Destroy Bad Habits | Zachary Phillips | Skillshare

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

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Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

15 Lessons (44m)
    • 1. Introduction

    • 2. My Experience At Quitting

    • 3. Have A Strong Why

    • 4. Self Forgiveness

    • 5. Good Habits

    • 6. Incremental Cuts

    • 7. Meditate

    • 8. How To Meditate

    • 9. Turn & Face

    • 10. Social Support

    • 11. Change Takes Time

    • 12. Track Your Progress

    • 13. Class Project

    • 14. Further Resources

    • 15. Quick Recap

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About This Class

Learn to destroy bad habits and to add good ones that will transform your life!

There is a reason that you have struggled to lose weight or to quit smoking. It’s the same reason that you haven’t taken up that new hobby, started exercising or began to write that novel. It’s the same reason that has caused you to give up on every new year’s resolution.

Change is hard.

We are creatures of habit. Typically, habits serve us well: allowing us to maintain a comfortable norm, allowing us to process complex information and make decisions quickly.

If we always do what we have always done, we will always get what we have always got.

Great, until you want to make a change. Breaking bad habits and replacing them with positive ones doesn’t come naturally for most people. We need guidance and support throughout the process, as well as an approach that will help us to overcome the obstacles that pop up along the way.

In this course you will learn how to:
- find the time and mental space necessary to implement new habits
- deal with the cravings and mental ruts formed by bad habits
- track your progress in order to motivate and provide evidence of your growing success
- form a ‘strong why’, which acts as an anchoring point to motivate you to push on
- enlist the support of friends and family
- instil a morning routine, and learn the important role meditation and therapy in habit breaking
- forgive yourself and get back on the wagon

Let’s destroy some bad habits together!

Further resources:

Change Habits 101 - Skillshare course
Establish A Killer Morning Routine - Skillshare course
Mindfulness Meditation - Skillshare course

Waking Up App (Sam Harris) - Guided Meditation App

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Zachary Phillips

Meditation, Writing, Self-Improvement


Zachary Phillips is a mental health advocate, author and mindset coach. In these roles he has helped thousands of people move from a place of barely surviving to passionately thriving.

He is the author of eight books including: How To Get Your Sh!t Together and Mindfulness: A Guidebook To The Present Moment, and the creator of the Depresso Espresso web comic.

He is also an instructor on Skillshare and Insight Timer, teaching mindfulness meditation, personal development, and creative writing.

He is a qualified school teacher, personal trainer, martial arts coach, and disability support worker. Working in these industries has given him a depth of experience teaching across multiple topics, to learners of all ages and ability levels. It has also enabled him to con... See full profile

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1. Introduction: It's very easy to pick up bad habits over a lifetime. We might stop drinking or smoking or gambling or whatever, and look back and go. Why I start doing that? And more importantly, how can I stop? But the stopping is isn't isn't as easy as it might seem, you know, to someone that doesn't have a bad habit that isn't addicted something. It's very easy for them to say, Hey, just stop and wolf Yes, you do have to just stop. Just stopping is quite challenging. If it wasn't so challenging, you have already done. You wouldn't be watching this video in this course. You're going to learn the different tips and tricks and ideas that have helped me to quit sugar completely and quick coffee completely as well as hoped my clients to do the same with their bad habits or addictions of choice. So what I want to suggest to you is that it is possible to make a change. It's not gonna be easy. It's not going to be a quick process, but if you put in the work, if you take those steps, you will be able to turn your bad habits into positive habits and to quit some of the things that you're addicted to. My name is Zachary Phillips. I'm an online mental health advocate, author and coach. And in this role of helped thousands of people move from a place of surviving t passionately thriving on one of the ways that I do that is to help them cut down on the bad habits and it still the positive habits. So if you're looking to change your life, if you're looking to improve yourself, if you're looking to get rid of those bad habits, destroy them. This is the course fear. 2. My Experience At Quitting: So before we get into the how to of changing habits, I want to give you a brief rundown off what I've done in terms of habit changes and what I've quit. So I had a pretty challenging, traumatic past, and that led me down a path off binge eating and drinking. And over the years I've seen, I've been able to completely eliminate sugar from my diet, completely stopped drinking alcohol as well as recently completely Quick Cafe, now for May with those substances the sugar, the coffee in the alcohol some people can cut down and just have a moderate level. But I know my personality. I know myself, and I know that when I have a small amount, it's very easy to ramp up. And a self awareness thing is something we're gonna talk about in these videos. But the point of driving at here is that I have personal experience in quitting things that were quite quite a sort of not a central part of me, but something that I would struggle with have struggled with fees. The reason I did it was because of the impact it was having on my mental state. If I have too much coffee. I get very ancient. I have too much alcohol. There's a risk of myself losing myself into this. The Depression or just sort of this is non helpful outlet rather than facing my problems and the sugars, a similar thing would be this, this instant dopamine hit that would cause me to gain a bunch of weight and sort of get lethargic. And it wasn't that great for me. Like Like I said, this is a long process and it took me a while a bunch of false starts to be able to get there. But I have managed to quick and stay quit. And on top of that, I've been able to implement positive habits, some to replace those negative ones, but others just in my life. Some of these positive habits, including exercising twice per day. It includes having a morning routine moral wake up and meditate each day. So what I hope to give you by the end of this course is a in depth look at your own habits , how you can change them and what you can turn them into. Yet 3. Have A Strong Why: So the first thing I want you to consider is your Why, If you don't have a strong why of why you want to quit something your chances of doing, sir? Uh, no zero, but very, very, very low because the thing is the way the way cravings and addictions work. Obviously there's a lot of neuro science behind this, but you know, like you get a trigger from the environment like something bad happens or you see a certain person or you finish work or there's a restaurant. Whatever it is, something happens in the environment and that reminds your brain and sets the neural neural connections to going Hey, do this Behavior is ahead. Do this behavior that could be smoking, drinking, gambling, a variety of different things. Whatever that behavior is, eat chocolate, right. And the idea is, is that in the past, you've going to the chocolate on your struck with is an example that applies to may. You go to the chocolate, you eat it and you feel good so it rewards your brain and your brain goes, huh? When I feel this way, when this thing in the environment happens, I'm going to do this thing. I'm gonna feed my addiction. I'm gonna do the habit that I'm not lying that we don't like. So then when the next time this native happens, your brain triggers and says, Hey, either chocolatey chocolate, the chocolate smoke, drink whatever. So when you're quitting, when you're trying to cap these neural connections to fighting against how your brain is literally connected, how it's wired and when you when you say no, I'm not gonna eat that chocolate, your brain flies at how it's like, Hey, I'm telling, Eat the chocolate, just eat it right It's telling you hotter and hotter and hotter because it wants you to for fuel, that behavior and and what will happen is it will get harder and harder and harder, and then it will start dropping away and you'll think that you've quit. You think you're fine. But then there's this thing called an extinction burst, which, yeah, in a certain period of time afterwards, when you thought you've quit, it'll pop up and you get this really strong burst of the desire to do the bad habit, that desire to fill the addiction. And that's when a lot of people broke and then they'll get back into this cycle of just, you know, beating chocolate or smoking or whatever, because they can't get past that extinction burst. So it's important to be aware of a couple of things he The 1st 1 is, is that it's gonna get harder before it gets easier. Okay, And given that fact, given that it's gonna get harder, you're gonna want to have a very strong reason why we all know why we should quit smoking. It's terrible for you. It's literally gonna, and your and your life will make your your, um, the the last years of your life terrible. And it will take off life expectancy, right? It causes a variety of health problems. We all know that, but that life is literally on the packet. But unfortunately, that knowledge, like people, could be saying, Yes, I really need to quit as their smoking right. It's No, it's not enough just to have the sort of general knowledge are Sugar is bad for you. I should start by one. You really have to have a strong and distinctive wine. So for me, with coffee, I have issues with my anxiety. I have long cause trouble like a signal. That's himself. But the thing is, is coffee is a stimulant and it makes it worse. So what I realized was that when I was having coffee, I was. By the end of the day, the more cause I had, the less I could physically breathe because I was so anxious, intense I was getting into sort of ends, I d based argument. It was it was causing a lot of mental duress is causing me to need to take time off. Work was causing me to just Louis functionality. Now, if I lose functionality, I can no longer work as much. I can't work as much. I felt feed and house my family, right? Do you see how that's a very strong why I'm going? I need to be out of feed and have my family and breathe. That's a lot stronger than cause he's not that good for me. Do we say the difference that so with with, say, alcohol, right? I recognize that some of my relatives and role models have addictions either to alcohol drugs, So I looked at them in the light. Uh, that's not where I want to end up. But if I keep drinking as a way to escape the mental stuff that's going on, that is unlikely. What's gonna happen? Because you know something that happens, you drink something that happens, you drink, right. And now you're just drinking as a way to cope. Not just with the initial trauma, but with everything that's going on. It's like the default is to drink same thing with the sugar, something that always some stuff. So the point I'm trying to make it is that if you have a strong reason why something that's strong for you, that's that. That has to come first. Because when these cravings come, you need to have this force of will to be able to step back and go, OK? How he these are These are the I see these cravings. Your years of off neural connections are telling me to do this, but I need to stop that now. I'm gonna give you tools and tricks so that it's not just force of will, because if it's just force of will, you know what? They wouldn't have to do it right. But you do need to have that strong wind because we're gonna build in multiple layers of defense. He One of them is. I'm not going to do this because bank, What's your reason? It could be family friends. It could be Korea. It could be to prove something to yourself or someone else. It up. Your reason why is not as important as how strong your wife is. Yeah. Find that strongly. Write it down. I am doing this because and riding up on your wall, right? Look at it daily. This is why I'm quitting smoking. This is why I'm exercising. This is why I'm cutting the show around. That makes sense. Have a stroke. Why? 4. Self Forgiveness: In the previous video, I mentioned having to have a strong why. But you also have to have a lot of forgiveness for yourself because typically, some people can quit cold turkey and never touch it. Whatever they're trying toe quit again. But a lot of people take a few false starts. Okay? You probably experienced this yourself. You have, you know, the end of your celebrations. And you're like, I'm gonna quit smoking next year on. Then within a week or a month, you're back smoking, or I'm gonna go on this diet, and within a week you're now a cake again, right? The thing is, is you're probably gonna slip up. You're probably gonna fall off the leg, and you're probably gonna make a bunch of false starts. So a couple of things need to happen. He number one. You need to expect that that no matter how much will you put into this, you may break just like you have in the past. It might happen again. That's okay. That's to be expected. But the thing is, is if you break what you do after that break is the thing that matters. Do you stop doing that? bad habit again, like you no longer trying to quit. All right, let's say this actually happened When I was quitting the sugar. I quit for a week, and then I would have a bad day and ate something that wasn't right. Andi Initially, I would let that be an excuse for me to just stop trying to quit. And then I realized, like, Okay, I do that again. And the same thing happened. Did against any. Okay, this isn't working. I have to acknowledge that until you know, eventually I'll quit. But on that white down, it's gonna look like this. Dropping, dropping, dropping spy, dropping, dropping, dropping, dropping, dropping. Eventually, I'm gonna be quick, but on the way down to quitting, I will have bad days. And, you know, when I did quit for like, a month or two months or three months, they were a couple of ones where I did still stuff up. Those gaps are getting far longer. Okay, the gaps off me making mistakes and you're eating sugar drinking coffee, all having alcohol are extending. Yeah, I've gone a year without sugar. That wasn't to yield this. The boy trying to make is is that it takes time to get used to the changing of values. And when you do go through that process, be kind to yourself. Know that it's you may. You may mess up and that's okay. It's OK. Provided you take the next step and get back on board the next day it's OK that you broke it. You broke, you'll have it. And you did something that you didn't want to do, providing you get back on board, forgive yourself, right? Have your strong while Like I said in the video, and that every time you break, you're gonna look that wind. That's what I'm working towards. I took one step back today, but tomorrow we'll take five steps forward and the next day, five more steps for next day. Five more steps until you realize that you stuffed up over here. But my God, look at your process over the year, right? Let's say let's go. The diet example. Let's say you're trying to to quit sugar, right? And you quit sugar full 29 out of 30 days of the month, right, one day per month. You eat sugar and the rest of the every other day you don't have you succeeded or failed all that. That is a success. Because if you look at that over a year, you've had 330 days. Should afraid. And you have 30 days with sugar. That's pretty good, considering way you probably come from. You probably come from having sure that every day. Right? But it's very easy. Looking at family isn't go. All my failure to finds me your family, it doesn't define you what you do in response to the foul. You will. Okay, So if you're trying to make a change, expect that you may. You may stuff up. You may fall for Ben. Rain. Forgive yourself and just get back on board. Look at your reason why you've written it up on the wall. Look at your reason why and go. OK, this is why I'm doing this. I have made a mistake. That's okay. Stuff happens. I'm gonna get back on board and try again. Yeah, 5. Good Habits: one of the best ways to destroy a bad habit. Used to replace it with a good habit. Do something instead, all of the bad habit or something that stops you from doing that. That happened. For example, let's say you struggle with going out and getting a blue right it every night. What's a positive? Have a positive change that you could do that would stop you doing that? A positive Have it could be exercise in the morning, right? Because if you know, if you if you know that you're going to instill the positive habit off exercise in the morning, you can't be out like I'm gonna wake up at six oclock and go for a five K run right? If you know that, that's what you're going to do. The thought of drinking at not is going to be a little bit less tempting now. You might just a year, but I just won't do the exercise in the morning. Fair enough, but it's actually it's actually easier to instill a new habit cold turkey than it is to break a habit. You go lady neural connections. Remember for the bad habits, but you're in stealing them for the good habits. Now I've got a course up talk already talking about changing habits and establishing morning retains or encourage you to watch those courses on how to establish that morning retain that has exercise. But the point is, is that there will be different things that you conduce that will replace the negative behaviors. Replace the things that you're you're you're concerned about, all that you're trying to overcome. Everyone's addictions and issues and habits are different. So I encourage you to really think about what you could implement in your life that would make you not be able to do the thing that you want to change. Yeah. So, for example, let's say you struggle with overeating. You might choose to have water before you have a couple of glasses of water before your meal. You might choose to have a small of physical plight, right, because they can fit less food on it. So then you'll recognize to yourself. Okay, I've got to go up and get more food, right? You'll be accounting those plates as opposed to stacking one plate, one big plate in piles, right, put in front drive. That easy is step back and look at what you're doing and see if there's something else that you implement in your life that will help you to avoid it. Avoid the bad behavior in the first place. You know, if you're if you instead of going out for a smoke break, go to the team room and get like Kumble today, right? Do some date. Calm, breathing. What can you do instead? What replacement behavior can you have with with fruit addictions with bad habits in that path, there might be certain things that you can do to, you know, food replacements and that sort of stuff that you can look into. You can also look into gradual cutting down, which is what the next video is going to be about. 6. Incremental Cuts: So like I said, it's very hard to quit anything cold to you can do it and it is possible And by all means try. But if you've tried it and you file that a few times, try cutting down incrementally. So when I was coming down on a sugar initially, I didn't Really I don't really care what I was eating. I'll just eat whatever was whatever was available with that thought. And then I realized that my Okay, if I'm eating all of this sugar, if I'm eating all of this sort of stuff, obviously it's gonna be hard to quit. So I need to cut down incrementally rather than having a massive surf. I'll have a smaller and smaller seven. It's always evidence. Also, I'm still feeling those cravings, right? I'm still going At the time I was I really want to eat this thing. What? It I the thing. But I had less of it. So you know. So if you get brother gonna get king sized chuckle Bob, get a regular size rather than getting a regular sized get a fun size. Do you see what I'm saying? Because if you go too hard, too soon and you're trying to cut out everything instantly. I work. But if it's not working still, fulfill those craving. You know, if you're cutting down on cigarettes from 25 a pack a day, half a pack a day, 1/4 of a pack a day? Yeah, And look, if you like, may I struggle with this? They sort of like binging idea. You know, back in the day, if there was, like chocolates, their own eat the whole thing, no matter how much food was on the plate, I mean, how much chocolate was in the packet? I would eat it all. So in order to cut down, I used the help off my partner or my roommates. I'm like, Hey, I'm gonna trust you with this. He is my chocolate, right? He's my alcohol is whatever. Whatever. I'm tryingto quick run when I you know, each day. Can you give me this much smaller now? Because I'm trying to cut down. I explained to them Oh, why ask for their help? Get there supporting me like I'm probably gonna ask you for more. But I want you to remind me of this conversation. Please tell me Let me know Remind me of this conversation. Hold me accountable to this conversation. Say, Hey, you said that you were gonna say this. You said that you're gonna ask for more. You said that you wanted me to tell you No having other people to hold myself account of accountable to has very much hoped for two reasons. Number one. It's the social accountability. If I say something like, I'm saying it to you now, it holds me kind of what I want to be true to my wood. But also, they can remind me when I'm weak. When I brains pinging off those neural pathways and saying eat chocolatey chocolate, those people like, Hey, you said you would do this. This is one of those times Can you step back? Can you maybe have a smaller served? Do you need to have? Is there something else you can do, right? So employed the help of other people to help you quit down slowly 7. Meditate: one of the best things to help me personally quit some of these things, like the sugar in the coffee. All that sort of stuff was to develop a meditation practice. Mindfulness meditation. The idea is fairly simple. Bye bye. Meditating. You're allowing yourself to sort of detached and step back from your thoughts. Your over he and your thoughts are over here. This is your cravings. This is all the stuff that causes you to do the bad habits. So if I'm over here and my fault over here I've got some space between these habits come up , these thoughts come up. All this stuff happens, but I don't have to act upon it. The more I meditate the morning realized that this this stuff isn't may right. Sounds very airy fairy. But when when you start to see when you start to do it, over time, you'll get better and better, and you'll start to see these cravings come in. And you will be able to start making better choices because what you'll realize this is, rather than having that craving just doing the behaviour, Just impulse. You'll see your you'll see that happening like in slow motion or from a from a detached perspective and you'll be able to intervene. One of things that I found interesting was to sit and watch what craving felt like, actually like going Okay, What does this? What does it feel like to be desire ing chocolate? What does it feel like to be craving alcohol? What does it feel like to want to have coffee, right? Whatever it is, you can do this for anything. Negative emotions, right? Whatever, because they all have sort of why they feel a feeling time. Unfortunately, without meditation, the heat and it is sort of what you're stuck in the and it comes and you act. And there's no there's no separation there. So by meditating, you're able to step back and look at them and make better choices. You've got a bit more time you can watch it. What what you find is when you've watched these watch what you're craving, it comes up, it peaks, and then it drops down and then it disappears. Unfortunately, what happened with most people is that it comes up, it rises, it rises, arises and then they do the behavior. They never see the drop off but it does drop off and you can watch it happen. So in the next video, I'm gonna go through how to meditate. I've got a couple of minutes. Got a couple, got like seven meditation courses on skill share, so I'll put a link down to the mindfulness meditation one of the 1st 1 But it's meditation is a positive habit that can. It does. Two things. Number one. It helps you to quit down and cut out these things because you can like, like touch. But also it could be done in response to a craving. So it's one of these sort of replacement habits. You're starting to feel like, ready. Meditate for a little bit. You might find that you'll I able to sort of get some sort of gains that you might find that you're able to use meditation as a jewel building sword. You can both help you just stop those cravings and also help you to replace the behavior with something far, far, far more positive. The benefits of meditation go well beyond haven't changing, but they will certainly help you 8. How To Meditate: so the basic way that I like to meditate is too. Take a see because my eyes set a timer for 5 10 20 minutes. Whatever you, whatever time you've got any time is better than another time, Right? Start with one And I closed my eyes and I draw my attention to the sensation of the breath entering and leaving the nose And every time my brain wonders, I might have a thought and emotion of feeling, a craving Whatever it is, I drove my mind back, drove my mind back I drove my mind back So you don't fail it Meditation when your mind wanders Theater meditation is drawing your attention back to the object in this case, the breath and you just he drawing it back until that time. And no, your eyes close your folks in any breath Sounds relaxing it can be, but it can be quite challenging because you're training your mind to to do what you want. Know what he wants is not gonna run around randomly anymore. You're making it. Come back to one point. So you're developing focus and you also start learning to to pay very strong attention to the present moment. What's happening right now? Thoughts come what's happening right now. The better you get at meditation, the more you can start using it to observe other things, not just the breath. You start using it to observe the thoughts to absorb, observe, observe the the triggers and the rise and fall of desire and all that sort of stuff. But the way you get that is through practice, it's like it's like exercising. If you exercise for one day, you wouldn't see much going to be. If you exercise every day, you would eventually see a lot of gains. Meditations like that the benefits are cumulative. So I encourage you started meditation practice, started every morning and do it in response to having crime. Takes eight breath in and out. And over time, with practice, you will start to be able to detach and you'll realize you like Okay, I'm ever he I'm over here. My full lips and stuff are over here, and they're going to pass. One thing that you can do with meditation is to just observe thoughts, pay attention to I'm gonna took a bad turning and facing in the next video. But meditation is a key component skill. So I encourage you to stop that meditation practice 9. Turn & Face: a lot of the time we have bad habits because we're running from something from a past mental state or current issues, stress loads of stuff. We turn to our habits, our negative habits because they make us at least temporarily feel good. So one of the things that you can do, and what you might need to do is to turn and face, turn and look at what's going on. You know what? Why are you going to drink right now? What's causing that? Can you sit with it for a little bit? Can you look at that? Your oh my God, I had a stressful day at work. This my manager said this yet look at the stress, right? Just take a look. All this thing happening, my pop look it a little bit right, because if you keep running from it, it's just going to stay there. And the more that you put these negative coping strategies on, the more it's perpetuating cycle, the only way to break this is too. Actually, face that and deal with what was going on here because it's like and analogy is like a sickness that needs treatment. If you've got a wound that you need ointment or whatever until you recognize what that is and find the right medicine for and apply it and do the therapy that one is just gonna keep causing trouble. You might take the painkillers to get through the pain, but eventually it's gonna catch up with you, right? The only way to address these things, you to turn and face and look at it now. Like I said, the previous one meditation is a very good tool to give you the sort of forestry to be able to do that. But also, another way to do that is through therapy. I eat getting a trained professional therapist to help guide you through the process. So, like I said, turning and facing is vital because if you could turn and face, you might be able to address it. But unfortunately, a lot of the time, these really deep levels of stuff causing us to do certain behaviors right and we might need some backup, we might need some help. One of the forms of back up and help we can get is a professional therapist. You could get therapist that could help you with have it changed. Specifically, you can also get therapists. In general, I encourage people to get a general therapist because you know, no matter what you're going through having no, no, have it. Life can very suddenly take Make it make a turn for the worst, and it would be ideal to have someone in our lives that he's detached to separate it. But knows us. That's a therapist, and I can help you through your on specific issues. I speak to my therapist at least once per month, sometimes more depending what's going on in my life and the help that she is being from a has bean exponential because help me to turn and face and look at the reasons why I might turn to substances. Why am I being eat? There's a reason behind that. Andi. I could meditate, introspective, and that's giving me a lot of answers. But I can also get the help off a trained professional therapist to help guide me through that process. And, you know, working with myself, working with a therapist together, we're able to identify the problems and start taking action steps to address that. So I strongly encourage you seek have 1/3 person if you find one and there you don't click with them. You know, it's like a teacher. Remember, you teach us from hospital primary school. You might have had a favorite teacher that one of your friends despised and vice versa. They're just people. So I realized that that, you know, like they're people with personalities and and abilities and desires and all those sort of things, right. Find one that suits you and be willing to go through a few until you find that ideal one. In a while, you know that their good will be that they are working. I e. In this case, your habits, your changing habits or your address in the past issues and that you connect with them. I think you need to be able to have a relationship, to be able to talk back and forth and all that sort of stuff. So get yourself a therapist year on. If you struggle with the on with seeing someone in person, there are online options. There's voice call options. There's anonymous text based options to do a simple Google search 10. Social Support: we are social creatures, so getting the support of the people around us is vital if you want to change habits. One way clients was a smoker, and she recognized that she wasn't addicted to smoking necessarily. But because of where she worked, they took smoking breaks and she would go outside and socialize with those people and smoke with the right. That's just what they did. And she realized that if she wanted to smoke, either she would have to. You want to stop making should either have to quit that workplace or get everyone on board . That was in her team to also quit smoking. As it turns out, life stuff happened, which caused her to have to find different employment. And she was very quickly and very easily able to quit smoking because she was no longer in that social group that would go out every you know, every couple of hours and take a break by smoking. What, what, this This sort of idea? What this suggests is that the people around us, and now when I've tried to quit having the sugar and stuff, I recognize the importance that my partner gets on board now, She doesn't need to quit completely, but she needs to be calm. It's that that I'm trying to quit. And that means not asking me if I want to eat certain, you know, having a desert. If she wants to keep certain things in the house, maybe putting them in a place that I'm not gonna look for right. It means we choose different restaurants to eat, right? Her support enables me to change my behaves. If she didn't care if she wasn't on board, if she wasn't, like, willing to go through with it through with me, you'll be far, far harder because I'm announcing only fighting my own cravings, but also dealing with things in the environment. And you know her own pushback. She doesn't have to quit with me. I'm not saying that, but just having that support. So what I'm suggesting with all of this is depending. What have you gonna change? You might have to consider how your social life, your physical environment, is impacting that change. Do you have a social group that is gets out, gets drunk every night of the week and you want to quit drinking? Those two things may not work out, right? Because how can you How can you still do? Those behaviors will still have that stuff in your life If you want to make this sort of change. Ideally, you, Congar Oh, to your friends, to your family and say, Hey, this is the change I want to make Please support me. And ideally, they say, is even more ideal. They get on board with you a lot of the time. You'll find that it takes one sort of leader in the group to make this change me like, Hey, I'm quitting this. Who's with me and a bunch of people get on board. And that sort of pulls the whole social group to quit smoking. Quit drinking, quit taking drugs, whatever it is. Other times that doesn't happen. Maybe the person is in a natural leader. Maybe the group doesn't want to change whatever. You might have to stop making different choices, right? It's It's hard to say that, but it depends on once again. This goes back to that first video off the strong. Why? What's more important to you change behavior or the group of people that are causing the behavior to the Pech away. You can the answer that question, but you'll find that if sometimes you'll have to let go off certain people in your life that are causing you to keep using and depending on the drug, right or depend on what you want, what the behavior is. Sometimes you consort of your willpower. Sometimes you can be around people that are doing that. You quit. I no longer struggle, sitting and watching people eat dessert. I no longer struggle sitting and watching people drink coffee or have alcohol. Okay, so I'm fine with that. But I'm not gonna go to a nightclub. I don't enjoy it anyway, but the whole idea is everyone's drinking and smoking doesn't appeal to me anymore. So the friends that I had back in the day that do that and still do that we've sort of pulled apart a bit way, share less specific interests, and that's OK. It's not necessarily like a bad thing to let go friendships or let go of them like you don't have his breakout moment. But just to step back. If they true change Andi, give up those sort of things that I have given up, then we can hang out, all right. And those people, I will still hang out with them all. Still associate with them, but not in the same context. And you know, the Maura go down other parts, like with my martial arts and I exercise, the more my friends will have more civil interests to me down that path, right. You will find that friendships wax and wane, and that's okay. But it's important to realize that you're strong, while will help you make better choices. And that strong, why might help you to have those awkward conversations with friends and family and ask them for that support. This is why I'm doing this. Please help. Yeah. And the final thing with the social, the social stuff which attached upon before if you say to a group of people Hey, hey, world, I'm doing this. You put it on your social media. Say to people who is with me, right? And you get people doing it with you. You've now got a group of people who are working together, connecting together and growing together. And you've got this social accountability and once again have that forgiveness. If you if you ideally you have this group of friends that acquitting together you like Hey , hey, you know, you go out One of them I broke, I had the cigarette. That person's like, That's okay, we old stuff up. Let's keep going right have that social accountability and social support. 11. Change Takes Time: it's important to realize that this change may take a long time. I really feel that people desire to have things done. Now they want to just off just a quick on quick. Maybe maybe it'll work for you. But more realistically is that this is gonna be a long term process. So you need to be in this on long for the long, long, long hole. In time you're trying to make changes in your life. There's a little life resistance, you know, if you want added habit, it takes time. Life has to open out for you, and you have to, like, sacrifice other things right. So realize that when you're trying to quit something you're trying to destroy a negative habit it's going to be a process is going to process to rewire your brain is going to be a process to teach the people in your life that you need certain things from. It's going to be a while until you learn that yourself. You learn your own trick. It's right. Gonna take a while that you realized like okay, this person, this event, this work, this place, these this fruit, whatever caused me to do the bad habits, like usual, whatever. That's the whole process. It's gonna take time. So let it take time. Let let this process be a thing that takes time. That takes a decent time, and that's okay. If you rush it and have too high expectations, you might start beating yourself down and going. Oh, I should have been able to do exercise it. Maybe you should have, but it will take a long as it's gonna take to realize that things take time and that's okay . 12. Track Your Progress: I'm a message. Believe it in tracking progress. If you want to know how you're behaving, memory could be Fozie. Your how many cigarettes do I can choose? How much sugar did I hate? When was the last time I did the bad habit, right. It's not necessarily that that reliable, there's a couple things can happen. You might break once and you're on a complete failure. And only remember the times that you've broken right? Or you might think that you're doing far better than you are because you're not remembering all the times that you using. So the best way to do this, the best way to To to Zittel breakthrough This thing is to actually track your progress, get a note pad and a pen, or a phone app or some sort of way that you can track what is actually happening as first what he thinks happening. Because when you look back over the cold data, you go in your calendar and you put a across on each day that you are successful or across on each day that you fail, however you want to track it, you can look back and go, huh? Look it always stays that I didn't eat sugar. I stepped up there. Look through those days that I didn't. You did great. Oh, I had a bad weekend drinking there. Oh, I had 20 cigarettes on that day, but my average other than that day is three per day. That's the reality. It's very easy to want to turn and run and not face it. Remember how I said we're facing our problems facing the reality of what we're doing is vital. If you don't face the reality of what you're after when actually experiencing it's gonna be a struggle. It's gonna be really hard to make progress because we all want to know if we're improving, right, like, let's say we go the lifting analogy exercise. You know when you're able to lift lift heavier because of the small lights. You know, if you're able to run for a while, you're able to run quick, right? There were some the objective, objective feedbacks I lifted this much way. I ran this far. Let's by the same thing to the behavior. I went this many days without biting my fingernails right. Track your progress in terms of practicality. A notebook. Keep it in your pocket with the pen. Use your phone notes app. Use a few trying like sort of diet stuff like an app like my fitness pal Or just you know your notes in your on your phone. Whatever it is, right. Use a wall calendar. However you, however you do it, find a way to track your progress. And obviously, whatever you're having, the trying to change will be different to everyone else's. So what you measure will be different. So, for example, if you're trying to quit smoking, maybe note down how many you're actually smoking. If you're trying to quit sugar, you could go sugar free. Davis. There's no sugar free birds. The sugar dates, right? Saying without call. Whatever the behaviour is that you try to change work out a way that you contract your progress so that you know if you're improving or declining or staying stationary. And it's like that social pressure, but to yourself. Just think about this like let's assume you're not dying. But I'm like, Hey, I want to start. I'm like, Hey, write down every through every bit of food that you eat. Just just write it down. It but then write it down. Every time you go to eight. You have to think I have to write this down. They don't have to look at what I did. Oh, I don't like this in. All right, that feeling use that because that's related to your strong wine. That feeling of going, Oh, money attract this. The other thing it does is that it forces you to be a little bit more mindful. This relates to the meditation. It forces you to step back into touch if you are taking that moment going. Okay? I'm doing this. You're not thinking about the behaviour going, okay? I drink, I smoke. I I a chuckle. Whatever. It's stepping your back in helping you to detach, making you realize what you're doing. Give it a try. 13. Class Project: So the class project is fairly simple right up your strong Why? And let me know what it is. I'm going to quit X because of X. I'm going to stop doing this behavior because of this reason I don't want you just think about this flippantly, really dig down and specifically would it as succinctly as possible. This is why I am making this behavior. This is why I'm making these changes. This is how I'm going. This is what I'm going to do and why? Yeah, right That out. That's it. That's the project. But I really encourage you to actually do it. It's very easy to look at these classes on skills shine and be like, oh, through the thing. And this is my strong. Why commit Commit to typing it out and pressing inte and showing me you doing through things he You're making it riel. Okay, you make it real by by completing this project, and it's upsetting a set it in stone. It's on the online, right, But you're making it a bit more real. And you getting the bit of the social pressure from May to be like, Hey, I'm checking up on you make it, really Stick it up on your wall? Yeah, actually do the project. Because once you something those commitments in those steps you get in a lot of, ah, you're making You're making progress and it will really help Signal to do with the project is if you have any questions. If you want me to address something mawr asking there So you do your strong y and you hate high always been unclear about this thing, you know? Or, you know, you might elaborate on your specific problems or that sort of stuff. And maybe I could go into a little bit of death as a response because I want to try and encourage two way feedback. So if you have a question, asked me there and over assault. 14. Further Resources: So if further resource is, there's a couple of generic resources that will work for a variety of problems and some more specific ones. So the few resources will be a pen and a paper. Get a pen and paper and track yourself. There will be a meditation app called with Waking Up App by Sam Harris. I use this daily in addition to my just on my own practice. Like I described, it works. It will help you to detach and step back. Give it a try. I would also suggest that you look into something specific for your hats. Now, debating what you happen to want to change. They'll be different things that you can look into diet. Like I suggested, my fitness pal. If you're looking to quit cigarettes, something like a quick mind would be great if you've got problems with alcohol or drugs and alcohol Anonymous or a knock a hole. No, not Narcotics Anonymous. Those sort of things, right. Whatever your issue is, there will be a support group and sort of like a whole variety of research supporting you. So all you need to do is step out and actually take those actions and realize that other people are going through the same things you're going through. And other people have successfully quit. What? You're trying to quit, whatever that is. Okay, look into it. I guarantee that they will be experts out there and available. And the final thing I want to suggest, as a further resource, is your psychologist. If you haven't got one already, get one. 15. Quick Recap: it's a quick recap. How do you destroy a bad habit? 1st 1 is Have a strong line. Know exactly why you want to quit and really drill down upon that. Realize that you may make mistakes. Forgive yourself. That's OK. Providing you get back on the wagon and keep going. Get yourself therapist and expect that can help you to talk through to break down the problems so that you can turn and face and look at the things that are challenging you. Stop a meditation practice. Do it daily. Realize that your thoughts are not you. On that the addictions will come up and drop. But you already hear your separate them and you don't need to act upon them. Okay, get some social support. Get a friendship group that is trying to quit with you and and talk to them a workout and support each other. Back them up with rifle down and let them pull you up when you fall down and get the people in your life to support you with your changes. If you're trying to quit, get their support, let them Don't let them know you're strong wine. Yeah, and just realize that people have come before you and done it before you write, it is possible for you to make some changes and finally track your progress. Track a broker so you can see how well you're doing. Now, up above you, you'll see a thing that says writing review. Please do write reviews, write your review that and let me know what you think. Do you want more examples? You want less examples? You want me to go more specific? All this specific or am I taking too long or too short? Let me know. Okay. Right. And review. It helps me to know what I'm doing. Well, and it just yet we see a little bit good, right? If you like what I'm doing here, you want to check out my blow, my podcast, my books, all of the other stuff I'm doing online. Head over to my website at Zakaria from Phillips top cop, and you can check me out on social media at Sac P Phillips and you could message message me there if you would like a more private discussion on some of this habit by stuff. But yet, like I said, it is possible to make that change, you can do it. Alright, just take that steps on, realize it's a long process, but you'll get there.