How to be More Assertive in Business and Life | Your Empowerment Strategist | Skillshare

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How to be More Assertive in Business and Life

teacher avatar Your Empowerment Strategist

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
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Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

6 Lessons (30m)
    • 1. Introduction to Assertiveness

    • 2. What is Stopping You From Being Assertive

    • 3. Assertiveness and Taking Responsibility

    • 4. Assertiveness is a Learned Behavior

    • 5. Assertiveness in the Workplace

    • 6. Recognize Limits

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About This Class

Assertiveness is considered an important communication skill that relates to respect for personal rights and boundaries with the intention to establish healthy and lasting relationships. An assertive person speaks his own mind to influence others while being respectful of the personal boundaries of others. Likewise, he protects himself against those who would cross over his own line.

Assertiveness requires direct, open, and honest communication between people. This can be between you and an associate, a friend, or a spouse. This kind of open communication will make everyone feel better about themselves and each other. More importantly, it will help develop and maintain healthy relationships with friends, loved ones, and co-workers.

To develop and have healthy relationships, you need to develop communication skills, which includes being comfortable in expressing what you really need and want. This being a two-way process, you need to learn to listen to the wants and needs of others.

Up until recently, there were no seminars on how to become assertive. Most of the time, we depended on various personal or celebrity role models to lead us on how to live our own lives. Well, it is no wonder that everyone is still searching for happiness, pursuing fulfillment, and going after unrealistic goals. No one has shown us how to live our lives the right way and some of our role models do not have any clue either. Like us, no one taught them. They just relied on what they know on how to do things. Maya Angelou said, “You did what you knew how to do and when you knew better, you did better.”

Fortunately for us all, not everyone is wandering around oblivious and ignorant about what to do. At last, there is new information available to help everyone learn more and live better. No one wants to live a cookie-cutter existence. We all want a life that is fulfilling, exciting, and satisfying. Are you tired of waking up and thinking, “Is this all there is?”

This class is for you. Now is the best time to get excited about your life! It is time to assert yourself and get what you want out of life. This is your life and not a dress rehearsal! It is time to learn new skills on how to do better. It is time to learn how to be more assertive.

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1. Introduction to Assertiveness: Hi everybody. My name is Tiffany and I am a life and business coach. And what I get to do for a living is helping individuals get unstuck, get out of their own heads, and get out of their own way so that they can move forward in life, in business, in relationships more efficiently, effectively and happily. What we're gonna cover today in a series of courses I have regarding assertiveness are things like what might be stopping you from being assertive. I'm gonna give you tips and tricks about how you can be more assertive in the workplace, as well as how to recognize your own limits when it comes to assertiveness, we're also going to talk about things like the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. You're gonna get some tips and tricks that you can easily apply, incorporate and implement into your day to day life. And I really hope you enjoy this course. Welcome to the How to win in business and life course. It was Carl Rogers that said, if we value independence, if we are disturbed by the growing conformity of knowledge, of values, of attitudes which are present system induces that we may wish to set up conditions of learning which make for uniqueness, for self-direction, and for self-initiated learning. Assertiveness is considered an important communication skill that relates to respect for personal rights and boundaries with the intention to establish healthy and long-lasting relationships. And assertive person speaks as online to influence others while being respectful of the personal boundaries of others. Likewise, he protects himself against those who would cross over his own line. Assertiveness requires direct, open, and honest communication between people. Now, this can be between you and an associate, a friend, or maybe even your spouse. This kind of open communication will make everyone feel better about themselves and each other. But most importantly, it'll help develop and maintain healthy relationships with your friends, loved ones, and even coworkers. So development have healthy relationships. You need to develop those communication skills that include being comfortable in expressing what you really need and want. This being a two way process. You also need to learn to listen to the wants and needs of others up until recently. And there were no seminars on how to become assertive. Most of the time we depended on various personal or celebrity role models to lead us to how to live our own lives. Well, it's no wonder that everyone is searching for happiness, pursuing fulfilment, and going after unrealistic goals, so to speak. No one's really showed us how to live our lives the right way. And silver role models, they honestly don't even have a clue either. Like us, nobody taught them. They just realize on what they know and how to do things. Maya Angelou said, you did what you knew how to do. And when you knew better, you did better. Fortunately for us all, let everyone is wandering about oblivious and ignorant about what to do. Last, there's new information available to help learn and live better. No one wants to live in a cookie-cutter existence. We all want a life that's fulfilling, exciting, and satisfying. So if you're tired of waking up and thinking, Is this all there is, then this is for you. Now. This is the best time to get excited about your life. It's time to assert yourself and get what you want out of life. This is your life and other dress rehearsal. It's the time to learn new skills on how to do better, and it's time to learn how to be more assertive. 2. What is Stopping You From Being Assertive: Thanks for joining me in how to win in business and life. We are going to talk about what is stopping you from becoming assertive. Now, according to this, the Cauchy Gawande assertiveness is now what you do. It's who you are. So what I want you guys to understand is there's a huge difference between being assertive and being aggressive. So we're going to talk today about those differences and we're gonna help you understand what is holding you back from being as assertive as you know that you can be. So again, huge difference between it being a sort of a being aggressive, being assertive is a way of living where you get the most out of life without other people telling you how to do it. So what does it mean is that you don't need to be obnoxious or pushy or rude to get your own way. But something else that's important to understand as we enter these modules is that you can't just jump in with both feet and decide, Hey, I'm going to be assertive and no one's gonna push me around anymore. No more Mr. Nice guy. Learning how to be assertive requires a new mindset and the plan. So remember, you want to be assertive, not aggressive. And one way to start is by asking yourself these questions. What do you value most? What are some of beliefs that you have about how life works? How do you feel about yourself? What are your approaches to life? And do those approaches work? Now, the fact that you are watching this course, it says a lot. It says that you're seeking for improvement in life. And she's starts with awareness. So you're where they need to change something. You just don't know what or how to get started. So it's time to learn why you do what you're doing and how to turn that around. Again, remember, you can't just flip a switch and instantly become assertive and successful in life. Mark Twain said that we do not deal much in facts while we are contemplating ourselves. So in order to learn how to become assertive and be in charge of your own life. You need to be honest with yourself. Doctor Phil is always saying that you can't change what you do not acknowledge. So it's time to figure out what are you hiding from yourself. So do you consistently fail when it comes to attaining your goals in life? Are you drifting along with no plan goals and ideas? Are you stuck in a comfort zone and that zone gives you no new challenges. Or you may be getting a little, too little of what you really want and way too much of things that you don't want. Are you living with gills or frustration and don't know how to change things. So what's at stake here is the quality of your life. Do you want to live it fully and authentically? Are you okay with someone else calling the shots and making the decisions for you in the rest of your life, do you feel like you're constantly being pushed around? You feel like you're being taken advantage of. Do other people tried to run your life? Or do you feel that you're ready to start living life on your own terms. So you need not accept burdens like those that are just lifted a listed above, you have to assert yourself and reach for something better. You have the right and the ability to have whatever it is that you want out of life. But I do need to warn you again, change doesn't come at an instant. I'm so happy that you're taking this course, but after the completion, it's not going to turn your life around. It's very, very important you start implementing the steps and the knowledge that you've learned throughout this program. Now assertiveness is something that has to be learned carefully, and it's something that you will need to learn one step at a time. And it's especially true if you're spending years following others and having them tell you what to do, how to do it, what to think, what to feel, all that. And it also depends on how motivated that You are to learn and assert herself. So think about those people who run our world, business, politics, or it's entertainment. There's one common denominator for all those people. Now, these people know which buttons to push to get what they want. Some of these people are extremely intelligent and articulate well, some might merely be manipulative. Some are unconcerned with whether you agree with them or not or share their views and other might be rather than demanding that you fall in line with them. They feel that they know what's best and this gives them the authority to tell everyone what they should be doing and saying in their words, it's their way or the highway, so to speak. So be aware that there are risks involved in learning how to be assertive. You're going to find that many won't agree with you. In fact, they might even argue and try to prove you wrong. So let's go ahead and continue with your assessment in life by acknowledging what is wrong in your life, so to speak, are you guilty of saying any of these things to yourself? I'm really trying, but, you know, it's just so hard. I guess it could have been much worse. It's not what I wanted, but what am I going to do? Sometimes you have to do what you have to do or where do you want? Okay. I guess maybe you're making a lot of excuses like things like it was harder than I expected or I just couldn't do it. Maybe I was expecting too much. I've got too much going on in my life. I can't handle any of those right now. Or I'll tablet as soon as I have the time and resources. Or I guess it wasn't meant for me. Maybe it's on the guards, maybe it's not your destiny, or maybe you think that you'll ever seem to get the right break. So it's time to stop. It's time to stop whining about bad luck, wrong timing, or how things just never seem to work out for you. Supposing those pity parties and realize that the deck is not stacked against, you stop making excuses. It's I'm doing search yourself and get what you really, really want. Okay, let's get back to basics. What exactly are you afraid of? Well, that's easy. People share a universal fear of rejection. The very thought of being rejected can turn the strongest man or woman into a quivering coward. But what do you crave in life? Well, that one's easy to, we all crave for acceptance. I'll explain in a second. We feel lost if we're not accepted and we feel what we feel left out and excluded and ostracize. It's devastating to us. Acceptance is everything. Now we learn about acceptance from infancy children will go to any lengths, even doing things they dislike just to gain the acceptance of their parents, their friends, their teachers. And that continues throughout our lives as we grow. 3. Assertiveness and Taking Responsibility: Now, Paul lenders gives us an example of a mindset of an assertive person when he said, and as the price for your acceptance for me to conform to be as you would want me to be, you must accept me as I am. So accepted or not rejected or not. You have your own destiny to create. You can make it happy or sad. You can make a good or bad. You can be successful or not. Your life is your own and ultimately you are responsible for how it turns out. But there may be some bumps along the way and not everything will turn out according to plan. So you may have to adjust your roadmap and come up with a plan B or even a C. But in the end, learning how to be assertive will help you win and, uh, we'll help you get what you want. Now, without assertiveness, you're going to lose control of your life and eager to find yourself living in someone else's idea of what life should be, what your life should be. If you shy away from being accountable and taking charge of your own life, someone will step forward to claim responsibility for it. Now, this could be a parent, a spouse, or in the case of an elderly person, it may even be one of their own children. If you never mastered the ability to assert yourself, to make your own decisions until of your own life. Someone surely going to step forward and do it for you. And I don't think that's what you guys want. Now, asserting yourself also doesn't mean blaming others for your decisions. For example, my husband left me with nothing when he passed, so it's not my fault and I'll have to live with my children for the rest of my life rather than take the responsibility for your own decisions, you're choosing a volunteer for victimhood and blame someone else. Asserting yourself as taking full responsibility. It's scary and it's risky for anyone. You might ask yourself, What if I assert myself and try to create my own destiny and it doesn't work out, then what do I do? Mean it's normal to be a little fearful because it's part of human nature, right? Keep in mind that all the decisions that you make have consequences. And as you learn to be assertive, you can also learn to trust herself when making your own decisions. Your thoughts influence your world. And William Shakespeare said that there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so, so that's a pretty deep statement to think is to create your thoughts, create your reality, your thoughts influence your actions and your behavior. So by changing your thoughts, it can lead to a change in behavior and eventually a change in your world. So let's talk about some things that you might be telling yourself. Do these negatives semen sound familiar? I'm just not smart enough. Number succeeded before. Why would now be any different? People refuse to listen to people like me. People make up their minds and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm too young or I'm too old. Serbia, choosing how to learn to be more assertive today. With this, you're going to need a well-thought-out plan. And there will be days when you wonder if you can sustain and follow your plan, wouldn't it just be easier to throw in the towel and be done with it? Now if you find yourself in this position, remind yourself of the benefits that you're going to enjoy when you become assertive. Keeping the benefits in mind will help in sustaining your new assertive and assertive behaviour. Others might be in a difficult situation. This is especially true for the elderly. It is important for them to persevere, especially when the children try to control their lives with well intent and make decisions for them. Now, there's other variables here. Each person was evaluated, decide what's important and what isn't. Being assertive means choosing for yourself, where do you want to be and with whom. It means, what do you want to do? What to say? What do you want to believe? What is keeping you from being ordered more asserted? What keeps you from making your own decisions or you're afraid you won't be any good at it. Or you secretly afraid that it'll be so good that your entire life will change. Now, St. Paul said, I do not understand my own actions for I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing. I hate. 4. Assertiveness is a Learned Behavior: Assertiveness is a learned behavior. Probably it wasn't taught to you as you were growing up, unknowingly you develop certain behavioral patterns that didn't support assertiveness. So you fell into a trap where you constantly wonder why your life isn't what you wanted. Now, the definition, as you probably know, of insanity is doing the same things and the same way but expecting different outcomes. So if you've never done so before, learning to assert yourself produces a change in how you handle yourself, yourself by doing things in different ways and produce a different outcome. Presto, you've asserted yourself and change your life. So learn this important lesson here from Dr. film ago. And he said, if you continue to do what you've always done, you will continue to have what you've always had. If you do different, you will have different. Now, unfortunately, in some of the behavioral patterns you've learned in life, they become automatic. You don't even think about your responses anymore. So you're not allowing yourself to evaluate the cause and effects of the behavior and you're just flying on auto-pilot. It may seem easier to let go and not think about the consequences. But in the end, you'll realize that certain behavior patterns will not continue to work for you. So by remaining static and not changing the patterns of behavior, you repeat the old patterns repeatedly. It's important to stop, think, and revaluate, re-evaluate whether a learned behavior is really working for you or has become another crutch to keep you in homeostasis. So the reason why you keep getting stuck and unable to move forward is because of this reason we're not stopping, were not thinking, we're not re-evaluating. So when you continue to repeat a bad pattern over and over and over, you're doing it for a reason. You've got to figure out that read it. Reason in order to change that behavior, change the behavior in order to change your life for the better. Now, people may seem to be at the mercy of others and unable to make their own decisions or not in charge of their own lives, they let others push them around by telling them what to do. Now, the sad part is up. They have allowed this to happen for several years and some of these folks may never even find their own way while others might just snap one day and tell everyone off. Now, this is kind of abrupt behavioral changes and can leave everyone puzzled and it can also lead to destroy relationships and damage friendships. But when you decide to be assertive, you must also realize that it's a learned behavior and it must be reinforced every single day. Assertiveness is not a cure-all for all your ill feelings, it's a way of managing your life. Now, university of Illinois counseling center says, asserting yourself will not necessarily guarantee you happiness or fair treatment by others normalised hall all your personal problems or guarantee that others will be assertive and not aggressive. Just because you assert yourself does not mean you will always get what you want. However, lack of assertiveness is most certainly one of the reasons why conflicts occur in relationships. Reciprocation works along with assertiveness to choosing them, make your own decisions, doesn't require you to damage another person, but being assertive doesn't give you the permission to push somebody else aside or take over someone else's life or make decisions for them. Either, assertiveness is about you and it's about your own life. It's all about your decisions and the consequences. Remember you get what you give. So how you do treat others does relate to carbo, which simply states that everything that goes around comes around. So let us, let me correct here a little misconception. Assertiveness is all about getting what you want and building lasting relationships with people around you. Assertiveness works fine when we use it with diplomacy, and you can assert yourself without hurting others feelings. In fact, a real essence of assertiveness is this. As you get what you want in life, you gain the support of people who would like you to succeed. 5. Assertiveness in the Workplace: Thanks for joining me and how to win in business in life lesson two, assertiveness in the workplace don't confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. Sheared Anthony Bauer said the basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behaviors affect the rights and well-being of others. Oprah Winfrey calls it the disease to please. Now, there's a special pressure in the workplace from your boss, your supervisor, associates and coworkers. Everybody's extremely busy these days and this disease seems to attack women more frequently, but men can be affected by it too. But assertiveness should not be confused with aggressiveness. There's a fine line that divides these two behaviors. Being aggressive means selfishly pushing forward for what you want at the expense of other people. And in doing so, you're generating a host of negative behaviors that make people become angry and vengeful towards you. It may involve hostility, blaming threats, gossip, and unreasonable demands. Aggressiveness may allow you to achieve your immediate objective, but it also guarantees that you're not going to get what you want next time. Now, on the other hand, being assertive means standing up for your rights while still respecting the rights of others. Being assertive means an appropriate expression of your feelings, your needs, your opinions, while respecting the feeling of others. It's communicating what you really want in a clear way while ensuring that you're not being taken advantage of. Let's run through a little scenario together for the purpose of this example, your bosses male, let's say your boss asks you to do a special favor for him. Now, here's the problem. That little favor is beyond your job description. In fact, it's within the scope of his duties as a boss. Now you've got a dilemma. Do you say no because it's not your responsibility to do his job, therefore, run the risk of getting in trouble or do you say yes, just to avoid getting in trouble or making him angry. After all, you need this job desperately considering the mountains of bills that you have to pay monthly, thus, you really can't afford to make him angry. But on the other hand, you know very well that if you do his job the first time, it's most likely going to be that he's going to start asking you to do things that he should be doing himself. This is eventually going to develop into a pattern. You do it this time he's just going to keep turning over his responsibilities over to you. And before you know it, the habit is performed and you're stuck. If you previously given into some of his requests saying No, now will make commanded you after all, you've been doing it before. So why not do it this time? So what is the answer? Will be assertive right at the beginning. And in all instances until your boss realizes that you can't be pushed around, so to speak, you don't need to get nastier abusive with him. In fact, you'll probably lose your job if you do. But being assertive right at the beginning when he asked for you to take over some project that he should be doing, you can tell them, I'd love to help you out, but I'm just swamped with my own work already. I couldn't possibly do justice to your project that are rightfully deserves. Now, go ahead and consider that language that I just used and you'll find out that you haven't directly said no to him or embarrassed him so he can't be too angry with you. You've acknowledged at his project is worthy of attention, but you've also gently nudged him and to remembering that it's his project. And it's his duty to finish it, not yours. What you've done here is set of precedents and he's going to remember, you didn't blindly just say yes to avoid anger. He's the boss and he would have taken advantage of your skills many more times in the future if that had happened. For example, everytime he's got a project you didn't want to tackle and self you just pass it on to you. Now he knows he can't just dump his duties into your lap all that time. Now, you may have to repeat this action a couple more times before he actually gets the message. With the same scenario should work with coworkers who tried to pass on the jobs that they don't want to do to. This trick is used mercilessly on newcomers in the office. Newcomers come in, they try so hard to please everybody that they get stuck with all the less desirable tasks and they find themselves who have very little time to accomplish the duties that they were actually hired to perform. So why do people continue to say yes when they want to say no? Well, there's many reasons actually, but one reason is that people want people to like them. They're afraid that if they say no, they're not going to have any friends at all. And they're also afraid that the boss might use their refusal is a ground for insubordination or termination. One reason why people are continually doing this is they want to be known as the go-to person. They want to develop a good reputation and be seen as dependable and someone they can always accomplish a task. It makes it feel wanted and needed and more valuable to the organization. So if you want something accomplished to take it to these go-to people and consider it done. It makes them feel good when they feel like you can't do it without them. After all, if everybody needs them, there job is secure, right? But unfortunately, this inability to say no can actually work to your detriment. It causes a build up of stress hormones such as adrenaline. As a result, your heart is going to beat faster than its normal pace. Your blood pressure rises and blood vessels become more narrow. According to doctors, these conditions can increase your risk of heart attack, stroke, and even cancer. Saying yes to others all the time can put you in an early grave. Now in the early days of man, the stress hormone could literally save lives. During the prehistoric times, people lived in a fight or flight world. It's either a hunter, be hunted, adrenaline saved them from danger. But nowadays in the present world, it's present in the way that you eat and the lifestyle that you live. And medi, become couch potatoes and worry constantly. So the stress that you're experiencing these days is different, but it's just as deadly. Therefore, the answer is to stop being a doormat and learn to say no more often. I can almost hear you gasp at the objections to that statement and I anticipate your reactions. Wait a minute. You don't know what situation I made or you just don't know what it's like to be unemployed. And you might be afraid to say no, what is sometimes it is necessary. For starters, those people who already like you, they're not just going to stop liking you because you said no. Those who behave in a grumpy manner that were like that long before you told them, so okay. So you've mustered all your courage and said no, but now you feel guilty. How do you handle that? You probably feel like you've lead someone down. Well, I'm telling you guilt is not necessary here. It's a useless emotion. Stop and think about how you really feel when they ask you to do a favor. Did you say yes and then feel resentful about it if that's the case. Well, now you have a cue that in this situation, when the situation happens again, say no right away. Don't make excuses that you both normalized. It'll make you feel guilty for saying something deceitful and wrong. So instead, you can maybe tell them you're right in the middle of some projects and simply don't have the time or you'd rather tell them No, that only be able to give a fraction of your attention. Maybe you are just not the best person for the job or your calendar might be full and you can't possibly take on anymore tasks. It's important to be honest with yourself and with others. If they surprise you with across and you don't know what to say, Ask them, they give you a little time to think about in console your calendar. Many times you're going to be asked without warning, with the hopes that you're just going to say yes right away. So learning to give yourself a little bit of wiggle room and flexibility is what's best for you. Now, when you decide to go and inform them of your negative decision, say right off the bat so they understand that they can't talk you into a yes. Be definitive about your response at the suit as possible time. This is gonna make them respect you more and cause fewer hurt feelings later. Now somehow we've been led to believe that it's hurtful to say no. You've been taught that you have to be nice to everybody and say yes, even when he, you don't want to. This is especially true for women. But think of it this way. Is the other person's time more valuable than your own? Is it necessary for you to bend over backwards saying no, just to take in everything at your expense. Think of the consequences. Eventually you're going to find yourself gradually building resentment towards the person making the request. Everything they asked you to do just becomes another nail in the coffin. It's actually better for you to say no to everyone involved and save a working relationship, not to mention your own nerves and stress level. But keep in mind that the more often you say yes, the more often that they will ask you for more favors. Therefore, you should only say yes if it's something that you truly would like to do for them, you can say yes, if it's something that you can conveniently fit into your schedule without causing any wear and tear on your nerves. People are basically good and you'd like to help people whenever you can. But so many S's can turn into more than you can handle. You've heard the phrase, no good deed goes on, punished. 6. Recognize Limits: Recognize that there are limits to everyone's time and energy. This includes your own the disease to please somehow convinces you that you can fit more in each day than anyone else. You're going to discover this reality when you realize that you don't have time to do anything more than a shoddy job for someone, you'll discover this truth when he began to feel overwhelmed, then realize that your commitments are way past your own personal limits. It's simply better for all involved if you just say no what the beginning, by telling them right away they've got a chance to find somebody else who can help them too. So remember that they have the right to ask a favor, but you also have the right to say no, don't give up your rights just because you want them to like you. They'll respect you more if they see, you know, how to handle things properly and without over taxing yourself or stressing others out. By now, you may have decided that asserting yourself as a good idea, but you don't know how to apply it in scenarios involving confrontation. Confrontation involves getting in the other person's face and not taking in consideration their feelings. And you probably don't want to hurt other people's feelings, right? So what do you do? Many people avoid confrontation altogether, which isn't always a great idea. Sometimes it's easier just to approach the person as gently as possible, see what you have to say, and get it over with approaching the issue with assertion and without aggression is always best. This is true even if you feel if you're the aggrieved party and you have this need to defend yourself. Many people use this as a last resort when all else has failed, it's important to simply lay out the problem and enumerate what you think needs to be resolved. Find a compromise, but which everyone gets what they want. One way to bring this about is not approach the confrontation into heated manner. It needs to be well thought out in advance and have a plan. You should have everything that you feel that you want to say plant out in your mind or even written down on a paper to use as reference during that discussion. Be prepared and ready to face the consequences when confrontation is over, it could be the end of your job or a friendship. Again, you have the right to assert yourself, this is your life and it's your workplace. It shouldn't be a place where you dread going each day. Everybody needs to have personal standards for how they treat themselves and how others treat them. Boundaries have to be sudden, maintained even in the workplace. And we'll discuss more about boundaries later on. Assertiveness, not aggressiveness is what is essential for you to feel better about yourself and develop relationships with others. It's also going to help keep the unpleasant or discomfort levels to a minimum and we'll help you relieve stress. And maybe you take your career forward. Learning to be assertive can even move you into a leadership position one day. Now remember, while assertiveness can help you get what you want out of life, aggression is going to bring out resignation or involuntary compliance on the part of those around you were talking about the best case scenario. The worst case is that they resent you, they resists anything that you want from them and they may be showed downright hostility to boot. This is not what you want, it all. Aggression simply decreases your chances of getting what you really want. A graphene is only going to bring fear, threats, and hostility because of manipulation, where you force and coerce people to do it your way. You can't always make someone give into what you want, as they say, you might win the battle, but you will lose the war. Pushing someone into doing something that they don't want to do might result into grudging compliance at first, but you're not going to win them over. They may give in to you just to get you to shut up and go away, but you haven't won them onto your side. And with the passive aggressive types, you might even find yourself on the receiving end of a lesson. True assertiveness means without aggression, guilt, and fear. It is far more effective in the long run and infinitely more satisfying, winning others to your way of thinking, the legitimate way is much more fun.