Eye Contact - How To Make A Great and Lasting First Impression | Felipe Yanez | Skillshare

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Eye Contact - How To Make A Great and Lasting First Impression

teacher avatar Felipe Yanez, Confidence & Social Skills Coach

Watch this class and thousands more

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

19 Lessons (37m)
    • 1. Eye Contact Course Intro & Overview

      2:35
    • 2. Learn the Importance of Eye Contact

      2:59
    • 3. The Number One thing that Affects your Eye Contact

      2:53
    • 4. Make Eye Contact into a Game

      1:53
    • 5. Get Your Mindset right to Master Eye Contact

      1:18
    • 6. Keep Eye Contact Longer than other People

      1:28
    • 7. Communicate Through Energy

      1:30
    • 8. Break Eye Contact in the Right Way

      1:44
    • 9. Connect at a Deeper Level

      1:28
    • 10. Create an Accomplishment List

      0:53
    • 11. Take on this Eye Contact Challenge

      6:59
    • 12. Prolonged Eye Contact Challenge

      1:57
    • 13. Connect Deeper with Eye Contact Exercise

      0:25
    • 14. Avoid These Common Eye Contact Mistakes

      1:42
    • 15. Apply These Powerful Eye Contact Tips Immediately

      2:34
    • 16. Make Awkward Pauses Powerful

      1:21
    • 17. Slow Down Your Body Language and Eye Contact

      0:43
    • 18. Use the 50 70 Rule in Conversation

      1:44
    • 19. THANK YOU!

      0:40
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About This Class

Strong eye contact will make you feel and look more confident & attractive. It is without a doubt one of the most effective ways to communicate and in many ways one of the easiest to master.

It can have amazing results in your professional life, in the psychology of attraction and love, and in pretty much every other social situation. 

Eye contact is a powerful ingredient of communication. It allows you to better communicate and understand the inner state of every individual. It's also a monumental part of communicating your own inner state and projecting confidence with your communication. 

For example, have you ever met someone that perhaps wasn’t the most attractive person ever, yet you could not take your eyes off of them? You couldn't look away from their eyes as they locked eyes with you. Well, that is what I often call vibe, and one of the most powerful ways to communicate your "vibe" is through your eyes. 

In this course, you'll learn to appear, feel, and act more confidently through eye contact, and your mindset.  If you have wanted to improve how you interact with people then the best start is to master your non-verbal communication and internal reality. 

Meet Your Teacher

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Felipe Yanez

Confidence & Social Skills Coach

Teacher

Hi, I'm Felipe. Welcome to my SkillShare profile! 

I've been in the self-development path for nearly 20 years. I focus on helping you improve your confidence and create abundance in your social, dating, financial & overall life.

My Mission is to help you find love, significance, purpose, self-confidence, and discover your limitless potential through inner transformation.

My goal is to produce the absolute best courses and help you level up your confidence. I'm very excited to show you how to hack your mindset, self-image, and habits to live a life true to you, and beyond your imagination! ;)

Thank you for taking the time to check out my profile. Check out my courses which I have created ... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Eye Contact Course Intro & Overview : For many of us, I contact can be a challenge, especially when you grew up in a culture where making eye contact, especially with older people or people in a position of power, can be looked at as disrespectful icons. That can be a challenge when it comes to interacting with people in general, or even with the opposite sex when it comes to being more attractive or just commanding more respect for yourself. So in this course, I'm going to talk about how to really create effective eye contact, how to practice it the right way, and how to become more confident because of it. As well as obviously projecting more confidence through a tight contact, just like any other social skill is honed by working on yourself, by practicing it on a daily basis, and by improving your self-esteem, your confidence, and anything that you might need to work on. So that's definitely been my story. Had been doing this for over 15 years where I've learned how to improve my confidence and improve my body language, my social skills, and the ways that I communicate and connect with others. Whether you're shy or introverted or just have had issues with eye contact based on your upbringing, maybe your culture, whatever it might be. If that is an issue that you wanting to work on it and really have it in care of, then this course is for you. My name is Philippe Yan, Yes, and I'm a professional. Social skills in confidence coach. Eye contact is crucial when it comes to connecting with others and connecting with others in the right way, it can initiate a conversation without even having to say any words. It is through eye contact that we begin to establish communication with others. In fact, it is so important that in the animal world, eye contact can mean a number of things from something along the lines of a challenge all the way to, and again, connection and a form of courtship as well. So that is how important it is. And in this course, you're gonna go from perhaps below, there'll be shy with eye contact all the way to be completely comfortable with it, as well as taking care of a lot of things on the inside that you might not even realize that you wanted to take care of that will improve your overall life. Not just your body language or your eye contact skills. Now, go ahead signup and I look forward to seeing you in the first lesson. 2. Learn the Importance of Eye Contact: This is how important eye contact is and the way that you project yourself through eye contact. I'm sure you've met people that perhaps are not the most physically attractive people or they're not traditionally again, physically appealing. Yet you can't take their eyes off of them, or they just radiate some kind of a charisma or some kind of an aura that is magnetic. And that is what I would call vive. Now when it comes to body language without getting into spirituality, which I'm a big fan of in regards to Berlin, which the way that you communicate, your vibe and what you're thinking the most is through your eyes. Actually, many times you might be cut up into conversation and there might be a pause where the deposit creates even more connection or, or in a case of dating more traction or in a case of business, more power or whatever it might be that you're trying to communicate. What gets communicated through your eyes is simply what is going on in your head. And so those forces can be either awkward or they could be very empowering for a connection, for example, or something like that. It all depends on what's going on in the inside. But eye contact is incredibly powerful and incredibly important when it comes to body language, I would say is the number one thing when it comes to communication. Number of communication other than again, vibe and really having your stuff together on the inside. I'd contact will make you feel and appear more confident and attractive. And in fact, it is one of the most important ones, not only because of that, but also because it's one of the easiest wants to master you don't actually, especially when it comes to social skills, you don't have to go up to people and say hello and all that kinda stuff can begin to practice it simply by being a cafe, having some coffee and making eye contact with people. It's that easy. Icon sec is also important not only from your communications standpoint, but learning what other people are subtly communicating towards you. Or the keen on what you're seeing. Are they attracted to you? Are they connected to you? Is what you're talking about. Let's say in a business meeting is connecting all of those type of things you can dissect through eye contact a lot more easily because, you know, generally it's one also one of the hardest things to fake. Your, your, your eye contact will be very subtle or for people to communicate with you, it might be settled through the eyes. But the reason why it's hard to fake is because it's that subtle. So it's harder to really control what you're feeling, what you're thinking basically. So a will give you an edge when it comes to reading people, when it comes to learning what people are thinking, where there might be feeling and have a closer accuracy at that. 3. The Number One thing that Affects your Eye Contact: All right, so they never one thing that really affects icons like the most is actually your self-image, your relationship with yourself basically. So if your relationship is a positive one, you think highly of yourself. Mean arrogant. What I'm talking about how feel love for yourself. Healthy love for how you look at how feel love for what you've done in life, or your skills or any kind of things that you evaluate by yourself that's going to be communicate very strongly to others. And it's going to allow you to maintain eye contact more if you're feeling pretty confident about yourself, if you're feeling sure about yourself and comfortable with yourself, that's going to be important. So if you have a negative self-image, you want to switch that. You want to write down in a piece of paper. You know, everything negative that you think about yourself, anything that you feel my being a security or a drawback or whatever it might be. And then another piece of paper, write down the positive to really begin to shift that story. It might be, oh, I don't like that. I have a big nose and might be like, oh my nose is the hottest thing about me. Or it might be like, oh, I'm too young for, you know, for business or I'm feeling insecure about business. And then you write out the opposite on the other side. So that story is going to be communicated through your eyes. So that's really important. And then also again, it's going to allow you to feel more comfortable with yourself and more comfortable grading connection through eye contact. I go into a lot more deeper depth in, in terms of this changing your story and really creating a powerful mindset in some of my other courses. So check those out as well as my Youtube channel for more tips on that. And other than that though, you want to really shift the way that you see yourself, you want to shift your mindset. Another thing when it comes to the inner side of things in terms of eye contact, is that you want to really begin to shift your relationship with others. So for example, if you find it hard to maintain eye contact with people, power, maybe you're on a job and the executives intimidate you. And it's hard to maintain eye contact there, which is important to build trust, especially in Western society, then you might want to work on that relationship. So as opposed to the insecurities that you fill around them, you might want to switch that story as well. And that goes for that as well. As if you're and to better, you're on contact when it comes to meeting people that you're attracted to. So that might be shifting that story as well. You will communicate so much through your eyes and you can also build connection or attraction through eye contact, which I'll be talking about a little bit later on in this course. 4. Make Eye Contact into a Game: All right, another thing to keep in mind when it comes to eye contact is you want to make it into a game or sort of like a research, like an experiment. And so you don't take it so seriously. It's kind of like how I talk about social skills and some of my other courses. If you building social skills, you want to really see yourself as an experimental researcher. So that way you're not putting all your, you know, your ego and your identity, you know, out there feeling like, you know, every time you don't get the positive response or the response that you want, you feel hurt or take it personal. So again, see it as a fun game, see as an experiment, and see yourself as a researcher. See yourself as just kinda learning more and more each specific eye contact experience, am practice or see it that way. From my standpoint. I usually almost always make eye contact with virtually everyone. I am always looking to create that connection, greed, that mutual respect, even though I might not even greet them or I might even say hello. That connection still establish if I just simply make eye contact with someone and just give a nod or smile or even this, I'll talk about how to break eye contact on the right way as well in future lessons. But again, I make eye contact with everyone simply because again, it just a habit that I've built as well as I understand that through eye contact I can build connection. And again, mutual respect. So that's why I do, I do with everyone. That's fantastic because you're beginning to connect with everyone without needing to get into a deep conversation with them or long conversation doesn't take any time to make eye contact with people is what I'm seeing. And you can start right now. 5. Get Your Mindset right to Master Eye Contact: So the final thing that I wanted to talk about when it comes to recruiting, your story, your mindset, and what's going on in the inside and how it affects eye contact. It's actually a good piece of news that when you get your mindset and your inner game, if you will, really taking care of, then you don't have to think a lot about how to make eye contact, when to make a highly break it, how long to maintain and all that because it won't matter. A lot of these questions may come out, out of a need for validation or feeling like you don't want to be rejected or and you don't want to put people off or I don't know, it looked creepy or whatever it might be. Oil or not putting enough eye contact with a high ranking individual. All this kinda stuff is gonna go out the window because you're just going to be comfortable with yourself and you'll know what to do. Even so, I'm gonna go over some of the key tips and rules of thumb to keep in mind when it comes to eye contact in future lessons. But for now, keep in mind that if you get your inner game, taking care of your eye contact will be automatically powerful, attractive, and comfortable. 6. Keep Eye Contact Longer than other People: As a rule of thumb, I will say, besides really making eye contact with everyone, I usually almost 90, 95% of the time keep eye contact belong is. And the reason for that is because I'm communicating that I'm comfortable with myself and then I'm comfortable with b and c because when you really make eye contact, you're kinda feel, feel exposed. You feel like you're being more vulnerable or that kind of stuff. So I keep my contact the longest, none 0 in a creepy way, but again, just simply to communicate that I'm comfortable with eye contact and I'm comfortable with them and respect them and see them as well. So that is what's going on in the background when I make eye contact and when I keep it there the longest. And what usually happens is that people smile or they say hello first, actually, because I initiated the interaction simply with eye contact. And that is how powerful it is. In fact, you don't even have to open your mouth. A lot of the times, especially with people that are pretty friendly and nice ego, any view just make eye contact. They will start, they will greet you are they will start conversation, that sort of thing. So that is how powerful eye contact is in terms of even initiating conversations or initiating interactions and creating a connection. 7. Communicate Through Energy: Here's something interesting by the way, about eye contact, but I just thought about is that eye contact goes beyond the physical. It's a little interesting because if you've ever noticed, when you're, let's say you, you feel somewhat staring at you, buy your back, it's towards them or your reunite even seeing them. How is it that you can feel that? How is it that they can feel that when someone stare, when you stare at someone, usually look around in there like who's looking at me and they're like all its you, how is it that they're able to do that? Or it goes beyond just simply the physical that goes into energy. It's the attention that you're putting into things that is what is really being communicated. That's why I say the inner game is so important because what you were thinking he is going to be communicated through your eyes. But it doesn't mean that it is only a physical thing. You're talking about that you are communicating even when you're wearing like the recent I had this status because sometimes, you know, especially nowadays I'm wearing my mask and I'm wearing my sunglasses. I might not even be make connecting. You know, they might not even be able to see my eyes is where I'm trying to say. But still they can they can feel the eye contact and then they smile. On my face is fully covered. I'm wearing sunglasses and get all that kinda stuff. 8. Break Eye Contact in the Right Way: Here are the ways to really break eye contact. It's super simple and nothing complicated it again, just focus on your inner game and you'll be fine. But if you're making eye contact and you want to break it, you can do a number of things. You can either, let's say you're at a coffee shop and you're working on something and you see someone and you make eye contact, you can just nod or you can just go back to whatever you were doing. That's another thing you can do. There's no really rule on, on what to do. But again, if you want to be more, I guess, mood about it and less awkward about it, you can go back to, to that in just smile and nod, that sort of thing. You can always find them Lockean or if I am RAM riding my bicycle for example, I usually make eye contact and that might just wave. All. So going back to breaking eye contact, again, waving, nodding, smiling, or just simply saying as he gone, something like that, you can always just do those things without feeling to operate above it. And so whatever you feel most comfortable with, oftentimes when I'm going to greet someone and they make eye contact, I just see this, say hello. But again, in those instances, I'm not intending to have a conversation again, I might be on my bike, but it will it is a way for me to signal that, yeah, you're I am looking at you. So what's going on, whatever you're comfortable with, those are some of the ways that you just simply break eye contact. Again, if you're comfortable with it, you can simply say, hey, how's it going and go into a conversation with him, how's your day, how's everything. So you can do that as well. 9. Connect at a Deeper Level : Now I want to talk about how to create a deeper connection with people that you're talking to or that you're interacting with. Now it's super powerful for two reasons. First of all, it's actually easier to do eye contact in this wave. And second of all, is so effective because you're working right brain when it comes to the emotional side of human beans. So the way to make eye contact more effective and connect with people at a deeper level is simply to begin to use your left eye to only stare at their left eye. I know many times a lot of the questions for eye contact that pops up is, do I make eye contact with both eyes? The right one or the last one? I would always has a rule of thumb. Just simply connect with your left tied to their left eye because that goes onto their emotional right-sided brain. So that creates a deeper connection. Whether you're at a business meeting, you're on a date, or you are simply having a conversation with a stranger, with a friend or family member. Again, they will probably feel that you're understanding the more that you're listening more and that's sort of a thing. And so again, keep eye contact with the left eye and see what happens when it comes to that connection. 10. Create an Accomplishment List: Or exercise number one when it comes to your inner MHz and that sort of thing. Besides recreating your story, I want you to write down either you can do this every single day for 30 days to start. If you want to continue from there, it's up to you, but I still do it is write down things that you're proud of. Yourself, things that you like about yourself. Maybe write down 25-50 things everyday and, or whatever you feel comfortable with me, you feel comfortable with doing a 100 things everyday. Whatever you're proud of again, previous accomplishments and random L, The rethink about them, feel them and see how it feels to feel proud of by yourself, to feel really good about yourself. And again, create that list. 11. Take on this Eye Contact Challenge: A second exercise when it comes to this course, I want you to go into this video that I've created for you and begin to practice eye contact as if you different difficulty levels. If it's pretty easy for you to make eye contact than just simply obviously practicing rural life, that'll be part of it. But use this as a practice every day even like, oh, we're just do it once a week. Whatever you feel that would be most effective for your development in eye contact. Then do that, practice that practice making eye contact with these people in video, as well as I do it in real life. The inner game in this practice exercises to translate into how you begin to make eye contact with people. We generally right. Round two. Okay. Okay. Round three, right? Final realm. 12. Prolonged Eye Contact Challenge: I'm excited for this exercise. And the reason for that is because when I first began to feel really comfortable with eye contact, I challenged myself to keep eye contact longer than the other person. Of course, again, you don't want to start a fight. If you're a guy, you're staring at another guy or something like that, just simply begin to push your comfort zone when it comes to how long you make eye contact with others. So again, for this third exercise, you could do it on the third week of practicing this course or however you feel comfortable with the exercise, is, Let's say that you normally keep eye contact for three seconds or two seconds. Now shoe for four seconds or five seconds. And do that for every single person. There's no outcome that you're trying to get out of this other than practicing. So you're not really taking into account every single situation, obviously, on an ongoing basis and in your everyday life, that's not how you carry yourself, how you going to conduct eye contact, but it's simply to prolong your comfort with eye contact. So again, seen as a practice. I see it as a way to prove to yourself that you can keep eye contact longer than usual. Ones you'll feel comfortable with that. You don't have to keep that out, but from there on out, you're going to take it in contexts. So for example, if your are creating some kind of an attraction or you're signaling that say someone that you're attracted to, that you are interested in what you're comfortable with yourself, you're confident. Then that eye contact might be prolonged with a great assault. Contexts by contexts. But in this case with this exercise, you wanna do it with everyone. And so settled time limit for five seconds or something like that. As far as how long you keep eye contact or until they break it, of course. 13. Connect Deeper with Eye Contact Exercise: For exercise number four, I want you to begin to practice the left eye contact with people, with your family members or friends and even strangers that you get into a conversation. You'll see the results and you see how effective it is when you are engaged in a conversation. 14. Avoid These Common Eye Contact Mistakes: Here's a quick lesson on things to avoid when it comes to eye contact. You obviously want to avoid any kind of fast movements, darting ice. I don't mean just in terms of jittery or that kind of stuff, but also in terms of how you look, darting ice, if you will. He went to avoid that. Typically, you want to avoid making eye contact and then looking straight down that you should make communicates, submissiveness. Also you wanna avoid, other than the exercise that I said u in terms of just making prolonged eye contact, you want to avoid staring up people? Yeah, you may make prolonged eye contact, but staring up people is you stare at people when they are not making eye contact with you. So you want to avoid that people can feel it. I usually will be pretty sure way of not creating a connection in making eye contact because they will avoid it with you unless they want to connect with you, of course. But typically I avoid staring up people up until when they are facing it. And I'm gonna give you some tips on how to really catch almost every person's eye contact or I made that connection with anyone. Virtually a 100% of the time. Also don't make eye contact over and over because it just becomes outward. If there is someone that you're interested in, then just simply go up and talk to them. The other thing I would say is making eye contact. Again, I gave you some ways to break eye contact. You might want to break it in a smoother way by saying hello or just smiling or nodding or something like that. And polite nod. 15. Apply These Powerful Eye Contact Tips Immediately: Here are some of my best tips for you to make really powerful eye contact with people. The first one that goes along with not staring, definitely don't stare in in order to really catch someone. I say make that eye contact. Let's say I'm walking and I see someone that, hey, they look interesting or I'm attracted to them or whatever it might be. The way to really make eye contact with that person is do not stare at home and just kinda appear that I'm walking around. I wonder I'm looking at stuff or look at the view. It's, it's amazing. And usually when you don't stare at people, they stare at you, it's kind of the whole people watch anything. People watch when the when nobody watches them, when they can't be seen that they're watching. So you pretend like you're completely oblivious to people a little bit and you just kind of walking around. Usually people stare at you, especially people that might be attracted to you or that sort of thing. So when you get to ten feet, maybe six feet, 610 feet, let's see, more or less. And then I will look at them and do that. Or just kind of look at them in a pay as you go in. And at that point, it's so fast that they don't have time to feel self-conscious. That'll have tempt to feel embarrassed. If they are a little bit shy or whatever. It won't matter at that point because it's so quick, it's so fast and so comfortable that they almost always say hello or against myo or make that eye contact. As opposed to if I'm walking and I'm just staring at someone, it creates either a confrontational thing, a creepy thing, or people are just put up by it. So that's something to avoid. And that's the way to really get around that and really make your eye contact effective when it comes to eye contact. In stereotype, people that say you are walking in that situation, we're walking towards each other. If you ever experiment with this, if you were to experiment with a frame and if you were to get closer together like that, it becomes either confrontation oil to intimate. The way to do that, body language wise is that you do it sideways. That is a same recent why I make eye contact or ten or six feet until I get there. But I use union of stem off, staring at something else and just being distracted. That is why it creates less computation and creates less awkwardness. It makes things a lot more comfortable. 16. Make Awkward Pauses Powerful: The next step I want to give you is on how to make what would be awkward eye contact into powerful connecting, comfortable eye contact. Let's say that you are in a conversation. There's a pause. If there's a pause in the conversation and you're comfortable with it. And if you're telling yourself positive things about yourself, about the other person, about life. If you're in a positive mindset, then that's what they're going to pick up. So that pause goes from being an opera pause to being a very comfortable, or even if you're on a date and maybe sexy pause like that kind of stuff. So pause with the eye contact can be very effective to be the spark attraction, to create comfort, or to really create connection. Let's say you are in a business meeting or you are meeting with a new friend or whatever it might be, that's a way to really use that when you're breaking eye contact last, again, that moment where it's a little too long, can communicate a lot if you're feeling good about yourself. So again, if you did the inner work to change your story and maybe you're telling your story every single day. You're saying it may be front of the mirror like an affirmation, then you will communicate a lot through that prolonged eye contact. Or those would be upward pastas. 17. Slow Down Your Body Language and Eye Contact: When it comes to body language, it's also important to slow down to use slow delivering movements, but that applies also to your eyes. So again, I mentioned darting eyes like looking back and forth or just like nervously that going to stop. Again, a communication nervousness. So you want to use Sloan deliver an eye movements when you're looking around or even when you blink. It's a little bit slower than usual. That communicates, Khafra communicates confidence. And it's an important way to really communicate effectively through your ice. 18. Use the 50 70 Rule in Conversation: The final tip I wanna give you when it comes to eye contact is 5070 rule when it comes to the conversation and eye contacts. So when you are talking like right now, if I'm talking about my stare this way because hey, I'm remembering something so my eye goes to the left, upper left, if I'm thinking of something creative, usually goes up to the top right, that sort of thing, that's acceptable, socially acceptable. But again, it's also the other way too. If it's another way to read people what they're thinking about, you ask them a question. Usually, typically if they're going there, I use going to the upper left there remembering something and so forth. But anyway, so 50% of the time when you are talking, keep icon set, but it's more acceptable to not to break eye contact when you're speaking because hey, your ice or aside the eyes work, right? You're remembering things, you're thinking of things to say. Even as I'm talking to you right now, I might be like, oh, what was I going to say, you know, or as you say that or something like that. So my eye my break eye contact with the camera right now. The other side of when it comes to listening, 70% of the time you want to keep eye contact. And so you just use that as a rule of thumb again is you have to be exact a view are making eye contact. When you're listening, you know, 70% of the time keep that eye contact and it's okay to be aware of your surroundings when you're having a conversation, you're like, you know, you're being socially cognizant of what's going on around you. And that's okay as well. So use a 50-70 role in conversations. 19. THANK YOU!: That's everything for this course. Thanks for joining us. If you have any questions, please put them down below or message me on. Happy to respond. Send me your feedback on your thing, what could be improved? You liked it, please share out review also check out some of my social media. You want to connect with me further. I'm on YouTube or Facebook as well and feel free to send me a friend request or just simply subscribe to my YouTube channel. And yeah, let me know more about you and how I can support you otherwise, check out some of my other courses and we'll see you on the next course together, right.