Becoming A Master Of Rejection | Rafi Perez | Skillshare

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

10 Lessons (58m)
    • 1. Intro To Mastering Rejection

      4:38
    • 2. What Is Rejection Really

      7:46
    • 3. What To Do Before Rejection

      8:20
    • 4. Mindset 1 Don't Put The Judge On A Pedestal

      3:25
    • 5. Mindset 2 Self Compassion

      4:56
    • 6. Mindset 3 Feel The Burn

      1:41
    • 7. Mindset 4 Playing The Victim

      3:22
    • 8. Exercise 1 Changing Perspective

      7:34
    • 9. Exercise 2 Pre paving Rejection And Other Tips

      13:00
    • 10. Closing Thoughts And Rejection Challenge

      3:14
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About This Class

This class is about facing the fear of rejection. I know, I know, we don't want to talk about it... but I think it's important to acknowledge fears and deal with them head-on, rather than let them fester as abstract doom clouds in our minds, intent on keeping us small and “safe”. As a full-time creative, I know rejection very well. In fact, I would have to say that facing rejection is a necessary component of success in not only creative endeavors, but in anything you might want to achieve for yourself.

Meet Your Teacher

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Rafi Perez

Endlessly Inspired By The Stuff Of Life

Teacher

My Name is Rafi Perez and I am an award winning fine artist, my wife Klee Angelie is a jewelry designer, and this has been our professional career for the last decade. We have been sharing videos about our art career and art tips over the last few years. We try to give practical, real advice, and try to bring fun back into the trials of navigating an art career.  

We both have a passion for experimentation, creation, and pushing boundaries which sometimes leads to either disastrous or wonderful results.

We will be sharing lessons about our techniques in art and jewelry, DIY art and jewelry equipment, Art Career Best Practices, and The Artist Mindset that has helped us navigate successfully through our career.  

See full profile

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Transcripts

1. Intro To Mastering Rejection: Hola. My name is Rafi, and I am a full time artist and creative as a full time creative. I am very familiar with rejection, and in my experience, rejection is a necessary component in order to have a successful creative career. I spent the vast majority of my life now pursuing my creative career because I was afraid of rejection, really, When it came down to it, there were a lot of things that I was afraid of when it came to pursuing that. Mostly I identified with that part of me that had been rejected. And I was really, really just afraid of being rejected some more. One of the main problems that I ran into when it came to that fear of rejection was analysis paralysis, Basically you staying this researching phase where you are researching things because you want to do this thing. But in order to do it, you need to make sure that it's perfect and you keep working on it in that sense, before actually putting it out there into the world, putting it out there into a place where you might be rejected. But you don't actually put it out there. You just keep doing the analysis, its analysis, paralysis. And it's easy to stay in there and justify being in there because you're waiting for things to be perfect, to be able to show it because you're afraid of being rejected. The reason that I'm putting this lesson together is because the subject of rejection usually gets kind of glossed over. I don't think that it's given the attention and the importance that it really has when it comes to pursuing something that you want to do in life. I think that this is a powerful subject and I want to investigate it further with you and de mystify some of the things that may be holding you back from just jumping in and doing something that you really want to do. It could be the smallest little thing that you're afraid of doing because you may be rejected or it could be a big life change that you're afraid of doing because you may be rejected. In my career and in my life, I have become a self proclaimed master of being rejected. I thought I would put this together where we could really analyze and de mystify rejection and give you some of the tools and some of the skills that I've developed within the last 10 years of my art career in order to be able to face rejection and not only face rejection but instead of rejection using you, uh, you using rejection to motivate yourself to move forward and keep going In this lesson, I'm gonna cover several mindsets and techniques and skills, things that air my personal best practices, things that work for me. And these are all things that you can tweak to work for you or you could use them as is. This class is geared towards creatives who want to put their work out there, but maybe have been paralyzed from doing that because they're afraid of being rejected. Or this class could be for any human being who wants to do something, but has always been too afraid to put it out there or send that email or do whatever it is that they want to do because they're afraid that they're going to get rejected. This class is about putting yourself out there. My goal is that by the end of this class you'll have one item. Just one thing that maybe you've been putting off because you're afraid of putting it out there because you're afraid of rejection and that I give you the tools and skills and the mindset necessary to just go and do that thing. And what I would want is for you to send me a picture off either your rejection letter or your acceptance letter or whatever the case might be. Whatever it is, some kind of picture that shows that you move forward and did this thing because you will be able to do that by the end of this class. I'm hoping that you will actually be excited about putting it out there and possibly being rejected, because that is the trip. It's turning rejection from this scary thing to this thing that, hey, it's just rejection. And I'm excited to just put it out there. And if I get rejected, who big deal. So if you're interested in taking something and facing it head on and moving forward with that and learning some new mindsets or some new exercises that you could do in order to face anything that you've been afraid of getting rejected on, then keep moving forward and The next thing we'll do is define exactly what rejection is, and I'll tell you a little bit about how much I've been rejected in life. 2. What Is Rejection Really: So what is rejection? Rejection? If you look it up in a dictionary, says dismissing or refusing of a proposal idea, etcetera basically means that somebody dismisses you or they say No, we could call that several things. Refusal, non acceptance, declining, turning down dismissal, dismissive, spurning, rebuff. Someone just saying no. All of those things are things that can turn on that fear center in your brain and just cause you to avoid doing that thing at all costs because fighter flank and could get Now here's a little background on me. I worked corporate for a lot of my life, even though leaving high school I wanted to become an artist. I would say that about 80% of my life I was working in a career that I did not want to work in, that I did not want to be that I wanted to be a creative. But I was doing this other corporate thing instead of pursuing that creative career because I was afraid of putting myself out there. And in fact, I was just a closet artist for many, many years and on, Lee had ah, following of friends and family who just barely even followed me because I've barely put my stuff out there. I was introverted. I was scared. There were all kinds of excuses that I had for myself in order to not put myself out there . And these were all really just based on the fear of being rejected, of having my artwork rejected and by proxy having myself rejected once I started to understand that rejection was actually a huge part of becoming successful at anything that you want to do. Um, I started to work on my mindset and get over that fear of rejection. Once I really solidified in my mind that if I was going to put myself out there, I was going to have to face rejection. I decided I was gonna make it as much fun as possible for myself. And I'm not saying that this is like an easy process or that it happens overnight. But you can get yourself to a point where rejection just doesn't have that sting or that bite anymore. And if anything, it motivates you to just push forward like the rejection isn't scary anymore. It's actually kind of exciting. I've been rejected by several galleries. There are lots of proposals that I put out there that have been rejected, rejected badly. I've had commissioned ideas that are rejected. I've had festival applications, lots of festivals that I have applied to juried art festivals that I have been completely rejected from. Um, just people looking at my art whenever I have had an art exhibition or something coming in and just absolutely and completely rejecting my art in the worst possible way ever. I have a YouTube channel, and my ideas and things that I talk about get rejected all the time in some of the worst way ever. I mean, I've got trolls that totally reject anything that I have to say. I've got people out there that reject my face into videos. They're like, Why is your face in these videos? Even most of my life, when it came to becoming a full time artist, just being dismissed by my family and my friends, people that just didn't believe in me and in a sense, that is a form of rejection and that falls into social rejections. There are all kinds of social rejections that I've had to deal with just because effect that I am an artist and the different perspectives that people have about what it means to be an artist and what it means to be a creative and not have a reald job and things like that. There's all kinds of social rejections that I've gone through a swell. So one of the first things to think about when it comes to that those social rejections is why does it hurt so much? And the reason that I heard so much is because we'll take it personally. We think that it is a reflection on us. We think that it is us that we are being rejected. If one of my pieces of art is being rejected, it's not just the piece of art being rejected. It is an extension of mean, and there is something really scary and painful about just feeling like you're not good enough. That's essentially what it comes down to. And then you have the physical response that happens depending on how much you've stacked this emotion on top of itself, that your body starts to go into fight or flight and your heart rate will go up and you just you have a physical response to danger simply because you were afraid of being rejected. Your body sees that as alert, alert alert. Something terrible is gonna happen, avoided at all costs. And you will have that physical reaction that will just, uh, just build on what's already going on emotionally and mentally. The problem with that is that eventually you might start identifying with that rejection and just thinking that you're not good enough or that there is something wrong with you. And the more that you identify with that, the more that that could lead to depression. Having low self esteem, those kind of things. And when you're feeling those negative emotions about yourself, it is virtually impossible to go out there and make a career where you're putting yourself out there because you just don't feel that you're good enough. This is one of the reason that this whole thing is very important to me. I know that a lot of people put courses out there that are like, this is the business that you want to do, and you want to do this marketing and you want to do that and I think that all of those things are important. But if you don't get to the nitty gritty of why it is that maybe you've been holding yourself back. It doesn't matter how much of that business stuff you know in a creative field. If you can't physically put yourself out there because you're afraid that you're not good enough, you're gonna carry that with you in everything that you do. So that's why I think it's really, really important to just take a look at that rejection and turned that full concept around to work for you. And that way, anything that you do in your creative field will be awesome and will reach as many people as possible because you won't be afraid of somebody saying no or somebody saying that your work sucks or somebody saying anything negative about your stuff. You'll you're gonna put yourself out there, and it doesn't matter if somebody's negative when it comes down to it. You've got these stacked emotions you're using your imagination. Your imagination is so powerful, and you're using your imagination to work out these scenarios where you're being rejected because you're afraid, and basically your mind is running away with you and your mind is in control. Instead of you and control of your mind. And so every time you imagine these things, you're just stacking that emotion and stacking that emotion and stacking that emotion. And, of course, if you're faced with that dilemma, your body is going to go into full fight or flight mode. What I want to go over next is the three stages in which you would be facing rejection. Obviously, there is a stage before the rejection. There are things that you could do before facing the rejection, to prep yourself to get yourself ready for it to really get your mindset in the right place . There are things that you could do during the rejection that will help you and facing the rejection and analyzing the rejection at that very moment in time. And then, of course, there are things after the rejection things that you could do that will help you get in a mindset where the rejection was not that big of a deal and be able to move forward and face even more rejection without that fear off, this bad thing happened to me. So we're gonna cover those three things next 3. What To Do Before Rejection: one of the areas that you might be living in right now is before the rejection, because maybe you haven't even attempted this thing because you're so afraid of getting rejected. And one of the first things I would challenge you to do is really think about what it is that you're afraid off and whether or not it makes sense. It could be anything. Whenever you are going out with your friends and maybe you want to see a particular movie and your friends reject the idea, there might be some pain attached to that. That's a small example one. But the fact of the matter is that you deal with rejection each and every single day in small increments here and there now, depending on whether or not you notice those things and whether or not you are actually using those things to be able to identify who you are, it's hard to move forward when it comes to something that's bigger, something that you really have your attention on. So one of the first things I would say is like just notice the small amounts of rejection may be the things that you are avoiding that are small, tiny, insignificant things that maybe you're just gonna like keeping your mouth shut and not saying anything because you're afraid that somebody might reject you or somebody might say , Oh, no, that's not a good idea or your That's stupid, You know? That's so stupid. You're so stupid. The life that we're living in, the relationships that we have with the people around us are things that we have developed with them. We've basically trained this person to respond a certain way, and because of that, if we are constantly rejecting ourselves because we're too afraid to move forward with something, chances are our friends are also going to reject our ideas. Our family are going to reject our ideas. And of course, it's not all relationships that you've trained them. But it's just it's a matter of. It's a matter of just paying really close attention to the things that you are avoiding doing because you are afraid of facing rejection. Some of them, most of them, will be these tiny little things that are completely insignificant. But even that little tiny thing that is completely insignificant if you're willing to keep your mouth shut to avoid that then you are definitely going to keep your mouth shut to avoid the bigger things. Every single one of those moments is an opportunity for you to show yourself who you are. For you to show yourself that you've got the guts to be able to face the rejection, every single one, whether it is a tiny little insignificant thing or it is the big thing. Obviously, you're gonna want to work your way up to the big things. But just pay close attention to those little things that are going on every day that maybe you're keeping your mouth shut and not talking about because you're afraid of ridicule or rejection. The other thing is, before dealing with rejection, remember that your imagination is a really, really powerful thing You can imagine whatever it is that you want. And unless you are in control of your imagination when it comes to facing these fears, your imagination is going to run away with you and create whatever scenario it is that it wants. And so you have to be aware of that that what you are experiencing is simply in your imagination. The rejection, the room full of people just laughing at you, the person pointing their finger at you and saying that you're not good enough in the use. All of that is taking place in your imagination, and what happens a lot of times is that we have that imaginary scenario run through our brain, and instead of facing it, we literally run away from it. We run away from it in ourselves. It's almost like you avoid thinking about, though I don't want to think about that. I don't want to think about that because it's such a scary thought. Very few of us learn to take charge of that image and say, Okay, well, what if this does happen? What if this person points their finger at me and says, Well, then you suck. This is the worst idea that I've ever heard. Your terrible, your terrible human being. What would I do in that situation? Instead of running away from it and just avoiding enough thinking about it? Take that imaginary scenario that is going on in your brain. That is very, very negative. And see if you could turn that around to empower yourself. How would your response somebody that said that to you Would you just allow yourself to be hurt, or would you look at it for what it is? Would you say no, I would stand up for myself. I'm not gonna take that from anybody. Every single one of those imaginary situations that you're running in through your brain is an opportunity to really, really define for yourself who you really are. Now, mind you, this is gonna take some work and some effort because you've been practicing it a certain way. There's a habitual way that you have been dealing with it. The imagination comes up, you are facing this rejection, and then you just shut it down and you run away and you're going to try and do that. You were going to shut it down and run away, and it's gonna seem very, very hard to face that fear to face that rejection just in your own imagination, let alone facing it out in public. One of the exercises that I would recommend is that you sit down. You think about this thing, pick out one thing for this course. I want you guys to pick out one thing. One thing that you are terrified to do because you are afraid of being rejected. Just one thing and imagine that scenario. Imagine yourself putting that thing or that, that email doing whatever it is putting yourself out there in that way and see what is the first thing that comes up. And when that idea comes up where that person says this thing or a room full of people are laughing at you or everything just completely and utterly sucks, I want you to think of that situation happening. And then how do you respond? How do you respond? And that right there shows you why it is that you might be afraid of doing this in. If you're responding in a very timid victimhood kind of way, then chances are your body will go into fight or flight and avoid this situation at all costs. And I want you to practice that often. Don't overdo. It may be run through it. Once, go through the emotions, you're gonna feel all the feels you're gonna feel all the emotions, do it a little bit better what your reaction is, and then think to yourself, You know what? I can probably do that better and then do it the next time. I could probably do that better than do it the next time and keep doing it until it feels better to you until it feels like you know what this is No big deal and using your imagination versus letting your imagination use you. That's where you get to that place where you could turn rejection around into a powerful tool. Just one thing. Don't don't don't overdo it And think about all these things that you want to just take one thing. It could be something small. It could be something big. I do recommend that if you're doing this for the first time, that it be something small. So the exercise for this particular video is to sit down and visualize that scenario. What thoughts pop up being rejected and then using that scenario and running a different story in your mind? Not something Polly Anna like Oh, well, never get rejected. It it's it's just gonna work out. Don't do that because you want to prepare yourself for the rejection, how you're going to respond. Just because you get rejected doesn't mean that you need to respond the habitual way that you've been responding you can respond by feeling empowered and feeling in control to rejection. You're not a victim. So that's what I want you to do. You use your imagination to turn that story around from you being a victim to your rejection to you being empowered. Remember, it's all in your imagination. Just have fun with it. You could be as ridiculous as you want. 4. Mindset 1 Don't Put The Judge On A Pedestal : So in the next few sections we're gonna cover some of the mindsets that we use in order to approach, changing our perspective on rejection and getting to a better place where facing rejection is something fun and easy. And obviously, some of you guys know Klay Klay is my partner in crime here in the studio, and she's here to help assist me in the rest of these tutorials. I have her body, so one of things is not having the pedestal, not not dealing with the pedestal and the pedestal. What that is is when you're looking at the person that you've been rejected by that you don't put them on some kind of PETA stool. Aziz, though their word is the word that exactly exactly. So any time that you are either going to deal with rejection in the future or any rejection that you've dealt with in the past, take a look at those memories or take a look at that situation or circumstance and make sure that you don't have that person way up here on a pedestal, remember, we're all humans. Uh, everybody uses the bathroom in the morning, which is one thing I like to use to remind myself that we're all humans and everybody put one good way to take a look that is doing a valuation. So, for example, give me on insecurity or rejection that you've dealt with a recent rejection. Waas. I had my jewelry rejected by a gallery for a recent juried art competition. Right. Okay, So the gallery is the person that rejected you? Yeah, Or was there a judge? There was a judge. Right. So there was a judge. Were they, like, part of a gallery committee, or was it a single person? I was a single judge. It was a single judge. And what are the chances that they rejected your work? Because your work sucked? Um, probably pretty low, right? Ah. Were they an authority on jewelry? I don't actually know. No, they weren't. Actually, I do know they were not an authority on jewelry. They are on acrylic painter. Okay, right. So, knowing this, what makes them Would they still be in authority off here? No. Yeah. Would their rejection really bite as much? No. No. So they're just another artist just going through the motions. Yeah. They need to pick some pieces they need to not pick some pieces. And my piece just didn't stand out to them. Yeah, and they're not. And that will be all is just a difference in opinion. The lie I told myself initially was like Nobody thinks jewelry, Israel, art. And even if they did, then mine was inferior. But the truth of the matter is, you have to pick some and eliminate some, and mine just didn't stand up to them. And they're just a human and maybe the that particular My art doesn't appeal to everybody. And it doesn't have to do with whether or not the art is any good or not. So if somebody doesn't pick, it's just it doesn't appeal to them, your jewelry and artworks off like that's not. That's not what they are. So that's the idea is get them off the pedestal. That's the first thing. So jot that down and see if you can play around with that with your own memories of rejection. 5. Mindset 2 Self Compassion : the next rule and how to deal with rejection is to practice. Self compassion and compassion is not something that I think I have a different idea what compassion means. Compassion doesn't mean to empathize or feel bad for. You know, a lot of times people use the word compassion. Like I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry that you suck so bad. People are pointing it out, You know, to me, that's not compassion. Compassion is a sense of, like looking at the person as the empowered, amazing, powerful being that they are. Sometimes compassion means, you know where you're feeling, like I'm terrible and I'm horrible And somebody just looking at you like and they tell you , like, quit being dumb, you're not terrible and horrible. You're not any of these things, you know, Get yourself out of whatever stupid downward spiral urine. With this in particular, its self compassion. It's it's being that person that is able to look at yourself as the powerful empower being that you are versus judging yourself. And especially when somebody just rejected when some of your work just got rejected or something that you did or you yourself are feeling rejected the ability to turn around and be compassionate to yourself instead of self judgment. Self judgmental is like, Yeah, this is my fault. I'm so terrible on this and that blow block versus saying like, Oh, you know what? I'm okay with this. I'm good with this. I I'm a powerful, beautiful, amazing being. And of course, I'm gonna get rejected sometimes because that's just a part of life. But it's no reflection on me the other. The other part of that is mindfulness versus like over identifying with whatever it is. You know, like a lot of times we over identify with I'm an artist. So I over identify with that title. I am a human being who is living and breathing and experiencing life. And art is one of the things that I do. Artist is simply a label that I've decided to give myself because when you over identify with the things you know, like you're a jewelry artist, you're a musician. So then you over identify with your music. So the moment that somebody says that your music's no good and I'm a worthless human, then you're worthless human. It's totally It's you. They're talking about you. If somebody says that my art is terrible and you have been found wanting, you have been found wanting. And the fact of the matter is that if you over identify with labels or with what you do, uh, you're opening yourself up to being hurt. When somebody is giving you a criticism on something, even if it's not a rejection, like a negative rejection, maybe they're just saying like, Oh, you know what? You could improve a little bit on that. If that is your identity, then it's not. You could improve a little bit on that artwork. It is. You need improvement. You just gesture to all the other part of that feeling. Compassion for yourself is also understanding that you're not the only one. Ah, lot of times when we're going through something negative or we've been rejected, we feel like we're isolated like we've been singled out. Yes, the only one. Yeah, actually, when my workout rejected from the gallery, it really did feel like everyone else got in. Yeah, just me, Yeah, everyone else got in and it was just me, and it's because I suck and I'm terrible and I'm all these things when in actuality, um ah, lot of people get rejected. There is a danger in isolating yourself in that way, because if you isolate yourself and feel that you're the only one, then your identity isn't just artists. It is rejected one. Yeah, loser. And honestly, that is very, very dangerous ground to tread in because the moment that you start to identify with somebody who is consistently rejected, um, lack of self esteem and depression sets in a really easy And because you've already isolated yourself, then you don't have the outlet. You don't have people that you could turn to. You don't have anything. You basically isolated yourself in this very dark and dismal world that because the rest of the world has rejected you, that seems like a recipe for disaster. It is, it is. So it's important to remember these things. Be compassionate with yourself. Understand? You're not the only one, so don't take it personally. You're not your artwork or your music or whatever it is that you create. You are not the label that you've given yourself. Being compassionate for yourself doesn't mean feeling sorry for yourself. It means, uh, reminding yourself of who you really are and that empowered, beautiful, amazing being that you are 6. Mindset 3 Feel The Burn: feel the Bern Veel burn. Yeah, when you're working out and you are pushing that muscle, you know, Ah, lot of times, what ends up happening is you're feeling a little bit of pain. And what the difference with people that feel pain in that way on purpose versus people that feel pain in a way that feels like it's out of their control is that when it's on purpose, you're like, Oh, yeah, I'm feeling the bird. Oh, that hurts a little bit. And you push through it. Yeah, and I'm like, I'm getting stronger. Yeah, exactly. You're getting stronger, whereas when it is something that is outside of your control, you avoid it at all. Costs happens. You're like off. Oh, that's never happening again. That's the difference in the way that you would approach rejection when you were approaching rejection as something that is outside of your control. Then you run away from it. Yeah, it feels like it took a bite out of you. Exactly. Exactly. And it does take a bite out of you because then you avoid doing it. Whereas if you look at rejection as just a muscle building thing like I am building my ability to put myself out there in as many ways as possible. I am building my ability to face rejection with a big smile on my face and actually get excited about the potential of either being rejected or being accepted, but celebrating the fact that I put myself out there. And that's what that is like. Feel that burn. Allow yourself to feel that burn. Then it feels like it added a piece to you. Exactly. Then it feels like it added to you and now took away feel the Bern. 7. Mindset 4 Playing The Victim: avoid being a victim. That's that's one of the most important things when it comes to it, because a lot of times when we are being rejected, we can easily go into a victim mentality and there are two sets of mentalities that we really play with in every situation and circumstance that we're in. We are either empowered and strong or we are a victim in one way, shape or form. Any time that you're dealing with any kind of thing in life, whether it is rejection or something else, it's important to see if you could identify. Am I feeling like a victim right now? Because if I am feeling like a victim right now, I am virtually giving away my power. Or am I feeling empowered? And if I am feeling like a victim, can I make myself feel empowered in this very moment? I tend to want to feel sorry for myself sometimes, and the weirdest part about it is I think that it's a better feeling sometimes to feel sorry for myself. It is it is because when you think about it the way that that that were brought up, it's when you're sick and we'll and people feel sorry for you that people that it's OK and it feels better in that moment. But it's not long lasting. It's not that feel better of like standing up tall and being like, Yeah, I could do this, but there is that that sense of like I want people to Yeah, it's like the little childhood Klay. When I'm thinking clearly I feel empowered. But when I dip, then a little childhood Klay takes over and it's like Get me a heating pad, looking at them as just the roles that I'm playing. I think that that's where I've had a lot of success with this because when I see myself playing the victim, I am playing a role and I could either play the victim or I could play somebody who's empowered. And the choice is mine in those moments, and sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Sometimes the way that I react, you know I don't respond to the situation. I react to the situation and I react like a victim. But eventually you could take a look at that and say OK, well, that's a role that I don't want to play. How can I do this better? And then you play the empowered person in that moment. Sometimes it's hard to do that. Sometimes when I find myself being a victim, I just like to take it to an extreme like a telenovelas, like Oh so ridiculous that it becomes funny to me. It is, and that's that's one of the greatest things about. It is when you realize that you're playing a role. It's a pattern interrupted throws a wrench into the habitual sequence of events. When you're like boo hoo, it throws a wrench into that pattern. And I think that a lot of people don't understand that like the way that we live is there's a lot of patterns involved in their in habitual ways of behaving. Somebody says this to you and you behaved this way. When it happens and people say, Well, that's just the way I am and you know it's It's different things like that and it's not. We're just playing a bunch of roles. The way you behave around your mother is a lot of times way different than the way you behave around your friends. You are playing different roles, and each one has either a sense of victimhood to it or a sense of empowerment. 8. Exercise 1 Changing Perspective: What we're gonna do is use clears guinea pig, and she is going to lay it all out on the line. All our fears and rejections and we're going Teoh, walk her through how to use changing our perspective. How is this video? Because I have a lot we get we're gonna do. We're gonna do a little one little one. So one of the most powerful tools you have in your toolbox of your brain jar is your imagination. And so we're going to use your imagination in order to change your perspective. Maybe take a look at a fear of rejection in a different way. So give us, uh, give us an old fear like an old rejection story that maybe you you're still caring around with. You know, one of the things that I love most of all is singing. And I was inquire all through school, and when I was in high school, I saying in the alto section and some of the girls in the alto section got together and decided that I was the weakest singer in our whole section. I found out about it and it made me feel pretty terrible, actually. And for a while. I didn't want to sing anymore. Do you think that there is still part of you that carries a little bit of that rejection? Yeah, probably so. I worked through a lot of it, and I made myself better. Is a singer because of it? But I still have insecurities when it comes to singing. Okay, what would you say is the insecurity that I'm not as good as I think I am? Ah, eso There's a gaggle of girls in your imagination that are off in some corner whispering about how even though you're singing, you're actually not that good. Yeah. Peanut gallery of mean girls. And actually, my choir director said something which was meant to be a compliment, but was kind of a double edged sword, which was like, You have perfect pitch. Is faras being able to hear music? You're just that good singing needs improvement. OK, so here's the exercise. Okay, So I am. This is gonna be the two person exercise. The way that this exercise works is you would either do this in a mirror by yourself. I like the idea of having to people because I am a second person. So the things that I'm going to say may not be things that you could think of. Obviously, whatever you think of is gonna be the most hurtful crap that you could tell yourself. But it's nice to change that perspective. So we're gonna play this game real quick, okay? And I'm gonna tell you eso picture yourself at that moment. There you are, your little Klay. You're in this choir class, and you're like, I love singing. And I want to be a singer and all that stuff. And I look at you and I'm like, you know, you're really you're really weak. You're really weak singer, is it? My response today is adult. Clear. What was my response back then? What is your response? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it's back then or if it's now. You are living that moment right now? Yes. So I guess my initial got responses like, maybe that's true. Okay, So if you are feeling it in the body than what that tells you is that that is activated, it is still in that muscle memory of your body of the fighter flight. That would be flight. Yeah. Yeah, I should just quit. I feel actually, Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So that tells you right there that that even though that really isn't something that should be active, it's something that's active inside of you, one of those things that we don't really we don't really think about because, like, that's such a small moment. But you remember it and you don't even realize it every time you tell that story, you are not telling it in the most empowered way. You're telling it in almost of disempowered way. Almost like I got told that I was a week singer, even though I did my back. So please tell me that I'm a good singer, okay? It's almost like that. Yeah, Little Cleese still feeling that that emotion and that emotion, whether it's little clear clear right now, is still active. And so you're feeling it now, So I'll say it again. And that's why it's good to have somebody say to you and and really like, you gotta play it out. You gotta play the part. Your voice is just not that strong. You're a really weak singer. Well, I might be true, but I have great pitch and I How is get strong. Good way to turn that around. All right. And then what you do is you think to yourself. Well, I could do that better. And if you can, If you feel that you could do that better than just help me, and then I'll play a lot. I could do that better. Okay? Your voice is really weak. You're a week singer. You know what? I might not be the world's greatest singer, but I can get better and better. And of all of us, I'm the most likely to do something with music. That's good like that. So one of the things that I talk to them about in the last video was about using anger. Been in an empowered way. You know, you and I have had a lot of conversations about that. Where instead of like pointing a finger at someone or even pointing a finger at yourself, you are taking that emotion of anger and you're using it like empowered. And one of the fun things about these exercises when you're looking at this stuff is that you could be ridiculous. It's your imagination. And in my mind, I'm like if you practice being ridiculous than in real life when you're facing a rejection and your response is completely ridiculous. That's something to play around with. So let's first start with you taking a really empowered, like, half approach to it. You know, you have to yell at me. But, you know, just like, you know, I'd be a little ridiculous about Okay, so here we go. You know what? You're like a really weak singer. I don't think you're gonna go anywhere. Life. You know what? I'm pretty sure I'm greatness just waiting to happen. Disempowered clean got angry and was disempowered angry. And I was like, You're just a bunch of show voters. Yeah, exactly. You're just this net. It's It's not about pointing the finger cause you're essentially giving away your power to someone else. So it's like taking it that way. It's like, Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm like, awesome. And then you walk away And honestly, those kind of responses air so confusing for anybody that is rejecting you or nay saying that they will be like you're not even making sense you'd like Oh, yeah? Yeah. And then you walk away. That's how you would change your perspective on it. You you take a look at something like that and you you switch it up. The truth. That was when I did switch it up. The empowered, angry Waas. You don't know what I'm capable of on Lee. I know what I'm capable of. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And that's that's perfect, Like you can say, whatever it is that you want. And really, the change of perspective for me is usually in that direction. You could say whatever it is that you want. The fact of the matter is that you don't know me, and the fact of the matter is that whatever it is that you're saying has nothing to do with me, you're trying to pawn off your insecurities on me by making me feel bad and making yourself feel better. Well, the fact of the matter is, I'm freaking awesome. So there's that 9. Exercise 2 Pre paving Rejection And Other Tips: So we're gonna cover exercise number two, which is pre paving your rejection. This is ah, rejection of something that you might be avoiding. And this is how you get over that? Yeah. Great. I have one of those things, and that's perfect. Because you, my dear, are the guinea pig. All right, Okay, so let's get into it. What is the thing that you are avoiding because you're afraid of being rejected, offering my jingle services to the public like a specific thing? Like somebody approached you. A couple people have approached about jingles, and I haven't really been advertising that I do that because I'm afraid to do it right. But now I have a couple of requests for jingles, and one that really seems like it's happening. So let's say you take on this jingle. Yeah. Job. Jingle job. Yeah. Okay. What is the best thing that could happen in the best case? Near the best case scenario would be that I produced a jingle for this person. That is exactly what they were looking for. Okay. And it's a smooth transfer transaction, and they're very happy. And also that I have fun. Best case scenario would be that you write this jingle, you have fun doing it, and the transaction moves smoothly and they love it and love it. That stuff. Okay, so that is the best case scenario. What is the worst case scenario? Um, that I have a hard time that I can't come up with any ideas that I fail miserably, that I have to refund their monies, that they determined that I'm a failure is a jingle writer and they tell me that they hate the jingle. Let's say that all of that happens all of those many things that you just listed happened. No wonder you're scared to do. Uh, OK, so let's say that those happen. What is the worst thing that comes out of it that you feel in that situation? It's really abstract. It just feels like this ominous, indescribable failure settling in over me like a doom cloud. So you would say that you were like a failure? Yeah, because that I'm a failure as a writer. Okay, So how would you want to feel? Let's say that all of this happened. How would you want to feel? How would I want to feel from the failure of it. Yeah, yeah, Let's say that it just went horribly wrong that all of those things happen. How would you want to feel like when you think of your best possible reaction? The best possible version of you? How would you want to feel? I would want to feel neutral, perhaps, and not discouraged, so I would still want to feel like I am capable of doing this right? So let's say that all that happens from that place, what action would you take? Let's say that they're like, this is the worst jingle ever. This is blah, blah, blah. What would you do In the best scenario, I think I would ask them for specific feedback. What didn't you like about it? What could be done to improve it? Perhaps I can produce something for you that you do like, and that I would keep going. That I wouldn't just chalk it up Is a total failure. Shocking office, a failure, right? And you keep going, and so does I know. I know. So that's the reason that it's good to run through these things because a lot of times people avoid thinking of it or they put a very Polly Anna spin on it, but they don't actually face it, that everything could go sideways. Yeah, that everything could go sideways. So allow yourself to feel all the feelings because your body is going to respond. Everything goes terrible, everything goes wrong and you decide. Like, OK, well, let's give me some feedback. Let's work on this. Let's say that what is the best possible outcome that would come from doing that from doing ? That would be that I make adjustments and I try again and I end up producing and jingle that they like. Right? And how would that make you feel really great? Yeah. And how do you want to feel in that situation? Uh, like a capable musician. Yeah, like a capable musician. You run into a roadblock, you keep going, you make improvements. And is that in your mind what a capable musician does? Yeah, it's funny, though, because when I'm afraid, I'm not thinking of myself as a capable musician, and it's this abstract scene of destruction where, like my musical career is over, someone comes in, confiscates all my musical equipment, and they're like you have failed. Yeah, it's these ridiculous ideas. And then, like, you know, your left up stream. Totally destitute. Yeah. Sad violin music playing. I don't know. It was playing it, not me. That's what ends up happening when you just let your imagination run wild with you. It will take you to those worst possible places because essentially what your body is trying to do is protect you back in a day and cave man days, making a mistake with life or death. Yeah, that you're not going to die from this. This is not This is not a life and death situation, and it is definitely something that you could bounce back from. Let's say that you did not rework and you did all that stuff. And what is the worst possible scenario? They still hate it. They still hate it. And how would that make you feel my best self would feel like? Okay, I'm not the I'm not the girl for the job yet, and we've learned that. Right. But what about your alert? Your worst self would just feel like a total failure, right? So does it make sense to feel like a total failure in that situation? Do you think no So at that point, your response would be like, Okay, well, I'm I'm not the person for you. You give them a refund? Yeah. And what happens after that? What's the result of that? My best self would continue to offer my jingle services. What is your take away from that? Moving forward after having experience that, What would you make sure to look for when somebody is approaching you for jingle that were on the same page? Right from the get go. Exactly. So you are qualifying that person? Yeah, not the other way around. You're not the one that's on the chopping block, Judge, Jury and executioner is looking at you. This is a two way street. That's where I think a lot of these experiences could take you. They could take you to a place where if you're not just going down the rabbit hole and feeling sorry for yourself feeling bad, you could actually look at this as OK. Well, how do I want to feel in that position? Have the experience which could be a terrible experience, but then learn from that experience before it even happens. Yeah, as good I needed to do this Yeah, you're still gonna fear. Feel some fear, obviously, because you haven't done it in the physical world, but you've done in your mind. And you could do this over and over and over in your brain until it really becomes solidified. You know, up until this point, this got really serious for me. And it just became something that I was so afraid of this, like these dark clouds and settled in. And the most important thing for me right now is that I just remembered that this is supposed to be fun. Yes, this is a silly, upbeat jingle. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And I'm like, No, when you are getting this the same thing that happens with me with commissions, where there are times where I tell the person you know I'm not the artist for you, that's a huge point. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean that I'm a failure. It means that what I am doing and what they desire don't match up exactly. And I mean, that's that's what this exercise is all about. So the way that you would do this exercise is you run through the scenario that you're afraid of doing, and you think of what is the best case outcome. If I do do this, that wouldn't make me feel. And how do I want to feel in that moment, you know, because what it might make you feel is relevant and important and all those things. But you really don't want to allow a situation or circumstance an outcome to be what dictates whether or not you feel good about yourself. So take a look at the best case scenario, go through those emotions and then ask yourself, Well, what do I want to feel in that moment? Obviously you want to feel confident. You want to not care whether or not you got it or not. You just feel good doing it, then go through. What is the worst case scenario? How that makes you feel? First of all, look at the worst case scenario. Remember, realize how ridiculous that is. Most of this stuff that you're coming up with in your brain, see how it makes you feel, and then think to yourself. Well, how do I want to feel in that moment as an empowered person, not as this victim or this person that feel sorry for themselves and then take it and say, Well, what can I do to remedy the situation in that point in time is the time to walk away? Or is there something that I could do that will cause the situation to be remedied in a professional or fun way? How do I feel? How do I want to feel? What if it doesn't work out? What do I do at that point? So I walk away just and keep running down that train of thought until you get to the end until you get to a place where you feel better about moving forward and actually see if you could get yourself to the point where you're excited about doing this, because now you already know if it doesn't work out in the shit hits the fan. Well, I've got options. So how do you feel after thinking about just that little bit, it feels a little lighter, a little less doom cloud for me. Take the opportunity. Every time that feeling comes up or those thoughts pop up, you just pause just just for a minute and give yourself the opportunity to walk through that scenario and one thing that I wanted to cover before we end this video was and to cover it with you is that when so you thought about these things and you're feeling better . But I want you to remember that your body is still having that muscle memory. Yeah, So when you do go through with it the first time, you may feel all those feelings, the tightness and the fear and stuff. And you got to remember that although your mind is in one place, your body is still reacting to the deep down fear. So don't take those reactions. Siri's Yeah, I've experienced that before where I got myself to a couple of emotional place, but my body was still Yeah, just understand that your body is still going to respond a certain way. You don't have to go with it. You could be like, OK, I could see my body is reacting a certain way, like I'm having a hard time breathing because I'm really nervous or I'm feeling anxious, but it's not. It's not the way that I actually feel. It's not the way that I'm thinking is just my body. Reacting to what I'm about to do That's important to remember, because a lot of times you might set off to do it. And then you're feeling these things in your body, and then you think that that's the way you're supposed to feel, and you don't have to buy into it. You could just say Okay, well, I'm feeling anxious and nervous, obviously, because I'm doing this thing. So my body is responding a certain way. It's important to remember that. So you don't go down that rabbit hole? Yeah. Then I breathe and I'm like, It's OK. It's OK. Tell my body it's It's okay. Just breathe. That was good. Do you have anything that you would recommend to them? As far as like doing this, be patient with yourself. You may not master this right out of the gate, you know, uh, but just do it as many times as you need to do. Is many times I mean this This is another thing. Like, if it doesn't go exactly perfect the first time running this, then just try again. Yeah, it's interesting. This is something that I don't always remember to dio. Yeah, and it's very, very helpful. So it's really good to get into the habit of doing this because otherwise these abstract fears that don't have any define herbal shape to them just loom. Yeah, and they are always abstract. They're always abstract, like nobody's gonna come and confiscate my keyboard and my iPad. But it's like these abstract feelings, and when you remind me to do something like this, it's tremendously helpful. So you try to get in the habit of doing this. You guys challenge yourselves to do those things that you're afraid of and start getting to the point that even if you're scared to do it, of the excitement of being able to say, I did this, I get really excited about saying like, Yeah, I did this. I totally got rejected. It was, you know, it was It was a horrible experience. I got rejected. I did this. But then I got up and did this again and did this again and did this again, like I would much rather be that person. Then be somebody who never even attempted to do it because they were too scared to because they were afraid of getting rejected. And I think that that's the mindset that is important to get into that. I'd rather do this and get rejected. That not do it at all. Yeah. And I'm gonna do it at my pace, one step at a time, one step at a time. 10. Closing Thoughts And Rejection Challenge: so for closing thoughts when it comes to being rejected, there is a lot of stuff going on in there. In fact, there's a lot of stuff that goes on that I wasn't able to cover. I'm hoping that with the things that we talked about, you could at least get yourself going in the direction where rejection is just not a big deal. One of things I would love for you guys to do is you take a specific rejection and maybe have thought about the different ways that we approach rejection and how you could apply those to that specific rejection. Just one, just 11 at a time. One thing that you're afraid to do because you're afraid to get rejected. Take that one thing and see if you could push through it and then do it and then send us a picture of either you doing this thing that you were afraid to be rejected. The rejection letter with you giving us a thumbs up or simply you being accepted into whatever it was that you were afraid of being rejected by. Yeah, because even if it works out, you still face the fear of rejection exactly. And I mean, that's what it comes down to. If you don't get rejected, you still had to face the fear of rejection. And it's not about whether or not you get in or you don't get in. It is about facing that fear of rejection. The more you face that fear, the less it becomes a big deal, whether or not you get in or not. I mean, that's pretty much how it works. Yeah, I'm hoping that you guys enjoyed this class and got a lot of this class. This is something that I feel very passionate about. It is something that I could not do what I am doing for a living. Had I not faced those fears of rejection, had I not been willing to put myself out there and face all the rejection and any of the growth that I have been experiencing in my life and in my career, have everything to do with the ability to still put myself out there and still face rejection and deal with the rejection as it comes, but deal with a lot of the old rejection that I had and just rewrite that story for myself . to be somebody who is empowered enough to look at rejection right in the phase and give it a big old thumbs up in a smile. So that's what I'm hoping that this is able to do for you guys. I think it's true that you're facing if your rejection right this second and talking about this very loaded topic. Absolutely, absolutely. This video loaded topic on skill share. Uh, this is a huge moment for me in facing rejection and you know what? Bring it on. Bring on the rejection. I'm ready to go, and that's where I want you guys to be. I want you guys to have that mantra bring on the rejection cause I'm gonna do big things. So thank you so much for watching you guys and man go out there and blaze that trail and get as many rejection notes as you possibly can because you know that if you're being rejected, you are doing something that not too many people are willing to do. So thanks again for watching videos