Double Your Communication & Assertiveness - 30 Minute Guide | Alain Wolf | Skillshare

Double Your Communication & Assertiveness - 30 Minute Guide

Alain Wolf, Social Skills Consultant

Double Your Communication & Assertiveness - 30 Minute Guide

Alain Wolf, Social Skills Consultant

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7 Lessons (18m)
    • 1. Welcome

      0:18
    • 2. Become Assertive

      3:48
    • 3. Non verbal communication

      3:41
    • 4. Paraphrasing

      1:44
    • 5. See the big picture

      2:49
    • 6. Master your emotions

      2:14
    • 7. Communicate with confidence and charisma

      3:52
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About This Class

Would you like to communicate better with people?

Would you like to learn how to deal with conflicts?

Would you like to learn how to become more assertive?

My name is Alain Wolf and I am a communication expert. I have already helped more than 60'000 people in 16 countries to become more confident and develop better social skills.

In this course, you will learn how to communicate better with people, how to deal with conflicts, how to have a confident body language and how to become more assertive.

I have shared with you my most powerful communication tools and techniques in this course.

Go ahead, enroll in this course.

Meet Your Teacher

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Alain Wolf

Social Skills Consultant

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Alain Wolf is an award-winning en... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Welcome: Hi, Today I would like to invite you to join my assertiveness scores. So in half an hour, I want to show you my best practical tips on how you can become a little bit more assertive, how you can deal with conflicts, and how you can speak up for yourself. So go ahead, enroll in this course. I will show you how you can become a surgeon. 2. Become Assertive: So now let's talk about how you can become more assertive. So becoming assertive means that you will share you need with the other person, but in a nice way and not in an aggressive way. So I would like to illustrate that with an example. So a month ago, I went to my gym and I forgot to pay the membership fee. And when I arrived at the gym and I gave my car, the person at the reception said, Oh, he didn't pay the feet, you're not allowed to enter the gym. You have to pay right now. Otherwise, I will remove the membership. And he was really aggressive. So he was being assertive because he was sharing his needs. That's where I had to pay. But at the same time, he was doing that in a way that was not nice. So if you want to become assertive, I encourage you to share your needs. But do it in a nice way. How I would have done that. I wish. I would just have said, Oh, there is an issue here. I see that the last payments didn't go through. Would it be possible for you to pay it today or tomorrow when you come back? I shared my needs. I was associate and that was nice. So you see here is that understanding how you can become assertive. So there is something really powerful that you can use, and it's empathy. Empathy means that you understand the other person's point of view. So let's say that you are at work and you would like the person to do a task. So you could just approach someone and say NU, what's, you know what, Frank. I have detailed this task here that is really important and understand that you have a lot of work. But I would like heat. I would like you to make that your top priority. Heavy, similar types. I did here. I said, I understand that you have a lot of forage. If something that is really powerful so that you can become assertive. And the person says, Oh, the President understands me. So that's how you can really share your needs with other people. And you can use empathy with almost anything. You approach people and they're having a conversation. You can say, hi, sorry for interrupting. I know that you are having a conversation, but I wanted to say hi or you have something that you want to do or something that you want to ask someone and the person may be angry at you or any other situation. Use empathy. You just say the person is feeling and you just show the other person that you understand their situation and their point of view. So really, really powerful here. If you wanted to become more assertive, sometimes you'll have to remind people about their responsibilities. It means that you may be arguing with someone or you may be talking to someone. And then we'll just say, oh, that's not my photo, that's not my work. And sometimes you just have to say, I understand that you didn't have time to do it, but remember, it's your responsibility, it's your task to do it. So in the future, I would like you to get the job done. See what I did here. I reminded the person of their responsibility. So sometimes you will have to do that, but do it in a nice way. Use empathy. And you can even say thank you and please, it works. When you ask someone you want to become our search. Just say please and thank you because the other person is human. So if you are friendly to the other person, the person will react in a better way. So use, please use sorry pose, I apologize. Use whatever you have to use. Just to be polite. And you will see that it will really help you become more assertive. 3. Non verbal communication: So now let's talk about the non-verbal communication. So it's really important. What I encourage you to do is to have a great body language that is confidence and that is relaxed. My first advice to you would be to breathe deeply. You will inhale by the nose, XA, by the mouth, and you try it with your belly. So it means that if you have to communicate to give a presentation, to go to a job interview, or to do something that is stressful and you must really communicate in a great way. Breathe deeply before you will be able to come down. Also, it can be a stupid advice, but when you are talking to someone, Don't forget to breathe. Because most people are stressed. And we'll end the wards, have deep breath. And what you want to do is really to breathe deeply. So do that when you directly We see that your body language will be more relaxed. Then what you can do to become a confident? Ask yourself this question. How would a confident person behave? And try to copy the posture of a confident person and the person who will be the Superman posture, how I call it. It means that you open your chest shortest back. You had a straight. Imagine that you have a string pulling you to the sky. And you'd be proud, be proud of VUCA, of being confident. When you move your hand gestures doesn't have to be stressed. Imagine that you are underwater. Imagine that you move slowly. This is the body language of someone who is confident. It means that I will be talking and slowly moving my hands. I want to be doing like that. No, I will dig rounded and slowly. I will be talking, moving my head's you can maintain eye contact. When you talk to people you wanted to show charisma and confidence. Maintain eye contact. It's really important. You can also smile because someone who smile is associated with being one, being friendly, and has very great emotions associated to that. So don't forget to smile when you communicate to people. Also, don't forget to feel great emotions. I know I say that all the time, but it's so important to feel gritty motions. If you have to listen to some great music. If you have two champ, if you have to walk, if you have to go outside, you have to call a friend, you have to call you lava. If you have something that puts you in a great mood before communicating to people, do it because it will impact your body language. So there are two ways to change your body language. The first way is to change your mindset and how you feel and have this confidence feeling that will then change your body language. And the other way is to change the fixture body language. And then it will, it will change how you feel. You can try that right now. You just imagine that you are a non confident person. How is your body language? And immediately you see a body language like that. How did you know how to do it? Because the mindset and the body language is linked. So I asked you to picture someone not confident. So your mindset when to non confident. So changed, so your body language tension. So what you can do is you want to change your body language. You think about a confident person. How would my confidence cells behave? And immediately after, you will have the posture of a competent person. So really, really powerful here. 4. Paraphrasing: So in this video, I would like to share with you a really powerful communication technique. So it's about repeating what the person said just to be sure that you understood it well. So when I was an assistant to an entrepreneurship professor at university, he gave me instructions and I thought that I understood them well. And I did the opposite. So at the end he was not really happy. So this is an extreme example. But maybe in your life, your boss or your co-worker, or someone gives you instructions and your misinterpreted it or you didn't understood it well. So what I encourage you to do is when someone gives you an instruction, you just summarize it. You just say. So just to be sure that I understood well, I must do number one, number two, number three, number four, number five, and then send it back to you. I'm all right. And the person say yes or no. It's better if the person says No right now before you start doing the task, because then the person will give you the right instructions or we'll give you more information. So really powerful to make you safe time. When people give instructions, they have all the knowledge in their brain. And they think that you also have this knowledge in your brain. So maybe the instructions that someone with give won't be really clear because they think that, you know, as much as them. So repeating and some end summarizing what was said is really powerful and will save you a lot of time of energy and it will become a great communicator with that. 5. See the big picture: So if you wanted to communicate with people better and learn how to deal with conflicts, it's important. That's you see the big picture. So let's illustrate that. Let's say that your colleague had to write a report and put it on your desk by 06:00 PM. And now you see that it's six PM and the report is not there. You could go and starts yelling at the person and saying, what what happened is 6PM, the report is not there and start creating a conflict with the person. But what I encourage you to do is to try to see the big picture. Because maybe something came up. Maybe the person had the situation, a difficult situation, or maybe something happened. So tried to look for information to understand the situation before drawing conclusions. So how I would approach a situation like that is that I would approach the person and I would just ask where is the report in a non-aggressive way. And I would just ask if something came up. I would try to understand what happened and maybe the person we say that his boss or her boss told her or him that there was something more important and that the report will be there at 07:00 PM. So by understanding and by having the big picture, you will be able to avoid a lot of conflict because sometimes we draw conclusions too fast. We see that the report is not there. And we may say the person does not respect me or the person doesn't care. But maybe something came up, maybe something happened. So try to understand the situation or if instead of your desk, maybe the person left it at the reception, you don't really know what happened. So try to understand it. And other advice or so would be to understand the other person's point of view. Because when people act, they all have a motivation, they all have needs. They all have reasons for acting. So if you understand and if you see that someone didn't do something of someone acted in a certain way. Try to understand why. Tried to find the motivation, the reason behind it. Because we are all humans. And sometimes we do things that we regret or sometimes we do things we think, okay, but it's not in the company, in a firm, or in a personal life. So try to understand, to talk to people in a calm way and understand what is going on and what happened. Briefly because you don't need to yell or to be aggressive. It just become, and you will see that you will really be able to deal with conflicts in a better way. 6. Master your emotions: So if you'd like to deal with conflicts in an effective way, It's important that you learn how to master your emotions. Have you ever been in a situation where you were really emotional, you were arguing with a man and you said things or you did things that you regret it later. We have all been there. So, uh, grids, advice that I can give you is that when you start getting emotional, you're arguing with someone and you are getting emotional, just take a step back. You can even tell the person, you know what, I'm really emotional right now. I just want to relax. I just want to calm me down. I just want to take time to think about it. I will come back later. It's something that you can see and the person will understand so that you can really take time to think about what to say. Another example would be that you receive an email from a co-worker and it really pisses you off. You are really angry instead of replying right away with the anger and with the oldest negative emotion, just reply the next day. It's something that I do all the time when I get an email that really makes me angry or that I really don't like and I would like to tell really mean things to the person. I don't do it because I will be too emotional and maybe I misinterpreted it or maybe I didn't understand well, maybe our styles. So it means that when you enter these negative emotions, you want to be able to think clearly. So if you want to deal with conflicts in an effective way, you must understand that your emotions may be something that will harm you. If you are always listening to emotion and if you go with the negative emotions and you really amplify this negative emotion and you throw these negative emotions into the, into the person. So be really careful with that. Take time to think about it, to think about what you say and talk to people when you are not really emotional and when you're relaxed. And you think in a more clear wave, you will see that it will really help you. 7. Communicate with confidence and charisma: So now let's talk about how you can communicate with charisma and confidence. So it's not something that you should learn, but it's something that you should access that is inside you. Because I'm sure that if you think about it, you were already able to communicate with confidence and charisma in certain situations. Maybe it was with your friends, maybe it was with your family, with your coworkers or in any other situation. So you knew how to do it. But now maybe you are stressed or there is a situation that you are a little bit uncomfortable and you don't have this charisma and confidence. So what I would like you to do is to remember time when you felt confidence and charismatic in an interaction. Maybe even if it's why it was ten years ago, I would like you to remember that and to access this feeling of confidence and charisma. Because if you wanted to communicate with confidence and charisma, it starts first by feeling confidence and charisma in your body. So great way to do that is to remember time when he felt confidence and charismatic. If you are struggling to do that, I would like you just to imagine how a confidence and charismatic person would feel. So just try right now. How would a charismatic and confident person sheet and just try to feel these emotions, tried to feel the emotion of confidence and try to feel the emotion of charisma. And it should be something that you should train your body to do. Because learning how to feel emotions of confidence, charisma, positive emotions will really help you and you'll be communicating with people. Most people are not aware that it's really important because 93 percent between a conversation between people is nonverbal. And it comes from the motion that you have, then it will manifest itself through the body language, your voice, smile, eye contact, and all the other nonverbal cues. So how you feel is important. Most people focus too much on what to say. What to say can be important, but it's only 7%. And what I would like you to fix or to improve is how you feel. I feel this feeling of charisma and confidence. And you will see that your communication will really go to another level. So if you are still struggling to do that, I would like you to just close your eyes and do that with just close your eyes. And I'm like you just to imagine a situation that happened and where you are really confident. Just try to imagine. Try to find the situation. And try to imagine with bright colors. Imagine that you are the actor. And then imagine who was there, where the people were there, people talking, whether any smells, were there, things that caught your attention? Try to relieve the experience. And then when you get the feeling, I would like you to just embrace the feeling that can be the feeling of confidence and charisma and you enhance in your body. And when you have done that, I would like you just to communicate to someone, call a friend or talk to your partner, talk to someone home. And you will see that the way that you will communicate will be charismatic and confident. That's it. That's how you can communicate with confidence and charisma. So practice feeling these emotions of confidence and charisma. Often, the more you practice, the easier it will be. Because now I can go from someone who is charismatic to someone who is depressed in a few seconds because I was am able to access different emotions. So if you're not used to it, do that often and you will see it will really help you.