that into a productive result. You learn how to turn a negative conflict, difficult conversations into something positive, productive that will perform inside of this course. It's covered with all of these tips and tricks and so on. Ah, one. Welcome from both Meet Jesper and Robin inside of this course and I see you in the next video. 16. Why Conflict Management is Important: Welcome back to the course, guys. Now inside of this video, we're going to cover why conflict management is so important. Why it's a skill that you just have to learn. Let's dive into the media now. We all know that conflict is nothing that we would like to be within. Or is it? We both have positive conflicts that can. If we are managing the conflict correctly, it can turn into a very positive thing. But on the outer hand were having negative conflicts, the conflicts that we would like to re sold. Now, inside of this video, we're going to go over a few different reasons why conflict management is so important. Let's start. First of all, conflicts affect others to. Now. If you're having a conflict at work, let's say and you're getting home about dinner time, what do you think would be the discussion? Com Pick around the dinner table. If you are an open person, you will definitely tell your let's say, your wife or your husband and maybe even your kids or other family members or and your friends about the conflict that is going on at work. Maybe you're not even in the conflict. Maybe you have colleagues or your bosses in a conflict, but you will discuss the topic and you will be affected. Or maybe you're having a conflict with a and Bluey off yours. Or maybe your boss. Then people around you are not blind. They're not stupid. They will definite see and feel that a conflict is going on, and that will definitely affect others, too. Therefore, you need to master conflict management. Second reason is it can divide people and teams. Now, some people within a team maybe say yes to our conflict or two on something within the conflict. And another side will say no to that conflict, which if you're having a deadline for a project, let's say and that's dividing the team. Then you won't reach that deadline and that gold for the project then we're having it can cost you relationships and jobs. Now, if you ever have bean within a conflict, a bad and negative conflict with a loved one, then and that didn't turn out the way you wanted to. Maybe you lost a friend. Maybe you lost your wife, your kids or whatever. You know that it can hurt and it can cost your relationship. But if you are getting good at conflict management and you can decrease the negative once and increase the positive conflicts, then you know that you will feel better in your life. You will be more productive, etcetera. A study shows that 35 to 50% off the people leaving their jobs in the U. S. And in Canada actually are people that are leaving the jobs because of conflicts within the workspace, which is insane 35 to 50% off the people leaving the job doing so because of conflicts. Imagine if you're having a team, maybe you're a boss yourself. You're having a team, and you need that team to work together. To call elaborate. In order to reach the goals, reach deadlines, etcetera. Imagine if you can decrease the number from about 50% down to, let's say, 10% or serial percent. You'll have way more happier employees actual work. Therefore, you need to master the art off conflict management, and it can also decrease the productivity off the employees, for example. Now imagine that you're having a team that you are managing, and there's a conflict within that team you don't know how to manage that conflict. How can I turn this negative conflict into a positive one? How can I make my team collaborate more effectively? How can we reach together this goal and this deadline with this project, for example? Now imagine if you're having in conflict within that team, it will definitely decrease the productivity. What will they talk about at lunch? What will they talk about when you are not watching over them? And what are they going to talk about? Maybe on their free time. So basically, this will disc Reese the productivity off whatever you are doing, because this will distract you and your employees. Or maybe if you're no employee, it will definitely distract and decrease the productivity off the employees within the company. And then, lastly, it will increase the stress for you and the people that you are working with. Let's say that there's a conflict that work. You're getting to the job. You're stepping a foot into the office and you start feeling this dark cloud over you. You can see that some people are sitting there small talking. Some people are sitting there small talking. You can see that what this conflict has produced is divided up the team within your workspace. So you have starting to feel stress. You don't know what people you should talk with, what you should talk about and off course. This will be decreased, that productivity off. Whatever product that you you are working with so increased stress. We know what is doing to us human beings. We don't feel good about herself. And definitely we would like to Shane's our jobs eventually if we don't feel good. And stress will also increase how we are feeling and maybe even what we're doing with the test. So if we're getting injured at jobs, it's often because we're feeling stressed. So why Conflict management is important in recap. If we're not doing conflict management at work, it can affect honors. It can't divide people and teams. It can cost relationships and jobs, decrease the productivity and increase stress. Okay, guys, let's move on In the course with how to do conflict management effectively see in the next video 17. Why We Avoid Conflicts: Welcome back to the chorus guys. Now, instead of this video, we're going to talk about a few reasons when we as human beings are avoiding conflicts, let's dive into the video some. Most people like conflicts, but most of us don't like conflicts. Therefore, we would like to avoid them. Let's go over a few reasons why we are avoiding complex at any cost as human beings. First of all feel off confrontation. Let's say that you were having a best friend and you are feeling that this best friend is harming you in any way. Or maybe they are doing some kind of wrong with their girlfriend or boyfriend, and you feeling this is a no go for me. I would like to tell you to stop doing whatever you're doing, then fear off that come from Tae shin. Well, most cases stop you for saying anything at all, because then confrontations turned into an argument, and if the other person think that they are right and that's your best friend and you're feeling that they're doing wrong, then you will definitely have a confrontation. And if that is a no go for you, you would like to avoid that at any cost. Then you won't go into that conflict, right? So fair confrontation is, I would say, the most common reasons why people are avoiding conflicts at all. Then we're having fear off judgment. Let's say that you are speaking your mind. You're saying at work, for example, Let's do it this way. People are starting, maybe to dig a little bit, maybe laugh a little bit and you're feeling judged because you were only speaking your mind . You were only trying to get the project moving forward for you and your team to reach that goal even faster. But if you are having a fear off judgment that people are going to laugh at you, people are going to think that maybe you are stupid or whatever. Then you won't go into that conflict. You won't go into speaking your mind basically, so your fear of judgment can be one thing that is costing you to not getting into on conflict. To get into a new conversation to an argument about the topic. Then we're having fear off rejections. Now. I remember in my teenage years I had a fear of rejection. I was always sitting with the girls listening to the stories about their boyfriends and their friends and everything. Sometimes I didn't feel like doing that. But if I wasn't listening to all these girls about their boyfriends, they maybe wouldn't want to have me in their team in their group. So therefore, I was listening. I was having a fear of rejections. What if I stopped listening to them? What if I tell them? Hey, now it's enough. Can use please start listening to what I have to say instead. But they were just talking and talking and talking out was that nice guy, the friend zone guy that was just listening to them because I had fear off them rejecting me out from the group. And it can be the same for you at work space. What if you're telling your mind your feelings or how you can maybe work more effectively as a group as a team? What if your telling people that and they're like looking at you like why? And you're maybe being rejected from the group now the case is isn't this because if I want to tell these girls like I want to speak to, then I assumed that they would respect me and listen to me. And I assume this will be the case also, if you're having something off value to bring to a group toe a team so you don't have to be so afraid off speaking your mind. But this is one on the reasons why we are avoiding conflicts, the fear off rejection. Then we're having fear or offending. Let's say that somebody did something wrong at work, and you know, by fact that this is a pretty fragile person. You know that this person is pretty close to their feelings, and they're not afraid to show their feelings, which is not being fragile. But let's say this is a fragile person and by telling them that you feel like this can be done more effectively and better than that person may feel that you have offended this person. Or maybe this isn't the case. Maybe you have no idea. But you're already just having a fear off, offending others to hurt other people's feelings by telling your opinion about a matter. So fear of offending another person is another reasons why we are avoiding conflicts at all . And then lastly we're having fear off abandonment. Nobody in this world would like to be left alone, right? We would like to have friends, families, COL leagues, maybe even a great boss at work on our site. But what if we're getting into a conflicts telling another person our feelings and what we think can be more effective way to work? We can have the fear of abandonment. We can be left alone right now. This is mostly not the case. If you're not telling the other person something very aggressive and maybe even are harming the person in any way but fear our abandonment to be left alone is one reason why we are avoiding conflicts at all. So let's have a look at all off that reasons why we are often avoiding conflicts as human beings fear off confrontation, fear off judgment, fear off rejection, fear or offending fear off abandonment. Do you recognize yourself in any all these reasons why you would avoid on conflict? Write it down or just speak with yourself? Have a little self talk who opt out of these, are you? Let's move only in the course. I'll see you in the next video 18. The Conflict Management Styles: Welcome back to the chorus guys. Now inside of this video, we're going to talk about the different complex management styles there is to use when entering and conflict. Let's dive into the video. So just by knowing that there isn't only one conflict management style that we can use for all different situations inside of this video, we're going to go over five different complex management styles that you can use for a particular situation. Okay, so let's start off with the model on the left hand side, you can see that we're having assertive. Being assertive is basically when you're saying what you're feeling, what you are wanting and what you need as a person. And then if you look on the bottom, you can see that here we have the cooperative line. So to the left, we're having low and to the right we're having high. So let's go over the five different styles. And also these guidelines here will guide you through how assertive type of style is and how cooperative a type of style is. So First off, we're having the style of avoiding. And as you can see on this shark, do you can see that assertiveness is low because you are not telling the other person what you want, what you need and what you feel and then we're having also own cooperative is low as well, because basically avoiding in our conflict is with a goal off. Delaying everything you don't feel may be confident getting into and complex of. Therefore, you don't say what you want. You don't say what you need. You don't say what you feel with a goal off delaying everything, and this can be helpful in some cases. Maybe your boss is on you and you are having a project that this maybe running a little bit late and you try to win a little bit more ground Lee to be more time. Maybe you try to delay everything so you try to avoid your boss, for example, could be good. But if you're getting into a relationship and maybe your spouse would like to divorce you, maybe you should go into that conflict and try to solve it in another way. Next up, we're having accommodating and as you can see on the screen in the bottom, you can see that on accommodating style is more to the high when it comes to cooperating, but it's pretty low when it comes to assertive. Basically, you don't say what you feel. You don't say what you need. You don't say what you want. Now what is accommodating? Accommodating is basically if you look on the picture right now with the goal to give in now this could be helpful in some situations. But as you can see on this picture, this guy ISS maybe helping out with stuff within the company that is not on his desk, that it's not within his work description. So maybe this is an normal regular office guy, but he is helping to move stuff around in the office, and you can find yourself maybe in these similar situations when you are trying to accommodating to. You basically are giving into whatever people are saying to you because you are the guy or the girl at that is helping other people's out. But the thing here is that maybe it isn't helping you. You're not gaining anything from this, so it depends on when to use this A conflict style, but basically accommodating is with a goal off giving it in because Maybe you don't have the confidence to say what you feel. Say what you want and say what you need. Next up, we're having competing the competing conflict, Silas against see its highest on the assertiveness. You say exactly what you feel exactly what you need, exactly what you want. But on the other hand, it's a low when it comes to cooperating. You're not cooperating with other people in the conflict or with the other person in the conflict. So the goal is to win. Now, this can be very helpful. If, for example, you are saying something and somebody isn't agreeing with you, maybe you are just spilling out your feelings and the other person is trying to deny your feelings. Then go for that wind. Don't let people go over you. Don't let them walk on you. So if you would like to stand up for yourself with confidence to be more assertive than you can definitely go in with the competing starts. But if you were meeting a person that is going to want to cooperate with you and are trying to find some type of middle ground in somehow, then maybe competing isn't the best style to use because, as you can see, the goal is to win and win big Next up we're having compromising. And as against see on this chart, it's landing in the middle between assertiveness and cooperating. And compromising is pretty much exactly what the word is speaking. The goal is to find a middle ground. So a middle ground, What does it mean? Well, you win some, but you also lose some. The person that you are in conflict with is having one opinion. And the other person you, in this case, are having another opinion. So you are getting a little bit the way you want to, and the other person is getting a little bit like they are wanting to. Now, if this is something that is like the other person is walking over, you are You're feeling like okay, this person isn't respecting my boundaries, etcetera. Then maybe you should work with another style. But if you feel like you can win some and the other person can win some and you are totally fine with that, then you can use this compromising style next up. We're having collaborating now, Why did I make this blue Well because in best case scenario, we want to collaborate with other people when we are in a conflict. Because collaboration, as you can see on this chart, is high in cooperative, which means that we are We're working with the other person. We're trying to solve this conflict together, okay? And then we're having it also high in a circuit, which means that you say what you want, you say what you need, you say all of your feelings and you're saying what you think is the best way to solve any problems or to move forward with a project that work or in their relationship, etcetera. So let's have a look at collaboration a little bit more. The goal is to find a win win situation so that you are feeling that you are winning. But the other person is also winning. You're not trying to trick the other person into Hey, you're going to win, but they're not. You are open to what they have to say, and they are open to what you have to say. You respecting their opinion and their respecting your opinion, and you're working together. You're collaborating to find a solution, so both you and the other person are winning, so collaboration is something that we're aiming for in most situations. But if collaboration would take, let's say too long time to do, to win, trust and win respect, etcetera. Maybe collaboration isn't a way to go, but just know that collaboration is basically with the goal toe. Find a win win situations for both parties. So, guys, these are the five different conflict management styles that we can use in any type of conflict. And all styles doesn't fit all different situations. In the next video, we're going to cover three different questions that we would like you to ask yourself before heading headfirst into an conflict with anybody. Okay, so let's dive into the next video where we're going to go over these three questions. Very important video. See you there. 19. Before Choosing Your Style: Welcome back to the course, guys. Now, inside of this video, we're going to talk about exactly what we talked about in the last video. Which is what do you do before you are choosing your conflict styles? What questions should you ask yourself before heading into the complex? Let's dive into you. So it would be pretty convenient if we had one conflict style to always go for in all types off conversations, right? But the case is that different situations needs different styles. Now, if you are at work talking with your boss, maybe you are a little bit more laid back. You are getting instructions, and you need to take whatever you're getting. Because if you're going into a harsh conflict with this person with this boss, for example, then maybe it isn't the best for your position at work. And so therefore, in on conflict with the boss, for example, you are taking a little bit more often backseat approach rather than maybe trying to win all type of situations. And maybe you're getting fired from work. But if you were having a colleague and you feeling like, hey, you are not trying to cooperate with me. I am going to try to cooperate with you. So I am going to use the collaboration style a little bit more. Try to find out a win win situation. Then you're pretty good at conflict management. I would say so. Different styles in different situations. So therefore, I would like to ask you tree different questions. These questions are questions that you can quickly before heading in headfirst into in conflict. Ask yourself so you know what types of style you should go with. First question would be. How much do you value the other person and the issue? Pretty straightforward question. I would say. Don't you value people the same? Most of the cases we don't actually, because if this a person is very important to you, maybe it's your family member. Maybe it's your calling that you have been working with for 15 years or so. Maybe you're using one type of style. Maybe you're a little bit laid back. We know that you can use a little bit more cooperative style, like collaborating or trying to get out. Win win situations out of our conflict easier. Or maybe this is a calling that is new at work and they're going in with a harsh conflict style A or Onley trying to defeat you, trying to win whatever conflict that you are within. Maybe you should know that. Okay, this person isn't too important to me and the issue doesn't really matter. It doesn't really bother me. And therefore, I'm going to be a little bit more passive in my conflict management style. And that is totally fine because you were having other things in your life that you are maybe valuing even more. It's not always about winning all kinds of conflicts, because that will take time. And maybe sometimes it isn't even about trying to collaborate and trying to work with the other person. Because maybe you feel like this is going to take a lot of time and energy. So therefore, I'm not gonna do that, So just have this in mind. Ask yourself, how much do you value the other person? Not how much do you respect other person? How much do you value the other person and the issue before heading in headfirst? Because just know that if you're going to collaborate with other people, that can take time and energy but is also most cases the best way to do it? Do you understand the consequences? So what would happen in the case? If you are going into in conflict with your boss, what will be the consequences of you being more more assertive, telling the boss exactly what you want, what you feel, what you need in all types of situations. Maybe they will respect you more if you're doing it in a smart way, where if you're doing it in an aggressive way, maybe you can lose your job. So do you understand the consequences when you are picking your conflict? Management styles have that in mind, and the third question I have for you is, Do you have the necessary time and energy to contribute? Now let's say that you are going with the more accommodating, complex management styles, which means that you are trying to help the other person out. You're not winning anything, but do you even have the time and energy to do so? Or maybe, are you prioritising things at home or you're having another task at your table? Please do consider if you're having the necessary time and energy to contribute, which means to help the other person or the group with whatever topic that might be on the table. So always think about your time and your energy. And do you have enough to contribute? So ask these questions. Will a goal in mind? What is the goal for you when you're going into a conflict? When argument with somebody, would you like the other person? Just to understand? Would you like to have a totally different result off what you're currently are having within this conflict? So always have a goal in mind when you're asking yourself these questions, and also when you're heading into any type of conflicts. So basically, how much do you value the other person and issue? Do you understand the consequences off using a certain style or at all going into a conflict with another person? Maybe, you know that you have on hot temperament, so you know that you are getting heat that you're getting aggressive. You always try to win all kinds of conflicts. Maybe you shouldn't go in with your boss or with their the team leader in any types of conflict. Maybe you should try to just talk a little bit with yourself. And I understand what type of coal you're having going into any conflict. Do you have the necessary time and energy to come? Tribute. Are you off value for the conflict? If not, then don't go into that conflict. So as this question with a golden mind. So what styles are feeding you? The best comes down to what situations that you are within. I have given you some examples of different types of situations. So basically, ask yourself, avoiding competing, compromising, accommodating, or collaborating would contribute to the best outcome possible and for you to reach your goal with that conflict. Good luck. Now I'll see you in the next video. 20. 5 Common Workplace Conflicts: All right, so let's move on into the course Now, inside of this video, we're going to talk about five common work place conflicts and what you can do to prevent them. Let's dive into you. Ah, nightmare, right. Having a conflict at work? How do you handle conflicts at work can be pretty harsh, right? So let's go over five common work place complex and what to do about him. First of all, the task based conflict. Now, maybe you are a leader, team leader, boss, manager, etcetera. Or maybe you are an employee at the work. So you are being handed. Let's say that you're working within the group and you are handing out different tasks, and you know that all of these tasks needs to be done within a certain period of time. And you also know that if yes, some of the tasks are being done correctly within this period and not all of them, you know that the project won't be finished, so you need everybody to do its parts. But what if you weren't being clear about what exact task that a certain person should do? Then you can get into something called a task based conflict would. You are talking to this person and telling them, Hey, you haven't done your part of the deal or your part of the project, and therefore we are standing put and waiting for you to complete this task in order for the whole team to reach the goal and the deadline. So if you aren't communicating clearly and you are a leader than try to speak with more clarity to not get into a conflict about task based stuff. But if you are an employee then and you don't want to go into any conflict, the boast, different tasks, etcetera, new are wanted to make sure that you are doing your part of the deal, your part of the project. Then talk to the boss and ask them directly. Can you please specify my tasks of what I'm supposed to do so you don't get into this conflict? But just task based conflict is one of the most common workplace conflicts out there. Then we're having work style conflict. Some people were like no one is the other one alike, right? So some people like to work in one way. Maybe they are working better alone Maybe another person is bending working better in a big group. Maybe another person is working better in a small group. Maybe one person needs to have feedback on all kinds of things because maybe they are new at work. Or maybe if you have some experience behind you, maybe you know that you work better with one person, a certain person within the company. So based on your style, how you are working the best it can actually getting to a type of conflict argument situation kind of thing when you are, for example, being handed toe work within a group. So make sure to communicate. If you are a leader or team leader or anything like that, make sure to sit down with your group before you handing out all different types of tasks and ask them questions like what type of work style do you prefer? Do you prefer to work in a group, or do you work better alone? Are you more productive if you're working with three people or five people or six people try to find the strength and the weakness is amongst the people that you are going to work with or that you are going to delegate tasks to in order to prevent this work style conflict, because people aren't all ways the same. I mean, some people work bettering group. Some people work better alone. That's the fact. So if you would like to have productive work, ask questions to the group that you are the leader off or if you're working with people, ask them questions. How would you prefer to work? What is your work style? And then you will get answers and therefore you can prevent work style conflict. Then we're having personality based conflict. Basically, we don't like every people in the whole world. We don't do that. I'm sorry to break it to you, but not everyone in the world like you, not in the everybody in the world like me either. So therefore, if you were having, I mean taking a lot of space in your environment, at work or etcetera and you're talking a lot. Maybe not all the people think you are funny or would like to talk a lot of with you or would like to work with you eater. If you are more quiet kind of person, then people can also have problems with that, so just know that don't change your personality. But just know that this is one common workplace conflict this personality based. So this is nothing that you should do anything really about. But some people we work better with and some people we don't work too well with. And also we don't like everyone in the world, and you shouldn't go out there and try to be liked by everyone. But just know that this is one of the most common workplace conflict is personality based, and I don't like it at all. But this is just what it is. Then we're having a leadership style conflict. Now you can be on bold, charismatic leader that takes a lot of space. Or you can be that more a leader that is giving up people space are getting feedback from the workers. Your employees. What kind of ah leadership style do you work with? But this can also be the discussion topic off the lunch when you're not around, so people can sit there and have a different types of opinions about your leadership style . Or you can have opinions about other people's leadership styles. So by preventing this. Talk to the group. Talk to the group that you are leading or if you are on a regular employee at the company, take responsibility and talk with urine colleagues about this talk with How do you feel about the leader? Is the leader good? What can the leader improve, etcetera and then talk with each other because productivity doesn't calm sitting around when you're being quiet that you need to speak up for yourself to say what you feel, what you need and what you want. And then we're having the idea conflict. You may think that you're sitting on the best idea ever. Okay, You feel like you have brainstorm. You have innovated. You have come up with a very best idea. Your super pumped 2% your idea. But you're not alone here. Maybe you have other colleagues that are have being ideas around that very same topic. They have brainstorm them, innovated. They think that they are sitting on a very best idea. So it's very easy to go into something called an idea conflict, which means that you think that your idea is the best. But the other person thinks that Hey, my idea is even better than it comes to what type of conflicts time you should pick, right. So the best one here would be to try to find a win win situation, to try to collaborate with the other person so that you can present a part of your idea for the boss, for example, or for the team and the other person can present their part also to receive feedback. Or you can go to another colleague and also maybe try to involve other people to get to feedback. The worst thing with when it comes to idea conflict is to be stubborn. Don't be stubborn. Listen to feedback. Do what's best for the job so being praised and all is good. But working more efficiently will be better for your company. So these are the five common workplace conflict. First, we have the task based conflict, worksite conflict, personality based conflict, leadership style, conflict and idea conflict. Just have these in mind. When you're getting into a conflict, you can just pinpoint whatever conflict that you are within. Try to work around it, try to find common ground, tried to find a way to collaborate with your colleagues. Good luck. Now I'll see you in the next video 21. 5 Tips To Handle Difficult Conversations: Okay, guys, let's move on into the course Now in the next section, we're going to talk about difficult conversations. All of us know when to have difficult conversations when we should get in there and talk to that person when things aren't feeling the best. So let's dive into five tips to handle difficult conversations that's going to the video So difficult conversations. Oh, how should we handle them? Well, I have five tips for you in water when you're diving into a difficult conversations, things to think about. So the first step would be to be clear about what the issue is and what the effect off that it's having. Then, no, your objective objective is basically your goal. What is the desired outcome with having this difficult conversation? Is it that somebody is sheeting on another person, maybe talking behind behind your back and you feeling obligated to speak to the other person and ask them questions about why are you function this way? Why are you acting this way? You have to stop because it's harming. Maybe the economy of the company is harming the employees off. The company's harming our relationship, but being clear about your objective. It's more rather that you do want to reach a certain goal with your conversation. So what is it that you would like to get out of this conversation? What is to decide outcome? Is it for this person to stop doing what they're doing? Is it for the other person to start doing anything or to increase anything, or to improve anything or two and speak less? Speak more? What is to decide outcome? Always have that in mind when you're going into a difficult situation or conversation, rather, and then decide your style, your complex style. We already have spoken about the five different conflicts types before you're heading in head first into a difficult conversation. What is the conflicts time that you were going to use? Are you going to try to cooperate? Are you going to only say your opinion? What is the style that you would like to choose when you're going into this difficult conversation and the four tip would be to manage your emotions? You've heard this before, but basically can you stop yourself from reacting to whatever people are saying before you reacting on something we need to start thinking about how we would like to act. It's quite different between acting and reacting. Reacting is basically responding on whatever anybody is telling you are doing to you while acting is thinking a little bit and then acting on whatever, for example, decide outcome. You would like this difficult situation of conversation to have so basically learn to manage your emotions. Don't react, because if somebody is, if you were coming up to a person, you're saying, Hey, I I would like you to stop doing this and they are telling you, But you are doing this and then you start reacting. You won't get a productive conversation. You're not going to be able to reach your goal. They go with taking up this conversation at first and then lastly, protect their relationship. So the question is basically, can you get what you desired and keep their relationship? Can you reach the objective? Can you reach the goal with this difficult conversation, including protecting the relationship? If you're having a friend, you feel like in your got, it's very hard to have this conversation with him or her, and you feel like if I'm telling this person this I'm afraid that I'm gonna break up the relationship. So if I want to keep the relationship, how can I speak to this person? Is rather how you are saying what you would like to say than what you are saying. So how can you talk to this person in this difficult conversation to meet your objective and protect and keep the relationship alive? That's a question. But always be clear about the issue. No, your objective. Decide your style manager emotions and protect the relationships. These are the five tips toe handle. Difficult conversations. In the next video, we're going to look at the model a four step model for you to be able to handle any difficult conversation. Okay, guys, super excited. See you in the next video. 22. 4-Steps to Handle Difficult Conversations: Welcome back to the course, guys. Now inside of this video, I am going to present to you the four steps to handle difficult situations. And in upcoming videos, we're going to dive in in more detail on all these steps. Let's time into this video. Alright, guys. So to have a productive conversation, whether it is an easy conversation or what it is a difficult conversation. It would be nice to have some type of step by step process, right? Therefore, we have created a step by step process on how to handle difficult situations. So the first step in this process would be that discovery We're calling it the discoveries basically listen. Okay, So listen to the other person what they have to say. Listen, actively. Don't just listen. Wait for your turn to say whatever you have to say, Listen, actively. Ask them questions. Go on a discovery. Go on a journey because you can't assume that you know everything that they would like to tell you. Right? But if you do assume, stop assuming, start discovering what they're saying. As questions be active, we're going diving more in detail in the next video on the discovery next one would be them mirror. This is basically where you are giving the other person acknowledgement. You are mirroring what they have told you. You are making clear for them that you have actively being listening. You are keeping to ask questions and you are just basically showed them that hate buddy, I'm here to listen to you. We both know that this is a difficult conversation toe have. Therefore, I would like to collaborate with you and therefore I am mirroring what you are saying. I am listening to you actively. So I understand you totally. This is basically where you should be able to tell other people what this person is having to say. Then the third step would be your turn. Now it's your turn to feeling the gaps. I mean, the other person has maybe one opinion and you have a slightly different opinion or maybe a total, another approach or opinion on the matter. So here is where you are going to feel the gaps that you felt were left out or you are going to speak your feelings, your needs and your wants. The fourth and last step would be the problem solving face where we are basically going into problem solving. We would like to find some middle ground where we can collaborate and to solve whatever problem and issues we might have in this difficult conversation. Okay, guy. So let's move on to the next video, where we're going to talk much more in depth about that discovery and what's included in that. See you in the next video. 23. Exercise - The Discovery: Alright, guys. So now it's time for us to dive into the first step off. Difficult conversations, which is the discovery? Let's time into the video. All right, So now what is the discovery? First step in the discovery would be to pretend you don't know anything. What do I mean with this? Well, if you're heading into a conversation, you feel like, OK, this is going to be a difficult conversation. You're having your goal in mind, your objective. You know what type of style to use etcetera when you're heading into the conversation Because you know that person a little bit and you know how to handle them. You feel that at least. But don't assume that you know what the other person is feeling and what the other person has for needs and wants and what they're objectivist. So basically, it's pretend that you know nothing like you're going out on an adventure on a journey on the discovery into their mind. That's the first step. Second step would be to understand the other person's point of view. Now here would fit pretty good with some questions. So what is the other person's decide outcome? What is their point of view on the matter. Maybe you are their issue. Maybe you have to change something. But basically understanding their point of view is very important for you to start collaborating eventually with this person. Step three. Figure out what the other person really wants. So in some type of conversation, it can be that the other person isn't really saying out loud what it wants, but by used keep asking questions, being an active listener, being for them comfortable to speak with because you are acknowledging them, you are there for them. You're listening actively. Then they might feel more comfortable in saying what they really want out of this situation Now, the fourth and last step in the discovery would be to listen, learn, and don't take it personally. We've already went through that. You're going on a discovery. You're going on a journey in the mind off the other person that you're having this hard, difficult conversation with. So listen and learn about what they want. But then also don't take it personally. We know that conversations and often difficult conversations can be pretty low, that pretty heat that maybe the other person or you have bean walking around for weeks thinking about it, maybe walking around for months or maybe years to thinking about having this very hard, difficult conversation. And then some of you just explode. Okay, You can't really handle your emotions and therefore you, maybe you explode and the other person may also explode on you. But that is not personally. If you haven't done stuff, really messed up a lot of things. Maybe you deserve that. But don't take it personally, because then it will be very hard to move on to the next, step off this entire four step model to handle difficult conversations. Now it's time for me to show you the template that you can download. Just click beneath this video, you have a link. Just click on that and you can download the template to your device that you're watching this course on and you can have it at hand. Let me show you the template. So here's the template is basically a document where you can see first thing here is to pretend you don't know anything. You have a small explanation just beneath here, and then we would like to you to write how did that feel after you have done this step saying Goes here, understand the other person's point of view, Then we're having figure out what the other person really wants, and then we're having. Listen, learn, and don't take it personally. So you're having small explanation. We would like you to fill in this just printed out or have it on your phone or whatever fits your boat. But this is a free template to use whenever you're coming up with a difficult conversation , or you are planning to have a difficult conversation than you can prepare yourself for all of these four steps. So now it's time for us to move on to the next video to step to see you there. 24. Exercise - The Mirror: our guys. So I hope you have downloaded the template from the last video inside of this video. We're going to go over then. Next exercise Exercise number two. Which is them? Mirror. Let's dive into this exercise. So the mirror, What do we mean with this? Well, we have four steps to the mirror as well. Let's dive into the steps. First off, we're having mirror what the other person is saying, basically what mirroring what it's saying. It can be both questions and also just confirming that you have listened to the other person. The purpose here is to make the other person feel seen to make the other person feel that you have acknowledged the other person. You have seen the other person, you've heard the other person, you understand their point of view. So that is the first step. Then we're having to confirm what they are saying with a question. Keep on asking questions. Do you really mean it this way? Or do you mean it that way? Stop assuming and but don't assume at all, Ratter. So don't assume that you know everything before you know everything. If you can speak for them in a conversation. Then you have done your your correctly. If they are really feeling seen, heard and understood, you have done your job here, and it's more likely that you are going to be able to cooperate with this person later on. Step three would be to acknowledge the other person's opinion. Now it's different to acknowledge the other person's opinion and agreeing with the other person by just acknowledging telling you that, Hey, I I see why you feel or why you think this way. I definitely see why you do that. That is not the same. Like I am totally agreeing with you now it's not. It is just for the other person to feel and see that you are acknowledging that they're having opinions and that their opinion matters. Fort Step would be to separate understanding from agreeing. Understanding. Another person's opinion is seeing that, Hey, this person is definitely allowed to have their opinion, and their opinion matters is another thing than agreeing with their opinion. So make sure that you are still standing your ground in your head. Don't speak already, but just understand that your opinion don't have to match the other person's opinion Ratter . So let's go over to the template that we have created for you to have whenever you are finding yourself in a difficult conversation. So here's the exercise, then the exercise in the template so mirror what the other person is saying. So, for example, do your best to understand what the other person is saying so well that you can speak for the other person. Secondly, confirm what they're saying with a question. Make them feel understood and heard by asking a question to show you listen to them and then acknowledged the other person's opinion and separate understanding from agree. Just understand that you don't need to agree with another persons opinion, but acknowledging and seeing and somehow mirroring what they're seeing and telling them that hey, your opinion matters means Aton for your relationship and for your difficult situation to run smoothly so that you can preserve that relationship and the bond between you and the other person. Okay, guys, this template that you were seeing on the screen right now it's free, downloaded in. The resource is collected, linked, downloaded to whichever device that you're working on. We're seeing this course on and keep on working on these templates. Good luck. And I'll see you on step three in the next year. 25. Exercise - Your Turn: well down so far. Now it's time for us to move on to exercise number three, which is your turn. Let's time into the video. So what is exercising your turn when basically, this is the step where you are beginning to tell them what you see that they have missed. You don't want to tell them. Hey, you missed this. You miss that? You miss this. You miss that. You are telling them what you feel, what you need. And your opinion. Basically, you're filling in the gaps that you feel that they haven't missed. Next step after you have done that is clarifying your position without minimizing them. You don't want to go in and tell them Like I've heard what you've said, I have mirrored you. I know exactly what you're talking about. You are wrong, or what you say doesn't matter as much as what I'm saying. So therefore, I'm just basically gonna make them ice, you know? Don't do that. You would like to keep on standing your ground. You don't just want to agree on what they are saying. You rather would like to continue to acknowledge their opinion and so on. But you This is the part where you are going to start standing your ground. You're going to clarify your message, your opinion, your bonds, your needs and your feelings. When you have done that, you're going to move on to step number three here, which is take one thing at the time in any heated situations and conversations, it can be that we're letting our emotions take over. Maybe we have pushed down this topic for weeks for months, or maybe even for years. So therefore, this is an exercise in handling difficult conversations. So therefore, my advice Food to you is basically to take one thing at the time. Don't let the heat off the moment. Spill your guts to tell the other person 10 different things that you want to have changed off and maybe that they are doing wrong etcetera. Try to clear out one thing at the time, then your conversation and your relationship will run way smoother. Once you've done with that, you can move on to the next task, and that is basically to be opened for feedback and have the ice on the target being open for the feedback because okay, let's say you've listened to another person. You're mirrored the other person and you have told them your opinion. OK, now it's time for you to get some feedback as well. You have feedback them. You have filled in the gaps that you felt that needed to be filled in. Right now it's your turn to give them try on it to give them a chance to feeling your gaps to gaps that you have left when you have spoken your mind. So you have told them What do you feel is missing? You have clarified your position that okay, you acknowledge your opinion, you feel it's okay for them to have opinions and you can see their site in the point of view and all. But you're standing your ground and then the step three, you have taken one thing at the time. You don't let your emotions run the show rather than you are just taking one thing at the time. Step for you have begin to be open to feedback and you have the ice on the target, and the target could be to preserve their relationship to keep the relationship on going on . And if that is the case, then just have your eyes on the target. Be respectful. Be nice. Be kind but also be assertive in your communication. Assertive is basically when you are with confidence speaking what you feel what you need and what you want. Okay, so let's dive into the template off these exercise. I'm going to show it to you. Okay, guys. So here is the exercise. Exercise your turn. Here are the points that we have went through with an explanation. Yes, but neath and you can feel in these Just write down whatever you are just answering these questions. Basically you can download this template inside of the resource is for this video collect a link. It will be downloaded. To which ever device that you're watching discourse on. OK, guys, Now it's time for us to move on to step number four in handling difficult conversations. See you in the next video 26. Exercise - Problem-Solving: Wow, guys. We have already reached that fourth and final steps in handling difficult conversations. Let's dive into the video and have a look. Okay, guys, finally, it's time for the problem solving part off the Apostle. Now it's time for us to solve everything with the other person. So the first step in this process would be brainstorming. Sit down with the other person and start taking a piece of paper and a pen and start brainstorming ideas and solutions on how you both can start collaborating, how the other person can start respecting you a little bit more and the other way around, or whatever the issue might be. This works very good in the workplace. It also works good in a personal relationship. Step number two would be to ask for solutions. Take another piece of paper and ask the other person. What solutions would you give to this problem and just start brainstorming. It's not hard, it's easy. And then just separate that bad ideas from the good ideas and just keep on going with this ideas. You can't imagine how much if you're doing these exercises, how much you would connect to the other person do you make the other person feel seen? And the other person will also make you feel seen and heard, which is very important for a strong bond. Where is our colleague? Maybe it's your boss. Maybe it's our relationship. Personal relationship. This step number three would be to master the art off open conversations who open conversations. What do we mean with this? Whatever critique the other person might have to you when it comes to brainstorming, maybe you are figuring out that, Okay, this person hasn't told me everything and therefore is throwing a lot of garbage at me right now. It's okay. If you're open for that garbage, you can solve the problem. If you were closed and defensive and turning into a more reactive person that is reacting on whatever, there are the person saying you will see that this will become a clash and you won't solve anything. So mustering open conversations, ISS practice. You need to practice to be open to whatever critique and feedback you're getting during this exercise. During the problem solving step Number four, it would be too focused. Practice practice once a day would be a good way to go about all of these exercises. So if you were having tough conversations that you know that you need to take whether is in your family, maybe it's with your friend. Maybe is with a called like a boss. Take it step by step, but do this process and keep on practicing because practice makes perfect. We already know that if you are practicing to kick something 10,000 times, you will become pretty good at kicking something. If you are playing ice hockey, for example, at 10 years he will become pretty good at playing I sock. And the same is when it comes to handle difficult conversations. If you're going into this and being serious about turning into a monster and difficult conversations in conflict management, you will become a master. And if you're a boss, for example, you will have your colleagues and your employees much happier. They will turn into much happier workers, and the same goes for your personal relationships. You will be able to handle difficult conversations and conflicts way easier. Let's live into the exercise and the templates. Let me show you that. Okay, guys. So here's the template and the exercise for you first off we're having brain store me and the example would be brainstorming allows your creative mind to come up with a lot of ideas in a short time, both good and bats and basically here. When you're writing down on a piece of paper, you should try to separate the good ones from the bad ones and keep that good ones and ask for solutions and move on with mustering open conversations. Be open to whatever the other person is saying. Don't take it personally, okay, Don't start reacting. Think about what they're saying and then act on it. Then ask more questions or tell them your opinion and your solutions to be able to do more problem solving and then focus and practice. And then you can use this document. You can download it. Kilic In the resource is for this video. Download this very same document to your mobile phone to your computer tablet or whichever device you you're watching this course on and do this exercise guys. Then you are being able to master the art off difficult conversations. Good luck. Now, guys. Thank you for watching this course. See in the next video 27. Thank You!: while. There you go. Thank you so much for being part of this course. Don't forget to download your certificate. You can find it in the F A Q. Inside of the course, you're having a small it list there with some explanations on how you can download it. Feel free to ask us any questions in the Q and A section off this course around the course topic that you have already went to conflict management mastered that art is so great for all the leaders and all the relationships to be saved. Okay, guys. So thank you so much for watching this entire course. Both me, Yes, for and Robin are super happy to have you as a student as questions feel free to reach out to us at any point. See you in the next course, my guys