Find The Power Within You. Overcome your negative beliefs and start creating the life you desire. | Mamta Gera | Skillshare

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Find The Power Within You. Overcome your negative beliefs and start creating the life you desire.

teacher avatar Mamta Gera, Leadership Consultant & Coach

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
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Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

8 Lessons (3h 38m)
    • 1. Introduction - Power Within You

      1:59
    • 2. Overcoming Negative Thoughts

      29:06
    • 3. Lead Your Life With Emotional Intelligence

      32:56
    • 4. Our Programmed Behaviours

      33:25
    • 5. Effective Communication

      26:51
    • 6. Creating A Beautiful Life Balance

      27:07
    • 7. Find Your Purpose

      33:05
    • 8. Action Your Purpose

      33:17
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About This Class

About The Class

We often prevent ourselves from obtaining the life and work we desire because of the way we view ourselves - our low self image, not feeling good enough, the mental thought patterns we can’t seem to break. All of these things prevent us from moving forwards in our life. In these 7 modules, I'll be taking you through how to reach your full potential and make the steps to start creating a happy, joyous life with meaning and value. 

Module Overview

Module 1 - Overcoming Negative Thoughts:

Our overall well being, progression in our career and the way we lead others comes from how we view ourselves. In this module, we’ll be looking at how negative thoughts impact all of these areas - in particular the inner critic and imposter syndrome. 

Become aware of the thought patterns limiting you and implement positive change to help you progress in your ‘whole’ life.

Module 2 - Lead Your Life with Emotional Intelligence:

Emotional Intelligence is an important skill for all of us to have. But what does emotional intelligence mean and why is it so crucial? In this module, we’ll explore the key areas of emotional intelligence and how it can be used for success and happiness. We'll look at tools and techniques on how to manage psychological inflictions such as rejection, guilt, rumination, loneliness and fear. 

Module 3 - Our Programmed Behaviours:

A large part of our programming is from childhood. Our behaviours are formed early – what is communicated to us about ourselves when we are children are the perceptions strongly rooted within us. In this module, we’ll be exploring what this programming looks like and how it affects your daily life, both at home and work.

Become aware of your programmed behaviours and start making active change to prevent these behaviours from impacting your dreams, goals and happiness. 

Module 4 - Effective Communication

Being able to communicate effectively is one of the most important life skills to learn. In this module, we’ll look at how verbal and non-verbal communication increases understanding and elevates relationships.

Through techniques of communicating with empathy, assertiveness and active listening, you will be able take away hands on practical tools and implement them immediately.

Module 5 - Creating A Beautiful Life Balance

We are living in a time surrounded by ever changing technology and the pressure of constantly being online. We often find ourselves struggling to find that healthy balance between work, leisure and family. In this module, we will be looking at why obtaining a beautiful life balance is critical for our mental health and well being. Learn to understand where your time is going and why. Implement practical techniques to start creating your beautiful life balance. 

Module 6 - Find Your Purpose

Have you ever reflected on your life? Clarify its purpose, identify what is truly important to you, and set out what you would like to achieve? In this module, we’ll explore why all of these things are crucial to your growth as a human being.

Get to know your own values and learn how to create your own personal mission statement from them.

Module 7 - Action Your Purpose

When you have understood your values and purpose, the next step is to start moving your life forwards and create a life full of joy, happiness and meaning. A crucial part of this process is goal setting. In this module, learn how goal setting is a creative process and how it can be used to start fulfilling your dreams.

Learn how to action your purpose. Using practical goal setting techniques, start creating the life you desire and deserve. 

Testimonials

"Brilliant programme. Mamta is such a fantastic leadership coach, with a real focus on understanding how you can become the best version of yourself"

"I absolutely loved the programme and I would highly recommend working with Mamta! She is such a source of inspiration. The modules were very well structured and I like how we built on our learnings each week. The sense of community was also encouraging. It was really helpful to hear other people's hopes and fears and how they overcame them."

"Mamta is a fantastic facilitator, guide and practitioner. Her experience within the corporate and media world and her humility to show her own personal struggles creates an 8 week journey where you yourself feel relaxed and in safe hands. You will undoubtedly grow as a result of this programme."

"I have just completed the Power Within You series and it was brilliant. Mamta has curated an 8 week programme that covers a number of different topics that support personal exploration to help create a better understanding (of ourselves and others) , build successful relationships, find purpose and take meaningful action . Mamta's warmth, knowledge and supportive guidance throughout made the whole experience really enjoyable. I highly recommend!"

"Mamta delivered the course content with incredible clarity, depth and in such an engaging way. Covering a wide range of topics, always encouraging and positive. I feel energised, informed and would absolutely recommend participation to anyone, even if you think you don't need it!"

"The Power Within You taught me to be a better me. I learnt to understand cognitive behaviour and how to use my weakness as strengths. I’ve always been very good at understanding HOW I feel but never WHY. This programme taught me the why. It has also helped me reconnect with old friends and family. I am forever grateful for my new knowledge and hope to use it helping someone else one day."

"Mamta has great energy and presence, I met her at a networking event and was really impressed by her advice on the panel and decided to approach her. She's energetic, charismatic and incredibly down to earth (with a good dose of humour!). I can't thank her enough for sharing her "Power Within You" programme, it came at a time when I really needed the extra support and I'll be chipping away at the tasks and exercises she's shared!"

Meet Your Teacher

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Mamta Gera

Leadership Consultant & Coach

Teacher

Hi Everyone!

My name is Mamta Gera, born and based in London (UK) and am the UK CEO of a leadership development organisation. I am also a leadership consultant and public speaker having delivered numerous workshops, coaching and training to executives, directors and managers within corporates, ranging all industries. I have over 20 years experience within the tech industry, having worked in companies such as Sky, Amazon, and the BBC. I am incredibly passionate about positively changing mindsets within organisations and helping women, ethnic minorities and LGBTQ members reach their full potential, and become confident, inspiring leaders. 

I hope you enjoy my classes!

All the best, Mamta

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Transcripts

1. Introduction - Power Within You: Hey everyone. I hope you are well, My name is Mamta Gera. And I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Are you living the life you desire or doing the work? You love? Or are you hold you back from achieving your goals and dreams because of your negative beliefs. Feeling that you’re an imposter, that you're not deserving or that you are afraid of rejection or failing. Now I want to share with you not only how I overcame those beliefs but how you can also overcome these beliefs, which will lead you to live your full potential and made the steps start creating a life of meaning and joy. Now I had an incredibly successful 20-year career in tech and broadcast media And I was working for a companies such as sky, Amazon. and the BBC. I was financially secure, stable, was a homeowner, had a great relationship, but ended up finding myself unhappy and feeling I was living my life With little meaning and also felt like an imposter and had a very low self image. But it's through my own personal development I was able to get deeper. Put my old career behind me and create the work and life of my dreams And that's why I created The Power Within You programme I've been delivering leadership coaching, workshops and talks to organizations. But wanted to share with as many people that change is possible, creating the life you want is possible. And with this course, you'll start to understand your limiting beliefs and thoughts, change them by using the power, self-awareness, And connect with your emotions you'll take the steps to create a life with meaning. Purpose and joy, using proven tools and techniques You'll learn how to communicate effectively using the power of emotional intelligence, assertiveness, empathy and understand how to set your goals with meaning and value and your overall make changes, positive changes and positive impact to your work and personal life. They'll be hands on exercises after each module. So you can start working on your personal development straightaway. And these classes are for everyone. So if we're interested in moving out of those belief patterns and creating the life you desire, then this is for you. so the first module is overcoming negative thinking and beliefs. Please have a note pad and pen handy. And I very much look forward to having you on this journey. Take care and see you soon! 2. Overcoming Negative Thoughts: Hey everyone. And welcome to your seven week programme, The Power Within You. Over the next several weeks, I want you to be able, to reflect to be able to give you the tools, to become resilient and work on your happiness. I want you to look forward to the future and be able to work on your dreams and goals, which will give you the steps to create a life with joy, meaning and purpose. So a little bit about me my name is Mamta Gera and I head up a leadership development business in UK. A more certain leadership. The Sultan coach, public speaker on I work mainly in organizations but also wanted to focus on emotional health and well being and make it a successful and afford wars possible. So all I wish is that has some sort of impact on me. Very positive course. And you take through this joining with you. So I'll be going through each module for around 30 to 40 minutes. Seven modules and all. Please ensure that you have a note pad and pen handy as I'll be asking you to do. Some reflections on dial ought to be asking to complete tasks after each modules. Well, I recommend you give that a week in between. So eso those will go through at the end of each session on. I'll also deprive me with a handout with some key information. Each module, your weekly task is the brother reading? So my job is to provide you with us. Many results, like hand to compound your learning with me. Okay, so let's kick off the first session, which is around managing on overcoming negative beliefs and thoughts on in this in this session, recovering the following I'll be looking at the critics we will have in a voice and what that means, how this in a critic is formed, what we mean by Boston drops on. You might have heard of it under the impact that the inner voice and in positive has on the work and your personal life. Then what's going to some, um, some information about the power of self awareness and also then go through some tools, techniques finally ending with your tasks. So that's the agenda for this session. But before we delve in, I wanted to share with you. Some research done by the National Science Foundation completed several years ago. Now this is a huge area of neuroscience research on whilst the topic. I wanted to give you an idea on human volts, and it was found that the average person has about 12,000 to $60,000 per day on off those thousands of thoughts, 80% negative on 95% were exactly the same. Repetitive thoughts is a four. So this gives you an idea of just how many thoughts were processing per day. Unfortunately, the majority were not working in our favor, so something to think about. So what is it in a critic? Well, a huge part of our negative thinking comes for any critic, and it often refers to it in the voice. And according to research, we become aware of this in a boy's around 12 to 18 months old on our invoice isn't always so bad. It's a voice that tells us keep going, fishing through those last few miles of Iran, urging us to just chill out because you know we'll be OK. In the end, however, the inner critic is those thoughts that judges criticizes or demeans you. Whether or not the self criticism is objectively justified, on a person's in, a critic in place, significant role in shaping when identity since herself on There are several types which have been identified, and the details of these will also be provided to you at the hand up as well. But let's go through reason time. So the 1st 1 is the perfectionist, so this in a critic tries to get you to do things perfectly. It sets very high standards, everything you do in your professional pass for life. But as you well know, being perfectionist is very time consuming, exhausting, so no allowing yourself make mistakes. They make it harder to reach your goals, since making mistakes is in this apart learning grape on this perfectionist, try spectral that you fit in our that you won't be judged or rejected. Then have the controller on The controller tries to control your impulses things like eating, drinking, sexual activity and it tends be harsh and shaming effort to protect you from yourself and may become over controlling as opposed, just moderating. And it's polarized with Soulja, an addict he fears in Galle control at any moment. We don't have a taskmaster on this in a critic wants you to work hard and be successful. It fears that he made me bit. Maybe media core lazy will be judged a failure if you don't keeping relentlessly. So we will have experiences of being a taskmaster that we have the under minor on this inquest. It tries to undermine your self confidence and self esteem so they won't take risks. And it makes direct attacks on your self worth. So you will say small, not take chances we get for her rejected so often. We want to do something you know, apply for a job or start a business. But up under minor will criticize or self confidence. We don't have the destroying. So this one makes pervasive attacks in your fundamental self worth and shames you and makes people inherently floored, not types of basic understanding of respect. And then the guilt trip home. This in a critic is stuck in the past. It doesn't allow you to forgive yourself for the wrongs you have done or people you have. Her is concerned about relationships, the whole Jesus stands of behavior prescribed by your community, culture and family, and it tries to protect you from repeating past mistakes by making sure we're forgetting. Feel free. Finally, we have the conformist. Now this voice trust get you to fit into certain molds based on standards held by society who cultural your family. And he wants to be liked and admired and protect you from being abandoned. Chamber rejected on the performance fears that the rebel Orpheus for and you would act in ways that unacceptable, so keeps from being in touch with and expressing your true nature. So have a think about these. And even if you pause the video, I like you to write down which of these critics you relate to the most, because it will help you with your tasks throughout the modules. So, are you a perfectionist in a controller? Cost lost that under minor destroyer guilt trip or conformists, you might be one. We won't be several. So really have a think about this. And if you need to rewind the video again, just go to him again and understand which ones you are. Okay, so moving on to the impostors injury on the other type of make to thinking we have is the imposter syndrome. So that in a critic on iBasis in German very much tied together. But simple syndrome is basically an incredible crack on and in process. Injuring is a psychological term, referring to patterns of behavior where people don't their conscious mints and have persistent, often internalized fear been exposed fraud. According to imposter syndrome expert Valerie Young, there are some the hands and behaviors showing, and again these definitions will be in your hands out. The 1st 1 here is a perfectionist. These people have extremely high expectations and always got their failing even to do. Great jobs are very similar to an acquitted profession. Ist the other behavior is being the expert, so these people have to all of their research before they do. Things that apply for a job will speak up in a meeting, and that's because they're afraid to fellow look stupid. We then have the natural genius who at times we have to work hard to learn new skills are accomplished something if they feel these things that come naturally to them. They feel like failures, an excellent scientist where they feel they have to accomplish everything on their own. And if they don't, it means that our failure or fault and finally there is a superhero syndrome on these people push themselves harder than anyone feel. They need to succeed in all areas of their life. When I didn't feel that have before an event of one down. But I don't think we really do well as human beings is to compare ourselves other people. We think we're not able to achieve what some not so cheap because we feel useless. I suffer from anxiety on good enough of pants enough. But what we see is only the outward of another person. We can't see their thoughts what they're thinking, but we all made the same way, so we probably full face the same kind of thoughts about ourselves. The difference is on how we deal their thoughts, which prevents us or allows us to move forwards in our lives. The impact when posit syndrome is huge, that West is a UK bank. On Deronta came pain last year called in your Pasta, and he showed that 60% of women have consider starting a business, didn't because of a lack of confidence, not feeling like the type of person because that a business or feel that it deserves to see despite their skills on this is one of the reasons why just 1 50 UK businesses around by women, and it has even more of a significant impact on the economy and is a major drag on productivity. Acquainted at West, the head of review or female it splash it. Led by Fassero's only one and three entrepreneurs, Women Agenda got equivalent to more than one million. Fewer female players in UK on the review found that closing the gap between men and women at an additional 250 billion in gross value added speak economy equipment for years of birth. So it's absolutely huge on because my imposter syndrome, we feel like we call me forwards or crepe life my dreams. So again, I liken to consider a write down which types of deposits in jokey relate to and again pulls a video you need to over you want so I can hear them again. But is it the perfectionist isn't the expert, Then, after a genius soloist also be hurried on? Write this down. Okay, so moving onto our thoughts and the impact it causes on our thoughts. So Thean, a critic on deposit syndrome, is like a nagging voice in your head that questions each decision on undermines your accomplishments. It affects everyone to a lesser, larger extent, even when one appears confident, successful and well adjusted to the world. And the inner critic voice may say some things like, You know, good must be prorated. You just need to give up your so stupid you make a mess of everything. You don't deserve to be happy. And if you go back to the previous research of 95% of our thoughts being repetitive, this will circle inside of our heads, especially times we're not distracted, such as in the morning or before you go to bed on for me. Is Jeremy in the morning rather at night? And so I've been sure that I send one routine. So I get my head on any repetitive thinking from day before. So the impact and how does it impact you on a day to day life? Well, that's quite Slifkin and effects both our personal and professional lives on, and there are several areas around this, so the 1st 1 is our ability to make decisions. We may not trust ourselves to make a decision. Think he could be the wrong well and spent on procrastinating. And when we do make precision, we don't ourselves. Afterwards, we carry on with the same old habits, the same old mental, £4 he always had the what I thinking. What if I get sick, get a flat tire right from wrong or BS, but thinking, Yeah, that's a good idea. But what it fails and these ways of thinking all the things we say to ourselves, attachment to our own development progression. I will go through more of this in depth once you get to Model three speaking up. So we may be in a meeting at work. Um, on have a great idea, but I have the car speak up to say what it is because we think we make stupid in front. Well, piers of managers on this could be at home in our relationships with our partners and families. We may not be happy in certain areas, but we don't want to speak up in case some gets angry with us. We rock the boat and making change or no, actually making change were often uncomfortable change, But change is supposed to think, but because we're stuck in a certain way of thinking. You want to say where we are because we feel comfortable. We don't get that promotion because you don't feel good enough or pursue our passion and dreams because it won't work. I'll give pledging anyway, So this messily impacts on motivation. A lack of motivation impacts everything we do in our lives, at home, at work, from fine Let me job science of gym because you want to improve our house on the inner critic. Also massively impasse our self image, the way we feel about ourselves, the way we look and the ability to form on what beach a locals. So those are some of the areas. But what I want to do is I want to dig into what you mean about self image. And there are two key components to this. The 1st 1 is self confidence. So self confidence is our view on ability to perform, to accomplish things and reach our goals and self esteem. On the other hand, it was about how we see ourselves worth and how you feel about yourself, So to make it clearer, you may have great self confidence and hate for me what parks, but you don't find any probable join it, which results. You have been worthless. So your self image is a perfect perception of yourself and is a sum of both your self confidence, self esteem, which can often see so and our view of ourselves essentially cause of well being and what we choose crane allies and effects the partners. We choose the work, which is how we live our lives and how we pursue our dreams. Goals. I'd like you to show you a video from my fabulous organization called School of Life. I highly recommend you look them up on they described in their own way, self esteem. So I will play this video if you so you can have a look liking ourselves. Having high self esteem, as we tend to put it, is crucial to any feeling of well being. What's odd, then, is just how unpredictable the allocation of esteem often turns out to be. There are people with modest jobs on spectacular bodies, and unglamorous friends confidently nevertheless, lay claim toe buoyant levels of self esteem. They seem to like themselves, despite the absence of any vigorous signs of approval from the world at large. And then there are others for whom no amount of achievement, prestige and financial security ever seems to do the trick. They anxiously just eyes and critique themselves, always feeling that they've underperformed, never quite trusting that they really deserve to exist. Having sound levels of self esteem ultimately appears to have precious little to do with hitting any verifiable benchmarks. It seems connected up with a stranger mawr internal, more subjective kind of logic, with factors immune to standard notions of achievement. Three factors stand out in particular, firstly, what your same sex parent did. The single greatest determinant of how much you will esteem yourself is how you compare with your same sex parent, whether you have achieved mawr or less than Mom or Dad. Rather brutally, it seems that comfortable levels of self esteem are only available to those who managed to outpace their same sex parent. Those from a poor background have a big, unwitting advantage here. You might only be driving a beaten up old taxi around Manhattan on living in one room in Harlem, but if your same sex parent was a subsistence farmer from eastern Burkina Fasso, you will at times feel princely nevertheless similarly yet more darkly, you might have grown up in ostensibly privileged circumstances. But if your same sex parent made a few 100 million and your only managing to pull in a middle class salary, you're liable never quite to shake off. Ah, haunting feeling that you're a disgrace. Secondly, what your peer group is up to, we don't feel inadequate in relation to everyone who has more than us. Only those we've come to see is belonging to another crucial determinant of self esteem. Peer group. By this, we mean the people who were educated with us, who are around our age on who live in our part of the world. These people matter infinitely more to our sense of well being than the population at large . It's a piece of extreme bad luck and a matter for particular commiseration and assistance. If ever a peer group produces someone who starts a $1,000,000,000 company or, God forbid, ends up running the country every time someone we went to school with does better than us, a small part of us will die. We should therefore take immense care to attend very ordinary schools and after graduation to throw all invitations to reunions straight in the trash. Thirdly, what kind of love you received in childhood? A lot depends on what kind of affection we were. The recipients off in childhood, in particular. How Maney conditions are love came attached with some of us had parents who only knew how to give out the conditional kind of love. It was all about the grades in the school reports. We therefore grew up, of course, to be high achievers. But it's not so easy running around your whole life, long desperate to put out the raging fires of self hatred, striving to impress everyone you meet in search of an unsatisfied desire for a parental approval universe. But others, the blessed ones who've known unconditional love from the start will be okay. Just to be, they won't have to do quite so much pushing that have an inner basic buoyancy guaranteed by the knowledge that they once mattered immeasurably. A big reversal, like being fired, will be unpleasant. It won't necessarily have to be a tragedy. Knowing about the odd internal origins of self esteem is crucial because of how often we pursue goals in the belief that success will at last give us the keys to feeling good about ourselves. It seems the truth is slightly darker. You might ostensibly be doing very well at work, but if your dad was a big shot or your school buddy became president, your parents didn't tank you up with the right unconditional sort of love. No amount of striving, goalscoring and medal winning is ever really gonna do it. This change is where we should imagine our challenges lie. Feeling good about ourselves isn't ultimately something we can bring about through professional or economic achievements alone in huge part. It's going to be about coming to terms with ourselves, the result of understanding our past on the dynamics of shame, conditionality and humiliation that might lie there. It turns out that high self esteem seems largely to be a prize off psychology rather than the fruit of anything we might achieve out in the world in relation to the economy. So that's that CME fantastic school like video. We shall be shown her a few more or less exactly modules. Um, but based on that, I want to do to or center these imperfection. So first my first question to use. How do you rate your self confidence? So one is low. Andi. Why was high and I'd like he's further down. So how would you rate yourself? Constants? One is low, five is high, and now how do you rate yourself seen again? One is low. Survivors hike. So how do you rate yourself? Seen? One is low by was high and just as a reminder, self confidence is of you. One abilities before encompassing the meets Our goals on self esteem is about how we see ourselves work and how you feel about yourself, because that really help you as we go through the toss over the weeks. So let's watch about awareness on and self awareness is incredibly powerful. And Eckhart Tolle, a one of the greatest spiritual teacher, my time sex That awareness is a greatest agent of change. Onda aspects like Daniel Goldman, who's a leading e que is actually an author. Self awareness is also the corner sense emotion. Intelligence is basically the ability to monitoring thoughts, animations and managing effectively, and this leads to a better understanding of ourselves. So when you become aware, go in a critic. That's when you have the powers change and only we control our thoughts. It's not easy. We're fighting against all mine patterns and habits. But once you become aware who able to release, let go, not react to give the president hunches And when you feel unhappy or negative, it's not. The situation make you Villa is your thoughts about it and the other reason why it Self awareness is so important. And if you go back to satires many critics that we myself from, we may at times projector and in critical to other people. I loved ones, our friends, our colleagues. So, for example, if you're suffering with the affections critic and our manager, Elita, you may make you feel employees feel that not forming well enough because you need to half it. It was suffering from the controller trying to control you. He's a drink. You may be. Your friends were having a great time drinking, eating with the desire, but may have to start telling that they have bad drinking easy habits. So really pulling around self awareness. So we do not working open modules. So how do we start implementing practical ways to start feeling better about Selves and starts overcoming the critic. My thing is I from the very first module when you stopped practicing these things, Aunt, to be able to kind of implement them, have to go lock. So the first thing to start is daily reflection on. This is a very simple technique. Start trained your brain. Think more positively. I ask that question. Clients write down every day. One thing that's been happy. One thing they've accomplished in one thing the Grateful For on that way start to realize all the positive things are happening in your life. The 2nd 1 is practising self awareness. We just make other. This is around trying to break open patterns and habits on. When you were in the quest, it talks, you write it down, then think about when it started and why. And this will start to make you understand, triggers the Celts. Change it, trusted. Monitor your thoughts, emotions and hit Pause on your thoughts because notice things a very powerful place to start when you thought social. This is things hard enough. Now he's practice self distancing on, and what she had become aware of your thoughts you can now referring them It's almost like talking to yourself and reframe the situation on self distancing is a very commonly used CBT technique, which is considered behavioral therapy. And now, as you take a step back from the experience that we can work more effectively, it's like taking a view, get own problems issues and emotional stress through different eyes that are less entitled in the moment. So consider your situation another perspective. I think about how good friend may offer advice now, practicing self awareness on self distancing, we'll help you raise your emotional scale. So when you start understanding, how you're feeling is easiest changer. And there's amazing organization in North America called Castle and the help schools implement social emotional programs. So in some schools they have an emotion register of young Children. So when they come into the in the morning, they will see a happy or sad or worried scared, angry face a mark against how they feel that gives a teacher than a talking point on how they're feeling that morning and why. And as adults we could do the same for ourselves. Check in, see how you're feeling and try to be emotional scare by doing things that bring us joy and happiness, and we'll be going much deep into this for our next module on meeting with missions. How digits affirmations are also very helpful. Tool. The basic premise is that affirmations can change automated negative patterns and replacement positive ones. So, for example, a common full habit is I'm a good life. There is no point in trying, as I always felt in the past, on a positive affirmation. We change it to I'm good enough, Never respect. Have a constant to try new things and succeed Andi. When you saw that there was some resistance official but supports processes easily, footpads will come imbedded in just a conscious eventually. Now, visualization. And most of our thought patterns are linked of visual impressions on this takes place completely automatically continually, but actually we have the ability to create the images ourselves consciously on their different ways. Do this. Somebody's vision boards are people. Visualize how they want a meeting talk interview to go have it, and in fact, visualizations are very powerful tools manager in a critic. If he sought to visualize situational bad, reframe and visualize it so it goes where you want Yes, he gets the legs modules. I'll be showing you besides behind a visualization practicing mindfulness. So, Murphy, this is having the space in between those thoughts on when you have space in between thoughts, you are present. You don't think about the past or future. Inspiration often strikes when you're in the state. And of course, meditation is a great way to be mindful. But there are other ways, which is being in nature observing, allowing it to be in the present, exercising arts, dancing anything which allows you to get a close like where your mind and thoughts are elsewhere. So there are lots of tools you can use this not changing thought patterns and managing the critic. And of course, there are times we do this, but also any further spork on having therapy. Coaching is incredibly valuable. You feel you need the extra school, so it's really important. Understand what you need, what works for you. I just want to talk about the differences between their vacations. I think that's important. So therapy is a long term process of which client works with a health care professional to diagnose and resolve problematic beliefs, behaviours relationship issues feelings or someplace physical responses. And the idea by therapy is to focus on past traumas and issues to change self destructive habits and repair and improve relationships and one for people feelings. Whereas in coaching, a client works with a coach who is not a health care professional, and it clarifies goals, identifies obstacles and problematic behaviors and all his create action plans to achieve desired results. So Coach enables a person receiving treatments, take control of their life and take action hysteria tools. The girls okay, But it's also important that you're able to talk to other people about your inner critic, even friends or family members have in today. We're all human, and why the same way And no doubt there will be also someone else. They're struggling with the same forces you. So we need to practice self care, self love and kindness to ourselves, which we don't often do and sometimes is easier to get that kindness enough someone else so important to practice that. Okay, so I haven't asked you this module on, and you'll notice that the 1st 2 always to be very similar. So what? Can't you stew off this much obvious over the next two days a week when you experience an active thought writes down in your journey. So get a journal, a new journal and when he experiencing something which it doesn't feel right buddy trying right down. And then once you've done that for a few days, identify any patterns which come up these negative thoughts, because what will happen is that you'll start relating to what triggers you off and who also related to which in a critic is getting triggered off, which in Boston jobs get triggered up. So it's really, really valuable this exercise because it makes you become self aware. And the 3rd 1 is when you seem not to be up skating to negative thought of your heads, change what you're doing. So map meditate excellently. Some accounts just don't sit there in that spin because you go down a rabbit hole naturally , to try and change. What you doing? So notice electrical? I think it, but I think that is there and change what you're doing and then do something else. And the final thing is to do your daily reflections. So write down one thing you great before one thing that made you smile on one thing you've accomplished. Um, I guarantee that thing will make you feel better every day if you do it in a very good basis. So right, this things down, um, I will be also they hand out sending in the handout will be also on the platform that you're on on in. The handout is again Those thesis casts its further reading. And also all the key information. Of course, have this video as well. We should refer back to Andre. Remind yourself what those are because you might need to go through it twice because there's not information I'm giving you. Um, so I think we are done for this first module. Um, thank you so much for your time. You're listening on. The willingness to do is positive. Work yourself. It will be journey, but it's a positive journey. And it's something which will make your life managing life, um, a bit better. So the next model will be model to which is leading your life of mission tensions. So I look forward seeing again then on any time take care cc 3. Lead Your Life With Emotional Intelligence: Hey everyone and welcome back. I hope you've been well and had been progressing well the one-to-one tasks that you had about overcoming your negative belief. And we're now going to go through module two, which is to lead your life with a mesh intelligence and will be covering during this module, is at what intelligence is exactly what EQ is. The benefits of measure intelligence. How we can use emotions as our guidance system. And also common emotional wounds that we have and some tools, techniques go with them. Are the B or B then going through your tasks for the coming, becoming weak on emission targets. So what is the missions? Halogens. So this is a great definition. Emotional intelligence, or EQ, refers to someone's ability to perceive, understand, and manage their own feelings and emotions. And that's by checking on 2018 years as a psychologist. And in intelligence we have four key competencies. And these ones are, the first ones are self-awareness. And this is by Daniel Goleman, who is an EQ experts as mentioned in module one. And self-awareness is the cornerstone of EQ in it's about our ability to monitor thoughts and emotions and manage them effectively. And this is a key to understanding ourselves better. And in our previous session of your tasks, we looked at self-awareness and debt, and we'll continue to practice throughout the coming weeks. Self-regulation. So this allows you to balance your emotions. You are able to understand your goals and achieve them with optimism, even if there are obstacles in the way. And in this session, we're going to look at how our emotions in more depth and how we feel, and how to rise up the emotional scale and how stills and break common psychological afflictions. Whose health social awareness. So that's the ability to understand the emotions and needs and concerns by the people. Pick up a missional cues. So comfortable socially and recognize the power of dynamics in a group, organization. And social awareness is also around empathy. And empathy you will be looking at in more, in more detail. I ran my effective communication module. And that's very important in a machine intelligence. And the last one is relationship management. So this is the ability to inspire, influence, or connect to others, and work well in teams and manage conflicts. And this will be covered in more detail and come to our affective communication module. And there are lots of benefits to emotional intelligence. And the first one is around your professional benefit. So it's highly correlated with stellar work performance. And studies show that emotional competencies to be twice as important as codes have competencies for doing outstanding work, even amongst engineers. And secondly, emotionally intelligent leaders and managers are far more effective leaders or managers low on a measured intelligence. And finally, emotional intelligence creates the conditions for personal happiness and happy workers are great asset because they worked better than teams. Provide better service to customers and happy customers returns for more money and are generally more creative and productive. They're also compelling personal benefits. And that most basic of those occur three categories. Communists and clarity of mind, resilience, and more satisfying relationships. So first become increasingly skillful communist body and mind as seeing things clearly and objectively, even in difficult situations. And there are studies that show. He's a mindfulness training, can reduce the activity of the parts of the brain associated with panic, called the amygdala. There is also a fascinating 2014 study which shows that with merely 50 minutes mouth meditation, you can begin to overcome cognitive bias in decision-making. Second, as he become increasingly skill for commerce and clarity, you also become increasingly resilient to life's difficulties. You'll be able to manage most problems with increasing ease and joy as you practice gets deeper. And third, you begin to see yourself with increasing kindness. And you begin to see everyone with increasing kindness. And because of that, relationships become more satisfying. With kindness. Happy relationship, happier. Mutual relationships become happy and unhappy relationships become manageable. Now, what you've done is in this section and in your module handouts, I've attached a break comprehensive Iike questionnaire, which will allow you to understand your strengths and areas, developed them and completely it will be one of your tasks for the upcoming week. So let's dig into more around admissions and self-regulation. So the way that Daniel Goleman described self-regulation is a, he says, our emotions are driven by biological impulses and these biological impulses are beyond our control. But the resulting emotions aren't. So when emotions are running high, they can't be ignored, but they can be carefully managed. And this is called self-regulation. And it's a quality of machine intelligence that liberates us from living by hostages were impulses. The signifiers of emotional self-regulation are easily identified. A person who knows how to self-regulate possesses an inclination towards reflection of thoughtfulness, acceptance of uncertainty and change integrity, specifically the ability to say Nate impulsive badges. And when we think a thought, we also feel it with our emotions. And we don't often check in with how we feel. So if we feel good about ourselves, we feel joyous, happy, fulfilled. When aren't negative thoughts that's walking to ask, we saw its full worried discarding resentful. So if you look at the scale here at the very top, you have enthusiasm, passion and love, and dance gather as boredom, doubt, worry and again, even further down, there's hatred. Jealousy is curating and despair. And when we're feeling in a negative phase that you resentment or worry, it can make us physically sick and cause disease or this ease. When you're worried or anxious, you can offer feeling in your gut. And there's more and more research being done. A link between how we fill analysis and even GPS and doctors are recommending things like meditation to Eastern and stresses caused by these negative emotions. So it's really important to use your measures, the guidance system to check in with how you're feeling and why. I wanted to dig deeper to some of the very common types of emotional lives we suffer from. What they mean, what types of machine they listened, and some tools and techniques you can use thought to manage them. And the first, these missional lenses and rejection, which is by far the most common definition of rejection is broadly the act of putting someone, something or someone away. And May 1 experience suggestion socially such as from friends, family partners with professionally such as colleagues, interviews, information, and the associated emotions we often feel from Jackson can be anger, dots on worthiness. We've drastically underestimate the pain of rejection and the psychological ins it creates. And specifically, rejections elicit and Mitchell same painters thought shock effects are thinking, flood us with anger, erodes our self image and the saved lives, the fundamental feeding belonging. And it sometimes feels like we're being punched the thumbnail stabbed in the chest. Well-researched psychology experiments around tossing a ball and chain, how express rejection and some may think a trivial matter. So imagine you're sitting in a waiting room with two other people. One person is possible and the table picks up the throws X, the second person, the second person that throws the ball to you. And they need toss it back the first-person and then throws it quickly to the second person. But the second person that throws a ball bats the first-person cutting out again. And offered in his study of dozens of times, people consistently reported feeling significant emotional pain as well as a drop in mood and even self-esteem. So why does it rejection hurts so much more than other emotional winds? Well, the answer lies in our evolutionary past and humans are social animals being rejected from my tribal social group in our pre-civilized passed. When I meant losing access to food, protection and partners make it difficult to survive being ostracized with akin to having a death sentence. And because the consequences of this ostracism was so extreme, our brains developed and early warning systems alert us when we're at risk of being based out. In fact, brain scan shows at the same brain regions get activated when we experience rejection as the same, when we experience physical pain. And when we experience rejection, we find it really difficult, took us out of the heart that we're feeling. When experiencing rejection are reason, logic and common sense are usually break ineffective when it comes to mitigating the pain we feel from it. And we will have a tendency to take rejections to pass in me and draw conclusions about short comings when there is little evidence of this, self-criticism is warranted. Now, Jack Canfield, the author of the soul, has written about rejection is part of the success principles. This book honestly got me through my first year business, a new launch. Your business would be super hot. But how to prepare for the rejection I would encounter and short Mike delivery and my career in delivery and, and tech, I gained a great reputation for quality my work, but now had changed my career. It was confident that my network support me, I'll get those new business and suddenly network disappoint me. But when I reach has majority, I was Germany met with silence. And that's how you through me or the work I'd done on myself was becoming unraveled. And my Imposter Syndrome came back to bite me. And remember for two months in 2018 I can do anything. I was paralyzed with fear, rejection and spent most of that time watching Grace and Frankie and Netflix. But reading their success principles are fighting to be resilient, helped me to the sphere and sky rejection. And two years later, I still get rejected, but no longer take it personally. So what I'll do is show you a video by Jack Canfield about rejection. And he goes through how you can deal with it. So I'm gonna put this on the coffee. And then you can see that being reviewed. I'm Jack Canfield, and today I'd like to give you some tips on how to make sure your fear of rejection doesn't stop you from achieving the success that you deserve. I want you to think about what is the number one fear that stops most people from pursuing their biggest goals and dreams. Well, it's the fear of rejection. Nobody enjoys asking for something of being told no. But rejection is an inevitable part of life for all of us. And it's usually a good thing even if we can't see it at the time. So today I'd like to give you some tips on how to make sure your fear of rejection doesn't stop you from achieving the success that you want and deserve. Now, rejection is a natural part of life. You get rejected when you aren't picked for the team. Or you don't get the part in the play. When you don't get the job promotion you won, or your manuscript is turned down by a publisher. Or when that cute co-worker says no, when you ask them out for a date or when you get laid off or fired. A trust me, it's something that happens to absolutely everyone at some point in time. But for many people, rejection can feel like an attack on their value or their self-worth. Because when someone says no or turns you down, you might see it as a sign that you don't deserve whatever it is you are hoping to achieve. And so you stop asking for what you want because you don't want to face the possibility of rejection again. But when someone says no, I want you to realize it's not about you. It's entirely about them. It's simply means that whatever you're offering isn't a good fit for them at this particular moment. It doesn't mean that you won't be a good fit for someone else or that you won't be a good fit for them in the future. It's just means that it's not going to work right now. And that's a really good thing for you to know because it frees you up to spend your time and energy pursuing other opportunities that will give you the results you seek. Now, rejection can also be an extremely valuable source of information that will help you achieve your goals faster. For example, if you apply for promotion, but you don't get it. It's actually an excellent opportunity for you to follow up with the hiring manager to discover where your application was lacking. So then you can acquire the necessary skills and experience that will make you a better candidate for that role in the future. It's also important to remember that rejection doesn't make your life worse in any way. If you apply for a job, you don't get it. You haven't lost anything. Your situation has remained exactly as it was before the interview. The same goes if you ask someone on a date and that they say no, you didn't have a date before you ask and you don't have a date after you asked, your life, didn't get worse. The truth is, you really never have anything to lose by asking. And there is the possibility that someone might say yes. So you may as well take the chance to ask. At the very least, you may discover some information that will make it easier for you to get that yes in the future. Now if you ever find yourself hesitating to take action for fear of being rejected. I want you to remember this module. Some will, some won't. So what someone's waiting. Some people are going to say yes and some are going to say no. But so what? Someone out there is waiting for you and your ideas, it's simply a numbers game. You have to keep asking until you get a yes. Yes. Is out there waiting for you, but you'll never find it if you don't keep putting yourself out there and asking for it. Take Colonel Sanders have Kentucky Fried Chicken fame for example. When he left home with his pressure cooker and especial recipe for cooking southern fried chicken. He received 109 rejections before he found someone to believe in his dream. Now because he rejected rejection over 100 thousand times, there are now 18,875 KFC outlets in a 118 countries and territories around the world are about Rick little. When he was just 19 years old, he wanted to start a program in high schools that would teach kids how to handle conflict, clarify their life goals, and learn important communication skills that would help them live more effective and fulfilling lives. So he wrote a proposal. They shopped at the over 155 foundations who all said no. During that time, he slept in the back of his car and he ate peanut butter on crackers for the better part of a year, hoping for a yes. But he never gave up his dream. And eventually the Kellogg Foundation gave RCA a $130 thousand to start his program. Now that's almost a $1000 for every note he experienced. And since then, readiness team have raised over $100 million to implement his Quest program in 36 languages and more than 30 thousand schools in 80 countries around the world. 3 million kids per year are being taught important life skills because a 19-year-old rejected, rejection and kept on going until they gotta Yes. So when someone says no, you say next, keep on asking, remember there are over 7 billion people on the planet. Someone somewhere sometime will say yes, don't let your fear of rejection stop you from finding them. I challenge you to face your fear of rejection and ask someone for something. Make it something that requires a risk on your part and makes you feel a little bit nervous. Now remember to remain unattached to the outcome, but it doesn't matter if they say yes or no. The important part is that you face your fears and you ask anyway, because every time you face your fears and act, it will become easier and easier until you're not afraid to ask for anything at all. Imagine how liberating that will be and how much you'll be able to accomplish. That I'd like to hear your thoughts about rejection and the fear of rejection in your life. After watching this video, what would you ask for and who would you ask if you had absolutely no fear of being rejected? So if you're willing to take a few extra minutes and I hope you do. Please leave a comment below with your answer or perhaps a story of when you push through your fear. Asked AND gotta Yes, I'd love to be with you have to say about that. So here's your boundless bravery and going for it. Now if you found this video helpful, please make sure to like it. You're with a friend and so it was really, really good. I really love that video as well that he made because it gives really great tech tips and techniques for ejection. And i read like we said, so he said, what would you ask for and who would you ask if you had absolutely no fear of being rejected? And I'd like you to think about this question, write down these thoughts. Because I think it's really important. So you need to pause the video, take a few minutes, and think about this question and write it down because I'll help throughout the other modules as well. Okay, so moving on to something called rumination and definition of elimination is it refers to the tendency to pesky Think about the causes, situational factors and consequences, but a 1and active emotional experience. And when we encounter painful experiences, we typically reflect on them hoping to reach insights and epiphanies or reduce Australia's allow us to move on. Yet this process of self-reflection often goes wrong. We instead get caught in a vicious cycle of rumination and which we replay the same disgusting scenes, memories, and feelings over and over again. And our tendency to ruminate SL, almost solely by people feelings and rarely by positive joyful ones. So danger rumination is not the only people who ever emotional stress we've already filled about this event is linked to a wide range of psychological and physical threats such as depression, alcohol abuse, eating disorders, cardiovascular disease, and really does foster negative thinking. And it causes us to stew in our negative feelings and much that we've become so consumed with them that we begin to see our lives and future more bleakly. And in research ruminations, scientists asked regular people on a regular day to profits and the feelings eight minutes. And many of us can do this for having an impact on our mood. But people who are a little sad to begin with and liaise with a tendency to ruminate. Imports feeding significantly sadder off this eight minute exercise. And if we go back to our previous module on overcoming negative beliefs, I asked you that when you find yourself in inactive spendy something else. And the same technique applies rumination. But first v2 identify what situations calls rumination fast place. So the first one is to list the places are situations in which you tend to ruminate often, says number one and number two, when he find yourself ruminating and that situation distract yourself. So what makes two ads actually take a few minutes now, pause the video and think about these fast statements. So listen to places where he tends to ruminate. And when you find yourself in a situation, distract yourself so you can do that over a period of time. And, and interestingly, research has shown that things like doing crossword puzzles or subdue coat is very fatedness. Disruption is something which you put your mind to fully on. And these practices give your mind with timeouts, become focuses on the allison Actually loud times don't situation in a very healthy way. Okay, so moving on to the next one, which is failure. And definition of failure is the state or condition of not meeting a desirable attended objective and may be viewed as opposite of success. And failure is such a common human experience that what distinguishes us from one another, that we fable. But how we respond to it when we do. And failure can make us perceive our goals as being Outreach, causing us give up quickly. And some law school so demoralized by failure that we become frozen, pattern helpless and sunless, foul but keep trains was exceeded. Some must become so stressed out and self-conscious that we can't even think straight. And how we deal with failure is crucial to us, Seth in life as well as how general happiness, well-being, because failure damages our self image. And using a stroke conclusions about our own skills, abilities, and capabilities are highly inaccurate and distorted. As upsell confidence, motivation, optimism, making us feel helpless or can trigger unconscious stresses, is that leads us to innovatively sabotaging our future efforts. And the associates missions with sadness, anger, and waviness, fear, jealousy. So it's thought that can really harm you. But we can see failure differently if we tried to. And I want you to go through these things and some of these stories because it can be devastating, but we can teach us arsenic that failure and a different perspective. So the first thing is that failure is a great teacher. Thomas Edison failed 1000 times 40 emits the light bulb. And if you'd each these failures as a learning experience. And failure always tells us something about what we need to change in our preparation, execution of a task. So always think, what can I do differently next time? He also rising opportunity. So Henry Ford, his first two car companies failed. Had they succeeded, he may have never tried copy number three, which is when he hit on the idea of assembly lines manufacturing, which made him The richest man of his time. So think about this. What opportunities might your failure possibly presenting fairly can make us stronger. So we are demoralized when we fail, but bouncing back my failure and that in my experience will always make a stronger, more likely to succeed in future. So ask yourself, and what ways your failure makes you stronger. They can be, also be successes. So many of our failures, our successes in some way that we tend to focus far more on aspects of failure than success. So no matter how disappointed we feel, we should also always acknowledged the ways in which we were successful, even if the odds basically ultimately failed. So ask yourself in what ways could you heal failure as success? It also makes fish assessment meaningful. So study show that the harder we work, the more failures and challenges we have become, the greater the meaning joy of satisfactorily derived when we eventually achieve it. So when we achieve it, it will have a positive impacts on our mood, self-esteem, and self-confidence. So how much more was this? Success means you, now that you've encountered failure. And the thing is, success isn't always necessary. Recent studies have begin to illuminate as a surprising facts about failure and many of the benefits we hope to reap by personal goals and not necessarily dependent on our ability to complete them. Most cases, making steady progress towards our goals, conjugates will towards are sustained happiness and fulfillment that actually reaching them. So ask yourself, can you identify ways in which you derive meaning at satisfaction as this huge, You've got to think about failure in these different ways. And we'll help you get you through the fear of failing. The next one we have is guilt, which is a big one. And all of us suffer from this. And the definition is a common feeling of emotional distress caused by the belief that we have done something wrong or car cause hunter passing. And often the emotion that we feel a worry, despair, and anxiety. Now, we all failed to live up to his dad and sometimes time and even the best foss can act in ways that offend and salt will huts on in a vastly otherwise. And studies estimate that people who experience guilt or about two hours a day, five hours, we could moderate Gill at 3.5 hours a week or month of vehicles. And in some cases, guilty feelings persist for years, even decades. But as unpleasant as it is, guilt says it's appreciable function. It may Taenia, individual stands behavior in protecting our relationships. Say for example, your partner may tear up the heated argument, which means we begin to soften. Or if you're really busy at work, if what you mom's birthday guilt sweeps in and you give her a highly apologetic phone call. So it does a lot to protect our most cherished relationships. But there are times where guilt outweighs that welcome and become squatters in our minds. It becomes psychological villains and it poisons both our peace of mind and our relationships and unhealthy guilt because primarily in our relationships when there are implications for the welfare of others. And there are four types of guilt which Alinsky through. Unresolved guilt, survivor guilt, separation guilt, and dislodge guilt. So the first one is unresolved guilt. And this is around when we feel so bad about something. When I was given a polities person, we hurt or if we did apologize, the person doesn't accept it. And both type situations leave our guilt or resolved. The other one is survivor guilt. So this often based on circumstances such as when we find ourselves more fortunate and others. So for example, we find it difficult to enjoy promotion because our friend and colleague went for the same position or not to be able to celebrate our engagements with personal dreams because our older sibling is still single and unhappy. Suppression go. So this involves feeling guilty about moving forwards. A bassoon that I like doing say, involves glean others behind. And we may feel guilty, gain on my towel and leaving us fast mites feed off the kids. Or you may feel guilty about living far away of melody. Parents will take the job or studying abroad because we know how much a family or mythos. And the other one is disloyalty galaxy. This is when we feel such binding ties of loyalty to our close family members or friends that pursuing our own goals and making choices at deviate from the norms, expectations make us feel bad. And such skills is very common around religious pastors and sexual orientation. And excessive guilt becomes toxic, it causes a mental distress, hampers the ability to focus on our own needs. And if left unresolved or ten intervals and shape. So how do we deal with guilt? Well, there are a few ways. The first is around a result guilt. And to learn the recipe for an effective apology. This mainly involves emotional validation for the person you are apologizing tube. And this is around letting the person tell their story, convey your understanding of situation, your understanding of how the person felt. Acknowledging these feelings are reasonable or convey empathy, remorse. And we'll be going through empathy a bit more detail in module four. And sometimes an apology or speaking to a person may not be feasible. So the gills to remains. And this is where self giving is also incredibly useful. The first part of this is take full responsibility for our actions and give us honest feedback or the situation which occurred. And this can be incredibly painful, but if you can manage it, It's incredibly powerful to let go and forgive yourself. And in terms of dealing with survivor and dislodge, Gil is important to reengage in life, meaning the best way to move past our guilt when we didn't do think wrong is to remind ourselves of the many reasons why we had to do what we did. Now the last one is loneliness. And this is the big one that because despite the era of unprecedented global connection, more people than ever are suffering from loneliness. And it can be described as a distressing experience that occurs when a person's social relationships are perceived by that person's B, less in quantity and specially quality than desired. And it can cause things like sadness, anxiety, depression, and shame. And many of us suffer from loneliness despite living with a spouse or being in a committed relationship. What determines our loneliness is not the quantity of RNA or the quantity and the extent to which we perceive ourselves to be socially, emotionally isolated. And loneliness has an alarming facts are general health. It alters the functioning of our cardiovascular system. Being high blood pressure, increased BMI and high cholesterol, and also our immune systems. It causes a decline in our mental abilities, including poor decision-making, decrease attention, concentration, and can literally shape of years off your life expectancy. And it also carries a stigma, shame and blame the appraisers in all of our Mises and extend it cause us to become self-critical about ourselves and those around us. And it also leaves us for Haven soft feet in ways that diminish the quality of our social connections even further. So how do we, how do we deal with the loneliness? Well, the first thing is to identify those self-defeating behaviors. And according to recent research, over time, lameness can make you more sensitive to feelings of rejection of hostility. So if you're in a social situation hasn't clearly negative or positive, you will tendency towards laziness might mean that you automatically assume the worst. So you may pay more attention to disagreements or criticism, meaning you're more likely to remember negative aspects of the social counts and positive ones. So by identifying these thoughts when they occur and actually be replaced them with more optimistic ones. You can begin to build confidence at more enjoyable interactions with others. Working to change these maladaptive thinking patterns is actually significantly scientifically proven. The most effective way to reduce the screens are blameless. Deformation upon. It's important to seek out interactions to heap or that make you feel loved, engaged, interests, and happy. So identify those in your life that bring you these feelings and meet the efforts towards for more. And the last one is to create opportunities for social connection. So wherever your interests are branched out, put yourself in situations where there are other people, such as one's hearing, various classes, et cetera. And it's almost impossible to feel lonely while you're at a group of like-minded people. And of course, if none these techniques work on your own, then it would be wise Sica hub with a therapist. So I'd like you to do some reflections. And that is which of these emotional wounds do you relate to the most? Is that rejection, rumination, failure, guilt, loneliness, or is it a mixture star? So take a few minutes, pause the video and think about which ones you suffer from the most, and we'll be going through how to deal with those in our tasks. Okay, so looking at your tasks for this week. So the first year the same as before. So keep writing down your negative thoughts. Identify the patterns and tried to practice up distancing, and keep on doing the daily reflections. As a reminder, that is one thing that's made you happy. One thing you're grateful for, one thing you'd accomplished using your own emotional scale every morning and every evening. Note that how you're feeling right down while you're feeling that way because there's something probably behind it. And if you're feeling kinetic motion disarming to enjoy that you move up this measure scale. So your fees, that means do some EU loved doing so. It could be joys are being, are going for a walk. Whoever is, what's come out of that and negative mention. The last one is to complete the questionnaire to identify your strength and development areas. And I'd like you to, once that's done, write down some action points and how you can improve these areas. Because that's super important so that they'll be available along with the handout and the hands out will have all this key of mission along with your tasks and also some further reading as well. So that's module to leading a life of mesh intelligence. I hope you found that helpful. To think about these contact wins we suffer from. And what Mesh intelligences. Key CEOs, hospital meek, be great. It's great view as well students and practices every day. And if he can't, and I very much look forward to seeing you in Module three to take care as easy. 4. Our Programmed Behaviours: Hey everyone and welcome back. I hope you've been progressing well with your modular two tasks. Raising your emotional scale during a day reflections and becoming aware of your thought patterns and managed completely Iike questionnaire we some development points. So moving on with module three, I'll be going through our program to behaviors. And when it comes to our programming, a huge part of how we behave. Think work, form, relationships and happiness is our programming charted and our self-image is formed early. So how things are communicated to us when we're children and how Ebola parents impacts us profound is adults. So I wanted to divide this module into two parts. The first is siliceous, I'm called Attachment Theory, which affects how we behave as adults and relationships and how we feel about ourselves. And the second part is our habits. So habits are where they come from and some common thought triaxial zone from loss it is cover why resilience, you said crucial to our well-being. And then finally, because Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. So let's kick off with attachment theory. And according to Wikipedia, Attachment Theory is a psychological, evolutionary, and ecological theory concerning correlations between humans. The most important tenet is that young children need to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver. So normal social and the missions are better than. And this theory was illuminated by a psychiatrist and psychoanalysis, John Bowlby. It's something we don't really talk about, will speak about, but the emotional bonds he formed, the caregivers as childs, was children profoundly affects you as an adult. I wanted to show you a video here which describes peacefully or attachment theory is and the potential impacts it has on your life. Yeah, give it an our first years of life is critical to our development. If our bonding is strong and we are securely attached, then we feel safe to explore the world. We know that there is always that safe base which we can return to anytime. If our bond is weak, we feel insecurely attached. We are afraid to leave or explore a rather scary looking world because we are not sure if we can return. People who are securely attached as set to have greater trust can connect to others and as a result, and more successful in life. Insecurely attached people tend to trust others, lack social skills and have problems forming relationships. There is one type of secure attachment, and there are three types of insecure attachments. Anxious, ambivalent, anxious avoidant, and anxious, disorganized in responses to distress. The first three react organized while the last acts disorganized. To understand the theory better, let's look at Mr. and Mrs. Smith, who have four children, Luka and Joe and Amy. This Myths and lovely parents who cut will make frequent eye contact. Speak warmly and are always there for their kids. But one day Mr. Smith falls very sick and dies. For Mrs. Smith, life now becomes a very difficult she spent all day working while at the same time trying to care for her children. And impossible task at six years of age. And Lucas brain is for the most part developed, his character Strong and his worldview shaped the new situation does not affect him much. He knows there is still always mom, he's safe haven. You feel securely attached. Later, he turns into a trusting and optimistic young man. His self-image is positive. And who is three, has Problems Coping with the new lack of attention to one. Her mother now acts unpredictably. She is anxious about their relationship and as a result, becomes clingy. To get her mom's attention, she has to raise her emotional state and scream. When her mom finally reacts with a predictable response, she herself acts ambivalent and doesn't show her true feelings. Later in life, others think and is unpredictable or Moody, has self-image is less positive, or attachment style is anxious, ambivalent. Two-year-old Joe spends his days with his uncle who loves him, but thinks that a good education means being strict. If Little Joe shows too much emotion or is too loud, is uncle gets angry and sometimes punitive. This scares Joe. He learns that to avoid fear, he has to avoid showing his feelings also in other situations. As an adult, he continues this strategy and has problems entering relationships, is image of himself is rather negative. His attachment is anxious. Avoidant. Amy, who is just a one year old, gets sent to a nursery. Staff. There is poorly trained, overworked, and often very stressed sum or outright abusive. Amy therefore becomes anxious of the very people. She seeks security from. A conflict which totally disorganized is her ideas about love and safety. As she is experiencing fear without resolution, she tries to avoid all social situations. As an adult. She thinks of herself as unworthy of love. Herself image is very negative. Her attachment is anxious, disorganized. Attachment is formed in the very first years of our lives. A time when we are too young to communicate our anxiety, and as a result, can experience high levels of stress. Then our adrenal gland, an organ sitting on top of our kidneys, produces this stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol. The heart rate increases, the blood pressure goes up and we become alert. If that happens frequently. It is called toxic stress. Toxic because it impairs the development of a child's brain and weakens the immune system. In embryos are at a very young age, toxic stress can even switch the expressions of genes which can affect our health many decades later. By simulating a strange situation, we can assess in attachment style already by the age of one. To do this, we let the child play with their mother for a few minutes inside a room, then the child is left alone. The key moment is the child's reaction when her mother returns securely attached children first usually hugged their mother, then can come down and eventually get back to playing. Insecurely attached children can be ambivalent and avoidant. Some Can't Stop crying or refused to continue playing. The long-term effects of our attachment in the early years and well-documented using the theory, researchers at Minnesota University were able to predict already at age three, if a child would drop out of high school with 77% accuracy. In another study, undergraduates at Harvard were asked to assess how close they felt to their parents. 35 years later, they were asked about their health. 91% of those who said they had a rather broken relationship with their mother were also diagnosed with health issues, including coronary artery disease, hypertension, and alcoholism. For those that had reported a warm relationship, the figure of poor health diagnosis was just 45%. But there is another reason why the early years deserve special attention. They add a starting place for subsequent behaviors. A kid that feels securely attached at age two can make friends at kindergarten. Their worldview gets reinforced with every interaction and they develop optimism. As a result, they make good relationships at school, then at college, and later at work. Highly insecurely attached children can miss out on this opportunity. Psychologists, John Bowlby, a pioneer and attachment theory, allegedly said, what cannot be communicated to the mother, can not be communicated to the self. In other words, those who feel insecurely attached might not quite understand themselves to get to know who they are and what they feel, they might have to go way back in time. Attachment do you think is secure? Is it avoidant is anxious or disorganized. So secure? Avoidant anxious or disorganized. So take a minute to think about that named pause the video as well as habitat because it is quite deep. And you may already kinda guess this hype attachment you are. But in the handout, I provided a link where you can do a very simple test to determine this VSAT. And this just an example provided you with some great self-awareness of why you behave in certain ways. And if you think necessary to explore this a bit further. Okay, so let's move on to habits. And this creates his depending on what they are. Habits will either make or break us. We become repeatedly what we do, which is so very true. And habit is a routine of behavior that is repeatedly, regularly and has occur subconsciously. And we underestimate the power that habits hold over our lives. So it's crucial to be wherever habits and have the courage to review them and rethink them. This is because they often present obstacles in our personal development. And the more engraved the habit, the rate growth, rescue, replace or prevent Aryan reflections and conscious thinking. And there are some habits, needs such as picking on the land for the morning, so making time for work. But breaking bad habits and developing more constructive ones. There is lot more speed games. And there are two types of habits. Habitual behavior amongst hybrid latitudes. The both these groups behavior happens automatically. So habitual behavior, this is something we don't consciously think of. Like how you, you're like folk automatically key and teeth can Kenya teeth and wanting. Mental habits, on the other hand, are something we take for granted and rarely reflects upon, even though they are often thought. We haven't come up with ourselves. The harsh truth is at missile mental habits have been created by others. And many of our thought patterns which govern our thinking and actions, not the conclusions which we had reached ourselves. That much thinking we excluded norms, codes of conduct, beliefs imposed on us by pause if people are figures of authority. And we have made other people's truths. And not this influenza, of course comes from upbringing a family, but also have come from our teachers and other authority figures. So habits are taught for good. And our practical interaction with the world around us, such as looking both ways for crossing range, for example. And these things are important. But I'd like to explore some areas which are areas where habits may come from. And the first one of these is of course, religion. So other, under the heading of religion, there is an ocean of ideas like things have guilt chain to Booz. And in some societies, religion plays an implicit and explicit rules governing everyday life. And these beliefs have marts are culture for thousands of years are still incredibly powerful. And sometimes the religious value in our own cultures are so subtle that we're not even aware of it. So it have come from religious background, it might be worth being aware of any bull current mental habit is a bit formed by them. Slightly norms. So our lives are governed by laws and regulations. We must pay taxes, not speed the speed limit, break the law. In addition to the rules and regulations, we also have politically correct pointers and instructions, and these received as contemporary truth. We also use faces, have purvey morals, be polite, honest, generous, web, hard. Look after elderly parents. And many of these societies. Rooms, a good and well meaning, but it's worth reviewing the sometimes think about if any of these norms corresponds to eight experience of the world and what feels right, it's okay to change your norms and create a life which brings the most value to you. Media and advertising. This is massively influenced on us when it comes to mental habits. They have a specific objective to influence how we think. Therefore, B by an MSU through media tends to become well anchored images in our desire and our actions. We should be beautiful young, we should be well read, traveled, rich and successful. We think happiness comes from buying sports car. There'd been a 100 days and have very loved children. And they're often influenced by the masters and also up here as families and friends are being rounded. So you could think about how you are influenced by media and how advertising affects your life. So what columns, what there's your salary depends on your self-worth. Or you told what clothes if you're wearing a work could you, your own values aligns the white ones. Depending on our profession, you've all experienced different work norms and ultimately formed a hub is at work. We also learn that our work habits from a Managers, which is why good leadership hasn't gotten off. We mimic the behaviors of our managers. So when we get to merge position with it, we should be behaving the same way. And this isn't always the best approach. Often toxic, white-collar civil. My peers and managers mimic each other thinking about this as a norm of Googlization. Then finally, gender roles. Gender roles creates a conscious problems for us. We are not govern them. We realize when it comes to this social boundaries for men and women are family values and those around us affects our feed your views and values. Wasn't girls have very different expectations placed on them by the parents, society and culture. And many of us have grown up with these different expectations. So that's just common norms where habits may come from. And I also go through some of our common mental habit. So we also have, which we often do unconsciously. The first one is account beliefs about to me. And this is around and take things pass and in which we'll do at times, we tend to take on the responsibility of sounds bad mood for the food and the restaurant, maybe this equipment. We sent that email texts and do they get replaced straight way? We think the person is angry with us or purposely ignorance. But in truth, there may just be really busy and forgot about it. And when people are mean or say something insensitive, but they are often projecting meaning. Well they say to you is actually about them and what they're feeling. The four agreements is one of my favorite books, and it's by an incredible Mexican author, Dominic areas. And one of the agreements he writes about is don't take anything personally. And in his words is what he says. Whatever happens around you don't take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It's because of themselves. Or people live in the entry, in the array minds. Now completely in a different world from when we live in, when we take something personally, make the assumption that they know what's in our world. We tried to impose a lot on their world. Even when a situation seems so personal. Even if others are sloppy directly is not its duty. What they say, what they do and opinions according to the agreements they have in their own minds. So take things personally, means you will remain in guilt, ammo, disappointment, and that will prevent you from moving forward with a life in a positive way. And I'm not saying it's easy to break that, but it's often that you become aware of it so you don't stand how to manage it at least. Yeah, that's a good idea, but it won't work. This is around the yes. By thinking with this, you're acknowledging the positive than falling out with a negative which was any joy. And people who are dominated by the yes, but thinking was managed by negative view which wraps its Aflac, wet blanket around the positive attempts of others. But this thinking doesn't just apply to others. It also applies to you. How often have you thought a great idea? But then talked me out of it. And this will always present us with meaningful words with our goals and desires. What if they don't like me, is around the way thinking here, your thoughts around a worries and problems. You are about situations that don't exist or are highly unlikely to occur. And this way of thinking often holds us back. Why even try when you're likely to burn miserably. And the issue that is that when you do and cause real problems, when he come across your problems, you worry so much that impede your ability to deal with them with resilience. My life is over. And this is ironic satisficing, which is basically viewing a situation that's considerably worse and actually is. So for example, sunlight Marie, that a full exam. From there, they might assume that failing an exam means that they're Bastian and bounce them pass, get degree of find a job. There may conclude that this means that an EPI financially stable. So this ends up being a chain reaction and it's easy to dismiss this thinking as Abraham exaggeration. But often it's the intention all that simple. People often don't realize they're doing it. And they may feel that no controller their worries or can even impacts the health. And research showed that catastrophizing is associated with chronic pain, fatigue, anxiety, and depressive disorders. So it's very important to be aware of it. My life is this where because of him, this one is around having the victim mentality. And there's a very strong tendency in our society to everyone as a victim or something. It doesn't take much trust be offended or violated. And we as individuals apprenticing ourselves that way because it has an profoundly unproductive approach affected by definition if think about it, is helpless and powerless and exposed to the elbow of others. So if I see myself as a victim, I have the amendment renounced the power to change my life. He said, we've come that how to my boss or my childhood or my parents at this at the agenda for our lives. And if we send the victim role, we had very little room to evolve a progress. But if Liza take responsibility for integration, you will see endless possibilities. Because thought creating the life that we want. So some reflection. Which mental habits do you lent to the Middle East? Is it take things personally, the spots? And what if the catastrophizing the victim or as a mixture? So pause and think about which ones you relate to the motifs and write those down. Okay, I want to talk about resilience because we have these mental habits and they're not working so well for us. And so what do we need to do to kind of start managing them and breaking them? The first one, of course, is be self-aware. Understanding which types of mental habits you have, which you've just done with this reflection. So once you're conscious of it, you can start managing it through things like soft differencing, appreciate things are achieving through like dating reflections, practicing mindfulness, and self-regulate yourself and beating up the emotional scale. Do you think that bring you joy? But one other key skill you're required to live happy is being resilient, which basically means being able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult situations. Even for the relatively self-aware and emotionally adapt, struggles would take us by surprise, but learning healthy ways to move through adversity. A collection skills at research is called resilience, can help us cope better, recover more quickly or at least heading in that direction. The Greater Good Science Center, which is far too easy bulky. A university based in California has five science-based strategies to build resilience. And first one is changing narrative. So we spec out rumination and how that can impact our lives. And as I've been asking you to write down your negative thoughts and identify these patterns. Now the Greater Good Science Center causes practice expressive writing and can move us forward for helping us gain insight. So the challenges in our lives, if all, truly writing continuously for 20 minutes about an issue, exploring your deepest thoughts and feelings around it. So the goal is not to get some, get some bound paper not to create a memoir like masterpiece. And a 1918 study found that participants who did expressive writing for days were healthier six weeks later and happy up to three months later, we're competitive people who write about superficial topics. So when we come to the tasks there's module, they sought using this technique because by now you'd be used to writing your endorser. Facing your fears. The overcoming fear practices designed to help with everyday fears that get in the way of life such as fear, public speaking, heights or flying. We can't talk ourselves out such fears. Instead, we have to tackle the measures directly. So the first step is to slowly, repeatedly expose yourself to things that scale. Unfortunately, it's all doses. So for example, people with a fear public speaking might tries to mall in meetings and perhaps give us maltose when wedding. And every time you can incrementally increase the challenge until you're ready to now, fairly aphasic self-compassion. So this often involves compassion to ourselves, confronting our own suffering with an attitude of warmth and kindness without judgment. So in one study, participants in an 8-week mindfulness compassion program reports more mindfulness and life satisfaction with their depression, anxiety, stress. The northwards competitive people didn't pop out his pay. And the benefits of this lasted up to year. One practice called the self-compassion break is something you can do anytime you start to feel overwhelmed by pain or stress. And it has three steps which correspond to the three aspects of self-compassion. The first one is to be mindful so that judgment analysis. Notice what your feeling say. This is a moment of suffering or this hearts or this espresso. Really knowledge what you're feeling. Remember that you're not alone. So everyone experiences these deep and painful human missions with over causes might be different. To say to yourself, we all feel this way or Gil, struggle and alive. And also be kind to yourself. So put your hands on your heart and say something like, May I give myself compassion or may accept letter or manly patient. And that's really powerful when you do that. We also talked about meditation briefly. We know that we should be doing it well, but the Greater Good Science Center recommended three particular types of meditation, which has been particularly effective at managing negative thoughts. The first one is body scan, which were not as an idea regularly. We focused in each body Pantone head to toe. You can choose, let go of any areas attention to discover. Strong feelings tend to manifest physically at a tight chest saw, looked stomachs and relaxing the body is one way to begin dislodging them. And in one study, we searched on that time practicing the body scan was linked to greater well-being, a lessor activity to stress. When stress creeps in good habits of inquiry power, and one of those is healthy eating. Well, we're emotional minibus reached the sweet candy and when we're short time, five phosphates ILO yea option. So in addition to helping us, conflict mindfulness, meditation could help change your initiates a food. Now, this excise invites you to eat a reason mindfully, well, not so fast is by examining the slanted texture before mindfully erasing it. And not only when you practice mindfulness, you may need to have a look at the same way again. And if you don't like raisins, they can try it with another healthy food type, but I would recommend trying it with Skittles or peanut by Eminem's or we fail. And one final meditation is meditation is mindful breathing. So it involves bringing attention to the physical sensations in the breath and movie through the nostrils. Expansion the chess, the rise and fall of the stomach. Method mind wonders away you bringing the attention back. And this could be done during their 415 minute meditation or during a moment of stress with just a few breaths. And in one study, participants who did a mindful breathing exercise before, just having images like spiders or car crashes. They experience less negative emotion or people who had done the exercise, it was very, very powerful. And the last one is two, cultivating forgiveness. If holding a grudge is holding you back. Research suggests that contradicted forgiveness can be beneficial to your mental, physical health. So it is already begin. It can be a very powerful practice. You begin by clearly acknowledging what happened, cleaning, how it feels that house effects your life right now. Then you make a kilometre forgive, which means let go. Resentment and ill welfare in sake. Now forgiveness doesn't mean letting the fend off the hook or in reconciling with them. Ultimately, you can try to find their possible opportunity for growth and experience. And perhaps it's allowed to do some you need, which you may have to live for elsewhere. Or perhaps you can not understand other people's suffering better. Researchers tested against the continentality alternatives, either ruminating on negative feelings are oppressing them. And found that cultivating compassion and participants report more empathy as emotions and fears that control. And in my hands out, I put the website address at the Greater than it actually is a fantastic resource where they have practices for improving your social, emotional, well-being for free. So I wanted to touch on Stephen Coby. He's got great book called The seven Habits of Highly Effective People, is a classic book, compassionate leadership by my user lots wears elaborate shop. And I want to take you through on a very high level. And what these habits are and how to think about which habits you can start seven-year last straightway. Notice this very high level, so I recommend that you read the book and dig into more detail, but we covering a few things in that book over the course of these modules. So the first one is to have it want to be proactive. And we've previously talked about the fix mentality. Now, beeper activist about taking responsibility for your life. You can't keep blaming everything your parents or grandparents. And it's productive. People recognize that they aren't responsible. They don't leave genetic circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. They know they choose their behaviour. And yet to people on the other hand, are often affected by their fiscal environment. They find external sources to blame for their behavior. So if the weather's good, they feel good. If it isn't effects attuned performers, they blame the weather. Then there's Begin with the end in mind. So what you would be when you grow up, like question may appear a little cliche, but think about it for a moment. Are you right now? He wants to be what you dreamed up and doing what it was going to do. Some people find themselves achieving victories are quite empty. Successes that can be expensive, things that were more, far more valuable to them. So if your data isn't leaning and throat wall, every step you take gets you to the wrong place faster. And in the module fun, your purpose will be looking at your true values and how to create your own personal mission statement. Put things fast. So executing on your most important priorities. To Livable balance existence, you have to recognize that not doing everything that comes long as ok. And there's no need to overextend yourself what it takes us realizing that it's okay to say no when necessary and effects and your highest priorities. And in the module on creating a beautiful life balance will be exploring whether time goes away. I think we went. So this is around working effectively with others to achieve optimal results. Thing we went is about being nice nor as a quick fix technique, as a character based code. The human interaction, collaboration and wasteful slides have base our Southworth and comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing. That is, if I win, you lose or you win, Ollie's lab becomes a zero-sum game and is a so much pi's go round and you get peace. There's less to me. So it's not fair to make sure you're not gonna get any. We'll play the same game, but doesn't really get us anywhere. And this is an art to in women which are beginning through in module four. Seek first son, Sam Libyans did. Communication is the most important skinned alive. He spent years learning how to read and write and years learning how to speak well, but what about listening? What trading heavy had that enables you to listen so deeply and really understand another human being. Next module will be different puffy indication how it improved areas of your life. Synergize. Now, this is around innovating a problem-solving with those who have had their point of view. So it's simply synergy means two heads are better than one. And synergize habit of creative cooperation is teamwork of mindfulness and the venture finding new solutions to our problems. But it doesn't just happen on its own, is a process. And through that process, if we're bringing all their past experiences together and expertise to the table. And together they can produce far better results than they could individually. So synergy that was discovered jointly things we are much less has covered by ourselves. So I think he could innovate with and find solutions to problems he oneself. Finally, sharpening the saw. And this is about seeking continuous improvement and renewal professionally, personally. And sharpening the saw means preserving, enhancing the greatest data you have, which is u. It means that you have a balanced program, the self-renewal and the four areas of your life, physical, social, and mental and spiritual. And here's some examples of activities. So for example, physical, that BY things like beneficial eating, exercising, wrestling, socio-emotional, so making social and meaningful connections with others. Mental learning, reading, writing and teaching, and spiritual, spending time in nature, expanding a special softer meditation, music, art, or even service. And as I said, syncope has read a great book on this and I highly recommend you to read it and understand these habits more depth, but he can't start to implement some of these now. And I'll also be expanding them over the next few modules. So the task this week, the first year, the same as before. So the first one is to keep prices down your negative thoughts or try journey piton 15 minutes a day. So we spoke about expressive writing. So try that. Along with writing us and negative thoughts. Keep doing your daily reflections so that his 21 find one thing that makes you happy once you've accomplished and one thing you're grateful for. And fundamental habits we talked through. Identify one or two which you find soft doing consciously try to change them. So think about those ones that affect you the most and tried to consciously try to change them. And the last one is to try one of three meditation practices. Bodies can raise meditation of breath work, so give it a go, see how you feel. And even if you're stressed out, just take a few breaths and let yourself be 0s. So that is module three, our program behaviors. Our next module, we'll be effective communication, which is more around empathy and assertiveness. I look forward to seeing you in that module. So in the meantime, do your exercises, take care as easy to get by. 5. Effective Communication: Hey everyone and welcome back. I hope you've been well and working on your tasks and starting to manage somebody's mental full patterns we talked about in module three, which prevent us from moving forwards and alive. So we're not much a fall, which is all around effective communication. So let's go through today's topic. So what we're going to cover is the importance of education. So why is communication important? Empathy, empathy is a very skills, key skills happening and communicating. So what does empathy key skills and also has communicated empathy. And then we'll move on to assert his communication, which actually is very similar to empathy, but with slightly tweaked. And she was very helpful in our conversations. And then some of the communication challenges that we face. They'd say as well that you want to go through and kind of teach you through as well. So why is communication important? We often underestimate just how effective communication is and how it impacts our professional personal lives. And as mentioned last, last module, we're taught to read and speak up towards communicate, listen deeply to another person. We can communicate easily and freely most of the time. But what about when you are faced with difficult situations? So somebody, some examples where we may find effective communication difficult is things like ending a relationship, talking to a co-worker who bangs offensively. Ask your friends to repay alone, giving your boss feedback ascii in those apparent as equates varying. And we've all been there and he says iterations. And we tend to fill them in three different ways. So we either avoid them, we face them and handle them poorly, or we face some handle them well. And if we're able to manage communication well, there are some very key areas where effective communication can significantly helped us. The first one is around takes floss your career. So 25 years of research in 70 different organizations share that individuals who are the most influential are the ones who get things done and at the same time build relationships, mosque communication and high performers. And they had started up their manager without committing curious. The a was expressed controversial and even risky opinions in ways I get hurt. So their bosses pays in there at Paul's. Listen that becoming defensive or angry, which is a very key skill to have. It also improves your organization. So when an organization isn't meeting these goals, processes are often blamed lead a sigma. Organizational productivity and performance are related to these processes, policy structures, and systems. So when, for example, software doesn't ship on time, they benchmark development processes. When productivity flags, they tweet the performance management system. I went teams I incorporate, it gets restructured. And research shows that these type of non-human changes far more than makes seed. And that's because evoke problem is employee behavior is getting people to hold one another accountable to the process and that requires effective communication. It also improves your relationships are how it Malcolm, who is professor of psychology at Emory University, examined couples in the throes of heated discussions. And 11, that people fall into three categories. Those who digressive to threats and then pulling, those who suddenly fume and those who speak honestly and openly and also observing couples for hundreds of hours. Researchers predicted relationship outcomes. That research for the next decades, they were able to predict 90% of the divorces. But most importantly, they found that helping couples to how crucial conversations would use the breakup more than half accessible. And it also improves your PESTEL health. There has been groundbreaking research done by Dr. Janice glossa. Adults want to gossip. They studied that it means system of couples who had been married on average 40 genes by comparing those who all he constantly, and as a result, a differences effectively. And those who he felt effective and crucial communication had fault weak immune systems. And he found a way to resolve them all. And then we can weaken the immune system, the west, the health and the heads-up I have given me and provided. And there's a link to a stress and it's really worth looking at how you handle different situations. And in the handout, I've also recommended a great book called Crucial Conversations, which is fantastic but to have those uncomfortable conversations. So that's, that's equal to empathy. Because empathy is a massive pop communicating. And we have empathy. It means that you can understand what passing is feeling in a given moment and understands what people's actions and made them, made sense to them. Empathy helps us to communicate our ideas in a way that makes sense to others. And it helps us understand of his when it communicates us and offered other Put it, empathy is seeing the eyes of another, listening with a's of another feeding the hot of another, which I think is beautiful. And I really love this video by the RSA. The RSA is little slice evolves, which is a UK based organization. And it's illustrated, Ray Brown's describing the difference between empathy and sympathy and Brian Brown is just generally brilliant. But they've illustrated this cape is fantastic. So I'm going to show you this now. So what is empathy and why is it very different than sympathy? Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection. Empathy. It's very interesting. Teresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who studied professions, very diverse professions where empathy is relevant and came up with four qualities of empathy. Perspective, taking the ability to take the perspective of another person or are recognized their perspective, is there truth, staying out of judgment? Not easy when you enjoy it as much as most of us do. Recognizing emotion and other people and then communicating that empathy is feeling with people. And to me, I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space. When someone's kind of in a deep hole and they shout up from the bottom and they say, I'm stuck, it's dark. I'm overwhelmed. And then we look and we say, hey, I'm down. I know it was like down here. And you're not alone. Sympathy is, it's bad. Aha. Now, USE much. Empathy is a choice and it's a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling. Rarely if ever, does an empathic response begin with atleast? I hadn't yet. And we do it all the time because you know what, someone just shared something with us. That's incredibly painful and we're trying to silver lining it. And I think that's a verb, but I'm using it as one. We're trying to put this a little aligning around it. So I had a miscarriage. At least, you know, you can get pregnant. I think my marriage is falling apart. At least you have a marriage. John's getting kicked out of school. At least Sarah was an a student. But one of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations is we try to make things better. If I share something with you that's very difficult. Ied, whether you say I don't even know what to say right now, I'm just so glad you told me. Because the truth is, rarely can a response make something better? What makes something better is connection. Love of video. I think it's so wonderful and describes empathy and Satya. Fantastic. And that's thick way. So let's go through the common types of empathy because actually there are three types of empathy. And the first one is cognitive empathy. So the ability to understand how a person feels and well, they might be thinking. And cognitive empathy makes us better communicators because it helps us relay information in a way that best reaches debt capacity is also emotional. Empathy wasn't as affective empathy, which is the ability to share the feelings of another person. And some describe it as your pain in my heart. And this lack of empathy helps you build emotional connections with others. And then ofs one is compassion. Empathy, also known as empathic concern, which goes beyond simply understanding others and sharing their feelings, actually moves us take actions to help however, we can. And empathy doesn't just help with our personal relationships, also helps with business. And the School of Life is a fantastic organization based in London. And they have a great website and great YouTube videos as well as I'm gonna show you next. And they say, feeling and demonstrating empathy. It's lots of better performance at work, especially to leadership. Empathy is also crucial for customer service. And research shows that for every point, increase in customer perceived empathy, an organization experiences as 16.4% increase in financial returns, which is amazing. Several companies I think need to kinda understand empathy and how that works for their employees. There are some of the key skills of empathy that I think is reinforcement sky through. The first one is curiosity. So take the time to be curious about what other people think and try to fully understand the point of view is also repeating I'm paraphrasing. So it tries to tell them what you heard them say in your own words so they can create any misinterpretations. Confinement you heard them currently. Active listening. Most people to truly listen, stop planning what you're going to say FX and really hearing their thoughts and feelings. Imagination is crucial. So think about, would it be like to be the shoes? Well, if you wake up one morning and found that he switched places in life with him back in London. This of course, is very important. So that's allowing yourself to be influenced by the thoughts and feelings. Almost no one does. This is key if you want to inspire people to mature and influence findability, bribe Brown talks about his beautifully. And that's respectively sharing your reactions and feelings about della pass in a setting with the tents, confirm that you are fully understanding them. Self-awareness. We spoke about this lots of times. Understanding how your emotions or feelings, maybe fixing the goals and reactions, honestly, sensitivity to others emotions. Develop your emotional radar pickup of what people are feeling by watching their body language and facial expressions and listening to their words. But to any in-between the lines meaning the event that not being director transparent. So often like we'll have conversation with someone and they'll be saying something buddy, by the body language of base than the not meaning what they say. And there are some really great techniques you can use to empathically communicates. And the first one is rounds, Having a good question. So when you do a good questions thought with things like why or how, tell me about. So they can able to expand what they're gonna say t. And that allows respondents give more information how the feeding and why. That's if this thing is also super important. So I want to clarify something, say if I don't, if I understood you buy it. You mean that? Well, if you wanted a more detailed explanation, you could say, Could you elaborate on that? If you want to connect with a passes emissions, you can say, how do you feel about that? And if you want about trust, it can be, how can I help or support you? Now, I want you to reflect on this moment in time because it's really interesting to see how you are able to have open questioning and Heidi active listening. So the first question is, how would you rate your open questioning skills? So one is low. Well five is high. How would you write your open questioning skills? One is, five is high. So think about that for a moment. Pause the video if you need to, and why that's out. And the second reflection is, how would you write your active listening skills? So again, 15 is high. So how would you write it? You'll active listening skills. Again, take a moment and write that down because again, this is the thought being software, but your listening skills. And what rights do I just mentioned about the School of Life in my previous slide. I'd like to show you that video on being a good listener and the advantages it has on people. So have a look. I think you'll enjoy it and hopefully get some tips and tricks as well. Listening is one of the most important an enchanting life skills. Anyone can have. A few of us know how to do it. Not because we're evil, but because no one has taught us how and related point, no one has listened to us. So we come to social life greedy to speak rather than listen, hungry to meet others, but reluctant to hear them. Friendship degenerates into a socialized egoism. Like most things, it's about education. Our civilization is full of great books on how to speak. Cicero's aerator and Aristotle's rhetoric, which we have the greatest in the ancient world. But sadly, no one has ever written a book called the listener. There are a range of things that the good listener is doing that makes it so nice to spend time in their company. Firstly, they egg ozone. It's hard to know our own minds often were in the vicinity of something, but we don't quite close in on what's really bothering or exciting us. We hugely benefit from encouragement, to elaborate, to go into greater detail, to push just a little further. We need someone who rather than launch forth on their own, will simply say there's two magic words. Go on. You mentioned a sibling and they want to know a bit more, what was the relationship like in childhood? How's it changed over time? That curious where our concerns and excitements come from. They ask things like, Why did that particularly bother you? Why was that such a big thing for you? They keep our histories in mind. They might refer back to something we said before, and we feel they're building up a deeper vase of engagement. Secondly, the good listener urges clarification. It's fatally easy to say vague things. We simply mentioned that something is lovely or terrible, nice or annoying. But we don't really explore why we feel this way. The friend who listens often has a productive, friendly suspicion of some of our own first statements and is after the deeper attitudes that are lurking in the background. They take things we say like, I'm fed up with my job or my partner and I are having a lot of Rouse and they help us to focus in on what it really is about the job we don't like what the browser really about. That bringing to listening an ambition to clarify the underlying issues. They don't just see conversation as the swapping of anecdotes. They're reconnecting the chat you'll having over pizza with a philosophical ambitions of Socrates whose dialogues or records of his attempts to help fellow Athenians understand their ideas and values in a better way. Thirdly, good listeners don't moralize. The good listener is acutely aware of how insane we all are. They know their own minds well enough not to be surprised or frightened about this. They're skilled at making occasional little positive sounds, strategic, that delicately signals sympathy without intruding on what we're trying to say. They give the impression that they recognize and accept our families. They're reassuring us. They're not going to shred on dignity. A big worry in a competitive world is that we feel we can't afford to be honest about how distressed we are saying when feels like a failure could mean being dropped. But the good listener signals early and clearly that they don't see us in these terms of vulnerability is something they warm to rather than a repelled by. Lastly, good listeners separate disagreement from criticism. There's a huge tendency to feel that being disagreed with is an expression of hostility. And obviously, sometimes that's right. But a good listener makes it clear that they can really like you and at the same time think you're wrong. They make it plain that they're liking for you isn't dependent on constant agreement that powerfully aware that a really lovely person could end up a bit muddled and in need of some gentle untangling. When we're in the company of people who listened well, we experience a very powerful pleasure. But too often we don't really realize what it is that this person's doing that so nice. By paying strategic attention to the pleasure, we can learn to magnify it and offer it to others who we'll notice here and repay the favor. In turn. Listening deserves discovery as one of the keys to a good society. So that was another video from their fantastic School of Life is having empathy in a kind of community of empathy. But of course we have challenges and some of those are here. So the first one is mind-reading. So my drawing is something like, you already know what they're gonna say. So it's like I've had this all before filtering. So this is like selective listening. Hearing what you want to hear and ignoring the points. He don't like daydreaming, which is ID that I'm very, very guilty as a dreaming and thinking of other things also and this will continue. So not being present, condescending. So that's around, that's nothing. Went into the hey, what happened to me and says kinda condescending what they're saying. And then for housing, so thinking about how you will respond, not fully present and missing terrain thoughts rather than understanding what that person is actually saying. And then judging, analyzing and critiquing contesting, not listings that point of view. So it kinda putting your own judgment onto them. So I'd like you to reflect again and think about which missing blocks do you have? So is it mind-reading, fills room, Daydream, condescending, rehearsing, or judging or isn't much of a couple. So pause the video and it goes down. Let's move on to assertiveness. And what is assertiveness? Well, assertiveness is the flexible proceeds we're having our premises mets are opinions, voice, our emotions and beliefs, honesty communicated in an appropriate way and relevant time. And it's having the respect for yourself and for others. And too much yourself care can lead to being selfish, which is where the respect for others comes in. So respect is the understanding that others have brand preferences and everyone is equal and that you have this iteration fathers. So what are the advantages? So it allows you to say no, when did appropriate. It encourages you to express your emotions, opinions, and beliefs. Being assertive acknowledges that you will make mistakes and accept your self-making them. You can also believe that you can be yourself, but having to change your benefit of others. And how often do we change for the benefit of others? It also allows you to change your mind even if his kidneys and others like things happen in life. If you said yes, if something's OK to change your mind and say like, you know, sway decisions about necessarily giving a reason as well. An often we justify why we giving a reason, why we're saying them. And we also think decline responsibility, finding solutions to other people's problems. So often it's like we ask them, I find the specie which we like doing, but sometimes they take the time as well and being cited the cars, you just say lack of interests without feeling bad, pushing for during site. So what are the well, the great benefits of being assertive? Well, the first one is, is that it makes great manages. So you able to get things done by treats people with fairness and respect. And I'll treated by others in the same way and it was hen. And this means that they offer more lights and seen as leaders up people to work with. You can also negotiate as accessible win-win sufficient, but able to recognize a body of their pilot's position. I can quickly find common ground with him and hear a sense, if you look, say at best a duet upon themselves, people feel empowered to do whatever it takes to find the best solutions to problems that they encounter. And often you're less active, anxious, and stressed. So you feel empowered to do whatever it takes to find the best solution to the problems that you encounter. And also the opposite of assertiveness. It looks like aggression. So aggression is an approach to communication which has hostile, forceful or building with no godfathers and analyse expression. That is one ins practices seeing other's contributions less than important, inferior meaningless. So that's one opposite of sadness. The other opposite is passivity to being passive, which is a lack of initiative, force, or continuing being submissive. So it's giving too much regards the opinion you perfect preferences of others to detriment of oneself and to be successfully assertive. And he thinks that about your thinking, your emotions, and your behavior belongs to you. So once you accept mission responsibility, you ready to type attack along the phase of the session. And there are often things that hold us back from being a scientist. So that's a fair and they'll be like, if he had been rejected, all being seen as selfish. You might think that you want to say others, so you don't want to do that. And the idea of the others then what you want. So you kind of assume that people know what you want, but actually they don't. And also the to keep things to yourself. So think about some of these things that stop you from being assertiveness and being a sets it because top to appropriate the most common. So how do you become a bit goal effective and how to use language? And as you can see here, it's fairly similar to empathy. So using the EIS statements I use, I want, I need or I feel it's conveyed basic assertions and get you appoint family across. So for example, I feel strongly that we need to bring in a third party to mediate this disagreement. Empathy of cool. So always tries to understand how the other person uses situation. And off taking that point of view into consideration, express what you need from them. And then excavation. So he professed attempts are being cited, had been unsuccessful and I so Ks escalate the mass further. So this means becoming firmer. They still apply and respectful and the person who they are requesting help from. And you may end up in telling them what to do next if you not satisfied, say for example, if you know what a situation you've been unsuccessful, it could be that you escalate bad situation through manager. Now this is for me the best technique I thinking asking for more time. So sometimes it's best not to say anything. So if you don't know what to say or to respond, say, you'll come back to them and later, like in half an hour, the next day, wherever is. Oh, I feel comfortable with. It's also about changing of up. So try using verbs a more definite and empathically and communicate. So to do this, use labs like we'll instead of could or should ones is that of neat or choose to set, have to. For example, I will be going on a holiday next week. So I will need someone's calling my workplace. And once gone this training course because I believe that helped my progression in my career. I chooses option because I think it will prove to be more successful than the other options on the table. And the scripting technique can really help the site allows you to prepare for what you would say in advance using a four-pronged approach that describes the event. So the event is Tableau passing exactly how you see the situation problem. You'll feelings. So you describe how you feel about the situation, express your emotions clearly. Also you'll need so together, pass in exactly what you need from them so that it has to guess. A number four was the consequences. So describe that positive impact that you request. We'll have the other person when the company, if you need a minute successfully. So do some reflection here. Which type of communications you feel like these improve? Is it empathic? Is it a sadness or is it both? So take a moment, think about what that is and why that town. Okay. So we got a bunch of four and I once K through your task this week. So if I asked you the same as the other ones, say, keep writing down your neck to fuels or continuing with Django, expressive writing. Keep on getting your daily reflections. So that is one thing that's made you happy. One thing that you're grateful for. One thing we accomplished. What I could do so is keep a check on my shoes. And if I feeling negative mesh scale. So I want you to practice this. And it also want is to identify one person. You either need to have an empathic blah, signs, combination conversation with, and apply these communication techniques. And as shorts, Be aware of your own communication challenges, the conversation beforehand. So very lucky to have kind of unstyled page about the video if you need to as well. But really think about someone you can actually practice this on because I think it's super important. Because practices wherever we can break up boundaries and go further. So these audio tasks, the handout is also with you as well so you can read the information you have. Keep Michigan there if either reading and those are some things. And you'll be able to apply that knowledge. It started becoming aware. You become every habits of your emotions and now you can have these conversations with people as well. So good luck and an influencing you in Module five, ceasing. 6. Creating A Beautiful Life Balance: Hey everyone and welcome back. I hope you've been keeping safe and well and practicing your empathic and assertiveness communication techniques. Which respect to that module four AT went out and module five. And I'll be taking you through how to create a peaceful life balance. So let's go through the topics for today. So we're beginning through time, say unsigned what the time is, the background of time, why it's important for us to have that life balance and any net through the full-time quadrants, which is Steven Covey has produced, which I think is great. And then we'll go through some of the boundaries and some of the limiting beliefs, activities that we do to prevent us from living that life balance and that is this organization setting boundaries. They are saying No, and also procrastination. So time AS. So, why is management of your time so important? Well, quite simply, good time management allows you to accomplish more initials and a period of time, which leads you to more free time, which lets you take advantage of learning opportunities, loading stress and helps you focus, which leads to more success both personally and professionally. Now back in the day, the pace of life wasn't bit more chilled. So time was linked to a few situations where we had to make choices. And the pace of change was sclera. So clock time ONE dates back to a couple 100 years. It was the beginning of the 18th century that MIT introduce on talks about periods. So we move further away from the old agricultural time perspective, which is governed by seasons to the industrialization or the western world and people had to work within fixed hours. And our habits and actuals and Governor. So this is also particularly true when it comes to how we use our time. When we talk about not having enough time. It's not because we have less time than previous generations, but we tried to squeeze more things in the battle with Paul calendars, which is filled with demands made by us and other people. We then end up being late nicely office or now late nights at home. Calcium plans, which we're looking forward to, what we get in return. The truth is it's very little satisfaction and activities thought becoming draining and debilitating and become obligated. The ambition to be successful, important and light can make us crumble. We pop, you put fast quench question ourselves and its changes when he's being made aware of our habits. And what my father's doesn't appear in his own Yes. The concrete and that only comes when you've analyzed, we're spending your time, I figured out what you want. You like to emit light. So think about what's reasonable and has working hours twice way. What makes fake leisure time gets? What makes fates you at work? And it balances so important, so to rely work to provide you with you entire identity and a half is the only source of approval was a very shaky foundation standards. And that means that there is time for your personality to grow. The time we're currently in is unique. Our homes have become our workplaces and our schools. But find that balance is also important for the sake of yourself and your overall well-being. So think about this. Hyphae, got the time you need for what is important new life now writes it down and say, Never, sometimes way. So have you got the time you need for what is important in your life? Isn't never, sometimes, always. And I write that down because I'd be important as you're going through this module. Now see even Franklin Covey and for this great quotes kind of which is to live a more balanced existence, you have to recognize that not doing anything that comes along is okay and nice. So true. And fall aspect that habit three, which is to put things fast, which is essentially organizing, executing read parties about managing your cells rather than managing time. And what was found is that what you basically spend our time and for ways in this quadrant, AJ, It means that something requires immediate tension. Azure methods are usually visible and they assist them action and puts it on the other hand, has to do with results. So if some of these important, they contribute your values, your high priority goals. And we react to Azure rights as opposed to matters that aren't urgent, recordable initiative, more productivity. And I've got a bit deeper into quadrant one. This is how it looks. It's both urgent and important and it deals with things that require immediate attention, as we will have quadrant one activities in their lives. But this cause you're often consumes many people. As long as you focus in his country that gets bigger and bigger until it dominates you. Appropriate comes along, it knocks you down and you white towel. And then the next problem comes on immediately after i knocks you down again. And some people are dealing with day in and day out. And if you're spending 90% of your time in quadrant one, we'll have high amounts of stress, staffing Benton, always dealing with crisis and putting out fires. Quadrant three. So this is actually not important. So things like irrelevant meetings, unnecessary reports. So what happens is that you may think you contract one where you actually quadrant three. People may spend most of their time yet listen to things that urge and assume that also important. But the reality is that the accuracy of these matters is often based on priorities, expectations of others. This then results in short-term focus, crisis management, not being able to create goals, feeling completely control, and are having authentic relationships with others. Quadrant four. This is neither urgent or important, includes things like trivial work and avoiding activities by starting us off with satin, the web will spending too much time on Netflix. And according to see them Coby and these are his words online. People who spend time almost exclusively in quadrant three, quadrant four, basically irresponsible lives. And I thought, wow, that's be harsh, but ultimately, you'll be able to reach any new goals because you'll be likely to have lack of motivation and be dependent on others. But there is a sweet spot. And the sweet spot is quadrant two. And this is the heart of personal leadership. Effective personal leadership. It deals with things on Azure but are important. So he deals with things like those relationships, nonsense, planning, learning and renewal, which he's division balance, this pink control and deal with your crisis, which is where we generally want to be. Now, I'd like you to reflect and think about where you'll time-based. So where does the majority of your time is it couldn't run, which is necessity. Quadrant to effectiveness. Quarter to three, which is distraction, or quarter before which is raced. So pause the video for a second, go back if you have to think about where the majority of the time goes and write that down. The thing is, it's not so easy to get into that sweet spot. Quadrant two, That's the kids. There are seven time thieves which get in the way and I once great through, through few of them now. The first one is around this organization. And a big part of being successful at time management is we've organized, but what he happened to be a disciplined as passive. But thing is there's nothing to go bad about. Shaved off, might be somebody thrice and chaos OK, for some reason finds you. Well, you still need to learn how to manage your time when you organize by nature not so when you don't manage your time, deadlines creep up and new projects gone, finished, important tasks and forgotten and you leave the kids, I've been fake. This makes you stressed out because you're I live out balance. So the thing is that you need to evaluate the time. Say, Do you always feel like there aren't enough hours in a day? Are you frequently missing deadlines? Do you ever feel like you have the time to you things you enjoy if you're struggling in maybe because your lifestyle preventing them properly managing your time. So for example, if you're working 12 hours a day, you need to determine why are you taking on too much responsibility. If so, start saying no, began delegating appropriately. Thomas, The first step in time management is to evaluate how you spend your time on daily tasks. So record what you're doing when, for how long. And if you need any templates to shoot me a message and I'll send them over to you. Organizing a time. So if you want to become successful time management, he stopped using a planner. And this can be either a weekly paper version or you can heat it easier in Canada wherever you are comfortable with it so you can schedule time more effectively, as well as Remind yourself important events and tasks. And this planet should also include personal, professional activities. Planning, precising, photocopies, samples, and many people faint at time management because they hadn't planned, prioritize and follow through on top. And the best way to correct this by creating a routine. So it's get started, creates a weekly schedule comprised of essential tasks, such as this one, these emails are doing laundry. Next, established set block tirelessly central tasks because you've already evaluated how your time is spent. You should not ballpark estimate of how much time he set aside for each task. So be consistent and keep a times the same throughout the week. For example, if you check your email, ATM scheduled I ATM everyday and philosophy task, Write them into smaller chunks. And this makes sense that the task is well management or seeking sets like realistic times work on each chunk. So don't get overwhelmed by your tasks. And then managing several time is really crucial. So there'll be times when it's affected by external factors like unexpected visitors or meetings that drag on. And there are a few days you can learn how to manage these outside forces. One is by setting a specific time to response phone calls and emails. So when you're working ten off units patients and use when instead. Another is establishing blocks of time when you're free to meet. We're not available. You can keep your door closed or virtual door plays. Put your master workup on busy, anticipate people no content uses will time. Will say only can meetings that are absolutely necessary to make sure there's an agenda in advance and I facilitates the meeting, stays and track and ends on time. He measured the amount of time you spent in wasteful meetings. I don't have any outcome is because we feel like we can push back if you don't have to attend or we realize we don't have time, not because I found out. So often we flow a missing out on something. So it's really important to judge which meetings on race beneficial for you. The next time Thief is setting boundaries. Now, boundaries are essential to healthy relationships, both personally and professionally and essentially a really healthy life. So settings, setting boundaries is a scalar and unfortunately is a skill that many of us they'd learn. You might pick up point is hearing that from experience or through watching others. But for many of us, boundary building is a relatively new concept and a very challenging one. So how our boundaries forms as well as through heritage and culture, that we can really have an account from where that integrates very extroverted, well sort of in between and our life experiences and also our family dynamics, dynamics effect. When it comes to setting boundaries, it's really important to remember your eyes because you have rights. You have a right to say no without feeling guilty. Which began through next. You have the right to be treated with respect. You have a right to make your needs as important as others. You have a right to be accepting of mistakes and failures, and you have a right not to the other unreasonable demands and expectations of you. So once you are comfortable with those rights, because thought setting boundaries and without sounding like a broken record, the first thing of course, is being self-aware. The first part, setting boundaries, examining the boundaries that already exist or are lacking ones lives. So for example, a person might decide that they have healthy boundaries where their romantic partner or not with their friends or colleagues. From there, they can decide what types of boundaries they wanted to sit with their friends and colleagues. The second part is to communicate what you need. And doing this with assertiveness is incredibly powerful. So easy things like, I want, I feel I need. Now every explaining is a crucial aspect of setting boundaries as everyone has a right time and what they do. And they wanted to keep the focus on yourself. So instead of setting a boundary by saying something like, Yes, so bothering Auth work, a person can say, I need some time to myself, I get back from work. And other important thing to remember is it's impossible to set boundaries about setting consequences. This means that went setting boundaries is also important. Explicitly say why they're important. So to summarize, the key to setting boundaries is first figuring out what you want from your various relationships. Setting boundaries based on those desires, and then being clear with yourself and tell people about your boundaries. The next one we want to look at is people pleasing. So I love this, I love this image because I can totally relate to heavy bass people pleasing basis, which is basically the same. And one thing that many of us find difficult is the art of saying though, our ambition to be responsible, accomplished, and social people often make us say Yes. Well that's stopping or considering whether it's something you actually want to do. And also saying yes is more fun than saying no. And often we don't want to disappoint, it'll be impossible, but we'll sneak may feel flattered that we have been asked and makes us feel good that we are wanted and light. And the other part thing now he's wanting to people please. And what kind of traits. Now you have with people, please. Well, you may tend to agree with F1 e as we direct. We apologize a lot. We take on the responsibility of someone else's feelings. We called say, Of course, I began as a great lens to please everyone and don't emit offerings. Now, here's another great videos and disclude life. And there are unique way describing people pleasing, so I hope you enjoy it. This is sponsored by skill share. Click the link in the description for more information. Being someone who pleases people, sounds on the face of it, like a very good idea. But it's a pattern of behavior riddled with problems as much for the perpetrator as for their audience. The people pleaser is someone who might at times be oneself, who feels they have no option but to mold themselves to the expectations of others. And yet harbors all manner of secret and at points, dangerous reservations and resentments. They act like the perfect lover when their real feelings a much darker. They give their ascent to plans they hate. And they confuse everyone around them by failing to express in due time with the requisite courage. They're authentic needs and ambitions. Putting it bluntly, we could say that the people pleaser is a liar. It sounds brutal, but the people pleaser is lying for poignant reasons, not in order to gain advantage, but because they are terrified of the displeasure of others. To understand and potentially sympathize with the people pleaser. We need to look at their past, which almost invariably involves an early experience of being around people, usually a mother or father, who seemed to be radically and terrifyingly incapable of accepting and forgiving certain necessary, but perhaps tricky facts about their child. Perhaps our father flew into volcanic rage at any sign of disagreement to present an opposing political idea. To suggest we wanted something different to eat, to be frank about our tiredness or anxiety, all these could threaten us with Annihilation. To survive, we needed to be acutely responsive to what others expected us to do and say the very question of what we might really want became secondary to an infinitely more important priority. Manically, second guessing the desires of those on whom at that time our lives depend it. We didn't always lie out of fear. It was also often out of love for someone we were profoundly attached to, but who was vulnerable in some way. We lied at a belonging, not a set off another marital Rao, a desire to keep a depressive parent in a good mood, and to avoid adding further burden to what seemed like an already very difficult or sad life. Who were we to make things even more complicated for a fragile person we cared for? However, understandable the origins of our behavior. In the more reflexive moments of adult hood, we might find three paths out from these difficult patterns of people pleasing. The first relies on reminding ourselves that our colleagues, partners, and friends are almost certainly very different from the people around whom our anxieties evolved in childhood. Most humans can cope quite well with a bit of contradiction, a dose of unwelcome information or an occasional rejection delivered with requisite politeness. The other is not going to explode or dissolve. We learned a very particular habit of relating to the world around a group of people who were not representative of humanity as a whole. Secondly, we need to acknowledge the inadvertantly harmful side effects of our behavior. We may genuinely have good intentions, but we are endangering everyone by not speaking more frankly, at work. We aren't doing any one a service by withholding our doubts and reservations and in love, there is no kindness in staying in a relationship simply because it seems the other might not survive without us. They will, but we will have wasted a lot of their time through our sentimentality. Finally, we can acquire the confidence to be artful about the difficult messages we have to impart. As a child. We couldn't nuanced the messages we wanted to send out. We didn't know how to craft our raw pane and needs into convincing explanations. But now it's open to us to be firm in our views, but extremely genial as well. We can say no while indicating that we feel a lot of goodwill. We can say someone is wrong without implying that they are an idiot. We can leave someone while ensuring they realize how much a relationship meant to us. We can, in other words, be pleasant without being people, pleases. We partnered with skill share today as it is a fantastic. So that's another great video from the School of Life. And so how do we say, how to say no, that had a restart saying though? And the thing is, we don't have a Cold Turkey. So starting with the small matters. And if you don't really want to go to a party, for example, and you feel guilty. Say you go but could be BIT late or join later on. It happy somewhere the entire night. Or if someone was a grab dinner to a short-term copy dataset. So start with the smallness of practice for the bigger ones. Don't apologize. The first thing is not so apologizing. We often say I'm really sorry, but also you should ask, give a reason for why you're saying no, it's your business. If you have other plans or V2s to prioritize something else, or you just want time to yourself, this is your life and you're the one who makes the decisions. Eventually. And with some practice, you'll learn as absolutely find, say no, when that's what you really want to say. Optimal time. So we spoke about this in the last module. Sometimes it's best not to say anything. If you didn't have to respond that say you'll come back to them later, do whatever you need to do to buy yourself some time. Then you have some time to, time and space to think about and how to respond to that only email or text with the plate. Now, this is so much easier than doing in-person and gives you time to make the right choice. So remember, let me get back to you is always best. That also doesn't really say your goals. It's much easier to say no, it's not people's lives when he know what you want to say yes to in your life. And once a week I sit down and reevaluate my long term goals or short term goals. We want to know why I'm doing this week. And that gets me pose it's way one's being five years. When I have this clear in my head, it's much easier to say no to requests because at times vague goals. And I want to make type my goals and welcome them in the present. The other way that we prevent ourselves from spending timeline that's high imbalance is procrastination. So what is procrastination? And procrastination is an active process. You choose to do something instead of the task that you should be doing. Say, procrastination usually involves ignoring unpleasant but likely more important task in favoring one that's more enjoyable, easier. And actually is a habit related to stress. And Mel Robbins, she's a fantastic commentator and also personal leadership coach, does a great summary of what this is and how it's thought to break the cycle. So let me show you this video how she describes procrastination. Not a procrastinator. You have a habit of procrastinating. Big difference. Because if it's a habit, I can teach you to use science to break it. So let's talk a little bit about procrastination. Who in here struggles with procrastination. And the rest of you that are rating your hand or just procrastinating on doing in our GI. Now, you see I always thought procrastination had to do with the thing I was procrastinating around, right? Like that. Procrastination has something to do with work. Believe it or not, procrastination has nothing to do with your work. Procrastination is a form of stress relief. Let me explain this. So let's say that you've got some stuff going on in your life. And Haq, who doesn't have stuff going on in your life? Maybe you're fighting with your significant other. Maybe moms or dads health is failing and it's really, really upsetting you. Maybe you've got some financial stuff. You put too much of your savings into Bitcoin and now that that's crashed, you're stressed out about it, right? So you go into work and when you get into work and you got stuff to do, you kinda walk in and you've got this big stress ball that subconsciously is hanging over your head. And so you walk in and you sit down and you know, you've got 13 phone calls you need to make and you also know that you've been chicken ing out. You've been making easy calls and there's a bunch of CIO's are other people that are higher level that you haven't been colon. And so as you sit down to do it and you got the stress on your shoulders, your brain starts to go, Wait a minute, what You want me to make a call to somebody that I'm scared to make? Absolutely not. I'm so stressed out about but can we just watch them cat videos for a minute? And next thing you know, an hour's gone by. And then of course, what do you do? You beat yourself up. So the only way that you can break this habit, and that's an important word for you to hear. You're not a procrastinator. You have a habit of procrastinating. Big difference. Because if it's a habit, I can teach you to use science to break it. You see all habits have three parts. There's a trigger and in the case of procrastination, the triggers always stress. Then there is a pattern you repeat. And in the case of procrastination, It is to avoid doing something and then there's a reward, you get a little stress release. The only way to break a habit you guys is not to deal with the triggers. You're never gonna get rid of the stress in your life. But you can 100% change your pattern of avoiding work. So next time that you're in a situation where you feel yourself hesitate the spent way too much time checking out the highlights from last night's scores. What you're gonna do is you're going to go up, I must be stressed out about something. Acknowledged the stress, then go 54321. I want you to count to yourself because I want you to interrupt the habit, the stored here. And I want you to awaken your prefrontal cortex, then I want you to just work just for five minutes. The reason why I want you to only work for five minutes is because your problem isn't working. It's the habit of avoiding. I just need you to start. And here's the other cool thing. We know based on research that if we can get you to start, 80% of you are going to keep going. So that's a great Mel Robbins took about procrastination. And I really love the simple technique that she uses to get yourself out of that procrastination cycle and summarize that is acknowledged distress. Count backwards from five to interrupts the procrastination habit and do work one thing for five minutes and get moving. But the task, which I think is a great way to get into that habit. So, typhus imperfections. Which time thief or thieves do you suffer from? Is it disorganization, setting boundaries, saying no people please, it, or destination. And it can be a mixture of all of them as well. And that's not very, that's very common to have happy Monday disorganized, but also to find out, say Now, go back in the video. Can you to think about which time with the herself from that town. Okay, so you'll tasks for this week. The first few and not surprising the classroom is to keep prices down your negative thoughts or try journey 10-15 minutes a day. Number two is, keep on doing the daily reflection. So one thing is very happy once you've accomplished one thing you're grateful for. And number three is from the time thieves choose the one which affects your time the most and tried to actively make positive changes. Now, give me some tips in here. So don't back if you need to think about which time thief you suffer from and how to make those changes and sought to implement them straightway. And number four is listen areas of your life where you feel that you'd like to dedicate more time t. So pick one area Assad to actually spend more time on it, even if it's only one small set. So for example, if you want to get more exercise solving 2k, so think about some areas when he got to dedicate time. And again, the key information is in the handout. And I got further reading in there as well and we'll send you a task summarized in that. So best of luck with his house. And I look forward to seeing you in Module six. Take care. 7. Find Your Purpose: Hey everyone and welcome back. If you've been keeping well, doing your daily reflections, having a time to decent journaling, and figuring out what these time thieves, I'll start creating that wonderful life balance that we spoke about Module five. So now we're in module six, which is all about finding your purpose. And during this session, we'll be going through the following. So what is your purpose? So Dina, what it is and how to find it. So discovering a purpose and things you can do to actually find what you want to do in your life and happy versus meaningful. So there is a difference between that. Let's go through what those health benefits of having a purpose and finally, looking at your values and also your personal mission as well. The Helen Keller said, happiness is not attained through self gratification, but through fidelity to aware the purpose which I wish I fully agree with. And so big question is, what is your purpose? You may already know what this is and certainly purposes and changed our lives. And there are many reasons why you may not know your life purpose. Sometimes it's because the world's problems into big always seem to small or maybe which is exhausted from life. And I know where we'll find the energy to fight what, for what really matters to us. And for taking. Psychologists have studied how long-term meaningful goals develop over the span of believes. The goals that foster a sense of purpose or ones that could potentially change the lives of other people like military organization, researcher disease, or teaching children to read. And a sense of purpose appears to have evolved the human so that we can accomplish big things together, which maybe y is say, taste with better physical health, mental health purposes, adaptive in an evolutionary sense, it helps both individuals and the species to survive. Many people seem to believe that purpose arises from your special gifts that sets you apart mother people. But that's only part the truth. It also grows more connections others. And once you find your path, you'll almost certainly find others traveling alone or with you hoping to reach the same destination, which essentially is community. And what it's showing you now is a video from my favorite man, Jack Canfield. Some great tips on finding that Pappus. And so let's take you through this and here he talks about visualizations increasing statement. There I'm Jack Canfield and today I want to talk to you about one of the most. Hi there. I'm Jack Canfield. And today I want to talk to you about one of the most important and challenging things. I'm gonna talk to you about how to find your true purpose in life. I began to find my purpose in life when I was in college, I was actually a Chinese history major. And I was thinking I was going to be a diplomat or go to law school one of the two and my senior year I took a elective class, was supposed to be an easy a called social relations ten. And what happened was it was really a group where we sat around and talked about our feelings and got to know each other at a really deep level, much more deeply than anyone I'd ever talked to in college. And I realized, wow, this is what I wanna do. I love human behavior, psychology, how people interact, how they set goals and what they're about and life. Unfortunately, I had no undergraduate classes in psychology, so I couldn't get into psychology and graduate school. But someone said you taught history in the summer and you took the you were a history major. Why don't you go into teaching history. And then through graduate school you can sneak in the Ed Psych, and eventually psychology, which is what I did. And I found that I love to teach and I loved to empower people. And what happened was I was teaching in an all black inner city school in Chicago. And most of my kids were not motivated. And I became more interested in how to motivate them that I wasn't teaching history. And so I became an expert in motivation and success. Unfortunately, I met a man named w clement stone who had a foundation who was teaching this in Chicago. I started taking weekend workshops with them and started using it in my classrooms. And eventually they asked me to teach other teachers. And then one day I was teaching and they said, can you do for my company what you just did for these teachers? And I said I never worked in a company and they said they're just being kids in suits. So go over and work with them. And I did. And so I discovered that my purpose was inspiring and empowering people to live their highest vision in the context of love and joy. And it's important because my whole life now has been developed around that purpose. And once I was clear with that, I could line every single behavior, every single goal with my purpose. So literally, one of the most important challenges we face in our life is figuring out exactly what that purpose is and what we wanna do with it. For some people, the answer to this question of who am I and what's my purpose and what do I wanna do seems to come easily. There are those who grew up knowing they want to be a doctor or a musician, or an engineer, or a lawyer or an astronaut. And they just go up and they do it. Now there are those of us, however, who struggled to find our true purpose is for those people, I hope to offer some useful guidance today. Now before we can address hiking, go about finding what it is you want to commit your life to. It's important to better understand why doing so can be so difficult. There are several factors that can make finding your purpose in life hard. Pressure from outside influences often responsible for leading you down life paths that you don't enjoy. Another factor holding many people back from finding your true purpose is the fact that people often prioritize things such as money and prestige above doing what they love. Even though those things will more likely come if a person pursues our true purpose and passion. Now oftentimes, people may also feel that it's too late for them to find their true purpose. They believe they're too old or to establish in their current life. This, however, is rarely ever true. It's never too late to start doing what makes you happy. And the belief that is too late is nothing more than another factor holding you back. Once you've identified the factors that may be keeping you from finding your purpose in life though, you can go about silencing them and listening to your real calling. Thankfully, we're all born with an inner compass that tells us whether or not we're on the right path to finding our true purpose. Now that compass is our experience of happiness or joy. If you enjoy what you're doing and it fulfills you, you're on the right track. If not, it's time to readjust your course. Now by listening to this inner compass and learning to ignore any outside influences or factors. The point you in the opposite direction, you'll find that discovering your true purpose isn't so hard after all. Now, having identified things that could be holding you back from finding your purpose, let's start discovering what it is you were truly meant to do with your life. To do this start by following these simple yet extraordinarily helpful steps. First, you have to envision your ideal life. If money was no object, what would you wanna do with your life if you can live anywhere? There were no expectations and anything you could think of was not a problem. What is it that you would want to do with your life? I want you to really think hard about these questions because the answer to them is really important. If you're able to envision what's your ideal life looks like and what it is that you find yourself doing in that ideal life. You'll have a much better understanding of your true purpose. Second, Do what makes you happy. Now, even if you envision your ideal life, chances are it's not going to be something you'll be able to achieve immediately overnight. Now that's not to say it is impossible. But for most people it's gonna take a little more effort than that. The point though is envisioning your ideal life to understand what it is that makes you happy. And once you've identified what makes you happy, start doing more of it. Now, it's really just that simple. You may want to start small with a side job or a hobby, or you may want to commit to this new direction entirely. But either way, you should be working towards a life where you are always doing the things you enjoy and finding success in doing these things, proceeding this way. And I promised you will eventually end up at the ideal life you first envisioned. Now third, Do what you're good at. In most cases, the things that you're good at and the things you enjoy it will be one and the same. Still it's important to ask yourself, what is it that comes easily to you? Effortlessly to you? What things are you better at doing than anybody else? And by pursuing both the things you're good at and the things you enjoy, you maximize your chances of being successful. More importantly, though, you maximize your chances of living a highly rewarding and enjoyable life. There's no better time to start making the most of your life than now. And whether you're 16 or 60, it's never too late to find and pursue your true purpose. If it feels like your past has been wasted doing things that weren't your true purpose. Don't worry. All that means is that it's time to make the rest of your life the best of your life now. And best of all, the wisdom and experience you gain from your past are invaluable resources that you can use to build a better future. And in the end, there's no such thing as wasted efforts, only wasted opportunities. Now finding the best thing for you to do with your life truly is as simple as finding what you love, finding what you're good at, and pursuing it with a passion. From there, everything else will fall into place and you'll soon find yourself living a life that is fulfilling, rewarding, and full of joy. I want to leave you with a bit of homework. Think about your true purpose. Assume that the world is perfect right now. What does the world look like? How is everyone interacting with everyone else? What does it feel like? Write down your answer as a statement in the present tense the way you would see a perfect world. And remember that a perfect world is a fun place to be in. And once you determine this, go back and read it every day, that your purpose probably has something to do with helping create that world in some way. Maybe in a small way with your friends, your family in your neighborhood or your community, or your work group. Or maybe on an even grander scale. So close your eyes and visualize that perfect world for a few minutes every day. And then watch for opportunities to help create more of that world wherever you are. So thanks for watching today and remember, nothing will change for the better until you do. So that's a Jack Canfield. I mean, I think, you know, his his videos are brilliant and he gave some really great advice on how to find your purpose. So I would definitely recommend watching the video again, and I'm actually taken on board some of these tasks, ladies, just as well. Okay. So the Greater Good Science Center, which I spent about before, they also go into this a little bit more deeply in terms of how to find your purpose. And as I mentioned, they're a US organization. And what they've said is that there are a few things that you can do to actually start finding a purpose or discovering a purpose. And the first one is to read. So really connects us people that will never know across time and space. And an experienced researcher says, is linked to a sense of meaning, purpose. And in a 2010 paper, for example, Leslie Francis studied a group of nearly 26 thousand teenagers throughout England and Wales and found that those who were the Bible will tends to have a more stronger sense. Pappas, I, Secular Reading seems to make a difference as well. And in a survey of empirical studies, Raman de Mar and colleagues on link between reading poetry and fiction. And it sends a purpose amongst adolescents. And research has also shown that many people find pivotal ideas and books. So if you're feeling a crisis or purpose in your life or doesn't books and find the books. And they may help you to seek what matters in your life. The other one is turning huts entity for others. Often finding a purpose is not just an intellect pursuits is also something we feel emotionally. And example is given of a woman who suffered from domestic abuse at home as a child and known as school intervened or helps us forced her mother, herself or her brother when they're growing up. That letter feeling very much shameful feelings are thick and resistance was a mistake. But once as an adult, she turned us around and made her life purpose. I've now the children who had been through the same experiences, which I think it's amazing. So why do people seem to find purpose and suffering while others are crushed by it? Partly answer my ASD with emotions and behaviors we cultivate in ourselves and constantly sick or graphene altruism is massively important. Certain emotions and behaviors that promotes health and well-being can foster a sense of purpose. Specifically the things or gratitude and altruism. And several studies by the Greater Good Science Center have shaped the experience. War makes us feel connected to something larger than ourselves. And so can provide the National Foundation presents a purpose. But all by itself would give you a purpose in life. It's not just enough to give you a small part of a big something. Listening to feel driven to make positive impacts on the world. And this is where gratitude and altruism, commons clay. So what do I mean by all? Well, or is the feeling we get in the presence of something vast that challenges our understanding of the world. Like looking up at millions of stars in the night or marveling at the birth of a child. And when people feel all, they may use other words to describe experience such as wonder, amazement, surprise, or even transcended. Scientists believe that all may have helped our evolutionary ancestors lived in the face of incest environments that demanded group cooperation. And today, researchers uncovering the benefits of war for clear thinking, good health, and close relationships. 2d is also highly Paulson. And over the past 15 years, hundreds of studies have documented the social, physical, and psychological benefits of gratitude. The research suggests that these benefits are available to anyone who practice gratitude even in the midst of adversity. Toilets question bring us well, it brings happiness. And through scientific research, practicing gratitude has proven to be one of the most reliable methods for increasing happiness and life satisfaction. You also boosts feelings, optimism, joy, pleasure, enthusiasm, and other positive missions. On the flip side, gratitude also reduces anxiety and depression. It could be health apart therapy. And research also suggests a hump. It uses depression and most people with chronic disease. It's also great for our bodies. It strengthens the immune system, lowers blood pressure, reduces symptoms of illnesses, and makes us less bothered by aches and pains. It makes us more resilient. It strengthens relationships, it promotes forgiveness. And research shows it's also good for children. And children as young as six or seven or more generous when they're feeling grateful. A grave I'd lessons tends to be more resilient and counts more positive missions, which is unimportant drop off each generation. It's what is altruism? Altruism is when we act promotes on else's welfare, even at risk or cost to ourselves. And research suggests that practicing altruism enhances our personal well-being emotionally, physically, you romantic, and perhaps even financially. It's also crucial to stable and healthy communities and well-being of our species as a whole. It makes us happy and it's good health and it's also contagious. The other thing is to listen to what people appreciate that I appreciate about you. Giving thanks can help you find your purpose, but you can also find purpose in what people thank you for. Although there's a specific research that's already schools had been thanked my fuel and sense of purpose. It's known that gratitude strengthens relationships and those are often the source of our purpose. When you are thank to appreciate in some way, I recommend these, write it down because we often forget. And if I ever received good feedback, I'm fangs, it makes for great, but I often forget it quickly and then move on to the things I should be doing better. So try and hardens the times when you receive that great feedback. Finding and building community. So wise community, same potent when it allows us to support one another, interact, share experiences and our modern life struggles. And having this open bond with others is what builds fable relationships and gives us a deeper sense of belonging. Communities are also rich in resources. So your strengths. Maybe someone else's weakness and vice versa. And if you're having trouble remembering your purpose, taking the food people around you, what you have in common with them, what they tried to be, what impact do you have on the world and is that impacts positive one? Can you join them in making their impact and what they need can give it to them. And if the answers to those questions, that is phi u, then he might need to find a neat community. And with that, MY purpose may come. The other really powerful thing is telling your story. Now purpose often arises some curiosity about your life. What obstacles you've encountered, what strengths helps you to overcome them? How do people help you? How did your strengths make life better for others? And That's because sometimes you feel shame in some of your stories. But actually, if you're courageous enough, it makes a difference to hundreds of people. And I really believe that telling a story and sharing your story is very, very powerful. 1 two thousand, two thousand eight study found that those who see meaning and purpose in their lives are able to tell us through change in growth with a managed to overcome the obstacles encountered. So in other words, creating a narrative can help us see our own strengths and applying their strengths and make a difference in the world, which increases our sense of self efficacy. So I want you to reflect me, pause the video for a second and think about what kids eat more of. Discover your purpose. So look at these things here. Is it reading? Is it tiny homes healing, cultivating, or aggression, altruism listens, appreciating others, finding Ability, community, or telling a story. So what do you think will help you to build a community and that purpose that should go forward with it. So write that down for me. I'll come back to that in the tasks of the end of the module. Okay, so moving on to happiness versus meaning. We talk about wanting to be happy and have a happy life. And philosophers and researchers, spiritual leaders, they've all debated what makes life worth living. Is a life filled with happiness or life filled with purpose and meaning? Or is there even a difference? Fumes, worry, boy Meister, Professional Psychology at Florida State University. Since a happy life and a need for life have some differences. Him, his colleague surveyed 397 adults looking for correlations between that levels of happiness, meaning, and other various aspects of their lives, their behavior, moods, relationships, health stress levels creates misuse them all. And they found that a meaningful life and happy life go hand-in-hand, but not always. And they found that there are five specific differences. Number one is packet will satisfy their wants, needs. But that seems largely irrelevant to me for life, therefore, health, wealth, and ease in life, or related to happiness, whatnot meaning. How can this involves being focused on the present, whereas meaningfulness involves thinking more about the past, present, or future, and the relationship between them. Thirdly, meaningful message derived from giving to other people and happiness comes when they give to you. So although social connections willing to both happiness and meaning, happiness was connected most of the benefits one receives from social relationships, especially friendships, while mindfulness was related to what one gives to others. Meaningful lives involve stress and challenges and high levels of worries, dressings, IT. It's a high mindfulness but low happiness, which suggest that engaging in changing difficult situations that beyond one sells one pleasures promotes mean for this bottom happiness. And finally, self-expression is important to meaning but not happiness. So doing things express oneself and caring about personal cultural density. We'll link to a meaningful life on a hockey one. So for example, considering oneself to be wiser creative was associated with meaning by not happiness. So he, they found some clear differences while accepting the two closely-related brewmaster believes is useful to make distinctions between meaning and happiness, in parts in encouraging people to seek meaningful pursuits in life, whether or not doing so makes and when inspiring to have a well mid life, it might make more sense to look for things that you find meaning in. Seat relationships are tourism and purposes, suffix crash, for example, until it for pleasure lane, which often brings a short-term happiness. Surprisingly, there are some break meaningful health benefits to having a purpose. And research has shown that purpose like elongates your life, shown in the graphs here. So the first graph shows a strong sense of place in life, which correlates with a significantly longer life. Individuals with the highest sense of purpose that the longest. Those were the no sense had the most Mortality. And each line represents the percentage of patients surviving in a given month during the study. And each color represents a group of volunteers categorized by purpose. So those with the high since purpose, as represented in green, live the longest. And those were the nose has a purpose, a Shania rates never showed slides. Research has found that purpose correlate significantly with mortality and cohort 8,419 adults, those were the highest as it purposely belonging. While those with a less of a sense of purpose, there's 50 shorter lives. The authors of the study defined purposes. A self-organizing life ain't that stimulates goals, promotes healthy behaviors and gives means life. Raft who shows individuals with a low sense of purpose in life at higher mortality rates offered, adjusting things like age, sex education, routes, status, et cetera. They found that those with low or no since purpose had 2.43 times the risk of dying compared to those with a very high since purpose and those with a medium since pappas had at 1.7 times higher risk of dying. Finally, graph three shows that when researchers looked at the causes of death amongst different individuals in the study, they found that purpose, let's specifically to gains and Haha and differences in mortality rates with your him by heart disease mortality and digestive disease mortality. Those were the loser's purpose had 2.4 times the risk of heart disease. In Pets, those with a high sense of purpose. They also had to put one times the risk of digestive disease, which include things like sudden colon cancers. I can't say which is the second leading death, of course, didn't appear to be effective by purposes raise cancer didn't differ significantly. And this suggests that since Perkins may fed different will consistent and diseases differently. So if you want to live a long life, find somebody you want to live for a sense of purpose has been shirts correlate significantly with health and every bit increase in purpose needs to longer life. John maxwell says, your core values of our deeply held beliefs authentically described yourself. And purpose is and about what we do. And values are about how he cheap purpose and where identifying the value so important? Well, there are a few things. And the first thing is a helps you find your purpose so you can't expect to know what you want out of life if you don't know what's important in life, so know what E-value gets you that much closer to the answer. He also helps you to react in different difficult situation. So values or guiding principles, behavior for babies rate, they can help you ensure that you behave in a way that matches you want to be at your core. People often react quickly situation, think about difficult ones. And they didn't. We set the time to think about what they're doing fully do it. You can use your values to reflect on situations, to decide, for example, if you need to apologetic something. He also helps you make decisions. So when he come across Anita make physician, your values can help you make the right call. And sometimes emotions get away of good decision-making. But if you start to ask yourself, what would someone who values xy this situation, then you just might be able to come to more clear headed, less emotionally effective decision. Help clear out the clutter. So if you ever want to eliminate excess baggage, real-life identity, your values will help you rule out the important things you need it on, believe, or need or important. It also helps you choose the right career path. So all career paths can be present columns, we know that, but we know what matters to you. You can be sure they'd choosing the right career path. So if you've only connection, interaction and friendship, for example, it's possible to work at home. Working on me that we could fit, on the other hand, evaluate travel, wealth, and conversation. There may be some like a sales job is perfect. So sometimes know your valleys green and help you determine if a promotion is the best idea. He also helped develop a sense of self. So knowing your values means you can develop strong opinions about important subjects. You don't just believe what your parents believed and you can't just say you believe we are friends believe is figure out what you truly believe and then you can share your honest self with others. It helps increase your confidence. So identifying your values increases your level of confidence because it brings about a sense of stability and safety through our life. We are what you want. It doesn't matter what people want. When you know what's important to you. It doesn't matter what is puts other people. This will naturally bring yourself sense of self-confidence to your life. And finally, it helps your overall happiness. So if you combine the results from benefits 1327, you've likely improved your life, you develops a purpose, greater, better difficult situations, make good decisions for the right career. Developed opinions increase your confidence. So now we've identified what values are important to you. It's time to reflect on your values. And what I've done is in the projects and resources section. There is a handout section, and then that is the core Valley sheets so that you can actually take the time to your core values. And Kirby says Creating an integrating and empowering personal mission statement is one of the most important investments we can make. Now, a personal mission statement is a declaration of individuals purpose, and path in life, emphasizing what is truly important to him or her. And lays out your core values, your expectations, your pleasure, the people on your measurement of success. Writing a personal mission statement is an excellent way to generate a framework for defining what you want her life and discovering what your goals are important to you. Silicosis, COPC, individuals, not just companies. She'd have a mission statement because having a mission helps focus what you want your character to be and what you want to compute controversy in society. And his mind. Writing a mission statement mean it most critical activity and taking control of one's life. So no matter what stage of life you're in, going through the process of creating a mission statement can be beneficial. Whether you're new in your career or senior, look into their more balanced life. A personal mission statement. Get here clarity and focus. As writing your personal statement is very much tied to your goals against dig deeper into this, into our next session aren't actually your purpose. But that means I'm before we end this module, I'd like to, of course, she was video from School of Life on finding our mission. Emissions are things we tend to associate with Astronauts. If someone at a party asked what you did and you said you were involved on a mission of some kind. People would look at you sort of strangely. But in truth, we all benefit from focusing in on the purpose of our lives so that we can refer to them as missions of one kind or another. When the entrepreneur Elon Musk was at university, he asked himself very explicitly, what is mission in life would be. He began by wondering what the world needed most urgently. Then he looked into himself to see what his talents were. And that led him to a list of four possible missions. Space exploration, electric transportation, artificial intelligence, and rewriting the human genome. After a bit more thought, Elon Musk chose the first two. Few of us will ever settle on missions as mighty as the genes. But the notion of having a mission rather than a mere job or a hobby remains widely applicable. How then can we learn to adopt the mission mindset? Here are some ideas. Firstly, what matters is to adopt a certain seriousness about one's life. The working bed will only be at best 50 years. So the challenge is around focus. How can one reduce the range of one's enthusiasms and see that having so many interests is half the problem. Talk of a mission forces us to reduce what we care about down to just a few very big things. It privileges precision over breadth. You give yourself a specific target, aware of how much energy it will take to reach it. Secondly, a mission is about having a plan and reducing the amount of times that because one has no clear goal, one gets swept along by the plans of others. And then again. Emission is different from an ambition. And ambition starts with what you want. A mission centers around what others need. People with missions may well end up making money and having status, but that isn't what led them to the mission in the first place. Missions are about the intrinsic worth of tasks. They are about helping other people. The Search for emission requires you to ask, among all the problems facing humanity, What are the ones that properly interest me? Be alive to the small-scale but authentic concerns you may have. Having focused on a problem of humanity that feels right for you. You then need to take an honest look at your own aptitudes. Truly are your talents. What can you contribute that may require a lot of introspection, career counseling and experimentation. Then where your skills and aptitudes intersect with the needs of the world. That is your distinctive zone. That is where your mission lines. A mission isn't a mission because it's grand, but because it's precise. Examples of modest but crucial missions might be a mission to improve the care that the elderly receive at the end of their lives. Or a mission to teach children music in an engaging way, or a mission to get the best pizzas out to the customer. Liverpool or downtown San Diego. Conceiving of a mission requires us to throw off an attitude of inner serfdom where we imagine that only other people have the right to plan their lives and everyone else must just surrender to accidents and the random whims of employers. We can and should all have missions. With a mission in hand. The next time you're at a party, you won't need to keep the conversation at the level of where you are employed. You can answer with reference to the underlying logic of what you're up to. You can with no space helmet to your name, legitimately announced that you're on this earth with a mission to carry out. Thank you for what? So that's the amazing School of Life there. She's fantastic. Alright, so going onto your tasks for this week, the first year, of course, are the same. So the first thing is to write down your negative thoughts or try journaling 10-15 minutes a day. Number two is keep them doing daily reflections. There is one thing that's made you happy when he grateful for one thing accomplished. And from your reflections on discovering a purpose, make a plants work these areas. So is it reading? Is if mining communities, it's telling a story and begins to execute this plan. And finally, identify your core values using worksheets, which isn't a resources section. So best of luck with your tasks. The tasks and further reading are also in the handout. So start making a plan and executed as well. And I will see you in the final module, which is module seven, actually purpose, which I'm looking forward to and hope you can take it a step further to take care as easy. 8. Action Your Purpose: Hey everyone, and welcome back to the final module of this class. Actioning your purpose. I'm afraid, had channels to reflect or you think your purposes over the past few weeks. And this module will help kids get that step further into thinking how you can execute our purpose. Think about your goals for the coming year. Okay, so what we can go through today and we are gains cover dreaming. So the benefits of being a dreamer and what it can bring to you last week is we break apart the person mission statements again through how to create it in more detail. And what goes on, the Goal Orientation and has featured goals. Some of the obstacles that we've been through over the last several modules of how we stop ourselves at you reaching those goals, bots ways into manifesto goals and take yourself forward. So I can't resist putting a biggie, quotes him, I did after all spend my majority of my twenties listening to an buying expensive hip hop R&B invoked CDs in the US. But we often think a dream is just a dream my salary. But over the past few years, not just the most wonderful thing to dream. Actually. Make time for dreaming. When I was a child, I daydream BY, didn't pay much attention to it. My prayer life was pretty much already planned. Good school dwelling exams gets university do degree, is something relatively useful, and choose a suitable career. Get married, have kids by Pew properties and Bob's your uncle, the number that that means that they have it. And when I was told led to my mom about my dream of wanting to be Zookeeper. She tell me that is what English people do. And I felt my knees English tuple are really lucky because I feel also reach come as a beekeeper. So I, I went slightly off piece. I didn't do grading exams as it got very bored and study for exams. So as you study, so ends up getting into uni by the skin of my teeth and going to the easiest entry degree, which was competing information systems design. Now this was 1993. And as you can imagine, this adventure paid very well in my career. So I had a great career, was financially secure and stable, was a homeowner, had a great relationship, but I ended up finding myself unhappy and feeling I was living my life with little meaning. And affiliates do more in my life and actually thought about catching my twenties but did nothing about it. And I remember only a few years ago thinking was too late to change my career. But boy, was I wrong? What changes that I got coached and open up my eyes to everything I could achieve and thought stream again, which had done since being a child. So every command you create your own dream list. We want to do become learning. Places you want to go in relation to what's built. See you are dreams as a gateway to your future. And with dreams, anything's possible to make them as grand as you like and don't limit yourself. As adults, your inner voice will tell you to sense your dreams, would try and push pass our voice. When we dream, we use our feelings and engage the right side of your brain, which increases creativity. And when you paste that list, you'd be really surprised at how much you've achieved every year. Going through this a bit more detailed later. Alright, let's get back to your personal mission statement. So last week we spoke about your personal mission statement. And just as a reminder, a personal mission statement is a declaration of individuals, purpose and path in life, emphasizing what's truly important to him or her. And it lays out your core values, your expectations, your pledge to our people, and the measurement of success. So how would you build a personal mission statement? Well, step one is to spend some time identifying four or five examples where you've had some personal success in recent years. These could be at work and your community a home. Write them down and tried to identify whether there is a common theme or themes fit examples. Step two, don't have a list of attributes that you believe identify hilar or you parties are. The disk could be as long as he needs your core valleys will help you in defining these priorities. Step three is make a list of ways you can make a difference in either situation. How could you contribute best to the world in general, your family, your future, your future employers, your friends or community. As their floor is, spent some time thinking about your priorities in life and the goals you have yourself. Make a list of your personal goals, perhaps in the short-term and the long-term beyond three years. And we'll be going through the goals of the people detail. Finally, step five, based on the first full FX and bet on static yourself. Begin writing your personal mission statement. And while you write a personal mission statement for yourself, there's really amazing power-sharing. It certainly share the most fought against achieve your mission. And in the handout, I provided a website which allows you to build your personal mission statement easily. So let's move onto goals. If you want to be happy, setup all the commands, your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes. So what is a goal exactly? Well, a goal is an idea of the future or desired result that person or group of people envision plan to commit to achieve. People, endeavor to reach falls within a finite time by setting deadlines. And a goal is roughly similar to a purpose. Setting yourself goals, working towards them and reach them is a very enjoyable and normally presses. It gives us creative drive, focus, direction. We are awful crater beings and to realize our goals gives us meaning to our lives, which in turn contributes to a happiness. Also, when we work towards our goals, we become aware of the strengths that we possess. It creates a strong ISAF image and we share ourselves that we can accomplish what results do. So your dream list of core values and partial missing person mission statement is a solid foundation from which to create logos from. So why our goals so important? Well, there are several reasons. The first one is academic success. So setting goals and reflecting upon them improves. Some Academia. Around 25% of students who enroll in fully university courses then complete their studies. And common explanations for this include a lack of clear goals and motivation. Goal-setting and division programs have been shown to significantly improve academic performance. They also motivational, so goals are good motivation and vice-versa. Most definitions of motivation incorporate goals and goals setting as an essential factor. The next one is flow state. So goal setting is associated with achieving the optimal conditions for flux state. Setting clear goals that both challenging yet within your skill level is a very powerful contributor to finding yourself in the zone. And according to positive psychologists were Halley what you experience that movement is known as flow, state of complete immersion in activity. He describes a mental state of flow as being completely involved and activity for its own sake. So the ego falls way, time flies. Every action movement, thought follows inevitably from the previous one. Your whole being is involved and you're using your skills in terms of the benefits locally to improve performance. So we searched the founder of flux enhanced performance in a wide variety of areas including teaching, learning, athletics, and even artistic creativity. Flow could also lead to further learning and skill development. Because of the acts of achieving Flow indicate substantial mastery of skill. The individual must continue the CP challenges and have mentioned, in order to maintain the state. Optimism, lots mythic approach to goal setting can aid success research it's goal-setting amongst students indicates that factors such as hope and optimism have significant impacts on how we manage. I've got there's also increased performance. So goals that are specific and also challenging needs improve overall improved performance comparisons between the effects of non-specific goal, such as, I'll try my best. And specific challenging goals suggest that people don't have to perform well when trying to do their best. And vague goal is compatible with multiple outcomes, including those lower than one's capabilities. Measuring, measuring your progress. So being able to keep track of your progress towards achieving a goal is only possible if you set one in the first place. Be able to measure progress is extremely rewarding or help you maintain focus. Keep your head high, keep your energy up. It'll keep you from getting down. Sometimes when working towards success, it's easy to become discouraged. Please don't fully have arrived yet. Have a, when you manage and measure progress while working towards a specific goal. You gotta see that throughout he might not be week S y1 t at the end. But he made a lot of movements in the right direction and lot better off than when he started. So it's worth thinking about and appreciating the small steps that bigger goal. Self-mastery. Perhaps the most important reason why goals work is because they pulled character. Actually achieving goals builds character. While the process of goal-setting is positive because it helps you identify what's truly important here. Bassoon your goals as a real May Maker, literally if it goes happy because it builds some efficacy, it develops yourself as a type of person you can achieve goals, which is amazing. Finally, it beats procrastination. Procrastination is something we'll Batalden times time myself included. However, when you set goals in life, specific goals, what you are to achieve helps you to understand that procrastination is dangerous. It's wasted time, there's other day. But moving closer to that goal. Yeah, she set goals and what are the principles of goal-setting? And I love this by local Ethan, which was developed back in the 19 nineties. And what he said was goal-setting collimated in the theory of goal setting and hospital medicine, which five key principles, successful achievement are suggested? The first one is commitment. It's a commitment refers to the degree to which an individual is attached to the goal and examination to reach it. Even when faced obstacles. According to Locke, a lethal God performance is strongest when people are committed. And even more so when the goals are difficult. So given the commitment to a goal, if an individual discovers that performance is below that which is required. They likely to increase the effort will change your strategy. That will lead to attainment. When we are less committed to goals, particularly more challenging goals, we increase the likelihood of giving up in the presence of strong commitment, significant association between goals and performance. We are like most likely to see what we intend to. A number of factors can influence our commitment levels. So namely, the perceived desirability of the goal and the perceived ability of achieving it. Whether you're setting a goal for yourself, for others. In order to be successful, you must possess the desired comprehensive understanding of what is required to achieve it. Polarities number two, specific goals, but you are there at cost. So when a goal is vague, it has limited motivational value. Research has indicated that goal clarity, it was positively related to overweight innovation and satisfaction in the workplace. Set clear, precise and unambiguous goals that are implicit and can be measured when it goal is carrier minds, you have an improved understanding of the task at hand. Know exactly what's required and their results you success is a further source of motivation. Challenge. Goals must be challenging, yet attainable. Challenging goals can improve performance through self increase satisfaction and their motivation to find suitable strategies to push our skills to limit the vastly goals that are not within our ability level will not be achieved in feelings of disgust, satisfaction, and frustration. We obeyed space it by achievement and the anticipation of achievement. If you know a goal is changing, it leaves us with an ability to accomplish it. We're more likely to motivated to complete a task. There's also tasks and ecstasy. So research has just that overly complex heart. Introduce demands that may meet goal-setting effects. Overly complex goals that lie out of Ostia level may become overwhelming and negatively impacts morale, productivity, and motivation. The timescale for such goals should be realistic, allowing sufficient time to work towards a goal and as opportunities to reassess the goal complexity. Ross reviewing and improving performance, the most motivated people can become disillusioned at the task capacity is too great for the skills that we have feedback. So goal-setting is more effective in the presence of immediate feedback. Feedback, including its no feedback, helps you determine the degree to which a goal is being met and how you're progressing. And ambiguously back issues that actually can be taken if necessary. If the form was proposed falls below the standards required to achieve got. Feedback allows us to reflect on our ability and set new, more attainable goals. When such feedback is delayed, we can't evaluate the effectiveness of our strategy is probably leading to a potentially reproduction, the rates of progress. So when we perceive our progress was a gold adequate, you feel capable of learning new skills and setting more challenging future goals. So take some time to reflect on this. Have you ever set goals before and define them as described? Sometimes we set a goal but it's very high level. So think about the goals that you've set. Do do seconds yes or no. And if you do, have you made them into smart goals, which is basically white scribe here. So pause the video, think about it and write that down. You can't make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what may happen. So now EPA dreams, you defined your core values and mission statement. And now you also define the goals that you like sheep. So everything should be sculpted, but is it really what starts to happen? So what's also happened is what we talked about. Your inner critic and impulse syndromes that raring AGI has told you that you're not good enough to achieve these goals, So you'll be happy and make a mess of everything. And what happens then is that you have these emotional wounds. So you saws overthink so much that you can't even start the process has finding goal or that you feel that your gains get rejected and fail. Says I put even trying. You may even start to have those mental thought habits and thought patterns, which are very unhelpful because they say, what if or yes, but talking you out of your dreams and goals. And if that wasn't enough, you have all these time thieves to deal with. And you might be a people pleaser, you may procrastinate. There are times where your goals, because your times was in quadrant 13 or four and not focusing ISAF and you can't make a decision to push because of your habits of these things. So it's really important to look at these, all of these things that we looked in the previous modules around these areas. Go back to them as well to think about how these top youth and preventing yourself from achieving your goals. And perhaps where we thought to look at using these tools, techniques which we practice from the very first module of the program. And I want to remind you again of what these are. The first one is Dana Daily Reflections, which I've been asked to every, every time. And this is a very simple technique, star, Train your brain, think more positively and it's writing down what things make you happy. While thing you've accomplished what the great before. This way, he starts relate all the positive things are happening in your life right now. Practicing self-awareness. Again, you'd been hopefully getting done this over the past several weeks. And it's tried to break old habits of thought patterns. So when your negative thoughts taught you right and down, the thing about when it started and why this will starts McKenzie family triggers and thought changing it. So tried to monitor your thoughts summations and hit pause and your thoughts. Soft distancing. I also ask you to practice himself distancing. So once you become aware of your thoughts, you can reframe them, is almost like talking to yourself and reframing the situation. So if this thing's technique that allows you to take a step back from experience so they can work on it more effectively. If I take a review of your own problems, issues, and mental stresses through different eyes, less than tangling moment circa city or situation from another perspective. Think about how good friends may offer price. Now practicing self-awareness is off this. That thing will help you raise your mission scale. So when you sign a standing, how you're feeling is easiest. Change it. And I've asked you to checking the omission register, move up the emotional scale by doing things that bring you joy, happiness, and meaning. Practicing mindfulness or meditation. As a reminder, mindfulness is having the space in between those thoughts. When you have the space in between their thoughts, you are present, you know, thinking about the past or future and it's fresh, not strike when you're in the state. Of course, meditation is great way to be mindful, but there are other ways. So I remember being in nature, observing. Exercising, art, dancing, anything which allows you to get into all of those thick layer might adults on elsewhere. Therapy and coaching. So there are lots of tools where you can start to change your thought patterns and manage your thought patterns and mental habits. But there are times when we need to further support, as I mentioned in module one. So having therapy or coaching is incredibly valuable if you feel you need that extra swirl and take yourself a step further. And it's really important to understand what you need and what works for you. So the things that we haven't touched on, trial it off a few modules is affirmations and visualizations which aligns get through next. Talks about the very briefly. But affirmations are super interesting because people sometimes are resistant to them. But as a reminder, the basic premise is that affirmations Change Automated negative or patterns are replaced with positive ones. I first heard of affirmations when I purchase through these hays, you can hear me alive in my self development practice started from affirmations and waste 20 years ago. And to practicing these affirmations can be extremely simple. And only these two as pick a phrase and repeat it to yourself. So over here on the slide, I've got some examples that you can also use and write out because we'll create themselves. Now, there is a hard or phosphorous and how many times you do them. But I assume in the morning and forgets vet. And he makes you see these possible commissions to motivate yourself. Encouraged positive changes in your life or business office theme. If you frequently find yourself getting caught up in negative self-talk. Positive affirmations can be used to combat these often subconscious patterns and replace more adaptive narratives. Plus FEF meshes are quiet regular practice if you want to make lasting long-term changes the way you think and feel. And there is MRI evidence just not certain neural pathways are increasing. People practice self-affirmation task. If we want to be super specific, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex involved in evaluation is often native fish processing becomes active when we consider our personal values. And please write these down. So cool, cause the video, may Brantley Sandec about some ones you can do yourself. But hopefully this gives you a really good idea. So I wanted to show you something which I created and have practice over the past couple years. Here on the left you can see that creates the goals book on Wednesday 28th of February 2018. Now, during this time I wasn't in the best headspace and there was dealing the main imposter syndrome about creating your business in the career. But I was reading Jack Canfield Success Principles and he suggested to write a 100 goals that you'd like to achieve in your lifetime. You said, of course, at some of these are change as you move through your life and as I came to Lee and amend as appropriate. So using my dreams, goals, images and visualizations, I created my a 100 gods. And on the right-hand side, you can see that number 11 was getting married by October 2019. At the time it creates in the book, I talk to my partner about, well, we'd get married, but I knew somebody would eventually you want to do. And a possible destination was watched for nearly a year later in January 2019, we resized to last-minute getaway emphatic deals because with pink cliffs, which has a hotel, neo-Gothic, which will, so we went and off exploring it, we thought would be a beautiful place, get married. So he asked for a tour, the gardens, and we loved it. And after some thought and a month later, we decide to book the venue. We ended up getting married at the end of October. And it wasn't until several months later that I realized that the picture on the right hand side is a picture of the actual gardens. We're getting married him. And when I found this picture, I just typed into Google. I just typed in weddings are golf and shows the picture I like the best. Of course, garden didn't look this way when we first square it as we just gazebo that anytime the value decorations, but it truly plenty way like we actually got married in the picture that I had seen a year ago. You can say It was a fruit bowl velocity is, I've achieved around 15% of these 100 goals without really trying opportunities that present themselves to me and I did on regular basis, was on a Monday morning over coffee or get my goals book. We threw them, spend some time visualizing them, really tuning into how I felt my reached their goal. And it's been a really lovely and fruitful thing to you in the past couple years. So visualization is incredibly powerful technique and then daily practice of visualization or dreams as already complete and rapidly accelerate your achievement of those dreams, goals and ambitions. But they just went for it. There is this Vd here by Mel Robbins who is amazing, explains the science of association that how it cuts it. If you expect to achieve your goals, if you expect to reach your potential, if you expect to have your dreams come true, what I'm about to explain to you is mission critical. You must become a master at visualization. For those of you that are like, What the heck is she talking about? I did not sign up for some sort of meditation woo, spiritual thing here. Don't worry. This is Mel Robbins. There's always science and research involved in everything that I talk about. So visualization is a extraordinarily powerful skill. You may have heard of the law of attraction. You may have heard of the word visualization, you may have heard of the word manifesting. I call it seeing signs. Your brain has a system in it. Here's the technical term. It's called the reticular activating system. It is a network of neurons all up in here. And what is the job of the reticular activating system? It is a filter system. It's basically a system that allows certain information in your brain. It blocks out other information. And guess who programmed that filter? You did. And so did the people from your past. And so if you constantly feel like you're on lovable, guess what? Your reticular activating system is going through the day and it is going to point out every single piece of evidence that confirms that negative belief that you have. If you think that people don't like you at work, the reticular activating system, the filter. It is literally going to be looking for evidence. To confirm that belief all day long. This is one of the reasons why we have such a problem with politics in this country. This is why there's something called a confirmation bias. Confirmation bias means your mind loves to read things that you agree with. Because reading things that you agree with confirms your filter. Why do we have a reticular activating system? There's a really important reason why you have this. The reason why is if your brain letting everything. Have you ever looked at a Facebook page? Have you noticed how many words are on a standard Facebook page? And the ad over here, and the ad over here and the ad over here and the admin X2i right here in the stuff up here and all of this over here. If your brain took in everything at equal value, your head would literally explode off your shoulders, your brain would meltdown. And so the reticular activating system protects your brain by filtering information and only letting in stuff that it agrees with. So that's the scientific reason and mandate for why you gotta get busy reprogramming that thing. Now we're gonna talk about how you use visualization in order to start to reprogram the reticular activating system in your brain so that your brain starts to spot opportunity. Your brain starts to spot evidence that things are working out. Your brain starts to spot coincidences so you can build momentum. And it begins with visualization. So as you take your goals, right? So you've written down all these goals right? For 2019, I want you to go to each one and I want you to do a visualization exercise. And here's how you're gonna do it based on science, because there's a particular way you have to do this based on science, okay, it's a two-step method. If your goal is to improve your self-worth, I want you to visualize what your life looks like and how you're going to feel about yourself when your self-worth has improved. There's two things that you have to do when it comes to visualization. You have to close your eyes. Truly, I know it sounds stupid, but I want you to close your eyes. And I want you to, in your mind, have a specific picture of what it looks like in your life. When your self-worth has improved, you're going to see yourself speaking up at work. You're going to see yourself talking more about your business. You're gonna see yourself leaving bad relationships. You're gonna see yourself Defining Boundaries. You're gonna see yourself going to the gym. You're gonna see yourself taking care of yourself. And when you start to visualize the image of that, I want you to consciously, This is step to consciously think of the positive emotions that you're going to feel. I'm gonna feel happy. I'm, I feel proud. I'm gonna stand taller. I'm going to be so grateful that I made this change. Marrying the specific picture or there I am. There I am. I'm I'm at I'm at work and I'm raising my hand. Amazing. I'm sharing my there I am. I'm getting a promotion there. I am asking for a race. There I am. I've just signed up another customer to my business. There I am. I've gone back to school. I feel so good about myself. When you do that. Here's what's actually happening in your brain. This is the cool science part. You are training your brain to have a totally different filter. You see your brain, my brain, it doesn't know the difference between something that actually happened to you. Like the FTA gotten your test in tenth grade. And the things you imagine that are happening to you. Let me say that again. Your brain doesn't know the difference between the bad things that actually happened to you. The real memories that you have, an, an imagined memory that you're creating. Your brain will experience you visualizing, going to the gym. You visualizing how happy you feel when you do you visualizing, asking for that raise in getting it and how proud you're gonna feel your brain when you visualize in the way that I'm teaching you to, it encodes it as a real memory. And that's important because when you encode it as a real memory, it changes the filter system, that reticular activating system. And here's what we know based on research. The more you visualize things. Number one, the greater your confidence is going to be, the greater security you're gonna have about it. And here's the really cool thing. The more you do this with your goals, you wake up every day and you just visualize for it takes 30 fricking seconds for crying out loud. You visualize having a great day at school. You visualize curing your panic and how proud you're going to be. What studies suggest and have proven is that simply visualizing yourself doing things actually develops the skill and helps you improve the skills just as if you were actually doing it. And so there's proof based on research that visualization helps you build skills. And then finally, the other thing that's really important about this is that the more that you do this, what we know based on research, is that the reason why you start to believe what you think is because you are reprogramming your brain, you are changing the network of neurons that act as a filter. And so the more that you actually believe in yourself and you start thinking and visualizing yourself speaking up. The more confident you are going to become, the more skills that you're building and you're actually going to do it. Then instead of looking for all the reasons when you're sitting in a meeting to not speak up. You're going to just speak up because you're going to have changed the filter. You're going to look for opportunities. This is how it works. This is why this is so incredibly important. And so day one, I want you to go through all the goals that you set. And I want you every single day throughout the next 30 days, you're going to spend 30 seconds. Your dreams deserve thirty-seconds. Don't you think you're going to close your eyes and you're going to visualize what is it look like in your life. You have achieved your monetary goals this year? How does it feel to go to the bank and see that balance? How does it feel to be able to write that check and take your kids to Disney World on money that you made. How does it feel to be able to write your own place or put down a down payment for the house you've always dreamed of, how does it feel to be able to have saved enough money so you can quit the job that you hate and launched the business because you have achieved your goals if feels darn good, that's how it feels. And I want you to just savor that because what you're doing when you visualize is you're reprogramming your reticular activating system, that system, neurons that network that acts like a filter in your brain so that it's spotting opportunity, so that it is helping you see evidence that you are confident that you are capable, that you can do this instead of all the garbage you think right now. So that's incredibly powerful video from novels about visualization. And I've been encouraging its practice that as much as he can with, with your goals. Okay, so the task for this module, again, the first year of the same. So keep writing down your negative thoughts or try to journal 10-15 minutes a day. Keeps on doing their daily reflections. Well, life's too is also writes your personal mission statements. So using the mission builder in the handout, it's a super easy way stiffness. So they asked a bunch of questions that incorporates gathering said paragraph. Also think about four or five affirmations You Can I repeat each day and tries kinda get, use that process of, of changing that positivity in your brain and also create 45 goals you had achieved in 2020. So use the action plan that's also there for guidance and user visualization techniques would evolve. But my Robin said it was beat score, like just do it that way and think about how you feel when you reach that goal, which is powerful. Ok, so that is the end of the class of power than you. I hope you enjoyed it, hope you got some takeaways as well. And please continue to keep doing these tasks as well. Go back to the videos whenever He Han was I was not clear notes, lot content I'm giving you. So make sure to go through this two or three times and gaps kinda start keeping the dreams, the goals, and the purpose that you have been longing for. And the meantime, Swartz having bought take care and I'll see you soon.