How to Establish & Maintain Personal Boundaries: WIN-Win Communication Tool | Fiona MacKay Young | Skillshare

How to Establish & Maintain Personal Boundaries: WIN-Win Communication Tool

Fiona MacKay Young, Handwriting Analysis & Personal Growth

How to Establish & Maintain Personal Boundaries: WIN-Win Communication Tool

Fiona MacKay Young, Handwriting Analysis & Personal Growth

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9 Lessons (19m)
    • 1. 1 Introduction to the WIN Win Communication Tool

      2:27
    • 2. 2 Your Personal Boundaries & the WIN-Win Communication Tool

      2:40
    • 3. 3 The WIN Win Communication Tool Step by Step

      2:59
    • 4. 4 Video of WIN Win Communication Tool

      1:13
    • 5. 5 How to shorten your content for more natural speaking

      2:30
    • 6. 6 Video of Shortened Versions of WIN Win Tool

      1:10
    • 7. 7 How to match your words to the listener

      2:54
    • 8. 8 How to Establish & Maitain Personal Boundaries with those who know you best

      2:46
    • 9. 9 Download Scripts in PDF

      0:16
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By using this simple communication tool, you can become more comfortable both in establishing and maintaining your boundaries.

  • You will learn the easy formula for asking for what you want from others, in a pleasant, open manner.
  • This tool can help you overcome shyness or reluctance to stand up for yourself.
  • It teaches you how to phrase your requests in ways more likely to get you what you want, without complaining or getting into any kind of argument or unpleasantness. 

It is quick and simple to learn, and once you have practiced it for while, you will also find  it easy and effective to use. It creates WIN-Win situations

Meet Your Teacher

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Fiona MacKay Young

Handwriting Analysis & Personal Growth

Teacher

I've been involved for over 20 years in helping people move ahead with their lives through identifying their gifts, strengths and overcoming blocks or limitations. It is my goal to inspire those I meet to develop their potential to the fullest.

There are a wide variety of ways to do these things, and I love to explore, adapt and create new ways.

As a Graphologist and Grapho-Therapist (Handwriting Analysis),

And also as a Career Counselor and Personal Development & Law of Attraction Coach,

I love nothing more than to help people be the very best they can be, to realize their hopes and dreams and love their lives. 

I also love 'techie' things, and have worked as a Graphic Designer, creating websites (WordPress) and creating videos fo... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. 1 Introduction to the WIN Win Communication Tool: your personal boundaries, how to establish and maintain them With the win win communication tool, I'm feeling a Makhaya welcome to the wind formula course. The winning formula has be used for years to help people come up with, Ah, way of asking for a change is someone else's behavior in a constructive way on Because it is a formula, you have this guideline every time to follow its very adaptable. Once you get used to, you can change it up quite a lot, quite two different ways, and you can also abbreviate it on when you abbreviate it. The bits you're not saying are inferred in what you're saying. And if that doesn't make any sense, you you'll get that as you go through the course the W stands for when the I stands for I or me on the end stabs for need. So when you do something, I something I need. You don't have to do it all every time. As I said, there is an abbreviated version, but by practicing the longer version, it helps you get in the way of it and you understand it. You can change the words around. It doesn't always need to be need I need. It can be a different verb that you use. You'll see lots of examples as we go through on. I encourage you to practice, because once you get in the way of doing it, it really is an amazingly effective tool to get a change in behavior from other people. I taught this for years as a career comes their teaching interview skills or on the job, getting along with other people on the job type skills. But it does for anywhere. It doesn't need to be work related. It works for personal relationships. It works for business relationships. It works for any kind of relationship, a tall. So practice it, get used to it on. You will see that you have a really good communication skill that will help you get what perhaps you either couldn't get before or you got really tangled up in knots as to how to go about it politely, except it's a marvelous tool. I encourage you to try it to use it, and I wish you the best of luck with it up. Next, learn the win win communication tool 2. 2 Your Personal Boundaries & the WIN-Win Communication Tool: your personal boundaries, how to establish and maintain them with the win win communication to establishing and maintaining once personal boundaries can be tough. Most of us don't enjoy confrontation, and many of us feel we let others walk all over us. The win win communication tool is a way of standing up for yourself that his gentle, positive and effective it allows you to maintain your own self respect on dure boundaries, while at the same time it's showing respect to the other person in a polite, non combative manner. Here you will learn not only how to communicate using the wind wind communication tool, but you will also see video clips off it being used. So what are personal boundaries? There are four types of personal boundaries. One is emotional to his material. Three is spiritually or ethnic on four is physical. Emotional boundaries are violated when others display and undo among to emotion which causes you distress. Physical boundaries are violated when someone harms you physically in some way or threatens to do so. Spiritual are ethnic boundaries are violated. What someone makes fun off or puts down your spiritual beliefs on your practices are your ethnicity material boundaries are violated when someone unfairly challenges your possessions or make fund makes fun off what you have or don't have. Materially, you have the right to expect and insists on being treated with respect in all of the's areas. On the win win communication tool can help you achieve this up next. Number three The win win communication to step by step. 3. 3 The WIN Win Communication Tool Step by Step: Lesson three the Windward Communications who will step by step first you learned the method , then you adapt it to your own style. So it it sounds natural. The win win communication tool works like this. W is for when, As in, when you do or say something that I would appreciate your changing I is for I or me. As in, I think I feel I am upset by annoyed by etcetera. On end is for need. As in, I need want requests a specific change on your part If you follow these guidelines, your speech will sound stilted and strange to begin with. But if you practice using this tool and adapted to your own speaking manner, you'll find it becoming more and more natural for you to make requests in this way. First, you will see a practice how to use the win win tool in the long form so you understand how it works. Then number two. You will see how to shorten and adapt it to meet your individual and situational needs. Here's an illustration of the tool. If you want to say with the full wind, w i n when you laugh at me, in that way, I get upset and feel it feel humiliated. I would really appreciate if you would stop laughing at speak the w When you laugh at me in that way, I I get upset to feel humiliated, and I would really appreciate if you would start laughing at me. That I would appreciate is just a different way of saying I need you to another illustration off the tool where you don't include me in the planning of events. I feel left out and not really part of the team. I would request that you let me know of your plans ahead of time so I can contribute fully when w when you don't include me in the planning of events. I I feel left out and not really part of the team. And I would request that you let me know of your plans ahead of time so I can contribute Feli again. The I would request is just a different way of saying I need you to. Next stop is a number for a video off win win communication approach 4. 4 Video of WIN Win Communication Tool: lesson for it's a video off the win win communication tool in action. This is a long farm with everything included. When you move things around on my desk, I can't find anything and I get frustrated. I would ask that you don't touch anything there at all. And here is another example off the wind formula in the long farm when you email may. Sometimes I don't notice it for days because I have so many business emails. So I've asked that you call me on the phone if it's urgent. No, it's your turn to be able to use the wind formula in a natural way, you need to practice. So before you go on to the next video, I encourage you to take some time to come up with situations relevant to your own life on practice, the wind formula for them. Next stop number five. How to short in your content for a more natural speaking 5. 5 How to shorten your content for more natural speaking: less than five. How to short in your content for more natural speaking. Now you know how it works. It's important to adapt it to your natural speaking style. If it sounds like a carefully designed strategy, it won't have the desired effect upon the other person, often shortening it to just the end or the need. Part of the statement is enough. The rest of the request will be understood by just the last part. So if you have the fly on the I and the needs, perhaps you only need the need to part. For example, when you laugh at me in that way, I get upset and feel humiliated. I would really appreciate if you would start laughing at me That could be shortened to simply, I would really appreciate if you would start laughing at me. On the rest would be understood easily by. You're just saying that again, using the same example when you laugh at me in that way, I get upset and feel humiliated. I would really appreciate if you would stop laughing at me. If you think it needs more explanation, you could use both I and the end parts of his statements. And you could say I would really appreciate if you would start laughing at me as it gets me upset On day, I feel humiliated. Here's the often example we use previously. Now it's short. So here's the long version. When you don't include me of the plan of events, I feel left out. I'm not really part of the team. I would ask that you let me know of your plans ahead of time so I can contribute fully. This could be shortened to I would ask that you let me know your plans ahead of time so I can contribute fully. Or if you think it needs more explanation, it could be I would ask that you let me know of your plans ahead of time so that I can feel more part of the team and contribute fully next up December 6, which is videos off the shortened versions off the win win tool 6. 6 Video of Shortened Versions of WIN Win Tool: Lesson six is a video off the short inversions off the wind wind communication toe. I'd ask you not to touch anything on my desk, because when you do, I can't find anything. And here is another example off the wind formula in the shortened form. Please follow me if it's urgent, because I can't always get through all my emails. Now it's your turn once more to be able to use the wind formula in shortened form, you need to practice. So before you go on to the next video, I encourage you to take some time to take the situations you came up with for the previous practice on short in them and practice them until these are natural in the wind formula. Next up. Number seven. How to match your words to the listener? 7. 7 How to match your words to the listener: how to match your words to the lister. It's important to match how you speak with the situation. For example, if you're speaking to someone with whom you're in a close relationship, I feel would probably be a good choice of for for the I statement, as in, I feel hurt that you don't call me. However, if it's your boss or a coworker you're speaking with, I feel may be considered a rather emotional choice of words in this case, I think, or I wonder if I might be better choices. I feel I've Bean during too much of other people's work to keep the team on track could have a negative tone to it. It sounds like you're complaining. Instead, try. I think I have to concentrate more on my own work rather than trying to complete extra in the same time. Could we work hard to shelter with the team so everything gets done? That sounds a lot more positive and you're in control. It's always important to make sure your choice of words is appropriate to the situation, the people or the person to whom its address. Here's the class project. Consider some situations where you would like to stand your ground more firmly, create win win statements to fit easily into a normal communication you would have with this person or people. So perhaps right out belong. Form first as them work with it, till it's a shortened version and it's in your own words. And here's the class project continued. Once you've done the first part, create statements for situations real or imagined for your significant other. If you have one. A close friend, a colleague, other acquaintances are their family members. On any other situation, you can think off where you would like to create and maintain your boundaries more effectively. Just create win statements for anywhere where you think you want to stand up for yourself a bit more do the same as before, right out the long version using the W. I am Ah lan abbreviated. Put it in your own words and practice it so it sounds natural Next up. How to establish and maintain personal boundaries with those who know you best. 8. 8 How to Establish & Maitain Personal Boundaries with those who know you best: how to establish and maintain personal boundaries with those who know you best. Be aware that the people with whom this will be the most difficult to do are those who have been pushing or intruding over your boundaries previously. They know they have got away with it before I will push back more strongly. They knew how to push your buttons previously, and they think they can get their own way now also. But now you know how to stop them. So be prepared for this. Be strong. Just repeat your windward statement to them and say that this is where you stand now. I would appreciate if they respected that. You'll probably find it much easier toe offer your win with a statement to someone who has not previously overstepped your boundaries, whether it's a new person, your life or just someone who hasn't had any reason to push in this way before. So if you're finding it hard to get started, search with one of the people with whom they will be easier. Don't let new people overstep your boundaries from the very start and take a stand. If present acquaintances try to push for the first time. The benefit to you from all of this is that your self esteem and confidence will rise. Amazingly, you'll be seen as someone who stands up for themselves and a respectful, gentle but firm way, no matter who is confronting or trying to override your values or respect, and you will feel happier and more patrol off your life. Now you have seen how to use the win win communication tool you've practiced it yourself on . Do you know how to adapt it to fit various situations and people? Here's a class challenge. Your ongoing challenge is to keep using it until it becomes a natural way. Your approach difficult are confrontational situations. You'll feel so much better about yourself once this becomes the natural you. Congratulations on completing this course. 9. 9 Download Scripts in PDF: number nine download the scripts in pdf. All the scripts used in this course are available for download in PDF formats in the resource section.