How to overcome Jealousy and Envy. Envy at Workplace. Envying a friend, colleague and neighbor. | Nar Mina | Skillshare

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How to overcome Jealousy and Envy. Envy at Workplace. Envying a friend, colleague and neighbor.

teacher avatar Nar Mina, Wellness and Happiness

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

25 Lessons (1h 57m)
    • 1. Introduction

      2:46
    • 2. The emotion of Envy. What is it?

      4:22
    • 3. Things, qualities, possessions that induce envy in people

      4:52
    • 4. Envious or Jealous? What is the difference?

      4:15
    • 5. How do envious people behave

      5:07
    • 6. Social Status, Wealth and Envy

      4:45
    • 7. Envying a friend, colleague and neighbor

      5:49
    • 8. Schadenfreude. Satisfaction at the failure of others

      5:54
    • 9. Comparison and Competition in Organizations

      6:08
    • 10. Why do we hate people we envy? Sour grapes

      5:18
    • 11. Workplace envy. Envying the promoted colleague

      4:59
    • 12. Envy between co-workers. Who envies whom at work

      4:55
    • 13. How do organizations provoke envy in employees

      7:17
    • 14. Why are we being envied?

      4:12
    • 15. Can feeling envy be useful to us?

      2:47
    • 16. Envy in different societies. Equality among people

      4:27
    • 17. Why do rivals envy each other?

      4:41
    • 18. If you are being envied by someone

      5:16
    • 19. How to protect yourself from envious coworkers

      4:47
    • 20. So you are envious of someone What to do?

      4:40
    • 21. How to diminish envy at workplace. Reducing envy between colleagues

      4:00
    • 22. How is envy managed in society

      3:51
    • 23. Letting go of envious feelings

      4:47
    • 24. How to stop envying other people?

      3:58
    • 25. Conclusion

      3:07
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About This Class

Envy is the feeling of the displeasure produced by the advantage or prosperity of others. The person we envy has personal attributes (such as beauty, patience, or intelligence), possessions (such as a car, a house), or positions (like being the boss) that we lack but desire. We envy both what other people are and what they have.

Envy is wanting to destroy what someone else has. Not just wanting it for yourself, but wanting other people not to have it. It’s a deep-rooted issue, where you are very, very resentful of another person’s well-being – whether that be their looks, their position or the car they have. It is silent, destructive, and pure malice.

The emotion of envy is closely related with:

  • Jealousy
  • Despair at others’ advantages
  • Grudge
  • Destructive attacks and meanness
  • Dissatisfaction and hostility
  • Rivalry and Resentment
  • Covetousness
  • Spiteful rage and criticism
  • Preoccupation with injustice
  • Unfair distributions of wealth

Most people are likely to experience envy in the workplace. Promoting an employee, recruiting a new employee, placing two similar people side by side in the same team may trigger envy.

It is hard to imagine any human being completely without envy. Some individuals, of course, are, for whatever reasons, much more envious than others. But all humans probably experience some envy.

In this course you'll learn :

  1. How to overcome envy?
  2. Things, qualities, possessions that induce envy in people
  3. What provokes your envy?
  4. Social status, Wealth and Envy
  5. Why do we hate people we envy? Sour grapes.
  6. Comparison, Competition and Envy in companies
  7. What to do if you envy a friend, neighbor or colleague?
  8. What is schadenfreude?
  9. How is envy related to inequality?
  10. Feeling satisfaction at the failure of others
  11. Envy between coworkers
  12. Envy in companies, organizations, offices
  13. How do organizations provoke envy in employees
  14. Can feeling envy be useful to us?
  15. If you are being envied by someone...
  16. How to protect yourself from envious colleagues
  17. So you are envious of someone. What to do?
  18. How to overcome envy in yourself
  19. Professional envy and how to deal with it
  20. How to diminish envy at workplace?
  21. How is envy managed in society?
  22. Letting go of envious feelings
  23. How to stop envying other people
  24. Envy management skills
  25. Generational envy
  26. Case study. Homer Simpson and Ned Flanders
  27. Envy and recruitment process in organizations
  28. Envy of the young, rich and famous
  29. Envying the promoted colleague
  30. The envious recruiter
  31. Being envied: Gender differences
  32. Signs that you are being envied
  33. How can you deal with envious people?
  34. Dealing with envious relative. Envious family member
  35. Working through situations of being envied
  36. How to avoid being the target of envy at work?
  37. What should I do if I am envious of someone?
  38. Someone has been more successful than me
  39. Reducing envy between co-workers
  40. What can the manager do to prevent envy in the company?
  41. Is envying human nature?
  42. Social comparison and envy

This class is for people who:

  • are interested in self-reflection and self-analysis,
  • want to stop feeling envious of others,
  • are being envied by other people.

The existence of envy is an unavoidable aspect of social interaction. But we cannot let it grow out of control. I hope this course will help you to deal with this complex emotion.

 

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Nar Mina

Wellness and Happiness

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Transcripts

1. Introduction: We live in the age of envy, career envy, kitchen envy, children envy, food envy, holiday envy, you name it. There is an envy for it. We often feel pain at the sight of another's good fortune. Situations in which envy is likely to occur are the following your best friend wins a coveted scholarship or award, your neighbor wins the lottery. A co-worker gets a raise or a promotion, but you do not. The star of the team gets a huge salary and most of the press attention. In a crowded parking lot, another driver finds a parking place when you cannot. In each case, if you could be 100 percent happy for the other person, you would be without envy. But when you think that the other does not deserve the good fortune or wish that the other person would lose her advantage, that is a measure of your envy. We all feel envy from time to time, no matter how much we want to believe we're above it, some individuals are, for whatever reason, much more envious than others. But all humans probably experienced some envy. Envy stems from a basic desire: You want what someone else has. This course teaches envy management skills and psychological strategies to deal with envy in organizations, social situations and everyday life. You will learn everything about the emotion of envy, how to work through situations of being envied, what to do if you envy a friend, colleague or neighbor? What is schadenfreude? and why we feel satisfaction at the failure of other people The course will give you information about envy at workplace, about envious co-workers, how you can stop envying others. And what to do if you are a target of envy?..." 2. The emotion of Envy. What is it?: When we have a serious setback or sorrow in our life, we are inclined to ask the obvious question, why me? When the envious person sees someone who has greater good fortune, she asks, why not me? Why should this woman be more beautiful than I? Why is this man richer and more powerful? Why do these others have an abundance of natural talents and gifts not available to me? We hate those who make us feel our own inferiority, that makes us ask why her? Why did she have the outrageous good luck to be born, athletic, beautiful, talented, wealthy? What entitles her to all that money, attention, easy living? Why was I left out? Why she and why not me? You see something, want it, feel it only sensible and right that it belong to you and not the person who has it. Once the injustice of the other person having it, is established—his unworthiness must be emphasized, at Your own greater worthiness goes quite without saying. You need something, some material think that unhappily someone else has. This easily leads to the question, “Why don’t you have it?” And that is enough to provoke insecurity for apparently the other fellow is better at getting those things than you are. Which makes you feel inferior, you become aware of your own limitations and deficiencies. The professor who hears that his colleague has obtained a post in a more prestigious university, feels envious. In an organization, the promotion assessment process is a period during which, envy arises among some of the employees who have not been promoted, the employee feels envy, when her colleague, whom she perceives as her equal, is promoted to the post of team manager while she is not. She may become depressed as a result. We envy people who are similar to ourselves, except that they have something that we really want, but lack. with malicious envy, in addition to wanting what the other person has, we wish bad things upon him. There is no behavior directed at improving, we attempt to devalue the object of envy or decrease the status of the envied person. This is what novelist Walker Percy writes. Your neighbor comes out to get his paper. You look at him sympathetically. You know, he has been having severe chest pains and is facing coronary bypass surgery. But he doesn't look ill. In fact, he has good news. His chest ailment turns out to be not serious. He's got a promotion and is moving to another city where he can finally use his boat. “Great, Charlie! You say, "I’m really happy for you.” Are you happy for him? It is as if something unfortunate happening to Charlie is the only possible cure for the envy and unease that his good news is actually causing in you...". 3. Things, qualities, possessions that induce envy in people: We are most likely to envy people who do better in areas important to us. —those in the same line of work and with similar aspirations. We feel envious of inborn talents in others: high intelligence, specific genius (As for music, mathematics) and beauty. Envy changes as we become more established and our priorities change. Young people are more envious of romantic success. while older ones are more envious of money and professional accolades Men tend to be put off by what is usually called an offensively good looking man. What offends, of course, is not his good looks, but what he can get with them woman chasing is perhaps the oldest male sport and to be well equipped for it is automatically to induce envy. Mostly men and other men who are able to attract the attention of women. Adolescents are expert at making each other feel envious. Girls will use their clothes and looks to induce envy in their peers and will hope to appear enviably cool. To be cool is to give the impression of not being anxious, of being unaffected by the anxieties of others. To be enviable is to be in a trouble free state of mind, a state of mind in which the adolescent would not find himself in inevitable turmoil of his youth. As people get older, there is bound to be some envy of the younger generation. This kind of envy can be compensated for by pleasure in the lives of others and gratitude for the life that the older person has had. If the envy is too great, it may lead to condemnation of ‘the youth of today’. Older people's envy is disguised as disapproval. Obviously, the young do not feel envious of youth. but everyone who feels her own youth gone, cannot look upon the glowing young without envy. The young have health, energy, solid well-formed flesh, and, usually very little notion that life has a finish line. We see beautiful young people and remembering our own youth feel sorrow at not having made more of it, The old may envy the young their chance still to write an impressive record, on the many days of life remaining to them, they regret all the things they would have done differently. The road not taken, the opportunities blown. The young still have a shot at it all. Envy emerges in those who imagine that they should be in someone else’s place, but are not. Another person’s place is enviable, because it gives access to something that we do not possess: in an organization, This something might be a power, a better salary or a status. We might feel unappreciated by organization. Envy is concerned with our inferiority and with someone's undeserved good fortune. Sometimes the envious person wishes to deprive others of their benefits, even if this means depriving herself of some benefits as well. Why does he have it and not I? That is the main question, for the envier, who has a deeper sense of injustice than others. He feels a fundamental unfairness. Why should the next fellow have a more capacious house, beautiful wife, sweeter life than I? The answer is clear: he, should not..." 4. Envious or Jealous? What is the difference?: We use the word "jealous" to mean "envious" in a lot of contexts. For example, ("you're going to Spain? I'm so jealous!"), but it's not technically correct. Envy and jealousy are different emotions. But they are confused with each other in ordinary speech, envy is routinely referred to as jealousy, and both are associated with the green eyed monster. Jealousy is about a valued relationship. It typically involves an attempt to protect a valued relationship like marriage from a perceived threat like adultery. A person believes that a marriage or romantic relationship is threatened by a real or imagined rival. Jealousy is rooted in the desire to hold on to what we have. It may occur when we fear losing an important relationship with another person to a third party. Envy is resentment towards someone who has some desirable object or quality that we don't have. These include wealth, status, power, fame, success, talent, good health, good grades, good looks, and popularity. Envy is not just the wish for all these things and qualities. Rather envy is the much darker wish that the superior person would lose those qualities and advantages Envy is the perverse pleasure, the malicious joy that is felt when the other person fails or suffers. The most common outward expression of envy is gossip. Envy involves our undeserved inferiority. Jealousy involves a possibility of losing something—typically a human relationship—to someone else. In envy we wish for something we do not have, While in jealousy, we fear losing something, jealousy typically involves three people, while envy involves only two. Some say jealousy is about people and envy is about things. Envy is a negative feeling towards someone who is better off, resentment towards someone who has some desirable object or quality that you do not have and cannot get. In jealousy, we fear losing what we have. Whereas in envy, it is the state of not having that is unbearable. When you wish you have your colleagues office that's envy When you feel threatened by how much your boss praises one of your colleagues work, that's jealousy. Jealousy is characterized by fear of loss, mistrust, anxiety and anger. Envy is characterized by feelings of inferiority, longing and resentment. The unemployed youth who is going fishing, may envy the bank president, because of his wealth, but the bank president may envy the unemployed youth because of his freedom to go fishing, Poor individuals may envy the rich as a whole. Losers in competitions envy winners in general. Envy is not an innocent wish for what we don't have. It is the malevolent wish that the person we envy, should lose or suffer. We take delight at her downfall...." 5. How do envious people behave: Envy is the case in following situations. Writing nasty things about people online. Shaming someone who having more than we do. Downplaying people’s wins and successes because they feel threatening. Trying to undermine someone else because we perceive them to be more successful, smarter, more attractive, or more whatever than us. Those who habitually put others down or are routinely critical are motivated by envy's impulse to spoil and devalue. Spoiling the pleasure of others, especially in a pleasurable group activities, is a sign of envy. A major indicator of envy is the expression of unhelpfulness and lack of empathy. Those who withhold help, in effect, act to maintain a status quo and prevent potential improvement in another person, such attitude prevents positive achievements. The enhancement of another's proficiency acts as a threat to the envier's wish to maintain a facade of superiority. The envious people tend to be injustice collectors, they are more angry at undeserved than at deserved good fortune. They experienced themselves as victims of some injustice done to them. They may become aggressive and vengeful. They might devalue the envied person and his achievements. the individual who envies another is prepared to do things that make them both worse off.. The envious often uses irony and scorn, the art of saying one thing and meaning another. Some people tend to scorn what they cannot have or do. The envious also tend to overpraise. Their envy is disguised in compliments and admiration, so we need to watch the eyes of those who bow lowest. Envy often comes mixed with a sense of injustice. We are likely to think that the advantage enjoyed by the envied person is undeserved, or that our own disadvantage is undeserved. We believe that others who are similar to ourselves in background characteristics ought to have similar rewards, otherwise a core sense of balance and rightness seems violated. Envy is an emotion that we do not talk about, you might not be able to see that the aggressiveness you are displaying and the anger or sadness you are experiencing might be caused by envy. the envious (aka ‘enviers’) rather than focusing on improving themselves, focus on the failure of others. They believe that their own happiness will increase only if the happiness of those whom they envy decreases. This misbelief drain the life, passion and energy from the envious people. People feeling envy are willing to take a loss themselves as long as it also means that the envied person will suffer to the same or greater degree. This can seem self-defeating, but to the envious, the pleasure of gaining in an absolute sense is often insufficient The envied person must lose her advantage...." 6. Social Status, Wealth and Envy: What has the world designated as enviable? wealth, beauty, power popularity, talent and skill, knowledge and wisdom and extraordinary good luck. When people are envious, they think of themselves as rather unlucky, whereas the person they are envious of is considered to be extremely lucky. Envy depends in part on beliefs about wealth, status and power and how they should be distributed. Jealousy is about adultery, envy is about justice and injustice. Envious people often have negative feelings toward themselves, since envy is related to a feeling of inferiority. They have negative feelings toward the person they envy whom they resent or even hate. And they have negative feelings towards the system, which is considered frustrating and unfair Envy is associated with a feeling of injustice. If the other person succeeds or gets more than I do, it is not because he deserves it For he and I are very alike. But because he is favored by an unjust system. There is nothing glorious in admitting to feeling envious. That's why we demand equality in the name of the more noble principle of fairness. What matters for a worker is not the amount of his wage, but the difference between himself and other workers. Inequality is unbearable because the difference with the other triggers envy. But because envy is socially taboo, one way of keeping it undercover is to refer to the need for justice and equity, which is socially valued, the aim is to turn a personal emotion into a collective protest. Much of life comes down to a competitive striving for superiority to gain the status and spoils following from such position. Superiority, attributes and prestige literally make the difference. Most people are unhappy. with low status. High status is something to anticipate and seek as well as to relish. Envy stirs people to aspiration, encourages them to buy goods. One way to keep up with the Joneses is, after all, to outbuy them. The entire advertising industry can be an envy-creating machine, displaying all that luxury clothes, cars, jewelry, advertisements suggests that all our desires are easily within reach. If we can't have the best, don't bother us with second best. Envy is the blend of painful discontent, ill will and resentment that result from noticing another person, enjoying something that you desire but seem unable to obtain. When misfortune befalls the envied person, it brings relief and joy. It matters when you aspire to compose great music but fail, in contrast to a friend who receives high praise for his recent composition..." 7. Envying a friend, colleague and neighbor: Enviers want to be better than someone Instead of just being better off. A rich person can be envious of another having a bit more beautiful star can be envious of another star's beauty. We do not envy those who succeed in areas insignificant to us. We will envy a friend at some point in our lives. It is a simple fact of human nature. People are indeed unhappier when a close friend succeeds in a personal, relevant domain than when a stranger does. Strangers are an abstraction and their achievements are merely statistics. The successes of your close friends are vivid and seem attainable to you too. A university professor discovers that his colleague and friend has obtained a post in a better university and feels envious as a result, Envy leads the professor to start wondering if he too could progress in his career. His colleague pointed out to the professor what he was supposed to desire: a better job and career advancement before this, the professor was seemingly happy to stay in a provincial university. Teaching in this less prestigious institution and leading a stress free life was what a desirable to him until his friend's promotion. But suddenly his friend upsets this balance by showing him another object of desire, because the professor closely identifies with his friend, he considers change of jobs and starts imagining himself looking for a career advancement. Homer Simpson's envy of his neighbor, Ned Flanders, is also a good example in the episode of The Simpsons "Dead Putting Society" Ned invites Homer to tour his recreation room. It has all the bells and whistles, including a bar with exotic foreign beers on tap. Ned's son skips into the room, kisses him on the cheek and thanks him for the help his father gave him on his science project. "Kids can be a trial sometimes," - Ned says, as if this was the worst of his son's behavior. Then Ned's, attractive wife appears with a tray of tasty looking sandwiches for them to enjoy. Homer soon brims over with envious ill will toward Ned, despite the fact that Ned gives him no just cause for it. Homer accuses the bewildered Ned of deliberately flaunting his advantages, and he leaves after hurling a flurry of insults. Homer hates Ned but without being able to express a credible reason for doing so. That evening, Homer unloads his envy-caused hostility on Ned as he lies in bed with his wife Marge. She is puzzled because despite her probing questions, Homer is unable to come up with a legitimate reason for his hostility. Ned Flanders is a painful irritant to Homer simply because he's a frequent presence and because he is superior. Homer lacks the self-awareness to label his pain as envy, but he is able to appreciate why having Ned as a neighbor can be more of a curse than a blessing. This is why Homer finds it so delightful when Ned’s business does so poorly. The professor who learns that his friend and colleague has been offered a post in a better university, initially feels envious, but he detached himself from his colleague. He frees himself from the system that had allowed envy to take hold of him. Realizing and acknowledging that he is feeling envious, he enters into self-reflection, He tries to understand the gap that has suddenly appeared between himself and his friend. His friend is similar to him, but now he possesses that little something, the promotion. Maybe he and his colleague are not quite similar after all. The professor tries to understand what the differences are; he realizes what is really important to him. Yes, I would also like to have this post, but on the other hand, the reason why I gave up the idea a few years ago was because I knew what the costs would be, much more pressure, less time for myself and my family. 8. Schadenfreude. Satisfaction at the failure of others: Schadenfreude means taking pleasure in the misfortune of others envy and schadenfreude, are very similar emotional states, schadenfreude comes from the joining of two words Schaden meaning harm and Freude meaning joy. And it refers to the malicious joy derived from another person's failure. Although most of us feel uncomfortable admitting it, we often feel schadenfreude. What does Homer gain from the failure of Ned Flanders business? Actually, quite a lot. Homer envies Ned. Although Ned is a good neighbor, he still has it better than Homer in just about every way, from his well-equipped recreation room to his superior family bliss. When Ned fails, Homer feels less inferior. Ned’s failure also satisfies Homer’s hostile feelings. And makes him feel pretty good. What better tranquilizer for Homer’s inadequacy and ill will than Ned’s failure? We feel pleasure if the envied person suffers. An envied person’s fall brings a special joy. Superiority in others makes us feel bad, decreases our self-esteem, but inferiority and others gives us a boost. Suppose you are a woman secretly in love with the man. And you are competing for his love, was a friend, your friend has many remarkable qualities that make her appealing to this man. But you find out that she has just been fired from the newspaper where she works for plagiarizing someone else's work. How would you feel? Almost certainly you would express public concern for your friend: “Too bad about Betty losing her job. I feel terrible for her. This is what you are supposed to feel, and expressing concern puts you in a flattering light. After all, she is a good friend and the misfortunes of friends should cause us to feel bad. Part of you, undoubtedly does feel bad for her, but you might also add, “Surprising about what she did. I guess it's hard to blame the newspaper. She probably needs therapy. These mild digs at your friend's character and mental health would be a sign that another part of you feels pleased. There might be a touch of the crocodile, crying while eating its victim. Her downfall transforms her from an attractive rival into someone tarnished. Perhaps you will convince yourself that compassion is what you are only feeling, but in a corner of your being, you may be jumping for joy. The prospect of obtaining your heart's desire may just be the stronger source of your emotions when there are good objective reasons to blame people for their misfortunes. We will be all the more eager to do so. we may conclude that they must be blameworthy. We may believe, superstitiously, in a kind of karma, that the other person seemed to “deserve” his troubles. We need to believe in a just world in which people generally get what they deserve and deserve what they get, many people make quick negative judgments when seeing those around them fail Making it easy to find justice in their failings. Our natural tendencies tug us in two directions: one toward self-interest and schadenfreude, the other towards the interests of others and empathy. If another person suffers a misfortune that leads to our again, our feelings usually will be mixed. Any secret joy we feel when our rivals lose, probably would make most of us feel a little guilty. Schadenfreude is a natural human emotion, just as envy is. But we can avoid making schadenfreude a habit by focusing on the major causes of other people's misfortunes, on the situational factors causing the misfortune. We will feel empathy rather than schadenfreude. 9. Comparison and Competition in Organizations: Envy is rooted in comparison. To be envious, you must first compare yourself with another person who is better off in some way because comparisons with others are inescapable. In social life, envy is inevitable. When we compare ourselves with others, we'll make some conclusions about ourselves based on that comparison. If the result is our inferiority, we feel shame and envy, if we are superior. We feel vanity and scorn. How do you know whether you are a fast runner? you must compare with other people who are similar to you in age, gender and practice. If you ran faster, then you can say you are a fast runner. Family reunions and holiday meals provide occasions for envy. Comparisons are inevitable. One cousin goes to college, another does not, one nephew or niece makes good grades or enjoys athletic success, another does not. Some uncles age rapidly, others maintain their health and looks. Some family members are better off financially and socially. Envy is looking at another with subjective magnifying lenses where comparison is always to our own detriment. We'll compare ourselves to people like us, our peers, those who are close to us, A gap between ourselves and people who are very different from us, does not suggest that we are inferior. But a gap between ourselves and people similar to us in some aspects can be interpreted as evidence of our inferiority. This magnifies our own limitations, dissatisfactions, failures and shortcomings. It arouses in us feelings of frustration related to unfulfilled desires, uncompleted projects or things that have not been obtained. Envy is inevitable in the workplace, especially in an office environment where employees of different ranks see each other every day for years and cannot avoid comparing themselves with their co-workers. Some earn much more money than others, which is why some companies keep salaries a secret. When two almost similar people are recruited and expected to work side by side, comparison between the two is inevitable. The office workplace is a competitive environment in which one person's gain often is another's loss. One wins the corner office and others are displeased and envious, one colleague gets a promotion or a big assignment or a larger expense account and others do not, one colleague gets a lot of praise from a boss. Middle managers envy top executives. Those who are promoted to a higher rank, stop socializing after work with former colleagues still working at the lower level, the office environment produces few winners and many losers. Competition between the two organizations usually implies cooperation between the members of the same organization. Colleagues experience each other no longer as rivals, but as team members. The fact that the competition takes place between organizations other than between individuals serves as a protective shield for employee. The confrontation does not take place between employees, but between different organizations with their own different histories that have competed against one another for a long time. What is tragic about contemporary organizations is the fact that competition is no longer only external, but also internal. The main competition actually takes place internally within the organization between colleagues who confront one another directly. Competition becomes a confrontation. Employees experience intense and permanent rivalry and rivalry becomes the only thing that bonds people. Situations where someone wins by making others fail, lead to negative outcomes, such as contempt for the losers, dreadful stress and low self-esteem, resentment of the winner. This creates barriers to warm, caring, supportive relationships. People are more productive and enjoy their work more when they work cooperatively. We need to reduce our competitiveness and change our goal in life from competition to cooperation. We could work to create a society where people can ask for what they want and to work together, creating a relationship with the other that encourage you to do your best...." 10. Why do we hate people we envy? Sour grapes: Envy is one side of a dangerous coin. The other side is narcissism. The narcissist looks at another and feels poor, and generally inferior. Both the narcissist and the envier are constantly comparing their possessions and qualities to those around them. Their eyes never stop moving in frightened anticipation of what they may find. But the envier and narcissist use different strategies to diminish the tensions they feel in the face of the wealth, beauty, or happiness of others. Enviers seek to diminish or destroy what they cannot bear to see. Narcissists, however, act in an opposite manner. They inflate themselves in order to make their victims feel small and insignificant. Social or intellectual snobs, for example, act to induce in others the horrible tensions which threaten themselves. They exude airs of superiority in order to inflict on others a crushing loss of face. They try to destroy the self-esteem or qualities of the other person. When a person feels envy, she often responds by adopting a state of superiority. Everyone else appears to be worthless. The envier deflates others, the narcissist inflates himself. The narcissist maintains a grandiose overestimation of her capacities and talents. This is a defence against the belief that he is unworthy and unimportant. For an emotionally vulnerable individual, even a hint that he is not totally admirable and desirable is a blow which wounds his pride and inflicts pain. Envy always involves a comparison we envy that which we lack We see another person’s greater skills or accomplishments and have a sense of inner torment. It is followed by the desire for revenge. It is too painful to bear. We want to destroy someone whose goodness is experienced in a way that makes us feel bad. If I can't have or do X, then no one else should either. It is not fair that they have it and I don't. Frustration can cause us to wish harm on the person we envy. If the other person succeeds where we have failed, we might wish that the other person could not enjoy what is denied to us. You wish that the other person would lose the advantage that provoked envy or otherwise would suffer. You may quietly celebrate any such loss or suffering. Although the rich and famous fascinate us, most of us feel infinitely less successful than they and probably a little envious. Therefore, the chance to read about celebrity setbacks can be irresistible. Envy and hostility towards the envied person are mainly unconscious to us. You might be completely blind to the fact that your behavior results from envy, whereas an outside observer might see it quite easily. For example, if your colleague gets promoted because he was obsequious to his boss. Envious individuals can, verbally attack and belittle the people they envy, by harming their reputation, by drawing attention to some of their limitations. Someone works very hard and selflessly for a charity but she is rather a do-gooder. Someone else is an excellent pianist, but he does play a bit too fast. The student with the best grades is described as teacher's pet, the best football or basketball player as dumb jock and the beauty queen as stuck up. Some friends have been very helpful, but they are rather patronizing. As much as we might admire competence in other people, when it comes to actually liking them, too much competence becomes a handicap. We might select the highly capable person to be our neurosurgeon or lawyer, which will avoid their company for lunch...." 11. Workplace envy. Envying the promoted colleague: Which of these statements apply to you? I regularly feel dissatisfied with what I get from my company, particularly compared to some of my colleagues. My manager does not treat all the members of the team in the same way. I often have the feeling that I’m not up to the job when I compare myself to others. It is important to me to always know what my colleagues are up to, whether they are experiencing success or failure. • In my career, I have always needed to use a few people as points of reference. I sometimes have the impression that some of my colleagues try to crush me with their arrogance. I occasionally feel a degree of satisfaction when I hear that some of my colleagues have failed. I like to listen to the gossip in my department. I have, on a few occasions, tried to jeopardize a project undertaken by a colleague. When someone I know successfully completes a project, I sometimes feel resentful towards him. It is difficult to be ambitious without also being envious. We feel envy when we hear that a colleague has been promoted or has been congratulated for a success Envy in the workplace is accompanied by a dissatisfaction with work. When individuals are envious of colleagues – whom, they feel, are better appreciated than they are – they also feel less satisfied with work than those who are not envious. Envious individual feels uneasy in the presence of people he envies; Their presence reminds him of his own deficiencies and limitations. He dreads interaction with the envied; Communication is difficult. The desire to remain at arm’s length from successful colleagues leads to missed opportunities and organizational inefficiency. people want to learn more about ideas that come from other companies than about ideas that originate with rivals in their own organizations. When we copy an idea from an outsider, we’re seen as enterprising; when we borrow an idea from a colleague, we mark that person as an intellectual leader. Change in status is difficult to accept for people who are not promoted. The relationship between individuals deteriorates. The person who has not been promoted is suddenly brought face to face with his own limitations. Shakespeare's famous play, Othello, provides a typical example of how a promotion can lead to envy with disastrous consequences. Iago has proved his worthiness to Othello, but Cassio is chosen because he is an “arithmetician”, a “scholar” and is better educated than Iago. In a modern organization also, a person from the outside may be chosen for a position. because she has higher qualifications than another person who is already employed in the organization and aspires to the same position. The failure of those who are not promoted is humiliating and painful. The passed-over employee may seek revenge, in a subtle way: by spreading rumors about her rival, by putting obstacles in the way of the person who has been promoted, by intentionally keeping important information from her, which impacts negatively on the quality of the work. envy triggered by a promotion can lead to different reactions: you can overcome your envy by detaching yourself from your colleague and by being able to look at him from a healthy perspective; You can strive to improve your performance so as to have a better chance of being promoted the next time. Or you may sink into depression...." 12. Envy between co-workers. Who envies whom at work: older employees feel anxious at the prospect of working with people who are younger than they are and have higher qualifications, and who as a result might take their place. youth, education, and talent in others can remind people of their own limitations and deficiencies. People who have found satisfaction in their career, who are not plagued by frustration, who feel they still have the potential to progress in their career, and who have accepted their own limitations will probably not feel envious of younger, gifted people. Those who, on the contrary, lack self-confidence, get caught in the illusion that the others are complete beings. Generational envy can take different forms. For example, when senior managers have to retire, but cannot bear the idea that a younger manager is going to take their position, they might be tempted to do everything in their power to block their successor’s career, instead of training him and transmitting the knowledge. When leaders envy their subordinates – who still have long careers ahead of them – they might disguise their envy by frequently complaining about having to do all the work and not being appropriately rewarded for their efforts. They may complain that their co-workers do precious little and get well paid for it. They rarely show encouragement to younger colleagues or congratulate them. An envious recruiter might take advantage of her position to put obstacles in the path of a candidate she envies. She prevents him from obtaining what she covets. This aspect of recruitment is never talked about. Recruiters are supposed to be able to maintain enough objective distance between themselves and the people they interview; They should not feel the need to compare themselves to the others, In practice, however, this is not always the case: the more “comparable” the other person is to the recruiter, the more the recruiter’s regrets and limitations will resurface. Envy might arise in the recruiter and cause him to jeopardize the chances of the person standing before him. him. The role of recruiter requires the ability to be considerate of the others, to help and encourage them to fulfill their talents in a healthy environment. This is possible only if the person has been able, through inner work, to acknowledge and accept his limitations, failures, and deficiencies. in order to guide and support somebody in their professional development and play the role of mentor, you must be able not to feel threatened by this development. this is only possible you are able to refrain from comparing yourself with the other, or at least not to let this comparison affect you negatively, so that you can behave supportively and considerately toward the other person. Often, the more another person’s skills grow, the more similar she becomes to you, the more likely envy is to develop: As a mentor you may envy the fresh opportunities that the protégé’s new abilities and youth allow. You may feel disappointed and angry at what you consider the trainee’s lack of gratitude. Mentors are particularly likely to feel resentful if they are stuck themselves, if they see little opportunity for their own advancement. It looks to them as if they have simply prepared someone to displace them. Some mentors may begin to make more demands on their protégé insisting that she is not ready to go out on her own. Some may even take steps to block her from leaving or finding new positions elsewhere. There are also cases when consultants may be envied by the very people or teams they are supposed to help. They may be attacked precisely because they possess skills or qualities on which the people they have come to help depend. In a modern organization, envy is used to mobilize employees and push them to engage in the internal competition. when the employees start showing signs of weakness, or when reorganization leads to an unfavorable distribution of positions, people go into psychological breakdown. It is difficult to eradicate envy from companies...." 13. How do organizations provoke envy in employees: Envy is “normal” in the workplace, and in any social group. Organizations often instill motivation in their employees by permanent comparison between them. Some organizations adopt “teamwork” as their official motto, but in reality push employees to compete against one another, which makes it impossible for them to truly collaborate. This is a dangerous and unhealthy game. Such practices mobilize the most infantile part of individuals’ egos by exploiting their extreme dependence on evaluation and recognition. Envy takes so much of people’s energy that they are caused to neglect creativity or collaboration, which are essential to the survival of the firm. The employees are forced to constantly compare themselves to one another and their self-esteem is under permanent attack. The feeling of inferiority triggered by the process of comparison is exploited as a means of stimulating employees to increase their productivity. The goal (making sales, earning more commissions, or winning a contest) is nothing but a pretext for employees who are obsessed about the others and about their respective positions. The prizes for contests are insignificant in relation to the amount of energy invested to obtain them: a bottle of champagne, a discount– anything will do as long as we believe it is desirable and desired enough people. Evaluation is reduced to a measurement; quantified Criteria is the same for everyone: the meter, the yardstick by which all individuals are measured. each employee is reduced to one dimension and can therefore be compared to any other employee: employees measure themselves against the average for all employees. contemporary management systems erase differences between individuals. It creates “sameness and likeness, and eliminates personal identity. Employees’ activities and performance are reduced to a few common criteria and indicators. People become more alike and more comparable to one another, which makes envy invisible consequence of these systems. All individuals are evaluated according to the same criteria. The measurement of performance is quantitative. Performance is evaluated almost permanently (daily or weekly). Everybody competes with everybody. The results of every individual are always on display. employees always know in what position they are in relation to others. Employees are regularly requested to attend ceremonies during which prizes are awarded: They are like Oscar award ceremonies. Employees are clearly categorized. there are the best performers, the average performers, and those who are really bad. It is very difficult to move from one level to another. Possibilities to climb up the ladder are limited. Apart from the “one best way”, Nothing much is valued. The measurement of performance is not individual. There is a vast difference between the “official” and the real career advancement rules. Employees are encouraged to identify themselves with the image of perfection conveyed by the organization. They try to constantly push their own limits and reach excellence. Surpassing ourselves is not just desirable. It is presented as a way of discovering who we are. Management pushes the limits further and further in an endless quest for perfection. The system brings the employees face to face with an image of excellence, perfectionism, richness, and youth. The long and phased recruitment processes give the impression that the selection is strict. Permanent feedback, comparison to others, competition between employees, - all these put people under constant pressure. We become heavily engaged in our work. The over-importance placed on action, the obligation to be strong, the obsession with winning, and and the never-ending demand for adaptability is not healthy: because we are under constant pressure, we are at risk of professional exhaustion. Through an un-ending race for excellence, for more, for self-perfection, the organization constantly reminds its members of their position in this race, in relation to the others, and of what they must aim for. Employees invest themselves entirely in the organization. Even when they are successful, success is relative. people might plunge to the bottom of the performance chart even though they were in top position for a while. Their quest can never end. Success, if there is any, is only momentary. The organization tends to judge, evaluate, and permanently remind the individuals where they are supposed to “be” on the ladder, which position they should be in relation to the others and with whom they are constantly compared. Organizations promote the development of envy, trap individuals in their narcissism. People invest their energy in the system. Envy is used to push employees into action and to condition their behavior. Contemporary management systems provoke development of envy in the workplace. This system might seem to work for the organization. the overall performance of the group, is satisfactory, but this comes at a high cost: mediocre service, high staff turnover, an unpleasant working environment, and the employees inability to work in teams. The exploitation of envy as a basis for a management policy can produce a degree of competition, but also unleash violence...." 14. Why are we being envied?: In some societies, it is customary for people to hide things which can be the reason for envy – be it good health, or good fortune, – so as not to awaken envy in other people. Some individuals, gifted with above-average talents, can intentionally reduce their performance level, or not fully utilize their potential, so as to maintain good relations with their peers and avoid provoking envy and possible hostility. This is called tall poppy syndrome. It describes our wish to harm people we envy because they are more successful than us. The heads of the tall poppies must be cut off so that they cannot become more than the average, So that their abilities are more “normal” and therefore more acceptable. Being envied boosts the ego; we easily feel superior, as if we are being looked up to. Trying to elicit envy in others is also a defensive form of protecting ourselves from envying others. When someone flaunts her possessions or attributes or busy life in such a way as to provoke envy, she is trying to get rid of her own envious feelings. For a woman, being in a position that elicits envy ends up in different reactions: she experiences cut-off connection, aggression, retrieval of friendship, and attention. These are female passive-aggressive ways of punishment in case of envy and competitiveness. Although successful and envied men are socially supported and popular, women’s experience of being in positions that elicit envy are mostly isolation and excommunication by both genders. Women feel pain in “loneliness” whereas men have been taught to feel pride and masculinity in “solitude.” Passive-aggressive remarks, covert insinuations, sugar-coated venomous attacks, creating female coalitions are among most women’s hidden envy and rivalry arsenal. Women know pretty well the place that hurts most in other women. By forming excluding clans, they create the right atmosphere of covert threat, humiliation in the ostracized woman. Now she is the one to feel envious of the solidarity and friendship of the clan from which she has been excluded. She keeps eating herself, while experiencing deep confusion and ambivalence between neediness and aggression, That's consuming her energy in a self-defeating circle. She physically leaves the place or position. Envied people generally do not understand why they are being attacked. Indeed, envious individuals do not explain why they behave so aggressively, and in some cases might not even be aware of the reason themselves. The envied can feel uncomfortable in their work environment, They might decide to leave the workplace. to escape the hostility they are encountering, and to find a healthier working environment. ..." 15. Can feeling envy be useful to us?: Envy of the other is accompanied by a sense of injustice, We might feel that the advantage of the other is at our own expense. We might like to see the other person robbed, humiliated or hurt. If we envy personal qualities, skill or prestige. we may, wish for the other man to lose his voice, his talent, or his good looks. The wish to overcome the other's superiority can be achieved in two ways: First, we can bring the other person down to our level. This is a malicious attitude, or we can raise ourselves up to the level of that person. In this way, envy can stimulate some people to move forward and improve. Envy is a negative emotion, but sometimes it can be functional, it can prompt to action. Sometimes envious individuals have higher performance rates than their less envious colleagues. Envied people serve as models that can be imitated. The comparison with the other person reveals new reference points and goals. Some not-promoted employees do not feel envy. They perceive their failure as temporary, They motivate themselves to improve their performance so that they have a better chance of being promoted next time. The feeling of inferiority only lasts for a moment for them. Envy can also make you avoid competition and occasions of comparison. Why should you try and move forward when everything you undertake ends up pointing to your limitations and your inability to succeed? Why persist in wishing for something you are incapable of achieving? In some people, envy brings about the tendency to spoil and destroy. Others tend to become motivated and stimulated by envy. The people who tend to strive and fulfill themselves when envious, are those who are aware of their envy, believe in their abilities, and deservingness. The people who tend to be destructive in their envy are those who do not own it, have a low evaluation of their capability and have a high sense of entitlement. they will tend to harm the other person instead of promoting themselves. Some people choose avoidance in the face of envy. They tend to avoid the challenge and distance themselves to more calm and secure social situations...." 16. Envy in different societies. Equality among people: A In some tribal societies, people believe that hostile wishes of their neighbors can bring bad health to their families. a person may hide additional food or hide from view a healthy child (or goat) in order to avoid being envied by a neighbor, especially by one who has no food or whose own child is sick or has died. a person who is found to have excess food may reduce the envy of neighbors by claiming that the food is rotten or otherwise inedible. She may claim that her goat is sick and could die at any time. In simple societies, the fear of envy is so great that no one seeks to gain anything that the neighbors do not have. So everyone remains poor. If everyone is poor, then no one can be hated. People quickly share with others any wealth they may gain. Anyone who comes into any extra food or wealth is required by tribal custom to provide a feast for his neighbors (the potlatch) or to give away his advantage. This reduces the incentive for hard work, innovation, and accumulation. Tribal people are reluctant to invent new and more efficient technologies, and they are reluctant to accumulate any benefits because of the fear of being envied. In this way, high fear of envy prevents economic productivity. Industrial societies are not much inhibited by the fear of being envied. We are not likely to turn down an opportunity, to minimize the envy of others. Some say that greed is competitive envy. Greed is said to be the sin of capitalist societies, envy that of socialist ones. Capitalism allows the liberty to be as rich as—or, richer than—everyone else. Socialism, under the flag of equality, seeks a society in which no one has anything more than anyone else The ‘good society’ or the completely ‘just society’ is based on the false premise that this must be a society in which there is nothing left for anyone to envy. If all individuals possess exactly the same things in equal quantities, they no longer have any reason to envy others. Not becoming different from the others, remaining equal to the others” leads to a lack of innovation and stagnation. Everything is done to avoid making other people envious. Shame hangs over whoever proves more imaginative or bright than the others. Personal intellectual activities are discouraged. Intellectuals are the victims of violent attacks, simply because they know more than others or assert their individuality. Most social problems would be solved if people lived in perfect equality. But This situation can never occur because, we inevitably discover something new to envy. In the utopian society in which we all would have not only the same clothes but the same facial expressions, one person would still envy the other for those imagined, innermost feelings. The other person may be perceived as having a characteristic which she alone possesses. ..." 17. Why do rivals envy each other?: Envy stems from our tendency to desire what we think other people point to us as desirable. We want what others or the system designate as desirable by those who are successful. Let's say you want something, a painting, for example, the other person has it, you envy that person because she's an obstacle between yourself and the object you desire. It is not so much the painting that fascinates you, but the other person, it doesn't really matter if the thing you want is rare and unique. You desire the painting because another person desires it. The painting in itself is not that important In advertisements. The emphasis is placed not so much on the objective characteristics of products, but on the type of people who desire those products. Advertising promises to pleasure that comes from being invaded by others. We are invited to acquire a product that other people designate as desirable, a car which other people possess and which you do not, is likely to become desirable purely because others seem to wish for it. We imitate the other person. We use him as a model. We are torn between two opposite feelings toward our model admiration and hatred. The relationship between you and the person you envy becomes more important than the object. - the painting you want to have. a painting or a car any object in itself is nothing but a pretext to fuel the cycle of mutual imitation. A person standing outside his triangle would wonder, what is it in this painting that they find so desirable? We are not aware of the mimicry and continue to believe that we desire the object because of its intrinsic qualities, rivalry reinforces this illusion. Often our desires are not our own, the energy we invest in acquiring certain things like promotion, status, goods, is not justified by their intrinsic value. We intensely wish for things, not for what they essentially are, but because we are under the impression that other people point them out as desirable We see other person who possesses something we do not have, we feel deprived and see another person as complete. This apparent completeness fascinates us and awakens the haunting question “what do you have I don't have and that got you your beautiful car, your job or your happiness? The feeling of envy is rooted in the fantasy that what the other person possesses should rightfully be ours. We feel deprived. Seeing this pleasure in the other person causes us unbearable suffering. We believe that what he possesses, he possesses at the expense of us. The only thing capable of satisfying us is the one that the other person possesses. We want to deprive him of that object. What makes the object desirable to us is the fact that another person also wants it...." 18. If you are being envied by someone: In some cultures it is not good taste to mention your own advantage, new possession or good luck to others. If you are afraid of being envied, rather than flaunting what you have, you may go to the opposite extreme and dumb yourself down. You may dress down, or depreciate yourself in other ways, so that no one would want to envy poor little you. Thus the owner of a new car will at once mention his long, wearisome journey to work; the man who has been promoted at once reminds us that this now makes him more liable to a heart attack. Envious person might compliment you, tell you how much she admires you, but you can feel she is insincere. Whenever you achieve something that is important to you, you probably want to share it with those around you. But an envious person will never be happy for you. Moreover, he may try to downplay your success or somehow make it about himself. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of friendly competition, but envious people seem to be obsessed with it. They don’t care about anything else except proving their superiority. You can never win with these people, they will always find something to criticize about you. In their opinion everything that you’ve accomplished was a matter of luck, not of skill. When everything else fails, they will spread rumors about you. This is their way to gain control if not over your accomplishments, then over your image and reputation. Probably one of the things they envy the most about you, are your relationships with others. And they will do everything in their power to ruin these, through rumors or gossip. Typically, people feeling envy find reasons to dislike the target of their envy so as to rationalize their invidious ill will. If you are envied, you might be unfairly seen as “arrogant” or “obnoxious,” for example. the best strategy to use is to pause and try to consciously recognize and identify envy. In general, leaving the field for a time is the only best way to manage such situations. Trying to reason with the other only increases envy and risks further confusing envious attacks. Putting distance between the envier and yourself tends to settle heated emotions. Envy is a negative experience for the envied person (because no one likes being hated and gossiped about by friends, colleagues and the general public. Although you may momentarily celebrate being envied as a sign of your success, you don’t want others to wish that you would fail, lose, or suffer. How you can deal with envious people: Understand their insecurities and inferiority complex Understand their lack of self-confidence and empty feelings Understand their negative and bitter attitude Don’t take their remarks and insults personally Don’t feel obligated to make them feel differently Ignore their obsessive, envious behavior You can never do right by some people. You can never do right by some people. These people, once you recognize who they are, should be limited or cut out of your life. You don’t need someone who is continually trying to tear you down in life. There is no rule in life that says you have to be friends with every person you know or encounter There are some mean people in this world who will always be dissatisfied by their own life and thus insult and hate others constantly. Don't get sucked into their drama and insults. Avoid them, change jobs if the situation is severe enough that it is affecting your mental well being and attitude. You have control over your life and who you spend time with. Anyone who is continually hurling insults at you out of envy is not deserving of your time and energy. If it is a family member, you can limit your time and exposure to the person. avoid direct interactions or make contact as brief as possible. remind yourself that their comments are based on their own unhappiness in life and have nothing to do with you. If nothing works, then stay away from these sad and empty people — life is too short to waste dealing with such negative human behaviors...." 19. How to protect yourself from envious coworkers: Generally, men feel good and powerful in positions where they are being envied. It proves that they possess qualities or possessions that are of social value. Most women speak about the fear and threat of being envied. The most punitive female reaction is ignoring the envied person, withdrawal of attention, cutting of the relationship, and especially ostracization and excommunication. This is one of the main reasons why successful women are usually left alone, while successful men benefit from social acclaim and are always surrounded by both male and female admirers. The fear of success is as common as the fear of failure, Because success can bring with it the fear of envy. A first-class degree, getting a high-powered job, being singled out, in any way can evoke envy in others. Inequalities of wealth and opportunities are bound to provoke envy among the less fortunate individuals What can you do to avoid being the target of envy? Anything that builds a sense of connection, warmth, caring, and empathy, could help to defuse envy We need to show humility, share the successes with our teammates, promote teamwork, and encourage colleagues to work together around common objectives. Avoid putting yourself in the spotlight. Show appreciation for the person who envies you. • You could invite her to work with you on a common project; You could ask her for help in certain specific areas. Show that the envious person’s skills can be used in certain areas and that you acknowledge and value these skills. By being willing to admit your own weaknesses and seeking her expertise, you show her that you are able to work toward an interpersonal balance and connection, Avoid being seen as always in the high status position. Do not give your colleagues too much information about yourself and your private life. This information might cause some to envy you or might be used by envious individuals; Avoid boasting about your achievements. Avoid boasting about your achievements: -A touch of weakness and vulnerability takes the edge off the negative effects of superiority. A little less of “I’m Chevy Chase, and you’re not” tempers the evil eye of envy. Show that you are able to laugh at yourself, admit that you too can experience difficulties, or -luck has sometimes favored you. This is not to say that you should use false modesty. But that you should look at yourself from a realistic perspective. If your co-worker is always calling out your mistakes in front of your boss, then approaching your olleague by saying “why the heck are you throwing me under the bus in front of the boss?” may not cause a nice reaction. Approaching the person in such an abrupt and rude way will cause a defensive reaction. Instead, chose a kinder approach, so that she’ll be more likely to recognize how you are feeling. For example “I feel bad when you tell the boss things that I do wrong and it is affecting our working relationship. I wish we had a positive relationship. You can Chose the higher ground, which is not reacting to their negativity. If you need to simply cut off the conversation and go somewhere else in order to avoid their comments, then do so. distance yourself, physically, from the envious person: by offering the person another post, or by assigning him missions that will enable him to work further away from you. You may also decide to move to a different position or different organization yourself. You don’t need to allow yourself to be subject to anyone’s abuse...." 20. So you are envious of someone What to do?: Envious people do not experience themselves as the real source of their own achievements. They feel that all the good, the happiness, and the love, are given to them on loan. They feel that they are unworthy of what they have. In their inner experience, The good comes from the outside. There are two beliefs regarding the amount of goodness in the world a shortage or an abundance. According to the first belief, goodness is limited. If someone has more, then the other has less. A person who maintains this idea, feels that the other’s advantage is necessarily at his own expense. On the other hand, believing in plenitude allows for the thought “the other person and I have innumerable possibilities”. Here, the amount of goodness in the world is unlimited, allowing for the assumption that “I can have too”. In reality, the two views are both true, as resources in the world are both limited and regenerating. How we process our perceptions of reality will depend on our subjective beliefs. Focusing on the scarcity can really screw with your thoughts, feelings and life. It makes you think that you only got this shot right now. There are always new business opportunities to find, new tests to take and new people to date and make friends with. So keep your focus steadily on the opportunities, on the new chances, on what you can learn from your failures. If your house was flooded and a neighbour’s house was not, you would be tempted to wish your neighbour’s house had been devastated as yours was. This is a dark wish. It brings no benefit. It changes nothing. Admitting envy is to admit inferiority. Instead of admitting that we feel envious, we subtly emphasise another person’s inadequacies and hint at our supposedly superior resources. The existence of some quality in the other person reminds us of its absence in ourselves; hence our desire to destroy him at all costs. to annihilate what makes him different and superior in our eyes. Our attacks aim to eliminate those differences, that “extra” quality or thing that the other person possesses. If your friend has it better than you, address your own failings— the solution is not to respond by destroying him. Envy can be transformed and overcome, but you must first recognize it. Recognizing that we are feeling can lead to self-exploration: What is it this person has that I want? When we are aware of our unconscious wishes and beliefs, we can examine them and change them. Owning our envy means recognizing that it exists within each and every one of us, all the time. We can admit envy, like any other embarrassing openhearted admission. The more you feel that the source of good in your life belongs to you and exists within you, the more your sense of helplessness decreases, Envy of others becomes less painful and angry. You have your own characteristics and history. Rather than wishing for what your friend has obtained, Try to understand the differences between you two. Envy is a great waste of mental energy. It blocks out clarity, both about ourselves and the person we envy. We cannot see another person as a human being who has desires, faults, qualities, and limitations. Envy is an emotion that is almost inevitable in society and at work – and we cannot eradicate it. But we should not allow envy to grow out of proportion, and become toxic and dangerous. We don’t want someone we feel unworthy or inferior to be above us, or better than us. But how do you know you are better than him or more qualified than him? ..." 21. How to diminish envy at workplace. Reducing envy between colleagues: A manager in a good enough organization: • Avoids turning failures into dramas, and gives the employees the opportunity to try again. Performs qualitative evaluations, as much as possible, with personalized feedback; Avoids comparing the employee with others. It is better to compare the employee to herself to reveal her accomplishments and areas that could be improved. Employees are people, not machines. They can at times face difficulties. and as a result work less efficiently. It is better not to evaluate at all than evaluate inaccurately; Asking for teamwork and at the same time placing emphasis on individual performance does not make sense This is what organizations and managers could do to diminish envy among employees: • a bonus calculated individually and proportional to individual target achievements is preferable. Putting some employees “on stage” and rewarding them in “medal award ceremonies” or the like is not a good idea. Rather, use ceremonies and official events to celebrate, with all your colleagues, a collective success, or to encourage one another when you and your colleagues encounter difficulties. -Privilege diversity when recruiting. If you are recruiting a person who is particularly gifted, be aware of the possible reactions of the other team members. Show that this person will be an asset to the team as a whole and that his contribution will benefit everyone. show your appreciation to the other members of the team at all times. Be extremely vigilant when two people with very similar characteristics (gender, age, training, experience) must work together: • If possible make a clear distinction between their functions; Give them different types of missions so as to make it more difficult to compare them with each other, and to prevent them from comparing each other; In case of tension, separate them physically so that they do not have to face each other too often; Ensure that one does not depend on the other. If you are the recruiter or mentor, be aware that the person you must recruit or train might awaken some fears in you: • Develop a group culture that does not stigmatize failure: celebrate failures, Talk about your own failures. Offer your colleagues the opportunity to try again or to attempt new projects; If some colleagues are promoted to better positions because of the reorganization, and others are not, try not to put them in the same team; try to physically separate the two trainees Give all the employees the feeling that they are respected, that their work is appreciated and rewarded fairly; • refrain from comparing employees with one another and appreciate the specific skills each employee offers. Avoid belittling some members of the team by overly glorifying others; keep comparison between individuals to a minimum and avoid making the comparison public To limit destructive effects of envy in organizations, envy must be converted and used to stimulate employees to better themselves, to examine themselves, People should understand where their envy comes from, and rediscover the uniqueness of their professional history. One way of diminishing envy is to create and maintain differences between the members of teams, and promote diversity. We can achieve diversity in a team by ensuring that it is composed of people of both genders, different nationalities and races, different ages, experiences, or education. The more differences there are between individuals, the more difficult it is to compare yourself to others...." 22. How is envy managed in society: In some societies, a polite person is expected to minimize her own achievements, to deflect compliments, to exhibit modesty, to deny, in other words, that she has done anything that should result in being envied. Winners of Oscars and other awards reduce envy by being modest and by sharing the glory with associates. Envy is reduced by sharing the glory in some way, contemporary philanthropy may be understood as symbolic sharing. The tip or gratuity is another modern form of symbolic sharing that says "Here is some money, don't hate me for enjoying this fine meal. While you must serve me." In most European languages, the word for the "tip"means "tea money" or drink money. The tip is only enough money to buy a drink. It is only a small part of the cost of the meal that the diner has enjoyed. In modern societies, the awareness of envy is low. Envy is reduced by explanations that make it all right for some people to have more and do better than others. The Greeks explained success in terms of luck, the Roman Catholics in terms of God's will. The Protestants, in terms of the work ethic, such explanations legitimize inequality, thus reducing the risk of envy. By explaining your success as the result of good luck, you reduce the possibility of being envied, for your success. The concept of luck greatly reduces the power of envy if everyone's situation is the result of the will of God, it is not to be questioned or envied. If a poor person believes that his poverty is the will of God,he is less likely to hate the rich. Roman Catholic belief in the will of God thus serves to reduce envy in society and to legitimize and preserve existing inequalities. All three rationalizations, especially The work ethic, make it possible for individuals to gain wealth, status and other advantages without being held back by the enemy of the less fortunate. Defenders of capitalism advise the have-nots to convert their envy into competition and emulation. Rather than hating and pulling down those who have what you do not, you should do what they did, work hard so that you can get the desired things for yourself. In ordinary speech, we may say that envy is a good thing because it motivates people to work harder to get for themselves what they envy. Rather than envy the owner of a fine car. We should follow her example. This presumably means that we should work hard, make a lot of money and buy such a car for ourselves. We are encouraged to convert our envy into imitation. Some of it can be converted into healthy competition with an increase in productivity, but envy often is the result of inequalities that cannot be eliminated through hard work. In many cases, it is not possible for the non-rich to become rich simply by working harder. The payoff for hard work is sometimes exaggerated...." 23. Letting go of envious feelings: Comparing what you have to what others have is a good way to make yourself miserable. It feeds your ego when you buy a nicer car or get a better job than someone else. You feel great for a while. But this mindset and the focus on comparing always winds up in you noticing someone that has more than you, that someone has an even better job or a car or house than you. The thing is that there is always someone with better or more than you. You can never win. Learn to appreciate yourself for who you are. Not for what you possess or your achievements. Letting go of your positions requires wisdom. You don't need to possess objects to be yourself. They can contribute to your joy, but your happiness does not depend on them. You stop looking at what others have you free yourself from owning. A more useful way to compare is to just compare yourself to yourself. Look at how you have grown and what you have achieved, appreciate what you have and what you have done. See how far you have come. Focus on your improvement, not others, comparing to other people is a lose lose situation. Try to recognize the qualities in others that trigger your envy. Do you envy people who learn new skills more quickly, earn higher salaries or get praise from the boss? When you accurately identify the things that set you off, you can begin to tame envious feelings before they turn into depression. Make generosity an essential habit in your life, even if you have to force yourself into it at first. Give your time, give your finances, your abilities, talents and skills, volunteer in your community, support a cause that promotes social justice and get your hands dirty. As you begin to spend more time and more energy with those who have less than you. The more you will find fulfillment and meaning. And when you do, the allure of another person's life will quickly fade away, the more fulfilled you feel in the various aspects of your life romantic, social, professional and hobbies, the less envy you will feel towards anyone. Instead of feeling envious of a friend's appearance, focus on the things you like about yourself or the fact that you have a body that allows you to exercise, it can be helpful to add a regular gratitude, exercise to your life, to minimize the envy. Take just two minutes out of your day to focus on being grateful for all the things you have. Make a list of them at the beginning or end of the day. We can see someone get promoted, get published, win an award and be happy for them and still feel a longing for that kind of recognition ourselves, we can see Someone's holiday snaps on Facebook. Enjoy the beauty of them and still wish we had the opportunity for more peace in our hectic lives. And that's OK, as long as we respond appropriately, the dark thought comes with feeling envy, "If I can't have those things, I don't want that person to have them either." It's understandable to feel upset when the thing you want so badly is in someone else's hands, especially when that person is a friend, just because you are sad for yourself does not mean you are not able to feel happy for your friend. Allow yourself to fully experience, accept and even embrace this range of emotions without judgment. Feeling envy is normal. It is what you do next that is important...." 24. How to stop envying other people?: Looking at others for inspiration is not bad. The problem is trying to be like them, you don't have to follow successful people's path or aim for the same goals. Each life is unique. Choose learning, not comparison Copycats are boring, it is better to be original. Stop comparing your life with others. It is always a losing proposition, there will always appear to be people who have it better than you. We always compare the worst of what we know about ourselves to the best assumptions we make about others. Nobody has it all, each person you meet experiences, problems, trials and weaknesses just like you. This is what makes us human. Nobody is exempt. When you constantly compare your own life with those of other people, you will always come up short. Getting stuck in a cycle of envy is just about the best way to ruin your life. Have you ever seen anybody post an unflattering photo on Facebook? Let's face it, you rarely read about someone fighting with their spouse, hating their job or declaring bankruptcy. Most people show you what they want you to see: a highly edited glossed-up version of their life. The next time you feel envious about someone else's life. Remember that you are only looking at part of the story, the part they want you to see, even the most enviable lifestyle has downsides. For example, many people covet the glamour and glitz of the rich and famous. But have you ever sat down and thought about what kind of life a famous person has? Ask yourself if you would enjoy someone jumping out of a bush and taking a snapshot of you in your grubby tracksuit pants while you are collecting the newspaper from the front lawn? There are always two sides to every coin. What you think you see is not necessarily the reality, so the next time you get caught up in envy, always remember that unless you are that person, you don't really have the whole story. They have a story that most of us don't see Often They have had to overcome extraordinary obstacles or they have failed again and again on their way to success. When you take the time to learn about someone's true story, it is almost always becomes harder to root against them. They become a person, not a filtered snapshot. So the next time you feel as though you are missing out on something that somebody else has, drill down into the essence of whatever you think that thing would give you and ask yourself, is it already here? Do I really want it? Stop viewing life as a competition. Joy is not a limited resource. The moment you learn to experience happiness in others' joy, is the day you take a huge step to overcoming envy. 25. Conclusion: The Greeks took NVA to be part of human nature, running at different intensities in different people. But always there, ever ready to emerge. Whatever human nature might be. And we will surely a part of it. It doesn't matter who you are or what positive influence you are trying to make in the world. He does. Yours will always exist. Nobody is exempt from envy and hatred from others. Whose automatic impulse is to feel glad when meeting someone smarter, prettier, or reacher. Nevertheless, it is possible to cultivate more generosity of spirit and quiet the cruel voice of envy. Generosity is the opposite of envy. The ability of a person to be kind is an alternative to feeling envy. Emulation occurs when you viewed the people you envy not as enemies. What has examples? Instead of the desire to lower others? Innovation inspires people to lift themselves up and to reach the heights of those they look up to. Reacting to your shortcomings. And inferiority was acceptance and a desire to improve healthy. It means that you will strive for the creation of the new and the better, rather than hoping for the destruction of those who are successful. When we see that someone has something would like to have physical possessions or personality traits or talent. In natural human reaction is to envy them. It takes a conscious work to become free from it so that we can be thankful for what we have been given. It is okay to feel envy, but it is not okay to let it grow and become destructive. It wastes our time and opportunities and steals our joy. Our society has conditioned us to believe that your net worth equates to happiness. So many people strive to be more, do more, and have more. But none of those things actually cause inelastic happiness. Truly happy people are not necessarily wealthy, powerful, or famous. They have simply made a choice to be happy by paying attention to the good things around them. Ask yourself the following questions. What do I take for granted in my life? What freedoms do I enjoy? What advantages have I been given? What really makes me happy? Is it actually Doumani, possessions or reputation? Or is it freedom, joy, peace, and serenity.