Conflict Management with Emotional Intelligence | Robin Hills | Skillshare

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Conflict Management with Emotional Intelligence

teacher avatar Robin Hills, Emotional Intelligence coach and facilitator

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
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Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

24 Lessons (1h 14m)
    • 1. Introduction to Conflict Management

    • 2. What is Conflict

    • 3. The Issues Around Conflict

    • 4. Factors and Questions to Consider in Conflict Resolution

    • 5. The Importance of Trust in Resolving Conflict

    • 6. The Trust Equation

    • 7. Bullying at Work

    • 8. Handling Emotion

    • 9. Basic Anatomy of the Brain

    • 10. Responses to Emotional Events

    • 11. The Cycle of Behaviour

    • 12. Emotions in Conflict

    • 13. Managing Fight and Flight Behaviour

    • 14. Ways of Working with Conflict

    • 15. The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Model

    • 16. Compromising

    • 17. Competing

    • 18. Collaborating

    • 19. Avoiding

    • 20. Accommodating

    • 21. Basic Skills in Conflict Resolution

    • 22. The Agreement Box

    • 23. Third Party Intervention

    • 24. Working to Resolve Conflict

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About This Class

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This class looks in detail at conflict management; and how you can manage the conflict more effectively.

Understanding how to work with conflict will help you to manage issues arising through conflict and disagreements more effectively.  It won't mean that you never experience conflict again - as conflict is a normal part of life.  It will mean that your understanding will help to to deal with it better.

Meet Your Teacher

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Robin Hills

Emotional Intelligence coach and facilitator


Hi. I'm Robin Hills. It is my intention to offer the best and highest quality courses on emotional intelligence available through SkillShare and across the internet.  I am not teaching any other types of course as I am a specialist in emotional intelligence and it is the focus of my business. 

Teaching emotional intelligence skills is a challenge at the best of times. I am not teaching any other types of class as I am a specialist in emotional intelligence and it is the focus of my business.

These courses require you to take some ACTION and put into practice what you have learnt.

Please note that all classes are continually refined and updated to ensure they remain current and relevant.

I am an emotional intelligence coach, trainer an... See full profile

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1. Introduction to Conflict Management: welcome to one of my courses on emotional intelligence. My name's Robin Hills. I am an emotional intelligence coach, trainer and facilitator. I'm here to help you understand what emotional intelligence is all about and how you come build and develop your emotional intelligence, but work in social settings in the home. My assistance E I Forsee will help me in this course to illustrate various points. He'll make the course more interesting and phone. This course covers conflicts and conflict management. Conflict Gerstle the time it happens in all relationships at one point or another, personal or professional. How you work with conflicts depends upon how comfortable you are within the relationship and how comfortable you are in managing your emotions and behaviors. This underpins your emotional intelligence will determine how the conflict in the relationship develops. Interestingly, life would be boring without conflict. If you're feeling stuck or feel something is missing in your life when you want to grow in your career, have become better at your personal and professional relationships. Then this course will help you. I'm here to help us. You work through the course to answer any questions that you may happen to support you 2. What is Conflict: What do your first thoughts when you hear or see the word conflict struggle or contest between people with opposing needs, ideas, goals or values? For many thoughts associated with conflict on negative and frightening, they bring to mind images of anger, intention at work. We picked your meetings where there are personal attacks, non productivity, dis engagements and alienation. These are pictures of conflict the groups of people coming together to discuss difficult issues, to try to solve problems or to plan for the future through the conflict. In these groups comes creative solutions to challenges, greater understanding of all aspects of an issue and a strong sense of group cohesion. Working with conflict is a key element to building and supporting. A high functioning workplace is particularly relevant for effective teamwork. Conflict Impax us all as individuals in powerful ways, so it has a greater impact on work, productivity and on the workplace climate. Workplaces need to figure out ways that they're going to handle conflict and use the power that comes from creative conflict. Leaders and managers have an important role in shaping this process. There are two types of conflict in the workplace task conflict on relationship. Conflict task conflict is caused by differences in methods, differences in styles, values and approaches. The focus in resolving these conflicts is on problem solving. Successful resolution of task conflicts. Results in enhance creativity, improved decision making and better outcomes. Relationship or personality. Conflict focuses on people in their misunderstandings. Who's to blame? It could be caused by miscommunication. Authority issues, power struggles on competition for resources. It can result in personal attacks. Alienation on non productivity, unresolved or poorly led task conflict can turn into relationship Conflict. Conflict in the workplace can range from a mine of grumble through two major disagreements and serious conflict, which could lead to grievance procedures and, in some cases, end up with parties involved in tribunals. However, workplace conflict is often caused by similar things. Eight of the most common causes of conflict at work are one poor work environment to poorly managed organizational change. Three unpredictable company policies, policies changing or being applied differently or inconsistently. Four conflicting personalities and styles or work ethics. Five Unclear job roles. For example. People get territorial about their jobs or feeling that they're being given jobs beneath their status. Six. Poor communication. Seven. Inadequate training, especially a managers who then have an inability to lead effectively on date poor work planning, excessive pressure or work designed to encourage high levels of competition between staff or a work culture that values competition over teamwork. 3. The Issues Around Conflict: conflict occurs whenever two people interact together. There's usually some form of disagreements, however minor, because people are seeing things in different ways and from different perspectives. Conflict occurs between at least two into dependent parties. One party usually has more power or is perceived to have more power. Each party asserts that they've got the right to any limited resources to a particular ideal or to a particular course of action. And it's through this assertion that conflict is likely to escalate. Each party can frustrate the desires of the other party, and there are often perceptions around compatibility what is acceptable, what's not acceptable, what's compatible, what's incompatible, their perceptions around resource allocation. And there are inferences around achieving goals. Conflict resolution is the practice of identifying and handling conflict in a manner that sensible, fair on deficient. For all the parties involved, conflict is a normal, inescapable part of everyday life. It occurs in any relationship from time to time. Even the best relationships have disagreements. These help to strengthen the relationship conflict is an opportunity to understand opposing parties, preferences and their values. In actual fact, Without conflict, life would be boring. There are a lot of benefits. Conflict conflict promotes growth and learning conflicts. Promotes creativity and innovation as new ways of doing things unfold. Conflict promotes personal development. You have an increased self awareness. You know what your strengths, what your weaknesses are. And it helps you to develop your interpersonal skills, your communication capabilities. And it helps you to build a a mutual understanding between other people. Conflict opens up Communication Conflict Develops New perspectives, new ways of seeing things, new viewpoints and so, therefore, conflict broadens horizons. They're four main categories of conflict. Facts. People see things from different viewpoints. They have different perspectives around what the facts are, what fax air needed, how the facts of goods be used. Methods. People have different preferences around how to go about doing a task, how to get things done, what processes should be used, what processes should be followed, what the procedures are. Goals. People are often working two different objectives and they're working towards different goals and different values. People have different basic values, different perceptions around what's his right and what is wrong, what is good, what is bad and people have different judgments around things. What indicates conflict is anger and frustration in anybody. A lack of trust, a lack of honesty, poor decision making, lack of motivation, low levels of morale, long term unexplained absenteeism on unmet business goals. Some of the issues that get in the way that leads conflict are imposing your own goals on your own priorities without any debate or any discussion attacking the other person's position, their viewpoint, their priorities and suggesting that this is wrong and yours is right. Minimizing or ignoring other people's concerns. Suppressing any differences, going through the motions of managing any differences or managing the difference. Working out how to resolve the conflicts but then refusing to carry it through to its end points, refusing to temporarily remove any constraints. Playing politics and taking things personally, which is easy to talk about. But it's very difficult not to do this. In the heat of conflicts, when there's an intensity of emotion and emotions are highly charged, there is a cost of conflict turns. This is often overlooked is no even thought about, and it's off. No even considered conflicts increases. Stress on increased stress can lead to increases. In absence from work, people go off sick. Inappropriate decisions are made the decisions. Thea Outcomes. The goals may be unclear. People may be unfocused, leading to confusion on resources are wasted in terms of delivering against. Some of these have focused outcomes. Some of these unfocused goals. There are costs around lower productivity, wasted resources, divisions. Kara's people take signs. Time spent resolving conflict is going to have a cost associated with it because when people are involved in conflict, they're not actually doing productive work. And when they're involved in resolving conflict, they're not doing any productive work. Attrition occurs because people leave the organization through frustration. There are costs involved in replacing that person and going through the recruitment process . Costs may occur in terms of arbitration, mediation and negotiation around resolving the conflict, particularly if one of the parties remains unsatisfied or both of the parties remain unsatisfied. And this may lead to potential legal costs. 4. Factors and Questions to Consider in Conflict Resolution: conflict is inevitable in every relationship. Trust is the foundation of every good relationship. When you trust, you form a powerful bond that helps you to work and communicate more effectively. Trust helps to build good relationships and makes interactions with other people more worthwhile. As humans, we have a natural disposition to trust. Trust is about being vulnerable and using that vulnerability to be strong and fearless. The vulnerabilities that I'm referring to include weaknesses, skilled efficiencies, shortcomings, mistakes and requests for help. Trust is earned when you tell people the truth, no matter how hard it is. And this in itself can lead to conflict. Some of the factors and questions that need to be considered when conflict occurs are How important is this issue? How important is this issue for May? What is my attitude? Conflict? Do I have a reputation for course in conflict? Do I address issues? Head old? Do I avoid anything that causes conflict? How important is it for me toe with Can I accept some compromise that is acceptable to everyone? How important is this relationship to May? How important is my relationship to you? How skilled on my at managing conflict scenarios. Am I good at working with conflict? Is conflict something that I'm not very good at and I could get better at as mentioned earlier, Trust is a fundamental part of conflict resolution. Do I trust you? Do you trust May by trusting you Can I trust you to do the right thing? How can we work together on this? So that we both do? What we agreed to do for each other is my trust. Invulnerability going to be used against May on cause me further problems in the future. The questions really need to be considered. And you need to think these through prior to engaging in conflict negotiations. Remember, trusting you is my decision. Proving me right is yours. 5. The Importance of Trust in Resolving Conflict: trust consists of two components. The first is your character, your mental and moral qualities distinctive to you. As an individual. It's your integrity, your motive, your intense with people, and it's linked to your personality. The second component is competencies. The combination of your capabilities, your skills, the results that you get and your track record. So the trust that you develop when you have good levels of emotional intelligence is a combination of who and what you are your character and what you do your competencies. The key competency in any relationship is the ability to grow, extend and restore trust with all stakeholders. This includes customers, business partners, investors and co workers. Trust is the measure of honesty and competence within the relationship. Fundamental to developing people skills into personal skills is the level of trust that's built up between people into personal trust takes time to build, but it could be destroyed in a few minutes. Trust consists of two elements. Benevolence, the extent which you believe I care about you and will back you up and aptitude the extent to which you believe I'm competent and capable. Combining the two together benevolence, onder aptitude, we can consider four components of trust, high levels of benevolence and high levels of aptitude. I believe you care about me, and I believe you've got the competence and capability to look after me, builds up high levels of trust when the benevolence is high. But the aptitude is low. You see affection when the aptitude is high, but the benevolence is low. The competence and capability is there, but the belief that you really don't care about me and you don't back me up there's a level of respect. Respect is fine, but respect is no trust. Finally, when the benevolence is not there and the aptitude is not there, it leads to distrust. This graph nicely illustrates how trust could be extended. If I've made two judgments around your aptitude, your capability in your competence, in terms of building trust and your benevolence, I will puts the right level trust into the relationship. Should I believe that it's appropriate? It's if I have not made the right analysis, I will blindly trust you, and this may be down to gullibility. If I'm suspicious within the relationship, I've not made the right judgment. The right analysis around your aptitude or your benevolence within the relationship. It will lead to a level of distrust. In these situations. You will need to help me to make the right judgment about your character and your competencies. So that trust Congrats, Oh, trust can be extended and trust can be builds. 6. The Trust Equation: as we've seen, Crust is thief foundation of strong relationships. Without trust, any relationship is going to be French ill. But trust has to be, and it's not automatically given. Trust is a feeling, and the trust equation is a great way to describe this feeling. If you understand the equation, you can use it to help drive the decisions that you make about working with someone. The formula is made up of the components credibility, the words you say, reliability, the actions. You take intimacy the way you make people feel on self orientation or self interest. The motives. Your driven by trust is a combination of three of the factors but is diminished by the fourth. Credibility comes when connections are made between the relevance issues. Andi, knowledge and experience. Credibility is simply about whether people know what they're talking about. We trust people like doctors and lawyers because they're trained professionals. They've had plastic. Sampson have been tested to make sure that they are credible and that they've got a level of knowledge which allows him to advise people we trust them as experts in their field. Reliability builds trust when people demonstrate that they will do what they say they're going to do. It's about consistency and dependability and delivering on promises. Not surprising anyone through any actions taken repeated failures to do what you say you're going to dio aren't going to undermine trust. Intimacy comes from frequency of contacts and from the nature of that contact, and is about whether you can trust someone to keep something confidential. Do you trust them with information? Are they going to share this information with other people that you don't want to shared with? Have they let you down in this regard? In the past, credibility, reliability and intimacy combined together. Increase trust. But trust is reduced by self orientation or self interest. The only denominator in the equation. South Orientation investigates where the person's focus truly lies. Self interest can't be removed from the equation as it's a part of building relationships. You help me and I'll help you. So with self interest, do they have others best interests at heart? Or are they doing this purely for themselves? Are they really helping from genuine concern, or are they simply doing this to get something out of it? If people sense levels of self interest that too, too high. They'll get the impression that there's little interest in their needs. This will diminish trust. So think about how your character and competence of building trust reflect on how you're demonstrating credibility, reliability and intimacy with your contacts. Keep on the other person's a gender, not your own. Are they sensing too much self interest, too much self orientation. All together, this builds effective trust. 7. Bullying at Work: Bullying and harassment to work is a big topic, far bigger than this course can cover. But what we'll do is we'll look at what bullying and harassment to work means and how it can be defined in terms of conflict and conflict management. And if you're interested in finding out more, there are other courses that you can take, which we'll go into this topic a lot deeper and we'll cover a lot more specific topics. Bullying and harassment at work is so complex that there's no universal definition. It involves repeated stress inducing actions towards another person. Now, bullying and harassment to work could be defined as repeated behavior, actions and practices directed at one or more workers, which may be carried out deliberately or even unconsciously, but which are done in unwanted ways causing humiliation, offense, and distress. And they may actually interfere with job performance leading to an unpleasant working environments. Bullying impacts everyone within an organization, not just those people who are being bullied, but it also impacts on their families and their friends. People who witness bullying are also impacted by this behavior. Active bullying involves obviously expressions of emotion in clear, observable, physical ways to intimidate. The aggression is displayed through verbal and nonverbal behaviors and involves such things as speaking to a person in an openly irate, a rude manner, glaring at their target, or touching when they speak, stumping up to a person, whether contemptuous expression on their face. Passive bullying involves expressing emotions in more subtle ways. Making insulting comments with a smile that patronizing using their influence available to them to ensure that the proposals or plans put forward by a person or rejected or require more work and done so in a malicious way, undermining the targets reputation behind their back. Overt bullying involves verbal abuse or personal insults such as shouting or swearing its staff or colleagues, either in public or in private, constantly humiliating or ridiculing other people, belittling them in front of others and persistently using sarcasm or criticizing them. Co-found bullying is not listening to the other person's point of view. Ignoring them, always cutting across them in conversation, and deliberately withholding information. People to excessive supervision, monitoring everything that they do, and being excessively critical about little things with malicious intent. Taking the credit for the other person's work, but never taking the blame when things go wrong. So acting with malice and conflict with malice, the wish to harm or upsets the other person becomes bullying. Bullying, however, is not a strict manager. Bullying is not the consequences of poor performance or appropriate discipline, demotion or termination of contract. Conflict without malice and acting without malice. This wish to upset or harm another person is really just a tough manager. Bullying relationships can occur anywhere within an organization. Supervisors and managers bullying their direct reports account for 72% of bullying incidents. However, bullying can occur between co-workers and this accounts for 18% of incidents that are reported. And bullying outwards can occur, and this accounts for 10% of bullying relationships. The solution to the problem is that employees should be aware of any behavior that might be construed as Pollyanna. Recognize when you're being bullied and realize it's not your folds. Bringing this to the attention of your management to immediately asked witnesses to testify without they observed the bullying taking place. Employers have a duty of care and they should educate and empower people around bullying. They should create an invoice, Ciro tolerance anti-bullying policies. They should enforce all possible courses of action for bullying behaviors and promote and support anti-bullying legislation. 0 tolerance towards bullying will ensure that stuff are much more likely to report any transgressions. It improves staff satisfaction and retention, improves Work Safety and Quality, reduces liability and risk, creates a culture of professional. So role-models enhances the reputation for the business and produces a more civil, productive, desirable place to work. 8. Handling Emotion: the way in which you handle your emotions may differ from the way that other people hadn't lair emotions. How you respond to circumstances is very much dependent on who you are and your sensitivity at the time. For example, if you're hungry or if you're tired or if you're not feeling too well, your response may be very different from when you're full of energy. People fall into three distinctive styles for attending to and dealing with their emotions by being aware of them being engulfed by thumb or accepting them. Individuals who are aware of their emotions are able to manage their emotions more easily because they're able to reflect on their emotions. They're able to recognize that they're feeling a particular motion of to certain time and why, and they can modify their emotions according to the circumstances and the people that they're with. You pay attention to your in estate in a nonreactive, nonjudgmental way. This awareness can have a powerful effect on strong adverse feelings. The realization. This is anger, that I'm feeling office, a great degree of freedom, not just the option not to act on its but the added option to try and let go of it. They're mindfulness about their emotions, helps them to manage their emotions well, giving them autonomy, a positive outlook on a good psychological health. Those who are engulfed by their emotions and not very aware of their own feelings and so become lost in them, resulting in a feeling of being overwhelmed by their emotions. They're controlled by their moods, and they're helpless, having a sense of being out of control on. They behave in completely unacceptable ways. People who are resigned to the way in which they're feeling are accepting of their moods. They clear about their feelings, but they also don't try to change them. I know I'm going to feel sad. Therefore, a will feel sad and it doesn't matter what you say or how you respond to me. I will remain sad because that's just the way I am. This is a pattern that could be found among depressed people who are resigned to their despair 9. Basic Anatomy of the Brain: the human brain is an amazing tool. It's one of the organs of the body and is the most complex instrument in the known universe . The other organs, such as the heart or the lungs, are not a sophisticated on. Unlike these more simple organs that are capable of being transplanted from one person to another. The brain is so interwoven into the fabric of our bodies that we could refer to the body as being an organ of the brain are supposed to be in the other way around an adult humans Brain is about the size of weight of, um, Alan. What makes the brain so remarkable is that it's made up of 86 billion neurons, interconnected by 1.5 times 10 to the 14 synapses. These are the junctions between two nerve cells, consisting of a minute gap across which impulses passed by diffusion of a neurotransmitter . There are 4500 neurotransmitters most people have heard of two or three, such as dopamine and serotonin, but there are many, many more. This arrangement offers unlimited memory. The brain combines language and official imagery operating by perception is capable of thinking about itself, which is what you're doing right now, and it's capable of working with emotions. The brain is made up of several distinct regions. Each of these regions serves two functions. Physiological and psychological. Each region has a different purpose, but they all connect to give us her feelings, thoughts and actions. Biologically, each region plays a role in managing aspects off our physiology, from regulating oxygen levels in the blood to sending messages to the muscles that enable us to move. Each region possesses a distinct psychological function for the way in which it processes information. When considering the psychological function of the human brain is possible to divide it into the following areas, the primitive brain or the reptilian brain controls functions basic to survival, such as heart rate breathing, digesting food and sleeping. It's the lowest, most primitive barrier of the human brain, and it includes the cerebellum, which is involved in coordinating movement. Although we're not consciously aware of the information process by our lower brain, it receives information from the senses on, provides us with our instincts or our gut feelings. The term the emotional brain is used to describe the collective areas that make up the limbic system, and this includes the amygdala. These are the brain structures that filter and process emotions and emotional responses. This region is important because it plays a lead role in governing emotions and their natural and automatic behaviors and functions. The outer cortex forms the rest of the brain. The rational brain is made up of the frontal lobes, or prefrontal cortex. As this region is more precisely known, This area of the brain enables us to reason to be rational, to be objective and to master our instincts and our emotions. The left hemisphere of the cortex is where we start the rules by which we live our lives. For example, the rules of language is stored in this area of the brain, which is why people who suffer from strokes within the Left Hemisphere often find speaking difficult. Being more structured and rule based, the Left Hemisphere processes information sequentially, with each step being a consequence of the previous one. The right hemisphere of the cortex, in stark contrast, deals with patent making. It deals with ambiguity and new learning. The right hemisphere, therefore processes information in a more irrational style by looking at the linkages patterns and associations with other memories in stored experiences. The brain is capable of multitasking. Using both hemispheres simultaneously is able to process information very quickly and intuitively, and it's able to adapt to circumstances when needed. However, it's not perfect. The brain is limited to some degree. It makes mistakes without care, and it's influenced by outside sources toe work effectively. The human brain consumes vast amounts of glucose energy. It consumes about 20% of the body's energy. So if it doesn't have to work hard, it won't. This means that it wants to make the quickest decisions possible on well, often jump to conclusions, make snap decisions and judgements without all the information available. So belief in your brain giving you an accurate representation of reality on a deep understanding of circumstances can often get you into trouble. 10. Responses to Emotional Events: to most events. We will experience either a flight or fight response, particularly if the situation evokes an emotional response. High quality emotionally intelligence interactions occur to prevent a flight response from taking place or to prevent a fight response from taking place. So there are four responses to an emotionally intense situation. A neutral response where there's no emotional response whatsoever on enhancing emotion. Andan associate ID response, which is either flight or fight a stress response. Or to freeze, which is known as in a Magdala hija, where the Immig Miller of so overwhelmed with emotion they can't process the emotion quickly enough and lead to an appropriate response. In essence, the person freezes neutral and enhancing responses involves some application of emotional intelligence. Frieze responses are completely out of a person's immediate control. There are a number of responses to the way in which people work with fight and flight. If they are able to control their emotions, they will either react by avoiding the situation, which is a flight response, or become autocratic ALS, which is a fight response. If they tend to express their emotions freely, they will either acquiesce, which is a flight response or they will go into attack, which is a fight response. The ideal space for interaction is right in the centre. Emotions should be expressed appropriately with the right level off balance between flight and fight. Within this space, high quality emotionally intelligent interactions take place. 11. The Cycle of Behaviour: When I do anything I communicate, I communicate signals to other people. Andi, In my interaction with you, I will be communicating signals to you. This has an effect on your attitude towards me. My attitude is tied up in the way in which I think and feel about myself on the way I think and feel about you. And it's also the way in which I think and feel about the team that we're in or the situation that we find ourselves in or the environment that we're operating in. It's a preference. It's a particular style and it drives the way in which we interact together. My behavior will influence the way in which you think and feel about May. It will also influence the way in which you're thinking and feeling about yourself, the team and the environment. Your attitude then drives your behavior. That's what I see of you and that's what I interact with so your behavior will then drive on influence. My attitude. If I have a good attitude, it means that I will change my behavior in a good way so that we can have a positive interaction and enjoy working together this will influence good behavior on attitude in you , which will further drive good behavior and attitude in me. However, if I have a bad attitude, my behavior is likely to be less than positive, which will have an influence on your behavior on your attitude. For example, if I'm angry and that's going to affect my attitude, my attitude will show itself in terms of my behavior. I'll speak loudly. I'll speak far store. I point my finger. I look angry. I'll make assertions in what I say and it may come over as being aggressive. That behavior is going to drive your attitude. If you're seeing aggression in May, you're likely to respond in an aggressive way back or you may choose to withdraw, and your behavior is then going to influence and affect my attitude. I may become more aggressive or I may actually try and soften my behavior. So this is the way in which the cycle of behavior works. 12. Emotions in Conflict: Conflict has a way of growing and takes on a life of its own as emotions become more intense, the earlier that conflicts can be resolved, the better for all concerned. Irritation occurs when the problem so difficulties and not significant. It would be better if they didn't occur, but they're easily ignored. Growing frustration leading to annoyance causes stress levels to increase. Objection. So usually voiced logically. Anger occurs when there's a sense of injustice, hurt an enmity. Thinking can become distorted with ego and emotion starting to dominate. Objection, stopped being voiced emotionally. Rage can lead to violence. And this is violence that is still to be justified. There's a sense of not being listened to and a need to win and for the other party to lose irrespective of the cost. Some physical action is thought to be appropriate as argument using words have had no effect. This can occur as subtle or not. So subtle attacks, abuse, leaving a job, sabotage, going on strike, or extended sick leave. 13. Managing Fight and Flight Behaviour: When someone is demonstrating find behavior, it's important to try and disarm the avoid body language that might aggravate the other person's searches, pointing, clenching your face so your jaw, shaking your head or anything like that? Most of the time, the best approach is to let the other person they express their initial burst of anger. Keeping a neutral facial expression and body position. After the initial burst work to build rapport by paraphrasing the information that you've heard. Unquestioned two, undercover their concerns. Be patient, but now pushy. Work through the issue all of the while maintaining a calm and confident position. Use this pace to lead and to lower their energy. Lesson. Empathize, clarify what it is that needs to happen. Qualify and quantify this information, address their concerns and implement the solution or move on. However, if at any point you feel threatened or that you feel that you might be impersonal danger, you should always take immediate and appropriate action to protect yourself and maintain your personal safety. Flight Behavior respects intervening and requires you to maintain rapport with the person all the way through the interaction. Avoid any body language that might appear in patient or pushy, such as extended eye contact, leaning enclosed saw gestures indicate frustration. These nonverbal cues, like each creative more confusion or in decisiveness and the other person. Ask questions, probe deeply to truly understand their concerns and their understanding of the issues. Lesson, empathize with how they're feeling. You don't have to agree with, but it's important to allow them to be understood. So clarify what you've heard by qualifying and quantifying all their points. When you need to conclude the interaction, tries to use Hadoop and body posture and hand gestures to represent two or three distinct choices. And then ask for a decision that will address their concerns and then implements a solution and move on. Again. If you find yourself in a situation where the person's confusion or in decision represents the safety risk or other potential danger to you or anyone else. Take decisive actions, prevent any injury or harm. 14. Ways of Working with Conflict: One of your jobs is to get the best out of your job. And the people that you work with, your team. You want to work together as seamlessly as possible, but conflicts is bound to happen. And as people are peek poke, people have different opinions, different perspectives and different ways of communicating. Conflicts is unavoidable and conflict is expensive. Everyone has a different way of dealing with conflict. Conflict can be minimized with the right inputs. Managers and leaders spend on average two to three hours a week dealing with conflict. It adds more stress to work and takes time to resolve. And sometimes it causes people to leave the organization. Knowing yourself better can save you a lot of time and a lot of money and lots of headaches. The right tool for the job is a tool that gives you insight since yourself and insights into other people. And you can use it inside and outside of the workplace. This tool is the tub is Kill men conflict mode assessments, which gives you an insight since your typical responses to conflict situations using one or more of five conflict modes, competing, accommodating, avoid eating, collaborating, and compromising by identifying your conflict resolution style. And then learning when and how to use each of the styles, not just the words that you're most comfortable with. You will be able to reframe and diffuse conflict, creating more productive outcomes sent happier interactions. And you will be able to see how you can apply it to almost immediately. The assessments you see CTUs, and it takes about 20 minutes to complete. Its simple, intuitive provides instant insightful feedback into conflicts, styles, and the impact that you'll start has on others. You'll see as a part of this lesson, you can download the questionnaire and completed immediately and then find out more about the conflict styles by completing the rest of this part of the course. 15. The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Model: Different people use different strategies for managing conflict. These strategies learn usually in childhood and seem to function automatically. Usually we're not aware at the time of how we act in conflict situations. We do whatever seems to come naturally. But we do have a personal strategy. And because it's learned, we can always change it by learning new and more effective ways of managing conflict. When you become engaged in conflict, there are two major concerns that you will have to take into account. And this defines how you will respond to conflict. The first issue level of assertiveness, the extent to which you attempt to satisfy your own concerns in conflict. The second is cooperating and keeping good relationships with the other person. This is the extent to which you attempt to satisfy the other person's concern. In a conflict situation, you may need to be able to interact effectively with the other person in the future. And the relationship may be very important to you, or it might be of little importance. Assertiveness and cooperativeness. They're not mutually exclusive. The best resolutions, conflicts is one where we satisfy both our own concerns and the other person's concerns. The importance of these two areas will affect the ways in which you act in any conflict situation. From these two concerns, it's possible to identify five style. So conflict management. Within this module, we'll look at the Thomas Kill men conflict mode model, which was developed by Ken is W Thomas and Ralph H Kill men in the early 19 seventies. There are five possible options. So mods for handling conflict, compromising. When someone is somewhat assertive and somewhat co-operative, They tend to compromising conflict to find a mutually acceptable solution. And that's at least somewhat satisfactory to both parties. Competing. When someone is highly assertive and uncooperative, they're inclined to handle conflicts by competing, using whatever power they have to win their own position. Collaborating. When someone is highly assertive and highly cooperative, the conflict may be handled using collaboration, where they try to engage with the other person in the conflict to find a solution that fully satisfies each of their concerns. This solution may be totally different from the original solution that each of them proposed, but both parties agree that this is the best solution to the problem. Avoid eating. When someone is unassertive and uncooperative. The tendency is to handle conflict through avoidance, accommodating. When someone is highly cooperative yet unassertive. Conflicts tend to be handled through accommodation. People who accommodate, neglect their own concerns to accommodate those of the other person, which is the best mode. All five can be useful and represent useful social skills that are needed at different times and in different situations. We each have a personal predisposition to one or two of these modes. And also, we need to consider situational factors related to the conflict when we choose which one to use, both personal and situational factors will influence which mode we choose. The effectiveness of each mode is dependent upon the way in which you assess the situation, your attitude, your skills, and what you intend from the conflict. 16. Compromising: Read GTD is a compromiser and is moderately focused on birth assertiveness and cooperation. He somewhat assertive and somewhat co-operative. When there's conflict. He likes to find the quickest solution that gives everybody sudden thing of what they want. He will looked compromise or find the middle ground. The compromise mode is about splitting the difference. When someone is somewhat assertive and somewhat cooperative. In this mode, they tend to compromising conflict to find a mutually acceptable solution that is at least somewhat satisfactory to both parties. You might use this mode when you need to resolve something very important and there are time constraints or when the relationship is as important as the issue. This style doesn't work when they trade off causes problems in terms of productivity, quality, customer satisfaction, timeliness, and cost-effectiveness. Compromise won't work where neat involve strategic decisions and goals. Compromise won't work when there's a breach of commitments that have been agreed previously but have not been reached. Compromise might also violate company policies, norms, or goals. The compromise mode is useful to arrive quickly at solutions under time pressures. When both sides have equally strong arguments. When two components with equal power as strongly committed to mutually exclusive goals. And the goals are moderately importance but not really worth the effort. The compromise mode is also useful to achieve temporary settlements to complex issues. And it's also useful as a backup mode when collaboration isn't successful. 17. Competing: Dave is very assertive and uncooperative. He will use whatever power he has, his position, his ability to argue the point or other tactics to get his own way. Competing is when someone is highly assertive, an uncooperative, they're inclined to handle conflicts by competing using whatever power they have to win their own position to get the goals that they are looking for. This mode might be appropriate to use when quick action or a quick decision is needed, or when a controversial or difficult decision needs to be made. This style doesn't work when it hurts other people. It makes them really, really angry and resentful. The competitive style. So what work when they're sabotage or resistance? The competitive mode is really useful when quake, decisive action is vital, for example, in emergencies. It's also useful on important issues when an unpopular course of action needs to be implemented. For example, in forcing unpopular rules to disciplines someone or to cut costs. It's also useful when healthy competition provides energy and motivation. It's also useful on issues vital to accompany welfare. And the competitive mode is vitally important when you know you are right. The competitive mode protect yourself from people who will take advantage of noncompetitive behavior. 18. Collaborating: Mira is a collaborator. She's both highly assertive and highly co-operative. She will try and find a resolution to a problem that will give everyone what they wanted. She'll take the time to find out what everyone wants or needs and look for a creative way to resolve conflicts. Collaboration is when two heads are better than one. When someone is highly assertive and highly cooperative, the conflict may be handled using collaboration, where they tried to engage the other person in the conflict to find a solution that fully satisfies each of their concerns. This solution may be totally different than the original solution each of them proposed, but both parties agree that it's the best solution to the problem. This mode takes a great deal of time, but it's important when the stakes are high and often results in the most creative and enduring solution, a win-win solution. This mode doesn't work when there's a lack of time. It doesn't work with a trivial problem. And it doesn't work when there's no interest. When people can't see any results or benefits, or when people really don't like each other. Collaboration is useful when your objective is to learn. To learn by listening to the views of the other person to discuss and to work together towards a result. Collaboration is also useful to merge insights from people with different perspectives or on a problem and gain commitment from others to find a combined integrative solution when both sides are actually committed to their cause. It's also useful when the goals for both sides are too important to be compromised. 19. Avoiding: Steve is unassertive and uncooperative. He never pursues his own concerns and doesn't try and meet the concerns of others either. Steve likes to avoid conflicts if possible, and he can often be heard saying, lead me out of it. Avoid eating is leaving Well alone. When someone is unassertive and uncooperative, the tendency is to handle the conflict through avoidance. They don't address the conflict. You might use this mode when you want to reduce tension or by small time. It's sometimes the mode of diplomacy. It might mean postponing a decision while you gather more information. If the damage caused by ongoing conflicts is too great, you might also choose to avoid further conflict. You can also use this mode by delegating decision-making. This style doesn't work when the message is not heard or when the problem doesn't go away. Avoidance can cause stress, and avoidance at times looks bad. Went to avoid is when an issue is particularly trivially is only a passing importance, or when there are far more important issues to deal with. When you need more information. Or when you feel that you've got no chance of winning, when you perceive you've got no chance of satisfying your concerns. For example, when you have low power or you're frustrated by something which would be very difficult to change, such as national policies or someone's personality. Or when the disruption can be costly, when the potential damage of confronting a conflict outweighs the benefits. Avoidance is also useful to let people cool down to reduce tensions and to regain perspective when the time's not right. When gathering more information outweighs the advantages of making an immediate decision. 20. Accommodating: Julie is unassertive and highly cooperative. When faced with conflict, she will often give up on what she wants to make sure that the other party gets what they want. She will usually give into the other person's view. Accommodating is killing your enemy with kindness. When someone is highly cooperative and unassertive, conflicts tends to be handled through accommodation. They will neglect their own concerns to accommodate those of the other person. They enjoy solving other problems. There selfless, self-sacrificing and yielding. This mode might be appropriate when you want to create goodwill or keep the peace and preserve harmony, or when the relationship is more important than the issue. This style doesn't work when you can't please everyone. When you can be taken advantage of in terms of the project and in terms of your workload. Potential bad direction or bad ideas. And when expectations or roles are completely misunderstood. Accommodation is an appropriate mode when you realize that you're wrong. When continue competition would only damage your cause. When you know the other party needs your help. When the issue is much more important to the other person than to yourself to satisfy the needs of others and as a goodwill gesture. And when there's a need to build relationships and when preserving harmony and avoiding disruption are important. Accommodation is also important to help the developments of team members by getting them to experiment, to learn, and to allow a better position to be heard until learn from other people. 21. Basic Skills in Conflict Resolution: Whatever mode you use here are some basic skills for conflict resolution. Manage anger, urine, and the anger of other people. Look at ways in which you can work with anger effectively. Listen, actively. Avoid any assumptions. Find something that you can agree on. Be very cautious about using criticisms and judgments and negotiate. Try to find an effective solution that will satisfy both parties. 22. The Agreement Box: When two or more parties have difficulty with each other, this causes tension, wage increases over time, forcing the parties to confront each other. The conflict is then resolved or a stalemate occurs, or the conflict continues. One way of thinking about and reducing conflict is to find out where the agreement lies, where overlap occurs. And this is known as the agreement bulks. In conflicts, there are two extreme positions taken over what's possible and what's available. Usually the position is an ideal between what the person would really like and what they're prepared to accept. When the positions overlap. We have the agreement box. Any agreements between the two positions, x and y, that is, anywhere in the agreement box will be acceptable to both parties. The trick is to get the other side to move towards your position further they knew moved towards layers. To be successful, it's helpful to know what the other party or the other side wardens and what they're willing to settle for. You will need to know what you and they are willing to give up or negotiates and bargain around so that you can both move towards the agreement. Bach's harmony both expected return if you're going to bargain. When the person traits molding you do, the close of the resolution will be to what you want. Any resolution in the agreement box usually achieves a win-win solution because both sides settle within there agreed limits. And so a level of collaboration occurs. 23. Third Party Intervention: Occasionally, the conflict gets to a point where it can't be resolved sensibly and effectively between two individuals without having somebody else symbols. Third party intervention requires somebody to come in and referee the debate and the discussion and to really help the conflict to move forward. This person needs to be dispassionate about the conflicts and not have any interests in the outcome for one party or another, but remains completely unbiased. It's important that good relationships are the first priority in resolving conflict using third party intervention here some rules. Let everyone have their say as far as possible, make sure that both individuals talk about the situation from their perspective. Does listened to both needs treats each other calmly and need to treat each other in a way to build mutual respect. Do your best to ensure that both the courteous to each other and remain constructive under pressure. Keep the people in the problem set proteins. Recognize that in many cases, each individual is not just being difficult. Real and valid differences can lie behind conflict positions. By separating the problem from the person, real issues can be debated without damaging working relationships. Listening carefully and dispassionately to the interests that are being presented. By listening carefully, you can understand why each person is adopting his or her position. Both must listen first and talk second. To resolve a problem effectively, both have to understand where the other person's coming from before they defend their position. Agree and emphasize the similarities. Set out the facts, agree, and establish the objective observable elements that will have an impact on the decision and the outcome. Asked for their ideas on how to resolve the issue and to move forward, explore the options to gather, and then focus on and plan for the future. Make a decision as to the way in which both parties are going to work together to resolve the issue in the problem. Finally, they may not be a 100% happy, but if they're happy enough with the result, get agreements, work on, watches agreed, and the way forward. By following these rules, you can often keep contentious discussions, positive and constructive. And this helps to prevent the antagonism in the dislike, which so often causes conflict to spin out of control. 24. Working to Resolve Conflict: Here are some factors which are worth considering, which will impact on the way in which you manage any disagreements on the way in which you manage conflict. These questions are important for you to consider, particularly when the level of disagreements or when the conflict is escalating on becomes quite highly emotionally charged. How important is this for May? How important is it for me to win this argument? Where should I compromise? Should I compromise? Should I back down, or should we come to some level of agreement over the situation? What's my attitude to conflict? Do I tend to avoid conflict, or do I relish conflict? How important is my relationship to you? Do I need to keep the relationship intact? Is it an important relationship that needs to carry on over a period of time? Or is it a superficial, transient relationship of my relationship to you? Is not that important over the long term? How skilled Amaya dealing with conflict? Am I good at using my emotions? Well, am I good at using anger, frustration, anxiety well on dwork ing with these emotions in a positive way? Do I trust you? Do I have that level of trust, which will allow the conflict toe work in a way that we can build and develop the relationship in dealing with conflict. It's important to recognize where you are, where you are in the relationship on where the other person is. What is it that you both want? Where do you both want to bay? What's your intention? Which position do you think each person can realistically move to? Which position do you think the other person can realistically move to on which position do you think you can realistically move to? Is this some common ground here? What do you need to do in order to allow the other person to move to that new position? Let's have a look at the six stages of managing conflict. The first stage is to adopt a position of detached objectivity. Remember, it's important to be a subjective as possible. Take the subjectivity out of the situation. Take your emotions out of the situation. Stage two is to acknowledge the other person's position. Transit, from their perspective, empathize with what it is that they're thinking and what's just that they're feeling Stage three is to clarify your understanding of the other person's position. Ask them, ensure that you're right in the way in which you're thinking the way in which you're seeing things around their perspective. Stage four is to assert your own interests and your own needs. Stage five is toe identifying common ground. What do you agree on? What can you build upon? What can you do to work together To open this up, build up further areas of agreement? Stage six is then to plan the next steps together in terms of working together better and ensuring that the conflict is fully resolved and doesn't occur again. In the same way, Here is some wisdom around conflict resolution. Firstly, I think it's important to stress that it's very easy to talk about managing conflicts and resolving conflict in a theoretical way. In the heat of the moment, it becomes very emotionally charged, and it's very difficult to work with conflict in a positive way. However, it's important not to dwell on the symptoms of conflict. It's important not to trace it to its source and find out why it occurred, but to look at ways in which you can work with the conflict positively to move forward. There's no gender or age effecting conflict and in conflict handling. So it doesn't matter whether you're male or female, young or old. You're no better or no worse that getting into conflict and handling conflicts than anyone else. How disagreements are expressed influences the conflict situation. If people are feeling angry, how are they expressing their anger? If they're feeling annoyed, how are they expressing their annoyance? If they're feeling anxious, how are they expressing their anxiety personalities? They're going to affect how conflict is managed. The more you understand about yourself on the more self aware you are, the more you will be able to understand how you react in certain situations. What course is this, how you can work with it and how you could move forward on the way in which you can work with other people in order to build up better relationships. Aggression breeds aggression, so if you're aggressive, you're likely to provoke conflicts rather than work to resolve conflicts. It's important to approach conflict resolution by reducing the aggression as far as possible, be challenging and have clear goals. Challenging and clear goals can actually diffuse conflict. You know where you are and you know where you stand and you know where you want to bay. It may just be a case of agreeing what the outcomes and the goals are going to bay. How you handle conflict is going to affect other people on the way in which they work with conflict on their satisfaction around working with you. So it's important to get it right or get it is right as you possibly can.