Etiquette: become confident in any situation | Vincent Vermeulen | Skillshare

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Etiquette: become confident in any situation

teacher avatar Vincent Vermeulen, The art of Hospitality

Watch this class and thousands more

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

12 Lessons (1h 8m)
    • 1. Welcome and how the course is organised

      3:04
    • 2. How to get the most out of this course

      2:22
    • 3. Goals

      3:47
    • 4. 6 steps to self confidence 1 4

      7:07
    • 5. The art of conversation language and body language

      13:25
    • 6. Bonus wardrobe build up

      2:35
    • 7. Wardrobe

      5:40
    • 8. Etiquette vs protocol

      6:46
    • 9. Why you need etiquette

      2:37
    • 10. Introductions

      3:44
    • 11. Invitations and gifts

      7:19
    • 12. Table manners

      9:43
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About This Class

Welcome,

Who you are is often defined by your degrees, your work or the life you lead but how you come across and how you can stand out is mainly defined by your behaviour towards other people

Now everyone has a change to become what they want in life. In recent years values have ended up in a gray zone and social classes are mixed up

Etiquette can make your really stand out!!

This course covers etiquette in a fun, entertaining yet professional way

It is taught in an unique way with visual supports such as photo's and videos by experts from HospitalityTutors.

You can expect the following in this course:

  • Everything about social etiquette
  • 7 powerful techniques to improve your chances during a job interview
  • How to build self confidence
  • Discover why presidents are always looking sharp and are so well organized
  • Table manners you can apply for the rest of your life
  • How to eat difficult foods and not be embarrassed
  • Being a lady
  • How to always choose the right wine.
  • ...

How long does it take?

This is a rather short course but all the more powerful. It doesn't take a lot of ideas to change your life, it only takes a good one. You can complete this course in one morning or one evening. Apply the systems explained straight away in your daily life and let us know how the changes have influenced your daily achievements!

Who should take this course?

Anyone who wants to empower themselves and get the most out of life! Learn to make an amazing first impression and reach the goals YOU have been dreaming of...

Why take this course?

It will make you stand out from the crowd. Your friends and family will see significant changes in your behavior, chivalry and self esteem

So, join us and seize the day...!

Meet Your Teacher

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Vincent Vermeulen

The art of Hospitality

Teacher

Related Skills

Lifestyle Other Etiquette

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Transcripts

1. Welcome and how the course is organised: congratulations. You have taken the next step to feel comfortable in any situation. You will learn all about etiquette and apply it in your private and personal life. Whether you are new to the subject, already have some knowledge on the topic. This course will help you to use these techniques to your advantage in any situation. Increase your chances to get a job and start a conversation with anyone, whether it's in a business situation or a personal encounter in this video, I want to thank you for enrolling in the course and explain quickly how the course is structured and give you some examples how this training helped other peoples in their lives . This course is based on years of real life experience, teaching and applying eh tickets. I hope this course will also help you to build self confidence due to a little knowledge about human development and etiquette. I will no bore you with my personal life, but I can tell you that I am the founder of the School for Butlers and Hospitality. I have been certified as a professional English toastmaster on I'm the fourth generation hospitality professional in my family. If you're really interested in my life story. You can hear all about it at the end of this section on Discover how we changed People lives through our trainings. This course is structured in the way you would start out if you don't know anything about etiquette. First, we are going to talk about the basis of self confidence and etiquette body language. You will learn more about saying the right things without saying a word. Next, we are going to launch into using that body language with the right phrases to use in different situations. For example, when you want to start a conversation in a bar or restaurants, maybe you never know what to say when they ask you to present yourself. For Warren, someone dominant never stops talking. Maybe you feel uncomfortable to talk to a banker when you're asking for a loan. Then I'm going to show you what the right outfit is to wear at any occasion how to billy a wardrobe on with that, to build even more self confidence. After that, we will dive into social and dining it to get this training is full of fun examples and things you can immediately apply at the end off this course, you will be able to talkto anyone in any situation, feel confident with colleagues, friends and even people you don't know. You can make a great impression during job interviews or at work, and you will have this booklet to guide you every day to achieve your goals and transform your life. We will start off right away in the next video with a step by step instruction to set your goals in the final outcome off this course, See you. 2. How to get the most out of this course: in this short video. Just like to give you a few pointers on how to get the most out of this training. We know that online trading is there, sometimes regard as not being full blown trainings on. We want to change that. So to fully experience this training, try to turn off your cell phone. Even when you are watching this course on your smartphone tried to turn off notifications. We really advise you to keep distractions to a minimum. Better yet, try using a headphone take notes. It has been scientifically proven that taking notes help you think better. It will also help structure your mind. It's also easier later on to structure your notes. Extend your knowledge. Certain subjects are seed we are planting. For example. We cannot teach you everything about shoes, but we can tell you how to handle your shoes. If you choose to dig deeper into certain topics, you can. That's what we mean by extending your knowledge. Ask me questions. We're here to help drop us a line in the comment box, email us. However we can help. Other students may help as well, so find us on Facebook or search Hospital hospitality tutors and ask your questions. There. Take the quiz is the quizzes at the end of certain sections will help you to remember better, even the small things. Do you know how impressed your clients or guests can be when you know all sorts of little things, such as etiquette and food and drinks? Trust me duty assignments. Throughout this training, we will give you some assignments. Try to really do them. You might find yourself doing things you couldn't do before. Watch this course full screen. If you're watching on your laptop, turn off notifications and maximize the views. If you have access to a flat screen TV, that is really the best way to take this course. Try to set up your big screen TV and sit down in front of it so you can take notes if you can hook it up to a good pair of speakers or connected to a headphone to get the ultimate experience. That set up is the closest you can organize to meet being there with you. It will really benefit 3. Goals: And if I tell you that I have bought a wooden construction with peril, pieces were in between. There is a cloth of different colors to guarantee a maximum of enjoyment during high temperatures. Would you know what I'm talking about? Probably not. What if I show you this picture clear, right? While that is exactly the same with goals, you have to know what you want. Exactly. It's not enough to say I want to go on a trip around the world. You have to be precise. Take a piece of paper and write down the countries you want to visit. Maybe the things you want to see the food you want to eat, the more specific you are, the easier this to achieve those goals. Now, before I continue, you're probably wondering, what does this have to do with etiquette? Well, etiquette has to do with everything. It's how you interact with people. So if you have written down your countries, you want to visit on your trip around the world, your sub conscience will start looking for everything you told about. You might, for example, focus more on people coming from that country. Let's say you want to go to Australia and you're someone in the Starbucks talking with an Australian accent. You will be enticed to have a chat and ask all about their country, right? So with a little knowledge of etiquette, you will be able to approach these people and start a conversation. More importantly, you will feel comfortable doing it and set your goals. I like to introduce you to smart girls. Smart stands for specific, measurable, action orientated, realistic and timely. Let me explain this step by step specific. If you want to go on a world trip, specify the country's the sights and the sounds. The overall feeling off your trip and detail measurable. Your progress towards your goals must be measurable. A specified moment in time is a good description, action orientated. If you look at every goal every day, nothing will happen. To get closer to it, you have to build it actions to get the job done. Realistic. It's not possible toe. Organize a world trip in two weeks, so be realistic as to your timing and your goal itself. A trip to the moon, for example, not realistic. Maybe if you watch this course in 25 years, it will be starting me. Deadlines will help you push your calls. So don't say I want to go on a world trip. But you might say I will go on a 30 day road trip to eight countries in Southeast Asia and will leave the latest within 18 months. Now this go specific eight countries in Southeast Asia. It's measurable. Within 18 months, it's action orientated. You have 30 days to organize. It's realistic and has a deadline. Now please download the exercise file to put this lecture into action and let's get you around the world. E. I hope you downloaded the file. If so, put it in front of you. As you can see here, he can write down the goals itself. Remember, it has to be a smart ical. To achieve any goal, you have to chop it up in small pieces and work towards it every day. 4. 6 steps to self confidence 1 4: in order to be able to carry out etiquette as it should. There are other things you need to learn First etiquette. The basis of etiquette actually is body language. You have to be sincere when you are performing, eh? Tickets. Now look at this, for example. I'm opening a door and I say, Please, madam, go ahead. My body language will show that I'm sincere. If I open that door again and I say Madam and she goes by and I go, that's not since here. In order to produce a sincere and positive body language as another thing you need, it's called self confidence. Now let's have a look at how some self confidence is built up. In a few moments, I will talk about the essential steps to self confidence, and you will see why these tree go hand in hands. Let me give you the six essential steps to self confidence. First of all, posture and poise. Our posture is all about how you stand, how you carry your body. It's how you walk. It's how you stand when you are waiting on someone, etcetera. Now a good exercise to exercise your posture is this one you stand against a wall and actually push your shoulders against that wall, you push your heels into the wall. Now it will not feel comfortable. But it will show you what it is to have a good posture with our butlers When you're training our butlers, we actually put a book on their head and we asked them to walk. Why? Because you are forced to held up your head Straight Poise is not the same as posture. Poise means that you can adapt yourself to any situation and don't show that you're actually very nervous. You have to slow down. You have to speed up. It depends on the situation. One thing to help you there is actually doing relaxing exercises or breathing exercises. The second step toe building self confidence is called gratitude. Now you're probably thinking, Is that saying thank you when somebody brings you a coffee or gives you a beer? No, it's much more than that. I would suggest you do a few exercises. One of them could be thanking one of your colleagues on with thanking, I mean, send them a sincere email or maybe write them a letter, maybe a hand written letter. Nobody does that anymore. You can write in that letter to your colleague. Thank you for supporting me every single day. I really appreciate what you do for me now that that will need self confidence. That will need guts. The other thing you could do is send flowers to your parents for no specific reason, not the birthday of an anniversary. Whatever sent flowers to your parents, maybe to your girlfriends, to whoever could be a friends and thank them for being a friend. I'll tell you this First of all, it will take you self confidence, but otherwise people will be surprised. And that on itself will build self confidence. Number three step to build self confidence. Sit in the front zone. I didn't say said in front rope. Is that sitting in front zone? What I mean with that is leave your comfort zone. Do something. You don't feel comfortable. Wits. One could be, for example, filming yourself as I'm doing right now, that takes self confidence. I'm actually talking to a lense. I'm not really talking to you. The other thing you could do is go on stage and give a presentation. Now it all takes experience. It all takes exercise. And you can learn this because we train a lot of people in every possible industry. Not so long ago, we had somebody working at a reception at the reception desk and this lady, she didn't have any self confidence. So she came to us and she said, What should I do to build self confidence? You know what? Another thing is knowledge. You have to know what you're talking about, and that brings me back to speaking in front of a bunch of people. If you want to speak in front of an audience, one thing you should have to build self confidence is knowledge about what you're talking. The other non it's you need is how to behave yourself. How to speak. Not too slow, not too fast. How to handle the mic, for example. All these things will bring your self confidence, and we'll get you out of your comfort zone. You comfort zone is actually more like a muscle. The more you train it, the more you will stretch it. So sit in the front zone. Step number four. In building your self confidence, practice your elevator pitch, you know what an elevator pitches. It's actually a personal presentation. Now let's picture this. We're at the bottom off the Eiffel Tower in Paris, and all of a sudden you get into the elevator and you see me and you see this little pin or my suit and you come up to me, which already takes a bit of self confidence. And you ask, What is that pin? What does it mean? Well, an elevator pitch is me having about 30 to 45 seconds to present myself to you in a confident way. I could, for example, say to you Well, my name is Vincent for Merlin. I'm the founder and director of the School for Butlers and Hospitality. I actually trained butlers, and we also train a lot of companies in every subject such as hospitality service and eh tickets. I'm here in Paris to enjoy the amazing views with my three Children and my wife. Now that could be a elevator pitch. This could be a confident pitch about yourself. And if you write that down, which I would actually recommend you to do again that will build self confidence. Because if you go anywhere, for example, a job interview and people say, Well, introduce yourself. A lot of people say, Well, I had an education on I come from. You have to be confident you have to exercise this in your mind. So practice your elevator pitch for the elevator pitch. I have added, actually, a document in this lecture downloaded and used the strategies we are showing you. 5. The art of conversation language and body language: and with the fifth step to self confidence. To me personally is the most important. One is the art of conversation, verbal and nonverbal. So what? We know ISS language now. As you know, language is divided in two parts. The verbal part on the nonverbal parts, the non verbal part we might know better as body language. Maybe you know this, but body language is divided in three parts. First part is worths. Only 7% of our body language is words. It's the least importance. Much more important is Internation the way you will use your voice. That's about 38% of body language. With intonation, you can change the situation with emphasizing a word or a syllable. Certain situations can completely change. For example, Look at this person. He's a tennis player, and this is what he shouts to the referee, and you can see his body language Now. What I'm going to do now is I'm going to change the picture and I'm gonna leave the words now. Were you smiling when you saw the count? Why did you smile? Because the majority off his communication made you laugh because the words might stay the same, but his communication, his overall communication is completely different. Why is that? Because 55% off body language is physiology now. What is physiology? It's bit of a difficult words, but it means the way you hold your body the way you stand, actually and also is all about visual expressions. So the way Use your face. It's even about breathing patterns, the way you breathed. If I would have, for example, somebody walking in here who's been jogging, his breathing would be completely different than mine. Okay, let me give you a example. You see these two people? Yes, this is Angela Merkel, who is the chancellor for Germany and the former president of France, Nicolas Sarkozy. How would you say the mood is in this picture? Well, we can hear them. We cannot see or we can hear rather what they are saying. Well, we can see it's you know it's pleasant. They're having fun there, pointing at something. While it's not the most polite thing in the world, 2.2 people. But we can see that the atmosphere is quite okay. We can see it because we see 55% off their body language physiology. Now I'm going to show you now a picture off those two people exactly the same. There will be pointing again and have a look how their body language will change. Actually, the atmosphere did you see it's completely different, and that is the same with you. If you walk in somebody somewhere, let's say a bar or restaurant. People will read your body language and we'll see if you're a confident person or not. If, for example, you want to talk to a lady or tour a gentleman, your physiology will show everything about you. It will show your self confidence. So body language, the non verbal part of language is so hugely important. One example. Off body language is shaking hands, by the way, that you know where that comes from, shaking hands again that comes from the Middle Ages. That's where nights are actually taking off their glove and showing their opponent that they were not carrying any sort or daggers. So again, it was a sign of trust, for example, saluting Yes, that's also from the nights it's actually opening the helmet off the harness to show I look you in the eye and it is a form off trust. No, you shouldn't. I mean, I'm full of all of these things you will probably never use. But shaking hands is actually a great way to show what body language is now. How do you correctly shake hands when you shake hands? First of all, you should give a straight hands not like this. Not like that's but straight. Second, you never let your hand come from Operates next. You should slightly advance towards the person you are greeting because can you imagine shaking hands and pulling away from someone? It's a bit strange, isn't it? Next, you should be smiling and making eye contact in most situations. Let's say you are at a funeral. The smile will be just a bit less a bit more discreet, if you know what I mean. When you shake hands, make sure it's rather powerful. But gentlemen should be aware of ladies and don't shake too long because shaking too long can be a bit of something awkward as we might have seen the press lately and all these things will happen at the same time. So you have to give a straight hand like this. Look into the eyes. Smile. Not too long. Kind of powerful, etcetera. Now, one of the most important things not to do while shaking hands is actually turning your hands while you are shaking hands. Why not? Because when I turned my handling this, it shows that I want to be any dominant position. Now let me illustrate and sum up what body language means on I'll show it through a handshake of two gentlemen. Now, these two gentlemen were not the best friends in the world on this picture was actually taken after a meeting. Now, after this meeting, they said, You know, let's be friends again and let's work together. But that's not actually the case. When you look at the picture because the body language and the shaking off the hands says everything, have a look. Do you understand what I mean? You can see who is the dominant one. Well, the thing is, they're both kind of dominance, but this picture shows you what body language can mean. So bully language, nonverbal part of language and non verbal part of the art of conversation is so important in building self confidence. E as I told you language is divided in two parts for verbal and nonverbal. So to perform the art of conversation, obviously you will need the verbal part now. I also told you in body language that only 7% our works, that's the least importance in bully language. Yes, in verbal language know their hugely important the words. You choose how you choose them, how you pronounce them. Everything will show the self confidence within you. For example, etiquette starts with thank you responding to people when they are talking to you and saying, Excuse me when something goes wrong or you have to excuse yourself. Now these are only a few simple words, but there are so effective now we train a little of companies in etiquette, hospitality and service. And what we see is that the vulgar part of language can be so hugely important in selling. We advise people to change words to replace words. Actually, now, let's say, for example, the word price. Whenever I hear the word price, I think that guy wants to sell me something. He wants to actually push me into buying something. Now. What if he would change the world price? What if you would for example, change it into the words value or tariff that would be completely different. What if somebody says, What's the price of that car? You could say the value of that car is now. That's complete different, isn't it? Because when I hear value and I buy that car, I have something of value. I didn't actually buy a price. Correct Now, another word, for example, is work contract. Yes, that could be, for example, agreements. Because when I hear the word contract, there's only one party doing an advantage. When I hear agreement, you got two people having an advantage. Now that's what my feeling is. How is yours? A cost could be an investment. A problem could be a challenge on a signature could be a confirmation. Now if you all put it together, let's say you go to buy a new car, you go into the car dealership and the sales person says, Let's go into my office and sign the contract. What if he would say, Let's confirm the agreements now That's totally different, isn't it? Because signing the contract might give you a feeling of actually being stuck to something which you have to pay for for a couple of years when he would say, Let's confirm the agreement. That's completely different. As I told you briefly, we trained Butters on. Bunkers are actually masters in self confidence, and they know how to use their body language combined with the language. It's all about what you say and how you say it when people come to our school in the first few hours off the training, we try to teach them a different way off talking. For example, in the first few hours, we advise them to avoid four expressions. Now what? All of these expressions, the 1st 1 is yes, The 2nd 1 is no. The 3rd 1 is okay, and the 4th 1 is no problem. Now try and avoid that. A new vocabulary. It's not that easy when you go into a conversation with someone. When you go into a cells conversation and you use the word problem per definition, you are using a negative words, so we would advise you to completely change that. You will never hear me say no problem when you are, for example, any restaurants and you ask a weight of something he might say. Sure, no problem. And three minutes later, he comes back and say, Oh, sorry, we run out of this or we don't sell that anymore. So there is actually a problem. By changing those words, you might completely change the situation. A while ago, I was in a restaurant and his waiter came up to us. It was with my wife and my two young Children, and he had his note pad on his pencil and he came up to me and he said Yes. And I said, Hello and he took my order. I can't remember. Maybe two coffees. You know what? He answered me. Okay, As you can see in a service situation in a body language slash self confidence situation, that's the ideal. What he could have set, for example, is so good morning. What can I serve you? And then I would have said two coffees and maybe two Cokes and he would could say, Very good, sir. Anything else? As you can see, that's quite a difference. Not only will I feel service much better, but also by using different words by using the right body language and maybe a little smile that will change that situation completely. The art of conversation. It's all about language, verbal and nonverbal. It's also how you say things and how you construct your phrases. While ago I was calling a company because I needed some work done in the house. And you know what they said to me. You have to call back. And I thought to myself, Wait a minute. Who's the customer? You or me? I thought that a company should take the initiative to call the customer back, because if you say you have to call back as a company, you're actually saying, Dear customer, we are far too lazy to call your batch and actually, you know, interested. That's what you're actually saying. Another one is, for example, can you send me an email? That's what you hear a lot when you call companies or customer service desks. And when they say, Can you send me an email? They're actually saying, Send me an email and I'll handle the problem when I have the time. When it suits me by saying, Can you send me an email? Your meaning? Something else and customers will notice. So again, for verbal and nonverbal language and any situation is so important. Let's say you go to a bar and you see a lady or a gentleman. You want to talk to how you build up. That conversation will determine what the outcome is off that evening. 6. Bonus wardrobe build up: First of all, when you build up your wardrobe, you should have some pieces, which are, well, let's say classics. One of them, for example, are white shirts, dark suit, black and brown shoes, a blue jacket and some jeans. Have a look at these three pictures. You know, this is the president of France. This is the president off Russia and, of course, the president of the United States. Now what do you see in these three pictures? Or, first of all, they're wearing all white shirts. Try and do a Google ship search on any president, and you will see that in 95% of the cases they will be wearing a white shirt. Why? While you can wear anything on a white shirt, any time, I will go on a white shirt. If you combine that with a dark suit, it will show that you're a powerful person, and again it will build up your self confidence. If you're going for more casual, you can have, let's say, a suit without a tie, open color and have some brown shoes perfectly acceptable. That's how the Italian sometimes do it. If you have another blue jacket combined with the genes or any jacket, you can look very, very smart, even casually. Have a look, but in like small hanker. Chief, you put on any short you want. Maybe a waistcoat looks very stunning. Let me give you some tips. First of all your clothing issued, stick to to the three colors. Don't go combining too many colors. It won't be a mix and match that doesn't work. Make sure your clothing is impeccable. It should be well. Iran's should be well preserved and accessories. Make sure that all your accessories are up to scratch and invest in quality. You should invest in quality clothing and quality accessories. It will serve you for a very, very long time. I put together for you a list with some well possible stains and how you can well treat them. This list is added to discourse in a special PdF, so this is just to show you on the screen. But if you want, you can download it here on you. To me 7. Wardrobe: and with the last and final step in self confidence is or drop the thing you wear. I call it sometimes a armor. You don't need to wear a suit like me. You can look good in any situation with just a few tips. So let me take you through poor drop. First of all, if I can give you a piece of advice, you can start from scratch and redo your whole wardrobe. He can build it up with a few items, which are actually classics. You can combine them in a lot of ways, and they will suit for a lot of occasions. Another good ideas. When you build up your wardrobe, make sure that all your blouses or shirts or dresses or jackets they are faced in the same direction as you can see here. All the jackets are in the same direction, so they facing in the same direction. This makes it actually easy. If you're looking for something to go through the pockets, for example, here you have the breast pocket, but you can also have the inside pocket. So if there are all facing the same direction, it will be much more easy to find something if you lost something. For example, a pen or maybe some money. Try to separate winter clothing from summer clothing. Now, if you have the space, obviously now, if you don't have the space. A good idea, for example, to put away your winter clothing is a space back now. This is a space back. It will actually suck out the year off the garments so that you have more place to put them into your wardrobe. Now you have to be careful with everything like fur or leather. Because, for example, when leather cannot breathe due to the fact that the air is sucked out, it will start cracking. So be careful. But these space backs are actually a very interesting idea, if possible. If you are detail orientated, try to color. Coordinate all your clothing from socks to shoes. Two shirts, two dresses you name. It's if you have a color coordinated, it will be easier in your mind when you open up your wardrobe. Another tip I will give you is to invest in this. This is a clothing brush. Now this clothing brush is not only to take away all sorts off little things on your clothes. No, it's actually to give a good Rupp on your clothes. Why? Well, because the fabric will lift itself, and by lifting itself, it will air much more and much easier. When you wear, for example, a suit or maybe a dress, try not to wear it two days in a row. I would really advice to brush it with this clothing brush and put it in an area where you have a bit of air. Don't put it straight away into the closet because the sweat you have built up over the day will actually mingle with all the other clothing in the covers. So try to avoid that you actually know what dry cleaning is. Do you know how the process works? Actually, the work kind of tells you what it iss. It's cleaning clothing dry. There is no liquid involved. Well, to be honest, there is, but the liquid is turned into a gas and that gas, which is chemical. Obviously that gas will go onto your clothing and with the chemical reaction, take away the stains off course there. There are a few other steps, but that's the main idea now. A lot off. People will put their clothing into dry cleaning to be cleans, and that's that's good. But the thing is, it will soften, and it will damage your fabrics your shirts, For example. They will deteriorate much quicker than when you wash them on the normal washing machine. So if you need dry cleaning, do it only if you really have to. The trick with stains is whenever you make a stain, try and treat it as quickly as possible. For example, if you have a stain on a tie or a scarf, try to clean it immediately. Most of the times if you have natural products like maybe I dunno wine or tomatoes, etcetera. You can take it away with the basic thing. When you pick up your clothing from the dry cleaning, always make sure that you let it air a good time, and I mean by that sometimes it's wrapped in plastic. Take off the plastic, hang it outside, covered. Of course, if you can for at least 24 hours, why? Because because these chemicals, they contain solvents. It's like glue and all that glue. All those solvents, those chemicals, they have to actually go away because again, if you put them into your cupboard, they will mix with all the other clothing, and they will damage that fabric as well. Let me give you a not a tip in terms of etiquette. If you have a well made suit, you will see that the buttons can be opens on the sleeves, especially bespoke buttons will have this. The right etiquette says that when you wear a suit, the first button should be unbuttons. If you were wearing a jacket on, let's say a jeans, then you should open to, because that will be leisure time. 8. Etiquette vs protocol: and all these boring rules. While the strange thing is, you actually do it every single day. For example, if you're driving your car in certain parts of the world, you will be driving on the left. Another part two will be driving on the right. Driving on the right side off the street means that you are respecting the other people in the other cars. So actually that is etiquette. Etiquette is mostly historical. For example, Do you know where white gloves come from? They come actually from the French court. The King of France. He gave actually elaborate parties and he didn't have enough stuff to wait on the people he invited. So what he did was he took people from the lands and he put them at the table to serve. Now their hands obviously were very dirty from the hard work. So he put on white gloves. And that's how it happens. As with a lot of things in etiquette, these rules from the court from the Royals dripped down to people. For example, if you're wearing a waistcoat, that means that the bottom bottom should be left open. Now that is due to the King off England's. He was quite a big person, if you know what I mean. And he couldn't actually close that last button. So everybody thought that it waas an etiquette rule, actually thought it was cool. So everybody that this say and do this very day when you're wearing a waistcoat, he should actually open that bottom at the bottom. Wedding rings are another historical facts. So why do you wear your wedding ring on your left hands or on your ring finger? Because the Romans actually thought that that finger was in connection through the main artery to the heart. Actually, that were right. So that is also why any form off name tack will be worn on the left. So another historical reason and that is very easy to remember. So never wear your name tax on the right. Have a look at this. When we are in a bar. Do we actually do this? Do we say cheers and put the glasses together? Is that correct, or is it not correct? Well, in these 21st century days, it's not correct, because again its historical and the old base they didn't have glass, they actually had metal cups. The thing is, you cannot see through a metal cup so he could not see the liquid, which was in the cup. And the thing was, everybody was aware that anyone could poison you so they actually hit them together so that the fluids would go from one cup into the other and make sure that nobody was poisoned. Now, of course, that has changed. But doing this means that you are not really trusting the other person again. A historical fact etiquette is also cultural. First of all, it's flexible, but also cultural can change from country to country. Let's say you go to the supermarket and you put all your groceries on the cash register as you know the moving thing. Actually, when you put it on, most people will take this and put it at the end of their groceries so that the next person could put their groceries and make a distinction for the cashier, in most cases, people who actually turned their backs to the person behind him. Now I have always learned that's not polite. That's what my grandmother said. The thing is, it's not actually being in polite, but it could be wherever you live in the world, it's not in your culture and more than one country in Europe. That's what we do in other parts of the world. People are very open and like to talkto anyone, even if they don't know them. Have you ever been to an Italian restaurant where they have these small tables? He come in and you ask the waiter, You have a table for two and what you see is they have actually put together to small tables, one next to the other. At one of those stables. There's already a couple starting to eat. You come in and you see that you think, Oh my God, if I sit next to them, I will have to talk to them. So the genius waiter will actually pull away those tables about five inches, and then you feel more comfortable. The thing is, it's only five inches. You can still talk to those people. It's know how you feel it, and again that is cultural. In many countries, people will just talk to each other, Whoever it is again in other parts of the world, people will be more shy. What we see, for example, is that there are restaurant concepts where they have one big table forcing people to talk to one another. Now that is not only etiquette being cultural, but it is also building self confidence. What is actually the difference between etiquette and protocol? Now, in this training, we will not be talking about protocol etiquette. First of all, it's flexible. You do it whenever you want to do it. It's not really an obligation. Protocol is something else. Protocol will always be related to ceremonies or events. Now let me give you an example. When you go to court and the judge comes in, you would stand up. That is what we call protocol. When you go to the theater and the king, for example, walks in, you would stand up. That is protocol. Now there is a great video about President Obama in Buckingham Palace with the English Queen. Now he is about to propose a toast, and he does just that. Now, when he raises his glass, he says that the toast is to the queen and then you hear the music playing now. What he should have done was actually wait until the music was over and then continue and propose a toast to the queen because you can see him turning to the queen and she actually refuses him now. That was a bit embarrassing where the problem was that President Obama was not really well informed by the people who were up to speed on protocol. So as he can see, protocol is actually much more fixed and it's always, as I said, related to ceremonies and events. 9. Why you need etiquette: Why do you need etiquette? Well, I think there are three reasons. Reason Number one. We are getting more and more route now. I won't go into too much details historically, but I think we have lost a few values along the way. One example is the French Revolution. The other one could be flower power, for example. That is a time where he had high school dropouts. A few examples are Bill Gates and maybe Steve Jobs, and that was the time where students were actually questioning their professors. They didn't agree with how the professors were looking at the world. They dropped out, and it did it themselves. Over the other years, we lost also better Fiat values, for example, with a smartphone. And that brings me to the second reason why we need etiquette. We are getting more and more a social. You know that picture off Grandma, who invited the grand kits for cake on Sunday? Well, have a look. You can see everybody is on their smartphone Now. There's one grandchild on the picture is the one taking the picture with a smartphone. So I think we are getting more and more a social and we see it everywhere. Have a look at this picture. This is a picture I took in Dublin in islands where it says that the bar will give you 10% discount if you leave your phone at the bar and socialize and talk with each other. Number three reason. With a little bit of etiquette, you can be unique. Sometimes I asked in lessons in real life lessons to ladies. Have you had a gentleman lately opening a door for you or maybe presenting a chair to you on A lot of ladies always say no. If you are that junkman who opens the door for that lady, that will make you unique. If you have a bit of knowledge on etiquette, even during, for example, a job interview, you will stand out. You will know when to sit, when to speak and how to shake hands. In the next video, I will tell you a true story on how a medical student got his first big break by applying. It gets in this job interview 10. Introductions: Do you remember what I told you about hierarchy off etiquette about the lady taking the initiative to shake hands while here again, Introducing somebody has those same rules. The man would be presented to the lady. The younger would be presented to the older on the lower in rank would be presented to the higher in rank. It's that simple. Another few tips on introductions, whether it be social or business, is speak clearly. If you have a difficult name, you really have to speak up Clearly. You also have to speak loud enough so people really understand your name. If you were at the receiving end and you didn't get the name, you can ask again. You could say I'm sorry I didn't get that. Could you repeat your name? Because it's much more embarrassing to do as if you didn't hear it and you didn't get it. Not to have to ask it again. When you introduce someone else to another person, make sure that you don't create a conflict. This could also be based on the topics they would talk about. Let's say you have to politicians and they're from different parties. Be very careful and make sure that you have done your homework upfront. And when you introduce somebody to somebody else, always give extra information because that will start the conversation. I could say, for example, Mrs Smith Allami trended use Mr Lee. He just came from the airport and she could pick up on the information off coming from the airport. And that is how you are a great host, whether it be social or, for example, in a business situation such as a networking event. If you are introduced to somebody, always answer. I mean by that. If I would say Mrs Smith, allow me to introduce Mr Lee she would say, How do you do? And he would say, How do you do as well, So always answer. That's the most polite thing to do. And again, that is what gets conversation starting. If you have to introduce somebody to royalty, you usually would use the word presents. You would say, For example, Your Majesty, may I present Mr Smith. May I introduce Mr Smith, so make sure that you use these wordings in a correct way. If you're introducing a single person to a group, that's exactly how he should do it. Introduce the single person to the group, not the other way around. I would say, for example, Mrs Smith, this is my team I work with every day and that it's up to her to introduce herself and then conversations start running. In some occasions you will stand while you are sitting. For example, when you're in church, there are certain moments where you will stand up. Another moment where you stand up is, for example, in court or when there is one minute off silence. Another thing could also be during the national anthem. A bit of a lost art is gentleman standing up for ladies because when a lady joins the table , a gentleman should actually stand up. When she leaves, he should do the same. So sitting and standing is a bit over lost art, so make sure that you actually do it 11. Invitations and gifts: thes days. Invitations are a bit rare. We used to have had written invitations later on. We have beautifully crafted and printed invitations these days. Unfortunately, it will be an SMS, a text or maybe a Facebook message or a Facebook event. I think that's a bit sad, because you can do so many nice things with a nice invitation. It still has that romance of inviting somebody. So let's have a look. How you really make a good invitation on what you have to think about. First of all, you should write on it. Whose inviting Secondly, to what? Of course, where and when. So these four W's are pretty important to put on an invitation cards. There are some rules to, well, making a new invitation court. As to the protocol. Yes, there's a protocol to writing an invitation court. If you have a two fold invitation court, this is where you put the information. So who invites to what, Where and when? The four W's on the right hand side when you open invitation on the left should be the program. What is happening that evening, For example, if you flip them around, you got a horizontal one, you should have the four W's on top, and the program should be on the bottom as a nice touch you can have on the front cover, for example, your logo or your initials. Or maybe a nice picture if we go to a tree folded invitation before W's go in the middle. So again, who invites to what, where and when on the left should be the program. It's actually while the two fold it one and want to the right is added what we put on the one to the right while we put something which is called an hour S V. P. It comes from the French crepe on these who play means Please give me an answer. This should be court. You can will tear off or which is detectable from the two full. That one, which people can send back to you. They can write on it if yes or no, they are coming and with how many people, if you was that question. So this is the correct protocol and sending invitations. So you invited invitations are send out or you just received one. Good, you go to a party. It's a Saturday evening. You're invited by a couple of friends. What do you think with you? Maybe bottle of wine, flowers, chocolates, etcetera. Actually, flowers are not a good idea. It's against the eh tickets. Why? Well, the host or hostess, they have been cleaning all day shopping all day preparing the food old a etcetera. On the first thing you do when you arrive and you give them flowers. So you actually give them more work. What they have to do, they have to search for of us. They have to open up the wrappings. They have to put it into the vast etcetera, etcetera. So actually it's against etiquette. If you really keen on giving flowers, you can send them up front. A lot of floors will do this for you. Another good idea might be to send them afterwards. But in most cultures, people don't like to show up empty handed. 1/3 possibility is to give flowers already wit of us. There are some very interesting solutions thes days as to, for example, cardboard vases or really cheap ones which look very good. In any case, if you give flowers, make sure you always have an uneven number off flowers. Why uneven? Well, ask your florist. It's much easier to make a nice bouquet if you have an uneven number of flowers. One country we can learn something from in terms of gift is China. In China, for example, they will give a gift with two hands, and you will take it with two hands. Now, why can we learn something from that? While we could learn something in the business world? If you go, for example, to a shop that say you buy a new dress, wouldn't you say that's a bit of a gift for yourself? It's like, you know, having a day of fun on buying. You solve a little presence. You want to have that special feeling. So what we train is that people should give that as a gift with two hands and, if possible, they should leave the desk, the desk there, standing behind, like the counter or the cash register. Just step out of it. Give it with two hands. People will have the very special feeling, as you know, tee time. Oh, it's a tradition in England, and it's a very nice tradition. You got afternoon tea and you got high tea? Yes, exactly. It's not the same afternoon Tea is earlier, and high tea is later. The big difference is that high tea. You might have small hot dishes, and the afternoon tea is what we know with the scones and with the small sandwiches. No, um, put away what you put in your T brown or white sugar. Well, first of all, it depends on your taste. Maybe take brown sugar. It's got a lot of more off molasses, so the taste can be more intense. What we generally say is that with dark sorts of tea you put in brown sugar, we lighter sorts of boudin. Why Children also white sugar will dissolve much, much quicker and better. Next in United Kingdom. And while mostly around the world, you never speak to royalty unless they speak to you and the English. They have a good knowledge of etiquette because they have a lot of traditions. It's absolutely beautiful country where traditions are held high. I know I can appreciate that, as you might know, next Iran and Greece, I wouldn't do the thumbs up move in Iran or Greece. It's absolutely very implied in both countries. They have a different meaning, but it's very in polite in Turkey. You shouldn't make a circular movement by forming one with your index finger and your thumb . It's absolutely also very polite, and it actually means towards a certain part of your body, which is not that nice. So be careful. In Italy. On the other hand, it's very OK to put your elbows on the table. It's part of their culture in other parts of the world. It's seen as not okay. He should keep your elbows off the table with. 12. Table manners: table manners is something that you will that will serve you always. It's like learning how to walk. You will make use of it at all times. On a little knowledge of table etiquette will go a long way, since you will completely, comfortably be during the meal. Your table manners will also tell a lot about yourself. We see that more and more companies take a potential employees on an interview in restaurants. When somebody knows how to behave at the table, it will not be noticed. But if they have bad table manners, it will show quickly. In essence, table manners are very easy. You follow the lead off the host or hostess. When they invite you to the table, you act upon it. A good host will announce a few minutes beforehand. That dinner will be served on. That gives you the opportunity the guests to go wash their hands, which is etiquette language for visiting the bathroom. A good rule of thumb is actually that you don't leave the table or postpone it as long as you can. Another tip I can give you is that the ladies go touch up their makeup but minimise on the lipstick, since lipstick on a glass is not considered very convenient. When the Lady of the house precedes the guests, she will point who sits where and maybe there will be named cards on the table. And, of course, the gentleman should let the ladies be seated first. And if you want to be a real gentleman, you would assist the ladies with the chair. When you sit down with the lady, you put your hand back to the left, or maybe just under the chair in some fancy restaurants, he will get a stool or a table to put your hand back on. Its very fancy when he said at the table, we would advise you to sit on the front off the chair That will actually force you to sit up straight and not lean back because you can see what happens. It looks more relaxed, and in a social situation, like amongst friends, that is fine. But in a formal or business situation, you might want to sit up straight and show that you have table manners. You probably know not to put your elbows on the table, but what do you do with your hands? There is not really a clear rule on this in the English etiquette. It put it on their lap and the French, they would fall their hands like this and put it on the table. So that's with everything in it tickets. Sometimes there are different opinions on things, and let's start with the napkin. This can be in many faults and shapes. The first thing you do when you sit down at the table, it's take the napkin and put it into your lap. The main rule is that when you take a napkin and you put it on your lap, it will never touch the table again during the whole meal. But we will come to that later. You would also not take the napkin before the host or the hostess would take that napkin trapped the whole dinner. It's a good idea to follow the lead off the host. You shouldn't drink before the host. You shouldn't eat before the hosts. You just follow their example. The correct way to put the napkin on your lap is folded. There is a bit of discussion in the etiquette literature. If you should actually fold it like this or rather like this. We would advise to do it like this since the tip will create a gravity point and it will stay between your knees much easier. If you do it like this in the rectangular form, it might slide off your lap much quicker. Never put your napkin into your shirt or around your neck that is deemed very inappropriate . And should you leave the table, which you actually have to avoid Where did you place the napkin? What do you do with the napkin? Well, that depends on the chair. If you have a chair who has no arm rests like this one, you would leave the napkin on the seat off the chair. If it does have an armrest, you will leave it on the left arm. Rest just like this. You would never leave it at the back off the chair. The simple rule is once you take a napkin off the table, it doesn't touch the table again until the end off the meal. And actually the same goes for Cuttery. But we will come to that later when you are finished. Never fold your napkin to the original state because that means that you want to be invited again, and obviously that is rude. You should leave it more like this, and you leave it to the left side, off the original table setting. Never put it to the rights because that means you want to stay the night. Although it might come in handy on a date, for example, use off the napkin is to clean the corners of the mouth, not to wipe it. Also, the inside off the napkin is the one you use. So you stabbed the corners, you close it again and put it again on your lap because that will also not show the stains on the napkins and will not touch your clothing. So the stains will not coming up in contact with your trousers, for example. Way, let's move on to the actual eating off the food. If you had had a lot of cutlery like this and you might be confused, the golden rule is to eat from the outside to the inside. This is the correct way how to hold your fork. And this is the correct way. How toe Hold your knife. You would actually never hold it like a pen. You also bring the fork to your mouth, not your mouth to the fork, and obviously you would never use a knife to bring to your mouth as well. It only is there to cut things and to assist. To put things onto the fourth try also to eat at a pace and watch everyone at the table so you are not finished too quickly or too slowly. Pay attention to the conversations at the table, hand to the people around you, especially the host and hostess. Make a little noise as you can, and do not point. What your cutlery. It is wiser to take a break from eating, maybe to drink, maybe to have a conversation. And if you want to pause, the only correct way to put your cutlery is like this. What we see is that a lot of people do it like this, but that is not correct. Let's say you're eating soup and there's just a little bit left in your plate. How do you go about it? Well, if this is the plate, he should tilt it. But you should tilt it away from you so that the leftover soup is going towards the front. Then you take your spoon and you go towards the front off the plate where you scoop up. Actually, the soup and it it. That's the correct etiquette. If there's something you don't like during the dinner, you should at least try it. Put it to the site so that the plate seems as empty as possible. When you are done eating, you put your cutlery parallel in your plate might be a three o'clock four or six oclock. This can differ from culture to culture. Just what's the people at the table now? Work on bread, butter and breath plates. The correct way to use the butter knife, which is this one, not a bread knife, since bread is never to be cut, but to be broken is to ask for the butter. Don't reach too far over the table to get the butter at any cost. To avoid asking for the bottle every time you would take a sufficient amount of butter to put on your bread plate for the entire bread roll. You put it on your breath plate. Break a piece of bread off and butter that piece. You are going to eat this way you will make sure they have enough butter and not need to disturb the other guests. Every time when serving wine, you have to look at the glasses. Glasses like this can hold quite a bit of wine, so don't serve too much. 1/3 for example, even less is more than enough. The wine can develop in the glass, and it reduces the risks off people, spilling wine. If the glass should be too full now, the right way to hold the glass. It's like this or like this. Never use your pinky when you drink, because that is considered very root. When you drink coffee, always take out this spoon out of the cup. Place it parallel to the handle off the cup when you are finished with the meal. Finally, do not forget to compliment the chef. If this is an outside caterer or an in house chef or even the lady of the House, always compliments on the food with