I Am In Control: CBT, Mindfulness and Neuroplasticity | Peter Torok | Skillshare

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I Am In Control: CBT, Mindfulness and Neuroplasticity

teacher avatar Peter Torok, Lucid Dreaming Expert | Author

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
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Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

28 Lessons (3h 7m)
    • 1. I am in Control Trailer

    • 2. How can we achieve happiness?

    • 3. Evolution and Mindfulness Practice

    • 4. The Higher Self and the Ego

    • 5. Freedom and Independence

    • 6. Understanding the Subconscious Mind

    • 7. Neuroplasticity - Change anything

    • 8. How to Break a Habbit for Good

    • 9. The Conclusion of Neuroscience

    • 10. Dismissal - Defense Mechanisms

    • 11. Justification - Defense Mechanisms

    • 12. Denial & Taking Offence - Defense Mechanisms

    • 13. Illusion of Reward - Defense Mechanisms

    • 14. Fear of the Alternative - Defense Mechanisms

    • 15. The Importance of Introspection

    • 16. Evening Introspection Excersise

    • 17. CBT - Theory & Practice

    • 18. CBT - Core Belief Elimination

    • 19. Discovering Hidden Patterns

    • 20. Mindful Perspective and Response

    • 21. Instant Change: Emotions - Behaviour - Reactions

    • 22. Instant Change - Mindful Actionsteps

    • 23. The benefits of Meditation

    • 24. 13 Meditation Actionsteps

    • 25. Compassion in Relationships

    • 26. Mindful Conflict Resultion - Action Steps

    • 27. Freeing up Energy - Recapitualtion excersise

    • 28. Conclusion and Further Learning

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About This Class

Freedom to choose something different: Rise above core beliefs, depression, anxiety with Brain Rewiring, Meditation and CBT

What you’ll learn:

  • Experience your higher self through mindfulness, and step beyond the patterns of the ego
  • Create a space, in which you can help others to gain clarity & insight
  • Achieve freedom and rewire your brain with neuroplasticity
  • Learn modern and ancient self-reflective tools of introspection and meditation
  • Rise above the ego`s limiting defence mechanisms
  • Use CBT on yourself to alleviate depression, stress, anxiety and panic attacks
  • Heal your core beliefs and discover the benefits of shadow-work
  • Identify and change negative habitual response patterns to people and circumstances
  • Take control of your mood and actions by learning the language of the subconscious mind

"Super enthusiastic about the course. Very accessible and well structured to understand easily. Love it very much"  -Ilse

This course has been ranked Best Seller in Self-development on Udemy.


My name is Peter Torok and I would like to welcome you to my Mindfulness & Neuroplasticity course. This lecture and training combination was designed to let us connect with our Higher self and leave behind any Ego identifications, which we don`t find desirable.

Why learn about the mind?

What role could mindfulness play in our everyday life? I would like to talk about how we can use self-awareness training in our spiritual life and as a psychological tool. There are things we all share, like our desire for love and purpose. The fundamental processes of our mind are also the same. Why do we have certain feelings and problems? All eastern philosophies say that we are looking for the causes externally rather than looking inside. This is what modern psychology argues as well, and mindfulness is the language through which we can connect to our inner self.

I have been researching the nature of the mind for over a decade, and as part of that I did a social experiment: I committed to two-years of 100% honesty in all of my interactions, no matter what the outcome may be. Imagine talking to your boss and really telling them your critical views about their work ethic, or talking to a difficult relative and pointing out everything that they are not willing to face.  -It was challenging… Why is it impossible to be 100% honest about what we say, really?

Constant evolution of Self-awareness

It is because there is a sense of self that is part of us, which reacts automatically. We can call it the ego or part of the subconscious. In what other situation does this part react automatically? Whenever our `pain body` has control over us: when we`re suffering. 

Our automatic reactions are part of our evolved survival mechanism, however, we have evolved into social, intellectual beings, and the brain`s focus on pure survival mode is no longer beneficial for us. What`s really important is that in our everyday disagreements and power struggles with others, our subconscious sense of self that I mentioned feels as threatened as if we were still in the jungle, where a conflict with a tribe member would determine our survival. Life in society is no longer about protecting our lives from others…however the subconscious part of the brain doesn`t know this!  

These automatic reactions are the cause of most conflicts between us and others. And the same automatic reactions are the cause of our internal problems, like depression, anxiety and so on…


If we truly wish to understand our self, the root of our problems and to recognise that we have power to change anything in our life -we need to take a helicopter ride, which lifts us up from our everyday perspective and lets us take a look at ourselves from above, from the outside… it lets us peak into our mind.  The aim of this course is, that by the end, we will own one more layer of awareness, which enables us to recognise our automatic reactions and patterns, to enable us to choose the way we feel. To give us the ability to look at a problem or challenge and immediately focus on the solution, rather than allowing to be overpowered and pulled into negative emotion.  

Believe me, even the wisest person on Earth doesn’t have complete control over their mind. This material takes you through my personal journey through stories, psychology, neuroscience, mindfulness and meditation. This training is intended to serve as a manual for the mind, and it`s for anyone who wants to take control of their life and take their self-development to the next level.

Mindfulness during the day may lead to a new type of awareness in our dreams. I have achieved the following in Lucid Dreaming:

-Over 500 lucid dreams since 2010, and corresponding experience to interpret dreams

-Experienced use of the `WILD` technique and the `Astral Projection/OBE` technique

-The ability to enter lucid dreams from meditation in the form of conscious transition

- `Clear light` lucid dreams, in which one may manifest freely in the absence of subconscious projections

Why learn from me?

Personal - I share the story about how I use mindfulness practice & meditation for self-development, joy and healing anxieties. I demonstrate the power of introspective work through my own examples.

Expertise - I began to study the mind in 2010 because I wanted to know the psychology and the neuroscience behind my meditative states and my out of body experiences.

Experience - Over the years, I have developed my own meditation technique, which I have taught one to one and on retreats. I visited Hindu and Buddhist masters in India and Nepal. I am also a qualified teacher.

Mindfulness - I think that by today I found my passion. I like to learn about the mind and consciousness. Meditation, mindfulness, introspection and lucid dreaming have become the core part of my life. 

Community - You gain access to my Facebook community, in which you may discuss your progression with other practitioners  

I'm confident that you'll love the course and that once you take action, you will revolutionise your self-development practice!

I hope to see you soon,



What my students said:

`It is difficult to put into words what I think about it. For me, the material was very positive. I`d like to begin with your voice...it put me in such a calm state in which I managed to shut out all outside noise. I found the things you have said very interesting and I feel that I must listen to it again. Thank you very much for sharing it with me.`   -Anett N. 

`I am grateful for the video -I have listened to it more than once. I think it is the most valuable video on the topic. I am going to listen to it many more times! Thank you very much. `  -Yvett S.T. 

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Peter Torok

Lucid Dreaming Expert | Author


Achievements in Lucid Dreaming

-Over 700 lucid dreams since 2010, and corresponding experience to interpret dreams

-Experienced user of the Wake Induced Lucid Dreaming aka `Astral Projection/OBE` technique

-Received Dream Yoga initiation from Chogyal Rinpohe (Karma Kagy Buddhism)

-The ability to enter lucid dreams from meditation in the form of conscious transition

-Clear light lucid dreams, in which one may manifest freely in the absence of subconscious projections

-Dream yoga practice, e.g.: thoughtless meditation inside the conscious dream state

-Dream control skills, e.g.: summoning anyone, going through walls, flying, creating objects, communing with the subconscious mind

-Thorough knowledge of lucidity increasing herbal suppl... See full profile

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1. I am in Control Trailer: Hi, My name is Peter Tork. I'm a teacher and the lucid dreaming instructor. A long time ago, something happened in my family that I simply couldn't process. Then one night I was walking in the park, thinking really hard, ruminating, trying to make sense of it. And in the next moment, my mind kind of gave in, like when a machine cracks under too much stress. But remain voice this pure observing awareness. And in that perspective, I was detached from my problems. I saw all my worries as what they really were. Background programs which used to run somebody my subconscious mind. And this moment, no, nothing was running. I experienced profound freedom and opportunity and bliss. His psychology. There are cognitive and schema therapies, which are designed to identify and work with such content of our subconscious core beliefs , patterns, defense mechanisms and so on. In this course, I put together what I believe are the most practical off such introspective tools, which we can use to free ourselves from unwanted emotional states like depression, anxieties or bad habits. Why is it that sometimes we want one thing, but if you do something else, it's because there is a part of us which hijacks our thoughts and actions we can call. It's the mammalian brain, the inner chimp or the ego. You know that we can change ourselves through neuro plasticity, and we can achieve healing and self fulfilment if you become aware of certain key functions of our brain. And if you learn the language of our subconscious self, I have combined these self reflective methods in my mindfulness and meditation practice. It is my experience that that's for truly allows us to go beyond our everyday perspective, which leads to a newfound freedom from our life circumstances. So if you are interested in a practical mind mastery program, we have to take control over aspects of your life. Then this course is a good match for you. Feel free to take a look for the course description, and I look forward to seeing you inside 2. How can we achieve happiness?: Hi, I am Peter to rock today. I'm going to share my thoughts with you about mindfulness. I think that one of the biggest things we can do for ourselves is to get better and better at self reflection, not only because it leads to happiness and success, but because that is what evolution is about my work to use with different aspect off the mind. And this lecture will focus on the practical uses off psychology. All of us want happiness in life. We would like to achieve it in different ways. For example, some wish to change something in their life. Some of us wish to achieve a goal. Some seek a solution to a problem and someone to find their purpose. All of us have been affected by different experiences in the past. We know of people who have gone through severe hardships and traumas, and yet they live a happy life. We also know of people Britain apparently quote unquote good life finding themselves lost. All of us are exposed to different environments. But there is one thing your share, the processes which govern the human mind, thoughts, emotions, biology and the effects of our beliefs. For a very long time now, people have been developing methods to help us to be happy. There is never science and psychology. There are thousands of years old mindfulness practices. There is the self help in the New Age community, and there are religions and so on. Naturally, all of us want to make our lives better and better. But which method should we use? Undoubtedly, it is useful to get a taste off as many approaches as possible. However, every one of us is limited by one thing time. What should we choose if we are interested in self development? Some of us are really committed to it. And I may be right in thinking that you are too, because you're investing time in this course. I've been researching the available method since my early twenties. This is my passion. As I've been doing my research, I've been applying my ideas in my own life and in the life of others. I do an elaborate introspection, process meditations, lucid dreaming and a few other things. I kind of look at my life as it was a social experiment. For example, I had a two year period when I decided that I would be, ah, 100 person honest about everything in my life. In all of my in directions. You may think that yes, this is how we should live all the time, isn't it? We should leave genuinely and in honesty, that is what I think. Well, imagine talking to your boss and really telling them your critical views about their work ethic, ideas or performance. Imagine talking to a difficult relative and when there's a disagreement being totally open about the things you think they are doing wrong. So this is what I attempted to do to live in absolute honesty. For two years, I tried to do all of this in a constructive and calm manner, always seeking solutions. You know, I realized that living this way is a challenge every day, and it can lead to losing a job quickly and to a whole range of other conflicts. Why is it impossible to be 100% honest about what we say? Really, Why do people become dismissive, defensive or aggressive? And they hear something uncomfortable for them even when we have good intentions? Of course, because our sense of self fears frightened. This brings us to the first step of understanding happiness, in my opinion, just how where do we control our reactions to things which are uncomfortable to us? Please take a moment. To think about this sentence. Uncomfortable can mean a range of things like when people tell us something we don't like and there's a situation we don't like or any kind of negative emotional state we are stuck in. How well do we control our reactions? Think of a time and someone was mean to You are pretty good. You. Can you say that you can react with compassion and openness every single time? Can you say that he always react positively? Think of a time and something happened, which resorted in prolonged or recurring bad feelings. Perhaps something in the past that still influences you today. Can you say that you decide about your mood? If you don't always react or feel of a you'd like to or how it would be ideal, Why is it is it not us who control our lives? It is because there is a sense off self that is part of us, which reacts automatically. Let's go lead the subconscious self. For now, when we are born, we begin to learn about the world reform ideas about the world, others and ourselves. For example, when someone takes our toy or tells us that we did something wrong, we learn what that means and how we should handle the situation. We learn what is pleasurable for us and what is frightening. We go through conflicts, disagreements and power struggles with peers and adults, and by the time we become small Children, we have formed thinking and behavior patterns. Due to these experiences, we learned positive ways to handle the situations, or maybe not so positive ways to cope with them. These patterns determine our reactions, which we have done for so long that they became automatic. We don't think about how should I react anymore. The execution of the reaction has been taken over by our subconscious mind so we can focus on other things. Therefore, our automatic reactions mean that they are unconscious. Reactions are automatic. Reactions are part of our evolved survival mechanism, and it served its purpose well. Survival, For example, when we feel threatened, adrenaline rushes into our bloodstream. He may become angry. The Buddha gets ready to fight for its life, however, we have evolved into social, intellectual beings, and the brains focus on this pure survival mode is no longer beneficial for US life in societies no longer about running away from the predator in the jungle. The automatic protection off the sense of self was beneficial when we were cavemen. But now the over protectiveness off the brain can stand in the way of our happiness. What's really important that in our everyday disagreements, conflicts and power struggles with others, Our subconscious sense of self that I mentioned fears as frightened as if we were still in the jungle, where a conflict with a try member which determine our survival and a power struggle with someone not familiar to us someone from outside our tribe was definitely a matter of life and death. Life in society is no longer about protecting our lives from others, but the subconscious part of the brain doesn't notice. I would love to explain the effects of this involved paragraph, but if it was that simple than all of us would be perfectly happy and self fulfilled. People ready? We really need to see the big picture about how the mind works if we truly wish to understand ourselves the root of our problems and to recognize that we have power to change anything in our life. In this course, I did my best to present the mechanics of the mind in a Kansai zwei. Yet there is a lot of information, So I ask that you listen to all parts with patients. You see that all of the topics were blend together by the end. Think of this program as a helicopter ride that lift us up from our everyday perspective and lets us take a look at ourselves from above. From the outside, it lets us peek into our mind. The aim is that by the end we will own one more layer off awareness, which enables us to recognize our automatic reactions to enable us to choose the way they feel to give us the ability to look at our problem or challenge and immediately focus on the solution rather than allowing to be overpowered and pulled into negative emotion. I designed this material to look at the mind as if it was a machine that we can control Rapidan having emotions which control us. Believe me, even the vices Person on Earth doesn't have complete control over their mind. When we become aware of what happens in the subconscious, like the reasons for our bad feelings than just this awareness in itself because some old habits and problems to go away because previously fruit them are thinking we change the cognitive understanding of a pattern often causes it to dissolve. Some of our overprotective reactions were seem redundant and review see solutions. Instead, as for deeper, subconscious programs, we have to do systematic introspection to which I will give you my own step by step tools and meditations. So I really thank you for listening, and I invite you on a journey to discover the power of mindfulness, our subconscious patterns and a lot more. All the D aimed to consciously add to our ever increasing self awareness and evolution. 3. Evolution and Mindfulness Practice: mindfulness. Let's do an overview about what is really going on in our mind and talk a bit about psychology. After that, we're going to apply this knowledge via mindfulness techniques, introspection and meditation. In the last part, I'm going to share my thoughts about the role of mindfulness in human relationships. Mindfulness means that we're becoming aware of what is happening in our mind. What happens when someone tells us something upsetting? We never really lose our emotional balance. In most cases, it is because the brains defense mechanism turns on chemicals rush into the bloodstream, and suddenly we're feeling something bad. This is a process off automatic reactions. We don't have control over it, or that is how it seems. People who are upset may raise their voice, may become aggressive, they may say things which are not rational. Sometimes in such situations, people realize that they are behaving irrationally and they suddenly stop, and other times they need a longer time to calm down Gradually, alternatively, when it comes to dealing with our own problems like depression or other negative states were trapped in the negative state, and sometimes it is almost impossible to come out of it. Other times it may go relatively quickly. Some may step out of its food. Relative ease. Some struggle. Have you thought about? It? Vies. There's such a difference between person to person what leads to that inner awareness, which makes fun realize that right now they are reacting automatically and is able to disengage from the negative state quickly. Some people think that it's about intelligence, but it is certainly no due to just intelligence. Probably All of us have seen very smart people shouting or feeling depressed or acting really negatively. How about emotional intelligence then? Well, everyone has seen very empathetic people engaged in negative reactions. Then how about the conscious decisions we make about what kind of attitudes we want to have ? Surely we have more control over that. They constantly make such decisions. We decide that we go on a diet. For example, would you agree that going on a diet is a conscious decision, not an automatic reaction? What if I told you that our happiness depends on what kind of decisions we make about our reactions in relation to everything in life? If we are able to decide to go on a diet would we be able to decided we're going to evaluate our reactions, which lead to negative feelings? This is gold introspection or self reflection, and in my opinion, it is the most important aspect off any self development practice, whether recorded, mindfulness, psycho analysis, shadow work or sore integration. So what happens in the mind when we begin to analyze our thoughts? Let's say I made a decision first thing in the morning that if I notice that I'm experiencing a negative feeling at any point during my day, that means that I have to perform a quick self reflection. Let's say I'm upset because someone is late from my business meeting. Maybe I'm thinking the following. Ah, John is late again. He doesn't care. He's so selfish, his inconveniencing, all of us. At this point, we concerned with our emotional reactions. Now it is irrelevant whether we're right or not. But the John is really selfish or he was genuinely had back. We can work that out later. What we're concerned about is how this makes us feel and react. How beneficial is that emotional state for us? Is that reaction constructive when they're engaged in any kind of negative emotion. The brain enters survival mode. It shuts down most of our short term memory, which significantly reduces our rational thinking physically causing narrow mindedness. The intellectual part of the brain drops most of its activity so that all of our resource is can focus on physical survival. It also interferes with our limbic system, which is primarily responsible for our feelings on that imbalances us emotionally, no matter how beneficial. How valuable war rationally agreeable a new piece of information is. If er in fear mold the brain has trouble processing it, it has trouble accepting it. That is why I think our number one priority should be to try to step out of our automatic emotional reactions. Also, it is definitely not a good idea to make conclusions about ourselves and others before we could regain our emotional balance. That is, by the first rule of a mindful resolution of arguments, should be to take a moment to breathe and calm ourselves down. I know that we notice, but do we actually implement it? It is challenging, of course, in a different situation, depending on the severity of our reaction, let's say if we are having anxiety this becomes even harder to do. But is it really harder to stop the anxiety reaction? Or is it because we don't know how to? On a side note, I mentioned anxiety because in the past I used to struggle with severe attacks and no advice, and nothing I read worked. I have to find a way to cope and get out of it because it was becoming too much to handle. That was the push I needed to try to disassociate from my anxiety to develop my little actions of mindfulness that could steer me out of my emotions. After a while, I had a complete kid to deal with my anxiety attack. Sent over a course off free months, I made a 90% improvement. Mindfulness really works because we can stop identifying with our emotional state, and when that happens, the emotions go away. I made a fuller explanation about how I did it, and it's available on my YouTube channel. The key point is that we have to deliberately choose what we focus our thoughts on which I were discussing this lecture. Let's return to John being late for the meeting, but first considered this when we're dreaming. Normally, we don't know that we're dreaming. We identify with every thought and emotion. We are being controlled by the merging images off the dream. Sometimes, though, we do know that we are dreaming. And when that happens, a new aspect of consciousness has entered to the scene. The very least. When we wake up, we know. Ah, it was just a dream. I believe that I was scared or I believed that I was actually flying. So when we wake up, we know that we are not the dreaming self. So there is a dreaming self which reacts to the dream events automatically. And there is a waking self. Ah, high respect of consciousness. Who is self aware? Let's use the analogy off the dream to explain how I control my reactions in regards to John being great. When John is late and I begin to feel agitated, I take a moment to self reflect. I question whether I'm automatically reacting to this event or not. Now, this is very important. I pose for a moment and I raise the question. What am I thinking regarding John being late? How does that make me feel in that moment when I'm asking this me myself is actually thinking about the self who is engaged in thinking about John and feeling agitated, reacting automatically. Can you see that there are two serves now when I'm reflecting about the self who is reacting to an event? Who is doing the reflection? Really? Certainly no. The self who is reacting to the event because that self is busy reacting, busy feeling agitated. Now another stuff has entered the scene. The one who is doing the self reflection hi yourself, so to speak, with a higher vantage point with a higher perspective. This new, higher self is observing the reacting self from the outside the same way as the higher aspect of consciousness is over. That one has been dreaming. You see, the act of observing our thoughts makes us associate from the reactive sense off self and from its emotions. But if we had this higher self now that is observing the sense of self from above, then who is the old sense of self? What part of us is it If we can choose to look at its reactions and emotions from outside, Andi not react if you want to be in a balanced observing, mod feeling good reacting constructively, or we wish to make a serious change in our lives. We have the option living the perspective of the higher self. We can do this in two ways. With the right brain and with the left brain method. With the right brain method, we can dissociate from the reactive sense of self by a meditation. We feel the separation with our whole being. It is an experiential phenomenon. And with the left brain method, we do introspection to develop on analytical understanding off the reactive sense off self and associate from it. That way both methods Lee to a unique new perspective of ourselves, and their effects combined is truly transformational. This is where Eastern Mindfulness meets Western psychology. 4. The Higher Self and the Ego: the sense of self. Everyone has a sense of self, and it has been universally called the ego our identity, which is a neutral term. It is a psychological structure. I don't use the word in the fridge incense, but more in a general sense. We explore life through our ego. This word simply means the vehicle for our experiences. So every experience we ever have puts a new information into the structure of the ego. Over time, these bits of information, patterns and beliefs slowly build up the sense of self. The development of the ego begins when we are born your blank canvas. At this time, we have the potential to become anything a prime minister or criminal. When we are babies, we only focus on what we want to. We can ignore people quite easily. By the age of 2 to 3, we learned that we have to pay attention to certain things and people advise their re big consequences. On one hand, this teaches us how to survive in our world, which is a necessary thing. But we also learned thinking and behavior patterns, which can later result in unhappier dots. For example, I have seen the following scene myself, Multiple times a child is continuously asking them, um, questions on the bus and the mummies displeased after a while, she even shouts at the child. Oh, be quiet, the mom caused, the child noted, expressing that their behavior is wrong. But for the child, it feels good to ask questions because they are curious. It is their desire to learn because of this and fulfill need in the subconscious of the child. A piece of information gets registered that enquiring is bad or even scary because they get punished for it. Punishment feels bad, and what is bad is against survival. So belief is created a subconscious pattern. Asking questions can be against my survival. This is unconscious, and it can lead to shyness or other dysfunctions on eventually even problems. As an adult, this process is called Oprah and Conditioning Game Psychology, a method of learning which occurs for reward and punishment for a specific behaviour. Children often begin to abandon self interests when they start to receive negative reactions. By substituting their behavior to the primary caregiver, their stress level was reduced. This reduction in stress reinforces compliant behavior, which is called negative reinforcement. As Children, we learn norms, values, rules, beliefs and behaviors. The base identity is complete by the age of six. A framework for thinking, feeling expecting and judging has been created. All of the information which makes up the ego is called schema by psychology. This is one of the key terms I will be using in the followings in trying to live according to these schemers that are not necessarily representative off who we really are and what is good for us. We often go against ourselves. But why is this so important? That's close your eyes and try to imagine that you're a small girl or boy. It is the afternoon. You have just clean your room. You're standing in the middle of it, looking around, feeling proud. You call your mom my mom, I clean my room. Look, your mom comes in and says you clean your room. Your toys are sticking out from under your bed and I can see the mess in your cupboard. Then the child goes, Ah, maybe next week you're playing softball or football and your dad is watching your game. You score a goal and you run to your dad you're super excited. You're holding your arms up shouting, Daddy, I scored and your debt says. But it was about time. You're not concentrating enough now. I think even listening to this evokes unpleasant feelings in some of us. If similar situations happen to us when we are Children, they are sure to turn into hardwire negative beliefs like I'm not good enough for I'm not significant. This is a type of invalidation, which is just one off the money. Some more examples are physical restriction, and control leads to feeling powerless. This may resort in an overly passive adult or to an unconscious conclusion that the only way we can get something is is via power. Resulting in an aggressive adult neglect and dismissal leads to feeling unimportant. Like the child being scolded on the bus, they can easily conclude that their questions or opinions don't matter. Therefore, they won't ask questions or stand up for themselves as an adult. Shaming and criticism leads the suppression off self expression and creativity or never feeling good enough. Being judged or punished for mistakes can lead to avoiding healthy challenges and exploring once passion, blame and rejection leads to feeling unloved. which is the most imaging of all such an adult, may struggle with belonging to the world their whole life. Now you may be thinking that not all of us were exposed to such dress taking validation. However, he mustn't forgets that for a child, especially in case of a sensitive child, even the smallest negative experiences can leave their marks. And these small things add up throughout the years of childhood as proof, we only have to take a look at our world with the massive inequalities, crime wars, drug abuse and mental problems. In it, the effects of invalidation goes as follows. We experienced something, and the brain assigns meaning to it at an early age. The child sense of self is still developing. The ego is incredibly plastic, and at the same time a logical processing is not yet fully developed. So Children make assumptions about the world, pays on their feelings based on how the environment treats them. If my caregiver makes me feel bad about myself, that means that something is wrong with me. The eagle puts another piece of information into itself and were Children. Our parents in big. They can lift us up they feed us when we don't know something, they are the ones who can explain things to us. In our eyes, they're like gods. So when they do something that makes us feel insignificant or unworthy when we think or feel in certain ways which are not approved, we are often invalidated and we conclude that it is us who is wrong, bad, unworthy or unlovable. Invalidated Children don't rationally no, that the caregivers could be ignorant, stressed and so on. The child concludes that something is wrong with himself or herself, and in some cases, the world. It doesn't mean that those meanings are representative of the truth at all. If you ever to put meaning into things as an adult, you would form very different beliefs. This brings us to this program's purpose to look at patterns which don't serve us in our lives and redefine them. The wave you think about ourselves determines how much opportunity we have. For example, if you're confident about finding a job, you have positive expectations. You talk to more people. That means more information about a potential job, more openness to talk to random person who might give you lied about the job. Maybe you're more spontaneous to knock on the door of a potential employer on the street. Her interview, Your ghost mover because you're stressing less and so on. All of this has nothing to do with your ability to do the actual job. It is just a positive belief about your work or about the world where our natural qualities like confidence, exploration and independence are rewarded. If so, we become true to our healthy desires and become able to successfully navigate through life . The truth is, though, that most of us, if not all of us, have formed some kind of limiting beliefs at some point. So there's always space for improvement. Remember the unconscious reactions I talked about? The limiting beliefs are run off their main sources. These beliefs influence How were the controller reactions, which determine our feelings? More often than not, they create the difference between living a life off passion, doing a profession which brings pleasure and utter sir fulfillment, or settling for a mediocre life. On top of not assigning the right meaning to event as Children. Even as adults, we can easily make float conclusions our believes tune it always represent the truth because the only pros that's a tiny fraction off sensory information. The majority 99% is filtered out through cognitive filters because the mind doesn't find it important. For example, a reporter who is writing an article on important issue may only interview experts that support her. His views on the issue. We tend to accept perceptions that they want to be true and reject what we don't want to be . This is called confirmation bias. Challenging our beliefs on a regular basis is the only way to avoid getting caught up in the confirmation bias. For example, Jane and Kate are practicing to gather in a band for the first time. Jane watches Kate make a few mistakes by playing and the things that Kate didn't practice enough before she arrived. But then Jane makes a similar mistake during her own playing. She blames it on the complexity off the song or the difficulty of the particular instrument . This is called fundamental attribution error. People tend to attribute others behavior to their personalities or their dispositions, but attribute their own behavior to situational factors. Although there are genetic tendencies, but the way we relate to the world and perceive it is mostly learned as a result, no one can see the world through truly objective eyes, but we're constantly looking through The glass is of our own ego. But what if we could step out off this ego? Step out off whatever negative reaction it is engaged in? I read a story that someone asked Michelangelo, How are you able to create such a marvelous statue? Like David? He replied. I looked at the stone and I saw David in it. I was merely chipping of a the excess. I find this story very fitting menu. Our schemers are like the excess stone around our inner perfection by introspection and meditation. We are able to look at the success, and we can cheap of a every belief and pattern every schema until what remains is our true self. 5. Freedom and Independence: moral development. I'm going to continue by talking about another respect off the ego. I must go through the eagles relevant aspects to really uncover the root of our automatic reactions to show you how that leads to the power to create the life we want to make a change or to heal ourselves. Our morals and ethical values are almost entirely learned from the environment. In psychology, we know from core Berg's theory of moral development that individuals move through various stages in their understanding of right and wrong. The first stage is when we conclude that something is wrong. If we are punished for it, Directions and emotions are influenced by how others react to us. The child asking questions on the bus is a good example later on. Morality is based on the desire to be liked by others. Therefore, our actions are often the results of the validation we want from society. Our desire to fit in is called normative social influence. This goes back to when we lived in troops or packs and it was evolutionary beneficial to stay in the group, to impress others and to follow the leader, the stated in the troop one must be seen as strong or impress others somehow at all times. One must be popular. Keep others happy, and above all, one must ensure that others think highly off them. This means that one must care what others think off them. This was needed for our survival. However, we don't live in troops anymore, and the reality is that not everyone belongs to our troops, so we don't have to impress everyone anyway. But the brain doesn't notice validation from society. Others agreeing with us appreciating our views results in dopamine and serotonin release, which causes the feelings of reward, self esteem and empowerment. The lack of serotonin and dopamine can even lead to depression as a result, becoming dependent on these chemicals to fear. Good according to research, the majority of people remain in this stage of moral development and don't follow their true self because they're bound by others expectations. By becoming aware of potential unconscious patterns, though, we can let go of dependence of being very dated by the environment. The last stage of moral development is reached when we have transcended the dependence of being approved by others. In this stage, we are following our internal guidance system of what is right and wrong. We still appreciate the lows, and norms may be necessary for social order, but these are not blindly followed. Research has found that only a small percent of humanity as a region estate and the majority of us are still following expectations and confirming to norms which very often are detrimental to our well being. Therefore, we need to be open enough to question our current thoughts and beliefs. There are two things to note. I have said that Children are likely to abandon their passion when they start to receive negative reactions. I also said that the majority of people are dependent on social validation and the norms of society. This becomes very interesting when you look at the following study. There has been a survey about what key factors off successor according to the world's most successful entrepreneurs. He around the results number one. Do what you enjoy your passion and be self motivated number to believe in yourself and believe in your vision and ignore the naysayers. Number free. Defy conventions, norms and rules number four except challenge and risk and number five, of course, work hard So do you think there's a correlation between success and our believes reform in childhood, Ari following our passion? Or do we focus more on society's expectations after seeing this? Do you think it's ever have to do some form of introspection? 6. Understanding the Subconscious Mind: conscious subconscious and the free brains. Okay, we have established that there is a part of us which sees the world through schemers and often automatically reacts to the environment. The second step towards recognizing our power to change is that our ego has free distinct parts. To demonstrate this, I like to use the classic iceberg. Example. Psychology estimates that are conscious part only makes up 5 to 10% of our identity. This is the rational processing, and 90 to 95% belongs to the subconscious mind. To the world of our schemers, this information alone raises the question off. How where do we really know ourselves and to what extends to be control our reactions? Let's look at our conscious part first. This part of the mind is related to the frontal lobe of the brain and to the neocortex. It is practically the most evolved part, the human part of the brain. It allows us to learn, remember reason, analyze, plan, create, speculate on possibilities, invent and communicate. It is essentially what sets us apart from the animal kingdom. The language of the conscious mind is thought anything which has been processed by our conscious mind goes down to the subconscious ending There. It gets, proof says again, often not in the same way as we intended to. The subconscious mind is divided into two main areas. The first area is a mammalian brain or the limbic brain. It is essentially the chemical brain or the emotional brain. This is our inner mammal, our inner chimp responsible for survival. It's languages, emotion. It is worth noting that the inner chimp is five times stronger than the inner human. For example, we decide to go running tomorrow before work. The inner human decides that when we wake up in the morning, though, we feel tired. It is so comfortably now bad. It feels warm and soft, and we are still sleepy. Consciously, we know that the morning round would be healthy, refreshing, energizing. But subconsciously, we feel that it is an effort uncomfortable cold. It can be challenging to get up. So are we going to get up? Depends on which part of the brain wins in a human with the rational decision to go for a run order in a chimp who feels comfy in bed and fears cold outside another example, Let's say I want to lose weight, and I decide not to eat ice cream when I see the ice cream stand on the street. Who will win the inner human who has made a decision? Or the inner temp? Who's telling you how nice it would feel to indulge? We can never overpower the chamber because it's five times stronger, but we can manage it. One of the tricks is that the human is to use the language of the chimp feelings. It is often impossible to convince the champion rational arguments The human is to motivate the chain by imagining visualizing the joy of running the feeling of being proud that we did get up. And it's something for our health, the achievement, a sensation of arriving toe work with a fresh mind. If the visualization is far. Oh, that means if we can generate the positive feelings in us, which will come from the action of running the chimp is say from that. Actually sounds like it would feel good, doesn't it? And it gives in. So the human needs to get the chimp on board with inspiration and motivation. We can ask ourselves, for example, how would it make me feel to follow proving my decision. How would it make me feel to achieve what I set out to do? How would I feel later if I gave in to the influence of my chimp? Now try to evolve those emotional states in you to convince your chimp and we're doing this . We're talking to our chimp in its own language. Therefore, it will understand us for me personally. I know that my team can be bribed very easily in the morning by the smell of ready breakfast. Imagine being super motivated after a feel good movie. It is not necessarily because of the rational information in it, but because it gave you an uplifting experience. They must he use our emotions to our advantage, our best to to do that is the right way off visualization. The second thing we must have to make the desire change in our life is positive expectation or faith in our success. Unfortunately, many of us have some kind of subconscious fears are limiting beliefs. These can override our motivation. That is why we have to see fruit a subconscious mind and understand its programs and beliefs are schemers to remove what is scaring us or limiting us. This leads us to the third part off the ego. The second subconscious part is related to the cerebellum, which is the in a computer. It is an empty hardware at birth, which we feel in with programs as we grew up. Schemers. Do we ever have that experience when you don't remember a pin code or a phone number, but your fingers can automatically type it in. This inner computer holds the so called non declarative memories. That means when we have practiced something so many times that it becomes second nature to us and we don't have to think about it anymore. It becomes automatic. Our inner computer is responsible for controlling the body and the execution of attitudes, emotional reactions, repeated actions, habit to foods, norms, expectations, judgments and unconscious reflexes. In one word, our schemers the building block off the ego wolf, a negative reaction or a positive reaction become automatic. If you practice it long enough, consider this analogy compared to desktop of your computer to the mind on the desktop, there are some programs running which are obvious to us, like the Internet browser and Skype. They are clearly visible. We are aware of them. We are conscious off them. These are what we are actively engaged with on the task bar. There could be other programs running like word processor calculator, a spreadsheet, and we are aware that they are running. But right now we're not engaged with them. And then if we know how to, we can bring up the list of programs which operating the background, keeping a computer running so that we can focus on the desktop our life. We normally don't bother about the ones in the background. If you were to look into those, you would see that there are hundreds of them, and they almost never aware off them the programs in the background to run the computer in the same way as our subconscious schemers run our life in the extent off, estimated 90 to 95% according to psychology. Sometimes a computer program breaks down, and we have to look deep to correct it. Similarly, we have schemers which hold us back from happiness on. We can look into our subconscious to correct them is introspection. Alternatively, did you know that with meditation, you can turn these non serving programs off 7. Neuroplasticity - Change anything: neural pathways. Our brain contains virtually unlimited number of neural pathways. They look like this whenever we think of thought. It travels through a certain path in the structure, in the form of an electrochemical charge, thinking the same thought strengthens that particular path. Similarly, off how people walk in the field of grass, the more they walked down a certain path, the more dominant and easy that particular path becomes. Every experience we have every thought and emotion causes the neurons to organize themselves into networks like this. Every thought you have is shaping your network. So if you have the same habit, emotion thought a reaction regularly. That means you're creating and reinforcing the pathway for that habit in your brain, your thoughts are constantly changing your brain. Physically. This is great for many practical reasons. For example, we can talk and drive at the same time, and the body takes care of shifting gears and pressing the pedals without thinking. Thanks to the neural network, we have no awareness of certain thoughts as they have become automatic, because we have thought them so many times. However, when you worry repeatedly and keep thinking the same negative thoughts what happens and we go for a walk in Most cases were taking the established powerful, dramatically right, So every time they worry it's strengthening the worry pathway. And in the future it will be more likely that your brain chooses that path for, ah, thought it will become easier, more automatic to think the same negative thoughts. So imagine how strong and dominant a specific path becomes after someone has spent years or decades worrying about the same thing. After so much time, the reaction or emotion becomes kind of automatic. Do you ever see old people carrying out the same thing over and over and not being able to step out of their routine? They do it because certainly true Parvaiz have become so hard wired that in their brain the information has a difficult time traveling on any other pathway. The actions of such people really become automatic. I remember that when I used to go to school every morning by waiting for the bus, I was observing these cute elderly ladies as they were talking to each other in the bus stop. They were going to the local market every day and every day they were chatting away. I remember that there was a huge amount of complaint in those chats, too, about the government. Have prices about virtually anything. As I saw, this is a 14 year old. I found it so strange because it seemed so draining. I always wondered how or why do they do this constant complaining? Never. Farley engaged with it. I was very young, so I thought they enjoy doing it because they were doing it a lot. But if they didn't enjoy it, why were they doing it? What does? Complaining gift to people? I often wondered when I got older, I came across a recording off Cartola, talking about why people complain. I will attempt to summarize his words. He doesn't mean when we complain with a purpose like being served the wrong dish in a restaurant. But when the complaint is not meant to bring about change or when it contains resentment, he says, when we complain, it also contains within that I am right and the other party is wrong. When someone or something is wrong and I am right, that unconsciously means that I am somehow superior. What is the sole purpose of the ego it is survival. Feeling superior gives a sense off power, and the ego loves power because power, perhaps with survival so complaining, strengthens the ego. People even keep complaining in their mind without verbalizing it. Some egos, typically who don't have anything better to do, can live on this for years, just complaining. So today I understand that when people complain without end, it is basically a semi automatic process, a due to hard fired neural pathways, one of the many resorts of habitual thinking. Again, an estimated 90 to 95% of our behavior is memorized actions, perceptions, reactions in one word schemers, which are physically stored in the mind in the form of these neural pathways. If you want to address our problems, we have to become conscious off these patterns. Talk about your blessings more than you talk about your burdens. This saying is not a cliche. It has a neurological significance 8. How to Break a Habbit for Good: we can use a neuro plasticity to our advantage because thinking positive thoughts will create specific pathways, which will help us to think more positively in the future when I'm feeling down because of a recurring negative thought by today. Most of the time, I remember to ask myself what kind of pattern and I engaged in right now? Am I on autopilot? I remind myself that the negative feeling doesn't come from the external reality. Instead, I tell myself that my mind is a computer, and in this moment it's running a non serving program, a schema, a neuro pathway which produces a chemical and that is making me feel down. The idea that something is wrong with me is an illusion. It's just a neural pattern. And then I asked myself a very important question. Do I want to continue reinforcing this narrow batter? This situation is like a railway station that trains go in many directions. So can my reaction go in many directions? My reactions over time will determine my mood. My mood over time becomes my personality and that over time will determine my destination. My fate. It is up to me to choose which train I'm going to board. The sooner I remember this, the faster I can break my negative reaction. Most of our negative thoughts and habits at the result of our schemers. We thought them or had them for so long that now it takes no conscious effort to think them anymore. The old pattern influences us, but we can decide to take a different action to think different thoughts If we become aware of the schema, if we can stop ourselves in the middle of our negative reaction or state a new thought, weakens the or neural pathway similarly to If you do not walk in a certain path in a field , the grass will eventually return and the powerful soon disappear. Then the same situation no longer triggers the old bad emotion. And did you know that science confirms that are negative and positive mindset influences which genes were activating. Moreover, there are neural transmitters in the immune system to which communicate for the neurotransmitters in the brain. Dopamine, the happiness hormone, is being sent from the brain to the immune system, and it motivates the immune cells for producing antibodies. That is one reason my emotional stress and the lack of dopamine leads to so many diseases on, by surprising or even unexplainable, healings can be achieved by a strong positive attitude. Research estimates that it takes a minimum off 21 days to develop a new habit to physically develop a new pathway in the brain. Studies showed that the average time it's 66 days for establishing a strong You have it as you can see, catching yourself in the middle of a negative reaction being self over. Greatly changes are experience. It literally physically changes the brain. You can increase talent, emotional resistance and intelligence due to neuro plasticity. And the good news is that the brain remains plastic our whole life. So it's never too late to change one last thing about science. And then we move on to the practice picture, a ship docking in the harbor. Different ships require different shaped dogs, right? Let's use this analogy for our cells. Every emotion is caused by specific neurochemicals. So when we experienced joy, for example, the brain releases the chemicals responsible for joy. These joy chemicals can dock onto ourselves similarly, as ships dock in the harbor. So as the ships, the chemicals have different shapes. Therefore, our says have different shaped docks receptors to accommodate the chemicals. What happens if the cells are receiving the same chemical over and over? They were specialize in receiving that chemical worrying for years, for example, because the sauce to be the money receptors that connect with worry chemicals, smoking and other addictions caused the cess to build receptors to connect to nicotine or the other particular drug. But what happens if it stop worrying or stop smoking? Because the sides have specialized in connecting, welcoming those chemicals over time? Suddenly they're not getting their doors. They go into a craving. They think something is wrong. They are stressed out. This is another reason why it is so difficult to break negative emotional reactions and habits because ourselves themselves got used to our feelings. If we are depressed for a long time, ourselves become addicted to depression chemicals, they become addicted to our emotions. To summarize, were automatically reacting because of our neural pathways in the brain and also because of our system, says reinforced the same reactions. I think knowing this can really help us make changes, because if you remember this, for example, when we are depressed or when we are in any other negative state, we can remind ourselves that it is not us really who is feeling down. It is not us who is hopeless. The world is not really bad. But we feel like that because of our body. This machine is doing it to us. It is the hardware, the neural pathways in the brain and the cells in our body which are causing us to feel down. And the way we look at the world and ourselves when we are in the negative emotion, that is not reality. This way we can dissociate from the body and the feelings and we can say Stop. I don't want to feel these things anymore. It is only my body which is making me feel like that. It has been conditioned to you test programs. It is not me. Something that helped me in the past was to become angry with my own programs, which might sound strange, but it gives me the power to rise above thumb to disassociate myself from them. It's like enough This is not me. It's a stupid program. Anger is a big step up from feeling anxiety or hopelessness. Anger gives us power that we can channel into changing. Then from anger, we can step up the emotional scale to hope and trusting and so on. I think our ability to change lies hair to take back the control from the body and give it back to the conscious mind to the higher self. 9. The Conclusion of Neuroscience: Let's summarize everything so far. Since we are born, we're building schemers about the world, others and ourselves. Norms, habits, expectations, believes, judgments and behavior patterns. All of that becomes our sense of identity, the ego. As Children, the often form harmful beliefs about ourselves over the world, which are not true. Finding these schemers and working with them by introspection can bring massive transformation in our life. Most of our reactions depend on what kind of scheme, as we have our neural pathways and ourselves reinforce it. It perceived the world through the eyes of our ego. The ego has free distinct parts the conscious part, the inner chimp and the computer physiologically these links to the frontal lobe, the limbic brain and the cerebellum. It is extremely important to know the relationship of these parts because our reactions and our ability to change depends on how well we can manage the communication between them. 10. Dismissal - Defense Mechanisms: defense mechanics. Great. We have covered the basic structure of the ego. They're ready to look at how we can use this knowledge to create change in our lives. Now, harmful schemers have small impact or larger impact. Some make owes more frictions and agitation in arguments, for example, and some may Coz made yourself Murph issues and anxiety. For example, I'm a fisheye about doing a presentation, and that is harmful for my career. Maybe the shyness comes from avoiding punishment for speaking our mind as Children to avoid the verbal abuse of a critical parent. But inside my ego's mechanism, the shyness may be a good defense to avoid failure, because failure can mean that I have to face that I'm worthless and he can survive the idea of having no verve. That really frightens our survival. The Eagle wants to make sure that we don't get into a similar situation again. Therefore, it really exists on holding onto these limiting beliefs, it insists with all of its power. That is why the ego creates very strong defense mechanics to keep these limiting believes in place. We should really imagine the ego is an overprotective mental who doesn't realize that we have grown up and the fact that now we can make our own choices and create our own beliefs . Remember that I asked some questions early on, such as If you don't always react in the way we think it would be, idea. Why's it in terms of reaction? Why is there such a difference between person to person? The difference is due to how many harmful schemers we have, however, we know them and how good we are at giving their control to our inner human instead off letting the chimp grab it. So let's learn about the structure of the defense mechanics first, and then we would be done with the theory, and we can begin to do introspection and discover whether we have any limiting beliefs. Seeing how the defense mechanics hold are limiting beliefs, same place changes us. The act of discovering the ego system already lifts us above it. The structure becomes transparent and delimiting believes we're slowly become a logical our way of thinking changes and our neural network transforms. We've a receipt from a perspective in which we understand where the ego is lost in its structure, forcefully trying to protect itself, perpetuating the negative beliefs. Negative beliefs are set up in a way that they appear unchangeable for our protection. Seeing the possibility that we can actually get out off the belief leads to the power to move out of it. I have categorised five different defense mechanisms. A lot of them exists, but I think they fit into these five categories. The 1st 1 is probably the most common this missile. What happens if someone contradicts our views? In what ways can we dismiss the truth? Let's say we have a scheme are believed that says people want to use me. If we have this belief, then we look out for dangers, be focused on dangers. If someone doesn't act according to our expectations in a certain situation, then the following belief. Others wanting to use me is all that we're looking for in their behavior. Such a person would say Ah ha! See, he didn't share the building. Me, he's using me. We will find a proof we're looking for eventually. On top of that, we have probably attracted like minded friends who agree with us, and they verbally confirm our views. These friends, of course, only know our point of view this way. We have seen proof of the belief by virtue of our focus over and over, and it's Bean even confirmed by our friends. Therefore, questioning this belief may seem ridiculous, however, If we could look at our ego from outside, maybe we would conclude that the reality is that we simply have poor boundaries and we don't communicate our expectations properly. Our ego does its best to protect us by looking out for potential threat, and it comes to survival. It is better saved in the story after all. Therefore, we are very likely to dismiss any suggestion about abandoning our defensive or paranoid attitude. Next example. Ever heard of this or Saudis, you will understand when you get order? We could think that the person has no understanding of our issue, no insight about what we have been through. Therefore, their suggestions simply can't be right. Maybe we don't take someone as a credible source of advice because they are younger or less qualified. The ego futures out new information based on existing patterns because it is easier and safer than reevaluating an existing way of thinking. If the new information doesn't fit. It is often rejected, for example, rejecting a scientific fact by a religious person. We tend to accept perceptions that we want to be true and reject what we don't want to be true next one. If someone points out effect, which is uncomfortable to deal with, that often leads the avoidance of the topic or total ignorance of the comment. I personally find this hilarious. It still baffles me every time people sometimes just change the topic without a word or completely ignore what you have said. Look at the following scenario. You are in the middle of an argument. Imagine telling a person who is upset with you. You know, I think you should look inside and work on yourself. What do you think? Which one of your schemers is being triggered right now? How angry would that make them? Definitely not the right time to say that unless both of your during this type of introspective work, perhaps, or I'm sure you have seen when someone is trying to avoid facing a problem or an uncomfortable conversation. Does it sound familiar that we're trying to resolve a situation, but it almost seems a saved. A portable war, which we can get through who puts up the war, the ego in them whose purpose is the whole onto the negative reaction, like the avoidance in this example. The defense mechanics and they're being confronted by a different opinion that can be threatening to our ego in many ways. For example, it could mean that our intellect is being questioned. The contrasting opinion may question whether we can make rational opinions on def. It would be proven that we were wrong, that we cannot form a sound opinion that ISC Carrie. It's against our survival. Maybe we would have to admit something uncomfortable to us, which makes us lose face and thus respect again. That is, against the inner Jim's survival. It is against our egos survival. Being in a negative state like fear, anger or feeling hurt makes things even worse because they're emotionally biased. We're not thinking rationally. That, coupled with an active defense mechanism, is the recipe for resistance. If you're trying to make some one thing differently, 11. Justification - Defense Mechanisms: the second defense mechanism is justification and rationalization. For example, our loved one tells us that we should quit smoking, but they find all kinds of excuses why smoking isn't really that unhealthy. We're looking for anything which can serve as evidence like, Oh, my grandfather has been smoking for 30 years and he's fine. They're looking for the facts, which could somehow support our view instead of looking at all of the facts and then making a conclusion. This is pure inner team thinking. In worst cases, we can even see that people lie to themselves Quite often. Rationalization is used to avoid feelings of anxiety, guilt or other negative emotions. It may also be used to protect fund self esteem or self concept. 12. Denial & Taking Offence - Defense Mechanisms: the third defense mechanism is denial and taking offense. Sometimes someone's opinion is contradicting our existing pattern or thinking, but we do see some truth in it. For example, your supervisor at work doesn't admit that they didn't handle something well because they are afraid of losing their position off authority. This is a stronger reaction and dismissal, sometimes his such cases. If the opinion cannot be rejected because we can see that it has truth in it, then it will make us feel very uncomfortable. This can lead to straight denial, hostility, and the one who contradicts us can be even labeled as enemy. Contradicting opinions can also lead to projection. Alternatively, a suggestion that we should test our beliefs against their validity can be agitating. We take it as an offense against our intellect. 13. Illusion of Reward - Defense Mechanisms: the fourth defense mechanism is called illusion of Reward. For example, Vitaly procrastinate. Let's say we have to complete a report that we have to present in front of a team afterwards what to be achieved by procrastination. The positive action would be to do the work to get it over with, but there can be a negative belief attached to it. For example, if I try, I will fail. My work might be rejected and then I will see that I am not good enough. For example, if I complete my work, I'll have to do something, after which I'm afraid off. This often explains the reason for choosing detrimental actions. At the same time, there can be many revolting beliefs attached to the procrastination. For example, I feel relief if I can avoid the work, it takes off pressure. I can avoid whatever would follow after my task is done. Therefore, the negative belief or action is influencing the motivational mechanism. This makes the negative action or belief appear like safety. Let's take a pose, hair and talk about the difference between positive and negative beliefs. Again, Negative believes are a specific type of schemers. Positive beliefs feel like being in the light. If we have 1/2 a belief about our, for example, we think we're good enough and our opinions deserve voicing. Now this may sound like common sense, but my point leaves to something important when we are in the light. When we have 1/2 a belief which is empowering, expansive, we have the ability to see that other beliefs also exist. But we don't have those beliefs. It wouldn't make any sense to choose a negative belief, right? Like I'm not good enough. Nonetheless, we are able to see that these beliefs could exist if we decided to focus every day on our negatives. Over time, maybe we would even believe them in the light. We understand that the door rated leads to the dark is just a choice. In contrast to this, when we are in the dark, when we have a limiting believe, we don't have the ability to see that other beliefs also exists. Right when you're feeling depressed, the feeling of joy doesn't seem like a choice. Doesn't seem like an option, and I'm here to tell you that it is because VR in ego identification. But if we step out of the ego, it will become a choice. Negative beliefs have multiple tools to make it seem like there are no alternative beliefs available to us if one has developed the negative focus, if one is in the dark, the doorway to the light is disguised as un changeability, so it's impossible to see the improvement and the way out off the belief to demonstrate this. Let's look at the fifth defense mechanism. 14. Fear of the Alternative - Defense Mechanisms: the fear of on alternative belief. Let's use the example. Belief I am not good enough, which is the most common belief we have. Nicole has trouble entering into romantic relationship. She's worried about being rejected. She finds it safer to not let anyone really get to know her, then getting close to someone and have them see that she's flowed. She makes this choice based on what a safer over what she wants. When we have a similar belief, we often miss out on life, and these choices are often unconscious choices. For example, if we have a limiting belief like Nico's than people, suggestion about how we should change may seem scary as it tells us to leave our behavior, that which we consider safe. What if we get hurt again? The ego may even force us to resist outside help. What would happen if we do get there that we have solved our issue? There can be the fair off something that we might find out then, so it seems better to just stick to the issue. Sometimes we're not aware of what kind of negative belief holds us back, and in other cases we are yet we don't make steps to change it, why don't we? Why country? What is happening deep in our subconscious, when we have an intention to replace the limiting belief, It a better believe the inner Jim things. If we go looking for an alternative, If we go looking for a positive beliefs such as I am indeed good enough, then we won't find it. It does not exist. If we were to find this out, it would confirm that we are not good enough. So to avoid the reinforcement of the negative self image at all cost, we stay in the negative self image because at least there's a slide. Doubt that it is not true. Confirming that we are not good enough would be a disaster, because we cannot survive having absolute knowledge about having absolutely no birth. That would mean that we don't belong to the world and the creation, and we're having a pointless existence. The eagle cannot survive that. It crumbles. So the negative belief is telling you, hold on to the tiny doubt. Hold on to your negative belief, stay miserable because proving the negative is worse than being in the negative. This process reinforces our inability to find and look for better feeling beliefs. The ego unconsciously concludes that the negative belief is actually protection. Changing it would lead to suffering. This helps our survival. It has the inner chimp fear safer. But as you can see, these negative beliefs are mayor illusions. That's the ego is holding onto. That is why I can decide that I won't buy into this anymore. My negative Billy for reaction is illusionary. There's something in my subconscious mind which is trying to protect me. That's it. Call it the inner chimp, the defense mechanism, the automatic program, the schema, whatever. But it has nothing to do with reality. If we sit down to think we can always find good stuff about ourselves eventually, this is by stepping out of our ego is such a fantastic way to change ourselves, and it is both ancient and the modern way. I'm sure it has happened to us where that you were observing the problems of a friend, for example, and you were able to give them advice, maybe dick clear solution, but they couldn't accept it. It is because ah harmful scheme eyes not letting them see the light it is difficult to step out off their problem because the inner chimp doesn't want to leave a safe behaviour. Imagine if you could observe your own problems with such a detached, observing mindset as you can observe others. That is exactly what we can achieve in mindfulness practice. Introspection helps us to explore our schemers, and meditation makes us the associate from our ego. 15. The Importance of Introspection: introspection. If you have listened to me so far, then now I can admit that my intention was to convince you that some form of introspection could be beneficial for all of us. After all, all complex systems need to be checked regularly. We have to take our car for regular servicing. We have to go to the dentist for checkups. How is the mind any different? Well, actually, the mine is much more complex. So to me, that means that I like to check mine even more frequently. First, I'm going to show you a few minutes long introspection practice that you can do before going to bed. Then I'm going to show you an elaborate guide for finding known serving schemers and what we can do to approve them. This includes practices that work over time techniques which can bring about change instantly. And I would introduce you to the power off meditation. Lastly, I'm going to talk about how we can bring even more mindfulness into our everyday interactions with others. 16. Evening Introspection Excersise: introspection before going to sleep. This is our 1st 2 because everyone can afford a few minutes before falling asleep to reflect about our day, even though this only takes a few minutes. If it becomes a regular practice, we will begin to enjoy its benefits very quickly. We re a form new neural pathways very fast. The practice is about asking ourselves a few simple questions. What went where Today and why did it go well? Was there something that I could have thought said or done that I should have? Was there anything that I thought said or done that I perhaps, shouldn't have? Was there a point during my day when I felt negative emotion, or did I cause negative emotion to someone else? If there was, which one of my buttons has be impressed, how could that be attributed to my reaction or schema? When we're doing this, we're taking responsibility for our reactions and for our feelings, even if someone has said or did something that led to the negative feeling. What we want to achieve is that it is you and you only who determines your emotional reaction in any situation. Of course, you can be right, and you have the right to not prefer something. But what matters is that you should have control over your reactions to such things. To be able to keep a mental emotional balance. You could write a quick note about your strongest reactions into a notebook, and over time it is likely that you will sport a pattern. And lastly, if we know that we're going to face something challenging in the next day, we could rehearse. Are mindful reaction to that when the challenging situation or the negative emotion arrives with your pose. Breathe on, moving to helicopter perspective and look at things with a detached attitude, the keys to get into the habit off, catching ourselves when we are reacting emotionally until this attitude finally becomes our nature when we're doing introspection right before falling asleep or right after raking up , our brain is in offer and theater brainwaves, which are very conducive for programming and changing patterns 17. CBT - Theory & Practice: all right. Our main left brain technique is finding limiting beliefs. So you're going to see is a Siri's off self questions and answers to locate a schema, a limiting belief it is similar to what I would be asking a client on a coaching session. Such methods are often called shadow work. On them, psychology connects to schema therapy, cognitive therapy and psycho analysis. We can discover a harmful schema, and then, by changing the cognitive patrons connected to it, we can diminish the intensity of emotional memories comprising the schema on its corresponding bodily sensations. There are so many psychological theories about what the best indirection is, and this field is constantly evolving on this day in the summer of 2000 and 17. My personal opinion is that some amount of shadow work is always needed, that is, looking back at the past. But the majority of our effort should be aimed at redefining a new, positive, self and corresponding behavior, focusing on the present, creating a new version of ourselves as your healing your beliefs. You will get more and more freedom. It often happens that as time goes by, you discover a new belief or you encounter a seemingly oil belief again. The difference is that you want buy into it anymore like you used to. You see the mechanism behind it, and this happens you will be approaching a situation from a more expanded level from a broader perspective. Every time a belief comes back, we learn a new aspect of ourselves each time until finally, it doesn't offer us anything new anymore, and it is eventually gone. We purify ourselves over time by replacing maladaptive coping styles and reactions. The new behaviors. The reason I really like this type of introspection because you can do it on your own. You're not dependent on anybody. If you find that you would like to go for this with someone or wish to explore even deeper , you're welcome to contact me by my website. You can download the template for the sins respective work now and then I revoke you through an example 18. CBT - Core Belief Elimination: introspection, finding a limiting belief. I'm going to show you how we used this introspective work with a client. The whole process Duke around an hour and 1/2 for us, and it could take even longer. Therefore, please set some quiet time for yourself so you can self reflect in peace for you. Do this, and I have to warn you that the process is often emotional. So in the example, you're going to see I was working with Jane. The first question that we ask is, What is James problem? What makes Jane really go out of balance emotionally, but upsets her? What does she have a resistance to? If these questions don't apply to you, then I have listed some alternative questions. It could be more appropriate for you. So whatever this thing is, that makes you upset or causes any other negative emotion. This is what we're going to call the present event, because it's happening right now. It's present in your life. James. Present event is when people judge her on first sight. That is something that really makes her angry. After we have established that, I ask, How do you feel when it is happening, she responds. I'm angry and I feel hurt. Then I ask, What are the undesired trades off the person or the situation? You have to apply the questions to yourself and to your event to your situation, because sometimes it's a person. Sometimes it's a situation, and it can be also something about the world. So be prepared to treat the questions a little bit. Tweet them so they apply to your situation. So for Jane, what are the undesired trades of the person to which she replied that they are prejudiced now? This is an answer that we have to unpack. We have to get to the bottom of it. So I ask questions like via these trades so bad, What do they mean to you? What are the worst possible effects of these traits on you may be on others or the world. The focus is on your feelings. How do these traits make you feel? Survival did be so bad. After contemplating this, Jane comes up with the following answer without getting to know me, they label me later on. The labelling might be exactly why they don't even realize that they were wrong. It is often hard to get rid of such labels. I would like people to form their opinions about me based on my personality after they go to know me notes based on my appearance. If it doesn't happen this way, that hurts my self esteem. At this point, I proceed by digging even deeper. I use the questions, but does that mean Why would it be so bad? She replies. I don't want to be compared to others because that would mean that I'm one among many. I'm not unique, so I ask what doesn't mean? Why would it be so bad? She says. If that's the case, I am average. I am not interesting. I ask again, What does it mean? Why would it be so bad? She says. If someone is un interesting, she or he is boring. If someone is boring, they are disliked. They aren't loved. So we have established that the worst possible effect off her current event and people judge her on first sight. That really broken down means to her that she wouldn't be loved. So the verse possible effect of the present event is that I wouldn't be loved, Santi. Now we have established two things which we need to write on the answer sheet. The first is the present event that is, people judging me on first sight, and the 2nd 1 is the worst possible effect off the present event to reach. The answer is, I wouldn't be loved at this point. We had a discussion. I asked her if she knows someone who, in the same event when being judged, would not have such a strong emotional reaction as her. There must be others who are not affected. The same Veria she's the event of being judged is not such a significant thing for every bomb. What does this mean? We have to arrive to the possibility that in the same event, not every person reacts the same way. Then we proceeded with the questions. I asked her, Can you think of any past memories? Preferably the earliest. You can remember when you felt the same as in your present event? What was it? Gen replies. Yes, it happened in primary school. I was told that I shouldn't do karate because I'm a girl. Then I had my mom cut my hair short, after which I was called the names like G I. Jane, can I ask, how did you react to this? How did you feel? Did you make a conclusion about yourself again? At this point, a question may be more appropriate for you. Did you make a conclusion about others? So did you make a conclusion about the world? You have to tailor the question so that it becomes appropriate to your event. Do your worst case scenario. So how did Jane feel? She said I felt the time was weird again. I start digging by using the questions. What does that mean? Why would that be so bad? She replies that I don't fit among the other gars. I keep digging. What does that mean? Why would that be so bad? She says that I shouldn't be like this where those are not like I should be more like the rest because if someone is two different, they are on outsider. They don't belong to the group at the same time. I don't want to be to average either, because that is boring and people like someone who is interesting. So now we looked at the past event and now we're going to write down the conclusion. What is the worst possible effect off this past event? James and sarees either be lonely or I've would be lonely. Let's write is down to your answer sheet. They continue with the questions I ask, What is the conclusion you made about yourself? What should you be like? Instead? The answer is, I felt that in order to be accepted, I should be like the others. I should be more girly, softer, more sensitive, weaker and less self determined. I ask, How did you cope with the situation? She says. I decided that I want to be unique and stand out, and I will not become average. I refused to blend in, so I got piercings and special hair color. And now I ask a very important question. Did you develop a dominant self or did you suppress something? If so, what is it? She answers. I'm not girly enough. I suppressed my feminine side. Therefore, I am not lovable. This was the first breakthrough moment in our conversation. Jane began to cry as she recognized that these birds connect to how she sometimes fears about herself. After this, they moved on to showing her the relationship between the past and the present event. Now let's look at your answer sheet. Let's look at the worst possible effects of the present event. In our case, it was I wouldn't be loved. Now, how does that connect without conclusion about the suppressed self? Before it was, I wouldn't be loved. And now it is. I am not lovable, Jane says. They are the same. Then I asked her to contemplate, Could it be possible that your emotional response today in your present event would be reduced, maybe even absent without something that has been triggered in you? What was the present event when people judge me on first sight? Is this a trigger to something that you concluded in the past event? The present events may have unconsciously reminded you of the original past event. Is it possible that your subconscious mind is trying to protect you from the experience off ? I will be lonely, which was the worst possible effect off the past event. So when people judge me on first sight, is that an unconscious trigger to the feeling off? I will be lonely. This is what causes the severe emotional reaction in the present event to warn you of danger. The minds defense mechanism is trying to protect you and it is holding onto a schemer. It is holding onto a non serving belief. This is the limiting belief that we have established. It connects to your past event, and that is our ultimate conclusion for now. So I asked Jane, What is your limiting belief? She says, I am not girly enough. I suppressed my feminine side, so I'm not lovable. You see, the never Jane feels that she is being judged unfairly. That triggers her unconscious, limiting belief that she would not be loved and that she would become lonely when she was a child. It is very likely that she coped by suppressing some off her feminine side. Now that we have found a limiting belief, the next step is to get rid of it. We're going to investigate the limiting belief and explore, but really happened in the past. What would effects and what meaning we gave to that event more offender, Not especially as Children. We draw conclusions from events which may only be one of the many possible interpretations . For example, a child may conclude that she or he is not important due to not receiving attention. However, the parents may have been simply unable to give the child a required time. After such introspection, we often find that we want to redefine the old conclusions which we have made in the past. By doing so, we can give new meanings through old events. A new neutral or even positive meaning enables us to here and 200 future, similar events in a calm, constructive A rather than losing our emotional balance. So after we have discussed that, he proceeded to the next question. What was the limiting belief? Jane says. I am not lovable. I'm not girly enough. I have suppressed my feminine side and this point is very important that we appreciate the fact that our corresponding feeling or behaviour was created by the Eagles defence mechanism to serve our survival. Therefore, it would be beneficial to make friends with the belief to show gratitude. Now that we are aware of it, we have the power to let go of it and we can now choose a better feeling belief, a more positive belief. He should approach this limiting belief as favored approach a supersensitive friend because some believes, and schemers are very sensitive. They meant to be because they are serving our survival. Our mind is trying to protect us through them, so don't resist a belief. Instead acknowledge it is a potential valid belief because complete invalidation can face resistance. The belief might feel frightened. That is, how defense mechanism works to protect you, allow it to remain a probable choice, equally valid and not suppressed treaties like it was a living entity, then it via fear, supported, loved and soothed. Does it will stop insisting on its existence. After discussing this, we should close their eyes and relax, take three deep breaths and then allow our body to breathe normally. Just relax. Observe your breath for half a minute. No, remember and visualize the first time when you felt like in your past event what happened. So try to visualize that childhood event, Jane says. People judged me. It happened in primary school. I was told I shouldn't do karate because I'm a girl, that I had my mom cut my hair short, after which I was called in names like G. I. Jane. The following part is very important. Look at these questions and contemplate describe the event. How do you interpret it? What is your conclusion or judgment? What does it mean to you? How does it make you feel? This is a recap. We have already established this. And now take away your own opinion about what happened. Take away the meaning. The conclusion that you made. Imagine how the other party might see the situation. Imagine how your dot itself would interpret the situation. Imagine how 1/3 person would explain what happened. Describe the facts in terms of what you saw. The physical actions or words without your interpretation off them. Without your feelings, what would a camera show? So play with this idea when interpret effects in this way, what other possibilities might be there different and your original judgment? Write down at least two alternative conclusions. So I gave some time to Jane to think about it and write down her alternative conclusions. She wrote down number one. Maybe the boys were only curious about Why does a girl want to do karate? Alternative Conclusion. Number two Small boys don't typically play. It's more girls number free. Children bully individuals who are different. Someone who stands out becomes an outcast. Now, this was the second breakthrough moment in our conversation. Jane has realized that what the other Children did to her was not personal at all. Anyone who stands out is likely to get bullied. It has nothing to do better. This was a powerful emotional situation for her because she visualized the past event. She put herself into the perspective off her child self, and she herself has reinterpreted the situation. It was she who came up with the new meaning off the situation. At this point, Jane did not need to continue this introspection because this realization has disengaged her limiting belief. Therefore, we moved on to part free cultivating a new, healthy and positive belief. If your breakthrough doesn't happen after these questions, you may continue with introspection. Is it possible that your original conclusion is only von perception? Is it possible that the other party or an outside observer might have a different one? Did you actually see your interpretation happen? Anchor. Did you see some facts happening and you gave them a meaning? Can you accept it? You saw some facts happening, which can be given different meanings. Is it possible that sometimes they may not have all the information regarding the situation or the other person. Is it possible that we may not know what the other person thinks? Is it possible that we may not know the issues of the other person which would explain their behavior? Is it possible that you may have already existing beliefs which influence our judgment? Did we take into account at our negative emotional state massively influences our judgment . So do you agree that because of this, there could be multiple perspectives and interpretations of any situation? In light of this? Can you be sure that your original conclusion is 100% accurate? Can you be sure that when you judge the behaviors of others, you're 100% accurate? Most of our negative beliefs about ourselves and the world and others do not come from actual events, but from the meanings we gave to them. Therefore, it is beneficial to separate events or facts from the meanings that we gave to them when we experienced the event with so things and we interpreted the situation we gave it, meaning this is what has become our belief. Can we explain what the meaning looks like, literally, Isn't it difficult to describe to actually see the meaning? But we think we saw it. That is why we gave it the meaning. We did not see the meaning literally yet to be identified with the event to appear to be the same thing. In case the meaning caused the prolonged a recurring negative emotion in us. Wouldn't it be beneficial the ConStor to interpret the event in a different way? Is it possible for a meaningless event to make you feel the meaning? I realized that if you feel like that, it's not because the situation or the people are doing it, but because you gave that meaning to their actions. And, of course, when we have Children, we do this automatically unconsciously. Now you may close your eyes and begin the relaxation and visualization again. We're going to repeat the introspection until we're able to find some alternative conclusions. When that is done, they're ready to move on to step free, cultivating a new half in positive belief, establishing a new half in positive belief. So let's decide on your new belief and look for evidences which supported. So Jane decided that her new half a belief is I am loveable. She came up with the evidences. I am kind and have full. I am dependable. I express my love and I bring happiness to whom I love. I am intelligent, I am joyful and I tend to cheer up people around me. Her second new belief is I am feminine. She came up with the following evidences. I am caring. I have pretty eyes round bump, pretty mouth, sexy voice. Good figure. Guys are interested in me. I am kind. I wear smart clothes and my hair is always off high standard too. I'm a cuddly person at this point. We have to discuss that some believes can be changed in an instant. Just by becoming aware of some beliefs, they naturally go away. If that happens, great. But with other beliefs. We have to do what is called behavior activation in psychology because the refugee off the old belief is still present in the mind in the form of neural pathways patterns. So we need to allow then you believe to sink in, and we shouldn't get discouraged by the residue. Avoid patterns. If the old belief gets activated, we can just remind ourselves that it is not us anymore. It is just a in a chimp, but we are the one who is in control. So practice behavior activation, take actions. Is a person who has this new Herfi belief. What actions reflect this new person also took their friends discussing what we're going through also has massive healing effects. Maybe avoid people who remind you of the old belief. Keep up your resolve to Comey to actions and to reflect the new belief. Keep up your resolve. Make a plan. What would you do if a triggering situation arises? Have a mindful action plan which mindfulness techniques were you implement. Also, a very powerful thing to do is that when you're feeling high when you're having a really good day, then you make a video message to yourself. Use your smartphone to make a video of yourself. Talk to yourself. Say how you feel when you're in the desired state. When you're feeling down, you can listen to yourself. You can listen to your best version of yourself telling you what the reality is. The best version of yourself can give you tips. We shouldn't underestimate the importance of this and we're feeling down often we can get out of it. So we have to use the opportunity. Even we're feeling great. We can make a personalized message. And then if tomorrow we're feeling down, we can watch it and we can think, Oh, yeah, this is who I really am. It's a great technique and the last the pace, the program, your subconscious mind before or after sleep. The last thoughts we have have extreme importance. Appreciate what you have. Show gratitude for it or what you are like or what you're going to become. When you do this before falling asleep or right after sleep, your programming, your mind, you're planting the seeds of these ideas before and after sleep. Our brain is in the theater state, which makes it very responsive for programming. This concludes the CBT based introspection process. I really hope you tried. You could spend one hour doing this, and it could year the lot of insight about yourself, so I wish you best of luck 19. Discovering Hidden Patterns: voice dialogue. I tried this technique of myself, I think, in 2000 and 11. I really liked it because it's quick, easy to do it years. Some insights about us, and it definitely makes us question our reactions. The exercise is divided into five columns, and we're going to move through each of them individually. So let's go through my own example. First cut. What do I judge? What are people's bad traits? So we should think about stuff that really elicit great emotional reactions in us. It could be anything something you really dislike or someone who would be really dislike. So tried the list of those traits. My examples for people who charged too much people who use others or take advantage of others. People who are sir, questionable quality products or services, hard selling manipulation. It also makes me sad when people believe things without questioning them. So that kind of also means that people sometimes let themselves be taken advantage off and in relation to the above items. That also annoys me that people may be sir questionable quality, and I think that my service would be better and at the same time I'm not in business. Nothing's here can be directed at people were in the world or anything. Really. Some things that make me feel resentment or anger or sadness and so on. Think about what applies to you personally Moving on to the second column. Now we're going to put ourselves in the shoes off. The people we don't like have would they judge me and we can work side by side with the previous items. So, for example, when I say those people who charge too much, But those people would say that maybe I'm just being jealous when I say that people use others over, take advantage of others, they could say that Oh, I don't know what people perceive as well you and I say that someone says questionable quality. Oh, here she is using manipulation. They could say that I am being arrogant, and I say that people let themselves be taken advantage of because maybe they don't question things enough. They could say that I'm just being weird on the last fund. How do they judge me? Question doesn't apply here, so I have to kind of play around with the words. But the point is that Maybe when I'm saying that my service would be better yet I'm not in business to that they would respond it. Oh, I'm just being lazy. So we took the things in the first column and the kind of responded to them in the second column moving on the third column. Now I would like you to take the worst case scenario, the things in the first column. So when I say people who charged too much, what would be the worst possible effect of that? What is the worst case scenario? How can we magnify that, that people will become poor or they will become inducted? Next was the worst case scenario of people using others or taking advantage of others that people will be misled or exploited. Okay, so for me, what's the worst case scenario if people sell questionable quality and they manipulate others into buying products? For me personally, it would mean that because I'm not prepared to do that, I can't do business like that. Maybe I cannot change the world because this is what works manipulation. So I have to twist the words a bit. I really have to magnify the worst case scenario and think about what applies to me personally. How can that apply to my situation? So play around with the words, Be a bit flexible. Next item People believe things sometimes without questioning them. What's so bad about that? How does it apply to me? Well, after thinking about it, I concluded that there are people who follow certain thoughts, maybe ideologies. Maybe they belong to a group, and I tend to have resistance to that. So I don't really commit to one particular ideology or way of thinking. So the worst case scenario for me personally would be that that I may be won't find like minded people. The last one is quite obvious to me. Was the work a scenario of me not being in business? Me not being successful, not earning money? Now that we have these third least let's summarize things. So these are the things in the third column, which I have resistance to when I encounter characteristics or people from the first column . But I'm really resistant to use the things in the third car. So when people charged to march, that annoys me because I'm kind of afraid off people becoming poor or indebted when I see others taking advantage off people. What I'm really afraid off people being misled and exploited the stuff reminds me, maybe unconsciously, off these worst case scenarios. And that's when I feel the resistance. That's when I feel the emotional reaction. At this point, the exercise is already yielding resorts. I think we can learn about our fears. We can learn about what we're really resistant to. Let's move on to the Fourth column now in the fourth Column, we going to play the verse case scenario game again. But this time we're looking at the second column. So how do others judge me? We're going to look at those judgments, magnified them, look at the verse case scenario off them and then ride them into the fourth color. First fun. I am jealous. Rise that so bad from jealous. I'm going to fear, anger, resentment and negativity. What if I don't know what people perceive as value? Well, that leads to me not being able to maybe do good marketing. Maybe my productive service wouldn't be appropriate. Maybe I would lose business opportunity. Next fun. I am arrogant. Why is it so bad to be arrogant? I guess that's quite obvious, because some people won't like me. Maybe a lot of people won't like me next. 1 may being weird. If I'm weird, Maybe I get isolated. Have baby alone. I won't have company. The last time was I am lazy. I think that's quite obvious again. Why is that so bad? Was the worst case scenario. Well, if I'm lazy, I'm not going to be successful. I'm not going to be good enough in the last two items kind of fall into place. That's kind of a consequence here. The consequence of the previews point is that they won't be safe. Now let's read this list. Let's read this fourth column. Can we find something that applies to us? I think it's really worth contemplating how much these statements could be. Truth in the past or upon to now. We had such resistance to things in 1/3 column, for example, here, people becoming poor or inducted, people will be misled or exploited. I became so afraid of what this verse case scenario of this type of behavior is. Maybe I wanted to suppress those qualities in May netted of things in the Fourth column the development of a dominant self. And now I'm out of balance by trying to overcompensate. Maybe my idea that I can't find like minded people let to me feeling isolated and maybe lead to me moving into isolation or avoiding people or avoiding social situations. Which leads us to the last column. The conclusion suppressed self. What would happen if I gained some of the positive qualities found in the first column for myself, So that means we should look at the first column. They should think about what would be the positive application off those traits and try to find the positive aspect off them. Tried to look for a positive meaning in those characteristics. Again, we will have to play around with the words a bit. Let's look at the 1st 1 So people who charged too much what would happen if I gained some of the positive aspect off that quality, I guess charging more money or charging money at all instead of working for free. So what I wrote down was that I could earn more money next time, use others or take advantage of others. That does sound quite negative, So I really had to play with the words. So I thought about things like taking an opportunity when it arises. And then, in the end I wrote down, I would have more opportunities next one selling Karash nable quality. I turned it around by saying that maybe I'm just being a perfectionist and heart setting and manipulation. I turned around by thinking about putting more effort into marketing. So my answer was that I would be more productive. Next bomb, people believing in certain things, maybe ideologies, maybe belonging to ah group. If I could get some of those qualities for myself, I would be more connected in the last fund that I could do a better service. And I am not in business. So this stands out from the list because it's not something I judge or it's not a bad trade . It just, ah, neutral thing, which is happening. If there's a neutral thing like that, I think about what insight does it offer to you? After thinking about it, I wrote down that, um, I should do less planning and take more action, and the very last rectangle kind of answers itself. I look at their previous points. It's very easy to see that The answer is that I would feel safe. And then we finished the exercise. We have established a possible suppressed self. So have fun with this exercise. And if you found some answers, you could move on to the next part, making a change. Think about how do you suppress that stuff in your day to day life? How could you express this self? How is the inner chimp sabotaging you? How could you give the decision making power to your inner human? 20. Mindful Perspective and Response: today, I'm going to talk about one of my favorite topics. Instantaneous change based on actual situations. A few years ago, I was in my hometown in Hungary, visiting family and friends there. It is customary that people sit on the city squares and talk until late, surrounded by green scenery and traditional architecture. I was in one of these choirs it one of my good friends, Andrew having a long conversation when a shady looking man approached us and asked Andrew for a cigarette. I can't remember exactly, but it was either Andrews last cigarette or he only had a few left. But I know that he gave his cigarettes to the shady stranger. Reluctantly. After this event, Andrew became upset. But upset him was the fact that the guy was intimidating and Andrew didn't feel like he had a choice about sharing his cigarette. He gave it out affair. This wasn't a one off situation for him. I could see that he was very upset. He began complaining about the people who generally do these things, asking for money and stuff in an intimidating fashion. He went on for quite a while. He wasn't wrong, everything he said was true, and I could totally understand why he was being angry. Maybe this situation was a trigger for him. Maybe not everyone would have been affected in such a way. It is irrelevant. All but matters is that he wouldn't stop being frustrated after discussing this for a long time. I told him that he should just let it go, but he wouldn't. I told him that he was really focusing on the negative. That half a now has passed since the actual event and he was still in a bad mood. I said, Look, you're totally right in saying that the shady guy doesn't work. He stops paper on the street and he can be quite scary. And you felt being forced into giving him something. And you don't like the idea off spending your money on a guy like that differs or true? Look, I'm not saying it's not true. This is a completely valid viewpoint, but you could choose to focus on other things as well, which are equally true. Yet they would make you feel good rather than upset. You could focus on the fact that you are the one who is in a stable job who can afford to buy cigarette, who can afford to give away his cigarette and just buy a new one. It is not going to cause you any financial drawbacks. You won't even notice it. You are the one who is able to give. Isn't that a good thing? The shady guys clearly in need and you are not in need you are able to give. Isn't this viewpoint equally true? That's you are abundant. If I put this and Andrew statement next to each other, we can see that they are both equally true. But depending on which one we focus on, our mood will be completely different. Remember that at the start of the course, I asked the question, Could we make a conscious decision about that reactions in relation to everything in life? So what had happened if Andrew decided to apply positive focus in his situation? I did ask him, and eventually he agreed that it would be possible to look at the positive statement that I came up with. Instead, I think Andrew would have kept his good mood throughout the night. Wouldn't it be better if he could get out of our heads take a helicopter ride and look at all of the possible interpretations of a situation from above to observe Ravid in react. To be able to choose what we focus on from the many possibilities, wouldn't we want to always choose the one that is constructive and leaves us in a good feeling? State? Imagine that these situations adopt. Let's say you have a similar event in the morning while you are going to work. Maybe you encounter a driver who is cursing you. Or please imagine something that would annoy you personally, so the situation can make you either upset or you can keep positive, depending on what you focus on. Both reactions will influence your day. If you have a negative reaction to the mean driver, maybe you'll be frustrated. And when you get to work, ah coworker challenges you about some work related thing. You will be coming from that frustrated mood, and you have a more difficult time handling it with these or in a calm way. Then you get home and and maybe there's a disagreement with your partner to rich. You have brought with you the emotional baggage from the morning and from work even one negative reaction can lead to spiralling down or a positive reaction can lead to being in the flow. Others realized joyfulness about us. They might even comment. You're looking good today. Now, suddenly you're not only joyful, you are more confident to both are negative and positive reactions known Joe Cascade off events. If you are joyful, you will probably handle the next challenge that day in a more constructive way. And by the time you get home, you will retain the emotional resilience to resolve your disagreement with your partner with patience and understanding. All of this because you made a decision about your reaction. I hope this shows the long term benefit off positive focus. Imagine keeping this focus over the period of months and years. 21. Instant Change: Emotions - Behaviour - Reactions: I hope that I have given you enough information about the mind that by now you really do believe that any change is possible, that we can disengage from any reaction and assume a new attitude. If you have used to introspection methods than maybe you have already identified a schema which you ready to let golf. What happens when we have a critical situation to deal with? Let's look at something that is extremely difficult to control, Let's say, dealing with anxiety or depression. Let's use the following example. You are driving and suddenly the car begins to drift towards a tree. Do you look at the tree where you don't want to go, where you're going to crash or do you focus and handing the steering wheel and the road where you want to go? Which one helps you fear makes us focus on danger. Let's apply this to depression or anxiety when we are in reacting mode. The thinking mind tries to solve the situation by focusing on the problem. We keep thinking negative thoughts like I'm lonely, I'm fatigued. I don't want to meet anyone. I am unhappy and I can't be bothered. The more we think about these, the worst our situation becomes. This means we are making our lack specific. Focusing on specifics magnify our experience that there were looking at something joyful or something awful. That is why, in my experience, and we catch ourselves in negative emotion, it is best to stop thinking altogether. Our mind is a hardware, a machine. We can stop the running depression program, the schema, the new a pathway activation We have to distract ourselves. Here is an example. John wants to find a job right now. He's already feeling unease because he's using up his savings now, thinking about things like his money's going down, that the beers are coming and so on clearly makes things worse. And we lied to beginning anxiety. It is kind of automatic that we focus on the dangers, but it doesn't help us. The oh no, that's going to a job interview, anxious because of the pressure off. Urgent need to get a job will make us perform worse than if we were in a safe position. When we focus on the negatives, it hinders our performance and communication. Many things in negative focus. We shut ourselves away from opportunities maybe this Stay at home instead of going out. We think about worst case scenarios. What ifs? Increasing worry and anxiety. It is a vicious circle that must be stopped. But it must be stopped by disengaging from the pattern. Not by more thinking. It is so important to remind ourselves that when we are in a negative state than the inner chimp is in control, we only have access to thoughts within a small range. We don't see the big picture. We are shut away from positive thoughts. For example, if I'm worrying about my plan to move abroad, the thoughts which come to my mind are I don't know what I'm going to do. That I've been lonely. How am I going to find company? What if I can't find a job? You see, I project my current negative focus onto the future, which is a big mistake because when I'm feeling good, then good feeling for words come to my mind like off course. I find the perfect job I could always managed that before were off course. I will find like minded people. There are many social websites where one can sign up for events and so one. When they're in negative focus, we simply don't have access to the ideas of solutions and opportunities and other uplifting things. So if I find myself in rumination over the years, I have learned that I need to stop thinking. I need to distract myself and think later when I feel better. So why are we stuck in negative emotions or situations? Schemers and the chimp? The body has memories of the past. The cells are conditioned to specific moods. Our neuro pathways are established to make us think thoughts which lead to the anxious state the body is living in the past. In such a state, there is one big realization to be made. In this moment, I am creating pain for myself. The suffering is created by me by not paying attention to my schemers, instead letting the resulting emotions control my mind. This is reacting mode chimp mode, which we have the power to stop. We need to act greater than our schemers, greater than our conditions and greater than our environment. No matter how bad the situation is, we always have the power to do one thing. To move into observing mode or to disengage from autopilots, fits, meditation or with a mindfulness activity. There's nothing ever wrong without true self. It is our schemers. And you know what really worked for me to change my reactions, Whether I was kicking the habit of smoking many years ago or releasing work related stress or coming out off severe anxiety, it was to get really frustrated with my schemers, and I'm frustrated with them. Then it's not me anymore who is experiencing the suffering instead of feeling powerless that the suffering is happening to me. Something's splits inside of me. I can see that it is my scheme us that are 40 not me. By separating the negative state from my sense of being by attributes ing the suffering to my scheme us. I gain a position off power. I can see that they are influencing me, but I'm fundamentally detached from them. From that moment. The suffering is not some intangible, elusive thing, which is just happening to me. I d associate from the suffering. It is so motivational. I used to even make this into a game when my bad stuff comes out. Then I say to myself, uh, my scheme again. Ah my inner chimp has come out to play. Something is trying to take over me. Am I going to let it? It is the mood and pattern I want to reinforce. Or am I ready to change things? Which train do I want to be on? It is hard to explain this association. It is why meditation is such a powerful, too, because meditation is an experience, not an intellectual understanding. 22. Instant Change - Mindful Actionsteps: instance, change momentum and focus. So when we're feeling bad and not having access to positive thoughts and two ideas off opportunities, we don't have to do the rumination. We don't have to try to think ourselves out of the bad situation or reaction. We can simply disassociate from our problems. Experientially. We can simply move into a meditative state and let things go and reconnect without true self, which is always blissful. I must say that when we fall into the negative state or reaction, any destruction can be amazing and something physical is so good, like going for Iran or doing some yoga, breathing or shouting or doing something that has an immediate effect on the world that we can see, like doing the dishes. Seeing the effect of our actions gives us a sense of power control, that we have an effect on the world, that we got something done, that we have progressed the question we have to ask ourselves, How long are we going to wait before making a change? It is a firm decision and resolve. That's what we need to leave an old pattern behind. Here's an example. Let's presume that I am an addict, drug or alcohol, whatever it could be. Anything, let's say many times before, I could not stop drinking, and it has affected my loved ones. Now, if someone told me no to drink for a month and in return, I would get $10 million if there was a contract in front of me signed by lawyers. You know, I mean that if I trusted this deal, do you think I could refrain for a month for do I would, even if I going to painful craving for days, that means it is possible to stop. People do it all the time. It requires motivation. It is a choice. If we can stop a physical action, we can stop a negative emotional state or rumination to. So, as I said, the first step to change is distracting ourselves from the negative thought process. Focus on something else. Physical exercise. Not only diverts are focused, but it releases happiness chemicals into our body. It clears our mind and restores energy. Choose an exercise that you enjoy. It doesn't matter what it is, but make it something you actually enjoy. Here's a chain of actions for stepping out of a reaction number one. Prepare ourselves. That's when the negative reaction begins to pause. And remember that the negative feeling is coming from the chemicals in my blood. That feeling is not me. It doesn't describe me. It's the body, just a physical machine, the scheming me, my neural pathways. Number two become frustrated. It use that anger, channel it into something physical. Anger is worst about the emotional scare from being powerless to a negative feeling. Take positive action. We need to get our momentum going number free if you have a task to do, break it down and revolt each tiny step. I remember having great resistance to writing my university thesis, such a long research writing and writing about data before I finally get to applied. Before I finally get to the interesting bit. I'm very bad at doing things which bore me. My brain totally shuts down even when I'm working on my own stuff. It is really challenging to get through things when I'm in the mindset that I want to get this done instead of the mindset, let's write something creative. So let's say for this online mindfulness course, which is a long course, I had to ride a structure, and I really had to break things down into manageable sections on only focus in once more section at the time. If I focus on the whole work, which is a free our course, I get overwhelmed and stress out. How am I going to do it? We have to gain momentum. Step by step. I heard this story about an injured soldier who was taken as prisoner of war many miles away into foreign territory. He has been shot and he couldn't walk. One day he escaped the camp, fearing execution. He was out of the camp, but he had a terrible distance to cover to get the safety. Because of his injury, he couldn't walk every second, fearing that he gets caught and killed, defeating all odds. He somehow survived the war and managed to get home when he was asked, How did you cover all the distance without being able to walk with all those dangers around you? He said, Well, I looked at the nearest tree and I crawled to it. Then I looked at the next tree and I crawled again. What? I focused on Waas crowing to the next tree and the next tree, and so on, ignoring the explosions and the gunshots. I survived by moving to one tree at the time, so the soldier got himself out of a situation probably way worse than what we can imagine, probably way worse than our situation, by breaking the task down into manageable actions by only focusing on the next small task by being in the present moment. Often we can't foresee the way things turned out in the future, so worrying about them doesn't help. Seeing the solution of a crisis can be too big of a task, but we can solve it by moving one tree at the time. We can get out from any bad situation by focusing on the present step. We can get back on our feet after a crisis by focusing on the current step only then the next and then the next back to gaining momentum. Whenever I'm in negative emotion. This is the question I ask myself, What can I do to launch a positive momentum? What is the smallest action broken down that I'm able to do from my negative state that you prepare me towards better feeling Thoughts is it focusing on the breath. Is it cleaning my room? Is it going for a run? Is it making myself angry in my own scheme? Us. Is it jumping into doing some work? What is my focus? I am responsible for my own momentum. That is why it is so great to do the free to five minute introspection before going to bed became program ourselves that when we come across our challenge are negative state or reaction. We will have a banana already in our hand. If the inner team comes out, we will have a strategy to manage it to deal with it. Remember my friend Andrews example. Our reactions depend on the meanings we give to situations on our positive or negative focus. And there are many possible truths. The same circumstance can give you both a positive or negative experience. If you learned to put positive meanings into the circumstance, there is no external reality. It is different from what we choose to observe about it. You are creating that experience. What do you want to create? Which way should your momentum go? Which train do you want to be on? There has been a study where people had to pull a string with their finger for a few hours each day over four weeks. At the end of the study, a 30% increase was measured in the force they could exert. At the same time, a different group was asked to only imagine the same muscle training and guess what they measure. The 22% increase visualizing the training has caused the mind to send messages to the muscles. This is how powerful our minders. This is, how powerful our positive focuses. On a side note. The following things also have to me in gaining positive momentum, having a Plan B to fall back on, signifying my new behavior somehow like anchoring it or physical change, like cutting my hair, making a promise or setting a deadline on. I'm being held accountable to someone I look up to or someone I want to impress. So do we ever stop and wonder, what are we thinking about all day? What internal monologue are re rehearsing day by day? Those thoughts are changing our brain. They create new patterns which lead to our fate. Perceiving the variable nature and context of events and the many possible interpretations leads to our power to change 23. The benefits of Meditation: mindfulness. Most of the introspective techniques are left brain oriented, and they can bring about massive transformations. It is equally important all to use right brain methods to the left brain is analytical, the right brain is experiential. No matter how much we learn about the mind, how much we analyse ourselves, it doesn't compare to dissociating from the ego experientially with our whole being. This is the purpose of most meditations to not only intellectually see that we're not our schemers and our ego, but to actually feel this higher self, we have to actually see our identity from an outside perspective the first time I've done it. I was 25 it happened on a meditation retreat where 2000 people were meditating and chanting for nine hours per day. For a week under third day, I was doing my meditation, and I slowly began to become aware of something happening to me. I began to see my thoughts happening inside me. Suddenly I wasn't my thoughts anymore. I could see that they were there, But that was not me. I was something else. Like a witness. The experience began to amplify until suddenly all that remained was this inexpressible state of unconditional love that I felt towards everyone and everything. It was like Evan beyond the thinking, mind into something higher. Believe me, it was the most profound experience of my life, and I've been to many places and countries, and I have done many things. I stayed in that mindset for a while. It was pure bliss. The Buddhist texts describe such realization as Satori, ah, glimpse into ones to nature. Eventually I had to return to my daily routines. I got busy in my life, and over the course of three weeks I went back into my everyday perspective. This association is truly blissful on did in those moments your not identifying with any of your problems. There is love and utter freedom. It is like you're free from the non serving schemers. It's like all the non serving unconscious background programs are suddenly shut down. Amazing. Some really strong beliefs are very difficult to get rid off with psycho analysis or introspection because they are deeply rooted in our neurological net and memories. This is a meditation comes in, no matter how deepen issue. When we are in meditation, we can disassociate from all of our problems, not intellectually but experientially. You really have to go through it to know what it's like. And the effects of meditation persists even when we are not meditating over time. That heightened awareness that observing mold becomes a natural, everyday perspective, slowing down our brain waves fit. Meditation impairs the ego is filtering mechanism, which allows us to escape the limiting schemers entrapment and come close to reality. As it truly is. We escape habit rated mindset. A mindful person will make increasingly informed and productive decisions if they perceive potential positive and negative meanings both at the same time. One of the points of mindfulness is that the content of the mind should not be our identity . We should recognize it as content, but not let our re a sense of self get absorbed in it. The schemers and identities in the mind our object on did meditation. We realize that we aren't these objects. Meditation has a massive positive effects, which have been scientifically proven in both psychology. Andi Medical science. According to this study, for example, mindfulness and meditation focus on becoming aware of all incoming thoughts and feelings and accepting them. But not attaching or reacting to them. This process is known as the centering and IT aids in disengaging from self criticism rumination and this for eka mood that can arise when reacting to negative thinking patterns . Mindfulness practice encourages the participant the notice from automatic processes are occurring and to alter their reaction to be more of a reflection. Neuroimaging off those who practice mindfulness Meditation has been shown to increase activity in the prefrontal cortex, a sign off greater self control. Meditation has been also found very effective in treating addictions because we can reduce the power off the inner chimp, which one's immediate gratification in the form of substance taking. Studies say that following mindfulness practice, meditators showed a range of genetic and molecular differences. Meditation enhanced the expression of genes involved in energy metaphor ism and insulin secretion. Meditation reduced the expression of genes linked to implement a response and stress. The changes observed in jeans at the current targets off anti inflammatory drugs and painkillers. That means we could replace a range of drugs in meditation. Mindfulness meditation also increased the number off virus attacking antibodies, with people having a larger purpose or meaning in life compassion, meditation, increased empathy, positive emotions, mindfulness and allowed finding purpose in life and the network off support. The summarize meditation has been rapidly moving into the scientific community, and every year new studies become available about it's amazing benefit. No wonder that for thousands of years it has been a predominant practice in most Eastern traditions. 24. 13 Meditation Actionsteps: But I tried to demonstrate in this score so far is that if we are thinking thoughts which keep us in a negative emotional state irrelevant, or whether we are reacting to something in the world, something that happens to us or just inside, we obviously don't want that yet we are doing it. So who is in control then? It is the ego who is in control, the schemers that inner chimp. After all, if we are thinking negative thoughts than surely there is another part of us who is doing the thinking because we don't want to think negative thoughts yet they are still happening . If we want to make a real change in our lives, we have to take back the decision making power from our ego with the ego. We try to solve problems by trying to change everything around us. But the problems often can't go away because instead we have to improve how we look at things. We have to adjust our classes that we're looking fruit, our thoughts and beliefs, which are the real source of the problems. Meditation feels like a physical detachment from time and space, like a floating, soothing sensation It doesn't matter how long it takes together, five minutes or 45 minutes. But when you silence your mind, pleasure and satisfaction comes. It takes you to a state of being, which is unchallenged by schemers, which keep you from getting what you want or feeling how you want. And from the blissful, peaceful space you can begin launching your positive momentum. You can begin to spiral up. If you do just 15 minutes of meditation every day, you're going to see its effect on your life. I encourage you to listen to my guided meditation, which I have included in this course a new way. Check out my YouTube channel for different types of meditations. 25. Compassion in Relationships: in the last part of the course, I would like to show some practical applications or mindfulness in our everyday relationships. Why is there so much conflict within humanity? Could it be that a life lived in a mutual compassion is just an ideology? If you ask me, I believe it is very realistic to live like that, and one day humanity will achieve that when, well, that depends on how soon do we leave behind our ego identifications, when we do know, take the negative actions of others as a direct attack on our ego. But instead we focus on the motivation behind directions. If we do so, we're able to see that any negativity is actually suffering and ignorance manifested. Understanding the motivations behind people's actions will fundamentally change not only our lives but our relationship with the world in each negative situation. Gradually, Vivi begin to see the learning and expansion. This attitude or Chevy say awareness makes our whole life experience change there. Before we were victims. Now we feel compassion and become a tool for others. Healing adversity will disappear, unhealthy dependencies were disappear and vivia begin to live our lives in peaceful cooperation. If you control the way you feel, regardless of a situation, because mindfulness practice has become an integral part of your life. You can also control your reaction to another person as well. When you are in control, not the ego, your emotional state is not dependent on what the other person does or does not do. Then we can start taking full responsibility for how a feeling and we can be truly compassionate with one another. Then we will begin to show unconditional love. Our happiness depends on meeting our basic human needs. This goes back motivator Maslow, when his hierarchy of needs and many of us are familiar with it. But we tend to overlook its significance. There are basic human needs, like safety, significance and connection. For example, the basic need for feeling significance can be met in a happy way by contributing to your community or in a negative way, for example, being aggressive and controlling others. Naturally, we drive to achieve these needs in positive ways, but when we have unconscious limiting beliefs, we can end up doing, it's in unhealthy ways. When someone is unable to consistently meet some off their needs, dysfunctional behavior develops everything we do is for the purpose to make us feel better . There is no truly evil person, only people who are so out off touch with themselves that they cannot meet their needs in positive ways anymore. The heat and positive intention still remains, but they may resort to fulfill them by reaching for unhealthy solutions which may even lead to becoming aggressive, violent and oppressive. What was the Buddhas and Jesus is biggest teaching compassion. It is no coincidence for a reason, because our ability to lead a happy, mindful and compassionate life and to solve our differences with others depends on our ability to go search for those positive intentions within people. And you can see this positive intention in everyone every moment. And you see the true positive essence under their ego and do not react to their egos, negativity or ignorance. When you're not caught up in your own schemers, then you are on the path to joy whether we are talking about up psychological well being or a kind of spiritual enlightenment, and something is not happening in the desired way every time and we forget to focus on the hidden positive intentions in others, we lose the opportunity to free ourselves from suffering. Over the years, I have noticed that if I apply this attitude of looking for the positive intention in people, no matter how bad the situation is or how mean they are behaving, I can remain in a place where I feel good. I stay balanced. The negative things don't draw me in it. It's so liberating. And because I can keep calm, it becomes so much easier to resolve. Whatever the problem is, I'd like to share Vigee, but I constantly tried to keep in mind when I talk to people in order to keep our balance. When we get involved in negative situations with others, we can begin to practice, not taking anything personally. What happens if we do take things personally? Sadly, instead of turning a blind eye to the ignorance present in others, the eagle may exceed their identity. I think I'm correct in assuming that we normally don't get upset with the other early or with people living with mental disabilities or with Children. When they do something which would be unacceptable from anyone else. We don't get upset because we can immediately see either their ignorance, limitation or lack of maturity. So we don't take anything personally from them. I'm sure you have seen Children saying very noted things yet we may even say how cute they are or how witty they are, saying that instead off, blowing up with anger, judging others and so on. Couldn't we try to recognize the ignorance, limitation and suffering in everyone? 26. Mindful Conflict Resultion - Action Steps: what happens in our mind when we do not take things personally. We're not letting our scheme us direct. Our thoughts were stepping outside of the ego. If we react to people's negativity, it is us who is creating the suffering for ourselves. It is our ego. People can offer an opinion or behavior, which is sometimes critical, and that is OK. Constructive criticism is very helpful. However, if they come across is negative than it usually has to do with their unmet needs rather than with us. What we think of ourselves is our sovereign power. We cannot control others behavior. Perhaps we can influence it to some degree. If we commit to actions and thoughts that make us feel good. By understanding our schemers and practicing meditation, we will dramatically increase our control of our reactions. That way, our emotional state can slowly still being dependent on what others do or do not do. If our positive focus does not depend on others behavior, we can even develop unconditional love towards them. We can begin to practice real compassion. This is how we reached the highest level of moral development. I have created a step by step action plan about how idea? With challenging situations. Number one, I observe first, and I take my time before responding. Meanwhile, I think about what is behind the person's negativity. What kind of need are they trying to fulfill? If I said something that upset them, what schema did I trigger in them? And what can I say to make peace? In other words, what can I say to make them disengage from their defense mechanism? And, of course, I must consider the option every time. What if it is my ego was causing the conflict now hint is that if I gave into negative emotion, that means that one of my buttons has been impressed. I have to look at my scheme us. So when the negative feeling arrives, we can focus on the breath to stop our automatic reaction. Then we could take a helicopter right? Assumed the perspective of the high yourself. We can ask ourselves, how important is this event? How temporary is it? Then we could have a discussion with our chim first and only then begin the discussion with the other person if we follow the previous points and others were sooner or later realized that their previous negative behavior is not getting them the effect they want. They will have to change. When we don't react to their dramas, they will either leave the situation or break contact. Or, quite often they come to their senses. Shoring unconditional love or humor in the right moment can really disengaged a roto pilot . It can really soothe their chimp and make it go asleep. For example, I told one of my friends about the inner chimp analogy. She is familiar Vidin now and now, when she is angry about something, I step up to her and very quietly tapped her shoulder and say, Is it possible that the little chimp has been let loose or something similar? This normally results in a burst of laughter. So there you go. A negative reaction has been disengaged. Of course, this must be done in the right way. Otherwise we can come across as patronizing instead of funny on. That would make things worse. If trying to handle a person or situation does not work, then maybe we could try being even more loving. Maybe it is an indication that we have to change ourselves first, a massive amount of unconditional love can matter. Even the toughest people. This doesn't make one week but the opposite. Being firm and assertive, while unconditionally loving and not reciprocating to a drama is D most powerful stance we can take in conflict resolution. 27. Freeing up Energy - Recapitualtion excersise: recapitulation. Let me offer you another exercise for clearing heavily loaded emotions from our subconscious to free up energy. This is a very long exercise, but if you have the time I recommend doing it. It is like taking account or one's own life summarizing it. You may sit down comfortably and spend a few minutes relaxing, then begin to remember your earliest memories. They should try to remember life events systematically, perhaps divided into groups, for example, memories which belonged to a specific place like the neighborhood you grew up in, or a time period like primary school year one. We're interested in all over significant in directions, which had some emotional tension in them. The first name is to visualize our life events in which we had a conflict with someone when others have hurt us in any way and try to look for the positive intention behind directions . We should try to visualize the situations in detail as much as we can remember the surroundings, the people, the sensations, temperature dialogues and, most importantly, the way we felt in one word. Activate this memory, make it so that you really feel like you are there back in time. What, for other saying or doing? Try to look for the human needs that others were trying to fulfill in your conflict situation. Try to look past their ego. We should try to forgive everyone. Let go off any tension. This is an exercise of compassion and awareness. Perhaps we can write a list of names based on how much we dislike each person, the most disliked person on top, like a letter. How high can we climb in terms of forgiveness? How high can we go to see their limitation and victimhood as the source of directions? I'd like to tell you an example. Let's take a look at a criminal. Maybe it is only our upbringing and our circumstances that kept us from becoming like him or her. If the time, energy and love which we received was received by them instead, our fates would be different, are good standard of life is due to something that hasn't been provided for them. The second aim is to go for situations in which we hurt someone unintentionally or intentionally and repeat the exercise, looking for a human need in ourselves and also attempting to understand the bad feelings we caused, then we could say sorry to the people involved and explain why we behave that way. When we release our judgments, we reduce our suffering and the package off inner energy gets freed up. Moreover, he also train ourselves to handle future conflicts in a compassionate way. I recommend repeating this exercise perhaps every year until we have reached the state when we can forgive everyone. If you would like to do this exercise according to the shamanic tradition, you could list all the people you met in your life, all of your in directions, and examine your feelings in all of the situations. While you're doing the visualization, perform long, inhalations and exhalations When you exhale, turn your head slowly from the right side to the left side. When you inhale, turn your head from the left side to the right side. 28. Conclusion and Further Learning: Thank you for listening. You have completed the course. I really hope that you have found it both informative and inspiring. I believe that's personal development and happiness. We could even say that our spiritual development rests on the free pillars that I have outlined in the last hours. The 1st 1 is reflecting about our reactions and schemers were continues introspection, giving our inner human the control instead of our inner chimp. This is a left brain oriented practice which leads to intellectual growth. The second pillar is meditation, which is an experience for our whole being. Ah, full sensory dissociation from our ego, a direct connecting with our higher self which leads to intuitive wisdom. The third pillories practising compassion in all over in directions, searching for the positive intentions in others and not making their ignorance or pain their identity. As faras humanity is concerned. The compassion is slowly extending from our family and friends to strangers. Two people with different cultures. Andi eventually to the animal species. I really hope that you like the course and I really hope that it has have to remember that you are the sculptor of your own life. Who can shape their fate in any desired way. At this point, I would like to say that Adam is a fairly new platform for me, and I'm trying to get this information out to as many people as possible. So if you think others would also benefit from this material, your contribution would mean so much. And of course it would also support me. So if you've got a minute, please write a review on you don't mean now by the material is still active in you. If you like the course, maybe you'd also like my other courses, which offer further exploration of consciousness. I have two courses which explore lucid, dreaming and out of body experiences and the way I brought together psychology and eastern mindfulness in this course the same way I have a more metaphysical or spiritual course that brings together quantum physics with the love attraction. It goes really in depth about the potential power of our consciousness. Also, you may check out my website for my blogging, my YouTube channel for other content in practical psychology meditations and more. Oh, and to join the Facebook group, it gives us great opportunity for discussions on guy also share interesting new development in your science, psychology, mindfulness and other spiritually content. And lastly, please feel free to contact me if you have a question or if you'd like to explore any aspect of this course in a 1 to 1 session. Thank you for listening. It really means a lot to me because I really put my heart into this material. And I hope you have a fantastic time in your inner exploration.