How to use and impliment change to improve your life | Raymond Baxter | Skillshare

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How to use and impliment change to improve your life

teacher avatar Raymond Baxter, The Relationship Blogger

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

11 Lessons (28m)
    • 1. Introduction

      0:37
    • 2. Hobbies

      3:29
    • 3. Volunteering your time

      3:03
    • 4. Learn

      3:41
    • 5. Give up something

      2:05
    • 6. Travel

      2:24
    • 7. Be vulnerable

      2:12
    • 8. Reconcile with your past

      3:45
    • 9. Be confident

      2:54
    • 10. Learn to love you

      3:04
    • 11. End

      0:46
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About This Class

I was a man, in my twenties at the edge of self-destruction. I was heading straight to laying face down in a gutter somewhere in a few years if I didn't change my life. That was the sad fact of things. It didn't strike me that this was the case until I had once again, chucked my job and any sort of social life I had down the toilet. And that sparked me wanting to make the changes to my life that I needed to make - don't wait until something drastic is happen, don't make the mistake that I did and change only at my lowest point. Start to make some positive steps in the right direction today!

It took an enormous amount of upheaval to change the way I was, but it was worth it in the end. I want to document how I did this, and how you can use this, or any of the lessons to impliment change into your life in any way. Remember that change is a slow process, so only attempt these ideas one step at a time, it's not a quick fix - I'd actually love to see everyone do well.

Meet Your Teacher

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Raymond Baxter

The Relationship Blogger

Teacher

Hello! I'm Raymond Baxter, popularly known as The Relationship Blogger.

I run a fairly popular website about human connection in the blogosphere, of which I have reached out to The Huffington Post and The Good Men Project and blog for them too, and various other mainstream publications.

My last job, as a Project Manager was setting up groups in the community for people to feel part of the wider area, and a bond with each other. I designed, set up, managed and reviewed these groups, which is why I became really good at connection making, and why I became the Relationship Blogger afterwards. Call me a guy that builds positive relationships.

On skillshare I plan to use my experience through building a popular blog to teach others how to market their work, be SEO compli... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Introduction: come to the relationship. Blogger Scotia, I'm sure less because I went through a tremendous amount off change myself on ah, thawed star course or a seas of courses on how you use an implement change to improve your life. This will have a boat, 10 taps each with Billy, It points on. I just hope that it will help you to improve it. Proving your life along the way. Okay. Hope you enjoy this lecture on light speaking. 2. Hobbies: talk about or the first thing for me and change in my life was I got a hobby. So that was important for me because it was realizing that there was more to life fun, just going out pub and four walls and a bar. Basically, that was me. I didn't have anything else. And when I am engaged in romantic relationships that just be sent in by the phone 24 7 and I'd be very, you know, my life would revolve around my partner and I would be very cliquey and I would suck up their energy. So getting a hobby is really important because it gets out there. Onda focuses you on something different on gives you something to do job unity. So getting a Hopi, um, test out what you like and don't like. So for me, I find I really, really liked photography and I've become quite an amateur for told her first in the same. But I also find out that I hated astronomy night for me. I really wanted Teoh try astronomy for the whole of my life, but I was just, I don't know, too complacent to try it. But anyway, I did try it. And I find I loved the idea behind the old but actually set in there for hours on end washing stars. That was really brought him for me. So I ditched astronomy. But you know, each to their own. And to find out what you like and you don't like, you need to try it. He can't just sit there and say, you know, Oh, that's not good for me. He give a try, She never know what you may like and what you may know, like when you find our hobby or a few hobbies joining some community groups really to the Hobe. Because what we then you get to me, other people and other people in your interests on you get to put yourself out there so that that tight and we're basically networking with other others and groups because, you know, we connect as people through experiences on the things that we like under interests. So one of the best things is when you're involved in hobbies, Aziz to connect with people, for example, you some off you may know that I'm a blogger and I've I've connected with hundreds of other bloggers because I really interested a blogging, and I just enjoy talking to them on expanding my knowledge and Blufgan and explained your hobbies and interests. So that is don't get too tied down to one hobby. Sometimes it can become quite an obsession. Like for me. I make sure that I do photography do my blogging, and I'm also teach. And I, you know, I have our whole ranger hobbies that I'm interested and just don't get stuck toward because when you start to one, as very you get very sometimes it can be very obsessive. Onda. I've had friends in the past who have one hobby and all the one to do is talk about that hobby when I just couldn't no interest in their Hovey so so that it may be something to think about as well. Okay, 3. Volunteering your time: volunteering your time. That's quite important. One for me, because I'm just basically, it made me realize that I wasn't the center off the universe. And there's other things happen in life. The are going on while I'm not there. Um, And by that I did things like I did things for free. So sometimes people would come up to May and ask. For instance, there is this lady that came up to me and she asked me for a light her cigarette, and I didn't I just for about two weeks, um, stopped smoking. So what I did is they went into the shop and bought a later, uh, just, you know, just do something that get this shoot, do something that requires no give to you back. Just do it for free and don't expect anything back. Join Achara inland. Your expertise. So usually expertise to doing something free. Help those in need. I was like I was saying that later story. There's also a time where I am. A man was struggling with his grocery shopping. Yeah, I think he was about five pounder sex paint a pocket, and I just gave him I really don't expect to see him again. But the feeling that gave me inside was good because I was helping him. I'd probably give him a good feeling as well. So, um, yeah, fall into your time your resources and just do something and don't expect anything back from that's good. Carmen. My in my way of thinking. So you stopped taken, start given. So when I was younger, I would always take, take, take, take, take. And whenever I was given, there would always be a secret. Take on it so I would be like right. I'm given him this. Bali's bait something back in return somewhere down the line. Just stop thinking like that. It's no, it's not healthy. It's just start given give. I mean, I don't mean give all the goal. Just get for you can give Andi. You'll find that you'll be a lot happier, actually, putting smiles. The people's places, it's just it's just worth it, you know. So you stopped taken, start given stop. Stop thinking you are the center of the Innovest because we're not. There's things that go on beyond us that we're just not even built comprehend. So anyway, that's a good way to sorry, best yourself esteem as giving on volunteering your time 4. Learn: land something new. Um, one of the first things in my path changes are I don't know if anyone knows this, but I was I was an alcoholic on a heavy drug user and by about the sex month mark when I'd stop told that I was getting sorry and the idea that I wasn't going to be drinking again It's so it felt comfortable to say that to myself. And I actually I realized, and it was almost like a waking up Ah, waking up moment when I realized card, I don't know anything all of done throughout my life is focused on alcohol and beer and and socializing room of friends and off nicely. Go there and learn anything. So, you know, an allowance stuff are are read books on religion. I read books and science or read books on hastily read books and ancient history and just, you know, got your comfort zone and land something that's out there new. Okay, of course. The hostile interest. You otherwise you know you've been You want to learn that, but if you haven't learned much, they need to find out what interests you. So it's just a matter of getting out there on dstets art in tow, toe land stuff when I started to read picks and lessen allergy or books and things that are fain date that I was really, really interested in them inching classical history in the Mediterranean. Um, that's just fascinating to me. The velvet glove, the Romans, the Greeks, how it's influenced their culture and a culture today. It's just it's just amazing. I'm such a history buff, Um, an investor time and something you've learned. So, for example, if you've learned something that you think that might be really worth wail um, invest your time in it. Like while I was in my last job, I I knew I was going to be made unemployed, and I did blogging as a hobby. So I I invested my time and my blogging because I'd learned a lot about that through my hobby and I could see me doing it. I am filled time. So that's why that invested my time in and became a blogger. One thing. Let's go back to college. Um, when I heard my all awakening moments, um, I, first of all to myself, back to college on didn't go back to college one. So I went back to college three times. So I learned, um, I learned course that would get me and two I'm teaching. I also to myself, Teoh in our community teach in foundation certificate on the attitude myself to university to learn computing in business. So, um, I would say that's a really good thing. I'm not too sure what it's like now because I hear that debts and stuff. But when I had the chance to go back to college and I found out that it was feasible, I certainly dead go. But Colijn and and my qualifications, it's really worthwhile, Um 5. Give up something: give up something. Some of you may not like this, but I would highly recommend ditch inhabits that serve you. Nor good for me. Some of the habits that I ditched where alcohol, drugs, gambling sakes off. Not saying sorry. Porn give up quite a lot off my unhealthy and no good harbor. It's to better serve me in the future. And it wasn't only addictions that I give up, I give up and unhealthy main habits. So, for example, I would really judge myself harshly over things that other people say then and the things that other people done that really worried about, what people would see him. And you know what it is that just stopped what I stopped worrying about for other people thought because that's what they think. And that doesn't mind, really. But I made do, of course, and I actually on how to stop worrying about what people think. But how come later and stop wasting money and save, you know, Yeah, some people Spain so much, and and I get it, you know, I really do, because sometimes and the media tells us if by that sir, if by that will instantly be happier in life will be fine, you know, until and then eight saying comes along and you need to buy that to make yourself happy again. It's just it's just never end and rat race of buying things to stay stoked, pie and stuff they don't need. Retail therapy is nice, awful ugly. I like buying stuff myself, but sometimes you just don't need it, and it will make your happy. Happiness comes from within, so stop wasting money and save. 6. Travel: travel. I always wanted to travel the world, but you know, I understand budgets are limited and especially if you're young and traveling hasn't the best. But I mean travel. Go somewhere 30 miles away. Just just experienced something different. Go somewhere anywhere. Experience something new. You know what I've realized is I moved from Scotland to England and the cultures wildly different people would think that that the culture is wildly different just, you know, go somewhere anywhere. Go the next town. What the the next county. And I just just experienced something you and learn and your language aren't done so yet. But that's that is in the pay plane. I'd like to do that. My wife is our languished teacher, but certainly learn a lute new language because you won't believe how beneficial vies. Definitely as it's one that I would like to inspire to do eight new fits. Asus, one of these people that went to traveled over those e fresh foods on brace restaurants and break serious abroad. But I I got to actually realizing that I could basically do that on my bike. Carrot are in my local town. So when I started to travel. I was going go the places that when British go the the local restaurants and eat crazy new foods and actually that some foods, I've tasted it. Wow, you know, it's just like there is so much to the world, some reason and embrace different cultures. You know, some people don't think and be the same issue Land Lerner is. It's nice to land that there are people who are different to you every way possible and just land up, embrace up. Don't you know? Thank your way is the best way. Just learn that there's so many different cultures and ways of being in the world that at some Mason, okay? 7. Be vulnerable: herbal as absolutely fine. Be vulnerable, and it's okay to be raw and open. People are all the time and fight. The people would sell barriers and try to up here confident and arrogant and and getting a lots of face. They're actually more vulnerable than the other people. So the more vulnerable you openly you are, the less vulnerable you are if you get what I mean. But it's OK to be raw and open and vulnerable. You know, if you feel sad, that has fine. If you, Assad don't feel like you have to stop, don't feel like you have Teoh squash your emotions that your emotions are your emotions and that is absolutely fine. Just don't let anyone tell you other buys and respect yourself when feeling open. You know, So you're open. That's fine. But just don't let others take the past. You know, if you feel Saad, then feel sad. But just don't let other people abuse that. A new emotional being that's awesome. So one thing that especially with guys as it's now OK to cry, it's no case. Besides, it's now OK to feel vulnerable. And if you have your guy in your lesson of this and you've been in your guy grip. You never ever hear any of them go feel about vulnerable today had an argument. More Boston. It really set me on a judge. She just don't hear that. That's not something that's discussed. We just don't put our insecurities and our vulnerabilities on the table. Um, and I think the more you lend to do that with other people, the easier it will become. It's a healthy thing, in my opinion. Friends and family, you know, you don't go out to strangers and see feeling vulnerable. But you know, friends and families are like them and ear inner circle be open. It's absolutely fine. Be comfortable with yourself. 8. Reconcile with your past: reconcile with you past. This is a big thing for me because I had a lot off messed up past did navigate childhood. I didn't have good teenagers and certainly didn't have good twenties. So there is a lot off things the I hard done badly and experience badly, and it grew up a very angry and secure Letterman. So what happened afterwards is I started to realize that, you know, I was being really, really harsh on myself because we've all may stop everyone else. I don't think there's anyone in the world that can see the meter the haven't me, the graham in mistakes. And I realize that and Dr judging myself so harshly and see Sonny, those two who deserve an apology. So there are things that I've done in the past I'm not proud off, but have said to the people that I'm sorry, you know, that I really feel bad for those things. And for me, it was important to say those things. Um because I think it was deserved. And, you know, sometimes you make a friend, sometimes you don't. But people generally do appreciate authentic saris, so I don't mean just goto Sorry, for that and then run enough. I mean, you know, unauthentic apology, because you feel bad and does feel about, you know, we messed up, and we've treated some people harshly, and I I think it's important to see Sorry to move on with forgiven yourself and don't want a too much of your apology is accepted. And this Taison number one You know, we've all messed up when you apologized to that passion. If they don't accept that, then it's then their problem. I know that sounds harsh, but you've done you bet. You've tried to reconcile with what you've done. Um, the rest is up to them, you know, unless they set obviously to do more work. But, you know, I think not a set to that. Then that is, then their issues you've done you. But you know, you've tried. You've apologized, just, you know, just like them deal with it then, um and I said I feel about that one. Andi, forgive yourself. Just just forgive yourself. You know, no one's perfect start trying to be perfect and stop trying me every You know, the world is designed to create this illusion perfection when actually there is not perfection as an illusion is just Nothing's perfect. We were all we're all may stop in some way. I mean, there is no perfection. What? So everybody's made mistakes? Everybody's may stop somewhere. Well, everyone's failed. Even the most successful people in the world. I could guarantee that that success has been built on the back and mountains of here. Here. So so just, you know, forgive yourself. Stop being too harsh on yourself. Move on. 9. Be confident: didn't. Don't settle for anything less in your standards. Don't let other people trek in thinking different things. If if you like something, you go on, get it. One thing that I saw on TV the other day, which, which I thought was quite shameful was, um ah ah boy, Like, really like to get O on. It was so happy and pleased about getting with this ghetto. But the other two boys has peer network didn't like, didn't think she was prayer attractive. And they really takes a Pierre this boy, and actually what it did is ended up shunning and leaving the ghetto where she was. And I actually thought I was disgraceful behavior from all of thumb, Really, For him for leaving them for them, for taking the p I ofem like a little bit. Realistically, he shouldn't have been bothered because that was what he likes. Their tastes are entirely different, you know, if you like what you like, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you like sky jump in you course go jumping. Don't like anyone else's insecurities tell you other things to do you know and treat others with respect because land karma and something. Your karma's a thing where you give you get back, and I think there's definitely as to karma Morsi. See, that is the way you see and treat yourself as the way you will be treated in life. So if you don't like yourself and hate yourself, then you're not going to be treated very well by other people. Be confident, love yourself and other people. So you find that other people start Teoh, love you and take care of you as a solo by when people say, um, what you get vote you get back. Well, that's true. But what you give yourself, you get out. So it starts off with what you give yourself. You give which then you get back. So Karma's definitely starts with you, Len. I love yourself Land and treat yourself well. Don't settle for anything else than your standards. Be yourself. You know, if your quickie cranky person who lates to play Minecraft and Dungeons and Dragons board game, then that's that's plenty awesome. You know that you your bloody awesome you should do that and you should me other people with that, and you should care about what anyone else thinks you know. That's also be be confident 10. Learn to love you: I learned to love you. One thing that I freely wasn't get it when I was younger was loving myself. I just really wasn't. I mean, I treated myself quite harshly. I didn't forgive myself. I I put myself in awkward situations all the time, and it was just I was my 11. End: I am less than and they'll be there in the fuck. Uh, I just for those of you that I have attended the Scotia, I'd love to hear some comments off how you applied what I said into your daily life. It that would just be interesting to see, So to start a project, um, and tell me how you doing? You know, just start a project, make some goals, make some objectives off what you're gonna do And how you gonna, dear? I just love to see that and, you know, participate. Okay, thank you very much. By