Actualize Academy - Advanced Personal Development Success | Justin Quinton | Skillshare

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Actualize Academy - Advanced Personal Development Success

teacher avatar Justin Quinton, Author & Coach

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Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Watch this class and thousands more

Get unlimited access to every class
Taught by industry leaders & working professionals
Topics include illustration, design, photography, and more

Lessons in This Class

11 Lessons (52m)
    • 1. Actualize Academy Trailer

    • 2. Welcome To Actualize Academy - Advanced Personal Development Success

    • 3. The Actualize Academy Principles

    • 4. The Meaning Of Life

    • 5. The 90/3 Rule Of Personal Development

    • 6. The Step By Step Guide To Controlling Your Life The Hierarchy Of Improvement

    • 7. How To Harness Your Motivation

    • 8. The Nature Of Personal Development

    • 9. Why You Cant Make Your Parnets Happy Value System Basics

    • 10. How To Gain Self Awareness

    • 11. How To Solve Any Emotional Problem The State Based Solution

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About This Class


Personal Development from Actualized Academy

Imagine if you will… that your brain is a computer… and your psychology is the OS for that computer…

Within every OS there are a set of programs installed. These programs control how we use the OS and the computer.

Now its these “programs” that control your emotions and behaviors, ability to spot opportunities, and purpose in life.

These “programs” are your beliefs in life. 

But unlike real computers, most of us never pay attention to the "programs" we install into our personal psychology

Most of us just use the default beliefs, the default “programs” that come automatically with the computer. 
Or the ones installed by our societies, upbringing, and past experiences…

So when you think of your best self, what "programs" or beliefs would you need to have success

What kind of personal development could you achieve if you changed success sabotaging programs, and installed success inducing ones? 

Who could you become, if you had control over your psychology?

What would be possible, if you could change your beliefs?

That’s what this course is all about!

Think of Actualize Academy as a new mental OS designed for success and personal development.

This random collection of philosophies are the “programs” Actualize Academy students use to change their lives. 

Imagine having the intuition of knowing why you feel what you feel, and having that intuition guide you through life with more success.

Be aware of the hypnosis your mind plays on you, so you can stop self-sabotaging, and start living a magic like life.

This thought-provoking personal development course will help you:

  • Improve your self-awareness and motivation
  • Increase your emotional intelligence and personal development
  • Understand your psychology and meaning in life
  • Create space for more personal transformation 
  • Spark your intuition and bring about more intuition based guidance 
  • Understand the nature of personal development
  • Manage difficult conflicts and challenges with success
  • Learn how to Influence your own psychology like magic
  • Learn advanced personal development philosophies 
  • Gain an intuition about your psychology 
  • Influence the speed of your personal development and success 
  • How to have persuasion over your psychology and mind
  • Learn principles for success in life
  • Be aware of the persuasion and self hypnosis tactics of your psychology
  • And More...

This course is just a taste of the broad range of ideas taught by Actualize Academy and will be constantly updated with new lectures as we build up our full curriculum. 

So enroll now and grow with us we expand our minds, empower ourselves, and actualize our potentials.

Meet Your Teacher

Teacher Profile Image

Justin Quinton

Author & Coach


While a new teacher to SkillShare, Justin Quinton is a best selling Author, Coach & Psychoanalytic thinker whose ideas have helped thousands of people with his books, video series & seminars. While formally educated in psychology, his 10 plus years of research extends deeply into the field of personal development and relationship advice. After graduating university, Justin is now currently teaching and empowering others within his private practice located in Calgary, Canada.

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1. Actualize Academy Trailer: amazing part of the human experience is that we get to dictate what that experience is. We have full control over how we experience life, and we do this by controlling the input we give ourselves the food we eat, the people we bring into our lives and the education and entertainment we fill our minds with. See, once you understand that your output in life is what you're bringing into your life, questions change. You're no longer asking why is life this way or why am I that way? Instead, you're asking yourself, Who could I become? I want to be. 2. Welcome To Actualize Academy - Advanced Personal Development Success: Welcome toe actualize academy. My name is Justin Quinton, and I'm gonna be walking you through this and I first want to say congratulations and actually taking some time out of your day to go through a course like this. First off, I want to say I know the descriptions were vag, right? You like, What the hell is this course? Right. But you're listening to me now and that tells me something. It tells me that you're looking for something a little different that's on purpose. The bag descriptions were all done on purpose, and that's because this is very unique. This is unlike anything you probably went through before. And I can see that confidently because I know that the majority of content that's out there , while there's a lot of great, you know, fantastic content and in the personal development world, this is something that is very different than what you're most likely going to find out there. And that's because what we do is we focus on philosophies and we focus on different ideas that we can install in an individual that change the reality of that individual. I know it's pretty worthy, right, and we're going to really dive into this. But what I wanted to do was collect all the different ideas and concepts that we've been working on throughout the last couple of years. That we found really make the biggest change in individuals and we wanted to share them with you. See, I believe that with the right education, you can change your reality. See, when you know things. When you have a different context to experience, the experience changes. So let me give you an example of this, right? Let's take two individuals and they both have a day off and one guy says, You know, I'm gonna have a real productive day, right? So his day off starts and he accidentally gets out of bed around 11 o'clock, right? And you know, he wanted to have breakfast, but he's gotta get ready for the day. I got to be productive today, and by the time you finally gets out of shower and gets ready, it's now one o'clock and he's just like I'm hungry, OK, Should I go out and get food or what I do here? And he's like frustrated, please, Ari, well past noon, he hasn't done anything so just, you know, eats whatever is in his fridge and Roman on his house. Okay, wait. I'm just gonna quickly check something on my computer and then, you know, he gets stuck in there, and now he's on YouTube, and now it's nine o'clock at night, right? And hungry again. He's like, I can't decide if I should go out in the and, you know, he's, like, frustrated cause he hasn't done anything. He keeps telling himself, OK, I got to do something that I got to do something today and it was my day off. I want to be productive, right? And you know, a friend calls them up and they're like, you know, come on out. And he's like, you know, just screw it. It was a write off of a day screw and he goes out and he's kind a little bit miserable, right? Well, that experience was dictated by the context of trying to have a productive day. Well, let's take another individual, right? They had the exact same day, except they changed the intention of the day, right? They changed the context, said I'm not gonna do anything today. So, you know, they woke up around 11. You know they want to have breakfast with, like I was really get ready or ever rates. So they go on, get ready. And now it's like one o'clock and they're like, Just be whatever's in the fridge. And I got a roaming around their house and they get on their computers. They wanted to check something real quick and only got on you to They got sucked into that . And now it's nine o'clock, right? And you know, they're hungry again, that I got to go out to eat or something, and a friend calls and say, Hey, let's go out And you're like, Oh, that sounds good. Cool. All right, we take bulldoze individuals Behaviour Lee the exact same day. But the context that each of them placed changed their experiences radically, and that right there is the power of education. See, once you have a new context, a more effective context for how to experience life, reality changes, life changes, and that's what this course is really designed to do. So while this course looks pretty random, right, there's a lot of different topics, and we talking a lot of different broad ideas. I really want you to just see this as a bunch of different programs that were going to install in the IOS of your mind. The operating system of your mind and these programs are designed to really help empower you to give you more control in life and ultimately give you a healthier, happier, mental well being. So that's what this course is about. I'm excited for you to dive in. Like I said, it's a little random. We're gonna be adding stuff as we go, you know, adding new lectures and ideas in here, you know, as it progresses. But for now, I hope you enjoy it. Welcome to Actualize Academy. 3. The Actualize Academy Principles: All right. Welcome to the actualize academy philosophy. We're gonna go over the fundamentals of what we're about. So to start, there are three things in life. Things you do not have a choice in. This is like your childhood. You know, death. Whether biological drives for survival, safety and love, these sort of things and the things you sort of have choice in these things, like your health, right? You can influence that with exercise and diet or even influencing people. But, you know, it's very limited due to, you know, the intentions and their openness and things like that. So these are things you sort of have choice in. And then there are things that you do have choices. These are your thoughts, your feelings and actions which make up your internal states. Meaning you place two things and the people and opportunities you're attracted to in life. See, life is about choice. More you have, the better your experience in life. So the goal of life is to fully control what we do have choice in now, as human beings, we are creatures of habit. And what this means is that our default setting is to do what is most normal to us this is known as living life on the automatic setting are automatic actions. Emotions and thoughts are just the byproducts of how our environment and past experiences taught us how to avoid pain and gain pleasure. This means that your purpose, your meanings in life, your feelings, your relationships and opportunities in life are by default out of your control and based on whatever you learn from your environment and past experiences. This is why the majority of people live similar lives to their parents and peers. The only thing that allows an individual to stop acting feeling and thinking automatically is awareness. If you do not understand why you feel what you feel, why you have always had bad relationships or why you have what you have in life, it is being automatically chosen for you, and you do not have awareness on it. So this means that anything you aren't aware of, you don't have control or choice over. Think of an infant who can't move their head. They have no control over what they see until they become aware of their muscles and motor skills. This means that they have no choice in what they see or where they go. Their vision and location is on automatic setting. At one point we become aware of our thinking and that we have thoughts in our head. At this point, we no longer just automatically think, but instead we can control and choose our thoughts and direct them. So awareness allows us to have a choice in what we focus on. Then, as we grow up, we become aware that other people have thoughts that are just as important as our own. This then, allows us to influence or connect to people. As you are now aware that people have their own desires, thoughts and wants. This gives you choice and how you relate to other people. So in the same way, when you start to become aware of the different things and patterns that control your emotions at this point, you can start to select and control the emotions and behaviors that were once automatic. Most people do not have awareness about what's controlling their lives, and this is what most people don't believe. They can control their lives, so awareness creates more choice in life, which leads to a better life Our primary goal with actualize Academy is to help individuals gain awareness. So we know that by default we run on an automatic setting of behavioral habits, emotional habits and cognitive habits. In order for an individual to control these, they need to have awareness of them. This is done by observing their behavioral habits, emotional habits and cognitive habits. Observation requires two things. First, the individual needs to take 100% responsibility for their life. It cannot observe what's going on internally until you stop looking for external excuses. When you believe your life is the byproduct of external factors, you willingly hand over your control to them, so awareness starts with responsibility. Second thing that allows for observation is education. You need to know what to look for internally. This is where actualize Academy comes in. We believe in educating people about their psychologies and inner workings so that they know how to spot their habitual behaviors, emotions and thoughts. This type of education allows a person to contextualized their experiences so that they can start to observe their automatic patterns and gain awareness. So once a person gains awareness on a habit, a gap is created between the previous automatic choice and the alternative preferred choice . This is an opportunity to choose a better, different action or to select amore empowering new meaning or even to just avoid an unhealthy pattern. And when a person learns how to avoid more pain or gain more pleasure, they will automatically choose that option every time. So this is how you teach yourself new habits, and this is how you change your life. 4. The Meaning Of Life: So you exist in two different worlds, a physical world of physical objects and things you can see and observe. And you also exist in a world of language. Ah, world consisting of ideas and constructs things that are internal. Now, the thing about this is that because you live in both because you exist in both you think they're connected when in reality they're very separate. You know this because no matter what I call this table, it doesn't change its physical makeup. I can change how I feel about it. I could change this table into, you know, a chair if I sit on it or I can call it something else. But the physical makeup does not change. But because we exist in both of these worlds, we think that they are connected. And this is at the root of a lot of our problems in life. See, what we do is we place meaning to these physical things. So someone cuts you off in traffic, for example, and we place a meaning to what that person is like, right? Flock that guy, he's in our flock and Rajhi and you know this sort of thing. But What if we change the meaning, the story, the language, the world of language and the ideas around it? And we said, Okay, that guy's actually late for a interview and he's had a hard time, you know, supporting his family. And he really needs to still work. And, you know, he had to take care of his kids before, and that's why he's running late. And, you know, he really needs this job, you know? Give him some sort of sap story like this will immediately the changes, doesn't it? Our feelings changed about it. The physical thing didn't change, though. The car going in front of us, whatever his facial expression, waas, whatever, all the physical things we saw, that does not change. But at least our feelings about it did change. So one of the important elements of this is recognizing that all we're really doing is placing meaning to the physical world. This is very important because when you recognize that all you're doing is this and that that's a byproduct of your brain making assumption that these two rules are connected. You can then free yourself off picking stories that don't serve you on this is what a lot of people do. They play on these narratives. They play into these stories that are very, very negative. There, these victims stories like, Well, this thing happened to me and I, you know, that meant dissed in this in this or their relationships and like, you know, she said this or he said, this sort of thing and it's what you know, those words meant I know it seems little out there, but really stick with me. If you start asking, what else could this mean? Whenever you have a problem in life, you're going to find that you're separating that false connection where, you know, when you're looking at something, say, for example, she read your message, but she didn't respond. And oh, God, she's just ignoring me. Got it out. Sure, there are social cues, and there are things like that. We can look into that and be like what you did this. And that means that or you can start selecting stuff that works for you because the reality , the fact is that regardless of what you're doing, it's still not connected. Regardless of the meeting your place into the physical thing, it's not connected. You could have the same rules of meaning with someone else. But if you start to change those rules, you get a different response. And when you start operating from that place where you start selecting your own meanings for things, you start to have freedom from negative emotions from negative experiences, and you start to really dictate how you experience the world. So part of really growing as an individual is recognizing the difference between these two things and not allowing your mind to trick you into believing that they're connected. Part of this, as you do that kind of seems a little bit cold, right? You're like, Well, if I'm just placing meaning than none of the meeting really accounts, I suppose, right, that is part of it. There's a certain element of this that yes, it is meaningless. But I'm not gonna lie to you and say, Well, you know, just place your own meaning and that's enough, right? But rather, I wanted to view meaning as ways to engage, see when you engage in life, that's what you're truly craving. It's to be enthralled with what you're doing. It's did like re care about the stuff you're working on the job that you're passionate about, the stuff you really want to involve yourself with. But the problem is when engagement kind of takes over a bit, right when we get too involved with the drama work, when it's like I can't believe he took that promotion for me, I can't believe she said this. He's talking this way to me When this sort of stuff starts to happen and engagement starts to become negative to us. This is what engage in becomes a bit of a hindrance. But when you start to recognize that these are two separate things going on, there's a language world and a world of physical things. Engagement really just becomes what gives life meaning. See if you want more meaning in life. If you want to. Things that matter more, engage more right. Allow that connection, start placing more meaning to it. But if that meaning is getting too overwhelming or starting to become negative, then it's time to disengage. Toe really analyst What? What does this mean? What else could this mean? And you start to break it down? See, I don't believe in any sort of like right or wrong way to live, but rather adjusting and changing based on how you go where you're at, right? If things are too intense, disengage, right, recognize it's meaningless. But when you want more meaning in life, when life becomes just meaningless like nothing matters this is this and your apathetic about stuff. You know it's time to have re engaged. It's time to give a damn. And the reason you give a damn is because What's the alternative? Really? What's the alternative? Nothing. You're here you're experiencing. This is the grand show. This is life. This is why you're here. You're here to engage and engagement gives life meaning gives life purpose. And while again this is a theoretical concept. I wanted to really take this to heart. Recognize that you're operating in something that's tricking you all the time. And once you become aware of that thing, the trickery goes away and you disengage and you almost become a bit nihilistic. In a sense, you become very like, you know, Okay, like nothing has any meaning other than what I play started off and that can serve you when you're suffering. But when you're bored and you will get bored reengage bit. Start to select new meaning and you do it because you're living. You do it because what's the alternative? To be apathetic? There's no power and apathy. Apathy is the lowest form of a human experience. In fact, anger is better than apathy. It's better to be pissed off, then, angry. In fact, for a lot of people that are depressed right now, they're actually jumping between the two. At one moment they're very, very apathetic. And Sadegh, nothing matters like life is pointless dot it up and then they start to care a bit, and that makes them angry that, you know, fuck this shit. I hate this stuff. This stuff is you know, I don't buy into that crap, people trying to control me, and then one of people do. Whoa, you don't be angry. Don't be angry. Don't be angry. And they bring him right back into apathy and sadness. Society keys. People depressed, and they don't realize that we think we're helping people cause we see angers and negative emotion. But it's amore empowered emotion than apathy. So when we look at this, I don't touching on a lot of different things. But when we look at this, it's very important to recognize that there is a scale of engaging with life. And when you recognize that you're living on a scale like this, you can engage more freely and you can engage when things are more positive and you can disengage when they become too intense. This is what I have for you today. I won't get too much more into this because I can rant on this one forever. But some food for thought I hope you enjoyed. 5. The 90/3 Rule Of Personal Development: So you probably heard that it takes 21 days to create a habit. Now, this isn't exactly accurate. The research data around this shows that it takes more around 2 to 8 months to fully automate a habit. And that totally depends on the difficulty of the habit, the individuals and the circumstances. But, you know, instead of focusing on like making Ahab in 21 days, I want to give you a realistic kind of viewpoint of what change looks like. So I want to paint a bit of a different picture here for you is something that I've always held my own mind, and I found it very helpful. Now, I want you to think of this in just 90 days. With the right education and motivation, you can change the trajectory of your life. So that's 90 days going full in, and I'm not gonna lie to you. This would be massively uncomfortable and overwhelming, but in 90 days I have a belief that any individual can change the circumstances they're currently in with their relationships, finances and health. Now, I'm not saying you're going to be a millionaire, have the perfect relationship or body in just 90 days. Obviously, that's not realistic, but I do believe that tangible improvement can be accomplished within 90 days of extreme effort. So maybe you have heard of the workout program P 90 x? Well, it's the same gig. If you fully commit to it the diet and the exercise for 90 days, not only will you feel better, but you'll see an improvement in your body. Well, I believe the same thing goes for everything. Just think about this for a second. If you focused on being the absolute best partner in your relationships for the next 90 days, right? So you studied relationship books. You put the effort into understanding your relationship. He consistently took action and has spent time learning how to create attraction right, learning what your partner needs After 90 days of giving it your all right, I'm talking like you had the right motivation and the right education, and you were, you know, being a person you would want to date. If your relationships don't at least improve or change a bit after 90 days. Well, at least you have some clarity that it's time to move on and find someone who will appreciate all the work you put in, right? But the same thing goes for finances. See, I believe that if you actually sit down and measure the direction of your finances that you could decide if you need a new job or if you need to create a side business or, you know, even if you haven't made a budget, you know, make a budget and stick to it that within 90 days your financial situation would improve, or at least how you feel about. See, What I'm saying is that if you go full bore in right, you go 100% in you apply all your effort, extreme motivation and willpower, and you have the right education backing up your actions that in 90 days you can change the trajectory of your life. You can change your circumstances, right? And I'm not saying like no magic pill stuff. I'm saying you can improve your situation, right? See, your life is on a trajectory, you're going towards a certain direction and you can fix that trajectory. And when you do that, you're going to get better results moving forward. So, yes, this requires a lot of dedication and education and it's a broad stroke claim. Yes, I know. But there's something empowering and freeing about knowing that your circumstances can change in just 90 days. Your 90 days away from a different reality. A different set of circumstances, a different life. But let's ask a bigger question. What if you stuck to it? What if you kept improving and solidifying those positive habits and improvements? Well, if 90 days can change the trajectory of your life, I believe that three years of that can permanently change your destiny. In fact, the more we understand about the topic of Nero plasticity, the truer that statement looks. And what that simply means is that your physical brain and the way it automatically releases the chemicals that control your emotions can change, too. And while we're still learning more on this, it's been not only my experience but the experience of many others that you can permanently fix things like anxiety or depression with enough effort. See, the truth is, is that we're extremely flexible individuals, and this is a lifelong journey, but if you stick to it, you will change. But for now, instead of seeing it as this in a lifelong journey you're getting yourself into. I just want you remember something very simple. You're 90 days away from changing your life and you are three years away from changing your destiny. 6. The Step By Step Guide To Controlling Your Life The Hierarchy Of Improvement: often times we're trying to improve the quality of our lives. We can feel overwhelmed, and this is because there is a hierarchy of improvement. All the money in the world doesn't matter if you don't have good relationships, and you can enjoy those relationships if you're unhealthy. So there are three relationships in life that you want to focus on. The relationship you have with yourself, the relationship you have with other people and the relationship. We have a society, and you want to improve all three of these. But in that order, if you don't have a good relationship with yourself, you don't know how to work on yourself. Then you're going to suffer with your relationship with others if you don't know how to relate to people and you're not gonna know your role in society, So start with your physical habits and your emotional habits. This is your body mind, Then work on your social life and relationships, and finally, the purpose finances. If you do things in this order, find it's a lot easier. The reason is is that as you work on your physical body and health game, that power will help you game focus and then start to place meaning to and therefore have a more positive experience outlook on life from this place, they're able to help yourself and support other people. As he supported, the people finally supports you back on. This is where you find a lot more love in your relationships from a place of love with unable to know. Your purpose is one of those things that brings meaning to life. After you have your meaning figured out, then focusing your finances. This will give you freedom. But all the financial freedom won't mean anything if you don't have a good meaning in life , and you don't have the focus and willpower it pushed through. 7. How To Harness Your Motivation: here's the truth of it is that we are not consistent creatures. We are individuals who have emotions that arranging all over the place on a day to day basis on an hour basis, usually for some people here. So the point of making is that you're not gonna be motivated all the time. In fact, you're only really motivated at some points, right? And when you're motivated, when you have that sense of being able to take a lot of action, I usually find that you in a pretty good mood. Now here's the tricky thing about things is that when you're not in a good mood and you're trying to motivate yourself, you seem to know exactly what you need to do. And it's Khanna like this. Tennis matches going on in your head, right? Sometimes the balls on one side. Sometimes it's on the other sciences back and forth. And so this is how I want you to see motivation and taking action, right? See your brain and when you're motivated as certain times take action and certain times to wait and to plan, See, when you're in a positive, high energy motivated state, you're not thinking about the things you need to do. In that sense, you're kind of in this kind of scramble where you're like, what? I do what I do. I just want to fuckin get this stuff out there. I want to make changes. I want to develop my life, whatever the case is, right, but maybe you don't know the exact direction. But the funny thing is that when you're not in that state when you know in that high energy mood, that's when you seem to come up with The things you should do is like I gotta change my life around. I gotta get my finances in order. I gotta hit the GM. What am I doing? What am I doing something? You seem to know exactly what you want to do, and it's this tennis match is back and forth. So if you want to remain motivated or at least progressing in life one of the attitudes and one of things you should see it as is when you're in that high energy state, that's a time to take action. And when you're not, that's the time to plan. And you need both of these two kind of parlay off each other. So when you're not in a high energy state, when your emotions are low and you're able to plan, this is when you plan without action, you don't beat yourself up. And this is that tennis match, right? It's because a lot of people, when they're in that state, they beat themselves up because they're not taking action, that low state. But then, when they're in this high action thing, they're frustrated because what I frickin do, right? So the way to kind of solve this. So you're always progressing to take advantage of your brain's natural ability to kind of not be consistent, so to say, and in doing that is you plan the actions ahead of time. You don't beat yourself up over not taking actions when you're in a low mood and when you're in a better upbeat sort of motivated mood. You know the things that you need to do and you just follow through. So you make a list right. You plan things when you're in that low state and you apply them when you're in a high state, so this way can kind of get the most out of both different emotions you're feeling, and it's not so much a. You have to rile yourself up into a motivated state to take action, but rather just take advantage of your brain's natural ability to push you and different emotions throughout the day or throughout a week. 8. The Nature Of Personal Development: one of the things that makes personal change in personal growth very difficult to accomplish is that oftentimes we have to undo the work we've done. So growth seems to follow a bit of a pattern. It follows a pattern of expansion and then compression, right, very much like growing more complexity and then simplifying. There's a pattern to this, and I'll let you some examples right, cause this is pretty worthy. Well, for a lot of people in life, where they're at in their development is that they need to, you know, suppress for example, their emotions so their emotions were too out of control. They had no control of it. They're getting angry and frustrated there, triggering really, really quick part of that person's gross if that's where they're at. If you find yourself in that range is, learn to suppress that down. If you're finding that you're angers out of control, you find that you don't have control of your emotions and they're just erratically popping out and they're messing up your environment and your relationships and stuff like this. Then part of your growth is going to be to suppress it, and a lot of people really don't so don't stuff emotions that's bad depends on where you're at developmentally see. We need to offer different solutions for people on different parts of their journey, and there is a particular journey. And while all of us think it's kind of randomized, it does follow a particular pattern. One of those patterns is that things expand or compress. So when we look at something like emotions, imagine, Let's take that example of that person's real angry right when that person's really angry, you know, they're lashing out on people. Part of what their development looks like is learning to compress that, to suppress their emotions. And as they do this, that forces them to think about their emotions, to not automatically react, to have awareness about the effect that that emotions causing, too, really creating gap between just anger and in only not automatically reacting and messing up their life, Right? So what ends up happening is that as they do that for a while, they start to train themselves to not automatically react. They then learn, and they start to get rewarded that suppressing their emotions is a good thing to do right . They relationships improve they find that they don't, you know, loses many friends and stuff like that, that always their job. They don't last. People get in trouble. Okay, so you then take that assumption, go like well, I should just always suppress my emotions, dummy. Well, that is good at a certain developmental stage. But if you if you do want to evolve, if you do want to grow even Mawr, part of it, then is re experiencing and re expanding your emotions. Re sensitizing yourself to your emotions. But here's the thing about growth as you do this as someone goes from a place where there their emotions are all erratic and crazy, they suppress it all down. They do a lot of introspection. They learn about it. They understand their emotions better. When they go to re sensitize himself to expand on their emotions, it's now more complex. So where is at one point it might have been anger. They're my primary emotion that happened was anger and frustration. Now they'll, you know, have as its to expand. It will notice. It's not just anger. Now it's irritation. Now there's frustration. Then there's being, you know, livid right, and they have a different ranges, not just past. It's now. You know, a combination of a bunch of different things and that articulation between what they're feeling helps individuals then control how to adjust it. Because the way that you would approach, say, for example, if you had frustration in your life, you would approach that very differently Then if you had, let's call if you really live it right. So there's two different strategies for how use an individual would manage those emotions. But as you start to do this as you start to re expand, you can now spot the complexities. So it's not just his complex, it just like I'm angry and you don't really know what to do. And we have been trying to calm you down, and sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't now as an individual as you've grown, you've also adapted to the complexities of emotions, and then you'll do that for a while, and it might cause issues again. And when that happens, the next pattern is to suppress, to compress, to go inwards and to analyse and think about those emotions, and that will reap rewards as well. And when that stops reaping awards. When things become shallow and things don't have emotion, you're kind of like a fuel, like I'm not passionate anymore, this sort of thing. Then that individual has to again, to the exact opposite of what they've been doing. This is what makes growth very, very difficult is that it follows a particular pattern of expansion and then compression, expansion and compression. You constantly have to almost unlearn and unpracticed what you've been doing. This sort of thing, though, follows a pattern for a very particular reason is that in these different stage developments, there are different things happening. So when you compress, you're able to analyze and think and adapt and learn. When you expand, you get to share. You get to elaborate. You get to experience more. Both have Valium. Both are, you know, part of what makes this very complex. But if you learn that this is the pattern is going on, you don't beat yourself up, and you also know how to approach your problems. So whether it's emotions, I know that's what we've talked about or whether it's even something like relationships, or if its finances, or if it's really any area of your life, understand that it is going to happen along this pattern. Let's take business. For example. You're gonna have times where you're visiting to expand and grow. That's where the development of the businesses in. But then there's other times when things get tough and risk is way too high. You need to fortify. You need to focus on your strengths and do what you know is right and do it works. Then when that gets to born, when you have a little bit of excess cash one like that, then you have on availability risk. Then you can expand again and grow all things really functioning this. But if you were to do only one of these things, you'll halt your development and whether that's in business, emotions, relationships, whatever it is. I understand that there is a bit of a pattern happening and it seems complex. I know it's a little word here, and this is a very theoretical concept, but I just wanted to understand that this is what's going on underneath the surface. This is also what makes it very difficult for people to receive the information that they needed that time because everyone's at a different part of this journey. They're a different area and whatever they're trying to grow and develop in. And this is why it's very tough to just give a blanket statement. Advice is one of things I have really struggled with, you know, as a coach and a someone that teaches self actualization is that, Ah, lot of the approaches are really just having to be tailored towards that individuals development. So I might even say something for someone that, you know, I wouldn't suggest for someone else. But I'm saying I'm saying it to that one individual just because you know it's where there and what they need. And you know, these people start talking Well, Justin told me to do this. We'll just until you do that, it might not make sense. This is one of the complex components of like, you know, really giving advice is that there isn't blanket statements. There are particular device for particular developmental stages, and this sort of nuance is what makes it very difficult to give advice or telly's. Make sure it's accurate. There's a goodwill of some that the majority of culture is stuck between very similar stage developments and so broad strokes, statements or blanket statements can work for a large majority people. But there's a lot of people that are going to go through my content, for example, And you know, when I do use these broad strokes, statements are going like Doesn't resonate with me. That's because I haven't had a chance to identify where they're at in their journey and give them something more tailored. So this is a particular struggle that I have as a coach. I think many, you know, individuals who are in this field also have that. But for yourself, one of the things just just to understand that there is an expansion and compression, this is what growth really looks like. And it's also why is quite difficult cause you have to keep undoing what you just did, and especially when you're rewarded for doing it in a certain way and right, even with compressed air suppressed emotions and you were rewarded for that. It's very difficult to go against what you feel you were rewarded for, because life makes sense when you're being rewarded. But when you're not being rewarded, it seems complex and you're looking for alternative things So that's what makes growth very , very difficult. You might be rewarded, but life just kind of feels empty. I just need a change. That's when you know it's time to change your approach and go in the other way. 9. Why You Cant Make Your Parnets Happy Value System Basics: Hey, what's up, guys? I'm going to talk to you today about some thoughts I have around why you could never make your parents happy. See, a lot of people really butt heads with their parents. They just see this ignorance in them. They're just Why don't get it? Don't you see how the world's more complex? Or, you know, maybe I don't want to get married and, like, start a family, maybe want to chase my career. Or maybe I just want a date and have fun and do my own thing or chase a passion of mine and said, taking a stable job whenever it is, whether it's with relationships with work and career, with lifestyle choices, whatever it is, it's, you know, one of those things that unless your parents are really open hole, large majority of us do argue and fight with them, and we are going to fight with them because we're trying to get them to understand where we're coming from. We're trying to get them to see the broader picture, because the US it's like you don't get it, you're naive, you're not seeing it, and there's no this is not waiting. It ISS. Okay, I'm here to tell you that it's not your job to make your parents happy. I know that's an odd one. I'm not saying you don't respect your parents, right? If they've been good to you and that sort of thing, respect your parents but understand the limitations of their development. Now, this isn't just belittling them, but this Just recognizing that when they were growing up, their culture at that time had a value system, a way of being what was important, the right and wrong way of living. And as they went and grew through that value system, they adapted to it. They optimized within their they did the right wrong sort of thing, and ultimately they became successful in their value system. Now, here's the tricky part. You grew up in a different value system. You grew up in a different culture. We know this culture changed. It evolves grows, it expands, it gets more complex, so do the rules. So why are we operating with the same rules that our parents once had with, you know, our culture? It's very different now. This is where it makes you know, making your parents happy and going back to that topic kind of tricky, because when you're growing up, you actually have to follow those patterns. See your being drawn towards the larger collective of wherever the value system is of that time. So let's say, for example, when you're growing up, you don't really know what's going on in the world, right? You're just gonna like chilling at home, doing your own thing. Your parents take care of you is your kid right? The primary value system at that point is that of your parents. So they have right and wrong ways of behaving. What's right, What's wrong, what's important, what's not, what you do, what you don't this sort of thing. What's moral, what's not these sort of ideas. Now you have to grow and develop to that point as well. And then, as you start to, you know, as you start to become a bit more of adult and as you start to experience the world more, you got pulled into the new value system of that culture of that time. The modern culture. Now why this is really tricky is that you also have those other values, the ones of your parents So what ends up happening when we argue with their parents is that we also agree with them on a certain level. We know intrinsically dynamic point something out to Here's a Here's a real common one. When our parents try to give us dating advice or give us relationship advice, they'll tell us things that are like, you know, you just need to find a good girl. We just need to find a good man, you know, and like, settle down, stop fooling around and you commit and Hugh this sort of thing. And then you're like, You know, it's not that simple. It's the modern dating rule is like complexes. Everyone wants different things. A lot of people are focusing their careers that are focused on starting a family, right? No, you need. You know that this is why I have all the problems found it on. It will go into it right. The goal is not to try and convince them about your system. The goal is really just for you to recognize that you know you have their value system within you, and that's why it's sometimes resonates with you when you have really frustrated when you're a real load mood. It would be like, Yeah, I just need to stop messing around. I'm just just settle down and buckle down. And there you see, now you're thinking straight, you know, and they'll say this sort of stuff. But the problem comes from then when you start to hang around your peers when you're in a better mood and then the complexity of that current value system picks up again, you know? Yeah, Yeah, that. You know that that is one way of doing it. But I can't do this other thing again. I can't get that out of my mind. And I don't want to regret or miss out and these sort of things, right? So you have two different value systems operating at once. When you're dealing with your parents, you have the one that your parents are living in, and you have the one that your peers and your culture that you're developing in is operating with. And these two things have very different ideas about what's right and wrong, very different ideas about what's important. So when we recognize that we're in this losing battle, the game no longer becomes. We gotta convince our parents toe have the same value system and stay up with the times because you have to remember that they've spent the majority of their life optimizing within the value system that they were programmed with. And then as they became older and they stopped understanding, like why the youth did what they did and that will be you. Eventually you will eventually become on irrelevant, and you won't understand why the youth acts the way they do. When this starts toe happen, you'll take the value system that you developed in which is typically around the ages of 20 to 25 were in your twenties, mainly sort of thing. That's when you kind of select a value system to start operating within. And that development kind remains important to you for the rest of your life until you're you. Later, Later years is where you can kind of get like cool, grand parents that are super open to everything. But for now, just know that your value system kind of get set between the ages of 18 you know, leg late, 20 sort of thing. The reason is it's usually when people stop learning. It's when they stop going to school, right? Whether it's high school or university and they start to solidify, they start to try and get serious in life. And I want to point something out to you. Your parents have been operating with their value system for the majority of their lives, and they have been trying very hard to achieve that value system. When you trying to bring them up to your value system, you're asking them to go through psychological trauma in the same way that you feel that you know, complexity between, you know, Yeah, I know I should go for someone then you know, I should settle down, get serious and then the others parts like nose have fun. Do your thing, fall your fall. You're bless if you will, Right When you have that conflict, don't hope that your parents experience that. Just recognize the limitations of their development and invite them with curiosity To understand your value system based on your satisfaction of life, right when you're optimizing in your life and you're starting to really reap the benefits of that really taking no account that your happiness, your satisfaction, should be the invite for their curiosity. But don't try and bring them up to it because you're gonna put them through psychological trauma. That's not the point. Just recognize that their development took them from their and yours goes a little bit further. It's not like you're smarter than them, that sort of thing. It's just that your value system is different. It's a little more developed. 10. How To Gain Self Awareness: Hey, what's up, guys? Just in here. And I want to talk to you about something. Have you ever found where you just felt a certain way? Maybe you felt little depressed. A little anger, sad or something? Like I know what's going on. Why I feel so weird right now and you can't leave place. Why? You feel what you feel, right? You know, you feel it. The feelings, Really, We have no idea where is actually coming from. Well, here's the thing. There are some people that actually know very much so where their emotions air coming from . They know exactly when they feel this way. It means that and what It is very accurate when they feel this. And they also know, like when I do this sort of thing, it's gonna make me feel this sort of way. They know what they're feeling, why they're feeling and how to shift that feeling. Well, that's known as intra personal intelligence. And I want to give you a little bit of a tool, something I person use in my own life that helped me increase this. So what I did was I did this weird little thing. I went on my phone and I wrote out a list of stuff that affects me. And I looked at all the different areas of my life where I could possibly be effective, and the thing I immediately noticed was that my biology affects more than psychology. This was really weird, right, because when you feel bound, even weird emotion, you go like what's effective? Use it like stress at work. Is it like this girl I asked out or something? Is it like no other problems like stress over something else is like Do have a deadline after me. I'm looking at all these weird things. I'm trying to psychoanalyze it. Snows in my parents is this is this and you're going through all these things. People have this tendency to try and psychoanalyze why they feel what they feel. But on a point, something out to you it's not. Your psychology is most likely affected. You need to look towards your biology. Your biology affects you more than your psychology. Really think about this. We see that when people are even dehydrated, they don't think correct. When you're tired, you certainly don't think correctly, right? You may be like went on like 43 hours of sleep. He pulled an all nighter, and the next day you're feeling kind of foggy, right? Well, there's many different factors. Your diet affects you. Your sleeping affects you. Even when's the last time you had sex affects you? All these things mess with your cognition and thinking. So how do you get aware of this? How do you know what's affecting you in any moment? And you start to adjust it. You start to know why you feel what you feel and where it's coming from and how to change it. Well, this is why did I created a list? And I looked at all the different factors, and I just kind of put it in a little notes on my phone. Right, went. When's the last time I ate something? Have I stuck to my diet? Have I've been drinking enough water? Have I been getting enough sleep? Have I didn't go out drinking with friends? The night choir. Did I have sex recently? Did I work out regularly? What is the thing that's off about my routines? I still looking at the things that might have back mind biology now Here's the thing. Once you figure this out, you can then start to see a correlation to weigh two ways like things affect you. This is what I personally didn't really examined, why I felt what I felt and why this is important is when you start to know yourself when you should really gauge like, Oh, shit, like I'm really affected when I miss a workout. I'm really affected when I don't eat correctly or when I have that fast food Or maybe even like eating too much salt in my diet. Or maybe I've been having too much sugar. Or maybe, you know, I'm having too much caffeine or not enough caffeine or any of these factors. Once you're aware of how these all these factors mess with you, then you know a little bit more about why you feel what you feel and this is super important, because when you know why, you feel what you feel, you mean gaining awareness and that awareness almost creates a gap between experience and the explanation. And when you have a very clear gap between these two, it really allows you to take a step back and let's say like readjusted course, if you will see most people feel a certain thing, and then they go throughout the day to day and they make false associations about stuff. So maybe they're in, like, a really bad mood. Then they hang out with their girlfriends. And then there's thinking like, Oh, you know, maybe I'm falling out of love with her. I'm not. I'm not in love with her anymore. You know, Maybe I'm just like, losing or, you know, they're like, feeling kind of press and they go into work and just like, yeah, it's my work, you know? I'm not feeling for field. The problem is, if we don't really understand this, make false assumption to make false claims about our experience. So one of the ways I found out how to get a more objective reality for at least myself by knowing what about my reality? What about my circumstances affects. And so by doing this, I was able to really break down exactly why If you want to feel how to change it and really just step back where I'm like, Oh, this is why I feel this way. I don't make false something, So I created a list. I put it on my phone and I made it my wall. And every time I was feeling any sort of like negativity or feeling well off instead of me just trying to psychoanalyze like Why I feel this way? I Instead, we'll just go through the list of this year's this year's this year is this year, and after I checked off his biology like biological factors, I then went into the psychological what time sensitive? What's something that was once that is no longer there. What is something that I have a lot of stress awards? I look towards psychological factors. Secondly, as I went through this list, I almost always caught why I felt what I felt and through repeatedly doing this over a couple weeks. I then found that I didn't need the list. I was just automatically aware, and I started really attuned to what affects my state and emotions. And as you do this repeatedly, you'll find you're able to get a very clear understanding of who you are and what affects you. So go ahead and check the link below. I'm gonna go and include that wallpaper so you can add it to your own phone and hopefully get some benefit out of this. Try this out. See how it affects your life. Let me know what you think. I talk to you later. 11. How To Solve Any Emotional Problem The State Based Solution : all right. I want to get inside your head a bit here, and I want to point something out. Most people are unaware of how their state effects their thinking. Let me point something out to you. Have you ever been in a fight with someone? And then right, While you're fighting with them, you can think of all the times they've wrong. You, right, Every time they've ever pissed you off, this is because your memories are state dependent. Now what does that mean? It means when you're in a bad mood, you can remember bad memories. And when you're in a good mood, you remember good manners. While there's many things that are like this and one of those things is your stinking and your cognition and more particularly how you come up with solutions, See, here's the tricky thing. When you're in a really low move, you are unable to think of solutions. And that's the funny thing about this, right? Is that when you're in the low mood, when you're feeling depressed, you're feeling low. At that point, that's when you're like, yeah, you know, I need a solution. I gotta get out of this problem. I'm having all these like negative emotions. I need a solution right now and have fun with some sort of, you know, answer if you will. But the funny thing is that when you're in a little mood, you don't have access to solution oriented thinking. See, it's when you're in a really good mood. When you're really in a peak state. That's when you have access toe really productive, really resourceful type thinking. So next time in a bad mood, I want to point something out to you. Don't focus on trying to come up with solutions said. Focus on raising your emotion, raising your state up and then having access to solution or 80 thinking. I wish you all the best and I'll talk to you later.