Delivering Constructive Criticism: The Assertive Way | Lucia Grosaru | Skillshare

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Delivering Constructive Criticism: The Assertive Way

teacher avatar Lucia Grosaru, Psychologist. Assertiveness Advocate.

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

22 Lessons (1h 45m)
    • 1. Lecture 1. Introduction

      2:48
    • 2. Lecture 2. About The Course

      2:24
    • 3. Lecture 3. Assertiveness and Giving Your Opinion

      2:30
    • 4. Lecture 4. Giving Your Opinion

      5:12
    • 5. Lecture 5. Giving Helpful Positive Feedback - Introduction

      3:51
    • 6. Lecture 6. Effects of Helpful Positive Feedback

      2:20
    • 7. Lecture 7. What holds us back from giving Helpful Positive Feedback

      4:02
    • 8. Lecture 8. How To Give Positive Helpful Feedback

      3:27
    • 9. Lecture 9. What is Criticism?

      2:07
    • 10. Lecture 10. Roles of Criticism

      4:51
    • 11. Lecture 11. Forms of Criticism

      3:55
    • 12. Lecture 12. Reactions to Criticism

      6:29
    • 13. Lecture 13. What is Constructive Criticism - Introduction

      10:01
    • 14. Lecture 14. What is Constructive Criticism?

      4:27
    • 15. Lecture 15. What Constructive Criticism is not

      2:52
    • 16. Lecture 16. When to deliver Constructive Criticism

      2:03
    • 17. Lecture 17. Delivering Constructive Criticism - Introduction

      1:35
    • 18. Lecture 18. Stage I - The Attitude Toward Constructive Criticism Delivery

      7:49
    • 19. Lecture 19. Stage II - Planning and Formulating the Critical Message

      21:08
    • 20. Lecture 20. Stage III - Analyzing the Critical Message

      4:23
    • 21. Lecture 21. Stage IV - Delivery & Follow-Up

      4:33
    • 22. Lecture 22. Conclusions and Final Recommendations

      2:22
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About This Class

Step-By-Step Strategy to Deliver Helpful Negative Feedback. Boost your Social Impact Factor.

Learn how to make your critical opinions count in the social environment.

What you will learn:

  • Use assertiveness techniques to deliver constructive criticism in personal and professional communication contexts.
  • Discriminate between passive, aggressive and assertive reactions to criticism.
  • Deliver helpful positive feedback.
  • Identify the main roles and forms of criticism.
  • Overcome main blockers in helpful feedback delivery.
  • Know how to prepare your mind to assertively deliver criticism.
  • Plan and formulate constructive critical messages.
  • Analyze the critical messages from an assertive perspective.

Deliver Criticism Effectively through this Assertive Communication Strategy.

  • Learn to deliver feedback that matters and that boosts self-esteem, confidence and social trust levels.

  • Learn how to think about criticism and criticism delivery in a way that takes both your rights and the rights of others into account.

  • Communicate your helpful opinions openly and enjoy more authentic and healthier relationships.

Unlock the mindset and communication skills that allow you to create personal and social environments that facilitate individual and social growth.

Largely accepted as the most efficient mindset and communication style, Assertiveness provides the best guidelines we know for dealing with most personal and professional contexts. Delivery of criticism makes no exception.

The 4-Stage Assertive Strategy exclusively presented in this course addresses the entire process of Constructive Criticism Delivery, from thoughts to emotions to behaviors, and aims at providing a framework in which the individual actively and responsibly changes the inner and external environment for the better, through carefully crafted disclosure of opinion.

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Lucia Grosaru

Psychologist. Assertiveness Advocate.

Teacher

Lucia Grosaru is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist with 10+ years experience in Assertiveness Training. She is the founder and author of the Psychology Corner blog where she mainly writes about Critical Thinking and Communication Skills.

Thousands of people have attended her online courses and live events and one of her main goals is to help people develop their inner potential and achieve their personal and professional goals through methods that promote self-awareness,  personal agency, authenticity and independence.

Prestigious publishing houses, such as Cambridge University Press, and authors have invited her to review their psychology and neuroscience books and she has also collaborated with other professionals in these fields to produce personal develo... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Lecture 1. Introduction: if you don't have anything nice to say, they'll say anything at all. No, that's Bs. Hi there. Since you are watching this introductory video, you most likely figured out by now that saying only nice things is a gold impossible to achieve in the real world. Healthy social interactions do not stem exclusively from nice things, but the rather from authentic, significant, helpful and relevant feedback. Communication is also about building connections, facilitating skill development and achieving reasonable, realistic personal and professional goals when interacting with others in an authentic manner, we will have communication encounters of both the positive and the negative kind. And that is how things should be given the diversity off individual traits, needs and goals. This being said, it does not mean that just because we cannot have exclusively praised based conversations with others that this is a justification for being rude, aggressive or insensitive towards our social contacts. It would be a false dichotomous view. If I can't be nice, then I'm free to be rude, and others should accept that that would most likely return really undesirable social results. Since you are searching for ways to deliver criticism, I imagine you've already tried to speak your mind on less than pleasant subjects, and things did not go great. Maybe you lost the friend or severely damaged a professional relationship in the process. And now you're thinking, How can I speak my mind when things don't go is expected in happy veal and still give my friends and colleagues well, you've come to the right place on the Internet. I'm Lucia grow sorrow. This is delivering constructive criticism the assertive way In the following lectures, I will show you how to provide criticism that matters and that can help both individuals and relationships grow and fulfill their potential. Take this course if you would like to alert how to deliver helpful criticism with confidence, you know, known passive nonaggressive, no manipulative manner. Focus on your most significant goals. Address the missing links and achieve the desired results. Learn how to create personal and social environments that facilitate individual and social growth, but most of all, take this course. If you would like to discover ways to engage in authentic, healthy relationships, stay true to your own needs, values and goals and at the same time, respect the needs, values and goals of others deliver criticism assertively, and you will be able to live a more authentic, independent, satisfying life. If you are ready to activate this changes in your life, then join me in the next lecture. 2. Lecture 2. About The Course: In this course, we will address both theoretical and practical aspect related to the delivery of criticism in an assertive manner. I always decide in favour over initial theoretical presentation off the main concepts and principles related to the subject of a course or training program, because I strongly believe that we should focus not only on how to do certain things but also on understanding why they need to be done in a specific way and what informs the various strategies, methods and recommendations, However, do not worry. I make the segments rather brief and address on Lee what I believe to be the significant information needed to support the practical segment off the course. Personal development subjects such as assertiveness are other complex, and they can be linked to a variety off similarly vast subjects. So addressing them in an extensive Mannering of course, would be almost impossible, but mostly unnecessary and unproductive. So in this course I will stick to giving the main information needed to successfully implement the strategy for the assertive delivery of constructive criticism. Therefore, in the first part off delivering constructive criticism, I will explain what assertiveness is and what makes the assertive approach the best mindset and communication style that is available to us. After we said to this larger context, we will take a closer look at three main subjects. Giving your opinion, positive feedback and negative feedback or criticism. I will present their significance, roles and forms, as well as how they are linked in the assertive real and how their understanding and proper use lead to effective, constructive criticism. Delivery. The second part of the course is the actual strategy for the delivery off constructive criticism. It may seem quite overwhelming at first, since this practical segment comprises tens of recommendations and steps. But trust me, they will all make sense and help you activate an attitude for helpful criticism delivery as well as provide you with the methods to successfully plan, formulate, analyzed and deliver constructive negative feedback. Whether you are just starting, got to build and activate efficient communication skills or if you are just trying to discover new ways to better your criticism delivery, I trust this course will help you see you in the next lecture 3. Lecture 3. Assertiveness and Giving Your Opinion: The aim of this course is to help you deliver negative feedback or criticism in an assertive way. But one does it mean to be assertive? And why would this be the way to go when communicating with others? Assertiveness is the complex ability to think emotionally react and acting alone, passive nonaggressive way. It allows the person to openly express their opinions and feelings, act according to their own values and goals. And all of this is being achieved through methods and strategies that take both your rights and the rights of others into account. As a multidimensional concept, assertiveness is simultaneously a set of skills that refers to cognitive, emotional and behavioral elements, a communication style including verbal and non verbal aspect, as well as the regulation of inner speech and the type of behavior meaning that it refers to actions that project the assertive principles and traits into the social world. In this course, we will mainly refer to assertiveness as a communication style. It refers to using a certain verbal and nonverbal techniques and strategies in your social interactions. At the same time, it includes the regulation off in her speech. This type of communication is directed towards yourself and in the context of this course, it means that you can use the tips and recommendations toe also regulate automatic mental self criticism. What makes assertiveness and appropriate choice and communication in general and when it comes to delivering criticism in particular, assertiveness promote authenticity, self confidence, self esteem and the accomplishment of significant goals in ways that do not generate unpleasant effects for others. It mediates inner dynamic at cognitive and emotional levels as well as observable behaviours or actions. And it helps build and maintain healthy, authentic relationships to communicate assertively means to participate in your life and the lives of others used the information others disclosed about themselves, but also disclosed information about yourself. This is why giving your opinion likes, dislikes, praise or criticism is an important part off healthy social interactions. In the following lectures, we will take a closer look at the way you're predominant mindset, communication and behavioural style influence, disclosure of opinion and how to activate useful strategies to deliver both positive and negative feedback 4. Lecture 4. Giving Your Opinion: As I was saying previously, Giving your opinion is an important part of being assertive. But depending on your predominant mindset and behavioral style, your attitude toward openly sharing your thoughts might significantly differ from those of others. I will take the opportunity and introduce here. Five communication and behavioral styles that are most commonly used to describe the underlying attitude or mind set off a person as well as the potential effects on social interactions and inner dynamic. So there are five communication styles that you will hear me reference throughout this course, three of which are main communication styles. Passive, aggressive and assertive, a mixed style passive aggressive, which, as the name describes, is a combination off passive and aggressive traits in which the apparent passiveness hides authentic aggressive intentions and a secondary style manipulative a subtype of the aggressive type. Since the intentions are related to changing another individuals responses, whether emotional, cognitive or behavioral, I will not turn this into a full, assertive communication course. This is not the goal here, but let's take a look at how the main communication styles impacted the delivery of your opinions, no matter whether they're positive or negative people who are mainly passive rather avoid giving their opinion regardless of the importance of a subject. They may offer their opinion on Lee if it matches that of the other individuals, and in order to ensure this match, they may voice their thoughts on Lee after others have expressed there's first. Also, passive individuals may claim toe agree with certain points of view. Even when they don't or change their own views to suit others, they may inclined to offer positive feedback exclusively to please others and avoid conflict that's keeping their social contacts. On the other hand, aggressive individuals are more than willing to share their opinion on any subject, even when not required to do so. And even when they do not hold any knowledge on a particular subject, they consider their opinions to be the best and often make fun off or dismissed the viewpoints of others. They may also try to change the opinions of other people to match their own. To do so, they often use intimidation, sarcasm or open conflict. People with a predominant aggressive communication style will most likely offer negative feedback exclusively, since they believe that that puts them in a position of authority and power. They may think that acknowledging someone else's strengths and qualities means to diminish their own value and lower their social status. People who mainly display a passive aggressive communication and behavioral style may avoid to directly disagree with others. But we'll express views that may hurt people who are present at the time off these disclosures. If they're being called out for deliberately trying to upset another individual, they may deny having knowledge about that person's use or knowing that they are the actual target of a certain opinion. Since they will try to avoid openly expressing their opinions directly to the person who is targeted by them, they will often express their views when the person is not present, they may use sarcasm but deny negative intent if challenged when it comes to fit back. Passive aggressive individuals with rather avoid delivering criticism to your face, but have no problem doing so when you're not around or when in a general way that does not seem to target you directly. In order to avoid conflict and maintain good social connections, they will offer praise. But it is the kind of praise that they most likely do not believe or will complement others for things that are rather trivial, not meaningful. When assertiveness is a person's predominant communication in behavioral style, giving their opinion regardless of whether others have expressed there's before, comes rather easy. Assertive individuals assume responsibility for the opinions they express. I know that most likely their views, not the only reasonable one. And should disagreement arise, they are prepared to welcome the presentation of different views without trying to change them into their own conflict is not necessarily avoided, but it is managed in a constructive, objective way without allowing it to escalate into violence. Two important aspects must be mentioned here as well. Assertive people do not hold a rigid view regarding a subject they are willing to change their opinions should new relevant that are rise. Also, assertiveness keeps you confident, even when holding opinions that differ from those of others. Just because you think differently about a certain topic, it should not make you feel uncomfortable or make you question your abilities and decisions . Assertive individuals know that it is important to provide both positive and negative feedback and are able to do so in an open, authentic and non passive nonaggressive, no manipulative way 5. Lecture 5. Giving Helpful Positive Feedback - Introduction: in the assertive environment. Successfully delivering constructive criticism is indelibly linked to providing positive feedback. You cannot have one without the other exclusively providing positive feedback with mean you are a passive individuals while exclusively providing negative feedback would make you aggressive. Delivering false or insignificant positive feedback when you actually want to deliver criticism is something that has to do with passive aggressiveness. If you want to be assertive, you need to be able to deliver both good and bad news, so to speak. This is how things happen in the real world. We like some things in this. Like others, we consider some results of valuable, while others do not satisfy us. We need to be able to communicate our thoughts, our preferences, our desires. As I mentioned previously, assertively giving your opinion involves providing meaningful feedback, both positive and negative. One should be able to deliver praise as well has been point less than desirable outcomes of someone else's actions, especially when required by a context to do so. When you are guided by assertive principles, you know that acknowledging someone else's qualities and good results will in no way diminish your qualities or dismiss your own results that would be an aggressive stones on aggressive mindset is guided by competitiveness, and giving positive feedback to another person is often interpreted as handing the advantage of a situation to them. Passive individuals will most likely see the qualities of others but decide not to provide positive feedback. Thinking that their opinion does not matter, they usually do not take initiative, so it is highly unlikely that they would offer feedback without specifically being requested to do so. Even so, they may formulate vague opinions to avoid criticism for the possibility off saying something wrong. A primarily passive aggressive mindset and behavioral style would lead the person tow. Avoid providing positive feedback, since the main goal off passive aggressive individuals is to bring the others down, not raise them up. They just do not want to do this openly. As I said before, they may provide praise, but not necessarily in meaningful contexts. But just saying random nice things to someone is not enough for providing meaningful, relevant positive feedback. Helpful feedback is what enables others to better their skills and promotes higher confidence and self esteem levels. Let's say you appreciate someone's blogged. I think we will agree that although leaving a common that says cool is a nice thing, that does convey appreciation, writing something like, Hi, Dennis, I really like your article on new fashion trends. The way you explained how to get the party look made it easy for me to follow the steps and get the results I wanted. Thanks offers more insight and is more helpful. In the first example, you on Lee say that you appreciated the article, or maybe you like that outfit and stopped to make a comment. That's nice. But in the second version of feedback, you let Denise no things related to her strengths. She is good not on Lee at discovering fashion trends, but most importantly, she can explain things well. This is the skill you reinforced through your feedback. The lease will now be able to say, I've been told I am good at explaining things. Maybe I'll do a how to article or video. You help Denise, and that's what meaningful feedback is all about. 6. Lecture 6. Effects of Helpful Positive Feedback: why is it important to provide positive feedback? I said previously that it is important to be able to provide positive feedback, and I even gave a short example on how it can influence skilled management for others. But generally speaking, why should we provide positive feedback? How does it shape our social interactions? And in our world, here are some effects off positive feedback. First of all, compliments and praise are a great social connector, since they show others that you do acknowledge their skills, effort, progress and results that you pay attention to them, that you value them and appreciate what they do and who they are. Another thing is that we like being around people who build us up, Joe with rather spend time with someone who says You can do it, Joe. You can achieve your dreams. You've got what it takes. Go for it, then, with someone who reigns on their parade by saying I don't know, Joe seems kind of tricky and crazy. You're good that this thing, but others have done it for years and years. Maybe you should choose another dream. Positive feedback is also powerful motivator and three girls. Great results when used as a reward here, we're not very different from other species. We like getting either small or significant rewards for what we do Well, praise and social recognition are great rewards. So is well done. You're the men or you're the woman and I really like this painting, Mike. I really do. When it comes to building skills, reward work better than punishment, it is more important to reward progress and good results than to sanctions, stagnation or unsatisfying outcomes. Think off kids in school. They are willing to work hard to get a funny, colorful sticker, but wouldn't be a smart invited to learn something new on Li. To avoid the next batter grade, they would have to not want to learn. It is a little surprising the scores. I decided to include the short guide on how to offer positive feedback before we dive into the main subject, delivering constructive criticism. So join me in the next two lectures to discover tips on how to deliver helpful positive feedback. See you there 7. Lecture 7. What holds us back from giving Helpful Positive Feedback: in order to deliver helpful positive feedback. Generally speaking, two things need to be met. The proper attitude needs to be activated and the formulation off the actual message should satisfy the main criteria that separate vague or random positive feedback from actual helpful positive feedback when it comes to the attitude needed to provide helpful positive feedback. The main thing we should address is what exactly holds us back from offering positive feedback. People may at times desire to deliver praise, acknowledge great results of others or show appreciation, but decided against it. Let's see some of the reasons why and how to overcome them. You tend to focus on the negative. We may at times have our observational radars, so to speak, set for the detection of mistakes, results that fall under the satisfactory threshold or contexts that upset us and make us unhappy or depressed. If you think this is you, try this. Each time you notice a negative thing in a context, try to find at least one positive aspect as well. Doing this with an effort as an exercise several times for different contexts will gradually retrain your mental detector toe. Also, see the good in various segments of life. Nothing seems to meet your standards. Try to praise progress as well, not just final results. You don't know what to say. This may happen, especially if you give compliments, praise or disclose likes rarely practice. You may feel uneasy in the beginning, but with exercise, the feeling will wear off. You think this makes you the loser just because someone is really good at a certain thing, it doesn't mean that you failed in that context. This is a false dichotomy. There can only be one winner. Therefore, if it's not me that I'm the loser, this is false. There's enough praise and subject specific excellence to last us. All fear off widening the gap. Another biased perspective. If you recognize someone else's strength or results, it does not mean that you are placing them higher while you remain behind. It has nothing to do with your place, but the recognizing There's you fear you don't count, so you keep quiet. Well, guess what your opinion matters. Relevance, authenticity and helpfulness make opinions count, regardless off who is voicing them. You think compliments and praise our for special occasions on Lee, actually, their feet for every situation in which we have something to share with others and decides to let them know that we noticed something, that we appreciate their results or that what they do or say in relation to us made us feel good and improved our well being. There's no reason to Onley. Have dessert on your birthday. Sure have a special cake on your birthday, but don't deny yourself the all year round cookie, ice cream or cupcake galore back to positive feedback. People find great supporting small bites off praise and compliments to it's what sets the stage for bigger accomplishment in the results. You think that offering positive feedback like thanks praise or compliments puts you in depth toe others that is not valued. They only reward support and encourage behaviors and results. We like no favor like transactions going on. You don't worship you acknowledge and appreciate. Some of these blockers apply to the delivery off negative feedback as well, and we will discuss this later in the course. In the next lecture, I will share with you several tips on how to effectively deliver helpful positive feedback 8. Lecture 8. How To Give Positive Helpful Feedback: to some people offering compliments and praise or saying what they like in a person or situation may come easy. They may seem like they have an inbuilt positive feedback configuration er, and always know what to say, how to say it and seem happy to deliver it. If this is not your right now, I think you would like to discover that this is a skill that can be rather easily learned once you overcome the main blockers with discussed in the previous lecture, there are a few guidelines that you can follow to ensure the proper delivery off helpful positive feedback compliment behaviors that have already occurred. Compliment a result, partial or complete or something else that you've already observed. Don't praise what a person might to do in the future. You can praise initiative, but future results are not guaranteed, and the person might even feel anxiety when faced with the pressure of future expectations . Stick to actually results in contexts. Be specific. Say what your compliment refers to. Don't be vague. Remember Denise, the fashion blogger example from a previous lecture? Don't to be the one who comments cool. Say exactly what's cool about her article refrain from false compliments with very few personality trait trigger exceptions. No one likes to be rewarded, complemented or praised for things that have nothing to do with who they are, what they want to achieve or what they've already achieved. Don't say you like something. If you don't don't encourage behavior you don't appreciate. Don't praise results you consider meaningless. Not only is this a savior, authenticity and trust breach, but it can backfire in a powerful way, since positive feedback acts as a powerful reward. Don't tell your kids you love their jump off the roof with the bike videos unless you want them to keep doing it and questionable results get better at it. Avoid backhanded compliments. Is it an insult? Is it praise? It's super feedback. Super useless, that is. Your article is surprisingly good. Denise will most likely trigger What the hell reaction. So you like to the article, but have no expectation off her being a good blogger or you've read her other block boasts . And so they were not good. But hey, what a surprise. Here came this one. The exception because she's still a bad blogger. Carefully choose your words and say what you mean. Some elements may spice up conversations in a funny way, and a well placed zinger here and there will most likely hurt no one. But don't make this options your main feedback delivery strategy. Use Shaping This is a method off feedback delivery that encourages you to offer gradual rewards on the way to the completed goal. Basically rewards each significant approximation off ago. One step closer to the intended result. Reward that step. So these are a few tips on how to successfully deliver helpful positive feedback. In the next set of lectures, we will address the theoretical aspect related to criticism, and then we will move on to present the strategy for constructive criticism delivery. See you in the next lecture. 9. Lecture 9. What is Criticism?: The main goal of this course is to learn on effective way to deliver criticism. But what exactly falls in the criticism category? What is criticism? Just like positive feedback, negative feedback or criticism is a normal occurrence in our lives. It is an effect of our nature as social beings who are active participants in common social environments and who are also capable off self analysis. Criticism can be both external and internal in nature, since we sometimes applied this critical analysis toe ourselves. Although criticism is usually used in a negative way in relation to judgments that pinpoint faults or flaws, the term in the general sense refers to both negative and positive assessments. Critics analysis can return both positive and negative aspects off the situation or context there, judging and passing judgement is not always a bad thing in literary or art related contexts , criticism is in itself a form of art, given the many skills and domain specific knowledge the person needs to display and use in their activity. To criticize in formal or informal contexts basically means to separate the elements of an object you're assessing and decide upon their characteristics, using both objective and subjective criteria for the purpose off this course, we will mainly address the delivery of criticism that is based on both objective and subjective criteria. Although differences in the use of this criteria may trigger different types of criticism, some unjustified and therefore not constructive in order to be able to deliver constructive , helpful criticism, we need to understand theoretical aspect off criticism such as the role, fours and types of criticism and the type of reactions they may trigger. To deliver valuable feedback, one needs to be able to recognize it and recreated the following lectures will provide support in this sense. 10. Lecture 10. Roles of Criticism: criticism has a variety of roles in the regulation of both inter personal and interpersonal aspects. It is a powerful tool and its delivery a great skill, but its effects, depending on the intention and skill off the meter, can be both positive and negative. The aim of this course is to help you deliver criticism that triggers positive results, which can be connected to personal and social growth and well being. Triggering positive results is not necessarily the same with triggering positive reactions , but we will discuss about this in a few minutes. But generally speaking, what's the purpose of criticism? Why do we use it? And how does this influence constructive criticism? Delivery Among the main roles in general effects of criticism, we find the following criticism allows people to understand how other people see them and at the same time how they see themselves. This is why we have to be careful and provide unauthentic social mirror. It provides fresh perspectives. Its content can be used to address the whole new aspect of a situation, maybe something that the person did not see until now, or that is hidden from their perspective. Due to the fact that We cannot be objective observers off our own traits, so provide perspectives that matter. It invites self analysis and analysis of various contexts and relationships. Critical messages can direct our attention toward things that require this careful and intentional observation. Therefore, make sure you provide significant feedback. Criticism can boost motivation when the content off the critical message is significant to us. We can decide toe act and modify what we think or do in order to get different and often better results. This is one of the main rolls off constructive criticism in combination with gradual, helpful positive feedback. It offers a motivational support that's rather unbeatable when used in a constructive manner. Criticism can help with relationship regulation and personal and social growth. Use criticism to raise authenticity and trust levels and build the other person up. These are all positive roles and effects of criticism. This happens when it is used for good by both source and receiver. On the negative side, they're come all the effects we intend to avoid by learning an effective strategy to deliver constructive criticism. Criticism can be used to discourage and provoke a wide range of negative emotions. It can be used to manipulate others into believing or doing something that serves the manipulator in high amounts. Critical messages can de motivate the person receiving it. When you get too much criticism regarding one of your actions, goals or beliefs, you may lose interest in pursuing or expressing them. When highly aggressive individuals years criticism, it can become a serious form off harassment or abuse, I repeat, desired the negative effects that we want to avoid by using the strategies and methods presented in this course. Although we are free to choose any of the five communication styles when dealing with other socially, being aggressive will most likely trigger the most unpleasant social results and using any means. Communication included as a form of abuse is definitely something we should not engage in first of all, and also we should all be protected against either internally by learning ways to cope with criticism or externally through official regulations and laws. I will use this moment here to make an important mention, a word of caution. Most daily contexts are fit for an assertive approach, but there are also situations in which the assertive strategies are not recommended and can even escalate the conflict. If you find yourself in a violent relationship, regardless off where this violence comes from, others may act violent toward you or you yourself may have a history of violence, then do not use the techniques presented in this course or in any other materials on assertiveness to directly address that situation in these cases, please contact the professional to help you deal with this issue in a specialized manner. Assertiveness training may be part of the process, but it is not the proper way to directly address of violent situations. So please seek the proper assistance if you are dealing with a violent context. Thank you for watching this lecture till the end. It is important to me to fully convey this message. 11. Lecture 11. Forms of Criticism: criticism can be delivered in many forms. Some of them are linked to constructive criticism. Some are not in this lecture. We will take a look at the main forms of criticism and I will explain how they relate to constructive criticism. Delivery The main goal of the course by source criticism can be internal. We call this type self criticism when you criticize something about yourself or external when you criticize something about another person, constructive criticism can be both internal and external by intent and effect the categories that are most significant for the present course. We have positive feedback, which we call constructive criticism and negative feedback or destructive criticism. Helpful negative feedback. The subject of this course is also constructive criticism because the intent and defects are positive in nature. In our everyday interactions, it is the destructive form that we mainly label criticism, intent and effect also categorise criticism into justified and unjustified, which we will discuss later in this course, when we consider whether words are being used or not. In the delivery of criticism, we discover verbal and non verbal criticism. Constructive criticism uses both types of communication. Criticism can also be direct when you convey the message directly to a person targeted by the content of criticism or indirect, when the other person has to deduct the critical message from actions that don't necessarily seem related to them. At the first glance, indirect criticism often uses passive aggressive methods off delivery, such as messages that appear to be compliments but actually hiding, insult or are based on a negative assumption. General observations about some people or many individuals that are actually about a specific person without directly referring to them also falls under this category based on the type of communication and behaviors engaged in the delivery of criticism. We have assertive criticism or constructive criticism. Consider delivery Positive intention. No aggressiveness involved. Allows development toe occur based on the critical content. Manipulative criticism on aggressive form of criticism used to change the targeted persons believes emotions or behaviors. In order to serve the manipulators, purpose delivery can be positive or aggressive, whichever the manipulator considers best for their strategy to achieve their goals, aggressive criticism or hostile criticism. This form of criticism is openly aggressive, and its aim is to hurt rather than communicate, personal attacks full under this category with this, I conclude the segment about forms of criticism. This is how we deliver criticism. When we talk about what is being criticized and the manner in which the critical analysis is being conducted, then we have types of criticism. The types of criticism are diverse, and their extensive presentation does not make the object of discourse. The subject in itself is interesting, though among frequent types of criticism, I mentioned here logical criticism when a new idea, an argument or a cognitive algorithm is being criticized as not being racial. Factual criticism refers to the evidence supporting effect and practical criticism addresses whether something works or not. There is also on steady criticism, also frequently used, which is concerned with whether something is beautiful, tasteful, stylish or not. 12. Lecture 12. Reactions to Criticism: reactions to criticism. I think it is quite easy to imagine that in general no one enjoys receiving criticism. However, when a person receives justified helpful criticism, they are more likely to accept or request this type of feedback. Although we do not look forward to criticism, in particular, the development potential makes it an aspect of life whose relevance and roll we recognize . So our attitude toward it is more relaxed than when it comes to unjustified criticism. These descriptions of general reactions to criticism based on the predominant communication or behavioral style are useful in both. Recognizing this responses in ourselves, but also in others, it gives us the opportunity to assess our delivery and modify and manage it as needed. If we discover negative reactions, some of these reactions are internal, so we may not know we are causing them to others unless they choose to express them in a direct or indirect way. A predominantly passive mindset and behavioral style will determine rather passive reactions such as irrational, unjustified fear, unjustified or accentuated shame in a decorous E or guilt or defensive attitude and responses. The mainly passive individual may also react with an emotional outburst especially if they've been holding back and primarily avoided toe address criticism for a long time. Passive responses do not provide the best criticism management, mainly because the person would basically just join the critic in putting them down. This may chip away at their self esteem and self confidence, and even blocked the resources that they could use to make the situation better. Passive individuals with rather dwell on thinking about the mistake and loose focus off the solutions available to them. So when you recognize these reactions usually linked with a passive mindset, be careful not to turn your critical messages into weapons. Don't bully, harass or otherwise abuse a person who is very likely not to fight back and protect their rights or opinions. The false perception of dominance is seductive and an aggressive individuals main goal. But it has nothing to do with practicing assertiveness, building skills or good social relationships. When criticized, someone who is predominantly aggressive may respond with anger or hate. They may counter attack or simply dismissed the entire critical message manipulators. Our passive aggressive individuals may try to hide or distort their reactions in orderto either undermine the credibility of the critic or to make them believe that they're handling things differently than they actually are. Aggressive responses are not a desirable way to deal with criticism, since they prevent the individual from analyzing and dealing with the situation in the healthful manner. Opportunities may be lost and the context can even escalate the conflict. When delivering criticism to predominantly aggressive individuals, your safety comes first. You need to make sure that you find yourself in a context that does not facilitate conflict escalation. Also, be prepared to manage the frustration and your own aggressive responses when confronted with provocations, or that this missile off the content of your communication stick to the subject of your message and do not let yourself dragged into unjustified, useless, unproductive conflict. It may be difficult at times, especially since aggressive individuals do not play fair. They may use personal attacks or other tactics to try to get to you and make you lose your focus and trigger an irrational response from you. But this is something you need to learn how to manage. The tips in this course will help you in this regard. Primarily assertive individuals may feel justified fear when confronted with justified criticism and justify the reveled as a result off unjustified criticism. But they are mainly capable of managing their emotions and not let them reach overwhelming intensities. They would also be able to critically analyze the context and the message and come up with a response that is rather aimed toward personal and relational growth and would not escalate the conflict assertive persons no and protect their rights, their values and goals and act in such a way that does not infringe the rights of others. Assertive management of criticism facilitates and supports personal and social well being. Communication between primarily assertive individuals comes the easiest, it's comfortable and three girls best results. Well formulated Criticism will encounter, justify the responses and will generate positive results without hurting personal relationships or professional opportunities and goals. Now, when it comes to communication and assertive principles, you need to be aware that we are only responsible for our actions. We do not hold any responsibility regarding the way the other person reacts. As long as our messages respect the assertive principles and are not intended to hurt or infringe the other person's rights, one needs to learn how to deal with criticism as well has become comfortable with delivering it. The information I presented previously is useful in understanding the communication of dynamics, but it is not meant to convey the message that it is up to us to get a positive response from all the persons. We deliver criticism too. There will be times when your criticism delivery will be on point, but rigor about reaction in others. You then need to remind yourself that you are not guilty for upsetting them or for losing a social connection. If your message was unauthentic assertive one, you are only responsible for what you do and what you say. The other one is responsible for their reactions and responses. In the next lectures, we will take a closer look at the main traits of constructive criticism in order to better understand the expected results of good criticism delivery. See you there 13. Lecture 13. What is Constructive Criticism - Introduction: why deliver constructive criticism in the first place? In the next lectures, we will address the concept that makes the primary goal of this course constructive criticism. First of all, I will present the reasons why we should learn to deliver helpful negative feedback and what happens if we don't? Then we will take a look at what constructive criticism is and what isn't in the end of this section before showing you my strategy for assertive criticism delivery. I will also address the context in which it is recommended that you provide critical messages that matter and trigger positive change and growth. So let's start by understanding what happens when we choose not to deliver criticism in general and constructive criticism in particular. Also, just like I did regarding positive feedback, I will mention the main reasons why we may avoid to provide this type of fit back. Delivering criticism may seem uncomfortable for some people, and that may trigger the following effects avoidance in your attempt to avoid feeling uncomfortable. You may choose to avoid giving criticism altogether, but this may cause things to get out of control. Imagine a glass room filled with kids who fight and yellow and refused to engage in educational tasks. If the teacher decides not to address this issue, the purpose off organized education for those Children is completely lost. The same happens in other personal or professional settings. A team leader who never criticizes undesirable or unsatisfactory results will set the team up and even the entire company for failure if he or she is the one who should supervise, assess and help with the improvement of a certain process or result, but refuses to do so because he or she feels uncomfortable or does not want to be seen as the bad guy, then nothing will change, and therefore nothing will be improved. If you do not assertively address one of your key collaborators habitual tardiness, you will always have to start meetings late in personal relationships. If you find yourself repeatedly preparing for activities your friend or partner suggested, only to find yourself in the situation off them. Canceling this plants minutes before they would have to happen, causing you discomfort. Then you need to address that if it upsets you. If it interferes with your main interests and goals, it is recommended that you addressed of subjects otherwise you will actively perpetuate and reinforce actions and attitudes that infringe your rights. And assertiveness is about standing up for yourself and saying what you think. Another effect related to the emotional discomfort someone may feel when having to deliver criticism is aggression. The tension caused by the uncomfortable situation may trigger anger and fit back that is, emotion driven and basically not helpful. A last effect I will mention here is vagueness. You don't really want to deliver criticism, but have to. So you decide to say something that's not specific, something vague that can be submitted toe all sorts of interpretations. This is a passive, unhelpful strategy which make make others confused and impatient. Come on, Jim, tell us what you're actually talking about. Is my work bad? Is that what you're saying in my immediate say it already? If this sounds familiar than the vagueness of the message, may be the cause of that situation or reaction. In order to avoid this effect, we need to activate an attitude that treats criticism as a normal occurrence in one's personal and professional life. It is okay to deliver constructive criticism and knowing how to assess and formulate your message will help diminish the uncomfortable feeling that may come with one of the fears that block us from giving all sorts of feedback in the first place, not knowing what to say. We've previously seen several reasons that may hold the person back from giving positive feedback. Some of those reasons, such as not knowing what to say, nothing meeting your standards and the fear that you do not count also applied to negative feedback in general and constructive criticism in particular the waste to overcome them are the same as those mentioned in the positive feedback sections. However, when it comes to criticism, a few other reasons pop up to make our message delivery difficult. Among them, The following Fear off rejection. You don't want to be the bad guy. You want people to like you, and you may think that criticism delivery is what will jeopardize this interests and goals . Truth is, assertive messages such as constructive criticism do not endanger healthy, authentic, mature social interactions. As assertive individuals, we should be able to deal with criticism and keep our social relationships. But just like I said previously, we are only responsible for what we do and communicate, and not for the reactions of other people. If you deliver criticism in the helpful, justified manner, then there is not much you can do. If the other person rejects your message or decides to walk away from the relationship, your intentions were justified. You have the right to speak your mind without being emotionally blackmailed about what might happen if you say things that are not exclusively positive or praise like. Assertiveness also teaches us to accept that choosing assertiveness off or passiveness or manipulation may trigger the disappearance off some relationships, personal or professional. We need to learn how toe emotionally deal with that since they're out of our control, the reactions and decisions of the other person, I mean, then it would be useless and really unproductive to dwell on it, learn to move on and find other opportunities and authentic relationships that promote your well being. Thinking that we should always be good and that by delivering criticism, you become bad. This is somehow related to the first the reason I mentioned, but it doesn't necessarily imply an external assessment from other people. But the way you see yourself, first of all, there's a dichotomous view bias. People are not just good or bad. There is no pure stands off any of those aspects. We are a mixture of good and less than great choices. We have a variety of interests, a wide range of emotional responses to deal with and long story short. We will manage our life through a wide range of methods, strategies and options. Not all of them will make everyone happy, and that's a normal outcome. Not making everybody happy all the time does not make you bad. Remember that assertiveness is about not causing intentional harm once that's out of the picture. Everything else is the normal, chaotic at times but highly diverse life, often assertive, authentic, mature individual don't apologize and don't feel guilty for it. Fear of conflict is another reason why we may avoid to give negative feedback, even when it would be helpful and recommended to do so. Since we cannot control the way other people react, we may tend to avoid delivering bad news to those we know might react badly. That is a sensible things to do when physical safety is at risk, but in normal risk, free environment, conflict should not be avoided but managed assertively in a way that does not let it escalate. A good way to avoid that is refraining from personal attacks and stick to objective observations. This will be covered later on. In the course thinking you have other options. You may be tempted to try and give a shot toe all other strategies that are available to you, even when less effective than openly delivering criticism. Thinking that there should be another way to go above this when constructive criticism is the obvious choice may cause situations to stagnate, progress to be delayed and people to lose confidence in your ability to promptly deal with things that come up just to use the proper way to delivery a message. And don't run from criticism, not wanting to take responsibility for the message. This is a big one. It is usually linked to a predominantly passive aggressive behavioral and communication style. You would like to say something, but not want to be seen as the man or woman who said it. For all the reasons we mentioned before, a new, assertive individual assumes responsibility for all of their actions and decisions. Great or not, justified or not, reasonable or not, we sometimes make mistakes, take responsibility for them. We are sometimes really exceptional individuals. Take pride in that. Whatever it is, you need to take responsibility for what you do or say and maturely deals with the effect your actions or words have caused. The last reason I will mention here is the one related to previous attempts that did not work. The person you delivered the message to maybe did not listen. Maybe they've dismissed it, and therefore no progress or changes occurred. So you may think to yourself, Why bother? Well, bother. Please do bother. If you want to enable positive changes in your personal and professional life, improve your results and help others improve their skills. You have to take your time and be persistent in delivering your message. I will even give you an assertive communication technique that will help you with that later on. In the course you may know, analyze what holds you back from delivering feedback both positive and negative, and activate the strategies needed to fully engage in an assertiveness driven lifestyle. In the following lecture, I will share with you what the women, by constructive criticism, the main characteristics and general benefits. See you there 14. Lecture 14. What is Constructive Criticism?: by taking this course, you want to learn how to properly deliver constructive criticism. But what exactly is constructive criticism and how can you tell if the message you deliver falls under this category? Well, we've seen earlier that when we use intent and effect as criteria to determine forms of criticism, helpful negative feedback and positive feedback, both make up the constructive criticism category from previous lectures. You now know how to deliver helpful positive feedback, and in the second part of this course, we will address the delivery of helpful negative feedback. Intent and effect also categorized criticism into justified and unjustified when it comes to constructive criticism. Both intent and effects are positive in nature. In short, constructive criticism is justified. Criticism. It means that there are reasonable arguments behind its generation and delivery, and that we can use certain methods to assess whether the criticism we deliver or receive is justified or not. So, given that the intent is a positive one, constructive criticism is aimed at helping a person better their skills or assists our relationships development. So, first of all, check your motivation for delivering criticism. See whether the criticism is aimed at modifying a context for the better or if there simply is no developmental value in it. Is the criticism intended to help or to simply put the other person down? If it's helpful, it's justified. If it on Lee aims to hurt unjustified, then constructive criticism needs to refer to something observable, measurable and, most of all, something that can be improved. If the object of your criticism is not something that can be modified, then that is not justified. Criticism it needs to allow development and fixed rates do not allow that Criticizing fixed rates is aggressive, not assertive behaviour. Constructive criticism is about what a person does and the results off their actions, not about who they are. So criticism related to gender, age, race, physical appearance and similar things is never justified. Criticism constructive criticism has to be specific. Criticism that is delivered in a vague, on specific manner is most likely unjustified. General observations or indirect formulations are usually not considered justified criticism. Constructive criticism is specific or can be chiseled until it gets specific. These are the main criteria we can use to decide whether the criticism we deliver or receive is indeed constructive and helpful when it comes to other forms. Constructive criticism can be both internal and external toward yourself or towards others . Uses both the verbal and non verbal elements and is delivered in a direct manner. It can be used to deliver results. We get from the assessment off any object subjected to our attention and analysis, ideas, arguments, cognitive algorithms. Evidence that supports facts or not is that the criticism, etcetera the benefits off constructive criticism include the following. It generates productive conversations related toe all aspects of personal and professional life. It's a comfortable way to deliver criticism since you can assess and modify the content of your message by considering the traits of justified criticism and assertive principles, it has the potential to trigger the best results. Since it follows the assertive principles, it is less likely to generate negative emotions for the other person. It's a great way to address specific problems. It's a two way conversation which allows individuals to discover new things about each other and use the interaction to generate better results. People get to collaborate and build, change and improve their own lives, the lives of others and the social environment in general. In short, constructive criticism enables better skills, better relationships and better results 15. Lecture 15. What Constructive Criticism is not: In the previous lecture, we discovered what constructive criticism is in this lecture. We will address what constructive criticism is not. This will further help your analysis regarding the relevance and validity of your critical message. Constructive criticism is not a personal attack. If you find yourself attacking a person and not an observable action or results, it basically means you've straight from the purpose off delivering helpful feedback and not causing this comfort to other people. Someone's fixed straits bikes or dislikes, values and other similar things are not for us to criticize. We can express our opinions, but they are just that opinions, not facts or criteria that can establish what is right or wrong, Good or bad, you just express where you stand regarding a specific subject or value. You are entitled to your opinions. I would add that the valuable opinions are informed ones, but that does not mean yours are the only valued options and that others should share your views. Moving on constructive criticism is not a way to settle scores. Remember to consider your intentions for giving criticism. How does your feedback improve a situation? Constructive criticism is not the way to vent stress. If you had about, they don't take it out on someone else by criticising what they do. Find proper ways to deal with emotional stress. Constructive criticism is not an opportunity to exert authority. Authority may put you in the position where you have to deliver criticism to others but do not transform it into force. Don't abuse your role and don't abuse. Others Keep the offering opinions that are needed to change and improve the situation. Constructive criticism is not ruling. Do not harass others by constantly and unnecessarily throwing criticism their way. Relevance and timing should always be considered. And finally, constructive. Criticism is not the way for you to boost your ego. Simply criticising someone shouldn't give you satisfaction in itself. That's the really off aggressiveness. Consider results and processes that are being gradually improved when assessing the success and usefulness of your interventions. Satisfaction and gains should be about to the personal and professional changes. Your actions trigger not about how you feel when you pinpoint what went wrong or less than great. In the following lecture, we will address the context in which delivery of constructive criticism is recommended or required 16. Lecture 16. When to deliver Constructive Criticism: when to deliver constructive criticism. The short answer would be whenever someone asks you to, or when your opinion can provide a helpful perspective on our situation can be improved unless you expressing this perspective infringes someone else's rights or directly influences their well being in a negative way like we've seen in the context presented in the previous lecture. So I offer constructive criticism when someone asks for your honest opinion, it means they value your opinion and think you may help them. Or that your perspective can make a relationship more functional if it's part of your job toe, offer guidance or opinion. If you are a team leader, a trainer on entrepreneur on actual critic, then obviously the success of your activity or a team's activity rests on your ability to offer criticism that matters and supports positive change and progress in personal relationships. Express your opinions openly respecting the assertive principles this math times include constructive criticism in general in both personal and professional relationships. Provide constructive criticism when your future decisions depend on acting on this specific government off their relationship. This will convey to the other person that a certain aspect is important to you and that you would rather see it happen in another manner. Communicate your expectations, likes dislikes and deal breakers. This will boost authenticity and trust levels, and we'll set a comfortable and nourishing environment to discuss potential implications for their relationship and the required steps to generate a positive change if necessary. The following section off the course comprises the actual strategy to assertively deliver constructive criticism, joined me there and discover tens of tips and recommendations on how to deliver criticism that matters. See you there. 17. Lecture 17. Delivering Constructive Criticism - Introduction: the moment you've been waiting for. After all the theoretical preparations that said the stage for successfully giving your opinions, we have reached that moment in the course where we will address the main gold learning to deliver constructive criticism. The assertive wait in the following lectures I will share with you tips and recommendations that I believe will help you communicate your opinions with more confidence and will enable you to approach the achievement of your goals in a more structured manner by gradually improving yourself and the relationships you build with others. The strategy proposing the scores includes four stages and refers to four main segments or processes involved in criticism. Delivery the attitude or have to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for constructive criticism Delivery. The second stage refers to planning and formulating your critical message. The third stage will address the analysis off your message and finally, the fourth stage will give you more information about delivery and the follow up processes . The many steps included in this strategy may seem overwhelming in the beginning, but if you allow yourself time to assimilate the information and exercise specific elements of the general process, I am confident that you will start seeing the results you want. Some of the recommendations are general and have already been covered in the course. Others are more specific and will be detailed in this section. Let's start, shall we? 18. Lecture 18. Stage I - The Attitude Toward Constructive Criticism Delivery: to achieve the proper attitude toe assertively, deliver criticism. One must first of all get comfortable to the idea that criticism is a normal part of life. We've discussed previously the importance off overcoming blockers that do not allow us to express our opinions and especially constructive feedback. The sooner you will renounce the idea that effective communication is made only off nice things, the sooner you will start to focus on feedback that matters not on feedback. That Onley sounds good. This is the first step in successful criticism delivery, knowing that it is okay to criticize as long as you follow the assertive principles. Constructive criticism delivery follows the general rules off assertively, giving your opinions remember to remain non aggressive, no passive and not manipulative. Deliver your message with confidence, trusted that your opinion matters and that it has the potential to make a change. Things that matter are to be said in full voice, not whispers. Own your message. Take responsibility for what you say and make sure that the arguments behind your criticism delivery as well as the content of your message hold water. You should be able to fully support your own opinions and recommendations, regardless off the external factors or contexts don't hope that it will go away or change on its own. Important matters need to be addressed in a time sensitive manner. Nothing will change if you do not take initiative and act. People may not know that they're not delivering the expected results. Your romantic partner may not know you would prefer things to happen differently in your relationship. If you do not speak up, then there is no way for them to know that you're not happy with the results. It is not their responsibility to guess, but the yours to address the issue. While change can still happen and the final result hasn't yet been compromised, be open toward other views. Our opinions are not the only perspectives that are valid in a certain situation. Others may hold answers and methods that are just as good, if not better. Be willing to listen and understand points of view that are different from yours. Learning and development opportunities may arise. Flexibility helps growth. Be aware of the fact that you are not the holder off absolute truth. Even in scientific context, opinions are valid only until additional relevant data comes up. If the new data challenges previously held views or beliefs and provides better evidence in support of a different perspective than the views and beliefs should reflect, the new findings do not intimidate the other person. Your delivery of criticism should not be something people fear. We've discussed it the aggressive style of communication and behaviour. If you want great results to happen and healthy relationships to develop, then you should definitely stay away from messages and actions that make you come out as a bully or abuse. Er respect the person even if you hate their behavior. Remember, constructive feedback is all about empowerment, development, support, authenticity and respecting the other person's needs. Opinions and emotional responses. They may do things that do not make you happy, or that are the worst ways of doing things that you've ever seen but do not incorporate that into the image you have about the other person. A person is more than what they do at a certain point. See the big picture be empathetic, even though you are not responsible for the other ones, emotional responses and decisions. It doesn't mean that you cannot put yourself in the other one's shoes and try to imagine how the constructive criticism deliver experience that you create can be for them, be considerate and trying to make this experience the best you possibly can. You are not responsible for the other one's reactions. Always remember that you are only responsible for what you say or do not for how the other person reacts. Don't let things slide, although you shouldn't necessarily offer feedback on each occasion, you should take the opportunity and give your opinion when the situation with make it rather impossible for feedback requests to happen. So do offer criticism even when no one asked for it. If the purpose is to raise awareness and react against inappropriate comments, for example, such as racist, tasteless jokes or abusive behavior toward someone else don't emote. The goal is to give helpful information, not let off steam. At times, your emotional reaction can be the actual feedback, but in order to make it helpful, explicit expression of opinion is required. Keep in mind that sometimes awareness regarding a certain result or context is sufficient to initiate or create change. Maybe people did not know they were not delivering the expected result. Maybe they are good at what they do, but they're delivery lacks salt and pepper. Be a reliable critic if you want to your opinion to count than aim at being a reliable source and example. If you keep criticizing someone's work but have no personal experience in that field or segment of activity, or if you constantly make remarks about trivial things but otherwise failed to see the significant floors or points of potential improvement than your image of valuable commentator may suffer, make sure you can provide strong arguments for the critical messages that you send into the social environment. Reminder. Even if you can improve someone skills or make a relationship better by providing carefully crafted criticism, it does not mean that it will happen. If the situation success potential doesn't rest exclusively on you, then there is no guarantee that there will be any modifications brought to the existing process. You cannot control what others do. You may not hold similar goals or motivations. Therefore, things may not get the makeover you wish for even if it were possible, decide for yourself what you would like to do in this situation. Maybe you can find another partner or carry out to the project on your own. Don't hold it against the other person simply because you want to different things in life . We all have the right to make the decisions we consider best for our own or life, or even not welcome positive change into our lives. Respect his views and decisions. They are not yours to make, even if you can. It doesn't mean you have to or should. Deliver criticism, choose your goals and assess outcome and its significance. You need to use your energy to deal with things that have meaning for you. Don't dilute your impact by simply engaging in too many personal or professional contexts that you think could go better. Prioritize. Respected the assertive values and rights. Becoming more assertive in general will most likely help you automate eyes, effective behaviors and communication strategies more easily, making sure that the underlying mindset is a predominantly assertive on can subsequently trigger extensive results across all aspects of your personal and professional life. In the next lecture, we will discuss the main elements that will help you plan and formulate your critical message 19. Lecture 19. Stage II - Planning and Formulating the Critical Message: planning and formulating your message. This is where most of your energy and efforts will go when preparing your constructive criticism delivery. This stage of the strategy holds a big part of the impact your message may have on the other person or on a situation or gold. So let's see how you can best prepare to deliver constructive criticism. Rehearse your message. It is okay to make notes and rehearse your delivery. It will increase your confidence and make you feel more comfortable in the real situation. When you have to directly convey your message to the other person, make sure your message is clear. Do not use complicated phrases that make it difficult for the other person to follow your main point. Keeping things short and sweet can be your best strategy here. When in doubt, use a simple formulation. Saying clear life in this office may be difficult for some of our employees, and some may struggle more than others to deliver the best results, especially when they're new around here. However, we here at my company Incorporated want to make sure that we deliver the best solutions to our clients and we cannot allow mistakes to happen even when new employees are involved. Some of our reports aren't so good. They lack a certain structure. Significant data is difficult to spot. And I saw these things in the report you created it said Iraq. It said the rock, etcetera. As you can see upon closer examination, the overall criticism included in this lengthy message is constructive criticism. There is no personal attack, no aggressive attitude. Specific issues with the reports are being brought to attention, but it takes forever to deliver the message and not all that is relevant. How would you feel about the version such as Clear? I know you are new with us. You are doing a great job. But I noticed several things that can be improved in the reports you create. They need better structure, and we need to highlight the most significant data. I think the second message is clearer and with allow clear toe quickly, understand what needs to be done. Focus on the behavior, not the reasons or person behind it. Don't try to discover why a person does the things they do. This is not for you to investigate. That's for them to figure out if they choose to do so. Therefore, don't say Becky, I noticed you are always late 14 meetings. I'm thinking that maybe you're not a morning person. Do something about it. Instead, you could say, Becky, I noticed you are always late 14 meetings, especially they take place in the morning. I would like us to start all of our meetings with full participation from our team members at the time we agreed upon. Thank you. Also, if the behavior is similar, then your feedback regarding it should be similar as well, regardless of the person is playing it when delivering constructive criticism. You don't sugar coat, but you don't deliberately use formulations that may hurt the other person. Either stick to what has to be said. Adults should be able to handle justified criticism without it having to be wrapped uncomfortable words again. It is not about being nice, but considerate. Don't apologize for giving your opinion. You have the right to express your opinions openly. When you assertively deliver criticism, you are only exercising this right. No need to apologize. At the same time, justification is not always necessary either. You don't necessarily have to explain to Becky why you would want all the participants to be on time for a meeting or how her tardiness effects of the team. You can just say, Becky, I would like for you to arrive at the team meetings at the time we agreed upon. Thank you and that's it. Message delivered. So consider each situation and decide whether justification is a necessary part of your message or whether the message remains relevant without it. Frame the issue. This method is used to clarify the segment of activity or interaction. The which your criticism is referring to, say, where the issue stops, place a boundary around the problem and let the other one no, that your criticism is only taking a part of behavior into consideration and that you're not rejecting them entirely as individuals. Robert, I would like to talk to you about your last project. Sounds better and less scary than Robert. I'd like to talk to you about you working with us or Robert. I'd like to talk to you about your presentation skills. Sounds better than Robert. I'd like to talk to you about your communications skills. Also, let's talk about climate change sounds more manageable than let's talk about global warming . This method is especially useful when what you say might be interpreted as threatening mentioned frequency. Say whether something is recurring behavior or a one time behavior. If the behavior is an exception, a one time thing and not a habit, tell the other person why it is important to address the issue and make sure repetition will not turn it into a habit. Be precise. We've discussed this briefly in the segment about justified criticism. Criteria being precise means to be specific and offer enough relevant details to support your observations and conclusions. When your specific you also raise your credibility level. Since this can show to the person you're talking to, that you know what you're talking about. You can analyze an issue in detail and explain what can be improved. And when you know a subject, you are able to offer specific feedback because you are trained to pay attention, assess and react to certain things related to that subject. This will make people trust you and their relationship with you really improve. Keep in mind that there is a direct link between specific observation, specific issue that's being addressed and the specific expected improvement. This is linked to the previous steep, but accentuates the idea that in order to get the specific results, you need to keep a trail off subject related specific details throughout your process. Off constructive criticism delivery don't jump from precise observations to vaguely framed issues and expect specific results. Let's say you observed Dan uses a phone size that's too small for your slide presentations . Then you tell him you want to talk to him about his slide design skills and that some improvements are needed. You ask him to pay closer attention to the details and make it easier for viewers to follow the slides, then now uses more powerful color contrasts that are, he did improve the slides does not how you needed them to be improved. So be specific whenever you have the chance. Don't make things up. Don't create connections to other situations that are not the relevant for the prison context. Don't say then. There are some issues with your design skills, their heart to follow, and the fact that you're late for team meetings doesn't help either. There is obviously no connection between the two issues. If you need to address both of them, then make specific messages for each of them and address them separately, each with their own supporting facts and observations and specific expected results. Also, maybe it's entirely not relevant that Dan's late 40 meetings if let's say he does not have a significant role there and would be able to fulfill his tasks even if he doesn't attempt the meetings at all include reference. Three Emotions on Lee, if relevant to outcome, don't play the victim game. Express the emotional implications of the undesirable results on Lee. If they play a part in that specific result. Mary, you only sell them. Share with me the results of your department. And since I'm the general manager, this upset me. A sad the general manager has nothing to do with helpful feedback when it comes to communication between a company's departments or your article structure. On the other hand, Mary, you Onley share the results of your department minutes before I need to make an official statement, and this makes me anxious, since I have no idea what I'll be talking about and I cannot prepare properly is a structure in which the emotional reaction is relevant to the outcome. A general manager who doesn't have all the data may come off as unprofessional week. Unreliable, disconnected from his company, etcetera. He is justified to feel anxiety, and his anxiety will show in the public appearance. So the issue needs to be addressed. Give information, not advice. Stick to expressing what you observed and how they expected. The results should look like eventually what tools are available to achieve that result, but refrained from making recommendations on how the results should be achieved. People have the right to decide to act and change the end, satisfactory results or situations or not. And if they choose to make any changes, they need to be allowed to find out how the change can be triggered if they choose not to change their way of doing things than they may face objective consequences, especially in professional contexts. But that again, is up to them. We are not to give advice or make recommendations if the other person does not ask us to. But we can evaluate future results and make our own decisions. According to the newly observed behaviors include some positive feedback as well. People may be more open to receiving criticism if they are presented with some sort of positive, relevant feedback in the beginning off the message, it shows that you're not hunting mistakes and that you do observe the things that they do well and the results that are exactly or above what one expected. Some trainers recommend to do this all the time, but I say it is just the choice you can make in certain contexts. Watch the ratio now. You don't really have to keep in matching the exact score. But in your personal and professional interactions, make sure that you deliver both positive and negative feedback and that the negative one is not your predominant way to communicate with others. Use I statements in assertive communication. I statements ensure most of the non aggressive, non passive character of your message. When you use I statements, you convey information about your own thoughts, opinions and emotions, and show that you take full responsibility for them. This differentiates them from you statements that convey information about the person receiving the message and are rather associate ID with assigning blame or responsibility. I statements are assertive forms of your message while you statements are rather aggressive forms Let's say a work colleague is always calling you at late hours to constructively address this issue. You can say Donna, I would prefer to discuss this matters between six and nine PM, if possible, unless there is something urgent that we need to address. Thank you. This is an I statement. It conveys your message about your preference regarding the time of the day when you are available for phone calls off this type. A new statement would have been something like, Don't not you chose a really bad time to call. Could you just call me like normal people before nine PM? I suppose it is rather easy to detect the aggressiveness in this message, and we definitely want to avoid that in criticism delivery. It might take you some time to learn how to properly formulate I statements and feel comfortable using them. But practice and careful analysis will help you master them. Use supporting facts. Always back up your critical messages with objective data. Write down what you observed. You specific documents, obtain opinions from others if you want to constructively criticise the work of someone in your company's customer service department, use specific feedback from clients. For example, don't just say, Joe, we received a lot of complaints regarding your work with our clients. It helps you to be specific as well. Observe and gather facts in order to use supporting facts. You obviously have to gather them. So depending on the activity, have a plan on how to collect the relevant data, how to store it and how to retrieve it should the situation arise. Provide examples. Explain why improvement is necessary by also providing examples and even case studies by illustrating processes that worked before. You can motivate other people to desire similar results. All feedback you offer criticism included. Needs to be legitimate and relevant to both me and subject and goals. Don't deliver criticism for the sake of criticism. Delivery emphasised the benefits off the specific change needed to achieve a specific goal . If we wake up earlier and get to the gym Donna, we will have enough time to do the full cardio workout. Focus on the positive outcome when you keep your eyes on the price of to speak. Rather than dwelling on previous less than great results, you actually activate a powerful motivator. The positive outcome is a challenge to be better, while previous negative results with actors, threats, blockages and anxiety generators tell yourself and others what if next time we'll make it rather than what If next time we'll do even worse, communicate your expectations. Others shouldn't have to guess what you expect from them. Nor should you expect better results from yourself. If you don't really know what the better result actually means, make sure you're expected. Results are measurable, not subjective. You should be able to tell change took place and that whatever you were expecting happened again. Provide examples. Used images, the results from other projects. Examples of people who did the exact same thing, etcetera. Don't talk down to people and don't treat them as Children. As I mentioned earlier in the course, constructive criticism is not about exercising your authority. So do not get the wrong impression that the person who provides the critical message is situated higher on an imaginary social scale. Maintain on horizontal equality based view. These aren't just the roles in specific communication segments, not social or professional. Iraqi focus on how not why it happened to improve a process. We need to pay attention to the steps leading up toe each intermediary step until the results been reached, satisfactory or not. Also, we need to pay attention to observable behaviours. Another reason behind them, just like we've seen earlier. Make sure you convey your entire message. Don't let others interrupt you while you deliver the critical message. And don't let yourself distracted by external factors and ensure that the entire message has been conveyed to the other person. And with something positive. Some trainers recommend what it's called the sandwich method. Say something positive in the beginning, then deliver the critical or negative message and end with another positive element. I am not necessarily a fan of this communication with sandwich, in the sense that I do not consider it a must or the best way to deliver criticism. In a sense, it sounds to me like sugar coating, and I do not recommend that however, you can decide for yourself whether to use this method or not. But I do recommend ending your message with something on the positive side. Such a stating the expected improve result or its benefits address one issue or subject at a time. I've mentioned this a bit earlier as well, but this recommendation deserves a place of its own in the strategy. Make sure you separate critical messages by main issue and expected results. Do not create bundles off complaints and throw them at someone. Also, if results are dependent on linked skills or behaviours, it is recommended that you wait and see the results regarding one goal before you jump in and said the next one that is dependent on the first. This strategy is more likely to trigger the desired outcome. Use the person's name when possible and appropriate. It helps establish a personal connection and may even reinforce the understanding that your intentions are positive. Obviously, if the message that follows the name use is not positive or empathetic, it can backfire and have the opposite results. You're really not good that this gym doesn't actually help your cause. But Jim, I took a closer look at your latest project and noticed a few things. I think we can make it even better, sounds different and may make a gym interested in what you have to say agree on a goal. When it comes to external criticism, there is no point in setting and expecting a result from someone. If that's something only you desire, make sure that you and the other person or persons agree on what the final goal is and what the expected result looks like. If you want and work toward achieving different things, then that will not to be the result of the social relationship and collaboration, but individual results. They can be great nonetheless, but there was no point in engaging both individuals in the process. You can work together for each of the gold if set separately, even if you don't hold the same level of significance for each of them. But agreement is necessary. Think before you speak. This is a general rule in communication. For most of your effective messages, you may need to activate an internal filter that won't let you just blurt out thoughts as they come, but stop them enough to be refined and turned into valuable and relevant verbal contributions. Carefully planned the context in which you will provide constructive criticism talk one on one. This version is preferable to public discussions about issues that only apply to individuals, not groups. Make sure you do not embarrass the other person and that you are physically safe. Timing is important. Do not deliver criticism in moments in which the other one is unlikely to be open to receive the critical message. Don't have these conversations when the other person is stressed having an emotional outburst when they're distracted, too rushed or otherwise unable to pay attention to what you're saying. Criticism delivery is rather time sensitive. Usually it is better to deliver criticism at the short time after the observed behaviour occurred, both you and the other person will have most details fresh on your mind and will be more likely to understand the necessity off addressing the issue. If you let too much time passed, you may send mixed signals in a way. If you could wait all that time, then you can basically live with it. So the matter doesn't seem to be pressing or significant. Therefore, people will most likely ignore or dismiss feedback that comes too late, since it partially lost its relevance. This happened last month. Why are you telling me just now? Don't make it abrupt, don't say. After someone just finished speaking, for example, it sucked. Here's why. Also pay attention to the medium through which you'll provide criticism. Most of the times face to face interaction is the best choice. But at other times, depending on your goal type of relationship, availability, phone or email will do or will have to do. These forms of delivery should comply with this sort of principles as well. Just because you can insert an emoji or a GIF in your email, it doesn't mean that you should. If it effects the structure and impact of your critical message. Context itself can be formal or informal. Reminders discussions, email, memo, official meetings They can alter now to be great choices for criticism. Delivery. If you follow the general guidelines off assertively, communicating your message is critical or not. As the last step in this segment off the assertive strategy, I will mention the importance to adopt your message and methods to each specific situation and consider whether there are better options when it comes to preparing your final critical content. How can I say this better? When can I talk to this person to make sure there is enough time to implement in your strategies and sea change happen? Ask yourself. What else is there for you to do to refine your message. In the next lecture, you will learn how to analyze your message and make sure you offer the kind of helpful feedback that you intend on giving. 20. Lecture 20. Stage III - Analyzing the Critical Message: before delivering the critical message to the other person or group. Take your time to analyze the actual content off your message, the actual words underlying believes, principles and values and the goal it is supposed to serve. We will now assume that at this stage you know exactly what it is that you would like to criticize, and you already have a fare structure off the message you are going to deliver. Make sure that your message is indeed constructive criticism by assessing it against the domain characteristics we've mentioned before, once again very far. Your motivation for criticism delivery Does it refer to something observable, measurable and, most of all, something that can be improved? Is it specific enough? Also check whether it includes any reference to fixed rates of a person or, if it attacks school person is rather than what the person did. If this is the case, the reconsider your message and modify it accordingly. Or if this is the very foundation of your criticism, scrape it all together. Verify whether there is a bias hidden in your assessment off what a mistake is or what should be done here you should know, is your message according to the type of unsatisfactory results that you're criticising. Is there on Onley Correct answer or is your expected result a preference of being things? Make sure your message mentions this. If there are more waste, whichever result and you just want to convey a preference regarding the methods or quality of the result, then do not treat the previous outcome as failure or mistake. It's just a different approach, and the resources involved in activating change are different from the situation in which the person really did not know a way, any way to get a valid result. There are many ways to approach a task. Emotions should not dictate your critical message. If the main reason why you're about to deliver criticism is an emotional one, then take some extra time to analyze your own emotional reactions and how they relate to the way you perceive the world around you. Social interactions included. If your main motivator for criticism delivery is that the results of someone's actions upset you or make you feel angry, then perhaps emotional management is the first step to take before reconsidering the content and necessity off criticism, make sure you have an understand all the relevant data related to the content of your critical message. Remember, you want to be a reliable critic, so you should only criticise things you understand and have experience with. Pay attention to your own cognitive biases. Your attitude toward the certain result can be significantly altered by cognitive patterns that do not necessarily follow a logical path in achieving conclusions that constitute the premise off your critical message. We call this thinking errors that we all have but can manage cognitive distortions or cognitive biases. Two of the previous points presented in this lecture reference such vices shoot statements or the false belief that the world and persons need to be in a certain way. The other one referred to emotional reasoning or the way our emotions may trigger false conclusions about persons and contexts. The management off cognitive biases is in itself a complex subject of personal development , and it does not make the object of discourse. But just knowing that this is an important factor that can affect the cognitive, emotional and behavioral aspect of one's life in general and communication and social interactions in particular, should be a good reason to start making additional goals to expand your personal development goals with more elements in the fields, off assertiveness and critical thinking. Take your time and create the best constructive feedback you can. Don't hurry the assessment phase. Allow yourself time together data and build a good critical message that follows the main assertive principles. Don't overthink it, though. The process itself will get better with practice. But each time we have the opportunity to exercise this skill, trying to do your best and address the main steps off constructive criticism delivery. When you feel ready, you can communicate your message to the other person, and this will be the subject off the next lecture. See you there. 21. Lecture 21. Stage IV - Delivery & Follow-Up: In this lecture, I will address the final stage of the assertive strategy for constructive criticism delivery. It includes recommendations regarding the actual communication off the critical message and the follow up phase. So you are now ready to convey your critical message. Your attitude ensures the supportive, empowering aspect of your initiative. The messages just defined and formulated in a way that complies with the main assertive values and principles and the context is just right. You now find yourself face to face with the person or group that will receive the constructive feedback. Breathe seriously. The first thing you need to do is relax. Let go off any related or unrelated tensions and prepare yourself to focus and assign all the necessary resources to the criticism delivery moment. Use a calm, balanced tone of voice and make sure your self confidence shows. Don't let it slip into our against, though, but convey that you believe what you say that you yourself should. You find yourself in a similar situation, would have paid attention and acted on the feedback you are about to deliver. Apologetic attitudes would weaken your delivery so focused on your voice and also on your body language to come through as confident as the context requires and permits. Since I mentioned body language, I will also make here the recommendation to complete your message delivery with proper nonverbal elements that support your message. What we say is just as important as how we say it. Therefore, nonverbal elements of communication should also convey a non passive nonaggressive, non manipulative attitude in order to be a significant part off constructive criticism. Delivery gestures and movements should be relaxed and natural. And don't forget to maintain eye contact but make it in such a way that it does not come through as confrontational. Do not let yourself manipulated or interrupted. Like I mentioned earlier in the course. Make sure you convey your entire message. Focus on what you have to convey and address all the significant elements. If your message is either dismissed or ignored, repeat your message. In assertive communication contexts, we call this technique the broken record. You can use this method in those situations where your message seems to be either ignored or denied by the other person. The broken record is all about being persistent, just like a music record that once scratched may get stuck at a certain point and would go on and on repeating the same part of the song. You can repeat the significant part of your message. You do not have to repeat the exact same phrase over and over again. All you need to do is to make sure that you repeat the court the significant portion off what you want to convey, and you can modify the rest. Remember to say what you want to say as many times as needed, but do not become furious and do not raise your voice. Listen to the other person's response. Keep in mind that effective communication is dependent on both emitter and receiver. Check whether the other person heard and understood what you said. See whether they need more information and be willing to provide this additional data as long as it is specific to the content and goal off your criticism. Don't engage in related subjects but addressed the one at hand as comprehensively as possible. Listen to what the other person has to say. Communication in this context needs to be a dialogue. Get more insight and data, and you will be able to find better solutions as well. Analysed new results Once changes have been implemented and new results occurred partial or final, analyze them and reassess the situation. Don't repeat criticism endlessly and do not revive a topic once the results are good enough . Not perfect, but good enough. Follow up with feedback When things improve even slightly. Do let the other one no, you've noticed, acknowledged the improvement. Offer praise or compliments if you find it appropriate. This face offers a nice closure segment to the constructive feedback delivery and drives the focus toward the positive change and its impact. Celebrate the collaboration that made it happen. This concludes the constructive criticism Delivery strategy. Join me in the next lecture for conclusions and final recommendations. 22. Lecture 22. Conclusions and Final Recommendations: Hi. Thank you for watching the course till the end. I hope that now you have a more clear perspective on what constructive criticism is and that you feel more prepared to deliver this type of feedback in your personal and professional life. Don't let yourself overwhelmed by the many steps and connected the recommendations included in the course. I know it may seem a lot at this point, and you may even think that this whole assertive fit by thing is not for you. But I encourage you to allow yourself the time to assimilate and exercise the tips presented here. Start with one critical message that you would like to convey. Maybe not the one that bears the most significance in your life and try to analyze it from the perspective off the four stages included in the strategy. See what comes easy to you and what seems difficult or useless. Take a closer look at those aspect and fight your initial reaction Change comes with intentional effort and is not necessarily comfortable, especially in the early stages off new skill development. If you are not used to delivering criticism at all than the first contexts in which you will have to provide assertive negative feedback may seem more challenging and may require more intentional effort to complete the task. Give yourself time to build and activate the new communication. Skill automation comes with practice, and that will make things easier after a while. If you are not new to criticism, delivery, then gradually refine your message until the results you get through the assertive method are satisfactory. It was a pleasure for me to create and make this course available to you. It brings me joy that you decided to be the kind of person who positively motivates, supports and empowers others to become the best version off themselves, and that you are interested in activating one off the best method available to trigger that result. Assertive traits are already a part of us. All we need to do is activate them and enjoy the benefits they bear. Remember that the final goal off assertive criticism delivery is individual and social development. You can make a difference by providing helpful opinions that modify the environment around you and which in the end, have the potential to create a context in which both the individual and society thrive. I trust we can make that change happen. Thank you