Help Coping With Your Grief - Learn How to Feel Less Pain. | Janine Hailey | Skillshare

Help Coping With Your Grief - Learn How to Feel Less Pain.

Janine Hailey, Grief and Emotional Well-Being Specialist

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7 Lessons (28m)
    • 1. Introduction to Help Coping with Grief

      1:45
    • 2. What is Grief and how does it affect us

      4:30
    • 3. Busting Your Beliefs about Grief

      5:34
    • 4. What's Your Grief

      3:15
    • 5. Help Moving Beyond the Pain of Grief

      4:35
    • 6. Writing Your Good Bye Letter

      6:34
    • 7. Project Outcome for the Course Help Coping with Grief

      1:43

About This Class

This class is about offering some help and support for anyone suffering from a loss; that maybe as a result of a death of a loved one, a relationship breakdown, or perhaps a divorce. There are over 40 life events that cause us to grieve, and they all hurt and cause us pain.

Following a loss, everyone tells us just to get on with things, but no-one tells us how. I am going to offer some insight in how to cope better with the pain you feel as a result of your grief.

As a result of completing several actions throughout the programme, the final outcome will be write a final good-bye letter to the person whom you are grieving for.

During the course you will:

  • Have an opportunity to uncover what is causing you to grieve,
  • To understand your grief more,
  • To take small steps through a variety of guided actions,
  • Create your good-bye letter to your loved one, or the person that you are missing.
  • Learn how to feel less pain from your grief. 
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Transcripts

1. Introduction to Help Coping with Grief: Hi there. My name is Janine Haley and I would like to welcome you to this class. I've called the class help coping with grief. Let me have to deal with my own grief has made a huge difference in my own life on I really want to share that experience with you. I have created this class is a way of offering some help UN support for anyone suffering from grief. Right now, your grief may have been caused by a loss in your life either recently or a long time ago. Either way, this class can help you deal with it. Grief is such a difficult topic on I'm so pleased that you were here. So please stay with me and you will have the opportunity through the class to uncover what is causing you to grieve and to understand it more on to take some small steps through a variety of gay deductions that will help you to feel less pain, to feel less isolated until hopefully to bring you a sense of well being back to your life . Remember, You don't have to grieve alone and I invite you now to meet me in the first session off this class where we will look at what grief iss on exactly how it can affect us. Thank you so much for watching. And I'm really looking forward to sharing my experience with you. Bye for now. 2. What is Grief and how does it affect us: grief is the most powerful of emotions that you will ever experience on. It is a natural response to loss. Grief will affect us all in a unique way on there are no set rules or guidance on exactly what will happen to you or when there's no normal timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better than weeks or months. For others, grieving lasts many years on even a lifetime. For some, what is certain is that when you grieve, your heart feels broken. There are so many different life events that cause us to grieve, for example, the death of a loved one, one that we're all affected by at some point in our lives that are a great deal of other life events that we go through the causes to grieve to, for example, a relationship breakdown, perhaps a divorce, the death of a pet on many more. They all causes huge changes in our lives on, as a result, causes to grieve. Everyone tells us just to get on with things, but no one tells us how through the eyes of your friends, neighbors, colleagues and family. Perhaps you may appear to be living in life and getting back to normal, and everyone thinks you are fine. But it's not normal because things have changed and you know that the pain is still there when you get back home at night. But it still hurts when he tried to get to sleep or when you need to make the dinner or do the homework with the Children. If you feel like you were just existent or coping rather than live in, then the chances are you were grieving. Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience, unusually involved a range of different feelings resulting in different behaviors on reactions that is no right or wrong way to react. It's just your way on. Please let that be okay. You may be grieving right now on feeling a number of things. These may include shock and disbelief, that overwhelming sense of numbness, sadness. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable. You may feel guilt you may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn't say or do. Anga. Even if the loss was nobody's fault, you may feel angry and resentful. You may be angry with yourself or with someone else. Perhaps the doctor or even the personal died for abandoning you. I fear you may feel anxious, helpless or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. Physical symptoms, as well as being emotional grief, can involve physical problems as well, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss, awake game aches and pains on insomnia. Just some off those feelings and things that you might be experiencing. You were the only one that knows how you feel, and you're the only one that can help you to feel better, Understanding that what you would experience in his grief is your first small step in finding a new sense of well being. Please join me in the next session, when I will be highlighting some of the beliefs that we've grown up with that could be causing you more pain than good. Thank you for watching on Bye for now. 3. Busting Your Beliefs about Grief: this session, we're going to take a look at some of the many common myths and facts about grief. Loss is a fact of life and so other reactions that tend to follow. But society on what we've learned from a young age, tells us something else. What results is that they make our grief so much more difficult on they compound out grief even more. Here are just some of the myths I would like to share with you, the first meth we all follow the five stages of grief. The fact is that back in 1969 a psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kubler Ross, wrote the book on Death and Dying. The book was written on her experiences on interviews that she carried out with terminally ill patients. What has since happened is that her work has morphed into what we all now know the five stages of grief model. That's denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The model suggests a linear model on this model is supposed to provide us with a neat, orderly plan that has suggested their grief follows. My experience tells me that it's not necessarily the case. My grief didn't follow a nice, easy pattern or timeline, it was more like a roller coaster. Grief is not a one way 10 0 it's more like a labyrinth. And please don't think that you're not normal. If your grief doesn't transition through the stages in any orderly fashion, or indeed at all, Miss Number two is the pain of loss will go away if you just ignore it. The fact is, trying to ignore your pain will only make it worse in the long run. What will help is to find someone that you can trust on who is a good listener so that you can share how you're feeling. If that's not possible, then you're in the right place by doing this course, you're acknowledging your grief on taking some action to help to make you feel better. Myth three is being told you have to be strong. The fact is being told that you need to be strong for yourself or others does not help or support you in any way. You're already feeling pretty bad, Andi. Now you have to find more strength to be strong. Where do you find that? It's not like you can just go and buy some? It's exhausting and can feel very, very overwhelming. Myth four is when you're told. Don't cry, you're OK. The fact is, crying is one of the very normal responses to grief and loss on. Chances are you're not feeling okay either. A statement like this makes us feel that we're doing something wrong by being sad and feeling emotional and crying. We feel sad and crying is one of the ways in which we can show that being told that we're OK when evidently were not only causes us to feel guilty about our emotions and can create isolation and cause. It's only to cry when we're alone. No, that makes us feel any better and only prolongs and compounds our grief. Myth number five is about replacing your loss. The fact is being told, it's OK, you can get another one. This really is not helpful. Whether that loved one is a spouse, a partner, a beloved pet. Your job. You don't want to replace it. You just want to get the old one back. A statement that you may have heard is there's plenty more fish in the sea and yes, factually, that is correct. But firstly, you're not dating a fish. And secondly, is that really helpful to someone who is grieving? No, it really isn't. Whatever you have lost, you had a very special and unique relationship with that someone or something. It just can't simply be replaced by another one. Miss Number six. Just give it time. The fact is, grief is not bound by a timescale. The only thing that time does is that it keeps on moving. Time has no magic amending powers, but instead it's what you do during time that helps you to feel better. We've only just scratched the surface on the many myths that surround grief. But now that you're more aware of, um, listen out for them, it's amazing the number of times we hear the same message. So is it any wonder why we believe it? The's hurt us more than any benefit they can bring on. They keep us stuck in our grief. Please join me in the next session when I will be asking you to drill down and focus on your own grief on the stuff that's causing you with the pain. So thank you very much for watching by phone. I'll 4. What's Your Grief : One of the things that makes griefs or difficult to experience is that there is no simple way of fixing it. You can't fast forward through it, and it won't magically disappear overnight. What I know from my own personal experiences that finding ways of coping with your grief starts with small actions that will eventually make the pain more bearable. Sometimes when we're grieving, were often afraid of doing those things that we know will make us cry or be upset. But doing the tough stuff can help us. I've called this session the day your life changed. I really want you to get the most you can out of this session, so it would be really useful if you have a pen and some paper. Or perhaps if you have a journal that you could use to jot down your thoughts. I would like you for a moment to reflect on your life and to think about all of those days . Those events, those losses that, quite frankly, changed your life in some way forever. This may be as a result of a loss like a death of a loved one or any other significant change in your life, for example, moving house breaking up with a partner, a diagnosis of ill health, financial instability, loss of trust. Perhaps these life events have a huge impact on our lives. Under emotions only causes to grieve. It may help you to note down your most vivid lost memory. First, this may be your most recent loss on indeed, the one that still causes you the most pain and then, if possible, take your thoughts right back to the earliest memories as a child or as a teenager, remembering those events that changed your life or had a significant impact on you. This may have been caused by moving school, a change of friends, the death of a pet, or perhaps losing a grand parent or a close relative. This session is about getting you to really focus on your losses. Some of them you may have already forgotten about, not just perhaps not thought about for a while, but yet if you've not dealt with him properly, the chances are they could still be adding to the pain that you feel right now. Bringing your losses to the surface like this means they are in the right place, so you can now start to deal with them. Please allow yourself some space on some time to do this exercise. This may or may not be easy for you. It may be very emotional, but whatever your reaction, please just let that be okay. Please join me in the next session. What? I'll be highlighting what? The next small action you can take to help cope better with the pain you're feeling is as a result of your grief. Thank you so much for watching. Bye for now. 5. Help Moving Beyond the Pain of Grief: There are many reasons why your loved one or someone very special to you leaves your life too soon. For example, perhaps your loved one has died, and sometimes this happens before you have a chance to say goodbye. Or perhaps you broke up with your partner unexpectedly or have gone through a divorce after a long marriage. But whatever the reason, we all know that it hurts on were often left feeling numb, overwhelmed on heartbroken. What is certain is that you will be left with things that you wish you had said, and or maybe have done before. You lost that very special someone from your life forever. All of those things that we wish but said or done I simply call my wish list. On it is this wish list that causes us the pain we feel whilst for grieving. These are everything that remains unfinished and not fully dealt with. In order for us to start to feel less pain and to restore sense of well being in our lives , we need to find a way of dealing with all of this emotional stuff because until we do, it still remains connected emotionally to the relationship we had with our loved one or that someone special. The way that helped me the most was to write a goodbye letter to my loved one. This provided me with an opportunity to share my animals. Thoughts and feelings on also gave me trying to say some of those things I really wished I could have said and done before she died. Write in a letter that says goodbye to someone that was very specialty is not easy. It takes honest reflection. You have to dig deep not just on the good things about the relationship, but also on the stuff that wasn't so good. Both are equally as important, because only dealing with the truth about the relationship will help you to create the best on most emotionally effective Goodbye laughter. So where do you start? Firstly, I suggest you sit down and reflect. Open up your memory box on the relationship you had with your loved one or that special person. Take your thoughts right back to the earliest memory you have on then remembering all you can bring your memories right up to today. Make some notes of what you remember as they come back to you. You will need to record all the good stuff and please ensure you record their not so good stuff to all relationships. Have ups and downs. That's where we have to be honest. Next, we need to do some work on your wish list. Remember the wish list is all of those things you wished you had said or had time to do before that special person went out of your life. Creating your written wish list will help you so much with the creating off the content of your goodbye letter. Firstly, write down all of those things you wish you had said to your loved one. And also, you may have some things you'd like to write down that you wished you hadn't said. They're all equally as important. So please be honest. Next, I would like you to write down some things you wish you could either do again. Or perhaps for the first time with your loved one. Think about what you missed doing with um, Or perhaps there's something special coming up that you wished you really could have shared with them. You may also have some things that you wish you hadn't done on. This is just as important to record. So by opening up your memory box and by creating your wish list this means you have what you need as the foundations to help you write your goodbye letter. Please allow yourself some space and time to do this. It may or may not be easy for you. It may be a very, very emotional for you, but whatever your reaction, please let that be okay. Please join me in the next session. What? I will give you guidance on how to write your goodbye letter to the person that you are grieving for. Thank you so much for watching. Bye for now. 6. Writing Your Good Bye Letter: before you start to write you a goodbye letter, I would just like to remind you that this can be an emotional experience, So please allow yourself the space and time to do so. Firstly, the most effective way to write Gillette it is toe. Have your notes with you from your wish list on your memory box that we worked on in the previous session. These will help you with the content of your letter. When you're ready, start by pausing. Take a deep breath and if it helps, close your eyes and just for a moment, think about the person whom you are writing to visualize them and hold on to that memory while she begin to write Goleta. As with lots of letters, please start this one with a deer and include the person's name. It's best to use the name that you would normally have called them. It may have been a nickname. For example, this is a personal letter to them, so using the correct name, it is so important. So, for example, it could be Dear God. Dear Mom. Dear Elizabeth, Dear John, you get the idea. There are a number of elements you could then include as your introduction to your letter so you could start by letting them know you've been thinking about them. On the time you had together on that, you just wanted to share with them some of your memories, your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps you'd like to include an acknowledgement off the reason your relationship ended. These are just suggestions on this is a personal letter, So please decide what's best for you. For the main part of the letter, you will use the content from your wish list that you have with you. So using this information, this is where you right to tell them what you really still wish for. This may be something you wish you had said to them. Maybe things you miss about them, things you wish you could still do with them. Also, things you wish you hadn't said or done. This is the stuff you are sorry about now on. You just need to let them know that saying sorry will help with your pain. There may also be some things you wish that day, Hutton said, or done to This is your opportunity to let them know how you felt about that, but that, you know, find it in your heart to let them know that you were okay with it on. You will let them off the hook about it. If you don't do that, then this could keep causing you pain. This is no easy but essential to help you to start to feel better. There's no set guidance on how much you need to write. Just do as much as you need in order to say everything you need to. If you find you're repeating yourself than if you wish, consider this to be your first draft on, then rewrote your final streamline letter. If that helps you closing your letter is so very important on this is an essential part of the processing. Helping you saying goodbye to the person you are missing so much can be difficult. But what I want you to remember is that your only saying goodbye to the pain that you feel you will always have your memories on. They will never go away. So to close your letter simply saying something like, I love you, I miss you so much. Good bye, Dad. On again. Remember to include the person's name in the goodbye when you have written your letter. My advice to you is that your letter should be for your eyes only. If the person you are writing to it's still live in, I strongly suggest that you never send it to them or indeed read it to them. Either. The process of writing the letter is to help you. I'm sharing it with them. Could cause you more pain. For some, writing your words down will be enough. Andi will be better than speaking them, finding your voice in writing maybe where this will stop for you and come to its natural completion for others on I found this personal useful is to read your letter out loud, saying the words can be very powerful. But if this is your choice that I suggest if you have a friend or someone that you totally trust on feel safe with than to let them hear it. But please remind them that you've chosen them to be your listener. This is a very personal and private information on. They should only listen and not pass any judgment. Be critical or offer any analysis. When you do read your letter Please remember that this could be very emotional for you. And if you do become emotional, please let that be okay. And don't stop breeding. Carry on and talk through your emotions, reading every word stopping but only pushed the emotions back inside and can cause you more pain. You've shown great courage by writing your letter on, then reading it. If that's your choice, became to yourself and please ask for a hug if you need one. Keeping your letters is a choice that you make, but please do keep it in a safe place. You may find comfort in reading your letters at some point in the future, but also, if it feels right to rep, adapt or delete it, then that's OK, too. This is your grief and your pain. You have the only one who knows what's best for you. I want to say a huge thank you for listening on for completing your letter. I know how powerful and exercise this can be on. I really hope it helps you in some way to thank you for listening in on Bye for now, 7. Project Outcome for the Course Help Coping with Grief: throughout the course, I have encouraged you to take small, necessary steps that you need to take in order to help you to start to feel better. The small steps and actions lead you to the final outcome, which will be for you to write a final goodbye letter to your loved one or to the person that you are missing on grieving. For this is a very personal outcome on one that you may feel you cannot share publicly on. I totally understand that on if that is how you feel, please let that be okay and just keep your letter to yourself and don't publish it. If that's the case for you, then I would ask you as an alternative option for your final project outcome to please write a short, reflective statement about the difference. The courses made Teoh onto your grief. Maybe the course has given you a renewed sense of well being. Or maybe you feel the guide and shed will help you in the future. Whatever the difference, it is made to you. I would love to hear about that. So I leave it up to you to decide which I'll come. You will publish, but I wish you everything that you need to be able to complete this course. I will finish off now by saying that I hope this course has helped you in some way on I truly wish you well. So thank you. I'm good bye for now.