Double Your Assertiveness, Confidence & Communication Skills | Alain W. | Skillshare

Double Your Assertiveness, Confidence & Communication Skills

Alain W.

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13 Lessons (1h 31m)
    • 1. Promo

      2:36
    • 2. What You Will Learn

      3:26
    • 3. What Is Assertiveness Part 1

      4:05
    • 4. What Is Assertiveness Part 2

      4:53
    • 5. Your Rights & Beliefs

      7:23
    • 6. Assertive Body Language

      7:26
    • 7. Assertiveness Feedback Cards

      2:34
    • 8. Express Yourself: Speak Up, Share Your Ideas & Opinions, Express What You Want

      16:12
    • 9. Provide Helpful Feedback To Others

      6:50
    • 10. Receive Negative Feedback, React & Defend Yourself When Criticized

      10:15
    • 11. Learn To Say No

      6:20
    • 12. Deal With Conflicts, Deal With Confrontation, Challenging Situations

      10:51
    • 13. Reduce Negative Emotions & Discomfort When Talking To People

      8:29
15 students are watching this class

About This Class

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN IN THIS COURSE:

Learn Highly Effective Techniques To Deal With Any Conflict In Your Personal & Professional Life   

Communicate With Assertiveness & Confidence    

Reduce negative emotions & Discomfort When Communicating With People   

Speak Up, Share Your Ideas & Opinions In A Persuasive, Calm & Positive Way   

How To React & Defend Yourself When You Are Criticized   

How To Receive Negative Feedback   

Learn to Say NO When You Are Asked Unreasonable Requests Without Looking Selfish   

Provide Feedback To Others While Looking Good & Friendly     

Express What You Want & Your Rights With Integrity, Honesty & Respect For Others   

How To Deal With Confrontation, Challenging Situations & Difficult People  

Transcripts

1. Promo: Hi. Let me ask you a question. Would you like to learn how to become our searches and how to deal with conflicts? My name is Anna Wolf and I have already had more than 100,000 people in 16 countries to communicate better with people to become assertive and to deal with conflicts, any scores? I've packed the best tools and techniques to help you with the schools. You will learn how you can become a assertive and how you can become a confident in your personal and professional life. You will learn how you can speak up, share your ideas and opinion at work at home. In any situation, you will learn how you can express what you want. You can express your rights, your needs, everything that you would like to share with people. I will show you the best communication techniques and the best communication tools to make that happen. I would also show you how you can provide helpful feedback toe. Others may be your team leader and you like to defeat back to people What is the best way So that people can really understand what you said. I would like to also show you how you can receive negative feedback. Maybe someone gives you feedback and it's negative. How can you really deal with that and communicate with that person? And I would also show you how you can say no to people. Maybe you are a struggle to say no. Right now you're always saying yes. You are always saying yes to more work, to do things that you don't really want. And I want to show you the best techniques so that you can say no and still be liked and respected by other people. I would also show you how you can deal with conference may be at work or in your personal life. You have some conflicts. I'd like to show you the best tools, the best techniques and the best steps to deal with conflicts. And I will also show you how can prevent the conflicts from happening. And I will also show you how you can reduce negative emotions. Because maybe right now, when you confront people or when you have a conflict with someone or you want to say no, you don't feel really great, and I'd like to show you how you can really be comfortable with that. There is and feel good emotions almost all the time when you are interacting this people. So now it's your turn to make a decision. You can enroll in this course their 30 day money back guarantee, So you have nothing to lose. The only thing that you can gain is communication skills, and you can become a search so literally have nothing to lose. So go ahead and vote in this course, and let's start your transformation. 2. What You Will Learn: so Hi and welcome to discourse. I'm so excited to have you here in the scores. I will show you how you can become assertive and how you can deal with conflicts in your personal life and in your professional life. So let's jump right in into what you will learn in school. So in discourse you will learn how to become more assertive and how to become a confidence may be at work. Or maybe in your personal life, you would like to become a confident you like to become our search. If you'd like to share your idea, share your opinions. You would like toa. No, you like toe get more out of life. And I would like to show you how you can express yourself and just become more assertive in life in general. You would also see how you can speak up how you can share your ideas and opinions. Maybe during a team meeting you would like to just express your ideas. Your opinion would like toa just share your opinion with people around you, you'd like to share your ideas. You like to speak up, which I will show you the best communication techniques on how you can do. That's how it all goes to show you how you can express what you want and how you can express your rights. You have right, you have needs. There are things that you want in life. And I would like to show you how you can express that so that the Hyatt sense that people will be influenced by it and they will do what you want. So I will show you how you can express that you I would also show you how can provide helpful feedback. Maybe you are a team leader and you'd like to influence your team and give them feedback that can really help them. So when she will see the best communication techniques on how you can do that, I would also show you how you can receive negative feedback. Let's say that someone tells you something that is negative and it's framed as feedback. How can you take this feedback? How can you deal with that? And how can you deal with the fact that someone told you something? The gas if about you, So we'd see all of that. I would also show you how you can say no to people because maybe right now you have a hard time saying no to people. You're always saying yes. Yes, I can do this work. Yes, I can do that. And I will show you how you can learn to say no and people would still like you and respect you. I will show you how to deal with conflicts in your personal and professional life. So I will give you the best steps on how you can deal with any completes that will appear in your life. And they will also show you how you can prevent conflicts from happening. And I will show you how can reduce negative emotions. Because maybe right now, when you confront people when you have conflicts with them, you don't feel really great. And I would like toa share with you my best tools on how you can just feel great when you're interacting with people almost all the time. So this is what you will learn here in the schools. There is something that I really asked you to do is please do the exercise and take some notes. Because if you just listen to what I say, you will just get some great information. But if you apply my tools that are really practical and you apply them to your situation and you write down some notes on how you could apply everything that I say to your situation, you will be able to get the results that you want, so let's jump right in. 3. What Is Assertiveness Part 1: So now let's talk about what is assertiveness because you may be saying, Alan, I want to become are searching, but I don't know what what it is. I don't really know how to use it, and I'd like to start with what is assertiveness. So our 30 minutes is when you share what you want, what you need and what you feel with respect and integrity. So it means that you will be able to share what is inside you with other people and you will be respecting their needs. I would like you to treat others well, because when you will learn the communication techniques, you will see that they are aimed to treat others well, it in that if you want to be aggressive with them if you don't respect them, I think that assertiveness may not be for you because they are becoming assertive. Remember is communicating with respect with integrity. You will be valuing the other people's needs. You will be respecting people, but you will be expressing what you want with total respect, integrity and honesty. So really, I encourage you to treat others well and treat others as you wish to be treated so there's a really great rule here. Treat others as you wish to be treated. Also, I would like dressed toe remains. That's the only behavior that you can control is your behavior. Because there many people who think that in communication you can control the other person , is that you really communicate and you will be able to control the other person's behavior . And that's not the case, because let's say that I'm interacting with you. I have 50% of the interaction and you have 50% of the indirection. It means that it's an illusion for me to think that I can control 100% of the interaction. The only thing that I can control is my 50%. So I will be stating what I want, what I need, what I feel with respect and with integrity. And then it's your part to accept it or not, and I will show you the best ways on how you can really state what you want and show what you feel show you needs to other people, and then there the higher sense off them accepting. But I just wanted to show you that you can't control someone else's behavior. You can control your behavior. So this is what you will see. The scores and how you can become assertive, basically is how can you control your behavior, how you communicate with people so that their hide senses off them, accepting something or doing something that you want becoming a searching. It's something that you do not something that you are, because they are some people who tell me, Alan, I'm not assertive. You know, I'm not like that. It's just the communication technique, and everyone can learn to be more assertive. Becoming more searching is like playing sports. Everyone can get better at it. You will learn the best tools in the best techniques, and then if you practice them, you will become a search. Okay, you can choose when to be a 30. You will have access to tools and techniques to become a searching, and you don't have now to communicate with people all the time being a searching. It's like when you have a car home. Let's say that you want to go to the supermarket or what you want to go to a place you don't always need to drive the car Sometimes you can take the bus. It's here. You will have the best tools and the best technique that you can use when you want and if you want to use them. OK, so this is what assertiveness is about. Remember, is to share what you want, what you need, what you feel with respect, integrity. You can control your behavior. I would like you to treat others well. And it's something that you do not something that you are, and you will choose when to be assertive. 4. What Is Assertiveness Part 2: So in this video, I would like to show you the different communication styles. Why? Because then you will be able to understand if you communicate in a more a non assertive way, in a more passive way, in a more aggressive way, or if you are communicating with assertiveness. So I encourage you dressed whom to listen to me to watch me describe the styles and then ask yourself this question. Are you using one or combination off the Stites? So the 1st 1 is non assertiveness or being passive, it means that you value the other people's needs above yours. It means that you are always saying yes, you fear being unloved. You never criticise your free rejection and you avoid conflict. In other words, people, I'm charge off your behavior because you think that there needs their wants are more important than you. And you don't want to be rejected. Just want to be accepted. You just want to be loved. So if you have a coworker that comes and says, Hey, Alan, could you do this work? You will say yes often, even if you don't want to do it, and you won't be able to express yourself because you don't want toe. Create a conflict with someone because you just want to be loved and you don't want to be rejected. So it's more you say the non assertive and the passive way. The second way that you have second communication style that you have here is when you are aggressive. Becoming aggressive is that you think that your knees are more important than the other people. So I'm sure that you have someone in this situation, maybe you that is watching this video. Or maybe you know, someone around you that communicates like that. What they will do, that the will try to have control over other people and people will fear you. You may say yes, but sometimes it's great to yell at people, but we are ready to try to control people or to make people feel you because then they will do what you want. You may think that it's effective, but in front, while when when you are being aggressive in front of you, people will act really kindly and you would think that they are doing the work that you ask them to do. But then when you leave that will criticize you behind your back. And then we'll try toe destroy you the with the will discuss negative things about you. And it's not something that you want. Okay, so this time here, you can see here it's the opposite. That's this one here is on here. You on an assertive because their needs are more important than yours. Here, you think that your needs are more important, died than theirs and you try to control them. And now you have the A 30 style. Yeah, 30 style is when you consider that you needs are as important as their needs. So, for example, you will state your needs. You are open toe orders. You will respect opinions and needs off others. So being assertive is just expressing what you want, what you feel what you believe. Your opinions really express what you want to express with respect, integrity and you will be able in. And you will also respect there needs because unions and their needs are as important. But you will be able to express yourself in a way that people will do what you want because you will have great communication skills. And if you frame it well, if you communicate well, you will become assertive and people will do what you want. And what will happen is that you will get more influence and people will respect you more, so it means that you will be. Will you become a better leader? You? Would you really persuade and influence than better with this communication style here, rather than becoming aggressive or non assertive? So we can see here that the best communications tied he's being a 30 this course is based on How can you become assertive, not aggressive and not passive? How can you become more assertive? State what you want you needs and respect other people. But you will also have technique so that people will do what you want. Because if you are a team member or if your boss in someone that has a leadership role, way want to influence people and when we give an order, or when we state what we want, we want people to do that. So it's also here being assertive. Okay, it does not mean that you will always, always try toe, listen to their needs and always try to accommodate to their needs and wants. No, you will listen to what they want, and then you will decide if you will do it their way or your way. 5. Your Rights & Beliefs: So now let's talk about your rights and your beliefs. The first question that I would like to ask you is Do you think that you have the rights to be a 30? Do you give yourself permission to be assertive? And this one here is a big point because most people due to the education due to what the their parents told them or due to the beliefs that they have, they don't think that they can be assertive, because maybe the thing that becoming assertive is rude, stating what you want is rude or they have any other associations. So what I encourage you to do is to just take a piece of paper and to start with the first exercise, which is right down the sent the question. Do I have the right to be assertive? And I'd like you to just to be in front of the piece of paper and you would have this question. Do I have the right to be assertive and then you re start writing? Yes, because I'm a human and I have rights. Sometimes I don't have the rights because I think it's rude or my parents told me that and that and that and that, and you will start finding uncovering the associations that you have with being a surgeon. Because, for example, if you think that becoming assertive means that you can have people that don't like you, and it's something that is written down saying I don't really have the right to be assertive because I don't find people toe hate me, you will just think about the sentence that you rolled in and you will ask yourself, This question is what I have written helping me to become our 30. It means that if I always fear being rejected and being hated by people like will I be able to be who I am? Because remember, you want to become a 30 if you want to state what you want and who you are, and there is something that really inspired me to become our 30. Is that the reason a study that brawny Where did so? She was a nurse in a in Australia, and she was taking care off people just before they died, and she asked a simple question. And the question was, What is your biggest regret in life? And you know what almost all of them answered. They said. I regret I didn't have the courage to live a life. According Toa Why Waas? But instead I leave the life according to other people's expectations. So now maybe it's time to give yourself permission to become our 30 and really state what you want. I will show you how I will show you the best communication techniques. But for now I'd like you to give yourself permission to say this is it. I want to become a surgeon. I want to state my name's I want to say no more often. I want to deal with conflicts. I want to give feedback to all this. I really want to be myself. This is what this course is about. So give yourself the rights to be a certain I would ask you to stand up for yourself but also respect the rights off others. So you will stand up for yourself. You will share what you won't share you need. But also you will respect the rights and the opinions and the ideas off other people. It's really about being equal toe other people, okay, And here So I have something that I've created. You can see here I'm terrible A drawing, but I try to do my best. So this is you here, Okay? And here I would like to just illustrate something. Let's say here that issue and here is your bubble. It's your 50%. Because remember, I said that when I communicate to someone, I have my 50% and you have your 50% of the direction. And I would like to show you that at any moment in time you make decisions. And I would like you to regain control of this power because most people think that it's other people that will decide their life. And I want to show you that you are in charge. Let's say here that you have a coworker that approaches you and they have a problem. It's other people's problem. Most people think that they have to deal with other people's problems. No, you make a decision first, you can decide. Here it's in your control. So everything that is green is in your control. You can decide if you would like to address the other people's problems or no, if someone says, Hey, could you do this work because I'm really late and I would like to have someone that that helped me, and it's really a problem for me. You can decide here she say yes. So if you say no, you don't have to do it everything that people ask you. And if you have someone that off a family member that I arrived with a problem, you can decide if you want to deal with it now later, or if you don't want to deal at old, that's your right. If someone gives you an advice on on opinion, very tell you, Alan, you should be on Entrepreneur Island. You should be a marketer island. You should be a teacher. If they give you a for gripping advice on your career. It's their opinion, the advice. And then you decide yes. Oh, no. If you will take their advice into account because when I started being an entrepreneur, had many people who told me that it was dangerous, it was not great. It was a high risk. I should work in a more secure job. So it was the advice in their opinions, and then I had to decide if I wanted toe let that influence my decisions. So at the end, you are still the master off your decisions. If someone has a request and they approach you, you can still decide if you want or not. If someone criticized or give you feedback, you can still decide to accept this feedback or not. What I want to show you here with this draft here is that you are in charge of your life. You may not be conscious of it, but at any moment in time you are making a decision and it's incredible. Just realize that you have the master off your life like you are the captain off off your life. At any moment, someone calls you, someone tells you. Can you do that? You can decide to say yes. Oh, no. You can decide at any moment to share your opinion or not. You can decide at any moment to give feedback. You can decide at any moment to do anything. You are free to do it. I would like to show you the best tools and techniques in this course on how you can do it . But remember, at any moment in time you are making decisions, so you are in, Sergeant. Your life. Okay, so here the rights and the beliefs of like you to give yourself permission to be assertive , to stand up for yourself and respect the rights off others. And remember that at any moment in time, you're making decisions. So it's just about becoming assertive and really asking. You said this question. What do you want and then express it? Do you want to accept the others? People Problems? Yes. No. Do you want toe except the other people? Advice, Opinion requests. Creek. When people criticize you or give you feedback? Yes. No. So that was it for this video here. And if you want, I really encourage you is do this exercise here. Write down why you are giving yourself permission right now to be more assertive. 6. Assertive Body Language: So now let's talk about how you can have an assertive body language. So when you communicate with someone on the 7% of words and 90% is nonverbal, it means that the words have a really small impact on the communication. What really matters is the 93% which is your body language, your eye. Contact the tonality off the voice and many other things. So why? Why it's important to have an assertive body language is that if you know how to become assertive and you know what to say. But you body language is the body language off someone who is not confident and on a searching. What will end up happening is that when there is a disconnect between what you say and your body language, people will believe the body language. Why? Because it's 95% off the communication, So I will show you the tools and the techniques in this course on how you can communicate better with people with the words. But here really want to show you the nonverbal parts to become are searching, So let's stop. The first advice of like to give you is to have the shoulders back and your chest open. So, in other words, you open your chest and your shoulders back. So it is the posture off someone who is confident. And you can try that right now. Just end up and do this exercise. Adopt the posture off someone who is not a searching. It means that your shoulders are down your heads down and your chest is closed. Now, on a scale between 1 to 10 how assertive are you? And how confident are you for me right now it's a three. And now if I put my shoulders back and I opened my chest, it's almost 8 to 9 to 10. Why? Because the posture with influence, your assertiveness and your confidence level. Why? Because someone who is assertive and confident will have disposed to here. So it means that if you adopt the posture off someone who is assertive, guess what you will become. A search it and you will have the body language. The 93% that will be austerity. So that's when you will be communicating. People say, Oh, this person is a surgeon, so shoulders back, just open. You can also imagine that you are Superman and you have a cape that can really help you to have the great posture. The other one is deep breathing like you before you go toe meeting before you have to deal with conflict or before you have to state your opinion or your ideas to take three big beards to take three. Big breathe. So you inhaled by the nose and you exhale by the mouth. You don't raise your shoulders and you try to breathe with your belly. Try. That's with me right now, one to three, and you can already see that I'm more relaxed and more confident just by the power off deep breathing so you can use that any time that you need to become a confidence or become a search. The other one is the underwater moves. When someone will be, won't be confident. What they will do is that they will move a lot and it will be really fast, and the gestures will be uncontrolled. Like right now I'm really stressed and I'm talking to you. You can see here and not being a search of at all what I would like you to do is that you imagine that you are under water. How would you move on the water? How would you communicate underwater and you will see that you're moves will be slower and will be more controlled. And this is how someone who is assertive communicates. So right now I'm communicating with slow movements. So this is how confident and assertive person would behave. So imagine that you are under water. The next one is about your voice Because I know that some people who don't like to project the voice. And if you want to become a searching, you will have to talk a little bit louder and to project your voice. But it has to be in a non aggressive way. You don't want to be aggressive with your voice. You I just want to have a confident fume and friendly voice. And that doesn't fluctuate. It means that you don't want to have. Excuse me. Can I just add something toe the meeting you see here? We just want to have Excuse me, Can I just add something to the meeting? And it has to be a confident voice. And this here is a huge part off the nonverbal parts. So I encourage you to to listen toe assertive people and too confident people and try to pick the sternal voice off confidence and assertiveness. The other one is I contract. So this one here is really important if you want to become a search, if you must learn how to maintain eye contact. So if you want toe break eye contact when you are being a searching, never look down because it shows that the other person is no dominance than you. Break the eye contact to the right or to the left, and you would see that people will respect you more if you learn how to maintain eye contact. If you are not used and you're not comfortable maintaining eye contact, you can look at the Arab rose. So it's something that works really well, and people won't notice the difference, so it will give them the illusion that you are maintaining eye contact. So, just to be clear here, district that I'm giving you about the Arbroath is if you're not comfortable maintaining eye contact, maintain real eye contact is more powerful that just looking at the eyebrows. But it's something that can really help you, and this one here is optional. It's depending on the situation. If you have a serious conflict with someone, maybe you don't want to smile. Or maybe you do. It all depends on the situation. If you want to ask you co workers to do some extra work, some extra work, maybe it's great to go there and ask them with a smile. They will appreciate it. So what I encourage you to do is to smile often, but don't smile too much. Also, don't be always smiling too much. Otherwise, people won't take you seriously. He had has to be a balance between assertiveness and smile, and it's really difficult to show you this balance through video, but I would like you to experience it. Try to start smiling when you are assertive a little bit and see how people react to you. Do they take you seriously So they do what you ask and try to find the right balance between becoming assertive and smile. So, to recap, what is really important here is the posture. Adoptive Superman posture Brief. DP Imagine that you're on the water. Imagine that you have a strong and powerful voice, but it's not an aggressive voice, you maintain eye contact, and depending on the situation, I would say most of the time you can smile. 7. Assertiveness Feedback Cards: So now we like to talk to you about the feedback cards. So the feedback cards is something where you can write your assertiveness, techniques, tools and how you responded to people so you can write it. So, for example, you can you can buy a journal. You can write that on your phone on a piece of paper. So this is what I would like. You, right? The situation What? When, where, Who, Your response, How you felt and a more assertive response. Let me explain. Let's say that you at work and then you have your your boss that that comes and he asked you to do some extra work on Saturday. And you're like, Yes, sure. And you don't really want to do it because you have a family dinner. Let's say that you answered Yes, sure, but I would like you to do is just write down on a piece of paper. Your journal on your phone, the situation. So what? So when where Who? So my boss came to my office today and he asked me to work on Saturday. My response. I said yes, how I felt. I felt terrible inside because I have this family dinner, and next time the more assertive response would be to say, for example, um, I I understand that there are some work to do, but on such a day, I have an important family dinner. But what I can do is that I can stay up. I can stay late this Friday or this Thursday night to finish the work. You see, like this response here would have been much better than dressing. Yes. And, um, going against what you want it So you can use this feedback cards to any situation in your life a new personal life or professional life. And the more you do it, the more you practice, the more you will be able to become assertive. Because maybe right now you're not really assertive, and I will give you the techniques. And maybe you won't really know how to use them. So if every day that you have a situation where you were not able to be assertive, you write it down and you think and you and you just take time toe right down a better response next time that the same situation would appear, you will know how to communicate in a more assertive way 8. Express Yourself: Speak Up, Share Your Ideas & Opinions, Express What You Want: So now let's talk about how you can speak up, how you can share your ideas, your opinions with people, how you can express what you want, how you can express how you feel, how you can express your needs and your rights with people. So I will be sharing with you. Hear the techniques that I use, and I will also be giving examples. But what I would encourage you to do is to really think about how you can apply these tools and techniques to your situation. Do you have a situation at work where you would like to express yourself more to share your ideas, your penance and really think about how you can apply them to your situation? So let's stop. The first technical would like to share with you. Here is empathy. Empathy means that you understand the other person's point of few. You understand why the person did that. You understand the other person situation. You understand how the person felt. You try toe, understand their word. You try to understand where they come from and why they did. Why what they did so an example off empathy could be if you would like to ask someone to do some extra work. You could just say hi. I understand that you have a lot to do, but I would like to ask you to do this work because it's really important. Another thing it could be. I understand that it's late. I understand that you have a meeting in five minutes. I understand that you are not feeling really well today, but I would like to ask you that. And you can see here that empathy would really help you when you will express what you want . Anyone, you will talk to people because people will feel understood. So how to use empathy is that you dressed states the situation off the person, but it has to be relevant. And how can you know when it's relevant or not? It will be experienced. So for you, I would like just to use your social intuition and you're your social. I would say you're so shut your social intuition when you will be talking to someone and you know that for example, someone has a difficult situation or you see that they want to leave or use. You see that they have some extra work to do You just say I know that you have a lot to do . I know that we already discussed that the other day. I know that you already stated your opinion and what you want it, but I would like to say that So use empathy. It's really powerful. The other one here. She's emotional mastery. So emotional mastery means that you are in charge off your emotions and something that you must be aware off is that if someone comes at you and says something that makes you angry, are you are really nervous inside or you really have negative emotions. Instead, off replying right away and saying things or doing things that you really regret later, you could just say, Listen, I don't want to give you an answer Now I just want to take some time to relax and think about that in here. When you want to express yourself, If someone pressures you to give an answer or they are being aggressive towards you, can you can just say, Listen, I want to take some some time to reflect and to really analyze the situation. You don't need to answer right away, because if you're really emotional. You may say yes too often or you may say things that you'll regret later, so we'll talk a little bit of our about that later. But really, I just wanted to show you here the concept off emotional mastery toe the dress. Master Yuan emotions and don't act if you are feeling nervous, because I'm sure that you have already felt angry and you said things or did things to people that you regret later. So this is here. When you express yourself, you must take care off your emotions, and that's really important. When you will express yourself. I would like you to be calm and confident. Don't be aggressive. Remember aggressive means that your value needs over other people like you to have a calm and confident voice and you will communicate to people. And you will be expressing your opinions, your ideas, stating what you want in a calm and confident way. You will master your emotions and you will show them that you understand their point of the other part here is that when you will be sharing your ideas or your opinions, you will be communicating your preferences and maybe the other person. We like it or not, but that's not in your control. What is in your control is that you communicate your performances. You cannot control how the person will react, but you can control how you share and how you express yourself, your ideas and your opinions. Also, when you express yourself, sometimes you have to express your boundaries and the consequences. So, for example, here, if someone is making fun of you and there you are interacting with someone, let's say it's in your personal life and you are with people that you meet in a bar and they're making fun of you. You can just say, OK, listen, I just would like you to respect me if you make fun off me again in the future, how we live, you have expressed your boundaries and the consequences. Another example would be sure I in the company you're working in a company and someone is not doing the work, or there are constantly arriving late and have already talked with that person. So they know that they're doing something wrong, something that you could do that you could express yourself. For example, you could use empathy. You could say I understand that you live really far away from your work. But what I would like you to do you communicate your professes is that you really arrive here on time. Otherwise people will know otherwise you will. You won't be able to attend the meetings and then you will miss on information, important information. So next time that you arrive late, there will be some consequences. And you could you use it like that. But it has to be framed in a way that the person really understands the consequences and the boundaries. Okay, so this one here is optional. But it's something that you can use. So just right now, with the information that I'm giving you here, I would like you to inspire you to just at that Here what they said tow your case to your situation and to really think about how you can adapt. That he's on here is an important part when you will be stating what you want. Your Penis, any ideas. It's about talking in terms, off benefits and how you would remove being. You will always talk about the benefits that they will get and the pain that it will be removed. The benefits that it can be, the benefits that they can get for something that they care, the benefits for relationship, the benefits for the company, the benefits for you, for me and you also, you can also show them the pain that will be removed for something they care for a relationship, for the company, for you. For me, let's say that you want to share an idea. You could just say I totally understand your point of view. So it's empathy. So you are calm and relaxed. You will communicate your preferences. I think that may be a better way to do it or a different way to do it would be to do it like that, like that, like that. So that's it. Can, um, it can make it so that it can make safe time to the company. We can save some money, and also it will remove a lot of stress from people around us. You see, like everyone like every moment that you are sharing an opinion and an idea of like you to have this framework or off. When I'm sharing something, I'm always showing the other person the benefits that they will get from my idea and the pain that will be removed if they adopt my idea. And this is really key here. So when you also express yourself on, you would like to ask someone to do something. Let's say that you like toe. Ask a coworker to come to a meeting and they don't They're not really motivated, so you can say and during the heaven and they have a lot of work. You can say I understand that you have a lot of forage. You communicate your preferences. But I would really like you to come with me toe these meeting so that you can understand how to do you work faster and maybe save some time. If it's a meeting about time management, you have to make relevant for them it It has to be relevant for them and have to understand the benefits that they would get and the pain that will be removed. So it's really, really important here. So now I've left to show you how you can share your ideas and opinions with examples and then express what you want and you need. So if you have to express your ideas I would always start, in my opinion, or I have an idea, in my opinion. And then you can use empathy. For example, you can use in my for example. In my opinion, I would do something like that. But I totally understand your point of view. The boat. I totally understand you point a few is empathy. And then you you must give a reason. Because when you state your opinion, people want to know why people want to have reasons so that they can understand better. If you just give your opinion and you don't understand why most of the time they will understand why, because they won't have a reason behind that. So always giving a reason is great. And remember, you talk in terms off benefits and in the cost that can be removed. So, for example, I am at a meeting, and I would like to state my opinion. What I would do is that, in my opinion, I think a different way to do that would be this way here. I totally understand you point a few, and I thought that I understand why you said that this is empathy. I'm saying that because I saw the numbers last year and this is what I noticed. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, in my opinion, it will help the company save $100,000 at the same time it will. It will help people become more productive, and it will also remove a lot of stress. It will also remove a lot of costs and blah blah, blah. And this is how you share your ideas and opinions. You can see here that the framework that I'm using here is really powerful. And you can use that even at home. It means that if you are with your your partner and, um, they they say you shouldn't go out tonight And your opinion is that you should go out tonight. So what, You can see that, in my opinion, I really want to go out tonight because I'm seeing this friend that I haven't seen in a long time. And for you, it's great because you can spend time along home and you can relax and you can maybe invite a friend over. You can You can maybe take time for yourself and, uh, yeah, you know what? Actually talk in terms of benefits and the person will understand and say, Oh, yeah, maybe, maybe yes, maybe not. That's if you don't really control this behavior. You control your behavior when you're expressing ideas and opinions. Now, when you have to express what you want and your needs, I would like you to use these elements here. The name the What's that? Because the when and you will thank you and we talk in terms of benefits and in terms, off costs. Let's say that you are at work and you would like toa ask you bus for some time off. I would like Toa have a vacation on Thursday. So you could just say, Mr Mr Smith, I would like to ask you to have a vacation on Thursday because I have these important thing in my life right now. So, yeah, when it's on Thursday, would that be possible for you? And then you talk also in terms off benefits and in cost. So in this case here, you can talk about the benefits that this vacation will give you. You can you can talk about how you would feel about about, um, how you how you will be able to relax. How would be able to do something that is important to you? And in this case, yeah. I don't really see the cost that you could be removing. Maybe you may be. You know, Acosta can be removed from this example and that case right now, I don't really see, but I would like you just to have this frame are here Another example is like, you would like someone toe have, ah give you a report by 6 p.m. You can say, Mr Smith, I would like you to give these reports by 6 p.m. Because tomorrow we have an important clients. Um, and the benefits that can be. For example, if it's in an intern, you could tell you could tell the person and for us create because you can have more experience writing reports and the cause that can be removed is that if you learn how to write reports now, later you will have less working, you will become more effective. And for our company is great and you talk in terms off course that can be removed. And then you say please or thank you so you can see here its owner about using this frame of here using empathy and just being nice to people friendly to people. You're not aggressive when you talk to talking to people are just expressing your preferences in this framework. So now I encourage you to think about your situation, about how you could communicate with people. And at first it can be difficult because you don't really know in your not family are with that. But I would encourage you to write it down. So I say that, for example, the more you like to express what she wants and your needs with your coworkers, how would you frame it with these frame are here. Let's see that more You'd like to share your ideas in their opinions with your co workers? What would you do? How would you say And you write it down so that when the situation will present itself, you will be able to deal with that. Just toe. Be clear here. You don't need to use all the elements. Okay? Sometimes you can just use different here design here and this one here and sometimes you can talk about the benefits about the cost. Sometimes you can use empathy. Sometimes you can just use the name, the what's the when, because and remove the the benefits and thank you, and you can combine also elements. So that's what that's the beauty of it is that you can combine, but I would like you to develop your own style of communication and to take the elements that are here and here. Emotional mastery, empathy, communicating account a confident way. Set boundaries and consequences if necessary. Communicated preferences and talking terms, off benefits and pain and the pain that can be removed for something. The care for relationship, for the company, for you and for me. And this is how you can express yourself in the best way with the best communication to its . 9. Provide Helpful Feedback To Others: Okay, so now let's talk about how you can provide helpful feedback to others. Let's say that you are team leader or you would like to give feedback to someone to you co workers or to any other person. How can you do it? So the first thing that you should always do is used empathy and value their needs. So as you can see these two techniques here, I used all the time. So use empathy and you value the need. It is that when you will be giving feedback, you will tell them that you understand that they did the best. You understand that they had this difficult situation home. You understand that you understand that you understand that and you talk about the situation. I would give you examples later. But first, I'd like to show you all the alliance You want to be honest about what is relevant. For example, if you start telling someone that they draw like a five year old child or something like that, if, for example, they have to paint something and have to draw something and you just let them know you know what, you you drove like a five year old child. This is giving feedback, but it's not helpful because it's not really event to say that. So you must really give the feedback about what is relevant. What is relevant is that they don't have, they don't know how to draw. And this is a better feedback that you will give them the dress say, Hey, my my five year old child, he draws better than you. It's not real event here. You must really be honest about what is relevant, but it's about what is relevant. Here is the drawing skills and you don't need to talk about your about a child that drones bad and that done them. It's not relevant to the situation. The other one is when you are providing feedback, you want to give feedback. Want one. You don't want to give feedback in front of other people's what you want to do with. Just for example, called The person are scheduled meeting with them and give the feedback 1 to 1. And you want also to give the feedback on a behavior that can be changed because if you're if you give feedback on a personality trade, it will be difficult to change, and you don't even know if the personals to change. But if you give feedback, for example, on an action they did, or on something that they did related to the work, for example, it will be a feedback that would be more helpful. And you have to be honest about what is relevant. So now what are the five steps to giving feedback? The first step is to start with something positive or the time when you are giving feedback . Always say, for example, you're giving feedback about the presentation. You can say I really liked When you did this part here, your presentation was overall good. I really like the introduction. I relaxed 0.3. I think you did that really well. You did that Well, I think that was excellent. And then when you would start giving feedback of like you to be specific ends tohave a positive framed feedback by By that, I mean, and there is something that you can maybe improve, you can maybe have a conclusion that has that is a better summary. Or you could say, and there is something that you could do even better. It's maybe in 0.3. You could try this example instead off this example here, so you are specific and you are positive framed feedback. It means that instead of saying what what? What you did wrong was that you can say what you can do better is that what you can improve is that and the way that we perceive your feedback. It would be better for them because they will accept. It's more so If you want to give feedback so that it can impact them, it has to be framed positively with what you can improve. What you can do better, for example, are too great sentences to use. The other point is that you can talk about why it happened because you're giving feedback about, for example, poor job performance off. For example, if you are giving feedback about something that the person did that work, you can ask why it happened, because knowing the reason knowing why the person did that or how the person behaved that way is important so that you can understand better why it happened. And also you can ask these this question, Um, what's what can you do toe improve these these actions or in this case, what can you do to improve the presentation? You can always ask what you can improve because that's create to deliver the feedback here in the positive framed way and maybe ask why it happened. But then it's also important toe. Know how they can improve the behavior so you can tell them how they can improve all you can ask them and it's even better. How do you think you can improve that? So now let's talk about the last one. The last one is optional, but it's something that sometimes you have to do. Sometimes you have to show the person that's there will be consequences if they don't improve the behavior. So sometimes you can just inspire the person to improve the behavior and show them why. It's important and really give them feedback valuable feedback so that can inspire them to change. But sometimes you will see that the person doesn't change, and over and over again they don't really care. And what you can do is you can show consequences so you can say that if the person arrives late again, you will tell their boss or there will be other consequences so sometimes you can use that , so he give you the formula to provide helpful feedback. So I my question to you is how can you apply that to your situation, to your life, to really become able to give and to provide helpful feedback toe others. So think about the situation where you have to provide feedback and just write it down. According to these elements here, the feedback that you would give to people and you will become good at providing feedback if you use these elements here. 10. Receive Negative Feedback, React & Defend Yourself When Criticized: So now let's talk about how you can receive negative feedback and how you can deal with that if there is if it's a feedback that is here to hurt you, or if it's really someone that is trying to give you feedback. So my first advice that I would like to give you is that when you receive feedback and design here is really important about emotional mastery. It means that when someone will give you feedback, sometimes they will try to make you react to what they say or to make you angry or to make you feel bad and what is really important that you are in control of your emotions. It means that if someone gives you a feedback and it's really a shock for you or you are angry, you are nervous. You can just thank the person for the feedback, and you would just say that you will think about it before giving an answer or before stating your opinion on that. It's something that can degrade because if you're really, really emotional, you don't want to say things or do things that you will regret later, so you can use this emotion and master He is he just about And they're standing that when you were emotional, you don't communicate as well as when you're calm, relaxed and confident. And sometimes people we've tried toe hurt you is their feedback. And it's really important. Toe have this emotional mastery. So relax. When someone gives you feedback of the huge fully relax and listen to them. You don't want to. We want to avoid retaliation. Why is that? Because some people we just say, Hey, Alan, you are really nervous today. What? I'm not never there. Say you see you are you are yelling. They will try to provoke you so that you make a mistake. But I will try to provoke, provoke you toe have a behavior, for example. They can say, for example, you don't have patience. Eso will tell you You know what Alan's you never have patients. What? I have patients. See, you are yelling so you don't want to answer right away. You want to hold back to dressed, become and have this emotional mastery here? That's what I'm saying. I'm saying that it's really, really important. So let's discuss the to options here. If someone wants to hurt you like. Their feedback is only to hurt you. There is one way to answer that, and it's basically you ignore it verbally and non verbal. Let's status example from your from my personal life. So I was with a group of friends and I had someone that I didn't know. That dress came and said something really mean to me. Really mean like it was almost an insult. And this person said, The insult and all my friends and everyone turns at me to just to see my reaction. And because the person that wanted to hurt me and to give this negative feedback they wanted me to react. They wanted me to say, Oh my God and the off guard and really try to answer back and try to come from him And what I said I ignored. I ignored. And then I start talking again to the other person. I ignored the person. I ignored the comments and the person was God. It said what? The person did an answer, and he lost. So you have to answer. You have to ignore the person verbally and non verbally, because if you if you don't say something, it's great because you have ignored it. But you also must show that the person that you were not hit but what the person said so in that case and the person insulted me, I had no physical reaction and I did as it's as if I didn't hear it. So in that case, the person stopped. If the person would continue, I would just become a searching and use their searches ness techniques and say, Listen, I know that you are You are trying to give me negative feedback or trying to hurt me verbally. I don't think it's going to work, so I encourage you to stop right now because you're just being mean to me and to all my friends, so you can decide it. You continue staying with us, but you become nice or you can leave. You see, it's about combining all the techniques in that moment in time. But what is important here that if someone wants to hurt you, don't try toe replicate and don't try toe answer toe their feedback to the negative feedback that is there to hurt you because they don't want to hear what you say that they just want to destroy you, and the best case is to ignore it. Ignore it and you would see that most people would stop, because if they're trying to hurt you and giving you negative feedback, they want to make you react to them so that they can continue destroying you. So if you don't react, they don't know how to act. So it's great now at work. Sometimes you I think that most of the time you won't receive really fit back that is there to hurt you. If it's there to hurt you, maybe use your intuition to see if you can ignore it or if you can dress, address it with the person and use the assertiveness techniques. Now. The second option here is if a boss or someone is really trying to give you feedback, how can you react to that? The other thing is to ask for clarification, and precision goes. Most people are awful at giving feedback. It means that they will just say, I just have to give you this feedback. Here you work was not great. It's not precise and so you can ask for clarification and precision to understand. What about the work has to be improved. So always ask about clarification so that you can really understand the situation and the behavior that you did that was not great. So always ask for clarification. You can say thank you because if someone wants to really give you a genuine feedback, you can thank them for giving youth full far for giving you the opportunity to become a better person. So if someone gives you a feedback that is really helpful, just say thank you. You can also explain why it happened. You can explain why you were not confidence during the presentation. Maybe you can just explain that you didn't prepare well or something has happened, but giving a reason about why you did that behavior That was not great. It is sometimes important because then the person that is giving the feedback and understand why you did that take responsibility. It means that if someone gives you feedback about something that you did wrong dressed, take responsibility. If it was your fault, say it's my fault. I think 1% responsibility for what happened. You must take responsibility. Don't say Oh, it was the other person. If it was the other person says you can. You can say that it's the other person. But if it was, your fault says you have to say that it's your fault and then you can talk about the action steps to fix it. So, for example, you are giving feedback. Someone is giving you feedback and you can see Okay, I think that he understand what you said. I know more about the feedback, so it's a little bit more precise. I told you why it happened. I'm 100% responsible and the action that I will be taking to fix it is 123 so that the person becomes happy because they gave you feedback to improve. And you said that it's your responsibility. You explain what happened and now you are showing them that you will improve this behavior . All these the's action that has to be improved and he's one here is also optional, but you can use in your head off like you to ask yourself this question. Is the person qualified to give me the negative feedback? Is there Do I want to change and does it happen often because if you have someone that is not qualified to give you the feedback. Don't take it seriously that if the person doesn't know you and it is judging you and the person is giving and they get to fit back and you see that the person is not qualified to give you feedback, ignore it. Don't take you to tow account and the questions like Do you want to change? Because they can give you feedback on something that you like about yourself, or about something that you don't want to change? So always have that in mind also. And does it happen often? Because if it just happened once, maybe it was just luck or it was just bad luck. But if it was a behavior that happened often, maybe it's something that you should take into account. So it's up to you to decide how you want to take this feedback. So that was it. Here, how you can receive feedback, emotional mastery. He must become and confident, relaxed. Avoid retaliation. Avoid, I would say, avoid answering immediately after because they want you to react and they want toe amplify these negative emotions. And if the one wants to hurt you, ignore it verbally and nonverbally. If someone is really trying to give you feedback, you can ask for clarification. Precision. Thank the person, explain what happened, take responsibility for its, explained the action steps to fix it and ask yourself in your mind. Is the person qualified to give me the feedback? So I want to change and does it happen often? So now it's your turn to take. He's one here and to think about the situation where someone gave you feedback one time when they tried to hurt you. And one time when they're trying to give you feedback. And I would like you to write down the answer that you gave, and I would like you to write down a better answer, a more assertive answer with this techniques here so that you can start implementing the techniques that I'm giving you. 11. Learn To Say No: So now let's talk about how you can learn to say no. So maybe you say yes too often, when someone asks you something or when someone has a request, you tend to say yes too often, maybe because you want to be loved. You want to be nice, but sometimes it's important. Really Say no because you have your priorities and you have something that is important in your life. And sometimes you don't want to change your plans. So what? I'm a six Best advice on how you can learn to say no. The 1st 1 is that you must define what is important and what is not. For example, someone comes to your office and they ask you to do some extra work. So if you have your priorities and you know that you have to deliver report by four PM and someone comes and says, Hey, can you do this extra work? Um, right now, you should be able to say no, because what is important to me right now is to write this report for that for that, clients by four PM, and so you must decide what is important and what is not so when someone asks you, Do you want to do that or ask your question? Always ask Yousef this question. What is important to you? If, for example, you have a family dinner and your boss ask you toe to stay late to finish work and what is really important to you is your family dinner. You can just tell you bus. I understand that there is a lot off work, so use empathy. And then you say. But tonight I have an important dinner, and for me it's important to spend time with my family. What I can do, that I can arrive early, early tomorrow and then I can finish the work. You know, it's always about knowing what it's important to you and what is not. The second adviser here is that if you don't know the answer, don't answer yet. If someone asked you a question and you don't know if you want to say yes or no, don't answer, because if you don't know the answer, people tend to say yes. So it's important, really. If you don't know the answer, just tell the person that you need a little bit of time to think about it. This one here is the broken recall technique. It means that if someone asked you a question, maybe they want to see if you are able to say no often and they won't try to see if they can make you change your mind. So it happened to me yesterday with a friend of mine. Hey, wanted to invite me toe party on? I really didn't want to go because there were people that I didn't want to see their So hey said, Hey island, you want toe? Come two more to go to this party. I'm sorry, but I can't. I I have a lot of work to do, and that's us. True. So I told him Sorry, I have to work, have toe, have to finish this design and training. And he said yes, but it would be recreated. You want to come tomorrow? Say thank you for asking, but I really have a lot of work. I have to finish this online training. Yeah, but I know. But you know, like it will be great. It's a great party. Are you sure you don't want to come? You know, I have a lot off work and It's not really the best moment right now. Thank you for asking. And he continued asking the question five time and five times addressed. Answer this a variation off the same answer. So it's a broken record kick. If someone comes to your office and they ask you to do their work because they have, they don't have time. And they would ask you, Could you do that for me? You can say, Oh, I'm sorry. I have I'm busy right now. I have to do some work. The person we ask again. Yes, but I Sure it's really important for me. I really need that. Yes. Sorry. I can't. I have I have to do that for clients. Yeah, but you don't understand. It's really important. Can you do that for me? Please understand that it's important for you, but I really need to get this worked on. Yes, but police do it for me. I totally understand. It's important, but I can't do that right now. You know, you continue repeating the same thing over and over again and you have a vibration off it. But you still use empathy. It means that you understand that their situation is important. You understand that they have a lot off work. You always use empathy with that. Don't wait for approval When you say no, don't say no and see if they accept the behavior. Just say no. I'm sorry. I can't. I'm busy. I have other priorities. And when you say that you don't wait for the approval, you dressed way. Just state your preferences and you let it go. OK, this is important. Don't explain why in depicts. Because if someone asked you to say something and then you start explaining why you can't that we try to find a solution to help you with your objection. Let's say that you can't. You can't drive them to the airport tomorrow because they have a lot of work to do. So then they can say, Oh, yeah, that's that's awesome. I can I can stay late today and help you with your work so that two more morning you can drive me to the airport, So give a small explanation, but not in detail. Just say that you have all the work you have other things to do. It's not a priority to you right now or you are busy with the clients. Don't give them too many too much details because then they can use that against you and try to solve the objection that that you are giving them. And when you are saying no to someone, we are rejecting the request, not the person. When you say no to someone, you're not saying no to the person. But just a note what the person asked you to do for It's a small difference here, but it just for people who are not comfortable saying no. If you're not saying no to someone, just say no toe the worst that they are saying and this is a distinction here. So my challenge to you is this week of like you toe say no to someone and use the broken record technique. Do they find what is important to you and what is not to say it without waiting for approval? Don't explain why, indeed tastes and understand that you are rejecting the request, not the person. I'd like you to start applying these techniques here 12. Deal With Conflicts, Deal With Confrontation, Challenging Situations: So now let's talk about how you can deal with conflicts in your personal life and your professional life. So first, I would like to show you a way to avoid having conflicts. It's about paraphrasing to prevent conflicts, because what you usually happen is that the person will say something, for example, which say a and the person understand be and the person does something else, and then the person here, I think that they're not respecting them, that they are not listening. And that's how conflicts arise. It's because off the lack off communication most of the time it's because off that so, in order to avoid having the conflicts, because off the poor communication it's important that when someone tells you to do something, you can just repeat what they said with your words. For example, if someone tells you to do a B C D E A, you can just say OK, so just to be sure I have to do that than to do that than to do that than to do that, I am I right. And then the person who say yes, no. So then you are sure that you really understood what the person said. Because motor, most of the time the person is here. The person thinks that you know the same information as they do, and most of the time it's not the case. So that's why it's really important toe. Ask then to clarify something if you didn't understood or repeat what they said with your own words, to be sure that you understood it well, Tow. Avoid this kind of conflict here due to poor communication. And it happened to me a few years ago when I was working as an entrepreneurial assistant at the University of Lausanne. The professor asked me to do something and they understood something else, and I did something that was wrong and then cc he came in. We had we had the conflict because I said you told me to do that, said no. I wanted you to do that and we didn't understood what we didn't understand each other. So it's really important to always repeat what the person said Now what are the six steps to deal with conflicts in your personal and professional life? The 1st 1 is that you must define the problem and the outcome you want to any problem to any conflict that you have. You must be clear about what the problem is. What is the problem? The problem? What? The problem is that it's too noisy. The problem is that the work is not done. What is something that you want? You want to have the reports by 6 p.m. On your desk? What do you want? You want to go out tonight? What do you want? The outcome that you want is to have that. So with the conflict that you have right now, if you have one, think about what the problem isn't. Write it down. Write with your own words to define what the problem is and the meaning that the problem has to you and define What do you want? You have a conflict with local walker. Let's say that I have a conflict because off attain a timetable. And so you write down The problem that you have is that he always chooses the best time to work. And then you have to work late at night. So this is the problem. What is the outcome? That you want the outcome, that you want it, that he becomes more fair when he chooses his hear his time to work. So this is the outcome that you have. Okay, I would like you to see the big picture, and that can help avoid a lot of conflicts. Also, let's say that you are the boss and you ask a coworker to give you a report by 6 p.m. And now it's 6 30 and you see that the report is not there. Instead, off going and started yelling at the person saying, Where is the report with the report? You didn't. You didn't do the work that I asked you. You try to see the big picture first, and you tell yourself that maybe there was something that came up. Maybe there was something more important. Or maybe something happened. So instead of going and yelling at him, what you can do is that you can ask him in a calm and confident way why he didn't give you the report and he may explain that his boss or his director, he told him to do something that was more important and that she was finishing the reporting that that she would give it at 7 p.m. So instead of yelling and being aggressive towards people directly, try to understand if there is a big picture. If there is something that came up, maybe it's not what you think, and that can help you avoid a lot of conflicts. Another three. What are you willing to negotiate? What are you not willing to negotiate? It means that let's say that someone arrives the office and they ask you to do todo some work and you don't want because you have other priorities and you start having a conflict with this person. What are you willing to negotiate? So you're not waiting toe. Do the work by four PM, but maybe you are willing to do the work in one week or two more or the day after, see what you are willing to negotiate. Another example is, for example, if you are having a conflict with your wife and let's say that you are men watching this video and you have a conflict with your wife, and your wife says you can't go out tonight. What you are willing to negotiate is, for example, the time when you will go out. Maybe you can say OK, I'm not going out tonight, but this weekend I'm going out with my friends. So instead of having a conflict and say, Okay, I don't I have wanted to go out tonight. I don't care about your opinion. Can say OK, I'm willing to negotiate and I'm not going out tonight. I'm staying with you. But next Friday I will go out with my friends. So always ask yourself this question before going and talking to the person. So what's the problem? Is the outcome that you want to try to see the big picture and understand, for example, why you wife wants you to stay home? Maybe it's because you're not taking care off your wife. Try to think about the big picture and the motivations behind the conflict, and then ask yourself the question. What are you willing to negotiate and negotiate? Maybe you are willing to stay home for her. That's great. That's awesome. All made. You want to go through your friends? Empathy. Always use empathy when you are talking to people. So I'm I'm saying that over and over again, I always use I understand your point of view. I understand that you want me to stay home tonight. I understand that you have a lot of work to do. You show that you understand their point of view, and now you can communicate here. So this is really powerful. Here is what I call the fact feelings and desire. So, um, let's industry that with, um, someone that I arrived late to an important meeting. OK? The fact that you arrived late made me feel uncomfortable towards the clients. So what I would like you in the future is to text me or call me if you are late. You use here the facts. So you describe the situation, The feelings is how you felt. And the desire is how you want the person to behave in the future. Let's take another example. The person did a mistake. So the fact that you did a mistake at work in this situation made made me feel blah, blah, blah. And what I would like you in the future is to try to be more Toby. More concentrate when you are doing your work so that you can avoid his mistakes. Okay, so this is number five. It's really useful, and I encourage you to use it to your own situation and number six year. When you are having a conflict with someone you want to find a solution, not win an argument. It means that even if you're wrong, you can say that you are wrong. What you want to have is to find a solution. Remember, you want to have the outcome that you want, you want to find a solution. And maybe the solution is not the outcome that you want because you were willing to negotiate. But you are not trying to prove the other person that they are wrong. Because if you do that, you will always be having conflict with people. And it's not something that is great. So, um, here we have seen that it's important, to paraphrase, to prevent conflicts. So always when someone tells you to do something and gives you a step by step order, you just say, OK, this is step one Step two, Step three am I right? I understood that I am I right and always asked to clarify if you didn't understand. If you have a conflict, always defined the problem, an outcome that you want before interacting with people. See the big picture. Maybe there is something that happened or something that you're not a way off. So instead of being aggressive, just ask your the person what happened. Number three. They find what you're willing to negotiate and non negotiate. For example, if there are things that you don't want to negotiate, say I I don't I can't negotiate on the things. But these are the terms that I could adapt empathy, always understand your the person's feelings, Motivation and earnest understand that people are human. So sometimes the well do things or say things based on the needs are. Maybe they made a mistake and maybe there are wrong, and maybe they would tell you that they are wrong so you can use empathy and thank them for for being honest with yourself, for example, and hear how you express yourself with the fact with the feelings and the desire. The fact that you did that made me feel that and what I would like you in the future is to do that. And here you are. Don't want to win an argument. You want to find a solution, so this frame are here. You can use the new personal and professional life. So what I encourage you to do now is to take this frame, are here and apply that toe a situation that you have and you will be able to deal with conflicts effectively. 13. Reduce Negative Emotions & Discomfort When Talking To People: So now let's talk about how can reduce discomfort and negative emotions when you're talking to people when have confrontation when you're dealing with comfort. So the first advice I'd like to give you here is that conflicts are part off life. It means that there are some people that you will get along with. There are some people that you were like that you won't like. There are some people who won't share the same point of future sisters the same values as you as you. And it's important to understand that you will have conflicts in life and by knowing that you understand that it's part off life now, I'm not saying that you should seek conflicts and confrontation. I'm just saying that you live your life according to your values to who you are, what is important to you know what? You want to watch what you need and you see what happens. There's some people that will have a confrontation with you. There are some people who won't share the same opinions, and they say, Okay, I understand that you don't have the same opinions as mine. I'm great with that. As long as you understand who you are. You understand your values. You understand what you want out oflife you will at you. You will stop tryingto win conflict, win arguments with just understand that this is who you are and people have to like you for you are or not, but you will have complex with people and sparked off life. For example, in my case, I have people who think that it's amazing to be a coach in an entrepreneur and have people who say, Alan, why don't you have a secure job? I'm just saying this is who I am. So I'm trying to avoid conflict with people just by saying This is who I am. This is what I want is that it is My passion is my interest is what I want in my life. This is what I need and this is who I am. Now it's up to you to like it or not. By having these attitude here, you will be able to avoid a lot of conflicts and be proud of yourself because you cannot please everyone. The only thing that the only person that you can really pleases yourself because you don't really know with the actions that you are taking. If people will like you're not. But you can know if the actions that you are taking our true to you. So it's really important here when you're talking to people and you have this confrontation is negative feelings. You can decide at any moment how you feel, and I encourage you to feel confident and positive emotions. So whatever you focus on is what you feel. So for example, you are having a conflict with someone and you are feeling bad right now. You could just change your focus and feel better. And how do you do that? It takes a little bit of practice, but if you do that home often you will be able to change your feelings instantly. So I would you like to do just to close your eyes for a few seconds and to remember a happy a positive memory and imagine that you are the actor. What is around you. You try to relieve the scene, you try to relieve the memory and then you will start experiencing positive emotions and they were like you toe amplify them and if you do that often, you will be able to switch your emotions really quickly. In my case, I can go now from someone who is really happy to someone who is depressed in a few seconds because I've trained my body to do that and what they encourage you to do is to be a happier positive in a confident person or the time. How do you do that? You just always remember times when you did something happy, something great, something that made your confidence and you reinforce it over and over again. And as you as you get used to experiencing these emotions, you will be able to trigger them when you need. So let's say that you are having a confrontation with someone, and instead of being angry, you could be grateful. Instead of being angry, you could be more positive and say, OK, listen, I understand your point off you, but let's let's do something. Let's try this solution instead and let's see what happened. You will be able to find better solutions to conflict if you're feeling confident and positive rather than angry and negative, so taking control of your emotions, it's something that is really difficult and takes time. That's why I included you to practice at home and to go from one emotion toe. Another try to go from a positive emotion toe, a negative emotion, positive, negative, positive, negative. And you do that often. And how you do that is with the focus. Whatever you focus on is what your feet. So right now in your life, if you're feeling negative, it's because you are focusing on events that are negative. You're focusing on negative things. You're focusing in problems instead of opportunities. You are focusing on the glass half empty instead of health food. So in any conflict, there is a new opportunity. In any conflict, there is a gift, and this is why it's important to be confident and positive when you are talking to people so that you can really find this gift in conflicts. The more you practice, the better you you will get at it, and the more comfortable you will be, the more you practice with giving helpful feedback, the more you practice getting feedback, the more you practice dealing with conflicts. The more you practice say no, the more comfortable you will become, and you will develop your own communication style because all the techniques that I have given you here are based on my communication style, and they work for everyone. But what I would like you to do is to take this techniques that you have seen here in the scores and to adapt them to your person. Ate it with your communication style, and that's how it will become really powerful. So go out and test the tools and techniques and you will become more comfortable, and at first it can be a little bit awkward. But it's the same thing with everything. If when we try something for the first time, it's always a little bit awkward, and my last advice here would be to be aware off the other person's emotion. But don't feel them. So the mistake that most people do is that the well feel what the person is feeling because they say, in order to understand the conflict about must feel what the person is feeling. But if you feel that the person is saying and if it's a negative emotion, you don't have an empowering state to deal with the conflict, So what you should do is just understand the emotions that the person have, but you don't need toe fever them. You just understand what the person is feeling and you come from confidence and positive state, and you can help them solve the conflict and it can communicate with them. So again, instead of feeling what the other person is feeling and feeling bad with them, you dressed understand what they are feeling. But you don't feel it. Use empathy to communicate their point of view. And you come from a confident and positive state so that you can help them. And this is my four advice on how you can reduce negative emotions. But it all comes down to being a happy human being more positive toe, take more actions towards what you really like. What you really enjoy. What makes you happy toe. Find out who you are, express who you are. Your boundaries express what you like, what you don't like and just have fun with your life. Just Justin, Right? So it was an honor to be here with you to give you these online training. So I'm here in Switzerland and you can see it is getting dark out there. I really enjoy doing that. And there is something that I would really I asked you to do is to think about how you can apply all this communication techniques because the communication techniques that you have here as they are the best communication techniques that you can find on the market. So if you have just watched the videos and you haven't taken any notes and you haven't ask yourself this question, how can I apply the communication techniques to my life? I incorrigible maybe, to watch the videos again and really do these exercise and ask yourself this question. How can I apply this communication techniques toe my life? So it was an honor to serve you and as a ways enjoy I wish you the best, and I wish you a lot of success in your life.