How to Master the Many Facets of Change | Alice Inoue | Skillshare

How to Master the Many Facets of Change

Alice Inoue, Author and Life Expert

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12 Lessons (30m)
    • 1. Introduction

      1:58
    • 2. Class Project

      1:23
    • 3. Change is Constant

      2:28
    • 4. Why Change is Hard

      4:36
    • 5. Create the Cange You Want

      2:53
    • 6. Open Up Your Perspective

      3:24
    • 7. Make Change Happen Faster

      3:38
    • 8. The Four Phases of Change

      2:22
    • 9. What You Are in Control Of

      1:24
    • 10. Fear of the Unknown

      2:50
    • 11. When Change is Thrust Upon You

      1:53
    • 12. Closing

      1:29

About This Class

Life is continually changing, and recently, in ways we are not able to anticipate. Join Alice Inoue of Happiness U, as she talks about both change that is in our control, as well as change that is out of our control. You will learn to cultivate the thoughts that foster adaptability and resilience and leave with tools and a new mindset that will support you no matter what you are going through.

In this class you will learn:

  • The four stages of change and why uncertainty is so hard
  • How to be successful in creating the change you want
  • Proven strategies to remain calm when change is out of your control
  • The mindset and habits necessary for adaptability and resilience

Transcripts

1. Introduction: In this class, I will share with you strategies and techniques that you can successfully use to manage and sustain both change you want for yourself, as well as any unwanted change that is thrust upon you. Hi, I'm Alice, you know a and I'm an author and a life expert for the past 20 years, I've been helping people upgrade their experience of life through multiple disciplines. One of them being human behavior as it relates to making life better and easier. I am the founder of a personal growth focus company called Happiness shoe, and we have helped thousands of people and organizations thrive in all areas of life. I've written eight award-winning books on life, wisdom, self-growth, and happiness. And then to have a weekly column in the largest publication in Hawaii titled a mindful moment. My life is dedicated to personal transformation and I loved sharing anything that helps people reached new heights of success. To complete this class, you don't need any prior knowledge or experience if you're ready to make some habit changes or if you're in a situation that you don't want to be N, which happens quite often in life. You'll benefit from some of the tools I share. My purpose today is to help you develop the understanding, attitude, mindset and actions to not only understand change, but to adapt well to whatever changes that life and work require. This class is for you if you want to make a lifestyle change like eating healthier, going to bed earlier, or exercising more. Or if unwanted change has visited you and you need something to help you navigate the uncertainty. This is the class that will help you feel more centered along the way. Join me to learn all of my best tips and techniques for navigating and mastering change. So you can be optimally equipped no matter what side of change you find yourself in. 2. Class Project: This class is about change, whether it's change that you want to make or change that is thrust upon you. There are two possible projects for this class. If you want change in your life, your project is explained in chapter five and it will help you start the mindset shift to support you towards your desired outcome. It's a perspective opening exercise where you look at all aspects of the benefits of making the change that you desire, you'll write a statement of change such as, I want to go to bed earlier and then write both general and specific advantages and disadvantages. It's important to write it down so that it's tangible and you can see it listed. You'll find that in my classes, I encourage students to write their thoughts because it's been proven that when we see something clearly, especially something that we ourselves, right, it creates change in how we act and it gives us clarity. Writing by hand helps you develop a stronger conceptual understanding as it registers better, but typing it is fine to. The second project is for those of you going through change that you didn't ask for, identify what state of change or N I talked about in chapter seven. And then I want you to write a paragraph of the reality that you want to see once you've reached your new normal. If you can envision an outcome, you're more likely to step into that reality as you move forward. Okay, let's get started. We have so much to cover. 3. Change is Constant: You've probably heard the saying that the only constant is change itself. Well, it's really true even when things feel stable, Your thoughts are changing situations around you are changing your likes and dislikes, how you feel, your appearance, the people in your life changes, literally happening every second. Changes everywhere, in some way and in some form. You can't run away from change because life is such that everything is in a constant state of flux. And change is hard. It's even harder when we didn't ask for it. At any point in our lives, we may be forced to reinvent our career or downsize our lives. We may lose someone we love or have to forsake a dream due to an unexpected situation. The only thing any of us can know for certain is that life will continue to change. Remember that life stress list, it was created in the seventies. If you're not familiar with it, it's a list that ranks 43 life events in order from most stressful to least stressful. It was originally used in a study to show that the more stress you experienced as a result of change, the more likely your stress would adversely affect your health. It is estimated life is 44% more stressful now than it was when this list was created. That might seem like a lot, but it makes a lot of sense because the world has gotten so much more complex and interdependent in the last few decades. As well as life accelerates due to innovation and increase tack and connectivity were all forced to adapt to change. The more we can learn to adapt, the more resilient we become and the less stress and illness we will experience. We currently live in a time of permanent white water, at time of ongoing uncertainty and turbulence. Organizational consultant Peter Vail calls this permanent whitewater. He says that we can't see exactly where these changes are headed or where the submerged rocks are yet when were tossed out of the boat, we wanna make sure to swim and not sink. If you're an experienced raptor, you would expect whitewater and you'd be prepared to get bounced out and to recover quickly. And in life these days. That's what we need to do. In the upcoming chapter. I will start with helping you understand why change is so hard and why it's not easy for us as human beings. 4. Why Change is Hard: In the last chapter, I talked about how change is constant in our lives and how especially these days, we need to be more prepared than ever to navigate change. In this chapter, we learned about the difficulty involved in making changes. So y can change be so hard, you may be thinking changes at heart. I love change and I get it. Nobody wants the same old, same old. And as human beings, we do crave change, but not too much at once, and not too often. That's because your brain has a goal. It is certainty. Change equals uncertainty. And because your brain feels pain with uncertainty, it wants to avoid it. Your brain loves habit, safety, and comfort. A sense of uncertainty about the future generates a strong alert response in your limbic system. And once your brain detects that something's wrong, your ability to focus on other issues diminishes. Certainty, on the other hand, feels rewarding and we tend to steer toward it. Even when it might be better for us to remain uncertain. We are hard wired to resist uncertainty, yet our mind can be adaptive and be trained to thrive during change. Next, I'd like to introduce you to your brain in a way that might be new to you. So basically, there are two parts to your one brain. Your brain can begin collided into the thinking brain and the feeling brain. And both of these parts of our brains get activated. Especially when you're in a situation where you didn't ask for change. So your brain is not of one mind. It has two independent systems at work at all times in order for you to truly understand these two sides of your brain and want you to put down anything you're holding in your hands right now and cross your arms. Okay. So now cross your arms in the opposite direction. Which way was easier? Which way was more awkward? If you notice that crossing your arms the second time required more thought, you're right. In fact, when you cross them the first time the signal came from your feeling brain, the second time from your thinking brain. Whenever you do something for the first time, you use your thinking brain. When you do it over and over and over again, it transfers to your feeling brain. That's why you didn't have to think to cross your arms. The first-time habits or the deliberate choices we make that at some point become automatic. You see your brain is lazy. It doesn't know the difference between a good habit or bad habit. It just takes everything that you've repeatedly and I think say or do, and turns it into habits so your brain doesn't have to work so hard. So basically you have one brain with two independent systems. Your emotional side feels pain and pleasure, and your rational side, deliberate and analyses. I loved the way Jonathan Haidt in his book, The Happiness Hypothesis uses the analogy of the elephant and the rider to help understand this concept. The elephant represents our emotional side. The writer or rational sight. The writer seems to be the leader, but the writer is so small compared to the elephant. Anytime that huge elephant disagrees about where the writer wants to go, the writer has no choice but to follow. He can't control the elephant. I know this for a fact and I remember a time when I went to Thailand years ago and I wrote an elephant, we were peacefully heading towards a waterfall. And for some reason my elephant decided he wanted to go into the forest, so it broke away from the path and it started moving through this really scary part of the jungle and we were completely out-of-control. Nothing the driver did could stop the elephant. And that's exactly what happens in our life. When the elephant disagrees with the rider. We overeat, we oversleep, we procrastinate, we skip our workout, we get angry, we blurred out things we regret. We don't speak up in a meeting. The elephants are emotions, is looking for the quick payoff, for example, over eating junk food versus long-term, lowering your cholesterol, for example. Success is when the writer provides the direction and the elephant provides the energy. Think of times where you wanted something and your writer and elephant work together. If you wanted to lose weight for a special event, for example, or you wanted to finish a work project when they work together, you've reached the destination that you want. In this chapter, we covered the fact that your brain has two independent systems at work at all times, the feeling side and the thinking side. And that is why change is so difficult. In the next chapter, I talk about how to create change that you want. 5. Create the Cange You Want: I think we've all experienced wanting to make a change, but not quite been able to reach our desired goal. This chapter will give you some strategies and exercises that I found to be really helpful in creating the change that you want. The change you want could be something along the lines of get healthier, stop procrastinating, exercise more, get to bed earlier, be more patient. Using the elephant rider example, it's as if you're elephant is going one way and the writer wants to go a different way. Laozi, a Chinese philosopher, said, if you do not change direction, you may end up where you are headed. These wise words from the sixth century BC still apply even today in the 21st century. From experience, we know that knowledge doesn't change behavior. The writer knows where to go and why it's important, but the elephant doesn't feel like it. In other words, just because, you know, it doesn't mean you can do it. It's still hard. Self-control is an exhaustible resource. The more you try to control your actions, the less energy you have to control your actions you will have as you move closer to the end of the day, it's kind of like lifting weights and doing reps. The more you do, the less energy you have as you go along. Your behavior is either supervised by yourself or others, which is your thinking brain. Or it's automatic, which is natural. Or as we learned in the last, last chapter, it's you're feeling brain. So self-control is used when you try to stop yourself from doing things that you want to do such as don't eat cake, don't smoke, don't give negative feedback. But you also use it up when you put together a shelf where you learn a new skill. Basically, anytime you're careful and deliberate with your words are movements, you use up self-control and it's draining. So what's automatic? Driving somewhere familiar, taking a shower, making breakfast. Much of our daily behavior is not draining. We burn up self-control when we're trying to manage the impression we make on others, when we're coping with fear, trying to control our spending or trying to focus on something other than that, what we really want to do, the bigger the change, the more self-control it takes. And change is hard because it wears people out. And when self-control is exhausted, were not able to think creatively or not able to persist in the face of frustration or failure. It's not laziness, it simply exhaustion. So in order to sustain new actions towards the change you want, get your elephant, which is your emotional energy on board by finding the advantages of change. In this next chapter, I'll share with you an exercise which is excellent at helping you to open up perspective and lead you towards more natural change. 6. Open Up Your Perspective: Last chapter was all about what it takes to create the change that you want. This chapter is about an exercise that I used to shift my perspective to make it easier for change. It's extremely valuable and I'd like to walk you through it. I'm going to use the example of wanting to go to bed earlier. Now we all know that getting more sleep means we feel better the next day on that sleep builds our health. But our elephant sometimes just won't let us because we keep finding reasons why something else is more important than going to bed. You'll need to do this exercise by hand or write it down because it works when you write it and you can tangibly see what you right? It doesn't work if you just think it through. Once you know what it is that you want to change you right at the top. Why do you want this change? In the case of the example that we are using, it's to go to bed early. So in the left column, you'll see disadvantages of not making this change. And underneath that column, you'll start by listing all of the general disadvantages. They can be present disadvantages or future disadvantages. But here's an example of how it looks if we fill out the left columns disadvantages if you don't go to bed earlier. Here, we see a list of general disadvantages that one might come up with. I'll get more frustrated with my family and work situation. I'll have increased stress to my body leading to more sick days. I'll retain weight, be grouchy or make more mistakes at work, have to buy more coffee and more energy drinks to stay up. I'll burn out my adrenals on and on. To further the effectiveness. Take one general disadvantage and write some specific disadvantages associated with it. So if we take the first general disadvantage identified as frustration, then we can find very specific personal examples to drive it home. For example, if I yell at my family, they'll think I don't love them. If I'm tired and frustrated, I will alienate them. If I'm frustrated, I'll feel disconnected from them at work. I won't be able to solve problems on and on. Do you see the advantage of doing this? You start to open up your perspective and see that you've truly been operating with more disadvantages, then you want to admit to. Next, we then have to beef up the advantages, since we already have become very aware of the disadvantages of not going to bet earlier. The question to ask and answer on the right column is, what are the advantages if I do go to bed earlier and you do the same process we just did by finding the general advantages first. For example, I'll be healthier, feel better, strengthen my immune system, be more patient, lose weight easier, the more pleasant. Next, we take the first general advantage of being healthier and find some specific meaningful and valuable things associated with being healthier, such as having less medical expenses, not spending as much time and money on medicine and doctor visits get sick less often, which means I'll save time and money. Think more clearly, make better decisions on and on. So this exercise helps to tip the elephant in your favor. Once your perception shifts, your y changes in a way that makes doing what you wanna do much easier because you truly recognize the advantage. 7. Make Change Happen Faster: Now that you know how to open up your perspective, there's one more mindset tool and method I want to share with you that's really helpful. I learned this from author James clear and I use it whenever I want an outcome. So for example, let's say you want a particular outcome in your life, like sleeping earlier, losing weight, or getting healthier physically, for example, we all have things we want for ourselves and once we decide we're going to go for it and make a change, we decide the process. So if I use lose weight as the outcome that I want to, then my process might be to start exercising three days a week. Refrain from eating deep fried foods. Stop eating after APM and drink eight glasses of water per day. So one thing to add to this effort for greater success when it comes to reaching your outcome, is to consider your desired identity as someone who eats healthily and exercises regularly. Your current identity is someone who eats poorly and doesn't move much. Whenever we make changes, we have to consider the desire change and our identity from the old identity to the new one. When we fall off the wagon, it's natural to reinforce our old identity, the one that we're trying to move away from by beating ourselves up for messing up. We may know in our brain member, the writer that weighing less is healthier and the process may be clear, but the elephant doesn't want change, it doesn't want to move. We need to help the elephant along towards change. Otherwise he's happy and content to just move away from what you want by getting you to stick with the old habits that you've developed. So as an example, let's say you decided to lose weight through the process, you determine when you mess up and eat fried food or you miss your exercise session. You noticed the negative, you beat yourself up. You notice where you are not being successful. So when you want to support change, instead of emphasizing where you messed up, switch it, and notice where you did do well, praise yourself when you notice that you did drink your eight cups of water. Praise yourself when you notice that the D's that you did do exercise. We identify with who we are. It's important to identity change and really make change stick. So make sure you emphasize where you see yourself doing things in line with your new identity. In other words, to move towards the change we want, we need to see evidence of where we are, that new identity. Here's a great example of how we identify with ourselves. Let's say I offered to people a meat dish. One person says, Oh no, thank you. I'm trying to be a vegetarian. The other person says, No, thank you. I'm a vegetarian. Same outcome, but two different identities. So what you want to make sure is to remind yourself that when you want change, manage your focus. And uncomfortable part of change is that it always involves giving something up like an old identity. Instead of thinking about what you are missing, focus on what you need to do and the reality that you will be experiencing when you're in the change them. There are two ways to focus. You can think about how things used to be, or you can manage your focus and laser in on what you need to do to make your new normal a reality which feels way better. Basically, you behave your way into the life you want. I hope this makes sense if not comment in the discussions and I'll explain this concept more. Next. I'm going to talk about unwanted change and how to deal with that. 8. The Four Phases of Change: The previous chapters were all about creating change that we want and how to make it easier when we decide we want to make our lives better in some way. This chapter is all about understanding change that is out of your control. This could be when as a renter, you get noticed that you have to move or someone you're in relationship with, breaks up with you, or you get fired or a pandemic comes in your life as you knew, it had to shift. When change happens to us. Understanding the stages in the process of change can be very helpful. When you don't want the change. The reality is that you have to deal with it. And we deal with change in various stages. Stage one, status quo, life is happening as it usually does. We can all go back to the moment when life was normal before the unwanted change happened. We were with the people and in the jobs that we wanted and life was rolling along. Stage two, disruption. This is the stage where a foreign element is introduced. Either you decide to make a change or a change is visited upon you. This stage is hardest when you didn't want the change that's happening. Stage three, adjustment. This is the messy part where you have to find your way through the disruption. Uncertainty thrives in this stage and most people overly stress or if the change are trying to make is too much of an adjustment for you, you'll quit in this stage. If the change is out of your control and it's difficult, you'll stay in this stage and tell you reach stage for the new normal. This is a rival to your new status quo. This is the stage where you've acclimated and you start living your life with the reorganization that that change has catalyzed. Anytime you go through change, asked yourself, what stage are you in? The simple act of defining where your app can give you a sense of control. It's like being lost in a foreign city. Once someone gives you a map, you may not be where you want to be, but at least you feel like, you know where you are. With what I shared in chapter one about the brain needing certainty. This totally makes sense. When we're going through unasked change, we feel like we're out of control in so many ways, yet, there are three things you do have control over, which I'll cover in the next chapter. 9. What You Are in Control Of: When change happens, we often feel powerless, especially when we didn't instigate it. We feel vulnerable and sometimes even scared, wondering if everything is going to be OK. often, imagining the worst. Well, it's good to remind yourself that there are three things that you do have control over, your perspective, your decisions, and your actions, no matter what. And in any situation you are in, you have control over how you see it. Your power lies in your perspective. It's natural for change to trigger thoughts about how horrible the new situation is and focus on all the downsides. This actually leads to fear and pessimism. The more you try to see things from different perspectives, the more fast that you will see and the more in control you will feel you have control over your decisions. No one makes your decisions, but you, and of course, your actions, you see how this works. If you consciously set your intent when change happens to you, to look for perspectives that give you a bigger picture advantage, you'll have more information to make a better decision. And in turn, you'll take action that will be different than had you not taken time to shift your perspective. So remember that even in the midst of change, you have control of three things, your perspective, your decisions, and your actions. Next, let's talk about fear of the unknown. 10. Fear of the Unknown: During the pandemic, a lot of my clients told me that they are afraid of the unknown. That's Scary. Piano can be millions of things. And if you've ever thought this, there's one thing that I tell you and that is, there is no such thing as fear of the unknown. You're afraid of something. You just need to define it and then determine your strategy should those fears come to pass. What this does is it creates certainty and it gives your mind a focus and a potential solution. This helps to ease anxiety and fear. It's still uncomfortable, but at least there's a focus versus thinking that all of this horrible stuff can come and hurt you. Here's a good example that comes to mind. I had a client who was experiencing a lot of anxiety and worry a while ago when the pandemic first came to the United States, I asked him what he was afraid of And he said all of the unknown. And while yes, there is a lot of unknown, not all of it is scary. We talked and his life didn't look like it was going to change. He and his waist job was secure, finances, rho k child was healthy. No one he knew had contracted the virus yet, after talking it through some are he realized that he was worried about a tenant living in a property he owned, that if the tenant wasn't able to pay, he wouldn't be able to comfortably cover the mortgage, which would put a lot of strain on his life. So what we did was we mapped out a plan as to what he could do now and what he would do should that happen once he identified the specific fear and knew what he would do, should that fear come to pass, he felt much better. And remember, 92% of your fears don't materialize, 8% do, but it's never as bad as you imagined. The reason for this is because when what you don't want to happen happens, you end up with support, opportunities and solutions that you didn't anticipate receiving when you were worrying. We often carry around worry about things that never happen. I've said before that worry isn't expensive downpayment on a situation you will likely not experience. Worry is actually habit that we developed by constantly focusing on all that could go wrong so much so that we start believing and living through the sensations as if it's actually happening. So here's a reminder that you can use as an affirmation. Worry in proportion to the likelihood that your fear will happen. If you're saying it to yourself, you can repeat this. It sounds something like, I will worry in proportion to the likelihood of the event. So no matter what is going on in your life right now that you're worried about, you only really need to worry 8%. So next, I'd like to share some actionable mindsets that you can implement immediately. 11. When Change is Thrust Upon You: When something happens to you that restricts you in some way and you can't do anything about it. Here are three actionable mindsets that you can implement immediately when change is thrust upon you. I call them the three A's and they are except adapt and allow except as the first one. And it's what you wanna do when you're informed of something that affects you and you can't do anything about it. If you can go and fight the change or make a difference, then do so. But if you can't do anything until you accept it, you won't find solutions. So for example, imagine that you locked your key in your car at first year at a state of disbelief like no, you might try all the doors, pound on the glass, grown, get upset it yourself. But it's not until you, except that you can't get to the key that you are then in the mindset to think of solutions, do you call a key Smith? Do you overwhelm to get the spare key? Do you call AAA in the same way when something happens to you that you can't change, except it, once you accept, you look for ways to adapt. If you can't do this, can you do that? If you're not able to do x, can you do why? Adapting means to use the situation to your advantage? Find the upsides. They are always there. If you look, you may not want that option, but pick the best option for yourself and you'll maximize the limitation and still be productive. Allow means to allow things to unfold, even if it's in a way you are not expecting, allow yourself to mess up. Allow others to act in whatever way they act, even if it's irritating. This allow will allow you to go with the flow. So except adapt, allow. I hope you can use the three A's often because life brings many opportunities to practice change. 12. Closing: Change is never easy, especially when it's out of your control. That's why sometimes you just need to have hope. There is a bigger picture to everything and perspectives beyond what we can see. That's why I like to say to trust in the bigger picture, changes about transformation. You have wisdom if you could look back on your life and realize it every single event, every person, place, situation and circumstance was part of the perfection that got you to where you are today. Now's the time to trust that if you're watching this and going through some unwanted change that without a shadow of a doubt, all you are going through these days will a give you exactly what you need in future days? All of this you can look back on today with wisdom, see the perfection and say thank you. Be assured that the greater the challenges, the greater the blessings yet to emerge. And remind yourself often that from every crisis emerges blessings and it's up to you to look for them. If you don't look for them, you won't see them. And one more thing, there's always a reason for change, whether it's by choice or by chance. When you look back on your life and see that the change that you've experienced over the winding course of your life has led you to where you are today, it's much easier to be grateful and to trust that the change you're going through today will be no different.