Assertive Communication: Build The Independent You | Lucia Grosaru | Skillshare

Playback Speed

  • 0.5x
  • 1x (Normal)
  • 1.25x
  • 1.5x
  • 2x

Assertive Communication: Build The Independent You

teacher avatar Lucia Grosaru, Psychologist. Assertiveness Advocate.

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

43 Lessons (1h 47m)
    • 1. Lecture 1. Introduction

    • 2. Lecture 2. My Motivation for Critical Thinking and Assertiveness Advocacy

    • 3. Lecture 3. About the Course

    • 4. Lecture 4. What is Assertiveness?

    • 5. Lecture 5. Benefits of Assertiveness

    • 6. Lecture 6. When to use Assertiveness

    • 7. Lecture 7. The Five Communication Styles - Introduction

    • 8. Lecture 8. The Passive Style of Communication

    • 9. Lecture 9. The Aggressive Style of Communication

    • 10. Lecture 10. The Passive-Aggressive Style of Communication

    • 11. Lecture 11. The Manipulative Style of Communication

    • 12. Lecture 12. The Assertive Style of Communication

    • 13. Lecture 13. The Assertive Rights

    • 14. Lecture 14. Thoughts and Assertiveness - Introduction

    • 15. Lecture 15. Thoughts and Emotions

    • 16. Lecture 16. Cognitive Distortions - Introduction

    • 17. Lecture 17. Dichotomous Thinking

    • 18. Lecture 18. Overgeneralization

    • 19. Lecture 19. Mental Filter

    • 20. Lecture 20. Disqualifying the Positive

    • 21. Lecture 21. Jumping to Conclusions

    • 22. Lecture 22. Augmentation and Minimization

    • 23. Lecture 23. Emotional Reasoning

    • 24. Lecture 24. "Should" Statements

    • 25. Lecture 25. Labeling

    • 26. Lecture 26. Personalization and Blaming

    • 27. Lecture 27. Assertive Verbal Communication - Introduction

    • 28. Lecture 28. Expressing Emotions

    • 29. Lecture 29. “I” Statements

    • 30. Lecture 30. The Assertive “No”

    • 31. Lecture 31. Assertive Verbal Communication Techniques - Introduction

    • 32. Lecture 32. The Broken Record

    • 33. Lecture 33. Free Information

    • 34. Lecture 34. Self-disclosure

    • 35. Lecture 35. Feedback and Assertiveness - Introduction

    • 36. Lecture 36. Constructive Feedback

    • 37. Lecture 37. Dealing with Criticism

    • 38. Lecture 38. Fogging

    • 39. Lecture 39. Negative Assertion

    • 40. Lecture 40. Negative Inquiry

    • 41. Lecture 41. Assertive Nonverbal Communication

    • 42. Lecture 42. Conclusions and Final Recommendations

    • 43. Lecture 43. Instructor Message

  • --
  • Beginner level
  • Intermediate level
  • Advanced level
  • All levels

Community Generated

The level is determined by a majority opinion of students who have reviewed this class. The teacher's recommendation is shown until at least 5 student responses are collected.





About This Class

Become more independent in your thinking, your emotions and your social interactions. Boost Confidence and Self-esteem.

Learn the most effective style of communication and become more independent in your thinking, your emotions and your social interactions.

What you will learn:

  • Identify the main five communication styles in yourself and others.
  • Know your assertive rights.
  • Identify and manage ten main cognitive distortions.
  • Express your emotions in an assertive manner.
  • Say "No" to unreasonable requests assertively.
  • Use assertiveness techniques in personal and professional communication contexts.
  • Provide constructive feedback.
  • Deal with criticism assertively.
  • Identify and activate assertive nonverbal cues.

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Lucia Grosaru

Psychologist. Assertiveness Advocate.


Lucia Grosaru is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist with 10+ years experience in Assertiveness Training. She is the founder and author of the Psychology Corner blog where she mainly writes about Critical Thinking and Communication Skills.

Thousands of people have attended her online courses and live events and one of her main goals is to help people develop their inner potential and achieve their personal and professional goals through methods that promote self-awareness,  personal agency, authenticity and independence.

Prestigious publishing houses, such as Cambridge University Press, and authors have invited her to review their psychology and neuroscience books and she has also collaborated with other professionals in these fields to produce personal develo... See full profile

Class Ratings

Expectations Met?
  • 0%
  • Yes
  • 0%
  • Somewhat
  • 0%
  • Not really
  • 0%
Reviews Archive

In October 2018, we updated our review system to improve the way we collect feedback. Below are the reviews written before that update.

Why Join Skillshare?

Take award-winning Skillshare Original Classes

Each class has short lessons, hands-on projects

Your membership supports Skillshare teachers

Learn From Anywhere

Take classes on the go with the Skillshare app. Stream or download to watch on the plane, the subway, or wherever you learn best.


1. Lecture 1. Introduction: Hi. Welcome to assertive communication. Build the independent. You. I am Lucia. Grow sorrow and I will be your guy through the course. In the following lectures, I will show you how to use the assertive communication style in order to live a more authentic and independent life thoughts, emotions and behaviors that rely on the assertive principles. I love you to break free from toxic contexts and focus on your own personal and professional goals. This course is for you. If you want to learn how to guide your thinking in a way that boosts your confidence and self esteem, and that allows you to regulate your emotions better learn how to build healthier relationships, communicate your opinions openly, deal with criticism and conflict efficiently. Say no and create time for the ghost that really matter to you. Participate in this course. If you want to regain the confidence in your inner power to create the future you want, start building the independent. You right now, activate your inner resources and engage in this process of change and growth. If you are ready to make the first steps toward your cognitive, emotional and social independence, then join me in the next lecture 2. Lecture 2. My Motivation for Critical Thinking and Assertiveness Advocacy: critical thinking and assertiveness advocates. Perhaps this is what best describes my social role in interests. My cognitive structure, which is primarily analytic as well as my psychology, training and social observations have lead me to strongly believe that the path toward individual social and global growth is through unbiased evidence based thinking and then attitude toward the self and others based on mutual respect, consideration and support. I believe that critical thinking and assertiveness can be the foundation off a better future accelerated scientific progress in the truly functional global society. In the last years, I've helped individuals such if independence of thought, a higher level of psychological well being and offered them assistance in creating the lifestyle which best fits their authentic self. My personal results and those of others increased my confidence that we can build an impressive world by empowering individuals to be authentic and act in accordance with their inner potential. Shifting from one external toe on internal sense of control and meaning can be the step we all need in order to allow ourselves to be who we really are. And I believe that the foundation for that shift lies in critical thinking and assertiveness skills. I think we can rely on this complex concepts and processes when creating our present and future reality. I believe that powerful independent individuals will build the powerful and wonderful world . 3. Lecture 3. About the Course: In this course, I will address both theoretical and practical aspect needed to create an activated, the assertive style of communication we could just keep to the assertive techniques and strategies. And that will probably be enough to project the image of an assertive person in the social world and maybe even get some off the benefits related to this communication style. But I think the best approach is a multidimensional one in which we simultaneously address thinking patterns, the understanding off of this patterns shape our emotions and, ultimately, how to project this inner events into observable behaviours such as verbal and nonverbal communication. In the overall management off social relationships, we will first take a look at what the search of this is the reasons why you should learn this complex skill, its benefits and went to use it. Then we will zoom in into each of the five styles of communication so that you will be able to identify them in yourself and others. We will then address the assertive rights or assertive principles, and that will mark the passage to the practical part of this course. You will learn how to identify and eliminate the main committed distortions and how thoughts and emotions are linked in the assertive riel. Then we will get to the really interesting part the actual techniques and strategies of the assertive style of communication. You will learn how to communicate in a more authentic and confident manner, how to efficiently deal with criticism and conflict, how to provide constructive feedback and have to make sure that your verbal message matches the non verbal one and then you're ready to go. The Foundation for the Independent You would have been laid, and you will have the main skills to start creating the life you want, shall we? 4. Lecture 4. What is Assertiveness?: what these assertiveness. Basically, assertiveness refers to the complex ability to think emotionally, react and act in a way that is non passive and non aggressive. A primary, assertive person is able to openly express their opinions, feelings, needs and desires in a way that is respectful off their own rights and the rights of others . Perhaps you've heard about assertiveness, mainly in contexts that regard communication styles, but that is just one side of this complex concept. My view and the one that I will be using throughout the course is that assertiveness is a multidimensional concept. It is simultaneously a set of skills, communication style and the type of behavior. The set of skills involves cognitive, emotional and behavioral elements. You think manager emotions and acting and assertive way. The communication style refers to using assertive verbal and nonverbal techniques and strategies in your social interactions. At the same time, it includes the regulation of your inner speech. This is also communication, but this time it's directed toward yourself. The assertive behaviour means being able to generally act in ways that project the assertive principles and traits. These concepts obviously overlap and drawn the same basic ideas we will learn more about the assertive thinking behaviors and how to communicate in assertive manner. But for now this. Keep in mind that assertiveness is about gaining the ability to be authentic and act according to your own values and goals well, at the same time respecting the rights of others to be themselves and act according to their values and goals. It's about the non passive, non aggressive you. 5. Lecture 5. Benefits of Assertiveness: What can assertiveness do for you? Why invest time and other resources in mustering this complex skill? Well, the green. The complete list of benefits generated by a primarily assertive lifestyle would be impossible, considering all the nuances of human behavior, potentials and goals. But here is why I think you should learn to be more assertive in your thinking and in your actions. It's because it would allow you to become more independent by living a more authentic life , boost your confidence and self esteem levels. Initiate and build healthier relationships and break free from toxic inferences. You can create opportunities for yourself and others learn to say no and create time for the goals that really matter to you. It can help you increase your resistance to manipulation. You will be able to manage your emotions better learn how to deal with criticism and conflict in a more efficient manner and learn how to provide constructive feedback. You will be able to use assertiveness to confidently approach your personal and professional goals. Promote yourself and showcase your abilities. Break free from passive or aggressive communication patterns, and the least could go on and on. Most likely, you will add your own observed benefits to the list while participating in this course and implementing the techniques. It is my conviction that investing time in learning how to be assertive and how to use this complex skill in order to achieve your goals it's time well spent. It positively changes the individual and in the end, has the power to positively change society. And if you believe, just like I do, that the future of a fully functional in happy society is through knowledge, mutual respect and support. Then you will join me in this endeavor off change and growth. 6. Lecture 6. When to use Assertiveness: in this lecture, I will share with you when to use the assertive communication techniques and just is important when not to use them. So please make sure that you watch this lecture until the end. So when it comes to went to use the assertive communication style, the answer is in basically every segment of your life from your inner dynamic that includes thoughts in her speech and emotion regulation to the external expression of these inner events, such as verbal and non verbal communication and other behaviors. Assertiveness can help you have a more balanced and satisfying lifestyle. Assertive communication can be used to manage both your personal and professional interactions and goals. At the personal level, you can use it to improve your relationships with your family, friends and romantic partners. Use it whenever you want to confidently state your opinion in public speaking and educational settings when you want to ask someone to do something into address and reasonable requests. Professionally used assertive communications style to deal with business meetings, negotiations, job interviews and, in general to become a better colleague and leader. A word of caution Most daily contexts are fit for an assertive approach But there are also situations in which the assertive strategies are not recommended and can even escalate the conflict. If you find yourself in a violent relationship, regardless of where this violence comes from, others may have violent toward you or you. Yourself may have a history of violence, then do not use the techniques presented in this course or in any other materials on assertiveness. To directly address that situation in this case is, please contact the professional to help you deal with the issue in a specialized manner. Assertiveness training may be part of the process, but it is not the proper way to directly address violence situations. So please seek the proper assistance if you are dealing with a violent context, Thank you for watching the electrical. In the end, it is important to me to fully convey this message. 7. Lecture 7. The Five Communication Styles - Introduction: In this lecture, we will take a general look at the five communication styles, and later on we will take our time to individually address each of them so that at the end of this section you will be able to identify their specific traits in yourself and others. So let's start by naming the five communication styles that we will be working with. In this course, we will talk about three main styles. The passive, the aggressive and the assertive style. One mixed style, passive aggressive and the secondary style manipulative in different materials about communication. You may find variations in the way the author or instructor refers to this styles. Sometimes they may only address the main three of them, or only four of them. Or maybe they have another approach altogether. But for the purpose of this course, we will use these five styles to describe the main ways in which we behave and communicate . Now let's see how they relate to each other. I will illustrate this. Let's imagine a line segment, a simple line with these endpoints. Let's imagine that on this line we would be able to fit all types of communication and all types of behavior in their respective variations. If we were to represent any variation of a person's behavior, we would be able to place it on this line. Now, In this case, the left endpoint on our line would signify the purest form of passive behaviour. This form does not exist in reality. What we will use it for training purposes. So here in the far left, we would have the passive style of communication and behaviour. The passive style means that the person using it with rather renounced their own rights, desires and needs in favour of the rights, desires and needs of others in total opposition. At the end point toe over right, we would have the purest form off aggressive behavior. That would mean that the person using it with mainly care about their own rights, desires and needs, and disregard their rights, desires and needs of others in order to represent a balanced attitude toward our rights and those of others, we would use the exact middle point of this line segment here. This would be the purest form off a certain behavior. This is what basically assertiveness is the imaginary place where our rights and the rights of others who exist in harmony. None of them is infringed for this regarded. Now let's place the remaining two styles in our illustration when our inner dynamic is rather aggressive. But the social expression may makes passive behaviors. That means that the passive aggressive style is being used. Any combination of passive and aggressive elements defines the specific style and somewhere between the assertive style and the aggressive one. Depending on the level of aggressiveness involved, we have the manipulative style. Remember that none of these pure forms of behaviour or communication exist in real life. But to be able to work with this concept, an illustration like this comes in handy. We could even assign numbers to this line and think of it as a behavioral scale. It would only be a convention, but it does help self assessment. Let's say that the left endpoint is equal to zero and that the right one is 100 that would give the middle point of value of 50. One could now think about their behavior and the behavior of others, using these values and place each variation on this imaginary scale. I could say that during that week when I said yes to all of my colleagues requests to take over tasks that were originally assigned to them on top of dealing with my own tasks. I was rather passive a 23. Maybe when I finally got the courage to say I'm sorry, but I would only be able to help you want my own tasks are completed, Then maybe that would be closer to a 45. Or if I said it's really confident for 55 I would have said something in the lines of your a jerk. Stop asking me to do your job. Then maybe that would be an 80 because it would be an aggressive response. But these are all subjective assessments. Nonetheless, they are useful since we could track our behavior and perhaps use the information to regulate it. But in reality, these end points do not exist at all. Behaviours flow on a continuum and professionals would not even use alliance. Miller 0.3 illustrates assertiveness, but instead use a triangle to showcase the way in which behavioral styles relate to one another. They are actually different than the loan things. We create the relation just to be able to operate with a concept. There is no perfect balance between aggressiveness and passivity. Furthermore, in our daily interactions, we do not use a single behavioral or communication style. We use a combination of them depending on the context we select and activate. One of the five styles this time that we use the most is what we will refer to as predominant main or primary style. But the other styles will show up as well. Levels of each of them already reside in us. We already are passive, aggressive and assertive. We just need to activate a predominant style that proves to best serve our interests and goals. And that style is so far considered to be assertiveness. We won't be able to be assertive all the time. But if our inner dynamic and our main behaviors are primarily guided by the assertive principles, then we should benefit from all the great effect assertiveness holds. Now let's do mean on each of the five styles of communication. See you in the next lecture 8. Lecture 8. The Passive Style of Communication: the passive style of communication as we've seen earlier. The passive style of communication mainly means to renounce your own rights in the favor of others. This style is also known as submissive, since the persons were primarily passive, often renounced to express their opinions or emotions, and would rather help others achieve their goals instead of working on their own. This style is seen as an expression of low self esteem. The main beliefs or thoughts associated with the passive style include the idea that one is inferior to others less worthy unless killed, that others are more important than they are that other people have the right to control their own lives. But they themselves would not be capable of proving such skills. That is mainly why they give the control over their own lives to others. The rather see themselves as followers, not leaders. When it comes to communication, people who are primarily passive do not openly express their opinions or emotions. They would rather agree to what others are saying or formulate an opinion that is similar to the years. If they do decide to voice their opinion, they would avoid talking first since they need to validated by comparing it to the opinion of others. They avoid offering negative feedback because they want to avoid conflict by all means. They fear being socially rejected and with rather renounced their own rights and sacrificed their own goals, then lose social connections. The tone of their voice is soft, and they often are unnecessarily apologetic. They avoid director visual contact. An awful look downward. We may think that that's the behaviors are mainly about being inactive, but that is actually not valued. Passive individuals may engage in activities of high intensity, but what gives them in the passive submissive category is the direction off their actions. These activities are rather oriented toward achieving the goals of others and defend their rights. As I've previously said, primarily passive individuals would rather follow their lead. Their attitude usually shows low levels of confidence, and it's rather one marked by humility. Their posture conveys the same message. Hunched back, head leaning forward. It's like they're trying to occupy as a little physical space as possible. It goes with the belief that they're small and frail, while others are seen as big and strong. Emotionally, it's negative emotions that mainly defined the passive style, confusion, helplessness, frustration and resentment are often experienced by a passive or submissive individual. There are also some positive emotions connected to the passive style of communication and behaviour. The most significant is feeling safe, a result that is linked to social acceptance and low levels of conflict and responsibility . The advantages of the passive style of communication and behaviour include the few positive emotions, but also the fact that the person is usually seen as a pleasant company rather than a threat, which makes social interactions smoother. The disadvantages are many, among them feelings of anxiety and depression. Also, because the social image of the passive person is usually that our victim people may take advantage of their nature, their limits are rarely respected, and there rarely managed to achieve any of their significant goals, although in some situations the passive style of communication made, they're not to be useful. Most of the time, it only generates this satisfaction and frustration 9. Lecture 9. The Aggressive Style of Communication: the aggressive style of communication. Primarily aggressive individuals see their rights, opinions and needs as being more important than those of others. Their actions often infringe the rights of other people. They are almost exclusively dedicated to the accomplishment of their own goals, usually at the expense of the interests of other people. Their strategies and communication methods are often exaggerated this proportional and are activated at inappropriate times. This style is also seen as the expression of low levels of self esteem and self confidence . This is why primarily aggressive individuals try to compensate by projecting a social image off superiority and overconfidence. Primarily aggressive people usually think of themselves as being more powerful and stronger than others. In their mind, they're better. No matter what the assessment criterion is. They see themselves as deserving and skilled and as having the right to control their own life as well as the lives of others. They are important, others are considered unimportant. They think that they should always be in charge and lead, while others should follow them. Aggressive communicators openly express their opinions, emotions and wants, but do it in such a way that disregards the opinions, emotions and wants of others. They are not skilled the listeners, and this is why they often fail to create satisfying connections with others. They often offer unjustified criticism. Their feedback is meant to put the other person down, not help them better themselves or help the relationship grow because they see conflict in almost every context. They see communication as a situation in which they have to win, and in order to achieve that goal, they tend to dominate conversations. They speak loudly, usually covering up the voices of others in the hope that this puts them in a leading position. They threaten bully, humiliate and blame others for their own mistakes or failures. They initiate and maintain conflict, manifest little or no empathy or understanding for other people, and they are usually not affected by the fact that they may cause negative effect on others . The visual contact is direct but confrontational. They may blink rarely or not at all for prolonged periods of time. Almost all of their actions exclusively serve their own goals. They will try to make sure that their rights are respected by others. Well, they themselves barely respect any rights. They would even claim auxiliary unreasonable writes, just to try to maintain control over others. They usually want things to turn off their way and do not accept the views of others. They want to be seen as leaders and think they are entitled to top social and professional roles. They are usually impulsive. Their body posture is dominant and is often used as a tool of intimidation. We may think that the emotional life of an aggressive person must consist mainly of positive feelings, because of their roles that involve power and control and getting what they want most of the time. But that is actually not the case. As I said earlier, aggressive traits stem from low self esteem and confidence levels. As a result, the main emotion for the aggressive person is fear. Fear of losing control, especially the control they have over others. And their control is always at stake, especially when it's their over aggressive actions that give clues about their weaknesses. They actually don't feel dominant. These that feel helpless abuse and consider that others require unreasonable things from them. They're aggressive. Reaction is almost always a response to a perceived threat, real or not, the result of the aggressive action makes them feel in control once more and also provides them with other positive feelings, but only for a short amount of time new contexts that their sense of control or other attributes that they consider important. We'll make them feel fear again. And that will cause them once more to resort to the aggressive pattern of action unless they create and activate on alternative type of response. People who only occasionally resort to aggressive patterns of action may also feel guilt or embarrassment for having caused negative effects in the life off another person. The advantages of the aggressive style of communication include the positive range of emotions they may feel for sure. While the perceived sense of control, the apparent validation off their desired skills and social roles, this perceived well being is often a superficial one because the underlying believes and emotions have not yet been efficiently managed, and alternative ways to think and act are not yet available to this persons. The disadvantages of the aggressive style refer to the inefficient management of one's authentic believes and emotions the negative social reactions they often received, such as rejection content and hate, the escalation of conflicts and their various consequences. In the long run, the aggressive style of communication proved itself to be an effective way to deal with professional and personal context. 10. Lecture 10. The Passive-Aggressive Style of Communication: the passive, aggressive style of communication. This mix style of communication combines elements from the passive and aggressive styles. The result is an apparent passive surface that is actually an attempt to hide authentic, aggressive feelings. The person may experience emotions related to the aggressive style, such as anger, dissatisfaction or resentment, but wants to avoid the consequences off openly expressing them and the associated opinions . The person desires, the effects of the younger they feel towards someone or something. But they make a choice off, avoiding the possible negative outcome by that expressing it directly. They will instead use indirect ways to undermine the goals, the well being and relationships off another person. You are some examples off passive aggressive behavior, forgetting someone's birthday or an anniversary having a headache at the exact moment when you have to help someone in a way that is meaningful to them, like baby sitting there child so they can go to the restaurant or to the movies, solving a task in a less than satisfying manner so that somebody else has to take over being repeatedly late toe business meetings or meetings with certain friends, these behaviors activate any relation to the people towards whom you feel anger or other negative emotions. Off course. Some of these problems may be genuine, and at times it may become difficult to discriminate between real causes and the passive aggressive reaction. This leads us to a valid question. How do we make the difference between the two a way to guide this analysis is the attitude we have towards the negative result were causing and the associative emotions? Are you feeling any sort of satisfaction that the other one isn't getting what they want? That they have to stay at home because they cannot find another baby sitter soon enough that they have to stay over time to complete the tasks? You didn't finish that they have to give some explanations to the boss because they may be recommended you for the job. Do you feel that now you're even that you've got in your revenge. Are you acting in this way with a certain frequency? These are all clues that passive aggressive behaviours may be the answer to those contexts . Remember that when it comes to the passive aggressive style, it is all about the passive surface hiding authentic, aggressive intentions. Emotionally, the passive aggressive style combines the emotions related to the passive and aggressive styles. Negative emotions and inner events include anxiety, low self esteem, lowered sense of control over one's own life, guilt and being ashamed. Positive emotions, such as the satisfaction you get from the fact that you think you got an even or the relief off dodging responsibility, are once again short lived. The advantages of the passive aggressive style are rather few. In addition to the positive emotions I mentioned earlier, 1 may find comfort in the fact that it is easier to justify passive aggressive actions than open, aggressive behaviors, and at the same time, responsibility and consequences can be easily avoided. The disadvantages of the passive aggressive communication style include the negative emotions associated to the passive aggressive actions, but also the lack off authenticity and openness and the fact that other people may see this person is being irresponsible, disorganized, unskilled and as expressing no consideration for others. At the same time, the consequences that have been avoided through passive aggressive actions may be activated if the decision behavior is discovered because it relies on two rather ineffective communication styles. The passive aggressive style is also, most of the time, inefficient in regulating ones, relationships and inner dynamic 11. Lecture 11. The Manipulative Style of Communication: the manipulative style of communication. While the passive aggressive style is a mix style of communication, the manipulative style is rather a subtype of the aggressive type. We will refer to it as a secondary style. The main characteristic of this communication style resides in the intention of the person using it to modify somebody else's thoughts, opinions, emotions and behaviors in order to serve their own goals. It is easy to identify the fact that this kind of intention infringes the rights of others . Manipulation is used either toe unnecessarily protect one's rights through aggressive means , or to create the impression that the manipulator is entitled to additional rights that apply only to him or her, but not others. The underlying beliefs of a primarily manipulative person may include the following. I will do everything in my power to make things go my way. Whether I deserve it or not, I will make sure that the outcome will favor me. You can easily spot the basic aggressive attitude that says that this person's rights and goals must be more important than those of other people. Manipulative communicators will convey any message, authentic or not, that has the potential to serve their girls and will often ignore the negative effects their actions may have on others. So kills Manipulators will often makes authentic facts with false information to make others accept their views easier. Nonverbal cues may also be modified in order to make the intended message seem authentic. Manipulative behaviors aimed at convincing others to participate in the fulfillment off the manipulators goals the manipulation maybe disguised as a neutral or positive intention, and it may seem to have no aggressive component in this case, the target or victim may decide the willingly participate in the manipulators plan. Manipulation may also be openly aggressive and make the victim consider that they have no other option but to do what the manipulator requests. This view may be valid or not, depending on the context, but nonetheless, the victim will often react and act as if they have no other choice but to comply with the manipulators requests. A primarily manipulative person may even convince others to renounce their own rights in order to protect his or hers. Social interactions with the primarily manipulative person usually have a win lose structure. The manipulator wins. The victim loses when the potential winds cease to exist, the manipulator may try to find a different victim. They can also significantly alter their entire appearance and observable personality traits so that they will increase their chances to successfully manipulate victims. The emotions experienced by a person who primarily uses the manipulative style of communication may vary greatly, depending on the context and their goals. But they are mainly those feelings encountered in the aggressive style as well. They may also find the expression of various emotions to trigger specific reactions in others. Depending on their aim, they can trigger supportive reactions, compassion but also rejection and anger. For manipulators who mainly rely on this style for the management of both their personal and professional lives, there may be many positive emotional rewards at the least until they get caught. But for the occasional manipulator, guilt and embarrassment are activated more often. It is easy to see that the main advantages off the manipulative styled come from the various results of the manipulative actions. The benefits may occur in both personal and professional contexts. They may get the job they want, project the desired social image and get the emotional rewards related to the success of directions. They may even experience a temporary boost off their self esteem and confidence levels. But the disadvantages off the manipulative communication style are far more extensive than its advantages, even when manipulation is successful. Most of the time, when manipulation is the primary guide for one social image and social interactions, their own self identity may become distorted unarticulated, and it may become very difficult to restore its authentic version. Authenticity is lost in all relationships, including the one with your own person. If other sketch onto the manipulator strategy, those relationships may be beyond repair, and they may trigger rejection or aggressive responses many times when the manipulative strategies are discovered by others. Most or all of the benefits previously gained our lost. In the long run, the manipulative style of communication turns out to be inefficient, especially is a primary style because it does not generate long lasting, authentic results. What one builds through manipulation may be taken away from them in a split second, and often that is exactly what happens 12. Lecture 12. The Assertive Style of Communication: the assertive style of communication, the main goal off this course to create and activate the assertive style as your primary style of communication. The mindset and behaviors that make up the assertive style are considered to provide the most efficient management for both personal and professional contexts. The communicate assertively means to express your thoughts, emotions and once in a direct, open and authentic manner and at the same time to display consideration for the thoughts, emotions in once of others. You claim your rights and at the same time respect the rights of other people. In assertive relationships, boundaries are clearly set and respected. We know what is comfortable and acceptable to us and how to request that our limits we respected. Being assertive does not always get you the outcome you want, but it helps you stay focused on your significant and reasonable goals. When you are primarily assertive, you know that you are in control of your own life and that others have the right and skills to control their own lives as well. And you would never intend to modify that Assertive people take responsibility for their actions, and they also understand the limit of this responsibility. They adapt easily to diverse social, personal and professional environments because their empathy, listening skills and mainly rational thinking patterns allow them to connect with others and develop healthy relationships. They can accept opinions that are different from theirs, knowing at the same time that they have the right not to agree with those opinions. They are also willing to change their opinions about things if presented. Relevant data that support new conclusions, assertive people taken active rolling, making the changes they want in their lives into their best to accomplish their goals. The assertive style of communication is seen as related to high levels of self esteem and confidence that shows both in their inner and social dynamics, they can appreciate someone else's skills while at the same time being aware off their own strength and vulnerabilities. They accept and support diversity. Underlying thoughts and believes that are linked to the assertive style of communication include the following I am deserving and so are others both to myself and others are important. Depending on the context, we can all be leaders or followers, assertive communication places, authenticity, honesty and openness at the core of successful communication. It is about openly saying what you think, feel or want making reasonable requests, refusing other reasonable ones, being able to give and receive constructive feedback, and also the ability to effectively deal with conflict and criticism. Assertive communicators take both their right and the rights of others into account the tone off their voices, balanced, calm and conveys confidence. Conflict is not necessarily avoided, but it is managed in a constructive, objective way without allowing it to escalate into violence. The visual contact is mainly direct, but in order not to make it seem confrontational, it will be interrupted by occasional horizontal movement. The assertive behaviour is mainly represented by actions that are in agreement with one's opinions, beliefs, emotions, values and goals and do not infringe the rights of others. They convey consideration for the opinions, believes emotions of values and goals of others. These actions are mainly oriented toward one's own goals, but they can be activated to support the goals of others as well. If the assertive person chooses to do so, then they are aware that that is a choice they make, not the result of manipulation or aggressiveness. The physical appearance and body posture off a primarily assertive person convey confidence , comfort, openness and most of all, are in accordance with the person's inner dynamic. There is a natural flow between what goes on in one's mind and emotional real and what is socially displayed through verbal and nonverbal communication. Assertive people find it comfortable to display unauthentic social image of themselves. They take responsibility for it and update it according to the changes that occur in their inner dynamic. They are also respectful off the physical space of others and make sure that their physical space is also respected emotionally. The assertive style of communication promote and maintains a satisfying level off physical and psychological well being, because the inner dynamic is carefully analyzed, understood and improved if needed. This also said to the basis for healthy and long lasting social relationships. Assertive individuals have the cognitive and emotional skills to deal with stress, conflict, criticism and inner conflicts. In an effective way. They maintain good levels off self esteem and confidence, and successfully managed unpleasant emotions such as anxiety, their sense of control and direction in life. Allow them to experience lower intensities off these negative emotions, fewer situations in which they feel helpless or confused also lead to fewer emotions in the range of depression. Also, it is important to mention here that primarily assertive persons except uncertainty in their lives, they understand that there are situations beyond our control context that we cannot change and in which we need to act in ways that limit unnecessary inner conflict and associated negative effects upon ourselves and others. The main advantages of the assertive style of communication have been addressed in a previous lecture. But to those benefits, I will adhere the following the ability to be present in your life. We will take from the past what we need in order to grow. But let go off everything else so that it won't negatively interfere with our present or future. The ability to set realistic, reasonable goals to make relevant plans and to act in accordance with those plans the ability to connect with others in an authentic, honest way that will help both individuals and relationship grow. Also, an advantage of the assertive style of communication is to boost their maintain self esteem and confidence levels. The disadvantages of the assertive style are few, but we need to address them as I mentioned in a previous lecture. There are contexts in which it is not recommended to use the assertive methods, among them violent relationships. I will repeat here that if you find yourself in a violent relationship, then you should not try to address it through method such as the ones included in this course, and instead contact the professionals who can help you create a valid and safe strategy to deal with that particular context. Using assertive strategies in the violent context may trigger aggressive responses and save your consequences. So please make sure that you are safe and get the appropriate assistance to find the solutions for your particular situation. This being said, we also need to consider the fact that many off our daily interactions do not involve primarily assertive individuals, so we will indirect it various types of people. And guess what? Not everyone is a fan of assertiveness. Assertive communication does not guarantee assertive responses from other individuals. It facilitates them, and you may be able to manage many of your interactions with difficult individuals through the assertive methods. But there are times when they can trigger resistance and even backlash. A primarily passive individual may see you as being too direct, this engaged or even cold and selfish, this name humanely because they think that one should not act in their own interest. That's saying things openly may lead to social rejection and that by doing that, you're basically wants the closer to conflict. And as we've seen previously, they avoid conflict by not openly stating their opinions or once. At the same time, aggressive persons may feel their sense of control threatened by assertive individuals who know and confidently claim their rights, this may sometimes cause backlash with the intention to reestablish the desired authority of the aggressive individual. Others may see you as narcissistic and boastful just because you can confidently talk about your strength. And examples can go on because it is not always easy to interact as an assertive individual who mainly resorts to critical thinking with primarily passive aggressive or irrational structures. But you need to keep in mind that although these interactions may not be pleasant and may trigger some frustration on your part, especially if you're just starting to learn how to be assertive, the reactions of others are not your responsibility. But there's you nonetheless have to deal with them assertively. Don't let them overwhelm me emotionally or manipulate you into activating aggressive patterns as well. These reactions barely have anything to do with you. They belong to the individuals displaying them. Your responsibility is not to infringe somebody else's rights, but it is not to make them happy or give them what they want. Beyond that, it's about them, their choices, their responsibilities. We need to be responsible off our actions and the delivery of our messages so that our intentions are visible and well understood. If we manage to adapt the message to our goals in the specific context and relationships than the many factors off, assertive interaction have been established. When you move toward the primarily assertive style of communication and behaviour, you need to be ready to accept that some of your previous relationships may not survive the change. Assertive individuals break free from toxic relationships, and that may cause different levels off psychological and emotional discomfort in the initial stages. If you feel high levels off discomfort while going through the significant changes, then please seek the help of a professional to make the transition easier and to address any underlying psychological events that are active and play a role in that specific situation. This course can guide you to make most of the basic changes in order to create and activate a primarily assertive style of communication. But please assess carefully your individual situation, and if you think you need a more in depth approach to address the difficulties you're going through, then consider one on one life counseling or psychotherapy sessions to help you deal with that context. Despite its occasional disadvantages, the assertive style of communication is the most efficient set of communication skills available to us that can help us regulate our inner dynamic as well as manage our personal and professional relationships. Do not feel intimidated. I imagine that at this point in the course, some of you may think that making all of these changes may be hard and you may even feel like quitting. That's a normal reaction. Changes and especially significant changes are not easy to accomplish, but the results are worth it. You deserve to be free, and you're thinking your emotions and your actions. You deserve to have healthy, long lasting relationships, and to accomplish your goals, you deserve to feel comfortable being you. And there's a way that can facilitate all of this. Whether you see yourself as being primarily passive or aggressive at this point, now that you have the resources to make such an assessment and want to create your main assertive skills from scratch. Or if you think of yourself as a primarily assertive person who need some guidance on how to activate and boost their assertive skills, then the following lectures can help you achieve these goals. Changes a step by step process, and the 1st 1 is to decide to begin. You've already made that step. I encourage you to continue and see what assertiveness has in store for you. Let your personal the results guide your informed opinion about which style of communication and behaviour best fits your infrastructure and personal and professional goals. It's about personal experiences, and I encourage you not to deny yours. See you in the next lecture 13. Lecture 13. The Assertive Rights: in order to claim and protect your rights as well as respect the rights of others. When it comes to communication, you first of all need to know what these rights are. If you are familiar with personal development articles and books, you may have encountered such list over certain rights before they may have comprised 10 items or seven items or any other number of items. There is no definite list. This list is subjective, and each trainer or communications specialists may agree to some viewer another or create their own list. But basically this rights need to express in terms of liberties, the assertive principles. But they are mainly based on human rights that apply to all of us. We just place them in context, off communication or relationships. And it would be really difficult to come up with the definite list of such rights, considering that there are so many fields of knowledge trying to figure this whole thing out. Some things are still under discussion at philosophic levels. Others are highly debated in legal context. So we just do our best to provide a set of principles that can guide the way toward our legitimate freedom are authenticity and our well being and at the same time respect and do no harm to other beings or the environment that offers us all our basic resources. So here is my list of Assertive writes that I primarily consider in communication context. I will use numbers for each of them just to have a better structure for this part of the lecture. But there is no particular order or your key between the statements. Here they are. You are entitled to your own beliefs, values and the associated emotions. You have the right to act in accordance to your beliefs, values and associated emotions. As long as you do not deliberately stick to hurt others, you have the right to assess your own thoughts, values, emotions and behaviors and think upon yourself the full responsibility for their expression and consequences. You have the right to decide upon your implication in actions that benefit others. You have the right to offer no justification or apology for your actions. You have the right to make mistakes and take responsibility for them. You don't have to be perfect. You have the right to be irrational and make decisions based on irrational reasoning. You have the right to disagree with others. You are entitled to different opinions. You have the right to be respected. As an individual, you have the right to display your skills and benefit from the results of your work. You have the right to say no to the requests of others. No justification, no guilt. You have the right to formulate your own goals and choose your own priorities. You have the right to change your mind, your opinions and your beliefs. You have the right to say I don't know and I do not understand. You have the right to be independent. As I was saying previously. This list does not include all the rights and principles that are associated with this sort of views. But I considered this items to be guidelines for assertive communication and behaviors. Feel free to consider each of these rights in the context of your own life. Do they seem valid to you? Do you claim them all? Most of them. You? None. Would you add any other new assertive right to the list? You can revisit this question at the end of the course as well. Now let's move on to addressing the connection between our reasoning and assertiveness and how disconnection helps us better regulate our emotions. 14. Lecture 14. Thoughts and Assertiveness - Introduction: thoughts and assertiveness. The way in which we create our mental image about ourselves in the outside world greatly influences our choices when it comes to goals, actions and our options for social interactions. That is why, when developing assertiveness skills, we need to make sure that we based the creation of these images on a satisfying amount of relevant information that will allow the rational features toe overwhelm the irrational ones. The goal is to ultimately relate to a reality that is as close to being valid and authentic as human abilities allow. In this course, we will address to aspect that are related to the analysis and orientation of cognitive processes in a way that facilitates the creation, a simulation and expression off assertive attributes. We cannot become primarily assertive in behavior and communication unless we develop and activate a primarily assertive mindset. This mindset will also help us regulate our emotions better. So in the next lecture we will address the connection between our thinking patterns and emotions, and in the following section I will show you how to identify, analyzed and eliminate the basic cognitive distortions 15. Lecture 15. Thoughts and Emotions: between our thoughts, our emotions and the external world, there is a continuous interaction. The external world influences the way we think and feel, and our thoughts and emotions influence the image we have upon this world. We will build our inner world, which includes the image we hold about ourselves and others based on the emotional reactions and believes that we have acquired above the external world. Thus it becomes important to maintain a balance when it comes to our beliefs and emotions, so that the inner world we create for ourselves would be able to offer the resources we need for our personal development. The limit, the context in which we can be overwhelmed by over emotions, to ensure a satisfying level of rational thinking patterns and to also help us guide over social interactions in an effective way. We based our everyday decisions on our beliefs and our emotional reactions to both the external and the internal world. So it becomes necessary for us to understand what exactly influences our decision making processes. It is important for us to understand how we function at the cognitive level and how we react emotionally to different situations in order to ensure the efficacy of our decisions . It is sometimes difficult to see and accept that our thoughts and emotions are the main hurdles on the way towards our goals and well being. That is why it becomes necessary to become intentional thinkers and analyze our cognitive and emotional patterns and try to understand the causes, the triggers and the methods through which we can modify this patterns. Should we desire to achieve that, this outcome can be achieved through different methods of analysis, self guided or guided by a professional. For the purpose of this online course. In this lecture, I will address the first step off such an analysis, differentiating thoughts from emotions. Some people may find it easy to identify and express their emotions, while others may struggle to both identify and express them. When one cannot properly differentiate between their thoughts and emotions or isolate a certain emotion or thought in order to analyze it, then their endeavours to develop critical reasoning or authentic assertive functioning may become unsuccessful. Everything thoughts as emotions or considering an emotion as a sufficient argument to make an informed decision may cause difficulties in developing unauthentic, reason driven, assertive mindset a way to simplify this complex process is to be able to name our emotions and identify their triggers. Naming emotions allows further analysis and is an important part of assertive communication . How does assertiveness help with emotion? Regulation, You may ask yourself at this point in the course, in this case as well, there's a known going in direction between our thoughts and emotions. Understanding over emotional triggers may help us both identify and modify the style of communication we activate in certain contexts. They give us information that can guide directions. But at the same time, we need to be aware and not consider emotions as the exclusive factors in decision making. That reasoning with causes to lose important data that can be retrieved through rational cognitive analysis, activating an assertive mindset and primarily resorting to assertive behaviours. We'll regulate the intensity off our emotions, and we'll ensure that this intensity fits the trigger and its significance. With individual, there will be fewer chances for you to feel emotionally overwhelmed in stressful situations or fail to act in a certain way because your emotions come in the way. In return, balanced emotional levels will facilitate critical thinking and the decision making processes. In the next section, we will address the main committed distortions. Their management can greatly impact our emotional reactions to a variety of contexts and facilitate and support psychological and relational well being. 16. Lecture 16. Cognitive Distortions - Introduction: cognitive distortions. Cooperated distortions are errors that occur in one's reasoning, that modified the way we perceive reality. None of us is immune to this floors of our cognitive processes. They are not signs of a weak mind, but of one that's been submitted to certain experiences that triggered this automatic, distorted thinking patterns. We refer to them as automatic because they usually occur at levels that are out of our awareness but carefully analyzing our thinking. Our inner speech may give us the clues about the distortions that are active and have the power to influence our daily functioning. Shining a light on them allows us to change them with a rational thinking pattern and partially or completely eliminate their effects. Now we do not yet know how to achieve reasoning that is completely free from bias or whether that is even possible. But there are certain measures that we can take in order to identify, analyse and eliminate the main distortions that influence the way we think about ourselves , others and the world itself. In the following lectures, I will present you what I consider to be the most significant distortions in our reasoning and how to manage them 17. Lecture 17. Dichotomous Thinking: dichotomy was thinking. This type of cognitive distortion is also known as polarized black or white, or all or nothing thinking. When this type of reasoning is active, the person on Lee considered the extreme points of a context. Ignoring all the possible intermediary values. I will use the black or white thinking metaphor to illustrate this. Let's say we have this bar here completely wide. For now, when dichotomous thinking occurs, the person would see the White Square over here and the Black Square all the way here and consider that to be the applicable reality for that specific context to them. This bar looks something like this, but it is pretty easy for us to realize that in between the white and black squares, there are many values of great. The reality is that of a radiant ranging from the purest white to the black is black and includes all the intermediary values off grain between. We missed that variety. If we stick to the black or white thinking, examples of dichotomous views include the following. One could say that people are either good or bad, smarter, stupid life is either a success or a failure. These messages failed to grasp the diversity, the nearest intermediary possibilities and therefore create a distorted view of ourselves, others and the world. Although there are contexts that fit in a dichotomous description, most aspects of our lives do not. And at the same time, the pure values of white or black can rarely, if ever, be achieved in real life. Most of the time there is some good in the bad and some bad in the good, so we should consider and accept the various values of great observe whether you are limiting your views about a certain topic, toe only two opposing categories or values and try to see whether there are intermediary segments that would describe them better. 18. Lecture 18. Overgeneralization: over generalization. Now imagine that you would include all the aspect of a context not into, but, you know, single category that supports no exceptions. It would be like all the elements pertain to a group, and nothing else exists outside that group. That would mean to use over generalization in communication. We recognize this type of cognitive distortion through the use of words such as always, never, huh? Everything. Nothing. You can see that anything that would follow these terms with fall under the same category and would be expected to follow the same rules. Here are some examples you never listen to me. All Children love cotton candy. Everybody is a skilled communicator. As you can see, these formulations leave no room for receptions. The reality portrait by them is reduced to only one rule that seems to apply toe every element off a general category. And unless objective measurements and observations say otherwise, that is not a valid view off the real world. More than likely, there have been moments when the other person listen to what you had to say. Some Children do not enjoy cotton candy, and not everybody communicates in an efficient manner. So it is reasonable to consider that most of the time one single rule does not define a general complex context, and the rational thinker should be aware of that. 19. Lecture 19. Mental Filter: mental filter. Let's say you had a full day. This circle here is your day. All sorts of things happened. Some of your activities were successful. These colorful dots here some did not return the desired outcome like these moments here. The mental filter distortion would mean, for example, to describe this day as being awful, because some of the things were less than perfect or not what he expected them to be. You would completely filter the good things out from your day. Keep on Lee the negative and define your day through those elements exclusively like this. Now, is this your day? Just by looking at the original illustration, you realize that saying that the big circle is completely covered in black thoughts would not be valid because here are the orange, yellow and pink dots. We need to be aware off the various attributes of a situation. The many traits of a person, the many characteristics over relationship and consider all of them when formulating a mental description. A rational thinking pattern takes into account all these aspects, their meaning along with the perceived or proven value off that meaning regarding over circle. Here we could say that a day has been mostly good, but it also included some undesirable elements 20. Lecture 20. Disqualifying the Positive: disqualifying the positive. Have you ever caught yourself thinking or saying that your good results at school, or maybe at work were just a matter of luck? That what got you the desired outcome was the fact that the teacher created an easy test, or that your boss was nice to you? And that is why he or she gave you the promotion well. In that case, the significant positive aspect related to those contexts have been considered to be a matter of hazard, faith or destiny. What you're taking out of the real situation is your own effort and skills that got you the good result. Sure, the items on a test and the good nature of your boss can be considered factors in relation to the outcomes presented. But their participation in the result is rather low in comparison to your efforts to study or do your job well, so always pay attention to and acknowledge the role off significant factors that contribute to a certain outcome. Things don't just happen. There are reasons why certain result occurs, and some of them are more important than others. Chances are that if something good happens in your life, it mainly has to do with your skills injections rather than some random situational factors . Take pride in that 21. Lecture 21. Jumping to Conclusions: jumping to conclusions. This happens a lot in the irrational thinking, really arriving at the conclusion through ways not supported by relevant data. It is actually a very important topic in the field of critical thinking. This distortion is responsible for many disputes in the academic world. But in the field of communication we should pay attention to the two forms in which discovery that distortion is expressed, meaning mind reading for the reading, off thoughts and fortune telling mind reading means to believe that the person will act in a certain way in a certain context, when there is simply no data to support that conclusion. For example, I know the reason why I wasn't invited to the meeting yesterday is because my boss wanted to discuss my firing with the other board members so you would be reading your bosses mind when you have no previous that had to support your conclusion that he or she wants to discuss about your firing with the other board members so you would react to the situation based on the distorted, imagined context, fortune telling this time it's not about what a person will do, but how things are actually going to happen in a given context. You project an outcome inconsiderate, valid. When you have no data to support your conclusion. For example, I know that my partner will end the relationship. There's no reason for me to remain as involved in his relationship as before. Here you can see the predicted outcome. Their relationship will end, and also you can observe where there's distorted view leads to thoughts and actions that do not support their relationship anymore. So most likely in this context, you would end up participating in fulfilling the outcome you yourself erroneously predicted . Therefore, make sure that your conclusions are logically derived from your premises. 22. Lecture 22. Augmentation and Minimization: augmentation and minimization. The cognitively augments something in the context of cognitive distortions means to assign the certain attributes of a situation. Ah, higher significance. Then they actually have one form. Augmentation is catastrophic thinking, which refers to projecting the worst possible outcome for a given situation, totally ignoring all the other possibilities, which often are more likely to occur. For example, if your child is a little late from school, you could immediately think that they had a deadly accident and react as if that already happened. So the worst case scenario becomes your reality. Now, in some unfortunate context, that may be the case, but the probability off that album is rather low. It is more likely that they've just stopped to talk to a friend or play with them, stopped to take photos for other reasons. There are many other possibilities that can explain them being late, and we should consider them gradually. Based on the data we have, this conspiracy of feeling many types of negative and intense emotions, minimization is the opposite of augmentation. This time, you don't emphasize meaning or significance, but rather diminish it drastically close to its total disappearance at times when the available data would lead to a different conclusion. So now you have the data, but choose to ignore it. For example, there's no reason for me to lock the front door. This is a safe neighborhood, or it's not a big deal if I leave food by the tent. Bears aren't as dangerous as some people say that I exists to let you know that there is always a risk involved with you not securing the entrance of your home. And bears have definitely become dangerous for humans who do not take minimum safety measures. When camping outdoors, you can see how minimization would create a force, mental environment and with cause you not to take the necessary actions in a given situation with augmentation, you overreact with minimization. You under react. Try to find the balance between the data that is available to you about the certain context and the results of your decision making processes. 23. Lecture 23. Emotional Reasoning: emotional reasoning, This cognitive distortion with cause the individual to believe that their emotional response to a situation is a valued objective. Trade off the situation, considering the previous bear and the other camping example. For a person who enjoys the occasional after camping, the whole experience may seem safe. Well, for someone who has the reservations regarding the after activity, this may seem as a completely dangerous one, so they would each define the activity based on their feelings about it, not the actual attributes of that context. Another example would be I am afraid of flying on a plane. It's dangerous. The extended version would be because I am afraid of flying on a plane. I consider it dangerous. It is important for us to discriminate between our feelings about something and their objective traits. Our conclusions should be primarily based on data. This will also allow a better regulation off our emotions. 24. Lecture 24. "Should" Statements: should statements the unreasonable ticking clocks inside our mind. That is, what should statements are. This type of cognitive distortion refers to the fact that we sometimes feel and think that we should respond in a positive manner the requests and norms that are not necessarily related to our inner structure or goals. It creates the illusion that individuals and India and the world should be in a certain way . For example, you should be married by 30. A good friend should always help others or good kids are obedient, meaning that in order to be considered a good kid, you should be obedient. All these beliefs have the potential to manipulate us into doing something that has no meaning. In the bigger picture off who we are, how we want to live our lives and what we want to achieve. They make us believe that we should submit to their content and act accordingly. The key in dealing with this cognitive distortions is to analyze the source and the relevance of the belief in relation to your goals. The source can be internal. You yourself created the deadline, the irrational link between objects or other elements that make up the belief or External Family Friends Society. In this case, you need to analyse whether the belief holds any meaning for you. And if it doesn't, then you should assess whether to renounce those views and goals and overcome the emotions that may be attached to your decision off letting these views go. These feelings are usually guilt and shame, triggered by the idea that you have disappointed someone your life, and they perhaps hold you responsible for neglecting their wants. But we're not here to please others. We are here to leave our own life, and as long as we caused no direct, deliberate harm to anyone, we are free to choose our own path. This basically cancels the idea of disappointment. People who may show disappointment in the reaction to your decisions may keep this feeling in their lives, but you don't have to feel any guilt in living your own life the way you feel. You should support the self imposed internal clocks. I should have kids by 35 or I should visit at least 25 countries in my lifetime. We're similar thoughts. I recommend you eliminated the constraining factors, the chutes and the age limit and reformulate the message you sent yourself in the following manner. I would like to have kids. The clock disappears off course. Tell yourself that only if it is what you really want. Otherwise, modify the belief in the version that applies to you or eliminated altogether. Send yourself messages that are relevant to you for the second example you can reformulate . I would like to visit at least 25 countries. So now it is something about your wishes and preferences, not the most. This eliminates the pressure and allows you to enjoy the process off fulfilling your dream of travel. I would invite you to try to spot those unreasonable in their clocks and try to turn them off. Some may be easier to turn off than others, but remember to always pay attention to your emotional responses, they will usually guide you in the direction of tension and help you discover what you could analyze India with next 25. Lecture 25. Labeling: labeling. We do this all the time. Good job. If he thought this is an over generalization, it could be. But I'll explain why it actually isn't. We use labels for almost everything in our lives. We assigned words to objects, feelings, thoughts. There was our labels. These labels are the basis of communication, and without them we would have very limited options to convey our messages and discover things about the world around us. These are the good labels, but there are also bad labels. Labeling is a cognitive distortion that refers to assessing a person based on their behavior rather on their actual attributes. Behaviours refer to what a person does not who a person is. So we need to make that distinction when we create our image about ourselves and others. For example, if someone reads a lot and engages in many scientific discussions, we may call this person a nerd. North is the expression of cognitive distortion. Now some of us take pride in being nerds. So in many cases this particular cognitive distortion may not cause as much individual harm as other distortions. But nonetheless it modifies the image we create in our mind about a person. We define them by what they do, not who they are. When used with the intention of harming someone like name calling, then the damage becomes easier to spot. Ruling results a lot on Lee willing, so make sure that you pay attention to the attributes of a person, not their singular actions when defining them. 26. Lecture 26. Personalization and Blaming: personalization and blaming this category off cognitive distortions is related to the way we may sometimes miss attribute the source for the cause of a result. Personalization and blaming assigned the effect to a single exclusive source of factor, a factor that doesn't even have a significant role in the context we're analyzing. The difference between the two cognitive distortions lies in the nature of this source. When we assigned the entire responsibility for a specific event to ourselves, then we call it personalization, and when we assign it to others, it's blaming an example of personalization. Would be. It's my fault that you didn't get the promotion. I could have done more for blaming. We could formulate something in the lines of It's your fault that I'm mad. You never consider my feelings when you make decisions. The causes of an event are rarely singular, and the responsibility should rather be considered something shared by all the involved factors. With their respective amount of influence. These ends the section about cognitive distortions. Please go back and re watching the lectures that address specific distortions when you analyze your own thinking patterns and remember that we all yet irrational thoughts once in a while, but it's in our power to diminish their effects and thus create a more valid in our image of ourselves, others in the world we live in. 27. Lecture 27. Assertive Verbal Communication - Introduction: now here is where the really fun part of this course begins. The following sections will address the methods of the assertive communication, both its verbal and non verbal elements. I will show you how to express your message in an authentic and confident way, how to offer constructive feedback, how to deal with criticism and how to make it all come together with the use of non verbal cues. In this section, we will address three main topics. How to assertively express your emotions, how to formulate your message in a non passive nonaggressive manner through the use off I statements and have to say no and created a time for the goals in relationships that matter to you. I will see you in the next lecture. 28. Lecture 28. Expressing Emotions: expressing emotions. One of the most important skills in assertive communication is being able to express your emotions openly, directly and unapologetically. Whether we're talking about positive or negative emotions, conveying them to others in an UN submissive, nonaggressive manner can make us feel more connected, more present in their relationship and can generate the social support that we need. So here is how to achieve this goal through assertive communication. Percival Simple is better most of the time, so go for a simple sentence that starts with I feel. And here's the catch. When you continue that sentence, make sure that you relate your emotional content to your own person without placing responsibility for your feelings on others. So keep Teoh. I feel this emotion. And don't say you make me feel this emotion. We bear the responsibility for our own emotions. Others bear responsibility for what they say or do. But how we react is in our field and in our power to modify. So don't blame others for your negative emotions and do not cancel your positive feelings by linking them to an external source. You put them at risk of being taken away from you. You can additionally, mention the source of your feelings. This is how I felt when or the thoughts associated with them. My concern is that I'm thinking that. And finally, if the source of your emotions is linked to the actions of another person, then conveyed that information objectively by referring to the exact context. And it's immeasurable features again without the signing blame to the other one. An example of such structure would be when you're late for dinner. For the second time this week, I felt this emotion and thought This means this opinion. 29. Lecture 29. “I” Statements: I statements in assertive communication, I statements ensure most of the non aggressive, no passive character off your message. When you use I statements, you convey information about your own thoughts, opinions and emotions and show that you take full responsibility for them. This differentiates them from you statements that convey information about the person receiving the message, and there are other associate ID with assigning blame or responsibility. I statements are assertive forms of your message. While your statements are rather aggressive forms, the first show that you're in control of your own dynamic. The second give that control to external context. Assertiveness is linked to an internal sense of control. It may take you some time to learn how to properly formulate I statements and feel comfortable using them. But practice and careful analysis will help you master them. In the end of this lecture, I will share with you what I think it's the most common mistake when it comes to formulating I statements. It refers to disguising a you statement as an eye statement and expect the results of the second since most are statements start with. I feel my opinion is I wish you may think that that beginning is enough for your message to be assertive. But the way you continue that statement may actually show that you are still not referring to your own person, but the other one. For example. You may say something like my opinion is that you don't care enough about this relationship . You barely spent any time with me, and that's a reproach. It's criticism. It's aggressive. And it does not convey anything about you, how you feel or what you think about the relationship. To make it an assertive message, You could say my opinion is that couples can have a great time together. I wish we could spend more time with each other or I enjoy our time together. I wish we could do that more often. Maybe even give some examples off the things you enjoy. If you say things in this manner, no blame is being assigned, and there's basically no need for the person you're talking to to become a defensive or aggressive and dismiss your message. Communication can continue, and most likely, with I statements active, it will be on assertive terms 30. Lecture 30. The Assertive “No”: the assertive. No. If your primary communication style is not assertive, then you may find it difficult to provide the negative response to requests that come from people who are close to you or whom you have invested with some kind of authority at the workplace. For example, saying yes to most or all of the requests that come your way may take a great toll on your resources, such as time and energy, And it may also impact your self esteem and confidence among many other effects. In order to maintain control over these resources and use them for your own goals. It is important to learn how to say no. I imagine that some of you may now think, Oh, okay, I will say no, that can't be all that hard. I need to stand up for myself. I'll say, You know what? I won't do this anymore. You're taking advantage of me. I'm done or you may think it's correct. I say Yes, all the time in, People do take advantage of me. I won't help anyone. From now on, they should be able to manage their own business, and that would be a good first step in the sense that you are willing to take action, but those with all be aggressive messages in order to say no assertively and prevent people from taking advantage of your good nature, it is important for you to consider two significant aspect. One regards the reasons why you find it difficult to say no in the first place in the second addresses the actual communication of your refusal. Let's first take a look at the main reasons why we find it sometimes hard to say no to certain requests. And then I will share with you the basic elements off formulating an assertive No. Some of the reasons why we find it hard to say no include the following, thinking that we have no other options thinking that we don't have the right to refuse fear of being rejected, especially by people who are important to us, fear of potential conflict that may arise from saying no, the belief that good people always help others, the belief that others should not put you in uncomfortable positions such as this one when you would have to refuse. We may also want to eliminate the responsibility for the consequences off our refusal. What if you say no? And your colleague fails to complete the project and gets fired, and we may also find it hard to say no if our previous attempts have been less than successful, Perhaps our previous refusals were ignored or dismissed, and the person making the request assumed and expected us to solve both ask anyway. The assertive truth is that we should be able to say no to those requests that we consider unreasonable and our response should be acknowledged. Here are my recommendations on formulating unassertive. No. Remind yourself that you have the right to say no, even if you have the resources to respond positively to request. Make sure that whatever you including your message, it complies with the main assertive principal off, not infringing other people's rights. Keep in mind that you don't have to always say yes to request that come your way, you can select the situations in which you want to get involved. Define for yourself what an unreasonable request is. Formulate the limits that once crossed with turned the request into one unreasonable one. These are individual limits. What seems reasonable to you may not seem reasonable to someone else use the proper no verbal communication to support your verbal message. Take time to make your decision. Make sure you have older data you need in order to make an informed decision. Be sure that that is the message you want to convey and communicated with confidence. You can prepare your message beforehand right down the outline for the entire message. This will prevent the situation in which your anxiety with cause you to forget significant parts of it or influence your delivery. You can offer justification for your your fizzle, but you don't have to. Also, you don't necessarily have to say you're sorry. We mainly offer our apologies when our actions directly impact another person in a negative way. Just because we cannot help everybody all the time does not necessarily justify that. Don't become defensive even though the other person may blame you and try to make you feel guilty again. You have the right to say no, even when the situation benefits you as well or primarily benefits you. If your message is either dismissed or ignored, repeat your message. The next section off the course will give you the information about the specific assertive technique that you can use in this sense. Also, remember that people only need to acknowledge your refusal, not agree with it. They are responsible for their own reactions to your assertively formulated refusal. Your message is valid even if people do not agree with it. My final tip here is that in this case, just like with every other assertive message, you need to take responsibility for your part of the communication and accept its results. 31. Lecture 31. Assertive Verbal Communication Techniques - Introduction: assertive communication techniques. In this section of the course, I will cover three main assertive verbal communication techniques. The broken record, the free information in the self disclosure technique. They will help you convey your message in a powerful manner when the other person is either ignoring or trying to dismiss it, and they will also ensure an optimal flow of information. The free information and self disclosure techniques also provide the way to assess whether the social interaction occurring between two persons or in a group he is indeed assertive communication. They will basically indicate the level of engagement off the individuals involved in the communication. 32. Lecture 32. The Broken Record: the broken record technique. The broken record is one of the most effective assertive communication techniques that you can start using right away in order to convey your message, you can use this message in those situations where your message seems to be either ignored or denied by the other person. The broken record is all about being persistent, just like a music record. That one scratched may get stuck at the certain point in the song and would go on on repeating the same part over and over again. You can repeat the significant part of your message. Now. Some trainers may tell you that it is necessary to repeat the exact same phrase over and over again, but that is not the case. All you need to do is to make sure that you repeat the core the significant portion of what you want to convey, and you can modify the rest When using the broken record technique or any other assertiveness techniques, you need to make sure that you say what you want to say without becoming furious and without raising your voice. You need to make your voice heard, not turn it into an overpowering element off the conversation that would be an aggressive behavior. Use the broken record technique. When the person you're talking to is either ignoring your message or trying to dismiss it, use it to fight it offs context off conversation of manipulation in which the other individual may try to introduce auxiliary, redundant topics that may distract you from formulating or stating your authentic opinion. Remember that the broken record is all about being persistent and not giving up on saying what you need to say. 33. Lecture 33. Free Information: the free information technique. This technique refers to information given to us, really by others. It's information we never requested and upon which we do not comment, we simply listen to what the other one decided to share with. Us. Free information creates and maintains a safe and supportive environment in which authentic communication can occur. In orderto activate the benefits related to this technique, we need to pay attention and carefully listen to what the other person is sharing and use this information in further communication segments to show that the message reached its target. This will make communication flow smoothly. It's a technique that is really easy to use if you are already a good listener, but it can also help you exercise your active listening skills. 34. Lecture 34. Self-disclosure: self disclosure in order to communicate efficiently. It is important to be able to clearly convey your message and carefully listen to what others are sharing about themselves. But that is not all there is to it. For communication to be a success, we need to remind ourselves that we are an important part of that context and that we need to provide information about ourselves as well. The other one will get to know us. The communication will deepen and thus developed without this element. Communication resembles an investigation where one part is asking the questions and the other one is just providing the answers. That type of interaction does not allow growth to happen. The assertive relationship cannot be built on this ground. Both parts need to disclose information about themselves and receive relevant information about the other one. Now, self disclosure does not imply that we should share everything about us with others. We get to choose what is comfortable to share in each type of interaction and what we keep to ourselves at all times, but sharing information that is comfortable for you to share. We'll raise the level off intimacy, support in connection between yourself and the people you cherish and want in your life. 35. Lecture 35. Feedback and Assertiveness - Introduction: feedback and assertiveness. The way we provide and receive feedback, especially when it's content, is rather unfavourable or negative, is an important part off assertive communication. Providing our positive opinion or praise comes to many of us easier than letting someone know that we are not satisfied with the work they're doing. For example, when communicating in an assertive way, we need to make sure that we shared this opinion in a way that complies with the assertive principles and does not infringe the rights of others. At the same time, we ourselves need to display an assertive reaction to negative feedback. Criticism and conflict are normal occurrences in our lives many times the second being the direct result off how the first was offered conflict may arise from criticism if the essence of it is not the relationship regulation and growth. So learning how to deal with these two aspects of life in an assertive manner is a critical point in assertiveness training, and the results can truly shape your relationships and help you achieve your goals. In the following lectures, I will show you how to formulate negative feedback and how to deal with criticism in an assertive manner 36. Lecture 36. Constructive Feedback: constructive feedback. Saying that we are not happy with certain aspect off our personal or professional relationships may be difficult for many people. But if we want to build off NT relationships, this is something that must be done in the assertive communication context. Messages that contain justified negative feedback are known under the label off constructive criticism because criticism, when it comes to assertive communication is not meant to hurt this, empower or put down the other individual, but held them grow and improve their skills and in the end, improved their relationship and the positive mutual effect. This is why we need to learn how to provide constructive feedback so that our relationships can move forward. So here are some tips on how to do that. First of all, you need to try to make yourself comfortable with the idea of providing negative feedback in the first place. When you do this in an assertive way, you're being authentic. You're not bullying anyone, and others should be able to handle this type of message, especially when it's given with the goal off, making things better. So tell yourself that it is okay to express your dislikes about the context for someone's actions. Which brings me to the next tip. Always make sure that you refer to someone's actions. They're observable behaviours, not about the actual person. Constructive feedback is not about who they are, but what they do. And the results of those actions Constructive criticism is justified. Criticism. That means it refers to something observable, measurable and, most of all, something that can be improved. If the object of your criticism is not something that can be modified, then that is not justified. Criticism it needs to allow development and fixed rates do not allow that. Criticizing fixed rate is aggressive, not assertive behaviour. Carefully choose the context in which you provide the constructive feedback. Some messages are only relevant to one person or specific group of individuals, so make sure that you do not turn the moment from something well intended toe a context off public humiliation or embarrassment for the other one. Some trainers recommend a specific structure for messages that fall in the constructive feedback category, but I do not necessarily endorse any specific form of it. However, I do recommend adding a positive aspect to your message, something you observed, the other ones as well, or a reference to one of the skills they master. This element thus help communication and shows that you also pay attention to the good things they do. And you're not just after mistakes or things that go wrong. Opening your message with the positive feedback works best and outlines the context as the support of one. Be specific. Make your feedback about the specific action or context, not about a general observation. Provide examples off the actions you referring to do not give advice. Constructive feedback is about information, not advice. The other 1 may ask for your recommendations later on, and then you may agree to provide them. But constructive criticism is just about observed actions and what makes them less than acceptable or satisfying. It's about why they need to be addressed, not how the other one can choose whether to modify that behavior or not. And if they decide to change it, they themselves can find a way to achieve that. Offering advice you were never asked for is aggressive, not assertive and supportive. When you communicate your constructive feedback, use a calm balance tone of your voice. You should be confident and supportive and that can be done from one aggressive stance. My last tip on the topic off constructive criticism is to use our statements and emphasised the benefits off that specific change that will convey that your message comes from a good , supportive place, and we'll make the other person more receptive off what you have to say. 37. Lecture 37. Dealing with Criticism: dealing with criticism. Justified or not, we will at times received negative feedback ourselves. If it's justified, then it's the constructive feedback we've addressed previously. If it lacks the traits off, that form of fit back, then is just on aggressive message that comes our way. Nonetheless, we need to be able to deal with both forms off negative feedback without letting the intensity of emotions overwhelm us and without escalating a conflict. That is the basic way in which the assertive method manages criticism. We remain calm or experience moderate levels of negative emotions, keep our confidence and self esteem and do not respond in an aggressive wait, which can transform communication that is only moderately unpleasant into open conflict. The assertive communication techniques that I will talk to you about in the next lectures are fogging, negative inquiry and negative investigation. They will prepare you to deal with most forms of criticism that occur in your personal or professional life. 38. Lecture 38. Fogging: fogging fogging. It's most useful when dealing with manipulation when criticism is offered in a manipulative way, it is important to be aware of both our emotional reactions and our verbal and nonverbal communication. Usually we may respond to psychological manipulation with emotions such as anxiety, panic or go into a defensive mode. This would be passive responses, or you could go the aggressive way and counter attack. But you can also use the fogging technique. Here is how do not deny the critical message and agree to the truth contained being partial or total. If the criticism is fully justified, then agreed to what's being criticized, you are correct. I arrived late again for the team meeting, and you can stop right there. You do not have to justify why you are late. If the criticism involves the chances of something to occur in the future like you being fired, if you will continue to practice tardiness, you can agree to that possibility. You may be right. That might happen. Or if the manipulative criticism is formulated in a logical manner, something like managers should be examples for the other team members. If you continue to be late, you may lose the great professional image you have in this company, then agreed to the general principle. The message refers to You are right. That makes sense. I will try to set or remain a good example for the team. So remember not to get defensive, don't offer justifications and don't react aggressively except the critical message partially, completely or in principle. And that should discourage the person criticizing you to continue the communication in the same way, since they do not get what they want. An intense emotional reaction, defensiveness or an outburst. When things settle, you may try to address the court situation in assertive, constructive wait. 39. Lecture 39. Negative Assertion: negative assertion. This is a technique you can use when the criticism you receive is justified when you know your actions were less than desirable and there was some error on your part. First of all, you need to accept the fact that we all make mistakes, no matter how skilled, how well intended and how assertive we are. In general, we will make mistakes big or small, Significant or not, mistakes are in there in facts of life, so get comfortable to the idea that you are not perfect. No one is and that is OK. Some professionals say that since this is something that happens to all of us, we could even eliminated the concept of mistake from our minds because it's negative connotation. Three girls negative emotional responses like guilt or lowers our self esteem level each time we repeat it. In our inner speech, I think we can keep the label especially for technical context, when you can actually follow an algorithm and being pointed the step where we acted in a way that triggered a less than desirable result. But I believe we should change our emotional response to it. I think we should desensitize ourselves to the idea of mistake in the technical environment in the personal, subjective context where usually there is no right the wrong way to do most of the things. Then maybe there we can substitute the concept of mistake with less than desirable action or something similar, since our action was just different, and in that context, it did not regard the expected outcome. But there's nothing wrong about it. And knowing and accepting that will eliminate the unnecessary feeling of guilt from those contexts. You can choose the method that you feel fits you best two eliminated the idea of mistake altogether from your inner vocabulary or not. But I would also provide here the short diversion off my explanation, why I don't necessarily endorse the complete elimination off the concept. Guilty is, in my opinion, a human emotion, and I do not think that we should consider any of the human or animal emotions as redundant . I think they are valuable in the regulation off our inner and social dynamics. We can learn to use them better not let them overwhelm us. But I believe that we should not try to completely eliminate types of feelings for the expression off any of them. It's what makes us us and we should be reading into the message and opportunities they contain. And this is what the negative assertion technique is all about. Accepting those parts of us that are not our strength. We cannot be good at everything. And we can't always perform at our best levels even when we muster research and technique. So we should be comfortable with this idea and express it assertively. You could say something like, I know that wasn't my best speech during a meeting, just agreed that it wasn't your best moment. Don't define yourself through that singular situation. That would be the negative filter bias we've addressed earlier and don't seek forgiveness in this context. If you haven't infringed someone's rights, then there are no deliberate or director negative effects of your actions upon others. It just is what it is. Now let's move on to the final verbal, assertive communication technique presented in this course negative inquiry 40. Lecture 40. Negative Inquiry: negative inquiry. Negative inquiry is an assertive communication technique that you can use when the critical message is based on the card was thinking when it's related to things being right or wrong , good or bad or something similar. This technique, although it can be used in most contexts, formal or informal, works best in personal environment because it opens up the communication. The topics such as preferences, likes and dislikes and allows us to find the middle ground where to meet the other one and improve their relationship. To use the negative inquiry technique, simply ask details about what is being criticized in order to receive a more specific feedback and continue the assertive communication. Let's say a family member tells you something in the lines off. You look horrible today. Don't react emotionally to the criticism and ask, Is it the way I look for the way I'm dressed? This question is meant to work like a filter and turn the general into specific, and that you can use to better understand the message included in the critique and continue on assertive ballast communication. The negative inquiry technique marks the end of the assertive verbal communication taking, extraction off our course. We now have one final place to visit before we end. At least for now. This journey in the real off assertiveness training and that is the non verbal, assertive communication lecture. See you there. 41. Lecture 41. Assertive Nonverbal Communication: nonverbal communication. Although we may be inclined to believe that verbal communication is what matters exclusively to the success of communication, we must be aware off the fact that non verbal communication is just as important in conveying our authentic messages. Verbal communication refers to the words that make up our message. Nonverbal communication is about additional elements other than words that complete the message. These elements, some of which we've already covered in the lectures about each of the communication styles , include posture, gestures, facial expressions or voice straits. Nonverbal communication supports the message conveyed verbally and nuances the transmission in a way that facilitates its understanding. What we say is just as important as how we say it. So here are some of the non verbal characteristics off assertive communication. Nonverbal, assertive communication, just like the verbal communication, conveys a respect and consideration for your own person as well as others. The most important aspect off no verbal communication is that it should transmit the same message as the verbal communication. When the two black synchronization, the message may be seen as mixed delivery. Maybe associate it with the lack of confidence or credibility 1 may choose to focus exclusively on one aspect of the message being conveyed. The verbal on the non verbal one, and that may trigger misunderstanding and conflict. So make sure the two forms of communication match, especially when it comes to the facial expressions. The assertive posture means you stand or sit up straight. Your shoulders and hips should define a vertical plane. The eye contact is direct most of the time, but interrupted by occasional horizontal. I've movements so that it won't be received as confrontational. Like we see in the aggressive style. The whole body should face the person or group of persons that you're communicating with. Gestures and movements should be relaxed and natural fluidity and movement makes communication come together, pay close attention and considered the cultural variations when it comes to personal space , the distance between the people who communicate where their touch is allowed by the context and type of relationship. When you speak assertively, use a calm tone of your voice and maintain word frequency throughout. The communication is the last. Keep in mind that assertiveness is all about authenticity, so your nonverbal communication should match your inner structure, your beliefs, your feelings, the image you want to project into the world and the relationships you want to successfully build with others. 42. Lecture 42. Conclusions and Final Recommendations: Hi, Here we are at the end of our course. I hope that by now you have a more clear view about the main elements of the assertive communication. It's cognitive foundations and specific techniques available to you and also that you've tried to implement some of the techniques in your own life, or at least imagine what that would be like. Perhaps now you can see better what assertiveness can do for your independence and the independence of others, for your goals, your aspirations and your relationships. Remember that assertiveness may not always get you what you want, but most of the time will provide you with what you need. My final recommendations include my invitation to practice the assertive ways until they will be fully assimilated as the primary thinking and communication style, and they will activate automatically when needed. I would also like to say to you not to get discouraged when things do not turn in the communication world the way you want them to, and keep confidence in the fact that you're assertive. Traits are already part of you, and if this is your goal, you'll bring them to the surface and enjoy the benefits they bear. It was a pleasure for me to create and make this course available to you. It brings me joy that you decided and committed to making this significant changes in your life. And I confidently believed that attitudes like yours and mine will bring about the global environment of safety, trust and mutual support that we need to thrive as individuals and as a society. Thank you. 43. Lecture 43. Instructor Message: congratulations on completing the assertive communication Build independent your course. Thank you all for taking this journey with me. I hope that during this course you've gained inside regarding your own inner and social dynamic and the tools that you can use in order to better your life. Change is not easy. The process is challenging and demands many resources. Remember that this is a step by step process and results will appear gradually in your life as you implement and better your communication techniques. And that is exactly how the world around you will change as well. I would love to read your feedback, a certificate back if possible about this course and your experience with it. Learning never stops together. We can make everything better, best wishes and hope to hear from you soon.