How To Influence People & Double Your Persuasion Skills | Alain Wolf | Skillshare

How To Influence People & Double Your Persuasion Skills

Alain Wolf, Social Skills Consultant

How To Influence People & Double Your Persuasion Skills

Alain Wolf, Social Skills Consultant

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15 Lessons (49m)
    • 1. Welcome + What You Will Learn

      3:22
    • 2. Social Proof: What is it?

      3:12
    • 3. How to use the power of SOCIAL PROOF to INFLUENCE people

      7:56
    • 4. ZEIGERNIK EFFECT: What is it?

      2:41
    • 5. How to use the power of ZEIGERNIK EFFECT to INFLUENCE people

      3:55
    • 6. The Reason Effect: What is it?

      2:03
    • 7. How to use the power of REASON EFFECT to INFLUENCE people

      3:06
    • 8. The Consistency Effect: What is it?

      1:48
    • 9. How to use the power of CONSISTENCY EFFECT to INFLUENCE people

      4:33
    • 10. The Talk About Them Effect: What is it?

      2:39
    • 11. How to use the power of TALK ABOUT THEM EFFECT to INFLUENCE people

      2:45
    • 12. Hard To Get: What is it?

      1:52
    • 13. How to use the power of HARD TO GET EFFECT to INFLUENCE people

      4:09
    • 14. Similarity Effect: What is it?

      0:41
    • 15. How to use the power of SIMILARITY EFFECT to INFLUENCE people

      4:01
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About This Class

Learning to influence & persuade people will give you personal power over other people. This course will cover 9 powerful techniques you can use in your personal and professional life to get what you want in social situations.

How To Influence People & Get What You Want In Social Situations

  • Get more favors from people
  • Gain more power socially
  • Influence your customers to buy your products
  • Influence people in your personal life
  • Influence & persuade people in any social situation

Learn To Influence & Persuade People In Any Social Interaction

Why do you say yes to some people & no to others? How can you talk with more influence so you can get what you want? How can you persuade people to do something?

We will answer these questions in this course. Every one around you uses the power of influence to communicate. But at different levels. Some people know how to use it and they become socially successful & get what they want while other people struggle socially. But don't worry, with this course, you will become to the category of people who are socially successful.

Content & overview

You will learn the 9 most powerful techniques in persuasion & influence when dealing with people. You will learn how to increase your success rate when asking a question to someone (it will really make your life easier), you will learn how to get more favors from people (don't overuse it ;-), how to get people to be drawn towards you, how to be categorized as friendly even before you open your mouth (this technique is incredible), how to influence people so they will be super nice when you approach them, how to be great at social skills influence, how to get people to value you socially & how to connect faster with people!

Meet Your Teacher

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Alain Wolf

Social Skills Consultant

Teacher

 

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Alain Wolf is an award-winning en... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Welcome + What You Will Learn: Hi and welcome to this course. In this course, I will teach you everything you need to know about social influence. So that you can positively influence people, so that they will say yes instead of No. But here I just want you to be careful because I want you to have creating tensions. Because if you have bad intentions, please don't use these techniques because they are really powerful. And I created this course because I want you to positively influence people. Okay? So this is my main goal here is have good intentions. That's really important if you use these techniques, use them carefully because they are really powerful. So now who I am? So I am a social skills consultants that is now traveling the world and teaching people how they can increase their social skills. So I'm really passionate about social skills. And this is something that I really, really, really love doing. Because 15 years ago I was really, really shy of us introverted. I had no friends it so for me it was really terrible. I had 0 social skills. So what I did for the last 15 years, I read all the books I could find. I attended seminars all around the world. I interviewed social dynamic experts, and I watched all the online seminars on a product I could find about social skills. And then I applied everything. I applied everything for years, for years and years. And I would like to share their principles, a social influence principle that I discovered. So how did I find these social inference principles? Principles? What I did is that I, I studied marketing because I also have MBA in marketing that I got here in Switzerland and in Australia. So I studied a lot about marketing, about influence. And what they did is that I saw that you could take these principles of influence in marketing and translate them and use them with the social dynamics field. So this is what I will be teaching you today, is how you can use the influence principle that you find in marketing, but with people in general. And again, you must have good intentions because your goal is to positively influence people, not to manipulate them. So how I structured this course, it's really easy to understand. I really allergic to barring, I'm allergic to Fu theory to ours and our theory that you can apply anywhere. So what I will be sharing with you will be really simple. And it's actually in three parts. Let's say that we take the concept of social proof firstly to be the explanation of the concept. And then I will give you examples. Then it will be how you can use them in social dynamics. So first I will explain what it is, and then I will give you examples on practically how you can use them with script, with examples. And then at the ends of each chapter, there is a mission. A mission to hammer the concepts into your brain so that you can immediately apply the new concepts and new influence weapons that you learned. So let's go, Let's start. 2. Social Proof: What is it?: Social proof, social proof into cases. Now I just want to explain to you what social proof is and why it's important. So that two cases here. The first one is that if many people have experienced a product service or someone and the lighted, there are higher chances that you like it too, because it decreases your risk of the unknown. Let's take the example of Amazon. Let's say that you want to buy a book on Amazon. And then you find a book with one review, and then you find another book on the same subject, but with 500 reviews. I'm 99 percent sure that you will buy the one with 500 reviews because in your mind, unconscious USA, okay, if 500 people liked this book, it means that I must like it to. So it decreases your risk of the unknown. And now the second case is if many people want it, you have higher chances of fonts. It, it's too. Let's say that for example, you are in a social situation and there is someone that is always busy talking to. Everyone wants to talk to this person unconsciously. You will also want to talk to this person. Because you think that if many people are talking to this person, this person should be really interesting. So now let's illustrate that with examples. Let's say here that you have the choice between these two restaurants here. Let's say that you arrive in a new city. And then there are these two restaurants next door. You can see on the left there are many people, and then on the right there is no one. And then I asked you this question, which restaurants with and I'm sure that 99 percent of people will choose the one on the left. Why? Because you can see that our people eating and if there are people eating, it means that it's popular. Food is good, you won't get sick. It means that be okay. So you can see here that it decreases the uncertainty trying a new service or new place. So this is key here. Now, let's take another example and start to apply that with social skills. There is someone on the left here, there is a man on the left, and then there is a man on the right. You can choose the one you want on the right. If Ss question, do you prefer to talk to the man on the left or on the right? I'm sure that 99 percent of people would say that the professor to talk with the man on the right. Why? Because he is with people. So if he's with people, it means that he should be friendly, that he should have a cooper friends, so he should be interesting. He should have life going on for him. You can see, can they dug that just by being with other people, it means that he's already validated in the social world. Here on the left you can see this, the guy that is alone. You have no idea about him. So by approaching him, you take a great risk because you don't know if he's socially validated, you don't know if he's friendly. There are so much uncertainty. So people prefer to talk with someone that is around other people here on the right, like on the right, rather than someone that is alone. 3. How to use the power of SOCIAL PROOF to INFLUENCE people: Now, let us discuss how can you apply it with social skills, because that's our goal here. So the goal here is to show that people like you. Because if people like you knew people should also like you. So if there are people around you and you see that you are in a group and people are friendly towards you, people around you that we'll be looking at it will see that you are already validated by other people and people are having a great time with you. So they should also have a great time if they approach you. And this is really incredible because people will approach you more easily if they see that there are other people around you having a great time. But also, if many people wanted to talk to you, your social value will increase it. You'll see that there are many people wanting to talk to you. The other, the people around. We say, Oh my God, this is interesting. Everyone wants to talk to this guy. What's so special about our, this man or this woman? So this person must be interesting. You can see here that an hour, I will illustrate exactly how you can apply these two principles here so that you can increase your social influence. So technique number one, try to be introduced to people. Instead of approaching on your own. You could approach people if they don't know you. It's called cold approaching. So let's take the example. You approached say, Hey, I'm Mark, how are you? Then the person say, Hey, I'm colors, nice to meet you. It works very well. It works really well if repulsed like that. But now I want to give you a technique that will increase your success rate. And this is with social proof. If you approach with the social proof facto way, it's what we call warm approach, warm approaches when someone already knows you. So imagine that you approach, hey, imagine that your friend approaches for you. Hi, I just wanted to introduce my friend Mark. He's a good friend of mine. And then you can say, Hey, I'm Mike, how are you? And then the new person, we can say, Hi, I'm Cairo's nice to meet you. You can see here that you have a friend that is introducing yourself. So it means that you are already social proofs because a friend recommends you. So you should be someone grades. Because if you friend likes you, the new person should also like you. It's like the reviews on Amazon Books. So what you can do is that you can ask a friend to introduce you to the person, to the people he knows. Or you can also approach people, buy your own on your own and saying that, hey, I'm marks friend or hey, I'm a Carlos friend. Hey, I'm Stephanie's friend. So that you are already social proof so that the person in front of you will be more at ease, comfortable because you are already social proof because your friends, because you friend or friends recommend you. So this is something that, you know that this person should be friendly, okay. Now, try to be with friends and not alone. If you go to a place, it's better to be with friends than alone because it will increase your social proof factor and people like you. So you should be friendly. So it means that if you're in a group with people, it means that if people around you are with you, it means that you should be friendly and you should have a great life. It means that you should have a great life. If you are alone. People don't know and they had this uncertainty. Are you someone that is crazy? Are you tenuous? They really don't know. They don't know. So that's why it'll be more difficult for them or even for you to approach people if you are alone, you can do that, but that's more advanced. So that's why I recommend that when you go somewhere, go with friends, go with people that are around you so that people can see that you are someone that is normal and that is someone that is already social proof. Now, if you go somewhere alone, for example, when I went to Australia and I was completely alone, I had no friends at the beginning because I lived there for six months. What you do is that you enter the social purpose, the social place, and then you approach the most friendly group. So you just find the most friendly group there. You just go and you approach them. And then you tell them that you want to meet new people. And you challenge yourself to go out alone. And the thing that is really great is that they will admire you for that. They will admire you for taking the risk of going out alone. But it can be that you wanted to go out with your friends, but they were not available. But if you just say, Hey, I wanted to challenge myself, I wanted to come here and talk to new people. They will love you for that and they would welcome you fall for that. So this is a great technique. And then when you have them, you use them as your new friend group. So then now you have people that are around you because you just made them that night, that day. But you have now a new group of friends that you can now go and approach other people and then come back to prevention not anymore. So on that is alone. You have new friends, you have a new group of friends. Okay? So this is a technique that is really effective because you can use it everywhere. You just go in our proofs, people, you'd befriend them, and then this, these are your friends. Okay? And now we can approach other people. And the other people will see that you have a group of friends and you're not some creepy person. I'm standing at the corner. Okay. Also what you can do that you can share stories where you are, it's friends. Instead of saying, yeah, most of the time I stay in my apartment with my cat, watching TV shows. It's better to share stories why you are where you are with your friends. But then for this weekend, I went out with friends to have dinner and then we did that, that, that, that, that the goal here is to share stories where you went with your friends instead of alone at the beginning of social interactions so that people can see, hey, he has friends. So he should be normal. Because if you approach someone and then you don't talk about your friends or about all the people that are in your life. People will think that's weird because you will be similar. That is not social proof and they don't know sure. Dendrites, they're going offshore normal, so they have all this uncertainty. But if you show that you have friends and you have things going on in your life, people will be more comfortable talking to you and then you would have more social success. So your mission, next time that you are in a social situation, try to be introduced if possible. So try to find a friend that can introduce you to new people. Or you can approach new people. Think that, Hey, I'm a Mark's friends, okay, saying the name of the person and saying who's who's friends you are, okay. Invite friends to go out with you. Instead of going out alone. Invites friends to go out with you. And if you can't, then you have to go out alone. You just approach the most friendly group there. You befriend them and then use them as your new friends as a social proof. Tell stories where you are with your friends. So be aware and make the habit of telling stories when you meet new people. Tell stories or Yahweh is you friends away, you are with other people so that you will be social proof. 4. ZEIGERNIK EFFECT: What is it?: What is it? If you talk about the benefits that people will get, it will work better than if you talk about your own benefits or don't mention any. For example, let's take here the example of a goals description. Let's say that what's written is, I created this course because I love playing the guitar. I'm really passionate about it. By my course. You can see here that the person is only talking about himself, is only talking about the things that they did. They are not looking at. Okay. What are the benefits that meet the client would get? Now let's take the same ideas in this course description, but write it in terms of benefits for the other person. I treated this course so that you can learn how to pick the guitar in less than three weeks. My passion will be so contagious that you won't be able to stop watching the videos. So you will learn really fast. You can see here that the ideas are the same. But in the first example, the course description is only written about, about the person that created the course. And then with the second example, the course description is written in terms of benefits results that the clients will get at the end of the course. Let's take another example. Let's take a business description. Let's say that I wrote, we are the market since 1999. I started with almost nothing and now we succeeded to create a great product. Last year, we had a partnership with data. Our business is doing great. And 99 percent of the websites, of the business website, the habit description like that. There are only talking about themselves. Now let's take the same ideas and then let's write it again. But talking about the client's benefits and results are experienced since 1999 will help us recommend the best product for you so that it can improve your life. Creating a great product from scratch to does many things that you can benefit from. For example, data, data, data we are here to serve you. You can see here that the difference, the ideas are the same, but one is written in, this is what I did. And the other one is written in these other results that you get. 5. How to use the power of ZEIGERNIK EFFECT to INFLUENCE people: You can save. And the goal here is to approach someone and then leave something and complete and completed in the conversation. So you can approach. Hey, I just wanted to tell you something about yourself, but before I would like to introduce myself. And now the person is hooked because I want to tell you something about yourself. So the person is curious. Okay? But then instead of telling immediately what you want to tell this person about himself, see, but before I would like to introduce myself. So you can see that the task is uncompleted. You want to tell something to the, to someone just before telling that you see another thing. So hi. I just wanted to tell you something about yourself. But before I would like to introduce myself, Hi, my name is Mark. Hi, my name is Elizabeth. Then the other person will be hooked and we say, Hey, what did you want to tell me? And then you can see, for example, high, You seem like a really friendly person. I really like that at that data about you. You can see here that this way of approaching is more advanced, but it will work really well because you hooked the person. Okay? You started with something that is uncompleted and then at the end you gave the information. So this is a really high, effective, but a little bit more advanced social opener. You can also use it when you are talking to someone. You can say, Hey, I just wanted to tell you something about yourself. The other precedence we say, what is it? Then you can say a maybe later, and then you can change topics. So you can say maybe later, and then you can ask it to you like this music. Now this is more advanced, but these introduced powerful because the other person will spend the whole day, night thinking about you and what you want to tell him. So remember, people will remember more uncompleted task. Tasks. Okay? So if the goal here is that why am I using higher? Just wanted to tell you something about yourself, is that everyone wants to know what the other people think of them. So if you say, Hey, I just want to tell you something about your serves. The people will be hooked like ninety-nine point nine percent of the time. Now, when should you reveal the what is it about yourself? So you can play a little bit, for example, in this case, you can change, for example, topics once, maybe later. And then do you like this music? Then the person will, will answer. Then the person will ask you again, Okay, what is it that you want to tell me? And then you can reveal it. For example, say that hey, address so that you are really friendly. Or you can start playing and then change topics again. But be careful, don't use it too often because then it can be annoying. But if you just do that once or twice in any direction, you will see that you will really hook the other person in. The other person will really want to know what you want to tell them. So this is incredibly powerful. So the structure again, I just want you to tell you something about yourself. Then a little bit. You just say that you want, you will reveal it a little bit later. And then you keep changing the topic by asking other questions. By then at the end, you make a complement. You can say that, Hey, I really like how friendly you are. Or I just wanted to tell you that you look really friend. They will invest a lot of energy into you and they will really like you. 6. The Reason Effect: What is it?: The reason effect. If we ask someone to do us a favor, will have a higher success rates. If we provide a reason. People simply like to have reasons for what they do. Now let's discuss that. Nsc, illustrate that with an example. So there have been studies that have been made and that show that. Okay, So this was the experiment. So one arrived at the library, in the library and there were, and there was a line to use the Xerox machine. So then the breast arrived in front of the line. And then ask, Excuse me, I have five pages. Can I use the Xerox machine? The success rate was 60 percent. Now the person provided a reason was because and this person said, Excuse me, I have five pages. Can I use the Xerox machine because I'm in a rush? And you can see here that the success rate was 94%. So you can see here by just giving a reason, because I am in a rush, the success rate increased by 34 percent. But what was really incredible is that the person also said, Excuse me, I have five pages. Can I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies. It doesn't even make sense to go in front of the line and then say, Hey, can I use it because I have to make some copies. And their success rate was 93%. So by just providing a reason with, because you can see that it's work as well is the, is the reason is valid. Like I'm in a rush rather than just some excuses because I have to make some copies. So it's not about the reason use that because I'm in a rush and because I have to make some copies. But it's because of the word because. 7. How to use the power of REASON EFFECT to INFLUENCE people: So now, how can we apply that to Social kids? If you use the word, because you will see that it will increase your success rate when you ask a question. Let's pretend that you want to go to a restaurant with someone. And this person doesn't like restaurants very much, You have a higher chance of success. If you ask, Do you want to go to a restaurant tonight? Because I really liked it or because I loved the food there. So if you provide a reason with because you will have a higher success rate than if you just say, Do you want to go to a restaurant tonight? The success rate would be 60 percent. And then if you provide a reason, it will be 92 percent. So instead of saying, do you want to go to a restaurant tonight, you can say, do you want to go to restaurant tonight? Because I really like it because I love the food air, because you don't have to cook tonight. And you will see that the success rate will be higher. Another example, instead of saying, Hey, let's have, let's hang out this weekend, which will be a 60 percent success rate. You can say, hey, let's hang out this weekend because I know a great place to drink cocktails. The success rate will be much higher if you provide a reason. So you can use that almost every social interaction. If you ask a question and if you want to increase your success rate, you just have to add because at the end and then give a reason. Let's say that for example, I go to a nightclub and I wants to order a glass of water. And here in Switzerland, they don't really like it to give it a glass of water for free. So I can just go and say, Hey, can you give me a glass of water because I'm thirsty and the success rate will increase. So make the habit of asking the question and using the word because and providing a reason because people really like it and the success rate will be increased. Another example, hey, let's exchange numbers because you seem like a friendly person. It will work much better than that. Hey, let's sections numbers just by providing the reason here, because you've seen eco-friendly person, it will dramatically increase your success rate. So you mission here is make a habit to use the word, because when you ask something to someone and you will see that it will skyrocket your success rate. Though. Think now about this. The questions that you asked yesterday, for example, did you ask a favor to someone yesterday? Or did you ask a question? For example, did you invite your partner to go to a restaurant? And now try to take these examples that you use, the question that you use and to add the reason because, because you should really make a habit of asking the question with the because and the reason. And you will see that it will really skyrocket your social skills. 8. The Consistency Effect: What is it?: The consistency effect. Consistency is key. So what is the consistency effect? We want to be consistent with our actions so that we can be on autopilot and save energy. So this is really powerful. For example, if I tell all my friends that I want to stop smoking, there is a higher chance of success because I want to be consistent with what I said. So for example, if I tell them that and then in my mind, I will say, okay, I want to be consistent with the fact that I told my friends that I want to stop smoking. Because if I, if cuz I will save more energy by just acting on autopilot and stop smoking than, for example, continue smoking. And then I'll have all the social pressure of people telling me the habit. You you said that you are going to stop smoking or not smoking. So just if you want to save energy and if you tell people something publicly, or if you tell them, you will tend to act on what you said because you want to save energy and you want to be consistent with what you said. Okay. On another example, if you tell if I tell you that I'm coming tomorrow, there is a high chance of becoming two more because I want to be consistent with what I said. If I tell her friend yeah, tomorrow I'm coming to your place at 08:00 PM. There is a higher chances of Nico coming there at 08:00 PM. Rather than than just saying, Hey, yeah, maybe I'm coming tomorrow, I'm not really sure. So now let's see how you can really apply this consistency effect. 9. How to use the power of CONSISTENCY EFFECT to INFLUENCE people: You can approach with the consistency effect. And this is my favorite technique of all the techniques here in this course. You can say, Hey, I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly. Then the person will say, Oh, thank you. Why it works really well is that when you approach someone and then you frame the person as friendly with the consistency effects. The person will then act as friendly. Because if you say, hey, you look really friendly and then the person is an asshole to you, disperse and won't be following the consistency effect. So if you say, hey, you look really friendly, and then the person will act as friendly because the person wants to be consistent with what you said. This is really powerful. You can also try, hey, I just wanted to say hi because you look at ventures or because you look open-minded, you can frame the qualities that you want in people by just using the consistency effect when you approach them. By using the, because you look friendly, it's really safe. Because most people will say, Oh, thank you, because no one wants to appear unfriendly to people. There are cases where people will be not friendly to you. But it's for example, if you are completely drunk or if you are really bad person, or if you're at STP at a networking event, then yes. But most of the time, if you're normal person who approaches because you look friendly, 99 percent of the time, people will be really friendly towards you. So this is powerful because in their minds, the consistency effects will play a major role so that they can then be really friendly. You can also use that in the conversation, so you can approach with that, but can also use that in a conversation. For example, by saying, it's really great to meet someone who is friendly. Then the person say, Oh, thank you. And then as we discussed before, the person will act as friendly because you framed it that way. And then the person wants to be consistent with what you said. So these techniques are really powerful and you should use them on if it's genuine. Because I'm not telling you he approached everyone. We're seeing that the look friendly. If you don't think so. Okay. And even saying that, yeah, you look refrain the like a good friend. If you don't think that, don't fake it. Okay. But I would just want to give you here a tool that is an expression tools that you can use this consistency effect. You can discuss your future plans together. Instead of saying, Hey, let's hang out in the future, you can discuss your future plans together. For example, on Thursday, we can go to this bar, displays this restaurant at APM. Sounds good. Then schedule it together. Because with the consistency effect, you want to be consistent with the decision you made and with the commitments you made. So it will be much more successful if you really plan and discuss your future plans together. Because then the other person would have the plans to your future plans in their minds. And then they want to be consistent with that. And then they have higher chances of going to the, to the event or the future place with you. Okay? So your mission today, use the consistency effect in a social situation. So it can, it can use one of the three techniques. So you can, for example, approach someone with a consistency affects thing that they look friendly. Or you can in the discussion. And you can tell them that it's really great to meet somebody that is friendly. Also, you should schedule your future plans with someone by being, by scheduling them and discussing them, instead of just saying, Yeah, this week, let's, let's go out or let's go to this networking event. Can say, Hey, okay, on Thursday, Let's go to this networking events. Let's meet at two PM. Then the person we want to be consistent with what you said and was what you agreed on. So this effect is really powerful. You should really use it, but also carefully. And it has to be January. 10. The Talk About Them Effect: What is it?: If you talk about the benefits that people will get, it will work better than if you talk about your own benefits or don't mention any. For example, let's take here the example of a Udemy course description. Let's say that what's written is, I created this course because I love playing the guitar. I'm really passionate about it. By my course. You can see here that the person is only talking about himself, is only talking about the things that they did. They're not looking at as Aki, what are the benefits that meet the client would get? Now let's take the same ideas in this course description, but write it in terms of benefits for the other person. I created this course so that you can learn how to pick the guitar in less than three weeks. My passion will be so contagious that you won't be able to stop watching the videos. So you will learn really fast. You can see here that the ideas are the same. But in the first example, the course description is only written about, about the person that created the course. And then with the second example, the course description is written in terms of benefits results that the clients will get at the end of the course. Let's take another example. Let's take a business description. Let's see that I wrote, we are the market since 1999. I started with almost nothing and now we succeeded to create a great product. Last year, we had a partnership with data. Our business is doing great. And 99 percent of the websites, of the business website, the habit description like that. There are only talking about themselves. Now let's take the same ideas and then let's write it again. But talking about the client's benefits and results are experienced since 1999 will help us recommend the best product for you so that it can improve your life. Creating a great product from scratch to does many things that you can benefit from. For example, data, data, data we are here to serve you. You can see here that the difference, the ideas are the same, but one is written in, this is what I did. And the other one is written in these other results that you would get. 11. How to use the power of TALK ABOUT THEM EFFECT to INFLUENCE people: Now, how can you apply that with social skills? When you ask a question? Ask a question by talking about the benefits of the other person. Instead of saying, let's exchange numbers, you can see, let's exchange number so that I can show you the best place to eat tacos in the city. You will love it. And yes, you learned that this person of stuccoed in the conversation. It will work much better than I just said, hey, let's exchange numbers because here you are providing a benefit of the person saying yes to the question. Can also say, hey, let's exchange numbers so I can help you with that, with your project that can give you advice on that. You can see he's about talking about the benefits. So instead of asking the simple question, you ask the question with the benefits and the results that people will get by saying yes to the question. Another example, let's say that you want to ask someone, do you want to go to the restaurant? Instead of just asking, do you want to go to the restaurant? You can try. Do you want to go to the restaurant so you don't have to cook tonight. You can see here, the second option will really have a high success rate because you are providing the benefits of the person going to the restaurant with you. And when I started doing that, by adding the benefits that the other person will get, your success rate your, you will be really socially successful. Because then whatever you ask, if you provide a benefit of benefits, a benefit or reason, I'll benefit a reason. But most importantly, the things that they will get for them, the benefits and the results that they will get. It will dramatically increase your social skills. Mission. Start asking questions by using the benefits that people would get from it. Instead of just asking the question, you asked a question and then you add a benefit. For example, Hey, do you want to go to the restaurant so you don't have to cook. Do you want to go to the restaurant so you can discover these new food. And you can do that with everything. With everything you can make. It should make a habit of talking about the benefits and the results that people will get easily do something with you. And if you do that, you will see that your people skills will dramatically increase. 12. Hard To Get: What is it?: People will value something, someone more if they don't get, eats him that easily. For example, let's say that you want to get a new ferry. Let's say that someone gives you a fairy. Or let's say that you save $100 per month for the next 30 years. Which one will you value the most? The one that someone gave you. And you didn't have to invest a lot of energy and time to get it. Or if you save one hundred, ten hundred dollar for the next 30 years to buy it, which one will you value the most? And I'm sure that you answer is, if I save $100 for the next 30 years. So you can see here that it's like the fairy spaying hard to get so that to get the ferry, you must invest your time and energy into it. Another example, and this is something that I learned from my cats. If you give a string to a cat, he won't be interested in playing with it because it was really easy to get it. The cat wanted to catch the string. But now if you just give it to the, give it to the cat, The cats won't be interested in the category leaf. But now, if you play with the string, the cat will go crazy about it because he wants to catch it. In this case, the string is pulling hard to get. So you can see here that there is a difference between because here the intention, the cat wants to catch the string. But if you just give the string like that to a cat, the cat want to be interested in anymore. But if you play with a string, the cat would be crazy about it because you are challenging the cats. And the string here is spring is playing hard to get. 13. How to use the power of HARD TO GET EFFECT to INFLUENCE people: Now, how can you apply it with social skills? First, your availability. If you seem less available, people will like you more. So I see so many people saying that they can be available when the other person wants. For example, they say, Sure, I'm available when you want. And in this case it's less. It's like giving the string to the cat. But you can try. Sure. Let me check my calendar and get back to you. It's like you're playing with a string. It means that you have a life going on. You have passions, interests, you have things, you have a schedule if you have things going on. So don't be too available. I'm not telling you yet, but just tell people that you are not available. I'm just telling you that the way you tell people that you are available is important. Don't say, yeah, I'm available when you want because you're just giving the string to the cap. Let's say, Yeah, I'm just going to check I think on Thursday it could be great. And just going let me check my calendar. You see, it's, it's different. Have a challenging mindset. Adopt the challenging mindset. Remember the gap theory, where if you challenge the cats to catch the string, the cat will be much more interested in you in the string, rather than just giving him the string and adopt the challenging mindset. And the challenging mindset com forums. The adopt the buyer, not the center mindset. So what is the buyer and the seller mindset? Let's say that you want to buy a new TV. Let's go to, you go to an electronic store and then you want to buy a TV. You're the buyer. You approach a seller and then you say, Hey, okay, I would like to know how much is the TV, okay? Okay. How many colors are there? Okay. What is the resolution of the screen? Okay, Interesting. Maybe I like it, but I also like this one here. You can see here the buyer mentality is you are trying to select the TV that you want. And the seller mentality, he just wants to sell. Okay? So he wants to sell. It does not really matter which one it is. He just wants to sell. And here in social situations that's the same. You will have someone that is trying to sell himself to the other person. Yeah, I'm great. I'm Sam, someone you can like. And the thing is that with that, if you try to sell yourself to the other person, you want to be challenging. But instead, if you add up the buyer mindset, it means that, yeah, I would like to buy this TV, but I'd like to see the resolution. Lets me have glucose, so this one is great. Have this mindset. You, you will be, Hey, you look like a cool person. And then you will start screening someone for the qualities that you want. For example, the qualities of, for example, the benefits that you will get if this person enters your business. Or for example, if this person enters your life, other romantic partner. Because if you change your mindset to the buyer mindset, you will see that you will be more challenging. And if you are more challenging, it's hard to get effect. So if you have any questions about that, you can just write it out in the discussion board. So you mission socially. Do you play with a string or gives a string directly? When I started, I asked myself this question and I saw that most of the time I was giving the string directly. So now that you our air, if you give the string directly, try to find ways to play with string. So it can be with your avail, availability. It can be with the challenging mindset. So it means that being the buyer, the seller, or it can be with any other technique that you can come up on your own. So if you have any questions, don't hesitate to post them in the discussion board. 14. Similarity Effect: What is it?: The similarity effect, we tend to like people more who are like us. So if we have to as $5 in a train station will ask someone who looks like us. There have been studies that have been made and that shows that really like if you have to ask something to someone, you want to ask something to someone that is like you, because this person can understand you better. For example, if you have to ask $5. So in socially directions, people tend to like other people more if they are like them. So how can you use these effects at your advantage? 15. How to use the power of SIMILARITY EFFECT to INFLUENCE people: You can apply it by mirroring the behavioral. You can see here that the behavior, the body language of dispersion and dispense on here is similar. This one here to this person, and dispersion to this person here the arm is here, they are mid-year. There are exactly. So what you can do in social interaction that at the beginning, you don't do anything. But then when you start getting comfortable with the person, if you see that is, for example, this man here is sitting like that. And I am the person here. I will just copy his body language. So slowly, I will put my arm here. And then now I will continue talking. And then I'll slowly, I will cross my legs like that. What will happen is that this person here, we say, oh, but this is the unconsciously dispersion and say, Hey, this is interesting because discussion here has the same body language as me. So there should be something going on. So it means that this person is like me. And if the person says, Oh, this person is like me, the person will like you more with the similarity effect. So this is something that you can do. Don't do it too fast. For example, here, if this person changes the body language to mirror this person here, and you do it really quickly by putting the HENI and then the crossing the legs. It can seems a little bit strange. But if you do it slowly over the conversation, you will see that you will connect faster with people. You can use the language, try to identify their own language and use them in the conversation. Let's say that someone uses the word amazing or any other word and you identify it. What you can do is that you can use these words in the conversation and then the other person will unconsciously like you more because the person say, Yeah, but this person is like me. This person has the same language as me. And this is really powerful, but don't use it too often. For example, if you see that someone uses the word amazing a lot, don't say the word amazing 15 times because then it will seem weird. But if you use it just a few times in the conversation, people will connect with you faster. So it's important to identify the word that they use in the conversation. Here, I just want to tell you something. Don't adapt who you are to be like the other person and try to be like him. Don't try to adapt who you are yourself to the other person. For example, trying to change the way you talk, trying to change the way you act, your body language, you should be yourself. But then just use these techniques, the one with the mirroring technique and the one with the language technique. You should use this technique to connect faster with people. And it should just be a small technique that you are using. You are not changing who you are and your way, your, your way of behaving. You are just using these two techniques as a way of expression. As a way to connect faster with people. So your mission today, try to mirror someone with their body language and see how they react. And use the words once in the conversation. So remember, when you are comfortable with someone, you can mirror their body language. If, for example, they are crossing arms, you can cause arms. If they're crossing the legs, you can cross their legs in the same direction. You do it slowly in the conversation and you will see that you will connect faster with them. Also, you should identify the words that they use many times. So you should also use the words once in the conversation.