Body Language - The Scientific Way | NICK SARAEV | Skillshare
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12 Lessons (1h 40m)
    • 1. The Curriculum

      1:11
    • 2. The Savannah & Social Value Theory

      5:56
    • 3. The Biology Behind Body Language

      9:55
    • 4. General Low Value Body Language

      7:22
    • 5. Low Value Analysis

      12:58
    • 6. General High Value Body Language

      8:23
    • 7. High Value Analysis

      12:03
    • 8. Romantic Body Language

      6:13
    • 9. Romance Analysis

      8:28
    • 10. Body Language in the Boardroom

      4:19
    • 11. Business Analysis

      9:31
    • 12. BONUS - Public Speaking Essentials

      13:19
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About This Class

I've said it before and I'll say it again: if you're into self-development, body language is a low hanging fruit.

It is by far the easiest and most impactful thing you can change to catapult you ahead in your career, love, and social life.

Hi, I'm Nick.

I'm a body language coach and a neuroscience researcher living in Vancouver.

My goal is to make you as powerful and high-status as possible by changing how you move your body.

Sound fun?

Earlier I mentioned that body language is a low hanging fruit. Let me explain.

All of us want to be confident, attractive, and successful, right?

That’s one of the big reasons you’re looking at online courses in the first place.

But the amazing thing about good body language is that it kills all three birds with one stone. 

Here's some quick science:

Fact: having good body language helps you close more deals and make more money (Bowden & Ford, 2013)

Fact: having good body language makes you a better romantic prospect (Hall & Xing, 2015)

Fact: having good body language literally makes you happier and increases your confidence (Carney, Cuddy & Yap, 2010; Soussignan, 2002)

Fact: nonverbal signals make up the majority of communication (Mehrabian, 1972)

The jury is out on this one; good body language is essential.

That being said, I'm tired of people making body language seem more complicated than it is. Self-proclaimed "gurus" and "pros" try and trick you into thinking you need hours and hours of instruction to even be moderately capable. But that's not me.

My approach when developing this course was to be as concise and straightforward as possible, and tell people the truth:

You can learn everything you need to know about body language in approximately one hour.

60 minutes. One-and-a-half lunch breaks.

When I'm coaching clients, most of them only need one session. Because by the end of it, they know everything they need to know. That's what I mean by simple. I've distilled years of neuroscience, evolutionary psychology, and communications research into a small but effective 1-hour package.

I'm not here to sell you on course after course of increasingly complex and redundant information.

I'm here to give you everything you need to be better than >95% of the rest of the population in one hour. Functional, applicable knowledge you can start using right away.

Now, I don’t know about you..

.. but if I could make more money, become more attractive, and become a more confident person with an hour of simple work, I’d be all over it!

Sign up today and become a better communicator! See you inside :-)

* Includes a 30 day no-risk money back guarantee. If you're not completely satisfied with our product, let us know and you'll happily be
refunded!

** COURSE UPDATED WEEKLY **

References:

Bowden, M. and Ford, A. (2013). Winning body language for sales professionals. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Carney, D. R., Cuddy, A. J., & Yap, A. J. (2010). Power posing: Brief nonverbal displays affect neuroendocrine levels and risk tolerance. Psychological science, 21(10), 1363-1368.

Hall, J. A., & Xing, C. (2015). The verbal and nonverbal correlates of the five flirting styles. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 39(1), 41-68.

Mehrabian, A. (1972). Nonverbal Communication. New Brunswick: Aldine Transaction.

Soussignan, R. (2002). Duchenne smile, emotional experience, and autonomic reactivity: a test of the facial feedback hypothesis. Emotion, 2(1), 52. 

Transcripts

1. The Curriculum: Hi there. Welcome to our course. This is the first module, and in this module we're gonna learn the evolutionary reasons why body language is such a fundamental indicator of someone's social value. We're also gonna talk a bit about some physiological correlates, a different kinds of body language, a k how somebody's brain chemistry actually changes with touch, as well as how your own body language can tell everybody else things that even you may or may not know about yourself. Now, the cornerstone behind a lot of the things that we're gonna learn about throughout our course is something called social value theory, which is a framework that applies what we know about simple economics, like supply and demand and pricing to the idea behind how people value each other in a society what people bring to the table. Why is it when that big super successful CEO walks into the party, everybody stops. They're doing for a second and looks over at them, whereas when a server or a waitress walks by you in a restaurant, most people barely notice, and it actually sounds counterintuitive, but it doesn't have anything to do with what job title a person has. It has to do with how they carry themselves. And that's what we're gonna be talking about in the next video on social value theory. See you there. 2. The Savannah & Social Value Theory: Hey there. So in this video, I'm gonna teach you guys an incredibly powerful framework that we're gonna be using for the rest of the course. It's not pretty or romantic, and if anything, it's actually kind of depressing and pragmatic. But it is also incredibly powerful. Social value theory is more or less the unspoken language that has permeated every social interaction out there since the beginning of social interactions themselves. It's a product of our evolutionary history, and the basis for social value theory was actually ingrained in us hundreds of thousands to millions of years ago, back when he lived and hunted in tribes. And it wasn't until very recently that people were actually able to start characterizing how social value theory works on the basis of economics. At the end of the day, the reason social value theory is so important is because it answers this one question. Who here has the most power? Who here can do the most damage to other people if they really wanted to? And I don't want to confuse power with physical prowess, for example, because while physical prowess is a very important component of power, that's actually not all power is the best real definition I've found so far of power is that power is the ability to influence or control the behavior of other people. And so if you apply that to our definition of social value theory, the definition becomes who here has the most ability to influence or control the behavior of other people? And obviously the answer to that question has very real implications for our survival. It had very real implications hundreds of thousands of years ago when we around the African savannas, and it is very real implications for survival today in the corporate world, in the social world and in the world of relationships. So then how do we answer that question? How do we find out just who has the most power in a given social situation? Well, this is where evolutionary psychology plays a role. Let's think back to several 100,000 years ago, back when we lived in tribes, there was inevitably always a person at the top. This was the top dog or the Alfa. Now, if the Alfa wanted something from you, you either gave it to them, or most often you would suffer an excruciatingly painful death. So what made the Alfa so Alfa? It was usually genetics, usually due to luck of some draw, they were bigger, stronger, more physically intimidating and ultimately able to do stuff better with their body than everybody else. So if this is our social pyramid here, the higher you got up the social pyramid that bigger and scarier other people would get. Whereas the lower you got down the social pyramid that smaller and the weaker people would get. And the only real way to know where you stood on this pyramid was to get the crap kicked out of you Enough times to know that the guy one rung above you on the ladder could kill you. But the guy one rung below you on the ladder, you could go. Now, in order for you to pass on your genes, you need to be alive until the point that you do the deed. And here is where it all comes back to body language. Statistically speaking, if you were a low value individual, what kind of body language do you think would provide you the highest amount of safety in a physical altercation? Would it be this my hands behind my head, which exposes my vital organs, my chest, my under arms and puts myself in kind of an awkward position that start defending myself. Or would it be something like this crossing my arms, hunting my neck, hiding my vital organs, covering my underarms, bawling my fists up and ultimately getting ready for a fight, Obviously, the latter example. So lower value individuals who are at a significantly higher risk of dying attempted to offset that higher risk by adopting behaviours. That would increase the likelihood for their survival in the case of a physical altercation , whereas higher value individuals, given that they were at a significantly lower risk of dying, did not need to offset that risk. Now, you might be saying, but wait a minute. That was 100,000 years ago. We barely ever get into big fights. Now, how does this apply to me? And the answer to that question is that we haven't really physically evolved much since those tribal days back on the African savanna. Sure, we've made fantastic advancements in science, technology, mortality rates, but these are all products of cultural evolution and not necessarily our physical evolution . So for the most part, the things that we responded to 100,000 years ago, we still respond to today. These behaviors are actually wired into every cell in our body, our DNA codes for the expression of either vulnerable or safe body language, given the specific situation. And this is instinctive and it's super super hard for most people to remove on their own. And because of this, because the fact that pretty much every person on the planet abides by this evolutionary law, human beings use the relative expression of safe versus vulnerable body language as an indicator of our social value. And by that logic, we now have a road map to how to appear powerful in social situations, which is to use vulnerable body language like the office did. And we're getting the how to do this in the next module. All right, so that takes us to the end of the video. Here we went over social value theory through the lens of evolutionary psychology. We talked about how back in our tribal days, the people at the top of the social hierarchy the Alphas were big and physically intimidating. And because of this lower value individuals needed to adopt very safe body language in order to offset the higher risk of death in a physical altercation. And we also mentioned how humanity hasn't really physically evolved very much since then. Modern humans still use this safe versus vulnerable body language as a relative indicator of someone's social value. But and here's a bit of foreshadowing. It's not only an indicator of social value, it's something else, too, and I'll explain that in the next video. 3. The Biology Behind Body Language: Hey there. So we talked for a while of a social value theory, and I mentioned how, despite the fact we've come so far as a species over the last several 100,000 years, the actual biological underpinnings of our behavior hasn't really changed much. And I also said that almost social value theory explains most of body language. There's also an additional layer of complexity that most other people don't talk about, and I want to dive into it right now, right here with you guys. It's called pacification theory, and it's actually used by FBI agents all across the world to help guide questioning in the interrogation room. And I've said this before, and I will say it again. Pacification theory at its core is the idea that when people are emotionally distressed, they will touch themselves, and it sounds funny and relatively sexual. But we're gonna distance ourselves from that for just a second, and we're actually going to take a look at how pacification three works. Nero biologically idea Number one is that emotional distress makes your brain feel crappy. Now a lot of research has been done in this area, and many prominent researchers have actually shown that emotional pain, like in anxiety or a break up, where bullying will light up the same brain areas that are active during physical pain. So any emotional pain at the end of the day is a stimulus that's interpreted by your brain as something negative. Something to avoid. Now, on the other side is his idea. Number two. Being touched for a human being is generally a positive stimulus because we're social creatures and touch was a very large part of how we communicated before we developed spoken word and spoken language. And even today people touch each other all the time is a sign of connection. We shake hands, we hug, we kiss, regardless of where it is on your body. If it's sexual or non, it doesn't actually matter. But the brain will always release certain chemicals and neurotransmitters in response to being touched in a nonviolent manner. An example is think of a mom stroking her baby's hair. Why does the baby like a A good example of this is rats. Rats lick each other like a lot of other animals. Mother rats like baby rats when they're young and science has shown that if a baby rat grows up without a mother ratting your bite like them. Every once in a while, the baby rat will actually become severely cognitively and emotionally stunted. And the reason for this is because touches actually essential to the proper formation of the rat brain. Every time the mama rat licks the baby rat, a bunch of necessary chemicals are being released in the Baby rat's brain that are needed to perform some type of developmental function. And if the baby rat doesn't get those chemicals, then the baby wrapped brain isn't gonna form correctly. And that's just an example. But it works in a very similar way in the human brain as well. So we've established that nonviolent touching releases a bunch of feel good chemicals. Another idea that we need to consider is Idea number three, which is something called Homo Stasis. Now, homie of Stasis is basically the idea that there is an endogenous or internal set point in your brain. Just like your thermostat controls your temperature, your brain controls and maintains a bunch of biological things. If you set your thermostat to 21 degrees in the temperature read by the sensor is 25 degrees. Your thermostat might flick on the air conditioner and start cooling the house until it's back down to 21 degrees. Whereas if it's lower than that, say, 15 degrees, you heaters gonna come on and it's gonna start warming up the house. And this is more or less the exact same way. Home in a Stasis works except instead of temperature. It's chemicals. It's emotions. It's a bunch of different things. The idea is that if something shifts away from that biological set point, ah, bunch of processes, we're gonna immediately kick into action to try and rectify it. So if normally there's only like five nanograms per mil, a leader of a certain molecule floating around your blood and for some reason you eat something that pushes that chemical up to six nanograms for Miller Leader, then your body is gonna engage in a bunch of internal processes to try and get rid of those extra molecules until the concentration goes back down to five nanograms. Familiar. Your body is a certain place that likes to be, and when it's not there, it'll spring in action and try and get it back. So that's idea. Number three. Now we can get in a pacification theory. Here is what pacification theory? Really, ISS Any time you feel negative emotions, anytime you have a negative emotional stimulus because you're uncomfortable, maybe your public speaking or maybe you just got broken up with whatever it may be, your brain will try and get back to your normal emotional set point by giving you a positive stimulus in response. So if you feel crappy or below a certain threshold, your body will try and make you feel better until you're back above that same threshold. And given what we just talked about, one excellent positive stimulus that is always literally within your reach is your own ability to touch different parts of your body. So when you feel bad, your brain will push you to touch yourself toe, rub your neck or to rob under your eyes, or maybe to clench your fists or bite your nails or a myriad of other self stimulating or what we call pacifying behaviors. And for some of you, that's probably enough. But for those that haven't taken a biology course or those of you that don't have an explicit biology background, I want to take the next minute or so and actually break this down just a tiny bit more so. Human skin and actually just skin in general thing about skin and one of its primary functions is that skin feels stuff and how your skin does. This is through having a bunch of very microscopic nerve endings on it called sensory receptors. Now, the way these receptors activate is based off deformation. When a part of your skin gets touched, a bunch of these sensory receptors are gonna deform a little bit. They'll actually physically change shape of the microscopic level. And when they change shape, they're actually opening a bunch of tiny, poorest channels on them. Feel that allow the flow of molecules in the liquid that surrounds them to come inside. And these molecules are charged. When you have a charged molecule that actually crosses a membrane, there becomes a change in the voltage between one side of the membrane and the other, and this change in voltage is gonna end up causing an electrical reaction in the sensory receptor. This electrical reaction then causes the sensor receptors to fire to shoot out their own electrical activity. which sends a signal that travels up to your brain, which your brain then interprets as stimulation. Now your brain really like stimulation. Its main function is actually to receive information. Okay, stimulation and processing as literally white exists. So obviously, stimulation your brain feels good. That's why there's so many people out there addicted to TV, addicted to drugs, video games, all that stuff because it's all very easy stimulation. But many way they crave stimulation and stimulation to your brain feels good. We know this now. So then, obviously, the more stimulation, the more good you'll feel. And there's certain areas in your body with a higher concentration of sensor receptors than other areas, like obviously your sex organs, but also non erogenous areas like your hands and your mouth, which actually have the highest number of sensory receptors in the entire body. So when your hands or your mouth or touched it feels really, really good, not is get a sexual stimulation but still really good. And this is actually one of the biggest pacifying behaviors out there, biting your nails or biting your lips when you're stressed out because based off the pacification theory, we just introduced The stress is a negative stimulus. But the nail biting or the lip biting is actually a positive stimulus to your brain, right? It feels good. So as per home eo Stasis, which was idea number three. The stress and the nail biting are actually gonna cancel each other out for a net result of zero And your brain really like zero. This was the missing part of our pie. This, combined with social value theory, adequately explains body language because if you guys remember from before, we had high value and we had low value, which remember, was the difference between vulnerable and high value versus safe and low value. But now we have an additional feature. When people feel bad or uncomfortable, they're gonna try and touch themselves to pacify those negative stimuli. This is why, when people get really tired, oftentimes you'll see them do stuff like this. Now, if you really want to simplify and actually get a lot of people to do this out of simplicity when they're first learning that you can think of pacification is being just another part of social value theory. Because if you think about it, pacification by default is basically just a low value behavior. Back in the tribal days, the alphas would rarely ever feel negative emotional stimuli like anxiety or nerves. They were usually super confident. And to be honest, they had every right to be because I could usually kick the crap out of anything that might never make them feel bad. So the more displays of negative emotional stimuli a person shows in the lower value they would be. If it helps, you can think of a pacification then it's just another part of social value theory, and I'm gonna give you tons of examples of both of these in the next module. All right, that takes us the end of the idea of pacification. In this video, we learned what pacification waas and how it works biologically, which remember, was through three ideas. Number one. Emotional pain is a negative stimulus member to getting touched is a positive stimulus, and number three, the brain kind of like your thermostat always wants to maintain on emotional set point. And that concludes most of the theory aspect of our course Now. The rest, of course, is going to be focused entirely on practical examples and analysis. Season 4. General Low Value Body Language: Hey there. So we now understand the theory behind body language. We've talked about social value theory and pacification and just a quick recap. Social value theory answers the question. Who has the most power out of the people around me and in parallel, You can kind of think of a pacification like a question, too. And the question here is, how uncomfortable are the people around me? That being said, we now have indicators of both power and comfort. And with these two indicators, we're gonna look at a bunch of examples of both low value and high value body language, both generally and in specific contexts like business or romance. And then and this is actually the most informative part. We're gonna have an analysis section where I break down other people's body language and actually in real time, narrate why they're doing what they're doing. So we'll start with general low value body language. Now, these are behaviors that aren't exclusive to business or romance. You'll see these when you're talking your friends. You'll see them when you're on the subway coming back from work, and once you have an eye for just three or four of these behaviors, you're going to start noticing them literally everywhere. Number one is arms crossed. You take your hands and you place them here. Now this is the ultimate low value body language behaviour. And can you guess why you confirm this in two ways? One with pacification theory and the other was social value theory. Now it's pacifying because the pressure it puts on my midsection, the fact that I'm clenching my fists really hard and I'm almost hugging myself. You think about it, which is very self stimulatory, and in terms of social value theory, you can see it's low value because it's a defensive posture. I am protecting myself. My forearms are covering the most vulnerable areas of my torso, where all of my internal organs are. And you can imagine if somebody attacked me with a rock or something that have to get through my forums first before they could get to my heart or my lungs. Number two is your hand rubbing the back of your neck. Now, keep in mind, this is different than having both hands in the back. Your head, which is we'll talk about the next section, is actually a high value behavior and just to clarify a lot of the behaviors that we're gonna talk about a really similar, except for maybe one or two very tiny things that completely change up the way they demonstrate your value. So make sure you understand the slight distinctions between each. But the reason rubbing the back your neck is low value is because it's a very strong, passive fire. Neck muscles are among the tightest and most knotty muscles in your body, and because they have to hold up your head the entire day, you can relieve a lot of that tightness with light pressure on the back of the neck, which obviously feels really good, making it a very strong, positive stimulus to your brain, meaning that if you see somebody rubbing their neck a lot, they're probably either uncomfortable, anxious or tired. And all three of these are low value behaviors. Number three is taking your fingers and massaging the bridge of your nose. Now this is pretty clearly a past among behavior as well. The rationale behind it is very similar to rubbing your neck. The face is highly innovated, and rubbing it here feels really good. Plus this puts a lot of pressure in your Sinuses, which can often get clogged and feel pretty uncomfortable. So overall, doing this is a pretty big pacifier. Number four is biting your nails now. We already talked about this a bit in the last video, but biting your nails can feel really good to a lot of people because the fingertips are our primary mode of touch sensation, meaning they are super innovated. And if you take a step back and think about it for a second, this makes sense, evolutionarily, because we're gonna need to be super innovated if we want to manipulate objects and make tools and do all the other cool stuff that humans do. So you'll often see people do this in response to stress, anxiety or discomfort. Number five is biting your lips, which is a very strong, passive fire because, like your fingertips, your lips are very sensitive. Number six is rubbing your eyes, which is very similar conceptual to rubbing your nose, but it's actually a tiny bit worse because it also has a couple evolutionary connotations. Now we often judge what people intend to do based on which direction their eyes were looking So if you hide your eyes from someone and they can't see where we're looking at, they're gonna trust us, even if it's just for a moment while you know you're rubbing them. You see people do this a lot when they are tired, because the muscles around your eyes get very tense throughout the day. And you also see people do this lot when they're attempting to avoid confrontation with someone as well a k not looking Another person's eyes. Number seven is scratching or clinching or just rubbing your hands. And this puts a lot of pressure on your ponds in your fingertips, which is a very strong passive fire. Additionally, this can also show aggressive intent because if you're balling up your fists like this, it implies that you intend to use them in some capacity. So if you can't yourself doing this a lot, be very careful. Number eight and you can't actually see my feets. You're not getting the full picture, but it's tilting your body at an angle to the person that you're interacting with. Now, when you stand like this, you are exposing your entire torso to whoever you're talking to, which general indicates both trust and comfort, because if somebody wanted to attack you, they would have direct access to you. They just reach out and hit your entire exposed chest. But if you ever see somebody do this, then be aware that this is a one low value and two very defensive posture. By standing at an angle, you minimize the surface area that a potential enemy can attack, and you actually widen your basis support in case the person in front of you tries toe, push you to the ground or something, which makes you much more balanced. It's actually more effective to stand like this in a fighting situation. To which is why you almost always see this kind of posture in May or boxing or even sore fighting. The key here is to look at their feet. If their feet are angled around 45 degrees away from you, then they're not comfortable. Either they want to leave, either they want to stop talking to you, or they think some type of physical altercation is coming up. Number nine is putting your hands in your pockets and actually left this sort of the end because it's special. The reason putting your hands in your pockets is low. Value is because of your thumbs. Your thumbs signal. Very high value, very presence of your thumbs is usually a good thing, right? Thumbs up. The reason for this may be that your thumb is the most important of all five digits of your hand because it's opposable and lets you grasp objects and ultimately make them into tools and all the other fun stuff humans dio. But if you hide your thumbs away in your pockets, you can lose that. It could also be a pacifier because think of the pressure on putting on my aunt's. And a lot of people fall back on putting their hands in their pockets just cause they're not confident in the way that they look to be completely honest, they don't really know what to do with them. So they put them in their pockets like this, thinking it makes them look less awkward. All right, so that takes us to the end of this video. When I went over here was more or less the nine most common low value body language behaviors that you guys are going to see out there in the real world, and you may see some very slight variance to what I just mentioned. But for the most part, that's it. Once you understand these nine behaviors, you guys are gonna be able to analyze and predict all other people while also eliminating these low value behaviors from your personal body language repertoire to make you higher value yourself. 5. Low Value Analysis: Okay. Welcome, everybody. This is the first body language breakdown of our analysis section. And what I picked for this video was a Conan interview of Ryan Reynolds, of all people, who is what I would definitely consider a high value, Ah, high value person. But you'll see in this interview that fact betrays him quite a bit. And I suspect part of it is due to the fact that he just isn't socially warmed up, you know, either he just got off a plane, or maybe he was rehearsing scripts all day or whatever, but you'll see that over the course of the interview, he gets significantly more comfortable now, something want to point out before actually start. The analysis is, a lot of these behaviors are incredibly, incredibly subtle there things that 95% of people would not notice upon first glance, and it's difficult to tune your eye to look for them. And a good rule of thumb is every single behavior, no matter how minuscule it may seem to you at the time, is a potential passive fire. Okay, keep that at the back your mind, because stuff that 95% of you guys wouldn't even have considered to be a body language behaviour you'll see in this video actually is. And the way that I'm gonna structure this analysis is I'm going to start the video. And any time I see a behavior that to me personally rings a red flag or something that I think tells us a tiny bit more about Ryan's emotional state during this interview, I'll stop it, do a brief explanation and then keep going. So without further ado, it's you are ladies, please. Okay, so first thing I want to talk about right off the bat and this is a perfect example of what I mean by subtlety. Ryan Reynolds back there was rubbing his thighs incredibly vigorously. Now we haven't actually talked about rubbing thighs. Specifically, I get to this in the business section, but I didn't including a low value body language section, cause you actually don't see this a lot outside of business contexts. But I guess one could consider an interview a business context. I wake us to notice that the second Ryan sits down and the onus of conversation is now on him. Him being the focal point of this interview, he immediately starts rubbing the hell out of his thighs like check this out. Now 95% of people wouldn't even notice this as an explicit body language behaviour. Rather, they just wouldn't even pick up on this consciously. But subconsciously, the screams low value because whereas rubbing your eyes, let's say a rubbing your nose or rubbing the back your neck or whatever is a strong passive fire. Rubbing the rather rubbing up and down your thighs vigorously is Ryan is doing right now and will continue to do throughout. The rest of the interview is a massive swath of skin surface area. If you think about the eye, that's like what maybe like two square inches, four square inches or so, vs the amount of surface area of rubbing both eyes at the same time. If you math out the density of skin surface receptors in both areas, you'll find that there are other comparable or significantly more for rubbing your thighs. So and this is a pretty strong passive are. The reason he's doing it again is because the onus of conversation is about to go on to him . He knows that he's about to start talking and that he is not really super into the mood right now, right? He's not super socially warmed up as was. We'll see. And I'm philosophizing a tiny bit just cause I've seen this interview multiple times and it tells us a tiny bit more about his behavior than these seven seconds have. But you will see as it goes on you are ladies, please. Okay, so we see a postural readjustment from Ryan Reynolds. He was sitting Not really. That comfortably here is gonna leaning forward. But then again, Conan makes a joke of some kind. And the onus of the conversation goes back onto Ryan. The second Jonas, a conversation went back onto Ryan. What does he do? Rubs his thighs and then posture? Lee readjusts. And it's worth noting that postural readjustment is a huge passive fire. Think of the entire body like half that is getting stimuli at that moment in time, right? Clearly, he feels uncomfortable in some way. I think I'll be honest. I think it's a combination of both of us. That's exciting, I think, to synergistic effect, the height, the height I have. Okay, let's get right into that because I've known you for quite a long time. You're OK. Another thing I want you guys to notice, Conan said. Let's get right into it. That signals the beginning of the actual interview and for about maybe two seconds there. Ryan was fine, but the second cone and said, Let's get right into it. You saw Ryan all of the sudden start to lunch. His fists, rub his fingers and scratch. I'm certain parts of his hand, which, if you guys remember from the low value general body language example section lost video is a very strong pacifier and notice how he continues to do so is the interview progresses and how this changes over time. You're one of my favorite actors. You're very funny, very versatile. But I will tell you something. I went and saw a green lantern the other night, which we really enjoyed. I start with staff, and I was getting irritated because the women on my staff, every time you're on screen are making noises. They're they're swooning in a big lunch. No, no, no, no. Another very interesting feature of this interview is that Ryan Reynolds here being not very socially warmed up? It looks anyway um, just try to crack a joke, right? He made some joke as toe rubbing his ballet or something like that. But Ryan is in classic validation seeking mode right now, as evidenced by his body language and by the fact that immediately after he made this joke immediately after you saw him unsure of whether or not it was a hit and that unsure nous is a big stressor, right? He wanted to confirm that. Oh yeah, other people do find this funny, and you see during that period where he's unsure of whether or not other people really did find it funny, he immediately starts pacifying again. No, no, no. There was a women on my staff and and then he continues, and now another pacify that we haven't talked about explicitly in this video. But we talk about in the context of romance is he starts playing with his coughs, which again is a pacifier crazy. For I was becoming in radio drama screening up with jealousy. I'm 1/4 my chopped liver on the farthest thing from again. He's rubbing his thighs, and at this point, you guys probably a pretty good I for at least the thigh rubbing, but I won't say it gets worse. It gets significantly better over the course of the interview. That's probably the worst of it. Let's see if there's any more. God, you had chopped liver all over you. It was almost defensive there. I do not know who this gentleman's name who is the gentleman is. I don't know his name, but the onus of conversation flipped over to him. And when it flipped over to him, he made some type of comment that supposedly Ryan would have to respond to. And you can tell the second that that happened, right? Almost primed himself to start pacifying. He's like, Oh, crap, crap stresses coming up. I got to get ready to, like, release all those feel good chemicals head chopped liver all over right there. And I was like, Okay, no, I'm not gonna have to talk. I can keep going with Conan here. My naked I do look like chocolate. That's not gonna have a big game that way. Well, here's what I'm curious about. A lot of people go through an opera stage where you always good with the ladies. Do you always have game? What were you, like as a kid? I No, not really. I mean, I You know, I really until I was like, 18. I looked like a Vietnamese girl. Okay, something really cool happened here to and again. I watched this before, so I know kind of what's happening here. But while he's telling the joke he's pacifying, he's unsure of whether or not this is gonna be a hit. When he tells the joke afterwards, people laugh. Clearly, things went pretty well. Notice how the frequency that he's touching his hands changes throughout this maybe three or four second intervals. I looked like a Vietnamese girl. Yeah, I remember right, you know, took me a while to learn that you could actually talk to girls. I remember in elementary school usedto accidentally fall on Sarah Cam Field during volleyball practice. And, you know, just a few years later that that's illegal. Yeah, straight up. Inappropriate. That was your technique was just out for falling on you again. Yeah, is playing with his hands pretty vigorously here, so he's clearly still uncomfortable, but he's coming out of the woodwork. We haven't seen a Roberts ties in a while. That's just thought this is nice. Did you? And safe to say at this point he's no longer pacifying his hands for a little bit. He's feeling a tiny, bit more confident. No, not that. Not that so much. But and it's also important for me to note that one of the reasons that he probably does is because interviews while they aren't scripted or canned, Ryan and Conan go over a few of the subject point that they're gonna talk about later in the interview before the interview actually starts just so that everybody's on the same page during the interview. So you can tell Ryan it's starting to get into the swing of things, go over some of the material that he talked about and some stuff that he has a strong feeling, actually will be ahead right? So less unexpected stuff like the beginning of the interview I years later, when I got to high school, that's that's where a lot of the trouble started for me. I mean, I was I was in this went to a public school in Vancouver, and, um um, we lost the hockey game like that, for example, find me and I mean he wasn't pacifying there for your five second stress. I didn't even mention it tonight on the show because I thought you'd be upset. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, lovely images. The Yeah, I was. I was in high school, and that's work. I got a lot of. It's important to note, too, that what Ryan did here is he moved his right hand over to touch his lip, pacified a tiny bit. Likely because Conan asked him a question he had to continue on, whatever the vein of conversation that he was currently on. And he was a caught a tiny bit off guard. And this may or may not have been super noticeable to you guys. I'm gonna play that back or one more time. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Lovely images. The Yeah, I was I was in high school, and that's work I got. So he was a bit unsure of himself. He kind of was catching his bearings here is like, Oh, crap. Exactly how do I say this story? Oh, yeah. Trouble way. Advice, battle. Just he had it out for me in the moment was a dead man walking because you're such a nice guy. He went to school with my dad, hated him, and then and then and then my brother got kicked out of out of my high school is when my older brother for accidentally punching a teacher in the face. How do you accidentally punch a teacher in the face that you do? Because he was aiming for another teacher? Nailed Mr Site right in the face. And another thing I want to notice here is that over the course of may be the last three minutes, and this is actually all I'm gonna analyze of his video because in terms of low value body language, it cuts off right around here. He starts being significantly higher value. He starts talking well, Aside from that, one little stretch here starts talking a lot more with his hands and just ultimately gets a lot more comfortable. But you'll see that he's a man, spreads very slowly over the course of three minutes. It isn't super crazy man spreading or anything, but the width of his knees from each other literally increases as you go from 2 45 all the way back here, you'll see they start to close a tiny bit. It's very subtle, very subtle. But they dio there are about here before and then later on the gets not super wide, but fairly wide right. So it's important to note that these changes occur kind of on two levels. Baker on the second to second scale, and the changes also occur on the minute to minute scale. You can think about it as almost how we describe social value theory and pacification theory, as in pacification theory, is more or less just an extra layer of complexity to social value theory, right? We talk about high value versus low value will. Now pacification is talking about some comfort versus discomfort, and in this way you can see that pacification behaviors can kind of be broken down into two levels of complexity as well. One is the occurrence or incidents of each pacification behavior kind of instantaneously in that moment in time, and the other is the increase or decrease in the frequency of that behavior over time. And subsequently, some of these behaviors have longer time periods like the 2 to 3 minutes slow spreading of his legs apart than others do. So that's that for low value body language, and the next analysis section is gonna be on general high value body language. Stay tuned 6. General High Value Body Language: Hey there. So this video is gonna be on general high value body language examples, and what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna do them with you the same as last time. And then after we're gonna run through why and how they work now there's one important distinction I want to make between high value and low value behaviors. And that's that. There is a difference between sitting and standing. A couple behaviors that are high value while standing are actually low, valuable sitting and vice versa. But we'll start with standing. Number one is a behavior called arms akimbo. I have no doubt you've all seen this before. It's the classic power pose the signals, dominance, confidence and high value. And the reason it signals high value is because by placing your hands on your hips like this, your elbows jet out to the sides, and this gives people the impression that you're actually bigger than you actually are. Also notice that this is more or less the exact opposite of a crossing her arms was because where is crossing your arms was protecting your internal organs right? By putting your forearms in front of you like this arms. A Kimbo leaves your torso completely bare. And if you were a low value individual and you were afraid of getting attacked by another member, your tribe and potentially dying, remember you would not be doing this, making it a high value behavior. Number two is interlacing your hands behind your head like this, and we've already mentioned why. It's because this exposes both my under arms and my torso, and it puts me in kind of a weird position to start defending or attacking back right. The only time anybody would actually do this was if they were completely comfortable in their surroundings. And the only people that were traditionally completely comfortable on their surroundings were the alphas or the individuals that were at the top of their social hierarchy. Number three is self grooming, basically picking stuff off your clothes or cleaning your nails or just grooming yourself in general. Now, why would this be high value? Well, do you guys typically groom yourselves when you're scared for your life? No. The only time anybody would ever do this is if they were completely comfortable. And again, the only people there usually ever completely comfortable are the people out better at the top of their social hierarchies. So what we can do is we can emulate that high value by grooming in social situations, and it's important to note this is actually very dismissive behavior. It literally says, I don't care enough about you to stop picking lint off my clothes, so you need to be very careful where you use this, but it still could be very effective, particularly in social situations, where you want to demonstrate superiority or of dominance. Number four is having your thumbs out of your pockets. So if you do decide to put your hands in your pockets, keep your thumbs out like this. We talked about this a bit in the last video, but a quick recap, your thumbs display confidence, the display high value right thumbs up. So you're gonna want to keep them out as much as possible. Number five is having your legs wide while standing still. Keep around shoulder with your land of looking weird. Now this is high value because you're taking up much more space than you explicitly require , and you're also leaving your entire lower half, especially if you're a man vulnerable and men who are scared of getting kicked in the nuts would probably not stand like this. So by doing it, you're indicating that you're not afraid of attack. Number six is having one leg crossed around the other while standing. Now, this is high value, because think about this. What am I gonna do if somebody jumps out in attacks? May I'm pretty much screwed. I'm totally off balance my basis support a k a. The thing that connects me to the ground. My feet is very small overall. And if I want to start moving, I first have to uncross my legs before I do anything. It takes a lot of precious time. So logic dictates that if I was afraid of danger, like a low value individual would be back in our tribal days, I would not be doing this making the very active doing it high value, right? I'm demonstrating comfort, and now we'll move on to sitting with number seven, which is resting your arm on something about shoulder height. Now, this is I value because it takes up more space than I explicitly need. And it's also leaving my chest and my entire torso region vulnerable. You see it a lot on public transit, in restaurants and even in meetings. And sometimes what people will actually do is they will subconsciously pull a second share beside them. Just they can rest their arm on it. And after doing so, they seem more comfortable, more relaxed and more confident. Number eight is the terrible man spreading, but don't let it fool you. Women can do this, too. This is very similar to standing with your legs wide, because it's leaving your lower half very vulnerable, and it's also taking up a lot of space. Now this is technically called a dominance behaviour, and the thing about dominance behaviors is if you do them very often, you may eventually be confronted about it. So watch out. Number nine is something called splaying a que leaning way back in your chair like this. Now, this is a significant disadvantage in case you're attacked, because if you are, you're basically pinned back to the chair right? It's really hard for me to get out from this position. So the only people that actually would do this, where people that we're not afraid of attack a k a. The people that were at the top of the social hierarchy. Number 10 is planting your hands very wide on a table or a desk, and I don't actually have a table or desk in the studio. But we'll just pretend I do. Now, why would something like this be high value? Well, one takes up more space than I need. I don't actually need my hands to be out here, and I technically don't need them on the desk at all. And to when I do this, it leaves my entire under arm region as well as torso region vulnerable to attack. So that was 10 general high value body language behaviors. If you guys employ these on your day to day while sitting and standing and doing all the other fun stuff, I'm sure you dio you will be perceived as higher value again, mostly because the fact that making yourself more vulnerable to attack people out there have an instinctive evolutionary understanding of who is vulnerable and who isn't. It sounds kind of weird to say, but I want you to remember that humans at the end of the day are apex predators. Not everybody can verbalize it, but deep down, we all pick up on these things because picking up on them made us more likely to survive hundreds of thousands of years ago. And so, if you can learn to emulate the same behaviors that Alfa would do back in our tribal days, then you will also be perceived like they were as high value individuals. Another behavior. And this relates back to the nature of peacocking like we saw with brushing their hair is addressing a caller, adjusting a tie or adjusting a cuff. And these air primarily male behaviors and they function the same is brushing. Hair does before two people meet. They are peacocking displays, right and after they meet, their often excuses for pacification or self stimulation, meaning. If I'm at the bar and for some reason I want to showcase what an attractive man the man I am. I made start nonchalantly adjusting my collar or something like that, and this major awesome eyes. But if I'm already speaking to a woman and I start adjusting my collar or fixing my tie, that all I'm really doing is pacifying. So that takes us to the end of the video on body language in romance here we looked at a handful of body language behaviors very specific to the context of attraction. And we also learned a little bit about how a few general principles of attraction, like mirroring person's body language, peacocking and stuff like that complain to romance to. 7. High Value Analysis: all right. Hope everybody's doing well. This is the high value body language analysis video coming right after the low value body language analysis video and the first thing I want you guys to notice. Aside from Ryan getting handled here by Alan, too generous is how different Ryan Gosling is on stage, at least in this one particular moment in time. Then Ryan Reynolds was in the last video. I'm not actually gonna have that much to talk about just because of how stoic Ryan Gosling is for the majority of his interview. He barely moves, and you guys will see what I mean. In a moment, the audio is turned down on purpose just because it's women screaming. All right, so let's get serious. The first thing we see here is Ryan. It seems a very dominant, very wide position here with his arms. Remember how I was talking about leaving your hands wide on a desk or a table? Well, you can pretend this is kind of like a table here. He was putting both of his hands incredibly, incredibly wide resting on these chairs. And he also e I have a strong feeling he thinks about his body language of what goes on on an interview, just because of how measured his legs are apart from each other. It's like he's trying very hard, not demand spread, probably because of the big media scandal involved with man spreading on public transit. That happened very recently to this interview. But anyway, way, take this. This carrying, we should invest in like an adult baby. Yeah, well, you could just hang out there. So if you guys remember when Ryan Reynolds walked on the stage in the last video, the first thing that he did was start vigorously rubbing his thighs like, No, tomorrow was like the end of the world. He's like, I got to get all those dopamine and serotonin and molecules in before you know everything ends. Whereas Ryan Gosling over here is incredibly calm, he's measured, he's stoic and he's a NRI active, which at the end of the day is really the key. Take home here, how un reactive he is to any potential transference of, Let's say, the onus, a conversation or the need to make a joke or something like that. Now, something else I didn't really talk about in the high value body language theory. Video is how slow a lot of Ryan's movements are here, and that seems to be another feature shared by a lot of high status and high value people. Their movements tend to be very slow and very deliberate. They're not very shaky. They're not very quick. They're more or less the opposite of frantic, as we will see here. And you'll see some very, very minor finger twitches and stuff like that from Ryan Reynolds evidence of the fact that he is indeed human. He's not just, ah, beautiful, super sexy robots in here from Mars to seduce all the wound. He, in fact, also succumbs to been a pacification. But it is smooth, small, special in embarrassment. Ran Reynolds. That will be hard for you to make any substantial decisions as to how he's feeling off of that. Check it out. I didn't know how to run into your arms, because every single time you picked me up, it's a little different. Yeah, and when now, when the onus of conversation went from Alan to him, you'll notice that he actually moved his knees closer together just for a split second there, while he was talking, and I suspect that's more or less him losing the reins on his eyes, high value body language there because for him it's probably very conscious thing, especially the beginning of an interview, where the stakes and the pressure is the highest. You probably lost sight of his body language there for a moment and allowed his legs to come in together and kind of cave. But just like you saw with Ryan Reynolds interview video, when the onus of conversation goes from one person to another, or when somebody is just about to start talking, their body language is usually indicative of how they feel at the very moment. And so when Ryan Reynolds was listening to Ellen Degenerate, say something and consulting services into your arms because every single time you picked me up, it's a little different, which is right there. You guys saw apologies. I want back inside of it too far. You see that? The second that he himself was speaking is like skin picked me up. It's a little different. And when you were just standing there, I thought, Okay, I'm running into your arms, See, I should have jumped like that right? Is that what you should? I have running, jumping your arms Another way? You do. You do do it another one. No, I Yes, exactly. I did it the wrong way, and somehow the magic and you can see some tiny tapping. This is what I was referring to earlier going on here, but it's really nothing major. Clearly, at the very least, Ryan and Alan are very comfortable with each other. I'm going to think about that when I'm laying in bed. That's not that's not how I should have run into is that was most definitely a low value behavior. Ryan covered his eyes there, which we talked about. The low value body language video is a bad idea most of the time, although you can imagine this is forgiven due to the fact that the reason that he's covering his eyes is supposedly he's shy because he's laughing or something like that. It just seems like I went too fast at you to Did I scare you? No. But your one leg would up and I know, I know, I know, I know. I know. We didn't It's so weird we didn't rehearse. It looks like we would have. But no, no, you were so fantastic hosting Saturday Night Live. I don't know no at this moment, and I don't really want to read too much into it. But Ryan knew that something was coming up on the screen. And almost as in preparation for that, his fingers twitched a tiny bit. You knew that simply again, because Ellen and Ryan had at least talked about some of the subject matter of the interview before this actual interview happened. Just said they're both on the same page for conversation topics and what not? Ryan knew something was coming and he starts to. He looks over and he's like, Oh, that's what I'm seeing. It's now The initial kind of jokes are done. The humor has died down at least a tiny bit mind. You have seen this interview. I'm not sure if you guys have, so I know a tiny bit about what's coming. But you'll see that Ryan's body language pacification, frequency wise anyway increases just a just a smidgen just a tiny bit right. Basically, just because the easy humor part is over now, I probably have to actually say something of substantial value get This is you've done it twice, right? And do you get nervous or you're just excited to do it? It's very surreal experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you get nervous? Yeah, but you know the way that they have that show. I mean, the way that that show works is so incredible. They've been doing it for 40 years and, yeah, they're doing it again right now. Aske Raisi as it was for me there. Right back at its Yes, somebody is doing it again. And so this is an example of what I was talking about earlier. He knows that there's something coming up he's gonna have to going to stop being the super charming, handsome man for a second and start actually talking about something of value. When you did that aliens sketch, I knew, and I I saw it before I showed it to Portia because she hadn't seen it. And I was like, There is no way they told Ryan what Kate was going to do. There is no way you knew what Kate was going to do to you. Uh, listen, I'm familiar with Cates work. Uh, I know how committed she is to her craft. Right? And I expected her. Teoh, you know, be very professional and, uh, you know, take this sketch to its It's for this conclusion. Did you know that she was gonna ask you to stand up and she was going to squeeze your butt cheeks together? Did you know any of that that I knew there was a lot more than I appreciate you not showing in this photograph that happened? I did not. But you know, when she put her, he also utilizes hand dressers quite a bit, really speaking and again, they're always very measured are always very totally meant to do that. They're never frantic pacing. He's never looking back and forth. Threat is chest rises and falls very slowly, gradually in that type of paste measured way. And this is all high status, high value behavior. I want you guys to think about this in terms that evolutionary lens. We mentioned the very beginning of the course. If for whatever reason, Ellen de generous was predator that was about to attack him, would it do Ryan any good to be sitting in this chair like this? Very clearly not. There's no reason his arms should be that far wide apart. They should be close to his torso. What if she has a knife or something like that? Right. He has to defend himself. His legs aren't very wide at this moment in time. But you can imagine if they were wider. Why the heck your legs so wide? You know what if she she goes for something down here? You know, you always need to be aware of that. And just given the fact that humans are apex predators, we have that evolutionary intrinsic understanding of the fact that other people's body language gives away how scared they are or uncomfortable. They are in danger. They are at any one given moment in time. But Ryan Gosling, at this very moment, is the antithesis of scared. He is calm, he is confident and everything is measured based on your butt. So because you were laughing So it was so fun. It was so fun to watch you stand there and just e because that's just fun, right? Is unexpected. No, it's the at this moment in time immediately before he does the apostle readjustment and he puts up a barrier here. The conversation got maybe 10% more serious than it was earlier on. Earlier on, it was all jokes about her touching his butt. And then Ryan probably inadvertently moves it over into, like, mild um, sexual, maybe sexual misconduct. Misconduct Rather is too harsh of a word, but, you know, like mild sexual misconduct territory. He's definitely implying something of that nature here when he's like, Well, you know, and any kind of size here. And then he probably catches it right here. And he's like, Oh, well, that probably wasn't a good conversation topic to go down that significantly less funny than what we were just talking about. Until the stress level spike up a tiny bit, he moves his hands a bunch, and then he posture Lee readjusts, which is a large pacifying because she's so fun to work with, she's and they starts clinching the front part of his to be Alice Interior. Rather cast around is such a fun run, which again is not super crazy or anything like that. Given the fact that this is one of the only major pacifiers he made during the entire interview, Suffice to say that he's doing a really good job from a value standpoint. Yeah, it is a great cast, and but you're always great on it, and you're so it makes it makes everybody laugh when you laugh. I think that's what we look forward to is. You want to see someone break you like that because you know she did it. The interview does cut off right here. What happens immediately after is he does a one or two more postural readjustments of the course of 30 seconds. I believe it's probably related to the fact that the conversation went down that way, given its sensitive political nature as of recently. But suffice to say, he did a great job in terms of value. And if you guys were looking for a value role model a k somebody to more or less frame your own high value body language around Ryan Gosling is a solid pick cause his body language is so stoic, so on reactive, especially in contrast to Ryan Reynolds earlier today. On that, it makes for a pretty solid choice, no matter what. I can't really see high value body language getting much better than this to be completely honest. Aside from removing the couple pacifiers then you made at the very end of the video. But that's perfectly understandable, world human. And we can only put up this high value front for so long. That was the end of high value body language analysis. The next analysis we're gonna be doing is on romance. See you soon. 8. Romantic Body Language: what is up, guys. So today we're gonna learn a little bit about body language behaviors in specific contexts . And the context for this video is romance love between one person and another. And aside from just explicit declarations of love or infatuation, people who are attracted to each other often show very characteristic kinds of body language behaviors. And to start, I want to briefly mention the principle of mirroring. Mirroring is exactly what it sounds like. It's consciously or unconsciously copying the other person's body language, and it's not 100% exact, but it can be. Usually it's less if she moves her hand over here. All move my end over here. And it's more a gradual adoption of the same body language or the same emotional display over the course of a few seconds or minutes. A very simple example of this that doesn't actually apply to romance, although it totally can, is smiling and laughing. Have you guys ever stopped and asked yourself why exactly? Laughter is contagious. Well, one of the reasons is because humans like to mere the emotional states of other human beings, we actually have dedicated neuronal machinery that activates in response to observing people do stuff. They're called mirror neurons, and many researchers actually think that mirror neurons responsible for a large part of our ability to empathize with other people. So the most important behavior in our foray into body language displays of romance is mirroring the other person's high value body language. Now I say high value body language because it's important to note that if the other person is very anxious or very shy, are very uncomfortable. It will not do you well to mirror that low value body language, whereas if they're neutral or in very high value, slash comfortable territory, it will. What does this mean means that if you're talking to a potential partner and they really like you and you cross your legs while standing over the course the next few minutes, often times they will cross their legs as well, and this is good to be able to analyze. But you guys can actually consciously apply this yourselves while you're out there, spending time with them to get them to like you more. If they put one of their arms that something about shoulder height over the course of the next few minutes. If you put one of your arms and something at about shoulder height, too, then they will subconsciously respond better because the activation of those same mirror neurons meaning you can take that usually subliminal active mirroring and start actively applying it for your benefit. Another behavior is brushing your hair, which is primarily female, although men can definitely do this as well. Often times what women do is they'll subconsciously do this in order to get women to notice them. Because one it's a visual stimulus movement draws our eyes while to healthy hair is an indicator of being well fed and high status. The reason being would an incredibly low value woman have time to take care of her hair? Probably not so by having beautiful, long flowing hair. She's sub communicating health. She's sub communicating wealth, and he's also sub communicating value. Brushing your hair also has a double function. Now. If you are going out with a lady, let's say you've already met her and have already interacted with her. The job of making you notice her has actually been completed, and now brushing her hair turns from a peacocking kind of sexual display. It's just normal pacification. We know that hair follicles, richly innovated and brushing or lately tugging on them oftentimes feels good. So if you're making a lady nervous or anxious, oftentimes she will brush your hair to which obviously can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the context, depending on whether or not they're getting nervous because you are sexually intimidating or because you are making them uncomfortable in some way. Although just based off my experience, it tends to be the former. And if you made it this far in our course, you will probably know more than enough about body language generally to be able to verify that yourself. Yet another behavior. And again, this is a primarily female one is what's called superstar anal or vagal self stimulation. It sounds complicated, but it isn't. There's an air of your neck right here, right above your sternum, called the Super Sternal Notch. It is very soft, and it's very unprotected, and it's actually one of the most dangerous areas of your body to get attacked just because it have vulnerable. In this, you have a very prominent collection of both blood vessels, nerves and passages going to and from your head right there. So obviously it's an area you want to protect a lot. And if you think about it from a pacification perspective, touch a lot. So you often see women rub their super sternal notch when they're anxious or nervous, and especially in the context of attraction. Now, one of the biggest ways this plays out in a romance setting is with jewelry. Oftentimes, women wear necklaces, and the necklace is at its lowest point right here. So if you've ever seen a woman play with a necklace right above the super sternal notch area and remember, this does account for men as well. But it's usually woman. She's more or less shadowing the act of pacifying her super sternal notch. She's defending one of the weakest points of her body while also at the same time stimulating the very large nerves and blood vessels that go there. Another behavior, and this relates back to the nature of peacocking like we saw with brushing their hair, is adjusting a caller adjusting a tie or adjusting a cuff, and these air, primarily male behaviors and they function the same is brushing hair does before two people meet. They are peacocking displays, right and after they meet, their often excuses for pacification or self stimulation, meaning. If I'm at the bar and for some reason I want to showcase what an attractive man, the man I am. I made start nonchalantly adjusting my collar or something like that, and this may draw semis. But if I'm already speaking to a woman and I start adjusting my collar or fixing my tie, that all I'm really doing is pacifying. So that takes us to the end of the video on body language in romance. Here we looked at a handful of body language behaviors very specific to the context of attraction. And we also learned a little bit about how a few general principles of attraction, like mirroring person's body language, peacocking and stuff like that complain to romance to 9. Romance Analysis: What's going on, guys? This is the romance body language analysis here. We're gonna be looking at a couple body language behaviors in the context of specifically romance. I'm also gonna throw on a few of what we talked about earlier as well. It's not just going to be the three or four behaviors that we looked at in the romance contacts, but it's going to be slightly more inclusive. This is a short clip from a movie I believe is called Crazy Stupid Love. And given that we talked about Ryan Gosling in The Last video and how high value, stoic, on, reactive and generally charming, he was about to be pertinent to also include him in the romance video as well. Because something I want to point out is that high status can often be very sexually attractive, on top of just being intrinsically valuable. Now this is a movie. This isn't really life. This is acted, and this is scripted, so the behaviors that we see here aren't necessarily an accurate portrayal of what people would do in real life. But luckily we're not talking about inter sexual dynamics were just talking about body language behaviors here so we can actually point out these body language behaviors even better than we would in, Let's say, a Conan interview like we did in the last video. Because what acting's goal is more or less is to widen the range of human emotions visible on screen and a lot of the time that involves significantly manipulating a few body language behaviors that we all know to signal lower, high value, respectively. So that further do you Let's take a quick look so much potential and you've resorted to fantasizing about Conan Ginger junk. O Brien is funny. Looks like a carrot, honey carrot. Why, it looks like Karen couldn't. So Ryan bossing walks into the scene Classic. 10 out of 10 he comes in and immediately this lady over here Pacif eyes and she starts rubbing her right arm rather vigorously. I might add brain like venom. Hannah thinks he's sexy. Then she does a couple hair flips, which is we talked about today, considering they have already met each other. They've already talked to each other, is another passive fire than she brushes her hair as well, which is another passive fire. This woman is really knocking it out of the park in terms of acting safe to say, too, that a lot of these behaviors that actors and actresses portray on screen they never really thought about consciously. When somebody is an excellent actor, for example, people don't call them an excellent actor because men you really nailed the pacification on that last clip. They call them an excellent actor because subconsciously, the actor was able to impart a certain vibe or a certain emotional range or variety during their performance. But because most people don't understand social value theory and pacification, and in general they don't understand body language is as nuanced as we've made it out to be . In this course, they aren't really able to verbalize this. At the end of the day, though, what makes somebody a fantastic actor is the way they modulate their body language to show significantly broader emotional range than, uh than, let's say, a poor actor. And there's a couple more things involved there to write a lot of its delivery, which involves a vocal tone vocal projection. I contact facial expressions, these types of things, and we do have courses on those, and if we don't have courses on those yet we will have courses on those within the next month or so. So stay tuned. Um, but body language is by far the largest component of that. That's weird, because I think that your friend and is really sexy. I got you did not say that. How old are you? What do you Lawyer? Come on. I know you are gonna be Don't you think you're a little old to be using cheesy pickup lines ? Objection. Leading the witness well, handy you. Now I want you guys to pay attention to also how un reactive Emma Stone was in comparison to her friend back year. Her friend back here was very, very touchy feely constantly releasing those feel good chemicals all over a body. Probably she was very anxious or nervous when Ryan walked up. But Emma Stone, on the other hand, is stoic is hell. And it's very clear that she is significantly less attracted to him at this moment in time than her friend is cheesy pickup lines. Objection. Leading the witness well handy. You really wearing that dress that you're doing it a favor? That's the line sitting over there for the past two hours. Not being able to take my eyes off of you is the fact there's lots of beautiful women in this bar. Your friend included. All right, I love you, but I can't take my eyes off for you. That's a fact. It's not alive. I find you very attractive. Do you find me attractive? Does. Yes, she does. I don't. You do? I don't know. But I think it's safe to say Emma Stone finds Ryan Gosling attractive. However, given the nature of this acting moment in time, her goal was to seem hesitance, right? If you think about what the director was probably telling her, it was seem very conflicted here. Seemed like you like him, but at the same time, you don't like him. And what Emma Stone did is she internalized that as make my face seem like I like him laugh at his jokes but make my body language seemed insanely and reactive, insanely stoic. And as if I was not attracted to him. So it's interesting to see how that dichotomy plays out on screen. Yes, she does. I don't. You do. I don't. Can I buy you a drink? No. You say No, a lot. Don't you know, permission to approach the bench? Seriously, just let me deliver. My closing argument should proceed and a way live in a physical world. Right? And you're going to age, right? I guarantee you this. You're never gonna regret going home with a guy from the bar that one time. That was a total Tomcat in the sack. But I can't guarantee that you won't not regret. It was a double negative. You're a double negative. Okay. And, uh, I'm gonna buy you drink. It's You know what? It's time to go. Really? Well, it's forward of you, but okay, I'll do it. TiVoed saw three. Should I get my car? Louis, Pull the car around. Have you been drinking? I'll drive list. Coming another thing. And that concludes this section, by the way. Unfortunately, this is one of my favorite films. Another thing I wanted to know about this interaction here is the Ryan Gosling throughout the entirety of it makes next to no pacifying behaviors. The reason for that is because he was probably directed or instructed to remain as high value as possible during this interaction. Is Ryan Rent Ryan Gosling Rather at any point in time like rub his nose. Does he play with his collar or adjust his cufflinks? No, you just stares right and Emma Stone's eyes, and it's almost like his value does the speaking. For him, it's almost like there are two conversations being played at this very moment in time. There's the lighthearted comedy, the kind of sexual energy in their conversation on a verbal level. But in terms of their body language, there's a whole other conversation happening to. The conversation is I am insanely high value and Emma Stone's is You're not really getting through to me again. Probably just a direction choice rather than any type of actual emotion on the parts of either of these two actors, because again, they're both very attractive. And Emma Stone is said that Ryan Gosling is super attractive many times before. So anyway, enough about Ryan Gosling being attractive. Safe to say that in a real world scenario, body language in romance would play outs lately differently. But the reason that I chose this clip was because I thought it was an excellent portrayal or rather exaggeration of a few of the body language behaviors that you do see in romance contact specifically this five or six second period here with Emma's friend. He's stroking her hair, rubbing her arms so on and so forth. And that concludes the romance body language analysis. Next up, we are on the business. I will see you there. 10. Body Language in the Boardroom: What's up, guys? So this next video is on body language in the context of business. We're gonna go over some business specific behaviors that you typically don't see outside of business context. This occurs in meetings. Stuff occurs in boardrooms, in seminars and even and Web consultations like over Skype. So let's get into it. The most prominent body language behaviour that you will ever see in business is this. It's called Steep Ling, and it is incredibly high value. Steeping is when you press your hands together and kind of like this prayer formation, you can cross your fingers a bit. Specifics aren't super important, but as long as you have something that vaguely resembles both of your hands coming together like this, then you are golden. People that steeple are perceived is significantly more confident, their perceived as significantly more dominant and the perceived to fully believe everything that they're saying now. A lot has been written about steep ling, but nobody really knows why it works like it does. I personally suspect it's more of, ah, culturally driven phenomenon than an evolutionary one, just cause it doesn't appear in pretty much any other context other than business, which makes the act of Steep ling itself very special. You guys should use this when you really need to press the point and demonstrate that you 100% back, whatever it is that you guys were saying now when you guys were doing business. You're often seated and one very prominent behavior you see in business contacts, usually immediately before it's somebody's turned to speak at a meeting or a board room or presentation or something like that is rubbing your thighs. Ever wondered why people do this when they're nervous? Let's think about this from a pacification point of view. Overall, your mid thigh is not super densely interviewed because if you think about it, there's no real need for your brain toe have, like crazy high resolution in that one particular area, certainly not more than your fingers or your hats. But think of a surface area here, whereas when you rub your eyes, for example, you hit a check of skin. Maybe this big rubbing both your thighs hits a chunk of skin overall like this big, and so it's a very prominent amount of stimulation, which is why, whenever you see somebody do this. You know that stuff's going down. They're either incredibly uncomfortable or their super nervous because it's their turn to start talking. Another High Valley baby using the boardroom a lot is planting your hands wide on a desk as opposed to being here. You go here, which demonstrates your calm. You're comfortable in your confident now, from a social value point of view. It makes sense because having your arms wide in front of you takes up way more space than you explicitly need like we talked about before and also leaves your underarms and your torso open. Something else you sometimes see in business is people crossing their legs while they're seated. Remember, crossing your legs will seat. It is different than crossing your legs will stand it. But what's important to note here is that the direction that your legs were crossed indicate how comfortable you are with the people in your surroundings. If a person is over here and I cross my legs like this, what I'm actually doing isn't putting up a barrier between me and them. I'm defending my lower body. Where is about cross my legs like this. Then, obviously, in leaving a very sensitive area, potentially open to them, demonstrating both comfort and report. So if you guys were next someone at a meeting and they're constantly putting up these barriers towards you, then this implies they do not feel comfortable in your presence. You also see, in effect with the position of a person's body. If every time you speak in a meeting or a seminar, somebody rotates their chair or physically terms to face you. Then they're demonstrating. Report. They're leaving their torsos and their faces wide open to you, as opposed to adopting a more defensive posture like the 45 degree angle and on the inverse . If every time you speak during a meeting or a talk, you see people turn away from you closer to that 45 degree angle again, then that indicates distrust. So that takes us to the end of video on body language for business. Today we talked about a few ways to make yourself seem more powerful in business context, and if you guys take away one thing from this entire video, I want you to take away this. Remember the steeple. The steeple is an incredibly strong indicator of power and confidence, and you gonna need both of those in the border 11. Business Analysis: Okay, Welcome back. Everybody to another round of body language analysis, the body language that we're gonna be analyzing Deconstructing today is one in a business context. And since people don't often bring cameras into the boardroom, the next best thing from an actual business meeting was a business interview about some very heavy handed business topics by one of my favorites speakers on kind of online technology in general, his name is, I think, chah math. I would totally better his name if I said it, so I will not even attempt to. But one of the reasons I think I like him so much. It's just because his body language is insanely stoic and you'll see how he also takes advantage of steep ling as well as slow, very guided paste and measured movements. Almost two effect, as Ryan Gosling did two videos ago, a image of high value and high status. So let's take a quick look. First thing I want to note initially is how he's barrier ring. He's barrier ring on the side away from the interview, meaning that he's leaving himself vulnerable to the interviewer, um, so as to indicate a certain amount of report. You'll also notice I was take advantage of you. The high value body language tips from a couple of videos ago. Namely, he's spreading his arms very, very wide, right. He's resting his arms that something about shoulder height. And he's also leaning back in his chair quite a bit. He's not fully splaying per se, but he's definitely leaning back more than he would explicitly need to. So let's see how this interview proceeds will bring us back to the point that you were making about exploiting consumer behavior in a something I want to mention there. And this is again very subtle, But you'll see how, as the onus of conversation is coming on to him and he knows that crap, I'm gonna have to say something here, obviously, is not thinking of this consciously mind you, but at the end of the day, there's a subconscious, most process or thread that is playing out those emotional behaviors. You see him clench the fist of his left hand to the point that you were making about exploiting consumer behavior in a consumer Internet business. You said that this is a time for soul searching in social media businesses, and you were part of building the largest one. What soul searching are you doing right now in that I feel tremendous guilt. Um, notice how he isn't afraid of pauses. Notice how he's not constantly fidgeting. He's not trying to fill every second with more or less wasted air. He's perfectly comfortable in this moment, stare solemnly down and slowly make his point. This is something that somebody in let's say, a dangerous scenario 100,000 years ago would definitely not do. The only person that would be comfortable with doing this would be the top dog or the Alfa of whatever social situation or social group that they were in because most people couldn't afford to let their guard down. For as long as this man is, I think we I think we all knew in the back of our minds, even though we feigned this whole line of like there probably aren't any really bad, unintended consequences. I think in the back deep, deep recesses of our minds. We we kind of knew something bad could happen, but I think the way we defined it was not like this. It literally is a point now, there's next to no pacification for this entire speech. So clearly he's very, very confident what he's speaking about, where I think we have created tools that are ripping apart the social fabric of how society works. He's also utilizing hand gestures quite a bit, and while that wasn't steep ling that you saw back there right now he was right, featuring the text of the tools that are as if he was steeply and so you can tell a few of the behaviors that I talked about during the business section during the romance section. Even the low and high value body language sections have variance for sure, and this is one variant of steep ling. It's bringing both of your hands together in this manner to make a point of some kind. And so well, it's not as intense as actually steep ling as bringing all of the tips your fingers together in that prayer like formation, which I believe he does do later on the interview. But I'm not absentia. Um, it definitely still gets the point across. I really believe in what I'm saying right now, ripping apart the social fabric of how society works that is truly where we are, and I would encourage all of you as the future leaders of the world to really internalize how important this is. If you feed the beast, that beast will destroy you. If you push back on it, we have a chance to control it. Rein it in. And it is a point in time where people need to heartbreak from some of these tools and the things that you rely on. The short term, dopamine driven feedback loops that we have created, our destroying, how society works. One thing that you see a lot, too, in powerful speeches, especially when somebody is making a very strong point, is the way that they move their hands in unison. Often times and somebody's speaking in a public presentation of some kind or delivering a talk. They'll move one of their hands over here and the other one over here or something like that. But their hands will be discordant. That's still great from a speaking perspective, just because of how much of communication is sub verbal. Talking with your hands is fantastic, and if you're doing that, you're already ahead of 90% of everybody else. When it comes to those contexts. But in order to really master the art of speaking in a business scenario or in a public speaking scenario, you need to learn when to emphasize certain points by bringing your hands together in this type of unison motion instead of just one hand doing something over here. Both of his hands were coordinating the other to really stress points, with every single drop groups that we have created, our destroying, how society works, no civil discourse, no cooperation, misinformation, mistruth. And it's not an American problem. This is not about Russian ads. This is a global problem. So we're in a really bad state of affairs right now. In my opinion, it is. It is eroding the core foundations of how people behave by and between each other, and I don't have a good solution. My solution is I just don't use these tools anymore. I haven't for years. It's created huge tension with my friends. That's almost evidence of Steep ling right there. But I would actually go as far as to say that was more a pacifying behavior because he breaks off from what I'm assuming was while not rehearsed, definitely something that he's spoken about, Ah, lot of times onto a tangent of some kind. Huge tensions in my social circles. Um, if you look at like, you know, my Facebook feed, I probably haven't posted maybe two times in seven years, three times, five times. Just It's less than 10. Um, and it's weird. I guess I kind of just in eight league didn't want to get programmed. And so this man right here more or less epitomizes high value body language In a business context, every single movement that he makes is insanely measured, and he makes very few pacifying behaviors, if any, even compared to Ryan Gosling. If you look at the pacification frequency of she math, I still think his name is Jim Math. Um, you'll see that it's it's even lower than Ryan Gosling, for Christ sake. I mean, how good do you have to be if you guys are looking for a business idol, as opposed to just like a generally charismatic, generally attractive idol? This is your man right here, and I'll actually include a link to some of these interviews down below so you guys can take a first hand look kind of expand on a few things that I was talking about here. All in all, though, he's a fantastic presenter, and if you continue the interview all the way till the end, still don't see a pacifying behavior. So that's five minutes without a strong passive fire. Five full minutes Most people couldn't last 10 seconds. Think about that. Next time you're delivering a speech, next time you're delivering a talk or next time it's your turn to speak at a meeting. It's very difficult to subconsciously get a rain on this, meaning that you will have to make a lot of conscious effort at the very beginning to control your body language. But it's just like anything. There is an often repeated saying or concept in self improvement and personal transformation circles, and that's that Any type of personal transformation Ernie type of habit would benefit. Your life usually takes around three weeks to really ingrained in your psyche, right, the 21 day rule, and it's true in this context as well. If you spend 21 days conscious of your body language and every social interaction that you're in, if next time you go downstairs and you see the mailman while you're looking your mailbox. You understand the body language communication occurring at that secondary level. Then, after those 21 days, these types of thoughts and these types of behaviors will manifest themselves in your subconscious. You definitely won't be chih math in 21 days, but it's a real start. And given maybe a few months of conscious effort and conscious trying, you can be even better than 12. BONUS - Public Speaking Essentials: either. I'm shoma. I work with Nick, and I thought it be interesting to pop in at the end of this course to talk to you guys about a skill with body language that I've spent the last long while dissecting, reengineering and perfecting alongside Nick. That skill is the combination of everything you learned here in this course and more, and it's none other than the title of this video. It's presentation skills now. Presentation is unique in that you're not just interacting with one or two people. You're interacting with potentially tens, if not hundreds, if not thousands of other human beings at the exact same time. Something that if you think about I'm doing right now, and there is a big difference between presenting in front of people like any Ted talk, for example, and presenting in front of a camera like this. But we'll we'll talk about that at the end of this video. The difference between normal interaction and presentation, especially when giving a MAWR intellectual presentation, meaning the giving of information over things like motivation or humor, is that you have to be especially captivating with your body, not just with the words you say otherwise, your audience is going to get bored, even if they really want to learn whatever you're trying to say, even if it's a super important course on body language. Basically, what this means is that if I talked like this with with no body language, it would look a little weird. And frankly, it would probably bore the audience like it's probably boring you now. So see, kind of need to convey a sense of energy when speaking in order to grab the attention of people. So let me show you how to get this energy or at least seem like you have it. Even if you're not born with natural presenting skills. It's only a few Sep process, and I will make it really easy because I will go through it from top to bottom, starting from your head. Going down to what you do is your toes, and I will try my best to kind of tie things into the concepts that you've already learned in this course. So the top your head, it needs to be expressive, meaning Don't let your face be either to slack or too tense. You need to move the muscles around your face. So some specifics for you to focus on your forehead. Don't be afraid to faro them a k to move your eyebrows. This will add dynamics to your face as well as allow your eyes to be more present and in the moment, speaking of which, your eyes move them as well. If you're in front of a live audience, scan from left to right and make eye contact with people on the ground as you dio. This allows you to make a more emotional connection with the people you're talking to. Humans don't like to be one in the crowd. Nobody wants to be just another faceless person. And since I contact is such an important indicator of emotion by looking at people in the crowd while you're speaking, you add an extra little umph to everybody's perception of your speech. That being said, if you're in front of a camera, do the exact opposite. Do not scan the environment, look directly into the lens kind of like I've been doing, and this is basically the same effect we had when we were in front of a giant crowd. Except this time since the person watching this is watching on a screen. It's like you're making eye contact with them all the time, and I know this is going to be really odd at first, because you're going to want to move your eyes around. But it's really important that you do not. Essentially. The entire point I'm trying to make with eye contact is that it connects people together and you want that connection as a presenter. Next, your mouth. Very simple. Always have a little cheeky smile in your face. Unless you're of course, presenting a super serious topic. This is again to kind of lift the mood and add a little bit of energy to the interaction and also to cause the other person to feel better due to the facial feedback loop. Official feedback loop is a very complex topic, but essentially when you smile, it makes the person more likely to smile. And then when they smile, the very act of them smiling actually manages to trick their brains into being happier, which, as I'm sure you can agree, is a very good emotion for people toe have while they're listening to you. If you're interested in how all this works, check out the sources below now with smiling. The biggest thing is that you don't come across as creepy. The way to do that is to do what's called a Duchenne smile. A Duchenne smile is a smile that doesn't only involve your mouth, but it also actually involves your eyes. We actually have a tiny set of muscles right to the side of our eyes that usually contract when we smile organically, like due to laughter or in response, a joke or something. But when people talk to force a smile, like for a picture or something, 90% of them forget about their eyes, so their smiles end up looking slightly weird. Think of like the classic camera smile, for example. It's the difference between this and this. See here I'm kind of creepy, since the eyes and the mouth tell a different story. It's almost like I'm actually making too different facial expressions, with the top half of my face being neutral and the bottom half being happy now, contrast that to this here, where you can see the eyes are creasing just a tiny bit. It's, you know, a pleasant enough smile. Nothing, really. Oh, my God, but you get the idea. Just look for the creases in the eye. So because of that, try to make the Duchenne smile a habit. You don't need to overdo it, but whenever you're not trying to be serious, have at least a tiny hint of a smile on both your mouth and your eyes with had done. Let's move on to the hands its key that you get this down because this helps emphasize important points and adds amount of energy to your presentation. There's a lot and a little to be said about the different behaviors of the hand. And as I'm sure you know, by now, your hand positions in different body language displays or extremely important, not having them, as you can see greatly handicaps you in any and all of your presentations. You need to figure out what works for you. If you're a novice, the hand gestures. Here's a little homework that you can do after you watch the rest of this section. Watch this video again, but turn us out all the way down. Look at my body. Look at my face and most importantly, look at the hand gestures that I'm making. Then we'll have in the video playing stand in front of a mirror and try to make some of these hand gestures and try to copy these gestures. I'm doing exactly do this a few times until you have my hand gestures, doubt as a template and then certain improvising to what feels good for you. This is what I did. I watched a lot of YouTube off people with really good body language and then try to mimic them. Well, speaking, after a while, I could mimic them to the point where I began to understand hand gestures. And after that you can basically freestyle it and just make up whatever feels most natural for you, because ultimately it needs to come down to you feeling natural with your hands, which honestly just comes from sheer practice, because if you do it enough times eventually you'll stop feeling weird, moving them around into different places while you speak. One point that I can say is to take your time making gestures. Otherwise, you can look really choppy. For instance, if you're making a three set point, you need to Do you know this this and this you only need to make three hand gestures, and you want your hands to always be moving in a controlled pace. So you need to do this. This and this versus you need to do this. This and this last point of body language is your feet. Moving is great, and it adds to your performance. However, if you're nervous, it can appear like you're pacing, which will make you seem even more nervous. So at first, plant your feet firmly on the ground at least at the beginning of your speech and then start to move. Once you get kind of into the group of things, the initial jitters of public presentations are usually over after the first minute or so and this promise the differences between public speaking and camera speaking. They say that the camera adds £10 now. What they don't say is it also saps 20% of your energy you're putting out. What I mean is that you might seem really animated in real life, but as soon as you put on camera for some reason, 99% of people look flat and ultimately one interesting. This happens to basically everyone and hits. Actually, the reason why we see famous YouTubers that tend to be really over the top. It looks odd in real life, but through the lens of the camera, Honestly, it looks fine. A good example of this is this guy called Gary Van a trick. He's one of the biggest online marketing success stories in the last 10 years. And if you haven't heard of him, just look up Gary V on YouTube and he will blow your mind. If you look at any of the big speeches that he does for camera, they look really exciting and he looks super animated. But if you just turn off the sound of his voice and just kind of think about how it would look if you know he was right in front of you, not over the camera doing the exact same thing. Well, then it would look a little bit odd when that a little bit too energetic and honestly cracked out. And that's exactly what you want to dio. So when you're R on camera, bring the energy up by like 20% to offset that natural tendency that we all have to seem doll on camera, and that takes us to the end of my video. Here we learned about the essentials of speaking in front of people and cameras. Specifically, we talked about what you want to do with your body from the top down from the top. Make sure your eyes and eyebrows are animated, and you are trying to make eye contact with either the camera or the people in your audience. Make sure to always be smiling at least a little bit again, unless you're delivering a super serious talk. And when you do smile, smile with both your eyes and your mouth, which, if you remember, was also called a Duchenne smile. As for your hands, remember to rewind the video and then turn the sound all the way down, paying attention to my hands and what they're trying to do and then mimicking them while remaining deliberate and not jerky with your gestures. We also talked about not pacing around nervously on stage or in front of the camera, and if you are in front of the camera, don't forget. It not only adds £10 but it also savage moat 20% of your energy. Thank you guys so much for watching, and I hope to see you next time