Assertiveness: You Can Speak Up for Yourself! | TJ Walker | Skillshare

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Assertiveness: You Can Speak Up for Yourself!

teacher avatar TJ Walker, Public Speaking and Media Training Expert

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

8 Lessons (1h)
    • 1. How to Be a More Assertive Public Speaker Promo

      0:47
    • 2. How to Be a More Assertive Public Speaker Intro

      1:03
    • 3. How to Be a More Assertive Public Speaker Diagnosis

      5:17
    • 4. How to Be a More Assertive Public Speaker Must Have Style and Substance

      3:23
    • 5. Stagecraft 5

      13:44
    • 6. Fear 7

      14:40
    • 7. Video Practice

      18:38
    • 8. How to Be a More Assertive Public Speaker Conclusion

      2:31
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About This Class

Assertiveness can be learned! Imagine yourself speaking in front of an audience and everyone perceives you as supremely confident, relaxed and assertive. Wouldn't it be great to know that you never have to be seen as passive again, and that you can speak in an assertive and confident style? Your assertiveness can grow.

In this Assertiveness Public Speaking course, you will learn the following:

*How to avoid the common mistakes that make speakers look scared, nervous and timid

*How to rehearse in a way that guarantees you look and feel confident

*How to structure your speech to make it easier for you to deliver

*How to improve all aspects of delivery

*How to demonstrate assertiveness whenever you want

This course is delivered primarily through spoken lecture. Because the skill you are learning is speaking related, it only makes sense that you learn through speaking. Assertiveness is something you build through speaking more forcefully and more often.

The Assertiveness skill you will learn in this class is not primarily theoretical or academic. It is a skill that requires physical habits. That is why you will be asked to take part in numerous exercises where you record yourself speaking on video, and then watching yourself. Learning presentation skills is like learning how to ride a bicycle. You simply have to do it numerous times and work past the wobbling and falling off parts until you get it right.

This course contain numerous video lectures plus several bonus books for your training library.

TJ Walker has been coaching and training people on their presentation skills for 30 years. Now, through the power of Udemy's online platform, he is able to give you the same high quality training that he gives in person to CEOs, Fortune 500 executives, and Presidents of countries. Only you can now receive the training at a tiny fraction of the normal fee for in-person training.

How long this course takes is up to you. The longest part of the course involves you speaking on video, critiquing yourself, and doing it over until you like it. But if you get to the point where you love how you look and sound when you present it will be well worth the time spent. And having this skill will save you time for all future presentations in your life.

You can begin improving your assertiveness presentation skills right now. You may have an opportunity to speak out as soon as tomorrow, so why waste another day worried that your presentation skills are not up to high standards. Please enroll today.

"5 Stars! I now feel confident that I know how to become a great speaker - Thank you TJ" Udemy student Jessica Melo

"5 Stars! With a side of boot to the keester when needed. TJ has so much good information, knowledge, and experience. One thing that I really like is he doesn't try to stick a bunch of information into one video that you can't access or refer to when you need it later. Incredible course. Thank you." Udemy Student Teresa Trimm

What others say:

“TJ Walker's single-minded devotion to presentation has made him the #1 expert for executives seeking guidance on speaking to the public and media." Bob Bowdon, Anchor/Reporter, Bloomberg Television

“TJ Walker is the leading media trainer in the world." Stu Miller, Viacom News Producer

(TJ Walker's Media Training Worldwide) “The world's leading presentation and media training firm."Gregg Jarrett, Fox News Channel Anchor

Meet Your Teacher

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TJ Walker

Public Speaking and Media Training Expert

Teacher

TJ Walker is the founder of Media Training Worldwide and has been conducting public speaking training workshops and seminars since 1984. Walker has trained Presidents of countries, Prime Ministers, Nobel Peace Prize winners, Super Bowl winners, US Senators, Miss Universes and Members of Parliament .

Walker has more than 100,000 online course enrollments and more than 100,000 online students.

His book, "Secret to Foolproof Presentations" was a USA Today # 1 Bestseller, as well as a Wall Street Journal, and Business Week Bestseller.

Walker is also the author of "Media Training AZ" and "Media Training Success."

In 2009, Walker set the Guinness Book of World Records for Most Talk Radio Appearances ever in a 24 hour period.

Walker has also served as a forme... See full profile

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Transcripts

1. How to Be a More Assertive Public Speaker Promo: Would you like to be a more assertive public speaker when you stand up to speak to people? Perceive? He was a little scared, Nervous, uncomfortable. Do you perceive yourself that way? If so, that's a problem. But it's a problem with a solution. I'm T. J. Walker and I have been teaching executives all over the globe how to be more assertive when they speak and how to be stronger communicators. And I can teach you how to be a strong communicator as well. You don't have to be nervous, uncomfortable shaking, boys, cracking any of that stuff. You can come across as completely confident and assertive in every single speech you give for the rest of your career. I can show you how sign up today. 2. How to Be a More Assertive Public Speaker Intro: So why do you need to be a more assertive public speaker? After all, it's the ideas that should count, right? It's the substance that she can't not showmanship. After all. You're a serious person, the person you're dealing with, the people in your audience or serious people. They don't just go for fluff, right? Well, by now you're probably not even paying attention to what I'm saying, because my tie looks so stupid. Now having this tie in a perfect not isn't going to make my speech great. But at least it will allow you to focus on what I'm saying. And that's the thing about being assertive. It's not that as long as you're assertive, people buy whatever you're saying. But if you're not assertive, people are focusing on your insecurities on the fact that you're scared. That's why it's critically important. So let's hop right in. I'm gonna go straighten my tie and you get ready to learn how to be more assertive in every public speech presentation Power point you give 3. How to Be a More Assertive Public Speaker Diagnosis: The first thing we had to do before we come up with a solution is to diagnose the problem we've got to see. Are you assertive? Not assertive, really Seeming scared. Nervous? What exactly is the problem? What's driving you to this course in the first place? We've got to do a diagnosis. And when it comes to speaking, that's easy to Dio. Technically, it's easy emotionally. It could be hard getting motivated to do it, but I need you to give a speech of presentation. Could be three minutes, but I need you to video recorded on your cell phone. A webcam. I know you don't want to do it. Guess what? It's the only way you're going to get better at this. It's the only way you're gonna have. The confidence you need in order to come across is truly assertive when you speak. You wouldn't be in this course if you didn't feel like you were somehow lacking in assertiveness, lacking in confidence when you speak and it very well may be true, but we have to figure out what we're dealing with because sometimes people feel like their way down here in their confidence in assertiveness. level and everyone else feels like they're up here. And when they look at a video of themselves, they see it's up here. Other times people think they're assertive and confident, but they're really down. Here. We're trying to do is to get it together. So there's no disconnect between the perception of how you are and how you actually are when you speak. That's the beauty of video. It doesn't lie, so that's the first step. I need you to record yourself, giving a presentation any presentation, and we only need about three minutes or so. Speak on whatever it is that you are likely to speak on on a regular basis. That's harder for you. So if you give sales presentations every single day on copiers, don't now give a speech about your child's Little League soccer team. That may be easy to get excited and passionate about that. Talk about whatever it is you talk about in a business setting, and let's establish a baseline so one should record yourself Now. Then I need you to watch it, and when you watch it, I need you to really focus on strengths and weaknesses, and I know some of you said, Well, there's nothing I like. It's awful. Everybody does something. Well, maybe you're not saying are more like Maybe your speed is OK, Maybe your volume is fine. Maybe you have some good hand gestures, but I want you to give an accurate, fair criticism of how you're coming across now, the things that typically make people seem nervous, uncomfortable, less than assertive is there voice their voices to low volume is too low. It's almost like they're scared. They're afraid of. Someone hears them. They might hear them make Mr So. Volume is one thing. Speed is another. People that were nervous and uncomfortable there what they want to sit down. They want to have a physician and sit down so they speak quick too quickly. That makes you seem scared. Doesn't make it seem like you're really confident and that you want people to pause and reflect on what you're saying. So speed is one of those things. There are other things that make people seem like you're doubting yourself. Ending sentences with question marks the upturn. Even though you're not asking a question, that's a huge element and making people think you're not assertive look at everything you're doing with your body. If you're holding pens, pencils, paper, the lectern, these air, all things that make you seem scared that make you seem withdrawn. All poor little. Me, as opposed to asserting yourself and your ideas on your audience. Now I'm not suggesting you have to be some theatrical Anthony Robbins or like the former Zig Ziglar and parading around the stage and demonstrating wildly. I'm not suggesting that I want you to be comfortable with your style. But if you're just standing frozen in one spot behind electorate, that sends a message to people that you're scared that you're timid, that you're uncomfortable. Certainly, if you're reading that is a disaster because you've destroyed your eye contact with the audience and you seem withdrawn in your self assertive people are focusing on the people in the audience. They're trying to assert their will on their ideas on. So if you are ignoring your audience and you're in your own little world, staring at your PowerPoint slides or worrying about your notes, you're going to seem scared, timid, nervous and uncomfortable. So look at that right now. Record yourself, analyze it, come up with a list of what you like and don't like. Do it now 4. How to Be a More Assertive Public Speaker Must Have Style and Substance: So how did you do? I hope you gave yourself an honest assessment and a fair assessment if all you did was see negative. Awful, awful. Everything's awful. I hated you weren't being honest. You aren't being fair. There's something you do well. Now we want to work on all the negatives were not going to whitewash it or push it under the rug. But I do want you to develop the ability to see yourself speaking objectively. I want you to focus on just one thing you don't like so far, and let's picket of the style. And if you're not sure what that is, go back and watch the video again. With the volume off, I want you to pay attention to your eye contact. Now I realize you might not have been practicing in front of an audience, but if your head is down and you're reading notes, there's no way that is going to see assertive. So I want you to focus on one aspect of how you look, how you move, things you're doing that don't relate to your substance, and let's practice again, videotape it again and try to get improvement in just one area. Now the other big thing that sort of robs people of their confidence and their assertiveness when they speak. Is this fear? Well, I might be given a really awful boring speech. Well, it makes complete sense to be a little nervous and uncomfortable, fearing you're going to bore the you know what out of people. If you fear you don't have an interesting presentation that you're just going to give a boring data dump. Guess what? It makes perfect sense, toe lack of confidence to not be assertive. That's like baking a meal that, you know, taste awful. And now you're having a dinner party you like here. Please eat this. I know it's awful. It's gonna make you sick, but please eat that well, that would destroy the confidence in any dinner party host. I wouldn't want to serve that dinner, and unfortunately, that's what way too many people do when they're giving presentations. So the problem is not that you're lacking assertiveness. The problem is, you're forcing people to eat horrible bad tasting stew and a horrible dinner. The problem is, you don't have a good speech, so we're going to switch gears now. It's all related. But now we've got to focus on how you can actually give a great speech, how you can create a good speech, how you can have interesting content. That's memorable, because when you have that, it's almost hard not to be confident. When you have that confidence, you will be perceived as assertive and it's going to solve all these problems. So that's why I want to get to the underlying problem. Sometimes it's just physiologically were speaking too softly. We seem timid, but sometimes the problem is the actual substance we've got to deal with both. So first exercise right now, tape yourself again saying the same thing and it's really focus on making one improvement on the visual side, the body language side, the eye contact. Next, we're gonna hop right in to making sure we have a great speech. Not a boring, awful data dope 5. Stagecraft 5: stagecraft. It's very important when you're giving a speech to focus, not just on what you're saying, but how you're saying it. Because look, if it right now, as if I'm leaning on a let now we've seen speakers like that, they leaning on a lectern or they're grabbing their elector, and sometimes you feel like it would be pried out of their hands to get them off the stage . It is critically important to know how you're looking at how you're coming across at all times when you're presenting in front of people because you can have a great message. But for example, if I'm like this the whole time and I'm unaware of it, you're gonna think Was he writing a motorcycle? Are there? It was, you know, wind tunnel. All those thoughts are going to just waste time and preoccupied people. It's not that you have to be in a business suit or in a suit at all, but how you dress needs to send the message of what you're about ings to be consistent with who you are and what you're about. If you're some young 28 year old tech guru, tech billionaire, well, you don't want to wear a suit. You probably want to be in jeans and T shirt. Nobody. So you always got to think about your dress and everything you're doing with your body or not doing with your body. I've seen speakers do this the whole time there, speaking as if they're thinking, Gosh, I wish I didn't have a wedding ring on. Look at all the attractive people in the audience that sends the wrong message. Now the biggest problem most people have when they're presenting is not that there. Pacing or doing something fidgety is that they're just doing this the whole time and next slide. As you can see on this slide, here are fourth quarter results were 2% higher than expected, and really nothing is moving. The whole half an hour speech other than my lips puts people to sleep. It's boring, and it makes you look scared. It makes you look frozen so uncomfortable, and if you're uncomfortable, it makes the audience uncomfortable. Now I'm not suggesting you're so comfortable you put your feet up on the table, but you need to give people that sense that you're happy to be there. You're excited about this, you're happy to talk to them. And when people are excited about something, they generally move. You don't necessarily have to run all around the room like the old Phil Donahue show the host. But in general, most of the time, more movement is good as long as you're not seen is pacing back and forth and doing something in a rhythmic way. But if you ever go to a large convention and they have a first class professional public speaker, they're gonna use the whole stage now, generally, many times when they stop for an important point pause. There's no movement, but it's all fought out. It's all planned. It's not random. They're doing it on purpose to further their communication. And if they want to think and reflect, they'll walk a little bit over here. Now. I'm not gonna walk too much here because I have one camera on me. But for a speech of presentation, I will try to use the whole stage or the whole front of the room or many cases. Let's say it's a classroom style setting and corporation or university. Your government office. I'll start at the back move all around the room. Here's why. It's important. The two main reasons. Number one. It's just a lot harder for the audience to fall asleep if their head is moving. If they have toe move their head to follow you, it's harder to fall asleep. The second thing is, when you are moving around, you're sending a very clear signal to the audience that hey, everybody, I'm not gonna be one of these boring hack speakers. Like the other speakers we've seen today who get up behind a lectern and are just looking at notes or pushing a button staring at a power points like you're sending a very clear message that you're much more confident than other speakers, that you're going to be more interesting that you're more captivating and that you're not reading. One of the biggest pet peeves most audience members have is when a speaker stands up and starts reading. Good morning. My name is T. J. Walker. I'm president immediate training worldwide. I'm very happy to be here to really you really had to read that you're happy to be, and yet I've seen it. I know you've seen it, and it's just deadly dull. So you had to be very, very concerned about every aspect of stagecraft. That means what you're doing with your body, not doing with your body, what you're doing with your voice, not doing with your voice what you're doing with your eyes and what you're not doing with your eyes. If you're staring at notes staring at bullet points, guess what you are ignoring your audience. Your relationship with your audience is like any other relationship in life. If you ignore someone, they tend to ignore you back. There's reciprocity. So if you're ignoring the audience audiences ever great mechanism for dealing with that, it's called Let me check my email, sports scores and stock price. That's people's reaction to being ignored. So you need to be looking at your audience members at least 95% of the tough. Nothing wrong with looking at notes occasionally, but your notes should be limited to a single sheet of paper. If you have more than a single sheet of paper, chances are you're trying to cram way too much information. Way too many message points to your audience. Now, when you have your notes limited to a page and you have stories for each one of your points . That's what frees you up, toe walk around. You cannot walk around the room because you're used to telling a particular story. It's easy for you, and it allows you to have a good eye contact. Speaking of eye contact, there's basically three types of eye contact in the world. There's the bottom sort of 5% of speaking these air rough approximations. Bottom 5% of speakers there staring at their notes, staring at the power point. They're looking at a clock over someone's head. And if you're on the audience in front row back row, you feel like that speaker never saw you. You feel like you could stand up, light your hair on fire, and that speaker wouldn't notice because they're just going to keep on going with their little presentation. That's the bottom 5% now, the next sort of 94.9% of speakers. They're doing some version of this, the windshield wiper or the water sprinkler. It may be fast, it may be slow and they're looking at people, but they're looking at the whole audience the whole time. You never feel like that person's looking right you. And because of that, you feel almost like there's a wall between you, you know, really talking to you. They're not really looking at you. Therefore, you don't really have to look at them intently. You really have to pay a tent. Get gets back to this relationship. There aren't giving you personalized attention. Why should you give them personal attention now? That's not what great speakers dio any of you ever see Bill Clinton speaking by the way nonpartisan here today. Reagan's a great speaker. Most fair minded people would say, Bill Clinton is a great speaker and he's still actively speaking as I record this. Most fair minded people would say Bill Clinton is an excellent speaker, but he does something a little bit different from most speakers now. One of my trainers, I used to work with Clinton just as a campaign 81 day it was re election time in 96. They finished a long day of campaigning, their sleeves rolled up. They were the table playing poker, having a beer, and my guy and he turned to the president, said Mr President, you did it again. You gave a fantastic speech. You had 10,000 people. A palm urine. How did you do it? And the president turned it, says Andy. Very simple. I didn't speak to 10,000 people today. I picked one person of the audience, and I had a private one on one conversation with that person for a full thought. And then I went to another person in the audience, locked eyes and talk to that one person for a full foot. Now here's the thing, Andy. It's only 34 maybe five seconds. It's really not long, but you look much steadier to the audience, even if you're not giving them contacted. You're looking at this one person just for a sentence or two, and you go around. And here's the thing, Andy. If it's a relatively small group of 100 people or fewer, you give every single person personalized eye contact. Now, if you're speaking to 10,000 people in the light is on you. It still works because you can look 200 feet out there and all you see is a sea of blackness, but you can look out 200 feet. Keep your eyes in one spot, and the 20 people in that area will feel like Wow, he really spoke to me. Guess what? Anyone can do this. Absolutely anyone could do this. And it It really changes the impact on the audience. They will perceive you as much more confident speaker. A stronger speaker. Okay, so let me step back. What did I do? Right there. I convey technical information. Three types of eye contact, bottom 5% staring and notes. 94.9% windshield wiper top 1%. Whole eye contact for a couple of sentences. A full thought. But rather than just putting a bullet points or putting out the fax, I told a story. Now the story happens to be true. In this case, it was told second hand to May. So the beauty of telling a story like that is I didn't have to like, look, it notes because I actually had a conversation with this guy Andy, and he recounted his conversation with former President Clinton. So it's easy for me. It's not memorizing it. I'm just retelling an actual conversation I had. That's what makes it easy. And because you're just telling a story, I can look at you. I could walk around and look at you. Freeze up. My body frees up my hands. It frees up my eyes. Toe look atyou. Here's the first thing I do in most of my private workshops with people. Someone will stand up to give a speech or do a media interview, and I'm taping it in. The light is on, but then I turn the light off, but I'll keep recording them. So then we play back there first speech of their media interview, and I always ask them what they like and what they don't like. They typically mentioned that they don't like that. They seem a little frozen, a little stiff, a little scared. So I always ask the same question. I'll see. How would you like to see somebody a lot better than you? Someone is a better communicator, someone who seems more natural, more energetic, and they think I'm going to show them a video clip of Winston Churchill or Ronald Reagan. Instead, I just show them the video clip of themselves. When they didn't realize they were on, they didn't realize they were being videotaped because most people, when they're relaxed when they're comfortable, they become animated, their head moves, their face moved, their hands move, they lead forward. They're not frozen stiff and uncomfortable. So that's the real beauty. People think that if you come to someone like me, I'm gonna teach you how to act in front of a crowd or act in front of the camera. And the reality is now I don't teach people how to act. I teach them how to stop acting. So so much of the problem people have when they get up to give the so called formal speech is they start acting, they start acting scared. And when that happens, we all become a little bunnies. We freeze, and when you freeze, it just looks bad. You look scared. You send a message to the audience. I'm scared. I care more about me, and you might hurt me rather than helping you and giving you information you need. And that just sets off a negative chain reaction of the audience. Now, the solution of this and it's the solution to every other aspect of style and substance with your presentation is you have to rehearse and you have to rehearse on video. Even if you don't want to cause then you can see exactly what you're doing with your hands , body face walking around and everything else. So please pay attention to not just what you're saying, but how you're saying it. 6. Fear 7: fear of public speaking, speaking anxiety. Let's address some of these concepts. You've probably heard the old adage that public speaking is the number one fear people have . Jerry Seinfeld makes the joke. That means the average person would rather be in the casket than delivering the eulogy at a funeral. I want you to take this with a grain of soul. I seriously think the average person. If you said you're on an airplane, jump out of this airplane without a parachute or give a quick toast or small speech. Most people would come over the speech. They actually were jumping out of a plane a lot more than they do giving a speech. Or if you said, jump off this cliff right now or give a toast, people would give a little speech. I do think it is a very, very common thing that happens to people that does create anxiety. Most people are never asked to jump out of a plane. People are as to give speeches, presentations at work, civic groups, and it does create anxiety. But what a challenger think I have a different view on this. I want to challenge your thinking. Imagine you're at your favorite restaurant or bar you with three close friends and you're having a heated conversation about some game all of you saw earlier that day or the day before. Are you nervous? I mean, after all, it's public. You're speaking. There's maybe 100 people in the rest. Are you nervous? Chances are now years old seat. That's completely different. I'm just talking a friend. That's not a speech. Well, hold on if you are speaking and there's more than one person in the room, especially if it's a public establishment, a restaurant that's a type of public speaking and you're completely comfortable in that situation. So when you tell me you're nervous about giving a speech or nervous about giving a public presentation, what I think you really mean is you're nervous about certain types of speeches because you fear it might be boring. You might be awful. Well, that's what you might be born. You might be awful. The solution isn't just a so I have a fear of public speaking. The solution is make sure you have a good presentation. That's really the answer. Think about it with the same was writing. If I told you right now, you have to dictate a memo. It's got to go to everyone. Your company, the chairman of the board of directors. It's got to go to the media, all the analyst, Everyone who covers your industry, every client, and you can't spell check it, edit it or review it. You have to dictate it once and have it simply go out as is. Wouldn't that make you nervous? I know would scare me. It would make me nervous. And yet, if I said you've got to send a memo out next Friday and you have a whole week, chances are you're not going to be nervous because you've got a system in place. You can write a rough draft. You can't spell check. You can hit grammar check. You can add it. It you could print it out if you still do things the old fashioned way and look at it on a piece of paper. If you're in a big company, you can send it to the legal counsel. You consider that the public relations investor relations department. If you're a one person shop, you consented to other friends, allies, family members you trust to give you a critique. So by the time you hit that send button to send that memo out next Friday, you're not nervous. You're not scared. It might not win a literary award, but you're confident that this one page memo is going to communicate what you want. It's not even possible to be nervous about them out. You might not be 100% certain if you're asking for some budget approval that you get it. But you're not worried about the actual communication of the written memo because you have a system in place that eliminates defects, eliminates airs, and you know it's going to start sentences with capital letters. And with period, you'll have good grammars. You'll have commas in the right place, so it's not even possible to be nervous there. Speaking is different because most people most the time don't do rough drafts. Now they may write and rewrite the text of their speech, but a speeches text, unless that's the only thing that you ever give out and you never stand up and speak a speeches, you literally speaking, there's no way of refining that or improving it unless you speak it out loud. Recorded as you've heard me say, Get it again, It again. You've gotta speak it out. Record it, watch it and figure out what works and what doesn't work. Now that's the beauty of fear of public speaking. Now is it's really easy to eliminate. I guarantee you, if you do this one thing, you'll never have any fear of public speaking. And that is simply practice your speech on video until you like it. Now we live in great times because everybody is surrounded by video cameras these days, every cell phone or smartphone laptops, ipads, video cameras or everyone get one of the grocery store for 12 bucks cheap webcams, so you simply have no excuse. That is your number one tool for eliminating not only fear of public speaking but nervousness. And let's be honest now everybody has some degree of anxiety that screen till you're giving a speech five times a day in front of large audiences, even people who seem completely poised and confident relaxed. If you could monitor their heart rate and adrenaline flow, you would see some spikes up when they're giving a speech. But the key is you gotta focus on your audience and knowing that you're coming across your very best part of what creates anxiety is simply not knowing how you're doing. And if you practiced on video, you're gonna know how you're doing. And that's why, again, that we're so lucky to be in this time period we're in, because throughout most of human history it wasn't possible to really get a sense of for your even someone like President Kennedy people think of as a great commanding speaker those who stood behind him when he was giving a speech. I would say, You know, you would stand behind him He would see his hands shaking, even his knees shaking. He was not known as a confident, relaxed speaker to people who know him, some of the best speakers in the world, I will tell you that at least early on in their career, they were incredibly, incredibly nervous, uncomfortable. But they overcame that. Some overcame even more. Vice President Joe Biden had a horrible stutter problem well into his twenties, only a few short years before he became elected a United States senator at the age of 29. So it's possible to overcome a lot of different difficulties simply being nervous. Simply having anxiety is a relatively easy problem to sell. Let's put things in perspective. If you sign them for this course today on how to be a world class violinist, that would be hard or how to dunk a basketball. And you're not six feet eight with a great vertical. If that would be hard, or if you want to know how to hit a hole in one of those would be really, really hard things. And if somehow there was a lot of pressure on you to hit a hole in one or to play a violin in Carnegie Hall, I could understand you being incredibly nervous and have anxiety about that. Giving a speech really isn't like that because anybody can give a speech. It's really more like cleaning your garage or cleaning your office Now. Right now, my garage is a mess. I think about it. I planet. I think, Oh, gosh, it's so hard. It's so hard. I don't want to do it Well, truth be told, it's not hard. I'm just lazy. Anyone can clean a garage. If you have use of your hands and your leg, anybody can clean a garage now getting motivated to look at every piece for the way the junk you don't need. Organize it, label it. It's hard to get motivated to do that, but anybody can have a clean garage. Anybody can have a clean office for a clean home if they decide they want to do the work. I believe it's exactly the same thing with speaking. Anyone can eliminate nervousness, can eliminate fear, can eliminate anxiety if they're willing to do the work. Now I happen to believe the main reasons people are nervous is your thinking. Uh oh, what if I look really stupid? Well, you might look stupid if your knees are knocking together and you're holding a lectern. Are your playing with a pan the whole time? You might look stupid. You might look nervous, so it's perfectly rational to have anxiety to have fear. But the solution is not to worry more. The solution is you're holding a pen, for example. In playing with it, put the pen down. The solution isn't to feel better about playing with the pan, helping nobody notices again. The solution is put the pen down. That's why I get a little frustrated with people who talk about solutions being meditation or hypnosis is or taking a beta blocker or shooting taking a shot of booze. Those things might make you feel better, but they don't get to the underlying problem. The underlying problem. Maybe that you're really not coming across your best Your speech might actually be born. They even this way if I came back and said Cash, I'm really nervous about walking through Times Square naked worried people are gonna laugh at me and I'm gonna get arrested. Would you say, Well, teach a relax. I'm sure you're not that ugly. When you're naked walking through Times Square, just visualize everybody clapping for you. Visualize everybody giving you a Goldman. Are you gonna say that? And I said, Well, nervous about it. I'm losing sleep over. What happens if I have to walk through Times Square naked? Are you gonna say we'll take a beta blocker in that way? You won't be nervous when you walk through Times Square naked. No, I think if you really wanted to help me, if you were my friend or my coach would say teaching put on some clothes. Okay, That solves all the problems. You don't have to worry about people laughing at you. Well, not much. And you don't worry about getting arrested. So deal with the underlying problem and that his wife leave is the best approach when it comes to speaking anxiety. If you go into a speech, you go into a presentation knowing Hey, I'm prepared. I have rehearsed. I've practiced. I've seen the video of myself. I know. I have great ideas. I know these ideas were going to help the people I'm speaking to. I know my examples. My case studies My stories are going to be memorable to people. So not only will they understand it, but they're gonna remember they're not gonna have toe take out a pad and pen, right? Everything that actually gonna remember it so they can take the actions that I'm recommending. If you really do that, you practiced. You prepared, You know, you're coming across the way you want. You know, you've got good ideas, you know, they're memorable ideas. Guess what? It becomes virtually impossible to be nervous when you're giving a speech. Because you know, you're coming across your best in the same way. If you worked on a memo and you've done 4th 5 drafts and you proofread and you spell checked, it becomes nervous. Teoh becomes almost impossible to get nervous about hitting sent if I said to you. So how did you meet your spouse? What do your parents do for a living? Probably be hard for you to get nervous talking about that because you've done it many times. You know what to say. You know how you want to say it. It's exactly the same thing with your presentations. You can be comfortable, confident, relaxed every time you present. If you follow these techniques, Great. Now I'm not reading a teleprompter to you. I haven't memorized speech. I'm not looking at notes over here on the wall. I'm simply talking to you. I'm not nervous that I sound stupid. Or maybe I could be better if I did this. My beady eyes wouldn't look Is, but I'm not nervous at all because I've seen myself a lot of other videos talking about the same subjects. And I know this is my message, and I know I've helped a lot of other people, So chances are I can help you, and I know that once I've got my suit and tie my hair cut and some makeup, I'm not gonna look any better than this, so there's no sense worrying about it. That way I can focus on you and not about my feelings. Here's the bottom line. If you really focus on helping your audience, if you're focused on, if you're really looking at them you're caring about, you're trying to give them new information. Helping them. It becomes almost impossible to be worried about. Four little me. If you're nervous and you're thinking about yourself what you're really sending a message, the message you're sending the audiences, that I really care about you. I care about me, me, me, me, me. This is all about me. Once you learn to focus on your audience is needs you. Don't worry about yourself. You don't have the luxury of even getting nervous. 7. Video Practice: Okay, folks, now it's time for a really big test. It's a test for me. I could flunk, and it's also a test for you. You could flow. Here's the part that you've not been waiting for, that you really don't want to hear. But I'm going to just tell it to you straight. Now you gotta practice your speech and you've got to record it. You've got to record it on video. And, TJ, I don't like looking at myself like my vote. Too bad and very serious about this. Yeah, You can watch all my videos. You can give me five stars and top rated. All of that is completely meaningless if I don't motivate you to record your speeches and practice on video again and again and again. Everything I do with people. Sometimes I work eight hours a day for five days with a client. The most important part of what I do is getting them to practice on video and watch it. It's absolute only way to really get dramatic improvement and to get consistent improvement . You can't do it by looking at a mere if you practice in a mirror. Then if you're a normal human being. You think it was my nose Cricket? I didn't want my hair fall out. My getting Jeff, you're not focused on giving the speech. You're looking at your face. That's not the speech, the speeches, you actually talking to people conveying your ideas, moving It is absolutely imperative critical that you practice on video. If you don't do that, there's an excellent yet you're never going to improve. And I'm sorry right now, but you're frankly wasting your time in this course or any other public speaking course. If you do not videotape yourself now. When I was starting in his business 30 years ago, you maybe had an excuse. Video cameras were relatively rare, relatively expensive. Nowadays, you want a video camera reach in your pocket, pull out your cell phone. It captures video. Most likely, if not a tablet iPad, a webcam, a laptop. I mean, we're all completely surrounded by videos video cameras these days, so you have no excuse. Here's the thing. By my estimation, far fewer than 1% of people ever do this. If you want to automatically leap to the top 1% of public speakers, all you have to do? Is this one thing practice on video? But you have to do it in a very, very specific way, because if you practice your speech on video and you never look at it, I didn't do any good. Complete waste of time. If you practice your speech on video and then you look at it once and then you like, uh, hate my voice. This is awful. At least I looked at it again. Complete utter waste of time. In fact, that's often worse than wasting time big. Is it likely? So. Reduces your self confidence makes you feel so awful. You hate your voice. You hated the fact that your eyes are beady, like mine, or that you were twitching with a ring on your finger. Just watching once doesn't help it. In fact, it hurts. You have to go about this in an extraordinarily systematic way. Give your present eight. Ideally, have a family member friend colleague holding the camera. But even if it's just you in a hotel room or in your bedroom, recording yourself speaking, that's fine, too. You've got to record yourself, then you have to watch it. Then what you need is a clean sheet of paper. Put a line down the middle and write down everything you like. Write down everything you don't like about any aspect of style or substance. If you notice for example, you're doing this every three seconds, it's going to strike you as weird A nervous gesture. Make a note of that. However, if you think well, my speaking voice is pretty good. Or at least I'm not rushing. I like the fact that my head is moving. Give yourself praise. Everybody does something Well, in the sense that they're not making blunders other people make. Maybe you're not saying our, um give yourself credit for that, but systematically go through the whole presentation, right? Things you like, write things you don't like and then look at it. Then you got to give the speech again. This time it's clean sheet of paper. Look at it again. Did you play with your nose fewer times this If you made any progress whatsoever, write it down. So if you started off and the negatives were this high and the strength for this high, you want to do it again. So the negatives come down, the strengths go up do it again. Negatives come down. Strengths. Come up. Keep doing it as many times as it takes. Until you like what you see, that's the ultimate way of getting better again. People said, Well, I don't want to do that. T J tough. Let me ask you this. How often would you dictate a memo to an assistant or just to a voice recorder? Until someone send it out to all of our important clients? Send it to my teachers who were gonna grade me, Send it to the media. Send it to all our customers to all employees. Don't spell check it. Don't added it. Don't review it. Don't have legal. Look at it. Investors Just send it out as is. How often would you do that? My guess is never you'd be scared out of your mind to do that because of fear that it would be filled with theirs. You don't just dictate text and send it out. You look at it, you run it through spell check. You edit it, you refine it. You perhaps get feedback from other people. So by the time you've gone through three or 45 drafts, you can look at it and say, Well, this is fine. This conveys what I want. You're not nervous. You know, I think it's going to win a Pulitzer Prize for literature. But you're comfortable that this particular memo, whether it's a press release document to a client, conveys what you want in a clear, easy, understandable way with good grammar and good spelling. You hit send. You're not nervous at that point because you have a due diligence process for taking this rough draft, which you dictated into a final draft of what you're sending. We understand that instinctively when it comes to text communication, But when it comes to spoken communication, so many of us say, Well, here's the first draft in the last draft and just throw it out there to our audience. Well, folks, I gotta tell you, that's a horrible late of doing it, because the first draft of most things, where do they call it a rough trap. So if you are speaking in front of your intended audience and it's the first time you're actually giving this presentation, you're throwing your rough draft out. That audience will no wonder it's awful. No wonder it's rough. We don't expect anything else to be great in the first trap. Why would we expect the speech to be great? Now here's what's really happening. For most people, especially those in bigger corporations, is we think of this speech as entirely the power point presentation or the text so we may spend dozens of hours. We may spend 100 hours writing and rewriting and rewriting the text on the speech or the text in the bullet points on the power point. Guess what a complete, utter waste of time. This was actually helping you get prepared to give a great presentation. Certainly, if you want the whole speech written out, you do have to review it and spell check it for giving its people. If you are using power point with text and I don't recommend using text on Power Foot. But if you are well, certainly you need to get rid of typos and heirs. But for too many people in too many corporations, it becomes a crutch. I'll get around to rehearsing TJ on video, but we just got to make these final tweaks on these power points and before you know it, a week has gone by it's 1 a.m. The speeches at 8 a.m. And you're still redoing the parent points light. So what's happening is you've crowded out on lesser important activities. You crowded out what's really important the time to rehearse. At some point, you've got to say enough is enough with fussing with the power point or with the script, we now have to rehearse. Great speakers realize this Ronald Reagan owed is the great Communicator had a discipline with his speechwriting staff. Now he would work with his staff for months for a major speech like the State of the Union address, but he would then force them to give him the final draft a week before the speech was to be delivered. He would then spend three hours a night practicing out loud, reading the speech in the residency in the White House. Now that wasn't to memorize it because he was still going to use a teleprompter. He was doing that to build a comfort level, a relationship with the words, But then he would spend an entire day doing video, take rehearsal with the speech, the day of the speech, again and again and again, looking at it, figuring out what works, what doesn't work. How about this? Pause here about this thoughtful look down there. So it's not an accident. It's not something you're simply born with. It comes through practice and hard work, but it comes through a particular type of practice. If you didn't do any of the homework earlier and you didn't narrow your messages down to five and you didn't have stories, and you have just a really boring data dump where you can practice giving your speech again and again and again, it's still going to be an awful boring data dump. And if you practice without video, you might still be making the same mistakes again and again. For example, if I had been giving this entire course to you, but the entire time I've been doing this, I don't think you had really paid attention to anything else. You said, Wow, that guy's a complete fraud. He's talking about how to be comfortable is a speaker. He seems really nervous in his own skin. Now, if I didn't look at myself on video, how would I know that I'm doing that? You cannot know how you're coming across unless you watch yourself. The camera doesn't like your friends and family can say Hey, great speech. Good job. You're gonna noncombat Camera won't do that. The camera's gonna tell you exactly what you're doing. Now, this is what scares people. Sometimes they're afraid of the truth. They can't handle the truth. Guess what? Your audience is going to see the truth. People often say, Well, teaching. I don't want to look at myself. I hate looking at myself. Well, you look at yourself all the time in mere right. How many of you get up in the morning? You have a really important meaning to go to. Your boss is there. The board of directors is there, and you just get up and you don't look in a mirror. Wants you shave, get dressed, put on makeup and never look at a mere Well, I seriously doubt any of you do that. If you're like most people, you get up. You look in a mirror, you get out of the shower, you look into me or you shave or put on makeup. You look in here, you put on clothes. You're looking Amir. So by the time you walk out of your house or apartment when you're walking into your officer into that conference to give a speech you're no longer worried about, Is there jelly stains all over my mouth? Is there coffee stain on my shirt? You're not worried about that? You're not wondering about that because you already know how you look. You've looked in the mere you know how you're coming across now you might wish you look better thinner or something else, but at least you know that you're visually coming across the way you want to come across the best you can come across based on time and resource. Is that your because you looked in the mirror numerous times? It's the exact same thing with speaking. Although the mirror doesn't help with speaking the speeches, you talking the on leeway to really see what you're getting is by watching video. You have no excuse for doing begging you. I'm pleading with you. You've just completely wasted a lot of time. If you know, you should have been off watching an episode of Gilligan's Island or some other time waster . Rather than spend time in this public speaking course. If you're not willing to practice on video. It's absolutely the most important part of this process because you have a lifetime of experience watching speakers. You already know what's boring. You already know what you don't like. You already know what's distracting. So when you watch a video of yourself and you find yourself doing a boring data dump or going from one foot to the other for grabbing electorate like you're scared to death, it's gonna be obvious to you, and it's gonna motivate you to change, to improve yourself. Here's the other thing. It's gonna dio if you actually do what I've asked you to do, which is keep practicing on video until you can look at the video and say, Wow, that's a great speaker Persons interesting. The person seems confident. If I can speak like that person, I'll be a star in my industry. If you actually practice until you get to that point, something magical happens. At that point, it becomes impossible to be nervous about public speaking to be fearful, to be full of anxiety. The reason you're nervous if you are before a speech or a presentation is there is a part of you wondering I might be awful. I might be boring. I might look stupid. They might not understand. Well, guess what? All of those things could in fact be true. You won't know until you watch a video of yourself back to what I was talking about earlier . With the the analogy of the tax to the print information, you're probably not nervous or fearful before sending an email to your boss because you already know you got rid of the spelling errors. You get rid of the grammar errors. It makes sense. One of your colleagues proved it. You're not nervous about that? What if somebody asked you, You're comfortable dinner party and somebody asked you how you met your spouse or your significant other. Probably be hard for you to be nervous about that because you've said it many times. You're comfortable with it. It's almost impossible to get nervous if somebody asked you a question like that. If you already know how you're coming across, you know how you want to say it. It is exactly the same thing with speeches and presentations, even if you've never given the speech before to a live audience. If you keep practicing, it on video until you like it, it's going to just fill you with confidence. You have eliminated most of the problems that affect most speakers. Now, I could give you a 24 hour course and go through every single little detail. Don't play with your finger. Look, people in the eye for a full thought. I could go through all those little things. But you know what? You already know what you like and don't like, but you don't know how to apply it to your own speech until you watch on video. So rather than go on and on and on and on, I'd rather free up more time for you to practice your speech, watch it on video and to do it again and again and again. Now, some people have problems seeing anything they liked with their own presentation. So you may want to bring in a friend, a colleague, have them critique it, but always start off with a positive, ask them what they liked. What did you do? Well, because I've seen this countless times. Someone does 25 things, right, But they had some us and, um, and they just fixate on the ums and ahhs like it's the worst thing in the world, and they completely ignore all their strength. You don't want to do that. So sometimes it's helpful to bring in a partner family members, if you can avoid it. Don't because family members think they're helping the most by just telling you what's wrong. That's not what helps. When it comes to the video critique. You've got to spend equal time strengths. What's working? What's good to do, more off weaknesses, what to do, lesson constantly have to build the strengths. So before you go to the next lesson, please give your speech. Right now, you already have the outline. Did you have five messages and you have a story for each one or a proper visual? And now practice your speech on video. Keep doing it until you like it. 8. How to Be a More Assertive Public Speaker Conclusion: Congratulations. If you have actually done the homework. A sign in this class meaning not just watching videos, not just reading the books, but speaking on video, recording it, reviewing it, critiquing doing it again and again and again until you like it. Guess what? You're now an assertive speaker. You now have confidence in its confidence based on reality, because you have seen yourself give a good speech. You've seen yourself present in a way that you like. You've seen your hands, do what you want, you've seen your eyes. Go where you want and you've seen yourself. Stop doing all those things that make anyone look scared, timid, uncomfortable. I hope what you've learned from this course is anyone could be an assertive public speaker if they just follow a few basic principles. For starters, make sure you have a good speech. That means primarily nearing your messages down to a handful, having good examples, case studies and stories for each one to make it memorable, then having a little cheese sheep with just one page of notes so you don't have to memorize stuff, and you know it's a read power point in front of people and this way, you can just talk to people and follow notes for a little road map. So you not to worry or stress about what to remember. And most important of all, you're going to practice your interesting speech on video until you like it. You're not gonna do what most people dio, which is rewrite rewrite bullet points at it and change this slide here and changes graph over here doing that till two minutes before the speeches to be delivered. That is a prescription for disaster. That is a prescription for making you nervous and uncomfortable and seeming timid and scared because those people should be timid and scared. They're about to fail with their speech. So the ultimate way of being assertive, completely filled with confidence every time you speak is to know you have a great speech, practice it on video until you like it. And then you have a role model for the assertive speaker the whole time you're speaking and that role model is you. Good luck