How to Build Confidence | 5 Ways to Do it! | Tamara Hall | Skillshare

How to Build Confidence | 5 Ways to Do it!

Tamara Hall, Designer

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8 Lessons (22m) View My Notes
    • 1. Hey Hey Hey

      1:53
    • 2. Communication

      2:47
    • 3. Your Past

      3:56
    • 4. Judgements

      4:34
    • 5. You are Unique

      1:39
    • 6. Love Yourself

      4:48
    • 7. Next Steps

      1:18
    • 8. Final Thoughts

      1:15

About This Class

In this class I cover 5 different ways that you can build more confidence. There are a lot of ways to do it but these are the ways that I found worked best for me. I've suffered from low confidence and social anxiety for many years and it was a struggle to improve my daily confidence. I hope this video helps you to feel more love and acceptance for yourself, and helps you to start building your confidence up day by day.

It won't happen overnight but if you practice growing your confidence a bit everyday, just like any other thing, you will get better at it and feel better about yourself. You'll feel ready for any new opportunities and experiences that come your way and really embrace all life has to offer.

Transcripts

1. Hey Hey Hey: Alright, hey guys. So in this class I'm going to teach you five things that you can start today that will give you more confidence in life. So competence and something that I used to struggle with a lot, I still struggle with it wants to Well, to be honest, but I feel like I'm definitely a lot more confident today than I was 1015 years ago. And it hasn't been an easy journey. And confidence isn't something that you can just change overnight. It's not like a light switch that you can flip on and off. It's more like a house. They have to build brick by brick. And every brick that you put on your foundation, every brick of confidence will build your house. And by the end it's going to take a long time, but you'll have this beautiful house made of all these competence Rex, bad metaphor. But you got the idea. Competence is something that affects every aspect of your life. So if you have low confidence, you're not going to apply for that job that you really want. You're not going to introduce yourself to someone that you think would make a good friend. You're not going to flirt with, you know, a girl or a boy that you find attractive. And because of this, your opportunities in life might be limited. And honestly like I don't want any any of these internal fears or lack of competence to if that's your quality of life. Some Nickie, This video, fairly simple, straightforward, because there's a lot of things that you can do to improve your competence. But I'm going to cover the top five things that I have tried that worked really well for me. 2. Communication: Okay, so one thing that I learned that really made me change my perspective about how to appear confident and feeling competent is when I learned that communication is only 7% verbal and it's 55% nonverbal. So your body language and 35% is your tone of voice. So when I learned this, it really changed my opinion on communication because I guess my whole life I went along thinking that that communication was all about what you said. It was literally like the words that were coming out of your mouth and what they were. That's what made you a good communicator. So when I read this and realizing that only 7% is actually the words that you say. The rest is like body language, what you do with your hands, your eye contact. And then the other thirty-five percent is the way that you say at your tone of voice, whether your voice is low or high or if it changes around. Like honestly, when I learned this, it blew my mind and it changed my perspective on it a lot. Because I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to always say the most perfect thing. But when you're in a conversation, don't worry so much about the exact words that you're saying, but be conscious about what you're doing with your hands, focused more on that. So if you don't typically talk with your hands and you just can't talk like this. And if you don't really do a whole lot with your tone of voice and you're kinda monotone and yet it is, yeah. Focus on those things, right? So the focus more on talking with your hands. Yeah. So like what's going on? How are you do in you know, what's happening and how do we communicate better? Do do things with your hands, focused on the hands, and also focus on your tone of voice. So these are the words that I'm saying right now, but I'm gonna put some pauses in and I'm going to make things dramatic. And this is how we do with it. I don't know. And the tone of voice thing, obviously, you have to work on that myself. So as soon as I learned this, that such a small percentage percentage is what you say, I stopped focusing so much on the exact words and just kind of let them flow a lot easier anatomy. You won't be constantly trying to think of the perfect things to say. And honestly, when people are too perfect and what they say, it comes across kinda fake and income across like you've practiced the exact words and you're reading from a script and it's a little bit awkward. People like people that are human. And as humans we all make mistakes in what we say. 3. Your Past: One thing that I found effective my competence and a huge detrimental way, detrimental, detrimental way was focusing on who I was in the past. And I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I've done things that I regret. I've said things that I regret. And I found myself, even though these things happened 1015 years ago, I found myself replaying situations in my mind over and over and regretting them and just be like, oh, why did I do that? Why did I say that? I can't believe that like, what do these people think of me? And it was always about my actions and what other people thought of my behavior and their perception of me. If you're constantly thinking about these things, it can destroy your confidence. Confidence can be pretty fragile things sometimes. And running these thoughts through your mind of things and mistakes that you've done in your past. If you have a bit of competence that day that can completely destroy it. So once I realized that I was doing this, first of all, I realize that Nina to stop, but I wasn't sure how to do that. And so what I discovered is that when you replay these situations in your mind of something you regret in your past or something you said things like this. You're living in the past. And having confidence isn't about living in the past and it's not about who used to be. Having competence is who you are now. You are completely different and you're a completely different person than the person you were ten years ago, 15 years ago, five years ago, two years ago. You are constantly changing, you're constantly growing, you're constantly evolving. And so as an evolving person, you can't compare yourself to who you were or live, or dwell on the mistakes that you made. Those happened, you have to let them go. And don't worry about what people think of you. Say if someone had these judgments about you and you haven't seen them in 15 years and they're still thinking you are that other person Who the hell cares honestly like. They can have all the judgments that they like and chances are they're probably not even thinking about it if they haven't senior in 15 years. But we kind of make up these stories in our minds about other people and what they're thinking. Really, we have no freaking clue. It's all just a fabrication inside your own reality. Let the past go. Let who you are in the past go, let all your pasture Gratz go, let all your past mistakes go. That's all happened. Accepted, except that's who you were then. And move into the president and embrace who you are. Now, we're still learning and we're still making mistakes. Even into your thirties or forties or fifties, you're, you're still gonna make mistakes. But that is the way to learn and grow. You are, you, you are living in the present moment when these thoughts of your past come up, let them go before they take hold. So the moment that you notice that a thought is coming in your head about something negative or your past wherever, let it go. Okay. You don't want to push it away. You don't have to engage with that thought. Don't engage with it. Just let it go. And then you'll realize after time of doing this and just let him go, letting them go, those thoughts will become less and less and less. And you'll slowly move into the person that you are now in this moment. 4. Judgements: Another thing I wanted to talk about is judgements against yourself and judgments and others. So judgements against yourself are, I find a lot easier to do because we're constantly picking ourselves apart. What we like about our bodies while we don't like about our bodies, what we like about our personality, what we like about the way we talk about, you know, our lives. And it's easy to just look at every single aspect and wish you could change it, it wish it could be better. And there are some things that we do have control over and there are some things that we don't. So if you can't control it, don't let it get to you because there's really nothing that you can do about it. So if it's something negative in your life, you can control your reaction and you can choose not to engage with it. If it's something positive in your life, obviously you want more of that around you surround yourself with that kind of positivity. Judgments against others is a bit trickier because it is very easy to judge other people. And I feel like a lot of people including myself fall into that trap where you're constantly like analyzing, judging something to talk about. So if you're talking about it with your friends or whatever, it's easy to talk about like, Oh, so and so so and so did this on so did that. But when you're filling your time and using your energy to observe other people and judge them and talk about them. It's honestly a bit of a waste of your time and energy. Because for one, you don't know their situation. You're only seeing it from the outside. So you don't know what their experiences have been at all. You don't know anything. Basically like you're just you're viewing it from a very limited perspective. So to pass judgment on something that you're not really getting all the information about. It's kinda useless. And honestly, there's probably a lot of better things you could be spending your time on rather than talking about what so-and-so's doing or dead or whatever, right? Like, focus more on yourself and what you are doing, and how you're affecting the world, how you're affecting the people around you. Focus less on what other people are doing. With social media. That's pretty hard because it's like easy to scroll through and judge people and be like, oh, so-and-so is in a visa. So-and-so is doing this. Why am I not doing that? And it's, I find it's easier to compare ourselves with other people and especially what they present to the world. But you don't have the full picture. For me personally, I could compare myself to someone by saying, oh, like I'm not running that successful ad agency, I don't know. I don't have ten employees. What am I doing wrong? But I don't see that that person that is running that successful ad agency has spent 80 hours every week working hard to build it for the last ten years. And here I am comparing myself to them when we're not even on the same playing field. So comparison is definitely going to destroy your competence as well. So don't worry about comparing herself. There's scarcely only one u in this world, 1U. And that is so special because just knowing that there's 1U, they're only ever will be one you ever, ever, unless we invented cloning and you're somehow replicated down the road. Like there's only going to be one u in the entirety of all existence ever. So like a billion years from now, if R still exist and they're still humans, there's still only have ever been that one u. And you are lucky enough to be here on this planet right now. Don't squander time comparing yourself to other people. Don't squander this time. A beating yourself up for mistakes that you made. Those mistakes made made you into who you are today. So even though looking back on them, you think they were mistakes, they're brought you to where you are and your atlas place where you're watching competence videos. You want to grow as a person. So kudos to you. And you owe it to yourself to be that best you, that you can be. There's thinks about the EU that there are unique. Which leads me into my next topic. 5. You are Unique: Another trick that you can do to increase your competence is write down all the things that make you unique. Since there's only one knew that exists and ever will exist. What makes you, you write down qualities that you like about yourself or that other people have mentioned that they like about you. So say if you're creative, you're kind, you're funny. You're giving your talent ahead. You're, I don't know, a good listener. Basically write down all the things that you think that you are. And if you have some close friends, get asked them, be like, Oh, what do you like about me and get them to add a few things. Build this list somewhere. So whenever you're feeling down about yourself, read this list and really feel those words like, don't read the words and then be like, oh, but I'm not actually that. But I could be better. I says I'm creative, but I could, I could be more creative. There's other people are a lot more creative than me That's falling into the comparison tribe. Read those words and barely feel them. People think this about you. You think coast about yourself at the word is funny. Like really feel like I'm a funny person. I'm a creative person. And don't let any native thoughts around those adjectives come into play. Just feel the words and tell yourself that's what you are. Because if you keep telling yourself those things, those characteristics w, are only going to get stronger and stronger. And you're only going to feel better about yourself. You're gonna get more and more competence about who you are and you're going to understand who you are better. 6. Love Yourself: Loving and accepting who you are. Feeling, love for who you are right now is really challenging. And it took me a long time to feel love for myself and accept myself. I struggled with an eating disorder for really long time. I struggled with social anxiety, struggled with low confidence for years and years and years like 10-15 years. And for me, it was a daily struggle and like I said, dedicated with alcohol and things that would just make me feel different than how I normally felt. Something that would hide my true my true emotional state of feeling discomfort. So this discomfort stemmed from not loving myself, not accepting myself, thinking I needed to be different. And a lot of that stuff does come from childhood experiences, which sometimes you don't have any control over. So something has happened in your childhood when you're really young. Sometimes it can create this disconnect between who you are, who you want to be, who you think you should be, and needing to be this person before you can feel accepted and loved. I'm here right now to tell you that is not the case. Who you are exactly in this moment is enough. You don't need to be anyone else. Who you are right now is enough to be loved. It's not up to other people to love you and give you that love. It's about finding that Love within yourself, accepting yourself, accepting near mistakes, accepting your past, setting your present. And just really feeling that who you are in this moment is who you're supposed to be. Loved that person. There could be a lot of things that you want to change. There could be a lot of things that you hate yourself, that you hate about yourself. That's fine. But love that person. That person's been through a lot. That person's had a lot of experiences. And these experiences, whether you chose them, you brought them into your life or if they just happened to you, have shaped who you are, negative or positive. So understand that you are a product of your choices and your experiences and who you are right now. Deserves to feel accepted and feel loved. Take a deep breath in and feel love. Tried to feel love. Maybe you've never done this before, but try to feel love, trying to feel the feeling of love wash over you. The feeling of acceptance. Feel that you are loved. And whether you're religious, whether you're not religious, give yourself that love. And if you're religious, you already feel that God loves you. So feel that love from God and feel that love coming from yourself as well. If you're not religious, feel the love from the universe. Feel the love from yourself. Just feel that feeling of acceptance and that feeling of love. And it's all going to happen right away. You know, it's not like suddenly you go, click on, I feel this love like flowing antibody. Honestly, it took me years and years and years to be able to love myself. And even today, like I didn't say in that, but I feel like I could love myself more. But so much that it's just loving and accepting who you are right now. Practice every day. Practice loving yourself, practice accepting yourself. Practice giving yourself that love. Practice, being your own cheerleader. You know, practice kinds, internal. Self-talk. Think good things about yourself. Say nice things about yourself within your mind. Don't entertain any of those negative self-talk feelings because that's only going to bring you down. And life is too short. Honestly, life as well, you too short to have those kind of thoughts in your head. Because we need you to be the best you can be, OK, we need you to be confident. We need you to be expressing yourself. We need you to be spreading positivity and kindness in this world. And there's no time for any of that negativity and self-doubt and negative self-talk. 7. Next Steps: True confidence is loving, accepting who you are and being prepared and ready to share that person with the world's showing the person who you are interacting with people and just trusting yourself to express yourself fully. You can fake competence. Of course, by doing the body language thing, that eye contact thing, that you can pick it. But in the end, people are always going to sense the, there's a disconnect there. Especially if you want to have these deep connecting conversations with people and really get to know people on a deeper level. It's a fake competence isn't gonna get you that far. You need that real love, that real competence within yourself. That competence that you've built up brick by brick by brick over years to allow yourself to fully be present with another person and have those deep meaningful conversations. So it's not gonna happen overnight. Everyday. Just practice something new and practice a different technique. Have that positive self-talk. Learn to love yourself and appreciate all the unique things about you and all the neat things that you have to share with the world and the people here. 8. Final Thoughts: So for the class projects, I'd like you to write down five things that you feel are true about yourself and what makes you unique. So after you have these five things written down, feel free to keep them private or posts them. But go through each of the five things. I'm really feel each one. This combination of the five things is what makes you special. So yeah, it's unique to you and it's what you bring to this world. I have no doubt if you keep practicing these competence tips. If you keep learning about competence, if you practice every day, I'm building your confidence that you'll be able to do anything you put your mind to know. Obstacle will be to beg. Honestly, it whatever it is that you want to do, I've no doubt that you will achieve it. Just build that competence and become a better person every day. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Only compare yourself to who you were yesterday. And if you are a slightly better version of yourself than you were yesterday or ten years down the road. I can't even imagine what kind of person you're gonna be. Thanks so much for watching and until next time.