CBT Psychology, Demolish Your Negative Thinking | Patrick Howell | Skillshare

CBT Psychology, Demolish Your Negative Thinking

Patrick Howell, International Best-Selling Instructor

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4 Lessons (24m)
    • 1. Putting Thoughts on Trial Challenging Negative Beliefs Skillshare Original Content

      8:26
    • 2. Mental Filtering

      7:30
    • 3. Solving Your Own Issues

      4:16
    • 4. Fact or Opinion?

      3:56

About This Class

Techniques rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Coaching and NLP that when worked through will help you demolish your negative thought patterns. 

Transcripts

1. Putting Thoughts on Trial Challenging Negative Beliefs Skillshare Original Content : human beings, you and I, we will always act, will always feel, and we will always perform in accordance with what we imagine. And that's the key word there. Imagine to be true about ourselves and our environment. I've studied self image psychology for many years, and I am personally vested in everything and anything that helps someone else begin to witness or to see themselves in a more positive way. The piece of insight that I began this video with that comes from Dr Malts, and that is one of the most profound insights that I have personally taken from someone else in my years of coaching. In my years of teaching, coaching to other people and in my 50 plus years of living, it's profound because imagination is truly a force of nature in your imagination. You see yourself a specific way and how you see yourself then reinforces and becomes your reality. So we see ourselves as being worthy or unworthy. We see ourselves as being a likable person or perhaps an unlikable person. We see ourselves as being a good, solid friend, or as someone who lets other people down, we can see ourselves as being sexy were perhaps being bland. We see ourselves as other attractive or unattractive, and all of these various ways of seeing ourselves. Although they feel riel, they are indeed a construct of what we imagine to be true. Yes, how you see yourself may have been fed by your past experiences. How you see yourself may have been fed by what someone else said about you are inferred about you an authority figure. But think about it for a moment. There are around seven billion people in the world. Many people have had similar experiences. Many people have been told similar things about themselves. And yet those other people have interpreted the meaning of those experiences quite differently. This putting your thoughts on trial technique is another process for shifting how you feel about yourself. It does this by challenging your negative beliefs and your negative self talk. What happens most often is while that there is typically some loose evidence that indicates that are negative beliefs about ourselves, our negative thoughts about ourselves, our true it's loose evidence. However, there is typically equal and usually mawr evidence solid evidence to mitigate those negative beliefs. This exercise is liberating to the mind, and it's also cathartic. It's cathartic because doing this exercise for the first time, if you're doing it with the client, it's the first time your client may have the opportunity to give voice to, to express and to recognize the folly within their negative belief sets. The reason it's liberating. The reason it's cathartic is that because while a person is in the throes of negative emotion, mother in the throes of that negative belief, those negative emotions prevent us from examining our beliefs and any rational way. We don't have the opportunity to pull back to distance ourselves from our thoughts and emotions, especially when they're charged in running high. And we know that when emotion goes up, intellect comes down. The exercise uses a simple T graph with two columns in the left hand column you argue and present evidence that would prove the belief and in the right hand column, you present all available evidence against that particular negative belief in a client scenario. Say your client thinks that they're unlikable, they have a low level of confidence around other people. They believe that at their very core, there, disagreeable to other people, begin the putting your thoughts on trial analysis by having your client first rate the depth of that negative belief on a scale of 1 to 10 10 being that they really believe it deeply and one being that they don't believe it's so much its surface level once they've raided the conviction of that belief. Now ask them What evidence? What examples? What incidents have you experienced over your lifetime that could be submitted as evidence that would uphold this negative belief? Now they may say to you, This is generic, of course, that they have trouble making new friends or that people seem to avoid them. Also, a really common response that you will hear from clients regarding why it is that they think they're negative thoughts are true. Clients will often times say, I don't really know why. I just feel like it's true. I feel this way. Once you've exhausted the evidence that supports that negative belief, then digging for the evidence that can prove the belief is false. What evidence? What examples? What incidents have you experienced that can be submitted within this trial? That would be an indication that your negative belief is not true, that it is false. As the coach, you want to also use any background information that you have about that individual client , and you'll use that information to ask them additional, disproving or against type questions. This could simply be things that you learned in a previous conversation. You may say something like, Well, client you mentioned to me a few weeks ago that you have to really good friends and that the three of you have remained extremely close through many struggles and over many years, I'm curious. What is it about you as a person that makes those two friends want to to be with you for so long? So you get the client talking and they respond that well, my friends know that I'm there for them 24 7 good or bad. I'm also extremely comfortable around my friends, so I'm typically the one who is acting silly, and I make them laugh. I baked them birthday cakes, and I always, always, always stand up for my friends. I also earned more money than they dio, so when I have the opportunity, I enjoy treating them to things like dinner or shopping. Now, once you've exhausted the evidence for and against which may take 15. It may take 30. It may take 45 minutes. Ask them than to read through all of the evidence, both for and against their negative belief after they've they've had the opportunity to soak it in. Both sides of the evidence. Have them re rate the depth of their negative belief, very similar to what they did at the beginning on a scale of 1 to 10. And what's really great is that even after a first pass with this exercise, it's common to see around a 40% improvement rating. So if the depth of their belief started at a five, it's reasonable for them to re rate that belief at, say, a four or five. 2. Mental Filtering : If I were to ask you to think of a filter and it's standard physical form, then you probably Anyway, you probably could relate to this prop that I'm holding to a coffee pot. A paper filter gets added to the coffee pot and then some coffee grounds and then a little bit of water that water mixes inside of that filter with those coffee grounds. And then, finally, that water passes through the paper filter to produce your hot cup of morning Joe, your morning coffee that you need in order to get started with your day. Mental filters. They behave in a similar way, however, instead of mental filters being made out of a thin piece of paper, mental filters are made out of the very fabric of your past experiences, of your beliefs, of your memories, mental filters, air made out of the values instilled in you. Your bias is your hopes, your fears so, needless to say, unlike a coffee filter, which is very simple in its construction mental filters, what's going on up here are built from a lot more complicated material. One of the foundations of life coaching is having an understanding as to why and how people communicate, the way that they dio all forms of communication, not just the verbal aspects of communication, but also the non verbal aspects of communication grasping hold of our understanding, comprehending the process of mental filtering. We'll give you much more clarity on your own and on other people's thought processes. It'll give you much more clarity on your own and other people's judgements as well as decisions. Now I would bet, anyway, I bet that most likely you don't or you have not given much thought to to thought itself. Or perhaps you have. But the truth is that it's it's pretty common to just assume that, Hey, I think what I think, However, there really is a very in depth process that's going on here whenever communication or any type of information. Whenever it enters into your awareness, it has to pass through those thick. And those complicated those filters the filters that we talked about and because those filters are thick and because those filters are extremely complicated and because each person has has their own unique and different set of filters that are based on their experiences that are based on that person's hopes that are based on that person's fears, their expectations for the future. And because of this, each person will experience information or communication that enters their awareness. They're gonna experience it completely differently, meaning that they're going to think they're going to feel, and they're going to react or behave differently to that that information or to that communication. Virginia City here, the the family therapist. She noted that one of three things happens to any information or communication that that enters and then has to pass through. Those complicated those thick those murky mental filters that information is either delete it either wholly deleted or partly deleted, distorted or generalized. So to say this in more of a layman's terms, the way that this would be said is that any information that enters awareness, any communication that enters awareness is never, ever really experienced in its pure and natural state. It's never recognized for what it is at this point. It's just information with absolutely no meeting. We human beings, you and I, we add meaning to that information and we add the meaning through our mental filters. Human beings, we are meaning making machines and let me give you an example. For Here's an example of this one person might see the lights of a police car, and they think that themselves hold. Another person may seem to see those same exact lights, and they get flushed with warm feelings. They start to think about their father or their grandfather, who are both now gone. But when they were alive, they were both policemen. Part of the relevance in knowing this type of information is really twofold. First, this knowledge, as as an individual, personally, enables you to take back control of your own mind. Understanding the process of mental filtering brings to the forefront and understanding of why it is that you think the way that you dio and then it makes accepting or rejecting any thoughts that enter your awareness. It makes that a present and available choice, whereas in the past when you didn't realize what was going on with filters in the past, the choice would not have been visible to you. It would not have been there would have been a blind spot, so the second thing is that by understanding mental filters, you can then communicate more effectively with other people. What happens is you begin to really appreciate on a deeper level how it's possible that other people, including your clients, including the coaching clients that come to you, how they can have such different viewpoints about information that seems the same. Understanding this model of fought and communication, the model of mental filtering will indeed, now that you understand this, it will add to your flexibility as a communicator. It will help you to relate better with different personality types. And yes, even though those personality types that in the past, perhaps you found very challenging to interact with. 3. Solving Your Own Issues: the sentence stem technique was developed by Dr Nathaniel Brandon. This is a very powerful technique for gaining insight and self awareness. It's also extremely helpful for achieving your goals to be considered a valid life coaching exercise, one that gets add it into a coach training course. The exercise has to meet some criteria has to be practical. It has to be supportive as well as focused on the entire person, the whole person. One of the most dynamic aspects of the sentence stem technique is that it Presupposes that you, in this case, the coaching student that you already possess within yourself the answer to most of your challenges and even if it may seem a bit out of place, we wanted to provide you with this tool early on in the program simply because it is a technique that you can fall back on any time that you face an obstacle. That obstacle could be while you're going through the course material, or perhaps within your practice with a client using this tool from the very beginning, we'll also give you clarity into actionable areas within your own life, and all of this just makes your learning journey more of up, motivating and more inspiring. I'd encourage you to use the exercise right away and then revisit the exercise at regular intervals. A sentence stem is a partially completed sentence, a sentence that includes your desired outcome, but it leaves blank the method for achieving that outcome. Here are a few examples of sentence stems I'd feel more at ease in social settings if I I'd be 10% more productive if I feeling happier today than I was last week would require me to , as you're probably taking notice. Sentence stems are very simple, However, they often times lead straight to tremendous, actionable insight. Here's how the exercises, typically assigned every day for the next seven days, work through the sentence stems that accompany this lecture. Set aside no more than than five minutes where you can relax each day. Find a spot where you're not going to be disturbed and without making any judgments about your thoughts or your responses. Right. 5 to 7 responses to each of those sentence stems. In order to allow your subconscious mind to bypass your conscious critical thinking while you're jotting down your responses aimed to write as quickly as possible. Jot down the first thoughts that come to your mind again, without judgment as to the content of those thoughts. In addition, while you are writing, don't look at what it is that you wrote the day before because you don't want to influence the outcome of today's ideas at the end of the seven days. That's when you'll review all of your responses. And as you're reviewing those responses, look to identify any common patterns in your writing. Responses that are repeated over and again are typically great areas to focus on. Of course, I'm only able to provide you with some generic examples. There is, however, an attachment to this lecture that will walk you through the sentence stem creation process . This way, you can feel at ease in creating your own sentence stems and teaching your clients to create. There's 4. Fact or Opinion?: all right, so, as you can tell, no video of me this time around. Instead, we're going to just briefly, really briefly, and then I'll leave it on you to work through the the exercise. But we want to check out the fact or opinion exercise. It's one that's used very often in coaching and therapeutic settings, primarily for the elimination of negative thoughts or the checking the dissemination, the breakdown of negative thoughts to determine if there were there weighty. If they really mean something, if they're based. In fact, where are they? Just general? A. NRI searched assumptions, things that that are produced by by filters, our mental filters, negative thoughts about yourself. They tend to become magnified, especially during times of emotional stress and emotional upheaval due to the proximity of thought meaning there your thoughts So their internal it's common to accept harmful thoughts about yourself, is being fact. However, thoughts unfortunately do not always tell the truth. They're not always above the board. The fact opinion exercise will help you to to objectively examine the validity of any unproductive thoughts. It helps you to distinguish whether your thoughts are indeed are they rooted. In fact, with the rest of the world, say the same exact thing. Where are those thoughts? Are they made up? Are they processed through all the good that your mental filters air holding? In the scientific community? The word hypothesis is typically used to describe an assumption. A guess, a starting point examining the thoughts that you have about yourself or about other people from the standpoint of it being Ah, hypothesis, a guess, a starting point, an assumption. It can be extremely helpful. It helps you to recognize that not every thought that you have about yourself that you have about other people that you have about your environment is true. Oftentimes, those thoughts amount to really nothing more than unchecked guesses to UN researched hypothesis to filtered opinions. I know we already talked in a previous video about putting your negative thoughts on trial . This is a similar exercise where you hold your thoughts up for scrutiny. You want to determine if that thought is indeed effect or if it's unsubstantiated. And that's where having a worksheet or having a process like this really comes in handy. It enables you to get the thought out on paper and then more objectively pan back from it. Look at it from a distant view and say to yourself, Is this really riel with the rest of the world? Say this Israel. Or is just this just a byproduct again of those mental filters? Of course, it's always best to challenge your own unique set of beliefs based on your own personal situation, where if you're walking through this exercise with a client based on their situation, the document in front of you just has a few statements that you can work through his practice. So read the statements and determine if they are facts or opinions. And even more important, get in the habit of identifying your own unproductive thoughts, your own unhealthy thoughts, the negative thoughts and make a better informed decision as to whether they are factual or opinion based.