ANXIETY 101: Stop Being a Victim - Get Out of Your Own Way & Boost Your Confidence | Erika Baum | Skillshare

ANXIETY 101: Stop Being a Victim - Get Out of Your Own Way & Boost Your Confidence

Erika Baum, SelfAwareness & Ah-Ha! Moment Provider

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17 Lessons (1h 15m)
    • 1. Introduction

      3:34
    • 2. Class Project

      4:13
    • 3. Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

      11:10
    • 4. How to Get Unstuck - Step 1: Recognize Patterns

      4:54
    • 5. Step 2: Take Responsibility

      1:57
    • 6. Step 3: Commit to Change

      3:28
    • 7. Step 4: Uncovering Negative Beliefs

      5:08
    • 8. Step 5: Questioning Your Beliefs

      5:24
    • 9. Step 6: What is Holding You Back?

      3:10
    • 10. Step 7: Who is Holding You Back?

      5:17
    • 11. Step 8: Forgiveness is Your Key to Freedom

      5:18
    • 12. Step 9: What are You Going to Change?

      1:33
    • 13. Step 10: Make Self-Care a Priority

      1:43
    • 14. Step 11: Define Your Boundaries

      4:41
    • 15. Step 12: Reach Out

      2:03
    • 16. Golden Rules

      8:20
    • 17. Tying it All Together

      3:08
25 students are watching this class

About This Class

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Get Out of Your Own Way & Unleash Your Full Potential

Do you live in a constant Groundhog Day of unfortunate events, relationships, clients and just overall life?? Do you feel most things out of your control affect you like a series of rough waves and you can't seem to swim safely to shore?

Don't let your circumstances hold you back! Free yourself from the chains that keep you from realizing your full potential by clearing your anxiety and boosting your confidence.

Hi! I'm Erika Baum, and I would like to share with you some tips and skills to help you get out of your own way and regain your personal power. With this newfound freedom, you will shine your light even brighter, bring out even more of your creativity and find a healthy balance that will surely reflect in your personal life and in your work!

Join me as we walk through a series of simple steps to create self-awareness, discover repetitive patterns that are playing out in your life and uncover what mind blocks and negatives beliefs you may have that are attracting these patterns and keeping you from your greatness!

Transcripts

1. Introduction: do you live in a constant ground hog day of unfortunate events, relationships, clients, just life in general. Do you feel like most things that are out of your control affect you like a series of waves that just keep hitting at you and don't let you swim to shore like you're a victim of your circumstances? I totally get to. I've been there myself, and I've learned a couple of techniques to break free from this, and that is exactly what this course is all about. Hi, I'm Eric a bomb, and I want to share with you some tips and tricks that I've learned to break free from this muck to help you get out of your own way to get out of your funk to shine, to bring out the best in you your greatest potential. Basically, to stop holding yourself back throughout this course, you will discover a series of repetitive negative patterns that keep playing out in your life by answering a series of questions that will help guide you to self awareness. Once identified, you can start pinpointing and questioning those negative beliefs that are actually orchestrating these patterns and holding you back from your greatness. Our class project will involve the journaling of key aha moments you identified throughout the course and a final list of steps that you will take to create your best life. Now, don't worry. You don't have to share anything personal with us here in the class. But I do encourage you to do your own personal journaling at home because this is where the magic happens. There's something about the brain hand connection writing down things that just you can pour your heart out and information starts coming out that you had no idea that was in there. So I totally encourage that. Now, who am I and why should you listen to me? Well, you don't have to listen to me, to be honest, but I'm gonna tell you who I am. I'm one of those multi passionate, multi talented people that have lived many lives. I graduated in marketing and advertising with a minor and audiovisual production, and I've been working in the production will for the past 20 years. Now, anything from TV production to all sorts of production gigs all the way up to being executive producer for Colgate Palmolive. And one thing I did learn a lot about was production and what is life but one big production, right? So problem solving and making things happen is my thing. And this led me to want to study human behavior and how the mind works so that I could learn more about myself and how toe break thes ineffective habits, and also how to lead my teams better along the way, I realize that thes skills were crucial throughout all areas of my life, So I dug deeper. I read countless books. What's millions of videos on YouTube? I took all the online and live courses I could get my hands on. I certified as a life coach, as an art et hypnotherapist and as a safe conversations workshop leader. And here I am today to teach you everything I've learned in all these different modalities and from all these different gurus and books and everything's and I want to help you get unstuck in your life. Now why am I doing this? Because teaching helps me learn to, and by teaching you, I am accountable to myself and at the same time, I help you throughout your journey. So this is a win win situation. As Christine Langley says, we repeat what we don't repair. So join me as we walked through a series of simple steps that will help you uncover your mind blocks that may be holding you back from your greatness. Check out the next videos or save the class for later. 2. Class Project: before we begin, I want to invite you to designate a physical space where you will hang out to work on this class. The whole purpose is for you to have a safe space where you can feel comfortable and you can designate some me time uninterrupted so that you can work on yourself and you can totally immerse into spilling your guts out and doing this internal work. It can be your little Zenden like psychotherapist Terry Cole calls it where you can call it whatever you want. Your growth cocoon, your badass ery couch, your League of Legends headquarters. Hey, whatever strikes your fancy totally up to you and I also invite you to decorate it with things that will make you feel inspired or like in touch with your internal nous. It could be anything from candles, incense, essential oils to like your collection of comic books or your hero figures or like beautiful photography or just a blank slate. Everything white and minimalist or picture of your beloved grandma. Just anything that will help you connect with yourself and make you feel comfortable and safe. You can even make a fort out of blankets and cushions vintage style. I'm down. Remember to take with you your favorite pillow and a comfy, cozy blanket so that you could be very comfortable. You are gonna need a journal. This could be an old school notebook and a pen and a pencil. Or you can take your digital alternative any tablets, computers, whatever you prefer. But you will be doing some journaling, and I do advise that you have something to write down your answers. I am gonna ask you to make a commitment with yourself, to come to the space every day for 20 minutes or once a week for one or two hours, or whatever it takes you to binge. Watch this in one day, although I do advise that you take your time and do the homework little by little, you know, so you can process everything. But hey, you follow your own pace. You decide. Just commit to showing up, watching the videos and doing the work. Don't worry. You don't have to share personal information with us here online, but I do encourage you to do your own private journaling at home because that is how the magic is gonna happen. But on the class project, you can share generic or generalized information that we can all relate to so that we can inspire each other. And we can also help each other know that we're not alone. So just, you know, this is a non judgment zone. No trolling, no hating, no unsolicited advice. Giving, please. This is just a space that we can express ourselves. I want you to focus on you on working on yourself and just respecting where other people are their pace and their space. Now feel free to post pictures of yours. Then space on your class project. We'd love to see where you're cuddling up and where you doing all your stuff? Not not only your stuff, but the work stuff and tell us what you call it. So in order to do that, you need to go to the class project section. It's that little tab that says your project. Go there and create your class project and share with us what you're doing and give it an awesome name. This will be your digital space where you share your ah ha moments from the class. And I want you to do this in a creative way you can scribble and doodle on your journal and then take pictures and upload them. You can make posters on your digital art app of preference. You could make a keynote. You can record a video of yourself just speaking like I am right now and just, you know, share your ah ha moments. Or you can just type them in on your keyboard if you're feeling a bit more practical. But I want you to have fun. I want to make this a very engaging and entertaining experience for you because we learn more when we're having fun. Make this an awesome declaration of commitment to yourself. Also, you will see on the right tense side. I hope this is the right hand side of the screen. But on the right hand side of screen in the your Projects tab under the button that says creates a project, you will see that there's a list of resource is I will upload. Some resource is for you and everything you need to help you on your journey through this course 3. Why Bad Things Happen to Good People: Why do bad things happen to good people? Is there such a thing as being too good? Ah, lot of us think that we create good karma by doing a lot of good things for other people, and that kind of it's It's a nice way of thinking, but I think mostly we've been trained by religious believes or by our family upbringing to just be extra nice and extra, carrying an extra giving and just be like openhearted. You know, just give, give give to the world and that has a nice, beautiful side to it. At the same time, we find ourselves giving too much and then ending up empty or resentful. Maybe, and this happens not just in your relationships and in your family, but it happens at work. It happens with your co workers. It happens with your clients, even happens with your boss when you always like, volunteered to be the one to stay in and work late. Even if you don't get paid more. And if you don't get the promotion, you feel like what the you know, I've been here every night and that didn't get that promotion what up? And I think there is such a thing as being too good. I've had to learn this myself. You see, within our family dynamic, there are certain roles that we assume as Children in order to call our parents attention. Marisa Peer, named Britain's number one therapist and the creator of Artie T. Hypnotherapy, says that there's basically four roles that we can choose to play. One of them is being the achiever. The I can do it all. I'm the best, the perfectionist. You know that I'm gonna get full A's and I want to be the best singer and I'm gonna be the performer, and I'm gonna do all these awesome things and everybody's gonna love me for this. Um, there's the carer, which is the one that says I'm going to take care of everybody and I'm going to be my best self and just help everybody and fix everything and everybody's problems, and that way they will be indispensable. Then you have the sick child. That's the one that's always sick, and he uses his sickness to get the parents attention. And then you have the rebel, the poor black sheep of the family, the one that cannot get attention any other way. So all he knows how to do or she is to this, make a lot of mess and try to get the parents attention by being loud and by being obnoxious and by being a rebel. So all of us probably have a little bit of each role in us. But maybe when we acquire the rule of achiever and or carer, those are the rules that are really going to define us in this particular way as an adult where we do do, do and fix, fix, fix and give, give, give and then were left empty, sometimes angry and most of the time resentful. That is draining. But doing this gives us a sense of control and of safety, because we've been used to always fixing things, because maybe your parent needed some care. Maybe we had a sick parent. Maybe your parent worked really hard, and we had to help bring up our siblings. Maybe there wasn't Anat Eqt in the house, and we had to probably step up and be the adult in a situation far too early. There's many reasons that can bring us to this and feeling that we can do something about It gives us that sense of control and stability that we've been yearning for since we're Children. So we now we play that out as adults. Some of us were actually trained in conditional love. Our poor parents didn't know better, you know, they repeated their parents patterns or they were too busy working. But a lot of them taught us that when we do what they want, when we do what they tell us to do, that's when we're loved and accepted. And if we do what we want or if we speak out or if we stand up for ourselves and I mean in a rude way, just like this is who I am, this is what I wanna wear. This is what I want to do. Then if they don't like it, were frowned upon. So since we were young, we learned to not really pay attention to our gut instincts and let our parents decide every move for us. And we also learned to not be ourselves Well, not everybody, but you know what I mean. So we built our image according to the approval, the external approval that our parents or our environment gave us or not. And basically, when we grow up this way, we are looking for approval all the time. We even lose sense of who we actually really are cause we're always trying to get everybody's approval. We don't want to be rejected. We don't want to feel that were not enough. And we already feel winter enough. Hey, welcome to the club. That's everybody's problem we all feel were not enough. Not enough smart, Not enough tall, Not enough. Pretty, not enough handsome, Not enough popular. Not enough telling did not enough. Whatever. You know, whatever you feel in your own blank, maybe there's a lot of blanks, but we'll have that. And all these things that we do now are triggered by our not enough nous. So we try to find this approval, and we try to do things for people and give and we over give and we over function and we over everything. Sometimes we come office too intense. Sometimes we we really take things personal, like if you have a client that's very picky, and you're doing a lot of work for this client, and you feel like you're redoing the project every three days from scratch, and the client just keeps complaining on I don't like that. I don't know. Can you change this for me? And you're like, OK, but I gotta start charging you now, and they don't want to pay you, But you don't want to lose the client. So you like. What do I do? Right. So we find ourselves repeating these patterns where we feel that we're taking advantage of . You know that people don't respect us, or people don't give us, um, people don't value us or don't pay our work as we think that we should be paid. You know, we probably charge a lot less than the actual value of our work and we just let it happen. And then we're not happy. Some of us grew up in homes where are emotions were not validated or we were punished for showing our emotions. So we were taught that our emotions didn't matter. You know that we didn't matter. Some of us were trained to sacrifice our needs for the needs of others. So all we know is to give to others to solve other people's problems. We need to feel needed. And that also pushes us to just give it all we feel responsible for other people's actions and happiness. We don't know how to say no. We say yes to everything, even if it's detrimental toe ourselves, even if we don't really want to do it. We're just like Okay, sure, when? Okay, now, Okay. It's like we're constantly trying to give what we want to receive, or we give to others what we need to give to ourselves and unfortunately, what we hope that others will give us. But then we live outside ourselves all the time. We're always focused on other people on their happiness or on their approval because we need it. And then if they don't take the advice we give them if they don't like our work that we've been working our butts off for weeks, if they don't like our art, if they don't think we're creative, if they don't approve of us, then we get hurt, angry, resentful and that is when we become victims of our circumstances and actually of our choices. But it's hard to see that, the Merriam Webster Dictionary says, and I quote a victim is one that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent so that you can see even the dictionary blames the external right. And I do get it. Sometimes your victim of a disease of an accident, somebody will perpetrate a violent act against you. And yes, you're technically a victim. But how you let things affect you or what you do after things happen to you how you decide to live your life, How do you say to look at things, what decisions and choices you make to get out of these situations or to process or evolved from these situations? That is up to you Now I want to wrap up this video with two important for two important golden tips. There. Nice to remember number one people treat you like you'd treat yourself. Yeah, you know, you've always heard that tree people like you want them to treat you. But unfortunately, that doesn't always work out. You see, you can treat someone badly and most probably they will treat you badly Unless there Jed eyes or Tibetan monks, you know where they have an awesome day and they don't really give up. But if you treat someone nicely, some people will be nice to you, but other people will be entitled and we'll just take what you give them and we'll expect more. Yep, That's the way it is, guys. So how do you fix this? Well, you train or teach people how to treat you people will treat you how you treat yourself. If you put yourself last guess who they're gonna put first themselves. So teach people to respect you by respecting yourself. The other pearl of wisdom that I want to share with you is life isn't fair. I know. Bummer. But it's true in life. You get what you tolerate and what you negotiate, what you tolerate and what you negotiate. If you tolerate somebody treating you badly, that's where you gonna get if you negotiate a very low price or a very bad salary or very bad anything. Hey, that's what you're gonna get. So we got to get our negotiation skills up to date, and we gotta learn how to respect ourselves and how to have self care and prioritize our well being project. Okay, so your first assignment is going to be to create your class project if you haven't done it yet you can check out the previous video with all the DEETs, and now you can proceed to share your ah ha moments from this video. Anything that came to mind, anything you'd like to share. Generically speaking, you don't have to get too personal, But go ahead and share it with the class and I'll see you in our next video. 4. How to Get Unstuck - Step 1: Recognize Patterns: the first thing we need to do is recognize that they're these patterns that keep playing out in our lives that they just don't seem right. You know what I mean? They just keep happening and they seem so familiar. And not just in one aspect of your life. You kind of see that they repeat in other aspects of your life and you just not in the flow . It kind of like, doesn't let you grow progress. You just like you can't take that step forward. And you find yourself like I did it again. And then you get frustrated with yourself, right? So the first step is awareness. Now, how do we do this? I have a little tip for you. Your life is your mirror. You have created every single bit of it. Even the things that seem that are out of your control, like Morris appear says our life is a series of choices that we've made consciously and subconsciously, which means unconsciously, we don't even know we make him. But we do. So the results in our lives basically show us what we have been focusing on. If our life is chaotic, well, we might be a little chaotic. Or if not at least, we've been focusing on chaos, thus creating it and attracting it. That's the way it works. You don't want chaos. Well, change your life or change yourself. And like I mentioned in the previous video, when things out of your control happen that are really, really not up to you, how you we add to them how you process these things, what choices you make after these things happen to you, that is up to you. Your mind is the most powerful creator. What you believe you create what you focus on grows your life is what you make it. So when you keep asking yourself, why does this always happen to me? And I cursed? Why do they keep happening? They just find me. I'm a magnet for these things. Well, I'm gonna break it to you. The common denominator in all these scenarios is you. Yep. So the best thing to do is go inside. You know how they say, Like when you're pointing at something or someone, there's three fingers pointing back at you Exactly. So you know, let's go inside and they still work. And let's change that that is the purpose of this course. Now, your first assignment. Well, it's actually your second assignment, but your first home journaling assignment. I want you to go to your space to yours, end space and take out your journal or your computer or your tablet or whatever. Sit down and start making a list of all the patterns that you find repeating in your life. Let's focus on the negatives, okay? Cause the good stuff Hey, we've got it going for us, so that's not a problem. We're gonna focus on fixing the issues that we feel we have. So write a list of all those negative patterns that you find that are repeating throughout your life. Warning. This rabbit hole can get very deep, so you have to waste to work at this Number one. You can choose a specific area in your life that you really want to focus on right now. It could be your health, your relationships, your career. Um, I don't know just any specific thing, your finances, or if you are an overachiever like me and you have the time you can make different lists for the different areas in your life. you will find that certain patterns repeat throughout the different areas in your life, so it'll probably be easy anyway. But it is a huge rabbit hole that you're gonna dive into, so don't stress about it. Don't feel overwhelmed. You can just pick one area of your life that you want to work on, and then you can go back and do this course again with the different other areas that you would like to work on. Now remember, you don't have to share this with the class at all. This is your personal work. This is where you are going to do your magic at home with yourself. But you can share Ah ha moments that you have like Oh my God, I keep being the giver in every situation. Oh, my God. I just keep saying yes, everybody. And that's why I'm so overwhelmed. Oh, my God. I keep not charging the prices or the fees that I should be charging for my work. You know, you can share those ah ha moments with the class or just any other Ah ha moment that you perceived throughout the video. But please go do your journaling, because this is gonna bring you major insights 5. Step 2: Take Responsibility: step Number two is taking responsibility. Yep. This is not about shaming or blaming or feeding bad about yourself or guilty for anything. This is mainly about you recognizing that the decisions that you've made in your life have created your life both subconscious and conscious decisions. So it is our responsibility, and we have to own it. And even if your situation involves another person like your relationship, your 50% is yours, and you have to own that 50%. Same as with external things that happened to you. They may not be under your control, but when they happen, how you deal with them is under your control, so own your 50%. Remember, the common denominator in all your patterns is you. So this is gonna be a really quick video and a very fun assignment I invite you to. Since you guys are all artists and even if you're not, bring out the artist in you. I want to invite you in your next assignment to make a a statement of ownership, own your shizzle, own your own your shit hockey, own your whatever you want to own, but own your stood. So now I want to invite you to go over to the class project section and share any type of art form making the bold statement of owning your shizzle. You can do anything. Ah, drawing a painting designed a poster. It could be a picture. It could be a collage video declaration. Just have fun with it, get crazy and get creative. But the main theme is I own ma shizzle. 6. Step 3: Commit to Change: so Step number three is committing to change. I'm pretty sure you guys have, like, a huge list of repeating patterns that you want to get rid of, like right now. But the first thing we need to do is commit to creating change in our lives because we get excited sometimes and we start something and then we just like, you know, like squirrel and start doing something else. And change requires commitment. Awareness can be painful. So we need to commit to ourselves that we're doing this in our best interests and that we really, really, really want to make change in our lives. We need to decide that we're going to break these patterns for good and that we're going to commit to do anything we have to do in order to cross the ring of Fire and come out the other side. Remember, conflict is growth trying to happen, so let's not resist the growth. So I invite you to go to the tabs, the your Projects tab section and go to the I think it's the right side. I hope it's the right side where you will find the resource is list and there you will find a pdf that says, The own your shizzle pledge printed out. I'm going to read it right now with you. You can read it with me, and you can read it on your own and want to invite you to sign it and dated at the bottom. It's a black and white page. It's not that, you know, I just left. It was a blank slate and canvas for you, but you feel free to go and take your colors and your markers and your doodles and whatever you want to do and make it fun and make it pretty. But the most important part is signing your name and date at the bottom and making a commitment with yourself. Here we go, the own your shizzle pledge. I understand that in order to make significant changes in my life, I must commit to the ever going process of evolution and growth. I understand that I will give my time and effort to get what I want and to create the life I want to live. I commit to showing up in my life and opening myself to new possibilities. I commit to acquiring new qualities and to polish those that I already have. I commit to growing my self awareness and owning my shizzle. I commit to questioning my negative beliefs and thoughts and acquiring new and power England's. I commit to eliminating negativity from my life, my negative self talk, and to avoid any transaction that can be experienced as a put down to myself or to others. I commit to being kind and considerate toe all people I encounter and to create win wins whenever possible. And most of all, I commit to being kind, patient, considerate and true to myself and making my safety and my well being a priority without harming others. Signed Dondo, Jane Doe and Date. So post a pic of your signed pledge on your A class project. Remember, you can doodle on it at some colors and markers. Some paintings and some things make it fun. Make it funny, make it creative at a twist. Personalize it. But most importantly, commit to yourself who said commitment couldn't be fun and creative 7. Step 4: Uncovering Negative Beliefs: Step four, uncovering negative beliefs every time these patterns keep repeating in our lives, they always come with emotions that need to be processed and healed because we're holding on to negative beliefs and negative thoughts, negative conclusions that we've made about ourselves and about the world and about others. When we were kids, we decided certain things were gonna be a certain way and we decided that we're gonna be like that forever. Because when we're young, between zero and seven years of age, that's when we're learning and observing and absorbing from the world. That's when we learned to be humans. We learned from our parents. We copy their behaviors and their patterns. We also learned from what other people tell us like if they tell us like, Oh, you're stupid, you're notes more and then we and a believing that we're not smart or like when your parents would tell you, um, you would go visit a non tea and you didn't want to give him a hug or kiss, and you'd hide behind your mom's legs and she'd be like, Oh, he's shy. And then you just grew up thinking you were shy all your life. because that's what everybody said. Oh, he shot, he shy. And maybe that day you were just tired and you didn't want to say hi. But since they told you you were shy and you were like, Oh, I guess I'm shy because if my mom is saying I'm sure you're my dad, it's because it's true, right? You don't have a reference you you don't make those choices. So we have been trained to believe a lot of things that aren't necessarily true. And because we believe them. And we came to these conclusions about ourselves, about others and about life in the world, we act in the ways that we act and we create our reality according to these conclusions. So the first thing we're gonna do is we're gonna make a list off all these negative conclusions that we've made about ourselves and about others. Like, for example, about ourselves. I'm not smart enough because I'm not smart enough. Now I want to Blake over studying, overdue and just work harder. And I'm like, I'm not brilliant, but I'm gonna you know, I'm just gonna work harder to compensate. You know what I mean, Or, um, for example, I'm not pretty enough because my sister was prettier than me. So I'm not the pretty one. So I can't attract handsome guys or whatever I consider handsome or just whatever, because I'm ugly. I'm not as pretty as her. She gets all the good stuff. I get all that stuff, Um, or maybe like your shot. And because you're shy and you decided that you're afraid of the world and you can't shine your light because you're just so shy and it's somebody else told you you were shot. And that's probably not even your own voice there. They're not even your words. There's somebody else's words. A lot of times, it's not only your parents, it could be a teacher. It could be a mentor. It could be some other significant person that had a lot of impact in your life that could have said these things to you, and they're repeating in your head as if you were telling them to yourself. Now they became your voice, but you weren't born with that voice, so you can change that voice to something more positive. So the first thing we need to do is create the list of negative beliefs about yourself and about others. What conclusions have you made about others? Well, um, others don't care. They just do not care. So since they don't care, I'm gonna be independent or other people are dumb. So since they're dumb, I have to teach them everything and tell them how to do things because they can't do it themselves. Or people are just mean. And because you're mean and their calls. Well, you know what? I'm gonna be a pinhole too. So just anything. Any negative beliefs that you have about mainly yourself and then others and the world. Remember, it's all in the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves and about others and the world. So our next assignment is to make a list Ask yourself what conclusions you have made about yourself and about others. List the negative beliefs that you feel are holding you back in that area of your life that you chose to work on. And if you're channeling, your inner overachiever will go right ahead and do the list for every area in your life. But go to those core core negative beliefs. Every time you peel the onion, you'll see that a lot of them, like go to the main main core problem. Like I'm not enough is basically the main core problem. Now ask yourself, Where did I get these beliefs? Where did they come from? Do I recognize someone's voice in these beliefs? Who told you these things? Why do you believe these things? Whose words are those that you keep repeating inside your head? Remember, you do not have to share this on the class project. This is for your eyes on Lee. This is for your Ari's owner today. You don't have to post anything. Just go to your comfort zone, sit down with your journal and start writing all these negative beliefs and where they came from. And I'll see you in our next video. 8. Step 5: Questioning Your Beliefs: step number five. Question your beliefs. So if it's all about the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves, well, why don't we just change the story? What we're going to do now is I want you to look at these beliefs, and I want to ask yourself, Is that true for each and every one of them? Like, is that really, really true? Like 100% true? It's not 100% always true, like every time we use always and never And you know all those, like, very defining infinite words, really, it's it's not, Be honest with yourself. So question all these beliefs and even if you might be like Well, yeah, this one's kind of true Well, you know what? We can change that you can change your life. You now have the awareness of the things that are negative that you need to work on. So, hey, be grateful. Many of these air old believes that are not necessarily who we are now. Many of these things, as you probably realized, came from interactions with your parents or with teachers or somebody of maybe a bully in school when you were younger and you know you don't have to be that person. You actually are not that person anymore. So now I want you to question each and every belief that you listed in the prior exercise. And I want you to justify why that belief is not true. Why that's not you anymore. The hashtag here is That's not me. That's not me because I'm not seven years old. And if the bully comes and beats me up and re in recess, I can totally like, stand up for myself. You don't have to put up with it, is what I mean. You can stand up for yourself now. You're not that kid. Same with parents like Hashtag. That's not me because I don't live with my mom anymore. Or even if you did, I'm not that seven year old kid anymore. That really needs my mother's approval over my mother's love. Hashtag, that's not me because I don't work for that boss anymore. Or even if I do, that's not me, because I don't have to put up with these things. I can't stand up for myself. I can value myself. I'm gonna change my perspective off myself. We're gonna work on that in the next videos. But right now, right? All the reasons why that is not you anymore. Now there is a difference between a negative belief and knowing your limits. Know your limits is not a bad thing. And again, this is not to down put yourself or to feel not enough knowing your limits is all about like Okay, wait. So I want to be a doctor. But if I don't go to med school, I can't be a doctor. I mean, that's a limit. You can either change it as in. I will go study in no medical school and become a doctor if I want to. Or Well, I just I don't have to be a doctor. I could be something else. You know, knowing your limits can help you focus on your strengths. Well, I'm not a doctor, but you know what? I really at a kick ass engineer so I can design this awesome machine that will help save people's lives. Well, there you go. You can thrive within your limits. That's actually the whole point. It teaches you where your strengths are and focuses you and points to in the direction of what you need to work on to succeed. Also, your limits may change over time, not just because you change them. Like, you know, if you go to med school to study, to be a doctor. But like life is this constant change and certain things around you may change, which may change your limits. Something that was a limit before may not be a limit now. So your next assignment is to take that previous list of negative beliefs. And now we're gonna question each and everyone. Is that true? Is that really, really true? Who would I be without this thought without this story I'm creating about myself and I want you to state why that's not you. That's not me. Because I don't live with my family anymore. That's not me, because I'm not shy. I was just tired. That's not me, because I'm smart as a whip. And then I want you to take that negative beliefs list, and I want you to either burn it, shred it, cut into pieces and throw it away. Anything you need to do. But this is your freedom ceremony number one. Just get rid of all those negative beliefs. Let them go, You're done with them. Boom. Today we have a bonus assignment. I want you to create a list of your known limits, especially the ones that you feel may be interfering with your greatness. And beside each limit, I want you to write down how you can thrive within this limit and what strengths you realize you do have. And also, if you do want to change this limit, what you can do to change the limit. Now remember, this exercise is not about triggering. You're not enough nous, but it's about coming clean with yourself, accepting your limits so that you can focus on your strengths and where you gonna thrive. 9. Step 6: What is Holding You Back?: step Number six is what is holding you back. So now we're going to see what negative things are holding us back in our lives. In this case, we're talking about situations will deal with people in the next video. Right now, let's focus on the what? Write down all the circumstances situations where you feel victimised where you feel that things are just not going your way. What is holding you back? It could be internal circumstances. Could be external circumstances Any situation where you feel that you're being held back and ask yourself how in my contributing to this, like, what am I avoiding? What am I not doing? Maybe I'm being stubborn. Maybe I'm wanting to control a reality that is out of my control. Maybe I have high expectations of something that is not happening as I want it to happen. Maybe I'm arguing with life. I mean, it is what it is. So your assignment today is to make a list of all those things that you feel are holding you back and ask yourself, How am I contributing? What am I avoiding doing saying receiving? What is it that I am afraid of? Rejection? abandonment. These are all fears there are based on tribal behaviours. You see, way back when when we lived in tribes, we had to stick together. We couldn't be rejected because if we were rejected, we would die literally. Like if we were not in groups, we would be the Lions dinner. So we didn't want to be rejected. We needed approval to survive. Our poor little brain here that hasn't caught up with our evolution keeps feeling like we need that approval to survive. So we are hard wired to seek approval. It's insane. Analyze this a little bit like what am I afraid of? How am I contributing to these situations? They're holding me back. I want to invite you to be very patient with yourself, very compassionate and very kind again. This is not about blaming ourselves nor shaming ourselves nor feeling guilty about anything . This is just to create awareness. A lot of emotions might come out. Be gentle with yourself. I want to know that this is part of the process of bubbling out these emotions. They need to come out to the surface. You can let them go when you're aware of how you feel you can do something to actively change that. But if you keep ignoring how you feel or why you feel the way you feel, you're just stepping and pushing those things inside. And that is not good for you nor anybody. So I invite you to do the work. Commit to yourself. But be patient. Be kind, be loving and hold space for yourself. I know that I am here holding space for you, sending you all my good vibes. You can do this. 10. Step 7: Who is Holding You Back?: step number seven. Who is holding you back? Now we're dealing with the who's. So if what is holding you back is a relationship with someone, it could be a family member. Your partner, Boyfriend ex. It could be a boss. It could be a friend. No, that you may be experiencing something that in psychology is known as a transference. So a transference is when something we're experiencing today triggers a memory of an experience we had in the past with somebody that kind of hurt us. So what we do is we transfer that emotion to our experience today and to the person that we're having that interaction with today. It helps to realise this because we can actually look at the present moment and the present experience through different eyes. If we realize that. Oh, wait a minute. This is my boss. It's not my dad. It reminds me of when my dad did these things and made me feel this way. But no, no, no. This is not my dad. It's my boss. And then we can take that emotional charge out of the situation now also understand that our brain records an image of that caregiver or that person that when we were a child, did not meet our needs. And then we go through life attracting and feeling attracted to the people that reflect that image that we have in our mind. That reminds us of that caretaker that did not fulfill our needs. And that is exactly the kind of profile, so to speak, that we attract. Why do we do this? Because our brain is like, yea, now I can resolve my unmet needs. I really need to fix this problem and this person is going to help me fix it. Unfortunately, that's not how it works out. And we end of repeating these negative patterns and we end up attracting these types of people over and over again in our lives. Like I say, not just relationships, but also friends like you will find that you have a friend that treats you like your mother used to treat you. And you're like, Oh my God, this friend reminds you of my mother. What? It's kind of weird like that. Or you may find that your boss, like I said earlier, treat you like your father used to treat you so I want you to ask yourself who this person that is holding you back reminds you of. Let's dig deep. Let's try to find out where this is coming from. It might remind you of your mother, your father, a teacher in kindergarten, somebody that had impact in your life on aunt and uncle. Your grandmother. Ask yourself in what situation have I experienced this before and with whom? And when you are in this situation now, today, who do you become? Because you might find that you become your seven year old, You and this person becomes your mother, Father whatever. Or you may find that you become your mother father, and this person becomes seven year old. You and part of your defensiveness is like, Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This is not happening to me again. And this time you snap and you might become the abuser, so to speak, the person to force control over someone else because you don't want this to happen to you again. So you got to start catching these patterns. And what is it that you are doing, like your 50% of their relationship again? No blame, no shame. Just pure consciousness. Now, if you do find that you are in a very abusive relationship, there's two things you can do. Number one is call back The power to you. This is mainly like if it's your mom or your dad, your sibling, somebody in your life that still has this kind of control over you, and it's kind of you feel it could be kind of toxic for you. We're kind of dysfunctional. We'll call back your power. Don't give them the power to upset you, and then number two decide to draw a healthy boundary. Distance yourself from this person or the situation if possible. If this is not possible and you are seriously in an abusive situation, please I ask you that you find help either a therapist or authorities that can help you contact family and friends. But make self care your priority. Do not put your life in danger, and there's a lot of people that can help you. You are not alone, so your assignment for today is make a list of the people that you feel are holding you back. Ask yourself, where have you felt this before? Where have you experienced this? before and with whom. And ask yourself, Who do you become in this situation, and who do they become and acknowledge your 50% in this interaction? 11. Step 8: Forgiveness is Your Key to Freedom: Step eight. Forgiveness is your key to freedom. Forgiveness is a tricky decision. Sometimes it's not easy to forgive, especially if someone did you a lot of harm. Sometimes you don't want to forgive, but for giving ourselves and forgiving others. Processing these emotions and letting go is the best gift that you can give yourself on one hand. Forgiving others for the hurt they might have caused you is actually liberating for yourself. Why? Because you don't have to carry around that grudge anymore. You don't have to carry around that weight of that resentment that you feel towards the person that hurt you. Gone Let it go. And sometimes you can, even if you're grateful for what happened or what they did. Because these are the things that shake us to the core that make us realize that something is wrong and we need to change something in our lives. I've been in a very abusive relationship, and I was able to get to the point where I'm actually grateful for everything that happened because thank God I survived, but at the same time, that really, really shook me to my core and showed me exactly what I needed to work on because I wasn't a victim. I was a volunteer. I put myself in that situation. I put up with it and I have to own my shizzle, which takes me to the other side of forgiving. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for doing what you did for putting yourself in the situations that you put yourself for not being true to yourself for harming other people. Hey, we're human. We're not perfect. We're really, really trying. But we have that days too. It's OK. It's okay to be human. It's okay to make mistakes as long as you are really, really sorry for what you did. And as long as you learn from the experience, Hey, you're automatically forgiven and you can go ask for forgiveness to the person that you harmed. But just know that they might forgive you and they might not, and that is totally up to them. And the point would not be to go seek their approval. The point would be to do what you think is right and what you believe is best and honor your word and your ethics and your feelings and go talk to this person and genuinely ask them for forgiveness. They might forgive you. They might find it like, amazing that you actually considered them. And they might be able to give closure to that event, that the experience with you and they might not. They might be very resentful and very angry, but no, that that is not something you can control and that is totally up to them at their process . And you have to respect that. But at least you did what you thought was right. The main thing here is to forgive yourself for what you did. Now, many times it's really hard to forgive and really hard to feel grateful for the things that have happened to us that are not so nice. It's OK if you view that you can't forgive, don't feel bad. I would like to ask you to open up to the possibility, or or to just be willing to open up to the possibility of maybe forgiving in the future. But if you can't do it right now, hey, that's fine. I respect your process. You stay in your space in your process. You do what you gotta do and you decide. It's totally up to you. But just know that if you can find it in you to forgive, you're gonna feel a whole lot better. You're gonna get rid of a huge baggage. There's probably holding you back, so keep that in mind for the future. So forgive yourself for what you consider you might have done wrong. Remember, we're not perfect. Welcome to the club. Just learn from the experience. Get up, brush off and keep walking. Today's assignment is make a list of all those things that you need to forgive yourself for and forgive others for. So then I want you to read them. And before each statement say I forgive myself for blink or I forgive x four blank or I am willing to be open to forgive X in the future. Four. Read them thoroughly, and then I want you to do your freedom Ceremony number two and you're gonna cut that paper up. You're gonna burn it, but you're gonna shred it. You're gonna just throw it away. Whatever you want to do with it, get rid of it. But just let go. Let go of all that baggage and all that negative energy. Just let it all go 12. Step 9: What are You Going to Change?: step number nine. What are you going to change? First, we're going to focus on the negatives. I wanted to make an inventory of all the things in your life that are not working out All the things that you need to stop doing, like stop saying yes to so many people in so many things or stop spending so much money or stop procrastinating. All the negative things that you feel that in your life are holding you back, that you need to stop doing the ones that you can control. Maybe you need to have a conversation with somebody and start working out certain things that are not working out in that relationship. So write down all the things that you need to change focusing on, you know, the negative charge it has on your life. Where do you have the same? No. Where do you have to say yes to something or someone in your life? What is something that's not working in your life anymore? And on this list, you can add all those should have could have would is because we have all these, as Albert Ellis called it, the Muster vacations like we must do this. And we must do that. No, no, we don't. We don't have to shoot coulda, woulda, anything we need to focus. So all those negative things that you need, like go off, You know that you need to, like, change in your life. All of them. Write them down. What do you need to stop doing? That is your next assignment. 13. Step 10: Make Self-Care a Priority: step number 10 Make self care a priority. Now we're gonna focus on the positives. What are the things that you need to start doing in your life? What do you need more off like? Where do you need to say yes? Who do you need to talk to in order to reconnect? Or maybe there's a girl you like and you wanna, you know, invite her on a date or a guy that you want to ask out on a date. What are the things that you need more of in your life? What are the things that you want to do to just pamper yourself? Like Do you need to take more me time? Do you need to take a day a week where you go to the spa or where you just sit and read all day or watch movies cause you need to relax? Do you need to set healthy boundaries? These are the things you need to add to your life. What other things that you need more of that will help you feel better. That will help you thrive. That will help you take care of yourself. Self care, Super burdened, hand in hand, with self love. If we love ourselves, we take care of ourselves. So make a list of all those things that you want toe add into your life to make you feel those desired feelings that you want to feel when you live. That makes sense. Like if you want to feel happier, well, what's gonna make you feel happier? You want to feel productive? Well, what do you need to do to feel more productive? As Daniel report says, What do I need to do to feel the way I want to feel? So make this list and add all the things that you want more of in your life? 14. Step 11: Define Your Boundaries: Step 11. Define your boundaries. Healthy boundaries are the anti dote for victimhood, like the solution for victimhood. It's all and healthy boundaries. You want to stop being a victim. Well, create healthy boundaries. What are healthy boundaries? Boundaries are not walls. Boundaries are more like fences. You know how they say, like good fences. Make happy neighbors or good fences make good neighbors or happy fences make happy neighbors. Fences make good neighbors. They go. So basically a boundary is like having offense, and you have the key to the gate of defense. You decide who comes in and who doesn't. You decide what you put up with and what you don't and boundaries work both ways. It's a way to keep your space safe, but it's also a way to respect other people's space, to not jump in. Do not try to fix everybody's problems, to not over function, to not get into other people's business and stay in your business, your side of the fence and this is not necessarily to be selfish. It kind of there's a thin red line between self care and selfishness. I get that, but I'm assuming that if you are taking this horse. That's because you feel that you give too much. It's not that you're not empathetic, is that you? Probably way too empathetic. So this is about having self care self love, but also about respecting others and knowing when to give and when not to give learning how to say no. So when you decide what you're gonna put up with and what you're not, what you gonna do and what you're not going to do what you tolerate and what you don't tolerate, what's OK and what's not. Okay, then you can have healthy relationships with people. Then you won't feel overwhelmed over functioned exhausted, resentful because you'll be able to stay in your integrity and make generous assumptions of others. This is a term that I love, that bringing Brown coined and is basically she uses the acronym B I g big what boundaries have to be in place so that I can stay in my integrity and make the most generous assumptions of others. That makes sense, basically what boundaries I need to have so that my glass doesn't fill up with resentment and then overflow and then explode like a maniac. And then we have a problem. So if I set healthy boundaries, then I know what to expect from people. I know what I'm not gonna tolerate from people. I will protect myself and it will be able to be compassionate, nonjudgmental, not take things personal because I'm taking care of myself. I'm taking care of my space. I'm in a safe zone, she said as the sirens started. Now the best way to create healthy boundaries is to be kind to yourself and kind to others . Boundaries are based on respect, basically. So you decide how you are going to respect yourself, your time, your energy, your privacy, your life, your relationships and you define the boundaries. And then how you gonna respect others? You can help. You can be nice. You can stretch for other people. But always be aware that it's good to ask if they want this help. First. It's good to know where your obligations and and where their life and their responsibility begins, and to stay within your boundaries, super important. So today's assignment is going to be to create a list of the boundaries that you feel you need to create or reinforce in your life, a list of what you are going to tolerate and what you are not going to tolerate of what is okay and what is not OK. And this list is going to be your key to freedom from victimhood. 15. Step 12: Reach Out: step number 12 reach out. This is just a quick little video toe. Let you know that you're not alone, That there are people out there that love you that care about you and their arms. Reach away. Ah, Phone call away a chat away An email away. But you're not alone. Reach out. Were not made to be solitary. Animals were made to be in a social environment. And we experience who we are by the interactions we have with our environment and the people around us, especially the people that we love. So reach out. Call your friends, call your family and ask for help. You can find a therapist, a spiritual leader, a teacher. Ah, guru, A book another course. Keep looking. Keep finding answers. Keep finding inspiration, find help. Whatever it is that you're going through, you're not alone. And this is a course that just kind of scratched the surface of all the things that might be going on inside of you. And that's exactly the purpose of this course to kind of bite you with the awareness so that now you're gonna want to go and go further. Go deeper work on those issues you need to work on. Go learn more skills. You know, Go surpassed those limits. Any type of work. Personal work that you have to do. Internal work. Go ahead. The time is now. You're here for a reason. You got this far for a reason, and I'm so grateful that was able to help you in creating your self awareness and honor that you chose this path. You chose me as your companion. Thank you for the bottom of my heart and go and keep a learning. 16. Golden Rules: Now, before I go, I want to share with you some golden rules that will help you snap out of victimhood whenever you kind of feel like thes. Things are really important to remember so that you can stay out of victimhood or snap out of it whenever you feel like you're gonna dip your toe in it again. Number one you have to give to yourself as much as you are giving to the world. This is like breathing. You have to breathe in, but then you have to exhale. You can't just breathe in and end because you can die and you can't just give, Give, give given exhale because you can die. So give as much as you are receiving or give to yourself as much as you're giving to others or received as much as you're giving what you have to give your talent, your passion, your intelligence, your creativity, it is as worthy as anybody else's. We live in modern days. We don't live in the past days where it was a matter of survival. Nowadays you can do anything you want, and what you have to offer is as worthy as anybody else's and is valuable. If you were an artist in a creator, super valuable and even if you're a janitor Oh, my God. So valuable, like these people clean the environment so that everybody else can work and being a healthy , clean, safe space. How awesome is that? Like even if cleaning is your passion, which hey, for many people it is will get married Condo. She made a whole living out of freakin cleaning you want. I mean, every job, every talent, every passion is as worthy as anyone else's. You are the only one that has control over your power. Don't give it away. Don't give anybody else the power to upset you. Decide that you're not gonna let anybody else affect you. When someone is rude and demeaning, you have the option to not let it in. It's like when someone gives you a gift. If you don't take the gift, who's left with the gift? The other person, right, You don't have to let it in. Don't take it. Defensiveness is a gift. I love this one because every time that I get defensive about something, it's like, Oh, that's something I need to work on like I always turn around when I'm like this person is being too intense. Where does this person think it also go? What am I thinking? We're my being intense Or why did that bother me? Why did I get defensive normally? It's because there's something to look at and remember the person that's attacking you might just be having a bad day. Don't take it personal. If you do take it personal, go check in science, see what's going on. I mean, maybe you're having a bad day, and that's possible, too. You're allowed, but just learn to peel the onion and get to the core of what the real problem is. Remember, people treat you how you treat yourself, not how you treat them, unfortunately, but how you treat yourself, so be kind to them. But be kind to yourself and put yourself first. Not in a selfish way. You know what I'm talking about? Put yourself first as in self care, because if you put yourself last well, they're gonna put you west. The world is your mirror. This is kind of a defensiveness thing like the world is showing you a reflection of yourself, of the good things and the bad things like if you enjoy or admire something of somebody, Well, guess what? That's probably something that you have a quality that you have inside of you that maybe you are already like shining with. Or maybe it's a quality that you know that you have inside of you and you need to work on it. And you really, really want to work on it. And that's why you admire that person because, you know, you have that you're not there yet. Well, cool work on it. And also, it's a mirror for that things. So if somebody is showing you something that you don't like most probably it's something that you don't like about yourself borrowing Katie, the author of Loving What is has this awesome thing that she calls the work I'm gonna put that in Your resource is and she invites you to ask yourself these questions, and at the end, you would just always turn it around. And I've just learned that every time that I see something I don't like, I just turned it around like, right away. Somebody's being intense. Where my being intense. You know what I mean. Oh, my God, look at that person doing blah, blah, blah. Where am I doing? Blah, blah, blah. And sometimes you gotta really peel the onion. It might not be, um, really easy to spot, You know, you might have to, like, look and seeing what other areas of your life something similar may be happening. It's a deep work to do, but it's so effective. Another thing is that we are only going to be able to free ourselves from victimhood if we stop judging the people that we feel victims of or the people that we volunteer to. Because this way, as I said before, it's kind of the same as forgiveness. This way, we let go of all that grudge of all that negative energy. We were not their victim anymore. If we don't judge them if you like. Ah, well, that person who's having a bad day or hey, that person has probably been very abused, and that's all they know. So that's all they do, you know, compassion. I'm not justifying them for what they did. I'm not. I'm just saying that it's a lot easier if we stop portraying them as monsters and feeding our anger in our entitlement an hour negative feelings towards that person, because when we do that, we continue to be their victim. The moment we released released that we're not their victim anymore. That is very empowering. Also, these peoples are not necessarily full time monsters. Because if it was a partner, while you kind of fell in love with them for a reason in the first place or your parents, you know what I mean. They love you and they just don't know any better. And sometimes they make mistakes. Some people are very, very, very abusive, and that's just cause they've been abused themselves. And it's just a pattern they keep repeating and a chain that needs to be broken. So that's when I advise you to remove yourself from the situation. Go find some help. Now, under the owning your shizzle category, there is another important point. Sometimes the victims. Most of the time the victims are also abusers because we're also trying to control and manipulate the people that we feel abuses or even if they're not abusing us. Like for example, if I'm like doing all these things just because I want to be accepted and have and, you know, feel loved to be accepted and not rejected. Well, guess what? I'm trying to manipulate people into liking me and accepting me. It kind of goes on notice because it's like, nice. Oh, my God. She is so nice. You know what I mean? But it is a type of manipulation, just saying And last but not least, we create our destinies and our lives. I'm not condoning any type of abuse or negative behavior from anybody here. Please don't get me wrong. What I'm trying to show you is that you decide the situations that you expose yourself to the people that you let into your life. The situations that you stay in, you decide. It is your choice. You are a volunteer more than a victim. And when you start seeing this and you snap out of victim mode, victim mode off and then you turn on survivor mode. That's when you get empowered. Survivor means being able to overcome adversity. Things happen. Hey, that's fine. Things happen, but are you going to sit back and be a victim and whine about it and blame everybody else? Are you gonna empower yourself? Change your situation. Change the circumstances, change your perspective. Get away from the people you need to get away from, create healthy boundaries. That is what is really going to empower you. That is the difference between a victim and a survivor. But to do all this, you gotta own your shizzle. You know it. 17. Tying it All Together: So we've made it to the end of the course, and this is where we tie it all together. I've been guiding you through a series of 12 steps to help you look at the things that might be holding you back in your life and uncover all those negative beliefs. And the purpose of this course was to help you create self awareness toe open that curiosity to help you open up to searching what it is that you need to do change or add into your life to just live a happier life. So if you chose one area of your life toe work on throughout this course, now would be the time to go back and revisit the steps and use it in other areas of your life. Or maybe in the future you feel like you bump into a new on. There's something else you want a process for investigate. So go back and follow the steps and ask yourself the questions and bring awareness to the situation. What is going on? And what is it that you want to change and what healthy boundaries you may need to add in order to have a healthy relationship. So these were the steps that we worked on. Number one. Recognizing patterns number two Taking responsibility. A k a. Owning your shizzle. Number three Committing to change. Showing up for yourself. Number four Uncovering negative beliefs. Number five questioning these beliefs. Number six. What is holding you back? Number seven. Who is holding you back? Number eight. Forgiveness is your key to freedom number nine. What are you going to change? What do you need to stop doing right now? Number 10 Make self care a priority. What do you need to add into your life? What you need to do to feel the way you want to feel? 11. Define your boundaries so important. And 12 reach out. You're not alone. I really hope you found this course helpful. At least to start scratching the surface and realizing what other things you might want to work on further, You know, dig deeper, peel the onion. I'm really honored and grateful that he chose me to walk beside you through this journey. And I really, really, really wish you the best. Just the fact that you showed up and that you made it to the end of this course says a lot about your commitment to yourself and to living a better life. This is just the beginning. This is the ever going lifelong journey, but it's a lot of fun. And once you bite the apple, you just want to keep eating it. So now go, go shine your light. Go unleash your full potential. Go be your best self and live your best life. Please. Because that is why you're here. And remember to shine some of that light back to us again. Thank you very much. I hope you really like this course. If you did leave a comment if you didn't leave a comment, it all helps. And I wish you the best on your journey.