How to be More Charismatic and Likeable | Alli Bartlett | Skillshare

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How to be More Charismatic and Likeable

teacher avatar Alli Bartlett, Filmmaker. Youtuber. Business Owner

Watch this class and thousands more

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

17 Lessons (1h 31m)
    • 1. Introduction to course and your instructor

      4:24
    • 2. 02 How to Have a Poitive Attitude that Will Make Everyone Love You

      7:28
    • 3. 03 How to Stop Gossiping in it's tracs

      5:49
    • 4. 04 How to Get in the right mindset to be liked at social events

      4:19
    • 5. 05 Have make an Outstanding First Impression

      2:21
    • 6. 06 How to be a master at small talk

      12:01
    • 7. How to Overcome Social Anxiety

      4:15
    • 8. 07 Charistmatic Persons Body Language

      11:08
    • 9. 08 Your Tone is the Key to Being Likeable

      1:59
    • 10. 09 The Secret To Being Your Likeable Self

      5:51
    • 11. 10 Be the Person Everyone Wants to Talk to

      4:21
    • 12. 11 The Difference between A Genuine Person and an Imposter

      6:33
    • 13. 12 How to be likeable Over the phone

      3:37
    • 14. 13 Leave the Phone at in your pocket

      5:28
    • 15. 14 You Have To Like Other People Heres How

      3:06
    • 16. 15 Books You Need To Read

      7:40
    • 17. 16 Final Thoughts

      1:07
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About This Class

This Skillshare video course will teach you how to be more likeable and charismatic! 

If you get nervous in social settings, if you're a people pleaser and that hasn't been working out for you, then this course is for you!

This course is for:

  • People who want to be charismatic & likeable

  • People who are shy

  • People who want to up their social skills

  • People who want to learn to be natural around others

  • People who want to create instant rapport with others

  • People who work in customer service

  • People in sales

  • People who own their own businesses

  • People who want to be the best version of themselves

About the Instructor:

Alli Saunders is a successful Entrepreneur, Filmmaker & World Traveler. She attributes her success to her ability to connect with anyone and be likeable. 

What are the requirements?

  • An eagerness to learn how to be more likeable

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Alli Bartlett

Filmmaker. Youtuber. Business Owner

Teacher

Connect with me:

SUBSCRIBE on YouTube youtube.com/alliandwill FOLLOW on Insta instagram.com/alliandwill
Click the +Follow button here on SkillShare to stay connected! See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Introduction to course and your instructor: Hi, I'm Alley Saunders. Nice to meet you. I'm an entrepreneur, and I attribute all of my success to having learned how to build strong, happy and lasting relationships with people through being likable through being likable. I have landed hard to come by jobs without any background in the field, been invited to stay with people I've met all over the world. As I've traveled, I've grown a strong client list of people I consider family in my video production company , and I've been trusted to produce content for big brands that I am very proud to be associated with. I truly believe being likable has been the factor that has opened doors toe every seemingly impossible opportunity that I've experienced in my life. Here's some food for thought. Did you know that customers will feel happier with the results you produce for them if they like you? If you were to produce the exact same results but you weren't like by your customers, they would view the product or service you produced for them as less than great. An example of this is if you went to a restaurant and the server was pleasant, attentive, and you liked him or her, but the food was just OK. Likely you would still view the experience as good, and afterwards you would still go back to that restaurant again. Whereas if the server weren't likeable and the food was just OK, you would feel you had a bad experience and would not visit the restaurant again. Have you ever met someone new? Let's give this imaginary person name Jim and after 30 seconds thought, Wow, Jim is fantastic. I really feel like like click with him and could talked him for hours. On the flip side, have you ever spent 30 seconds with someone who is so mundane? Let's call this imaginary person built that 30 seconds of talking him feels like 30 years. The conversation station just drags on, and in that time you hope someone anyone will interrupt bills rambling so you can politely escape the conversation and possibility of him trying to talk to you again. We've all experienced interactions with the charismatic Jim's of the world and the mundane bills, and based on how each person makes us feel, it's obvious which of the two is someone we would want to get to know more now most importantly, have you ever considered how people feel about you when they first meet you or after you formed a relationship with them? We're human, so naturally we want to be liked as social beings. We want to connect with others. We want to be a part of a community, part of a tribe, to feel accepted. All likable people share common traits that can be learned and that you will learn throughout this course. Likable people have a happy, positive attitude. Likable people are genuine, likable people do not make others feel judged, and they do not gossip like will. People are active listeners. Likable people don't compete with others and conversation, but do celebrate other people's successes. Likable people don't take themselves too seriously and are seen as fun, exciting, playful and witty and likable. People sincerely like other people. This course is designed to help you become more likable by magnifying the great qualities that you already have within you because we all learn differently and because repetition of an idea is necessary to allow it to not only be heard but also understood, I will share factual information, metaphors, stories and examples to cater to people's unique learning styles so that this information sinks into your conscious and subconscious mind to ensure a clear understanding of how to implement the tools and perspectives you learn throughout this course. My one request is that if you have any questions at all that you please send us a message and ask them if we all learn to be more likable, the world will become a better place. On one of our course goals is to do our absolute best to ensure that everyone feels they've received the best information and explanations of everything taught. So don't hesitate to get in touch, and I hope to get to know you more for any comments or questions that you do have. 2. 02 How to Have a Poitive Attitude that Will Make Everyone Love You: believe in others, too. People with Paul's of attitudes bring people up, make people believe in themselves and make them want to be better, thus making people want to grow. And it is human nature to want to learn and constantly grow. So if you're the cause for that, that's pretty awesome and a friendship. Believe in your friend through positivity and support. When your best friend tells you she's going to do a triathlon this year, even though she's never even done a five K run instead of saying Jessica, is this realistic? I mean, you'll given exercise. I just I really don't want you to get excited about something you'll probably not even commit Teoh and therefore completely diminishing any support towards her. Instead, say, Jessica, that's awesome. I'm pumped for you. What a great goal to work towards. And if you do want to gently point out that a lot of training is involved, you could say So. What type of things are you thinking about doing Strain and let her take a moment to consider what's involved and explain out loud what her plan is. This is the pause of way to be supportive, even if someone doesn't reach the coal, they'll hugely appreciate and more importantly, remember you being positive towards them and believing in them. You being positive may even be the support that they need to take action, believing themselves and achieve their goals in your career. Be positive and supportive with your employees or your co workers as a boss. If an employee submits a proposal to you for review and you see that it still needs some work, don't be the feared by all bullying authority who responds with this report. Isn't long enough, their formats all wrong? It's not written well. Have you ever heard of spell check? This would leave the employees feeling small, worthless and unmotivated, because this is negative language and a negative attitude. Rather, you could be encouraging and positive by saying something like this looks good. I like the paragraph you wrote about people relating to each other. Can we make it a bit longer and structure this more like the last one we sent out? I think that would make it even more engaging. See, Scenario one makes the employees feel blamed and fearful. Scenario to ah, positive response leaves the employees feeling motivated and, like they're on their way to producing that great proposal there writing be positive and gentle when someone comes to you with a problem. Know the difference in someone needing a solution and just needing toe. Let steam out if someone is complaining because they need a solution, have the attitude that everything is figure edible because the reality is everything is figure edible. See things from different perspectives and say, Okay, how can we make this better or well, it's good that we now know not to do this in an intimate relationship. You could be positive and supportive by listening when your other half has a problem they'd like to talk about. When I say listening, I don't mean waiting to talk and then providing them with the answer to their problem. People can often search within themselves to find the answer to their problems. So rather, then saying, Well, when your boss yells at you, you should have told her you didn't appreciate being spoken to that way. You need to go into the office first thing tomorrow and tell her that she can't dump her work on you, not pay you overtime and talk to you the way she talks to you, often in a relationship, when one person's frustrated, they want to be heard and feel like someone is understanding them. So listen, let your spouse express themselves on. Once it's clear that they've let some steam out, you can gently remember the word gently here. Ask what do you think your boss needs to know about the situation so she could go easy on your next time and let your other half come up with his or her own? Answer while you gently guide the conversation in a positive direction. Always and every relationship choose to respond positively and support positivity. Consider how you would hope someone would respond to you in any situation because everyone wants the person they're speaking to to support, understand and have a positive tone to the conversation. Another aspect of being a positive person is that positive people have fun in life. An easy way to have fun in life is to find joy and things take the time to notice and appreciate Ah, sunset or a great tasting hot chocolate or someone holding the door open for you posted. People will sing two songs playing in the car. They'll enjoy a little dance to a good song, though. Laugh and smile, be playful and not take themselves or life too seriously. Pause of people are grateful people to be more grateful, notice and appreciate the kindness of others. Appreciate the good things that come your way, celebrate good things and celebrate the successes of others. Realize how fortunate you are to be on this Earth. The have the ability to speak and walk and connect and form relationships. Being grateful out loud is a great way to Sprinkle a bit of positivity on others to, because it will make them stop and notice something to be grateful for. A swell positive People use positive words always, but especially when speaking to others. So here are some ways to be more positive and conversation through your words and the topics you choose to discuss. Choose to discuss great things about whatever environ treen urine, for example. Wow, this home is absolutely beautiful. I love the floor to ceiling windows or you and your coworker made me getting here from my meeting so easy with your concise directions. Use words that air paused of like good, great love amazing, wonderful, excellent and other great words like that rather than words like hate ur faces like it's OK , I guess this sucks. Also the tone you uses huge part of being likable on. We're talking about that more in upcoming lecture. Remember, positivity attracts more positivity. So if you want to cultivate relationships with great people and to not only be a likable person but a likeable person who, surrounded by other likable people than be positive as the same goes like attracts more like some of these tools to becoming a more positive person, you may already incorporate into your relationships while others may be new to you. So to take action and become more likable with a more positive magnetic attitude immediately choose the top three out of these tips on how to become a more positive person . And remember, I'm here to answer any questions you have, so please ask away 3. 03 How to Stop Gossiping in it's tracs: gossiping is toxic. If you do it, stop doing it right now. Have you ever noticed that the most likable people that you know you just couldn't say a bad thing about because they're just so great? Well, those people also have probably never spoken negatively about another person around you. Studies show that if you say something negative about someone else, the person you're saying it to subconsciously places you with bat. Same negative trait. If you never say anything negative about another person, people are less likely to have anything bad to say about you. Gossiping is much easier to do than to not dio. It's a quick way to join the conversation, to feel like you're relating to someone who was also part of the gossiping. Using someone else's story and talking about them behind their backs is an easy topic of conversation to default Teoh. It's an easy way to make yourself feel better than that person, but gossiping is a very ugly, unfair thing to do and is not something likeable. People take part in Gossiping is poisonous. The intent behind gossip is usually to make someone who isn't present look bad and to make yourself look good through sharing this information. If you gossip about someone else, the person listening to you will assume you also gossip about them, which means they ain't gonna trust you. They'll wonder what you say about them when they're not around. Gossiping is negative. So although in the moment it may be an easy thing to do, it will leave you and the people you speak with in a more negative state. Likable people have integrity. They're fair and honest, and in fairness, they would never speak negatively or about someone who wasn't there to defend themselves. Think about how you would feel if you find that someone was speaking behind your back. Now the only way this would feel good is if they were speaking positively about how great you were right. Making the choice to not gossip is like making the choice to not eat sugar. It takes practice, discipline and strength to commit to. But in doing so, it will have a massive, positive impact on your life. By not participating in gossiping, you will shine. People will take notice and admire you for not doing it. Gossiping doesn't do anyone any good. So even If in the moment someone is looking for you to join in on the gossiping which they will be by not joining in, you will foster trust, you will be seen as non judgmental and will overall be much more likeable. So I have a challenge for you this week. If gossiping starts to occur around you, try one of these statements to change the topic or let the Gospel. No, you are not having any of that here. The statements are to get out and away from gossiping. I don't know enough about the situation to comment on it, or I don't know the other person's perspective, so I prefer to not discuss what I think they were thinking or feeling in their absence. You could also point out of quality, like about the person who's being gossiped about. For example, I've always found Emily easy to talk Teoh and stick up for that person in their absence, or simply change the subject to a more positive topic. By choosing not to gossip, you're making a decision to have good character and to be a more likeable human being. So if you're not gonna be participating in the gossiping that's going on. What? Oh, what can you talk to others about? Whether you're visiting family at a social gathering or out to a work holiday party after you catch up about the kids, the family or the work that's currently going on? What do you talk about? Number one? Do new things. Try out a trendy products. Go crawling, take a goalie in class, read a book, check out a tourist attraction near where you live, doing something you've never done before and having a newbies perspective on it, and an experience or viewpoint on it. To share is a very easy thing to create a conversation around. For example, I finally checked out the CN Tower this year. Have you ever been the other person can say Oh, yeah, I used to do the CN Tower walk every year, and the conversation can continue from there. Talk about travelling. Most people love traveling, and if they love traveling, that love to let you know all of the cool places that they've been traveling and talking about different cities and countries around the world is a topic that's very easy to spend time chatting about. Ask the people you're with where their favorite place to travel is, or where the best food they've ever eaten is, or where in the world they've lived or where is a reasonably priced place to have a vacation. If you're ever in a jam in any social situation where you need to keep a conversation going travelling is a very easy go to. You can talk about health. They're always tons of different health trends going on, not being processed, sugar going, vegan, doing the paleo diet, taking supplements, juicing, making smoothies, running bloodies, yoga, bodybuilding and so on. The direction I like to take in conversations when I'm speaking about health is by asking people, Hey, have you heard of this newest health trend and insert the newest health trend into your conversation and ask people for their thoughts and opinions on it. Now, if you aren't as into following trends, you could ask the people you're with what they do to stay in shape or if they've ever tried going vegetarian or what their favorite activity is to do in the winter. To keep active. Talking about health and wellness is another very easy go to, especially if you notice the persons in relatively decent shape. If they are, it's likely they have an interest in health as well 4. 04 How to Get in the right mindset to be liked at social events: going to events or social get togethers can be nerve wracking. But it doesn't have to be. If you expect to triple for your words at an event or even worse, not talk to anyone because you're so nervous that you're already planning to be on your cell phone in the corner, then that nervousness and that blocking everyone from around you is the state you're gonna be in and create for yourself. When you're at the social gathering, you're expecting the worst of the evening. So you will set your mind and body up to be in an unpleasant condition and then seek out to prove to yourself that your expectations were accurate. Well, I was right. I couldn't find anyone to chat with. I don't know why and how once was to make connections at thes silly events. Now that's only one of many ways toe look at an event situation. You can change that outlook, and, by doing so, change your brain chemistry. You can change your posture, your tone of voice, your attitude and more. And now I'm going to give you two tools that will put you in the frame of mind that you need to be in have an outstanding time and outcome from events and get togethers. The first thing to do when you're heading to an event or social gathering is a visualization technique. I call See it to be it. So when you're getting ready to go out, visualized the event, going amazingly well. Picture people approaching you with a smile, picture bonding and laughing and having insightful conversations. Imagine the feeling you'll have in your stomach in your heart when you're connecting with someone and you feel that you're really hitting it off of them and building report. Expect the best. Expect to make really great connections and expect to meet wonderful people. Tell yourself I am likable. I am a great conversationalist. I am a magnet for great people. People instantly feel connected with me and want to talk to me and be open with me. I make great connections tonight with people whose lives I will best fulfill and whose will best fulfill mine. When I was much younger, I used to get very nervous going to any sort of get together social event. But by doing this visualization technique, no matter what situation I'm getting into, it calms me down, and it puts me in the state of eagerness and happiness when I'm walking into any event or social situation. The second technique that will put you in a mindset for an amazing show. Social evening is toe. Listen to a song that will pump you up. Listening to a song gets you fired up will literally change your brain chemistry and state of being. I listened to the Rocky song You know the song. The theme song were runs up the stairs. That song gets anyone fired up after listening to the song. I feel so pumped up about life and anything that comes my way that I feel like I can conquer the world. I've conditioned my mind to get into a really positive confidence state and a mindset of nothing can stop me when listening to it. So before any social event, listening to the rocky theme song is part of my ritual. Now think about it. You must have at least one pump up song that every time you listen to it, you just want to get up and dance or dog or whatever, and that's the song that you should condition yourself a swell toe. Listen, Teoh, he fired up for any social event. Remember everyone. Everyone has some level of nervousness. When going to a big event or social gathering that's normal. It means you care. Using these two simple tools will literally put you in a state that attracts people to you . I guarantee, if you spend even five minutes before get together visualizing Ah, fantastic evening. And you listen to your pump up song that you will be the person that walks into the room and people look at and go. I want to know him so decide what your pump up social song will be and add it to your playlist. So the next time you go out, it's ready to get you fired up for a great evening. 5. 05 Have make an Outstanding First Impression: people won't remember what you did or what you said, but they'll always remember how you made them feel. Your first interaction with someone new is a significant moment when it comes to the type of relationship you will form with this person. It's your first opportunity to decide whether or not you want to get to know this person and their first opportunity to decide if they want to get to know you. So yes, what they say is true. First impressions matter a very quick and simple way to fed a pause of tone for meeting someone new is during the greeting and meeting. Studies show that the way you make someone feel when you greet them will significantly influence how they'll feel about you and response to you the next time they see you. So, for example, which type of greeting is more appealing to you? Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Alley or Oh, hi. It's so nice to meet you. When you're greeting someone new, do you come off as uninterested? Therefore, making Jimmy feel like he doesn't even matter? Or are you making that person feel like outboxed are looking at them in the eyes with a big smile, leaning towards them and giving them a firm handshake or hug, depending on the situation and showing them that you're genuinely happy to see them. If so, the next time they see you, they will extend the same warmth your way, being warm and welcoming upon first. Seeing someone is extremely important when it comes to being likable, and this initial introduction also sets the tone for your entire conversation with them. While you interact with this person. Be excited to chat with them. Treat them like an old friend that you haven't seen in years. So face them when you're interacting with them, your shoulders should be facing them. The way you're standing, your feet should be facing them and make them feel like you're genuinely happy to meet them . Step forward towards them till your head towards them. Smile as they talk. We all like people who like us. If you show the person you're connecting with that, you're genuinely happy to meet them. This is one very easy way. Teoh instantly be liked back 6. 06 How to be a master at small talk: now, most of us don't like small talk. But what like will people understand, is that small talk is a stepping stone to building strong relationships. Small talk is a very important area of conversation to master. Small talk is important because it's the avenue to deeper conversations to master Small talk first, being mindful that you want the person you're speaking to to feel comfortable with you. So be warm and be happy to be chatting with, um, second mirror the person you're speaking to, his vibe and tone of voice. If they're hyper and really excited about everything up your energy to get more on their level. If they're mellow, meet them there. If, however, they seem really nervous, then you need to be the opposite of that and be calm and reassuring to help ease their anxieties. If you're at a social event, begin by introducing yourself. Hi, I'm Sally and shake their hand while smiling. Then you can ask any of the following questions. How do you know the host? Is it your first time coming to an event like this? What brings you here tonight? It really doesn't matter what your first question is, but What does matter is what you do with their answers. So from their answers, you can lead into other connecting points. Our new friend John was the host college roommate, so you can continue with Oh wow. Kevin's told me so many wild stories about the Halloween parties that happen in college and then allow the person to comment, pay attention to the person's demeanor on what information they're giving you. Do they seem like they're happy to be chatting and telling you stories of their past? If so, continue asking them questions while also sprinkling in some of your own stories. You want to ask questions to show that you're interested and share stories or tidbits about yourself so you don't come off as an interrogator. Also speak while of whom ever you're speaking about. For example, you could say I remember when I first met Kevin and my brothers barbecue. He wore those crazy, awesome flowered pants and had everyone lining up to get folios with him. Speak well of the host with a pause of tone rather than, for example, saying, Yeah, I met Kevin, my brothers barbecue, and he had some pretty bizarre outfits and people were talking about him for the rest of the night because tone and positivity matter a lot. It's the difference between making people feel like you're gossiping or supporting, and this instantly lets people know if your judgmental on would speak that way about them. If they opened up to you, are you starting to catch on that? In any relationship, whether it's newer, it's been the relationship that's lasted for years. It's very important to pay attention to the other person and the signals that they're giving you another thing to do that's very important. To be likeable is toe listen more than you speak. Easier said than done, especially in social situations where you may be a little anxious or nervous. We spend so much time worrying about how were coming off. And if the other person comptel how great we are and if we're being interesting that we make the common mistake of not listening but rather waiting to talk and consider this. If you're worried about how you're coming off, what do you think the other person's worrying about? Likely, it's the same thing now. A few years ago, I offered to drive a new coworker to an event were both attending, and by the end of the 20 minute drive, I was going Wow, I really clicked with this new editor, Bridget. She's just so lovely, I think, like or practically best friends. Now Bridget is obviously a very likable person. And to give you an idea of what the conversation was like, it went something like this. Bridget said. Ali, I love your car. I've been looking for another car. How you like in this one? I responded with all I love it. It's great and gas. It's really quiet, and I really like the look of it. Then there was a few seconds of silence, a pause, Bridget said. It must be great for long drives with all the space I said, it's so spacious and comfortable. When me and my family did a 24 hour drive to Florida, we didn't stop in hotels. We just drove straight through and took turns driving while others slept in the back and it was comfortable and awesome and we loved it, Bridget responded. She took you here off another point that I was talking about, that she could take the conversation further with and said Florida. I've always wanted to check out Miami. Where'd you go? Well, I said, My dad has a place in Fort Myer so we once a year we go there. We all hop in the car and we usually stop at Miami to for visits, Tons of fun. And the conversation went on. Now Bridget was clearly the person in the car leading the conversation. But who was the person doing most of the talking? It wasn't Bridget because she was doing most of the listening. What Bridget did in that conversation was listen twice as much as she spoke. She showed genuine interest in something I experienced day to day and took opportunities during pauses to show more interest in my life by genuinely listening and then continuing the conversation using the key point I had shared, she observed that I had camping gear in my jeep and took mention of how great my car must be for getaways, which allowed me to share some of the get away stories I had gone on. When I mentioned I drove to Florida, she showed interest in learning more about Florida again, listening twice as much as she shared and I felt great. Afterwards, I thought to myself, Wow, I really like her. And after thinking about it, I realized I didn't learn much about Bridget but shared a ton about myself. And I enjoyed every second of it. Because as humans, we love to talk about ourselves. Why is it that when someone introduces themselves to us, Ah, few seconds after we can't even remember their name? It's because, well, they tell us their name were thinking of what we're going to say next. As Brian Miller shares in his Ted talk to connect truly with people, we must listen with the intention of understanding the other person. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, and that so we can listen twice as much as we talk. Another important way to master conversation is, to be sure, to allow room in the conversation for the other person to continue speaking, People love talking about themselves and even mawr. They love and engaged listener. So when someone is speaking to you, when it seems like they finish their thought because they may be pausing to check in and see if you have anything to say, count to three in your head without speaking. This is a hard one for people who love talking like myself. But I promise you it is a fantastic tool to build likability. Here's the trick. Instead of staring blankly at the person for three seconds, which is pretty awkward, Vanessa Ben Edwards shares do the triple nod. This gives room for the other person to see that Yes, you are interested and are taking in what they're saying while suddenly encouraging them to speak mawr. The most likable people are the people who have mastered the art of active listening. Think about anyone you've met that you really felt like you liked. Did you tell them a lot about yourself? How much do you know what them You'll often find that if you're looking out for it, that when you feel like you hit it off with another person, it's because they allow you to shine and share your story. As Larry King says, I must remind myself every morning that nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening. Most of us spend our time waiting to talk and to give our oh so valuable opinion. So yes, speaking, share things about yourself, but allow the other person you're speaking to to shine and have their 15 minutes of fame. Treat them like they're a star, and the way that will make them feel will get you a gold star in their books. Emphasize your similarities. Countless studies show that we like people who are like us to figure out what you have in common with someone. Get people to talk about what interests them, notice what they care about, that they bring up their spouse or business a lot once you recognize what it is that they care about most, which is very easy to do if you're paying attention. This is a great thing to bring up and continue the conversation with Know your audience. Another scenario is interacting with a person who, maybe a bit shy. If you notice someone is a bitch, I take initiative and lead the conversation. People who appear quiet likely would feel more comfortable if you did lead the conversation now, especially F. You're at some sort of big social gathering. If you notice someone who's by themselves, they probably are too shy to start a conversation. But I'll tell you they'll feel good and important if you take time to notice them and actively speak with them. And remember, don't ask too many questions or will feel like you're interrogating them. Let them have a chance to talk and share things about themselves. And if you do notice that they're giving really short, sort of one word answers, then maybe they're off that night. Maybe they're just really shy and prefer that others do. Lead the conversation. So take that Q. To share a little bit more about yourself than you would with a Mawr outgoing person. And remember, no one, whether they're really, really shy or really, really outgoing, wants to be standing an event or social gathering by themselves. So even though you may feel anxious and shy, introduce yourself. Imagine yourself in this instance. If someone showed interest in you, would you feel relief and happy? Of course. Use their name. Ah, lot. Everyone loves the sound of their own name. Using someone's name makes the new relationship build even closer. It's a man's the other person's attention. It helps you remember their name, which is important because when you see that person again, remembering their name is a surefire way to be liked. It simply makes the person feel like they're important to you and like you're closer than you may actually be next time you have a conversation with someone, don't try toe one up thumb. When they share a success, brother, congratulate them, be genuinely happy for them and impressed by their achievements. For example, if someone says, I just got a huge raise at work, don't say Yeah, I'm making more money to and just go to sweep bonus because doing this takes away from the other person's joy and doesn't give them room at all to shine. And obviously they're sharing this news with you because they want a bit of praise. Instead. Say, Wow, that's great. Congratulations. Everyone wants the fuel special and important. So if they're sharing news of any successes in their life, let them have that moment and be supportive and positive and genuinely happy for them. 7. How to Overcome Social Anxiety: So you've been invited to a social event. And of course, you want to go it Be great for your business. Great for your social life. Great. If you're looking for a relationship to meet new people But you have the nervousness that comes up as it does for most people. What am I going to talk about with people? What am I gonna wear? What am I gonna do when I'm there? What if no one wants to talk to me? Believe it or not, even the most outgoing people think about this stuff once. No, while it's normal. So there are many great tips that I can share with you about how to get more comfortable and how toe block any total that you go to. So one thing to Dio that will make any social situation you're in much easier, especially for starting conversations, is to wear something that someone can comment on. So that way, if you're a little bit shy and you're not the type of person that's gonna go up to people and hi, how are you introduced yourself? It's very good to have something where Something that makes it easy for people to come up to you and make a comment and started conversation. For example, the shirt I'm wearing right now. Now, obviously, it's a more casual shirt, so I'd wear it at a more casual get together. But it's got stripes on the side. It's got a big heart on it. And every time, like literally every time I've warned this when I have gone out with friends or even gone shopping, people will say, I like your shirt are all where'd you get that? So this makes it really easy for people to come up to you. And another cool thing about this shirt specifically is that it's equal friendly. So when people come up and they say to me, Oh, I love your shirt, where to get it? I naturally can talk about where I got it from. Oh, I love it, too, and then go into what makes it even more special and cool. Maybe wearing a shirt with a big heart on it would be something that's out of your comfort zone. Er isn't really your style. Well, you can find something that is, let's say you were ties all the time while you wear a tie that has something kind of quirky on it, or something that someone would comment on. Think about the things that when you meet people, you notice because that's a really easy way to decide on something that you could wear that other people would naturally notice as well, even if it's down toe wearing a cool color on your shoe laces wearing funky earings or a big, unique necklace. A scarf. Ah, beautiful jacket approach in your hair. There so many pieces of clothing and accessories that you can choose from to incorporate into an outfit and therefore make it very easy for somebody to approach you. Now, of course, when someone comes after goes, I'm really like your shoes. They're really, really cool. That's their way of taking a step to build some sort of connection, some sort of report So you don't want to say thanks and that's it. You wanna be open and give them an opportunity to talk to you more again. If you prefer that other people kind of take the lead in conversations, that's okay. You can simply say, Yeah, the shoes. All I bought them last year. I wasn't sure if I was gonna wear them cause they're, ah, little bright for me. But I thought, What the heck, or just here, some sort of fact or some sort of feeling about the article of clothing that you're wearing that someone's commenting on and give them the opportunity to ask Mawr like they could say , Oh, well, where did you get them? I freely love the my I'd love a pair, and then you can continue into conversation, even if your plain Jane and you like to wear a T shirt and jeans, I do a lot of the time as well. Find that one Article four Social Situations, where you want to be approached to add to your outfits to make it easy for people to come up to you and talk to you. I'm a fairly bubbly person that I find it fairly easy to talk to people. But even I have moments of going, Oh my gosh, what if nobody talks to me? What if no one finds me interesting and wearing some sort of unique article of clothing really relieves that pressure and is one more tool to make you more likable and more successful in social situations? 8. 07 Charistmatic Persons Body Language: likability is largely based on how you communicate, and what most of us don't consider is that communication has three parts to it. What you say, how you say it and your body language. And most of us know body language accounts for a huge amount of how someone feels around us . But did you know that the tone in which you say things also accounts for very large part off how you're perceived even more so than the words that you choose to say? Psychology professor Mira been concluded that communication is on Lee, 7% verbal and 93% nonverbal. The nonverbal element is made up of 55% body language and 38% tone of voice. Body language is a huge part of what makes us feel connected and liked. So let's become aware of our body language and look at what's working for us on what isn't by doing exercise to check ourselves and our body language. For this exercise, you'll need a mirror. So if you're watching this course on your laptop or phone, bring it with you to the closest mirror and let's get started. Stand in front of the mirror as you normally would, not as if you're trying to impress someone, but as you currently feel most comfortable and natural, we have to look at your regular normal stance to see what needs to be worked on. Are you shifting all of your weight on one side of your body? Are your shoulders rolled forward with your back hunched? Are you picking at your nails or are you fidgeting? Based on how your normal stance is? How do you think you come off confident, approachable, charismatic or bored, lazy and unsure of yourself? Your body language says a lot about how you feel about yourself and your current situation . You think a very likable person who is great at building relationships with stand like this , or do you think they'd stand more like this here, the top 10 body language mistakes that you may be making? Can you guess the 1st 1? It's slouching, slouching shows that you aren't interested in what's going on in the conversation. It indicates that you aren't interested in what the other person is saying, and it makes you seem un enthused. Think about how you would feel if you were really excited and curious about something A friend was telling you. Your shoulders would be back and down. Your eyebrows will be raised. Your head would be slightly forward. Your body language would be framed towards the speaker. And besides the fact that slouching is a no no When it comes to being more likable, there is nothing good about slouching. Slouching isn't only bad for your posture. It's bad for your ability to make new friends and business relationships. Be aware when you're slouching, and if you notice yourself doing this during conversation, slowly and smoothly adjust your stance and stand tall with a straight back. Having great posture shows confidence and importance. So here's the wrong way to stand like this. And here's the right way. Let's look at your framing during the conversation. The direction of your body and your feet should be framed towards the person that speaking , to show them that you're interested in whatever it is that they're saying. If your body has turned away from them, this shows them that you're not really interested in what they have to say. And dispersing your weight unevenly on one leg or another leg again shows that you're not bad interested. So when you're speaking to someone, or when someone speaking to you disperse your body weight evenly on both legs, so don't shift all your weight on one leg with your hip popped both legs for great framing , have both of your feet directed towards the person you're speaking Teoh with your shoulders framed towards thumb. This shows them that you're giving them your full attention. Can we see your hands? Hiding your hands in your pocket when you're standing or under a table when you're sitting ? Makes people feel like you're hiding something from them, or that they can't trust you as humans. When we convey emotion while speaking, we naturally move our hands around and speak with her hands, so be sure to have her hands visible when speaking with a new friend. Open hands showing your palms creates a welcoming and open presence to convey openness and trust when you speak, have your hands out like this with your palms visible pointing. Do not point pointing when speaking comes off as aggressive. And if you're blaming someone or something, see that doesn't feel good. Instead, you'll see a lot of the most successful people in the world. Speakers and politicians doing the universal okay, hand gesture when they talk, so we'll do a lot of this. This shows that you're authoritative and focused, and it comes off as more likable and trustworthy than pointing. Giving your attention to your phone fingers or anything other than the person you're trying to connect with is a big no. Where is your attention? Fidgeting is a no when it comes to forming new relationships with people fidgeting with your keys in your pocket or your fingernails or whatever makes you seem anxious and as though you aren't 100% focused on the conversation. If your body is still and fidget free, this shows that you're able to easily concentrate and aren't looking for small distractions to take you away from the conversation and not fishing. Bill's report. When you're engaging in the conversation with someone or even if you're simply standing around alone, don't fidget. Be 100% present and 100% fidget free. Crossing your arms This one's pretty obvious. Crossing your arms tells people that you on open and approachable. It literally puts up a wall between you and the other person, isn't warm or welcoming body language instead, have your arms open and your palms facing towards the person. Mannequin eyebrows. Your eyebrows are an obvious giveaway is how you feel. The movement of your eyebrows is a huge indicator as to whether or not you're in flow with someone. Consider this If you told someone, yeah, I'm really excited. They just got this great job and they can't wait to get started. And the person you're speaking to responded like this. Wow. Yeah, I'm really excited for you and their eyebrows more moving at all. You wouldn't feel like they were actually that pump for you at all. However, if someone responded the same way with the same words, but with a bit of natural eyebrow expression like this. Wow, I'm really happy for you. You would feel completely different. You feel like they were being sincere and that they'd like to know more. Not nearing mirroring people's expressions and mannerisms is key to being likable. This is a great and quick way to establish trust and connection. Synchronize with the person you're looking to connect with. This is called mirroring as they tell a story. In their eyes. Get wide with excitement Allow your eyes to widen as well. Mere their posture, their volume, their pace of speaking. And of course, do this suddenly So it comes off naturally. Do not dart your eyes round. I contact is very important one building reporters, someone, of course, with eye contact. We want to show that were captivated by someone. But we also don't want come off this creepy. So how much eye contact is enough when you're speaking to people who are darting your eyes around while we speak to you like this Okay up Sure, Yeah, I know. I know it. We'll make you feel like they're not interested in what you have to say. Like they're looking for someone better to speak to and like, they want you to hurry up with with what you're saying, so that they can move on to talk to someone else. Clearly, they aren't intrigued by what you're saying, right? Well, often when someone is looking around rather than the person that they're speaking to, this really means that they're nervous. But to the person speaking, this is a sign of disrespect and comes off his rude so use eye contact as a surefire way to connect with someone. And again, the trick here to not come office creepy. It's not overdo it. Use eye contact about 70% of the time. I contact is important because it indicates that you're interested in what the other person is saying, and it shows confidence. But staring into someone's eyes without breaking at all will make them feel a little uncomfortable when you're speaking, looking to someone not someone's eyes but also naturally, look away for a moment when you're thinking of something and having a thought for a few seconds. That's fine and comes off as normal but still attentive. Don't have your cell phone in your hands. I having yourself in your hands are on the table. As you're speaking of someone, it subconsciously makes the person that you're speaking with feel like they're not a priority. Like any second of them speaking, they could lose your attention to the ding on your phone or the social media post that comes up. So do not have your phone out today. So many people are addicted and glued to their cellphones, but when you're having a conversation and a really human interaction with someone if you want to be liked by that person, which, of course, you dio, it's really important to give that person your attention and by having yourself invisible at all. While you're interacting with someone, it subconsciously will make them feel like they're not a big priority it all. So make sure to not have your cell phone visible when you're having a conversation with someone. Smile. Did you know that when you smile at someone else, that person's body actually gets the same? Feel good vibes as you feel and keynote here when you smile, don't only smile with your mouth, but also smile with your eyes like this. But of course, in your own way, this show sincerity and smile slower. It's been proven that slower, smiling adds credibility. For example, when you see someone, notice them, take a second toe, look at them, then smile and reveal those pearly whites. Because when you take a second and pause and then you smile at them, it makes them feel like they're the most important person ever to you and, like, kind of like they earned it and they really deserve it. This comes from the book 92 ways to talk to anyone. By implementing these body language tips into your day to day, you'll notice tons of positive responses that will make you more likable. 9. 08 Your Tone is the Key to Being Likeable: Let's look at tone tone accounts for 38% of your communication. That's a big deal, guys. Tone is a very important tool that determines how someone is going to feel about you. Don't come reveal your true emotions by the subject and ISMM or truthful and telling than the actual words you say tone. It is about which word you choose to emphasize on when you fluctuate the volume of your voice. Let's use a sentence as an example to see how differently it can be said with variations in tone of voice and volume on certain words Oh, yeah, I really like her. Oh, yeah, I really like her. Oh, yeah. I really like her. Oh, yeah. I really like her. Oh, yeah. I really like her. Oh, yeah, I really like her. The meaning of the sentence changes based on your tone of voice used on each word. This is what makes heated discussions in close relationships. Tough in the moment, a husband could say to his wife, Can you pass me a fork? And the way he says it could be Can you pass me a fork? So when the wife gets upset, id him for the way he spoke to her because it came off as annoyed and bothered, he quickly says, I'm not annoyed. I simply asked you to pass me a fork and changes his tone when he repeats what he said back to her to try to get off the hook for being route. Now we've all intentionally used the tone of our voice in ways that will make others feel guilty or hurt or like we aren't interested in them. This doesn't do us or them any good. So remember how important the way you say things is and how you use your tone. Speak with a smile because it will come off as a genuine curiosity for what that person is saying, rather than coming off is closed off, your tone is one big step closer to making better connections and being more likable. 10. 09 The Secret To Being Your Likeable Self: There's a true art to being authentic, being the real you in front of others. And the huge aspect of being yourself is showing vulnerability. Likable people are comfortable showing their vulnerability and being riel like, well, people are happy and comfortable with who they are. They don't worry about showing your weaknesses once in a while. Like what? People realize that in being themselves, they may not be for everyone, but more likely than not, they will form great connections with others because they choose to be authentic. Likable people don't wear masks, they aren't fake, and they're not trying to be someone they aren't threw themselves. The good, the bad and the true, and they own all of it. Likable people share their vulnerabilities that make them human and, most importantly, relatable. Showing your weaknesses allows other people toe, let their guard down with you, trust you, bond with you and be themselves around you. And what a relief that is for people to make people feel like they don't have to constantly be on is a pretty awesome quality that all likable people have. Often people who are trying to prove themselves brag and let their egos takeover conversations. Likable people don't spend their conversations trying to prove how perfect are great. They are to others because that is the opposite of showing vulnerability. Rather, they will actually downplay how great their with modesty while spending their energy, praising other people around them for doing a good job. Be real and honest about who you are. If you're nervous about something mentioned that be realists, that you're going into an event with someone like a big social setting and you're walking in and you're starting to sweat, mention to the person Oh my gosh, I'm going to start sweating like a maniac when we walk into this place because I get kind of nervous about this stuff. But, hey, it's all part of the experience of stepping out of your comfort. Don't, isn't it? Ah, statement like this. That's light and shows that you're being open to doing something you're feeling worried about, and you can laugh at yourself about your awkwardness in the situation. Let other people lighten up and gives them permission to feel OK about likely feeling a little nervous to it humanizes you. People consents when you're being authentic, and when you're putting on an act on when you put on an act, although people might not realize it, they will feel less inclined to trust you or open up to you being vulnerable and laughing at yourself and being comfortable with the fact that you aren't perfect. Let's people know, but you are judgmental and no one likes to feel judged. If you think about some of the people you like the most, do they ever make you feel judged? Probably not. If anything, the likable people in your life probably make you feel comfortable, like you can open up to them and you'll be supported no matter what you say. If you think about some of the people you like the least, ask yourself. Did they make you feel judged like they're looking down on? You are like the disapprove of you or decision that you've made, showing that you aren't putting harsh judgment on yourself shows that you aren't going to judge others either. When you make a decision to show vulnerability, others will let their guard down and usually do the same, and a connection will easily be formed. This will leave the person feeling good about you and your relationship. Another aspect of showing vulnerability is to not take yourself too seriously. Be able to laugh at yourself. People are drawn to people who enjoy life and don't make mountains out of moles. Psychologist Richard Wiseman to this study to see if vulnerability makes you more likable. He had two actresses demonstrate how to use a blender at a trade show. One actress intentionally spilled a smoothie all over the counter shoes doing the demonstration. Will the second actress handled the smoothie and the blending perfectly? Now who do you think sold more blenders? Of course, it was the actress who showed vulnerability, who wasn't perfect but rather human, who was a big clumsy as we all can be. At times, she came off as more human, more relatable and more likable. Humans feel connected through empathy. When you show vulnerability, it instantly allows for the people around you to feel understood because they've at some point in their lives, been there, too. If someone else shows vulnerability to you. So, for example, they say something in the conversation. That's ah, bit personal and possibly embarrassing, and you notice after they say it, that they are in fact embarrassed health, um, feel at ease and not judged by agreeing with them or sharing something slightly embarrassing about yourself as well. For example, if someone says, Oh, my gosh, I had a salad piece of my tooth for like half an hour was speaking, those people don't blankly stare at them. Then go do that sucks. Rather, say something like, Oh, wow, Yep. I walked around with a huge mustard stain on my parents all day at the office yesterday before I noticed. Say something true, of course, but something that's relatable to their embarrassing situation so they instantly feel more comfortable around you. Remember when people feel like they're being understood by someone? Ah, connection is made. So I challenge you to take action and show vulnerability. Next time you're in a conversation with someone mentioned something true about yourself that's less than perfect. It could be. If the topic of cars are driving comes up, you could mention Oh goodness, I was in such a rush the other day that I got out of my car and locked the keys in it, Of course, share stories showing a bit of imperfection that are actually true. But whatever the story is, laugh at yourself and make it light. You'll see that people will laugh with you and be more open to sharing personal, possibly slightly slightly embarrassing stories with you, too. No one is perfect, but we're all human. So show your human once in a while by admitting to mistakes, embarrassing moments or things that are real and true. 11. 10 Be the Person Everyone Wants to Talk to: If you're a business owner or you're looking to meet new people, you'll often find yourself ending up at networking events. The point and intention of these events is to network and meet new people. So here are a few really simple ways that you can become more likable at any networking event. Take the lead at any networking event by introducing yourself. Usually people can be shy here, and everyone is at a networking event to meet others. So introduce yourself and ask. What brought you here? What passion projects are you working on? How do you know the host ahead of time? If you can check out who else is coming to the men? This helps you find out who's gonna be at the event and gives you a good chance to see who you'd like to learn more about and what area of work there in so you can get a better idea of what to talk to them about. Pay attention in See where you can add value to them in their lives, whether it be referring them to someone they may be able to help or by telling them about something of value that your industry of what could help them with. But when you're at a networking event, do not I repeat, do not try to sell your business and what you do. This is what everyone doesn't networking events. But guess what? Everyone who goes to networking events is going with the intention of selling themselves. Do you think they're gonna buy your product or service? Nope. I've gone to tons of networking events, and this is typically how conversations with other people who have met before go. Hi. Um, Allie. Hi, Ali. I'm John. Nice to meet you. What do you do? I insert the elevator pitch of what I do for my company there. And then the other person's jaw drops with amazement and says, Wow, all cat therapist. That's exactly what I came to this networking event to find. Please tell me more because out of all the other people I could be speaking to about my business, I want to buy from you. Okay, So, obviously, and being a little bit sarcastic, your conversations don't really go that way. Typically, they consist of someone saying you here's why me and my business are so great on why you should spend your money with me. So person one talks about all why they're so great and whether business is so great, why person to should buy from them. And the person to politely pretends to be interested takes their business card plus in their pocket and two weeks later goes into the wash, never to be seen again. And for the rest of the evening, these two people avoid each other because neither of them really want with the other person selling. So if you're at a networking event, don't sell your business. Sell yourself, just be you and build a real and genuine relationship with this person. Trust me, it will stand out. Let them. If anything. If they say, hey, what do you do amongst them telling you whatever business they do and what they want you to buy from them. If they say, What do you do for a living? You can mention it to them, but don't be pushy. We usually go to networking events, not knowing many people. Maybe we know the host on were invited, and maybe we're showing up by herself. Let's say you're a little bit shy or you have trouble with finding things to talk about when you first interact with someone. A really easy way to make yourself very approachable and a really great topic of conversation is if you wear something unique. So even if you dress and neutral colors and don't really wear any crazy wild outfits, that's okay. Just choose one piece or one thing you can have on you that someone could come up and go, Oh, hey, that's really cool. For example, It could be a really nice scarf. It could be a cool broach. It could be a unique a person could be a tie with. I owe no funky polka dots on it. Could be cool shoes. It could be something in your hair. It could be a wild color of lipstick. It could be anything. Just find an accessory that stands out because trust me, I do this every networking event. I go to all where either approach or big necklace, something that suits my outfit and suits the circumstances and event time at, but also gives people an opportunity to start up a conversation with me. Wearing a unique accessory or piece of clothing makes it very easy for people to approach you and start a conversation with you. 12. 11 The Difference between A Genuine Person and an Imposter: we were back and forth about whether or not to include this lecture into this course, because although the information were about to share is true, it also brings an unfortunate awareness to some less than positive realities of human behavior. And the tone of this course is, of course, intended to be positive and progressive. But as a team we decided on the path to truly becoming likeable. It's important to distinguish. The difference is between a truly likable person who uses their likeable qualities with good intentions, therefore sustaining a likeable personality and a person who understands likable qualities but uses tha manipulative Lee with short term selfish intentions. This type of person seems too good to be true upon meeting them, and this is because he or she is a phony, and it's sadly too good to be true. So let's look at the differences between a truly likable person and an impostor, all like what people are genuine. So here's the difference between a truly genuine, likable person and an insincere imposter. Ah, likable person will keep their word. If they say they're going to do something, they will do it because they realize that their word means everything and likable people have integrity and imposter will commit to things very quickly. We'll say yes to anything but not follow through with it. They will not honor their word, whereas a likable person may not agree and say yes to everything. When they do say yes, they will follow through. A likable person will treat you well every time they see you. When a likable person first meets you, they will be warm, engaging in sincere. If you met an earlier event, a likable person will come up to you and say, Hey, we met at Bob's Get together, didn't we? How are you? An impostor may treat you like you're the king of the castle the first time you meet you. And then the next time he sees you, he'll act like he doesn't even know who you are or that you're very low priority to him. An impostor will treat you well if it works out in his favor or like you don't exist. If he doesn't see you benefiting his life and imposter will act like he's your best friend in one setting. And then forget your name. Another Believe someone when they act like they don't want anything to do with you and remember, Ah, likable person would not make another person feel like they don't matter. A likable person will give sincere compliments without any thought or expectation of anything in return, and imposter will complement you with a hidden motive. They'll often compliment you and then ask you for a favor after a likable person will do something nice for someone else and not brag about it. They'll do nice things for others because they have good intentions and aren't looking for a pat on the back or someone to praise them for how great their and imposter will tell everyone how they did something nice for someone because they do nice things for people with the intention of getting something and being recognized for it. When making plans, a likable person will show up and imposter will say, Yeah, let's do lunch and then never follow up with you or the bail on your plans. Likable people who you develop friendships with will be there for you during the fun times as wealthy tough times. They will sincerely care about you, and you'll feel that an imposter will be their toe hang out with you during the fun times, but being nowhere to be found when you need him. A likable person doesn't try to please everyone because they're sincere and secure about who they are. They're honest with others about who they are and who they aren't. And they don't try to be the perfect person around everyone. Every time. An impostor is a people pleaser who acts accordingly to the person he's with their shootings. Within that moment, they'll change how they are to fit the person they're within the moment so that the other person feels in that moment a deep connection with them. But deep down, the imposter isn't being his or her true self. To be likeable, you have to embrace and love yourself. Likable people respect everyone. They don't pick favorites. Imposters seek out relationships with people who can benefit them. They treat people with respect who they think can do something for them and treat others with no respect. They look down on other people and make other people feel like they're less than them. Likable people don't go out of their way to boast about their successes and achievements. Likable people aren't looking for constant attention and praise, and they don't brag. Imposters constantly talk about themselves and show off how great they are. Likable people are honest, so if they disagree with someone that will share their honest opinion on the matter. While imposters are people who will say whatever they have, Teoh and agree with whatever someone else is saying in the moment, so they can trick the other person into thinking they're great and they're both really like but really having a completely different view on the subject now. In this case, sometimes people will agree with someone out loud, even if they don't truly agree because they're trying to avoid conflict or because they're too shy to share their true opinion. And their intention with this is not to attract more attention to themselves or cause an issue. The imposter in this situation is the person who has the hidden motives and is trying toe win the other person over for their own personal gain, imposters or people who lie and exaggerate things about themselves to impress others. Their intention is to make sure everyone around them knows how great and successful they are, whereas a likable person is who they are, and they welcome others to share in their achievements. While not boasting about all of their successes. Imposters always have hidden agendas. They're looking for how they benefit in all situations, without any consideration to how the other person will benefit. A likable person cares about their well being as well as other people's well being, and they look at situations as How could this benefit all of us or the whole team? Imposters will hold things against you. They look at any favor they do for you as now you owe me, and they'll be sure to remind you of what they did for you so that, you know at some point you have to repay them. If a likable person goes out of their way, they won't expect anything back from you. They will help you because they're just kind, likeable, good hearted people going forward. Use thes indicators and key signs to see if someone is a genuine, likable person or if they're an insincere imposter and use thes as a compass to decide what decisions to make as you become a more likable you 13. 12 How to be likeable Over the phone: now, Sometimes when we're speaking of people and having conversations, whether we know the person or not, we're not speaking in person. We're talking on the phone, so to be likeable over the phone, when you're talking on the phone, talk with a smile. Now, when you're on the phone, it's actually, of course, you can't see the person. So it's more difficult to pick up on how they're feeling about something, cause you can Onley go by the audio cues or lack of queues. So, firstly, speak with a smile, because when you speak with the smile, you can actually hear that. So the person on the other end will feel that warm smile as you speak. Consider your tone even slightly exaggerated a little bit more than you may if you're in person. So hi, how are you instead of hi, how are you? Speak with enthusiasm because the person on the other end will feel great and feel like you're excited and happy to be talking to them. Now consider pauses. So, for example, if you're speaking on the phone to someone on day, it's a work related thing. You make pause as the person speaking because Perhaps you're working on a project together , and the person on the other end of the phone is a client, and they're giving you a bunch of information. So off course, as they're speaking once in a while, you want to go. Okay, great. Yep. One thing I always make sure to do toe let the other person No. Hey, in case you don't hear me saying, yeah ha every few seconds, it's because I'm taking notes. Let the person know you're taking notes and key here. Take notes with a pen and paper. Don't be on a laptop clicking because the person on the other end of the phone, even if you're taking notes, we'll hear the clicking and it comes off as rude. So say, Hey, I'm gonna be taking notes while you're speaking. Just want to let you know, make notes as you go. Allow a few seconds for pauses here and there. Let the person know. Yep, sounds great again. Used positive words when you're speaking and make sure that your reassuring as the person speaks, they can't see you through the phone. So your voice and your words mean a lot be animated when you're speaking on the phone and you want the enthusiasm. You want your joy or your excitement about whatever the person and you are speaking about to be heard. Speak with your hands. I remember I used to work in radio and I was a receptionist. When I started out. The people that would call him would sometimes say, Are you on air like you sound like you're in an animated movie or something? Almost. And it was because what I spoke on the phone. I spoke like this. I use my hands. I say, Hi, how are you? Oh, great. I'd move around the exact same way that I would if I were with them in person. Now, if you're speaking to a customer or someone in a work related phone call situation as the phone call comes to an end, be attentive here and make sure you say that person. Have I answered all of your questions? Is there anything else I can help you with? Make sure you're catering to them and letting them know that you really care about their customer experience with you, and that will make them feel a lot better. And like you a lot more when they get off the phone. Then if you just let them finish what they're saying and then you say, OK, great. By another thing that makes people whether it's a friend, family member or a client. Caulfield great is when you end the call by saying, Well, thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me and give me this information or thank you so much for taking the time to give me a show today. I appreciate that. Let the person on the other end of the phone know that the phone call and the conversation matter to you and that you were happy that it took place. 14. 13 Leave the Phone at in your pocket: get off your phone. Stop checking social media, especially when you're out with people. It's funny. Social media actually makes us unsocial. In today's world, when you're with someone, both parties usually have to compete with the other person's phone for that person's attention. The person that you're with, the person in that moment, the person in front of you needs to be your priority and your focus in that moment. If you want to become more likable and build strong report and lasting relationships with people, your focus should not. And it cannot be on the latest instagram post that buzzed on your phone or the person who is not with you in that moment texting you Social media, which is usually access through the tool you carry with you all the time. Your phone is something that's addictive, so you might not even know why you want to look down and open up your phone and check Instagram or Facebook or your emails or whatever. You just do it because it's an addictive thing because it feels good in the moment to get that instant like jolt of Oh, someone liked my photo. Someone like to my status But social media is not what you should be spending your time and energy on when you're with another person. Yet so many of us do, and social media actually is intended to create a sense of urgency around people. That's why they have notification. So any time anything happens in the world when you're not looking at your phone or your laptop, there's something going on and they're notifying you because they want you to feel that urgency to constantly check the news feed or check what's going on. But so many people will literally like. 10 years ago, this wasn't the norm. But now it is when they're with someone when they're out for dinner, one on one, when they're on the date, when they're at a social gathering having a conversation, they don't even realize how rude it is and how much it takes them out of the moment. Out of the report, they're building to just look down at their phone. Open it up like literally. I've seen people do that, being out with someone and as you're in the middle of a conversation or as they're sharing something from their heart or from their perspective, that they want you to know you'll pull out your phone and go, huh? And then the wait, because it's important to them to share whatever it is they're having to say, and you'll go. No, no, go ahead, go on. I'm listening. But you're not really listening. You're not giving that person 100% of your attention. I bet you if they said, do you tell me the last thing I just said you wouldn't know because you're engaged on your phone into whatever is going on in the world That's not happening right in front of you. Have you ever taken a second to think about what you're actually allowing to stop you and take you out of the conversation? It could be something as simple as someone posting a picture of their food, and that is what you're allowing toe break the moment to break the relationship that you're currently building and take away and make the person that you're with feel like, yeah, you're not really a priority to me because, look, I've got so much going on in my phone with my Internet friends the majority of the time, it's not an emergency. Whatever's on your phone is not something you need to get to. It should not be the priority when you're trying to build a relationship with someone. And I assure you, if you're pulling out your phone, if you've got your phone on the table or in your hands when you're having a conversation, people are not going to feel like they can open up to you like they can allow you to get to know them because they always feel like their second toe. Whatever's happening on your phone and if you think about it, if you're posting a photo in that moment when you're with someone of the food you're eating or whatever it is, is that post in that moment is you taking away from the moment with the actual person or people you're spending time with and posting whatever is that making you stronger, smarter, more successful? Is it making you more likable? Ask yourself, because the answer is going to be no. How often have you heard of friends reminiscing over that time they were both checking instagram together like that doesn't happen. People build relationships and build memories that keep them coming back to those relationships out of actually making memories together and actually being with each other in the present moment to build rapport with people to be more likable, be 100% 100% present in the conversation or in the activity that you're doing with that person. Put your phone away. Don't have them in the table. Don't have it in your hands. Put it in your purse. Put it in your pocket. Even better, don't bring it with you like you, I promise you you will survive for a few hours, spending time with someone if you don't have your phone glued to your hip, especially in today's world, where the Internet and social media takes up so much of people's attention. Ah, great and fairly easy way to become more likable is to give the people you're with 100% of your attention and show them that there more important to you than whatever is happening in the social media Internet world. Because so often so many people will just choose to look at their phone instead of looking that the person that they're speaking Teoh and it's sad. But it's true that it will actually make you stand out and be noticeably more likable and more able to connect if you don't look at your phone and you don't have it out with you when you're building report building relationship and having a conversation or a moment with someone. 15. 14 You Have To Like Other People Heres How: likable people genuinely like other people. Now this may sound silly and obvious, but think about it. We all know someone who just doesn't really like people. It may be a grumpy coworker who grunts it. You, as you say, good morning and prefers to eat in his desk alone. It may be someone in your family who avoid all family functions. We all become good at what we enjoy so naturally. Like will. People are likeable because they enjoy being around other people. They get energy from others and share their good energy as well. So if we want to learn toe like others more, then here's what you can dio find something you like about each person that you see regularly, especially find something you like about someone you currently aren't a big fan of. Usually when people don't like someone, they shut off finding anything about that person. That's good, but everyone has good within them, and if you do a bit of searching, you'll be able to find it. Maybe you like how they always laugh at themselves after a joke. Maybe find that cute. Maybe you can appreciate how vulnerable they can be. Maybe you can learn to like that the person's honest and that they don't keep their feelings buried within them. Maybe you can even just like their eye color. But open up and admit to yourself something that you like about them because in doing so, you will develop the habit to find the good in everyone and give off the vibe that you're open and accepting of. Others always seek first to understand before seeking to be understood, instead of complaining about someone in questioning, Why would they do that? Or why would they say that? Try to understand the other person. Most people are doing the best they can, and if you can give others the benefit of the doubt and give them a break and try to understand them, you will quickly learn toe like others more and become more likable yourself. Be genuinely curious and interested in other people. Want toe, learn about them. Think about it. Every single human on this earth has a story. They've had a whole life worth of experiences that they can share with you. Every person can offer you something that you don't know currently some form of wisdom, so seek out to find that being curious and interested in other people will help you learn to really be open toe liking Anyone. Enjoy sharing your experiences and vulnerability with others as well. Another way toe learn to like others is to give them a chance to accept you as well. So remember here, be open and honest with who you are. Share your vulnerability. Share the person that you really are with other people. And I guarantee you'll be surprised because most people want to be accepted and want to accept others. So remember, with any social gathering with any one on one conversations or relationships worth developing, remember to be open and expect to like the other person. 16. 15 Books You Need To Read: now I read a few books a month, and I have been doing so for the past 15 years, all about personal development and my top three favorite books about relationships. Being likable and connecting with others are the five love languages, Personality plus and 92 ways to talk to anyone. So I'm going to do a quick recap of each of these books, and hopefully you'll get a chance to read them as well. So the Five Love Languages is a book that looks at how people give and receive love. This is important to understand whether you're in an intimate relationship with someone or if you have a business relationship with them. The book looks at five different ways of showing and receiving the feeling of love, which are words of affirmation. So complimenting someone taking the time to verbally say thank you for the help you gave me or I appreciate you doing that or you look so great or you did a great job speaking on stage acts of service. So opening the door for someone or cooking them a meal or helping them clean something, doing something for them that's gonna make their lives easier physical touch, so touching someone patting their back to let them know they do a good job hugging them when you see them holding their hand, if you're in a relationship with them giving gifts. So this doesn't mean that you have to buy expensive gifts or someone, it could even be the gift of sending someone a card. And the fifth love language is spending quality time with that person. So the great things about this book are that it's a really quick read. I think it's under 200 pages, but it's very easy to go through through reading this book. You will learn what your love languages. So how you best receive love from others, which is great, especially an intimate relationship, because it gives you the opportunity to share with that person how you would best receive love. And it also shows how your partner look. It helps to understand how your partner or your colleague or whomever experiences and feels loved as well. So some so great indicator of this is okay. So, for example, let's say you are looking to build connection with a co worker and you give them a compliment that would be words of affirmation. So it has to, of course, be sincere like Hey, buddy, you did a great job the other day on that proposal you wrote. Notice how they respond. Because this is an indicator as to what their love language isn't. If it is or isn't words of affirmation, so if they go Oh, yeah, thanks. And they change the subject and they don't seem like that. Really made them feel good words of affirmation. Probably isn't there love language? Same thing if you give someone a gift. If you go Hey, I was thinking of you. There were girl guide cookies for sale, and I bought you a box. Now, if the person goes, Oh, cool, thanks and doesn't really seem that appreciative. That's probably not their love language. On the flip side, if they go Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for a compliment. Really? That's really nice of you. And they show that it meant a lot to them. That likely is their love language. So this is really, really cool because it helps you understand their relationships that you have in the relationships that you're growing more and more about yourself. So in reading this book, you will understand how to better communicate with everyone around you and be able to tell how they feel good about themselves and relationships. How others can make them feel good. The second book that I highly recommend your read is personality Plus. Now this book again is a fairly quick read, and it goes over the four personality types, and it helps you understand how you handle things, what you like and don't like about situations. What drives you crazy? What gets you really fired up and what the other personality types like and don't like again hoping you understand someone way more. So after reading this book, when I meet people after 30 seconds, I can usually tell what personality type they are because they give it away really easily. Want to read this book? You'll see as well. It's very easiest spot the different personality types. And in knowing these different personality types, you can understand how the other person communicates the pet peeves that the other person may have, and the things that people like Teoh talk about and not talk about and focus on and not focus on. So for example, there is thesis and win that is the personality type that loves to tell stories, loves to be the center of attention laughs at themselves there the person who is gonna lock their car keys in their car and tell you the story 10 times over until everyone else they have a big laugh about it. These are the people there, also on the other side. They're impatient. They let to have things done now and they get kind of bored and turned off by fine details . The caloric is the personality type that knows what they want, knows how to get there, and I wont let anything stand in their way. These are people that are usually the bosses of company, their leaders, because they see the big vision and they're 100% driven to get there. Now they again aren't big on details. They want to know the point of stories. They want toe get to the good stuff. So these people don't really like small talk so much. They just want to know, talk about something important to talk about something. Really. How do we get there? What are we doing? How are we moving forward and again, very interesting when you read this book to spot out which one you are on which 1 may be your bosses or your coworker, your best friend, because it will help you understand how to communicate with them more. The third personality is the Plaid Matic. I hope I'm saying that properly, this is the person who does not like conflict at all. They're peaceful. People there go with the flow. They want everything to just be nice and good. You will not see the people mad. And if you do, it will be very, very rare because they're the peacemakers. Now these people are content these air, the people who are gonna be comfortable and happy listening to, ah, sanguine personality blab on about the story for the third time, or someone saying, Can you do the Clark saying, Can you do this? This and this for me, they are people who are happy to go and do that. They like systematic details there, more structured than the other two personalities I mentioned. And again you'll see a lot of these personalities in your lives. They're the ones that don't cost conflict. They're the ones that are easy to be around. These are people who are more structured and who, like 13 in the fourth personality is the perfect melancholy. So these people, I always want to solve problems, which means they're always looking for problems and everything. So where is the sanguine kind of like got the rosy eyeglasses on and is a little bit oblivious to problems going on. The perfect melancholy is going to say, OK, there's a problem here. They think about things before they do them. They don't just jump onto things and say, Yeah, of course, they think things through and decide whether or not it makes sense. It's all about Does that make sense? What's the point of doing this? These people are realists and everyone needs a perfect melancholy in their life. So by reading this book, you will have a very good understanding of the personalities around you and what each person persons communication style is. So I highly recommend this book and the third and final book that I recommend toe, learn to communicate and connect with people really, really quickly and effectively is 92 ways to talk to anyone. This is a book I read a long time ago, and I recently reread it. It's great, it's Ah, very quick read. And it's literally like 92 chapters giving examples of how you can speak to anyone based on their communication style, the vibes they give off and so on. It uses examples and stories and fax. 17. 16 Final Thoughts: Well, everyone, congratulations on learning how to become more likable. Now you can go out into the world and use the skills you've learned toe build report with anyone. What you've learned in this course will ensure that you will make more friends, form better and stronger relationships and live a happier life. Remember to be likeable. Be genuine to be likeable. Don't make others feel judged and replace gossiping with more positive topics. Be an active listener, don't compete with others and conversation. Let them shine and celebrating other people's successes. Don't take yourself too seriously. Be comfortable sharing your vulnerabilities and who you truly are and all of the wonderful things that make you human and relatable and enjoy. And like other people, if you enjoyed this course, please let us know by giving us a rating and review. We love hearing feedback from people, and it's really helpful to us so that we can make our courses the absolute best they could be for everyone. Thank you so much for watching this course and enjoy applying what you've learned