Develop True Confidence and a Growth Mindset | Joeel and Natalie Rivera | Skillshare

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Develop True Confidence and a Growth Mindset

teacher avatar Joeel and Natalie Rivera

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

42 Lessons (3h 56m)
    • 1. 1: Introduction

    • 2. 2: What Confidence Is and Is Not

    • 3. 3: Failure is a Good Thing!

    • 4. 4: The Growth Mindset (The Key to Confidence)

    • 5. 5: Growing Your Brain & Neuroplasticity

    • 6. 6: Develop a Growth Mindset Part 1: Awareness

    • 7. 7: Develop a Growth Mindset Part 2: Perspective

    • 8. 8: Develop a Growth Mindset Part 3: Action

    • 9. 9: Identifying Areas of Low Confidence

    • 10. 10: Identifying Specific Problem Areas

    • 11. 11: Analyzing Alternatives

    • 12. 12: Feeding the Brain

    • 13. 13: Overcoming Self Doubt

    • 14. 14: Hesitation

    • 15. 15: Hiding

    • 16. 16: Hypercritical

    • 17. 17: Helplessness

    • 18. 18: Zone of Proximal Development

    • 19. 19: Little Steps and Developing Related Areas

    • 20. 20: Implicit vs Explicit and Repetition

    • 21. 21: “Quick Wins” to Get Started

    • 22. 22: 5-Second Decisions

    • 23. 23: Immediate Massive Action

    • 24. 24: Dealing with Others

    • 25. 25: Social Facilitation

    • 26. 26: Stop Putting Others on a Pedestal

    • 27. 27: Fear of Change

    • 28. 28: Change Resume

    • 29. 29: Defining RISK and BRAVE

    • 30. 30: Fear Setting

    • 31. 31: Self Talk & Affirmations

    • 32. 32: Uncovering the Lies

    • 33. 33: Reframing Your Thoughts

    • 34. 34 Body Language and Incantations

    • 35. 35: Visualization

    • 36. 36: Put the Oxygen Mask On Yourself First

    • 37. 37 Fill Your Cup

    • 38. 38: Developing a Different Character You Play

    • 39. 39: Daily Accomplishments/Brag Sheet

    • 40. 40: Confidence Boosters

    • 41. 41: NLP Exercise: Anchoring 5 Confident Emotions

    • 42. 42: Conclusion and Next Steps

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About This Class

Develop True Confidence and a Growth Mindset

No more superficial self-esteem! Stop holding yourself back, overcome self-doubt, fulfill your potential, be unstoppable

No more superficial self-esteem!

Most courses on developing confidence encourage you to boost your self-esteem, feel confident in your abilities, and feel certain you’ll be viewed favorably by others. Unfortunately, this is a HUGE mistake! You see, having to feel good about yourself discourages you from stepping out of your comfort zone. Needing to feel confident in your abilities makes you avoid trying anything you might be bad at. And needing to be accepted by others holds you back from your dreams.

The truth is, keeping your ego happy and getting approval from others will NEVER make you truly confident because deep down you’ll feel like a fraud.

Think about it… what do you REALLY want confidence FOR? 

  • You want to be confident so you can stop holding yourself back from your dreams. 
  • So you can stop setting goals that you never actually reach. 
  • So you can be brave enough to take the risk and go for it. So you can stop playing small and actually reach for the potential you know that is trapped within you.

You owe it to yourself to develop a mindset of true confidence. If you do you’ll find that:

  • Instead of feeling socially anxious and dependent on the positive judgment of others in order to feel good about yourself, you’ll learn how to feel deeply confident even in the face of rejection and criticism.
  • Instead of sugar coating your flaws and failures, you’ll develop healthy self-esteem built upon true unshakable confidence. You’ll feel good about yourself in a way that doesn’t get knocked down by failure or judgment.
  • Instead of shrinking back from risk or being crushed by failure, you’ll learn how to turn challenges and setbacks into the fuel you need to ignite your life.
  • Instead of wasting energy trying to avoid revealing your weaknesses, you’ll know once and for all that your TRUE strength lies in your ability to improve and move forward no matter where you are now or what stands in your way.
  • Instead of arguing for your limitations and holding back your true gifts for fear of failure or ridicule, you’ll develop such a strong belief in your own potential and that nothing, NOTHING, has the power to hold you back anymore. You’ll be unstoppable!

In this course we’re not going to offer you a quick fix or an ego boost.  We’re going to dive deep into the most up-to-date leading edge research into the psychology of success and what creates genuine, long-term, unshakable confidence.

In this course, you’ll learn:

  • The #1 core underlying belief that unlocks genuine confidence—the growth mindset
  • The 4 traps of self-doubt and how overcome them
  • Powerful tools for taking action even when you feel paralyzed
  • How to take your power back
  • How to overcome fear of failure, risk, and change

So, who are we?

We are Joeel & Natalie Rivera, serial entrepreneurs, authors, speakers, and educators. We’ve learned how to develop the confidence to cliff dive into a life as entrepreneurs, including the uncertainty that comes with it. We’ve learned to use failure as a catalyst and no longer fear risk. We’ve learned how to stop doubting ourselves and holding ourselves back because we know that we’re meant to make a difference and that hiding from our greatness harms the people we are meant to help. And, we’ve learned that everyone has latent potential, including you, that will transform their lives if they develop the confidence to be their authentic selves.

Plus, we have over a decade in the field of psychology and life coaching to back it up!

And we know that the insights we share just in the introduction to this course have the power to completely change the way you look at yourself and your true potential.

Meet Your Teacher

Joeel & Natalie have had the pleasure of having over 120,000 students from over 192 countries throughout their career. They  are powerful, passionate, and REAL! They take students beyond the typical online course experience by evoking deep, emotional reactions that transform them from within. Rather than simply learning information, students finish each course with a clear, immediate action to take and practical tools to stay empowered and achieve success.

Joeel & Natalie's goal is to challenge individuals to step outside their comfort-zones and break free of their old patterns and limitations. They inspire students to rewrite their life stories, turn their curses into blessings, discover their greater purpose, and be the change they want to see in the world.

Mor... See full profile

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1. 1: Introduction: Are you ready to develop true confidence and a growth mindset? Great. Well, it starts with saying no to superficial self esteem. You see most courses on developing confidence encourage you toe, boost your self esteem, feel confident in your abilities and feel certain you'll be viewed favorably by others. But unfortunately, this is a huge mistake. Having to feel good about yourself discourages you from stepping out of your comfort zone. Needing to feel confident in your abilities makes you avoid trying anything that you might be bad at. And needing to be accepted by others holds you back from your dreams. The truth is keeping your ego happy and getting approval from others will never make you truly confident because deep down you'll feel like a fraud. Think about it. What do you really want confidence for? You want to be confident so you can stop holding yourself back from your dreams so you can stop setting goals that you never actually reach, so you can be brave enough to take the risk and go for it so you can stop playing small and actually reach for the potential that you know is trapped within you. You owe it to yourself to develop a mindset of true confidence. If you do, you'll find that instead of feeling socially anxious and dependent on the positive judgment of others in order to feel good about yourself, you learn how to feel deeply confident, even in the face of rejection and criticism. And instead of sugar coating your flaws and failures, you'll develop healthy self esteem built upon true, unshakable confidence. You'll feel good about yourself in a way that doesn't get knocked down by failure or judgment, and a set of shrinking back from risk or being crushed by failure. You'll learn how to turn challenges and setbacks into the fuel you need to ignite your life . And instead of wasting energy trying to avoid revealing your weaknesses, you'll know once and for all that your true strength lies in your ability to improve and move forward no matter where you are now or what stands in your way. And instead of arguing for your limitations and holding back your true gifts for fear of failure or ridicule, you'll develop such a strong belief in your own potential that nothing nothing has the power to hold you back anymore because you'll be unstoppable. So in this course, we're not gonna offer you a quick fix for the ego boost. Let's face it, it would help you feel good if we did. But it's not gonna help you long term. Develop the skills that you need to really develop confidence. We're gonna give you a deep dive into the most up to date, leading edge research into the psychology of success on what creates genuine long term unshakable confidence. Seeing this course, you'll learn one, the number one core underlining belief that really young locks genuine confidence, the growth mindset. You also learn the four traps of self doubts and how to overcome them. You also learn powerful tools for taking actions. Even when you feel paralyzed, you'll learn how to take your power back and how to overcome fear, failure, risk and change. So who are we? We are Joel and not leave Rivera and we are serial entrepreneurs, author, speakers and educators. We've learned how to develop the confidence to really Clift up into life as entrepreneurs, including the uncertainties that come with it. We've learned how to use failure as a catalyst and no longer fear risk. We've learned how to stop doubting ourselves and holding ourselves back, because we know that we're meant to make a difference in that hiding from our greatness harms of people that were supposed to help and the people that were supposed to serve. And we've learned that everyone has laying potential, including you, that will transform their lives if they develop the confidence to be their own authentic self. Plus, we have over a decade in the field psychology and life coaching to back it up. We've had also the pleasure working with over 40,000 students from 180 countries and look forward to serving you in this course. We know that the insights we shared just in the introduction of this course has the power to completely change the way you look at yourself in your to potential and also the way that you look at confidence and how to utilize it in your own life. We look forward to seeing you in your course 2. 2: What Confidence Is and Is Not: to get things started, we're first gonna address what confidence is and is not. So what's the first thing that comes to your mind when I ask you what confidence is. For most people, what comes to mind is to feel confident and then for other people, they might think of confidence as a personality trait or maybe a belief in their abilities or self esteem. But the truth is that none of these are what confidence truly is. First off, confidence is not a feeling. The truth is that feelings like nervousness, anxiety, apprehension and fear are totally normal. Confident people still feel these things, yet they're confident, so confidence is not a personality trait, either. Many people interpret extroverted people who are outgoing and like the spotlight as being confident, and they judge introverted people who are more quiet or reserved and maybe even to themselves as not being confident. But the truth is that there are many seemingly outgoing people who have very low levels of confidence and many reserved people with extremely high levels of self confidence. Confidence also is not a belief in your abilities. Believing you're good at something is competency, not confidence. You can be confident that you're good at something. But you can also be confident that you're bad at something. The definition of confidence can be that it's your level of certainty in your ability. So you can be confident that you're a terrible speaker and you're pretty certain that you're right. And so in this situation, confidence is not a good thing. This time of confidence or certainty magnifies whatever we tell ourselves. It's referred to as self validation because we tend to act on what we are certain about causing us toe actually create the outcome that we expected and then validating that belief system. But this is not helpful. This is not the confidence that we want, right, and so we need a better definition of confidence. And so lastly, confidence is not the same thing, a self esteem which is really just self judgment. The self esteem movement has existed for decades and encourages people toe think positive about themselves. But well, it might make you feel good about yourself in the moment. It doesn't really lead to riel confidence. In fact, the need to feel good about yourself can actually lower your confidence because growth and success often require you to do new things that you're bad at and are uncomfortable with and therefore leads you to having a negative self judgment. And so seeking feeling good at all times can actually hold you back. So if your confidence is improved by success and diminished by failure than your talking about self esteem, not confidence and in this case, one way that you might end up trying to boost your self esteem is by being better than others, which usually means acting confident or being arrogant or constantly competing. And the only other way toe win in this situation is to lower your standards and make your goals easier to accomplishment. You win more, and so you feel better about yourself. But in the end you lose. You lose because your ego is big, but your self esteem is vulnerable. For example, if you build your self esteem around your looks and you age yourself, work plummets. If you build it around, be smart and you find yourself on smarter people, your shrink back. In fact, you're probably surround yourself with less smart people just to boost your own ego. If you build your self esteem around being right, which is extremely common. You will harm your relationships, your battle with someone you love toe win and end up losing trust and love, plus your battle for bad ideas just because they're yours robbing yourself and others of greatness. So what should you build yourself a steam around your ability toe? Learn your ability to be resourceful. The goal is to develop an identity of someone that can grow, change, learn and figure out if you can do those things you cannot feel, and your belief in yourself is no longer vulnerable. So confidence not just feeling ill thought you will feel confident it's not. A fixed rate is not simply a belief in yourself or self esteem, although in part of it it is. So what is it? Confidence is a skill one that can be developing strengthen like a muscle confidences, willingness to try, combined with trust that you will figure it out and willingness. A try means a willingness to act, even if the face of fear and uncertainty and trust doesn't mean that you just trust you won't fail and me. So you trust that even if you do feel your learned something from it and continue. Try until you figure it out. See, when you define confidence based on action, it allows you develop competency. First, you need to identify what areas you want to develop confidence in, which is off course, the difference for each person. Then you have a goal for an area of your life. You can take action in that direction. When you try, you either succeed or receive valuable insights. And either way you learn. You grow, you develop, and then you apply what you've learned to improve your abilities and skill, which builds competency. Then not only do you have a higher self esteem because your competency is better, you have true confidence because you know that no matter where you are now, your willingness a try is one unlocks your future and full potential. So in the next video, you learn why thinking of confidence as a feeling of belief in your ability actually hinders your potential and how to need to feel good and be smart, discouraging from even trying sometimes and you'll learn that all you have to do has changed the way you think about yourself and practice the mindset of true confidence and you'll be able to stop dining yourself and know deeply within you that you can do and create anything you could dream off and step forward where what really is and truly is confidence. 3. 3: Failure is a Good Thing!: So now I want to talk about failure. It is probably one of the things that you love to do the most. Maybe not. But a lot of times we all fear failure. We fear being wrong. We fear that it's something is gonna not go right. But the problem is that you're viewing it the wrong way because failure such a positive thing. Failure can be an amazing thing to transform your life and get you where you want to go, because when we start viewing it from a different perspective, what we do is that we give it the seeds to really give us the opportunities that failures for a lot of times. What happens is that people look at failure and they think that it defines us. We get attached to that failure and think that it is who we are instead of seeing it for what it is. So we look at it from If I feel at this, that means that I am a failure. That means that I am not good enough. I am not smart enough, but most people don't realize that failure is an opportunity. If you've never failed, you've never tried anything. If you've never failed, you never gone for your dreams. You never actually took risk in your life because everyone in life is gonna fail. And that's part of the growth process, part of the learning process, part of going and getting the things that we want to get so part of becoming confident it's releasing the risk. And what I mean with that is that you have to release the perspective of what failure means . One of things that we do when we ever launch business. A lot of people say so how do you do all these things? You know, How do you how have you created this business and done this and that? But what happens is that we fail as much as possible. From the get go, we just deep dive into whatever we're doing. Why? Because by failing quickly, we know what we're doing wrong. And we could right the ship. But if we never try because we're attached, that what we fail If it defines us, we're never gonna be fully confident and anything because to become confident, we have to become competent and the way you become competent, it's by making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. So how can you shift that? You shift it by being open, to be wrong, open to failing, open to learning. So do something you're actually afraid off. And the way I look at it, if I'm not actually afraid sometimes of what I'm doing that I'm not pushing myself, I'm becoming too complacent. How am I gonna build my confidence to the next level the next up? Achieve more live life more abundantly in every aspect of my life. If I don't take that next up So once I'm not feeling any fear whatsoever. I know that I'm not pushing my boundaries. I know that I'm not expanding. And what happens is as you fail, even take this steps, you learn from that failure and then you do it right the next time. What you're doing is that you're developing a record of success behind your failures, and you're starting to recognize that those failures and just stepping stones. Now don't get me wrong. If you keep family, have the same thing over and over and over and over again and keep doing the same thing. It's probably that you're doing it wrong and Sometimes people come to me is like, I want to be more confident this area. But every time I fail and I've tried everything and I'm still failing at it and ask it Okay , so what have you done? Tell me. List out all the ways that you've tried and they tell me that one thing. And then they like you. And I almost tried this one and like, Okay, what else have you tried? No, that's it. Oh, yeah. At the beginning, they say I tried everything, but I tried. Everything is just an excuse because they failed once and they don't want to feel again. So you have to be willing to shift and learn from that experience to keep growing and trying something different. It's like that quote doing the same thing over and over again. It's insanity or something like that, but is remembering that you can shift yourself, And if you're not afraid, you're not growing at the same time. Sometimes that failure in not trying deep diving into something and just doing small things enough that we know we're gonna fail. But not going to really learn anything from it is sometimes what we do to stay in that comfort zone because then that dream stays out there. What we want to create, confident, just stays out there just barely reachable. But it stays alive in our mind. If we fail fully really trying that that means that the dreams not possible that means that we can't really be confident specific areas of our life because again, we're looking at failure in the wrong way. So at the same time, there sometimes again when I'm trying to use their benefits of not developing confidence because if we had confidence, how would our life change what we do different? What? I really go for that. Or would I go for this when I go for my dreams, would actually become a speaker, will become a writer. Ah, successful writer. What? I developed this business or what I do This is apparent. Whatever may be, sometimes we get comfortable not going for what we really want. So they're benefit to not developing confidence. So again changed the way that you see failure. Because if you can start seeing fair, there's an opportunity it will build your confidence tremendously because then you're going to see that failure is just a stepping stone. But to do that every time you feel, you gotta ask yourself, what did I learn from this? That's gonna help me grow is gonna help me develop that Aiken, Do something differently. And if you could do that, you're going to get the most value, that failure, because you're going to get all the information, all the lessons that that step has for you so you can grow. That's all. Failure is. It's a lesson for you to grow in the area that you want to develop the confidence and hope that helps. 4. 4: The Growth Mindset (The Key to Confidence): in this video, I'm gonna go over developing a mindset of confidence. Developing confidence is developing an identity of someone who will take action and figure it out. In orderto have this identity, you have to believe that you have control over your life and that you'll take action. So there are two foundational psychological concepts here that need to be in place for this to happen. For you, the first is called locus of control, which refers to what you believe is and is not within your control. So some people feel like life is simply happening to them like they're a victim of whatever it is that happens. They haven't external locus of control. Now other people believe that they're in control of their lives. And even when something happens to them that appears to come from the outside, they still are able to see that they do have power over the outcome. And this is an internal locus of control. So everyone varies. How much control that they think that they have, depending on different circumstances in their life. And so the question is, how do you develop an internal locus of control and then feel empowered about your life. So this is where the second psychological principle comes in called bias towards action. Because if you feel like your life is like totally outside of your control, you're unlikely to take action because you don't believe that it's gonna make any difference. You have a bias towards inaction in that situation. So in order to overcome this, you have to begin taking action and seeing what happens. So in the confidence in action section, we're going to talk about the five second rule, which is a great tool for helping you practice taking action. Now the goal is toe act when you normally wouldn't, which will lead to changes in the circumstances that you wouldn't have had otherwise. And doing this over time shows yourself that you do have more influence over your life than you had formerly thought. You develop a bias towards action, meaning you believe that you're the type of person who takes action to influence their own life, and then this, in turn, develops your internal locus of control and makes you feel empowered to direct your own life. It gives you confidence, but there is one underlying psychological principle that is even more important to understand. It's the core belief that ultimately determines your ability to have an internal locus of control and the bias towards action. It's the one key ingredient to developing confidence, and it also happens to be the same belief that differentiates those who are successful from those who aren't. But it's not even just a belief. It's a mindset. It's a way of looking at yourself and at life. People who have this mindset are more resilient. They're better at coping with failure and the more likely to challenge themselves. Ultimately, they're more confident. Those who do not have it are less resilient, their poor coping with failure and they avoid challenge that could reveal their flogs. So it sounds pretty important, right? And it ISS. But before I tell you what it is, let me tell you a quick story. So when I was in high school in college, I didn't take credit for my good grades. In fact, I almost felt guilty about them. I believed that I did well because I was naturally smart. I didn't better than others because I was smarter. I didn't like being praised or recognized because I felt bad, making, others feel inferior. I mean, it wasn't their fault. They just weren't as lucky as me on then. When I went back to college full time to finally finish my degree, I had an epiphany. I realized that I acted differently than other people. I made different decisions. I considered that maybe I was more successful, not simply because I was intelligent, but because I put in effort. Maybe it was because of those times I would stay home and work on the homework while my friends were out partying. Maybe it was that I paid attention in class and took great notes. Maybe it was because I cared about doing well and worked hard for my A's. And then a couple of years later, I was running a team coaching centre and I was telling my business partner about this epiphany, and I was pointing out that my success is an entrepreneur was because I put the effort in to reflect and discover what I really wanted. I chose to go back to school. I was willing to start a business in my twenties, and her reaction was to put me down and shoved me back into that same old box. She said I was able to do all these things because I was smarter. I was more privileged. It was easy for me and therefore I shouldn't take any credit. So the question is, who was right now? I also want you to consider this example that I'm going to tell you and how you would feel if it were you. Now imagine that you had a terrible day. You spilled coffee on your shirt, on the way to work. You got a parking ticket on your lunch break, and your boss reprimanded you for publishing a document with several major errors. How would you react? A. You feel bad about yourself for being clumsy, unintelligent, an unlucky. He'd accept that this is just how your life tends to go, or B you'd be upset, but you'd be thinking about how you probably should have gotten the better travel mug and been more careful where you parked and double check your work. Then I want you to consider these questions. If I told you that your intelligence, like your I Q score is something about you that you can't change. Would you either a agree or be disagree. And if I told you that talents are something that you're born with, would you either a agree or be disagree? And so did you answer mostly A's or bees to these questions? Before I tell you about the mindset I'm talking about here and what the A's and the B's represent? I want you to know the number one most important thing that you need to know about this mindset and that is that if you don't already have this mindset, the good news is that you can learn it. In fact, sometimes assembling, knowing about it can dramatically alter people's lives because it changes the way you look at yourself. Plus, this entire course is designed to help you develop this mindset, and it's the piece that's missing from most programs about confidence. The belief system we're gonna be talking about here is a growth mindset, and the opposite way of thinking about the world is a fixed mindset. So if you answered all bees and you agreed with my epiphany, then you have a growth mindset, and if you answered some A's, that's okay because your answers to those questions will be very different by the time you finish this course, so let me explain what this means. The research behind the growth mindset has been conducted by Carol Dweck, Ph. D. Who's a psychology professor at Stanford University. And in a nutshell, the growth mindset is a belief that your basic qualities, including intelligence and talent, can be cultivated through effort. This means that while people might be in a totally different with certain aptitudes and temperaments, the truth is that all aspects of a person's abilities and personality can be changed, regardless of where your set point is. The fixed mindset, on the other hand, is a belief that these same characteristics are fixed at either birth or they become a locked in by a certain age. And this means that some people are just inherently more talented or intelligent than others. And that's just the way that it ISS and they always will be. So if you feel like at least part of you believes that intelligence and talent are fixed, then you're not alone because most people, especially in the Western world, believe this because our culture teaches us that it's true. So it's not your fault. Emphasis is put on testing us to determine our intelligence all through our lives, such as taking an I Q test or being graded in school. No one stops to think that a single test taken on a certain day at a certain age cannot possibly predict how well you would do on the same test years later, after learning more or when you're in a better mood or you've matured. But we're taught that these tests identify what we've got, and that's it. We're stuck with it. We also live in a culture that is obsessed with natural talent. Now imagine to tennis players had equal level of ability and we're going to be competing in a match. And you were told that one of them was a natural that barely even had to try, and the other one had to work 10 hours a day to perform at that same level. Who would you expect to win the match? The truth is, the vast majority of people vote for the natural because we've been trained to value natural ability over cultivated ability, and there are two problems with this one. Is that in reality, the people who work hard to develop their abilities far out win the natural is in the long run. The other problem is that if being a natural, it's so important. It actually discourages the effort that it takes for those who have to work at it. And that's exactly what happens. People with a fixed mindset believe they'll always have the same level of talent, regardless of how much effort they put it. They've either got it or they don't. And because of this they spend a lot of effort trying to prove their abilities and intelligence. They wanna look smart, so if they're not immediately good is something they stopped doing it. This is because they're in a constant quest to prove that they're talented or intelligent to a fixed mindset. Person effort is a bad thing. Having toe work hard as something is a signal that you're not a natural talent and that you're not highly intelligent because if you were, then you wouldn't have to try so hard, and as a result, they don't challenge themselves. They don't like trying new things, and so they never developed their potential. They're trapped, reaching Onley as far as their current abilities can take them, and they're trapped because to them failure is devastating. It means they are a failure. And because they don't want to have to take on an identity as a failure, they'll often blame others or the outside world when they do fail. And that's if they even allow themselves to try fixed mindset. People find joy in being the best or being judged as being talented or smart. Now, on the other hand, gross mindset. People see the world very differently. They believe that the more effort they put into something, whether it's practicing or learning, the better they will become. If they're not good at something, they see as a sign that they have to work harder. They have little need to prove that they're talented or intelligent and instead are on a never ending quest to continue to grow and improve. How hard someone tries is actually how they measure a person's value. They enjoy challenge and see challenge as an opportunity to learn something and expand their boundaries. And while they don't like feeling, they also don't ever believe that they are a failure because they filled. They see failure as a learning experience, growth mindset. People find joy in progress and learning. So what is important to know here is that if you didn't already know that you can change and improve your talents, your skills, your intelligence, your characteristics, your behaviors. Well, now you know. And it isn't just the studies behind the psychology of the growth mindset that back this up its brain and neuroscience to It's not just your belief that you can change or that your actual abilities can change your brain changes to so all of these things that you didn't think you could do simply because you haven't done them yet. They're all now possibilities for you again. So in the next video, I'm going to talk about how to develop a growth mindset, and then we'll continue to address this through the rest of the course. 5. 5: Growing Your Brain & Neuroplasticity: in this video, you're gonna learn how we can grow our brains. Everyone knows that when you lift weights repeatedly, over time, your muscles grow bigger and get stronger. And then when you stop exercising the muscles, they shrink again and they get weaker. But most people don't know that when they practice and activity are, they learn new information that their brain actually changes and get stronger, much like a muscle. So it's kind of fun to understand neuro plasticity and why it matters. You see, the brain is made up of billions of tiny nerve cells, called neurons that are all connected together through a network of over a trillion tiny branches, which are made up of then rights, which are the receivers and Exxon's, which are the transmitters. So every time we think or act, it's because these neurons are communicating by sending signals through their den rights all the way to whatever location is needed to trigger the cell toe act. So the signal itself is a chemical called a neurotransmitter. Actually, there's lots of them, and these signals are responsible for every step you take for your heart beating and for your thoughts and for your motions basically everything. So you might have heard the phrase neurons that fire together wire together. And what this means is that certain neurons connect to each other through a chain or a network off pathways from one area of your brain to another. And when you use a certain pathway or wire repeatedly, the connection between the neurons strengthens, and this process is called Lila Nation, and it literally involves a protective coating encasing the wire. Like the rubber coating that goes over an electrical wire. This myelin sheath makes signals able to move faster, which the brain loves because it's primary goal is efficiency. So when you repeat a behavior or an action or an emotion or thought over and over over again, the pathway responsible for sending the signal becomes stronger, and it becomes easier and easier to continue to repeat this. This is how skills are developed and habits are formed, and it's also how emotional triggers are created and negative patterns are formed. So whether the outcome is good or bad, whatever you do repeatedly changes the physical workings of the neural connections in your brain. But interestingly, it isn't Onley. These connections that are strengthening its the entire brain. In fact, scientists have found that the brain literally grows bigger or heavier, just like a muscle. And what's important to know is that for many years scientists believe that the brain loses its ability to grow and change early in life. But they now have proof that even old brains can change by developing more connections and strengthening those wires. So now I'm gonna tell you the truth about smart and dumb. Most people believe that there and everyone else's intelligence is fixed. Your born smart, dumb or average, and your capacity for learning is determined by what you're born with. But interestingly, no one thinks babies are stupid because they can't talk or read or solve equations. Those things, of course, are learned with practice and exposure, and babies can't even walk until their muscles get stronger. Right? Well, we don't question this, but somehow we've been tricked into believing that after a certain point, you're either smart or not, and that's just the end of it. But the truth is that while there are minor variations between people with some innate predispositions, the factor that contributes to a person's level of intelligence at any age is their exposure to information and experience, combined with the amount of time that they spend learning. The truth is that intelligence can be grown just like any other physical capability can be improved. It takes work, and it can be challenging. But this is also the case for a weightlifter who wants to increase the strength or a runner who wants to increase their speed. So here are some brain research fund fax. When people practicing playing an instrument have their brains scanned, it actually shows that the brain part of the brain that moves the fingers grows larger. Another one cab drivers who must memorize vast, detailed geographical data have much larger hippocampus is, which is the area of the brain that's responsible for memory. Another one. While scientists used to think that we had a fixed amount of brain cells for the whole life span, they now know that we grow new brain cells every day and that we grow even more new ones. When we're learning new information or skills, he has another one. Twin rats were raised in two different environments, multiple sets of twins where one twin was put in a bear cage and another was put in a cage filled with enriching activities. And not only did the enriched rats turn out to be smarter and more physically healthy, their brains were actually heavier, and they had more neural connections. So how does all this relate to confidence? Because, just like someone's intelligence can be improved through exposure to information and through practicing, soak in someone's confidence, just like the musicians and cab drivers and rats. Our brains can be developed. They can grow. So when it comes to developing greater confidence, understanding that the brain can grow and change helps us know the two most important things that we need to know about developing confidence. First, that you can change your brain, your intelligence, your capability and your confidence. They're not fixed traits. And this is why the growth mindset is so important. And then second, the way you grow and improve is through exposure, learning and practice. And that's what the rest of this course is about. 6. 6: Develop a Growth Mindset Part 1: Awareness: let's get started with the first step of developing a growth mindset. Now that you know what a growth mindset is and why it's such an important belief system, you can begin to practice this way of thinking. Developing a growth mindset begins with the choice that you want to believe in the growth mindset, even if it's hard to overcome your old way of thinking at first. It also starts with accepting your fixed mindset. Everyone has fixed mindset tendencies in one way or another. Onley, by accepting that is that is there. Do you have any power to change your mindset? There are three steps to developing a growth mindset. Developing awareness, changing your perspective and taking growth mindset. Action. So let's look it. Step one awareness, and that is awareness of yourself. Talk and your fixed mindset triggers. Everyone has an internal voice, and part of this voice is an inner critic or an inner hater or an inner Doubter. It's the fixed mindset persona. You can hear this persona within the negative self talk that happens in your thoughts in mind, and it can sound something like I'm not good enough. I will probably fail. I can't do this. I don't want to risk it. I shouldn't have to try so hard. If I'm not naturally good at this, I should just quit. It's not my fault. This makes me uncomfortable. I'm not doing it. Why try? If it won't change anything, however, it is not a villain. In fact, it believes its job is to protect you and to keep you safe. Unfortunately, it's learned faulty methods for doing that. It's beliefs are limited and they hold you back. But the good news is that by becoming aware of how this persona acts and thinks as well as the impact that has on your life because of it, you can take away its power and read Frame it. You can teach it the growth mindset. First, give your fixed mindset persona. A name naming helps you remind yourself that this mindset or habit of thinking is not who you are. Second, identify your triggers. What situations tend to trigger your fixed mindset persona for each one? Ask yourself, What does your fixed mindset persona tell you when you're in the situation? So here they are when you're thinking about taking on a big challenge or learning something new when you're thinking about making a change when someone criticizes you when you fatal, it's something. When something goes wrong, do you beat yourself up or blame someone else when someone else makes a mistake, do you judge them, Criticize them when you're under pressure or on a deadline when you procrastinate or are feeling lazy when you have a conflict with someone when your reputation is at risk or you worry what others will think, and then the next step is awareness of your reaction. When a situation challenge or criticism happens, that makes you feel judged unworthy or threatened. Become aware of your reaction and your self talk in the moment. Ask yourself, How am I rationalizing or judging the situation? How am I beating myself up for blaming others? What is the fixed mindset persona telling me So, for example, a mountain. You were looking for a new job and you found the perfect position. You are sure you would get this job, and it's the only one that you applied to because it's so perfect. And two weeks later you receive a rejection letter in the mail. Your first reaction is to comfort yourself telling yourself the company most of had 100 highly qualified applicants that also got rejection letters. But then you're fixed mindset. Persona sneaks in. It tells you to stop fooling yourself. The truth is that the hiring manager didn't think you were qualified because you aren't. Or maybe that you're not smart enough or that they don't think that you're smart enough. Or maybe even that they weren't smart enough to see how perfectly your experience and talents matched the position. In the fixed mindset. You have two choices. Either be yourself up or blame someone else. Notice that, like in this example, sometimes you might have an initial reasonable assumption in an attempt to make yourself feel better. But then the devil's advocate your fixed mindset persona chimes in with negative judgements of yourself or blame of others. So once you become aware that your fixed mindset persona is acting up again, you can practice a new way of thinking, which is what we're gonna get into next 7. 7: Develop a Growth Mindset Part 2: Perspective: Now let's talk about the second step in developing a growth mindset, and that is perspective. You may not always be able to change what happens around you, but you always have a choice of how you respond, react and how you view the situation. You will always face challenges and setbacks, and they were either motivate you or discourage you. But the situation itself does not determine which one of those it is. Your perspective does. Now that you know about the growth mindset, you get to choose whether you view each situation, challenge or criticism from a fixed mindset perspective as evidence that your abilities air lacking or a growth mindset perspective as evidence that you need to apply, apply more effort or change your strategy. So now let's talk about the power of your thoughts. Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, is one of the most popular and effective forms of therapy, and ultimately it teaches people how to change their thoughts, their perspective to find a way of viewing the situation in order to feel better and regain their self a stain. So Step two is ultimately using CBT on yourself to shift to a more beneficial point of view , and it results in feeling better about the situation, the words you use, our one powerful way to shift your perspective. So, for example, the word fail can conjure up strong emotions and fear. And to someone with a fixed mindset, failure is the ultimate worst case scenario because it means that they are a failure. But the truth about failure is that as long as you learn something from it that you apply to your life in order to improve going forward, then nothing is lost. It's only failure if either a you don't learn from it and then you give up or be you never try in the first place. So about that 2nd 1 think about it. If you're standing at the bottom of a mountain and you've never climbed the mountain, you are already in the failure position. Why? Well, because if you try and climbing the mountain and you failed, you'd end up back where you are. So not trying is failing. There are also many stories of famous failures that illustrate how failure is not a death sentence. For instance, Walt Disney was fired from a job and told that he lacked imagination, and Steven Spielberg was rejected by the cinematic school that he applied to, but they didn't see their failure as a reflection on themselves. What separates them is that they had a growth mindset. They saw their failure as a learning opportunity. So the next time you hear yourself thinking or saying the word fail, replace it with learn. The new word helps you reframe the situation and help you find the blessing hidden in what seems like a curse. Also, the next time you catch yourself thinking I'm not good at this, always add the word. Yet this lets your mind know that although you might not have the ability, this doesn't mean that you can't by telling your unconscious mind that you can develop the ability you have given it a command and immediately starts to tune into finding ways for you to learn and grow. Now this is the power of your words. So when you catch your fixed mindset persona with a limited thought, ask yourself what else might be going on here. What is a more realistic, an optimistic way to look at the situation? What are the good aspect of the situation How could I look at this differently? And using the previous example, you could talk yourself into feeling better. You can. If you find yourself beating up on yourself. You can soothe yourself by telling yourself that you don't care what other people think. You know what you have to offer. Besides, you'd rather work for an organization that appreciates you. You can also reassure yourself. You have plenty of other options, and you know that you'll find the right job. If you find yourself blaming someone else like the hiring manager, you can also remind yourself that you're power lies in your ability to take responsibility . You can tell yourself that you know, you shouldn't have put all your eggs in one basket. You should have applied to more than one job. Plus, you may have been able to write a better cover letter, But instead of beating yourself up about these things like you normally would, you'll feel good about taking responsibility. And that's because you're going to take the growth mindset step next, which is Step three. The key ingredient here is Step three, because without it, the positive self talk will only help you feel better in the moment. It won't help you learn from the experience, grow or accomplish your goals. Here are other examples of rephrasing fixed mindset thinking into growth mindset thinking so be on the lookout for any time you hear your fixed mindset persona. Taking over your internal dialogue, such as the reactions to the triggers you identified or the following common fixed mindset thoughts. And then you can change your perspective to a growth mindset. When you hear yourself thinking something like what? If you're not good enough, you'll be a failure. You can change it to. Everyone starts out not being good and successful. People fail all the time. When you hear yourself thinking if it's this hard, you're probably just not good at it. You can change it to. If it's hard, it means I need to put in more effort, and it will be a great achievement when I get good at it. When you hear yourself thinking if I don't try, I can't fail and I will keep my dignity. You can change it to. If I don't try, I have already failed, and I have no dignity when you hear yourself thinking it's not my fault. Change it to If I don't accept whatever part of this is my responsibility, I give away my power. So go back through. The fixed mindset triggers you identified. And when your persona tends to tell you and rewrite a new thought from the growth mindset perspective to replace it, keep in mind that the more you catch your fixed minds of persona in the act, the easier it will become. Your awareness, an ability to shift your perspective will increase over time. Like anything else, it will take practice. Some of the negative beliefs you've been carrying around are deeply ingrained from years of repeating them. So don't junk yourself for your fixed thoughts. All you need to do is try to notice that they're happening and then remind yourself that you have a choice. Then you can take the final step and take a growth mindset action step, which is what we're gonna get to to next 8. 8: Develop a Growth Mindset Part 3: Action: Now let's look at the third step of developing a growth mindset. Step three is taking growth mindset action. So at this point, you've probably noticed your fixed mindset persona, thinking, limited thoughts, and you've changed your perspective. The next step is the most important and in fact, what truly makes someone have a growth mindset. The most important factor for developing a growth mindset is action. You see, it isn't just a mindset. It's a way of living. Everything that is living is growing, and everything that is growing is moving. Understanding the growth mindset is only part of the process. Willingness to try and take The next step is how you move forward. But it's not just about taking action. It's about taking right action from the growth mindset perspective. So in our example, you could identify what you could do differently. The next time you could have someone read over your cover little on resume to make sure that there's nothing that you overlooked that could make it better, which would increase your odds. You could do research on tips for getting your resume noticed and moved up to the top of the pile and other effective strategies for getting your dream job. You could research the organization with the goal of understanding their needs and what they're looking for that position so you can address their needs and corporate values In your cover letter. You could commit to applying to at least 10 jobs by the end of the week. Ask yourself, What did you learn from the experience? What could you do differently next time or going forward? What would help you achieve this goal that you haven't tried? What do you need to learn, or what information do you need to gather? What steps will you take? But don't stop there. You can vowed to do something differently or take action all you want, but nothing will happen if you don't follow for you need to make your goals into a plan. List out the steps that you will take and for each one, identify exactly when you will do it. If anything on your list cannot happen within one week, saver for later and reassess at the end of the week for everything else, include when you will do it and what you need in order to be able to do it and see the attached work, she for an easy to follow process for doing this. Lastly, take five minutes to visualize yourself. Taking each of these steps as you imagine them playing out, include imagining achieving the goal and the outcome that you're aiming for, because taking this time to visualize creates the expectation in your brain that you will take these steps, causing your unconscious mind to push you to follow through. So there's other with things you can do to practice a growth mindset. Any time you want to change a habit or retrain your patterns of thought, repetition is key by repeating positive affirmations to yourself regularly, this new way of thinking becomes unconscious and automatic, and over time it replaces your default thinking patterns. So select your favorite affirmations from the list I'm going to say here or write your own and put them somewhere where you can see them every day, such as next to your bed on your mirror, on the cover of your day planner attached to your computer, scream or programmed into the calendar of your phone to remind you to look at it every day at least once. Everyone has a fixed mindset to some degree. Now that you know the difference, you can repeat this affirmation to yourself. Since everyone has a fixed mindset. Now that I know the difference, I can change. I am developing a growth mindset. Here's another one. Challenges, risks and failures do not reflect that I'm a failure. They are opportunities for me to grow and improve. I care more about the process and the journey and who I become along the way than they do about the outcome. I am glad that I am not perfect and that I never will be because it means I'm not limited to where I am today. What other people think about me is none of my business. I no longer allow other people's opinions and judgments toe hold me back from living a life of fulfillment and reaching my potential. I am always looking for the meaning and lessons contained in all situations so that I can apply them to my life and helped me fulfill my purpose. I am always looking for the meaning and lessons contained in all situations that can help me fulfill the greater purpose in my life and fulfill my potential. I move past the discomfort of making mistakes quickly because I learned the lesson. Allow it to help me to improve so I can do better next time. I know that no one starts out great at something, and so I'm willing to try new things and practice skills that I would like to have putting in the time and effort that I know it takes toe master these areas. I am the master of my thoughts, emotions and actions. I do not give away my power, bi reacting toe. Others criticisms, judgment or actions in a negative way. Having to exert effort in order to be good at something is a good thing because it shows me that I am capable of learning and improving. I love knowing I am not limited to my current strengths. I love knowing that even if someone else may be more naturally talented in an area than I am a person with a better work ethic, well, l perform a person with talent every time. I know that most truly successful people have failed their way to success. I have skills, the knowledge today that I didn't have before because I learned and grew in those areas, so I know I can develop any ability I want. And lastly, if my talents, abilities and intelligence are not fixed, this means my potential is truly limitless. 9. 9: Identifying Areas of Low Confidence: So now I want you to do something that is very, very important. If you want, develop confidence and that's really identify the areas that you're not confident in. And it's easy, very easy to be abstract, very easy to be general and say I'm just not confident talking to people. It's just not me. I'm just I don't have the confidence to talk to people. But it is too. General is too abstract. I might ask you, Are you confident talking to your sibling to your best friend to your parents? That someone around me that you love, that you talk too often? You might say, Yeah, I'm confident talking to them because I know them. I like him. I love, you know. But it doesn't mean then that you're not confident talking to people. It just means that you're not identifying what really is that you're not confident about. So for example, I want you to really dig down it and what we're gonna do through this process. It's keep digging deeper and deeper for you to develop an understanding of what areas you lack confidence and specifically how you can improve them. So what? I want you to look at is, for example, we're gonna use speaking to people, right? So what is it that you don't feel comfortable in speaking with? People might be large groups of people. Maybe talking to your boss, Maybe the opposite sex, maybe Whatever may be what is it specifically that you lack confidence in because the more specific you can be, the better it is gonna be moving for when you identify these areas that you're setting a foundation in your brain, that particular activating system with small part of your brain, that's very gory entity. You're identifying that area, and you're helping your brain know what it needs to improve. So identify what you're not confident is and be specific in what specific areas. You might not be confident again. Use that example. If you say I'm not conference talking to people in what situations, you're not confident talking to people, large groups talking to your boss, the officers, sex, whatever, maybe use it now to identify your area and then what specific situations you might not be confident in. And that way we could start building on the foundation to movie for two. The next step. Thank you 10. 10: Identifying Specific Problem Areas: So now it's a second step, which is identifying what specific aspect of it makes you feel uncomfortable again. It's easy to be abstract in general, but let's focus on the last example I said. So you might not feel comfortable maybe talking to people. So what is it about it? You might have said, Why? Don't feel comfortable talking to my boss. So what, specifically that break that down to a new level? So what specifically about it might be might be that you don't feel confident starting a conversation? Might it be that you don't feel confident expressing your opinion? Maybe that you don't feel like you have value in your opinion or that you're not gonna sound, say something that's smart enough for that makes sense so that they're gonna value what you have to say where they just don't feel confident expressing your thoughts for sharing feedback? Well, you don't know how toe you don't feel confident making that small talk. So again, were you doing is that you're getting more and more specific because I get it. It's easy to say I don't feel confident talking to my boss, but it doesn't really teach you anything. It doesn't get you past the next up for you to be able to improve. But if you understand that I don't feel comfortable starting a conversation, then it's very easy because then you can learn how to start a conversation effectively. Maybe you don't feel that, uh, confident and expressing your opinions again. That's very easy to tackle because you can actually learn specifically how to express your opinion, specific statements that you can use. So the more specific you are, the easier justify solutions to the areas that you don't feel confident, and the next segment we're gonna look at how to flip it around. But I want you to take that time to really sit down and ask yourself, If I don't feel confident in this, then let's bring it down and be more specific. And let's answer that question. Let's be more specific. The more specific I could be, the better. What specific area within that do I not feel confident in so I can help improve it? Thank you 11. 11: Analyzing Alternatives: Okay, so now we're gonna look at the third step with you've analyzed areas of low confidence and specific problem areas. Now, were you to analyze the alternative or the opposite toe? What that would look like? So if you say I don't feel confident in this specific area, I don't feel confident starting a conversation, for example. Then my way to flip it around. And what would it look like if a person was confident in doing that? How would they add? What would they say? How would they behave? How would their body language be? And I won't even look at that because the more clear that you can get into what that would look like, what with the opposite day. What their alternative to that be toe What? You're not confident? Then it gives you a perfect framework to build upon. Because if you know that you that confidence over here. But then you know what the opposite would be. Then you have your answer toe what you can change and what you need. The change to really make it work for you. And then once you have a clear picture, write it down, write it down specifically what you see and visualize it in your head. See it so you can get a specific is possible what the opposite would be, what the alternative would be and then feel it. What would that look like? What would they be saying or doing? How would they be acting what their body language be? Because if you see their body language standing tall like this, what does that tell you? That to be more confident, you actually need to do that. And as we learn of the impact and we're gonna learn on the impact of how your body impacts how you feel, then you realize that even just seen on the person standing gives you a pointer. I don't I don't stand like that. Maybe I need to do that a little bit more. That person does this. Maybe I need to do that a little bit more and you can only visualize it. But when you look Qana mission, when you look at other people, doing those things that you want to be confident is look at what they look like. Hardly acolyte. What's their body language? What are they saying? What are they doing that makes you look at them and say they're confident because again, the more detail you can be, the easier it is for you to identify what areas you need to develop, what skills you need to develop. I remember a good friend of mine that he he was a confident person in a lot of different areas, but he wasn't his confidence, maybe speaking to specific crowd and and be funny doing it. So he actually identified that he didn't have a problem speaking, but he didn't feel confident, comfortable doing things that would be funny. Or that as he would with friends and family, because around friends of families, cracking jokes and doing these things and being funny. But when he got in front of a crowd, he was able to give data and information and be passionate, but he wasn't really able toe show that personality that made the people around him laugh and connect with my deep level. So actually, what he did to feel more comfortable once he really identified that, that is specific area that he didn't feel comfortable in or confident in. He actually took an improv class. Well, you got toe act a little bit. He had to be funny during the process. They taught in the techniques of how to actually make people laugh and enjoy themselves when you're presenting something, because this is skills, not something that just comes natural is something that you can actually learn. So again, that is the powerful part of being able to look at something that you're not confident breaking it down toe what, specifically, what that looks like in that situation and then looking at the alternative, what that would look like because then it helps you tackle it. And it helps you be able to truly, truly develop yourself in that area because they got confidence all about being competent in something so the more competent you are, the more comfortable you'll be and the better you'll be. And again ask yourself if you visualize yourself doing something confidently and other circumstances in your life, bringing it back to the speaking. If you're conflict competent and confident, speaking to maybe friends, family, small groups or whatever it is but not confident in this area, ask yourself why, Why is that? You might realize that there are certain things that you can teach it to make it seem more like that, more like in the area that you're confident in that you can Then take that by knowing your why and move it to the area that you need confidence in because then you have the answers to your questions. What specifically you need to do and eat the change. Hope that house 12. 12: Feeding the Brain: So once you develop an understanding of what areas you can improve to develop more confidence and competency in those areas, now it's time to really feed your brain. Now it's time to identify what ways are you going to develop yourself in those areas? Because again, confidence is really about having the tools about having the knowledge about having a skills to really be able to achieve, to do something and feel like you can actually do it. So what is it gonna be once you identify those area? You could read books. You can watch YouTube videos develop more of a foundation. You can listen to audiobooks, Yumoto workshop conferences. You can get a Costa help you in that specific area. There are many, many ways that you can develop and feed your brain. The part is that you have to do it consistently. For example, I wanted to become an entrepreneur, and again I realized that there was different areas that I kind of wasn't really good. I didn't have a foundation in it. So what I did, I says. What areas was I not confident and comfortable in? And I went in a deep dive. I wrote it down and I started breaking those areas down and I started merging about those areas. So how do you approach someone with your ideas? How to convey that message? I've read books on that. I looked at YouTube videos, I got audio books. I went toe workshops. I went to conferences how to become a better speaker. I did that, too. I got a bunch of books, YouTube videos, audio books, and I do that consistently in anything that I want develop more confidence in. So life is about constant growth, constant learning. So you have to feed your brain and it isn't that hard. It isn't that hard to do a playlist. And what I do is that I go on a binge of looking for YouTube videos, for example, that I want what so I'll pick like 10 and I'll put him in a playlist. And then for the next 10 days, I listen toe one. Every day I looked for books and I download him inaudible on what I do. I listen to them once a week, I finish a book or I take a class, and then I roll in a clause that I really want to grow and I chip away at it and I do that every week. I take a class. I read a book, watch YouTube videos because I'm always developing that foundation. I'm feeding my brain and areas that I want to be confident in that I know that I want to drive it. But I know that I don't have the foundation. And if I have the foundation, I want to take it to the next step. I want to be in that top percentage of people that have expertise in that area. So assess in what areas you need to feed your brain and make sure you focus on that because that's really at the end of the date was going to give you the confidence in the competency to be able to do it effectively. Thank you. 13. 13: Overcoming Self Doubt: Now it's time to talk about overcoming self doubt. We already know now that true confidence is willingness to try, and in truth, whatever you want in life, whether it's to make a change or to reach a goal, you can't simply think your way there. Think it through, yes, think your way into alignment, Yes, but at some point you must act. But in order to take these actions, we must understand first why we don't act. And unfortunately we're often our own worst enemies. We know what we need to do, but we don't do it. We procrastinate. We talk ourselves out of it. Our inner critic goes on the attack. We develop self, don't and we become paralyzed. So self doubt is like the opposite of confidence. It's the decision not to try. But the good news is that this is only a Hammett. Just like confidence grows with action. Self doubt disappears with action, and you can understand how to overcome these self doubt traps by understanding why the brain hesitates at all. You see our brains. Number one goal at all times is to keep us alive, and evolutionary psychology shows us that there are good reasons that our brains hesitate or respond out of fear. But unfortunately, the original reasons we evolved this way don't apply. Today. You see, we're not being hunted by saber toothed predators anymore. Yet we still have brains that are wired to avoid all forms of uncertainty. And the way your brain protects you from uncertainty is to get you stuck in your head thinking in order to prevent you from taking any action that it deems risky, such as a crystal failure or discomfort or embarrassment or uncertainty or anything else. And this is why your mind can become hijacked with fear when it comes time to take action towards something that you actually want. It starts with an immediate feeling of hesitation or resistance, like Wait, what could go wrong? And then it grows into either and avoidance mechanism, which distracts you from taking action or all out fear. Mission accomplished. Crisis averted. That's what your brain thinks, except it isn't actually averted because you actually want to accomplish this change of this goal. But your brain's wiring is blocking you. So the good news is that you can counter act your brains instincts by understanding that this resistance and avoidance is simply a habit of thought and action or better said in action. So then, by understanding the specific way that your brain tends to trick you in the self doubt, you can catch it in the act and choose to react differently to the situation. So first you want to understand the self doubt, habit loop and how that works. So this is basically how it works when your brain hesitates and it gets you to start over thinking it stops you from taking action when you need to. And then because you didn't take the action, you don't your ability to take action because you haven't in the past. And then because you didn't take the action, you weren't successful with whatever it is you wanted to do. And so again, you develop self doubt, and it's like a circle. This, of course, leads to more overthinking the next time that something comes up and in a circle that the spins and spins around and around until you break the cycle. And so, second, it's important to understand that the emotions involved in this are completely normal, so feelings like overwhelming security and nervousness are totally normal. And like we've said before, confidence is not a feeling. So these feelings are OK. They can be there, but you don't want to let them grow into self doubt that actually stops you from living your life. The emotions air there, yes, but acting on them is completely a choice, a choice that you can make with practice. So, third, it's important to understand that your brain can be rewired now. Until recently, scientists thought that our brains stopped growing by the age of 25 meaning our ability to learn and change decreased with age. And this is why you've probably heard the saying You can't teach an old dog new tricks. But today we know that our brains never stop growing and that our ability to learn last our entire lifetime. Now this ability to change is called behavioral flexibility, and it's made possible because of neuro plasticity, which is like everything moving around and changing in our brain. So by practicing new tools to overcome our brain's habit of hesitation, the repetition actually literally changes our brains. We become a different person. And so the fourth thing is to understand the four tramps of self doubt, including which one you tend to get stuck in the most and actually in the next videos. We're going to get into each of these four caps of self doubt that our inner critic tends to use to stop us. And they are hesitating, hiding, being hypercritical and feeling helpless. And once you recognize what traps you in self, don't. It's no longer a trap. It's a choice. And then the fifth and final step is to take action and by taking action instead of getting stuck, overthinking or in yourself dealt trap. Then you conform a new habit loop, in which action builds confidence. We'll cover how you can take action in the confidence in action section later on in the course. 14. 14: Hesitation: So now let's talk about self doubt. Number one hesitation hesitating is triggered by uncertainty, and it looks like waiting, overthinking or perfectionism. And one characteristic toe look for is being busy. So this is a signal that you might be hesitating. And so here are a few behaviors toe Look out, for one would be telling yourself a story about what could go wrong. Another is not putting something out there until it's perfect. Also, you might make a plan, but then not act on it. Or you could be staying busy with avoidance mechanisms in order to avoid dealing with something. And so, if you find yourself hesitating, here is the solution. Step one is to become aware off what hesitating looks like for you. So ask yourself, what behaviours do you do when you hesitate? What do you tend to tell yourself? What activities do you do to avoid acting? What do you tend to overthink about? What are you waiting to be perfect about? On what you look at those questions? Step two is to start small and take baby steps. So instead of thinking of the big picture and all the details of what it would take and what could possibly go wrong. Bring down the situation into tiny chunks and focus on Onley. One step. This is called using the Progress Principle, which comes from research from Harvard Business School that found that the simple underlying factor that led successful people to feel productive at work was to make progress on one thing that mattered to them every day. And so here's an activity that you can do every morning write down one thing that matters to you and one thing that you can do that day to move forward on it. And it could be something simple, like having the conversation or researching something or buying a book. Remember, you can feel uncertainty and still take action. 15. 15: Hiding: so self don't trap. Number two is hiding and hiding is triggered by fear off others and overwhelmed. So what it looks like is usually avoiding procrastinating, shrinking back or staying behind the scenes. And one characteristic to look out for us that this one is more quiet. So here are a few behaviors that you might display if you're hiding, focusing on big dreams, which leaves to overwhelm and an excuse not to act and a feeling of being paralyzed. Another one is not standing up for yourself or not asking for what you really want. He also might actively protect yourself or hold yourself back. Another one is being able to identify a dream and feel really passion about it, but not actually have an actionable plan. Another one is shrinking back from an opportunity or playing it small. And then there's always being afraid of being judged looking like a fool or disappointing or upsetting someone else. And so if you tend to hide, here's the solution. Step one is to identify what you're afraid of and minimize the fear, and you can use an activity that we have in the Overcoming Fear Section to do this So also ask yourself these questions, and what areas do you tend to hide and procrastinate. And when you find yourself hiding and procrastinating, what is the underlying fear that's causing it? What does this thing that you're afraid of look like? And why does it matter to you and doesn't actually matter. And what could you do about it? So Step two is to identify the avoidance mechanisms that you used to procrastinate. So what do you tend to do when you procrastinate? Like what behavior are you doing instead off what you should be doing. And then once you know that Step three is to identify what you actually want, what is that big dream that you used to overwhelm yourself and avoid taking action? Once you know what that is, break it down into actionable goals and you want to quantify your goal. So, for instance, a set of that saying that you want to become a best selling author, identify how Maney books that you would actually need to sell in order to meet that qualification and then 5 to 10 sub goals that you would need to accomplish in order to get there and then you get to take the goal out of the dream world and make it rial by making it concrete. And then the next step step for is to take small steps that move you towards your goal. Knowing what actually needs to be done is part one, and then taking one step at a time is part, too. So, like we recommended for hesitation, you want to start by focusing on one small step that you can take every day to make progress and doing this build competency. You cannot think your way out of this. You absolutely have to take action. You have to show up and you have to speak up. But remember, you are always going to feel terrified, and it's going to feel like a big deal if this is what you're up against with yourself down . So the trick here is to expect it and prepare for it and remember that you can take action anyway. 16. 16: Hypercritical: so the next self don't trap number three is being hyper critical, so being hypercritical is triggered by fear of being hurt, disappointed or failure. And it usually looks like arguing against yourself being self critical or complaining and a characteristic to look for is negativity. And so here are some behaviors that you might display if you are hypercritical looking for and focusing on flaws, focusing on why you can't do something fixating on what can go wrong. Warrior ring things to death, knowing that you need to do something but always having excuses why it's not gonna work, believing that you can't or that is not possible. And perhaps you've failed or been hurt before, and you're picking apart the situation, looking for evidence that it's gonna happen again. And you might have failed or disappointed yourself before, and you're convinced that you're going to do it again. But ironically, you're afraid of failing. But not acting is actually causing you to fail. So just think about that. So if this sounds like you, the solution is step one to identify the excuses that you're using to hold yourself back. So what excuses do you tend to use then the next step is to identify what you're afraid is going to happen if you follow through in this thing. So what negative outcome do you believe is going to happen? Then Step four is to eliminate the excuse. So what can you do to eliminate this obstacle or this possibility? And again, you can see the activities that we have in the Overcoming Fear section specifically, fear setting, because that will help you with this. Then step free is to make a decision that you are going to commit to giving it your all for a certain period of time, giving yourself a chance to prove yourself wrong. And so, for example, if somebody felt like they can't start a business because they feel that if they do it, then they might not be able to meet their families needs, then they would have the following choices. One would be to eliminate this excuse by getting a job and only doing their business very, very part time on the side or not doing it at all, because then the excuse is no longer there. The other alternative is to commit to giving their dream 100% to start this business, no matter what I'm going all in. And then the third option is to commit to giving the dream or the business 100% for two months. And then, if at the end of that is not providing an income, then get a job and keep working on the business on the side. And so options see there. The last one is often the best solution for someone who is hypercritical because the key to overcoming being hypercritical is to find a solution instead of just complaining. So if you remove the excuse and you take a massive action, then it helps you to get out of your own way and at least get yourself started. But it takes a bit more of a boost than it would if you are on Lee hesitating. And so we have a video talking about taking massive action that will definitely be applicable if this sounds like you and so again, remember that you can feel fear and still take action 17. 17: Helplessness: Now let's talk about self. Don't trap number four helplessness. Homelessness is the most extreme form of self doubt because the lack of confidence has become a part of the person's identity. Not only that, it's a part of their identity that gives them benefits, even though ultimately it harms them. So for this reason, if you find that you relate to this form of self doubt, recognise that you will need to commit to a deeper level of personal development and study and practice to break this habit, so helplessness is triggered by insecurity or low self worth. Ultimately, helplessness is a fear of success. And so what it looks like is playing the victim, blaming lack of self trust, dependency and a defeatist attitude and one characteristic toe look for is pity. And so there are a number of behaviors that you can look for to see if this is something you're experiencing. So the first is believed that nothing ever goes my way, blaming others or the outside world for all outcomes in life. So this is an extreme version of an external locus of control, having every excuse in the book, so it may be that you've learned that pour me gets you sympathy and attention from others, you might be overly dependent on other people. You might feel like the world owes you something or you might have a false sense of incompetence or that you can't handle your own problems. Another one to look for his lack of self trust. You don't believe that you can do it alone. He also might be unwilling to be vulnerable. Or you might just not do for yourself because you're always wanting others to do for you. So fear of success can be part of this because deep down you fear that if you were to succeed on your own, you would lose the support of other people. And another one is a lack of taking responsibility for your life or acting like you're giving others control of you because you need them. But in reality, you're controlling them with your nikh. If being helpless doesn't get you the care taking that you desire, you might find that you resort to intimidation or or coercion to try to get that need met. So you also might have underlying feelings of anger at being expected to be responsible and so self approving when the reality is that you're still trying to get approval and attention that you never got as a child. And so all of those different pieces might be in there somewhere if you relate to this form of self, don't. So the solution here is again a little bit more complex. So Step One is to identify what areas you feel helpless in and what beliefs support that feeling. So what areas in your life do you feel helpless in then, for each? What do you believe about yourself or this area of life that makes you feel helpless? Then the second step is to identify who you are, dependent on who you portray your helpless self, too. Once you identify these people for each, write down what type of helper they are for you. Are they a fixer, a rescuer and advice giver, an enabler, a caretaker or a guru, and also right down. Which issues do you focus on with each person? Then step three is identify what you're afraid of that leads you to not want to take responsibility. So what are you afraid of losing or what other negative consequences would happen if you are to be self sufficient and accept personal responsibility for yourself. In what way can you see that the opposite of this is true? So challenge yourself to think about this. Meaning, Can you see that you would, in fact, gain these things that you're afraid of losing if you were to take responsibility for yourself. So, for instance, if you're afraid of losing love, can you see that by removing your dependency, you will actually received more love and appreciation from others, and so again referred to the Overcoming Fear section in order to get a little bit of help with this part. So Step four is to show yourself that you are capable of taking responsibility for yourself . So first of all, what evidence can you remember from your past that shows you that you can do it? What have you done before? And what's specific areas? Do you already know that you're capable of taking more responsibility in your life? And what areas could you take more responsibility if you took small steps to improve, and what steps could you take next towards those things? So we recommend if you haven't already do the change resume activity because it would be very helpful for that part. So then Step five is to look at the reality you are creating for yourself due to this helplessness. How will continuing to play the victim and give your power away and remaining dependent on others negatively impact your life if you continue it for, say, another year or what about five years? Or what about 10? A little bit of a reality check, then Step six is to develop self love. Give yourself the love, acceptance and praise that your inner child has been trying to get from others. Let love be the first thing that you commit to doing for yourself. What do you really enjoy doing that relaxes you and makes you feel happy? And when could you schedule 30 minutes a week at a minimum for yourself to give yourself the gift of doing this activity. And so take it one step further and answer where and how will you do this for yourself? And what can you do right now to put this in the place? So Step seven is to set one small goal. What is one small task that you want to do that you normally would on Lee do if either a you first got advice from someone else or be someone else help you or did it for you. And when is the next time that you expect that this task or experience is going to come up or happen? And what can you do to remind yourself when it does happen again to do it for yourself next time? So, if appropriate, can you tell the person who usually would be helping you? Can you tell them ahead of time about your plan and ask them not to help you the next time that this comes up and whether or not that happens, and you can set it up ahead of time when you catch yourself trying to reach out to someone else that you either want advice from, or for them to do it for you When you notice over self doing it, stop yourself and first exhaust all of your options for doing it by yourself before reaching out for help. And so 78 is to celebrate your progress. Every time you do anything for yourself that you normally would not have done, you need to celebrate your progress. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you did a good job. Reward yourself by doing something that you enjoy. You could even dance. Do anything that makes you feel good about it and always remember that you can feel insecure and still take action at the same time. And when you do that, you create momentum that will push you forward into becoming a completely different person , that a self reliant and confident. 18. 18: Zone of Proximal Development: So now I want to talk about the zone of optimal development, and it's a popular term in developmental psychology, and it really sometimes focuses on when your child, in your own development as human being and things like that. But it's applicable to confidence in many ways because really, what zone of optimal development is what triggers and what house people developed from war there at toe, where they want to be in the most efficient and productive way where help spoke confidence within themselves to do that. So I want you to imagine that there's 32 little circles and the 1st 1 is that I can do circle. So these are things that you know that you can do that you're pretty CERN. You're pretty, ah, 100% sure that you can do these without any problem whatsoever without needing guidance or help from anyone else. And right outside of that circle is the zone of development, where you do need some guidance where you do need some help, you can do it. But you still need other guidance, any other insights and and things that are gonna help you facilitate you getting to the step of actually doing that thing in particular, and right outside of that, it's where you just can't do it. You just not ready doesn't mean that you can't do a long term. It just means that right now with the tools that you have, what you've developed in your life is just something that's not gonna happen. So the reason that this is so important is because as you're building confidence within yourself, you have toe be rial. You have to know where you're at. So if you're a beginner in something, you can't pretend in your mind that you're an expert at it. And you know, we say fake it till you make it. And that's true. We have toe believe in yourself. But you also have to be realistic. So a certain degree, for example, if you've never known how to code, you can't say woman expert coder and just go in there and try to do it and then fail and then be like, okay, because it wasn't part of your sone about the more development as far as knowing where you were at. So whenever you're starting something new, whether is you're looking and be an entrepreneur you're just starting in the process. You have to realize that you are in the learning phase. You have to recognize that you're still developing. You're still learning. You're still gathering information to build that foundation. You're taking baby steps that are going to help you. Then move to that next up and you're always going to be in the growing face. So don't get me wrong regardless of how long you've been in the field, For example, I've been in this field for over 10 years and I'm constantly learning constantly growing constant, looking for more information where I know that I'm pushing myself off that boundary off things that I'm good at and that I know that I still need to develop. So again leave Rio and recognize where you are at. If you're in that mid stage recognizing that you still you know, you're a little bit further along that, like when you just started. But you still have a long way to go to become an expert. So knowing what areas you need to really develop expertise and what areas you still need to grow on your new app and the reason this is important is because a lot of people don't understand their optimal development stage. And this again, it's the stage that you can grow the most because when you go from, I can do to something right above that, that's part of your, you know, just need a little guidance for it. You can grill quickly, but when you jump into the cannot do yet what and this happens to a lot of people is that there they become scary. They dive deep inside something that they're not familiar with. They just don't have any foundation, and it may actually make them go back in there. Show it might tell him what you're just This is just not you. Just not good at this. Just not meant for you. Maybe you need to go back to what you were doing before. Just forget about it. Maybe, maybe not. But what happens is that you start doubting yourself at your core because you're pushing yourself way outside of what you're ready for. So you do want a push cause you wanna prove yourself wrong, but it has to be within that zone where you already are good at something, you're building up on it things that you can do. So that way you can build the baby stuff and you can build your risk tolerance. That means that the more you have a foundation is something the more you can push an outside risk because it really is not risky. For example, most people say entrepreneurship is risky. If you jump out there, you develop your own business. Most people fail was not really risky. If you've already developed a good foundation of how to be a good entrepreneur, for example, because you've managed that risk so you raise your risk tolerance because you know what to do if this goes wrong if this goes wrong. So that's why it's important to understand where you're at what foundation you have. Be realistic about that and also accept yourself if you're beginning of something. If you're novice that way, you don't be yourself over it. If you're just not succeeding initially because you're recognizing, yeah, my feel several times because I'm new at this, so recognizing what zone your are is very, very important. So even if you fail, just remember that's just sticking to it and build the those small successes is what's gonna help you drive, but the more you recognize Were you out in your development, the easier it isnot to personalize that failure and the easier this the bill upon that failure and also one of things that I do. For example, I recognize what areas that I'm in. And then I know that in this area I just need more guidance. I need more insights to develop a better foundation. And then I look for that guidance. I look for that insight, whether is reading a book, whether it's watching a video, whether it's taken, of course, whether going to war shop, doing those things that are gonna push me a little further in my development. And then I'm pushing those things that I need guidance into things that I can readily do because I developed them enough that now I have the foundation to move forward, and then it kind of keeps pushing your boundaries and pushing your boundaries until you can go a little bit further and achieve more with confidence, knowing what phase your end and what you need to do next. Hope that house 19. 19: Little Steps and Developing Related Areas: So now I want to talk about developing related areas. You see, you can have this vision of something that you're trying to create, or you want to develop confidence in an area of your life. Then there's usually related areas that you can build up that I got. You're gonna help you drastically and speed up the process because you breaking it down to smaller chunks. And then what happens is that you then bring it back all together to make you an effective whatever it is that you're trying to do. It's almost like cutting a pi into different slices red, developing them, putting the pie back together. So I'll give you a perfect sample. When I first started, I wanted to have my own company. I wanted to develop programs and I wanted to be able to teach them, and that was my vision. But it would have been a lot harder for me to just do it and get out there without even having a foundation without developing related areas that I needed to develop expertise and knowledge about doing it. So one of things that I did was that I actually started giving classes like workshops with already curriculums already established. I started developing, for example, some of the programs, like nurturing father's program, all these different programs. I got hired and contract ID to go out there. They taught me how to do it, and I went out there, just followed the curriculum and follow their process. But by doing that, help me develop a foundation. Helped me develop a foundation understanding how you write curriculums. How 2% curriculums, how to stage it out, like How do you start it? How do you make it? More gets more complex. And then it comes out for to a conclusion where you bring everything back together, how to do the speaking part, how to run groups. Hunter interact with people how to read their feedback. You know, those are all related areas, and you might see it all. Is that one picture? But it isn't one picture. Realistically, there's so many different skills that come to that same thing when I would want it toe open up the company. I also has an entrepreneur. You, you might say, Well, I want to be an entrepreneur, but there's so many related areas that have to come together for you to be a successful entrepreneur. For example, I had to learn several like financially skills at to learn how to market myself. Atalanta percent myself in areas I had to learn how to raise funds. I had to learn all these different skills in different areas, but they were all related. So when you look at areas that you want to develop in your life that you want developed confidence that you want to be great up, you also can look at it the bigger picture and then break it down. What are some of those related areas? They're gonna help you succeed, for example, if you want to be a public speaker, but you just don't feel comfortable getting in front of people. What are some related areas that you can do that maybe you could do podcasting and podcasting? Actually, my interview people or or become a speaker and say, a program for about an hour or something like that. But then you can pre recorded, edited out and things like that so you can get used to this speaking process. You can get used to being able to elaborate on a specific topic and being breaking it down . What you're gonna talk about during that podcasting session, which then makes it easier because it gives you confidence to then possibly do it may be in a video or possibly doing in a small group or maybe even a larger group, so depending how you develop it. But those are all areas that give you more more confidence to. Then do it in different area and the major area that you want develop confidence in even, for example, if you want about more confidence in being able to speak at your in your company, to your boss to meetings and be able to speak up, you're there. Other areas that you can devote that are related to that maybe developing communication skills, maybe developing how you emotional intelligence so emotional intelligence has to do with being able to read other people's emotion, read yours as well and be able. Teoh manipulator manager on emotions. And being able to manage other people's emotion, which has a speaker, for example, is critical because your ability to look at someone and know their body language 80% of communication is non verbal, so it gives you a lot of feedback of what you're saying, what people are feeling and things like that. So obviously, I'm just talking about speaking because that's one example off developing areas that you can do. So ask yourself water again. You're bigger vision of what you want to develop confidence and what might be some of the areas that you can develop that are related. That when you put him back together is really gonna give you the whole package off. What you want to create. Because again, it's the little things that creates excess and confidence. Being masked a master in those little areas is what's in it. Be able to help you drive in a major area of your life. Most people just look at that, one Major said. Yeah, I just want to be a successful entrepreneur, so I'm just gonna focus on being an entrepreneur. But they're not developing all the smaller things but are actually going to help them succeed. And I'll give you just an analogy. It's about the Chinese bamboo and the way the Chinese bamboo worse is that you can water it and nothing will happen. You know, you could keep it there and you get three or four years old gum around and you might wonder wise in this thing growing and you keep watering, Hume Eritrean can putting good saw and nothing keeps happening. And then in five years, it grows up to 80 feet. So how could you do that? Because I had a great foundation. It kept developing his routing systems for five years in different direction. It was developing, just like you will when you develop related areas. Your routing system is going to take off in those different directions. That call come together to give you that solid, that booth at congrats drastically with confidence because you develop the foundation with in all those areas. So keep in mind again, assess that and develop those areas that are related to whatever you're developing confidence in because gonna help you thrive long term. Thank you. 20. 20: Implicit vs Explicit and Repetition: I want to go over one of the key parts of developing competency, and that's really practice, and I know it's over simplified. But hear me out because a lot of people want to just be good at something. They wanted to just come natural. And they say, Well, if it's not natural, that's just not my natural time just not good at it. But they don't realize little. Recognize that practice is so crucial. Repetitive nous over and over and over again. That's why they say, for you to be an expert, something it could take up to 10,000 hours of doing that because it is that practice that repetitive nous that really drills it in you. Most people say, well, they're just naturally creative, but they don't realize that creativity some people might be born a little bit more creative . What creativity actually comes from knowledge for from you doing something so many times that it just becomes natural to you not, and I'm gonna go over the difference when it comes to memory and how our brain works in the second. But I'll give you other examples. For example, you might look at somebody like Michael Jordan. Very famous athlete, obviously one of the greatest in basketball. And you would say, Well, he's just a natural in basketball. Well, not really. You know. He was kicked off the team in high school, and when he went toe to the n b A, he was passed over by several teams. Many people at the beginning that even think he was going to be good enough to make it to the college level or something like that. But there's something about him that made him great and that is that he we won't have put the working. In fact, after he lost in the playoffs, people would say that he would stay after the game for hours and hours to practice, and that's really what made him so good. Divinci. Most people look at his our work and say, Well, he's just naturally he's such an amazing painter, but they don't realize that he actually kind of sucked at the beginning, actually, usedto look at other people. We practice and study what other people studied their work and like practice some of the works and techniques and stuff like that until you really became great at his craft other composers like Beethoven. Ah, lot of people would think. Well, he's just natural. What made him so natural? At first he was terrible, and not only at first, but throughout his development. Actually, some of things that used to do is take other compositions and kind of put him together, lumping together. Some of them sounded terrible until you became good enough. They started developing his own thing would really became so natural to him that he changed the world and that put in this field just like Michael Jordan changed the world in his field and time and time and time again. It's been individuals who are willing to put the effort in the practice consistently that make them Greek. And part of it is because when you learn something new, let's say that you're learning how to tie your shoe, then is explicit memory actually have to consciously think about tying your shoe? You know, you funny years do this, so you naturally haven't to think about it consciously. So when you do things enough time, what happens is that becomes implicit, implicit memory. You don't have to think about anymore, and you might be having a situation where you're driving toe work and you space out completely or you're talking on the phone here so into the conversation, you get to work and what happens? You're like, Whoa, I don't get here. What just happened? Why? Because now it's in the implicit memory driven so much to your job that it just becomes natural to you. You start a new job, let's say, for example, you have to flip burgers. You foot that burger and you're really thinking about it. After a couple weeks, it becomes implicit memory, just flipping. You're talking to your coworker. You do what you need to dio. So again, the more that you do things, the more implicit that memory becomes and what that really does. It frees you up. Can I have to think at a conscious level some of the things that you having to get done? For example, if your brand new it's speaking, you're having to think, or my standing right? Those house, my tone of voice. Am I saying this right? Am I gonna remember this? But once you've done a speech several times and many more times, the more you practice it, the more you'll be able to go on unconscious mood. And I've done this so many times. That psychology professor have taught so many classes that I would walk into a class and unconsciously just and I would be able to feed off people on and answer questions right away and just be unconsciously like on fire, doing conferences and workshops the same thing. It was such implicit memory because I've done it for so many times over a decade that I would go in a conference or a workshop and start talking and go through eight hour conference. And people were like, How can you stand up there for eight hours and really explain these different things and do the activities and remember it and not even have power points behind you? Why? Because it became implicit memory. I did it so many times that a conscious level, I didn't even have to think about it. So instead of me worry about what I was saying, I could focus on my audience. I could focus on the body, the feedback that they were giving me, maybe some of the questions that they had for me. I could focus on other things, so what happens is that a freeze your conscious mind. They look at things very differently. Could smote Some of the small things are being taken care about your unconscious mind. So the more implicit something is, the better you are at developing all the areas around it. So expanding your big your core base of knowledge, your competency base of knowledge. So you're very good right here. But then what happens is as because more implicit becomes easier for you to kind of branch out and get better here, here, here, because your mind's already doing it naturally here. So its able to see how I can improve in other ways outside of that again repetition. And I know it sounds very simplified, but most people don't really focus on that. And if you want to take it a step further as you repeat things over and over again after you do something, assess what can I do next to improve in this what we could? What would that? Because I do that every time. Even now, if I do a presentation somewhere, if I do something I've done a 1,000,000 times, I still ask myself those questions. What can I do to improve this because the better that you get at doing that at becoming aware iris improve. Then you're automatically building at that conscious level so that later on and become implicit memory, unconscious level. You don't have to think about it. And before you know it, that thing that you weren't so competent in that thing that you let confidence in you'll be just as confident in knowing that you can get that done than tying your shoe. Same thing you might say. What time? I Sure it's so much easier. Well, it's so much easier now because you actually got good at it, just like that thing that you have to dedicate time to. When you do that, it will become justice easy, because your unconscious mind will take over and you will be able to do it without even being aware that you're actually doing a great job doing it. I hope that helps. And I hope that you want to dedicate the time to really develop the confidence so that you can truly have confidence at your core that you can actually achieve and get things done. Thank you 21. 21: “Quick Wins” to Get Started: so one of the best ways that you can gain momentum. It's quick and easy wins. So is how do you develop quick wins for yourself? And how can you really create that system that is going to keep you motivated quickly throughout your day and throughout your weeks and things like that and one of the things that I do, that house, we get a quick win to give you the confidence to really do some of the things that I want to do. For example, in the morning I have a list of, like 10 things, 20 things I want to get done that day and sometimes I look at something that's, like, really daunting is gonna take a lot of time to actually get it done, maybe have to make certain phone calls and do certain things I don't feel really in the mood for. I don't have that boost of energy to really get it done, but what I do is that I build up to and I do very quickly. So I have little things that I can do whether sending a quick email, uh, sending, you know, setting something up, making a quick phone call somebody that I really know that I'm used to talking or something like that and just teach out real quick. Say something that I have to let him know. Whatever. Maybe. But usually I'll have, like, 3 to 5 things that I know that I can get done within half a Nower and those who give me quick wins those who get me fired up. So when I do it, I look at my list of me like, Look at this. This is this is this is wow, I'm on a roll right now. Like I got this mo mentum going like, I'm really killing it this morning And of course already know that I'm kind of doing that, But I kind of forget that I'm doing it for that because unconsciously I'm like, yeah, I'm really getting this done So then and empowers me, motivates me. Give me the confidence to do some of the things that maybe I'm just not good at yet. Maybe I'm still developing myself in those areas. So, for you, you have to think, how can you give yourself quick wins? What areas? That you're trying to improve it, that trying to give you confidence. Maybe you're trying to get a quick win because you're trying to have communications with your boss or something like that. Maybe communicating first with people that you feel more comfortable with that you know, are more supportive and things like that, something that's going to give you a quick win that's going to make you feel good before you go into that big meeting. Or maybe you there's someone that you always talk to, that there's just that chemistry that you to laugh together. You make jokes and you leave out there's like, Man, I'm funny. So maybe talking to that person get a quick win before you go and talk to somebody. It's a little bit more challenging again. Is getting that quick Win that easy win that's gonna empower you and give you confidence, because if you can do that, then when you get to the more challenging stages, you already have that momentum confidence where it kind of helps you push through a little bit more. That you would have if you didn't have that quick win is going to give you that confidence , that motivation that you wouldn't have had otherwise so really sit back and think, What can I do in my mornings? Maybe to give me a quick win or if I have to have a meeting or if I have to talk to somebody or if I have to do something that I don't feel it's comfortable with, Maybe I'm learning a new skill, learning a new tool that I need to use, that I'm not as confident with using it. And I want to build more confidence in that area. How can I do something that's gonna give me a quick when Give me a boost in my ego? If you want to say that, uh, that's gonna help me to remember that I can get through this and get it done that I can achieve that. I can learn something from this when I actually get it done. So I hope that helps get that quick win. You'll see that will make a big difference for you to move forward. Thank you. 22. 22: 5-Second Decisions: Now let's talk about the importance of five second decisions. Do you ever find yourself knowing what you want to do? But you're totally not able to get yourself to do it? Well, in order to understand why this happens, you need to understand activation energy in chemistry. Activation energy is the term used to describe the phenomenon that it takes a tremendous amount of energy in order to start any chemical reaction. But then, after the initial spark, a lot less energy is needed to keep it going. So activation energy applies to human behaviour, too. And the first psychologists to study this is me. High check sent me Hi. And what he found is that not having activation energy is why it could be so hard to get started, whether you're trying to go to the gym or make a phone call or get out of bed. And the truth is that you need to create a spark to get you moving, that's a big enough to keep you going. So in this video you're going to learn how to create that spark that you need to overcome in action in five seconds flat. So in the overcoming self doubt section. We talked about all the tricks that our brains play on us to make us doubt ourselves and stop ourselves from taking action. So this five second rule, which was made famous by author Mel Robbins, is a powerful tool that prevents your brain from tricking you into one of those cognitive traps of self, though so with this extremely simple tool, you can build confidence 15 2nd decision at a time. So sounds pretty simple, right? So why five seconds? Well, is because that your brain is wired to avoid risk and fear change. So when the thought comes to your mind of the thing that you want to dio but that you haven't done because of fear, resistance if you wait more than five seconds that your brain is going to talk you out of it like we talked about before, So it will bring up all of the reasons that you shouldn't do it and why it isn't a good time. And all the things that could go wrong or the most clever one is I don't feel like it. Well, unless what you're trying to do is 100% pleasurable, which it can't be, of course, because otherwise you would have already done it, and you wouldn't have to make yourself do it. Then chances are you're never going to feel like it. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that you should be forcing yourself to do things that truly aren't right for you. You don't want to make yourself suffer. You don't want to go against what your heart is telling you. But if your heart is telling you yes and your body still won't get in gear, then you need to give it a nudge. And so, by taking action, any small action within that five second window, you outsmart your own brain, and it works great for those moments when you need to snap yourself out of inaction. But it also helps in those moments when you're stuck in indecision. Indecision is a form of self abuse. I'm gonna say that again, indecision is a form of self abuse. There may be times that you don't take action because you're not sure what you want, and therefore you choose not to do anything. But in that case, you are still making a decision because your indecision will ultimately lead to an undesirable outcome. By not deciding you're giving away your power, and often in decision means that you end up waiting too long and your choices are no longer available. And then other times it means you allow someone else to make the choice for you. And the saddest form of indecision is when you know what you wanted, but you let it slip away. So many people reach a decision point and they think and they think, and they think that they never act. And this is a huge misunderstanding. You see clarity. Trying to figure it out does not come from thinking it comes from action from engagement with life experience. If you do not know what you want, try something, anything, and you'll know whether or not you liked it. And if you don't know what will happen, do it. Either it'll work or it won't. Don't worry about whether it's perfect or if the decision is the right decision. Taking any action in any direction gets things moving because when you're standing still, nothing can happen. So, for example, if you got in your car and you turned on your GPS and you told it where you wanted to go. It might not initially lead you right in that direction if it doesn't recognize which way you're facing, like if you're in a parking lot or something, because it hasn't updated your location. But as soon as your car starts moving, it will get reoriented, and then it will tell you to go in the right direction and the direction you need to go, even if it means turning around. And so the same thing happens when you take action in life. Getting started is the hardest part. But once you make a move, any move, it becomes easier to assess if you're going the right direction and what steps to take to correct your path if necessary. So whatever you do, don't get stuck in indecision. So not to talk about how to use this five second goal. So first is when you have a thought. Any time you have an idea that will better your situation act immediately again within five seconds. Don't think about it. Just take some sort of step while counting. 54321 Now the countdown is the second step, so first you have a thought, then you do the countdown when the thought comes. You want to immediately start this countdown and get moving. And there's two reasons that this countdown is the key to why the five second rule works. It's because of signals your brain that there isn't end to the countdown. So if you just counted from 1 to 5, your brain goes hole. I can keep going. I have more time, so it gives you the sense of immediacy. And counting down also distracts your mind and prevents it from thinking you out of what you need to dio. So the next time that an idea comes to your mind of something that you know that if you did it, you'd receive positive results, then use this five second rule and do it right now. And when the So when the thought comes, I should make this phone call count 54 Now think of where your phone is. Three. To reach for your phone. One. Dial the number. That's how fast it happens. And there are so many uses for this now. Before I had ever even heard of this idea of a five second rule, I actually used this same sort of immediate action strategy on myself to get myself to stop procrastinating doing my dishes. And so here's my dish story. So I used to find that by the end of the day I was completely exhausted. So at this time of my life, I had chronic fatigue syndrome, but I didn't know that that was what was going on. So by the time I cook dinner and ate dinner, I was completely pooped, and all I wanted to do is lay on the couch. And so what would happen is any time I get up to get something or go to the bathroom, I'd walk by the kitchen and the dishes were still sitting there on the counter because I hadn't done them yet because it was so tired. By the time I was done cooking and eating that I didn't feel like doing them. And so I had this, like, you know, inner battle. Like Do I do the dishes which I don't want to dio or do I leave them and let them now get me every time I walk by and so I usually picked Let's leave them there and let them Nah, get me every time I walk by. And so what would happen is any time I'd have to go do anything else in the house. I'd walk by and I get this, like, overwhelming, annoying feeling like, Oh, I have to do the dishes So it just bother me. And it would cause me anxiety and frustration. And one day I just realized how absurd it was. I was spending my evening resisting doing the stinking dishes, and so I decided to cut it out. And what I told myself was that the next time or any time that I hadn't already done them the first time that I walked by. And I feel that sense of irritation that they're sitting there looking at me, waiting to be done that immediately I would go and do them in that moment, no matter what. And so that's exactly what I did. And so I let myself not do it in that moment, I wanted to teach myself that the next time it came up I was going to do it. So I went and sat back on the couch, and sure enough, within 20 minutes I was up again. I walked by. I saw them. It triggered that feeling of irritation. My brain goes, Ah ha! She's irritated. That means it's time to do the dishes. And so I immediately walked in the kitchen and washed the dishes. And then I have never had that problem again because it worked so well. And then I was relieved of this annoying tension of having this undone thing sitting there in the kitchen on DSO. I realized the importance of these immediate decisions to take action. And so then many years later, when I heard Mel Robbins talking about the five second rule, I was like, Oh my God, someone gave this a name and I love the countdown. It absolutely makes it work more effectively, and now I use it for everything. Another excellent use of the five second rule is to start a new habit, because breaking an old habit requires that you replace it with a new one, and you can use the five second countdown to start the new ritual that will interrupt the old pattern. And so what that would look like in its simplest form is you, this term in ahead of time. What your replacement behavior is going to be. And so when you feel that instinct to go and do the thing, that's your bad habit. He remember. Oh, this is what I'm supposed to do instead. And then to prevent yourself from falling in the old pattern. You start counting from five toe one and you immediately go and take the other switch out action that you've decided ahead of time. We're gonna dio. And so I've known people that have used the five second rule to change up habits, and it is very effective. It just takes a little bit of preparation and some practice. And so if confidence is willingness to act or to try, then the five second rule is perhaps the best possible tool to practice taking those actions. 23. 23: Immediate Massive Action: So now let's talk about taking immediate massive action. Confidence is the willingness to take action, but sometimes this action needs a boost. Sometimes a small step in the right direction is enough to start momentum and two games. Some clarity. The five second rule is perfect when you know what you need to do, and you catch yourself in that moment of resistance. And it's also great for taking small steps that will help you gain clarity. But sometimes you need to go all in. You need to dive in head first because some actions are just like getting yourself into icy cold water. Doing it one toe at a time just won't do. You have to jump in, and sometimes taking massive action is the only way that you're actually going to get started. So if you know that you tend to not follow through or you tends to give up easily than you need to prepare for it, you don't want to just let it not working out happen and then have it as an excuse for why you didn't succeed. So first, make a decision and use the five second rule. If you need to get that first step taken and then never leave the scene of a decision without taking action. So in this case, you want to take a massive step that will generate momentum in the direction you want to go . So you want to do something that gets you as far down the path towards what you want. It's possible, or demonstrates to yourself that you've made the decision to be successful and are committed to yourself. You also want to make sure the inch it ensures that you're committed because you are accountable. So this could be financially or accountable to another person as a result of this action that you took. So you want to ask yourself, What can I do now? What can you do that makes you feel invested? And this could mean investing in yourself and your goal, whether financially or physically or mentally, and for example, you can invest into a program. You could buy equipment that you might need. You could buy a book. You could start writing down your ideas. You could make a phone call. You could share your idea with somebody that's gonna hold you accountable. You could do some research and write down what you find. You could enroll in a program that's gonna teach you what you need to learn, or you could literally, physically walk out the front door to go do something that you know you need to do something massive. So think about it. If someone wants to lose weight or get fit, they can think about it all that they want to. Or they could take immediate action and join a gym right away or just get up and go for that first walk to start the pattern. The moment that they think of it, they could find a workout partner they could write down when they're gonna work out in their schedule or on their calendar, or set an alarm or they could do all of these things. You see, it's vitally important to take that first step right now so literally, if you have any possibility of doing so, take that first step right now, right after you're done watching or listening to this video and the bigger the initial action step that you take, the better results that you will get long term 24. 24: Dealing with Others: So I want to talk about the social impact, and it is huge because one of our basic human needs is toe. Want to connect to those around us toe wanna have the approval of those around us? And it's so extreme that we conform the things that may not even be what we want in our own lives. Just because we want to fit in we want others to like us is part of human nature. It's ingrained in your DNA. So it is critical that you assess who is building your confidence and who's knocking it down because you might have negative people around you. But you may need to kind of cut them off a little bit. And I get it. There's people in your life that might be family that might be friends that might be co workers. Might be your boss that you can't get rid of friends, maybe us, but family, maybe a little bit harder. But those individuals, maybe you need toe really set some boundaries that are gonna help you and more importantly , is how to counterbalance that. How do you build a community of supporters and find them that are gonna be your champions and you can do that by joining groups or maybe spending more time with co workers or family or other people, or developing a bigger social network of people that are in the same my set of as you. If you have a lot of negative people, then join a group of people that are pretty positive. For example, we've joined a lot of when we first moved to different communities. We goto workshops. We meet up groups and different things that we know they're gonna help us to connect the people that are in the line toe what we want to create in our lives. So find those groups of people find those individuals, and I'll tell you how powerful it is because most people really don't realize it. We have something called mirror neurons in our brain, and what they do is literally mirror the other person in front of us. So their body language, you know, we actually try to mirror people's by language and, more importantly, their emotions. So have you ever been around someone who's just so negative and like depress and things like that? You leave over there feeling the same way you might be around people that are so happy that that you leave there feeling confident yourself that you leave their fired up. You feel that you leave there with a big smart is contagious. You know, they smiling. And some of those five people are contagious and is very true. They are contagious because they're neurons in your brain, sort of feeding off other people because you're hard wire for that. So that's how powerful it really is that the people who have who have around the impact that they're gonna have in your life so way to consider this for a minute. Ah, lot of people fear the opinions of others. So what they're actually doing is that they're saying that they're more confident and someone else's judgement of themselves of who they are more than you are of your own judgment of yourself. So do you really want to give that power way? Because if you fear of the people's opinions again, you're telling them that you trust their judgment better than you do your own. You're giving away your power. So let that fear go and take your power back. I like Eleanor Roosevelt one of my favorite people. Really? If you want. Oh, look up. Some epic quotes go online. Look, look her up because she has some amazing things that really help you see things from a different perspective. One of things that she says is that you would not care so much of what other people think of you if you realize how seldom they actually do. And that's that's just reality. You know, most people think that other people are just constantly talking about them or thinking about them. But that's not really the case, for the most part. And I learned this as a speaker, one of the things that helped me to become a better speaker, it to realize that if I didn't do a great job and something that people would be un remember herbal, that people will just forget about it, they wouldn't Maybe they'll talk about it, maybe for a day. But after that, it's just not that important to them. It wasn't something that they're actually gonna keep in their memory because it didn't blow them away when I'm on blowing them away, blowing them in a good way in a bad way. If I did this amazing job on the stage, the something that really transformed the life they'll never forget and remember forever. Now, if I fall off the stage, if I do something really silly, then Nope, I remember me. But other than that, they're not going to think about in their day. They have enough things to worry about in their own life. So it helped me be more confident because it really put into perspective how minimal or how small, the whole thing waas, that I was making a bigger deal out of something and that I really had to have a higher judgment opinion of myself and trust my judgment of myself more than what I thought other people should or would. So I kind of let that go. And one of the other things that I also realized that I would like to help people realize is that you have the power to interpret other people and thereby language what they're saying or what they're doing, because we can personalize and say, Well, it's about me. But money didn't even be about you. Imagine somebody's reacting in different weight because something's happening their life, so we can always interpret what they say, you know, and I see people that do this sometimes they're like, really, you know, they had someone give him, like, five negative things and then just one small positive and they'll come to you and you see you hurt the nice thing that that person said they could only see that nice, positive things. They interpreted that whole conversation focusing on Oh, well, because of what they said. And he said, I can improve. Like I remember having ah, coworker who was like that, that the boss would go on dream 10 things that they did wrong and complement for one thing , and what they got out of it is like, yeah, did you hear what he said? He really liked how I did this one thing, the interpreter information and that I can improve on these other areas. But someone else listening to it could have said that's not how it sounded like, but they're positive attitude and the way to interpret information as finding the positives out of all the situation actually made him thrive in the organization driving life in general. So again, your social impact is critical when you can negate it can't pretend it doesn't exist. You have to embrace it. And you have to embrace it to the sense that you need to build people around you that are gonna help you feel more confident they're going to give you that boost. And then it comes down to also remembering that socially that other people are not thinking and analyzing you the way that you think they do cause they sell them. Do they have their own problems and things to consider And that you can always decide how you interpret information that comes around to you? Thank you. 25. 25: Social Facilitation: So now I want to talk about the power of a social environment to help us improve. For example, studies have shown that a runner actually performs better when there's a lot of people watching him that when he is racing by himself significantly like his time doing lapper running a mile, whatever may be actually improves, especially for like Olympic and professional runners and things like that when there's a crowd staring at them. This could be sets also about basketball players, football players and other sports athletes or even speakers. And this is called social facilitation, and the other hand is called social impairment, which is not what you want. You want social facilitation. So where does this come from? And what is even meat? Well, social facilitation. It's when you actually improve in something because you know that there's other people watching you, while social impairment means that you actually perform its decreases. So what really makes the difference here? Well, social facilitation happens because you already have competence and something you already have. Confidence is something because you know that you can do it. For example, if you've dedicated time to your craft and this is why we say that practice is so important because the more you practice something, what happens is that inside of you that excitement or anxiety, however you want to call it, is actually, people get it mixed up a lot of times where you feel excited about something that you're gonna do, they think anxiety. But it's really excitement. But what happens is that that that you haven't signed that stimulates your brain to go a little faster makes you do better because of social facilitation, because you have that foundation that you already developed because your unconscious mind is taking over. And that's how we talked about before. Explicit, implicit memory. That's kind of what I'm talking about. The implicit memory with something becomes unconscious. So what happened for social facilitation is that when you're getting that state of mind because you have competence in the area, then you actually become better at it because your unconscious mind is even faster. Is processing information even quicker for you? Do you be able to do better? So then, on the other hand, if you haven't dedicate the time to really practice and prove your competence and something that you want to build that confidence because again, that confidence is part of you having that foundation. The only problem is gonna be that usually when other people around you experience such social impairment, meaning that year performance is going to decrease. Why? Because you're unconscious level is not being able to take over in that situation. You're consciously thinking about it and you're conscious not just thinking about Oh, am I gonna do this right? You're consciously thinking about what you're doing, how you're doing it and consciously thinking about there so that people around me, What if I mess up so again, that is social facilitation. It's such a powerful tool and a reminder for us that if you dedicate enough time to developing a foundation in any area that actually having people around you is gonna make you better is gonna help you improve. And the more that you can see that other people are helping you improve, the more confident you're gonna be in performing things in front of other people. Were you doing a presentation at work or whether you're just like doing something project And there's people around you looking at year whatever. Maybe there's actually going to improve your skills by being able to perform and do it in front of other people. But again, you first have to build that foundation. And that's what I was saying before that. You want to make something on a conscious but using implicit memory do that, which is that repetitive action, and that, compounded with social influences is gonna help you quantum leap in the area that you want Teoh and your performance in that area hope that house. 26. 26: Stop Putting Others on a Pedestal: in this video, I'm gonna talk about why you need to stop putting others on a pedestal. When you see someone that you perceive a successful and then you compare yourselves to them , you probably tell yourself that they're more talented than you. There's special. They have their stuff together, their more privileged. They have something that you don't, but it's not true. The truth is that everyone has their demons, and not everyone who appears successful and happy actually is. And plus, most importantly, you don't see all the work and effort that went into their success. So the problem with putting people on a pedestal is that it lets us off the hook telling yourself someone else is better or more capable or more blessed than you, gives you an excuse not to try. So instead of using your inferiority as an excuse, look at these people and use them as a model. They prioritize their life differently than you. They spend more time learning and practicing than you do. The one thing they may not be doing as well as you is understanding themselves enough to know how to create the life that's truly fulfilling to be happy, and so that would give you an advantage, wouldn't it? So, in this course, you're learning about the mindset that leads to success, one of growth and confidence, and in other courses and videos and other content that we produce, we dive more into how to cultivate happiness. But from where you are right now, you have the power to do two of the things that sets successful people apart. You can make your goals and dreams a priority and spend more time learning and practicing. So instead of putting people that you look up to on a pedestal, ask yourself, What are this person's goals? What are their priorities? What are they learning or practicing? What actions are they taking behind the scenes that I don't know about and then emulate them? And remember, they once stood where you are now with a dream, and they developed the confidence to go towards it by taking action. And the reality is that if they can do it, so can you 27. 27: Fear of Change: So now I'm gonna talk about overcoming fear of change any time that you face a decision to do something different with your life, whether it's to reach a new goal, to stop a habit or to solve some sort of a problem. The result is that you are making a change, and change can be scary. In fact, change is one of the biggest things that people fear. Humans are security and comfort. Seeking beings than anything that pushes us outside of our comfort zone is viewed as a threat by our brain. And so most people resist change understandably, and this is really important to understand because you might get to a point where you're ready to make that decision to change. But then you don't actually do it. And the reason is that there is a common and predictable change cycle that you can get trapped in if you don't know what so look out for. And I know because I recognized this in my own life, which led me to develop this process. So when you are facing a change that you might find that your cycling back and forth between inspiration and one moment and resistance the next, and you're certain about what you want. You're determined, but then you find yourself either terrified or somehow you've magically forgotten all about this thing that you wanted and you find yourself right back where you started stuck. So you may have been experiencing going through the cycle over and over and over again on the same issue at some point in your life. And the truth is, is that it will continue to happen until you stop the cycle. And so here's what that cycle looks like. The first stage is your discontent. You grow increasingly unhappy and discontent with an area of your life. You hang in there, you tolerate, ignore, repress or otherwise deal with the circumstance because it's comfortable and familiar and your fear change. But then the second stage is a breaking point. Eventually, your level of discontent builds high enough that you just can't take it anymore. You reach a breaking point, and this can either be through exhaustion or due to some sort of dramatic event occurring that triggers your break. So then the third stages decision. You decide that you're ready to change, and you even declare that you're no longer going to tolerate this undesirable situation, and you take that first step towards changing giving you a short lived sense of hope. But then the fourth step comes immediately, which is fear so usually shortly or immediately after the feelings of empowerment. When you make that decision, you encounter this fear. You become uncomfortable and anxious about the idea of changing you. Don't your decision. Both of your options look bleak. You feel helpless and empty. So then the fifth stages amnesia. The fear of change grows strong enough that it makes the original situation you're trying to get away from actually look better than you had originally thought. You perceive this original situation is less anxiety producing than the change itself. And so it's because you're used to it is comfortable. It's familiar. Plus, in a lot of cases, it's become part of your identity. So you resist letting it go. You temporarily forget why you even wanted to change so badly in the first place. And so the sixth stage is backtracking. Most people choose to go back to or stick with the item that they originally wanted to change. Ultimately, you essentially talk yourself out of changing. So you probably relate to this, at least for something in your life. And inevitably, you're soon gonna find yourself unhappy and discontent again. Your level of pain is going to continue to increase until you reach another breaking point , and then that next one is going to be even more extreme and more painful. And this cycle will just continue and continue until one of two things happened. The first thing that could happen is an extreme level of pain. You might end up having a breaking point that is so severe that it actually pushes you through this change cycle. So for many people, unfortunately, it takes an extreme circumstance to push them to evolve, such as a major financial loss, loss with job loss of a loved one, the ending of a relationship, a severe accident or a complete nervous breakdown. You see your higher self knows what you really want and is trying to lead you to it. That's why it keeps coming up. So if you resist changing long enough, something is going to happen in your life that will put you in a position where you have no choice but to change you do not need toe. Wait until there's a flood to move your home away from the shoreline. So just keep that in mind because the second option here that can stop the cycle is self honesty. In some cases, you will actually have that humbly experience of realizing that there's a part of you that doesn't actually want to change. You're comfortable with your habit. With what you know. You have a lot of fear. The hold you back. You have a lot of self limiting beliefs. Reason you receive some sort of benefit from staying stuck where you are. You are unhappy because part of you wants to be unhappy. In fact, you're addicted to the situation. You believe your pain is who you are. It's your story. You can see your resistance toe letting it go. And on Lee, after reaching this point where you can see all of this self honestly, can you truly choose to change? Now? Can you see how this change cycle has impacted your life and are you ready to stop it? Have you experienced a change in need A. Before and if so, you know that the more that you move towards the changes that you are afraid of. Then often the more strong your fear and resistance will become. So are you ready to swallow the pill of self honesty? Even if it's hard because you're tired of being dissatisfied? Are you ready to take responsibility for your life and create the life you dream of having ? And are you at that point where you will accept nothing less than what you truly want? Because in order to be able to break the cycle, you also need to understand the underlying reasons why you've been allowing yourself to keep avoiding change, and those are one you don't want to change. Like I mentioned, you don't really want the thing that you think you want. You might be trying to convince yourself to change, to appease others or to conform to what you believe you should do. So if you don't want to change, accept it. This is very common for people who say that they want to quit smoking, for instance. They don't really want to quit. They simply think that they should, and in that situation it never works because you have to want it so another thing that Maybe going on is you don't know what you want if you don't know what you really want or you're not allowing yourself to think about what you really want because you don't think you can have it. That can really stop you from doing anything. So you end up thinking that you want certain things that aren't what you really want and the deeper part of yourself knows it. And you're never gonna feel inspired enough to follow through on making a big change in your life if it isn't even what you want. So try imagining what you would want if time, money and other people did not limit you and start there. So that leads me to the next thing that might be holding your back. May be your dream isn't big enough. The reward isn't big enough. You're not excited about it. Passion is what makes you willing to endure what it takes to attain a goal. What would you do anything to attain? That's a good place to start to. And another thing that might be holding you back is you're letting your fear be bigger than you. That's because you don't believe you can do it. You don't trust yourself. You put everyone else before yourself. You'd rather tolerate severe pain than face temporary discomfort. So, are you really willing to settle? Isn't the fear of being stuck in a life you don't want and missing out on your dreams more painful than the temporary experience of having to change? So another thing that could hang up is being attached to your problem. Your ego and identity are wrapped up in your problem, and you fear that if you let go of your problem, you'll have nothing to talk about. Would you be? Would it be better? The truth is, you're probably benefiting from your problem. The benefit you're receiving from not changing is being perceived as a bigger than the perceived benefit of changing. If it gives you an excuse and something to talk about, it allows you to hide deeper issues from yourself and others. So what are you holding on to and how does it benefit you not to make this change again? It's about self honesty, and failure no longer has to be an option, and neither does doing nothing and staying stuck where you are. If you're facing a potential change that's nagging at you to be made, take some time and self reflection and be brutally honest with yourself. Is your desire for more for fulfillment for happiness finally strong enough that you are willing to encounter the obstacle and endure the fear? If so, congratulations, you will succeed because you're ready to break the cycle of the fear of change. 28. 28: Change Resume: in this video, I'm gonna get into how to create a change resume. So first, here's the change guarantee from this situation. Something good will happen. This powerful activity will help you provide evidence to yourself that you can do it, whatever that it is that you're wanting to dio. But you're resisting. You see, a resume for your career shows the evidence of your experience near accomplishments and the goal of a change resume is to show your experience and accomplishments related to changes that you either initiated or overcame throughout your life. And the goal is to provide evidence to yourself that yes, you can do it. And you know this because you've done it before and also that almost every single situation in your life which you had to endure some form of change, especially the ones that you were afraid of when they happened. They all ended up being OK in the end. Either something good came from them eventually or you learn something valuable. It's also going to show you that by practicing finding the silver lining in what has happened in your life, you're gonna end up showing yourself that what you're trying to do. It's okay if it doesn't go the way that you wanted to, because something good will come of it, because you will choose to find the good. So sometimes life's greatest blessings are actually hidden within life's curses. And that's the point of this activity. And here's a quote that we love and it goes. Everything will be OK in the end. And if it's not OK, it's not the end. And that's attributed to John Lennon. So the change resume activity asks you to look at different areas of your life and identify changes that you have experienced. So the goal is to identify the positive outcomes that came from each of these experiences. And there are three types of changes that you're gonna be identifying. And the 1st 1 is changes that happened to you that you ended up overcoming. So you want a list any circumstances in your life in which unexpected change happened to you. That and you didn't know how it was going to work out in the end, but the ultimately. In the end, you either figured it out or it turned out to be better than you thought. So the second type is unwanted or bad changes that ended up leading to good outcomes. So you on the list any negative circumstances in your life that, in the end led to a beneficial outcomes, such as a better situation down the road or learning an important lesson. And so the third type is changes that you initiated yourself or accomplishments that you've had. So you want a list, any change that you've made, or any goals that you've met that you did by your own choosing. And so you're gonna find that there is an attachment for this activity called the change resume, and it's going to walk you through identifying these different types of changes, their experiences in different parts of your life. And again, the goal here is to start to see the pattern that in the end, one way or another, all of these things that have happened have led to something good. And so some of these experiences might have been very difficult for you and others might have been very inspirational, and you might find that some of them you already knew the positive benefit or you already knew what you learned from it. And in other situations you might find a silver lining that you didn't know was there. And so again, the goal is by the end of this activity, you have a lot of evidence sitting there on paper, looking at you, showing you that whatever it is that you're facing now, whatever this change is, because all of your goals or desires that you're trying to act on ultimately will lead the change, whatever that is, it's okay if it doesn't go perfect or according to plan, or if, in the end there's some sort of a negative outcome or consequence, because you can see from looking back at your life that even in the situations where that happened and it wasn't so great, it always ended up being OK in the end, because you found your way. 29. 29: Defining RISK and BRAVE: in this video, I'm gonna talk about defining risk and brave, so defining words is vitally important. For instance, if you're striving for success or happiness, you better know what those terms mean to you. So now you know what confidence really is willingness to try and to trust that you will figure it out. So now let's look at other words that are important and related so that you can understand them. So first, what holds people back from developing confidence in the first place? It's fear, and one of the biggest fears is failure. So we already talked about why failure is your friend. And so now I want to talk about the other big fear, which is risk, because we spend a lot of emotional energy worrying about the possibility of something that might go wrong. And the more certain we are that the negative outcomes gonna occur, the more risky we believe that this thing is. But there are two important things that most people completely overlook, and the first is that often risk can be avoided with preparation or with knowledge. And second often the negative outcome is either not that bad or it's fixable. So let's try on a new definition of risk. How do you like the sound of risk if the likelihood of an irreversible negative outcome? So if we think about risk this way, very few situations are actually risky. And this is because in most cases you can either prepared advanced to avoid the outcome or you can rebound from it. And in the next video, we're going to get into a powerful activity in which you're going to do something counterintuitive. Instead of thinking positive like we often would tell you to dio, we want you to imagine instead the worst case scenario and then work your way through the risk that you fear ahead of time. But before we move on to that next activity, I want to address one more definition. The definition off brave. You see when a person does something that other people are afraid of, those other people call this person brave. And this could be like a real life hero that saving someone or maybe a speaker presenting to thousands of people or maybe a military soldier going into battle. Most people assume that these people, which they're calling brave, our brave enough to do these incredible feats because they're not feeling fear. That's not the case. The truth is that they do it anyway. They are confident that they will figure it out, and they're willing to take the action regardless of how they're feeling in that moment. So what this means is that you to can be brave. 30. 30: Fear Setting: in this video, I'm gonna talk about one of my favorite activities called Fear. Sudden. So for many, many, many years I had this little mental activity or game that I would play with myself, and I always found it really powerful. And so this activity is like, um, an enhanced version of what I've always done for myself, and I had never heard of this before, but I used to do it automatically. And that is when there was something that I was coming up against that I was afraid of. Instead of taking the advice of a lot of, you know, like self help goobers, that I should only think positively, I actually would allow myself to imagine the worst case scenario of whatever it was that I was afraid off. And I wasn't doing it so that I could like, think about it and, you know, worry about it. I did it so that I could get over it. And so what I would do is I allow myself to imagine what would the worst case scenario actually look like? And then I would think about it, and I would usually find that the worst case scenario actually wasn't that horrible, and often the reaction I was having to it was like out of proportion to the thing I was actually up against. And so I would think about this worst case scenario, recognize it wasn't that horrible in most cases, and then even if it was horrible, I would allow myself to think of OK, well, if it happened, what would I do? How would I deal with it? And so, by allowing myself to be honest about what I was afraid of, what we do, is it ease up on that worry and anxiety? And so then many years later, after I've been doing this for a while, I came across Tim Ferriss, who is an author. He's most famous for the book Four hour Work Week. If you haven't read it, it's awesome. Um, but so one of the activities that I came across in his teachings and writings is called fear setting, And so he actually developed this based off of research and study that he'd done for years and years off the teaching us of the ancient Stoics. And so apparently this isn't an original. The idea for either of us, it's something that Ah lot of people used, and he just kind of put it into a format that I find very helpful. And so I am sharing this process with you so that you can also face your fears by looking at them. And so that brings me to the first lesson in this process, which is that unless your fears are very specifically defined, you cannot overcome them. And so think about it like this. If you were out in the dark in the woods somewhere, and there was some spooky shadow in the dark, you're afraid of it because you don't know what it is. You can't really look at it. And so it causes fear. But if you were to shine a light on it and you understood what it was like a raccoon, then you would know how to handle it. And so it works exactly the same way in life with fear. If you can shine a light on it and actually look at it, then it takes away the fears power. Because once you really look at it and you know what it is, you know how to handle it. And that's why where the phrase comes from toe face your fears, that's what it means. And so why is this important? Well, I like to think about it like this. We all understand the purpose of goal setting, so fear setting actually helps you reach the goals that you're sitting. Because if you are not reaching your goals, then it's probably ultimately because of an underlying fear. So by fear setting just like gold, saying you're gonna be ableto reach your goals better. And so it doesn't matter how much you want to go where you're trying to go. Imagine if you were in your car and your all prepared and you've got your stuff and you've learned what you need to learn and you've routed out how you're going to get there. And the road is even clear that he's got green lights the whole way. He might even have your car gassed up and point in the right direction, and you can start to go. But if you have your foot on the brakes like fear, you're not gonna get very far. And so that's the situation a lot of people find themselves in when they're trying to reach their goals. or go for the dreams. They might know what they want, maybe because a lot of people don't, but they might know what they want, but they're just dragging their heels because they're afraid and they're not addressing it . And so really, that's what this is all about. So here's the activity for fear setting. The first thing that you need to do is identify what it is that you're afraid of and get out a piece of paper and on the top of the paper. But what if I put in the blank the thing that you're afraid of? So then underneath, where you put this phrase, you're going to separate the paper into three columns and at the top of each column, right, define, prevent repair. And so now I'm gonna go over what these three things mean and how the process works. So when I'm talking about defining, this is where you really want to get detailed about everything that could go wrong related to this fear. So as you're writing down all of the different aspects that could go wrong and especially highlighting the worst case scenario ones you want to continue to ask yourself so what? For each one. So if you say well, this could happen. Ask yourself. So what? Like why would that matter? And then you're going to get another answer because you're trying to get deeper, dig deeper into the real reason why you're afraid of it. What are you actually afraid of? What's the long term outcome that could happen because of this? Because most years are pretty superficial. So if you're gonna look at them u minus, we'll look at what's really going on. Right? So then the next column prevention. So this is where you're going to be looking at. What are the things that you could do for each of these pieces of what could go wrong? Or that you could ask someone to help you dio If you can't do it on your own, that could prevent it from happening. And so we're not looking for, like, prevented completely because some situations you can't really do that much about, but in all situations, you can do something to influence. So So even if it could Onley decrease the likelihood of this thing going wrong by 1% it's still worth putting down because you're looking for any source of empowerment to feel like you would be able to prevent this at least to some degree or influence it right? So then the third column is repair. So again, for each of the things that could go wrong that are part of this fear again, especially the worst case scenario ones. Then ask yourself. OK, well, if this did happen, what could I do to either repair the damage or to get back on track anyway, regardless of the fact that this happened? And so it's almost like you're problem solving in advance. And so truly, you can't deal with anything like this in advance because you don't have the situation there in front of you. But you could at least work through it in your mind in a way that's constructive. Like what solutions could there be? Even if they're not ideal or pretty, there are still solutions that will help you to cope with or make it through or even thrive through this potential problem. And so next I'm gonna give you an example. That kind of shows you how you would work your way through this. So moving back to the define column, the example here is Imagine that you were starting a company. You don't wanna have your definition of what you're afraid of. B. The company fails because us way too vague. So again, ask yourself like, why would that matter? So what? What would happen? So here's some more specific things. So one thing could be like I won't be able to afford my rent. My girlfriend will leave me because I'll have left time to devote to her. I won't be able to afford my kids, health insurance or school. And if I quit my job, then I might not be able to get back into this industry. So those are some really specific things that you could be afraid off if you were starting a business. So then let's move to the prevention column. So what could you do to prevent these problems from happening? Well, if you're afraid that you're not going to be able to pay your rent or have food on the table, then you could look for them sort of subsidies. You could look for educational scholarships for your kids. If you're afraid you're not able to pay for their school, you could learn about different ways to make money in the gig economy, like putting your skills on Task Rabbit or becoming an uber driver and find some other way to make income to supplement. So there's a lot of different things that you could do to try to make up for these problems or prevent them from being a problem. So it's not necessarily that you're trying to prevent it from happening at all. You're just trying to prevent it from being a problem. So then let's move on to the last category, which is to repair. So in the event that you started a company and you're struggling financially during the start up phase and you can't pay your rent, for instance, well, maybe you could move in a friend or make moving with family. Maybe if you needed more money, you could take a temporary job. So whereas the prevention would be like finding these places where you could get a subsidy or a scholarship, or learning about the gig economy and finding out how to become a uber driver, so that's preventative, right? So then repair mode would be actually doing some of these things that you found and finding other ways, like taking a temporary job. And so there are no perfect answers to this. It is just a brainstorming strategy. But can you see how by taking something that feels really scary and just making it concrete , really looking at it, that it takes the power away from that situation so that you're not just, you know, being afraid of a phantom shadow in the dark somewhere. Instead, you're actually making a strategy for something riel. And by doing that, not only does it ease up on the feeling of fear that often is what holds you back, but it also gives you a sense of empowerment and confidence that you want to know what? Even if the bad thing happens, I can handle it. I will move on. I will find a way. So instead of avoiding your fears, face them 31. 31: Self Talk & Affirmations: So now I want to talk about self talk or affirmations. And if you never heard of affirmations, information or written or spoken positive statements that one consistently practice and repeated actually rewire your brain. So it's the same statement that you tell yourself. But many times Utah ourselves bad things. For example, I'm just not smart. I'm just not good at this that things always happen to me. Life sucks or whatever. Maybe you've got to realize that you are your own fan. You are the one that has to give yourself the pep talk. You're the one that's gonna empower you. New words are very, very, very powerful. For example, you can use statements that says, I love being confident. I'm independent of people. Other people's opinions of A I love being confident again. The statements that you tell yourself are very, very powerful. For example, I've met people that tell themselves, I'm just introverted. I'm not good at socializing. I'm not good at expressing myself in all these different things, but it's not that they're good at it is that maybe one time of their life you had an experience where there's their parents or somewhere else where they express themselves and they were put down and they were made to feel bad about themselves. So now they generalize that to everything in their lives. Where is not the reality? So what's happened is that repeat that start over and over over again until he became what's called implicit Memory just comes natural. Just like you driving somewhere. You might have space out and you got there you don't even think about is because it simples is unconscious, just like you learning how to tie your shoe. At first you have to think about it, but after a while it just becomes implicit. You don't have to think about anymore. The same happening happens with your statement, and those statements create your reality, which is Europe. Your statements that you tell yourself about your life and it comes down to something called the rest of particular activities system very small part of your brain, but it's very goal orientated, so it's looking at millions of bits of information all the time. So what happens if you tell yourself something negative is gonna happen? Looks for negative things. If you want to be in a bad mood, will give you reasons to be a bad mood because there's merely that things going on around you, but you can only be aware about 2000 bits of information. So what happens? You tell your brain Ah, this is gonna be a crappy day or a bad day. So what do you think happens? Your brain will create things not not just, like focus on all the negative things. It actually says, Oh, this looks like it might be a bad situation. Let's go. They're supposed to be about day, right? Because you gave your brain a command. And it's one of the most powerful things that you can understand when it comes to your affirmations that the more you shift the negative things that you say and deposit things, the more confident you're gonna be, The more empowered you're gonna be in those situations and really four keys to creating successful affirmations, it has to be believable to you. It has to be within your control. So you have to believe that you have to be able to really change that. You can't make an affirmation that you're gonna be dependent on someone else. Doing something has to be you. It also must be in present tense like is happening now because if you say well, this is what's gonna happen in the future. Your mind doesn't believe it, and you have to feel it in your core. You have to believe in it in your core, but again has to be positive statements. Also, it can't be well, I no longer smoke does not really make you feel empowered about it. I live a healthy lifestyle, for example, and you also have to repeat it regularly 3 to 5 times per day for at least 21 to 30 days. For your mind to really start shifting and really believing that this is possible so you have to write it down. Put it somewhere where you can see it. Remind yourself, make it part of your routine. And the best thing that you could do is catch yourself. Like, for example, if you're gonna speak somewhere Ah, in front of your co workers, you might say, Well, I'm just not good at speaking. I always freeze up. I always get nervous, and I I locked myself up. But what did you just do? You told your brain to lock up. You told your braid to forget what you're gonna do. You're telling your brain to get nervous. You gave you your brain a command. So your brain is a tool. So it's how do you shift that? And you shift that by changing the beliefs and statements that you tell yourself. Because if your brain things that you just excited about it so nervous. I'm just excited cause I'm gonna rock this. I'm gonna transform people's lives right now. What I want to share your brain is empowered. It feels confident because you told it to view it that way. You told it a statement. Now, if you tell it, What if I mess up? What if I mess up? What if I mess up? It was like, Oh, I'm supposed to mess up. So catch yourself every time you have a negative affirmation. Think what can I change this to and repeat it over and over again? Because if you catch a negative affirmation, you're probably catching something that you've been doing for a long time and that you haven't been aware of it because it's unconscious. So the better you get even if you have to carry a little notebook and we say negative information, write it down. And some people around me kind of driving crazy sometimes because I like to point out when they had used negative affirmations, because I understand that is at a conscious level, and they're not even recognizing that they're doing it. So if I can help them recognize it, I can help him shift it to something more positive. So all you have to do is recognize it within yourself, make the commitment, affirms something and then repeat it to yourself over and over again. I am confident I am confident and do it until you believe it in your core. Because again, you might not feel a little awkward about at first. My not feel believable, but long term, it makes a huge difference. I'll give you one perfect sample before we close out this video. I feel my first year college. I used to tell myself I was dumb all the time. Why? Because a lot of teachers told me that would amount to anything, so I told myself that all the time he's just not smart enough. It just not college material. I heard it from my teachers, even a college. So what ended up happening? I feel my first year college. I read about affirmation about thought process and all these different things are reframe the way I looked at life. And I started telling myself, Your genius, your genius. Your genius house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Whatever, Joe, You fail the first year college, you're really not a genius. But what ended up happening was it actually started getting all these? Why? Because my unconscious mind help me do things and see things to help me create that reality that I was smarter than I was giving myself credit. It helped me retain more than information. In fact, just a simple statement. Like, if you're going to classy learning something and you tell yourself, I'm gonna need you to retain this toe, memorize this stuff. So I need you to focus on this stuff. Your brains already becomes hyper focused, actually. Does it because you gave your brain a command? This is important to me. I really need to remember this. So use your brain as a tool for your life and it all starts by taking your thought process and the statements that you tell yourself. I hope that helps 32. 32: Uncovering the Lies: in this video, I'm gonna go over the uncovering the Lies self talk activity, which is one of my favorites. You see, we all have an inner critic that thinks both limited Lee and critically about ourselves, and this is negative self talk. But there are two things that you need to know about your inner critic, and the first is that your inner critic is not you. It's just a voice in your head that expresses some of your negative and limited beliefs. And this inner critic is a liar is a liar because the limited and critical things that says about you aren't true now these limiting critical beliefs might sound something like this. I'm not good enough. I could never do that. I'm stupid. I'll never have enough. I don't deserve happiness. I always struggle. Now you can have beliefs like this about many different aspects of your life, like family culture, behaviour, your intelligence, health, your body, friendships, hobbies, career money and on and on. So when you're completing this activity, focus on Onley one category at a time and then you can do it again for other categories. So the materials that you need include one pen, one pencil and at least 10 sheets of lined paper, ultimately as many as you need. So this activity will show you how to uncover the lies and then rewrite them. So start using your pencil right down a lie that your inner critic tells you about yourself . Then the Skip four lines on the line paper now staying in the same life category right down another lie and skip four lines after you're done. And once you've exhausted the beliefs in this one category, then you can move on to another category and do this same thing. So, for example, I will never get married and then skip for spaces. I'm only girlfriend material skipped four spaces my husband would cheat on me, skipped four spaces so you can see you might feel pretty terrible after doing this, because it can be hard to look at how nasty your inner critic is to you. But now that you've uncovered the lies that it tells you, it's time to tell the truth, this is the fun part. So first, put away your pencil and take out your pen and on the lines that you saved under each lie you're going to write the truth now, The truth could be the opposite of your lie. Or it could just be something nicer. You want to try to reach for the highest level off thought about yourself, that self affirming that you confined so you might find it hard to believe these truths at first. But that's OK. And some of these truths will feel very right to you. So right that you actually wonder why you ever believed your inner critic in the first place. So just as a side note, make sure that your truth is written as a positive statement. So don't use the word not or no, or isn't or don't. So, for example, if your lie was I am stupid than your truth would not be. I am not stupid. It would be. I am intelligent at many things. You see the difference. So once you've done this, the next step is seven days of reminders. So what you want to do is read the lies and the truths to yourself every day for seven days , and then this is important. On the seventh day, he raised the lies. That's why you wrote it in pencil and after practicing for seven days. Then the next time that your inner critic tells you this lie, it's automatically gonna jump or switch from the lie to the truth that you had written down because you've trained your brain to think this way. And in some cases you might find that the old lie is lingering and persistent. So in this case, pull out your list of your positive, affirming truths and re read them to remind yourself of your truths regularly. And then you can revisit this activity any time that you need to pick me up a reminder. Or if you discover that there are more limiting critical beliefs that your inner critic has lingering in your mind, because once you do it, you'll realize, Oh, that was kind of fun. And it actually worked and so encourages you to address these thoughts that your inner critic has going on inside of you being negative and criticizing you and limiting you. And now you always have this activity to go to, to be able to identify the lie that you're telling yourself and replace it with the truth 33. 33: Reframing Your Thoughts: so welcome back. Now I want to talk about reframing your thoughts, and it's truly not. What's happening in your life that creates your story is really how you interpret it or how you frame it. You're experienced. It's part of what you created, what you tell yourself. That story is, for example, I was working one time with two couples and those couples. One of them would tell me how they had the best life ever, and the other person in that relationship told me How is the worst 20 years? And they both had the same experience, but they viewed it very, very differently in their life. And that's part of really having the growth mindset. So you're even looking at situations as sacred. Empower you, make you more confident, or you re looking at them as something that's gonna disempower you because, let's face it, everything that you have that you can call it cursing your life, you can really look at it as a blessing to your life, and it all comes out to what meaning that we give to it. And because of that meaning that we give to it, it will impact how we react to it. What we decide to dio and what we decide to do even in the future, as far as what we think, our capabilities are as far as our confidence goes. So if we look at a fairly that we've had in our lives and we just look at it and say, Well, you know, I've just terrible at this, I'm just not good at this, Obviously, is not gonna empower you is not gonna make you feel confident to move forward. But if you flip it and you reframe some of those circumstances because of this, I was able to achieve this, I was able to grow, I was able to develop. So, Joe, the shifting of the reason that experience happened or each experience in your life can make a huge difference in creating your success in general and really comes out to reframing your story and what happens to you in a positive way. So for every seemingly negative circumstance in your life, they're either Watts for could be a positive outcome because of it. And it's really up to us to develop that positive outcome because of it. So, for example, if he had never gotten what you what you thought was needed at the time. You may not have the gift that you have today. If everything was peachy perfect the whole time. If your relationships haven't ended bitterly, you may not have. Ah, loving came relationship now made it not been able to define what you want it and what you didn't want in a relationship. If you have never made mistakes have been wrong. You never would have learned the lessons that made you who you are today. And really, if you never make a mistake, that means that you're not actually living life because life, if you're growing, if you're developing mistakes, they're gonna happen. Phillies, they're gonna happen. It's just part of the journey. See, if your heart was never broken, for example, it would never have fully open to start with or it could never open in the future. If you've never experienced loss of a loved one, you would not have the same appreciation for those in your life today. You've never, maybe even sway to act against your own belief systems. You wouldn't have the strength or character integrity you may have today If you never experienced who you are not in your journey. You wouldn't know you are, because a lot of times situations teach us who we want to be. So the more stories that you've always have a choice on perspective, you can choose to interpret events in a way that again dis empowers you or makes you feel resentful. Guilty, less confidence makes you want to just call into the little fetal position, not move forward with your life. Or you can interpret them in a way that's empowering by asking yourself. He's a what did I learn from this experience? What can I do differently next time? What positive outcomes eventually came as a result of this situation that I want to? What meaning does it have in my life? And what purpose does it give me? Or can you give me if you haven't discovered the purpose may be having discovered the meaning behind that situation, and it's an opportune dig deep and look at it. How can I use this for good? So make a list of any experiences from your life, your past impression that are negative and that then identify the positive outcomes and or them power perspectives that you can take from them. For example, I failed my first year college, and I could have seen that that could have really killed my confident could have told me, Joy, you're just not college material. Just not good enough. And initially it did. But I looked at the situation and I looked at what I could learn from that situation to really turn it around and be empowered. Well, you went to this and you over over came to all those challenges, even though you may that filled in that perspective. But you learn what you need to make different, to be able to succeed long term. So whatever situation you have in your life is again having a growth mindset, it's about recognizing that you choose. You have the power to choose how you see it, how you perceive it and what you do with that situation, because out of the worst situations that you might experience the best and biggest blessings can come out of it, and you could be empowered by looking back and safe instead of saying, Oh, that was a terrible situation. I went through. Look at my upbringing. Look at this and say no. I am a survivor, someone who drives someone who, regardless of situations, comes out. Look, I went through that and look what I made out of it. I came out out of it and I made it through. So remember, you can always find a positive lining. You can always find the silver lining of any situation. Just have to be willing to do that. Have to be willing to reframe that thought. And the more you get used to doing that, the easier and easier becomes for you to shift your mind when you want to see something that might be negative or curse into something that could be positive and empowering and can truly transform your life and give you the confidence you need to really move forward and master anything in your life that you want a master. Thank you. 34. 34 Body Language and Incantations: So now I want to talk about your body language because, really, your body language is so powerful. Your body language tells your brain more than sometimes your words dio. For example, if you're saying yes and you're going like this or you're saying knowing you're going like this trying, you know, say a statement and affirm it with your body, it really invalid days. Your thoughts just by your body, for example. You said, I feel confident, but you're slouching down and you're sitting slumping. What does your body tell itself? That is not confident that doesn't feel good. So even sitting straight, even shaking your head is yes, when you're saying something, affirming it. There's been a lot of studies. For example, Higher stated several studies that show that your body movement actually magnifies how you feel about things, whether you have doubt whether you feel confident because your body tells your brain what you're really feeling. So ask yourself. How would I be standing from confident if I'm going to go do something, I need to be confident. How would I be standing out? Would I be walking will be like this? Would I be actually putting my shoulders back. Would I be sitting straight? What? I'd be shaking my head a little bit. How would I be? Do whatever whatever you do, how would I be walking if I was feeling confident, But I'd be looking down on the ground. What? I'd be walking with my head up. See your body language tells your brain how you feel. And actually just with your bide language, you're producing chemicals that make you feel good or make you feel bad. So there's things, for example, that you can do that empower you, make you feel more conference, such as power posters see part pose have been proven to not only shift your mind state, but also affect their psychologically physiological. For example, holding apart pose for 120 seconds and demonstrate to be very powerful. In fact, just 120 seconds can create a 20% increase in testosterone and 25% decrease in stress hormones. Quarter soul. Therefore, if you want to feel more powerful, more confident. The simple process is spending two minutes where the power post conduce the tricks. You can put your hands up celebrate. You can put your shoulders back. How would a superhero look? Keep in mind that the mind doesn't know the difference between whether you're faking it or doing it for riel. In fact, your mind is looking at your body posture. Determine what it should feel. Therefore, you can fake confidence until you feel confident, in fact, that people do that study where they put their hands up all the way up in there. Had a big smile right before interviews. And what they found was that the people that did that even though the P person doing any of you didn't know they were wont to hire those people more ride because they shifted their state their statements, their behaviors changed just because they told the put their shoulders back. Stand Howard up superhero stand kind of thing and that's how you want to stand. You want to a power ports for two minutes and again, it's not Ah woo stuff is research has shown that this could be a very, very powerful things. The other part is in can't ation so incantations. We know we talked about affirmations already, and it can taste is when you use your body and you're by legs decrease stronger neural connections that Lisa state of mind that you want to be in. So, for example, if you tell yourself I am confident and you say that's affirmation, I am confident. I am confident, I think. Are you really gonna believe that you're confident? Probably not. But if you actually do something physically, were you like, I am confident you're moving your hands. You're getting all worked up. I can do this. You know your body by your movements of your body by putting those shoulder bag, putting your moving your hands in a way that you you feel pumped up that language actually tells your brain, engages your physiology, the chemicals being produced engages your brain to really look at the situation and prove great confidence within you. It makes it more real. It makes it more realistic. So when you're working on affirmations and working on the statements that you tell yourself , use incantations and whenever possible, see my loud, even if you got to see him like screaming out life, you gotta go to your car and just say it because it tells your brain that you're serious. I see you don't want to be walking around, maybe doing incantations. I got this, you know, because maybe your coworkers or some of them I might look at you. Me like Okay, it's a little weird. You can go somewhere else. You can do it before you get to work. You could do it in your car, whatever it is. But really, even if you got to say you know your body movement, the way you do it in the statements that yourself tell yourself can make a huge difference , because again, it's like solidifying it. The body movements solidifies it in your brain because if you just say you, why your brain this way. So by saying it and then doing something with your body, you're combining that into two different ways that your mind and body can process it. So ask yourself, what information can you use with your incantation and right one down? So what do you do? Raise your hands? Do a superhero pose, put your shoulders back, maybe even do a little dig a little dance? Because if you're saying yes, jump up and down, possibly her dance around, whatever it can be. But if you do that, if you build your body into it again is a powerful, powerful ports force to tell your brain that you really believe it and this is who you are , and it will build that confidence internally at an unconscious level of a physiological level and at a conscious level. So do that. Use your body as a tool and then be aware when you're not. Be aware when you're feeling down and then your body is doing it because you could shift it again. Facial feedback, for example, smiling. If you look at the mirror and you smile, you actually trick your brain into thinking that is happy in your body. Your mind actually produce happy chemicals. In fact, there were studies done by the dental association in the UK that showed that people that just didn't smiling and looking at themselves for a specific amount of time for several weeks actually did better and improving depression and other ill illnesses. Such anxiety and stuff like that. Then people that were our medication because when you're smiling, your brain is producing a medication, so use your body as a tool to give you the confidence that you need to move forward. Thank you 35. 35: Visualization: Welcome back. Now I want to show you a simple exercise to really show you the power, a visualization. And if you're taking the other course of mine, you might have done this already done in a couple of the courts because I find that this so powerful because a lot of times we don't realize how part for it is when we visualize yourself doing something, what that can do for overall confidence and really understanding of how our mind works. In fact, sports psychologists use this all the time. For example, Boxer, someone that's going to race or something like that don't visualize themselves winning it step by step. Wrong for around. Why? Because if your mind can see it, a look to create it. In fact, they did a study where they had basketball players are people just shoot basketballs. Uh, and they would do it like 100 times a day. One did it physically, and one only did it mentally. What they were able to show that after week of doing that, the people that actually did it physically did worse than the people that only did it mentally. Why? Because their mind actually saw them making it over and over again. So that visual exercise of you doing something will give you confidence and confident when you are trying to learn and do things. So we're gonna do a simple exercise just for you to see the power of the mind. So what I want you to do is I want you to stand. And obviously, if you're driving, you're not doing this exercise. Or if you're doing somewhere that you can't come back to it until you get to a place that you can lead Iraq but trying to do it if you haven't done it yet, what I want you to do. So I want you to put your legs parallel with your shoulders. And during this whole activities, your legs are not gonna move. And what you're gonna do is first, you're gonna take some depressed. So let's take two deep breaths. So one deep breath and then exhale. Take another deep breath and exhale, and I wouldn't want you to do is I want you to bring your right hand up and point straight forward. Then I want you to bring that arm around towards your right hand side and go ast's faras you can now when you have that spot memorized once you do it, remember exactly where you're pointing at. You're gonna bring him back around, and then I want you to take another deep breath, take another deep breath, exhale. And now this time I want you to do mentally where you were just practicing physically. So mentally, I want you to bring that arm up again. Physically, you're not doing anything whatsoever. Just mentally, so mental. I want you to bring this back up with your eyes closed. And I want you to bring your right hand up again and visualize yourself bringing it back around just the same way you did physically. But this time only mentally. And when you see yourself going much, much further than what you went physically, much, much further, then I want you to memorize that spot. What would it look like? What would it be then? Once you see that spot, when you bring that arm back around mentally, bring him back down. I want you to take a deep breath again. So keep your eyes closed. Take another deep breath, exhale and I again with your eyes closed I want you again. Do what you did mentally last time. So mentally. Not physically. Mentally. You gonna bring the arm up again with your eyes closed, and I want you to bring that arm and bring it around again. But this time I want to go much, much, much further than what you went mentally last time. I give you re elastic. Nothing to stop. You just go as far as you can't going to spend it around, Do whatever you want and see what the spot looks like. So once you got that spot in your mind memorized How far did you go this time? Look at it. Memorize it and bring that arm back around. And once you bring him back around and bring it down, take another deep breath. Then open your eyes. Now bring the arm up physically and I want you to try it again. The count. 3123 Come back around and then see how for you went and where you're pointing. Then once you get that spot turning around, bring your arm down. Ask yourself. Did you go further this time physically than when you went physically last time? Because the majority of people actually do. If you actually visualize yourself doing it, it does because we have a set limitations that we tell ourselves on what we can do physically, mentally, so we can see something our bodies, our brain, looks for ways to adjust and to actually do it. In fact, we've done this in small groups, one on ones. We've done this in groups with 1000 people on. What always happens is that most people, the majority don't go much further physically. That what they went the first time once they visualize it, why again? Because if you can see it in your mind, your mind will figure out a way to actually go past what limitations you've created in your own life because we've all have limitations of things that we tell ourselves that we can and cannot do. Maybe if I go a little bit further, hurt my back. Or maybe if I maybe it's just is gonna feel pain for whatever may be. Or maybe this is as far as I can go. But the same thing happens with every aspect of your life. So when you're building confidence, you have to be willing to push past your own limitations and belief systems, and some of the best ways that you can do this is practice in your own mind and your own mind. Visualize yourself doing that thing that you want to be confident, visualize doing it confidently, being empowered, just knocking out of the park. For example. If you have to do a speech and you want to be confident during that speech, then visualize yourself doing that whole speech and really see yourself there. What does it look like? Water people looking at you with big smiles. Imagine how that would feel and the more in detail you can have of the smells, the sounds, what it looks like, how you makes you feel, the more it is gonna become real to you and them. Easier will be for your mind and body to actually do that when you have to do that in real life and again, this is not just something that's being made up. People uses all the time. Sports psychologist Do people pay a lot of money? Have someone come and help them Visualize Your mind is a very powerful thing, and if you can actually visualize doing that day that you want to be more confidence, you would naturally develop more confident hope you're able to do the activity. And if you haven't do it and then visualize yourself doing what you want to be more confidence. And you will notice that you will create change even in your mind before you actually even do it physically hope that else. 36. 36: Put the Oxygen Mask On Yourself First: if you've ever ridden on an airplane, you have heard them in their little demonstration. Talk about the oxygen mask. And so what is it that they say? They say in the event of emergency and a drop in cabin pressure, the oxygen mask is going to fall from the ceiling, and you need to put it on yourself first before helping other passengers. And so why do they say that? It's the same reason in the plane as it is in real life. And that is, is that if the oxygen mask drops and you don't put it on yourself first and you try to help other passengers, whether it's someone else that you're writing with a stranger or even your child, if you're trying to help them put it on, and in that process because you're not getting oxygen, you lose consciousness. You can't help them, can you? And in the worst case scenario, if you lose consciousness and you can't help them get their mask on, and so they lose consciousness. In the worst case scenario, you would both die. So it's not a joke and in real life is exactly the same way. If you were going around helping everybody else with their oxygen masks and not putting it on yourself. At some point you're gonna burn out. You're gonna be in that place where you are unhealthy and sick and unable to help anybody else. And no one wants to get to that place. But that is where you're going. If that is how you're living your life. And in reality, if you don't take care of yourself, both you and the other people in your life suffer. So ask yourself. Have there been times when you did take care of yourself? Put yourself first, make those hard choices toe under yourself. What were those times? What is it that pushed you to get to that place where you were willing to stand up for yourself and what with the positive benefit that you got out of it? So then ask yourself, what changes do you need to make so that you can start honoring yourself? What is it that you need 37. 37 Fill Your Cup: another analogy to look at when it comes to taking care of yourself is this notion of feeding yourself filling your tank. So imagine that most people or all people, have a cup, and when their cup is full, they feel fantastic. And when their cup is empty, they feel empty. They feel low down. And so there's a lot of people who go around holding out their cups and expecting other people to pour in. And then there's a lot of people, probably most of the people that are watching this, that we are the ones who are the givers. We like to go around and pour into other people's cups. Well, what ends up getting out of balance is that most people misunderstand how it works, and they don't know that each person is 100% responsible for filling their own cup. And so what happens? Well, we end up with some people like I said, that are putting up their cups. They're like beggars on the street. They aren't aware or they aren't choosing to be aware that they can fill their own cup. How do you feel your own cup? Well, you do things that you love you do things to take ownership and put yourself in the mood that you want. So I'm gonna get into a few tips on that in a minute. So but there's good news because if you're one of those people that gives and gives and gives and gives and you so self sacrifice, and even if you have very little in your cup, you still trying to summons it within you so you can pour into those around you. And sometimes when you do that, you actually fill your cup because it can be very gratifying to give, so there's nothing wrong with giving. But the problem is, if you just keep giving and giving and giving and you're not refilling yourself, then you get the pleaded and you have nothing left to give. Where is if you focus on filling your own cup? Then you will overflow and you will have plenty to give. And so the good news that for the beggars, if you stop feeding the beggars, you can also at the same time, let them know that they have the ability to fill their own cups. They can do it themselves. They don't need you. I know it feels good to be needed, but nobody needs you. And in the most extreme cases, people I've known that, you know, ultimately are filling people's cup so much that they're enabling them, that they're creating dependency when they get so sick that they can no longer help the person or, God forbid, they die. That person then steps up to the plate and takes care of themselves so they can do it. So that's the good news and good news for you. If you are one of these people who is a giver and a self sacrifice ER and wants to be able to give to other people and help them fill their cups. The good news is that not only can you keep doing that, but that by making simple changes in your life, you're going to be able to be so full that you will be overflowing onto the people that you want to be helping. And so you have another option. Instead of just giving and giving and giving and not having them understand that they have the ability to fill their own cups, you can learn how to empower them by letting them know that they can do it themselves by helping them to do the things in their life that honor them that will fill their own cups. So what are some of the things that you can do to fill your cup? Or that you can teach other people to do to do, to fill their own? And so what are those one is to do what you love. It sounds really simple, but a lot of people don't do it because they don't feel like they have permission. Well, I'm giving you permission. Give yourself permission. Please do the things you love in life. Otherwise, what is the point? What are you here for? Do things that feed your passions If you have something that just light you up that gets you and flow. If you have a special talent that you enjoy using, use it. These things will fill you from the inside and your life will overflow. You will be beaming with energy and vitality. You need to stop self sacrificing. Really. Look at those situations in your life where you are sacrificing and see if the benefits are worth the cost. See if you're actually causing any harm, It could just be a bad habit. I know that this happens to a lot of people, doesn't make you a bad person, makes you a wonderful person. You have a big heart, but your big heart is getting squished and squeezed and is being kept very small. Imagine how much bigger it could be if you were full yourself. Another way to do this is to take your power back by learning how to say no cutting things out. We've talked about that. It is very powerful. It does help fill your cup and lastly, believing in your own worse. That is a huge part of filling your own cup. Recognized all of the things you've done. Look at what you've already created. Look at how outside of the box you are. Think about how many people would love to be doing what you're doing and how brave you are for not living inside of the box. You deserve to be recognized for that Most importantly by you, you have value to you are worth it. It is your life. If you want it to be balanced and fulfilled, and you want to be able to grow and expand and experience a lot of things than it is your decision to do that. And you absolutely have the worth. You're worth it. It's worth investing in your time. And so Marianne Williamson once said, Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Your playing small does not serve the world. As you let your light shine, you unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 38. 38: Developing a Different Character You Play: So now I want to give you a quick tool that's obviously use in theater in people who are actors and things like that. But you can use it in your own life to truly boost your confidence and create that stepping stone for you and as the build a character around that person that you want to become. So you are becoming that person, and this gives you confidence, for example, for myself when I usedto be younger. I used to do freestyling and wrap on stage Spanish riot on and I used to get up on stage and I had a nickname and I was introverted. But I would get up on stage in front of all these people on a mic and start singing and freestyling, battling other people on things like that, which I know. You probably didn't imagine that, but I had a nickname that I used in that nickname. I created a character within my head of that person of the confidence that that person would have. So when I became that person, when it was time to go up there and grabbed the mike, I had built this person up that I go up there confidently, and I know many people, many people that have done this. Actors do this all the times, obviously in their scenes, but speakers and different people. And it doesn't mean that you have to really believe that you're this person. It just means that this is a person that you're developing that when you're in, that character's like you're playing a role. So if you see yourself playing that role, then it actually helps you in your mind, give you the confidence to do that, whether it's going to networking, meeting or something like that, that you create a character, this person that goes out there is very social, makes jokes and things like that. I'm really visualize and see yourself being that character and defining that character. Then it's a lot easier to go in there and play that role. So ask yourself, what role do you want to play? If life is a theater, If life is a movie, what role? What character would you want to play? What does that character look like? How does he act or she act? What do they say? How do they stand? Are they funny? Are they carry charismatic. Are they social? Are they good at specific skill or something like that? So really, see that person and develop that person, and it also gives again a person that you want to be common gives you kind of a foundation , almost a person, that you strive to be. But it helps you get in character when you need to become that person. And if you can do that, I will tell you that it's slowly that character becomes you. You could build that character for your own benefit. Long term. So again, think about it. See what character you'd like to become and become that character. Become one with it when you need that character to be that person in those situations they needed the most. Raise your confidence, Thank you. 39. 39: Daily Accomplishments/Brag Sheet: So as you're developing confidence and increasing it, one thing that you have to do is really acknowledge the progress that you're making. Whatever area you're trying, develop that confidence in cause it's very easy for us to kind of forget or not really recognised. The small things are building up that eventually will build so much momentum that are created a different reality in our lives. And it's kind of like that same thing that if you have ah, nephew or niece or something like that that you haven't seen a long time all of a sudden you six months later, you see them and they look totally. You're like, Oh my God, you've grown so much So in just that time frame, things can change is the same thing happens to your life that sometimes we don't see the actual changes because we're expecting this major thing to really let us know that change has been made. So one of things I like to do is have a daily brag sheet. You need to brag. You need to put yourself in the back. You need to recognize yourself for all the positive things that you're doing, and by doing this. What helps create is that Momenta. It helps boost your confidence and really motivates you to keep doing the things that you're doing. So it's very simple. For example, as you go through your day, you can have, like a little notebook or something like that that when you accomplish something, well, let's say if you're trying to grow and be more social in that area, you want to interact with more people, have conversations and really engage with people and feel confident doing it. Every time you have a quick conversation that we have for short, you write it down as a part of your brag sheet. You could do it throughout the day or, at the end of the day, really reflect on some of those things that you can brag about some of the things that you got accomplish and what that will do again. It's a reinforced to your brain that it should seek more of these situations that you're doing it and that you should continue to do those things because the way that your brain works is that memory. When you recall something later on, then it reinforces it for your brain and it makes your brain long term. It reinforces that it's something important for you that it should be looking for, and that should be looking to create. So again have that brag sheet, and you can do it dirt throughout the day, which is a good way to start a war. You can do it at the end of the day, where you sit back and just take 10 minutes. It doesn't have to be like this long, convoluted process. Take 10 minutes and look at the accomplishments that you did that day. Pat yourself on the back, celebrate him, brag about it, feel good about it because that's going to give you the mo mentum and the confidence moving forward. Thank you. 40. 40: Confidence Boosters: So now I want to give you one last tools, and that's really about confidence boosters, things that will help you become more confident. Obviously, a lot of things that we've talked about is really looking at how you can develop confidence long term some of those air boosters that can help you right away shift that. But a lot of those things are gonna help you also long term. And this is just how can you get yourself in that right confidence state? And a lot of times the confidence is affected by several different things, and one of them is our mood. So if you're feeling down, if you're happy, if you're excited and Ukraine creates some of those moves as we talked about what other things, such as anchoring and things like that. But it's making sure that you're in the right state of mind to feel confident, and some of the basic things that you could dio is exercise. Exercise is critical for your health, not only for your physical health but for your mental health. Actually, a lot of studies have shown that even doing walking consistently and doing exercise can help things like anxiety can help things like depression. So it can be very powerful in your life to do some type of exercise on a daily basis because going to help you get not only physically but mentally, but also when you work out at some point in your life. I mean, he had a workout routine, And if you have, you can probably think about and say, Yeah, it feels good. You know, I felt very empowered. I feel confident I look good. And maybe that's you right now. Maybe after a good workout, you feel good. So again, that builds confidence within individuals. If you have an exercise routine, the other part is having a good diet. You're not gonna be very confident if you're lethargic for meeting a lot of junk food. If your health is the cane because you're not taking care of yourself, you're not gonna be very confident. You're not gonna feel good. The other part is laugh a lot, you know, watching funny movies, watching funny videos or something like that, or listen to something that makes you life being around people that cheer you up, being in a good state of mind and a happy state of mind can make such a big difference to building your confidence level again. If you feel good is gonna help you move forward confidently. So get yourself in that right confidence state. The other part is music. Music is a very powerful tool to the confidence. In fact, that's why you see a lot of athletes right before game. They have different sounds that they play music, the amps, them up. That makes them feel good. Some of them have music that gets him relax right before something that so very exciting and adrenaline producing. So they want to be a little bit more relaxed, so music is very powerful. In fact, that's why you see cos. Is Disney World that's invested so much money into the music that they produce when you're at the parks because it creates an emotion, even watching a movie, you they spend a lot of money and a lot of time focusing on what that music is in specific scenes because again creates an emotion. So think of music that's gonna make you feel powerful, make you feel confident, and deep Bass is actually shown to be some of that that actually increases confidence, so listening to music with deep bass and things like that. But the important part is that you find what moves you. You might have a song that makes you all pumped up, so you're driving less aid on the road, and you're just like this. No son in this song comes on that really fires up and you bleed a little bit back and put your shoulders back. You have that attitude of confidence. So what is that music that's going to get you pumped up? And can you listen to it in the morning? For example, many people have. That's a specific song that wakes him up in the morning. That gives him a boost of confidence and powers, and that gets them all fired up, starting their day right, because you always have in your power to choose some of these confidence boost whether again, it's choosing happiness where there's choosing health, mental and physical by doing exercise by what you eat and also what you listening Teoh, Maybe listening to an audiobook that's inspirational, that really makes you feel good. That's a confidence booster as well, and I have a lot of YouTube videos that are watching a consistent basis have all books that I listen to. But there are confidence boosters that remind me that it's possible to create change in life and that remind me that is possible, me to create some of things I want to create. So keep those in mind. Keep those boosters, and when you need him, use them to boost yourself up. Thank you. 41. 41: NLP Exercise: Anchoring 5 Confident Emotions: anchoring is creating a trigger somewhere on your body that, when touched, produces a physical, emotional state that you have programmed your brain to associate with that area of your body. So as we create our anchor, I'm going to be asking you to think of a time when you felt a certain way. And when you are imagining this time, try to find a specific memory if possible. If you cannot think of a specific memory quick enough, then simply imagine feeling that emotional state that I am asking you to illicit within yourself before we begin. I want you to choose a place on your body to be the space that you're going to press as a stimulus in order to create the anchor. One good place to do this is by placing one of your fingers on one of your large knuckles of your fist, perhaps the middle knuckle. There are many different places that you can create an anchor, however, make sure you choose one that is both replicate herbal any time and also some place that you don't touch on a regular basis. When I have you illicit estate, I want you to pay close attention to how you feel and right at that moment, where you can really, truly feel the emotional state I'm talking about. I want you to then use the stimulus point, hold it for at least five seconds. And if you feel the emotions starting to fade, make sure you remove the stimulus. Ideally, you'll Onley have the stimulus or trigger anchoring during the peak of the emotional state . We're going to be stacking anchors. And so what that means is that we're going to go through the process for a specific state, and then we're going to do it for several other states, all being anchored to the same exact spot. By doing this, you're reinforcing the emotions and the feelings and the physical state of that anchor, which will make it stronger and easier to trigger any time that you're looking for happiness, boost. If you repeat this activity on yourself or with this audio regularly, whether that be several times in one day or every day for several days, you will reinforce this anchor, making it stronger and stronger. You can also use this anchor any time you're feeling excited or inspired or happy and press that during those peak moments. Any time during the day to reinforce it further. So I'm going to get started. The first state we're going to begin with is the state of feeling inspired. Can you remember a time when you felt totally inspired? Can you remember a specific time as you go back to that time? Now, go right back to when it happened. Float into your body and relive it again. Now see what you saw. Hear what you heard. Notice what you noticed and really feel the feelings now of being totally inspired. So if you didn't do it the first time while you were feeling that state press the anchor point and release before it starts to fade. So how was it? Did you enjoy it? Did you feel funny doing it? Well, it's going to get easier. State number two joy and enthusiasm. Can you remember a time when you felt totally joyful or enthusiastic? Can you remember a specific time as you go back to that time? Now go right back there, Float into your body and relive it again. Now see what you saw. Hear what you heard. Notice what you noticed and really feel the feelings now of being totally joyful and enthusiastic. So can you remember what you ate for lunch today or where it was or who you were with? Remember that I asked these questions to break state the sidetrack your mind so that we can start a fresh with the next state to be anchored. So before we begin the next one, just randomly reach over and trigger the anchor point. Let's see if you feel anything for a lot of people, even this quickly. They already feel a little burst of emotion when they touched that point. So we're going to move on. The next state is grateful or appreciative. Can you remember a time when you felt totally grateful and appreciative? Can you remember a specific time as you go back to that time? Now go right back into it, flow into your body and relive it again. Now see what you saw here. What you heard. Notice what you noticed and really feel the feelings now of being totally grateful and appreciate him. The next state is unstoppable. Can you remember a time when you felt totally unstoppable? Can you remember a specific time as you go back to that time. Now go right back into it. Float into your body and relive it again. Now see what you saw. Hear what you heard. Notice what you noticed and really feel the feelings now of being totally, totally unstoppable. So when was the last time you brush your teeth? I know I know. Is the most strange question ever. But I'm sure it made you change your state, which is exactly the point. So you have one more to do. Falling down laughing. Can you remember a time when you felt that you could fall down laughing? You were laughing so hard? Can you remember a specific time as you go back to that time? Now go all the way back to it into it, float into your body and relive it again. Now see what you saw. Hear what you heard. Notice what you noticed and really feel the feelings now falling down with laughter. Enjoy it. So what's the first thing you're going to do tomorrow again? I gotta break that state. So now I know what you just randomly reached down and trigger your anchor point. At this point, you should feel an emotional or physical response to the trigger. Like I said earlier, the more that you anchor these emotional states to this trigger point, and the more strongly you feel the emotions while you're doing this NLP technique, then the stronger this trigger will become. And if you continue to reinforce it, this is something that you can use any time. 42. 42: Conclusion and Next Steps: So congratulations. You did it. You finished a course. I commend you cause again, only a small percentage of people actually been take courses that want to build something in their life that would have transformed themselves and then even a smaller portion actually finished up. So you are truly truly committed to really developing confidence in your life, and you have the tools this course is giving you an outline of the tools has given the information that are really gonna help you become confident. But you got to keep in mind that confidence is something that develops with time, the competency that you have in some of the areas that you want to grow and develop. So you have to have that understanding that this is a process. It's not just something that you wake up one day like, Oh, I'm fully confident that because you might not be fully confident right there in that you might feel confident that you can learn and that you can grow. And that's really what you want. Develop confidence in more than anything whatsoever. You want to be confident that when life brings you a challenge, that when life gives you an obstacle when you want to achieve her dream or something like that, that you're confident enough that you're willing to take the risk that you willing to take the steps and you want to learn toe actually achieve those things. And that is what confidence is. Is that belief system in yourself that you have the capabilities to grow and learn. So in this course we've gone over understanding confidence and again because a lot of people have a misconception of what confidence is, We've been able to assess your confidence and how to overcome your self doubt and how to develop competence in general again, that's what really confidences. We've looked at confidence in action and what that really looks like. We look at dealing with other people, especially haters and other people that are gonna come in your life and also the use. Society is social boost because again, we're social creatures. So we are driven by those around us in many ways, so getting the right people around us and also conquering fears just keep in mind that we all have fears and life is all about conquering them and overcoming those fears and chipping away at them and becoming better. We also give you some self empowerment tools that you can use to improve your life. And one thing I want to point out is that a lot of times we have to look at these things, and it's not just about looking at once. Sometimes I view, of course, or I listen to an audiobook many times into activity. Several times just so becomes unconscious. So I learnt it at a very, very deep level because sometimes you listen to something you might say. What? That's common sense. What are you doing? It Maybe not because you were not doing it that it's not that common. Then it's just that reminded that you should be implementing this to your life. So if you want to look at the course 123 times, have many of the most successful students that we've had in many different fields. Tell me I've done it two or three times and that's really what it comes down to. So what is your next step? Figure out what areas if you haven't done so unique confidence in and we're learning in those areas that make those changes are gonna help you learn what you have to learn. Seek that knowledge. You have competency in that area and then take the steps and realize you are gonna maybe have some fears that time. Maybe you are going to fail, but those are gonna be all learning experiences and that as you go through it as you take the next step, you will feel more and more empowered to transform your life and truly be confident. But again, confidence only comes down to one thing, and that is believing in yourself that you can learn what you need to learn to really develop competence in that specific area of your life. So we're honored that you shared your journey with us. We hope to see you and other courses and other things that we create, whether it's our podcast, research or magazine or other courses. We look forward to serving you and being part of your journey and hear from you of how your journey keeps transforming and evolving. We love hearing from you, and we love listening to your success stories and empowers us and we share, for example, in our class and our Facebook and different things like that also empowers other people to go for their dreams. Continue with confidence that you have all the tools that you need to move forward. Thank you.