Double Your Assertiveness, Confidence & Communication Skills | Alain Wolf | Skillshare

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Double Your Assertiveness, Confidence & Communication Skills

teacher avatar Alain Wolf, Social Skills Consultant

Watch this class and thousands more

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

14 Lessons (2h)
    • 1. Welcome + What You Will Learn

      4:22
    • 2. What Is Assertiveness? Part 1

      5:20
    • 3. What Is Assertiveness? Part 2

      7:36
    • 4. Your Rights & Beliefs To Become More Assertive & Confident

      12:39
    • 5. Assertive Body Language

      14:06
    • 6. Assertiveness Feedback Cards

      3:21
    • 7. Express Yourself: Speak Up, Share Your Ideas & Opinions, Express What You Want Part 1

      11:38
    • 8. Express Yourself: Speak Up, Share Your Ideas & Opinions, Express What You Want Part 2

      11:03
    • 9. Provide Helpful Feedback To Others

      8:06
    • 10. Receive Negative Feedback, React & Defend Yourself When Criticized Part 1

      11:13
    • 11. Receive Negative Feedback, React & Defend Yourself When Criticized Part 2

      6:04
    • 12. Learn To Say No

      8:00
    • 13. Deal With Conflicts, Deal With Confrontation, Challenging Situations

      10:13
    • 14. Reduce Negative Emotions & Discomfort When Talking To People

      7:15
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About This Class

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN IN THIS COURSE:

- Learn Highly Effective Techniques To Deal With Any Conflict In Your Personal & Professional Life 

- Communicate With Assertiveness & Confidence    

- Reduce negative emotions & Discomfort When Communicating With People   

- Speak Up, Share Your Ideas & Opinions In A Persuasive, Calm & Positive Way   

- How To React & Defend Yourself When You Are Criticized   

- How To Receive Negative Feedback   

- Learn to Say NO When You Are Asked Unreasonable Requests Without Looking Selfish   

- Provide Feedback To Others While Looking Good & Friendly     

- Express What You Want & Your Rights With Integrity, Honesty & Respect For Others   

- How To Deal With Confrontation, Challenging Situations & Difficult People 

Take action right now an enroll in this online training to start your transformation!

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Alain Wolf

Social Skills Consultant

Teacher

 

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Transcripts

1. Welcome + What You Will Learn: Okay, awesome and welcome to this course. I'm really excited to have you here. So I would like to start here with what you will learn and then I will give you some recommendations on how you can make the most out of this course. You will learn everything related to assertiveness, confidence, and communication skills. In other words, how can you become a more confident person? How can you become assertive? Speak up, share your ideas, your opinion, deal with conflicts. Like, we'll see a lot of things in this course here. And let me show you exactly what you would see, how you can become a more assertive and more confident person. If right now, the things that you want to say, the things that she wants to do, but you are afraid of being rejected, unloved, or even if you're shy and you are not sure what to do, discourse will really help you. I will show you how you can speak up, share your ideas and opinions. Maybe it can be in a team meeting with your colleagues, with your friends at home. In any situation, you will learn the exact steps that you can use to speak up, share your ideas and opinions. You will learn how you can express as you want, your desires, your feelings, your dreams. How can you express what you want? And this one here is really powerful because if you understand that your life will go to another level, how you can provide feedback to other people. Maybe you're in a position where you have to provide feedback. Often like, how can you motivate people to change based on the feedback that you gave them. And you will see the best sequence, the best sequence of things that you should say to motivate them to change. And at the same time giving them the negative feedback and it sits an art, but I will explain it clearly. How can you receive negative feedback? So this one here could be someone is insulting you. Are someone genuinely wants to give you feedback they really want to do to improve. How can you receive this negative feedback and make the most out of it? And when it's someone that is insulting you, like how did you deal with that? How do you say no more often? This is a problem that most people have. They don't they're not used to say no because they don't want to hurt the other person that don't want to reject the other person. Maybe you think that it's rude to say no, you just want to please other people. It doesn't want to give, give, give to other people. Like how can you say no? We'll learn that. How can you deal with conflicts? So this one here is really interesting because I know that most people have conflicts. Interpersonal and professional life. I would say like everyone has conflicts. And the steps here that you've learned on how to deal with complex will be really important because you will learn the steps and then you can apply these steps to any situation in your personal or professional life. And also you will learn how you can reduce negative emotions. So if you are feeling stressed often, negative emotions, you feel shy or upset. I will show you how it can break through that and feel confident and positive emotions. So this one here is really powerful. So as you can see, this one here, I have the best communication techniques that you can find on the market. Literally, they are here. But there are some things that I would like to tell you is that some people will go through the course and say, yeah, but I already know that, but I already know that, but I already know that. The question is not do you already know that? Are you applying that? Because it's one thing to know as a technique to express what you want or that you have already heard it before. But are you actually using that technique? So the difference between knowing something and applying something, and even if you've heard it before, maybe it's through right now, it's the right time to just apply it. So take a piece of paper and a pen when you go through the course and you ask yourself this question, How can I apply that to my life? And you write it down, you learn this technique here on how to say no, how to deal with conflict and say, okay, I have this personal situation here. How can I apply it? And you write it down and you think you use the elements here, the sequences and the communication techniques that I will be sharing with you. And you use that TOO knife so that you will become a big success. Okay, are you ready? Let's go. 2. What Is Assertiveness? Part 1: Okay, so now let's talk about what is asserted as good or many people who want to alanine, how can I become receptive and what does it even mean to become more assertive? So let me explain what it is. I would like you to share what you want, what you need, and what you feel with respect and integrity. And this is one here is key. If you want to become our search, if you have to understand that. So you have your communication like what you share. But then there is also the needs of other people like the other side. So it means that when you share what you want, what you need, when you feel what you feel it will be about sharing your preferences. You'll be sharing these preferences with respect and integrity means that it will be valuing the other person and you will be respecting the other person. And this is the definition of assertiveness. So if you would like to become more assertive, share what you want, become at ease, sharing your needs, your wants, your desires. And understanding that the person in front of you needs respect and value their needs. Like understand that there is someone in front of you. So we'll see later at the different styles of communication. Like if you want to become aggressive, it means that you will put your knees above the other people. I don't want you to do that. I want you to share what you want need with respect and integrity. I would like you to treat others well because if I don't want to become a better leader and if you want to become more assertive, you have to understand that the way you treat people will impact like if we say yes or no to you and if there will be kind to you, and if you will be able to share your ideas, share what you want with others. So a great rule here would be about treating others the same way that you wish. Others would treat you. And this is one that is really interesting here because if you're in a situation and say, okay, how do I want the other to treat me? And this is how you will act and this is how you will act because you will treat others well, you must have good intentioned coefficient to become more assertive. You see like it's a power that you will get because you will be able to influence people. You will be able to have people to say yes more often to share your ideas, your opinions. And it's important that you understand that if you want it to work, basically, you must have in mind that you must treat others well. Us understand something. What is in your control is your behavior. Let's say that we are communicating. Most people think that I could control what you think. When most people think that when they are interacting with the boss or the colleagues with a co-worker that we have in the family. They think that they can control what the President would think of them. And this is an illusion. Let me explain why. If you're having an interaction, how much of the interaction do I actually control? I control 50% of the interaction and you control the other 50%. So it's an illusion to think that I control 100% of the interaction. And this is really key here. If you want to understand how you become a surgeon, you will show what you want need feel, and this is here in your 50%. It means that you will share what you want, what you need, what you feel, you share your ideas, your opinions. But then the other person has the rights, have the right to say yes or no, has the rights to give you feedback. The person has the right. And I want you to understand that being assertive is about being true to yourself and sharing what you want, what you feel. And it has to be in your 50% because it's the only behavior that can control. You cannot control the other person's behavior. You can try to influence them, but you cannot control them. So this is one is really key. Here. It's something you do, not something you are. And there are people who tell me, Allen, I, I want to become assertive, but I'm not an assertive person like I was not born that way. And it's not something that you are, it's something that you do is like playing sports. The more you play spots that the better you get it does the same thing with a certain method. I'm going to give you the best communication techniques that you will get. But I must, you must understand something that the more you practice this communication techniques and the better you will get at it. And this is why I'm so excited about this course here because anyone can become more assertive. It's all about understanding how to shift your mindset, your beliefs, and how to get the best communication skills that then it's practice over time. You take what you learn in this course and you apply and you will become a big success I can guarantee, because what's in this course here is amazing. Choose when to be assertive. So you will learn the communication techniques later. And it's not that you have to be assertive all the time. It's like you have a car home. You want to go to the supermarket. You could drive your car, or you could take the bus, you could take the train, or you could walk. It doesn't mean that you have these tools that you have to use them all the time. They are here when you need them. 3. What Is Assertiveness? Part 2: So now I would like to show you how you can communicate to people according to how you value you needs and how you value the other person's needs. And this one here is really, really important. So the non-assertive person, the non-assertive person will value the needs of other people above their needs. So it means that if there is a colleague, a co-worker that comes and asks me to do something. I will say yes. I will always be saying yes. And so let's analyze how this person is. This person wants to avoid conflict. They fear rejection that don't want to be rejected. That's why they value the other, the other person's needs above the needs. The never criticized that they want to be loved. And they think in their head that by doing what other people would want them to do, that will be loved. And they want to avoid confrontation because they think that it's rude, it's bad. They never criticize. They do want, they want to fit in. If they want to be nice, the fear being unloved and they say yes often. And maybe you know someone or maybe you are in that case here. It's because you are valuing the needs of other people above unit because you have believed in your mind. That says that, OK, I want to be loved. So I'm going to say yes, often, I don't want to be rejected because you want to be loved. So you're not going to say no because you, in your mind, you think that by saying no, it means that you will be rejected by the other person. And we'll say that that's not the case. You want to avoid conflict because you don't want to have these negative emotions or maybe you don't know how to deal with them. And we'll see that also later. But right now, I just want you to understand that if you are in this case here, it's because you value the needs of other people above yours. And this one here could be a great problem. Let me distribute that. There is an ulcer and nurse who is called brawny where and she did a study with people just before they died. And she asked a simple question, What is your biggest regret in life? And you know what almost all of them said. They said, I regret I didn't have the courage to live a life according to what I truly wanted. And instead, I lived a life according to what other people expected of me. So you have to be careful with that because if you're always trying to please people, you're not being true to yourself. You're not being true to your dreams. You're not being true to yourself. Actually. It's about understanding that being more assertive is about increasing your needs. Here, we'll see later i, how like what you should do with the other people's needs. But I want to just you to understand. Be more confident to put yourself out there. Pmo confidence to say, yeah ahead, this is who I am, this is what I want. This why I am this is how I want to address today. This is what I want to say. These are my jokes. This my, my humor exists, my work. I want you to understand that humans value needs a little bit more. Otherwise, you may end up at the end of your life and say, oh my god, I didn't live a life according to what I wanted. And this is something that I was shocked like ten years ago. When I was shy of as living, according to other people's expectation. This is shocked. I gave him like I learned about the study and say, OK, no more. I want to live a life according to what I truly wants, not what other people expected of me. Now, let's talk about the second communication styles. It's about aggressiveness. In other words, is when you value your needs above the needs of other people. You want to control people and you want people to feel you. So you zell at people. You try to control the neck. You want them to do what you want. And you value your needs above the needs of other people. And you may think it's effective because you select people in front of you doing the things that you want. But then behind you back, they criticize you. They don't do the things that she wants. And they say things that are negative, right? Really not nice to you. So you may think it's a great strategy. And most people who communicate that way, it's because they don't know that there is another way of communicating with people. So the aggressive style you value, you needs above the needs of other people. And you want control and you want people to fear you. And maybe in your, in your, in your life, you know, people who are like that. Maybe you bus or someone in your surroundings can be personal professional effect. They yell at people they want you to do that. And the yellow are really intense. They just yell. They want to control people and have people to fill them so that they do what they want. But that's not a great strategy. So here we have seen like the non-essentials telecom When you put their needs above your needs and the aggressive style when you put your knees above their needs. So like what is assertiveness? This is assertiveness while you put your needs next to the other person needs. Let me explain. So this is assertive style. You will be stating your needs. So remember, you state your needs, your opinions watch won't like this, are you needs here. And you're open to others. It means that you will respect the opinions and needs of others. You will be stating your preferences and the other person can respond. Guess no. But you can see here, it's more, it's a model here, being assertive that you are equal to the other person. And even if it's your boss or something that is superior, It's still you need, I want you to see like human to human communication. I have needs, the other person has needs. I don't want you to see as the intern and the person who is the CEO. Like, I want you to see that you have needs and you have the right to stay Tunisia opinions, you ideas. And this is here. It can maybe like, it can be a little bit uncomfortable with that. But this is here. What I want to show you here, like you have needs, you have the right to become assertive and you respect the other people. And if you communicate that way, you will gain influence and respect. Because most people communicate that way or that way. Like they put their needs above, like the needs of other people above their needs. And most people want to respect them because they'll say, yeah, there would do whatever. They're not serious. They won't respect these people a lot. And here, if you are more aggressive life, you won't have any respect like people will fill you and people will just talk negatively behind your back. But if you communicate that way, you will see that people will like you will respect you. And even if they don't like you, they will respect you because you were able to share you needs and you took into account the other person's needs. You respect them, you respect their opinions and need of others. Why now, I would like to ask you like, do you put units above? You put units above the needs of other people? Or is it the opposite? Like you put down? It's fast. And think a little bit about how you could have units next to theirs. 4. Your Rights & Beliefs To Become More Assertive & Confident: So now let's talk about your rights and belief. Like if you want to become our search, like how can you do? The first question I would like to ask you is, do you give yourself permission to become more assertive? Because most people have trouble with that, because they have believed about the fact that there shouldn't be rude. They shouldn't say no. And what end up happening is that it starts here. It starts here in the head, like they don't know how to become assertive. So my question to you is, do you give yourself the right to be assertive? And maybe you would have even come up with a lot of excuses. Or maybe we say, oh, yeah, I give myself permission because of that, that, that, that, that, and this is the first exercise here that I would like you to do. So there is a PDF just below that you can download and that contains the question, do you give yourself permission to become assertive? And I would like you to answer with yes answers and no answers. Because maybe you will say, yes, I give myself permission because I, it's my life. I'd give myself permission because I value my ideas, I value myself, I have confidence. But then you may also have no answers. You can say no because I don't want to be unloved. Because it's rude to say no, no because I want people to like me now because I want to I want to get this promotion. No. Because I wanted to do that. No, no, no, no, no. And what you want to look for are the no answers because the yes answers here are there to show you that, okay, it's created to become assertive, but there are no answers. Basically, you are uncovering Yoda beliefs that you have. And when you have written the Nobel. No answers. I want you to ask yourself this question. Is what you are believing right now, serving you to become our search 70 or not. Because if you have one belief, no, don't give myself permission because it's impolite to disagree. Ask yourself this question. Is it serving me to become our searching? No, it's not serving the like. And then the second question I want you to ask you is that, is it true? Like what I have written is the true like Is it true that it's impolite to disagree? It simple. Let's say that someone comes with a request that I truly don't want to do. And then I won't disagree because it's impolite. Like let's say that they want to harm me or like they want to do something like really bad and say, I'm not going to disagree because it's impolite. And then you will start thinking, oh, maybe that's not the case. Maybe it what I have written like the belief that I have is not a good belief, like it's not serving the end is not true because the beliefs that you have right now in your mind, there are running at the back of your, of your mind and you consider them 100% true. So if you show you believe that there are not 100% shoe, you will start shaking your beliefs. And then we'll have room to build the assertiveness techniques and, and everything. So that's why I want to challenge you to think differently. So there is an exercise below and there is all the explanation that you need. And I would highly encourage you to do it. Stand up for yourself. Literally stand up for yourself. If there is something that you truly want in your life, stand up for yourself, don't give up. Don't give up on your dreams and let me share a personal story. I want you also to respect the rights of others. So ten years ago, when I launched my business, I talked to my parents and I told them, hey, I want to be an entrepreneur. So I had just finished my master degree, so I had a business master's degree and my father wanted me to have that secure job. No. Like Alan, you finished your masters degree. Now you have to find this big job into this bank, does cooperation and climb the corporate ladder. It you'd have security with money, you have everything. And this is me, Alan, just scum. Hey, dad, I just got my master's degree. Now. Like yesterday, I took this blank piece of paper and I wrote my dream, will be traveling all around the world like in five years, I will be sharing my content, my advise on how people can have a better life and business and yay, it's my dream. I want to be, I want to be an entrepreneur. Like I really stood up for myself. And then she said, I don't think it's going to work, you know, I try for few months and then if it doesn't work, get your job. Get you jobs. Like he can try, You know what I mean? And it was awful because my parents were on my on my site, but I really felt that they were just like giving me time just to experience that so that we'd get that secure job. But I stood up for myself, I say OK, no, no, no, no. And then years after user has grinding, I was really making things happen. But at the same time I respected the rights of others. I respect the right of my parents to think that I should have a secure job because that's their point of view. So I want you to understand that when you are assertive like you are assertive in your 50%. And then the other people, they have their 50%. But you have to be assertive. You have to share your ideas, you have to speak up. You have to become who you are meant to be. Otherwise, you will be at the end of your life and you will be looking back and say, oh my God, no, I didn't do what I wanted to do. And this one here, the story here, I want to show that you should respect the rights of others. And I remember when I told my best friend at the time, hey, I want to be an entrepreneur and I want us to launch this business here. He said, Yeah, yeah, that's great, but I felt like he was not believing in that. And a few a few weeks later, I told him that it's not working like I was failing as a it's not working and, but I want to launch these losses are the business Illinois, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm grinding. And then he puts his hands on my shoulder and he say, Alan, when are you going to find a real job? Is his right? Respected it like she was being honest, you know what I mean? I respected it. But also I stood up for myself and I had the confidence to say, okay, this is what he believes. He has the right to believe that, but I have the right to stand up for myself and to do the things that I want. And I focused on my 50% and I made it. And then once it's released to interesting, then the friends come and say, hey ya'll, and it's really amazing, like while you're making money, while you sleep like j, all these unincorporated just traveling around the world doing that. And how do you do that in other interested. But what is really interesting, interesting is now, now it's because now there are interested. But what is really interesting is that when there is this negative time, it's when you have to stand up for yourself. When you think there may be a confrontation, there will be this negative feeling about it. We are not sure about your job and you are not sure about this friendship or this family or this, or this Rehman tick or romantic relationship. You're not sure. It's when you have stand up for yourself and you still have to respect the rights of other. Remember, you stand up for yourself, not in a non-aggressive way and then you respect the rights of others. So this one here I'm going to show you. So just imagine that this is u. Okay, I'm terrible at drawing. I know, but I did my best. Ok, so this is you. You are smiling, you are happy. Let me illustrate that here. The green here is your 50%. What we discussed before. So you're 50% is everything that is in your control. And here is the outside world. It you boss sharing his problems. It's your family's saying, okay, we have this problem. It's your lover, friends. Your dog is the other people's problems. And I want you just to understand something. People have problems, they will come at you. But here is U bubble and you have the right, and this is your right to say yes, I want to deal with that. No, I don't want to deal with that. So if someone comes and say, Oh, could you help me with this report here? It is Jude tonight. And I'm really underwater. They I don't know what I can do. Could you help me with that, please? Please. Please. You can decide yes. I'm going to help you. Oh, no. It was your fault because you didn't plan enough time to do the report and now you are late. So I want you to understand that here you have power. And most people think that they don't have power. They think that if someone comes with a request, they have to say yes, but you don't have to say yes. Good Sr power. Let's see someone else. Someone gives you an advice or opinions. For example, my parents gave me an advice on what I should be doing with my life. Your lover, give you an advice of your friends, give you an opinion about what you should wear, what you should do with your life, your coworkers, your boss gives you advice on a situation, on something. It's the right to give you an advice and an opinion. But it's also your right to take this advice or to say no, this is not a great advice for me. And just by saying that, okay, no, this is not a great advice for me. You are taking back control in your life. This is really, really important here. Let's see another one. So 100 requests the comet. You at worst say OK, I have to do that. And I, could you help me with that is really important. You can say yes, you can see no. Another one. The criticized and they'll give you feedback. It can be a real feedback of the can insult you. It's the right to criticize like they have the right to say things. Now it's up to you to say that you accept the things or not. Are you going to stand up for yourself when the criticize you? Are going to set boundaries? Or are you going just to do nothing? When you get feedback? Are you going to take this feedback or not? This is your barbell. You're like This is your 50%. And when you understand that, you understand that the power has always been in your hands. Because most people think that, okay, I have no choice. I have to do that. Now. At any moment in time you can say yes, no. If you don't like that job, if you don't like, that's cool, that cork and if you don't like that job, you can quit and look for another one. If there is this cowork like you have this problem with this co-worker. You can talk to that person or go to your boss and then try to figure something out. If there is something wrong or if there is someone that comes at you with many problems can say No, I'm not going to deal with your farmers. Maybe like don't do that with your hands here to illustrate that here, but don't go with your coworker and say No because that's really rude. That's not something you would do. But I want to illustrate here like if someone comes in with a problem, you just block it. Say you, you block its, it's like an invisible bubble. It's your bubble that is hearing that blocks the things. Okay. Let's think about that. Do I want to deal with this problem or not? And when you understand that, life becomes easier because you are in charge. This morning. When I set up the studio, everything like I had a lot of technical problems. Like at the batch, Rebecca had a lot of technical problems. And I couldn't say, yes, I'm going to do it anyway and recorded even if it's late. No, I'm not going to do that. If you have like your boss, your coworker, your family that says, Oh, could you help me with that right now? You are in charge. You could say yes. You think that you cannot say that, you cannot say no, but you can't say no. Try that for a day. Say just note people. See what happened. I don't overdo that at work, but do that more in a social situation when someone contacts, you say, no, I can't today and just see what happens. If nothing happens, it's okay to say no, it's become, it's okay to stand up for your rights, but also respect the rights of others. 5. Assertive Body Language: So, so let's talk now about your body language and let me explain why it's really important if you want to become more assertive. So when you talk to people, the words are only 7% of the interaction and 93% is your nonverbal. And if there is a disconnect between your nonverbal and what you say, people will look for the nonverbal to see what's really going on here. That's why it's really important to master your body language, your assertive and confidence body language. And I will show you that if you just apply the simple body language tips here, you will be able to become more assertive because by just changing your body language, it will show you brain how you, how you should act. And this is really interesting here, because your brain and your body language is linked to your brain and your body is linked. So it means that if you do something that they could do something with your body that is low confidence, you will have low confidence thoughts. You will have low confidence behavior. But if you adopt a body posture, and I will show you here, if you adopts a posture and the body of someone who is confident and assertive, you will start speaking up and sharing your ideas. And that's really how it's so powerful here. So let's start here. Your shoulders back. I want you to try to boost your shoulders back and your chest up and do that right now, don't say I'm going to do it right now because if you feel it, you will be able to use it. So your shortest back, you just open. If you do that and I'm sure that you are doing the exercise, you're not sitting and I'm sure that you are doing this exercise shortest back, chest open. How do you feel? Why now, on a confidence level, I have a nine or ten out of ten. I can imagine that having a cave just behind it like Superman. Now what if, instead of putting my shoulders back, I put my shortest like that and I closed my chest. Right now. You can see that a little bit stressed. And I'm like a little bit scared. And a confidence level went from ten to five. And I'm focusing on negative thoughts on things that could go wrong. What happened here? In a few moments, I went from a ten out of ten confidence to a five out of ten. And when people say, yeah, I'm not really confident it's alike. I You put your shoulders back and are you opening your chest? This is really a will make a difference is not only about what you say, like you will have everything that you need, the best communication techniques. You have the best communication techniques to see like what you should, like, to know what you should say. But that won't really, I want you to understand that the nonverbal is what people will perceive first. It's the ANOVA. So just open breadth. When you will be in a confrontation, when you'd been a stressful situation. I want you to breathe breathe deeply. Did you know that the Navy Seals, like when there are under near-death experiences that are able to become calm and not stressed. How did they do that? They understand the power of how they breathe. So what I would like you to do is always You put your shoulders back, you just open and you breathe deeply. I would like you to inhale by the nose and exhale by the mouse. So don't, don't do it too quickly. Because you're going to stress yourself. Do it slowly that you inhale and you exhale. You tried to breathe with your belly and don't try to raise and don't raise your shoulders when you do that. You can see right now I'm more calm. My shoulders are back, MHS it open and building on this confidence and assertive behaviour under whatever moves. So when you will be stressed and not confident, you will be moving a large will be stressful. You'd be like dashed, would be like jumping. Now I guess I would like just to share an idea here yet. And that will, that will show a lack of confidence. So instead, I would like you to think that you are underwater. So instead of being stressed like that, I want you to be stressed on the water. It means that you will move a little bit slower. And you can see you when I'm talking, I appear more confidence, more charismatic than if I'm just tracing out. So think about like being stressed under water and it's just like it flows naturally. Your voice. So what you say is only 7%, but your voice waits a lot like the intonation of your voice. And this is what you should do. You should have a calm and relaxed voice. Don't be trying for we pour. Don't be trying for rapport. Let me explain what it is. Hey, can I share you and idea. Can can I show you my opinion? Can I, can I do it? You can see at the end, it goes up. It goes up, up. Can I show you my opinion? And it's like it's going up and instead you want it to go flats or a little bit down, for example, could be like, Can I share with you my opinion? Can I share with you that, Hey, I would like to share an idea. I would like to do that. Can I share with you an idea? Could you happy with this work? You can see here it's flat and it's slightly going down. It's not a could you help me with this work? Hey, could you help me with this work? And you can see he like my behavior changes like, could you do that? And you're always trying to match. I want you to become relaxed centers. Hey, could you help me with this work, please? It's more calm, it's more relaxed. So a great thing that you can do is that you can record yourself when you talk to people, like when you talk to your friends that don't go at work and then record people there because that may not be legal. But talk to like when you talk to your friends, you to espouse. Think about the voice that you are using, that intonation that you're using. And try for fun, different intonation. Tried to say, hey, can you help me? Hey, can you help me? Hey, can you help me? You can see like there are different intonations and the assertive is the one flat or slightly below. For example, it could be, Hey, could you help me? Hey, could you help me with that? Okay, so think about your voice like it has to be flattened. And think about that. If someone asked you, just record yourself and listen to it and ask yourself the question, Would you say yes to that request? It's as simple as that. Eye contact. When you're communicating and when you are become assertive, you must understand the power of eye contact. So if you look into the other person's eyes, you will be able to convey confidence, assertiveness, and you will be able to, it will be, it will be easier. There's something that you must understand is that the eyes are the windows of the soul. So if you're super stressed, you will look at people like people will know that you're super stressed. But if you're in charge of your emotions, like you understand how to be more calm and more confident. With the hacks. Here. When you look into people's eyes, people we see a confidence and comparison. And if you, you must look into the other peoples eyes. And if you want to break eye contact, like don't do it like that. Like don't look down because it will show a lack of confidence. Instead break eye contact to the right or to the left. But if you are talking to someone and then you want to break eye contact, look, look to the right or to the left. Don't look down. It shows that the other person is more dominant than you. Ok? So this is important here. And if you are not really comfortable with that, with looking at peoples in the eyes, look at the eyebrows. Like people won't notice a difference and they will think that you are maintaining eye contact. So it's a quick tip here. That works really well. The other one is smiling. So why is it under brackets? It's because it depends on the situation. For example, you want to give a serious feedback to someone, or you want to have a serious conversation. Maybe you want, you don't want to smile that much. But for example, you want to share an idea with your wife that you're excited about or with your coworkers, you want to ask them to do an extra work? In that case, mining could be great. Here when I was using my voice. And I was saying, could you help me with that extra work? I was not saying could you help me with that extra work? I was smiling, never saying, Hey, could you help me with that extra work? And you can see here, I'm smiling, you see me smiling, but also the tone of voice changes. It becomes more happy, it becomes more joyful. And you want to say yes more, more often to someone who is excited about the thing that they're asking. So I've been talking here a lot about how you can become a confident and assertive. And most people asked me the question, Alan, how can I become more calm and confident? Like these are the things that I can do with my body. But there is something that you can also do. If you want to fast-track your success into assertiveness is about controlling your focus. Because before the situation, you could think about what's going wrong of us could happen wrong, or what could happen, right? Like, what are the things that good that could happen and what are the bad things that can happen? If you focus on the bad things, you will be stressed. But if you focus on the good things that could happen, you will become a confident. And people who are more confidence, you have this positive expectations that go in the situation and they expected to go l. And there are higher chances of the situation going well because do I expecting that? And most people would say yeah, but I prefer to expect that it goes badly. So I won't be disappointed. Yeah. Well, you won't be disappointed because you will go badly, because you are expecting it to go badly. So you brain will make everything in his power to be consistent with that and to make, make it go wrong. If you wanted to become a confident, you must train your brain to see the glass half full instead of half empty. And I know that just by saying that people are saying, yeah, I don't feel really comfortable. I prefer to not be disappointed and really have that in their blood. I don't want to be disappointed. And then you just think about that. Do you want confidence? I do want more out of life. I'm not judging. I'm just saying that you want more out of life. Why don't you try it just, Why don't you try to be more confident that for 30 days, give yourself permission to see the good things in the situations and to focus on positive things. Because right now I could focus on positive things. Hey, I'm recording this on a training is going to be amazing. Or I could focus on the problem that I have a home. And it makes me stressed and the gases. Right now, I can control how I feel. So if you want to become a confident and you want to deal with this situation better and it really work better if you know how to manage your emotions, they will sell it a bit more of that later, but I just want to give you the keys here. Your shortest back. You just open your brief. We have underwater moves. Think about your voice, your eye contact, you look people in the eyes. You smile when you have to smile. And instead of focusing on everything that could go wrong, focused on everything that could go right. Focus on the great things. And even if you're really stressed before situation is because you are thinking about the negative outcomes. Think about the positive outcomes. Immediately stressful disappear because positive emotions and negative emotions cannot live together. They can't, You can not be grateful and fearful at the same time. If you are fearful, it's because you are focusing on things, on thoughts that makes you feel this feeling of fear. But if you're focusing on feelings of gratitude, you are going to be grateful. And when you are talking to someone, do you prefer to be confident and in a positive mood? And share your ideas with respect and opinion I stated preferences or be all stress from the, from the inside and having your shortest each has closed and everything and being stressed and hey, I want to share an idea with you. The difference is here I use the body language and do the things that I teach you and you will see it will work like a charm. 6. Assertiveness Feedback Cards: Now let's talk about the feedback cards. It's something that is really powerful and there is a PDF just below that it can download. So basically, when you are in a situation and you want to become more assertive effect, it's live, it's means that it's happening and sometimes you don't have that great comeback. You don't have that great things that you say, that behavior that you really want like this assertive behaviour. And that's why you have this feedback card here. It means that after the situation happened, you're going to take this card and you are going to think about the situation. What you want to describe is the situation. So the Rhys, just the cars that are just below and you're going to write down, what was the situation? Was it the situation at home with your boss, colleagues, Jackie's presentation? What is with you with your client? You're going to wipe down what the situation was. You are getting to see what happened when, where, who, for example, let's say that your boss comes to the office and they wanted to ask you to do some extra work on Saturday. But you don't want to do it because you have this family dinner and it's really important to you. So the situation, my boss arrived, I arrived in my office and he asked me to do some extra work on Saturday. My response was yes for sure. And you were not really happy about that? Because I use the family dinner. It's something that you were really happy about. And then you're going to write down how you felt. Or I felt terrible inside like I should have said, yes. I should have said no, I feel really terrible inside. I'm not living according to my values and I should have applied what Alan told me. If you're like me, you are getting ready to write down what you felt. And if it's something that you are not happy with, you or not really happy with the response, you are going to write a more assertive response. This situation happened already. It happened. You cannot change it. But next time you can have a more assertive response. It means that next time you boss comes to office and ask you the same thing or something that is similar, we can say, oh, and then you give your answer. And it could be, for example, I understand you want me to do some extra work on Saturday. I have a family dinner. It's really important to me. What I could do instead is I could complete that work tomorrow and stay late, and then I would have it done by tomorrow, 89 PM. Is that okay for you? It's it's an assertive response. And this one here is so powerful because we always get this great comebacks. The answer that after the situation happened, like we go home. And then we think about the situation and say, oh, I should have said that. And this is where you're going to write it down because if you do that after a few months, after one year, you will become assertive because you will be thinking about the more assertive response. And then you will see, will discuss like the real communication techniques on how you can deal with conflicts, how you can say no, and you can share your idea that everything is coming in this course. But I just want you to understand the principles here so that you can really jump right in and start your transformation. 7. Express Yourself: Speak Up, Share Your Ideas & Opinions, Express What You Want Part 1: Now let's talk about how you can express yourself. How you can share your ideas, your opinions, how you can share your preferences with other people. So I'm really going to show you the communication techniques. Let's jump right in. When you're communicating with people, I want you to use empathy. What is empathy basically is showing the other person that you understand them, that you understand their point of view. You understand why they did that. You understand where they're coming from. You understand their situation. So for example, you can use a statement such such as, I understand that. I understand that you are tired. I understand that you have this difficult situation at home. I understand that it has been a rough year for you. I understand that you are tired. I understand that. We said that we wouldn't do it. I understand that. And it it shows that you understand the other person. So when you want to express yourself by using empathy will make it easier to act, to help the other person accept your idea because they will feel that they are understood. They will sense that you get them and that you understand situation and where they're coming from. And this is really, really powerful. So I will show you the, the elements, and then I will show you examples, okay? Emotional mastery. When you want to express yourself, this is really, really important. Again, it's about managing your emotions. And this is why it's really important. Let's say that someone insults you. Let's say that someone say tells you something that makes you nervous or like you really want to react and you wanted to come down. It is moments here. Because you may say things or do things that you will regret later. For example, you got an aggressive email that's saying, Hey, you should do that like you you are failure or I don't know what it is like, it makes you really angry. Instead of like retaliate, it means that we will write back like really fat, hey, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You have in your life, you will unleash everything to that person. That's not a bad thing that you want to do. So I want you to always have this emotional mastery. We think about what we have seen before. You are calm, you are relaxed. You focus on great things. You breath, you relax. And then you distance yourself from also the situation. It means that if someone goes here and then sulci, Oh, you got that email instead of replying right away. You just go for a walk. You take a few moments to think about it. And if someone yells at you or they give you something negative instead of answering knew right away with this negative mood, can just say, listen, I just want to take a moment to reflect on what you said or just I would just want to take a moment to come down or just to think think about yeah, what was said. I will get back to you later. I will give you an insulator. So that you can count down. And this is true emotional mastery. People who think that they have to answer right away, you don't, you don't take time to distance yourself from this negative emotion. You have this conflict. Then someone says something at work or at home instead of thing. Yeah. You're yelling at them. Say, okay, listen, this is the situation. I I I understand that you are tired. I understand that you did that understand that their report was due by 06:00 PM? Let me just take a few minutes to think to come up with a strategy or to give you an answer. It's emotional mastery is really, really powerful. Again, be calm, confidence. Don't be aggressive. Don't be aggressive. Think about being calm, being confidence, or we discussed that a lot of that already, ok. Communicate with preferences when you're expressing yourself. You are not proving the other person wrong. You are not telling the other person that they have to accept what you want. You are sharing an idea. You are expressing your expressing your 50%. And when you understand that you are not outcome oriented anymore, because you can say something, can share your idea, you can say something and the other person can accept it or not. You can ask your wife tonight to do the dishes, or you can ask your wife to go out tonight. She had the choice to say yes, no, it's her choice. So communicate your preferences. And it can also communicate the boundaries and the consequences. For example, let's say that someone always arrive late and you are the boss. You can say, I understand that you live far away. I understand that you just got a child. I understand that you have these difficult situations that you had this rough year. I totally understand your calm and confidence. You're not aggressive magic. You are breathing shortest back, chest open. And then say, listen, I would like that next time that you arrive on time for this important meeting, you're communicating your preferences. And sometimes they're going to say, listen, if you do that again, it's important that you are here in this meeting and if you do that again, you arrive late. I would have no choice. Then report to your boss your boundaries and consequences. So you can see here, you are sharing what you want, you expressing what you want in a way that is different that most people to. Who do you know that use empathy is calm, confident, not aggressive, communicates the preferences, respect the other people rights, and sometimes gives boundaries and consequences when it has to be done. Very few people and now MSAA Island, but I don't want to communicate that way because other people don't communicate that way. There is something really important in communications that if you lead, people will follow. If you lead with the communication like that, people will notice you. They will say, Oh my God, dispersion is really standing out like this person has amazing communication skills. So don't be afraid to communicate your preferences. Now, let me show you something really interesting here. Like if you want to be liked. Almost certainly, you can never be certain, you know, like if you want to increase your chances of having the other person saying yes. I want you to talk in terms of benefits and in terms of pain that will be removed from the life. You can talk in terms of benefits for something that they care and in terms of pain that is removed. Let me show all the all the elements here and then I will explain. You can show the benefits and the pain that we removed for the company. For relationship. For you, for me, for us. Let's take a personal example. Let's say that tonight, sean, IT want to go out with your friends, but your wife says, no, I would like you to stay home. So you can say, I understand that you wanted us to spend time together. I understand that you are tired, understand that you had a long day. You are calm, confident you're not being aggressive, and then you communicate your preferences. It tonight I'd like to go out with this friend mark, like he's really, really nice and I will be home by Alibaba mid night. Oh, I don't know. Like you communicate your preferences. You don't set an HIPAA hundreds of consequences, although I think you will be in trouble with your wife. And then he stayed the benefits and paying for something they care. You can say, hey wife, listen for you. It can be great because you like you want it to relax. You wanted to care, take care of yourself like you wanted to do your hair. You wanted to do like the try this makeup. You wanted to cook, you wanted to read that book. You wanted to do like dispassion that you always wanted to do. But she said like you don't have time. Tonight could be a great night. And I go out with smart. So you are talking in terms of benefits for something that she cares for the company that cave there is not for relationship. And you can say, and you know, like forests it create benefits would be that tomorrow will have the best I'd ever. Go, go home early and I will prepare this amazing light night for you. And you will see that tomorrow we have like the best night ever and the benefits and you know, like you're talking in terms of benefits for you. And for me it's great because I really wanted to see that friends. And this is here just the filter of the benefits. The pain. You can talk in terms of the pain that will be removed. You can say, hey, listen, it's because I'm really stressed this day. And like this friend, I can go into a go out and have some beers and that can really change my mind. This example here I would like talk more in terms of benefits than in pain. I will talk more in terms of pain, for example, for something at work. And I will illustrate that with another example at work. But firstly, with empathy, I would just want to tell you something when you are stating what the other person is doing like you, we are understanding the other person's point of view. You are saying something that is relevant. You're not going to say, oh, I understand that you are wearing a blue shirt. It you have to use common sense. Okay? So let's talk here about words. Let's talk here that there is an example of you wants to convince your coworker to come to a team meeting with you. That would be about time management. And like you cowork like doesn't really want to go. You can say, hey, listen, I understand that you have a lot of work to do. You are calm, confidence, you communicate your preference. Would you like to come to the meeting with me? Remember the voice? Not would you like to come with a meeting with me? Hey, would you like to come with a meeting with me and you smile, no boundaries, no consequences here. And then say, you know what, what could be great is that if we learn these time management techniques, we could go home early. Actually, we could work less and instead of going home at 06:00 PM, we could go home by 04:00 PM. And for you, that can be great. That you will be a little bit like, would be like less stressed. You are removing the pane for the other person. Like we would be less stressed. And also for us that could be great like the benefits because we haven't spent a lot of time lately and we could discuss about this important project that you have, Homer. How awesome is that? The way I'm structuring that is really awesome and the person has almost no choice rather than the person had almost no choice. Like the person has to say yes because it's like it's framed so positively. 8. Express Yourself: Speak Up, Share Your Ideas & Opinions, Express What You Want Part 2: Now let's talk about another example here. It's at work and there is a meeting and you would like to speak up and share your idea. So in this case you could use empathy. So you can say, hey, I understand that there are a lot of good ideas that you have shared with us. You are calm confidence, you're not aggressive, you communicate your preferences. You can say, I have an idea that is really interesting. Like basically we could do that, that, that, that, that, that, that you don't use the boundaries or the consequences here. But you can say, I like this idea because, and then he took in the vanishes. If we do that, we can save $1000 for the company. And if we use these, for example, if your idea is about having a time management software, like everyone in the company, could work more efficiently and be less stressed. You are talking in terms of benefits and pain. So for you like the boss, that is, that is here, like having the software here will make your life easier. You are talking in terms of the pain that you are removing. I really encourage you to think about the situation that you have home or you have in your personal and professional life. And you think about how can you use these elements here to communicate what you want? And you can use the feedback cards. Okay? So the cards that says, okay, what is the situation? What is the emotion, the emotional response that I have? How did I feel? And you take this feedback cards and then you think with these elements here. Let's illustrate with another example. Let's say that you want to express yourself home with your wife. And let's say that you want to express yourself with your husband is time because he is not cleaning his, just going out or let's say the heat's not cleaning or talking too much about work. Okay. Hey, so let's go with the cleaning first. Hey, I understand that you work a lot and that you are really tired. Your account confidential, not being aggressive, you are not like, you know, like we know when happens when you don't want to y's to be aggressive, that you just want your wife to be calm and relaxed. So if the wife like it's calm, confident that it is better, and then you communicate your preference. Hey, I would like you to help me with the dishes. Dont not use the boundaries and the consequences here. The boundaries and consequences here would be more useful when you are in a work environment with your superior and you see that the employee is not doing the work. And then you talk in terms of benefits and pain, can say, hey, if you help me with the dishes, we can spend more time together. We can watch TV, we can have, can be like more intimate. We can do, we can do this activity here, we can do that and also, I will be less tired. So it means that I will have more energy to go out with you and blah, blah, blah. And you just think in terms of that. The other example would be about your husband is talking too much about work. He goes home and he's always talking about work, work. Work, work. Okay. Stand that. You have a lot of work and you spend a lot of time at work, it's really important for you. I totally understand it. You're calm confidence, and then you communicate your preferences. But let, let's make something like when you arrived from work, Let's talk about anything but work. I won't be talking about my work. And you want to be talking about work. Or you can even say, when we arrive home, we have one hour or 30 minutes to discuss about work. And we set a timer. And then when this timer rings, we are not allowed to discuss work anymore. And you state your preference. You don't state boundaries and consequences. And you can say, and that way we can really could reconnect with each other. We can spend quality time together. We can talk about this passion that we have, this dream, these travels that we want to do. And if you stay to preferences like that, you will see that it really work really well. And it's all about having the courage to express yourself. Because it's great to have this communication techniques. But if you don't have the confidence and the courage to share that with other people. You don't need the techniques if you don't share with them. That's why I really encourage you to, to believe in yourself. They understand that you are worth it, that you have value. Try these techniques, you will see that they are the best in the world. Literally, you use them and you will get the best results. But you must open your mouth. And not only, not only open your mouth, but think in terms of being confident, having the pasture chest open, the voice and everything. So I know it can be a little bit overwhelming right now. But what you can do is that just take a few elements and you try them. Try to use empathy today or tomorrow when you go home or at work. And youth empathy. Then you talk in terms of benefits for a relationship. And you add up like every day, you add up, if you add something, you say something and you use a new elements. And then at the moment, and then it will arrive that you will be able to use all of them and is doing here to be used that you don't really need to use all of them. But I would like you to understand and be able to use your use all of them so that you have all the communication techniques that you want. For example, in most cases I don't use the boundaries and consequences, but in some cases, I do always take talks in terms of benefits and pain, Calm, confidence, regressive, emotional mastery, empathy. Now, let's go with this one here. You ideas and opinions you can share in my opinion because and talk in terms of the benefits and costs. Cost. Okay. So in my opinion, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think we should do that because when you are sharing your ideas and opinions, used the word because. Because people like to know why. For example, if I ask you, could you go to the supermarket? You wants to know why you have to go to the supermarket. Okay? So if you give a reason, people will say yes more often. And when you want to express what you want, what you need. Here are the real hacks. You are going to use their name. So you are going to stay the situation because and when and you are going to use Thank you, and benefits and costs. So here I have added some elements. So you want to share your ideas and opinions. You want to share your idea with a client. Hey, in my opinion, we should do that because it will make you safe time, energy. It will give you money. It will make your unprejudiced proud. It will bubble up and you think in terms of benefits and costs and always say thank you like please thank you, like be polite. And that helps a lot when you want to become a researcher and you want people to understand you ideas and to agree on new ideas. Express what you want, what you need. You want to ask a coworker to help you with some work? Hey, march, Hey, Susan, could you help me with this report? Because because blah, blah, blah, because it's really important for the company. And I prefer like us being together because we can sync. We can sing, we can come up with better ideas on this part C of the report. Could you help me today? Tonight? Tomorrow. And then you can say thank you. And terms and thinking and also talk in terms of benefits and costs. You could say the benefits, it could be like, Hey, it will have the company. We haven't spent a lot of time together lately and it's a time for us to bond and to discuss about this activity that really, really wanted to do when you have finished the reports and the costs are. So it could be for me that I will have less trouble with that there will be less stressed. And for you, it means that you don't have to work on these accounting thing that you don't really like? Don't really like, No, I tried to be funny. So don't hurt people, but try to be funny and think about how you can share your ideas and your opinions expressed, what you want and what you need with the elements here. And you will see that you will become a big success, but have the courage to do it. And as you can see here, when I'm expressing my ideas, opinions, what I want, what I need. I'm in a good mood and not yelling at people. I'm not feeling negative. I'm not in a bad emotional state. Because if I ask that or I share my idea in really bad emotional state, people won't listen or they won't say yes, it was not because of your idea, but sort of because how you felt. Because whatever you feel the other person feels, it's a rule. If right now, we had in an interaction and we were like in real life, not through a camera. I could show you that. I could feel confident, intense, positive, and you will feel that. Or I could feel stressed, anxious, depressed. And Amara, If I use this communication techniques, but if I'm not in that create mood, that's why I'm always saying you have to control how you feel. So we'll see later how like how you should feel when you deal with conflicts, when you receive feedback, when you get feedback and give feedback, it's a little bit different here. But when you are sharing the ideas, opinions, expressing what you want, asking for a request BY that create mood. When he talked to people like have this smile, it could fight this good energy. Think about great things that happened to you and now that's how you get this. You open your chest, you put your shortest back, and you think about everything that straight in your life right now, literally. And then you approach and you ask for that request. You will see that people will say more often than if you are depressed, negative, all stressed and almost yelling at people to have them to do something. 9. Provide Helpful Feedback To Others: So now let's talk about heck and provide feedback to others. So it's a skill that very few people have, and it's a skill that you should have. If you want to become more assertive and you want to give feedback to people, or you are in a position where you have to give feedback often. So you can use empathy and can value their needs. As always. I understand that you had a lot of work to do, but you did a really great presentation. I understand that you didn't split us sleep well last night. I understand that. And you had a lot of work to do. But you did a great presentation that you value their needs and you use empathetic. Now you're going to be honest about what is relevant. For example, if you say, you draw like a six year old child, it's not really relevant. And you may think, hey, but no one will ever say that providing feedback. And you'll be surprised in real life what people say that it's not relevant to the feedback that they want to give. So when you want to give feedback, like be honest about what is relevant like in this case, he is the presentation. In this case here, it's the work. It's the thing that they did. So you don't need to insert the other person or try to be mean or say things that are not relevant to the feedback that you want to give. To think always about what is it that you want to say? How is it relevant to the feedback that you want to give? And this is really key here. One-to-one. If you want to give feedback and if it's for good feedback, you could give the feedback in front of the group for them, hey, you did, that was amazing. And it's just positive feedback. But if it's a feedback of things that can be improved, tried to avoid giving that in front of a group because it's only aimed at one person. So you don't want to tell one person in front of the group, hey, the presentation was not that creates like I see that you haven't really prepared well and there is no point of destroying the one person in front of the other group. And there is a way also of how you can deliver the feedback. And I'm going to show it to you here, but give the feedback one-to-one. Generally, it's better. You want to give the feedback honored behavior that can be changed. If you say the presentation could be improved or the slides or the way you delivered are things that can be improved or the way that you do your work, or how you manage your time, the things that can be improved. If you talk about the personality trait or something that is more difficult to change, it relatively more difficult to have results on that. So always give feedback on a behavior that can be easily changed. It's better. The first thing I want you to do is to start with something positive. So what I really liked about this presentation was what I really liked wasn't then you give the things that you liked. You always start with something positive. I liked was the work that you did, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you try to be as specific as possible. What I really liked in this presentation was the color of the slides, was how you deliver the presentation, what, how you showed up for you for the world, how blablabla and you be as specific as you can. And then I want you to be, I will give a positive friend feedback. And this is here where the feedback really is. Because you are telling the person what the person did. Great. You're being specific about the thing. And here instead of saying, okay, what was really bad, what was really wrong was, instead of saying that we are going to friend it positively, what you can improve is what you can do better is this is what you could do instead. So you start with something positive. They did. You try to be as precise as you can. And then you see, and what you could do better or watch it could improve next time or what can be improved is the preparation may be try to repeat the preparation, to repeat the presentation home a few times so that you are more confident with the presentation. I think that can really make a big difference. And by the way, the presentation was great. It was great. But this is what you can improve. And this is really powerful here. So when you are giving the feedback here, you can ask why, why it happens, and how you can improve. For example, if you sense that the person hadn't really prepared for the presentation. And you said, okay, maybe next time try preparing a little bit more and this is how you watch. You can improve. White happened like, why do you think like you didn't prepare well enough for that presentation? And maybe the person can say, Oh, I had a child at home, I had, I didn't sleep well or had this problem here. And then you can also understand where they come from. And then you can ask this question, how can you improve it? What can you do so that next time it's better. Like you are more prepared. And then the person can say, Oh, Instead of preparing the presentation today before, I could do it a few days before and then give the presentation like home, even if there is no one of these, myDog, it doesn't really matter. I could just give the presentation there so that I will be more prepared. And when you ask that is really powerful, like how can you improve? Because if the person comes up with the way that they could improve, the thing that you want them to improve. The, there will be more motivated to do it. And then if it's you that tells them, hey, you should do that, you should do that. And if they don't know how they can improve, just tell them these are the steps to improve. What you should be improving. And then the optional is a warning of consequences are for example, if the person is always late and you want to provide feedback on that. So say, Hey, I'm really glad that you showed up today. What I really like about your work is that you are really precise in the things that you do and you are really valuable for the company. But there is something I would like you to improve that you're always late. And so I would like to ask you like, why it happened and why are you always late? You try to understand the new. Ask them, OK, how can you improve it? How can you be on time? What are the things you can do is to set your alarm is like a little bit early. What are the things that you can do to improve? And then if they don't know, you can help them come up with the things and then if they do it over and over again, you can say, listen, I need you to be on time and if next time you don't show up on time, I'll have to report to your supervisor. So don't be afraid to say warnings and consequences, but it has to be justified because you are giving feedback and most people are really stressed and uncomfortable when they receive feedback. So if you give them electricity are not nice to them. That's not a great thing. It would be better to positively framed the feedback that way. And you will see that your employees or people around you like your family or friends that we wanted, they will want to do better because you expressed it in a, in a great way that made them feel great. Because you start with something positive and then it's framed positively. So that it's something that I have to improve. Its not something that the wrong is something that they have to improve. And if you share feedback that way you will become a big success. 10. Receive Negative Feedback, React & Defend Yourself When Criticized Part 1: Now let's talk about how you can receive feedback and design here is really important to get a lot of question. Alan, How can I receive feedback when there is someone that is trying to hurt me? In other words, when the eye insulting you. And then we'll see how you can genuinely received feedback from someone who really wants to give you feedback. So let's start here. When you're receiving feedback, I want you to always have the emotional mastery. And you can see here like it's coming up again here, Emotional Mastery. I want you to be relaxed and to avoid retaliation. So emotional mastery, what someone would come at you with insults. You we'll send you that mean email. I want you to relax. You have the permission to feel angry, upset, like you, you have the right to fill these negative emotions. You have the right to feel them. But I don't want you to use these emotions to reply. Because otherwise, what could happen is that you could say things or do things that you will regret later. For example, if someone here says, Hey, you are really patient and the person's Hey, you're really patient. And then you say, no, I'm not really impatient. And then the passenger, hey, you see you're yelling. And intellect, it, it goes nowhere. Or the person can say, hey, you're really nervous today because they, what's No, I'm not nervous. And the person say, Hey, see, you are yelling. You want to avoid retaliation eye when someone comes at you negatively, what they want is that you come at them negatively. So there is a fight. So if you avoid retaliation, you just take a step back. Someone arrive, says you something gives you that negative feedback. And you are a little bit like upset, nervous, and say, listen, I got your feedback. I just want to take a few moments to decide. I just want to take a few moments to think about other set. I will come back later. You don't need to reply right away. And there are times where you just want to take that break from that person and to remove yourself from the situation. But now I want to discuss if someone is here to hurt you. There are many answers that you could have. And I want to stress shut something here. The answer is I'm going to give you, here, are the answers that you can try to make things better. You can try to keep your social value and you can walk away with integrity. You know what I mean? There are cases where there is a group of people or your colleagues. I just want to put you down so you can try with these techniques here. But there's times where you just have to remove yourself from the situation. Remove yourself from that group of friends, remove yourself from that job. But if it's just like a few insults here and there, I want to show you how to deal with that. You can ignore it verbally and non-verbally. When someone insults you. They want to hurt you. And if they insult for them, if you will insult someone, and I see that the person reacts negatively and felt something I want. And this is what the person wants. So when someone insults you, the best you can do is ignore it verbally and non-verbally. So let me illustrate that. It happened to me a few months ago when I was in the bar with my friends and dispersal approached us and like dispersions in lies and where we were talking. And then that person look at me and say, hey, you know, you're not a really attractive person, aren't you? And everyone turned at me. They wanted to see if I reacted and I ignored it, had no emotional reaction to that. And I just said something else. I just said, hey, do you know what we can do tomorrow? We can go to that mountain and we could do that. And everyone was like drawn towards me because I got the power backup disperse and wanted to destroy me, but I ignored it. And it's something that you can do. You can ignore it. It can be verbally and non-verbally because they want to hurt you. If you show that you are not hurt, by that, you will gain that power. It will take like this power that the person wanted to insult you. And it will take that power back and say, hey, I'm stronger than that. It's by ignoring that. So how do you do when the person insults you? You just say something else as if the person didn't insult you. And that's works really, really well. I would use that more in a personnel environment, the professional environments, you can do that. But then if the person keeps coming at you and it keeps ignoring that, then it will be time for this one here. And I will show you later what it is. You can miss misinterpreted and use humor. So dispersion that came and said, hey, you shouldn't be good with women. Let's just imagine that the person has said, You look really ugly. And then I could have said the President say, Hey, you're really ugly. Aaron Hsu, essay by ugly human hands are thank you so much. Hey, by the way, tomorrow, what are we going to do? I use that. By that you mean, for example, by ugly human, handsome, buy ugly humans. Humans are awesome by an attractive you mean amazing. And then I'd go with another sentence. I don't give the other person time to reply, and that's how I destroy the insults. So this year, the comments aimed to hurt you. You can ignore it verbally, non-verbally, also missing misinterpreted and use humor. Also. You can set boundaries. In that case, if the person would have continued insulting me or say, Listen, I'm here with my friends. We all respect each other. And the thing that you said before, like we're not really nice to me and I would like. Respect me or I will ask you, i will ask you to live. You have to set boundaries issue at work and someone comes at you and as always insulting you are trying to put you down or talking behind your back. Negatively. You can talk to this person, say listen. I've heard that people are saying that about me and that's you said data. Is that the case? Or you can say, hey, the things that you told me earlier, Other things that doesn't make me feel comfortable and I don't really like that people treat me that way. So I would like you in the future not to do that. So there was I had to report you to human resources or you have to do what you have to do. Because if you are talking with speed, this people like there are bad people that had have negative emotion, that negative intentions. So don't play their game, but just show them that you are not OK with that. And what is really interesting is that 510 years ago when I was naturally that confident and I was not really sure of myself. Like I would give permission, I would have this vibe, this emotion that I would give permission to insult me and I wouldn't react to say are the insults me like I actually be a loser. Yeah, it's discussed and said I'm a loser, I should be a loser. And I gave permission to their personable right now that I'm really confident and I respect myself. People insult me less often, literally because they know that I will reply that they know that they will throw something at me and they already get a mountain, they know it. But misinterpretations, humor and verbally and non-verbally. So it's all about the sort of vibe that you emits and onto the word, okay? So set boundaries and if you try you ignore it, you misinterpreted. And do you set the boundaries and it's continuous over and over again. Maybe it's time for you to remove yourself from the situation, from the group of friends, from the family, from the family. And yes, it can be awful. It can be terrible, but may maybe it's time. But try this one here first. So Zahir aimed to hurt you. Let's take a last example. Let's say that for example, you coworker says that you drew a really bad job, like they just want to hurt you. Like it's not based on real feedback. They just want to tell everyone that you don't know how to do your job. You could ignore it for something that is so mean and that could give me consequences in the company. I wouldn't ignore it. I would try to misinterpreted, For example, it all depends if the person comes once and said, hey, you do an a horrible work or you don't know how to do your work. Say Hey, by not doing, by, by not knowing how to do your work, you mean that I do it very well. Thank you so much. You don't I mean, I would try to misinterpret it, but I would directly go to set boundaries, say, hey, listen. I understand that. Oh, I heard that. Oh, you told me that I didn't know how to do my work and you are just a coworker, you and no one to judge the quality of my work. The person who has cocaine, judge, it's my boss. You are not my boss. So I would like you to stop saying force things to other people or the water have to report you to human resources. It all depends on how how the person Nick is mean or not mean. But you must understand that. You must not let yourself like being sorted that way. So I always try to be nice. I always try. I tried to be nice. First I go with this one here. But then if the person keeps coming at me and I know that the person doesn't want to hear what I have to say and I just wanted to put me down. I'm going to set the boundaries and my boundaries are extremely contrary RC, Okay. You have to do that again. It's over literally. So this was here when you receive feedback to hurt you. Now let's discuss the other part that is more interesting. It's about how you can receive feedback that someone's really want to give you and they don't want to hurt you. 11. Receive Negative Feedback, React & Defend Yourself When Criticized Part 2: So let's go. Someone is trying to give you feedback. The first thing that you can do is to ask for clarification and precision. Because when someone gives feedback and most people are terrible at giving feedback, there we say something general. For example, you work was not really great at year or you work on your presentation was not that great. So you could ask the question, What in the presentation was not that great? What do you mean by my work was not that great? Could you give me more precision? And if you do that, you will know exactly the behavior though, the thing that you want the other person to change, you want the other person you to change. So ask for clarification. If it's general feedback, ask for more clarification. What exactly the presentation in the report was not that great. What didn't you like? You ask precision. You can thank the other person for the feedback. Because feedback that is great or that it's bad for them. Something that you did well or something that you did wrong is a feedback to improve yourself and to become a better person. So you can say thank you for the feedback. It's something that you must say thank you for the feedback, thank you for taking the time to tell me like what I did well and what I was not as great. Thank the other person. Why it happened. Sometimes. You can explain why it happened. For example, you didn't give that report on time. And for him, the person hey, I'm really I'm really not happy with their report and how you dealt with that. Could you give me some clarification and some precision on what do you mean by that? Because I gave you the report late and it was due by this date. Okay. Thank you so much for the report. And I just wanted to know why it happened. Um, I got sick. My wife has had a problem. I forgot my laptop. This coworkers didn't give me the this work on time. You explain because maybe the person can understand. It's about empathy like the other person that is giving you the feedback, like wants to know what happened. So if you explain why it happened, it can help really, really well. Take responsibility. You did something wrong. Say yes, I'm sorry, I did that. But if it's your co-workers that did I say that's not my fault. But if it's your fault and something that you did say, Okay, I take responsibility. And it's something that shows that you are someone a value because you understand that it is like if some something is, you fold is fully say it's my fault. So take responsibility for our actions, steps to fix it. And it's this one here is really powerful. Let's say that you gave a presentation and someone is giving you feedback. Because they can say, hey, the presentation was great or the presentation was not that good. I could could you give me more clarification? Okay. Thank you. Oh, yeah. The presentation where like grammar errors on the presentation. Let me explain why it happened. Because I did the presentation yesterday at home. My kid was sick and literally he was like puking like every five minutes and I like I couldn't really focus, so I really had to get to have this presentation done and that's why it happened. And I'm really sorry for that. I take the full responsibility because it was my fault. This is what I will do next time. Instead of preparing the presentation the night before, I'm going to do one week before so that it won't happen again. Amazing, isn't it? You can talk about the action steps to fix it. Because the person is giving you feedback, because it's something that they want you to improve. So if you just say OK, these are the action steps to fix it. And if you don't know, ask your, ask the person, what could I do to improve it? What could I do to improve this presentation? What could I do to improve my work? And ask them, this one here is interesting here. When someone is giving you feedback, ask yourself this question. Is this person qualified? If it's my coworker that hasn't seen the presentation is just judge judging me. I'm not going to take the feedback into account. But if it's my boss that saw the presentation and that is qualified, I am going to take the feedback into account. It is something that you want to change. And do you really want to change your presentation skills? Do you really want to become more? Lets say that your boss tells you to become more precise or something like, is it something that you want to change? Ask yourself this question like, is it something shown to tense? Because you get this feedback here? But maybe it's not something you want to change yourself and that you consider that its strength. So ask yourself this question here and doesn't happen often. If it just happened once, maybe just happened once and you have to let it go and you don't have to take it seriously. So this one here is how it can give back when someone is trying to give feedback. And how do you behave and when someone gives you feedback, sometimes they are really like not comfortable with that and they don't know how to say it. That's why later we will see exactly how you can give feedback. But here I wanted to show you that when you get feedback, I want you to understand why it happened, what happened. So you ask for clarification. You thank the other person. You could explain why happened. You take responsibility if it's your fault. And you describe the action steps to fix it. And you also think about what you want to do with the information here. Do you want, is the person qualified? You want to change? And does it happen often? 12. Learn To Say No: Now let's talk about how you can learn to say no. So this is the problem that most people have not assertive and who are not confident. They want to say yes, often got them on to please the other person. They want to be loved, they don't want to be rejected. They're missing. That is roots to disagree and they don't want to reject the other person. So let me show you here that the six elements that can really help you with that. To decide when you have to say yes or no, you must understand what is important and what is not. So at work, when someone asks you to do something, you must understand what are your tasks, what is important to you? What are the things that you have to do that day? Is it important to help that co-worker that you don't even know, that that doesn't know how to manage his or her time. And that comes now and ask you to do something that's important. Do you want to help that person? So focus on what is important and what is not. If it's something that is really not important. For example, someone asks you to do something at home or with your friends. And like, you know, like it's not a goal that you have and you wouldn't get that much pleasure from that. And it's irrelevant to you. Don't say it's just yes to please the person say no. So you have to define what is important to life. What are you doing? What are your goals? What are your tasks? What are you passionate? What do you want to focus your time on? And this should be your priority. And when someone asks you to do something, think, if it's important, is it important drug for them? But like you don't gain anything from that. And it starts because like they didn't do it right? Like they were laid the student or something and now they're in trouble and they want you to fix it, or is it something that can benefit both of you? Or is it you bought? That is asking, I think, about all these elements here, what is important and what is not? If you don't know the answer, don't answer yet. Because if you don't know the answer, most people will tend to say Yes. So if you are not sure, most people would tend to say yes. For example, if someone asks you, could you drive me to the airport tomorrow? It's up at 05:00 AM. And you don't really know yet, just say, listen. I have to just think about what I have to do. Let me get back to you in half an hour. And then you have time to think about, is it important? Is it a friend that you care about? Is is it a good friend or is it just something that you met like five years ago and that is asking just for favor. Like think about the things that if you don't know the answer, just say I don't know the answer yet. I will be thinking about that. The broken record technique. This one is really amazing. And when people We ask something, they know that some people will give up, for example. And it happened to me, it was one year ago. And I always use that as an example. I had a friend who wanted me to go to a party. She wanted to go out with friends and had Sampson Beers and I had to work how to record an online training that night so I couldn't go out and I didn't want to go out. Like what was important for me was online training. I knew the answer and you will get the answer will be no. And this is what the broken record technique is about. You just repeat the same thing over and over again with a slight variation. So he said Due to come to this party. Oh, I'm sorry. I can't because I have to record it on entrained. Yeah, but there will be this friend this is it you want to come? Yes. I'm I totally understand that you want me to come, but I'm sorry because I can't go tonight because I have to record that on entraining. Yes. But you don't understand there will be this kind of beard is kind of vodka, this candidate that would be amazing. A Why don't you count. Thank you for the invitation, but I have to record designing training tonight. But you don't attach should be really amazing. Why don't you come with me. Thank you for the invitation, but I can't I have to record that. And most people will try to abuse you, to abuse your kindness by asking these kind of questions over and over again. And you just use the broken record technique. And it won't be weird because the person is asking the same question of and over again, and you're just repeating the same thing over and over again with a slight variation. So you can use that when someone asks you to do something that you like you don't want to do. And the, you know, like asking these questions so that you give up and say Yes. So use the broken record technique that is really, really amazing. Don't wait for approval. When you say no. For example, when I said no, I don't want to go to that party. I didn't say no, I don't want to go to that party. And I was looking for approval, looking for his reaction. I say, Oh, no, I don't want to go to that party. It's different. Because if you are here and you're waiting for his or her approval, the person will continue with the questions and we'll try convincing you. So you just say no and you may give a reason. No blablabla. No blablabla. But it's no blablabla, not know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, like it's different, the vibe is different. So don't wait for approval, Just say no. Don't explain why in detail. So you could give some explanation in this case here, I said, oh, I have to record it on a training. But in other cases, for example, if the person asks, Could you drive me to the airport to more at at 05:00 AM? And then you can say, oh, no, I'm sorry, I can't because I have to stay late tonight because I have to finish that that work that is really important. And if you give too much details, the person can help you overcome this objection saying, Hey, I could help you with your work so that you can go to bed early. I can help you with that report and then we can do it together. And then you can drive me to the airport tomorrow. Then you are done. That's why. Explain why in details but don't give too much detail. Say, I'm sorry, I can't have too much work to do. I'm sorry. I can't I'm I'm really tired and I just can't. Yeah, but why can't you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah or I'm sorry, I can't because I'm tired. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry. I can't because I'm tired. Like you use the broken record technique. This one here is key. You are rejecting the request, not the person. When you say no, you say no to the requests, not Preston. You're not saying no to your coworker. You're not rejecting your friend. You're not rejecting your family, you're not rejecting your bus. You adjust rejecting the requests that they have. That's it. And you're all stressed because you think that you will be rejecting some unknown or no. It would just be rejecting your requests. Like what is the request that it doesn't even have energy in there. It's just a request like you're rejecting that and there have been all stress because they're going to say no to that request. You are saying no to that request, not to that person. And this one here is really important to a challenge that I would like to give you is to just say no to things for one week. When you're not sure about something, just say no. And even for fun, just say no to things. So be careful with that at work, I would try more interpersonal setting. Try saying no. And then if you are not really calibrated or like you made the other person angry, upset because, for example, your wife asks you to do the dishes and say, oh no, I'm not going to do the dishes and be responsive to the situation, but try saying No more often to be comfortable and to be at ease with saying no. 13. Deal With Conflicts, Deal With Confrontation, Challenging Situations: Now let's talk about how you can deal with conflicts. And this one here is that many people have problems at work in their relationship home, like anywhere like the conflicts that will appear. And I want to show you how you can deal with them. So my first advice would be paraphrasing to prevent conflicts. Let's say that someone here says something, say a, and the other person understands B, and then there is a conflict. And this happened to me many years ago. When I went, when am I studying at the University of Lausanne? I wasn't entrepreneurship assistant. And my professor, he asked me to do something. So he said a, he said, hey, you should do that and then urges to do something differently. And I did something differently. And as it was something differently that what he said there was a conflict because then he came and he said a Allan, you did that and I didn't ask you like and then we had an argument. It was because I didn't understand well what the person was saying. So conflicts can happen because you don't really understand well what the other person is saying. And sometimes it's not your fault. Sometimes it's because the person is here doesn't know how to explain themselves. They think that you have the same information as they do, but that's not always the case. So a great way to do that, to avoid this kind of conflict is by paraphrasing to prevent conflict. What does it mean? My professor said that I should be doing that and instead the wrestling. Okay, yeah, I'm going to do that. I'll just say Okay. So I understood. I have to do that, that that that that am I correct. And then he would have said No, no, no. That's not what I said. And then he would have prevented that arguments. So when someone asks you to something you bought your co-worker at home, they okay. So you asked me to do that. Am I right? And then the person will say yes. So then you prevent the conflicts based on misunderstandings. Let's now talk about the steps to solve the conflicts. If they happened. You define the problem and the outcome you want. Let's say that for example, at work, they choose the best times. For example, there is a timetable and choose the best time to back to take their vacation or two, they did should the best time to do the connectivity like they want to do, and the times it's already taken because they have taken it and there is a conflict that because you always say, hey, like what, like they have kids and why the able to take this vacation here in one week and then I'm able only to take vacation in six months. Again, what's going on? You define the problem, the outcome. The problem is that. They have the priority or they are doing that. And I'm not happy with that because blablabla and you think about the outcome that you want. Ok, I want the outcome, I want it to be fair. Like if this person can take their vacation in one week, I would be able to take it in a few weeks, not in six months. This is the outcome that I want to define the problem than the outcome that you want. And then I want you to see the big picture. See the big picture is to understand things. Let us take another example. There is a conflict with your boss because he asked you to do something to give that report by 06:00 PM and you didn't give it a you gave it the day after. And instead of coming at you and started yelling at you, he could have seen the big picture. It means that he could have just asked himself the question. Maybe something happened. Maybe Alan didn't give the report by 06:00 PM because something happened. Maybe he was working on something more important. Maybe that co-worker asks him to help something, to ask him for help with something that was really important for the company. So the bus should have come to me and say, Hey, Allan, what happened? Why didn't you give me the report by 06:00 PM and understand the big picture. So in any conflict and you can prevent that by just understanding if the person is saying that, if the person is doing that like the person D data why it happened. And you can ask the question like, why it happened. Why did you do that? White happened to understand the big picture. And most of the time, by just understanding the big picture, you can avoid the conflicts in Iraq. In our other example here with the timetables and the fact that this person here can take the vacation in one week and I can only take like in six months. You can just see the big picture. Maybe like this. Maybe it's just unfair. Or maybe the big picture is that this person like worked really hard, was working full-time and is really tired like they have two kids and really stress and I'm only working part-time and I'm I'm like feeding rates or maybe my boss needs me for another project. I tried to understand the big picture. Understand. I'm not saying that it's fair. And just want you to understand the big picture. What are you willing to negotiate and non negotiate in the conflict that you're having? How much of the conflict are you willing to negotiate and what are the non-negotiable thing? In our vacation problem? The non-negotiable thing is that I'm going to get a vacation in the next month. I'm going to make it happen. What are the things that I can negotiate? Ok, maybe it cannot be next month, but can be in two max three months. But this is what I'm willing to negotiate and this is what I'm not willing to negotiate. So in any conflict, you must know what has to happen, like what you want to happen at other things that you don't want to negotiate. And what are the things that you can negotiate? What they think they say, oh, I'm open to change or I'm open to like to do this bay the thing differently. Black be open to change. What, what are they willing to negotiate and non-negotiable empathy. If this person did that work, that was really poor, or that gave you that report late. And there is a conflict that he MTA. I I understand that you have a lot of work and a stand that you have this situation Hall. I understand that by just using the sentence say I understand that you didn't mean to be to understand that you didn't mean to be mean to me. I understand that you didn't want to hurt me. I didn't understand that and have bad intentions. I autotelic edit. And that helps when you are dealing with conflicts to prevent, like to make the conflict go way to deal with the complex, to use empathy, the facts, feelings, and desires. This one here is the best. If you want to express feelings in a confrontation, you are only going to talk about yourself. And you are going to talk about the fact the fact that you gave this person the vacation next week. Feelings made me feel unworthy. I felt it was unfair. Desire. So that's why I would like you to give me my vacations in the next three months. There was a conflict home with misunderstanding. Hey, the fact that you left yesterday made me feel terrible. And I would like that next time that there is a conflict that appears in a home that we just discuss it. Are you okay with that? You communicate with the facts, the feelings and desires that reports the famous report, the fact that you gave me the report the day after that I've asked you made me feel I'm terrible because I had to report to my bosses and the web expecting that reports. And they're like next time that you have this problem that you just text me or call me and you explain the situation so we can come up with a better way to tell that. You, are you okay with that? You can see here the facts, feelings, and desires, which really powerful. You go in dealing with conflicts it to find a solution, not to win an argument. You don't want to prove the other person wrong. You want to win the argument. That's why you think that you are willing to negotiate and non negotiate. Find the solution. Come up with a solution, talk, understand the big picture, why it happened. Why it happened, understand all the dynamics, the people involved, understand what's going on, see the big picture, and try to find a solution. If the person is wrong, you don't have to prove the other person wrong. You want to find the solution. You want to find a solution to deal with the conflict. That's what you want, that's your goal. And this video, really different goal. If you go with, I have to find the solution for this conflict. This is what I am willing to negotiate. This What I'm not willing to negotiate. This is the big picture here. Okay? I'm using empathy and understand the other person's point of view. Let's talk now. Let's talk in terms of facts, feelings, and desires. The facts are that the feelings and you talk about your feelings. I felt that I felt that in the desire. I want you to do that. And you can see that if you use that, you will be able to solve and prevent a lot of conflicts with paraphrasing to prevent conflicts. And you'll be able to solve them more easily. 14. Reduce Negative Emotions & Discomfort When Talking To People: Now let's talk about how you can deal with negative emotions. So we have talked so far about the techniques that you can use to communicate your ideas, to share your ideas, to deal with conflicts, to share feedback, to receive feedback. And you must know something is that you must take care of how you feel in these situations. So the first thing that you must know is that conflicts are part of life. It's something that's going to happen. The only time that you are not going to be in conflict with them on, is when you are dead, basically human beings, it happens, we have different points of view, have different values, we have different behaviors, we believe in different things, and conflicts are part of life. So by becoming comfortable with that, you just understand that conflicts with their eyes will arise like if it will happen. And you must understand that, that the best way to deal with conflicts is buying, having an empowering state, by being confident and having these positive emotions. As you can see here, the best response to giving feedback, receiving feedback, dealing with an insult to sharing new ideas is about having this confident and positive emotions in your body. Because these are the feelings that will be empowering. It's not when you are stressed, when you are negative or when someone insulted you when you want to say something back. These are not the best emotions to deal with. That's why it's important that you understand that conflicts are part of life in that happen. And the best way to deal with that is to focus on everything that happens, creates that that happened to you, Creates That was great in your life that day that I'm not telling you to be like unrealistic and just like be happy all the time and telling you to draw from that energy, that positive energy, to feel that positive energy. But then if this person's heritage, you are at something, you are going to talk with that person, but you are going to talk to that person from the good energy that is confidence, positive emotions. And you will be able to find solutions more effectively. Understand that conflicts are part of life. So feel confident and positive emotions. You focus on positive things. You feel confidence. Remember the posture, shoulders, back, chest open, and you feel these positive emotions. Even if you are tired, even issue I have a lot of work. Even if you are negative, even if you're angry, upset, try to speak from his emotions. It will be much more powerful. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be, the more you practice the communication techniques that you have learned here, the more comfortable you will become using them. Maybe you're not comfortable are now using empathy. Or maybe it's not, maybe not use, used to talking in terms of benefits and or pain or you're not used to repeat things. Tried to use. At each elements like once a day, try to use them over and over again until it becomes until you become comfortable. And also dealing with your emotions. Why now I could focus on something that is bad, sad, and have the body language of someone who is bad, whose sad and depressed and fill that. Or I could up, could have the posture of someone who is confident, positive, and think about everything that went well today. It's my choice. I'm in control of higher feel at any moment in time. But it took me practice and now I can go from depressed, I want to kill myself to oh, I'm the best. And I can do that in a few seconds. So something to help you with is ask yourself this question. If you wear on top of shape today and you had 100% energy and you are the most confident person. How would you behave? What would your posture be like? And, you know already, you already know how a depressed person is and how a confident person is, you already know, but by asking yourself this question, it can help you to tap into that potential that you have and that can destroy these negative emotions. It's okay to fill these negative emotions. But there are certain times you don't want it to be speaking from these negative emotions because you don't have full power. Imagine that here is your full power. Positive, confident. And if you are negative upsets, you will be here and this would be the power that you have. Like the power of the B leg, the creativity, the comebacks and everything. When you are angry, upset, you don't say great things. They don't say great things to deal with conflicts. You don't say great things home and try to be in this positive and confident stage. This one here is really, really important to be aware of the other person's emotions, but don't feel them. You will be feeling confident and positive. And somebody who is really angry or is really sad. I don't want you to lower your energy. I want to just to understand their point of view. You will understand their point of view emotionally. But she will stay that create state because you will be able to help that person or to deal with the conflict from this energy that you have, this confident and positive energy that you have. And you don't want to feel the same energy as the other person. Otherwise, you will be in the same situation and experiencing the same emotions are the other person and you cannot help them. You cannot deal effectively with the conflicts in that state of emotions. So it doesn't mean that you don't have empathy. If you don't feel what they feel, you just understand the situations. But you don't feel the other person's emotion. You understand their feelings. You understand the pain, but you don't go down with them. You stay up and then you take them with you. And you take them from where they are to the good state. And this is really important here. It says that's how you manage your negative emotions. So this was really an amazing course that I was really excited to Ricard. I hope that you had a lot of content of advice. This literally here are the best technique that there is an assertiveness and communication. So you can go through the course again. And if you haven't taken any notes, take notes, and always ask yourself this question, How can I apply that to my situation? And you will see that you practice that over and over again and you will become a big success. I know you will become a big success. See you next time.