Dealing With Difficult People In Life & Work - Powerful! | Prof. Paul Cline, Ed.D | Skillshare

Dealing With Difficult People In Life & Work - Powerful!

Prof. Paul Cline, Ed.D, Prof Paul - Business & Psychology Expert

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8 Lessons (1h 28m)
    • 1. Promo / Intro Video - Welcome to this class!

    • 2. Fundamentals of Dealing With Difficult People AND Ourselves

    • 3. Powerful Insights and Strategies

    • 4. Problem Solving Part 1! - Specific Techniques For Handling Difficult People

    • 5. Problem Solving Part 2! - Specific Techniques For Handling Difficult People

    • 6. Problem Solving Part 3! - Specific Techniques For Handling Difficult People

    • 7. Final TIPS and Recommendations!

    • 8. BONUS LECTURE! Learn How To Make Difficult Emotions PASS you by!


About This Class

Exclusive Basic & Advanced Strategies For Dealing With Difficult People - Truly Unique!

We all have to interact with a variety of people in our everyday lives, and some of those people might be downright difficult to deal with.

Unfortunately, we can’t always get away from those difficult people, so we have to figure out how to manage our relationships in positive ways. This is where a lot of people get stuck, and that’s why this course can be particularly helpful.

Whether your challenging relationships exist at home, at school, at work, or anywhere in between, this course will assist you in improving your interactions with the people you may not always get along with.

Improve Your Relationships with Challenging Individuals

This course is taught by a master therapist, who will share key strategies and skills that you can use to cope with challenging people. And this is important because, once your relationships improve, other aspects of your life could also improve.

You’ll tackle how to control your own emotions while approaching a situation from a place of power and strength. Plus, you’ll even discover how to deal with conflict in a more constructive way so you don’t end up stressed and aggravated.

The best part is that anyone can apply the tactics offered throughout this course to their everyday life.

Course Content

After a brief introduction, you’ll dive right into the ways in which you can begin dealing with difficult people, and how you can change the way that you perceive various situations.

You’ll learn how to change your reactions and mindset for the better so that you can interact with others in a more peaceful and balanced manner.

By comprehending your own flaws, and the ways in which you react negatively to a situation, you can begin to deal with other people in a more positive way as well, even when they’re approaching you with anger.

As you move through the course, you’ll also cover specific techniques, such as how to set boundaries and how to build healthy relationships, that you can use to enhance your daily interactions with others.

By the time you finish this course, you’ll understand why difficult people are the way they are, and you’ll know how to stop them before they take their toll on your mental and emotional well-being.


1. Promo / Intro Video - Welcome to this class!: Hi, everybody. Professor Paul here. And welcome to my brand new course on dealing with difficult people in life and work. The first thing I want to tell you is this is not your typical difficult people training. You will not get this set of skills anywhere else. You are about to discover one fast and effective training that will give you a quick PhD and handling difficult people. Two, you're gonna learn why difficult people are so difficult and how to come out on top three. You're gonna learn the secrets that they're pish use to handle even the most difficult people like mental patients. Four. Gain greater emotional control in these difficult situations. Five. Learn how to deal with specific types of difficult people. Six. I want you to be able to gain control in any situation. Seven. Learn actual application. Most courses only teach theories. You need to know what to do when you're actually standing in front of a difficult person in eight because they say the business and much, much more. There's so much of this training, I can't possibly fit it in this one little slide. Let me ask you a question. How could you effectively deal with difficult people when you were never trained to handle them. Correct Answer. You can't. Don't worry. We're gonna teach you specific tools, strategy and techniques so you can be highly effective. I want you to know that you can succeed. You just need the right skills. The purpose of this training is to help you excel and give you an unfair advantage in life by gaining skills that virtually nobody has. So who am I? And how can I help? Minus Professor Paul and I've been on a mission for the last 35 plus years to help people excel in business and in life. As you can see, I'm an award winning celebrity educator, coach, therapist and, of course, CEO. Advanced ideas. You can see me here, pictured with Kevin Harrington from Shark Tank. Dustin Matthews, CEO of speaking empire. They train speakers nationally in internationally. Here's me with Robert Allen from nothing down real estate and multiple streams of income, he said over 25 selling books across the country. I'm regularly seen on podcasts like published regularly, and I'm uses a consultant by multiple news channels. I want you to know that I have the exact same goal that you dio, and that's to help you grow and to remove the barriers that have held you back from having a life second and none. If you follow and practice what I teach in this training, it will be yours. Imagine being in control in any difficult situation. How awesome would that be? Imagine being able to deal with difficult people better than anyone. You know, these tools are specifically designed to transform your life. I don't want small changes in people. I want major transformation in literally how they see the world. Now. Within this training, be sure to take great notes. These air secret techniques shared by celebrity trainer Professor Paul and it has changed the lives of thousands of people. It can change your life. Don't miss it. Don't drop the gold on the floor. I believe that you deserve an amazing life. My goal. My only goal is to help you along that path. Here's a great quote for you. I don't wish other people would get better. Wish you had more skill. How are you going to defeat difficult people by being more skilful than they are? I'm a martial arts trainer. I can tell you the person with the most skill wins 100% of the time. My trainings are literally designed to transform lives with over 65,000 students. This year alone, they can't be Iraq. If you take this course, it will transform your life. Here's what one of my students, Austin Armstrong, sets This course is amazing in its really help me develop a new mindset. Professor Paul is wonderful and provides a lot of insight and actionable advice. I highly recommend it to anyone trying to develop true master. Here's what Seop Kichi sets It was simple. Once I had the right tools, my success was guaranteed. Professor Paul made it easy for me. Let me ask you this, will you be our next success story? Let me ask you a question. What separates those who can handle difficult people from those who can't? It's very simple. It's a matter of skill, and in this training gonna have every skill required to deal with them effectively. This training was literally designed to train other therapists in the field with the most difficult people imaginable. Even people in lock down psychiatric facilities so get ready to transform your life. Let's get started. Nothing happens until first in action. So go ahead and sign up. Now, let me tell you, in this life, winners take action. What are you gonna dio? Go ahead and sign up Now I want to see you inside the winner circle. So go ahead and I'll see you inside the trade. 2. Fundamentals of Dealing With Difficult People AND Ourselves: Hi, everybody. And welcome to advanced ideas presentation of dealing with difficult people. Won't you please give a warm welcome to Professor Paul Klein? Hey, there I am with my buddy JJ on the left, I'm on the right with the face built for radio. If you can see from the background like to read a book or two, we want to give you the latest cutting edge skills. We want to literally transform your life by giving you the best skills available. Now here's a few of the goals for the training, these air not all the goals, but in broad strokes. Here's what we're gonna bring you today. One gaining awareness in an understanding of ourselves and why we get so angry at others to how to gain control of others by gaining control of ourselves. Three General tips for dealing with problem people and anger. Four. How to deal with specific types of problem people. And in the end, I wanted just to have a lot of fun with us. Now, the first concept you need to understand is that you don't get mad for the reason. Do you think so? Why do you get mad? I'm glad you asked. You get mad for three main reasons. First reason is number one resistance to reality number two negative self talk and three you care We're gonna go over these in this training in detail right now. Now, remember this quote. Your frustration will be an exact 1 to 1 proportion to your resistance to reality. What is it that's real in your life that's happening in your life that you're just not accepting In the big book of A A. There's a quote, it says, and acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. Acceptance is key. When you resist reality, it on Lee gets worse and creates frustration. So how do we stop resisting reality? Well, we start by gaining self control and letting go of misconceptions. Here's a great quote to remember by Jim Rome Don't wish that the other person would get better. I wish that you had more skill, Jim Rohn When the great corporate trainers out there when I was a therapist, I couldn't wish that my clients were going to get better. They were supposed to be sick. That was their job. My job was to help them get better How could I do that? I could, on Lee do it by adding more skills. As I became more skillful, they had less problems and I even had less problems with them. So write this down. Put this in your notes. Don't wish the other personally get better. Wish you had more skill And I'm proud of you because that's what you're actually doing today. You're gonna know more about how to deal with difficult people and had do with your own issues that 99.9% of the people out there in the world Now, here's something else you need to remember. All control starts with self control. Everyone seems to think that eliminating frustration is all about controlling the other person. It really starts with controlling yourself. You're the center. If I have self control, I can control myself. Nobody can upset me if I can't control myself than anybody can upset me. So have mastery. I have to decide if I'm gonna get upset. Everybody is going to invite you to get upset. But you don't toe take every invitation you get. So how do I control myself? You start by letting go of some of your crazy ideas. Here's a good list of them. One people should have the same values I beliefs that I dio. Well, maybe they should. But guess what? They don't to. People should do what I want them to do. My God, that would be lovely. And they're not going to do it. Three people shouldn't act in ways that upset me. That's probably true. And guess what? They're going to four people should care about the things that I care about. You're right. They probably should, and they don't. Five people shouldn't get in my way. They shouldn't. And guess what? They're going to six. People should always treat me with kindness and respect. Absolutely. They should. And they're not going to still more crazy ideas. People make me angry. Upset? Sad, etcetera. No. You make yourself angry, upset and sad over the things that people say to People should understand me. Yes, they should. And guess what? They don't. Three. I feel guilty when insert your neurosis here. Don't let other people make you feel guilty. Four people should be there for me when I need them. And guess what? They're not always gonna be there. Five inanimate objects are out to get me. You know how when you're driving down the road and your tire blows and you're late for a meeting and you kick the tire and you say Stupid tire, it's almost as if it knew that I had a meeting. No, absolutely not. Another crazy idea. Life should be fair. Life isn't fair. The only fair I've ever seen is the one in Tampa. It's great. You should come. They have a tractor pull, Ferris wheels, all kinds of great food and rides. That's about the only fair you ever going to see C. When you're a child from the age 0 to 18 people run around and try to make things fair. So people had this crazy idea that life should be fair. No, that's an illusion. We created your childhood and from 18 on, it's no longer true. Actually, it was never true. Correct. So how do we get rid of these ideas? Well, one dispute them. That's what I've been doing. I read you off the idea, and then I gave you the dispute to replace them. Was that me? Replace it with a better idea and three, let it go. Here's a great thought for you. If you don't control your mind, who does? You need to learn how to control your mind. It's a key life skill. I don't know why they don't teach this in middle school and high school. I love this quote by Plato. You might want to write this one down. The first and best victories to conquer self to be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile Plato, Remember, No one controls you unless you allow it. So how do I practice self control by practicing? Uh, don't worry. Life will give you lots of chances to practice. I want you to start seeing difficult people as your gift when they become difficult. They're giving you a chance to practice these new skills. You can't get really good at thes skills until you practice them, so these skills will work kind of like 50%. 60% 70% maybe 80% the first time you try him. But each time you use and look, it's stronger and stronger because you're gaining new understandings of how to use them. And you may even be creatively combining these different cutting edge tools into a new and more powerful formula and really making it your own. And you're also learning mentally that because I know I can deal with these challenges and I don't to live with them. I don't have to get too worried about them. So you're gonna have lots and lots of chances to practice. You're doing absolutely fantastic, and I'll see you in the next section. 3. Powerful Insights and Strategies: Okay. Welcome back. You're doing an absolutely amazing job Now here's some of the ways that we allow people to control us in the 1st 1 This is a big one is guilt. We've been taught to feel bad about ourselves from childhood. If we don't do things for others, this is how people controlled us. But it's also how we got our societal conscious So we don't end up this psychopath. So it's an important skill. But the secondary skill that you need is how to move past guilt, resentment. When others heard us, we carry the hurt for free. My question to you is why? Why let them rent space in your head again? The answer is, let it go Love. When does love become manipulation? My wife is really good at this, she says. Oh, honey, my shoulder hurts. Can you give me a back rub? And I say, OK, but let me finish my project. And she says, But honey, if you love me, that's the exact moment Love becomes manipulation. Ego. We are greatest strength and our greatest weakness. Sometimes they're Eagle gets a hold of us. We think people shouldn't be able to do this and shouldn't be able to do that to us. And the reality is we talked about this in the last section. They can and they will. Now A great way of letting go is an old Zen expression. It says People are always perfectly being themselves. They're probably not gonna change. I'm a therapist. You gotta pay me $300 an hour to sit down and have you change. Otherwise, it's not gonna happen in that only with the most motivated clients. And that might take me 16 to 20 sessions to create a dramatic change in who you are, so simply allow people to be themselves. Let it go. Here's another great technique. See angry people as hurt? Not bad. I remember when I first started doing drug and alcohol counseling, they said, Here's what I want you to dio picture the patient with a huge bandage on their head. Why, that way you'll see them is hurt and sick. They're not bad people getting good. There's sick people getting well, and when they curse you out and write your name on the bathroom wall and they do all these nasty things to you when they resist your treatment when they cause you all kinds of problems realize that's why they're here. They're sick. You work in a hospital. What kind of people live in a hospital? Sick people. That's right. Exclusively. At matter of fact, when they stopped doing these behaviors, they're too damn healthy and you have to discharge them. So always see other people that are difficult as sick. Not bad as hurt. Not bad. It'll help you have a lot more compassion with them and be a lot more gentle on yourself. I also know that people are sometimes going through a difficult time. You don't know what's happening in the other person's life. They could have a divorce or some kind of really deeply emotional break up. They could be going through a layoff or unemployment. They could have had somebody very close to them die. Maybe their mother died. Maybe their wife died. Maybe it happened under horrible circumstances. I had one addict. He backed over his child in the driveway. That was not a good day. That was a major trauma for him, his family, everybody around him. Mental illness can be another issue. What percentage of people in the population do you think are mentally ill? It's actually 25% at any given time. And as a matter of fact, I think it's 51.6% of people lifetime will have a major mental health disorder. That means if you're healthy, mentally healthy, you don't have a mental health disorder between now. When you die, you actually have normal. You're in the minority now. It could be a sick child or parent that they're dealing with at home. Alzheimer rates air Huge Kids get sick all the time. Could be a new baby. Maybe then they're not even sick. Babies are amazing. They sleep 16 hours a day, but they like to do it in about 20 minutes to 40 minute increments and the rest of time they're up. They're crying. They're moving around and they need attention. They could have an injury that you don't know about. They could have a horrible back pain, shoulder pain. They could be having migraines. There's all kinds of things that could be going on. They could have cancer. You don't know. There could be a 1,000,000 other things that are going on, so please try to have a little bit compassion for why they act the way they act. There's always a reason people don't do anything for quote unquote, no reason. And I love this quote by Longfellow. If you're taking notes, please write this one down and go ahead and capture a screenshot. If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in their lives sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility. I mean, there's another quote like this. It says, Be kind, everybody you meet. They've just returned from a hard battle. What's that battle? It's called life. It's rough out there. People don't have it easy in a lot of people. I don't know what your background is, but for most people, other people have had it even worse. So quick. Reality check. People are not going to change because you want them to or because they should change. That is never ever gonna happen. Snap out of it. Now, our control over our motions with the great ways to control your emotions is to change your explanatory style and our responses. I'm gonna teach you what an explanatory style is. Explanatory style means literally the way in which we explain things to ourselves, you're having a rough day. Notice how I describe it to myself, How explain it to myself. It was a rough day. If I say how was your day and you say, Well, just another day in the battlefield. You mean every day you goto work and it's like going to war. That's a horrible way to describe it. Why don't you say, had a rough day where I had a tough day or things were great, but they could be better change the way you explain things to yourself. I told you all the different problems people could be having in their lives, because that's a better way to explain who they are, so you can treat them with more compassion. It's not there a god awful person. They have cancer. See how quickly that changes how you view the person. It's not their grouchy all the time. It's that they had a new baby. It's not that they're meaner, cruel person. You just don't understand there a year and 1/2 into this nasty divorce, and they're not happy with anybody, including themselves. So change the way that you explain things to yourself. now, this is very important. I want you to know that it is impossible to be disrespected. Why? Because respect is internal, not external. You either respect yourself or you don't. If you only respect yourself on the days that other people respect you, you're gonna have some Really bad days is a matter of fact. See the picture of the guy yelling at the other guy here. Can you spot the jerk in the picture? Yeah, everybody else can. So when somebody disrespects you in public, everybody knows who was being a jerk. And everybody also knows who was being common. Who was being cool about it. They respect. The guy was being cool about it. They disrespect the jerk. Isn't that true? Also remember, your respect is internal, not external. You can call me anything you want. You could say I'm a bluebird. It doesn't turn me into a bluebird. Nothing you say will ever impact who and what I actually am. It's words when somebody disrespected me. You know what I hear? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's it. Because their words have no meaning, no impact. In reality, it's simply an invitation for me to get upset and I don't accept every invitation I get now . Can you spot the jerk in this picture? No, because they're both going back and forth. Look at the previous picture when somebody's being a jerk to you. But you're being cool. Everybody can spot the jerk. They know what's going on. The minute you engage and you start giving is good as you get, then nobody can figure out who's the jerk. It's a matter of fact if you look at this and I said, Who is the jerk? You probably say what both of them. So I think it's key to have compassion because we also have bad days. You know, somebody else out there is probably taking this course in thinking about you. Uh, you know, my wife's probably out there right now, taking this course saying, How do I do with my difficult husband? OK, because we're not always that lovable. We have bad days, you know. Things happen to us, so to be compassionate, the other person means we get compassion back. So I always like to give what I want to receive now, one of the strange reasons why you have so much anger and have so much frustration is because you care. Now we think of caring is a very kind, loving thing, and it is. But sometimes the ability not to care is amazingly free. And I put this bumper sticker up here. It says I feel so much better since I gave up Hope actually had a girlfriend named Hope and she caused me a lot of problems, and eventually we broke up and I got this bumper sticker and I slapped it on my car. But it's also true of life when you give up hope when you stop caring, thes air, things that air binding you making you cling the situations and making them painful for you . How do you solve it? You simply let go. Stop caring, Give up hope now. Interesting psychological fact, most of our quote unquote reasons for getting mad or actual excuses. We lack self control and we blame the other person for our weaknesses. Why is it that when somebody says this, you have to instantly get mad? The challenge is that people say nasty things to you. The challenges is that you don't know how to deal with it when people say nasty things to you. Isn't that another way to look at it? I'm a martial artist. I was taught mental control from day one. So I know when people say things, that's just their point of view. That's just them acting out their drama. I don't have to get involved. I never let anybody decide how I'm gonna feel. Why? Because I have control myself. That's what the martial arts is. First thing you do is you learn how to control yourself, and then you can control anybody else so taking responsibility. And I love this little caption here. Hope you do too. Uh, learn to ask yourself, how are you attracting this behavior? What is it that makes me kind of this poopy magnet where all this stuff comes and lands on me? Why do these things tend to keep happening to me? I might be attracting in some way. Maybe I'm being too nice. Maybe I'm doing little irritating or sarcastic behaviors and I don't know. And then people coming back at me somehow I might be attracting this behavior. If I can figure out how I'm attracting it and then stop doing that Wow. Ah, lot of these challenging situations, these difficult people are going to start going away. How am I causing this behavior? Maybe I interact with people in such a way that it causes them to want to come back at me. If I can figure out how I'm doing that and stop doing it. Problem solved. Third thing, I'm not attracting it. I'm not causing it. It is totally the other person. Now I've gotta work with a piece that I can control and the piece that I can control. When the situation is just a zai described. It's how my allowing this behavior because if you allow the behavior continues, if you don't allow it, it typically stops. Those are the three ways that you could take personal responsibility for dealing with these challenges. It's amazingly effective. This will deal with almost like 70 to 80% of challenges before you even go through the rest of the techniques in the training. Now here's some ways that you can use to make sure that people like you better, so you never have these challenges in the first place. They always pick the most attractive targets to mess with. They wanna mess with somebody that looks like an easy target and somebody that's not very good to them. Look down through this list. If I'm being friendly, positive, I'm giving sincere compliments. I'm praising this person. I'm seeking ways that I can help them. I give them good, kind, loving attention. I share things with them. I listen to them well and I express liking for difficult people. This is literally a list of all the things that they never got in their life and is probably the primary reasons one through nine of exactly why they're so damned difficult. If you are like this to them and it's how you present to everybody, it's very unlikely that you'll become a target for difficult people. Why? Because they are starved for these things. OK, that's it for this section, and I'll see you in the next training 4. Problem Solving Part 1! - Specific Techniques For Handling Difficult People: Okay, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for problem solving specific techniques, Bring it on, Baby. I love that graphic. So let's get right to it now. The most important part of solving problems is a start with a great strategy. As you can see, the guy in the right didn't have a very good strategy. He brought a knife to a gunfight. Not a great start. He's not gonna have a great finish either. Let's start by looking at relationships now. This isn't a relationship. It's a disaster. When one person has too much control, everything falls apart. Here is the major challenge with relationships. People are actually in a negotiation and they don't realize it. So what you have to realize is that people are constantly negotiating their relationships. So every time you do something, you're literally setting precedence. Me and my wife, we used to back in the day, we used to go to Blockbuster and we would pick out a video and it was always an argument. Should we get this one? Should we get that one? Should we get the other one? Then? What we did is we negotiated it and we said, OK, one week I'll pick the next week, you get to pick, and then if you pick a bad movie, I get the pleasure of picking on you for it. If you pick a good movie than everybody's happy, if I pick a bad movie, then at least you get the pleasure picking on me for it. And if I pick a good movie, everybody is the pleasure of it. That's a good, solid negotiation. The other thing that we agreed to was don't get too nervous about what anybody picks. Here's why. We're gonna ultimately see every movie that's worth seeing. They're not making them quick enough, so you have to realize that you're in a negotiation. Otherwise, say you're dating someone and you go to the movies and you say to your girlfriend, Do you say to your boyfriend, What movie would you like to see? And they picked the movie and you say Great. Well, if you do that a couple of times, what you're doing is you're setting what's called precedence and now every time they're going to expect to be able to pick the movie, if they can't, they're gonna be hurt disappointed. They're gonna act it back out, You know, they're gonna retaliate in some way, shape or form. They'll be passive aggressive. We're not so passive aggressive, and whatever is not worked out will be acted out. So you're constantly, constantly in a negotiation. The worst thing you could possibly do is being negotiation and not realize it. Everything is a negotiation. So here's what you also have to realize. People do what works. So whether you reward something or punish something or accept something, your behavior is going to impact their future actions. So if you do something that I want you to dio and I reward you, you're more likely to repeat it. Psychology 101 says that if you want a person to repeat of behavior rewarded, think about it like dog training. If you give a dog a Scooby snack every time, he does the right thing to repeat it. If you punish him, you say bad dog. Every time he does something wrong, the dog will stop doing it. So we want to reward the behaviors that we want to increase. We want to punish the behaviors that we want to decrease, and we've got to be careful of what behaviors we simply accept, because now we're allowing these behaviors to go on. You can't have a behavior going on in your life that you don't accept. Stop everything you're doing. Say I don't accept this and go ahead and re negotiate, especially in your relationships, especially with your significant others. Good negotiations actually solve a lot of problems, too. Not sitting down, not renegotiating in one partner, both partners. Being in pain never works. Limit setting and boundaries. I love this quote by and Catherine. It's simply states boundaries and power us to determine how will be treated by others. So I wanted to find two different things. A boundary is an area like this brick wall that you can't go beyond. I like to think of it like driving down the road. You've got a white line and a breakdown lane that's like a limit setting. You can float within that breakdown. Lean as much as you want, but when you hit the guard rails, that's the point at which I won't let you go beyond. You've hit a boundary. So there's soft boundaries, basically, which are limits. You can play in this area but don't go past it. This is your warning area. You shouldn't even be in this area. But don't go past it. And if you come up against my ultimate boundary a solid boundary Bam, you really gonna hit against it? And then everything stops and we have to go over. And we have to have a discussion about this. You know, this is where I will no longer tolerate it. So there's limits and there's boundaries. Think of the limits as guidelines and the boundaries as true barriers. Literally a brick wall. If you set good limits and you set good boundaries, then people won't go past them. A lot of times we blame people because they come too far into our limits or they push past our boundaries. You have to take personal responsibility and say, How is it that they got past him? We let him. Now remember, we said relationships are one of the biggest problem areas. So the way that we get rid of most of the problems isn't by solving problems as they come up, but being proactive and make sure that we're following the basics of a healthy relationship so that we never have these issues now. If you allow people to be themselves, they won't push back. Therefore, you won't have any challenges. As long as you picked a good partner. This shouldn't be an issue. My wife and I have a great relationship. You know why I let her do whatever she wants to dio. She lets me do whatever I want to dio. I don't do anything that's wrong. She doesn't do anything that's wrong. But there's certain things that she likes to do that I might not be involved with. And there's certain things that I do that she might not be involved in, especially when it comes to work things. So I don't care if you don't help me with something, but at least don't get in my way. So we always respect each other and allow that person to be themselves. They can look at that and even deeper aspect and say allow people to be themselves. People are gonna want to do different things. My wife likes to talk on the phone a lot. I used to think that was a problem in that she was ignoring me. Then I realized I had more time to get work projects done. And if I did my work projects during that time, instead of wondering when she was gonna get off the phone, I wasn't watching the pot boil, and therefore I didn't have as many issues with it. I just let it go. Then when I get done with my project, I came back. She was just about done with her phone call. It seemed like it was just a couple of minutes, and then she was spending time with me. The problem wasn't that she was on the phone. The problem was that I hadn't set up the right procedure, and I wasn't allowing her to be herself. If I get frustrated cause she's on the phone X number of hours every day, I'm gonna be frustrate between now when I die, because she's not going to change that. If I allow it and I figure out a way around it, then I'm happy for life. She does other things like that for me. That brings us to point number two mutual respect. I don't cross her boundaries. She doesn't cross my boundaries. I love her. She loves me. I try to protect her and love her and worshipper, and she tries to do the same with me. That's mutual love and respect. Three is trust. I never worry about Burnett When she leaves the house, I know she's not gonna cheat on me. That's why I married her. Trust is always an issue within yourself. So if I have a fear that she's gonna cheat when she goes out of the house, that's a fear that I have. It has nothing to do with Bernadette. I have trust issues. Bernadette doesn't worry. When I leave the house, she knows I won't cheat on her. She has trust a time that she gets a little nervous. They're a little jealous. I remind her that has to do with you. We've been together about 25 years. No cheating yet. So quarter century pretty much tells you you can trust that person. Trust is a key issue. Think of the opposite of these things as well. You don't allow somebody to be themselves. You don't give them mutual respect. You don't trust them. What's gonna happen then? Your relationship will be destroyed. The 4th 1 I think this is the easiest one to build upon and to do on a daily basis is kindness and concern. Why are you in a relationship with this person If you don't love him? Care bottom. Want to do nice things for him? You don't worry about him. I showed my wife love and kindness and giving and concern. I do nice little things for her. All day long, we get into a competition. I try to be nicer to Bernadette than she is to me and burn. It tries to be nicer to me than I am to her, so it's a positive upward spiral. You want to create those positive spirals in your life of love and kindness and caring and concern. That's a positive relationship. Notice what happens when you do the opposite of that. I don't care as much about you. You don't care as much about me. Therefore, you care even less. Therefore, I care of and even less in this downward spiral into is pretty soon we're arguing. We're fighting and we're each blaming the other person. You've got to take charge. You can always start a positive spiral by doing positive things. Sometimes they're a little slow to catch on. You gotta do it two or three times until it becomes a habit. You know, sometimes you got to crank the pump more than a couple of times before the water comes out , so you have to prime the pump. Five. Helping each other but not enabling each other. I will help Bernadette with virtually anything, but I won't do things for her. What I mean by that is like Bernadette will do see use for her nurse's license, so I will help her with a couple of questions or all teacher. Where to find the answers. But I'm not gonna take the exam for Does that make sense? Helping, but not enabling? Six. Being responsible for your actions. Think of it this way. You get into an argument with your husband, your wife, your girlfriend or significant other friend. Could be anybody. You're in a relationship. It could be a parent. Could be brother, sister, child. No matter what happened, it's almost never 100% that person's fault. Say that person was a complete jerk, but you said something about it afterwards. So 90% their fault. 10% your fault. Here's what I want you to be responsible for your 10% say, Hey, I felt bad that we got an argument the other day. You know, you said blah, blah, blah, and I came back atyou. I probably shouldn't have said that, so I feel I felt bad about that. I just want to let you know that that's not letting them off the hook for what they did or what they said. But it's owning up your piece. And as you take responsibility for your piece and you see it accurately, you'll Onley take responsibility for that piece that separates you out emotionally so that you're not taking responsibility for the whole thing or even half when it's only 10%. And it shows the other person that even though you were Minute Lee at fault and they were majorly at fault, you took responsibility. It shows them that you were the bigger man or the bigger woman. They will nine times out of 10 either on the spot or within a day or two or within a few hours, come back and they will own their part. Why? Because you did a good job of role modeling this for them. So this is a wonderful system for how to have good, healthy relationships 5. Problem Solving Part 2! - Specific Techniques For Handling Difficult People: Here's another great set of techniques. This is how to be less of a target. So this isn't absolutely dyed in the wool. Stop them in their tracks technique. But it will work very, very well for making you a much smaller target having these challenges far less often remember, no systems 100%. So the first system is make a friend. I love this quote by Abe Lincoln. It says, Do I not destroy my enemies when I make friends of them? I remember there was this old lady. We called her the troll. Well, I thought she was only That's probably 35 of the time and she was probably 60. So she looked pretty old to May. Um, but she was just this nasty piece of work. She was always so negative about every single little thing that ever went on. She was manipulative. She was controlling. She was nasty. She went after people. She always had a harsh word for everybody, and I got stuck on the overnight shift with her. So instead of having a buffer of a dozen people walking around milling around in the psych unit, it was just me and her alone in a room by ourselves. And I said, Well, I've got to solve this because I can't do eight hour shifts three times a week with this woman between now when I die, not in this state of affairs. So what I did is I simply listen to her and tried to figure out how I could be friends with her. And I did that by intelligence gathering. I simply listen to things that were going on for her. I asked her question. They said, You know, what do you do for fun? What do you like to do? What's your life like? What do you do outside the hospital? I want to find out some personal things about her and she said, I don't really do anything. Yeah, but when you're not doing anything, uh, when you actually doing something, what do you actually dio? And she said, Well, I go line dancing Sometimes I said, You like line dancing? She said, Oh my God, I love it, you know, me and my husband, we go out and we have these groups and we have these line dancing lessons and we get together all our bodies and we listen to good music and it's really good exercise and we we make our own costumes and they're absolutely fantastic. And we got these great close to where, and we have different competitions and we get prizes. And then we all go out to eat after and we laugh and we have a few drinks and win or lose. We just have a great, great time. So the way I made friends with her was too attached to that. The next day, I would ask her, Hey, did you go out line dancing to have fun with your body's? Did you get a drink afterwards? Anybody tell you any good jokes at the bar? Did you make any new outfits? Did you practice any new moves? Do you have a competition coming up? And she's talking about these fun things that she likes to talk about, and she's looking at me and she's enjoying herself and thinking about positive things, and she's looking at me. Pretty soon she opposed, uh, she connected me and positive things that made our relationship very strong and very healthy, and she was never nasty to me. She was always good to me. She didn't change. She was still nasty to everybody else. But because we have become friends, she was good to me and nasty to everybody else. Manufacture was extra good to me. You know why? Because I was probably her only friend. Great technique. So I call this the Paul Poopy Theory. It's why two people poop on you for one reason and for one reason only. Because they can't. If they can't guess what they don't. My recommendation. Don't let people step on you remember, You get the things in your life that you attract and that you allow Don't allow people to ever be nasty to you. You stop them in their tracks, use the techniques that you've learned here you be assertive and you let him know that that's not okay with you. That's not gonna continue. And you shut him down. Now this is a great section and I love this section. It's how to deal with specific problem people. There's all kinds of different problem people out there, and I love to break it down and show you how to deal with each type because each problem requires a slightly different solution. There's some overlap. You'll see but we want to be his target as possible so we can be as effective as possible. So problem type number one. The people that love the wind bitch and complain. Do you know people that bitch whine and complain? Can you think about a buddy in that like that in your life? There's an old quote and I'll share it with you. It says any fool can wind bitch and complain and most fools do. Why are they whining, bitching, complaining. Well, it's right here in black and white for you because they're a fool, so understand that their full have a little bit of compassion. The person is actually too stupid not to wind bitching complaint. They actually confused wine bitching and complaining with taking an action. These are the same people that bitch about the government and then don't vote. They don't march. They don't make contributions. They don't do anything. They complain about the company, but they never take any action. They don't have a sit down meeting with the boss. They don't try to become management. They don't make any changes. They're really good at whining, bitching and complaining. So let's move on to the solution. Now the first solution is asked them. How do you go to solve the problem? You're going to get a look like you're seeing in the graphic. It is deer in the headlights look, because what you have to realize is their theory was whining, bitching and complaining was actually doing something. If you ask them what they're actually going to do to take an action, they don't even understand what you're asking. It blows their little minds. They don't have an answer for that. The only hand they only got as far is how the wind bitch and complain They never thought about actually solving it. So when he asked him how to solve it, they're gonna almost immediately stop talking about it because they no longer have what, anything to say. Here's the other solution. I call this the proximity rule. Walk away and avoid them in the future. They have to be near you to complain. Remember, it is a comedian. There's an old joke, and he said, Oh, I just realised you're annoying in my legs work and he started walking away. That was a solution that is actually the perfect solution. They had to be within shouting distance to complain, so I just walk away and I avoid him in the future. Very simple technique. Very effective. When I hear somebody wind bitching complaining, I hold a finger up and I say, Wait a minute, I just realized I had a meeting. Hold that thought and I'll get back to you later and I walk away. You can also just try ignoring them. I got a little joke here. It says this has worked for women's for thousands of years. Ignoring them means they'll stop talking Teoh. Typically, when you ignore somebody when they see they're not getting the attention, they don't repeat the behavior. Remember, we said that you get the behavior that you allow in that you reward your attention is a very subtle reward to people. People love attention, but they hate to be ignored. So if you pay attention to them, the wine bitching complaint and they'll do it more and more and more. If you ignore them, they'll do it less unless unless another problem type, bossy and aggressive people. Do you know anybody like this in your life? Here's some good solutions for him. The friend, um, just like we talked about before. Here's what I want you to remember. If you're taking notes, write this down. Friends don't attack friends. This will solve the problem next, like, hangs out with like so you could squeeze them out by hanging out with positive people who will support you. Negative people will not hang out around positive people on the positive people that you're around will drowned out the negative person. So no matter which one of those techniques works, staying around, positive people will work. It will repel the negative, and it will support the positive. Either way, you're gonna what? You're gonna defeat this person quickly and easily. So much easier than trying to do it on your own. Here's another solution that I love to use for a lot of different styles Kick there. But, you know, just raise the cost of doing business. If they're being aggressive and they're being bossy, set a limit. Be assertive. Tell him it's not OK. Back him off. Let him know there's a cost to do in this and that you're not going to accept it. So within this technique, you're not allowing it, remember, get the things in our life that we allow your cutting that out. Then people tend to do things that are rewarded, intend to stop doing things that are consequence or punished. So you're giving them a punishment here. It will work for both reasons. Now I call this type of person a sniper there, the passive, not so passive aggressive type people they like making funny little jokes or little comments behind your back, you know, or snide little comments in staff meetings and things like this. Or when you're around friends or co workers, their snipers, they just make these little comments. So I didn't mean anything by that. No, everything means something. So these people are typically difficult to deal with. But I'm going to show you some fast, simple and easy ways to handle them right away. So solution, I take them aside. So even though they said something to me in public, I take them aside and I let him know what their comments or not okay, and that they need to stop. Once you expose a sniper, they've lost all their power. The power of a sniper is you're getting shot at and you can't figure out where it's coming from. It's covert. If you make the covert overt, you uncover what is covered. You expose it. The technique no longer works for them. They can't snipe and not be exposed. Now, the first time I take them aside and I let him know their comments are not OK and they need to stop if they continue to do it. Then I call him out in public. And I used technique number two. I asked him publicly, I say, Hey, you didn't mean to hurt or disrespect me when you said that, did you? And they're very innocently and say, Oh, no, no, I didn't mean anything by that, Paul. Well, I think they're going to get it, and everybody in the room is gonna get it. I say this very innocently. The first time I asked him publicly the second time I ask it, I say you didn't mean to hurt or disrespect me when you said that, did you? And when they say, Oh, no, no, I didn't mean anything by that. I mentioned the history. You've done this several times, so I'm not really accepting your apologies anymore, and I'm calling you out on it. you need not to be hurtful to other people. You need not to disrespect other people. You state this publicly and they no longer do it. They will pick on everybody else. But remember their snipers. They only like to attack. They're cowards. They only like to attack under cover. Remove those covers, call him out. That's their worst fear realized and they will immediately stop. Here's another way to solve it. Have a conversation with their boss, and I put Boston quotes here because it could be anybody in their life that has influence over hit over them. So who's the boss? And I use a little graphic here. The old TV show literally called Who's the Boss? It's anybody that can influence that. A friend co worker could actually be there. Boss Boss could be their boss's boss's boss. Could be their girlfriend. Could be their best buddy. Could be just somebody that they admire or respect. Let that person know that you're having a challenge with them, asking if they can help you and literally helped this person say, You know, Joe always likes to make these comments during staff meetings. It's really making a look bad it's it's impacting my job. It's becoming challenging. He's kind of looking like a jerk in front of everybody else. You know, At some point, I'd like to think that he liked to move ahead in the company, and it can't do that when he's doing this sniping and making enemies because nobody's going to support him to management. So I wonder if you could take him aside gentle reminder word to the wise and let him know that this just isn't going well for him. This is limiting his or her growth very effective technique. 6. Problem Solving Part 3! - Specific Techniques For Handling Difficult People: now. Wow, that's a That's an impressive graphic. Heavy. Every had trouble with a really angry person. These persons just go from 0 to 60 in, like, 2.8 seconds. Here's some solutions. First solution. This kind of seems like an odd one. Is that angry? People usually just need somebody to listen to him. Why are they angry? They feel like something has been done against him. People aren't hearing what they're saying. They want express their anger and they want somebody to listen that Hey, I'm not okay with this. So rather than coming back and telling him why they shouldn't be angry, how they need to calm down or this or that, Listen for a little while, gently agree with them. I can see where you'd be upset with that. I'd be angry, too, If that happened to me. I can see you're really upset. Tell me a little bit more about that. As they tell you, they're gonna vent, and hopefully they're going to release. And then they're gonna let it go, and they'll no longer be a problem for you or for anybody else. Almost nobody will ever listen. Toe when somebody gets angry they immediately try to calm down. They immediately try running away. They immediately, you know, attack back the try all these different things. They try everything but listening. So in understanding why the person is angry, listening is a good solution. Here's what else I'm gonna tell you about it. Angry people are hurt. They're damaged individuals and they need some empathy. They need some sympathy. Nobody is that angry without having been horribly damaged. Sometimes you're not a therapist. You can't always fix it. But sometimes just understanding that there are hurt person or a sick person, as opposed to a bad or nastier evil person really helps them. And if you can show a little bit of empathy for their problems and little empathy towards them know that they must have lived a hard road to be this angry that can often help the person. Now, here's a great solution, which could be very effective. Simply ask him, what would it take to solve the problem? Ah, lot of times this person is so angry because they're frustrated, they have a problem. They just can't deal with it. It seems like nobody's listening to him or they tried everything, and they're just on their last nerve. Plus, getting them out of the problem and focusing on the solution is a brilliant thing to Dio in A they say. When I stopped focusing on the problem and I started focusing on the solution, the problem disappeared. They're angry because they're thinking about the problem, thinking about the problem, thinking about the problem. That's what's growing in their mind. If you ask him, what would it take to solve the problem and you genuinely assist them? The problem will go away, or at least they'll feel better. At least one person wanted to help them solve the problem. They'll feel better about you and the anger will disip it eight. Now, finally, you know, is this one repeats You may need to kick their butt and back him off. Set a good limit. If you've tried all these different strategies and you say, Hey, Mr Paul, I tried all these. Professor Paul told me, Try this technique in this technique. I try it all and they just keep ranting at some point, you have to what? Shut it down, Tom, Enough's enough. I tried to help you. I was very good about it. But you can't talk to me this way. I'm gonna be very assertive. You've hit one of my what? Boundaries Not guidelines. Boundaries. And enough's enough. Kick their butt, you know, Is this one Repeats walk away and avoid him in the future. Perfectly good strategy. I would use this one over and over and over again with an angry person again. Proximity rule. They can't be yelling at you if you're not in the area. Here's another strange technique you can give them a gift and a gift is any kind of favor that you do for me. Any little thing that you give, you know? Say, Hey, you sound like you're very upset. Let's go and let's talk about this at the bar across the street. Let me buy you a drink. And all sudden, they could be angry, but they won't be angry across the street. They can't be angry when you're doing something nice form like buying him a drink and listen to their problems. How can they ever stay angry at you? Very, very difficult. They will tend to either go along with your suggestion and then that solves it are. Let's say, Screw you. I'm not going for a drink, but the walk away. It's the end of the conversation because they were mean and you were nice. It throws them totally off and they have toe leave. Now it blows their system. Now here's another type of problem. Person, a chatterbox, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. They talk all day long. We got some great solutions here for you. Every said walk away. I want you to run away. Thes People are never going to stop talking. There is no great solution to this. I got a 2nd 1 for you. Hide and don't let them find you. These people are problematic because you're not a therapist and you can teach him to stop chatting. There's not a lot of great ways to stop this. You just have to make sure that it's not a problem for you. Here's another solution. Chatterboxes are chattering. Why? Because they figure if they're talking than they're doing something productive there at work and they're moving and they're talking and they're doing something. They figure if somebody walks by, you can say, Well, we were just talking about business and it feels like they're still working when they're actually there, doing the exact opposite of working. How much would you pay per hour for somebody to sit there and bitch whine and complain? Or just talk about nothing? Not much. You won't see anyone ads for that because nobody wants to pay dollar one. For that. It's worthless. So these chatterboxes half the time, they're just naturally chatterboxes the other half the time they're doing to avoid work. So if you get right to work, they'll stop chatting because they know you have to concentrate on what you're doing. Now. If that doesn't work, ask them to help you with something. Put them to work. They're massively afraid of work. This technique works wonders. You can also do the old fake phone call trick. Oh, hi, Bernadette. I didn't realize it was you. Yeah, I was just talking to Bob. Excuse me, Bob. I have to take this and you're off the hook. Here's another solution is just for fun. Apply duct tape. Now you have to check your local laws in your area. I don't think this is legal in the state of Florida, but I just think this is funny. I had a friend. He thought he could fix anything with duct tape. Carpet coming up in the corner. Used duct tape holding your tailpipe. Used duct tape. Dog won't stay put. Use duct tape. 1001 uses. Right Here's another type of problem person A know it all or a sexual intellectual, right? I love this one. It says. I know everything. Just ask me and I'll tell you. So how do you deal with a Know it all solution? Ask him for a ton of information. That is way too much work. Now. If you ask him for a bunch of information, where'd you find that? Can you get me a citation for that? Can you find more information on that? You have any literature on that? They just want to throw out random information. They don't want to do any work in half the time. They're stuff is erroneous. It's not true or it's made up or they can't prove it. So do a very simple secondary technique. Asked him to prove it. Where did you see that? Where'd you find that? What's your evidence? Where can I find information on that? You can even act like you believe That sounds great, but I got a friend. His name is John and he'll never believe me if I tell him that. Do you happen to have a reference for that? Or how can I prove that to John? He gave some decent arguments, but he's really a scientist about these things. He needs exact proof. What can I share with him most? These people were run like hell at that point. Now, the other way to kind of shut him down a little bit is to agree with their point, but help him see a new perspective. What does this do? It shows them that they don't know it all. So if you could find a new twist on it away, they never thought about it. Will kind of let things go, Or I can ask him a question that I know they can answer. So if they say hey, you know, uh, aspirin is really good for arthritis, I say, Did you know there's a study out there that shows it is good for arthritis? It helps to reduce inflammation, the joints that relieves pain. Did you also know that it weakens the cartilage? If you keep using that over and over again. And we can cartilage does what? It creates arthritis. So it makes you feel better now and feel worse later. And they're like, Oh, I didn't realize that they're interested. They like that. You taught him something. He did it in a very gentle way. But now they're not gonna go on for 15 minutes because they thought they were the eight number one expert on this. Now they realize they're not. They've got to reassess everything. They're feeling like they're in a position of weakness now, where before they thought they had absolute expert authority and strength, and they slow their role. Here's another technique. You you want to let them know what you're that they're bothering you and that you may swat up love. This graphic is absolutely perfect. You know, Uh, literally, they're just annoying. Nobody wants to hear about this stuff. Nobody wants to hear about your arthritis and all this different stuff in your aches and your pains and blah blah, blah, blah, blah. Let it go. Not that entertaining. Not as much fun as you would think, Bob. Here's another technique. Used the proximity role. You know, I have certain relatives and certain old friends that, you know they're very good in small increments. You know they're good and five minute bursts. They talk too much. They know it all. They go on and on and on. What I try to do is keep phone call short, keep meeting short, keep conversations short. Almost like is if you're dating, you don't go out to dinner because that's a two hour adventure. Go out for a cup of coffee because that's a 5 to 10 minute adventure and you could always walk away. So use the proximity rule. Just get away from them. Here's another classic problem. Trouble with a nagging spouse? Boyfriend, girlfriend, coworker, nag, nag, nag. Absolutely, positively no fun. Very challenging. So how do you deal with it? Solution. Number one realize that this person is probably having some kind of emotional problems, So take out your therapist hat and try to help them a little bit. Notice what kind of challenges they're having Try to reframe it for him. Give him a better perspective on things, pointing in the direction of where they could get help for these different types of challenges. Here's another solution. Talk to him about the things that they're complaining about. Let him talk it out. Which means let him go on for a little bit. Let him vent so they can decompress when they get down to a decompression level where you can actually have a human conversation with them, slow their role and give them to focus on the solution, Not on the problem. Remember, when you focus on the solution, the problem disappears. Use that philosophy with them and people will stop nagging. When you start focusing on the solution, they connect endlessly about a problem. But they can't continue to nag while focused on a solution, because nagging is problem focused, not solution. Focused works amazingly well. Another strategy. Just hand him their head. Sometimes you need to set good boundaries and say, Hey, you keep nagging and nagging and nagging. This needs to stop. Okay, Go do this with your husband or wife. Go do this with your friends. Go do this with your dog. Don't do it with me. See you later. Now. And this is kind of strange when you have these problem people in your life. Okay? Maybe it's a significant other. Maybe it's a child. Maybe it's a spouse. Maybe it's a good friend business partner. Sometimes you need to try counselling. I could remember when I was doing a lecture like this, and I did it up on the board. I had a big white board, and I say, What's all the different solutions to this problem? In in a room full of 35 councillors, not one person came up with the possible solution of Hello. You could try counseling. Apparently, they're not very good counselors because they didn't even think of. Counseling is an option for how to solve problems. Matter of fact, the core of counseling is not getting into your business. Not getting all emotional. You have a problem. You share it with a counselor and they counsel you on a solution, right? Perfect. 7. Final TIPS and Recommendations!: Okay. Welcome back. We're in the final section. Can you believe it? Weird all the time. Go. You've done an amazing job. I can tell you statistically. Slightly less than 5% of people who go out there lucky enough to find a course like this. They purchase it only 5% or less will go all the way through the end and actually complete it. They have a challenge in their life. They've taken the time. They found the resource. They have it in their hand, and still less than 5% will ever actually use it. Then they sit around and they whine and they complain. How come I have these problems in my life? How come these things keep happening to me? And to them, it's an entire mystery. They never figure it out. What's the challenge? They are. But that's not you. You're the one out of 20 that's gonna be massively successful. You're gonna have skills in this area, and you're gonna be able to share this with family, friends, co workers pass this on to other people. Once you learn a great skill, you always want to share it. So this course is my gift to you. Your gift to me can be sharing it with other people and we make the world a better place. I think that's a beautiful thing to Dio. But I just want to tell you I'm amazingly proud of you. If nobody told you that they're proud of you today, let me be the first. Let's jump right in. We've got some additional final tips which your key to your success him. Now, I'm glad you got to this section because what actually causes the pain from the difficult people is not the difficult people themselves. The thing that causes 99% of the pain is you. So the bad news is it's you. We wouldn't like to have thought it was the other person. But the good news is, it's you. So you control it. The challenge is not that somebody took 5 to 20 seconds other day to say something nasty to you. That's about how long it takes. That's not the challenge trying to get that 5 to 20 seconds back. It's the fact that you repeated in your head 1000 to 10,000 times, so they're responsible for one unit of pain and you're responsible for somewhere between 1000 10,000. See where the bulk of the pain is coming from. It's the fact that you keep replaying these old movies in your head, these mental movies of what happened. If it had simply happened and you would let it go, it would have been insignificant in your life. In 99% of it would've been forgotten within a day or two. Now some of these things can last your entire life, right? Why? Because you practiced and rehearsed them in your head so many times. There's an old a expression Alcoholics Anonymous, and it's simply states. If somebody had done to me what I did to myself, I have killed him. You are really doing the harm to you. Stop replaying these movies in your head matter. Fact. If I goto a bad movie, I get like, halfway through it. I'm like, This is rubbish. I walk out. I sure as hell don't go back 1000 to 10,000 times and watch it over and over again and then complained to people that that somebody made a horrible movie. You're the one making the movie. Just let it go. My dad gave me a good analogy of this. He said, Okay, it's gonna take somebody five seconds to 10 seconds to say something nasty to you. There's 330 million people in America, about 10% of more jerks. That's 30 million. If each one of them gets, say, 20 seconds of your life, your life is going to be over about 500 times, so don't give him more than a 10 to 20 seconds. Certainly don't extend it out. Two hours and weeks and years. That's crazy. Don't replay the old movies in your head now Here's the ultimate solution for you. Read this book over and over again. I love this book. This was a great little book. It's kind of a cute book. It's kind of a fun book, but it teaches a specific tools, strategies and techniques for how to deal with screwed up people and why they're so screwed up. So I think that's a great book to have on your shelf. You can buy for just a few dollars on Amazon, go ahead and get it used. I'm gonna make a few book recommendations to you. I don't think any of these books cost more than $10 on Amazon, even with shipping. But go ahead and check it out now. Other reading recommendations. Coping with difficult people. That's another one on dealing with anger management and dealing with difficult people. Just like the training you've been through. Here's another one specific to deal with your anger. If these people are really making you angry, if that's an issue for you, you know you might be one those people that lets it go fine and you would need this book. But if it continues to burn you over time after the issue has happened after they've said those five seconds, 20 seconds, you're still angry grabbed this book. It's called Angry all the time. An Emergency Guide to Anger Control. Very simple book. If you want something a little bit more sophisticated, I would get this one is called Your Erroneous Zones. It's an old classic by Wayne Dyer. I think he did it back in the seventies, but a wonderful book. I used it in therapy many times. Ah, I treasure it as a guide on my shelf, and it will not only help you with the anger management, but it's gonna help you with a lot of different areas. They call it the Erroneous Zones, because these air, all the false and negative beliefs that you have, that make your life less livable, and if you're simply aware of them you can do a quick turnaround in multiple areas of your life will get better. So that's a very powerful book. I would definitely get that one. There's another one. This one's actually on the Zen philosophy. This will help you piece out about pretty much everything and have a new perspective on life. Give you a lot of beautiful new philosophies to make your life even better. It's called The Power of Now. It was like a number one bestseller. I don't know for how long. It's by Eckart Tolle, and that's a wonderful book to get. And this one I really like is by Richard Carlson. He's the one who wrote, Don't sweat the small stuff. It's called You can be Happy no matter what. Don't you have to own a book by that title and have that book up on your shelf? Absolutely, Positively, I would get every single one. That's books. I think We're talking about six books, so maybe 60 to $70 tops. Boom, You're done. Pick through. Spend 5 10 15 minutes a day, maybe 45 days a week. By the end of the year, you're gonna have solved so many of your problems. You will be amazed you will leapfrog 10 2030 years ahead of where you should be mentally and be so squared away. It will be amazing. That's that's my wish for you. That's my gift to you now. Final recommendation. If you don't want people to push your buttons removal, why are people upsetting you? Clients would come to me and say, Paul, this person keeps pushing my buttons. They keep pushing my buttons and you know what I would say to them? I would say, Oh, then just remove the button. What do I mean by that? Well, what happens is when somebody says something almost like in the movie back to the future. Every time somebody called Marty Mc Fly Chicken, he got wildly upset. Took him three movies to figure this out. Just stop caring when people call you chicken that's literally removing the button. Then, when somebody called Marty Mc fly chicken. He's like, Yeah, so he didn't care. The button was removed so people could push this dead button. It's like you snip the wires on it. They're pushing this dead button and nothing is happening. That's what you need to do with each of your buttons. Anytime somebody pushes your button, they make you upset. They're showing you an area that you need to get over and therefore you've killed the button. Then people can come up between now and you die and push that button and you'll Onley laugh because you'll be looking at him like a fool while they're pushing the dead. But just imagine somebody there like pushing a doorbell button and you disconnected the ringer 10 years ago and you just laugh because they think you know you're gonna come to the door. They're going to sell you something. You know, these people want to sell you on getting angry so they push the button. I also want you to think of buttons is like slavery. They pushed the button and then you have to get angry. So all they got to Dio is push the button and it takes them. Like we said, just 5 to 20 seconds to push the button. And then you've got to spend days, weeks, months and years of your life feeling bad. Nobody should have that much control over you, that much power that they put in such little effort and it causes you such massive pain. Remove the buttons. Here's me and my buddy JJ again, I want to thank you so much for joining us today. Please give this training a great rating. If you have any questions, any concerns, any issues, please write me. I try to respond as quickly as I can. I love to hear from my students. Like I said, I'm so amazingly proud of you. Please come back. Please get some more of my courses. Please let your friends know about my courses. I hope you had a wonderful experience here. It's been a wonderful experience for me and JJ. We love you. We care about you. We want to see you do great in life. That's my mission is to spread as much knowledge as I can nationally and internationally to help as many people as I can. Thanks so much for being part of our team. And I'll see you in my next training 8. BONUS LECTURE! Learn How To Make Difficult Emotions PASS you by!: Hey, everybody. Professor Paul here. We got amazing training here for you today. We're gonna teach you how to deal with difficult emotions and literally make them pass you by. If you get this one thing in your life, your life will be changed forever. I promise you. So let's jump right in. Okay. Now everybody needs to learn how to deal with difficult emotions, the emotions of anger. There's emotions of fear, frustration, depression. You can use this towards whatever you want apply for, to keep it simple, to keep it easy. I'm gonna use this towards anger. And we're going to start by looking at what the typical strategies that people use and why they work or why they fail. So the first technique that people used to get over something is they used what's called the time technique. So what they do is the anger. The frustration gets inside of them. And it goes round and round and round, earning them up, tearing them up physically, psychologically, mentally, draining all their energy. And it goes round and round and round, and eventually it slows down. This could take days, months or years, and it peters up this is the absolute tick worst technique but is by far the most popular. This is why most people lose and they don't know how to deal with anger. Frustration. Accepted yellow people and drink and do all these crazy things. Just let time go by. Worst, Worst technique. Second technique. It's called venting a little bit better. People have a difficult issue. They let it in, and then it goes round and round it around, around, around, around and eventually they don't kick the dog, any bag. Talk to somebody. Do something to try to release some of this emotion. And that's called the venting technique. This does less damage, slows things down. We're getting a little better. At least we're doing something besides nothing and waiting for something to happen. So we're getting a lot better. Here's a great technique. They teach this in counseling in a in any and recovery groups, it's simply called letting up, letting go. So the anger comes in, they get upset starts to burn them up, and they say, Hey, you know what? I don't really need this challenge in my life. I'm gonna let it go eventually. Why don't I let it go early. One political now. I don't want this to continue to hurt me. It's not doing me any good. I'm simply gonna let it go and they release it. Wonderful, Much better technique. Absolute worst is time. A little bit better. Is venting letting go? But this is not the supreme technique. I've gotta take meat. That is the supreme technique. Let me share with you. You're gonna do it. Might teach you Come. Foot would be awesome. Excellent. We're gonna sash up RG we're gonna get her. Are high collars on? We're gonna do a little chop socky I'll teach the ancient art of kung fu. Here's what you dio You're gonna have the same challenge coming at you that everybody else has. But you're going to do with it differently. Let me tell you a little story. My comfort instructor was working with me and we're working on all these blocks and techniques and ways of not getting hit, which was really good for me. Uh, I asked my instructor out of all these different blocks and techniques, and I really wanted to focus on one to get like, super good at it. I said, What is the absolute best technique, the best block, the best way not to get hitting about Furman, he said. Oh, I know that was simple. Paul. Here's I want you dio Whenever they throw a punch Your kick Here's what I want you to dio Don't be there. Uh, I suddenly I want that too. That's what he taught me. He taught me how to sidestep these types of things and how to make these things go around me. So wherever the punch or kick was, I wasn't there. I was someplace else. They punch in my face here. I'm over here. They punching me here. I'm over here. Don't be there or another technique that they do. Income foe. You probably lies in the Karate Kid. Two is where he had the drum and he just let everything go around him. He let everything go around him. He would let everything go around. That's what we would do. Punch kick would come in. We would simply what? Step out of the way not be there and let it go around us. That's what I want you to do. That's the kung fu technique. Watch you see a problem. You know there's a problem. You're not going to let it in. You are simply going to recognize it and let it go by. People say, Well, you're not being very emotional. You're Ah, you're being robotic. No, you're not. You're acting with wisdom instead of deciding to get upset because you have a problem, because it is a decision you're deciding. Not too. And let me show you what that means. And this is a great bonus bonus technique that will really solidify this whole thing for you. I'm gonna show you three things And you tell me, what's the unnecessary step? So audience participation part. You have a problem? That's item number one. Next. Based on that problem, you get upset. Number three, you solve the problem. 12 three. Audience participation. Can you pick out the unnecessary step? Is there a problem? Does the problem have to exist? Yeah. We wouldn't even be here. Do you have to solve the problem? Yes. We have to solve the problem. Do you have to get upset? No. You guys are good. You found the unnecessary step. Give yourself a hand. Awesome. So you're doing fantastic now. We don't think about it. this way. Somebody says, Well, when you have a problem, you have to get upset. And if you told people that you had a problem, all that so bad they would invite you to get upset. That's so horrible for you, Pony. Need a hug? No. Do you? I don't need one. Why? Because it never touched me. People think this is amazing when you do it. Because somewhere in your life somebody told you that if you have a problem, you absolutely, positively must get upset. I don't know who said this to you where this idiot lives. But I need you to get a private investigator. Go find this person and give him a quick, swift kick in the butt Because they lied to you and that everybody else jumped in and said , Oh, yeah, that's so true. That's so true. I feel so bad for you, Paul. You have this problem. A little tear would come out there. I These people are idiots. You don't have to have this. This is a strange thing that in American culture were taught. That problem equals upset. OK, In other cultures, some cultures like Asian cultures. They say when you have a problem. You can create a solution, and this equals money and opportunity. And you can feel fantastic about having solved the problem and not feel bad. But feel good. Hey, one less problem. I'll give you one bonus bonus Bonus technique. Okay. It's called Paul's amazing Crap pile. Here's Paul's amazing craft. Have a little flies. People can't believe I've only had one art lesson. Okay, Is life crap is gonna happen to you? There's Onley, X amount of crap that happens to you. Maybe you have 100 units of crap that's gonna happen, Teoh. So when you have a problem instead of say, Oh, poor, be white. This happened. I wish I could have avoided that. Uh, no next number of problems are gonna happen, no matter how good you are at avoiding problems. So if from we need a point b from start to finish, Uncle Paul here is gonna have 100 problems. Here's how I look at it philosophically to decide whether or not I need to get upset. I look and I see okay right now having a problem, but I'm gonna get rid of it. And that's gonna be 99 problems instead of 100. I'm feeling absolutely fantastic. Here's why. My pile is getting smaller. This pile of crap that I don't want is getting smaller. And I'm excited, not upset. This is a great way to live. Don't live thinking. Oh, my God. This was a horrible thing. Why they do this to me? I'm a good guy. I walked little old ladies across the street. This was especially visited upon me. Darn it, like, just isn't fair. No, it's perfectly fair. And you're getting your pile smaller and smaller. You have wonderful techniques now that virtually nobody else has to deal with these things . You know how to use this formulation to feel better. And any time you get upset, I want you to write this formula down on paper. Just so you see it until becomes visceral for you. You can feel it emotionally and intellectually. Put those two powers together and keep drilling down. How true These things that I'm saying right now are it'll become an emotional part of you and you will nail these things. At first. It'll seem like it's a technique. It's a little slow. It kind of sort of works And then it works better. As you practice this, it will get better and better, stronger and stronger every single day. And you'll get stronger too. Thanks for joining us for this video, but a fantastic audience. My name's Professor Paul. Thank you so much.